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Love is a very complicated emotion.
Whether it is platonic or romantic, it always seems so hard to keep up with. Loving someone is not like a sunny summer day. Loving a person feels like an average day in September.
You never know if it’s going to rain or if it’s going to be sunny. One minute you are at the top of the world and the next… well .
You feel so many intense emotions for people and you know that no matter what happens you will always be there for them. No matter what happens you will be their anchor, their rock. You are willing to carry half the weight of their troubles, if it’ll make them feel better.
Feeling like you’re floating in an endless sea of emotions without being able to reach the shore. And even though you might be suffering, there is no shore for you. There is no shore because you love selflessly and unconditionally. There is no end to your love as there is no end to your sea.
Even if there are a billion things that you have to share and carry with them, you will. Even if you’re tired of everything, you will keep swimming, knowing that it’s endless. You will because you love. And when it gets overwhelming, you will be comforted by the mere thought that everything you feel might be reciprocated.
At least that is what love feels like to Bokuto .
Countless were the times where he tried to change that though. Because love hurts and loving is tiring.
But that is simply who he is. He can’t not love.
Even when he got disappointed in the past, left alone, left out. He still loved.
You see, that is the main problem you have to deal with. The hardest part of being kind is not that you keep getting hurt. Everyone gets hurt, kind or not.
The hardest part of being kind, is that even if you could go back in time you would still make the same choices. Get yourself hurt again.
It is what it is.
Growing up, Bokuto realized that life is much more complicated than a simple this person is nice and this person is not.
But things change, and sometimes we meet people who suddenly become everything to us. Friends that are good for us, friends who support us and are there each step of the way.
And sometimes among them you might realize someone means a bit more than that to you. If you’re lucky, you might mean more than that to them as well.
“Bokuto-san, are you still with me?”
Bokuto was overwhelmed when Akaashi confessed to him a month ago. He felt beyond happy and he couldn’t believe that his feelings were reciprocated.
Honestly it did not feel very different after they started dating. They were always together and somehow in sinc, no one could really figure out if they were dating or not. People were used to seeing them together so they just assumed, but they didn’t know.
Bokuto loved being near Keiji, he felt comfortable and loved. Even though they saw each other a lot, somehow he always ended up missing the other man when he was not around. He still hadn’t fully grasped the fact that Keiji was his boyfriend.
“Yes! Of course, sorry ‘kaashi I got a little distracted”
Akaashi moved a little from where he was sitting, now sitting right in front of Bokuto in the grass.
oh yeah that will definitely help me focus.
Since they both had two hours free of lectures on Wednesdays, they decided to study in the park near the campus. It was really pretty there. Mostly calm and silent unless parents with their kids decided to come, or people decided to take a walk with their dogs. Bokuto didn’t mind a bit of noise, it helped him focus.
Sometimes it was windy and you could smell the fragrance of the nearest flowers. Bokuto could also smell the sweet scent of Akaashi’s hair shampoo but that is something he’d like to ignore for his own sanity.
Usually it was just them, but sometimes Konoha would join in their little study group. Bokuto loved hanging out with both of them. Konoha was in the same year as him and he studied pharmaceutics. Since Bokuto was studying marine biology most of their classes were usually held in the same building, so he met up with Konoha for lunch breaks or coffee.
Akaashi was majoring in literature so his classes took place in another building which made it difficult for them to meet up during their free hours. It’s why they decided that Wednesdays would work best for them.
Another reason Bokuto recommended the park near the campus was that it felt strangely romantic to him.
“You have to concentrate, Bokuto-san” he said with a playful smile. “Or else what’s the point of this”
The point is that I get to see you. Is what he wanted to say, but he assumed he was smarter than that.
Clearly that was not the case. Akaashi’s blushing face was all the proof he needed. He had said that out loud.
“Bokuto-san.. If you wanted a date you could’ve just said so” he teased. Akaashi was embarrassed as well but he usually tried to hide his embarrassment by teasing the person he was conversing with.
Bokuto on the other hand.. Well, let’s say not everyone is blessed enough to be able to hide his emotions or facial expressions.
“Akaashi..!” His cheeks and forehead were all red and the back of his neck felt hotter than normal as well. He hid his face between his arms. “You absolutely can’t just say that!”
“Does that mean you would like to take me on a date?” He kept teasing Bokuto, now more for his own pleasure than to hide his embarrassment.
Bokuto considered denying it, but what was the point? Akaashi was clearly messing with him and he wouldn’t miss his chance to do the same. What better way to fluster Akaashi Keiji than being completely honest with him? Exactly .
“Yes I would! I would like to take you on a date!” He grinned and moved his body closer to Akaashi’s. “In fact, we should go on a date tomorrow!”
Akaashi chuckled and fixed his glasses. “Not that I would refuse if you asked me again,” he gave him a pointed look and smiled “but I’m afraid we can’t go on a date tomorrow Bokuto-san”
Well, the day doesn’t really matter to me. Bokuto started thinking about his and Akaashi’s schedule to see if he could find a day that would be fitting for a date. He thinks he might have gotten a bit lost in his thoughts when a hand waved in front of his eyes.
“It is your birthday tomorrow Kou” he smiled gently and leaned back.
Bokuto beamed. How on earth does one forget his own birthday? He never ever forgets birthdays, they’re so special to him. But then again, how can you remember anything else when you’re thinking of Akaashi Keiji?
“Oh you’re right Akaashi! I almost forgot” he turned to look at him and lowered his head “We could go on a date for my birthday! That would be the best gift”
Akaashi looked delighted. He had the sweetest smile on his face.
Well
, in Bokuto’s eyes he had the sweetest smile in the world.
No one was as wonderful as Keiji. His soft hair, his cute eyebrows and his adorable nose. Everything about him was simply perfect.
The one thing that always stood out were Akaashi’s eyes. His eyes were simply breathtaking.
The first time Bokuto saw him, he had spent hours searching for a particular crystal to match them. Eventually he found one that he deemed suitable. It was the bloodstone. Mesmerizing.
“If that’s what you want then I suppose we could” he checked his phone and placed it in his backpack. “Does 9pm sound good to you?”
“My last lecture finishes at 8:30pm, so I suppose it would work better if we met up at 10pm. Is that alright?” He started packing his stuff. They should probably leave soon.
“Sounds good to me, yes” he stood up slowly, taking Bokuto's hands and helping him up as well.
“I’ll call you later Kou” he leaned in for a quick kiss and started walking away.
“Talk to you later Keiji!”
Bokuto had one more lecture left for the day and then he was free to go home and get some sleep.
His plans sort of changed though when Konoha called him saying he ‘ absolutely needed to go out because he could not just go home, it was boring at home.’ You see, you can’t exactly say no to Konoha.
All things considered, it went well. Konoha acted a bit weird, asking random questions about different flavors. Bokuto didn’t particularly mind any flavor, he liked banana and vanilla, chocolate was a bit irrelevant to him and he had a love-hate relationship with strawberry. After gathering all his answers Konoha abruptly stood up explaining that he had somewhere to be. Bokuto was curious but at least he could finally go home. He was excited about tomorrow.
__
The sound of his phone ringing woke him up the next morning. He felt so comfortable and warm under the covers, his mind simply refused to make him move. His eyes were not cooperating so he had to try several times to keep them open. When the first rays of sun infiltrated his eyes, he woke up for good.
His phone had stopped ringing a while ago. He grabbed it from his bedside table and saw that he had a few missed calls.
What time was it?
He had one lecture to attend today and that was at 7pm so he guessed that it couldn’t be that late for him to have missed it.
He checked his phone again, it was 11am. He got out of his pajamas- a pair of baggy sweatpants, and went to the bathroom. He wasn’t hungry so breakfast was off the table. He did make some coffee though.
In the meantime his mom had called him to wish him happy birthday and told him that he should come home soon. He should go home a bit more often, he thought.
Akaashi had also called, wishing him happy birthday and saying that he was excited for their date. Bokuto was too.
Konoha hadn’t called and Bokuto wasn’t one to get mad about small things, but it did hurt a little. He knew it was his birthday and Bokuto knew that he had an early lecture today so he was definitely awake and home by now. He could’ve texted or something.
But everyone had priorities and life could get busy so who was he to complain? Just because it’s his birthday doesn’t mean anything.
His day went by slowly and his lecture was as boring as ever. Honestly he was not very concentrated since he was thinking about Akaashi and their date. Maybe they could go for coffee and eat some dessert. Bowling is also a good idea- even though Bokuto absolutely sucks at it, Akaashi seems to enjoy it. Perhaps they could watch a movie if anything good was playing today.
The moment the professor dismissed them he rushed out, walking home as fast as possible. His apartment was not as close to campus as Akaashi’s. When he got home he checked his phone again, still no sign of Konoha. Maybe something happened.
It was 9:45pm when he finished getting ready. He texted Akaashi that he was on his way and was going to wait for him at their usual meeting spot. Strangely enough, he got no response. Usually Akaashi replied after a minute or two. Perhaps he wasn’t ready yet.
The walk to the park was silent even though a lot of people were out. He looked around and observed. Humans were so complicated. Some people seemed to be in a rush, others seemed very relaxed and calm. Parents were taking care of their children, teenagers were walking while listening to music.
A surprisingly attractive couple seemed to be arguing about something while walking and holding hands. The taller man, with black curly hair and two moles above his eyebrow seemed to be very determined to make a point, whereas the slightly shorter man with blond hair- where they bleached?- seemed extremely confident in what he was saying.
Bokuto thought they were arguing about something but the next minute they started kissing so he might have been wrong? Who knows honestly. What a strange couple.
At that moment he realized how incredibly insignificant he was. Every person had their own lives but at the same time they were also part of something bigger. He felt so insignificant but so important at the same time. It was sort of relieving. Sometimes realizing this makes you feel a bit lighter, some of the weight you carry leaves you for a while.
Along with other realizations he had also realized that Akaashi was late.
Well that’s a first. Akaashi was almost never late. He considered calling him but decided not to. Akaashi must be on his way or else he would have texted or called him to tell him that he’d be late.
He was starting to get really anxious when he heard rustling and whispers behind his back. Reflexively he turned around to check the noise. It was pretty dark so he couldn’t exactly make out anything he saw.
“-is gonna see us, hurry up!” this time he heard the whisper more clearly. He tried to focus on wherever the sound was coming from hoping to see more clearly.
“Did you just fucking burn your hand.. seriously Akaashi get your shit together”
Bokuto was starting to understand the situation.
“Well, I am very sorry Konoha-san, I forgot my glasses and the candles you bought could not be more tiny”
As the whispers continued Bokuto decided to sit on the bench and wait for his friends to make their move. When they kept bickering instead of executing their surprise plan though, he decided he should just intervene.
He walked slowly towards the trees in the dark, he didn’t want to startle them and accidentally waste a birthday cake or whatever they got. As he got closer he heard his friends argue about who would hold the cake and who would take a video. He couldn’t help but smile. They were so stupid, he really loved them both.
“Well, happy birthday to me I guess!” He laughed and walked in front of them to blow the candles.
“Kou!” Akaashi sighed “I guess we were not as discreet as we thought”
“I never thought we were discreet and I pointed it out more than once..” Konoha rolled his eyes and smiled at Bokuto. “Happy birthday man” he moved closer to give him a hug. “I didn’t text ‘cause I wanted to tell you in person”
Bokuto felt bad for ever doubting his friend. He should have known better. “Thanks Aki!”
“Happy birthday Kou” Akaashi handed the cake over to Konoha and leaned in to give Bokuto a kiss.
“Thank you love” he placed his hand on Akaashi’s lower back and pulled him closer.
“I am quite literally going to puke” Konoha made noise to prove his disgust. “You two get cuter and cuter every day. PDA is forbidden from now on and it will continue being that way until the great Konoha Akinori finds love for himself as well. Thank you.”
Akaashi and Bokuto both laughed at this and after placing the cake on the nearest bench they pulled Konoha in for a big hug. The cake was banana and vanilla flavored which explained Konoha’s weird question from yesterday.
Bokuto felt truly happy. It was the first time anyone organized a surprise for him. He loved surprises but he was usually the one doing the surprising part. He really appreciated the other men for doing this for him. He kind of felt like crying.
“I hope you don’t expect me to leave you two alone. Your date will be a double date I’m afraid.” said Konoha while they were eating the cake.
“Oh, is that so?” Akaashi raised his eyebrow “And who might your secret date be?”
“I didn’t know you were dating someone Aki!” Bokuto looked genuinely curious which Akaashi found amusing.
“Me and my problems are inseparable, you should have known about our relationship by now” he sighed playfully “I am very disappointed in you guys. I thought we were friends”
“You need serious help” Akaashi stood up and threw away the cake box along with some leftovers. The cake was nothing big so the three of them almost finished eating it.
Bokuto laughed with Akaashi’s comment and after some more of Konoha’s antics they agreed on getting something to eat.
The place they decided on was not particularly big. When they first found out about it, they immediately fell in love with the atmosphere so naturally it became their ‘spot’. It felt comfortable and warm, they knew almost all of the staff members and since most of them were the same age as them, they communicated well. Bokuto considered them his friends.
They sat in their usual spot ordering their usual meals. Konoha mentioned that it was Bokuto’s birthday and they were celebrating, so that got them a round of free beers and the ‘Happy Birthday’ song playing loudly. Almost all every person there wished him happy birthday and continued with their nights.
Some time after that, during one of Konoha’s usual rants about his ‘lo-lo life’ as he called it- aka loveless and lonely life - Akaashi moved his hand on his knee and leaned closer to Bokuto.
“I really love you” he whispered, resting his head on his hand.
Bokuto chuckled and leaned closer to kiss his boyfriend on the nose, making him giggle. “I really really love you too, Keiji”
Their foreheads were touching and each took their time appreciating the beauty in their lover's eyes.
“No more PDA, seriously my eyes are not built for this guys” If Konoha was one thing, that was a ‘special moment’ destroyer. This man was ridiculous.
Akaashi turned to look at him and flicked his tongue jokingly. Bokuto started laughing and went over to where Konoha was sitting to give him a one armed hug.
“Come on Aki! Don’t be jealous, I promise in my heart you are number one bro”
“As I should be.” He grinned and hugged Bokuto back.
“I really appreciate the surprise you organized for me. You are both very dear to me. Thank you” Bokuto sat down and sipped from his beer. He was itching to thank them all this time.
Akaashi smiled and held his hand.
Konoha patted his back “Don’t even think about it. That’s what friends are for, right?”
Indeed
. Bokuto was glad he was lucky enough to have met
them. He was glad to find love and friendship that felt right for once.
Maybe loving is not as draining when you find the right people.