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If nothing else, this whole bet situation solidified that Harley Keener really was just a younger Tony Stark. He wasn’t surprised at all when Harley proudly declared, with all the cocky stubbornness that he could muster, that Harley could break into the Tower undetected. Hell, Tony would’ve pulled the same stunt as a kid.
But despite how confident Harley was, it came to no surprise to Tony when the kid supposedly gave up two weeks before the deadline (based on the fact that Tony didn’t have any reports of security threats, of course). Tony’s security was good – nevermind the fact that the Avengers stayed there, it used to hold top secret government weapons contracts. Tony didn’t have security flaws, especially not one that a teenager from Dusty Cornfield, Tennessee would be able to find.
And it was no surprise at all when Tony received an early morning text message from Harley (affectionately named “mechanic kid” in his phone). He slurped his coffee out of one of Clint’s favorite mugs (of course, Clint didn’t know it had survived the explosion. Whoops), already smirking as he clicked on the notification.
Of course it would be a message of defeat–
Wait. No, no, no, there was no way .
“Pepper!” Tony yelled. “You have to see this!”
Pepper strode into his obvious, high heels clicking on the tile floor and a concerned frown on her face. She paused in his office, obviously confused. “Tony? Is everything okay?”
“Harley won the bet.” He turned his phone around to show her the picture on his screen: Peter in a ratty t-shirt, tangled up in sheets in the early morning sun, gazing fondy up at the camera. With the caption ‘I stole your personal intern’s heart. Does that count?’.
Pepper raised an eyebrow, looking at the photo. “I mean, he did technically win.”
“That’s not the point!” Tony snapped.
“Then what is the point?” Pepper asked, one hand on her hip. “They’re kids, Tony. It’s a harmless relationship.”
Tony shook his head. “There’s no way. ”
“People can be gay, Tony. You of all people should know that.”
Tony put his hands up defensively. “To be clear, I don’t care if they’re gay. But they’re not gay together. This is a trick. And!” He stood up, pointing at Pepper. “I’m going to prove it.”
Pepper sent him her trademarked eye roll, nails clacking against the screen as she typed something on the StarkPad tablet she was holding. Probably a warning to Peter and Harley that Tony was totally onto them, like the traitor she was.
Oh well, it wouldn’t matter. Tony knew the truth, and that was that his interns were not actually dating.
It didn’t take much for Tony to get Peter alone. Peter was getting off the elevator, heading towards the lab carrying a bag that Tony knew contained his Spiderman tech, and Tony made a quick beeline for him.
Putting on a charming, friendly, dare he say fatherly smile, he said, “So…Harley sent me a pretty interesting text.”
The change in Peter’s expression was immediate– his cheeks were tinged pink, his eyes were wide, there was a smile pulling at his lips. It was the face of a boy who was thoroughly enjoying having totally played Tony. Well, the joke was really on Peter, because Tony saw right through his act.
“I didn’t think he’d actually send that,” Peter said, glancing down at his bag. “But you have to admit, it does technically qualify for the bet.”
“So you do know about the bet!” Tony said triumphantly. He’d like to see Peter try and work his way out of this one.
Peter shot Tony the most tired glare he’d ever seen. Really, it was almost impressive. He’d have to buy this kid a churro or an ice cream or something (of course, it’d be the Stark Raving Hazelnuts flavor).
“Harley climbed into my window every night for two weeks straight,” Peter said. “It’d would’ve been pretty hard for me to not notice he was trying to steal something from you.”
“So you were helping him! And when you knew Harley was going to lose, that’s when you faked the photo!”
Peter snorted, as if the whole thing was a big joke. Like Tony’s whole pride and worldview wasn’t at stake here.
“Tony, that photo wasn’t fake.”
“Right,” Tony drawled, tone laced with as much sarcasm as he could muster. “Right. Because you and Harley are totally actually dating, and that’s totally way more believable than you staging a photo to get back at me.”
A look of hurt flashed across Peter’s face. “Not everything is about you, you know that?”
Tony frowned, crossing his arms. “This was.”
Peter huffed, the smile completely gone from his face, doe-brown eyes now ice cold. “You know, if you didn’t want me and Harley to date, you could’ve just said that. I didn’t take you for the type, but we don’t need your approval.”
Peter pushed past Tony getting into the lab, scoffing under his breath.
“I’m not homophobic!” Tony said, calling after Peter. “I just– you’re not dating! You can’t be!”
“Yes, Tony, we are!”
Tony gaped at Peter’s retreating form. He’d said “Tony”. Not Mr. Stark, Tony. What had Harley done to him?
“Peter thinks you’re in love with him.” Tony said, trying for nonchalance.
Harley didn’t even look up from the Mark III potato gun he was tinkering with. He deadpanned, “I’ve got no idea why he thinks that. I’m not even gay.”
Tony rolled his eyes. Yep, Harley was definitely like him. “You wanted to win the bet, fine. But don’t lead him on. Peter deserves better than that.”
Harley openly scoffed, actually looking up to meet Tony’s eyes. “ That’s what this is about? You think I, what, slept with Peter just to steal something? I’m offended.”
“Can you honestly tell me it’s not true?” Tony shot back.
Harley turned in his seat, pulling something out of his bag and slamming it onto the table. It was a coffee mug– no, not just any mug, a Stark Industries branded one that could only really have come from the tower.
“I didn’t need to sleep with Peter to win the bet,” Harley said, suddenly serious. “He’s just…funny, and smart, and stupidly adorable. So I can date your pseudo-son or not?”
Tony’s mouth pulled into a thin scowl. Just because Harley didn’t have bad intentions didn’t mean it was suddenly okay for his interns to be dating .
“We need to break them up,” Tony insisted, calling an exasperated Pepper into his office.
“Tony.”
“What do people break up over? Cheating? Long lost exes? I’m sure I can find some way to get in contact with that Liz girl…”
“ Tony! ”
“You’re probably wondering why I’ve called you both in here,” Tony said sternly, staring at Harley and Peter.
They were in Tony’s office, and Tony had made sure to push the boys’ chairs at least two feet apart before calling them in so they couldn’t try and hold hands to prove that their little relationship was real.
“We know why you’ve called us here,” Peter said, still wearing that same cold scowl he’d been wearing in the lab.
Okay, Tony admitted internally, maybe outright accusing Peter of getting bribed wasn’t his best choice. But he stood by the sentiment.
“And you can skip the protection talk, too,” Harley said. He shivered. “I’ve been scarred enough after seeing one get put on a banana.”
Peter flushed bright red, whacking Harley on the shoulder. “We’re not sleeping together. Not like that , anyway. Can we go now?”
“Yeah, go so we can have totally unprotected se—”
Peter whacked Harley’s arm again. Harley rubbed the spot pathetically, pouting up at Tony.
“I think Tony’s right. We should break up,” Harley said, faking pain.
Peter rolled his eyes. “You’re both ridiculous. Tony, we’re not breaking up, so you can just stop trying. Harley, we’re watching one of the Star Wars prequels during movie night.”
Harley groaned loudly. “Tony, you ruin everything!”
“This is not my fault!” Tony protested. “I’m not the one who entered a relationship just because of the bet. So, what’s it going to take for you two to give up this little charade?”
Peter stood up abruptly. He had so much Pepper in him, from his confident stance to the annoyed glare on his face, that it kind of made Tony’s chest hurt. He didn’t like seeing Peter hurt anymore then he liked seeing Pepper, or Rhodey, or Happy hurt.
“I’m not dating Harley just because of the bet! I could care less whether or not you plaster pride flags over the Tower. All I care about is that Harley is sweet and funny and intelligent and he actually likes me back!”
Peter finished his dramatic little monologue by promptly turning around, grabbing Harley’s shirt collar, and pulling him into a kiss that gave Tony the urge to stare at the sad-looking potted plant in the far corner of his office, away from where Harley and Peter were– yep, they were still going at it. Man, he really should water that plant.
“Not fake,” Peter said, crossing his arms, as he pulled away from Harley.
Harley looked too dazed to do anything but nod, and keep a tight hold of Peter’s hand. Harley stood up.
“You done, babe?” Harley teased.
Peter looked back at him and smiled, and it reminded Tony of all those puppy-love crushes he’d had as a kid. Sweet, adorable, completely not harmless.
“Yeah, I’m done. Come on, Harley.”
Peter tugged Harley out of the room, and Tony could’ve sworn he heard at least one of them quietly giggling.
Pepper didn’t even let the door close all the way before marching in, perching herself on the seat Peter had just occupied. She gave a world-weary sigh. Tony had always thought she’d be a great kindergarten teacher, and she proved it in the way she talked to him in a tone that was just on the right edge of condescending.
“Tony, have you considered that maybe your insistence on keeping your boys safe might end with them getting more hurt?”
Tony snorted. “That’s ridiculous. Just because I’m trying to expose this sham of a relationship–”
“Their relationship isn’t fake.”
“It is fake! It’s fake, and all the feelings are fake, and nobody's getting hurt!”
Pepper pursed her lips, but her eyes held a sadder, more sympathetic smile. “They care about each other. They won’t try and hurt each other on purpose.”
“And what if it happens by accident? What am I supposed to do then?”
Tony was staring at the office door where Harley and Peter had disappeared to. They were smart kids. Good kids. Sure, they’d probably be a perfectly fine couple. They’d definitely blow a hole in the side of the Tower at least once a month.
But who was Tony supposed to give the shovel talk to? Relationships had problems. What was Tony supposed to do when Peter and Harley ran into them? How could he even pick a side? He’d had enough with the picking sides thing after that whole Civil War debacle.
“Support them,” Pepper replied, not unkindly, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “You know, the opposite of what you’re doing right now.”
Tony hated admitting Pepper was right. But maybe she was, this time.
He didn’t leave his office until late that night, knowing he needed to give Peter and Harley both apologies but not really sure how.
It was dark in the Tower this late at night, but Tony could see a TV light coming from the living room Harley and Peter shared. Struck by a sudden notion of courage, he approached the room, trying to figure out if they were asleep or not.
From the flashing lights and blaster noises, Tony could only assume it was one of the original Star Wars movies. Peter’s head was on Harley’s chest, and Tony was pretty sure they were holding hands under the blanket they were sharing.
Peter was quietly rambling about– well, Tony couldn’t exactly hear, but he was willing to bet it was his theories about how hyperspace would work– and Harley seemed absolutely enthralled.
They were cute. Tony was happy for them. Really, he was. He hoped they didn’t get hurt. But if they did, well, he’d be there to support them, just like Pepper said.
But…he slowly backed out of the room. He’d tell them that in the morning. For now, it was probably best to let them have their privacy.