Chapter Text
Sniper squints at the shoddy exit sign up ahead, fairly certain it was the correct turnoff. Or at least he hoped it was, they’d already taken two detours after Sniper made the mistake of asking Scout to guide them with the map. He’s still not quite sure what directions Scout was reading, because it certainly wasn’t the correct ones.
“We gettin’ closer yet?” Scout flicks Sniper’s bobble head with a bored expression.
“Probably.” Sniper decides to make a positive estimate, certain Scout was going to start testing his patience otherwise.
“Ah c’mon! It’s been forever already!” Scout groans, slamming his back to his seat rest. He moves to fiddling with his handwraps again.
Sniper uses his blinker and with a quick glance behind him changes lanes, “I told you to ask Spy for the directions beforehand.”
“ You try finding that prick next time. ‘Sides, ya totally know he woulda freaked at being asked to actually be helpful. And he woulda had some wiseass comment about eating at McDonald’s.” Scout coughs and fails to lower his voice, “Scout go away I am busy making out wizth my dumb wines and pretentious art collection. And I hate good food because I am French and stupid, wee wee.”
Sniper rolls his eyes before noticing a familiar sign coming up on their right, “Hey—“
“There it is!!” Scout points at it excitedly.
Sniper pulls up into the parking lot, noting a distinct lack of cars. Was this McDonald’s even an open location anymore? It better be for all the trouble he’d gone through to get there.
Scout hops out of the van as Sniper locks it up, double checking to make sure it is indeed locked. It never hurt to be careful when you carry half a dozen expensive firearms in there.
Scout is already inside by the time Sniper makes it in himself. The building seemed to have seen better days, as he could spot all sorts of unrecognizable stains littering the walls and especially the floors. He could understand why this wasn’t a particularly popular spot, adding to it the fact that it’s near Teufort. The state of the place was starting to make sense to him now.
Sniper glances up at the menu, “…Why did you choose McDonald’s again?”
“You have no idea how much I’ve been craving these burgers. I swear we’re being worked to death—don’ even have time to sit down an’ eat a proper meal.” Scout fidgets while glancing intensely at the menu. Sniper recognizes it as one of Scout’s tells.
“Which part is giving you trouble?” Sniper asks passively, already knowing what he’s going to order for himself.
Scout points, looking frustrated. Sniper glances in that direction, “That’s the drinks and extras list.”
“An’ that?” Scout points to another part.
“That’s a new burger promotional.”
“Keese—?” Scout tries.
“Cheeseburger.”
“Ohhh. Yeah that sounds good. I think I’m done deciding then. You?” Scout turns to Sniper with an expectant look.
“Yeah, I’m ready mate.”
“Cool cool.” Scout watches Sniper for a second longer, a knowing glint accompanying his eyes as Sniper glances at the fast food worker nervously, “I’ll order for us, yeah?”
Sniper offers a small but relieved smile.
“Hello, what can I get you two?” The worker starts as Scout saunters up.
Scout has to swallow his instinctual urge to flirt with the cute worker, “Yeah yeah, we’ll have two burger meals and one cheeseburger meal.”
“What drinks would you like with those, sir?” The worker writes down their current order fast, a polite small on her face the whole time.
“Do ya offer Bonk! anymore?”
“I’m afraid our Bonk! drinks were a short time option and are no longer available.”
“Coke will do for all three then.”
“Anything else?” The worker glances at Sniper who shifts nervously under the spotlight.
Scout quickly takes up her attention again, “We’ll have two sets of twenty nuggets and then lastly the fillet’o’fish.”
“Alright, that would total to three dollars and thirty cents.” The worker states as Sniper counts the correct amount and hands it to Scout’s outstretched hand. “Swell, I’ll get you your food as soon as possible. Feel free to wait in one of our booths until then.”
Scout picks the corner booth, hopping up onto one of the couch seats. Sniper occupies the one on the other side. He deliberately avoids the section with a torn hole in it, oozing padding out.
Sniper meets Scout’s eyes again, “if you just wanted to eat out somewhere away from the base, why… here specifically?”
Scout looks confused, “Why not?”
“This isn’t exactly the pinnacle of food mate.”
“Whaddya mean?! McDonald’s is an unbeaten classic, perfect for all occasions!” Scout almost looks affronted and then seems to think of something worse, “And certainly not like those fancy pants restaurants where it takes thirty minutes to explain the burger before you can even bite into it. Screw mango-aioli or whatever butter.”
Sniper finds nothing to say to that and nods passively, not very surprised. He might’ve preferred somewhere more exotic, but he couldn’t really complain about McDonald’s. It was generally solid food.
“Bet Spy would love that stuff. Fancy butters, special cows and whatnot.” Scout notes with a demeaning tone, tapping his foot.
“Probably.” Sniper answers in thought. He couldn’t honestly imagine Spy ordering a burger at any restaurant. Might be funny to see him try and eat one though.
“Here you go, you two; enjoy!” The employee offers them both a warm smile and walks off.
“Woo! Chow time.” Scout grabs the closest fries, eating one fry and then looking out the window at something.
Sniper opens his first burger, eating in a fairly brisk manner. As he noted before, it is a solid taste. He hadn’t had McDonald’s much, not seeing many in Australia and not eating at them often in America. It always seemed too boring an option.
“It is so good to have real food again. I can’t believe we’re expected to eat whatever the hell the other guys make. No offense but my dog could make somethin’ more edible than that stuff.” Scout remarks, having eaten one fry by the time Sniper moves to his next burger.
“Demo and Pyro make some nice dishes.” Sniper points out, halfway through the burger.
“Oh yeah totally. Those two are not included in my food shit-list. Dude those steamed clams Demo whipped up? Heavenly.” Scout pushes the fries aside, clearly reminiscing on the flavor of those clams. Sniper notes that fact curiously as he eyes the fish burger, “But that does not make up for everyone else. One day I’m gonna starve or worse get tricked into eating something Medic makes.”
“Which reminds me, ya know what I heard Snipes?” Scout asks rhetorically, pulling his fish burger closer, “Heavy keeps saying that Medic’s food is good.”
Sniper makes a dubious face, pausing his eating to make a point.
“Yeah I know right! Even love couldn’t make me eat it, shit’s gotta be poisoned or diseased.” Scout takes a deliberate bite out of his burger and pushes his barely touched fries towards Sniper as a sign.
“Haven’t had a chance to try Truckie’s ‘signature’ BBQ yet.” Sniper moves the conversation away from Medic’s food horror show before he loses his appetite.
“Oh! You should. That’s another plate-able food at base. Was a real nice surprise.” Scout pushes his nuggets over next, another bite taken from his own burger.
Sniper nearly snorts at Scout’s butchering of the word ‘palatable’ but instead opts to eat Scout’s set of nuggets, “You’ll have to tell me when he’s making it next.”
“Yeah whateva, will do.” Scout reaches the halfway point of his burger.
Sniper is licking his fingers of the excess salt when Scout looks down at the table in front of him, more than surprised.
Sniper freezes, staring at Scout, “…What?”
“How did ya..? How fricken fast do you eat?” Scout looks at all the empty food packets, seeing that his burger and drink are the only things left.
“It’s good food alright? We don’t get much of that back at the base.” Sniper states as an explanation, staring down at Scout’s fish burger again; the only thing Scout seems to have managed to eat properly. He finally decides to ask what was going through his mind when Scout first ordered it, “Fish burgers aren’t the most common choice.”
“Really? Well, they should be. Nothin’ beats a good fish dish.” Scout finishes his burger finally.
“A seafood bloke?”
“Absolutely brother. You have not tasted food until you’ve had the clam chowder at Ronny’s. Or my Ma’s lobster rolls! Whatever the ocean is doing to animals is fuckin’ delicious. Miss that shit every day. Especially when the chowder comes in this soft and warm bread bowl—“ Scout goes off, completely in his own world.
This makes Sniper think. He had intended on trying to make Scout something nice as a repayment for this date, but now he saw an opportunity to merge two of his activities. As he was due to go camping during their next long weekend. He knew a nice lake nearby from his previous trips. Perhaps he could indulge in one of his lesser practiced hobbies.
“Wanna go fishing together?” Sniper cuts into whatever tangent Scout had gotten into.
“Huh?”
“Do you want to try fishing?” Sniper parrots.
At the extended silence, Sniper scrambles to add: “We can make something nice out of the fish we catch. Some proper catch of the day.”
Scout lights up at this, “That sounds like an awesome idea! Just wait ‘till you see my amazin’ fishin’ skills! They’re unparalleled ya see, used to catch ‘em megatonners all tha’time. Impressed the neighborhood back in the day.”
Sniper offers a challenging smile, “Can’t wait to see it mate.”
Scout, to his credit, doesn't let his bravado slip, “Me neither.”
At that, Scout stands up and grabs his drink with him for the road. Sniper follows his lead, getting up to head to his van. The worker wishes them a safe trip as they leave, which Scout responds to with a quick ‘have a nice evening’.
“I’ll be leavin’ for the lake next weekend.” Sniper tells Scout when they’re back on the road.
“Works for me.” Scout responds as he puts his feet on the dashboard, knowing he’d get told off for it.