Archive of Our Own ^beta

The divorce had been a long time coming, she and Will both knew it. They simply got tired of pretending their marriage was salvageable. Neither of them believed in staying together just for the boys, it felt too disingenuous and that wasn't the kind of role modelling they wanted to teach their kids. Henry was fourteen and Michael had just turned seven, they were growing up entirely too fast for JJ's liking. The boys had taken the divorce fairly well, all things considered. It was JJ who was still getting used to the loneliness of it all.

Especially on nights like this, when she'd been gone for five days on a case only to come home to nothing but silence. She kicked her shoes off and flipped the TV on, it had become a habit to always have something on in the background when she was alone. She made her way to the kitchen to find her fridge was mostly empty, she hadn't gone grocery shopping knowing the boys would be away. But after nearly a week living on shitty take out, she regretted not having anything to cook. She decided one more night of shitty take out wouldn't hurt, she would just go to the store tomorrow.

She dug her phone out of her bag so she could order delivery. She smiled when she saw a missed call from Tara. Tara had been JJ's unexpected constant through the divorce. Having gone through a previous divorce herself, Tara had been there for JJ every step of the way and over the months they had become best friends. Not that they weren't friends before, they had worked together for years, but they had never spent tons of one-on-one time together until JJ's separation. Tara was always helping out with the boys in any way she could, to make JJ's life a bit easier. Not to mention, the countless hours Tara had spent simply listening to JJ vent or rage, depending on the day. JJ would never be able to repay Tara for the way she stepped in to help out over the tumultuous period.

JJ called Tara back as she grabbed a pint of mint chocolate chip from the freezer, opting to eat it straight from the carton while she got comfortable on the couch.

"Hey Jayje," Tara answered. "Did you get home okay?"

"Yes, mom. I made it home safe, I locked the door and everything," JJ joked.

"Ha ha ha, fuck me for caring about you," Tara jested. "I was calling to see what your plans for dinner were."

"Well," JJ looked down into the pint of ice cream in her lap. "I uhhh...I have it sorted..."

"You're eating ice cream on the couch in your underwear again, huh?" Tara questioned.

"I'm wearing clothes, thank you very much!" JJ huffed. "And I can eat ice cream for dinner if I want to."

"Not on my watch, I'll grab some ingredients and be over in... let's say forty-five minutes If that works?" They both knew it was a rhetorical question which Tara posed more as a nicety than an actual choice for JJ to opt out of.

"Sounds good," JJ chuckled. "It'll be nice to have some company."

"Yeah, I thought that might be the case," Tara replied. "Alright, I'll see you soon. Text me if you need anything specific from the store."

JJ hung up the phone, had two more bites of ice cream, then put it away so she wouldn't spoil her appetite. She had been surprised at how easily she fell into this routine with Tara, of all people. Tara kept track of when the boys would be with Will and she always made an effort to cook dinner or just come over to hang out with JJ, so she wouldn't be alone. JJ would be lying if she said she didn't look forward to those nights with Tara; if she had to be home without her kids, having Tara over was the next best thing.

There had been a time where Garcia, or even Emily, would have been JJ's go-to person when she needed someone nearby. But nowadays, Penelope was busy living her best life with Luke so JJ never wanted to impose on her. As far as Emily, their complicated history had always made JJ hesitant to call her to come over for any extended period of time, knowing neither of them wanted to fall into their old patterns. Especially since Emily and Fiona had gotten back together recently and JJ was giving Emily her space. For maybe the first time, JJ and Emily were doing great with just being friends and JJ didn't want to jinx their progress.

Then there was Tara. Tara didn't have anyone waiting for her at home, so she usually wanted the company just as much as JJ. They worked well together in the field, but they worked even better outside of it. Tara never hesitated to come over, no matter what time of day or night JJ called her. Tara's favourite way to help was cooking for JJ, just because it was something she loved doing but rarely felt like cooking for herself was worth it. As much as Tara enjoyed cooking for JJ,  she enjoyed cooking for the boys even more. She would come over and spend time with JJ and the kids quite often. It made JJ unbelievably happy that Henry and Michael adored Tara and vice versa.

JJ decided to have a shower before Tara arrived, so she'd feel like some semblance of a person again after their long flight back to DC. She had always looked forward to taking a shower when she got home from a case, hers had the perfect amount of water pressure, which made it a welcomed experience after days or weeks in sub-par hotels.

She had just finished when she heard the knock on the front door. Tara had a spare key but she refused to use it unless it was an emergency or on the rare occasion she needed get in the house when no one else was home. JJ wrapped a towel around herself and headed downstairs.

"Hey stranger," JJ laughed, knowing it had been precisely two hours since they last saw each other.

"Hey Jen," Tara smiled, leaning in to kiss JJ's cheek. "I seem to have interrupted your 'just got home from a case and I love my shower' ritual."

"Laugh all you want but nothing in the world beats it," JJ replied smugly.

"God, only nine months being single and you already forgot about sex?" Tara joked.

"Who needs sex when you have an endless hot water supply?" JJ decided.

"Speak for yourself, not enough hot water in the world for me to not need sex," Tara said flatly. "Go get dressed, you shower-obsessed weirdo. I'm making grilled chicken and vegetables. I needed real food after that horrible pizza we had for lunch before the flight"

JJ shuddered, "You mean the grease that also happened to have a bit of bread underneath it?"

"I swear I got heartburn before I even swallowed the first bite," Tara agreed. She waved JJ off, "Now, stop dripping on the floor and go put on clothes. You can take your time, I know my way around your kitchen."

"But if I take my time, I'd miss out on watching you," JJ reminded. "And you know how much I love watching you be domestic."

Tara scowled at the sentiment she would ever be 'domestic', "How is it that I have three grocery bags and somehow, what my hands are actually full of is you?"

JJ grinned, "You love it."

"Mhmm," Tara hummed. "You're such a pain in my ass."

JJ winked before heading back upstairs to finish her routine. She towel dried her hair before putting it up in  a messy bun. She hadn't done laundry before she left so her options of clean clothes were limited but she found a pair of sweat shorts and an old tank top that were comfortable enough.

"Oh perfect timing," Tara said when JJ walked into the kitchen. "I forgot to pour the wine before starting on the chicken and now my hands are dirty."

JJ opened the bottle Tara had brought and poured two glasses, setting one next to Tara. Tara just stared at it longingly as she continued to prep the chicken breast. JJ gave her a pointed look, "What? Do you want me to help you drink it too?"

"Oh! Would you?" Tara asked excitedly before studying JJ's expression. "That wasn't a serious question, huh?"

"Well... no," JJ laughed. "But if you really want me to pour wine in your mouth while you cook me dinner, it's the least I could do."

JJ walked over to Tara, stopping only inches from her, so she could carefully help Tara sip her wine. The interaction should have been absurdly humorous but instead, JJ's heart raced at how intimate the moment felt.

"Thank you! You are the best chef's assistant," Tara smiled. "Now, I have another task for you."

"Oh my god, are you actually going to let me help you make dinner?" JJ questioned. Tara never let JJ do anything to help cook, usually coming up with any number of excuses from 'you already do everything else in your house' to 'it's a secret recipe so you're not allowed to help'.

"Oh, no. Absolutely not. I was going to say your task is to decide what we're watching tonight," Tara retorted.

"Why are you so stubborn?" JJ huffed.

"Because I'm here to take care of you and I can't do that if you're in here trying to work, instead of relaxing!"

"Sure, sure," JJ replied over her shoulder as she headed to the living room. She flipped through the TV to see what was on, but found nothing of interest. Next she checked her streaming platforms until she came across a movie she had been wanting to see and figured it would be fine. They rarely made it through a whole movie without getting distracted in conversation or without one or both of them falling asleep.

Tara came into the living room to sit on the couch with JJ. "Alright, food is in the oven we have time for an episode of something before we can eat. What did you decide on?"

"What about this new queer rom-com?" JJ asked.

"Oh, Emily said that one was good and you know how she doesn't like anything so it's pretty high praise," Tara decided.

"Should we wait until after we eat for the movie? In the meantime, we can just put on an episode of something we missed while we were out of town," JJ offered.

"Yeah, that's a good idea. I can't remember what episode we're up to on Master Chef," Tara replied.

"Noooo, we watched Master Chef last time. It's my turn this week!" JJ grinned mischievously, as Tara realised what JJ would want to watch.

"C'mon! Please don't make me suffer through The Bachelorette," Tara sighed, taking a long sip of her wine.

JJ enjoyed watching Tara's discomfort for half a second before bursting into laughter, "Tara, I'm not going to force you to watch The Bachelorette. I know how much you hate reality dating shows or dating in general. I'll happily catch up on it when I'm alone this week. I think we probably have a back-log of Great British Bake Off episodes to watch."

"You've said all the magic words," Tara smiled.

They put on an episode of GBBO and cuddled up together, while making constant commentary about the contestants' bakes. When Tara's timer went off she went to finish up in the kitchen before returning to the living room with dinner.

"This is delicious," JJ compliment after a few bites.

"Glad you like it," Tara replied. She paused for a moment to just watch JJ. There was something special about nights like that one, where they were just themselves and didn't have to put on appearances like they would at work. Tara loved seeing JJ when she was fully relaxed at home, she was an entirely different person to 'SSA Jennifer Jareau'.

JJ glanced over and caught Tara's eye, "What? Do I have food on my face?"

Instead of admitting she had simply been admiring JJ, Tara reached over and brushed her thumb to the corner of JJ's mouth. "Nope, I got it," she smiled after removing the imaginary piece of food.

JJ's breath caught in her chest at the simple skin contact. "My hero."

"I always aim to please," Tara took a drink of her wine to hide the dopey grin plastered across her face. Her heart was racing at how casual it felt to touch JJ's lips, whether there had actually been food there or not. Tara was well aware of her crush on JJ, but after everything JJ had been through with the divorce, she had decided she wasn't going to make any moves. Tara genuinely loved their friendship and she feared messing it up by crossing a line JJ wasn't ready for.

They finished eating and started the movie JJ had picked out. As far as rom-coms went, the plot was predictable but at least the main characters were queer, which was refreshing compared to most of the heteronormative stuff they ended up watching.

"This reminds me, have you had any hot new matches on Tinder?" JJ questioned, wiggling her eyebrows. She paused the movie to give Tara her full attention. She loved taking any and every opportunity to tease Tara about being on the popular dating app.

"Ugggggh. Maybe I have finally realised, I am far too old to keep pretending like I'm going to meet anyone worth while through Tinder," Tara groaned in exasperation. "If I get called a MILF one more time, I'll have Garcia track down the 20-something lesbian who said it and delete their account."

"I dunno, I kind of like being a MILF," JJ shrugged.

"Yeah, well that's because you are! It's different for me, I don't even have kids," Tara remarked.

"Wow, you think I'm a MILF?" JJ challenged with a pointed glare.

Tara blushed while she used the moment to take a drink of her wine before moving on. "So how about you? How are you feeling about the wild world of dating?"

"I don't know, I still don't feel like I'm ready to get back out there," JJ shrugged. "I know Will's already dating again and that's fine, he can do whatever he wants. But between work and the boys, I just don't have time to get to know anyone."

"I get that," Tara agreed. "That's why I don't do relationships."

"Mhmm, right. You're 'no relationships' philosophy. The same philosophy that made you break up with Stephanie after they declared they were in love with you? Even though they were incredible?" JJ mocked.

"I can't help it that people fall in love with me, Jen. Have you seen me?" Tara gracefully gestured up and down at herself. "I can decide to cut and run when it happens."

"I don't get it, I guess I'm too much of an old-school romantic. But if it works for you, that's all that matters," JJ admitted. "Besides, not sure what I would do if you coupled up with someone like the rest of our friends. I'd miss you too much."

Tara knew JJ hadn't meant it platonically but knowing JJ also enjoyed their time together made her happy. "Coupled up? You truly are old-school," Tara teased. "If I ever did consider a serious relationship again, it'd have to be someone really special. But I can't imagine leaving you as the only single one, so here we are. I mean, I know that if I left you alone you'd just be spending every night sitting in your underwear, eating ice cream for dinner, and making horrible life choices like watching The Bachelorette."

"You know, I can actually take care of myself without you! I AM an adult, a mother, and a high qualified FBI agent who could easily kick your ass," JJ scoffed.

"Well, if you have everything so taken care of, guess I'll stop coming round then," Tara decided. She sipped her wine while giving JJ a stern look.

"Yeah right." JJ rolled her eyes knowing it was an empty threat. "If you're done being a smartass now... do you want to see how this movie ends or what?"

Tara wrapped her arm around JJ's shoulders to pull her in close so they could keep watching. Not that it mattered much, JJ fell asleep against Tara's chest about twenty minutes later. Tara rested her face against the top of JJ's head, simply enjoying the companionship of the moment. She knew she should have woken JJ up and made her go to bed, but that meant she'd have to leave for the night.

Tara wasn't quite ready to head home so she just finish the movie by herself. She told herself it was because JJ just looked too serene and comfortable to wake up and not because she just enjoyed JJ sleeping in her arms. Nearly an hour later, after watching the entirety of the credits, Tara gently woke JJ up.

"Mm, what time is it?" JJ yawned.

"Late. You should go to bed," Tara replied. She pressed a kiss into JJ's hair.

"Are you staying?" It was a question JJ asked every time Tara was over at the house past a certain time. What she really meant was 'Would you stay with me?' but she hadn't quite worked up the courage to word it so directly, instead she always opted to phrase the question so it was less of an invitation.

"No, I think I'll head home." It was the answer Tara gave every time JJ asked this question, because Tara was aware that if she allowed herself to stay the night she might start getting too attached. She knew that getting attached meant one or both of them would end up with a broken heart and Tara wanted to avoid that possibility at all costs.

So, she said goodnight and she went home. Tara rolled her eyes when her phone chimed the same moment she stepped into her apartment. JJ knew it took Tara eighteen minutes to get home without traffic and she had a way of texting exactly when Tara was walking through her front door.

[Thanks for dinner. Let me know you made it home]  sent at 00:05

[Or if you've been abducted by an unsub, let me know that too so I can kick their ass] sent at 00:05

[Love you!] sent at 00:07

Tara chuckled while she read the messages, her eyes lingering on the final one. She sent JJ confirmation she had arrived home, safe and unharmed, then headed to bed. Not that she would be able to sleep, she rarely got to sleep easily after spending time with JJ. She tossed and turned for another hour or so, while she tried to clear her head of the sound of JJ's voice. She was grateful when her exhaustion finally won out, forcing her into a deep sleep.

She half-considered just going back to sleep, in an attempt to hibernate through the day that was sure to be full of charged emotions. Maybe if she could just stay in bed in an unconscious state, things would hurt less. She was still contemplating this option when her phone vibrated against the nightstand.

"Please tell me we have a case," JJ answered with a groan.

"Uhhh, good morning to you too?" Tara replied. "The only case we have is a case of you being cranky."

JJ genuinely laughed at the joke. "Sorry, good morning. What's up?"

"I know today is going to be hard....so, I have a day planned for us," Tara explained.

"What? No, I'm just going to hide in bed until it's tomorrow," JJ complained.

"Nope, you're not. I'm coming to pick you up in an hour. And no, you do not have a choice. If I have to physically carry you to my car, I absolutely will," Tara replied.

"I don't want to go out, Tara. I just want to lay in bed and wallow in my feelings," JJ argued.

"Resistance is futile here, Jen. I'm coming to get you," Tara repeated. "I'll see you in an hour, whether you're ready or not."

"Fine," JJ huffed. "I guess I'll see you then."

"See you soon," the call disconnected.

JJ sighed heavily and fell backwards on her bed in exasperation. She knew that a day out of the house would do her good but also there was a strange bit of nervous energy in the pit of her stomach. She had been aware of the fleeting sensation of butterflies she felt each time she hung out with Tara lately; which was nearly any time they had off work. JJ had decided it was simply because Tara was always there for her, in kind and unconditionally supportive ways that constantly made JJ feel an endless amount of gratitude. Something she knew she could never fully repay.

Tara was always there when JJ needed her and was also there when JJ thought she didn't. That morning was more of the latter. Over the twelve months since her divorce, Tara had become her 'person' in a multitude of ways. Tara was her shoulder to cry on, her companion, her best friend, her confidant and maybe, just maybe, Tara was her crush

JJ took a shower and got ready for her 'day out' as best she could without actually knowing what she was going to be spending the day doing. All she could hope was that whatever Tara had planned, it better be inside because DC in January was bitterly cold and JJ was sure she would draw the line at being outside for any extended period of time. They had gotten fresh snow a few days prior and there were still half-recognisable snowpersons in the front yard. It hadn't snowed enough to make proper ones but the boys had been adamant that they were going to do their best. Perhaps snowperson was a generous term, basically there were two piles of snow in the yard that had sticks for arms and rocks for eyes.

Exactly one hour later, there was a knock on the door. Tara was nothing if not punctual. JJ opened the door and her crankiness instantly melted away. Tara greeted her with a bouquet of bright and cheerful flowers.

"Happy anniversary?" Tara chuckled.

"Why did you get me flowers?" JJ questioned, accepting the bouquet. She took a deep breath to inhale the beautiful scents. 

"Why not?" Tara replied, stepping inside. "I'm always a fan of flowers to brighten up a bad day."

"Thank you. You are so very thoughtful," JJ admitted.

She put the flowers in a vase and used their move to the kitchen as a distraction, so she could stay home for just a bit longer.

"Do you want coffee?" JJ offered.

Tara eyed her suspiciously, she knew that JJ was trying to avoid going out by any means necessary, but even with the day she had planned, JJ was Tara's most important priority. All Tara wanted to do was look after JJ and if JJ wanted to have coffee at home, they would have coffee.

"Yeah, sounds good," Tara smiled. "How are the boys? I feel like I haven't seen them in a couple of weeks."

"They're good. They keep asking about when you're coming over a for a snowball fight," JJ turned her back to get the coffee started. She didn't want Tara to see the tears she was desperately trying to blink away. "It feels so strange to not have them here, especially today. I know it's probably a hard day for all of us...but the joint custody part of it really makes it even more difficult."

Even with JJ's back turned, Tara immediately clocked the way JJ's body was slightly shuddering and the way her voice trembled. Tara walked over and wrapped her arms around JJ's waist from behind. It was an extremely intimate gesture but she had done it on auto-pilot, as if she had done it hundreds of times before, even though it was certainly the first and only time. JJ's body tensed for half a second at the unexpected connection and her stifled cries made way for small, shallow breaths. She turned around slowly to face Tara, with Tara's arms gently resting around her waist. They had always been comfortable with physical connection, but in that moment, when their faces were inches apart, JJ's heart raced as her vision felt like it was swimming.

Tara looked at her lovingly, slightly cocking her head while she studied JJ's expression. After what seemed like ages, Tara finally pulled JJ in for a strong hug. JJ rested her head against Tara's shoulder as her resolve crumbled, giving way to full-bodied sobs. Tara tightened the embrace and rested her face against the top of JJ's head.

"It's okay. I'm here," Tara whispered.

JJ wrapped her arms around Tara's back and pulled her even closer, their bodies pressed together. Tara simply held space for JJ to fall apart. When JJ's sobs turned to sniffles, she finally looked up to Tara.

"I don't know how I would have gotten through this without you," JJ admitted with a soft smile. "Thank you, Tara."

"What are friends for?" Tara replied softly. Friends... that's all they were, Tara often reminded herself. Despite her attraction to JJ, Tara knew she'd never pursue anything other than friendship. Tara recognised that JJ was still trying to heal, she was still emotionally vulnerable, and Tara was always acutely aware of that fact. Truth be told, her feelings for JJ sort of scared her. Tara wasn't one for romantic relationships, she was perfectly happy with causal sex with no strings attached.

Casual sex with cute blondes that looked a bit familiar had been her current trend of hook ups, but she was feigning wilful ignorance by not unpacking what that preference of women meant. Tara enjoyed having fun without having to stick around to get to know people. But she had realised, there was something about being around JJ that made her consider bending her own rules, made her consider commitment. And that was the part that scared her most of all.

Tara spent most of her free-time with JJ and the boys and it always just felt right. Whether it was helping with homework, or cooking dinner, or going to soccer games and school functions, to Tara, all of those things just felt comfortable. The fact the domesticity of it all didn't make her run for the hills, made Tara irrationally terrified. None of those things were who she was, or at least, not who she thought she was. Before JJ, when Tara had even fleeting thoughts of 'settling down', it had elicited a physical reaction. Palms sweaty, heart racing, bile burning in her throat. It kept Tara awake at night thinking about all of the ways JJ terrified her. JJ represented all of the things Tara had long sworn off after she and Doug broke off their engagement. JJ represented too many things Tara swore she would never want from a relationship. All of these reasons compounded into one conclusion, JJ was only a friend. She could never be more than a friend, because that was the only way Tara could cope with being around her.

JJ managed a few deep breaths and finally released Tara from the death grip she had been holding her in. "How about that coffee?"

"You go sit down, I'll get it," Tara offered. JJ almost protested but one raise of the eyebrow paired with a scowl from Tara made her think better of it.

They sat at the kitchen bar and sipped coffee, while Tara offered a sympathetic ear for JJ to talk through all of her emotions. JJ was actually surprised at how much better she felt after naming all of her worries and insecurities. She was sure she would have never felt comfortable being so completely open with anyone other than Tara. Tara had always felt comfortable to JJ, but after twelve months of becoming nearly inseparable Tara had also started to feel a bit like security, like stability, like home. JJ couldn't quite explain it in words, Tara just gave her a deep seeded feeling of unconditional safety.

"How are you doing after all of this?" Tara checked. She still very much wanted to get JJ out of the house but her previous stance that JJ was not allowed to object, had shifted to prioritise what JJ needed.

"I umm, I'm not sure," JJ admitted quietly.

"Do you want to get out of the house?" Tara offered.

JJ knew she should, she knew that getting out of the silence of her empty home always helped clear her head. She pulled her eyes away from where they had been focused in her coffee cup to tell Tara it would be a good idea. She was about to reply, except when her eyes locked with Tara's, when her eyes caught the way Tara was looking at her with nothing but compassion, something in JJ spontaneously ignited.

Suddenly what had been the fleeting feeling she was used to, expanded into a full kaleidoscope of butterflies. What she had previously labelled as a strange bit of nervous energy in the pit of her stomach, became all consuming. Her logical thought process gave way to her startling realisation that all she wanted to do was take advantage of the fact the boys were away. She wanted to take advantage of the fact she and Tara were alone. Alone in the privacy of her house. Alone and so very close to her bedroom.

These stark realizations should have worried JJ, they should have made her stop to think things through. Tara was her friend, her best friend. She should have paused to consider all the reasons why she absolutely should not make an advance, but JJ was tired of stressing out about all the things she should do. All she wanted in that moment was to take a risk and do something she really shouldn't. 

"Jen?" Tara studied JJ's sudden change in demeanour. Her tense body language had completely softened. JJ's face had moved from a pensive expression to something that made Tara's pulse quicken in some sort of anticipation. The way JJ was looking at her made Tara's entire body flush with warmth

Then it happened.

JJ closed the distance between them and she pressed a kiss to Tara's lips. The second their lips met, JJ felt a hurricane of desire overcome her. But to her surprise and heartbreak, Tara pulled away

JJ was instantly aware of what she had done. Her attraction had fuelled her ill-advised advance but as her desires melted into logic, JJ's eyes went wide in horror.

"Oh god....Tara.... I uhhh... I am so sorry," JJ stammered.

Tara was perfectly still, her face a combination of confusion and sadness. Her mind was racing, trying to make sense of what had just happened, trying to decide what to do next.

"Tara, please...please say something," JJ begged. She was bright red from embarrassment.

"Jen...." Tara whispered. She felt her eyes begin to water but she blinked back the tears the best she could. Her face went from shocked to stoic, neutral, and guarded. Her outward expression became completely impossible to read, a well-rehearsed skill that she had perfected in her years interrogating serial killers with the FBI. She took a deep breath and started again, now that she was sure her expressions wouldn't betray her. "You know I care for you. You're my best...friend. But this isn't a good idea..."

JJ's lip quivered, part of her had been convinced Tara had been flirting with her for months. Part of her loved knowing Tara was seemingly attracted to her. But now Tara felt completely detached and distant. Even though they were sitting two feet apart, Tara suddenly felt out of reach

"I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking," JJ muttered. "Can we just forget that happened?"

JJ couldn't bring herself to look at Tara, not while Tara's demeanour made her feel like she was miles away. Not when Tara's expression was completely disinterested.

"It's okay, Jen. You're going through so much," Tara explained. She forced herself to soften her body language just enough to place a supportive hand on JJ's arm. "I don't want you to think this is going to effect our friendship. It's fine, it happens in moments of emotional intensity. I get that. I'm happy to just forget it and go about our day."

Every word was a lie and Tara knew it. How could she forget the fact JJ had just kissed her? Her head was swimming with a cacophony of emotions. Tara knew that her natural inclination was to cut and run anytime someone got too attached to her and she was desperate to prevent that from coming to fruition with JJ. The only way to guarantee that didn't happen was for her to stop things now, before they became too messy. Tara felt like if they opened Pandora's Box, it would only end in heartbreak and Tara never wanted to hurt JJ.

"Yeah. Yeah, that was stupid. I'm sorry," JJ repeated. Her words were forced but she did her best to smile in an attempt to hide her discomfort. "So....what did you have in mind for today?"

Tara breathed a sigh of relief when JJ changed the topic. "Well, I was going to take you to a movie and lunch, followed by perhaps drinks and dancing. If that sounds at all enticing. I just figured you might want some distractions today."

Tara may have originally planned the day to distract JJ from her divorce, but now all Tara wanted was to distract herself from the fact JJ had just kissed her. Maybe an afternoon out would do them both a world of good

"That sounds perfect," JJ agreed. Going out as friends would have to be enough for her. She didn't want to make things anymore awkward with Tara. She would never pressure Tara into anything she wasn't comfortable with. If that meant JJ had to ignore her attraction to her, she would do so, because she knew she couldn't lose Tara. Not now. Not after they had spent a year getting to this place in their friendship.

During the entire movie, Tara had been achingly aware of how easy it would have been to hold JJ's hand. How easy it would have been to kiss JJ in the safety of the dark.

During lunch, Tara had spent the meal smiling at JJ's laugh. Smiling at JJ's jokes, even if most of them were groan-worthy. Smiling at everything JJ.

They spent the afternoon running errands. Tara was surprised that even something so entirely mundane made made stomach flutter.

That evening they went out for drinks after dinner, which was not unusual for them. They'd been out for drinks together plenty of times. But this time was different, after their first round, Tara could feel the heavy pressure bearing down on her resolve. Not only the pressure that had been growing through that day, but the pressure of twelve months of growing feelings towards JJ. Tara's entire career had taught her how not to break under pressure, yet there she was, eyes locked on JJ's lips while they talked, unable to ignore the aching desire inside herself.

As if the universe was answering Tara's unspoken prayer, her phone vibrated against the table. JJ eyed it as the screen lit up with a familiar notification.

"I thought you stopped using Tinder," JJ questioned. Trying to hide the fact that  just seeing the notification felt painful after her day with Tara. It was a simple reminder that they were, in fact, just friends.

"I did for a while," Tara shrugged. She wondered if she should just ignore the notification, it seemed rude to answer a potential booty call in the middle of her evening out with JJ. "I just downloaded it again recently."

"Well then, let's see who you've matched with on this fine evening," JJ forced a smile. She was doing her best to perform the same conversation they always had when Tara got a hit on Tinder, even though the last thing JJ wanted was to see who Tara would inevitability be hooking up with.

"No, it's okay. I'll just check it later," Tara replied uncomfortably. She had seen the user name in the notification and she knew exactly who it was.

Before Tara could protest further, JJ swiped the phone off the table, "C'mon! You're never shy about showing me who you're getting with. Let's see them!"

While most of JJ didn't want to know, a small part did. She wanted to see the women Tara was interested in. She wanted to see the women who earned Tara's romantic affections. She wanted to see the women she couldn't be.

"Jen! No! Give it back!" Tara demanded.

JJ became even more curious when Tara continued to protest. Tara had never been hesitant to show JJ her Tinder matches, so it must be someone interesting. If she had been sober, JJ would have never crossed Tara's boundary. If she had been sober and she hadn't kissed Tara just that morning, JJ would have never unlocked Tara's phone to check her notification. But JJ wasn't sober and the feeling of Tara's lips on hers was still fresh in her mind as she grinned mischievously and opened Tara's messages.

Tara tried to grab her phone out of JJ's hand but JJ pulled it away quickly. "Ohhh, what's this? Looks like 'KinkyDistrict69', wow what a horrible name, says 'I'm horny come over tonight'," JJ opened the person's profile and her heart sank. KinkyDistrict69 so happened to be a white woman with blonde hair and blue eyes. JJ slowly handed Tara her phone back. "I guess you have a date tonight..."

The weight that had been bearing down on Tara all day became ten times heavier. "Nah, I'm here to spend time with you, remember?" Tara did her best to sound unphased but she actually felt like climbing into a hole to wallow in her shame.

"It's fine, Tara. You can go answer the call of your horny friend, I'll be fine," JJ muttered before draining what was left of her margarita.

Tara shoved her phone in her jacket pocket without replying to the message. "I'm here for you tonight. There's no one else I'd rather be hanging out with."

The words felt bittersweet, on one hand JJ wanted to spend more time with Tara, on the other it just made her more confused about what was actually happening between them.

"Let's dance," Tara decided, trying to brush off the awkward tension that had settled between them. She offered her hand to JJ and JJ smiled, accepting the gesture.

They stayed for a couple of hours, dancing, laughing, and enjoying each other's companionship. Tara was more than happy to drive JJ home after she had a few too many margaritas.

"We're back," Tara whispered to a half-dozing JJ.

"Already?" JJ yawned.

"You've been asleep the entire trip," Tara laughed. "Let's go get you in bed."

Tara helped JJ out of the car and into the house. She got JJ upstairs to the bedroom. When JJ went to the bathroom to get ready for bed and Tara took the moment alone to check her phone. She stared at the Tinder message from KinkyDistrict69, aka Josie. Tara had already slept with Josie before and it had been really good sex. It wasn't entirely too late to accept the invitation but Tara wasn't entirely sure she wanted to. Which was not a hesitation she was used to having.

"Are you staying?" JJ asked, reappearing in the bedroom. She asked Tara the same question anytime Tara was over at the house late into the night. JJ knew she shouldn't have asked it, not after the day they had. It was a habit to ask, even though she always knew Tara's answer.

Like clockwork, Tara replied, "I think I'm going to go." She watched JJ's smile turn down at the corners, just enough that it made Tara wonder if she should just take the chance and actually stay for once. The fact she was even considering it meant that she definitely needed to leave.

"Let me know when you get home," JJ murmured. She had gotten into bed and as soon as her head hit the pillow her eyes began to close.

"Of course," Tara smiled. "Goodnight, Jen."

"Goodnight, Tara," JJ replied softly, already half-asleep. "Love you."

Tara had already been walking out of the room but she froze suddenly after hearing JJ's words. She felt like her subconscious was trying to pull her in two directions simultaneously. Half of her wanting to run as fast as she could, the other half painfully begging her to just stay the night. In the end, her innate instinct to avoid serious feelings won out and she made her quick exit to her car.

Even though JJ had been fast asleep when she left, Tara's phone vibrated exactly eighteen minutes later. Tara glanced at the notification.

[Did you get home? Thanks for today, you're amazing] sent at 23:24

"Who's that?" Josie asked, when Tara broke their kiss to check her phone.

"Just a friend," Tara replied regretfully. She replied to JJ quickly, lying about her whereabouts, before putting her phone down and turning her attention back to undressing Josie.

"Tara, not everyone is allergic to commitment like you," JJ replied wryly. "They've been together a year and a half, I'm actually surprised it didn't happen sooner."

Tara was sitting on the edge of JJ's desk while she observed their co-workers like they were some type of anthropological exhibit. Something foreign to Tara, something to be studied. Garcia and Luke had just told the team their big announcement and now they were just being nauseatingly cute.

"I've already been there, done that. It ended horribly both times, why would I want to go through that again?" Tara explained as she turned back to JJ.

"You know not all relationships end in heartbreak, right?" JJ reminded.

"Well, in my experience they do. I mean, what are the two outcomes in relationships, huh? You either get married or you break-up, right? And even if you get married, you still break-up. I thought you would understand that," Tara said. Even if it was a fact, she registered the tinge of hurt on JJ's face when Tara had reminded her of the divorce.

"Okay, just because Will and I got divorced doesn't mean I'm just going to avoid any and all future relationships because it might end badly," JJ tried to hide her discomfort by meeting Tara with the obvious errors of her black and white thinking.

"Not avoiding relationships, huh? Seems like you are. Pretty sure you haven't even gone on one date in the fourteen months you've been single," Tara replied, shooting JJ a pointed look.

"I'm just waiting for the right person," JJ sighed. What she meant was 'I'm waiting for you'.

"How can you wait for the right person if you've never given anyone a chance?" Tara's question was genuine, she really didn't understand JJ's thought processes sometimes. "That's sort of my point. In order to find this mythical 'right person', you're going to have to wade through all of the wrong people first. You can't get to the happy ending without hitting all of the heart break along the way. It's so exhausting. Why put yourself through all of that? I just don't see the point."

"How can you not want to find that person, Tara?!" JJ huffed, clenching fists at her side in frustration.

"Because this perfect, 'right person' doesn't even exist! I might as well wait around for a unicorn to appear," Tara countered.

"No, you're wrong. I know they exist and I'm trying to do my best to wait around for them but my patience is starting to wear a bit thin," JJ wasn't sure how else to spell it out clearly for Tara. In the two months since JJ had kissed Tara, they had never brought it up again, even though it was all JJ thought about. JJ didn't need to date other people to look for her 'right person', she had already found her. Tara was the only one JJ wanted to be with and JJ had just been abiding her time, hoping Tara would eventually be on the same page.

"There's no guarantee that's ever going to happen. I'm sure Reid can probably even give you the exact statistics of how unlikely it is that this perfect match ever crossing your path, when there's billions of people in the world. All I'm saying is, it just seems like a pretty flawed plan to wait around for this 'right person' to find you on their own," Tara argued.

"Yeah, sometimes it feels pretty fucking stupid," JJ replied through grit teeth. "You know? You can be so infuriating sometimes, Tara." She was too angry to continue the conversation that seemed to be an endless loop of Tara missing the entire point.

JJ walked away without another word, crossing the bullpen to go talk to Garcia and Luke, in an attempt to calm down. Tara sighed, while JJ's words echoed in her mind. She knew JJ was clearly mad at her, but at least JJ's tense body language seemed to ease a bit when she began chatting with Garcia.

Tara watched JJ, while she struggled with her own emotions. Tara wasn't oblivious to the fact their friendship had been permanently altered after JJ had kissed her. Even if they never talked about that day, it was the beginning of a different dynamic between them. She clearly knew JJ returned her affections, but she was still hesitant to do anything about it. What could she possibly offer someone as incredible as JJ?

The idea of beginning an actual relationship with JJ terrified her. Tara knew herself; she knew that at some point the relationship would become too much for her and she would run, leaving JJ broken-hearted in the process. Avoidance of romance was just what Tara did, what she had always done, to protect herself. If she could walk away from relationships on her terms, it ensured she would never have to be surprised by their ending. And relationships always ended. 

Tara honestly felt like she would never be able to fully let her guard down, not enough to 'settle down' with anyone. She also knew she wasn't getting any younger and with each year that passed, she further accepted the inevitable conclusion, that she was simply destined to be alone.

"They're pretty cute together, huh?" Emily asked as she entered the bullpen, looking over to where Tara had been staring. "About time they moved in together."

Tara turned to Emily quickly, trying to hide the fact she had been focused on JJ and not the happy couple. "Yeah, I guess."

"What about you? Who's been on your radar lately?" Emily questioned. She wasn't oblivious, of course she wasn't. Tara had been longingly watching JJ for months and Emily had immediately recognised it. It was the exact same way Emily used to stare at JJ, many years ago. "Anyone you're interested in getting serious with?"

"Me?" Tara scoffed. "No way. Relationships are not my cup of tea, I'm perfectly happy on my own. Strong independent woman, you know?"

Emily resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "Well, you're not really on your own though, are you? You and JJ have been pretty inseparable for what, a year?"

"Sure, she's my best friend," Tara replied casually.

"Mhmm," Emily hummed, even though internally she was screaming at Tara's stubbornness. "Right...friends. I just mean you two spend all of your time together and best friend or not, I'm just really glad she has you, Tara."

Emily's tone of voice piqued Tara's curiosity. Tara wasn't entirely sure what Emily was being cryptic about, but Emily's tone made Tara instinctively feel like she should proceed with caution.

"I'm glad to have her friendship too," Tara replied simply. She carefully studied Emily's facial expressions, looking for any tells.

With Tara still being obtuse, Emily let out an exasperated sigh before deciding to abandon her subtle approach. Tara was clearly not going to open up to her on her own. "Look, Tara. It's none of my business but I want to be clear, I'm not upset by whatever is going on between the two of you...If that's why you're being cagey about talking about her. I feel quite the opposite, I was being genuine when I said I'm glad she has you. JJ is stubborn and often tries to go at things alone, unable to ask for help when she needs it. But she needs someone she can rely on right now. ... What I'm trying to say is...just, don't make the same mistakes I did, okay? She won't wait forever, Tara."

Emily offered Tara a knowing smile, then walked back to her office. Tara was caught completely off-guard by the blunt advice. The team knew Tara and JJ were close, but Tara was suddenly terrified at the implication the team had also identified the undercurrent of repressed emotions between the two women. It shouldn't have been shocking, they worked on a team of the FBI's most elite and skilled profilers. Their entire job was reading people, but when the profiling had been specifically focused on her, Tara felt immensely vulnerable. If Emily seemingly knew about Tara's feelings, who else did?

"Do we have a case?" JJ asked, returning to her desk.

"What?" Tara asked nervously.

"I saw Emily over here....do we have a case?" JJ repeated. Her frustration with Tara had subsided for the time being and she was about to apologise but she got distracted when she saw Tara's expression. "Why do you look so flushed?"

Tara's pulse was racing, her hands were sweaty, she was sure if she wasn't already sitting on JJ's desk her knees might buckle. Tara could barely focus on JJ's words at first, due to the fact Emily's unsolicited advice had taken all of her attention. She looked at JJ and after fourteen months, Tara felt like Emily was right. JJ wasn't going to wait around and Tara became overwhelmed, knowing if she didn't tell JJ right then, she would back out. "Hmmm, okay so I'm uhhh... JJ, I wanted to talk to you about something--"

JJ rested her hand on Tara's gently, "Tara, before you say anything, I just need to say that I'm sorry about earlier. I was out of line. I shouldn't judge you or your romantic priorities. You're right, I haven't dated anyone in over a year. And I was just admiring Luke and Penelope's happiness and I realised I really miss that. So I think, maybe, it's time I start considering it...dating, I mean..."

Tara was fully prepared to tell JJ how she felt and as if JJ could sense it coming, she had shut Tara down before Tara even got a single word out. Tara blinked a few times in confusion,  "I'm sorry.... you what?"

"I was just thinking.... you're right. Maybe sitting around waiting for something that may never happen isn't getting me anywhere," JJ admitted sheepishly. "Maybe it's time for me to put myself back out there."

"Oh....," Whatever temporary eagerness to admit her feelings to JJ, faded from Tara completely. She straightened her posture, as she put on the stoic expression she often donned while in the field. Neutral, unwavering. "That seems like a good idea."

JJ had, admittedly, hoped that her decision to stop waiting around would have forced Tara's hand, but she hadn't truly been holding her breath. She knew it was unfair to want Tara to be anything other than true to herself, even so, it didn't mean it wasn't difficult for JJ to realise she needed to move on. The longer she held out hope that Tara would change her mind about relationships, the longer JJ would only be hurting herself.

"Yeah," JJ smiled. "I think the boys will be okay with it, they're already okay with Will dating. So it shouldn't be too much of a surprise to them, if I start dating again. But... what about you?"

"Me?.... what about me?"

"If I start dating someone, will you be okay?" JJ questioned.

"I'll get over it," Tara answered without thinking. The words were met with a slightly confused expression from JJ.

"What do you mean?" JJ asked, her gaze suddenly serious on Tara.

"I meant, I'll be fine. Why wouldn't I be?" Tara recovered.

"I was asking if you'd be okay if we don't get to spend a lot of time together anymore....you know...if I started dating," JJ explained. The tension between them was nearly palpable.

"Ohhhhh, right!! Of course! What else would you have meant?! Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. I'll be fine, Jen," Tara stammered.

"Right, of course you will be. That was a stupid thing to ask, you're always reminding me about how fine you are on your own," JJ hadn't meant it to sound so scathing, but the way Tara's unreadable expression faltered for a fraction of a second made her regret her choice of words. "But I mean...who knows if or when I might meet someone, right?"

"Yeah, true. It's a whole wide world out there, I guess. We can still hang out, it's not like dating someone would make me any less of your friend. You know that, right?" Tara was proud she was holding it together during the rollercoaster of a conversation, the fact she had even considered telling JJ how much she truly cared for her seemed outrageous now that they were suddenly talking about JJ wanting to seek out a relationship again.

"No, of course. We'll still be close, we've always been, uhh...friends," JJ hated that she had stumbled over the word.  "Anyway, I guess on the topic of um, friendship....what are you up to tonight?"

"Nothing," Tara replied.

"Great, wanna come over? The kids have been begging me to have you over, they really miss you," JJ was hoping the invitation could be a sort of peace offering after such an awkward conversation.

"I'll be there," Tara smiled warmly, her unyielding façade disappeared and gave way to genuine happiness. Her mind had felt like it was molten lava, burning, shifting, consuming, her every thought. But as soon as JJ brought up Michael and Henry, Tara's mind calmed unexpectedly. It was such a startling transition she was sure JJ must have seen the surprise cross her face but if she had, JJ didn't comment on it.

"Perfect! I'm excited...for the boys. I mean, I'm sure they'll be excited," JJ muttered. "We'll just order pizza and hang out."

"Nonsense, I haven't seen my boys in nearly two weeks. I'm cooking," Tara decided. "I'll be over after work."

JJ smirked at the fact Tara didn't even seem to register the fact she had so easily referred to Henry and Michael as her boys. "Sounds good, we'll be waiting for you."

"You know you don't need to clean too," JJ reminded. "You already cooked, I'm happy to do the cleaning."

"I wouldn't dream of it," Tara smiled. "I'm glad you invited me over."

"Me too," JJ admitted honestly. After their bumbling conversation at work, she was grateful that Tara hadn't been awkward when she came over. JJ had felt surprisingly at peace with her decision to wade back into dating. Who knew, maybe she really was getting over her feelings for Tara, after all.

"Tara! Can we watch a scary movie!?" Henry asked excitedly.

"Dunno why you're asking me. You'll have to ask your mom that, pal," Tara replied.

"Nothing over PG-13, Henry," JJ reminded. "And only after Michael goes to bed."

"Yessss! Thanks mom!" Henry ran back to the living room, happy with JJ's answer.

"The PG-13 rating is so you don't get scared, huh?" Tara joked.

"Speak for yourself! You were terrified of The Ring," JJ laughed.

"Okay, but that's because that creepy little white girl did that creepy thing with her head," Tara shuddered thinking about it.

Without skipping a beat, JJ flipped her hair forward and skittered across the kitchen towards Tara. Tara shrieked before instinctively squaring up towards JJ, out of an immediate fight or flight response.

JJ stopped as soon as she noticed Tara's defensive body language. Tara used JJ's distraction to her advantage and splashed JJ with water from the tap. "Go back to your well you cursed demon!!"

JJ laughed and went to flip her hair back but realised it had gotten caught in her necklace, "Fuck! I'm stuck on my necklace."

"Oooohhh! That's a dollar for the swear jar, Jen," Tara laughed. She watched JJ craning her neck, trying to free herself from her jewellery and chuckled. "Okay, okay. You're making it worse! Stop moving, let me help you."

Tara wiped her hands dry and went to JJ. She gently removed JJ's hair from where it had become entangled on the chain of JJ's horseshoe necklace. It wasn't until she had fully freed JJ that she realised how close they were standing.

"My hero," JJ whispered softly, realising exactly the same thing Tara had.

Their eyes locked and Tara studied the desire in JJ's gaze for a moment, before she cautiously wrapped her arms around JJ's waist to pull her closer. JJ's breath hitched in her chest, but she didn't try to move away. Tara began to lean in towards JJ's lips... Just then the sound of little feet pattered into the kitchen behind them. Tara immediately pulled away, putting a good three feet between her and JJ.

"Hey baby," JJ greeted Michael. "What do you need?"

"Can we have ice cream?" Michael asked with a wide smile, showing off the space where he had recently lost a tooth.

"I suppose since Tara's over, it's a pretty special night," JJ looked at Tara with a small smile. "So maybe, we should make ice cream sundaes!"

"YEAH!" Michael agreed. He turned towards the living room and yelled, "HENRY WE'RE MAKING SUNDAES!"

Henry came back to the kitchen as soon as his brother made the loud announcement.  "Are we!?"

"Absolutely," Tara confirmed. "Henry, why don't you help me see what ingredients we have."

Henry started opening cabinets while Tara looked in the pantry. Even without prior planning, they managed to find sprinkles, chocolate chips, Oreos, and caramel sauce.

"What about gummy bears?" Henry asked, holding up the bag he found.

JJ's eyes went wide as she snatched the bag from him quickly, "Nope. Not those. Those are mine."

"Come on, mom!" Henry argued.

"Nope, not gonna happen. You have plenty of toppings here," JJ replied. "Go check the garage freezer, I think we have more ice cream out there."

Henry did as he was told and left the kitchen. JJ quickly hid the bag of gummy bears in the back of a cabinet, out of reach of the kids. Tara eyed JJ curiously, but decided she'd have to confirm her suspicions later.

They all made their sundaes and ate them around the kitchen table, while Michael and Henry talked Tara's ear off about everything they had been up to since they saw her last. JJ looked at Tara, offering a silent apology for the bombardment from the boys. Tara smiled and just replied with a quick wink.

They all piled onto the living room couch afterwards to watch some animated movie Tara had never heard of. Michael fell asleep in Tara's lap half-way through the movie.

"I can take him to bed," JJ offered from her position under Henry's legs.

"No, don't worry about it. You two are comfortable," Tara whispered, so she didn't want the sleeping boy. "I've got him."

Tara pulled Michael into her arms and headed up to his bedroom. JJ watched Tara lovingly until Tara disappeared at the top of the stairs. Her heart raced at how precious it was to see Tara taking care of the Michael. JJ couldn't help but think Tara was such a natural at parenting, not to mention the boys loved her so much.

It was that thought process that made JJ think about all of the hurdles she would soon face if she started dating. It wasn't like she could ignore the fact she was a mom. She and Will had agreed the boys shouldn't meet anyone either of them were seeing until it was clear things were going to be serious. In the time since the divorce, that had meant the boys had only recently met Will's current girlfriend, even though Will had been dating her for five months.

The whole concept of trying to date again felt overwhelming to her, but after their tense argument at work, she had felt like continuing to wait around for Tara was foolish.

Of course, those thoughts had been before...whatever got interrupted in the kitchen. There was no doubt in JJ's mind that Tara had been two seconds away from kissing her. It had been clear in Tara's expression and JJ would have happily let it happen. But the thing about having kids was, JJ rarely had privacy when the boys were home. Which was yet another hurdle to consider if she were to start dating again. When she started dating again? JJ wasn't even sure where her head was at anymore.

"Can we watch something scary now?" Henry asked, interrupting JJ's thoughts.

"Sure, you pick something out. I'll just go check on Tara, okay?" JJ kissed him on the forehead and tousled his hair a bit, before she went upstairs.

She stood in the doorway of Michael's room and admired the scene. Michael was all tucked in, while Tara finished reading him a story. JJ couldn't help but think Tara looked so perfectly at place in the moment.

"Okay kiddo, time for you to get some sleep," Tara whispered as she kissed Michael on the forehead.

"But I don't want to!" Michael fussed through heavy eyelids.

"Why not?" Tara asked. "You seem pretty sleepy."

Michael forced his eyes open enough to look at her, "If I gotta sleep, then I can't talk to you! I miss you when I can't talk to you."

Tara's lip quivered at the heartfelt sentiment. "You can talk to me anytime you want, buddy. I'm only ever a phone call away."

"But that's not the same. I like you here, so I can hug you." Michael argued.

"Well, I'm here right now," Tara replied, blinking back tears. She brushed her fingers through his hair gently. "How about you try to sleep?"

"Okay," Michael murmured, closing his eyes. "I love you, Tara."

"I uhh," Tara stammered. "...I love you too, Michael."

JJ had been watching the whole conversation unfold and hearing Michael tell Tara he loved her, just about made her fall apart. Whatever she had decided in the heat of the moment earlier that afternoon was quickly forgotten while she watched her son fall asleep with Tara watching over him. She may have thought she was done waiting for Tara, but after what happened in the kitchen and watching Tara with her son, JJ figured she could probably wait just a bit longer before giving up all hope.

She came in the room, causing Tara to look up for the first time. Tara wiped the tears from her eyes and smiled at JJ, she moved over on the bed so JJ could sit next to Michael to say goodnight. They both sat there for a moment longer, just watching the young boy sleep. JJ pressed one more kiss to his cheek before they both backed out of the room to go downstairs to see what awful movie Henry had picked out.

To their surprise, Henry had decided on a superhero movie instead of a more scary film. JJ wondered if it had something to do with the fact the movie he picked out was over two hours long and he knew that'd push him well past his normal bedtime. Any other night, she would have made him pick something shorter but Tara was over and it was Friday night, so she let it slide.

His little scheme didn't even matter, because he fell asleep on the couch before the end of the movie anyway. JJ woke him up and made him go to bed. He kissed her and hugged Tara before he reluctantly went upstairs.

Finally alone, JJ moved to sit next to Tara. She rested her head against Tara's shoulder as she relished in the silence for a few minutes.

"Thanks for tonight," JJ said.

"Thanks for having me," Tara responded, resting her cheek against JJ's head. "I had fun. You know I enjoy spending time with the kids."

"They feel the same," JJ smiled.

"Yeah um, about that...Michael said he loves me...." Tara confessed.

JJ moved so she could look at Tara, "Is that surprising to you?"

"It was just unexpected," Tara responded. "Jen...you know I'd do anything for the three of you, right?"

"I know," JJ sighed. Well, Tara would do almost anything, JJ corrected mentally.

There was a long pause between them before Tara questioned, "Sooooo, are you going to tell me about your bag of gummy bear edibles in the kitchen cabinet, Agent Jareau?"

JJ jerked her head up, staring at Tara with wide eyes, "It's not what you think!"

Tara laughed boisterously and JJ clapped a hand over Tara's mouth in an attempt to not wake the boys. She had done it instinctively, but suddenly her hand was pressed against Tara's lips and her pulse echoed loudly in her ears. Tara stopped laughing as soon as JJ's hand made contact, but JJ didn't move it away while they held each other's gaze.

Tara suddenly heard Emily's words in her mind, 'She won't wait forever'. She took a deep breath, then gently pressed a kiss into JJ's palm. The gesture was enough to cause JJ to move her hand away, while she watched Tara's expression cautiously.

Tara leaned forward, JJ's eyes closed gently as she exhaled against Tara's lips. Tara took JJ's response as consent and moved in until her lips pressed gently to JJ's. After only a couple of seconds, Tara pulled back slowly with a smile.

"Tara," JJ breathed softly while she struggled with her emotions. "God, you know how much I want this.  But please, if you aren't one hundred percent sure....please, don't... I don't know if I could take it...."

Tara's smile faltered, while she considered JJ's plea. She desperately wanted to keep kissing JJ, she had wanted to kiss JJ every day since they had first kissed two months before. But JJ was pleading her to consider so much more than that. JJ was telling her not to make another move unless she was fully prepared to commit to it, fully ready to commit to JJ. Even in that moment, Tara wasn't sure if she could give JJ what she was asking.

"It's okay if you can't," JJ replied after Tara had been silent for a moment. Her voice was soft, calm. "Maybe, if it was just me, I'd be able to be a bit more reckless with my heart, I wouldn't hesitate here. But I have the kids to think about... and Tara, I just really need to be sure about where this is going."

JJ sighed before continuing, "I understand it's a lot, this whole thing we've been doing...I understand if it's too much for you. I know I should have discussed how I felt for you, discussed what I needed. I should have talked to you before we ever got to this point, but I think I hadn't brough it up... because I genuinely love having you around and I was worried about losing that. That being said, I also know this isn't you and I acknowledge you don't want the whole relationship thing. I'd be lying to say I won't be a bit disappointed, but ultimately, I just don't want you to feel pressured about any of this. I'm not going to think less of you and it definitely won't change how I feel about our friendship. So, Tara... I get it if you need to go, I get it if you don't want to stay... if you don't want to let this go further..."

Tara tried to process her options, on one hand JJ was offering her an out, a clean break, before things got anymore complicated between them. Tara's overly logical brain was suddenly telling her to take it, to take the exit and never look back. But on the other hand, her heart was telling her to stay because she was tired of ignoring her feelings for JJ. And it was surprisingly her heart that was keeping her glued to the spot. Tara was sure she had probably been silent for an hour while her face was the human equivalent of the blue-screen of death as she worked through her conflicting emotions.

JJ reached over and gently rested her hand on Tara's thigh, "Tara, the fact you can't respond while your face is doing that thing it does when you get freaked out by something too serious, means that you should probably go home. I would never ask you to do anything you don't want to. And I understand if you need time to think about everything. I just want to say that whatever is running through that brilliant mind of yours... I'm not going anywhere, okay?"

Tara forcefully blinked a few times to reboot. She offered JJ a half-cocked smile and the softest expression she could force, even though she was in turmoil. "I'm sorry, Jen."

JJ smiled knowingly and walked Tara to the door. She gave Tara a firm hug, trying to hold herself together as she said goodbye. "Just...text when you get home."

"Always," Tara whispered. Her body was on auto-pilot as she walked out the door and got into her car. She put the key in the ignition, started the car, and began driving away from JJ -- just like she always had when things turned serious.

JJ pressed her back against the front door as she heard Tara's car drive away. She blinked back tears while her heart broke, she knew she had to be honest to Tara about her expectations, but that didn't mean it hurt any less.

"Mom, are you okay?" Henry asked, walking down the stairs.

JJ wiped her eyes and took a shuddered breath. "Yeah, bud. What are you still doing up?

"I wanted a glass of water," Henry replied. "Is Tara gone?"

He couldn't have possibly known how much those three words felt like a knife through JJ's heart. The truth was, there was a good chance that Tara might be gone forever, at least in the way JJ had grown accustomed to, but she knew that's not what Henry was asking about. 

"Um, yeah. She was tired so she left," JJ finally answered. Each word was forced and she hated lying to Henry, they never lied to each other.

"Oh, okay," He didn't really seemed phased by the fact Tara was gone. Why should he be? Tara was just his mom's friend.

"Go get your water then go to bed, please," JJ instructed. He went to the kitchen and came back with a glass in hand.

"I love you, Henry," JJ smiled. She pulled him into a hug, wondering when he had gotten so tall.

"Love you too. Night, mom," he wiggled free from her embrace and went back up to his room, closing his door behind him.

JJ tided up the living room before deciding to go to bed. She was halfway up the stairs, when there was a soft knock on the front door. Her heart raced as she turned around and went to answer it.

"Tara?" JJ greeted.

Tara nodded slightly before she walked past JJ into the kitchen, JJ followed in silence. Tara hadn't even spoken before making a bee line to the other room, which made JJ's heart feel like it might simply give out from how hard it was beating.

"I uhhmm," Tara attempted. Her voice was unsure and soft, her facial expression was a bit strained like she was still trying to process their previous conversation.

"Did you....did you, uh...forget something?" JJ muttered. It was the most logical conclusion of why Tara had come back and she was trying to not get her hopes up for anything else.

"Yeah, I did," Tara whispered. She stepped closer to JJ, a soft smile forming on her face. She leaned in and pressed another gentle kiss to JJ's lips.

JJ looked at her with a pained expression. "Tara...."

"Jen, I.... well I got to the end of the street and I realised...I mean, the thing is...Jen...you said to text....and..." Tara stumbled over her words and groaned in frustration. "Hang on...."

Tara blinked back tears, while she fished her phone out of her pocket. Her hands shakily tapped the screen, while JJ watched her carefully. Suddenly, JJ's phone vibrated in her pocket. She pulled it out and glanced at Tara in confusion seeing a text notification. JJ opened the message.

[I made it home.] sent at 22:57

JJ's breath caught in her chest as she brought her eyes back up to Tara, tears streaming down her face. "Wh--what?"

"I'm home," Tara smiled. She wrapped her arms around JJ, pulling her closer. "You told me I had to be one hundred percent sure. I'm sure, Jen. I got to the end of the street and I realised the only home I wanted to be at was the one I had just walked out of."

JJ nodded happily, wrapping a hand behind Tara's neck to bring her into a passionate kiss. Tara tightened her embrace, happily kissing JJ back ardently.

"Do I need to ask if you're staying?" JJ questioned slyly, biting her lip.

Tara blushed, "I uhh, I figured that might be awkward? I mean... the boys are home....and you and I just..."

"Calm down, Tara. I'm not asking you to stay the night in the biblical sense!" JJ chuckled. "Not yet, anyway...."

The idea alone made Tara even more flustered and JJ placed a reassuring kiss on her lips. JJ rolled her eyes, "You're sooo easy to fluster for someone who always pretends to be such a hard ass. Just stay the night with me. The boys will love to have you here in the morning."

"I don't have a say in this matter, do I?" Tara jested.

"Wow, already wavering? So what you meant to say was you're, what? Ninety percent sure?" JJ quipped.

Tara furrowed her brow for a moment. "Maybe ninety-five percent, but you're really making me rethink that."

"Rethink that it's too high or too low?" JJ questioned with a raised eyebrow.

Tara shrugged slightly. "Hard to say currently."

JJ laced her hand in Tara's hair and pulled her back in for a kiss. JJ didn't hold back, she kissed Tara deeply, in a long overdue moment of passion. Tara gave in, letting her walls crumble as she melted into JJ's arms. JJ bit Tara's lip slightly before tracing her tongue over it, eliciting a soft moan from Tara.

"How about now? You sure now?" JJ purred into Tara's ear.

"Mmmhmmm," Tara nearly whimpered. "Yeah, uhhh...I'm one hundred percent sure."

"Are you going to save some hot water for me?" Tara grinned, leaning back on the bathroom counter while she watched JJ through the glass.

"Nooooopppe," JJ muttered, without looking up. "It's my shower, get your own."

Tara started to strip out of her clothes, "I mean, I don't mind sharing..."

JJ wiped the steam off the glass so she could see Tara, "Sorry, babe. I'm just not prepared to share the shower."

Tara raised her eyebrows in surprise, "Huh, pretty sure that's not what you said that night at my place..."

"Exactly, that was your place. This is different," JJ argued. She leaned her head down again and added, "This is my shower. My precious shower."

"Okay, Gollum," Tara jested. She eyed JJ pointedly and turned the sink on full blast, within seconds JJ screamed.

"FUCK YOU!" JJ gasped, trying to get out of the way of the freezing stream of water. She glared at Tara through the glass, unamused.

"Oops, my bad," Tara laughed with a shrug. "Guess I'll just have to go home. You know...since you can't share. And I am not going to bed without showering, not after the upsettingly long day we've had."

JJ groaned in defeat, turning off the water so they could trade places. "Fine, I was about to get out anyway."

Tara stepped into the shower, catching JJ by the hips as she was stepping out. "Please, Jen? I've heard about this mythical perfect shower for far too long not to enjoy it with you."

As soon as Tara's hands touched her skin, JJ's entire body relaxed. She turned back to Tara with a soft smile, then leaned in to kiss her softly. "You're a pain in my ass, Tara Lewis."

"You wouldn't have it any other way," Tara reminded happily.

"Hmm, is that a challenge?" JJ quipped. She turned the water back on, spraying Tara with a stream of ice cold water.

"JESUS CHRIST!" Tara screeched.

"Payback's a bitch," JJ shrugged before turning the heat back up and stepping in.

"Oh.... you're in so much trouble," Tara declared with a sly grin. She wrapped her arms around JJ and brought her close, so their bodies were pressed together under the water. She kissed her gently at first, then deepened it while their bodies melted into each other. They had spent a week and half unable to kiss each other and Tara could feel her pulse settle between her legs at the intimate exchange. Her hand moved from the small of JJ's back, so she could run her fingertips over JJ's breast.

"This shower is far too small for anything you're scheming right now," JJ noted when she grabbed Tara's hand.

"I wasn't scheming. I genuinely wanted to shower," Tara replied innocently.

"Mhmm, sure. Is that why you needed my assistance?" JJ questioned, kissing the tips of Tara's fingers.

"How else was I going to make sure I didn't miss a spot on my back?" Tara smiled, handing JJ the loofa.

JJ rolled her eyes, "All I'm saying is, if you want to have sex, I have a perfectly good bed. There's no way we're going to get anything done in here."

It was true, JJ's standing shower was much smaller than Tara's tub & shower combo. They currently had enough space to both fit under the water, but not enough room for anything else.

"Oh my god! Jen, are you saying you want to have sex with me?!" Tara gasped as if she had been scandalized.

"Why are you like this?" JJ asked in exasperation. "I'm getting out, now. You take a shower, then come to bed. If you're lucky, I'll still be awake. If I'm lucky, I'll be passed out so I don't have to deal with you."

Tara laughed and kissed her girlfriend again, before JJ got out for real. Tara ended up being genuinely surprised at how incredible JJ's shower was, she sort of felt bad for teasing JJ for always coming home after a case and refusing to do anything else until she showered. It truly had god-tiered water pressure. Tara finished washing herself, then spent a bit longer just stretching her muscles under the hot water.

She came out of the bathroom twenty minutes later, feeling like an entirely new woman. JJ was sitting in bed reading, while sipping a cup of tea. It wasn't anything out of the ordinary, JJ stuck to a pretty predictable bedtime routine, but something about seeing her girlfriend waiting for her in bed made Tara smile.

It had only been a few weeks since the night Tara had returned to the house to kiss JJ, subsequently leading to the start of the two of them dating. In those three weeks, Tara's years of desperation to avoid commitment had diminished, giving way to the comfortable start of a relationship.

They were still taking things slowly while they navigated the shift from friends to lovers, meaning they hadn't told anyone they were dating yet. Tara didn't mind, that part. Keeping things quiet felt less terrifying, even thought she knew they wouldn't be able to avoid telling people forever. They would eventually have tell Emily, and the team, and Will, and the boys....Tara's stomach knotted as she suddenly started fretting over everyone who they would have to confess their relationship to.

"Stop it," JJ said, looking up from her book.

"What?" Tara shook her head to focus her eyes on JJ.

JJ gestured her hand in a circle towards Tara, "Your face was doing the thing."

"What thing?" Tara questioned while climbing into bed.

"Your face does this thing when you're stressing out about  something. What was it this time?" JJ asked. She wrapped her arms around Tara to bring her close.

"I uhh...I was just thinking about the amount of people we're going to have to tell....about us, I mean," Tara tried to force a smile but it came off as more of a grimace.

JJ kissed Tara's forehead, "Tara, it's been three weeks. Stop overthinking everything, we said we're going to take things slowly. We don't need to tell anyone right away. Not when this is still so new...."

There was a hint of hesitation in JJ's tone and perhaps, if she was talking to anyone other than Tara, it would have gone unnoticed, but she was talking to Tara and she recognised it immediately. Tara knew part of JJ was just waiting for the day that Tara would disappear in the middle of the night. How could she blame JJ for being worried about that possibility? When all JJ had ever witnessed was Tara doing exactly that to people she had been dating.

"I'm not going anywhere," Tara reminded. She gently placed her hand against JJ's cheek, "I'm still sure about this, Jen. That's not going to change."

JJ sighed, "I know. You shouldn't have to keep reminding me....I'm sorry...."

Tara pressed her finger to JJ's lips. "Jen, I get it. If someone told me a month ago that I'd be laying in bed with you, as your girlfriend.... I wouldn't have believed it either. I understand why you're cautious. I will keep doing my best to reassure you I'm here to stay, until we've both gotten used to this."

JJ kissed Tara's fingertip. "I know you're doing your best, that's why I feel bad for being worried. It's not fair to you. I don't want you to think I don't trust you."

"I know you trust me, but you also know me," Tara replied with a smile. "I know you've seen me break people's hearts in the past, so I understand where you're coming from. I just don't want you to feel like you can't talk to me about it, okay? You're still my best friend."

JJ smiled and took a deep breath to calm her anxiety. "Okay, I promise to keep talking to you. But that's a two way street, you have to promise to talk to me if you start to get scared about any of this."

"I think that's only fair, I promise to talk to you too," Tara nodded in agreement. She kissed JJ softly, then trailed her fingers up the inside of JJ's thigh. "Would it help if I remind you how much I like you?"

"It couldn't hurt," JJ grinned.

Even though she and JJ had agreed to continue to talk to each other about any insecurities that arose regarding their relationship, Tara had noticed JJ still seemed hesitant to believe Tara wasn't going to leave.

JJ had wanted to tell Emily nearly immediately, simply because of bureau protocol, but Tara had balked at the idea. Which only made JJ's doubts worsen.

In an attempt to ease some of JJ's worries, Tara had independently scheduled a meeting with Emily so she could personally report she and JJ were together.

To Tara, dating JJ wasn't much different than what they had been doing for over a year. They spent most of their free-time with each other, Tara came over to see the boys, and even the pair's snarky banter hadn't changed. The obvious difference was they were having incredible sex on top of everything else. Tara convinced herself that since dating JJ wasn't that different than being her best friend, she really shouldn't fret about letting their friends know.

Tara knew JJ deserved better than to be dating someone who wanted to keep it a secret, she genuinely cared about JJ and even though it scared the shit out of her, she was doing her best to commit fully to their relationship.

"Oh, good morning," Emily smiled from her desk. "What's on your mind, Tara?"

"Thank you for agreeing to see me," Tara replied. "I need to talk to you about something important. Um, something personal."

"Sure, I'm all ears," Emily gestured for Tara to sit down.

Tara fidgeted with the hem of her blazer while she tried to form coherent thoughts. "So... you remember last month, when we were in the bullpen....and we all just found out Garcia and Luke were moving in together?"

Emily thought for a moment and nodded, "Vaguely, yeah."

"You um, well you...offered me some...I guess it was advice?" Tara stammered. She was always cool and collected, for her to be stumbling over her words was extremely rare. However, conversations with or about JJ nearly always got her flustered.

Emily paused, before remembering the conversation she and Tara had that day. "Oh god, Tara. I really should apologise for that! I'm so sorry, I was completely out of line. I should not have assumed....Shit, have you been upset with me this entire time?! I should have noticed! Tara, I am really sorry if I made you uncomfortable," Emily replied.

Tara looked up frantically, "What? No! No, Emily. I'm not upset! This isn't a complaint or anything!"

Emily's body language relaxed as she let out a sigh, "Oh thank god...."

"It's umm, well it's actually the opposite," Tara took a deep breath. "That day, you told me that JJ wouldn't wait forever...."

"Mhmm," Emily eyed Tara expectantly as she suddenly realised what Tara meant by the 'opposite' of complaining.

"You were right," Tara smiled. "Me and JJ are uhhh, well, we're dating now."

Emily didn't even try to hide her excitement, "REALLY!?"

Tara rolled her eyes. "Yes, really."

"Tara, I'm so happy for the both of you!" Emily grinned. "As your boss, I have to remind you there will be paperwork and meetings to be had, so the bureau can cover it's ass should anything happen. But with Garcia and Luke already dating, it shouldn't be too much hassle or surprise to report another relationship within my team."

"Of course," Tara nodded.

"As your friend, I must admit, I'm a bit surprised. Only in the sense that...I didn't really think you were into relationships," Emily said. Tara physically deflated a little and Emily instantly added, "Sorry, that wasn't meant to be a judgement. I just meant, dating someone is one thing. But JJ is also a mother and I know that must be a big adjustment for you."

Tara hated how easily Emily had recognised the cause of her apprehensions. She tried to reply honestly, "It's been a change, for sure. We haven't told them yet, but I love the boys. The four of us spend plenty of time together. And yeah, I'm not usually the type to enter into serious relationships with people. But JJ isn't like anyone I've ever been with. She's...so intelligent and funny, and god, she makes me laugh so much. She's loyal and kind and caring. She's probably the best mom in the world. Seeing her with Henry and Michael just makes my heart melt. And she's my best friend. Dating her doesn't feel hard or scary....well, sometimes it's scary, but that's because I just really don't want to fuck this up."

Emily came to sit on the corner of her desk so the conversation could feel more casual, "Look, I'm sorry I got a tad defensive. JJ's my best friend too, or well, she used to be. But I can tell she's in extremely good hands. I remember telling you that I was glad she had you. So now, I want to say I'm glad you have her too. She's been through so much and I think I will always be protective of her. Not in a weird, jealous sort of way, I need to be very clear about that! Just in the, she's my friend and all I have ever wanted was for her to be happy sort of way. Clearly, she has found that happiness with you."

"I understand why you'd be protective, you two have been friends for over a decade," Tara replied softly. "I think she worries that I'm scared of the commitment part... but really, I'm just scared I'm going to let her down."

Emily gave an understanding nod. "Unfortunately, I can't help you work through your self-doubts, hell, I can't even navigate my own. But from what I've seen, JJ obviously cares about you deeply. Since we're being candid... I want to remind you that you were the one who stepped in to help her through the divorce and you haven't left her side since. The way you talk about her, shows how much you care. Not to mention, the giant grin on your face when you do... All of those things speak volumes. Tara, you are just as funny, kind and caring as JJ. I don't think you need to stress about letting her down, you obviously adore her."

"I really do," Tara admitted, her smile only growing at the thought. "I feel like a lovesick teenager sometimes, she just brings me more joy than I ever thought possible."

"So tell her that, Tara," Emily replied. "May I ask, why are you here alone this morning?"

"I uhhh...well, I wanted to take some initiative, because she's been wanting to tell people about us but I've been avoiding it. So I guess, I just thought by doing this without prompting, it might reassure her that I lo--," Tara froze mid-sentence. Her brain stuck on the startling word which, very nearly, fell from her mouth so easily.

Emily registered Tara's surprise at herself and chuckled. "Tara, the fact that you did this without telling her so that she wouldn't have to stress about it only furthers my point. You don't have anything to worry about. Thank you for telling me, I'll get the paperwork ready and help you both through the red tape portion. But you're the only one who can work to get past your own hesitancy."

"You know? I think this conversation really helped with that," Tara beamed. "Thank you, Emily. I really appreciate you."

"Anytime," Emily reached out to offer a hand shake but Tara stood and wrapped her in a firm hug.

Tara left Emily's office feeling a weight lifted off her shoulders. She got situated at her desk and anxiously awaited JJ's arrival,hoping JJ would understand her reasons for talking to Emily by herself, because Tara realised she was ready to do anything for JJ. Ready to do anything for the woman she loved.

When JJ finally stepped off the elevator with Garcia, Tara had to resist the urge to sprint across the office to go greet her.

When she entered the bullpen, JJ looked at Tara with surprise, "You're here early."

They shared a hug but JJ pulled away quickly, aware they were at work and they were still trying to keep things under wraps. Tara registered the falter in JJ's smile when she moved away and it broke her heart.

"Jen, I want to say I'm sorry I've been kind of an idiot lately. I don't want you to be stressed about us, you shouldn't be forced to keep secrets," Tara explained.

JJ whispered, "Do you want to do this...here?" She forced a smile while her eyes darted towards the rest of the team.

"Actually, yeah. I do," Tara smiled. "JJ, I met with Emily this morning....

"What?!" JJ replied a bit too loudly. Reid looked over but she averted his gaze before lowering her voice again, "Tara, what do you mean?"

"I told her about us. You're right, people should know because I really don't want you to ever think for a second that I'm ashamed of us dating. Jen, I don't want to hide how happy you make me," Tara replied.

"You...you did that? You told Emily, on your own?" JJ asked, still trying to process the information.

"I did," Tara confirmed. She looked around the bullpen at the rest of the team. "And you know what..."

Tara turned around and cleared her throat to get everyone's attention. "Hey guys, I just wanted to let you all know... I'm dating JJ. We're dating. That's it, that's the announcement."

Tara reached down and took JJ's hand proudly. There were a few replies from their friends, but Tara didn't have time to hear them before JJ's lips were pressing against hers.

"You're incredible," JJ grinned. "Thank you."

"I'm sorry it took me so long," Tara replied. On the surface level she was referring to the time it took her to be comfortable enough to announce their relationship to other people, but underneath that, Tara was actually apologising for the fact it had taken her over a year to finally admit her feelings for JJ.

"Oh my god! I called it!" Garcia screeched. "Didn't I call it, Luke?"

"Yes, yes. You called it, love," Luke confirmed, rolling his eyes.

Tara never let go of JJ's hand the entire time the team doted on the two of them, congratulating them on the exciting news.

"Oh! We can all go on a double date now," Penelope realised.

"Uhh," JJ looked to Tara before she answered for the both of them.

"I think that sounds great," Tara decided. "If you're okay with it, babe."

"EEEEEE You called her BABE!? My heart!!" Garcia squealed.

JJ laughed, "Penelope, calm down before you hyperventilate! Yes, we'll go on a double date with you, but please get a hold of yourself."

"I'm just really excited for you!" Garcia argued. "You've been pining over her for so long!"

JJ clasped her hand over Garcia's mouth as her cheeks flushed in embarrassment. "Garcia!"

"It's okay," Tara said towards Garcia. She wrapped her arm around JJ's shoulders, "I've been pining over her just as long."

JJ looked to Tara in surprise, "Really?"

"Obviously!" Tara replied. "I'm extremely glad we finally did something about it."

"Took us long enough," JJ joked.

The excited buzz in the bullpen was cut short when Emily came out of her office to call everyone to the conference room for a case. She caught JJ right before they went in to join the rest of the team.

"Jennifer, I just wanted to say that I am genuinely happy for you," Emily smiled.

"Thanks, Em," JJ replied. She looked past Emily into the conference room. Tara was joking with Luke about something and JJ smiled at the sound of Tara's laugh. "For the first time in ages, I'm happy for me too."

She and JJ had been slowly navigating a romantic relationship for nearly two months, they hadn't told the boys yet, but Tara was still around them like she always had been. JJ had told Will early on and had been surprised by how easily he had accepted her new relationship. However, in regards to Henry and Michael, JJ felt like it was one thing for Will to date a woman, it was an something entirely different for her to date a woman. She and Tara only spent intimate time together when Will had the boys and they had decided to keep things low-key when Tara was around the kids. It wasn't that JJ was embarrassed at their relationship, she just knew coming out to her kids was going to be complicated.

"Let's go!" Tara yelled up the stairs.

"Coming!" JJ yelled back. She appeared with Henry's bag over her shoulder, as Henry followed closely behind.

Everyone hurriedly made their way to JJ's SUV. Tara buckled Michael into his booster seat and reminded Henry to wear his seatbelt properly before she got in the passenger seat next to JJ.

"Thanks for coming, Tara," Henry said.

"Are you kidding me? As if I was going to miss your championship game? You know I'm your number one fan," Tara replied, looking over her shoulder.

"What are we listening to today?" JJ asked while she pulled out of the driveway.

"Bohemian Rhapsody!" Henry decided. He had only recently been introduced to Queen, thanks to Tara. And to her surprise, he absolutely loved their music.

Having her fifteen year old request Bohemian Rhapsody, a song she had grown up on, was a startling experience for JJ, but she handed her phone to Tara to find the song. As soon as the music began, Tara looked back to Henry pointing an imaginary microphone at him as he began to sing along.

JJ beamed happily at the experience of hearing Tara and Henry sing the entire six minute song together. She was glad Henry hadn't turned into one of those teens who thinks their parents are embarrassing, he had always been close to JJ and he never worried about being silly together.  It made her even more happy to see that he also had no problem being equally as silly with Tara.

"Can we listen to it again?" Henry pleaded.

Tara looked across to JJ for permission and JJ rolled her eyes, knowing good and well Tara was going to repeat the song whether JJ wanted to or not. Tara started the song over and she and Henry scream-sung along even louder, leaving Michael in hysterical laughter by the end. Michael didn't know all the words, but he knew enough to chime in at the perfect moments, such as 'MAMA MIA! MAMA MIA!', in a high-pitched squeal.

By the end of the second run, everyone was laughing. JJ glanced at Tara in adoration; she loved how much Tara cared for the boys. Henry and Michael were always asking about Tara, they always looked forward to having her around and JJ certainly didn't mind either.

When they finally arrived to the soccer field, Henry was about ten minutes late. JJ dropped him off so he could go warm up, while she found a parking spot. Tara helped unload the car and JJ helped Michael out of his booster seat. JJ couldn't help but think Tara looked so perfectly in place with the camping chairs slung over one shoulder and Henry's sports bag over the other. Often times, when Tara went out with JJ and the boys for soccer games, people would ask Tara which player was her son. Tara had originally been quite flustered by the question, but over time she just became accustomed to it and usually just called Henry and Michael her nephews.

They got set up on the side-line just as the game was starting. Michael got restless about fifteen minutes in and JJ was doing her best to keep him entertained while also keeping an eye on Henry.

"Jen, I'll take him to the playground," Tara offered.

"Really? I don't want to put you out," JJ replied.

"You know I would do anything for you and these kids and right now that means taking Michael to the playground. Right, buddy?" Tara smiled to Michael.

"Yeah!! Can we go mom!?"

"Sure," JJ smiled. She kissed Michael on the forehead, then reached to squeeze Tara's hand. "Thank you. For being here, for being you. Just, thank you."

"Of course," Tara answered with a wink. She looked at Michael and they took off racing towards the playground.

JJ watched them for a moment before turning back to the game. She was eternally grateful to have Tara around while she was still getting used to the joint custody arrangement, she wasn't sure she could have juggled everything on her own. With the demands of the BAU, it meant that Will usually spent the most time with the boys. He was the best father JJ could have hoped for and she was glad their divorce had been mostly amicable, but the separation had also reminded her about how much she took him for granted while they were married. It had always been difficult for her to find balance between the BAU constantly taking her out of town for cases and raising her kids. Now more than ever, that balance seemed even more precarious. Having Tara around to help out had been an unexpected lifeline for JJ, not to mention a huge comfort now that they were dating.

Half an hour later, Tara reappeared with Michael sitting on her shoulders. Even though he was getting to big for it, Tara carried him like it was no big deal. JJ took a picture of the two of them, simply because it was too precious not to document.

"Did you have fun?" JJ asked her son.

"Yeah! Tara played dinosaurs with me and we did the slide and she pushed me on the swing and I almost flied into the sky!" Michael reported excitedly from his perch atop Tara.

"And did you have fun?" JJ asked Tara with a chuckle.

"With this little spitfire? Of course I did!"

"You're not too worn out?" JJ asked. "I know he can be a handful when he gets excited."

"I'm fine, Jen. Stop worrying about it. You know that I love spending time with the three of you," Tara reminded, as she helped Michael climb down.

The rest of the game was a fairly tense competition but Henry scored the winning goal, which caused JJ and Tara to cheer loudly from the sidelines. The team all received gold medals to mark the momentous occasion before a team pictures were taken. Henry ran over to JJ, beaming with pride.

"Did you see it Mom!?"

"Yes! You were incredible, baby! I'm so proud of you!" JJ wrapped him in a tight hug. "You'll have to call your dad when we get home, okay? I know he's sad he didn't get to come watch."

"Yeah, I know," Henry replied softly.

Will had come down the the flu only days before the big game and he was heartbroken he couldn't attend. He very rarely missed one of Henry's games, so his absence was even more disappointing when he had to miss the final game of the season.

"What do you say we all go for pizza?" Tara suggested to lighten the mood.

"Oh Mom! Can we?" Henry asked.

"PIZZA!" Michael chimed in.

JJ smiled at Tara, "Well whoever suggests it has to pay."

"Oh, like there was any doubt I was going to buy Henry congratulatory lunch?" Tara laughed.

The four of them settled into a booth at Henry's favourite pizza restaurant. He was still wearing his medal proudly around his neck and JJ suspected he probably wouldn't take it off all weekend. During lunch, one of Henry's teammates showed up with his family and Henry went to chat to him for a while, but when he came back to the table he looked a bit pensive.

"Henry, what's wrong?" JJ asked.

"Nothing," Henry muttered, staring down at the table.

"We don't keep secrets. What's going on?" JJ asked again.

Henry looked up to JJ then to Tara, making an uncomfortable expression as he watched them carefully.

"Henry, you can tell us," Tara added.

"Umm....it's just that...." Henry averted his eyes again.

JJ placed a supportive hand on his shoulder, "Honey, just let us know what's on your mind."

"Well, Josh said....Josh said you two were ummm," Henry stammered, before whispering quietly, "Lesbians."

JJ looked at Tara in surprise. They hadn't necessarily mapped out when they were going to tell the boys they had been dating, but it seemed like they were going to be forced into the conversation whether they were prepared for it or not.

"What's lesbiams?" Michael enquired.

JJ took a deep breath, Tara gave her an encouraging nod. "Okay, well...First of all, that's pretty rude of Josh, you can't judge people's identity just by looking at them. Secondly, how do you feel about what he said?" JJ asked.

"I think he's being a jerk," Henry admitted, still unable to look at his mom. "You're not les....you're not that." Henry could barely say the word as if it was something he wasn't supposed to say.

"Henry, lesbian is not a bad word. In our home we always welcome everyone, right?"

"Yeah, I guess," Henry shrugged.

"Mom! What's lesbiams!?" Michael asked again.

"Well Michael, a lesbian is a woman who loves other women. Although not all women who love other women would identify as lesbians. Love comes in so many different variations, including men who fall in love with men, women who fall in love with women, men who fall in love with women and just people who fall in love with other people no matter their gender," JJ calmly explained. "And none of those things are bad or wrong."

"But it's bad that Josh called you that," Henry interjected.

"Well...." JJ tried to gather her thoughts for a moment before continuing. She looked across at Tara for help.

"Henry, you're right me and your mom aren't lesbians. That's a label neither of us identify with," Tara started. "And Josh shouldn't judge people or assume things about them."

"Right, neither of us are lesbians. But remember how we've talked about how the LGBTQA+ spectrum is vast and wide with endless labels? The thing is, just because we aren't lesbians doesn't mean we don't....well it doesn't mean that me and Tara don't love each other," JJ said. She was so focused on Henry she hadn't registered the shock on Tara's face at the casual way JJ admitted they loved each other, because it was the first time Tara was hearing the sentiment at all. She and JJ hadn't exchanged those words yet.

"Yeah, you're best friends," Henry finally looked up at JJ. "I love my best friends too."

"Yes, we are best friends but Henry, me and Tara are also... dating," JJ finally confessed.

Henry looked up at her with wide eyes, then he looked to Tara for confirmation and she nodded to him. "Wait, what?!"

"Baby, we were planning on telling you both soon but this seems like the perfect opportunity. Henry, Michael, I would like to formally let you know that Tara is my girlfriend," JJ smiled. "I know you both might have questions and I will answer them to the best of my ability. I'm sorry we haven't told you before now, but I don't want there to be secrets between us anymore." JJ reached across the table and tentatively took Tara's hand.

"You're dating? Like....Mom, are you gay?" Henry questioned, his words full of confusion with a tinge of anger. His eyes darting between his mother and Tara.

"Well no, I'm not gay. I'm bisexual, meaning that I am attracted to women as well as other people. I very much loved your father when we were married and now I'm very much in.... now I'm dating Tara," JJ suddenly realised she had used the term 'love' earlier in the conversation without thinking, but she tried to hide the panic of her spontaneous admission. She would have to talk to Tara privately about that.

Henry was quite for a while. Michael continued happily eating his pizza, seemingly uninterested in the conversation. The four of them sat in uncomfortable silence while Henry processed everything. After a couple of minutes he finally looked up to Tara.

"Um, does this mean I have to like....call you...what do I call you now? Henry asked.

"You can still call me, Tara." She offered him an encouraging nod, pleased that he was asking questions instead of just shutting down, or worse, shutting her out.

"Okay...uhh, Tara....are you going to hang out with us more now?" Henry questioned.

"Henry, I will hang out with you as much as you want," Tara replied gently. "If you're okay with that?"

Henry paused again before deciding, "Yeah! I want you to hang out with us all the time!!"

"I can do that," Tara agreed with a wide smile.

"Awesome!" Henry grinned.

"So....you're, uh,  okay with this?" JJ asked hesitantly.

"Yeah! I mean, Tara's so cool! I'm excited to have her around more!" Henry replied. "Besides, my friend Sam has two moms too. It's fine."

Tara became visibly bewildered at the idea Henry would ever think of her as his mom. JJ gave Tara's hand a squeeze, in acknowledgement. They were definitely going to have a heart to heart later

JJ gave Henry a big hug while she blinked back tears. "I love you very much, Henry. I am so very proud of the person you've become."

"I love you too, Mom," Henry admitted. He looked over to Tara and smiled. "I love you too, Tara!"

Tara was trying to process everything that had just happened. Her old instinct to cut and run as soon as a relationship turned serious stirred in the pit of her stomach, but she managed to ignore it, reminding herself she told JJ she was one hundred percent sure and she needed to stick by that promise. Now more than ever.

"I love you too, Henry," Tara replied. She looked to JJ with a small smile, "And.... I love you, Jen."

JJ's heart raced while a grin spread from ear to ear, "You do? I mean... I love you too."

Tara let JJ's words push away her insecurities. She accepted that this was her life now. She was in a committed relationship with JJ and although the thought would have previously sent her fleeing, in that moment, enjoying pizza with JJ and the boys, she decided she could get used to being a bit more domestic.

The rest of lunch went on just like it would have before JJ and Tara's confession. Henry seemed generally okay with everything and Michael was just enjoying himself. Michael hadn't really engaged in the conversation, but he already adored Tara, so JJ wasn't necessarily worried about him.

"Henry, you need to go shower," JJ reminded as they walked in the front door an hour later.

"Mooooom," Henry whined.

"Nu-uh, you smell awful. Go shower then you should call your dad," JJ stared at him sternly until he stomped up the stairs in defeat.

Michael had fallen asleep in the car and was currently half-dozing in Tara's arms. She followed Henry upstairs to go tuck Michael in for a nap.

"Tara?" Michael murmured as he got in bed.

"Yeah buddy?"

"Will you be here when I wake up?" he asked with sad eyes. "Since you and momma are in love?"

His sweet face and identical blue eyes to his mother pulled at Tara's heartstrings. When he hadn't said anything at lunch during the conversation, she and JJ simply thought it went completely over his head. Now, here he was asking Tara the exact question that used to make her run.

She smiled at him, brushing his hair out of his face, "Of course, I will. I'm always going to be here for you."

He smiled happily before closing his eyes. She kissed him on the cheek and waited until he was sleeping before she quietly left to go back downstairs. She found JJ in the living room, resting her eyes while she sat on the couch.

"Tired?" Tara asked as she sat down.

"I have two kids and an extremely demanding job, I'm always tired," JJ replied without opening her eyes.

"Michael just asked if I'd be here when he woke up," Tara said softly.

"So, are you really going to stay, then?" JJ asked, looking to Tara. It was a question JJ had asked Tara numerous times over the past sixteen months, but it was the first time one of the kids had asked her. Not to mention, JJ knew Tara might be feeling especially pressured after their spontaneous confession to the kids.

"I'm not going anywhere," Tara confirmed. She cupped JJ's face in hers and kissed her gently.

"Okay," JJ replied softly. "Should we unpack everything that happened at lunch?"

"What is there to unpack?" Tara asked. "I think I made it quite clear... I am very much in love with you, Jen."

"Yeah?" JJ questioned, still not letting herself believe that Tara Lewis, who was allergic to relationships, could possibly be in love with her.

"Yes, babe. I love you. I know that you've seen me break hearts in the past when things got to this point, so I understand your hesitancy to believe me. But god, I truly, honestly, love you so much," Tara confessed, she laced her fingers in JJ's.

JJ worried her lip for a moment, trying to ignore all of the doubts forming in the recesses of her mind. Tara was right, JJ had witnessed the path of destruction Tara usually left in her wake in regards to the people she dated. Even after two months of dating, some part of JJ was still expecting Tara to bolt at any moment. JJ hated that she even considered it, she knew Tara had done nothing but constantly prove she was serious about their relationship, but now the kids knew things between them seemed much more serious than just the team knowing.

"And...you promise you're not going to run?" JJ questioned cautiously. "It's not going to necessarily be easy, Tara. I'm a package deal, the boys will always be my priority. I know we have only been getting together when they're not around, out of necessity. But now they know and I do not keep secrets from them. I know we hadn't planned to have that conversation yet, so I understand if you're not ready to suddenly become a parent figure after dating me for two months."

"Jayje, I knew all of this about you going in. You are the most incredible mother in the world and I love Henry and Michael with all my heart. And yeah, when Henry sort of implied I was his 'other mom' that was a bit scary, but I'm willing to face that fear. I'm ready to face anything with you and with them. I'm here to stay, Jen," Tara brushed JJ's cheek gently. "I love you and I truly am ready for this. All of this."

JJ exhaled deeply before smiling. "I love you so much."

She wrapped her arms around Tara's neck and brought her in for a passionate kiss. Tara fought the urge to let her hands wander underneath JJ's shirt, that would have to wait for another time. They heard Henry coming down the stairs with his loud stomping and separated from their embrace, chuckling slightly.

"I cannot wait to show you how much I love you later," JJ purred in Tara's ear. Tara let out the softest moan as she gave JJ a pointed look.

"Tara, can we play Mario Kart?" Henry asked. His hair was dripping wet and he was wearing clean clothes, but he was also still wearing his medal proudly.

"Oh, so I can kick your butt again?" Tara joked.

"I've been practicing!" Henry replied.

"Alright then, let's go little man," Tara threw her shoulders back and gave him a 'come at me' gesture.

"It's on!" Henry sneered back, with the most intimidating look her could make, which truly wasn't intimidating at all.

The afternoon was filled with joyous laughter as Tara and Henry became overly competitive while playing video games. And when Michael woke up from his nap, Tara was still there. When JJ made dinner, Tara was still there. When the boys finally went to bed, Tara was still there. When JJ went to bed herself, Tara was still there.

Waking up next to Tara the next morning was all the evidence JJ needed to know that Tara truly wasn't going to run.

Because Tara Lewis really was home.

[A/N: The title of this fic was inspired by: 'Here is Home' by Ryn Weaver