Chapter Text
It was quiet in J. P. Wynne High School’s library. No one except a couple of students was left, and even the librarian was getting bored, slumped on her desk. She occasionally checked her watch and tutted loudly, peering over her specs at the two students left in the corner of the library. It was close to closing time and the sun was reaching golden hour over Albuquerque.
The two students in question? Jesse Pinkman and Vanessa Keller. It wasn’t unusual for them to be here at this hour. In fact, it had malformed into a strange sort of routine.
Every day after school was finished, the pair would come to the library, usually with a spread of books in front of them, and run through an emotional roller-coaster from despairing about grades to uncontrollable laughter.
Right about now, tucked away into the corner of the library, they were more in the swing of dread and despair. Although, for very different reasons. Jesse had his arms spread on the table, leaning far forward with his head resting on a pile of books. Vanessa, on the other hand, was sitting incredibly straight, trying to not tear up the papers in front of her.
Jesse began to groan. “Do you actually think she likes me back? Or are you just saying that?”
“Hm?” Vanessa lifted her gaze from the work. “What?”
“Earlier. When you said I had nothing to worry about with my, y’know,” he leaned closer conspiratorially, even though no one could hear them, and whispered, “the girl I like.”
“Yeah, you have tats, a six-pack no one knows about, and you sell weed, obviously any girl is gonna go out with you. Duh.”
Jesse huffed out a laugh, “no, I’m being serious.”
“Yes, I do believe in you! You get mad bitches, I promise. Damn," she tried to ignore how her neck itched at the though of Jesse with another girl, "now can we get back to my struggles, or what?”
“What struggles, it’s just chem class, can’t you sleep with Mr White if you need the A so bad?”
“Ugh.” Vanessa softly slapped him over the head with her test. “First of all, I resent the accusation I would just sleep with a teacher to get a good grade…”
“...Second of all?”
“I already tried and it didn’t work.”
Jesse laughed properly then, and it would’ve made Vanessa smile had it not been for the fact he was laughing at her. So, instead, she fought the grin trying to worm its way onto her features and smacked him over the head with her papers again, only a little harder.
“Damn, I wouldn’t have thought Mr White would be the one to refuse, he seems like a total perv.”
“Yeah, well, it was really awkward and now I have to pass my test otherwise he’ll think I’m just a slut or something.”
Jesse opened his mouth, but Vanessa glared, “think before you speak, Pinkman.”
His mouth snapped shut.
Vanessa grinned, ruffling his surprisingly soft hair. “Good boy.”
“Shut up.” Jesse turned his face away, but she still caught a glimpse of his broad smile.
Pretty smile.
Vanessa sucked in a breath and cleared her throat softly. Turning back to her test, she tapped her pink pen against her teeth, trying to make sense of the words in front of her. It might as well have been another language because there was no way in hell she could understand it.
She wasn’t even sure why she brought Jesse along in the first place to help. The only reason she wasn’t bottom of the class was because he was. Vanessa just placed a dangerously close second. But who else would she bring? It would never cross her mind to consider anyone else.
Jesse Pinkman made surprisingly good company.
“Please help, Jess. Please.”
“Okay, alright, let me look.”
Jesse pulled the test towards him, but his eyes just blew wider and lips parted. That was not the look that restored confidence in a girl. After a couple of minutes of tortured silence where Jesse flipped through the mostly empty pages, he lifted his head from his hands.
“No, I got nothin’.”
“Oh, thanks a lot then. This is due tomorrow! What am I supposed to say?”
“Just say you left it at home, works every time. Or pay one of the nerds to do it for you tonight.”
"Tonight!? Where am I gonna get cash tonight?"
"I'll lend it you."
Jesse was sweet to jump at the opportunity, and probably could comfortably fulfil his promise with all the weed he was pushing, but guilt gnawed away at Vanessa. She was certain about one thing, she never borrowed money. Especially not from Jesse, it would complicate things. Make it so much more transactional than it had to be. So she refused and sat trying to brainstorm a way out of her pitiable condition with the end of her pen in her mouth.
“Do you reckon Sam would do it for me if I gave him a blowie?”
Jesse's head whipped up to look at her. “What, that virgin? He would probably do it just to smell you, Jesus. He’s a total freak.”
“Good at chemistry though.”
He hesitated, then shrugged as if to entertain the idea, “yeah, I guess. How are you gonna ask him though? The next time you see him is when the test is due.”
“I think Emily has got his number, and she loves it when I call her so really I’m doing her a total favour. Win-win.” Vanessa winked.
“Oh, so it’s charity work now? Hope you don’t treat me like that.” Jesse whistled out a low tone, leaning back in his chair. “Honestly, so disappointed.” Despite his act, shaking his head and tutting, the huge, playful smile on his face gave him away.
“Oh shut up, you make me sound like a total bitch!” Vanessa laughed, a little louder than she should’ve, but it took her so off-guard to be caught by such a smile.
The librarian glared at them from her desk, but, thankfully for the two of them, couldn’t muster up the energy to tell them off. No one else was here anyway. For what seemed like the hundredth week in a row, she considered locking up and going home, leaving the two students behind. They could survive the night, right?
“Okay well, that’s my test sorted out. I’ll have to get home quick if I want to see him tonight though, so I better get back.” Vanessa crossed her fingers and gathered her things.
“Woah, woah,” Jesse touched her arm, “you’re being serious? I thought we were just joking around.”
“What? No, I need to have this test done. You know how bad I need to get through high school, Jess.”
“Just tell Mr White you left the test at home or something." Jesse's brow was furrowed like he couldn't even comprehend what she was saying
Vanessa physically recoiled from his touch and stood up. "What? It's no big deal."
"'Nessa, you’re literally gonna suck a guy off for homework?”
"I've done it before, what's your deal all of a sudden? Or is it only okay when it's for free? At least I get something out of it."
"Shit, should I just sleep with Grace and start getting an A on every test? How would that make you feel?"
"Fine! Go for it! I honestly don't care!"
The librarian cleared her throat as she peered at them over her glasses. She had never seen them fight before.
"You really don't care?" Jesse scoffed.
Something nasty coiled in Vanessa’s stomach. She felt dirty. "You were joking about me sleeping with Mr White earlier. Make up your mind, fuck.”
“Yeah, it was a joke. I don’t like the idea of you just sleeping around for dumb shit like this. With Sammy too? The same guy who popped a fuckin’ boner because you complimented his glasses in eleventh grade?”
“Then maybe if he likes me so much I won’t have a problem doing this test.” She shot back, grabbing her handbag and fisting her papers inside it haphazardly. “Don’t act so fuckin’ disgusted, you’re not gonna help, are you? And I’m sure as hell not getting kicked out in my last year of high school, so I’m getting this test done with an A* stamped on the front. For fuck's sake Jess', I'm not going to marry the guy.”
"Just selling yourself out for him. He doesn't deserve you."
"And who does? Huh? You?" Vanessa's laugh was dry and tasteless. "Stop making such a big deal out of it."
She turned away from him before he could even open his mouth to respond and left the library, huffing out hot breaths. She left him sitting there with all the books sprawled out in front of him. He could put them away.
Fuck Jesse Pinkman.
Storming home, heels clicking furiously against the concrete the entire way, a chill hit Vanessa's skin and raised goosebumps.
Usually, Jesse would drive her home when it got later, darker, and she would crank his heating up. He would complain about being boiling and she would just shoot back with some comment about how ridiculously thick his hoodie was. Jesse would take it off and lend it to Vanessa that night, because ‘if she wanted to stay warm then she should dress appropriately’.
But tonight Vanessa's chest was so tight she might have suffocated in his car. The night air did her good.
By the time she got home, her mom was asleep. Vanessa knew she would be; working a long shift in the ay was common for nurses.
Peeling off her clothes, washing and shaving, Vanessa stared at the bottom of her wardrobe. She had kept three of Jesse's hoodies in there. At night, every night, she wore one to help her get to sleep. They were warm and big and maybe they smelt like Jesse.
That night, shamefully wearing one of Jesse’s hoodies, Vanessa called Sam. She pulled her stupid fucking test out of her bag and tried to smile as he invited her over immediately, all shaky voice.
The next day, a Friday, Vanessa woke up early but just lay in bed. She wanted to rot away in Jesse's hoodie.
She was even starting to crumble about what happened; the fight seemed so quick and suddenly it was over. Perhaps she shouldn't have stormed away, but how dare he assume what she could and couldn't do. Not like she wanted to do it, but that was beside the point. He just didn't get it.
He didn't have to sell anything other than bags of weed to the kids so strangled by their grades they needed a way out. A surprising amount of nerds were essentially on his payroll.
Jesse had it easy.
Maybe you should apologise.
No, no. Jesse never minded before, never had any complaints when she shared her answers with him after spending ten minutes under the bleachers. Who gave him the right to be so suddenly 'Mr-high-and-mighty' about it? It wasn't like he was some evangelical virgin.
But then his eyes, boiling with this disappointment and disgust, burst to life in her memory and Vanessa felt her stomach twist in filthy little knots.
Pretty eyes.
God, she hated herself for thinking it.
Even when he looked at her like that, still, the same pretty, clear blue eyes that crinkled at the edge when he laughed so hard his stomach hurt.
The thought she had to see him today made her feel sick.