Work Text:
EREN:
He pulls the trigger and falls down, feels the warm blood pooling around him and thinks one thought.
This is finally the end.
But before he can hit the concrete pavement of the alleyway, he feels strong, lean arms catch him, and hears a strangled and pained cry resonate through his chest. He knows it’s not his own, he can hardly breathe anymore, and the only other person there with him would never, in a thousand years cry out for him, so he thinks that maybe a passer-by saw the scene and screamed in shock.
He squeezes his eyes, making the darkness smaller but not, and feels trembling arms holding him close, tears hitting his face, and he wonders, wonders, wonders if this is really happening.
His blood is leaving his body fast, his fingers and toes going numb and cold as his heartbeat slows down. He thinks that one thought again, and again, and laments not having once lived a full or happy life, and waits for his body to give up.
Then he hears a gunshot.
Eren Jaeger is seventeen when he meets his soulmate for the very first time. He knows this as a few years after he started hanging out with the already eighteen Levi Ackerman, he started to continue growing, surpassing Levi in height.
He laughed at this, and smiled into Levi’s grey eyes, reaching out to hold his hand when they both realised that they had aged after getting to know each other.
Then he felt a sharp, breath-taking pain in his abdomen, and looked down in horror as a knife protruded from it, its handle held by none other than Levi.
Levi looked up at him coldly and twisted the knife around, severing arteries and veins and capillaries, and blood started to trickle from the side of Eren’s mouth.
“Why…” Eren muttered, eyes beginning to involuntarily shut. “Levi…”
“Living forever has its prices,” Levi said, like the unwelcome prickling gust of wind on a winter night, “I’m sorry that it had to be you, Eren Jaeger.”
“But—” was as far as Eren got before Levi withdrew the blade, and Eren gasped in pain, feeling cold air rush into his open body. He shivered before Levi stabbed him again, and slumped over, his head lolling into Levi’s shoulder.
After that, his world turned black.
And soon after, he stopped breathing.
He was thrust back into the world a decade later, and meets Levi at a coffee shop with no memories of his life before. He noticed how Levi seemed to instantly recognise him, and he smiled when he saw the man staring.
After he finished his coffee, Levi walked over and smiled at Eren, extending a hand to him.
“I don’t believe we’ve met,” Levi said, his voice warm and round and welcome. “My name is Levi Ackerman.”
Eren took his hand and shook it, grinning up.
“I’m Eren Jaeger.”
They started going out just two days afterwards, and Eren found himself really enjoying Levi’s company. He was ready to confess to the older man, something he was terrified of, since he had already aged and so would’ve already met his soulmate, but he just had to get it out. Had to.
A week after their first date, Levi dragged him into an alley and kissed him hard, pulling him close against his body and sliding against him. Eren groaned into his mouth, shutting his eyes, and kissed him back.
He felt like he was in heaven, making out with this gorgeous man, until—
A loud gunshot resonated through the air, and he slumped down, too numb to think of the pain he should be feeling. Eren’s breaths came in short bursts as he looked at Levi, who was holding a pistol in his hand.
“This was fun,” he heard Levi say as his mind became fuzzy. “But it’s time to put you to sleep again.”
Eren shook his head weakly and tried to protest, but another gunshot rang out, and his young body crumbled into the floor beneath him.
Return, recuperate, reset.
This continued for many of Eren’s lifetimes. Every single time he is reborn, he loses his memories, meets Levi who knows him instantly, has a week or two of fun with him, and eventually dies by his hand, wronged, pained and despairing.
This cycle repeats for years and years, and each time, Levi grows just a week older before halting his ageing process again. Every time Eren meets him he’s just a little older, just a little more worn out by time, but always charming, always gorgeous, always attractive to Eren.
They never get anywhere further than strangers or fuck buddies. They never have enough time to forge an actual relationship like the very first one they had. Instead, Levi cuts this short, putting an end to everything before it has a chance to begin.
After a while, Eren’s self gets tired of this. Floating around, waiting to be reincarnated again, an entity decides to play a little game.
And gives Eren back his memories.
Every life before, every moment he has had with Levi, is reinserted like a disk into his brain, and his new body jolts with the new information, with the remembered betrayals.
It’s no wonder that he cries loudly at the doctor right after he’s born.
He spots Levi when he’s in high school. Levi’s a substitute teacher attempting to teach the class mathematics as they shout and throw things at each other across the classroom, and Eren is one of the only non-rowdy students trying to learn.
His heartbeat picks up its pace and his palm starts to sweat, and he has to grip his mechanical pencil a little harder to stop it from slipping from his palm and onto the floor.
He knows that Levi knows he’s here, and that he will probably repeat the cycle again, but Eren can’t let that happen this time. Sick and tired of always being killed, he wants to get his revenge, wants to make Levi feel the way he felt last time.
This time, he’s careful not to look at Levi more than the once, and averts his gaze whenever Levi tries to catch his eyes. The moment their eyes meet, it’s over – Eren knows this. While he’s livid at Levi for doing this to him, he still can’t deny the enormously strong attraction he feels towards the killer.
To survive, he must not fall into his trap.
“Eren Jaeger,” Levi’s voice cuts through his thoughts, and he very nearly snaps his head to look up at him, but catches himself at the last moment. “Stay back after class.”
He nods to his desk, twirling his pencil and sketching an eye out on his book. He already knows what Levi is going to do.
And he intends to stop it.
He waits for the bell to ring, then stays seated in his chair, doodling sunsets and mountains on his book. Soon, as he had expected, he hears Levi’s dress shoes clink against the tiles of the classroom. Looking up, he sees the same deceivingly warm and open face. His heart thumps again, and a pang strikes through his chest as he looks at the man who’s killed him time and time again.
“Eren Jaeger,” says the voice that rings of his death, “I think I would like to have a word with you privately.”
“Well, no one’s here, sir.” Eren replies, heart in his throat. He’s afraid of this man, of what he has done to him, but he stays seated. “Say what you want to, then.”
Levi tilts his head and bites his bottom lip, something he knows Eren will go crazy for, before speaking again.
“I’d prefer somewhere smaller. Why don’t you pack up your bag and we’ll go to my apartment?”
Eren is hooked. His body, every inch of his skin, aches for Levi’s touch. He wants to touch him, kiss him, move under him, but he clenches his fists and asks the question he had always wanted to ask Levi.
“Why do you always choose more time over me?” Eren grits out, his hand in tight balls in his lap. He forces himself to look into Levi’s eyes, and notices the change in them. From warm, they jump to cold, and then to decisive. He knows he has not much time left, so he stands up abruptly, knocking his books and pencil case off his desk, which wobbles dangerously in front of him.
“Do I mean nothing to you?” Eren shouts, and Levi’s hands shoot up, grabbing his throat. He can barely breathe, his legs kicking without purchase at Levi, and he gasps for air.
He knows this feeling all too well.
“You will never know why this has to be,” Levi growled. “Why you remembered now, I don’t know, but it’ll be over soon enough.” He presses his fingers in harder, digging his nails into Eren’s skin, making marks that bleed with fresh red blood. “Disposing of you will be more difficult this time, but I’ve learned over the years.” Eren’s eyes prick with tears, his life ending because of the man his heart beat for, and he uselessly wraps his hands around Levi’s fists.
“Stop this,” he rasps out, “Stop—”
“I never loved you,” Levi spits, pressing harder, and he feels a snap under his hands.
When Eren slumps forward again, his hair brushing against Levi’s nape as his body falls into Levi’s, Levi doesn’t move.
And the cycle continued.
Twenty more lifetimes later and Eren is sick and tired of this cycle. Try as he might, he is never able to hide away from Levi. Neither is he able to pull away from his touch or voice or taste.
He’s stolen a bottle of whiskey from his friend, and slurps it down, the strong liquid burning through his oesophagus. He has a moment of self-pity where he knows it doesn’t matter if he destroys himself now, because Levi will clean up after him later.
After three swigs he staggers to his laptop, where he searches ‘what will happen to your soulmate if you commit suicide’.
The results are surprising, and Eren’s heart quickens its pace as he reads various articles through his hazy eyes.
All of them point to the same thing.
If you commit suicide, you will never be reborn again, but your soulmate will become immortal.
Forever.
This information is not well known or well credited for, apparently, as none of the sources are from respected news agencies or credible personalities. But Eren doesn’t care at this point.
All he wants is to die. He’s too exhausted to continue playing this game he will never win.
And he’s going to give Levi exactly what he wanted.
He sets the bottle down, determined not to drink himself to death, because that wouldn’t be as satisfying as watching Levi see him die again, and because (and he hates himself for it, but he feels this as strongly as the Earth feels heat from the Sun) he wants to see Levi again.
So he waits.
Waits for Levi to find him.
Eren lets himself be taken along the ride, spending a week with the intoxicating, mesmerizing Levi Ackerman, and lets himself be pulled to yet another alleyway. He thinks Levi has a kink for dark places, but maybe it’s just his favourite place to kill.
He follows Levi’s lead, his hand in his, trailing behind to the place where he’ll spend his final moments in.
“You’re so gorgeous,” Levi murmurs, and kisses him. Eren kisses back with fervour, and then catches a glimpse of steel. He pulls back, grabbing the gun from Levi’s hand, and Levi retracts, but doesn’t move forward.
“I know,” Eren shouts, gun trembling at his side. “I know. Just – let me talk first. For once. Let me talk before I die again.”
“Eren,” Levi says, in a voice that Eren knows too, too well, “Give me back the gun. You don’t know.”
“I’m sick of you,” Eren’s voice breaks, and he starts to cry. “I’m sick of being constantly afraid of you, I’m sick of trying to run away, I’m sick of loving you every single time I come back into this world.” He raises the gun and Levi’s hand shoots forward, but he kicks Levi in the stomach, sending the man reeling backwards. “I’m sick, so sick and tired of being killed by you in every life. I’m sick of this. I’m ending it. Say hello to your immortality, say goodbye to me. Forever.”
He undoes the safety on the gun, and shakes violently as his finger closes in on the trigger.
The last thing he hears before the gunshot is Levi shouting ‘No’.
LEVI:
He’s worn out by the time Eren comes back for the fortieth time.
People can live for too long, Levi thinks. All of his friends have died, one by one, like flies they found their soulmates and succumbed to the human emotion of love, and all of them have left him alone.
Levi trudges along the concrete, wondering about how he has killed his soulmate more times than he can bear to think of, of how the very first time they met they were the best of friends. He remembers, clearly, every smile and laugh and tear of Eren’s.
Try as he might, he can’t erase any of those memories.
He has lived longer than anyone else he can remember at this point, and he is still obsessed with having more time – who wouldn’t? – but he starts to wonder if he had made the right choices.
By killing the one chance he had at happiness, at loving someone, Levi wonders if he will ever be a complete human being again.
He remembers the first time he met Eren. He remembers their college days, and their inside jokes, and their circle of friends. The time when they fought over what kind of bread would be most suitable for a sub, the time when they slept, cramped together, on a pull-out sofa in Erwin’s living room. Levi remembered them all.
He also remembers, most distinctly of all, how he died in his arms.
The bitter, confused note in his voice as he asked Levi why, the betrayal sinking into his heart as it stopped pumping, the cold, still body that once belonged to him lying limp in Levi’s unmoving arms.
The dreams (or nightmares) that come at night haunt him for decades and decades. Eren’s green eyes, Eren’s brown hair, Eren’s light, cheery voice that left his ears tingling every time he heard it scream. They all came back to haunt him, disturbing his sleep and clouding his days when he woke.
Dark, grey circles cupping his eyes serve as a reminder to how long he’s lived and how little, in those many years, he’s slept well. He thinks that the best sleep he ever had was in Eren’s first lifetime, when he wasn’t burdened with the death of his closest friend and soulmate.
But today is a new day. He reloads his trusty pistol and conceals it under his pants. He knows that Eren is back again, because last night he had been to the doctor’s and found out he had pancreatic cancer. With still no progress on the treatment for cancer, he was left with one option.
Find his soulmate again, and kill him to live.
For the first time in his life, however, Levi wonders if it is worth it.
Levi’s soles drag against the cold pavement, and he’s entering a bookstore where he wants to find books by long dead writers, when he sees Eren again.
The brunette boy is standing behind the counter, ringing up a few old, second-hand books for a young lady. He’s smiling at her gently and she’s smiling back, her short black hair sweeping across her shoulders and making her look very pretty in the sun.
“Come again another time, yeah?” Eren says, and she smiles wider. “See you soon, Miss.”
“Mikasa,” she says. “See you.”
“Eren,” Eren calls out after her, and watches her leave.
Levi scoffs, picks up a random book, and walks to the counter, feeling Eren’s gaze on him.
“Oh, Hardy.” Eren comments, taking the book from him and punching in buttons on the cash register. “He’s a really good read.”
“Go out with me,” are the first words Levi says, and Eren’s eyes snap up to meet his.
He smirks a little when Eren’s eyes blink in surprise, and waits for his response.
“Okay.”
A week later and they’re in the alleyway, Levi’s hands snaking up to cup Eren’s throat as they kiss.
That week was the most extraordinary week of Levi’s life. He never knew that he could love anyone as much as he loved Eren the moment he allowed himself to. It was agonising, the need for someone, and it was gorgeous at the same time. He needs to tell Eren, so he does, and moans into his mouth.
I have to tell him, he thinks, and his right hand drops to pull the gun from his pants, ready to reveal to Eren all that he’s done, the shame burning him through his body, when he feels the gun being pulled away from him.
Levi stands in front of Eren, frozen in shock, as Eren shouts and yells at him for being the monster he is. He tells Eren to give the gun back, tries to get Eren to listen to him again, but for the first time in forever Eren doesn’t seem to register his words.
He listens to Eren, his own heart breaking at the charged words that assail him, one by one by one, and reaches for the gun when he realises what Eren is trying to do.
The strong kick that Eren delivers to his stomach carries with it just a fraction of the hurt that’s coursing through his veins as he understands that this, this is it.
If he doesn’t do something, this is when he loses Eren for good.
Before he hears the gunshot ring all he can do is scream No with every muscle in his body, and he surges forward when it bursts through the air, catching Eren before he hits the concrete, and kneels down with Eren in his arms, crying onto his face and chest and neck.
He yells, screams, his voice thrashing against his vocal chords as he struggles to convey, with the noises he’s able to make, how torn apart he feels. His hands scramble for his gun, knowing that there is only one way to save Eren, and hopes that he isn’t too late.
But he hasn’t felt the familiar slack in Eren’s body yet. He can still feel warmth radiating from Eren, who’s lying with his eyes closed, bleeding from the bullet wound in his stomach. He can still hear the tiny, rasped breaths coming from Eren’s mouth as his body clings onto life, so Levi does something he had never done before.
He raises the gun to his heart, knowing that if he stops it then he will die instantly, and fires.
And stops to be.