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Something was off with Bucky.
You were certain of it, for as long as you’d known him it had been obvious he was a very guarded person. It took years to slowly chip away at that wall but you’d like to think you’d managed pretty well.
Now though, something was wrong.
He had been increasingly anxious and for an already anxious man that's not something you want happening.
You had noticed it about a week ago, assuming it was just a rough mission you tried to let him be and work through it. He didn’t need you pestering him when he was probably aware of it already.
But it had slowly gotten worse, not better. And now you had no idea how to talk about it. What had he been doing? Nothing that anyone else would say is odd, just you. He was clingier than usual. You didn’t mind, of course. It was just the way he was clingier. It was like he was afraid, like he was scared something terrible would happen the minute he released you.
You didn’t like that. You wanted to be a source of comfort for him, not something that adds to his already many issues he’s currently dealing with. But now he seemed worried and you weren’t going to become something of pain for him. No, you were going to figure out what the problem was and then you'd fix it.
Bucky wasn’t with you at the moment, getting his arm looked at by Tony. You were sure though, that as soon as that was done with he’d be glued to your side once more. You didn’t have long to search for answers but you’d try.
And that meant starting with Steve and Sam. Maybe they’d seen something you didn’t.
You went to Steve's floor, right now he was usually having lunch in the common area, sometimes with Sam and sometimes with Nat. Either would work but you wanted to talk to Sam as well as Steve right now. Nat had gotten used to Bucky but they still weren’t…close.
The elevator opened and you walked straight to the kitchen. Sure enough Sam and Steve were eating a plate of sandwiches and chips, the TV on low volume in the background as they went back and forth.
Steve noticed you first and smiled as you walked over, prompting Sam to turn around and see you as well. A smile taking over his face.
“Hey, what’s up, haven’t seen you alone much lately.” Sam joked, passing a glance back at Steave who shook his head, his disapproving face clear as day.
“That’s actually what I wanted to talk to you guys about.” Steve raised a brow and gestured to the seat beside him and Sam. You sat and looked between them. “Has Bucky been, I don’t know, just kind of weird with anyone else in the past week or so?”
Sam’s eyes took on a rare shade of seriousness, any humor evaporating quickly. “Is he bothering you?” You shook your head before he even finished the sentence. “Nothing like that, I’m just worried about him. He’s not usually so anxious.”
Sam laughed, all pretense of seriousness wiped away. “He’s the most anxious person I know.” You rolled your eyes and looked at Steve, hoping he’d be more helpful. He was. He had a contemplative look in his eyes, like he was thinking about his last interactions with Bucky.
Then he nodded slowly. “I’ve noticed. He’s been more agitated lately, quicker to anger I guess.” Okay so, different from how he’d been with you. But why?
“What have you noticed?” Steve asked, seeing the look on your face. “He’s been clingier than usual. Again, not that I mind, but he just seems scared, worried about something whenever we’re together and I tried to let it go and resolve itself but it only seems like it’s getting worse.”
Sam and Steve nodded slowly. They were both silent for a moment before Steve finally spoke. “Did something happen that you know of?” You shrugged, “That’s what I was kind of going to ask you. I didn’t know if a mission went sideways in other…ways.”
But Steve and Sam both shook their heads. “Nothing on my side” Sam said, Steve nodded in agreement. “The missions have been fine, haven’t been to a Hydra one that recently either. I don’t know what could have set him off.”
You let out a heavy sigh, that was that. If these two didn’t know what was wrong then you didn’t have hopes of anyone else figuring it out. “Thanks guys.” “Let us know if you find out.” Steve said as you stood from the table. You nodded to him and turned around. Heading back for the elevator. Bucky hadn’t come looking yet. That was weird.
You rode the elevator back to your floor and decided to check Bucky’s room before heading to yours. Good thing you did.
He was sitting on the edge of his bed, head in his hands and arms resting on his knees. “Bucky?” His head shot up at the sound of your voice and you stifled a gasp, his eyes were red and bloodshot, his hair a bit wild and his face twisted in a grimace.
“Hey, what’s going on?” Your tone was a bit more desperate than you wanted it to be as you almost ran to his side. He shook his head, dropping his eyes away from you. But you wanted to talk. To understand what was going on.
“You've been off this week. Talk to me.” You said softly, reaching for the hand. When he didn’t flinch away from you, you took his hand in both of your, rubbing soft, soothing circles into the top of it.
“Am I bothering you?”
That threw you for a loop. Without an ounce of hesitancy you replied “of course not, Buck. You never bother me.”
He seemed to pause and then shook his head like he didn’t believe you. “In the kitchen…” Your eyes widened and you were shaking your head. “I’m worried, Buck. Not angry or upset.” He raised his eyes to yours, they looked…much to sad for your liking.
“I want to help. I went to them to see if they could fill in any missing information. Not because you’re bothering me or anything like that. You have to believe me Bucky, many people piss me off, you are not one of them.”
He laughed a little, his lips quirking at the sides. It prompted your own smile, before it fell a second later.
“Talk to me, Buck. I can’t help you if you don’t talk with me.”
He nodded, his hand tightening around yours. Then he took a breath “Nightmares.” You sucked in a breath, waiting for him to continue. “Abo-About you dying.” He wouldn’t look at you. Just kept staring at the ground before him.
“I can’t…It’s hard to know you’re okay if I can’t see you, or hold you, doll. It sets me on edge. More than usual.”
You set your hand gently on is cheek, turning his head towards you.
“Thank you fo retelling me.” You moved closer to him. “Why didn’t you come find me afterwards?”
He shrugged “It’d be too obvious what it was about.”
You set you head on his shoulder. “You can always come to me if that stuff is bothering you Buck, I’m more than happy to be around you all the time believe me. I just need to know if something is going on. You don’t even have to tell me what it is. I love you, I want you to be happy.”
He shot up, looking down at you, eyes wide. Your own shot open when you realized what you’d said. “You love me?” No going back. “Yeah Buck, I’m in love with you. Kind of silly of you not to notice.”
He smiled, so wide it must have been the happiest you’d ver seen him. “Really?” You nodded, a smile of your own coming to the surface. He surged forward, pressing his lips to yours in a soft loving kiss. It was everything you’d wanted and more, something you’d never get tired of.
When he pulled away he was still smiling. “I love you too.”
You leaned into him, an arm went around your shoulders.
He’d be alright, if he wasn’t right now he would be. You’d be there until he was, and if he let you, for every day after.