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Panting, Mac finally managed to open the door to the safe house.
Or more like the safe cabin in the middle of the woods.
He carried Riley inside, and into the bathroom.
She had gotten shot in her left thigh while they were running from the bad guys.
Mac had barely managed to wrap his belt around her leg as a tourniquet, to stop the bleeding, then scooping her up bridal style and running like hell. Now they had finally reached the safe house, but the ex-fil was still 24 hours out.
Riley had to bite back a groan as Mac sat her down on the tiled floor.
Mac took out his knife. „i have to cut your pant legpantleg open, okay?“
She nodded, grunting. „It’s ruined anyways.“
Cutting the fabric away, Mac finally saw what they had to deal with. „The bullet is still stuck… would have been better if it was a through and through“
Carefully he pressed his fingers down next to the entry wound, wincing when a soft whimper escaped Riley.
He looked up. „the good news is, the bullet doesn’t seem to be split. It’s still in one piece. At least I can't can’t feel any shards under your skin.“
„And the bad news?“ asked Riley, face contorted.
Mac closed his eyes for a moment. „The bad news is that we have to get it out to avoid an infection and sepsis. Usually you’re supposed to leave it in until you can get medical attention, but it’s a whole day till then. We can’t wait that long.“
Riley leaned back against the bathtub. „great… fantastic. Here I thought we could solve this with some yarrow, just like when you got shot during our wilderness training.“ She looked at him, sighing. „Well, let's do this.“
Mac stood up. „Okay, let me gather some stuff, i’ll be right back.“
Less than 5 minutes later, he entered the bathroom again, a pile of stuff in his arms. Disinfectant, sewing supplies, and a dressing kit.
He placed a towel under her leg, then handed her two pills and a glass of water. „Tylenol and an antibiotic.“
He washed his hands, then put on gloves. „Unfortunately, I have more bad news... the local anesthesia that we usually have in the safe houses has expired. I can’t use it. I’m sorry, Riles.“
Riley sighed heavily. „It’s not your fault Mac.“
„I know, i know, it’s just… I had to do this myself once, without any anesthesia or painkillers and it really sucked.“
Riley smiled. „At least i don’t have to do it myself. I trust you Mac.“
He nodded slowly, then grabbed the disinfectant. „This might burn a bit.“
Pouring it on the wound and wiping the blood stains around it away, Mac tried not to listen to Riley hiss with clenched teeth while she held onto the towel underneath her, her knuckles turning white.
Disinfecting a pair of forceps and setting it down on a clean towel, he pulled out his knife, disinfecting it with a wipe first, then a second time, holding the blade over the flame of a lighter.
He looked at Riley. „i have to widen the entry wound a bit. A bullet is so fast upon entering, that the tissue retracts afterwards. So to get it i have to open that up“
Riley just nodded weakly. „Okay, let’s do this.“
Mac exhaled, then carefully set the blade down on Riley’s skin.
The sharp cry that escaped her upon the first cut, would echo in his brain for a long time… He could feel underneath his hands, how hard she was trying not to move, and it broke his heart. „I’m so Sorry, Riles,“ he murmured under his breath.
Finally, the opening was wide enough. Wiping the blood away, Mac grabbed the forceps.
He could see the sweat forming on Riley’s forehead. „Do you want a break? We can pause for a bit before we continue.“
Riley shook her head. „No, let's just get over with it.“
Mac slowly nodded. „Okay… I'll try to be quick.“
He hated that he had to hurt her to help her.
He tried not to think about it too much as he dug the forceps into her flesh, trying to grab the bullet. Part of him wished that Riley would just pass out, but unfortunately that didn’t happen. She was trying hard to keep it together, and he knew it.
Every pained sound that escaped her, bored itself deep into his soul.
He finally managed to grab the bullet, a whimper escaping Riley.
„almost there, almost there, he whispered,“ trying to reassure her, but also himself. Slowly, trying not to nick anything else, he pulled it out, relieved when he realized that there was no artery damaged by the bullet and no shards missing.
Letting the bullet fall into the small metal tray beside him with a ‚clank‘ he looked up at Riley. She was pale and sweaty, her eyes watery with pained tears.
„I think i have to…“
She couldn’t finish her sentence. Mac held her hair back as she heaved over the toilet bowl, which luckily, was right next to them.
Mac gently rubbed her back. He knew how nauseating pain could be.
She leaned back after a moment, breathing heavily.
Mac soothingly rubbed her good leg. „We are almost done, i just have to sew it up, okay?“
Riley just closed her eyes so she didn’t have to see the needle. Even if the blade and the forceps definitely hurt worse, she still hated needles the most.
Disinfecting everything again, Mac carefully sewed the wound up.
8 Stitches later, he was done, putting some antibiotic cream and vaseline on the wound before bandaging Riley’s leg up.
„You did it,“ he whispered, „We’re done.“
She could barely speak, rasping out a „thank you.“
Mac carefully scooped her up, carrying her to the bedroom, setting her down on the mattress. „I’ll clean everything up. You just rest.“
Cleaning off the blood of the tiles and throwing the trash away, Mac stepped back in the bedroom.
Riley looked up at him. „Do you mind cutting off the rest of the pants? They’re not exactly comfortable… and they’re ruined anyways.“
Mac nooded, then got rid of the rest of her pants. If you could even call them that anymore.
Rummaging through the closet, he found a pair of soft shorts in her size, helping her put it on, trying not to think about the fact that his fingers were touching the skin of her legs.
He handed her another tylenol and a bottle of gatorade for electrolytes.
Taking the bottle out of Riley’s hands, setting it aside once she was done, he was about to leave the room when Riley caught his wrist. „Hey, Mac. Thank you by the way. I never could have done this myself. You saved me.“
Mac sighed a bit bitterly. „I wouldn’t have needed to do it if i had done my job right. I failed to protect you and it caused you pain.“
Riley shook her head. „There was nothing you could have done, Mac. Shit happens.“
„still,“ he sighed. „i feel like i failed you.“
She cupped his face. „you didn’t. And you never will.“
„But…"
„No buts, Mac. You couldn’t have changed it.“
He opened his mouth, but she kept talking. „Mac, please. Don’t blame yourself. Don’t make yourself think that. I know how much you judge yourself, but you need to promise me that you at least try not to think about it too much, okay?“
She held out her little finger. „And i’ll need you to pinky promise me.“
Reluctant he nodded, intertwining his pinky with hers. „I promise, I'll try…“, then stood up. „I’ll make you an IV for some saline and more painkillers now, okay? And maybe I'll find some iron supplements too. You didn’t lose a lot of blood luckily, but still i want to be save.“
Riley playfully rolled her eyes. „if only you were that concerned about your own health.“
Mac opened his mouth just to close it again, not able to say anything against it. She was right after all. He didn’t like hospitals, often trying to get out as soon as possible, and avoiding drugs if he could.
Finally, half an hour later, hooked up to an IV, Riley was fast asleep. Mac was glad she was finally able to rest after what she had to endure today. It had been her first gunshot wound, and hopefully, also the last.
Mac looked down at the sleeping woman, a warmth filling his chest. He loved her. He really did. She was his everything.
But he couldn’t be with her.
Her feelings for him were gone and there was nothing he could do about it. He had been so blind and it had led to him missing out on what could have been the best relationship of his life.
He was glad that Riley was still friends with him after everything that had happened. He had hurt her without even knowing and he hated himself for it.
If only he had known…
And today he had hurt her again. It was to save her, but still, he felt guilty. He had promised her not to blame himself, but that was harder than expected.
36 hours later
A knock on the door woke Mac from his nap.
Rising from the couch, he found Riley standing outside the door, grinning and on crutches. „Hi.“ She hopped in, sitting down in the living room. „The doc was very happy with your field surgery,“ she said as Mac sat down next to her. „no shards left, no sign of infection and perfect stitches. He didn’t even need to do anything.“
Riley looked up at him. „Also, the lab found out that the bullet was not a normal one. It was covered in bacteria, but not normal bacteria that you’d expect on a bullet, it was completely covered in e-coli… Thanks to you, I'm all good. If we had left it in just a little bit longer, i would have got Sepsis.“
Mac ruffled his hand through his hair. „I’m glad you are okay… when we were out there in the woods, and I heard you yelp after the shot…“ he shook his head. „For a second i really thought i was gonna lose you.“
He looked her directly in the eyes. „I’m sorry for hurting you.“
„Mac, it was necessary…“
He interrupted her. „I’m not talking about the bullet… I promised you not to think about that too much.“ he licked his lips. „I’m talking about the way that i hurt you with my behavior in the past and i didn’t even realize.“
Riley’s face softened. „You didn’t do it on purpose.“
Mac shook his head. „Yes, but that doesn’t change the fact that I hurt you… you said that I broke your heart. And I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for that. I was trying so hard to fix something that was bad for me from the beginning. I held on because I didn't want to be alone when all this time you were by my side, despite you being hurt by me.“
Riley could see the pain in his eyes. Mac truly had a heart of gold.
„You said it yourself. Emotions aren’t a science. What you felt in that moment was valid, Mac.“
He smiled sadly. „Well, I think I need to be honest now… because I don't want to lie to you. I don’t want to mess up again.“ He paused for a moment. „Do you remember what you asked me in Banja Luka? About the door?“
Riley nodded. „I do. But you don’t have to tell me if you don’t…“
„I want to… and you deserve it... so well. The answer is, that if i knew that there was an open door, not a wall, i definitely would have wanted to go through. From the day I met you, you were special to me, Riles, more than that. I just thought I could never have that… i just felt like you were way out of my league, that you would only ever see me as a friend. So I tried to take my mind off you with someone else, but well, that failed massively… so hearing your confession on that rooftop made me realise how bad i had fucked up even more. That's why I came to your door. I wanted to know if there was still something. Not because I wanted a rebound or anything, just because I saw a glimpse of all I ever wanted. But well there wasn’t and I respect that. But i guess i just got back what i deserved.“
Riley blinked. „Are you saying that you… have feelings for me?“
Mac exhaled and nodded. „yeah, i do… but, uhm… I'm working on letting them pass. I don’t wanna lose your friendship, so i’m just kinda bagging it up, you know. And I don't want you to worry about it, I just wanted to let you know.“
His face was sad, and Riley was still processing his words.
„I want you to kiss me,“ she finally said, unable to explain her emotions to him.
Mac turned, staring at her. „What?“
„I want you to kiss me,“ she repeated. „I’d kiss you myself, but i don’t wanna jostle my leg.“
„I… are you sure?“ Mac asked, still confused.
„Yes,“ Riley rasped out, „Mac, I lied. The door was never closed. My feelings for you never went away. I just said it because I thought you were happy as things were and I didn't want to ruin your future or make you feel guilty. I still have feelings for you.“
Mac’s face slowly morphed from disbelief to a grin during her words.
Leaning closer, he cupped her face. „We’re idiots aren’t we?“
Riley just giggled, sneaking her hands behind his neck.
Mac finally closed the small distance between them, putting his lips on hers.
The time basically slowed down around them, as they found a perfect rhythm.
Mac couldn’t believe it. All this time they had been right in front of each other.
But now his dreams were finally coming true. And it was so much better than everything he had imagined.
Every cell in his body screamed to pull her closer, onto his lap, or push her down in the cushions of the couch, but he held himself back, mindful of her injury.
Eventually, they seperated, both grinning.
Mac found his words first. „We’re going on a date as soon as we can.“
„I like that, a lot.“
Trying to pull him closer again, a hiss escaped her, when she accidently moved her leg a bit too much. „We’re not going until my leg is healed. But we are definitely going on a date.“
„Promise,“ Mac smiled, holding out his pinky.
Riley lauged, intertwining her finger with his, before he finally leaned in, kissing her again.