Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Kai had never kissed anybody in the rain before… It was nice. 

Like a scene from a movie. Kai could imagine some grandiose love song playing in the background of this moment, the music swelling when Amelia’s lips met their own. Picture-perfect…  

It had been a long day. A long few weeks, really. Whatever anxiety Kai had experienced during that dinner party, surrounded by Amelia’s intimidating web of a family, had only increased after their semi-break up on the swings; and, with it, came wave after wave of self-loathing, anger, and despair. They couldn’t eat, they couldn’t work, they couldn’t sleep, they couldn’t function. 

Not even the paper being published—years and years of work and effort finally being recognized—was enough to lift their spirits. Every potentially happy thought about it—every stray thought they’d had since the last time they were in Seattle—just led back to her. Their text to her upon hearing the news (“thinking of you” ) wasn’t a lie: if anything, it was an understatement. 

The irony plagued them. 

They had once boasted to Amelia that they needed very little sleep to function and look where that had landed them: impulse buying a plane ticket after another restless 24 hours, running through the airport to make it on time, all 6’ 1” of them jammed into a middle seat on a rickety Spirit Airlines flight, their hastily packed carry-on containing nothing but two shirts, underwear, and a toothbrush. 

All without a shred of hope to cling to that she’d even want to see them, let alone take them back. 

But she did … at least, tentatively. 

She was kissing them, in the rain, and Kai felt like they could finally breathe again. The risk of drowning at sea was averted: her presence alone pushed their exhausted, waterlogged mind back to shore. The monumental pain of their actions was gone. The weight and stress that had sat in their shoulders and upper back had finally dissipated. Relief flooded over them and they were left to ponder happier ideas… like which movies had the best rain kiss scenes. 

(They managed The Notebook, Breakfast at Tiffany’s, Spider-Man, A Cinderella Story, and that one episode of Friends before Amelia pulled away for breath, her forehead slumped against theirs.)

The rain was getting worse by the second; having started as barely a sprinkle, it was now quickly becoming a considerable downpour. They could feel their hair getting heavier, sticking to their forehead in odd spots, matted after Amelia’s handiwork. 

Her hands eventually came down to rest on their shoulders. They stayed breathing each other’s breath, eyes closed and hands still, for a long time, quiet despite the environmental rage surrounding them… 

They were tempted to kiss her again, being that close for so long. And they nearly did. Hesitantly brushing their nose alongside hers, receiving no comments or requests to stop, they brought their hand up to her cheek, ready to join their lips again and—

“Amelia!” someone called out from the hospital exit, their voice carrying over the dense rain. 

The bubble popped. 

Kai sprang away from her and she did the same. Spooked, they looked to see who had yelled (and ruined their perfectly swell opportunity for another kiss). As Amelia turned towards the voice, over her head they could vaguely discern the form of one Meredith Grey across the pavement. Her hands still on their shoulders, Amelia did a double-take between Kai and her sister before calling back to her.

“What?!” she asked, her annoyance not subtle in the slightest. 

“Did Nick come out this way?!” Her voice was shaky and distressed, very unlike the strong and confident woman Kai had grown to know.  

“Uh…” She looked back at them. “Did you see him?” 

They shrugged their shoulders and shook their head. Your tongue was in my mouth and I was thinking about Kirsten Dunst and Tobey Maguire; of course, I didn't see him. Aliens could’ve landed on the Space Needle and I wouldn’t have seen him.  

“No, Mer, we haven’t seen him! Nobody’s come out this way! Sorry!” she shouted back. 

Clearly, that wasn’t the desired answer. Meredith’s shoulders visibly sagged and she stomped her foot a bit, disheartened. 

“Okay, thank you.” She was quieter this time but they could still hear her. As she moved to re-enter the hospital, she stopped and yelled over her shoulder, “Y’know, you should really get out of this rain. You’ll catch a cold.” She didn’t wait for a reply. 

They watched her figure disappear and Amelia turned back to them, sucking in a deep breath. 

“She’s right. We’re soaked… I was about to head home, before… Would you like to come with?” she asked, a small smile on her lips. 

“Only if you’re comfortable,” they replied, returning her expression.

Her right hand dropped down to their left and she squeezed it. “Go get your stuff,” she said, nodding to the rental car behind them. 

“Oh. I was gonna follow you, but—”

“Kai, babe, you look ready to keel over. Let me drive, okay?” she interrupted. 

Their brain short-circuited. 

Babe. 

Ready to keel over. 

Babe. 

Ready to keel over.  

The one-two punch looped around in their head longer than it should’ve. They wanted to protest but all that came out was a choked sigh. 

She was right, of course. Until roughly five minutes ago, they’d been a walking dumpster fire for weeks. Even now, with the adrenaline of the kiss slowly falling away, they could feel it: their eyes were heavy and itchy, dried out from the flight; the headache they’d had for at least a week was creeping back; their limbs felt anchored to the ground, cumbersome and awkward. 

They were tired. 

They risked a glance at her face. 

“What’s wrong?” she asked, a depth of care they weren’t used to pooling in her blue eyes. 

They were powerless against her. 

Through the rain and the wind, they softly admitted, “I meant what I said: I can’t sleep. I haven’t slept more than a few hours at a time since I left.”

She was quiet. For a second, Kai thought she hadn’t heard them. But then, feeling a small pressure against their palm and her thumb rubbing across their knuckles, she spoke.

“Go get your stuff.” She wore a gentle, understanding smile. “I’ll start the car, get it warm, and when we get to Meredith’s, you can sleep as much as you want. Okay?”

“Will you sleep with me?” 

The words had just slipped out. It was a bold question given the current ambiguity of their relationship, and the awkward phrasing certainly didn’t help, but they didn’t have the space to care. The intention was innocent enough, that’s all that mattered to them. 

Her cheeks went red. “I wouldn’t miss it… Now go. I’ll be waiting for you.”

She released their hand and strutted back to her car, leaving them standing there with a dreamy look marking their worn features, the rain pouring over them. She said yes…  

“You coming?” she asked, now pulling open her driver’s side door. When did she get over there?

"I, uh… yep!” they stuttered, stunned out of their stupor. Move, idiot!  

They tripped over their feet, all of their desired motor functions firing at once. 

Her laughter rang in their ears as they retrieved their backpack and climbed into her car. The only clear thought running through Kai’s head was that they wanted to hear that sound for the rest of their life.

Chapter Text

Kai stayed quiet as Amelia navigated the car out of the parking lot and onto the city streets. Now well on their way to Meredith’s house, the radio was turned low and playing a commercial for a local jewelry dealer. Rain beat against the windshield without pause and her wipers were swinging like mad, but Amelia handled the challenge with ease. 

Their elbow was propped up against the passenger door, their head resting on their knuckles. They were fighting to keep their eyes open. After violently jerking their head up for the third time in as many minutes, resisting the urge to snooze, Amelia looked over at them. 

“You okay?” she asked. 

“Yep,” Kai nodded through a yawn, “just peachy.” Their cadence was a lot slower than usual. 

“I’d say feel free to fall asleep, but…” she paused, sparing a glance in their direction. “You’re a lot bigger than Scout—I don’t think I could carry you inside.”

They snorted. “I’d like to see you try,” they replied, another yawn falling past their lips.

She smiled, shaking her head at the comment, her eyes bright and unburdened. Her gaze settled back on the road ahead, another silence growing between them. 

The jewelry ad had ended and was replaced by a personal injury lawyer rattling off car crash statistics. Amelia wordlessly clicked off the station; the one she flipped to was also playing an ad—this one for mattresses—but she appeared unbothered by it. 

Odd.  

Kai wanted to ask her about it, or make another joke—something to fill the otherwise dead air engulfing the car—but they were finding it difficult to even open their mouth… 

Everything had shifted in their head once they sat down. 

The adrenaline rush from seeing Amelia exit the hospital and confessing to their own personal fragility had now plummeted. The self-confidence boost, courtesy of her hands in their hair and lips pressed against their own, had evaporated. A headache was hammering away at their temples and, though the rain really helped set a somber yet romantic mood to the whole exchange, Kai could no longer feel their toes. 

As reality set in, the space in their mind that had been daydreaming about rom-coms and love songs was now occupied by intense confusion, anxiety, and exhaustion—completely debilitating, ‘I can feel my brain leaking out of my ears’ exhaustion…

The movies never talked about this part. They never showed what happened after the heartstopping, breath-taking rain kiss. 

Of course, in some instances, they did (everyone knows what Allie and Noah get up to after their kiss in the rain) but, generally, Kai concluded that the subject was incredibly undocumented and underresearched.

The credits roll on Holly Golightly and Paul Varjak. Hillary Duff and Chad Michael Murray drive off towards Princeton together… what happens in-between? How does Rachel get back to Monica’s after kissing Ross? And when does Ross have the time to get a pizza? What the hell does MJ do after kissing fucking Spider-Man?! Shit, what does Peter do after kissing MJ?! None of it made sense…

Movies, they decided, were always about beginnings. Always about beginnings, occasionally endings, but never about the middle. 

Which was exactly where Kai found themself: stuck, in the middle, with Amelia Shepherd driving them back to the scene of perhaps their most heinous crime.

Their stomach flipped a little. 

“Y’know,” she started, interrupting their inner breakdown, “for someone who claims to be so tired, you sure are thinking a lot.” There was no malice in her words, just simple observation.

Kai choked on air. 

“I-I am not,” they stuttered, their voice embarrassingly high and squeaky. 

“Yes, you are,” she insisted. “I can feel your broody anxiety spiral all the way over here. And you had that look on your face: your eyebrows were all squishy and you were aggressively picking at your thumb.”

A glance downward revealed she was right: the edge of their left thumb was nearly picked raw and on the verge of bleeding. They stuffed their hand into their jacket pocket.

“I don’t… I don’t get a look on my face,” they contested, frowning at their shoes. 

“Yes, you do. Literally all the time. And, it’s adorable, don’t get me wrong, but that’s beside the point,” she stated.

The corners of their mouth perked up for a moment but then fell again. The guiding question behind Amelia’s words remained unspoken but nonetheless clear: 'What were you thinking about, Kai?’  

They sighed. 

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” she added, quick to pick up on their unusual mood. 

They shook their head. “No, it’s not that, it’s just…” they trailed off for a moment. God, this is embarrassing. “I was thinking about Spider-Man.”

She blinked. The radio was now advertising RVs for sale outside of Tacoma. 

“Spider-Man?” she asked incredulously. She looked over at them, disbelief written across her features. 

“Yeah,” they sighed again, “Spider-Man.”

“Why?” she asked, and then, “Wait, which one?”

“The first one, with Tobey,” they answered. 

“Why were you thinking about Tobey Maguire’s first Spider-Man movie?” she repeated. “And why does it have you so—” she gestured up and down their body, “funky?”

“It’s… it’s hard to explain,” they murmured. They fixed their gaze on the windshield, taking it all in. Seattle’s nightlife was passing them by: soon, they’d be landing on Meredith’s doorstep. The thought was equally comforting and terrifying. 

Amelia sat quietly beside them, respecting their need for space, but they could tell she was still deathly curious. They took a deep breath and tore their eyes away from the glass. 

“I don’t know where we go from here,” they began. “I mean, I know where I’d like for us to go, where I want it to go—assuming that it’s what you want too… But I don’t know how to get there,” they admitted, their voice barely above a whisper. 

She sat with their words for a long enough time that they could feel their heartbeat in their ears.

“What,” she finally gasped, “does that have to do with Spider-Man?” 

“Y’know… the kiss. In the rain. When he’s upside down and everything?” they supplied. 

“Yeah, I’m familiar with the Spider-Man rain kiss, Kai,” she said, confusion sparking behind her eyes, “but I don’t—what does that have to do with us? Apart from the obvious?”

Kai slumped down into their seat with a groan, frustration building across their body. They were doing a shit job of explaining this. Their stupid, dumb-dumb brain anxiety-riddled, sleep-deprived brain was making everything harder than it had to be. They rubbed at their eyes, wincing upon remembering that they’d been dried out on the plane. 

“They don’t show you what happens after,” they practically whimpered. Amelia’s focus was now ping-ponging between them and the road. “They just cut to him swinging through New York the next day, like nothing happened. But something did happen—something big, the thing he’d wanted his whole life—and they don’t show what happens after. And then everything goes to shit and he doesn’t even get the girl in the end and—”

“Hey, hey,” she called out, her voice cutting through their jumbled ideas. She reached across the center console and grabbed their left hand: they’d been unconsciously picking at their thumb again. God damn it. 

She brought their palms together and squeezed. Clammy hands be damned, it felt nice—calming. They could feel their agitated nerves smoothing over as the seconds ticked by. 

“I think I understand what you’re trying to say,” she gently remarked once they were breathing normally again. 

“You do?” Kai asked, surprised. 

She nodded beside them, a delicate smile dancing across her lips. 

“Something big just happened for you—for us—and now you don’t know how to get from here to ‘happily ever after’,” she answered. 

They sheepishly nodded. She really is a genius…

“And,” she continued, “you’re scared of messing it up and losing everything in the process.”   

The bluntness caught them off-guard. 

It shouldn’t have—this was Amelia, after all—but it did. Her words, despite the fact that in spirit they were really their own, landed like a punch to the gut. Their breath got caught in their throat, their senses became overwhelmed, their own mind felt claustrophobic… Instinctively they went to pick at their thumb again, but Amelia’s hand was in the way and—

Amelia’s hand. 

She was still holding their hand. She was still there. She hadn’t pulled away. 

It shouldn’t have surprised them, but it did. Just like it had when she’d kissed them in the parking lot, it surprised them beyond belief that she was still there. That she was still willing to give them the benefit of the doubt, to try and understand them, even when they were a bumbling, over-tired mess who had caused her incredible pain the last time they saw her… 

Her compassion truly knew no bounds and here they were, squandering it in the name of confusing, unhelpful film comparisons. God, I’m such a dunce. They could’ve slapped themself for how badly they were handling all of this.

As their vision cleared and the panic subsided, a short peek in her direction told them they’d been quiet too long. There was a slight frown on her face and her body language was all over the place. Steeling themself, they opened their mouth to speak: it was time to step away from their imperfect analogy. 

“I’ve done so much pacing in the last two weeks that I think I wore holes into my floor,” they revealed, the words practically slipping out of their mouth. “And, I say two weeks and not three because during that first one I barely got out of bed—not even for work. At one point David even came to check in on me.”

They paused, trying to organize their thoughts. Amelia sat patiently beside them, still weaving through the rainstorm like it was nothing. 

“I couldn’t sleep because every time I closed my eyes I’d just see you. And hear you. And my thoughts would race, trying to think about all the different ways I could fix this because—”

I love you. 

Their breath hitched as they desperately shook the thought away: now was not the time for that particular confession. No, that one needed to be locked away immediately, to be reintroduced only after they’d returned to a regular sleep schedule. Their mind sprinted in the other direction.   

“I want to do this the right way,” they restarted. “And I’m feeling the urge to just… skip to the finish line. Skip to the finish line and tell you the one thing that I really want to tell you, the one thing that made me hop on a plane without a second pair of pants or a hotel reservation…

“But that wouldn’t be fair to you. You deserve more than that. You deserve a proper conversation, an explanation, an apology … and I want to give that to you: I just don’t know how. I thought I did, but now I don’t know,” they finished, breathless by the end. 

The car rolled to a stop at a red light. It was the last traffic light separating Downtown Seattle and the suburbs of Meredith’s home. The most recent radio ad—something about a carwash—had finally bled into chords, a piano rock song from the early 2000s whisking its way through the car’s interior. Her hand was still in theirs. 

The light turned green. 

“We don’t have to figure this out right now, you know?” Amelia stated, breaking the contemplative silence she’d fallen into. 

Kai squinted. “We don’t?”

Amelia shook her head, a knowing smile forming across her face. “It’s why they don’t show you what happens—in movies,” she said. “Figuring these things out isn’t an immediate process and it shouldn’t be. It takes time.”

“You think?” they asked, doubtful. 

“Yeah, I do… And you know what? After the day I’ve had, this,” she shook their connected hands, “is enough. You’re here. You want to do it. It’s enough—for now, for tonight.”

She spared them a longer glance this time, the quiet of the suburb affording it. Nothing in her features said that she was lying, or otherwise upset, and yet—

“Are you sure?” they asked. 

“I thought I was supposed to be the impatient one?” she replied. 

They smiled despite themself. It was rare, her unparalleled ability to quell their fears so quickly. They’d never met someone who could talk them off a ledge so fast. It probably should’ve scared them, how well she seemed to already know the ins and outs of their head, but all it brought was the overwhelming feeling of being seen—and, with it, a sense of comfort they hadn’t felt in years. 

Uncertainty must’ve still been visible across their features though—maybe their eyebrows were “squishy” again—because Amelia went on to say:

“Things and people don’t need to be constantly defined, Kai. It’ll be okay if we give it a day or two. I’m not going anywhere. I promise.” She topped it off with another squeeze of their palm. 

Something about the way she said it warmed their soul. The confidence and affection and commitment of it all felt like coming home. They looked her in the eye and saw nothing but sincerity. They nodded—more so for their own benefit—and finally let it go. She had pulled into a neighborhood that, despite the dark, looked incredibly familiar. 

“What cereal box did you get that off of?” they joked, attempting to drown out the butterflies that had gathered in their chest. 

“I learned it from you,” she said, like it was the simplest thing in the world. 

…So much for calming the butterflies. 

They stared at their drenched shoes for the rest of the ride, the sensation of Amelia’s hand in theirs being the only thing tethering them to Earth. Hindsight told them it was rude but they didn’t respond to her—they couldn’t: their heart had leapt into their throat and didn’t make its way back down until Amelia had parked the car in Meredith’s driveway. It vaguely registered in their mind that she’d turned the car off and was now staring at them, unmoving, but they couldn’t do anything about it. Her words kept replaying in their head, over and over. 

I learned it from you. I learned it from you. I learned it fr—

“We’re here,” she quietly announced, nudging her forearm up against theirs. 

They tried their best to hide how dazed they had become. 

“That we are,” they replied, inhaling deeply as they surveyed their surroundings. 

Rain was still pouring out of the sky like one of the damn plagues. Meredith’s car was notably absent from its designated spot (not surprising but nonetheless odd given how late it was getting)... Other than that, the house was the same as it had been the last time. 

Last time. 

“Are you going to be okay?” Amelia asked, bringing her other hand over to sandwich their conjoined palms. Her eyes were sparkling. 

It was almost annoying how blue her eyes got whenever she was worried about something—they’d never stand a fighting chance against something so… transparent. 

“Yeah, I’ll be fine,” they answered with a nod. A beat later they added, “Do you know the Snickers commercial? With Betty White? ‘You’re not you when you’re hungry?’”

“You’re just full of pop culture references today, aren’t you?” she giggled. They rolled their eyes and she laughed harder. 

“I get weird when I’m tired is all I was saying. My brain gets all fuzzy and paranoid and I start making really bad and confusing pop culture references,” they explained, ironically yawning midway through.

“What happened to ‘I need very little sleep to function’?” she challenged with a raised eyebrow. 

Kai scoffed, “‘Very little’ still implies that it’s happening in the first place.” 

Her demeanor turned on a dime: from playful and cracking jokes to solemn and earnest in a matter of seconds, the car’s atmosphere was quickly overwhelmed with her concern for them. It gave Kai whiplash… And again with the eyes! Those things were deeper than the damn ocean! 

Tentatively, she reached over the center console to brush some of their fallen hair back into place. Her hand paused on its return journey, her fingers delicately inspecting the dark shadows that’d built up under their eyes. It tickled but they leaned into it anyway. 

“When was the last time you slept?” she murmured, not quite making direct eye contact. 

Kai shrugged noncommittally. “I’ve been awake since yesterday morning.”

“Kai,” she gently chastised, her thumb now tracing a pattern over their cheekbone. 

“Yeah,” they sighed deeply, “I know.”

“Has it been like this the whole time?” she asked. 

Again, they shrugged. “Yes and no… some days were better than others.”

Her attempt at comfort—a half-smile—didn’t quite reach her eyes. Unwittingly or not, it told them everything they needed to know: she knew exactly what they were talking about. It nearly broke their heart all over again. They peered down at her and hoped that looks could heal… She broke their little staring contest first. Kai didn’t know how long it’d lasted, but Amelia’s windows were starting to fog up. 

“Let’s head inside, yeah?” she proposed, taking a quick glance back at the house. “The sooner we’re in there, the sooner you can get some rest.”

“Are you sure I won’t burst into flames when I step over the threshold?” they quipped, eyeing the front door from their seat. 

“Who’s to say?” she teased. “I mean, that’s something you probably should’ve asked at the hospital… But, Meredith’s not here yet so I’d say your chances are decent; I’ve worked with worse odds.”

They cracked a smile and she easily returned it. 

Wordlessly, they bent over in their seat and picked up their backpack. Amelia, in turn, reached behind them to grab her purse from the back: it took some wrestling but eventually, she yanked it free. 

“Ready?” she asked. 

They nodded and pushed their door open, stepping into the downpour. Amelia graciously waited for them as they rounded the hood of the car, taking their hand again once they were close enough. They walked through the rain toward the house.

Standing in front of the door, however, she abruptly paused, making no moves to unlock it. She was eyeing their bag.

“Kai?”

Their eyes met hers. “Yeah?”

“Did you say earlier that you didn’t pack a second pair of pants? And that you didn’t have a hotel reservation?” 

She said it in the kind of tone only a mother could possess. 

“Um… maybe?”

“Kai!” she shrieked, “What were you going to do if I hadn’t offered to take you home?!” 

“I don’t know,” they sleepily chuckled. “Find a vacancy somewhere, sleep in the rental car, stand outside your window with a boombox until you let me inside—”

“Kai!” she cried again. 

“Amelia!” they also cried, emulating her. Her dumbfounded tone contrasted against the growing grin on her face. It was adorable how hard she was trying to look mad. They decided to push their luck. 

“Scale from one to ten, how mad would you be if I told you I didn’t bring a second pair of socks either?”

“Kai!” 

They cackled even as she pushed the door open, trailing behind her without fear. 

Chapter Text

Amelia barely had her purse off her shoulder before Maggie was racing around the living room corner. 

“Oh,” she sighed, “it’s just you.”

“Don’t sound so excited,” she teased, hanging her bag on the wall. 

The house was quiet save for a loud movie blasting its way through the walls: no toys were strewn about, nothing was burning in the kitchen, and no one was crying over broken crayons or missing homework. A peaceful night after a chaotic day.

“No, sorry, it’s just we heard you outside and thought it might be—oh,” Maggie’s eyes widened, her focus now directed over Amelia’s shoulder. “Kai. You’re here. What-what’re you doing here?”

Maggie was nothing if not polite, but her phrasing made Amelia cringe. It wasn’t on purpose—Maggie wasn’t the type—but, nevertheless, it made her feel like she’d just been caught with her hand in a cookie jar. Her day had been long and tumultuous enough, she didn’t need the questions brewing behind Maggie’s eyes added onto it…

And, taking a peek over her shoulder, the look on Kai’s face only strengthened this desire: they were a deer in headlights. Well, a tired deer in headlights, anyway… Maybe more of a sloth…  

The warm light hanging from the ceiling was highlighting their washed-out features. Their eyes were pink from irritation and the deep, dark circles underneath them looked worse than they had outside. Their posture was imperfect and burdened and their hair, usually flawless, was entirely unkempt (thanks in no small part to her own hands, she knew). And, they were drenched. 

Personally, Amelia could dig the whole ‘drowned sewer rat’ vibe of it all, but she knew that to most it’d look concerning, not confusingly attractive. 

They had also been (adorably) struggling to remove their raincoat: the wet material was heavy and sticking to itself. Their right sleeve was halfway off, caught midway on their forearm, and the other sleeve had yet to be touched, aiding in the efforts to free its twin. Their backpack was lying haphazardly at their feet.  

Despite every disadvantage, though, in the face of Maggie’s unrelenting stare, they blindly barreled ahead. 

“Oh, hi. Yes, hello,” they sputtered. They tried to offer her their hand before realizing they couldn’t. “Sorry, it’s um-it’s been a long day, I’m not entirely with it.”

It was clear that Kai’s greeting did nothing to sate Maggie’s curiosity but, with a brief glance at Amelia, she let it go. She was truly a saint: if this had been any of her other sisters, she (and Kai) would be barbeque by now. 

“That’s alright,” Maggie replied with her patent smile. “It was a pretty rough day around here, too. Did you tell them about the residency program?” 

“Uh, no. I didn’t,” she answered, throwing a nervous glance in Kai’s direction. They were still preoccupied with their coat: their first arm was free. “We didn’t get that far yet; we had some other stuff to talk about.”

“Spider-Man,” Kai contributed. Amelia rolled her eyes.

“Spider-Man?” Maggie parroted. 

“Spider-Man,” they affirmed with a nod. The coat finally came off, a moderately triumphant look adorning their face.  

“Right…” Maggie trailed off. “Anyway. Bailey and Ellis are asleep, but Zola’s been giving me and Winston the run around for over an hour now. They’re in there finishing a movie.” 

Amelia frowned: Zola wasn’t usually one to break rules or be otherwise difficult.

“Why?” she asked.

Maggie sighed. “I don’t know. She’s been a bit agitated since we got here, keeps asking if we’ve heard from Mer—which we haven’t, in hours. Not since she asked us to come over, anyway.”

“We saw her right before we left,” Amelia revealed, gesturing between Kai and herself. “She was looking for Nick.”

“Huh,” Maggie puffed. “That’s a little annoying: I’ve sent like a million texts. But at least she’s okay…” she rubbed her forehead. “Well, you two get settled. I’ll meet you in there when you’re ready; Winston’s been itching to go for a while, so we’ll probably leave soon.”

Amelia nodded and watched as Maggie retreated back into the living room. She turned back toward Kai and found them toeing off their shoes, their coat hanging on the wall. 

For as anxious and jittery as they were on the car ride over, they seemed incredibly tranquil now. Maggie’s presence hadn’t fazed them as much as she thought it would—no nervous picking, no furrowed brows, just quietly and comfortably existing beside her.

“Still okay?” she asked, just to be sure.

“Still okay,” Kai reassured her with a sleepy smile. She smiled too, moving to take off her coat. Always one for chivalry, or maybe just inspired after the bout with their own garment, they wordlessly helped her out of it.

“Thanks,” she said as they hung it up for her. 

They nodded, kicking their backpack closer to the wall as she removed her shoes. Placing her car keys on their designated wall hook, she closed her eyes and groaned. Her clothes and hair were soaked through to the bone but she found herself feeling indifferent about it. She dropped her shoulders and rubbed at her neck, taking a moment to breathe. 

Kai had technically been right, in the car: the last hour had been nothing short of an emotional whirlwind. Shit, the entire day had been an emotional whirlwind. Between the blood shortage and the residency program and Richard and Catherine and Link and April and whatever was going on with Teddy and Owen and now Maggie… Insanity.

Kai’s reappearance in the parking lot was the first moment of reprieve she’d had all day, a pressure relief valve embodied in human form. 

Despite the nerves and exhaustion that she knew were eating away at their brain, their presence was nothing less than it always was: calming. She felt fuller with them around. Better. Peaceful. They made her feel right in a way she’d never felt before. It was an entirely different type of emotional whirlwind—one she could only hope that they felt too…

She filled her lungs and then let it all out. She was home now—they were home now.

Kai was staring at her when she eventually opened her eyes; a light blush spread across their cheeks when they realized they’d been caught looking. 

“Are you okay?” they gently inquired, their eyebrows furrowed in concern. 

“Yeah,” she smiled. “Just took a trip to Peaks Island, is all.”

“Ah,” they nodded, a tired understanding passing through their eyes. She smirked and offered them her hand. They took it without fanfare, lacing their long fingers with hers. 

Together, they walked into the living room.  

“Kai! Didn’t expect to see you here!” Winston was sitting in the backward-facing chair, craning his neck to make eye contact. Beside him, Maggie was seated on the shorter end of Meredith’s sectional, and Zola was curled up by her side.    

“Yeah,” they slowly chuckled, “today’s just full of surprises, I guess.” 

“Well, we’re glad to have you. Sit down, we’re just getting to the good part,” he said warmly. 

Gingerly, Amelia guided them further into the room: she sat closer to Zola while Kai took the corner seat, resting their elbow on the armrest and their head on their knuckles. Almost immediately, their eyes glued themselves to the TV, completely enamored with the final adventure of E.T. and Elliot.    

Zola offered them both a small, silent wave once they had settled; much like Kai, exhaustion overwhelmed her little face. 

“You have a good day?” Amelia asked her in a whisper. She shrugged, a slight pout on her lips. Another oddity: Zola didn’t pout. “Oh, come on. Not one good thing?” 

She shrugged again and Amelia decided to drop it, grabbing her hand and offering her a comforting smile instead. The corners of her mouth perked up in response—progress. They both turned their attention back to the screen and watched as an alien telekinetically lifted five boys and their bikes into the air… 

A few quiet minutes later, E.T was laying a glowing finger on Elliot’s forehead. 

“I’ll be right here,” he said in his rough, distinct voice. Hobbling into the spaceship with his flowers in hand, they gloomily watched each other disappear from view. The ship shot off into the sky and left a rainbow in its wake.

“That was good,” Winston sighed as the screen cut to black. 

“Yeah,” Maggie agreed, grabbing a tissue off the coffee table. “It was.” She patted stray tears off of her face.

“Always is,” Kai faintly commented through a yawn. Their eyes were half-lidded, Amelia noted, but they were actively resisting the urge to fall asleep. They’d done it in the car, too; it reminded her of Scout. 

They sat through the beginning of the credits, peacefully digesting, when Winston turned to Maggie.

“We should probably get going. The rain’s only going to get worse and it’s getting late,” he suggested. 

Maggie nodded. “But first,” she paused, looking down at Zola, “it’s somebody’s bedtime.”

Zola shallowly nodded, wistfully staring at the floor, but made no effort to move off of Maggie’s shoulder. 

“Zola,” Maggie warned, gently urging her into an upright position. “You promised.”

“And we don’t break our promises,” Winston added. 

Again, Zola nodded but made no effort to move. 

An evening’s worth of frustration was evident in all of their body language as time continued to awkwardly pass, all eyes on Zola as she silently protested their requests. Winston was pinching the bridge of his nose, Maggie’s bright eyes had grown dim, Zola was practically scowling… Not to mention all of them looked clearly tired… Amelia made a split-second decision.

“You guys can go,” she announced, making eye contact with her sister. “We’ll take care of getting her to bed.”  

Maggie’s eyes widened. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, we’ll be fine,” she waved it off. 

They didn’t need to be told twice. 

Wasting no time in gathering their belongings and putting on their shoes, Zola gave each of them a hug from her spot on the couch and Kai wordlessly waved goodbye as Amelia moved to escort them to the door. Winston mumbled a lame excuse as they reached the hall, something about warming the car, and sped past them, allowing the two sisters a moment to speak before they left. 

“Are you sure you’ll be alright?” Maggie whispered as they reached the door.

“Please,” Amelia softly scoffed, “Zola and I have done this song and dance before. It’ll be fine.” 

Maggie didn’t seem convinced but nodded anyway. “Call me if something comes up.”

“I will,” Amelia promised. She went to leave, her hand on the doorknob, but then abruptly whirled around.

“Oh!” she quietly exclaimed. “And don’t think we aren’t talking about your little visitor tomorrow during our joint surgery.” She mockingly poked Amelia’s shoulder. “I want all the details.”

“Is that still happening?” Amelia expertly deflected.

“Why wouldn’t it?” she asked. 

“Uh, there’s no blood?” she stated.

“You didn’t hear?” Maggie inquired. She shook her head. “Schmitt got blood: he organized this huge LGBTQ+ blood drive online. He basically saved the hospital today—y’know, right before we fired him.”

“Right…” Amelia trailed off, surprised by the outburst. 

“Sorry,” she sighed, “I just need sleep… It’s been a long day and I have a suspicious feeling that tomorrow will somehow be longer.”

Amelia nodded. “I understand: today was weird.”

“Tell me about it,” Maggie agreed. After a beat, she finally pulled the front door open and stepped out onto the porch. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”

“Have a good night, Maggie,” she smiled, leaning against the door frame. “Get some rest. I’ll let you know if anything happens.” Maggie thanked her and Amelia watched as she stepped through the rain and into Winston’s car.

As she went through the motions of securing the door, soft, unabashed giggles could be heard floating down the hallway. Journeying back into the living room, Amelia was not entirely prepared for what she saw.

Kai and Zola were quietly gossiping with one another like children at a sleepover. Their voice was slow and fatigued against Zola’s childlike laughter, but she appeared fully engaged with whatever they’d been telling her, her gloomy expression nowhere to be found. Still slumped comfortably against the cushions, Kai’s eyes looked no less heavy than they had all night, but they had a grin plastered on their face.

“And what,” she asked, “were you two talking about?”

They both comically froze upon noticing her presence, their eyes darting to look at her as she entered the room. There was a beat where neither of them said anything, Amelia still staring at them expectantly as she sauntered over to stand by Zola, and then finally, Kai answered.

“I was just boring her to death with useless pop culture trivia,” they said. “Y’know, me and my blabbermouth.” 

She smiled and playfully rolled her eyes: fun facts were one thing, but Kai being talkative? Not in a million years… 

“It wasn’t boring!” Zola suddenly insisted, drawing Amelia’s attention. It was jarring to see her so bright and bubbly when only moments before she’d been the embodiment of a rain cloud. 

Kai hummed, “You feed my ego, Little Shepherd.”

Zola started laughing again and Amelia blinked.

“Little Shepherd? ” she repeated incredulously, beyond confused. 

“Mhm,” they nodded with a yawn. “We’ve established nicknames: she’s Little Shepherd, I’m Eeyore.”

It was like she’d slipped and fallen into an alternate dimension—one where the weight of the day’s events didn’t exist and Kai suddenly told self-deprecating jokes. The only coherent thought she had was:

“Shouldn’t Ellis be Little Shepherd?”

And, of course, Kai being Kai, they were prepared for this question; even dead on their feet, they were still smarter than a whip.

“No, she’s Littlest Shepherd; keep up, Shepherd, honestly,” they said flippantly. 

For once, she was speechless. Her jaw stuck half-open and a shocked smile growing on her face, she chuckled nervously at their joke. Kai, for their part, seemed to be reveling in her distress, their grin from earlier settling into a contented smirk. 

“Cat got your tongue?” they asked lazily, their eyes shining with mischief. God, what had happened to the bumbling mess they’d been not half an hour ago? 

“You’re incorrigible, you know that?” she replied, her heart hammering in her chest.  

“Only when I’m tired,” they quipped, yawning again. She rolled her eyes and playfully kicked her foot against theirs. Their smile stretched a bit, but they didn’t react any further.

Beside her, Zola was practically howling at their flirting banter.

Despite how comforting it was to see her happy again, the fact remained that she should’ve been in bed hours ago. Though she felt totally unprepared to do it after the day’s events, Amelia knew that she needed to persuade her into bed as fast as possible: if not for her own, growing brain’s sake, then at least for Kai’s. Though they looked much more lively than they had before, it was obvious that they weren’t too far away from passing out mid-sentence. 

Steeling herself, she dropped a hand onto Zola’s shoulder and spoke.

“Speaking of tired… ” 

It wasn’t a perfect segue, but it’d do; what she didn’t expect, however, was how easily Zola took the bait.

“I know, I know,” she said, still fighting off her remaining giggles. With a deep breath, she stood. “I’ll go brush my teeth.” 

Amelia watched, stunned, as the girl walked past her without another word. That child gave Maggie and Winston a hard time about bed for over an hour? And she’s suddenly giving in? No way… As she reached the stairs, Amelia shook herself out of her stupor. 

“I’ll meet you up there in a minute,” she called out. A muted, “Okay” came back in reply. 

Still reeling from the exchange, she turned to face Kai and that’s when she saw it. 

It was hidden under layers and layers of exhaustion and stress but their sleepy facade didn’t fool her: they looked proud of themself. Smug, even. 

As they stared out into the hall, most wouldn’t have caught it, but Amelia did: she was beyond familiar with this particular expression. It was a certain twinkle in their eyes and a slight twitch on their lips. The first time she’d seen it—the day she first met them, when she’d called them amazing—it’d made her head spin; now, it made her exceptionally curious.

“What did you say to her?” she asked, taking a step toward them.    

They shrugged, looking up at her. “Just some stuff about the movie—how the score was written, how it was shot. Y’know, nothing special.”

Amelia blinked. Again with the fucking movies… 

“No,” she said, shaking her head, “what’d you say to get her to go upstairs?”

“Oh. Nothing,” they replied.

Another thing she knew fairly well about them: they were a shit liar. Their eyes would get a bit too wide, their breath would involuntarily hitch… She raised an accusatory eyebrow and they crumbled, quickly backpedaling on their answer. 

“I told her that we saw Meredith at the hospital.”

“What?” she exhaled, bewildered. She hadn’t been expecting that. 

“I told her that we saw Meredith at the hospital,” they repeated. 

“Yeah, but why? ” she asked. 

“It’s what she wanted, right? Maggie said that she kept asking where Meredith was? I figured it’d comfort her, knowing we saw her, but I don’t know,” they explained with a shrug. “I eventually stopped: I couldn’t tell if it was helping.” 

Huh… 

And God damn it she was in love with them. 

Because it didn’t make sense: this wasn’t the first (and wouldn’t be the last) time that Meredith was home late. It was a monthly occurrence at this point and Zola was never one to complain… But somehow, running on absolute fumes, Kai had seen through her fears and accomplished what Maggie and Winston couldn’t in the hours they’d been here: they comforted her. 

They comforted her, just like they so often comforted Amelia, and she loved them for it. 

“What? Did I do something wrong?” they asked, a concerned lilt to their voice. She’d been looking at them funny. 

She shook her head, trying to suppress the smile spreading across her face. They’d told her once that she was also a horrible liar: she hoped that they were too out of it to notice this time.

“You’re not Eeyore, you know,” she gently stated, walking toward them.

“No?” they questioned. 

She shook her head once more, now standing at their knees and holding their hands in hers. Again, a reluctant smile was caught between her teeth. 

“I don’t know,” they sighed, “I think Eeyore fits pretty well right now.”

She shimmied even further into their space and, leaning forward and down, just a bit, she pressed a delicate kiss to their cheek. They smelled like rain. 

“You’re not Eeyore,” she softly asserted, her lips brushing again against their skin. 

“You sure?” their voice cracked. She pulled away from them, just enough to see their face, and smiled: they looked like a cartoon. Heart beating through their chest, cherubs floating in circles around their head, heart eyes—the whole nine yards.

“Yes.”

“Well then,” they cleared their throat. “If you say so.”

“I do,” she insisted. 

A series of soft thumps from up above reminded her that Zola still needed attending to. She watched Kai’s gaze slowly inch toward the ceiling and she sighed.

“I’ve gotta go up there,” she quietly acknowledged. 

Kai smiled, looking back at her. “I know.”

She squeezed their hands and said, “I’ll be right back.”

“Okay,” they nodded. 

She didn’t move until a particularly loud door slam, followed by a quiet, “Sorry”, rang through the house. Taking a deep breath, she willed herself away from them. She could feel a tired smirk following her as she left the room…

Zola was already in bed and reading a book by the time she made it up the stairs. 

“Hey,” she greeted casually, walking into the room. Zola folded her book closed and set it on her nightstand. 

“Hi,” she responded. The girl gave her a soft smile, but it didn’t reach her eyes: despite the giggle-fest downstairs, Amelia could tell that she was still well past tired.

“How’re you feeling?” she asked gently, standing over her.

Like before, she shrugged. “I’m okay. I feel better now,” she answered. 

“That’s good,” she paused. “Kai said you two talked about your mom?”     

She nodded. “I didn’t really say anything, they kind of just read my mind… I don’t like it when she’s late and we haven’t heard from her. It makes me nervous.”

“I don’t blame you; I think if I hadn’t just seen her, it would make me nervous, too,” Amelia agreed. 

“But she’s okay, right?” Zola tentatively asked. 

“She’s okay,” Amelia nodded. “There’s nothing to worry about… except maybe how tired you’ll be at school tomorrow.”

Zola giggled and Amelia smiled. She seemed far less… stricken… than she had when they first came home. Whatever Kai had said to her, even if it wasn’t a lot, had clearly had an impact. That seemed to be a recurring theme with them…

 “I like them,” Zola admitted as her laughter fell away. 

“Who? Kai?” Amelia asked. She nodded bashfully. “Well, don’t tell anybody, but I like them, too.”

Zola rolled her eyes and then gently added, “I think dad would’ve liked them, too.”

Amelia’s eyebrows shot up to her forehead. 

“You think?” she questioned, suddenly short of breath. 

She nodded, entirely carefree. 

“That’s a pretty steep compliment, little lady,” she teased, hiding her shock under humor. “I mean, you never said that about Link…”

“I don’t know,” she mumbled, “he’s a bit of a jock.” 

An ugly, boisterous laugh escaped past Amelia’s lips. For a second she flashed back to a joke Kai had made months earlier: 'Is your type always hot, square-jawed men?’. Of course, Zola liked them: their brains worked the same. 

“I think he would’ve liked Uncle Link, too!” she quickly retracted, waving her hands around. “Uncle Link’s cool, he would’ve liked Uncle Link too! He—”

“Zola,” she chuckled. “It’s okay.”

She let out a long exhale, clearly relieved. 

“Kai’s just… different,” she eventually concluded.

“Yeah,” she nodded, “I know what you mean.” 

They spent another few minutes talking—Zola relaying the E.T. facts Kai had told her, and Amelia filling her in on her day—when Zola suddenly let out a truly ridiculous yawn mid-sentence. 

“Okay,” Amelia chuckled, “I think it might actually be bedtime now.” 

Zola wearily nodded and sunk further down under her covers. Amelia pressed a short kiss to her forehead and clicked off her bedside lamp. Pulling the bedroom door closed, she poked her head through the frame and whispered, “Good night, sweet girl.”

“Good night,” she mumbled. 

The door clicked shut and she headed to her own room. 

She changed out of her wet clothes and then dug into the deepest corners of her dresser, searching for a pair of basketball shorts that might be long enough to reach Kai’s mid-thigh. A brief pitstop was made in the bathroom to wipe her makeup off and brush her teeth and then she was quietly padding down the stairs.

She heard them before she saw them. 

Still sitting exactly as she’d left them, their head now tucked into their chest, gentle snores were leaving Kai’s mouth at an even rate. Their hair had fallen into their face and strands of it were being blown around every few seconds. The lights in the room were shining brightly and yet they were sleeping soundly. 

She didn’t have the heart to try and coax them upstairs.

Setting the basketball shorts down on the coffee table, she carefully approached them. They needed to properly lay down: no matter how comfortable Mer’s couch was—which, honestly, it wasn’t—sleeping while sitting up never ended well. 

“Kai,” she whispered, running her hand across their shoulder. 

They grunted and twitched a bit, but didn’t wake up. She ran her other hand through their hair and, still, no dice. As gently as she could, she tried to adjust their body herself, away from the armrest and toward the seat of the couch: the motion caused them to stir. 

“Wha—?”

“Shh, it’s okay,” she gently explained, “just lie down.”

“Amelia?” their voice was already thick with sleep.

 “Yeah, it’s me,” she softly cooed. “Just lie down for me, okay?”

“M’kay,” they mumbled. Their eyes were still closed but, with her help, they shuffled to their right and extended their body across the cushions. A blanket had been placed across the back of the couch and she pulled it down, covering them. As she went to turn off the lights, their hand blindly grabbed at hers. 

“Where’re you going?” they slurred. 

“I’ll be right back,” she insisted, squeezing their hand. They let go of her and, as quickly as she could, she turned off the lights in the entryway, kitchen, and, finally, the living room. 

“Alright, scoot,” she quietly urged. They repositioned themself on their side, weakly offering her a spot under the blanket. She climbed into their arms and rested her forehead against their chest. Their chin settled against the top of her head as she tangled their legs together.

“That’s better,” they murmured, bringing their arm down around her body. She nodded against them. 

“Good night, Kai,” she sighed, truly relaxed.  

“G’night, ‘melia,” they barely enunciated. 

Pulling herself that much closer to them, she breathed in their scent and let sleep take her away. She’d been wrong before: now she was home.