Archive of Our Own ^beta

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah… yes, I'm alright,” Regina barely manages to choke out after a few heavy breaths. It feels as though the wind was completely knocked out of her. There had been so much going on after she split the Queen from herself, she didn’t realize how much of herself she had lost from that decision. Until now. Now when they’ve been put back together and everything has flooded back. The hatred, the self-loathing, the sheer intensity with which that half of her was able to love (she hadn’t realized that that even came from the Queen. Wasn’t that serum only supposed to remove the bad parts?). And as to only serve in fueling a migraine that has quickly started to present itself from the already intense onslaught of familiar but overwhelming emotions, the memories the Queen had gotten since they separated came flooding into her mind too. The memories of Henry looking at her as The Evil Queen once again (she knows he didn’t feel that way, he told her as much, but she knows that look, he didn’t trust her), the memories of terror from the people in town who she had spent the last six years trying to gain trust from, the memories- oh dear god- Rumple in his shop. She could do without that image in her head again (the one and only time she feels thankful for Zelena. At least she had stopped whatever the hell they were about to go through with). 

She squints her eyes shut and reaches for her head to try to soothe the pain throbbing throughout her skull. She didn’t anticipate any of this. 

It’s already all too much, but then there’s an all too familiar touch on her shoulder, gently trying to ground her and it sends a jolt of pain through her heart again, just as it does every single goddamn time she makes contact with this man, but there’s something else there this time with it. There’s a tingle that sparks ever so subtly in her chest and it's overwhelming, way too much, but she's suddenly hit with so much more again. More feelings she didn’t realize The Queen was capable of and more memories that once again knock the air out of her. 

She’s at Robin’s grave, sitting silently, missing him. She loved him too (it had been so foolish to think she didn’t. Every piece of her soul loved him, of course The Queen did too). She went there more than once. Never speaking, always just sitting in silence, until the fifth time. 

“I’m sorry. No, I didn’t do this. She did. But I know this isn’t what you would’ve wanted. And maybe I should’ve been stronger, stopped her, but I can't deny that it feels so good to be free. So liberating to not repeatedly be silenced and repressed every time something inevitably goes wrong and I want to deal with it my way, which is pretty damn often as you know. 

She makes everything so complicated… Everything."

The Queen stops for a moment, and gathers her thoughts before she speaks again, “Robin. The other Robin. She can't stand him being here, though she can't stand the idea of him leaving either… and maybe I feel similarly, but I… I don't really know what I feel, to be honest. 

"I miss you. So much, I do." Moisture begins to gather in her eyes, teetering there at the corners, but she takes a moment and forces herself to keep it from falling. She's finally been able to speak to him, she's not letting a pending sobbing fit ruin it this time. 

“There's just something about how he looks at me. Just as you did. Or rather how you looked at her…”

She trails off, then shakes her head and corrects herself, 

“And me. 

“Both of us.

“I know you loved us both. She refused to believe it but I always knew. I believed you."

She pauses again, thinking.

“This Robin, he's different, I know, but you used to be too. Before Marian, you said you used to be different and you know I was never opposed to that. I never disliked the way you'd get when you'd get angry or protective. He's similar to that. It's just a little more often and maybe he's a bit more lacking in morals than you vowed to be, but clearly, I of all people don't really mind that too much. And, god, Robin, sometimes being with him reminds me of when we first met in the Enchanted Forest.”

The Queen chuckles lightly to herself at the memories they shared from that year. She misses that. And she might have a chance to have it once again.

“It's so conflicting. Missing you this much, but he's here and he’s real and the way I feel with him is just…” She sighs.

“I don’t know what I want, but I need you to know that I miss you. I will always miss you. Always love you.”

A rouge tear manages to escape the barricade she so carefully tried to enforce, but she lets it. 

And then there are footsteps behind her and she pulls herself together before turning and facing her other half who dares to yell at the Queen to get away from their soulmate.

Regina’s eyes open widely now, staring at the ground. She can’t, won’t look up at him.

“Regina, are you alright?” Robin asks her again and it takes her a moment, a long, deep breath, but she closes then opens her eyes this time to look into his.

And it's different, so different from each time she had done so before. She feels what the Queen had talked about, she feels Robin looking at her again. It isn't him though. It's never been him, he’s made that clear to her. 

It hurts again, if anything it hurts more than it had before, but she can't look away. 

His eyes are filled with concern and sympathy, all of what she's all too used to. She's broken down in front of him too many times, wanted to see her Robin in him too many times. But right now, she does, and it’s making everything all that more painful. He’s here, but he’s not. The Queen had started falling for him, and now she feels it too, and she can see that he started to feel the same about her. But she is no longer only the Queen. This man standing in front of her now doesn’t love all of her and all of herself doesn’t love him.

She feels a quick flash of selfishness for merging herself back together. She feels like she took something from them both.

Regina shakes her head slightly, without breaking away from his eyes, “I’m sorry. I didn’t know that you two…” she trails off as his gaze falls slightly at her words.

He's looking at her lips, but there’s a sadness in his expression that tells her there’s no desire there. Or maybe there is, but it’s just for that part of her that’s now blended back with the rest of her. 

Robin’s hand trails down from her shoulder now to hold her upper arm, his thumb caressing there softly as he looks into her eyes again with a sad smirk on his face, “you’re the same person, Regina. You can’t stay separated from an entire half of who you are. What I might have felt for that half isn’t more important than that.”

Tears prickle up and before she can think to stop any from falling, they do. She stands still, holding his gaze. 

Since she's met him, he had been as patient as he could be with her, despite the few times he'd been harsher than she was used to from her Robin, but this man understood this entire situation was painful for her and she could tell he was at least trying to be delicate. What she hadn’t felt before though was this affection she's feeling now from his touch. And she’s never been more confused and overwhelmed all at once about whether or not she loves someone who might still care for part of her while she still feels that unyielding tug of heartbreak from losing the love that this current possible love constantly reminds her of. God, there’s that migraine making itself known.

How could this have possibly gotten more complicated and painful than it already had been? Maybe she needs to stop thinking it can’t get worse because clearly, it can. 

“And I, um,” he starts, his brows knit together, looking as confused as she feels, “I think I still–“

“Don't,” Regina cuts him off, a sternness in her voice she hadn’t heard in a while, and it was harsher than she meant it to be. She just can not stand to hear whatever he was about to say when she hasn't had a chance to figure out what the hell is going on in her own head, “I can’t– I don't know what I feel, or what or how or what to do about it, and I can’t hear that right now."

He nods slowly in response, tentatively beginning to remove his hand from her arm, but then he stops, and keeps it there.

Maybe this was all a mistake. Maybe she shouldn’t have done this. She could’ve banished the Queen from this realm or tried killing her again or done something, anything, other than this.

There’s another beat of silence and she can't tell whether she wants to pull away, stay, or move closer.

From just outside her office though she hears frantic footsteps and a panicked “Regina!” and it startles her into making her decision. She jumps away from his touch, leaving a good three feet of distance from him, but there’s a sting that comes with it that she isn't sure she wants to understand.

The voice was Snow's, and then there’s Henry close behind her (she’s hit with another little jolt of love, this time a welcome one, for her son, and it would be the understatement of the century to say she’s grateful to see him at the moment). They're both looking frantic and worried and she realizes the outburst of magic that came from pulling herself together (literally, she thinks, with an eye roll to herself) probably made more of a show than what she thought was contained in her office.

“Are you okay? Is everything okay?” Snow looks around the room quickly and then continues again, “Where’s the Queen?”

Regina doesn’t say anything for a moment, sighs, and lets a small, insincere smile form across her lips, “it worked.”

She sees Henry’s smile from her victory blossom over his face and it eases that little bit of regret that had been forming ever so slightly.

Henry walks to her and she instinctively opens her arms to wrap him in a tight hug he easily reciprocates and she suddenly feels that she never wants to let go. She could stay here forever and ignore everything else that's been going on and will inevitably be going on in the very near future and she could be perfectly content doing so. But then he tells her quietly that he's proud of her, and that, that is what makes all the pain worth it, she remembers. That is why she will deal with everything that's to come with this horrible decision to fuse back together with the worst parts of herself.

She hugs him tighter and speaks a soft “thank you, Henry” before letting him pull back and out of her embrace. 

He’s still smiling in front of her before he looks to her side and his smile falls a bit as he sees Robin. 

Robin gives her son a short nod and a slight smile and the awkward nature of the whole interaction kicks at her. Though the pain surprisingly isn't caused by a longing for how it once was, she reluctantly realizes. She wants Robin, this Robin, to be more comfortable with her son. Why? she doesn’t want to think about it, but she can’t deny that that’s what she’s feeling. 

And Henry, she had been so caught up in her own feelings of this other version of the man she loves that she never thought of how Henry felt about him, but seeing him now, her heart breaks just that little bit more. He’s hurting too. He and Robin had never had much time with each other outside of dealing with the latest town catastrophe, but maybe that meant more to him than she considered.

“Well, I should get going, I suppose. I no longer serve the purpose of bait, so not much need for my presence here anymore,” Robin says somewhat sarcastically and with a clear tone of uncomfortableness probably brought on by everyone in the room who still isn't used to him being here. 

He looks to Regina again and there’s that look, the one that encompasses her whole, but it’s gone as quickly as it came when he turns forward and begins to walk out of her office. And as Regina follows his path out the door, she sees Snow watching. The slightly perplexed expression on her face turns to understanding and then her all too familiar and irritating sympathy.

Regina truly doesn’t have the strength to sit through a talk about her feelings that Snow surely wants to subject her to all of the sudden, so she looks away and back to Henry to suggest they get headed home.

Henry nods, but then Snow speaks up, “why don’t we have dinner at Granny’s? I’d say saving the day once again deserves at least a small celebration.”

“Snow, every time we 'conquer' anything we have dinner at Granny’s and it all goes to hell again. I’m exhausted and not in the mood to deal with anything else for at least the next 24 hours, so I’m going home.” 

“Fair enough,” Snow replies with a pointed smirk, “but at least let me have you over for dinner. There’s nothing going on now, it’s not like we have much else to do.”

“You have a job.”

“As a teacher, and it’s 5 o’clock, Regina,” she’s not letting it go, and Regina starts to suspect that maybe she will soon be subjected to that talk about her feelings that she wanted to avoid.

“Come on, mom, you’re gonna agree eventually, so let’s just go.” 

Snow smiles slightly at that while Henry motions for Regina to follow him out the door and quite frankly she doesn’t have the energy to disagree or look offended so she sighs and starts walking.

Henry’s further ahead than the two of them as they’re walking to Snow’s apartment. He’s on his phone, probably texting Violet if his complete lack of awareness around him is any indication, he’s walking almost in a zig-zag line, only switching direction when he almost runs off the sidewalk.

“So where’s the rest of them?” Regina asks. She’s surprised Snow didn’t pull up to her office with her full defense squad also known as Emma and David. And sometimes Hook.

“I told them we’re having dinner at the loft.”

Regina sighs, maybe she would’ve preferred Granny’s. At least there she could blend in with the crowd that always seemed to be there even though they played no part in whatever they were celebrating, or more recently, mourning.

“How are you feeling?” Snow asks her.

Regina turns her head to her at the question, then looks forward again, searching for an answer that she can't think of for the life of her. 

Snow must see her struggle though and thankfully, she changes her question, “Why was Robin there?”

That’s easier. That she can answer. 

“The Queen was using him as bait to lure me in, I guess…” Regina debates continuing, but she knows she’ll end up telling her anyway, so might as well do it now, “she wanted to completely cut the tie between the both of us and she almost did, but Robin stopped her. I’m still not sure why. I hardly expected him to give a damn, especially when…”  

The memory of Robin’s gaze as she looked at him for the first time after merging with her other half filters into her mind again. The love that was there. That love which belonged to the Queen.

“Especially when what?” 

Regina can practically feel the overtly motherly expression on Snow’s face, peering at her, the expression that tells her that Snow knows exactly what Regina’s trying to say but she’s making her say it anyway. 

She wants to fight it, but there's that very small part of her that's always a little grateful for Snow's willingness, insistence even, on listening to her. So she continues, “the Queen and him, they… cared for each other. So I don’t understand why he was willing to lose that for my sake.”

Snow lets out a small hum of acknowledgment and corrects simply, “and her sake.”

Regina looks at her, clearly confused. Snow looks back as if Regina was ridiculous for not understanding what she meant.

“Regina, you and the Queen are the same person. Everything she has done in the past, you have. Everything you have done in the past, she has,” she pauses a moment and Regina sees a flicker of regret in Snow's eyes before she continues, “I shouldn’t of let you split yourself to begin with and I know it was your decision, before you try to tell me that I didn't 'let you,' but it wasn’t right and I should've thought of that before you did it. You can't just kill off an entire part of who you are just because you don't like it, Regina, you can't permanently sever the ties between the other part, you can't just get rid of it. Neither side of you can reach acceptance of the other by being separated.”

Regina keeps staring forward as she listens, the air seeming colder and she can’t quite tell if it’s from the fall weather or because of the conversation she’s growing more and more desperate to escape from. Why is she even telling her this? How is this relevant? Besides, she knows what she did wasn't right. She knows it was stupid to think she can just absolve herself of all her crimes by pretending it wasn't technically her who committed them. She knows her self-acceptance wouldn't have been true. She knows all of it, which is why she just undid that decision, so she does not need an entire lecture about it and she's about to tell Snow just as much, but Snow continues, “If he loves the Queen, then he would've wanted what was best for her and what you did was what was best for both of you. Of course he helped.” And, well, that changes Regina's focus back to the other thing she's starting to not want to talk about anymore.

“I never said love.”

“You meant it," Snow looks at her, sternly almost, as if Regina was a child who wasn't listening while getting a firm talking to (isn't she supposed to be Snow's mother. What the hell happened?), "and that was not the point of what I just said, you know that.”

This conversation has been quite enough for today, she thinks, and thank God for perfect timing because before Regina has to think of a reply or a way to end the conversation, they reach the building to Snow’s loft and she chooses that as the perfect excuse to leave it at that as they meet up with Henry again who's holding the door for them, waiting for them to catch up.

Snow had left her alone for the most part during dinner and Regina mostly chatted with Henry. He asked a few times how she was and she insisted she was alright, reminded him that she's had both halves of herself for the majority of her life and she knows how to handle it, but he has known her his entire life, he knew she wasn’t telling him the truth and so he kept asking. And he's older now, he's seen her vulnerability plenty of times, so maybe she could've at least told him she was exhausted, that some things had gotten more complicated, maybe she shouldn't have been outright lying to him, but she wasn't going to go into all of that in front of the entire Charming household. Not to mention it's still difficult to get past that constant need to protect him from any and all of her turmoil. It's not his problem and she doesn't want him to concern himself with it or try to fix any of it, which, knowing him, he would.

Eventually, he gave up and she got him to start telling her about the new video game he had been getting into playing recently and she happily listened to him. The further the conversation went on about the cowboys, the rival gangs, and the law chasing him down while he made sure to keep his honor high despite the thieving and occasional, "unavoidable" killing, all thoughts of completely undoing any of the progress she thought she made on herself and all thoughts of maybe loving a man she can hardly bear being around all got pushed farther and farther to the back of her mind.

It was nice. Always is when she gets Henry going on and on about something he's so clearly interested in, but eventually, he's finished talking and finished eating, as is everyone else. 

They’re cleaning up, David chatting about some nonsense from today at the Sheriff's station to Snow while Snow tries her best to look like she's listening, but keeps glancing up at Regina. Emma and Hook are sitting on the couch and, well, they’re talking about whatever the hell they’re talking about and she doesn’t really care to listen to either of them. She’s always felt at least somewhat resentful towards them since Robin's funeral, and Hook especially, but since splitting herself it was slightly more tolerable. Now though, seeing how easy their relationship is, how they can just sit contentedly and chat about whatever, she just sees how that should be her and Robin. It could be her and Robin, but he's dead. He's dead because Emma couldn't deal with the loss of her "true love" as if the rest of them haven't had to deal with it (she knows she's being unfair. She'd trade in Hook's life for Robin's in an instant and that's not even what Emma intended to do, but it's hard to feel understanding with their love shoved in her face every second she's around either one of them). It’s infuriating. So she looks away. 

She wants to talk to Henry again, maybe ask about any comics he's been reading or wants more of, or ask about anything he's been writing recently, but he’s back on his phone and so she doesn’t bother, he’ll be half ignoring her the whole time if he doesn’t outright wave her off once she tries to approach him to begin with. 

So, maybe she should just leave. They’re done here anyway. Yes, she should get up and leave. She should go home and give herself time to think. To think about Robin and… and, no, on second thought, she doesn’t want that. 

Once again at a loss as to what she should do, she stays seated and tries to think. Tries and fails. She feels a pang of loss for her mind without the Evil Queen infiltrating it. It was undoubtedly better, and easier to deal with. Now, not only is she back to dealing with all the unwelcome thoughts she had previously gotten rid of, but it seems as though it's going to take a while for her brain to wrap itself around the idea that she was two separate people for a period of time. She knows it's all her, that the Queen and she are one and the same, but it feels more like two people wrestling in her head than it ever had before and she hopes that that will fix itself in time. 

Right now though, it's just another all too common, irritating side effect of having to undo her own poor decision-making. God, she was such a fool for thinking she could ever get away with somehow leaving all of her never-ending bad luck behind through simply crushing one last heart, even if it was technically her own.

This entire last month has been completely and utterly pointless.

“How do you feel?” Regina jumps slightly at Snow's voice so close to her right all of the sudden, she hadn't even noticed when Snow had slid into the stool next to her, and she lets out a slightly irritated sigh when she registers what Snow asked. She’s tired of that question, and you know what? Maybe she does want to leave.

Snow chuckles lightly, a small, playful smile on her face as she apologizes for startling her, "you looked lost there."

“I'm fine," Regina says for what feels like the hundredth time today and she knows it's not convincing, but quite frankly she doesn't really care, "and stop asking me that, I–“

“I meant about Robin.”

“What?”

Snow's more playful tone has faded now, already back in "I'm going to get you to talk to me whether you act like you don't want to or not because deep down you know you'll feel better when you do" mode. “How do you feel about Robin?” 

Regina stays silent for a moment, looking at Snow and trying to get across the point that she isn't in the mood right now to discuss this, but Snow doesn't back down (she knew she wouldn't), so Regina relents, "you know how I feel. It feels like nothing when," she's lying, it doesn't feel like nothing anymore, but still, it isn't what she wants to feel, "when I'm with him it feels like nothing."

Snow nods once and looks at her knowingly. It bothers her, just as it always seems to when she's stuck in a heart-to-heart like this and Snow makes that annoyingly comforting face that shows she understands.

“I know what you said before, Regina. I'm asking you now . You said the Queen loved him. Is it safe to assume that the reason you know that is because now all of the sudden you feel differently about him?"

“Again, I never said love. And I don’t love– I don’t know.” Regina sighs, and looks back down. Nothing in her head is making any sense.

Snow lifts her arms to rest in front of her on the countertop, allowing her to lean forward slightly to try to get Regina's attention, "you need to talk to him. You can't avoid him forever, Regina. I saw it. The way he looked at you. The way you looked at him. It’s different than before, when you kissed before. Ignoring that won't help you."

Before standing to go back to the dishes she had only half finished washing before apparently getting too curious of Regina's mind to pretend to listen to David any longer, Snow adds, "you know I wouldn't be saying this if I didn't believe it. I don't want you getting hurt all over again, but there's something there you two need to figure out."

It's early morning, the sky filled with pinks and oranges among the blue above her. It’s a beautiful backdrop for the colorful trees around her, and the crisp air and the crunch of leaves beneath her shoes as she walks to the fallen tree she didn’t realize she missed so much brings her a sense of peace she so desperately needed. A sense of peace she has been craving since the Queen began infiltrating her every thought again. It was only yesterday but feels so much longer. She could barely sleep and even when she could, it most certainly didn't come easily. 

As she sits, she lets her eyes fall shut and tries her best to let her mind clear itself like it typically can when she’s out here. Out in the forest really. Not just here. Storybrooke is her home but that’s the one thing she misses about the Enchanted Forest. Endless places to escape. Although Storybrooke was her escape she supposes. It hasn’t been feeling like much of an escape recently, so here she is, in one of the only places she could think of that could possibly give her that feeling she needs, and it’s almost working.

“We’ve got to stop meeting like this.”

The memory flashes through her mind and she damns herself. Damns Robin. Even if she didn’t choose here, there still won’t be a single place in the forest she can go where she won’t think of him. Hell, the whole fucking place smells just like him.

“Regina?”

Oh for the love of God.

She keeps her eyes shut tight and doesn’t move a muscle. Maybe he won’t see her if she stays completely and absolutely still.

There's a light chuckle behind her and she hears his voice is closer, “are you ignoring me now?”

She sighs loudly and lets her eyes open once again as she speaks in a somewhat biting tone, “what do you want?” 

She’s not entirely sure why she’s being so cold with him, but she’s tired and irritated and she was so close to a moment of calm and peace and what the hell is he doing out here anyway?

“Well, I saw a woman sitting on a quite mud-covered log in the middle of the woods at the crack of dawn, so naturally I was curious," he smirks," then, I saw who it was and figured I should ask Her Majesty what exactly it is that she's doing out here.” He sits next to her so that they’re facing opposite directions on the log beneath them, just as her Robin had done years ago. It makes that memory sting just that little bit more again.

His “Her Majesty” strikes through her too (just as everything he does or says it seems). She has the Queen's memories. He had called the Queen "Your Majesty" constantly, but he had mostly referred to her as "Regina" once they were back in Storybrooke. He's talking to her as if she’s still the Queen and it hurts a little, which she supposes is fair. This must be close to how he feels when she talks to him as though he's Robin. It's different, but it's similar. 

She wants to tell him to just call her Regina instead, but she decides not to. To be fair, she is still a Queen. Just not his Queen. Or, she is, but not entirely, and maybe she doesn't completely dislike the sarcastic tone in his voice when he says it. There's a familiarity to it that she can't deny she's fond of.

“And, god, Robin, sometimes being with him reminds me of when we first met in the Enchanted Forest.”

“I wanted a moment of peace, but clearly that’s too hard to come by around here,” she pauses, then adds sarcastically, “in the middle of nowhere.”

Robin chuckles breathily next to her and she loves that sound, misses it, but how does she miss it when she can hear it? When she just did hear it, right here? 

Because it’s not Robin. It’s not Robin so it’s not the same… but maybe it doesn't need to be the same.

“Apologies, m’lady, I didn’t intend to disturb your peace.”

“M’lady” She repeats in her head. How is he not doing that on purpose? How is he not specifically choosing his words, his phrases, to say the exact thing that’ll affect her the most? Because it sure as hell seems like he is.

“But I wouldn’t exactly call this the middle of nowhere. It’s a small town, the woods aren’t very vast. If someone wanted to find you, it probably wouldn’t be too difficult. So, if you want a more ‘middle of nowhere’ area maybe you could try some of your underground tunnels that travel to who knows where.”

She scoffs and a smirk forms over her lips, “You’ve been here barely any time at all and you’ve got the whole forest mapped out already?”

“Yes, I’d say I have.”

“And what the hell do you know about any underground tunnels?”

“Was there not a secret door in your vault that was disguised to look like it was just part of the wall there?”

How the hell does he know about that? The Queen? Surely she’d have the memory of if she had.

He laughs again at her perplexed expression before explaining, “it’s kind of my job to see those things, Regina. I spotted it rather easily while we were down there.”

Once she gets past her slight annoyance at the fact that he knows now of the one place she can truly hide away from everyone and everything, she can't help but feel a little bit impressed that he did manage to find it. 

"Of course you did,” she says and she doesn’t know why, but with a slight raise of her brow she adds, “thief.”

He smiles and she mirrors it.

A somewhat comfortable silence forms over them in that moment and it's nice. A nice change from every other time she's been with him when she's constantly telling herself to keep her hopes down, keep them quiet, don't scare him away, don't lose him again, don't get too close, it's not Robin. 

In this moment, it's just two people sharing a morning together, and she notes that it's close to that peace she was craving before

But it doesn’t last. Whether it’s because she’s in her head about how maybe she shouldn't feel this comfortable or he snaps back to the reality that she’s not who he started to fall for, she doesn’t know. The nice silence fades and they both look away again.

“I'm sorry,” she starts, not really sure where she’s going but feeling the need to say it. 

He interrupts, though, “You’ve already apologized. And there’s no need. I have to accept that you don’t… that you don’t view me as she did.” There’s a beat before he continues and she feels her pace pick up ever so slightly as he keeps talking, “And if anything I should be the one to apologize. You saw me as someone you loved when I didn’t feel the same and I was cold to you for it.”

Her heart starts thudding even harder. She knows what’s obvious, he still loves the Queen, but she doesn’t want to talk about that, or think about it, so she refocuses, assures him, “you weren’t cold. You were as patient as you could’ve been. I was being ridiculous and it was unfair to you.”

“I wouldn’t say ridiculous. You loved him for years, Regina. And the wound of his loss has barely had any time to heal. And I…”

She looks to him and he does the same, their gaze locking once again, before he finds his words, “well, like you’ve said, I’ve only been here barely any time at all and here we are, so I get it.”

She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, they’re going to talk about it apparently.

“You still love the Queen,” she states. It isn't a question, not anymore (never was).

It hurts. 

Knowing that he loves part of her. It hurts more than when he didn’t care at all. But that part of her that he loves is exploding. It still loves him too, it seems, and she has no idea what to do with that.

But then he’s shaking his head slightly and the little bit of her that had her feeling butterflies begins to crumble (was she wrong?) until he starts speaking again, to clarify, “I think I love you , Regina.”

Gooseflesh rises all over her body and she could blame it on the chill in the air, but she’d be fooling herself.

“What?” is all she manages to get out. None of this makes sense. He can’t love her and he doesn’t love her. She knows that. He told her as much. And they kissed. And there was not a single trace of any love in it. In fact, there wasn’t a single trace of anything, let alone love.

“I’m sorry. Again. I suppose shouldn’t have told you, it’s clearly just making it worse for you and I didn’t intend for that, I–“

Regina cuts him off before he continues, “you don’t love me, Robin. It’s just easier to think that because she’s not here anymore, but you don’t.”

He lets out a breathy sigh with an almost irritated expression as he looks in front of him again, “she is here. Right next to me.”

“I’m not her.”

“You two are the same person. I don’t love half of a person.”

He isn’t getting it, “are you seriously trying to tell me you loved me before when I–“

“No. I didn’t. Not then. But, I did start to fall for her, slowly. And then when you became whole again, it’s like something clicked. I don't understand it, but it just felt…” he looks her in the eyes again and that intensity is ever so present, “I enjoy being with you, Regina. I understand if you don’t want that, it’s alright. But you do not get to tell me how I feel about you.”

She's stuck. Again. She wants to run. She wants to stay. She wants to move closer. She still can't figure out what she feels. It feels like one half of her is ripping apart because this man who isn't Robin but feels and looks and seems a hell of a lot like Robin is telling her he loves her, and then that infuriating other half of her is screaming at her, trying to tell her that she loves him too.

Her eyes steal what’s meant to be a quick glance down at his lips but she's frozen in place. Her own lips are slightly parted already, from shock or disbelief or what she isn’t sure. She wants to move, but she can’t. She feels his eyes searing into her and the very back of her mind wants him to move closer, and horrifyingly, he does.

He slowly begins to move forward towards her and he waits for her to move away, but she doesn’t, she can’t. She's terrified, terrified that this will be just like their last kiss but more terrified that it'll be different. 

Her eyes close and she feels him place his right hand on her cheek, threading his fingers loosely in her hair and her pulse is pounding in her skull and she shouldn’t do this but she can’t stop herself and she doesn’t want to stop herself.

Their lips meet, finally, and it sends a wave of seemingly everything through her. There’s pain, butterflies, desperation, heartbreak, lightness, love , and it's too much. She’s plummeting to the ground and floating away all at the same time and it's certainly more than the last time. So much more than the last time. She lets herself deepen the kiss, parting her lips further as she feels him do the same. She feels his hand tighten in her hair as his left hand raises to the back of her head to tangle in the hair there. And he’s– it's starting to really feel like too much now. 

The pain is fading, the heartbreak is going away, she's no longer plummeting, all that's left is the love, the lightness, she's flying away and it’s Robin . 

She pulls back abruptly, wanting to cry or run away or curse both herself and him for letting her do that, but he's looking at her with this shock in his eyes she doesn’t quite understand what for until he's speaking softly, questioning.

“Regina?”

Right now, in this moment, he doesn’t look like Robin, he doesn’t seem like Robin, this is Robin.

She doesn't know how, but it's him.

“Robin?” She chokes out, ever so quietly, as if a loud noise would startle him away and he’d be replaced once more. 

A smile begins to spread across his face, his eyes crinkling as they always do when he smiles like that, and he nods softly as he catches a tear with his thumb that's started to trail down her cheek and he strokes there softly, back and forth.

And for the first time that she's been around him since he died, she knows exactly what to do. No hesitation, no conflicted feelings. She falls into him and wraps her arms as tightly around him as she can at the slightly awkward position they're in. She wants to get as close to him as possible, it’s him. Robin. Her Robin. How? She has no idea, but it’s him and she’s not letting go again. Her whole body jolts slightly as a few sobs break loose and she doesn’t hold them back. She doesn’t need to, not with him. 

She tries to pull him closer, but they're limited like this and she's about to reposition herself, but Robin moves first. Without letting go, he awkwardly climbs over the log to sit on the same side as her, It's better, but it's not enough, so she stands them up. 

Regina presses herself as flush against him that she can as silent sobs continue to wrack through her body and she feels his arms tighten their hold on her. He presses kisses to her shoulder, her neck, and then back to her shoulder again and she feels wetness from his face on the side of hers and she realizes he’s crying too.

She wants to speak, wants to let something out, he’s here, Robin is here in front of her. In her arms. It’s overwhelming in a way she never dreamed she'd get to feel again (that's a lie, she had dreamt it over and over, but never dared let herself admit that).

“I missed you”

“I know, I'm here now, Regina”

She pulls back, only enough to see him without leaving too much space between them, space she never wants to feel again.

She echos what he's said before, completes his sentence from the past, “and this is true” she breathes with a small raise of her brow and a smirk that turns into more of a wavering smile as she fights off another sob.

He just smiles with her, chuckles lightly as he says, “exactly.”

She's looking into his eyes again. Those eyes that are so familiar now, so filled with love and just so Robin. It's impossible to not get lost in them. Impossible to not feel so helplessly entranced and she has missed this so, so much. More than she can express, but she can try.

“I love you."

Her voice cracks as she says it and something about it sounds so young, reminds her of when she was young and naive and declarations of love came so much easier to her. Part of her hates hearing herself like that, but the other, larger part right now quite frankly doesn't give a damn. She is in love and she's finally able to say it after agonizing for so long over the fact that she never just said those three stupid, simple words to her soulmate because she was scared (about what? She's not sure. He still died anyway). And he's about to say it back, she can tell, but she keeps talking, “and I've never regretted not saying that to someone more than I have since the moment I lost you, Robin. Every day I wish I would've said it. I wish I would've let you say it.”

He's looking at her in that way that calms every nerve in her body, with that unyielding understanding in his gaze and he just says simply, with that gorgeous smile still on his lips, “I love you, Regina.”

She knows he does, always knew. And she knows that he always knew that she loved him, but something about finally saying it, finally hearing it is–well, is it possible to feel so much intensity and yet so light at the same time? Because she does, right at this moment and she's almost as in love with this feeling as she is with him.

His expression changes ever so slightly though, and there's the fleeting thought that she did startle him away after all.

But then he's speaking softly, asking “where's Roland?”

She feels her heart crash back down to earth again at that. Getting to other realms is always an uphill battle despite how many times they manage to do it and now, however long it takes her to figure it out will increase the time in which Robin can't see his son or his men while they still won't even know that he's here.

She should've been trying to get them back the second she got here and Zelena told her where they had all been sent to. She was getting to it, she was, but with a Robin that wasn't actually Robin in town she thought maybe it wouldn't have been the best time. Still, she feels guilty now, so guilty, with the way Robin is looking at her, surely waiting to hear that Roland's actually here in town and she for some reason had lied to him when she told the other Robin that one of his children wasn't here.

Regina closes then opens her eyes and takes a deep breath, wanting nothing more than to tell him just that, but she can't.

"In The Enchanted Forest."

Robin's smile that was only slightly still there falls even more and she feels awful, is quick to assure him as best she can that they'll get him back. That they'll find a way to get there and get his son and his Merry Men back. That she wasn't here when they were sent there and she wouldn't have let that happen if she had been.

He nods, clearly disappointed he can't simple run up to Roland right now and wrap him in a tight hug they both certainly need after everything and the amount of time they've spent apart with Robin being in the Underworld. Her heart hurts for them both. 

"And, um," he shakes his head then, asks "Zelena?"

He's asking about his daughter and she's ever grateful that that's at least something she can assure him can and will be handled easily.

"Margot's alright," she brings one hand up to rest on the side of his cheek and strokes her thumb there, just as he had been doing on her before his hand fell to her shoulder when she'd told him about Roland, "and Zelena will be much more agreeable than before. Whatever conditions you want, she will listen. I can assure you of that this time."

Things have gotten… complicated with Zelena again but she sure as hell is not going to be dealing with a replay of every other time she and Robin had tried to be reasonable with her before. Despite their recent unfavorable encounters, she trusts now at least that Zelena will understand that.

He smiles ever so slightly at her again, tells her, "Thank you."

She smiles back and she wants to hug him again, assure him that they'll get Roland back soon, that they'll figure everything out with Zelena, that the family they were so close to having before he died will soon be theirs again. She's about to, but then he speaks again, "I love her name, by the way. Margot, it suits her well," and if she was smiling before then she's absolutely beaming at him now.

"Good," she says, "I spent nearly three days agonizing over what it should be after Zelena told me that I should be the one to choose her name."

His dimples are ever present from his quickly growing smile as his eyes start to get damp once again and he asks, "you named her?" to which she repeats that yes, she did, and now he's the one pulling her in for that hug she wanted.

As she rests her head again in the crook of his neck, she feels the dread that had been bubbling up over how long it might take to travel to the Enchanted Forest and the chance that Zelena will make things difficult again slowly dissapte into the air around her. Her head and lungs instead filling with the scent of him, which she supposes she could've experienced with the other Robin, but she never had, so she indulges as much as she can.

He's holding her tight, so tight, almost too tight, but she can't find it in herself to remove him even just the smallest bit. In a way, it almost feels as if he's slowly clicking into place the last, stubborn parts of herself that refused to blend nicely back together. 

She wonders for a moment if he now has the other version of himself in his head to battle with, but then he's pulling back just a little to plant a small kiss at her scalp and she figures that that's an issue that can wait. They have more pressing issues at the moment. 

She pulls back then too, just enough to look at him and enough to speak without being completely muffled, "I suppose we should go see your daughter and then–"

"Our daughter," he corrects her quietly before she can continue and her heart does that thing that feels like it's trying to flutter straight out of her chest.

Her eyes are damper again and her smile fuller as she looks into his eyes to continue, "our daughter, and then we can get on with a plan to get to Roland and the rest of them. I think Henry might be able to help too, being the author and all. Not to mention he regularly snoops around my vault and Gold's shop so he probably knows more than I think he does," she finishes with a light chuckle he echos.

"I guess we should get ready for another adventure, then."

"Apparently," she somewhat deadpans. They're pretty used to adventures by now.

"We can call it 'Operation..." He's searching for a name for it, but clearly isn't trying too hard before he concedes his efforts and suggests they just let Henry come up with a name.

She agrees and presses a quick kiss to his lips before reluctantly pulling away to grab a hold of his hand and begin leading them out of the forest. Towards his–thier–daughter and onto the first step in their journey to bring the pieces of their family back together again. And this time, they sure as hell better all stay in place.