Work Text:
1.
Natasha was pretty sure she was going to die here. She had made some dumb bet about who could do the most pushups and now she was paying the price. She could feel the warm blacktop burning her palms and the trip to medical she was going to be ordered into making after this was only making her more mad the more she thought about it. The rest of the unit had fallen out one by one until it was just her and the last pilot between her and bragging rights remained.
Then right as she was about to call it, to just collapse there in a puddle of sweat and the start of a truly wicked sunburn, the other man dropped like a sack of bricks. Never one to be shown up, she finished one more push up shaking like a leaf in a hurricane before barely managing to sit back with that “I just kicked your ass” grin she had perfected over the years. If she stayed there for a few minutes longer than everybody else, not trusting her legs to hold her weight or her arms to help her up from the ground at the moment, nobody said anything. She’d spent the entirety of flight school so far making a name for herself, tough as nails and didn't need anything from anybody.
The unit filed back inside, dragging the just dropped pilot behind them like dead weight, as the daylight faded from the airstrip slowly, the long shadows cast off by the assembled jets starting to collect like ghosts over the tarmac. It was a pretty enough picture, it made Natasha feel some sort of warm inside, like she was where she was meant to be finally. It felt like the long years of fighting and running had brought her here. She had earned this, all the blood, sweat, and tears had paid off and then some. All she had to do was finish, claw her way up to the top of the class, proving once and for all she was the best.
The quiet moment of hard won victory was ruined when a water bottle was shoved at her from above. She looked up to see where this gift from on high had come from. The sun was silhouetted behind the person holding the bottle, looking like a portrait of something divine coming down to Earth. It made something in Natashas chest seize a little, calling up long forgotten memories of Sunday school and stained glass portraits of martyred saints.
Before she could stop herself, Nat looked right up and said “You’ve got one of those, what are they called?”
“Water bottle?” The woman responded, a patient smile spread over her face like a saint. The sun seemed like it was cast over her face, like it was just resting over her skin like a spotlight. The light picking up on highlights in her hair Natasha was positive were put there just for this moment, just to distract her from saying something to break this weird unfamiliar silence stretching out between them. Then the first thought that managed to break the heat-haze that had settled into her mind swam up to the surface and decided to make itself known.
“No, halo! That's it!” Nat said, finally taking the freezing water bottle and proceeding to down about half of it before getting a response. The ice cold bottle feeling good on her hands, like a blessing. It’s been a long time since she had such religious musings about somebody, must be the heat or something, she thought.
The other woman bent down, meeting Natasha’s eyes at her level, checking for heat exhaustion or something equally as deserving of a trip to the med bay. “People usually call me Callie, it being my name and all, Natasha.” She said Natasha's name like they were old friends and not something more close to rivals, that smile of hers taking a more familiar curve to it. They'd been going back and forth to the top of their class since they had gotten to TOPGUN to begin with and somehow had not had a real conversation yet. She had never returned any of the challenges Natasha had thrown her way so far, simply smiled back at her and proceeded to meet Nat at every single bet or dare she could level. The rest of the class long since having given up trying to get between them.
On the other hand, Callie had been trying to properly introduce herself to the other woman for what felt like weeks, being drawn into her orbit right away. Natasha had been making that increasingly difficult, choosing to put distance between them right away, shying away from anything resembling familiarity between the two. It would be more frustrating if Callie didn't see why she was doing it, didn't see the need to be the best burning up under Natasha’s skin like a solar flare.
However Callie was nothing if not patient however and had resigned herself to keeping the hand open for whenever Natasha wanted to accept it. Flight school was hard enough, Callie reasoned, isolating in its own way, and there was no real reason to shut her out. Even the brightest stars didn't sit up there in the sky alone and she’d be there with an open hand when Natasha figured that one out for herself.
Natasha had been the first of the class to earn her callsign, managing to eject and walk away from a crash in her first week like her new namesake. The rest of their flight class assembled around the other end of the tarmac, waiting with bated breath to hear the call that she hadn't made it come over their radios. The sound of their commanding officer stating that Natasha was alive and had ejected at the last minute despite the pile of flaming wreckage stating otherwise had come as a shock to all of them. Before she even thought about it, Callie piped up and said she was like a phoenix, coming up from the ashes of her training plane. The name had stuck just like that and Natasha had welcomed it easy, embracing it like a well-loved gift. And in its own way it had been Callie's first gift to Natasha, even if she hadn’t meant it to be so precious yet.
Callie had absolutely not laid awake that night, staring at the plain white ceiling like it had some insight in to the situation, thinking about how Natasha had looked walking away from the burning plane, flight suit singed around the edges, fire in her eyes, and shoulders set back like she was going to stare down the world until it bent to what she wanted. It made a flare of want flare up in Callie so quickly and fierce that she rolled over and decided to set that thought aside for the morning. The thought had chased her to sleep and though the rest of the morning and what felt like every minute since.
From then on since Nat had earned her callsign, people had stopped using her real name more and more, she couldn't remember the last time somebody had said her full name without shortening it at the very least, let alone dragged it out like it was something special. The sight of the setting sun lighting up the face of what had to be the most beautiful woman she had ever seen saying her name like that, like it fit in her mouth perfectly, like it was a secret shared between them, was too much for her to process right now. It was definitely the heat that was getting to her finally, it had burnt her up from the inside out.
“I think I’ll keep calling you Halo, can’t be an angel without one, right sweetheart?” Nat said, grasping at that look at me confidence she always had before. It took just a half second longer to respond than usual, the way Callie’s eyes just rested on her, waiting on her to catch up making her feel all fuzzy around the edges, throwing her for a loop. The way Callie’s lips curved up and moved with the little half laugh at the sorry excuse for a pickup line had Nat’s heart doing that stutter-lurch in her chest that had always led her into trouble in the past, but she’d be damned if she’d ever run from trouble before.
The way the red from the evening sky seemed to bleed into Callie’s cheeks after that attempt at something shy of flirting made Natasha finish off the rest of the water bottle nice and quick, like that would stop the dry heat spreading in her chest. It's been a long time since she had been knocked on her ass at an offered hand up, but damn if Callie’s hand didn't fit in hers so nicely as she was pulled up standing, like a missing puzzle piece that make the whole picture click together, dazzling colors and shapes finally coming into focus for the first time.
It made Nat want to wrap her up in her jacket and treat her real nice, walk around downtown with her hand snug in Callie’s back pocket, ask her to go steady and kiss her nice and sweet. Right then and there Natasha decided she was probably going to follow Callie anywhere she wanted and that didn't scare her as much as she thought.
“Alright alright Natasha, let's get you inside. ‘Fraid the heats cooking you up out here.” Callie said, letting go of Natasha’s hand as soon as she was stood back up and adjusting her flight suit lapels. The gesture felt natural, like she had been doing it for ages, hands moving without thought.
Not missing a beat, Nat slung her arm around Callie, keeping her as close as she could and still walk back towards the classroom. “You lead, I’ll follow Halo.” She said, leaning in nice and close to see that sweet, strawberry red spread back over the other woman's face. It made something sugary rise up in the back of Nat’s mouth, like cotton candy and days spent on the boardwalk she grew up near. Her mom had always said she’d meet somebody that felt like coming home, just didn't know the feeling would hit her like the sky cracked open.
The walk back was just too short, Callie taking a turn to take them both down to the empty med bay room. Nat missed the feeling of Callie pressed up against her side the second it was gone, another ice cold water bottle being pressed into her hand with that sun ray smile from Callie to chase it down. The doctor kicked Natasha out with a mild case of dehydration and a wicked sunburn and a high school end of the world level crush on the newly minted Callie “Halo” Shen.
Callie came in the next day to a halo painted around her name on her locker and the rest of the class calling her “Halo” like they’d never called her anything else. How Natasha did it she never knew, but she still loved the way it sounded best when Nat said it. It certainly made the competition with the rest of the class easier, Natasha wasn't racing for first anymore, she just wanted to hear the way Callie smiled around her name and the way her smile pulled up to one side when she was impressed. Sure she was in deep but she couldn't find it in herself to care,
They moved around each other even more after that. Nat would take one step forward and ask Callie out dancing after class. Callie would meet her there, meeting Nat where she stood with a smile. They’d spend the better part of longer than either of them would admit swaying around the smoke filled bar, old school jukebox crooning in the background. Then Natasha would look up the scant few inches between them and see the way the bar lights shone in Callie’s eyes, like little stars in a lonesome galaxy, and make some excuse about an early class the next day. Callie always let her go, never stopping her and saying they were in the same class and they didn't have an early flight time the next day.
Callie knew Nat would come around, hoping for it with everything she had. It’d been a long time since she had wanted somebody so much. So if all she could get was a few slow dances here and there, a few nights under the blue-gray smoke haze of some run down bar on the outskirts of the town that had sprung up around the base, she’d take it. It was better to have something, anything, than nothing at all.
Graduation day came faster than they both realized, training picking up faster and faster. Next thing Natasha knew they were on the stage, her and Callie graduating at the very top of the class, stood up next to each other in their dress uniforms and didn't the thought of that just make Natasha’s heart do that same stutter-lurch it did the day they properly met. As soon as the ceremony was over, she felt Callie press something in her hand and turned to face her only to be met with that easy smile she’d been chasing for weeks now.
“Don't be a stranger out there Natasha.” Callie said with a touch of something like regret in her voice before slipping back into the crowd. The piece of paper Callie had slipped in her hand had a phone number and little phoenix with what looked like a little halo around its head. It was well done, clearly had taken a bit, like the picture was the point of the note and the number was added later. If Nat went and found the picture of Callie and her, one of their instructors had taken at the ceremony and set it as her contact photo, nobody had to know.
The ceremony broke up quickly after that, the new graduates all shipping out to their new assignments, Natasha ending up halfway across the world on a carrier, flying out on the red-eye from hell the very next day, feeling every inch of Callie’s absence.
2.
She spent about two full hours sitting at the empty airport terminal after check in trying to think of something clever to say before caving and just asking where she had run off to in such a hurry. After a full hour where she was absolutely not looking at her phone every few minutes like a lovesick teenager, a photo of Callie half-asleep in front of a Welcome to Florida sign with the sun shining down on her like her namesake came through. If anybody saw Nat grinning back at the screen all soft edges, she'd take it to her grave.
Natasha sent back a picture of her own, still sitting waiting at the terminal for her connecting flight, half asleep and running on about half a pot of coffee. After that it felt like they weren't apart, texting back and forth from a world away, always on that edge of slipping from the easy back and forth into something real. It was easy to talk to the other women, she was real and solid and warm, Natasha knew that. She had felt the way Callie stood up so tall like gravity didn't pull her down the same way it did everybody else, had seen the way that Callie could watch a room like nobody else, could lean over and say just the right thing to knock Natasha right on her ass laughing like the world was going to end right there.
But over the phone it was easy to just spill herself out like a cracked glass, showing more of herself than she had in years. She found herself digging though what little photo albums she had on leave to send Callie a picture of the year she had dressed up like a pilot for Halloween just to hear the way she’d laugh over the call, the slight static making Natasha think for a heartbeat moment that the call had dropped before Callie came back, laughing through her words and telling Nat about the time she snuck out of the house on Halloween one year dressed up like an angel, and yes she knew how that sounded Nat let me finish the story, to meet a girl dressed like a devil at a party she had no business being at and if that didn't just light up Nat’s whole world right there.
Some days when she was feeling more poetic about it, she felt like a comet that had gotten pulled into Callie’s orbit, like one of Saturn’s rings. If she sent Callie a joke about heavenly bodies just to get her to drop everything and call to tell her that, “That was a terrible pick up line!”, laughing that easy sunshine laugh of hers the whole time, nobody had to know. Natasha was finding it easier and easier to crave anything Callie would send her way, if it was a picture of her visiting whatever tourist trap was closest to wherever she was stationed, she swore it was the best way to experience new places, or a voice memo explaining whatever reality tv drama she had been obsessed with that week, dragging Nat into Love Island binges over the phone on more than one occasion. She never thought she was going to even know what 90 day fiancé was, let alone have some very strong opinions on the show as a whole, but Callie always managed to surprise her like nobody else.
Talking to Callie felt all summer sweet and warm the way a home cooked meal was after a long day, like it was real simple and had always been there.
Then one day Nat came “home” to her assigned housing to a package on her doorstep. She’d only been at this particular base for about three days and hadn’t told anybody yet where she was staying, let alone anything close to an address. Any lingering questions about the mystery box vanished when she edged closer and saw Callie’s looping handwriting on the shipping label. She’d taken penmanship classes in high school along with etiquette classes, making her the only person Natasha had ever met who had, a collection of details that Natasha had found absolutely adorable and added that to her ever growing catalog of things about her Halo.
She took a picture of the box and sent it Callie’s way with a little question mark as she took it inside, setting it up on the counter next to the half unpacked sea bag she’d thrown up there last night. Unpacking had taken a definite backseat as the assignments got shorter, Nat was almost positive whatever had made its way to the bottom of the bag had been there for at least a few months at this point. She’d get around to it eventually, maybe on her next leave day trying to pass the time until Callie called to update her on her latest assignment and her new unit's antics.
It took all of about three second for Callie to text back, Natasha knew it was about two in the morning where she was and texted her back telling her to go to sleep with no heat behind it.
Then just like always, Natasha’s phone started ringing as the photo of them from flight school graduation lit up the screen.
“Go to sleep Calliope. It's the middle of the night for you.” Nat answered, rolling her eyes fondly. She had beat Callie to be the first one talking for once by some miracle, Callie never called unless the words were about to run away from her, Nat could count on one hand the amount of times she got a greeting out before Callie was going a mile a minute like a runaway train.
Callie’s half-asleep laugh sounded well worn around the edges, her new unit running her ragged. “Oh hush. Open the box!” Her excitement was infectious, Nat could hear her smile through the words.
“Will you go to sleep after?” Natasha wasn't totally sure when she had started using the quiet, even tone just for the other pilot. It made everything she said feel more serious, like a confession. At some point she realized that Callie had done it first, and had a way of shaping her words around Nat like they were just for her to hear.
The line crackled for a moment, stretching out static lines between them, the distance feeling like a presence in the room with Natasha. It seemed to loom in the doorway like an unwanted guest long overstaying its welcome.
“Yes.” Callie's delayed response made Nat smile again, something about the way the other woman was so quietly stubborn about things was so endearing. Maybe Natasha was just biased about anything Calliope did, not that she minded in the slightest.
Natasha couldn't help the smile that spread over her face. “Alright then angel i’m opening it. This better not be state secrets or anything.”
The laugh that pulled Callie away from the phone for a few seconds was worth the stupid joke. “Please, like I would use a flat rate box for that.” She said, always knowing how to rise to whatever bit Nat committed to.
After a short, frantic look though the bare bones kitchen turned up a knife that was far too sharp for any good reason hidden in the back of a drawer, Nat responded absentmindedly as she opened the box.“Oh for that I would get same day shipping?”
“Only the finest for you sweetheart.” If that didn’t send Natasha just a little bit farther head over heels right then and there. Callie was less liberal with the sweet talk, reserved more often than not, so it always ended up packing more of a punch when she did. The first time she had called Nat a charmer over the phone with that shy little smile of hers she had thought she died and went to heaven for a few minutes. Ever since then Nat had done her damndest to use the absolute worst pickup lines and sweet talk Callie like there was no tomorrow to get that eye roll she could see like Callie was sitting right next to her and the fondest little “That line worked for you before?” she always got in response.
Inside the box was some assorted snacks and candy Natasha had mentioned offhand what felt like months ago growing up with here and there that she could have sworn were discontinued ages ago, a collection of kitschy postcards with little notes about where they’re from and how they reminded Callie of Nat somehow from all over the world to add to the collection Callie sent over to her like a full time job, a keychain shaped like a campfire with her name in big bold letters on it, and right at the very bottom was a plain blue folder.
“What’s this here at the bottom?” Nat questioned, looking down into the mostly empty shipping box. She was pretty sure it wasn’t any important paperwork, Callie would have called about that and not sent a box from halfway across the world, always the more practical one out of the two. Still it was an awfully official looking folder, like the kind that usually gets sent out with bad news and early retirement.
“This isn’t a facetime Natasha, I can’t see what you’re looking at.” Callie’s tone stayed nice and light, Nat could hear how she leaned away from the phone to try and cover up the fact she was yawning. It was sweet, the way she made time for her no matter where they were.
Natasha made a gesture at the ominous looking folder, wishing that Callie was just here as they didn't have to do this phone tag back and forth. “The folder. I mean it Calliope about the state secrets thing.”
“Open it! I promise it’s nothing bad.”
Nat reached into the box and pulled out the folder carefully, something about it felt important, like it could snap at her or something equally ridiculous. Maybe it was about time for her to get some sleep too, leave the flights of fancy for some other time.
Inside was a collection of varying sizes of drawing paper, each one carefully put in little plastic sheaths to prevent any transfer of ink or color. The drawings were good, really good, like Nat could see them in a museum or something like that. The closer she looked the more she started to realize that some and then most of them were of her, the one of her out in the tarmac looking up at her plane with a little date in the corner that was just after flight school if she thought about it. Another one was of them both at graduation, all smiles and wide open arms around each other, the colors making it look more like a memory than a drawing.
“I figured I should send you at least some of the ones I’ve done since flight school, considering you’re in most of them.” Callie’s voice came through the line, all shy like she was afraid that Nat wouldn't like them or something equally as ridiculous.
“Holy shit angel.”
“Good holy shit?” There was a hopeful twist to the question, like Callie was leaning in from halfway across the world to hear Nat’s answer.
Nat could feel that stutter-step lurch of her heart she’d come to anticipate whenever Callie said or did something lately. “You know it angel. I have to find a frame shop tomorrow.” There was one she had driven past the other day that would be open, her mind whirring around making plans for where the art was going to go up in her temporary house. It felt so domestic it hurt, already knowing that the drawing of their graduation was going up in her room right over the bed.
“I’m happy you like them Nat, really truly.” Callie’s response came around a yawn, Nat can hear the way sleep was weighing her down over the course of the conversation. “I love them Calliope, now go to sleep. I’ll send you a picture when they are all done up, promise.”
“I’ll hold you to that Natasha. Going now. Good night-morning whatever it is for you.” Callie hung on the line for a few more moments just to hear Natasha say goodnight back despite the time difference, it having become some kind of ritual for the two of them since they had left flight school.
Natasha was left standing in her kitchen, the house feeling a little more like a home now if she was going to be a romantic about it or something like that. She gave it the better part of an hour before sending a picture of her attempt at a sketch of Callie, complete with a halo, stuck up on her fridge with a novelty magnet she had picked up somewhere long forgotten. After a few moments she stuck up the drawing of her on the tarmac right next to it and set aside the sweet warmth the sight brought up in her.
After a few months of the constant back and forth it felt like they had always known each other somehow in some way. Callie was pretty sure she could figure the way to Nat’s childhood home from the edge of her town after listening to the way she liked to talk through driving, phone perched on her leg, camera angled up to catch the way her hands rested on the wheel in a way that was so very distracting to Callie’s well being. Natasha on the other hand was almost positive she had heard every tale of a period of teenage rebellion she never would have guessed at, stories of girls with quick mouths and the lightning flash of youth in a bottle.
They never tried to make real plans to see each other again, having been in long enough to know that the best laid plans could be upset in a few minutes. They both privately and then increasingly not so privately hoped they’d get posted together again someday. The holding pattern they seemed to be in, always seeming to be one step-one assignment behind each other was enough to drive Natasha out of her skin at times, wanting to see the way Callie so carefully filled the sketchpad she never went anywhere without in person and not just the finished products over text and tucked into overnight mail packages ever so carefully.
Nat had taken to mailing her postcards of wherever she was stationed, she had caught a glimpse of an another blue folder tucked into Callie’s bag when she was packing while they were on the phone once that had a little phoenix drawn on the front with all the cards tucked into it like they were something real precious. Natasha had about died on the spot, had acted like the call froze for a minute or two just to catch her breath.
After that she had started to notice how there was almost always a little phoenix in the edges of the drawings of the landscapes Callie loved to draw, Natasha kept that fact jealousy guarded. It felt like something sacred between them, like the way Callie made a point to only ever call her Natasha when it was just the two of them, never the callsign she’d spent so long making her identity. It felt like a gift almost, like something precious, like the way Nat would draw out Callie’s name in that just for her tone that made that sweet strawberry flush rise up on her face whenever Callie’s face came into focus on their brief facetimes.
Seeing Callie all warm and soft smiles just for Nat over the phone between missions still brought up that feeling in her chest that she knew she was going to have to do something about the next time they saw each other. It felt as eventual as the sun rising and the ocean breaking over the beach, objects in motion tended to stay in motion and all that and by god was Natsha moving back to Callie with everything she had.
3.
Some way, somehow the stars had aligned and they had ended up posted together back in Lemore. On top of that, whatever thing had been listening to Natashas’ prayers, somehow Callie had been assigned as her WSO. It was like they were back in flight school again, joined up at the hip and in step with each other like nothing had ever taken them apart. The rest of their unit started calling them a married couple right away, seeing the way Nat would only slow down to keep pace with Callie, the way Callie would stop in her tracks to point out something far off in the distance to Nat, and the way they seemed to move around each other- like they were in their own world and everybody else there was just there.
The easy dynamic they had built up over months of texting and phone calls translated so well to flying together their superiors had long since stopped giving them the side-eye all semi-junior pilots usually got. It made it easier to sneak off and find trouble, sneaking back into base after curfew like they were back in high school. Natasha still had the bruise down the side of her ribs going all yellow-green around the edges from when Callie had snuck her into a closed down skate park and tried to teach her how to skateboard the same way she had growing up, on a well worn skateboard and no padding. Natasha had made a joke about wiping out, and then had promptly lost her footing and gone down hard. She really didn't mind so much after Callie had spent the rest of the night playing nurse, brow furrowed as she held the slowly warming ice pack to Nat’s side.
The way Callie was sitting crouched next to the couch trying her best to take care of Natasha proved to be too much for her self control. Nat had caught Callie’s wrist as she stood up to grab some tylenol or something else and Natasha had tugged her down nice and easy. The kiss didn't feel like fireworks or something earth-shattering, it felt like coming home and tasted like the strawberry chapstick Callie carried around like a good luck charm. The way Callie had smiled against her lips and held Nat’s face like she was being given something too precious to not hold like a blessing felt like sparks going off under Nat’s skin, they ended up curled around each other on the couch for hours and both woke up sore, bent out of shape, but the sight of Callie laid out, head resting on Nat’s chest made her forget about anything as inconsequential as a few bruises scattered up her side.
Getting together officially after that night had felt as easy as anything Natasha had ever done. All of a sudden Callie was just there to touch and sweet talk wherever she wanted, that strawberry flush of hers even more devastatingly beautiful now that Nat could pull her close and do something about it.
If Natasha had been quietly praying for an out of season cold snap so she could just so happen to have a reason to drape her jacket around Callie while they were out and about, nobody had to know. The sight of Callie wearing one of her old unit shirts, all time worn and stretched around the collar to show a rather impressive collection of marks Natsahs had left just below where the uniform would cover, had about sent her into cardiac arrest in their tiny base kitchen.
However the way she had turned around to lean up against the counter and the half-asleep grin that had spread over Callie’s face at the sight of Nat leaning against the door frame before pulling her in for a kiss and shoving a plate of french toast at her that she had magically conjured up from somewhere, had Nat melting where she stood. The way Callie had then busied herself in the kitchen, pushing the takeout bags from the diner down the street just out of Nat’s line of sight right after she had seen them was really what had truly sent that free-falling lovey feeling into Nat’s stomach.
Somewhere buried back in the stack of paperwork Natasha had yet to submit properly, there was a page where she had written out different combinations of their names, hyphenations and all. It had felt so middle school while she was doing it, watching Callie sway around their kitchen from the next room to some love song she was insisting was their song.
“Whatever you say angel.” The words came out nice and easy, Nat wasn't sure she could argue with Callie, not like she had any real reason too. One of the other pilots had called her whipped the other day and she was more inclined to agree with him than anything else. She had pulled a favor that she really didn't have to get them assigned housing together and had spent that morning pretending that she just happened to make the coffee just the way Callie liked it, two sugars and just enough cream to make Nat’s teeth hurt thinking about it.
Callie turned to face Natasha through the open doorway, still swaying just a little bit to the last few notes of the song. “People usually call me Halo, it being my call sign and all. Don’t think I forgot you came up with that in the first place Tasha.” Callie calling her Tasha was new, she had confessed late one night she loved Nat’s name, had loved the way it sounded. Nat had never thought about names much before, it was just something people called her, but god if she didn't come to love the way Callie said it.
If she stopped to think about the way they had been giving each other names ever since they met for more than a minute it about drove her crazy. One of the pilots they had graduated with had let it slip that Callie was the first one to really call her Phoenix, had said it right after her first crash and it had just stuck. The thought of wearing something, being something, that Calliope “Halo” Shen had come up with in that beautiful head of hers had settled under her skin after hearing that like nothing else.
Eager to try and return the favor again, Nat had seen that Callie was a nickname in her official file one day, Nat hadn't let up on her about what her full name could be. Eventually she cracked one night when they were walking around the downtown just off base, Natasha’s arm around Callie’s waist like it had always been there. “The full thing is Calliope but nobody’s called me that in years, sweetheart.” Ever since then Natashsa made sure to use her full name when she wanted her attention, stretching the name out just one too many syllables, whispering right into her ear, to see the way it made Callie’s shoulders relax a little in a crowded room and bring that warmth back to her face.
Natasha had started to see the way Callie moved to be closer to her whenever they were apart, always trying to have some form of contact, an arm around a waist or the solid-warm weight pressed up against her side. Nat really didn't mind, it was grounding, something to tie her back down to Earth when her head wandered back up to the clouds like usual. The dancing in the kitchen was a new development however, usually when they were in the kitchen it was with Nat perched on the counter watching Callie cook, passing ingredients and offering mostly ignored advice, happy to take the backseat to her WSO sometimes. She really just liked the way Callie would slide in between her knees every now and again while the food could cook unattended for a few minutes and look up at her like she hung the moon, the same stars she had seen all the way back in flight school still glittering in her eyes.
Paperwork now long since forgotten, Nat decided to go for broke and use one of the lines she knew would get that head-thrown back laugh out of Callie that she loved so much.“Why settle for the halo when I have the whole angel right here?” And just like that, it hit its mark flawlessly. Callie stopped in her tracks to let out that full body laugh of hers that was the closest thing to heaven that Natasha had ever heard, something about Calliope Shen made her religious, made her all helpless devotion and half-remembered prayers from long since forgotten Sunday services of years past.
“You still think that one was clever Natasha?” Callie said, still flushed from her laughing fit, as Natasha came and joined her in the kitchen, sliding her arms around Callie and swaying with her, another love song starting in the background. Nat had found an entire playlist of love songs that Callie maintained like it was a full-time job, she had claimed she was a romantic at heart and Natasha couldn't argue with that, finding the causal acts of devotion scattered between them indescribably sweet. The sunflowers she had seen during a late night grocery run and just had to bring home to Callie, had to see the way she arranged them so delicately, still sat in the window like a testament to the love growing between them with every passing hour.
With that it was Natasha’s turn to grin into the kiss, feeling like they were the only two people in the world at that moment, “I'll think whatever you want me too sweetheart if you keep looking at me like that.” The words felt like a confession, like they were something offered up to the other woman behind closed doors. It was a way of asking her to stay, to not leave Nat here in the kitchen that was warm like it was a real home to come back down to, and Natasha was hit with the realization that she was thinking of this as her home more than any other place she had lived in years.
Sure it wasn't much, it was assigned housing with all its charm. The front door never shut right unless you slammed it and the windows all seemed to have their own drafts but they made do. Callie went out and got curtains that hung down over the windows and somehow kept the heat in so Nat could stop making that face about having to wear socks inside. In turn Natasha brought out her old toolkit and fiddled with the door until it would click shut quiet as can be so Callie wouldn’t jump at the sound of the door slamming.
And isn't that what a home is? Making a place for those you love?
“I think you should think about helping me with these dishes then.” Somehow Callie knew just what she meant and knew not to push, knew to let her just stay there in the moment. The song Callie loved so much started to play again filling the room with promises of forever and Natasha was starting to think whoever or whatever was up there looking down on her at that moment had a sense of humor.
4.
It was an unseasonably hot day at the Hard Deck, the summer heat still not having broken enough to call it fall despite it being the dead middle of September. Natasha knew that a whole batch of the Navy’s best and brightest were being called back to fly some secret mission that nobody knew anything about but as far as she knew she was the first one back to TOPGUN. The bar hasn't changed a bit since she had left, still having that same old revolving door of sailors and that list of rules somebody was always dying to break.
It was early enough into the night that the sun was still easing its way down over the water, throwing off a brilliant orange-yellow color that made the world go golden hazy around the edges. It made Natasha take a picture of the sun over the water and save it to send to Callie later, still not sure what time zone the other pilot was in at the moment.
It had started when Callie had mentioned a bout of intense insomnia in high school, she had ended up working closing shifts at a local diner until she would pass out and the restless sleeplessness had faded over time is what she told Nat, half distracted trying to get the last of her paperwork done for the night. After that Natasha had taken to half-jokingly, half-not ordering her to get some sleep, had started keeping the time zone Callie was stationed in, saved in her phone so she could check it before sending her anything.
Nat’s phone buzzed after she took her seat at the bar and ordered a drink, with a message from the only number she had memorized after leaving home telling her to look up. Sat across the empty bar in what had to be the prettiest dress anybody had ever worn, dog tags flashing something holy, was her Calliope “Halo” Shen, sunlight from the back windows framing her like a renaissance painting.
“Surprise!” Callie said as Nat came over and slid into the seat that was right next to Callie, already angled so their knees were just this close to touching. “I picked up an earlier flight once somebody let it slip that you were coming down for this too.” She continued, hands moving as she talked in that way that always drew Nat’s eyes in like a magnet.
It felt like a private moment between them, the bar still empty enough to not have to worry about running into anybody they knew and have to give up this little homecoming. “Keep talking like that, people might start to think you missed me or something.”
Callie rolled her eyes, Nat putting on her tough as nails act like usual. “I always miss you.” She said it the same way she would have said the sky was blue or rattle off mission semantics, like it was known, a forgone conclusion. The sun would rise the next day and Calliope “Halo” Shen was and always would be in love with Natasha ‘Phoenix” Trace.
It always took Nat a few days to slip back into their routine, so fiercely independent that sometimes it hurt Callie to watch her refuse help. It had taken months for her to really settle into what they had, a sea bag packed and tucked away in the back of the closet like she was ready to run at a moment's notice. Callie had cried more than she would admit the day she had come home from an assignment early to the little house Callie had got up near Lemore to see Nat sat on the floor of their bedroom, tucked up small with her back to the wall like she was trying to hide, the bag having been slowly unpacked while she was out for the day and the contents folded up right next to Callie’s like they had always been there.
Nat’s eyes softened after that, finding it easier and easier over the hours they spent getting caught up to just settle into Callie, pressed as close to her side as the bar stools would allow. The bar was still mostly empty, the summer days stretching long and light enough that the beach outside was still close to full, the sounds of people laughing and calling out to each other ringing out through the bar’s open windows.
They still had a few days before the mission would start, before the rest of the unit would start trickling in ones and twos. The time seemed to stretch out in front of her, summer warm and lazy. Callie was quiet next to her, content in the comfortable silence between them born of familiarity and what felt like a thousand nights spent pressed up in the same bed, all flushed skin and easy rhythm.
“You want to get out of here?” Nat finally asked, the sun starting to dip below the surface of the water as the bar began to fill up for the night. It was the start of the weekend and it seemed like the entire base was doing its best to pack the place to its gills. She could see the way the noise was starting to wear on Callie, her shoulders holding the tension she was keeping out of her voice as they sat chatting.
Callie smiled up at her, all blinding light like she was a lighthouse.“Thought you’d never ask sweetheart.” Nat slid off her bar stool, offering her hand up to her and getting a flash of some old painting Callie had shown her of a knight offering an open hand to a fair maiden in a field of flowers.
“You lead, I’ll follow.” With that, they ambled down the now quiet beach back to their posting, Callie’s keys jangling like church bells against the lock on the front door.
Nat wanted to make some joke about going down to her knees to pray right there as the door clicked shut behind them but settled for pressing Callie up against the door and kissing her senseless. The short walk from the doorway to their bed had never felt so long, neither one wanting to break contact for more than a few moments.
They fell back onto the bed and Natasha decided that she was going to marry Callie once this mission was done, not willing to wake up without the other woman pressed up against her, head resting over her heartbeat as the early morning sun crept through the blinds, light casting the shadows back to the corners of their room.
5.
Calliope Shen had never been accused of being an impatient person before. She had always been the “calm” one of whatever group she found herself in before, always offering a hand up or a kind word. She was happy as a WSO, had become very good at taking a step back and letting things play out over the years. The waiting had never really bothered her before, she had waited long enough for Natasha to settle in under her skin and had easily accepted the fact she would have spent the rest of her life waiting around patiently for the other women if she asked.
That being said, the second the Dagger unit formation had been announced for the mission, Callie had felt that ugly click-click timer of impatience ticking somewhere deep inside. She knew Nat had noticed, had seen the way she had set her shoulders back and the way her jaw tensed ever so slightly the same way she did when she was getting ready for a fight, like she could feel the hit before it connected. Deep down under the tangled up fear and anxiety over the outcome of waht the higher ups had descirdbed as a suicide mission more than once, Callie felt this golden shimmering pride, Natasha Trace was the best of the best and she was going to show them all.
The sight of Natasha in her flight suit with her helmet tucked under her arm, all fire and fury set in her frame, caught looking up at something off in the distance was still as overwhelming as the first time Callie really saw her on the airstrip all those years ago. Callie knew she wasn't technically supposed to be out on the deck of the carrier with the pilots doing the last checks before they got ready to take off but she had a mission of her own.
She was about to call over to Natasha, to wave her over and keep fighting that urge to keep her here on the carrier where she would be safe when Nat with that sixth sense of hers turned around and met Callie halfway across the deck. Next thing Callie knew she was wrapped up in Natasha’s arms like it was just the two of them, head tucked into the side of her neck, the sound of Nat’s pulse faint over the noises of the ship but there and steady like it was just another day.
Before Callie could lose her nerve and just watch as Natasha flew away, she took a step back, not breaking what little contact she could soak up before she left. The idea had come to her a long time ago, the first time she had opened her front door and seen Natasha there, all bashful smiles and with a bouquet of sunflowers she “just had to bring over angel. They reminded me of you.” Ever the romantic, Callie had been trying to find the perfect moment for months now, had spent what had to be days at that point dreaming of just the right words to say and how she would get down on one knee like one of those old Hollywood movies she used to watch with her mom growing up.
She reached into the front pocket of her own flight suit, hands moving like the motion was practiced, and pulled out the ring. “Natasha, sweetheart. I love you so much and I couldn't live with myself if I didn't do this before you left and you don't have to answer right now-”
“Angel, Angel slow down, take a breath for me.” Nat made the motion that Callie had shown her after she woke up from a nightmare one night, panicked breaths slowly evening out into something calmer.
Callie closes her mouth, cutting off her rambling with a deep breath she didn't know she needed until then. “I love you, Calliope Halo Shen. It’s a yes, angel, it'll always be a yes.” With that, Natasha took off her dog tags and unclasped them before sliding the ring down the chain, the clink noise of it tap-tapping the tags ringing out like choir bells and shining like sunshine over the water. Callie decided then that this was leagues better than any of those old movies, her hands itched to draw the way Nat’s eyes crinkled at the corners, the way her hand came to rest over the tags just over her beautiful heart between them, the way the gold ring glinted between the silver dog tags sparking up something possessive in Callie that she welcomed with open arms.
And god the way Callie smiled down at her, like Natasha had just brought the sun, moon, and stars down to give her was all the evidence she needed that whatever holy thing had been looking out for her this whole time had finally listened to her prayers.
“Course you had to beat me to the punch. I had a ring all picked out for you right in the dresser back home, angel.” Natasha said, leaning back in all conspiratorial. She had driven out of town to a proper jewelry shop two hours away and had it custom made, engraved with little angel wings on the inside, had come up with a whole speech about how Callie was her guardian angel. She had fully planned on proposing the second the mission was over, when it was just the two of them all curled up sleep warm in their bed, and didn't that just sound so pretty. It was their bed, they had picked out the sheets together one night, walking down the aisles of the Target just off base giggling like high schoolers, so in love it made the world seem a little brighter, golden haze soft around the edges like something out of the old romances Callie watched even though she always ended up crying by the end.
Callie opened her mouth to say something at that confession, what she was going to say a mystery to even her, when the flight crew started to yell at Natasha to get in her plane and get ready to go. She turned back to Callie with an apology that was quickly cut off by Callie grabbing her flight jacket and kissing her with all the force of what she couldn't say, the “I love you” and the “Don’t go where I can’t follow you” and “I missed you before we ever met.” She hoped that Natasha knew, sent a quiet prayer to whatever thing above was watching over Natasha before they met that she knew.
Watching the planes take off and sneaking into the back of mission command to hear the mission was its own form of torture. Callie wasn't really sure why she did it, should have stayed down in the room provided for the rest of the unit to wait in case they were needed. She had to know how to see the way the tiny flashing dot on the radar was her Phoenix coming back to her. Impatience weighing on her chest as the time ticked by, it made her feel like she couldn't catch a real breath, hands flexing with all that nervous energy with nowhere to go. If Natasha were here, she would do that thing where she’d lean in close and give her hand over to Callie to run her fingers over like she had to memorize it, the memory helping ease some of the tension in Callie’s chest as the bright little dot started its journey back to the carrier.
Seeing the way Natasha came out of her plane, looking around the assembled crowd for Callie, made her heart feel all warm and cracked open. The push-pull of the crowd let them meet in the middle of the deck eventually. Natasha looked heaven sent, Callie thought not for the first time that she would have looked out of place with another set of wings around her. All of her musings were firmly knocked out of her head the second they were in arms reach of each other. Natasha, without saying a word, with that honey-sweet fond smile that just made Callie melt, reached up and pulled her into a kiss that felt like coming home. Callie would take it to her grave that she was the breathless one when they finally pulled away for air.
6.
It had been a few short days since the mission ended. Natasha was cleared by medical almost immediately, adrenaline high crashing the second Callie had dragged her into the shower with her, washing the smell of jet fuel out of her hair as best she could, and wrapped her up in old sweats. She’d slept for about 14 hours in their bed, Callie had told the rest of the unit that they were to not bother Natasha for the next two days, no matter what happened. Callie had come to love the rest of unit like a motley collection of co-workers that absolutely would never have crossed paths in the real world, maybe not as much as Natasha had come to love them, but she would be damned if what time off they had together would get interrupted by being dragged out to the Hard Deck again to take sides on another pissing match.
It had about killed Callie to get out of bed that morning but it was well past a reasonable breakfast time and she figured that it was about time to get something resembling food into her fiance. The new title for Natasha still made her grin every time she thought about it, running the word over and over in her mind like a river stone. The bedroom door clicked shut ever so quietly behind her as she walked down the short hallway into the kitchen that was quickly filling up with the afternoon sunshine. The stray cat that they both took turns feeding was resting on the patch of shade just out the kitchen window, as much a member of the Shen-Trace household as the two of them Nat liked to say as she made sure to bring home the nice expensive cat food and leaving a cold dish of water out on the porch on the long summer days.
The kitchen was thankfully well stocked, perks of Natasha’s need to bring flowers and an armload of whatever groceries she could think of home once a week. Callie set herself to the task of making french toast just the way Nat would never admit that she liked best, nice and soft in the middle and strawberries heaped on top. The radio played quietly in the background as the smell of breakfast started to fill the house, making Callie feel all domestic and settled in at that moment. She had just taken the pan off the stove, starting to plate the toast as the coffee pot alarm chirped that it had finished.
She turned around to see the absolute sight that was Natasha Trace standing in the open doorway watching her with soft eyes and a softer smile. The way Callie’s old unit sweatshirt hung around her made Callie want to forget breakfast entirely and drag her back to bed for the rest of the day but she decided to wait until after they ate for that, practicality winning this round.
Then as if it was the most casual thing in the world, “We should hyphenate our names. Shen-Trace has a ring to it.”
“Good morning to you too Natasha.” Callie wasn't going to say that she hadn't thought about how their names would go before, it had been one of the things running through her mind while she was on the ship waiting for Natashas triumphant return. She had shyly figured she was going to take Natasha’s name, and hadn't really considered hyphenation for some reason. The idea of them both having a part of each other, no matter where they went, as deeply personal as a name just about knocked Callie’s world just a little further off its axis right there. “Why not Trace-Shen? They both sound nice to me.”
Natasha let out a little snort at that and Callie was convinced she was going to die here in this kitchen from raw affection. Humans weren't meant to feel this much love in their lives, it was too much for her heart to see the woman she loved so much in her clothes, in her kitchen, laughing at her so fondly while she stole some of the strawberries off Callie’s plate like she couldn't see.
“Not that you're biased or anything right, angel?”
Slipping into their usual rhythm, smoothed fluid by time, Natasha took both of their mugs out of the cabinet and poured them both full of the jet fuel coffee Callie had made, almost never getting the measurements right in the machine, not that Nat was complaining. It was sweet the way she always tried, even if it usually ended with them stopping by a Starbucks on the way to work most mornings.
Callie met her at the table with the plates of breakfast, chairs pulled up close to each other on one side of the table. “I don’t think I’m any more biased than you are. I don't really have a preference one way or the other. Do you? '' She replied, sure Nat was going somewhere with this, but she wasn't sure where. Nat had a way of fixating on things and this seemed like that happening again.
Nat moved her chair closer to Callie before sitting down and proceeding to drape as much of herself over the other woman as possible. She always got clingy after time apart, not that Callie minded. It made her feel all fuzzy-warm, that Nat sought her out for comfort. “Mmm it's not a preference, I want yours first though.” She finally replied, seeming to be satisfied now that the skin on skin contact from earlier this morning was resumed.
“I love you so much sweetheart but that is what a preference is, like that's the exact definition.” Callie’s free hand having found Nat’s, tracing over her joints and veins like a roadmap. Natasha let her for a few moments before flipping her hand over and lacing their fingers together like an anchor.
“Alright I have a preference then.” Nat said before taking a sip of her coffee, managing to catch the face she was about to make at the strength of it. Someday Callie would get the ratio of coffee to water right but this was unfortunately not that day.
Callie rolled her eyes fondly as Natasha started digging into her breakfast. The coffee was considerably more bearable today to her at least, the video Callie had looked up on how to use the machine quickly deleted from her search history as soon as the machine had sputtered to life. It felt so good to provide, to make something with her hands and give it to Nat. She teased Callie about going all soft around the edges sometimes, all jokes Callie knew she really loved having a safe place to land. It wasn’t really a new development in any case, as if she wasn't soft for the woman next to her from the first time they met. As if she hadn't been the first one in their flight class to call her Phoenix, the sight of her walking away from the crash burned behind Callie’s eyes forever.
“Any reasoning to your not preference then?” Callie asked curiosity getting the best of her for a moment, pushing her empty plate away as she watched Natasha mop up the last bits of syrup on her plate with the last few bites of her toast. She had a sweet tooth a mile wide, had just about died on the spot the first time Callie had let it slip she had a soft spot for baking in particular.
Natasha shrugged at that, stacking up their plates before responding. “Feels right putting you first.” The start of a rare flush spreading over her face sealed the moment in Callie’s mind forever, right up there with the way she had slid the ring down her dog tags on the ship and the way she had smiled all teeth and victory after they kissed for the first time.
“Now who's going soft on me, sweetheart?” Callie’s mouth running away from her for once, still reeling from the confession from Nat. Luckily she knew what it meant, knew how deep Callie’s love ran, like a well spring of affection Nat felt lucky to even know just a fraction of.
“Oh hush. You think we can get them to do the sword arch at the wedding?” A vision of the summer sun glinting off the sabers rose up quick in both their minds, followed up closely by the picture of them in their dress whites pressed up close to each other, walking through the arc arm in arm like a single unit to a waiting car to whisk them away to a honeymoon spent wrapped around each other in some far off place, just the two of them as a unit for the rest of their days.
The start of actual wedding plans started to unfurl in Callie’s mind, sure she had some very set ideas and a carefully curated playlist she’d started the first time she had realized she was in love but now she could actually plan their wedding with Natasah by her side. “I think we can work something out.” The start of the text she was going to send to the rest of the unit to get them to drag their dress whites and sabers out and get them into fighting form being drafted in the back of her mind.
“Calliope ‘Halo’ Shen-Trace, I love you so much.”
“Love you too Natasha ‘Phoenix’ Shen-Trace.”
The moment stretched out for a moment, Natashas breath fanning over Callie’s neck, her legs curled over Callie’s lap under the table, their hands still interlocked as Nat ran her thumb over the back of Callie’s hand. She could see the way she was still tired from the days before, even if she would never admit it. Callie didn't mind, it gave her an excuse to keep Natasha all to herself for a few more hours, keep her all wrapped up in her arms in their bed, safe from whatever trouble Natasha seemed to find wherever they went. “Back to bed?” Nat offered, already knowing the answer.
She could tell from the smile spreading over Callie’s face she had walked into something that she found endearing. “You lead, I’ll follow.” The phrase Nat had been using on Callie since the start had never sounded so sweet as it did in that moment.
“Stole my line there.”
“I’m stealing your last name. I think we’re even.”
“Can’t steal what I’m giving you, angel.” Natasha said, finally swinging her legs off Callie’s lap and offering her a hand up. It gave Callie a shock of deja vu the first time they had met, positions flipped. Part of Callie wishes she could go back to her years ago and tell her how much love she would find, enough to drown in, enough to never want more and yet always be given more so freely. Another part of her knew she wouldn't even if she could, wanting to let the past her learn the same way she did, with an open heart and still open hands.
‘Alright charmer, you're already taking me to bed.” Nat let out an honest to god laugh at that one, throwing her head back and dragging Callie back into her arms right there in the kitchen. The way they seemed to fit together so easily, like they had always been parts of each other and just had to find their way back to this moment, made something that had always sat restless in Natasha go quiet. It was a new feeling for her, feeling so grounded in the moment, not racing ahead, chasing the next horizon to crest over. She thinks she could learn to make this house a home, already in love with the new weight of the little gold band against her chest.
Later that night, long after the sun had slipped down and the moon had risen to take her place in the sky, Natasha slid the ring she had got Callie onto her hand. The moonlight that streamed through the blinds glinted off the band, throwing little sparks of light around the room.
“Look at us, we’re a matching set.” Callie whispered as she looked at their rings side by side. They belonged to and with each other so bone deep truly, it felt like a fact of nature. The sky was blue, the sun would rise tomorrow, and she was ever so hopelessly in love with Natasha Shen-Trace.