Work Text:
It’s not that things have been bad .
But they have been weird.
It was the norm for…well for what felt lik forever, for Soobin and Yeonjun to be all over each other to the point of embarrassment. It would be damn near impossible to count the number of times Taehyun had fled from a room or Kai had been awkwardly in between avoiding eye contact with the camera or Beomgyu had to scream an infernal sound when they really got to be Too Much. And contrary to what they seemed to think they were not subtle in their dumb googley eyes or allegedly masked attempts at flirting. So when they suddenly weren’t , it didn’t go unnoticed.
Okay, maybe “suddenly” wasn’t quite right. But it didn’t seem like much at first.
Everyone got a little weird around comebacks. It was a lot of work and a lot of meetings and all new everything– music, lyrics, choreo, concepts. It was exhausting and they all had their own way of dealing with things. So yeah, the shift in the dynamic between the two oldest wasn’t super noticeable or concerning at first.
But then it was.
And it was fucking weird.
And really uncomfortable.
And way too serious to ignore.
Things like a loud, hyperactive Yeojun bouncing off the walls with energy fueled by creativity and new standards to hold himself to suddenly going quite, especially if Soobin was around. It was Soobin being even more clingy– with everyone but Yeonjun. And on the flipside, Yeonjun being unusually distanced from all of them 90% of the time.
At first, Beomgyu kinda thought maybe he was imagining things or overreacting. He was a lot more observant and attentivve than people tended to realize and sometimes he read too far into things– He was a March Pisces, he couldn’t help it. And in his defense, he was actually usually incredibly spot on. And it meant he got it. How things could feel so big they’d swallow you whole. The feeling of a vast expanse of nothing in front of you. COVID had really fuckd things up and if he was honest, he hit a point where it all started to feel pointless. But his people, his group, His were there to listen and love and just be so it made sense to Beeomgyu that he should do the same.
And he did.
Yeonjun was a tricky peron to get to open up; he had this weird idea that would crop up periodically that just because he was the oldest, he wasn’t allowed to share his feelings or troubles even though they had all repeated and reassured that they honestly didn’t give a fuck and would rather he asked for help when he needed it. But it wasn’t always that easy– he was stubborn as hell and once he had decided something, it took a very practiced hand to get Yeonjun to shift out of the toxic mindset. Which was usually Soobin. Which obviously wasn’t a possibility. So Beomgyu did what he could in the way he could to try and show Yeonjun he didn’t have to be so closed off, that he could be vulnerable and that was okay. They talkked about music and lyrics– Beomgyu had Yeonjun read through some of his to get his opinion, especially on any english. He could tell that not only had Taehyun started to spend more time around Yeeonjun, even just sitting and being silent, but he had also really doubled down on his I-Am-The-Head-Of-The-Choi-Yeonjun-Fanclub-And-You-Will-Only-Say-Kind-Things-Oh-And-Did-You-Know-I’ve-Known-Him-The-Longest Adgenda (and honestly, good for him). Kai could be found laying his head on Yeonjun’s shoulder when at home, arms casually wrapped around his waist as they all gathered together at the end of a long day.
Soobin was a little more straight forward.
He talked about some of his worries and feelings (although not what the problem was so…) and since he was already clinging to the other members more- especially Bomgyu himself- it made things a little easier to shift into. Beomgyu drifted around closer to Soobin, leaned heavily into teasing him and being teased by him for the cameras, sat next to him in Vlives or meetings when he could. Kai was ever indulgent, playing up The Gums, pinching Soobin’s cheeks on the reg and having lunch with him every day. Taehyun, ever the rational member of their group (classic Aquarius for real) went on a lot of walks with Soobin, sometimes for hours. What they talked about, Beomgyu could only guess. All he knew was that it was not about the weirdness between the two members.
He didn’t talk to Kai and Taehyun about it much. At first, that was because he wasn’t sure how serious things actually were but the more and more evidence that piled up made it clear it was legit and potentially damaging. But beyond being unsure at first, the youngest three didn’t realy have a lot of chances to sit down, just the three of them, and theorize what the fuck was going on. So instead, he spent a lot of time thinking on his own, running through possibilities. He even looked things up on the internet like ‘Two of my best friends used to eye fuck in public on the reg and now they won’t even look at each other’, ‘My friends have been a general embarrassment to be around due to their excessive PDA but now they avoid each other constantly and act weird and kind of sad’ and so on. He just… felt at such a loss. And things kept getting weirder and worse and Beomgyu was starting to get more than just a little concerned. He knew how both of them could get in their heads– COVID had caused them all a lot of messed up feelings and he knew that Yeonjun experienced some of the worst of them. He didn’t want to see his hyung get back to that place of low/high key self loathing. And he didn’t want Soobin to overwhelm himself with stress and over responsbibility to the point of puking all night and crying and not able to sleep. He hated seeing his family suffer like this and he just… needed to.. do something.
And if no one else was going to…
Beomgyu would simply take it upon himself to lead the conversation. After waffling and wavering and overthinking exactly how he should bring something like this up, he ends up deciding to with his gut. It had never steered him wrong.
(Not entirely true. Or even remotely true. Or…maybe 100% true it really depended on the time, date, place, and star alignment.
All he can say for sure is the last time he went with his gut ended with a spider landing on his shoulder, a sound tearing from him at a pitch he didn't even think was possible, and Kai accidentally punching him so hard in his back he bruised. 'Trying to kill the spider' he said. Yeah, right.)
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“Did you guys break up because Soobin came to the realization that he’s a bottom?” it's the first time they're all alone together and he can't wait anymore. The room seems to go still around him and far, far too quiet for a room that the five of them are all in. Beomgyu chances a quick glance up from his game to meet Soobin’s expression of shock and possible betrayal, his face bright red, jaw dropped. Beomgyu assumes everyone else is staring, too if the silence is anything to go by. He wrinkles his nose, giving his attention back to his game.
“What?”
“Wh-wh-Why would you ask that?!” Soobin's voice shoots up at least six octaves as he asks the question and Beomgyu is extremely tempted to make a dumbass joke about having him singing contratenor next comeback. But he doesn't. Because he's a good person and because there are more pressing items requiring attention.
"Because you two have been acting so fucking weird!" He huffs an annoyed sigh as his character is brutally destroyed and sets down his game,turning to the older two. Yeonjun hasn't said a goddamn word but his eyes are about as big as Beomgyu has ever seen them and his neck has turned into what could only be described as the Jackson Pollock of blushes. Soobin is still in some state of extended, raging, disbelief and Beomgyu doesn't bother looking at anyone else. He can't believe it's taken them even this long to talk about what's going on. "I figured there had to be a reason."
"And that's the line of questioning you decide to go with?" Soobin chokes out. Heuning Kai suddenly lets out a mildly hysterical giggle and when Beomgyu’s eyes find him, he seems to also be in some state of shock and disbelief. Taehyun, right beside him, however is perfectly stoic save for his bright red ears.
"Are we really going to be this weird about discussing sex?" He says dryly, annoyed. They were twenty year olds– not middle schoolers.
"I…don't think it's about s-sex specifically that's….I mean…The topic of sex is one thing but this is…I-I…UHM…" Taehyun is floundering which would be hilarious under any other circumstance. As it were, he still can't help but snicker.
" Why would you ask that?! What makes you think-! Why would you–! Like what the fuck Beomgyu?!"
"Hey! I'm trying to be helpful! Whatever is going on is affecting our dynamic and it's weird! I've spent so much time trying to figure out what the fuck happened because last come back you were both insufferable. Like to the point of embarrassment. Might as well have been leads in a romcom or some shit. So after essentially reviewing everything that's happened between Blue Hour and now this is the only thing that makes sense."
" How does this make sense?!" Soobin is still the only one really engaging. Yeonjun is still bizarrely quiet and still, frozen almost. It's not usually his way- One of the best things about teasing Yeonjun is how big he reacts. It would be laughably unbelievable except he knows him and no, he just is that way. So the silence is…
…kinda creepy.
Beomgyu, if he's being honest, is kind of getting annoyed. Why isn't anyone else acknowledging that things have been arguably The Worst the last couple months?
"Why won't anyone else acknowledge that things have been arguably The Worst the last couple months?" He says, throwing his hands up in the air and not so on purpose mirroring Soobin's shocked expression. He sees Taehyun and Kai do the creepy eye contact mind reading thing they do, then nod at each other and Taehyun is turning towards the older two with his hands clasped tightly together in front of him.
“Hyungs… I’m sure you can understand how much this hurts me to say but…” He swallows hard, nearly wincing. “Beomgyu… is…. Well… He’s right .”
“ What?!” Beomgyu and Soobin both shout out simultaneously with very different energy. Soobin looks even more mortified– and betrayed– which seems to just be increasing little by little as the conversation goes on. Beomgyu couln’t hide the grin spreading across his face because hell fucking yeah he’s right. And it’s about goddamn time someone recognized his genius
Wait. No.
He shakes himself out of his mindset of victory, instead, raising his eyebrows at Soobin as if to say ‘ See’. Soobin slumps down onto the couch as if his legs have given out on him, face in his hands. Yeonjun (who still hasn’t said a single thing like a creep ) lets his back fall against the wall and slowly slides down to the floor, eyes wide and lips dropped in an open mouthed pout. So Beomgyu crosses his arms over his chest and raises his eyebrows at the two oldest. “So… since Taehyun confirmed my theory-”
“--I did not confirm the theory!”
“” --since he confirmed my theory –” He emphasizes, narrowed eyes directed at the other man who has the audacity to not even feign being intimidated. “You now have the opportunity to dispute. Otherwise I swear to god I will look up everything I can on sex therapy self help and you’ll never know when and where you’ll find them. Do you want that, hyungs?” He makes a point to look both Soobin and Yeonjun directly in the eyes (well…Soobin, Yeonjun is still staring into the abyss), making sure he knows how serious he really is.
“Imagine: We’re in a meeting with Bang-PD and you go to pull notes out of your bag and hold on! What’s that?! It’s an article titled ‘How to ‘Blow’ your partners mind with the perfect oral sex– tips and tricks to deep throating’?”
“Is that really an article?” He hears behind him– Kai he thinks– and he doesn’t know for sure but, come on, it’s got to be.
“Oh maybe– ‘Help! My partner and I both want to get totally railed but–”
“Oh my god!! Beomgyu please fucking stop it!” Finally a reaction from Yeonjun! His face is buried in his hands, knees pulled up to his chest and honestly, he looks a little pathetic. Small. Beomgyu feels bad.
Well…he almost feels bad.
"Then just explain what the problem is!"
"Maybe we can help?" Kai chirps behind him. Beomgyu waves his arms in exaggerated motions at the youngest– finally he's getting some actual support!
"It's nothing." Yeonjun's voice is muffled behind his hands, face still hidden, shoulders hunched. Soobin's hands keep twitching from his pockets in the front, to the back, to crossed arms, to kinda hugging himself, to incessant drumming of his fingers against his own arms, and so on and so on.
"Obviously it's something."
“Why does it have to be something?”
“How many times do I have to say it? You two are acting so fucking weird and it’s awful and– ”
“Jesus Christ!” Yeonjun shouts, head finally snapping up. His cheeks are a dark red but what’s more jarring are his eyes, shining with tears and okay, that wasn’t something Beomgyu was expecting. “Just shut the fuck up! It’s none of your goddamn business just let it the fuck go!” As he yells, Yeonjun pushes himself up and storms down the hall. They hear his door slam shut before a very awkward silence falls over everyone.
Beomgyu should feel bad. But honestly, he mostly just feels more vindicated. He moves his (slightly judgemental but mostly questioning) gaze to Soobin. Their leader is silent, eyes trained on his lap, jaw so tight the strain in his neck is visible. Behind him, Taehyun sighs and stands. He rubs a hand over Soobin’s shoulder, voice even and calm.
“I’ll go check on him.” There’s no room for questions or protests. He’s up and out of the room before Beomgyu, honestly, even fully processes the situation. He's the right one to go. If it's not Soobin, Taehyun is really the only person who can force Yeonjun to open up- such a stubborn hyung. Once Taehyun has left the room and they hear a soft knock and muffled words before the door is clicking open and shut again, Beomgyu cocks his head at Soobin, eyebrow raised. Kai has moved to sit beside the older man, pulling him half way into a hug and running his hand in light circles over his back.
"Okay….so….you wanna talk about what's going on now that….it's escalated?" Beomgyu tries to keep his tone soft still, tries to keep his judgemental thoughts to himself because while he still very fully believes he is justified, he also knows that sharing that aspect of things will not encourage Soobin to open up. Soobin heaves a heavy, long sigh and leans into Kai’s shoulder, who immediately starts running his fingers through the older man’s hair. Their leader keeps his eyes closed and looks so tired . Beomgyu feels both more curious and excessively anxious at how this whole situation has gone- When he decided to face this thing head on instead of tip-toing around things like everyone else was, he was not expecting the reaction that followed.
“It really isn’t a big deal!” Soobin starts before wincing. “Or… well… I didn’t realize it would be such a big deal. I thought…I… Ugh!” Soobin buries his face in his hands, pressing his palms into his eyes and heaving out a heavy sigh. There’s a tension rising in the room the longer Soobin stays silent. Beomgyu is trying so hard not to be pushy or impatient, wanting the older man to share things on his own time and not just close back up into silence like he sometimes does. Instead, he studies his nails and bites the inside of his cheek to keep his agitation to himself.
“So… the thing is.. I mean…So…Yeonjun-hyung…Well, we were talking after a recording a few months back you know, just like we do sometimes but then… He..uhmm…” Soobin runs his fingers through his hair, pulls at the strands a bit before taking a deep breath and laying his head back to rest against the sofa, eyes closed.
“Yeonjun confessed to me. A few months ago. Th-that… that he likes me.” The words are met with silence causing Soobin to open his eyes and arch his neck a little to look at them.
“Like… Likes me in a romantic way. Like… wanted to see if I would go on a date or something? He confessed to me.” Beomgyu and Kai share a look of confusion and disbelief.
“Wait…” Kai starts, his hand freezing the soothing motions over Soobin’s back. “You two… aren’t… dating already?” Kai's voice goes up in pitch as the sentence goes on and Beomgyu doesn't blame him. Anyone outside of their group may think they shouldn't be surprised– why would a group of friends not know the two of them were dating but…well…. It was because they were as close as they were that this came as such a surprise.
It’s Soobin’s turn to look confused, cheeks darkening again as he looks between Kai and Beomgyu.
“What? Why would you even think that?! Th-that’s… Why?! ” He barely has the words out of his mouth before Beomgyu is picking up his phone and quickly tapping out a search into twitter with a long, suffering sigh. He can’t believe his life, seriously. For one thing, who could have predicted he’d be so close to the truth and also so very fucking far off from it? A little trickle of anxiety starts to build in Beomgyu’s gut and he pauses for just a moment with his thumbs hovering over the screen. If Yeonjun confessed and things are…(Bad? Awkward? Terrible? The fucking worst ever?) different, did that mean that Soobin reacted poorly? They’d never openly talked about sexuality or relationships, never specifically announced what kind of people they were attracted to, but they also never skirted around it. He remembers once Taehyun had talked about how ridiculous he thought the idea of “coming out” was; not the act of doing it but the fact that it was required . That the default was always ‘boy likes girl; girl likes boy’ sort of a thing and anything else had to be announced, that a person had to be made extremely vulnerable and open to rejection for something as simple as who they were attracted to or in love with. He remembers how close he was sitting to Yeonjun at the time, shoulders pressed together. Remembers the small, soft smile Yeonjun had on his lips, how emphatically he agreed. Beomgyu had had his suspicions at that point but really confirmed it for himself the more and more Yeonjun talked about his ideal ‘person’, always very pointed with the sentence (and okay, the way Yeonjun stared after V at the Family Photoshoot as the older man teasingly flirted with him– Yeonjun’s bashful smiles and giggles, hanging on his every word, stary eyes and full of wonder and if ,he’s being blatantly honest, a whole lot of eye fucking, was also a pretty good indicator that ‘heterosexuality’ was not in the definition of the undefinable Choi Yeonjun). Beomgyu hadn’t thought much of it if he’s being honest. It just… was. Why would that matter? The discussion had never been formal and now Beomgyu is wondering– worried– about if maybe they…should have. Did Soobin have a problem with who Yeonjun wanted to date? Was it just because it was him or was it because it was men at all?
Beomgyu pauses in his twitter scrolling, suddenly feeling self conscious about bringing it up at all but… well, better to figure out what the fuck is going on than pretend it’s not happening.
So he finishes his search (it is not difficult) and shoves his phone into Soobin’s hands. Most of what is reflected on the screen are clips of Yeonjun and Soobin being outright ridiculous, primarily during their debut at Blue Hour. He knows Soobin has a habit of looking himself up online, on twitter and other social media, so he’s a little flabbergasted that Soobin would have the audacity to be surprised that they all thought there was something going on. Soobin scrolls slowly through the content on the phone screen, his face suddenly not reflecting any of his feelings, almost not reacting at all (is that better or worse).
“I…guess I didn’t realize how…”
“How all over each other you two are…were? I mean… you saw the foot clip right? Cause, hyung, I gotta tell you that is not regular friend behavior. Not the way you’re going about it.” Beomgyu remembers seeing that clip specifically for the first time and thinking ‘ Huh… maybe my bandmates are fucking ’ and legitimately not even caring. He was really more bothered that they hadn’t told anyone (hadn’t told him, at least) but he got over even that easily enough. He understood it wasn’t an easy thing to bring up and they were probably afraid. So Beomgyu tried to just ensure he was always positive when they vaguely spoke on things.
Kai scoots closer to Soobin, legs tucked up under himself, leaning on the older man and Beomgyu figures it may be time to hand the lead of this conversation over to the maknae, The Gum.
“Soobin. You know I love you dearly. I think you are one of the most wonderful, beautiful, perfect people in the whole world and I’m thankful every day that we met when we did and you decided you had to follow me around and demand attention…”
“Why do I feel like this is actually an insult?”
“But hyung, how the name of our Lord and Savior Kim Namjoon did you not realize how you two were on camera? Can you explain to me why this is such a problem or a surprise after what we talked ab–”
“Kai!” Soobin interupted with his face back to a bright, deep red and Beomgyu filed away this information– so Kai did know something the rest of them didn’t. He would have to get the maknae to tell him later. At Soobin’s shout, Kai went silent again, but his eyes said a whole hell of a lot, even if Beomgyu couldn’t really understand what. Soobin held his gaze for a beat or two before he’s sighing in a way that drops his shoulders as if strings of a marionette had been cut.
“Soobin.” Kai’s face has gone serious, that kind of serious that always puts Beomgyu a little on edge because it’s so rare but it’s a real, real kind of serious. It clearly comes as a surprise to Soobin as well who snaps his jaw shut and looks at Kai with those eyes that read so very clearly of his youngest status at home– Soobin may be their ever steady, charasmatic (if a little dorky) older brother, but he was the baby in his own family and sometimes it reallly showed. At the look, Kai sighs, moving his hands to lightly grasp the older mans, giving them a small squeeze.
“Hyung… I just have to ask… what happened when he told you he confessed. You said you didn’t think it was a big deal but… I mean it seems like a big deal, you know?” Soobin shifts on the couch, biting at his lip and Beomgyu feels that little pit in his stomach– the one that says they’re fucked, that this could be the end, that he didn’t know how they could really stay together if Soobin did have an issue with Yeonjun’s sexuality or identity no matter how much he tried to tell his mind that was stupid– open wider, starts to grow to the point where he can feel it pooling at the bottom of his asophogus and even though he can see Soobin’s mouth opening to talk, his own words pour out before he can stop them.
“Do you have a problem with Yeonjunnie-hyung being gay?” A weighted silence follows and the emotional outburst and feelings Beomgyu finally acknowledges in himself (what a downward spiral he hit faster than he thought possible wow and here he was thinking things were just annoying). Soobin’s mouth opens and closes a few times, a choked up sound clicking in the back of his throat.
“ What ?! Absolutely…. No ! Beomgyu I would never… That’s so…. Do you really think–”
“I don’t know!” He shouts louder than he meant to. He knows he has to get himself under control– this is not about him. Not in the slightest. He’s just hoping he’s as far off with this fear as he was with his initial idea of the problem.
“I do not have a problem with who Yeonjun is attracted to– or anyone for that matter. It’s not my business and I would never ever think poorly of someone for something like that. Ever.” Beomgyu nods in response, the shuddering in his gut falling still and silent and he swallows hard and breathes deep.
“Okay… sorry. I know I just…”
“Worried.” Soobin interrupts and his lips twitch just a little– into a smile or a frown Beomgyu wouldn't be able to say. “I understand. But no… it wasn’t like that.”
“Would… Could you tell us what it was like?” He pushed tentatively. It still felt like they were all tip toeing around the bigger problem– what was going on with them. Their leader sits up straighter, dislodging Kai a little and wetting his lips, eyes darting between the two of them.
“So… Yeonjun and I have fooled around a little– Nothing serious! Just like… some kissing a-and stuff, especially when we were younger and just… wondering what having that kind of thing would be like.” The other two nod along– that was all pretty commonplace for idol groups in general and certainly not surprising for their little group. They tended to lean more towards authentic physical affection than other groups. Yeonjun and Taehyun had once engaged in a little mini-make out session that could only be described as ‘enthusiastic’ on a night where they had snuck in a bottle of cheap soju when work things got to be Too Much and they were all feeling so overwhelmed and hopeless. So the night had been part team bonding part ‘Fuck it’. So yeah, there was some kissing, some flirting, lots of laying on each other and when no one was weird the next morning it kinda made them all realize how special their group was. Plus, they could truly all attest to the comfort even a kiss or two could bring. And with the way Yeonjun and Soobin were together, the two of them fooling around was anything but surprising.
“With COVID and everything I guess we started fooling around more regularly and..m-more and as far as I knew about it all it was just… you know… casual! The same kind of… the same thing that we’ve… all kind of done. Just… more.” He’s chewing on his lip a little, thinking of the next words to say but Beomgyu already as a picture of the chain of events opening up before him and yeah, okay… he was pretty fucking off with his guess.
"He said he really liked me..or...well...he said he loved me and i-i-I don't know... What am I even supposed to say to that? He said that it didn't matter that I didn't feel that way, too....he said it wouldn’t affect anything but it just....it has. Things feel....they feel so different and I don't know what to do! Cause he said it wouldn't be a problem and I didn't....I mean I didn't really think about it much. Just... I told him I didnt feel that way about him or.... I don't know, maybe guys in general? I-i don't know."
It's a lot. Beomgyu gets why they both got so overwhelmed and he would feel bad about making this private thing between the two of them the focus of their little family meeting but at least they're finally talking about it. That's what's important to him when it comes down to it. And maybe they can't help make anything better but with Soobin opening up to them and Yeonjun (hopefully) talking things through with Taehyun, maybe they could at the very least help get things to a better, more normal place.. From the sound of it, the two oldest members didn’t hate each other. It more sounded like Yeonjun had his feelings hurt and Soobin just didn't understand what that may look like while things rearranged around such a confession. But, romantic feelings or not, his hyungs really loved each other and loved the group and loved MOA and there was no way they would let this get in the way of any of those things. Both of them were way too invested and oft times dedicated to a self sacrificing degree. In fact, Beomgyu was kind of surprised it was a problem at all. If Yeonjun said it wouldn’t be a problem then it usually wasn’t. He was pretty good at shoving feelings he deemed selfish down into a black abyss in a desperate hope to make them disappear (They never did. Just festered until he broke apart or someone helped him back together).
"That....makes a lot of sense." Beomgyu reassures, holding one of Soobin's hands in his own. "And I can see why that would be a big deal to Yeonjun-hyung, but I know it'll be okay." Soobin's eyes flickered up to Beomgyus and there is the slightest glint of shame underneath his vulnerable gaze.
"There's one other thing..." He says, voice soft and words mumbled. "We ... Well ....we slept with each other. After....I mean after he confessed. Things....I think that's when things got...bad."
Oh.
Okay.
Well.
That certainly added a new layer to things.
"You slept together?" Kai asks, eyebrows raised to his hairline, eyes wide. Soobin nods. "As in....you two fucked after he told you he loved you and you turned him down?" A wince and another slow, embarrassed nod.
"Soobin...."
"I know! Okay? Or.... I-i mean I didn’t know or...not really! It's complicated! Things were just.... I mean there was a lot going on and it just sort of happened and I just didn't really think about it. We had done stuff before, even things… similar and… then… or well… we hadn’t ever done something quite that–"
"Naked?" Beomgyu helpfully supplies and at this point he thinks Soobin's face is just this shade of red permanently. He gives Beomgyu a very pointed look which Beomgyu pointedly ignores.
“Y-yes. B-but now I don’t… I don’t know what to do about it. I don’t know how to talk about it I don’t know how to bring it up, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do about any of it now that things are obviously not okay. I can’t….!” He throws his head back against the sofa, eyes closed, hands limp in his lap. Looking at his face, Beomgyu notices the tear streaks down his cheeks and it’s…
God, everything is just a mess.
“You have to believe me,” Soobin’s voice is thick with emotion and man, have things spiraled out of control. “I didn’t mean to hurt him, I swear. I didn’t know it would go like this. I didn’t think…I just didn’t know it was going to turn out this way. He kissed me and i…I mean I-i reminded him that i…uhm, that I didn't love him like that and maybe it wasn't a good idea. You know, to make sure things were okay but he was so insistent and he kept saying it was fine and its..not…fine. I should have known.” There’s so much regret and shame in his voice and it makes Beomgyu’s heart hurt for his hyungs. There’s nothing malicious in this fight. It’s just one unfortunate outcome of falling in love.
He scoots as close to Soobin’s side as he can, hooks a leg over one of his and rests his head on his shoulder. Kai has moved his hands to run long fingers through the older man’s hair. They don’t say anything more between them, not for some time, letting their heart beats and breathing fall into the same pattern. Beomgyu’s mind is picking all the details that have been shared apart piece by piece and laying it all out in front of him to try and figure out if he can help at all. Kai is generally the more outwardly empathetic member of the group but Beomgyu sometimes thinks he can feel every single emotion his bandmates experience. Some days it even feels overwhelming, the pulsing around him (damn that Pisces intuition) but most of the time he thinks it gives him some kind of secret power when it comes to being there for his friends.
When it comes down to it, Beomgyu doesn’t think anyone is really to blame.
When he’s fooled around with the members before, the issue of “feelings” was never something he ever considered. It had never crossed his mind as a potential problem. Sure, maybe the two oldests should have known better but how could anyone really predict how things would go? They all certainly never considered that their entire in person relationship with MOA would be put on hold during a global pandemic. They never thought they wouldn’t be able to have a public relationship with their sunbaenims, both because of the pandemic and the public upset the proximity of the two groups seemed to cause. And while he knew things would be hard, that being in the public in general was going to sometimes feel impossible, Beomgyu never could have predicted it would be as devastating as it sometimes feels. So how could he blame either of the older members for maybe not thinking things through 100% rationally?
So it’s decided– the only thing Beomgyu can really do is be there for both of them, show unwavering support, and trust them to figure things out. Something like this isn’t for other people to fix.
“Can you make me a promise, hyung?” Kai says softly, his tone even and placating. Soobin hums softly in agreement. “Please talk to Yeonjunnie-hyung, even if it’s hard. Even if he tries not to or tries to brush it off. Okay?” The older man squirms a little but nods, letting out a shaky breath.
“I know… Yes, of course Hueninggie. I don’t want to make things bad and I don’t want to hurt him anymore.” He can feel Soobin tremble next to him and feels his own chest hurting in sympathy for both his brothers. He kind of feels like maybe he should apologize about how tactfully he broke this whole shit show open. To be honest, the only thing worse he could have said would have been if he'd actually guessed right about unrequited love. It was a thought that had briefly crossed his mind only to be shooed away with the, apparently false, knowledge of YeonBin Being Real. Thank God for small miracles. Beomgyu can't imagine how much worse things could have been if he'd actually said his original accusation. He definitely can't imagine 'Did you two break up because Soobin wants to get married and that feels like too much pressure' would have gone well at all (yes, he did think it was Soobin yearning for a legit eternal label for their relationship. And he still felt that way, contrary to what current evidence may suggest. Yeonjun was a romantic but Soobin had 'whipped' practically branded on his forehead). However they had gotten there, shit was out now and Beomgyu was going to give himself a little pass on bringing the whole thing up to begin with– although maybe he'd apologize to Yeonjun cause yikes.
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They stay sitting like that for some amount of time that Beomgyu loses track of. They're just a tangle of limbs, really, each individually messing on their phones or dozing. And, equally together, they perk up when they hear the door to Yeonjun's room open and shut again quietly. Taehyun barely glances in their direction as he goes to the kitchen and pulls a water bottle from the fridge. He twists it open with a soft snap and takes a couple sips before relidding it and taking a few steps towards the cuddle pile on the sofa. They're all looking at him expectantly, clearly waiting for the outcome of whatever happened away from them. His posture seems tired, but not defeated and it unwinds just a little of the anxiety coiled in Beomgyu's gut.
"Did he tell you?" Soobin's voice is soft, scared, and ashamed. Taehyun nods, letting out a long sigh, cheeks puffing out as he does. It looks annoyingly cute.
"He didn't want to. It took a frustrating amount of effort to get him to say anything and he spent half the time either trying not to cry or trying to pretend he was just being sensitive." Yeah, that sounded about right. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees their leader physically wince and curls his hand around his again to give it a squeeze. Taehyun looks at the older man with soft eyes, his hands twisting around the bottle between them.
“Yeonjunnie-hyung is okay… he’s just upset. And he’s embarrassed. You two do need to–”
“Talk, yeah I know.” Soobin is pouting, looking resigned. “I’m going to, don’t worry Taehyun. I don’t want things to be like this either. How is he now?” Taehyun holds up the water bottle and gives it a little shake.
“He’s tired and probably dehydrated. He’s definitely going to have a headache later but I’m bringing him this and some pain pills and then he’ll probably go to sleep.” He says with a little shrug. If he’s not worried, they probably don’t have to worry too much themselves. Kai unwraps himself from the pair of them, presses a kiss to the side of Soobin’s head, and heads towards Taehyun.
“I want to say good night to hyung.” He chirps. The two youngest disappear down the hall followed by the sound of the door opening and closing. Soobin seems to melt back against Beomgyu and the couch cushions but not in the way of relaxation or relief.
“Hyung, it is going to be okay. I know it.”
“I fucked up, Beom.”
“You really, really did but you didn’t do it to be mean. And you didn’t do it twice.” Soobin nods against his head and there’s a beat of silence that follows before Beomgyu speaks around a pout.
“I gotta say…” He starts, a static energy gathering around them that has Soobin perking up with apprehension. “I was really far off with my theory.” Soobin doesn’t say anything, giving the younger man the opening he needed. “I can’t believe that the problem wasn’t an incompatibility in your sexual relationship but like… way too much compatibility.”
“Seriously, what is wrong with you?”
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The next morning, Beomgyu wakes up earlier than honestly he meant to but can’t go back to sleep. So he takes the time to wander into the kitchen and and start some rice for breakfast. On his journey, he’s surprised to see Soobin leaving Yeonjun’s room, obviously trying to be extra quiet, even wincing as the door clicks behind him. Beomgyu stands there, confused, watching Soobin silently as the older man turns around and has to slap a hand over his mouth to hold back a surprised yell.
“Holy shit, Beomgyu! Why are you being so creepy?!”
“Why were you in Hyung’s room?” Ah-ha, two can play at that game, Choi Soobin. Soobin’s face twists up a little, cheeks brightening. He mumbles something under his breath but doesn’t answer, instead hurrying past his bandmate and locking himself in the bathroom like a coward . Beomgyu briefly considers following him and forcing him to answer but honestly, he’s tired and he figures he’ll let them handle it for now. The whole incident is shoved to the back of his mind in favor of literally everything else.
It turns out to be the right call as the energy around the two starts to chill and they’re acting a little more normal. Soobin is sending those dummy smiles across the room at the oldest when he thinks no one’s looking. Yeonjun’s eyes are almost always trained on their leader, a drastic shift from the obvious avoidance they were playing at before. There’s still some tension, the regular standard still not being met but it’s better . And, Beomgyu reminds himself, healing takes time.
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But not that much time, apparently.
Six weeks almost to the day, Beomgyu catches Yeonjun coming out of Soobin’s room as everyone is rising from their rooms to begin the day. Both of them have puffy, red, bruised lips and Beomgyu is pretty sure that’s a hickey on the sharp curve of the oldest man’s shoulder. They’re swaying into each other’s space, Soobin leaning against the door frame, Yeonjun leaning against him, whispering quiet and soft in the space that’s (barely) between them. They look even more stupid and dopey than usual and Beomgyu’s entire chest goes warm at what he’s seeing. There’s a soft, barely there brush of their lips together that Yeonjun giggles into before he’s giving Soobin a little shove and a shooing motion with his hand. After the door is shut, he turns and see’s Beomgyu watching with almost no reaction. They stare at each other for a beat but before Beomgyu can open his mouth to tease, Yeonjun is sauntering towards him.
“So about your theory….” Yeonjun starts, his voice not exactly hoarse but enough of a clue to hint at what happened last night (if everything else didn’t somehow add up). He leans in close, hand clapping Beomgyu’s shoulder. “I think you’re losing your touch, Beommie. Soobin isn’t only a good fucking service top but he’s also got dick game that should be written about.” He smirks wide, pats the younger man’s shoulder.
“Wouldn’t that be a fun next concept?” He doesn’t wait for a response before turning away and returning to his own room.
Alright. Maybe Beomgyu deserved that. And he would let them have this one. And only this one. Because they're stupid and oblivious and happy and he's a good fucking friend. They were bound to do something else dumb in the near future that would give him plenty to tease about. And if not, well…
It was always good to have dirt on his hyungs just in case.
꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡˖♡˖♡˖♡˖♡˖꒰ᵕ༚ᵕ⑅꒱
A decision later proven to be the very right one when Soobin won't leave him alone and like, in a worse way than usual and pushes Beomgyu just a little too much past his threshold.
“I’m surprised you’re able to keep up so well during dance today, Yeonjunnie." He says it to Yeonjun's reflection, the oldest member sipping at his Americano and talking with Kai. When Beomgyu addresses him, he meets the youngers gaze in the mirror. Out of the corner of his eye he sees Soobin's face fall just a little as if realizing that perhaps Beomgyu had more cards in his hands than their leader counted on. Big mistake- Beomgyu was always prepared. "I mean, considering how great Soobin’s dick was for you last night. I mean, god, we've all seen it– how are you even walking ?"
The resounding, suffocating silence is more than worth it.
Haha.
Beomgyu: 2
Dummy Hyungs: 1