Archive of Our Own

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Olivia Margaret Benson had been through more in her life than she would ever wish on anybody. Ever. 

Learning the truth about the nature of her conception and even growing up as her mother’s mother abuse victim was not a great foundation for the beginning of her life. The Simon mess was another story. The only good thing where her mother was concerned was that the two of them had managed to mend their bridges before Serena’s passing.  

There were also countless traumas in her life because of her line of work as a member of the Manhattan Special Victims Unit. And so much loss. But then she had survived the horrors of all the supervillains they’d encountered and put away. So after least there was that. She could move on. Even forward. 

Olivia still knew she would be permanently damned if she ever overlooked how Alex Cabot and Casey Novak had shaped her life. She would not be who she was today without either of them and the lessons they’d unintentionally taught her along the way. Olivia missed them both. Very much.

And Olivia would never forget Elliot Stabler’s desertion from her life. Or the final exit of Nick Amaro. She could only wish them well at this point. Dwelling on either would not help. 

Still… Not all was completely gloomy. Olivia had her extraordinary, beautiful baby boy. Noah. 

Though the origins of his own life had been dark, he and Olivia had each other now. They were a family. Noah had even saved Olivia’s life by being himself. And by loving her unconditionally. She in turn loved her son with all she had. Noah’s presence in her life was a promise of life. Even promises about a better future.

But Olivia Margaret Benson also had one huge secret that she’d only ever told one person about.  

A quarter century ago, Olivia was pregnant and had a beautiful baby girl. Sofia Margaret Benson.

Olivia had never known Sofia’s father’s name, and she never saw him again. He was just a man she’d met at a bar. Olivia ultimately made the choice to place her daughter for adoption when she knew she would be unable to provide for her. Only Alex knew about the younger Benson’s existence. Every ‘how’ and ‘why’ was another story. 

But Sofia had been on Olivia’s mind lately because her twenty-fifth birthday had been two days ago. 

16th PRECINCT

MANHATTAN

Today had been a somewhat run-of-the-mill day for Detective Amanda Rollins. 

She liked her job well enough. But today had been one of those days where she and the rest of her team had been waiting for anything to happen. That was a particular angle that none of them cared for. But the universe broke Amanda’s monotony. 

It was now up to her to update Olivia. She just had to err on the side of caution. Her boss’s head had been in the clouds. All day. Amanda couldn’t understand why. Now she just felt concerned.  

The concern increased when Amanda found Olivia at her desk, her head in the clouds. Again. But it had only been this way ever since hers and Noah’s return from summer trip to Paris. With him. Long years of knowing this woman and being her friend had led Amanda to realize that this behavior was extremely unusual for her.   

So the detective said tentatively as she stood in her boss’s doorway, “Olivia?”

Finally startled back to reality, Olivia said, “Hey! What’s up?”

Amanda entered the room. “Are you okay?”

Standing, Olivia straightened her appearance. “I am. Why?”

Now doing her best to shrug very casually, Amanda said, “You’ve just been a kind of difference ever since your trip to Paris over the summer. But this is October now…”

Promptly compartmentalizing her memories of that journey, Olivia said, “I’m fine. And you’re very kind to be concerned. Really. Did you come in here to tell me something?”

“Mhm.” now Amanda regained her course. “I just got a call from Doctor Larom at Mercy General.”

Very surprised, Olivia remarked, “Wow. Jane usually just calls me. I guess you’re also someone she thinks of now. But what’d she say?”

Amanda replied, “She said she has a case that we are definitely going to want.”

Eyebrows raised, Olivia asked, “Then was she any more specific?”

Amanda shook her head. “No. The only other thing that she requested was a female presence.”

“Meaning you and I.” noticing that Amanda already had her coat on and even had car keys in one hand, Olivia quickly put on her own coat. “Okay. Let’s go.”

365 WEST 32nd STREET

MERCY GENERAL

Doctor Larom met Olivia and Amanda in the ICU. She liked the SVU team because they always gave her the time of the day. And they were also just nice people. Which made case-related conversations easier. 

Once both parties had politely greeted each other after drawing level, Olivia asked, “What do we have?”

Larom seemed almost hesitant. “There are some people here who’re seriously chomping at the bit to see you. And they were the ones who brought me this case in the first place. Okay?”

Cautiously, Olivia said, “Sure…?”

Satisfied, Larom turned her attention back to Amanda. “I need you to stick by the lieutenant on this one.” 

Amanda vowed, “I can do that.”     

Larom breathed a sigh of relief. “Good. Thank you. Please follow me.”

Doctor Larom led them to a meeting room down the hallway. Where Amanda saw a place decorated furnished with mundane and outdated things from some hospital catalogue, Olivia would remember space 22-A as the place where a new turning point of her life began. It would change the course of her life. 

Rising from a couch were none other than Alex Cabot and Casey Novak. Pleasantly surprised but also politely confused, Amanda just turned to Olivia. These were her friends. Everybody knew the bonds that existed between these three were legendary. But according to SVU legend, the three had not been together in the same room for over a decade. 

Olivia still seemed startled. 

So Amanda said cautiously, “What are you two doing here…?”

Casey remarked, “I’m so glad it’s you.”

“Why?” said Amanda in surprise.  

“Everything is about to change. Stick with Olivia. Please.” Casey said. 

When Amanda realized she wasn’t being rhetorical but instructive, she returned, “Okay. I understand.”

Looking from one old friend to the other, Olivia finally spoke. “I think someone should start talking. Now. The last time we were all together was eleven years ago, on the wave of the first real darkness my squad witnessed. Is that happening again?”

Casey answered, “No. This is definitely something else.”

Olivia prompted, “What…?”

Now Alex moved forward and held Olivia’s face in her hands tenderly. “Uh… She found us.”

Olivia’s heart immediately skipped a beat and voice came out in a squeak. “You don’t mean…”

Alex nodded. “I do.” 

“What?” Olivia’s legs buckled in surprise but Amanda helped her stand back up. “How…?”  

“Before we get to that,” said Alex. “We have to tell Amanda. She’s just being polite and waiting to be filled in.”

Noticing, Olivia said, “That’s a good point. My detective is very solid that way. And now Casey knows?”

“Yep.” confirmed Alex. “The two of us were in a position where not saying anything would have just been awkward.”

Pulling herself together, Olivia told her friend, “I guess that’s that. Go ahead.”

Amanda said to Olivia, “Who is ‘she’? A little sister?”

“Mm-mm. Twenty-five years and two days ago,” said Alex. “Your boss was pregnant. And had a baby daughter.”

Amanda said blankly, “What?”

Casey nodded. “It’s true.”

Still reeling, Amanda said, “What’s her name?”  

Casey answered, “Sofia Margaret Benson.”

Alex added, “She was placed into the system for adoption.”

Addressing herself to her boss, Amanda said to Olivia, “I’m guessing that the whole situation was closed?”

“Yeah. I thought it was best,” Olivia sighed. “Because then I could get back to my career.”

Another piece fell into place for Amanda. “Twenty-five years and two days. Okay. I think I’m getting some of the bigger picture now. Has your head been in the clouds lately because it was her birthday?”

Olivia nodded. “Yep. A milestone one, too. I’ve been thinking about looking for her.”

“I will help you bridge any and all gaps.” Amanda vowed at once. “Where is her father?”

Olivia confessed, “I honestly don’t know because he was a one-night stand on a bad night.”

“Never saw him again?” guessed Amanda. 

“Correct. Never even learned his name.” Olivia said blandly. 

“Then,” Amanda turned from her boss to Alex. “When did you find out?”

Stoutly, Alex answered, “Sofia’s tenth birthday.”

Taking this in stride, Amanda now addressed herself to Casey. “But you found out today?”

Nodding, Casey answered, “Literally.”

Olivia told Amanda, “I seriously never told anyone else about my daughter.”   

“Okay. Got it.” Amanda promised. 

Turning her own attention to the attorneys, Olivia said, “What has happened today?”

Casey stepped forward. “I was having lunch with Alex in her office…”

“Hey.” Alex warned her. “Don’t waver now.”

Casey tried again. “Sofia randomly showed up…?”  

Startled again, Olivia protested, “I beg your pardon?”

Unable to help herself, Amanda interjected, “But did Sofia say anything?” 

“That she was looking for us.” Casey answered seriously. 

“What?” said Olivia in surprise. 

“According to your daughter,” Casey shrugged. “We’re much easier to find than you are.”

Alex nodded. “She also said that she grew up seeing our names in the paper and seeing us on various television appearances.”

“I guess that’s one point for Sofia having a good memory.” sighed Olivia. 

“Yep. And,” said Amanda to the counselors. “That’d be how she’d know to look in your direction at all.”

Casey nodded. “Bingo.”

Still jogging along, Olivia said, “What happened that we are here at the hospital?”  

Casey answered, “Poor thing just keeled over on Alex’s floor without warning.”

Olivia and Amanda cried, “But why?!”

From near the doorway, Larom said, “Low blood sugar.”

As Olivia nodded in understanding, Amanda said to the counselors, “Okay. Is there anything else neither of you have said?”

Casey tapped on wrist. “Sofia is wearing a medical bracelet.”

Olivia asked, “What does it say?”

Larom finally joined the circle. “One thing it states is that she’s autistic.”

“Oh. I understand…” said Olivia in surprise. 

Now Alex remarked, “That’s just a lot to process in one sentence?”

“Yeah. But I’m fine. Really.” Olivia straightened herself back out. “What else does the bracelet say, doc?”

“Your daughter is also epileptic.” said Larom. “There are even allergies to anti-seizure medication and peanuts. Do you understand?”

“Mhm. Was any of what happened with Sofia today triggered by seizure activity?” asked Olivia. 

“No. This was a low blood crash-out because of an overloaded system today.” answered Larom.  

While Olivia conveyed further understanding, Amanda asked Alex and Casey, “Why do I have the feeling that you two have been squirreling away something more? Hm?”

“Because your intuition is very sharp, detective.” tutted Casey. 

“So,” said Amanda. “What’s the missing step?”

“I think we can start with saying that she wasn’t alone when she came to see us.” Casey answered.

Eyes widening when she made the leap, Amanda just looked to her boss to see if she’d also connected the dots. Olivia had. She was now back to being surprised again.   

“Are you two telling me,” Olivia said to Casey and Alex. “That Sofia’s a mother? Did I get that right?”

Casey nodded. “Mhm. You have grandchildren.”

“Plural?” gasped Olivia. “What’s the oldest’s name?”

Casey answered, “I guess that Sofia likes flowers because you have a three-year-old granddaughter whose name is Daffodil.”

Brightening, Olivia said, “Wow. Daffodils have been some of my favorite flowers for as long as I can remember.”

Quickly making a physical time-out sign, Amanda asked, “Why is Daffodil not in the room with us?”

When Casey and Alex hesitated, Larom informed Olivia, “It is my understanding that Daffodil Benson experienced a panic attack.”

Heart lurching, Olivia said, “Then did the poor thing see her mother collapse and have a super-freakout?”

Casey nodded. “I swear that’s what happened to her.”

“Daffodil experienced her own system overload. I caught her before she could take a full page out of her mother’s book.” Alex told Olivia. “But it was all enough that she earned herself a bed here.” 

“So she can unwind safely?” guessed Olivia. 

“Correct. Physically, she’ll be fine.” Larom told her. “Just tired for a while.” 

Chiming in, Alex added, “I have also stepped up to act as Daffodil’s guardian to keep CPS from being involved.”

“Okay. Thanks again.” said Olivia in relief. “But was my daughter violated?” 

“Unknown. And lawyers are probably the last kind of people she’d even disclose to.” said Alex with a shrug. “But I guess it’s the history with your squad and just the powers of observation that led us to realize on our own that something happened.” 

“But finding out,” Amanda realized. “Is literally up to us.”

“Mhm.” said Olivia. “What about the baby?”

Larom told her kindly, “I can tell you that he or she is perfectly fine.”

Olivia murmured, “Thank God. Can you give me a little tidbit about how Sofia is right now? Have you seen her?”

Larom said, “Yes. I just came from checking on Sofia just before coming to find you and your partner.”

“Is she awake?” asked Amanda. 

“Sleeping.” said Larom. “I can only begin to imagine how tired she is.” 

Amanda nodded sympathetically. 

Olivia said to Larom, “Please. May I see my daughter now?”

Sofia’s room was just a little further down the hallway. Together with Larom, Alex, and Casey, Amanda watched Olivia enter by herself. No one said anything. It wasn’t their moment. 

Even with her being correctly tagged, outfitted, and even dressed for a hospital stay, Olivia still noticed that Sofia was her near-spitting image. But twenty-five years younger. Olivia was also quick to spot that Sofia had some signs of having been in a minor scuffle. Her previously-mentioned medical bracelet was around her left wrist. Olivia felt pleased to see it. And she wondered how Sofia’s world worked. Her daughter was disabled in more than one way. 

But as Olivia continued looking her daughter over, she noticed her baby bump. It was exposed and hooked up to a few monitors that were monitoring the baby’s health. 

Grandparenthood. I’m even in grandparenthood now. Dreams do come true, the lieutenant said to herself. 

Olivia leaned forward and spoke softly to her sleeping daughter.  “I’m so happy to see you, baby girl. And I’m so proud of everything you’ve accomplished. Just rest. You and yours are out of danger.” 

Sofia promptly fell into a deeper sleep. The machines monitoring her heartbeat even registered a calmer rhythm. Olivia wanted to stay in that moment with her daughter. But she couldn’t. Real-world responsibilities continued to demand her attention.

After she whispered some parting promises to her daughter, she said to the others she joined them again, “My daughter’s completely beautiful. I am just heartbroken that anyone would hurt her.”      

“I’m right there with you.” said Casey while the others chorused statements of agreement. 

Expressing her thanks, Olivia then said to Amanda, “Have you contacted anyone from the squad?”

Amanda said, “Yeah. Fin and Carisi are both on the way here. I texted them to say that we have a new case that bears explaining in person. Having them come here just makes more sense. I am sure they will arrive soon.”

 “Good. Thanks.” Olivia told her detective. 

When they were done, Larom said to Olivia, “We can send you back in this direction when your daughter is feeling sociable again. But would you like to meet your granddaughter now?”  

Olivia lit up, “Yes!”

Daffodil was heard before being seen when they reached the children’s wing because she was now making more than enough noise to wake the dead. Something really had her upset. Olivia just hoped, as they watched an intern hurry out, that they could fix it. Quickly. 

Olivia still felt her heart skip a beat when she locked eyes on Daffodil. She even did a double-take. Her granddaughter was identical to how she had looked at that age. And she knew because she’d been looking at old pictures on Sofia’s birthday. The images were fresh on her mind now. 

Noticing familiar faces, Daffodil reached for Alex and Casey when she saw them. Both responded by going to her, even tag-teaming to calm her down. Olivia watched in strange fascination as they worked. Neither woman was cold-hearted. But neither had ever been described as openly-maternal, either. Olivia could only wonder what had changed to make them this way. Unless it was just realizing that they had grown up. 

Then Olivia had a moment of pause as she watched her friends interact with her granddaughter. 

At this point, she remained in a relationship with Ed Tucker. He got along well with Noah, and Noah even liked him. But Olivia had been getting the feeling from recent conversations lately that fatherhood wasn’t a main priority in the man’s life. And that he would undoubtedly choose work over them. 

Olivia also wondered, as she continued watching her friends, if she’d missed the chance altogether with Alex now. Now Olivia wanted nothing more than to think about her life. 

Meanwhile, Amanda had come into some important information on her phone and had to resort to waving one hand in front of Olivia’s face to get her attention. 

“Hey.” she said gently. “Are you still in there?”

Olivia quickly pulled herself together. “Mhm. I appreciate how patient you are. Thank you.”

Amanda nodded and visibly tightened her grip on her phone. “The boys are back in the waiting room.”

“Oh.” said Olivia. “Then are you going to catch them up?”

Amanda said, “Yes. Will you be okay?”

Olivia nodded. “Yes. Thank you.”

When Olivia joined them at the bed, Alex told her, “Liv? This is Daffodil.”

From the safety of Casey’s lap, Daffodil sputtered to her friends, “But she looks like me and mummy! How?!” 

Olivia knelt before her granddaughter. “Daffodil, my name is Olivia.”

“Hi…” Daffodil giggled bashfully and gave Olivia her hand to hold. 

Gently, the lieutenant held her granddaughter’s hand in her own. “Hello, sweetheart. I’m your mother’s mother.”

Daffodil said with surprise, “For seriously?!”

“Seriously.” Olivia waited for Daffodil to regain her personal bearings before posing her next thought. “Can you remember who hurt mummy?”

Daffodil’s amazement dropped at once as she said in dejection, “Yeah. It was daddy.”

Olivia continued to be gentle. “Do you know where he is?”

Shrugging, Daffodil answered, “No.”

“That’s okay.” now Olivia tucked her granddaughter back into bed when Casey and Alex moved out of the way. “Just stay here, angel. I will see you later on.”

Daffodil blew her a kiss. “Okay…”

Larom spoke gently to Olivia when she reached her again. “Hey. Are  you going to be okay, Olivia? Really?”

She smiled kindly at her, knowing that she wouldn’t’ve used her name if she wasn’t so concerned. “Yes. Thank you. I was just at work, wishing for something to happen…”

“Hm. Then I supposed,” Larom reflected. “That the universe more than heard you.” 

Olivia nodded. “Mhm. But… Did you hear my conversation with Daffodil?”

“Not in much detail. Why? Did she say something important?” asked Larom.

“Yes. My granddaughter said that her father is the one who caused the damage today.” said Olivia. “Have you seen anything about an emergency contact?”

“No.” the doctor confessed. “I have only seen Miss Cabot and Miss Novak in the vicinity of your family before now. But…”

“Yes?” prompted Olivia. 

“Your daughter has a tan line where a wedding ring should be. I will certainly leave you and your team to ruminate on that.” said Larom. “Now I have something that will cheer you up a little more.”

“Sofia woke up?” said Olivia hopefully. 

Nodding, Larom added, “I have been told that she wants to see you.”

Olivia brightened. “Really?”

“Mhm. Do you want to have one of them,” Doctor Larom gestured to Alex and Casey. “Tag along?”

It was Alex who brought up the rear when Olivia asked her to come along. But she still took the time to hug Daffodil and reassure her that she would return. The little girl was very satisfied because Alex hadn’t let her down so far. And she still had Casey for company. The others made a discreet exit when their tiny sidekick was thoroughly distracted.  

Sofia Benson was in her hospital room back down the hallway and was taking a few moments to breathe. 

If anything, she felt run-over from the day’s ordeal. But she also just felt leaden. After finding out that her daughter was very safe and with both of their new trusted friends down the hall, Sofia even put up with all of the nurses going through the standard routines of a check-up. Sofia felt slightly more leveled-out. Everyone was relieved. 

Sofia even felt her heart lift in hope when she heard about Olivia being nearby. Her mood improved even more when the nurses agreed to send word about sending her mother in her direction upon request. Now she was waiting. Her main thoughts now concerned hopes that her mother would just like her for who she was. A quarter century of separation had been too long.    

Olivia’s heart filled with affection when she did reach her daughter’s door. Sofia was looking at her in the exact same awe that Daffodil had. It was a moment she would remember the rest of her life. 

Still finding herself, Sofia said, “Am I dreaming?”

“Mm-mm.” Olivia moved to Sofia’s bedside when invited. “Not unless I also am. Twenty-five years…”

“And we’re back together again. Dreams really do come true.” said Sofia. 

“I was in here just a little bit ago, but I can’t even begin to tell you how happy I am to see you awake now.” Olivia sat in the chair beside her daughter’s bed. “Now I guess we have a lot to talk about…?”

Sofia laughed weakly. “Mhm. But before anything else happens…” 

Olivia asked, “What is it?”

Sofia tapped her medical bracelet. “Have you heard about my differences by now?”

Olivia nodded. “Mhm. I have.”

Cautiously, Sofia prompted, “And…?”

“Sweetheart,” Olivia said kindly. “I have loved you since the first day I realized you were there. And every day since. That includes everything about what makes you, you. A lot of work is ahead. But I’m willing to learn if you give me a chance. Deal?”

Sofia shook her mother’s hand when she offered it. “Deal. And thank you already for just… seeing me already.”

“Of course. You are my daughter.” Olivia said kindly. “What is the last thing you remember?”

Sofia sighed and leaned back in her bed. “That’d be having a panic attack in Alex Cabot’s office.”   

“My friend is just over there. And with her is another friend, Doctor Jane Larom. She sounded the alarm about you in the first place.” Olivia indicated the other two and waited for everyone to politely greet each other before moving on. “I can only imagine how bone-tired you have to be right about now. But can you recall anyone else at Alex’s office?”

“I remember Casey Novak being there.” Sofia said in surprise. “But that was real?”

“I promise you that it was. And if you’ll indulge me…” said Olivia. “I have a question for you now.”

“By means, please ask.” Sofia said politely.  

“How did you know to look for me at all?” asked Olivia. 

“I finally had the courage to look at my birth certificate on my birthday.” Sofia replied very clearly. “But I’ve spent the last two days connecting the dots. Which is how I figured out to start looking in the direction I did. All of you have been in the papers before.” 

Olivia nodded. “Okay. Then that works. Anything else you want to say about going to the office?”

“Just that Casey Novak’s red hair is now burned into my brain…” said Sofia, half-jokingly. 

But Olivia stayed the course. “She is with Daffodil right now.”

Lighting up, Sofia said, “Good. They also informed me that she’s down the hallway…?”

“Bullseye.” confirmed Olivia. “The sight of them together is actually adorable.”

“Daf has always been very charming. I don’t think she knows how to have that kind of thought about herself on her own, though.” said Sofia. “But please. What do you think of my baby girl?”

“She’s completely beautiful. And seems like a fun person. I can’t wait to just hang out with her when she’s more herself.” Olivia told Sofia. “Is Daffodil also different?”

“She isn’t on the spectrum like I am,” said Sofia. “But she did inherit my epilepsy. Plus the allergies.”

“I understand.” Olivia said seriously. “But is she also the kind of kid who goes ‘full possum’ if just really surprised?”

“Yes. I have always chalked that one up to a lost family trait.” Sofia shrugged. “Kids are funny.”   

“I more than understand that.” Olivia told her. “My friends have been looking after you two. And then they made sure that my team was contacted.”

“I remain majorly thankful for that.” Sofia told Olivia. 

Politely indicating Sofia’s middle, now Olivia said, “We’ve also heard that your little one is thriving.”

Everyone could see the relief lift from Sofia even more. They also noticed her demeanor change. Like she was finally settling herself into the situation. She’d been expecting this ever since asking for her mother. Now she could only hope that Olivia’s opinion of her changed. The day had been bad enough. 

“Okay.” Sofia finally said. “Are you wondering what the hell even happened that things have been so colossally awful?” 

“I am. You can tell me absolutely anything, Olivia informed her. “But we have been tagged in, in an official capacity. Do you understand what that means?”

“Mhm. It means that you and your people are the official investigators at work here.” said Sofia. “I understand.”

“Excellent. Please begin from wherever you think is best.” Olivia told Sofia. 

“I was not raped.” Sofia watched as Olivia, Alex, and even Doctor Larom breathed a collective sigh of relief. “But my ex-husband still chose physical violence.”

“Did you tell him about the baby and he didn’t really take it well?” guessed Olivia. 

“Correct. That’s what happened.” Sofia looked at Olivia. “Please ask me the next question that we all know is burning in your brain. And everyone else’s.”

Olivia said, “Where was Daffodil?”

“In the room. But she was preoccupied with watching a movie on my tablet. Even had her favorite cat-ear headphones in place.” Sofia said tacked on some extra elaboration when she was met with a look of surprise now. “The two of us live in a very small place.”

Sighing, Olivia said, “Okay. Then may I ask what happened that your marriage ended?”

Sofia answered, “Shifting priorities. Daffodil happened. We have even divorced since the week before she was born.”

“Okay. Then did you two hang out recently…?” said Olivia.  

“Yes. That is how this one,” Sofia tapped her middle. “Happened. Am I making sense?”

“You are. I promise. Thank you for being so clear about it.” Olivia told her. “Did you leave after that?”

Sofia nodded. “Yes. Daffodil knows that the man who came to see us is her dad because she saw a picture of him before today. And she knows that something happened to me. But the poor thing is probably now very occupied with how life steamrollered her. And just wanting to feel better now.”

“Which,” realized Olivia. “Is enough.”

“Yep.” Sofia looked at her mother now. “But seriously. Looking for Alex was the goal.”

“How do you regard running into Casey, then?” asked Olivia. 

“Fate.” answered Sofia unblinkingly. “Did I do good?”

Olivia said, “Yes. What is your ex’s name?”

Sofia told her, “Ike Jones. It isn't short for anything.”

Now Olivia asked, “What about a middle name?”

“There’s no middle name that I’ve ever seen on record.” her daughter said.

Copying the information in her field book, Olivia thanked Sofia before asking, “Do you work together?”

Sofia shook her head. “Mm-mm. We’re the same age but I have no idea where he works these days. The difference between us is that he is free-wheeling and I am not. One of us had to grow up. I blinked first.”

From the doorway, Alex finally spoke. “Liv?”

Looking at her, she said, “What’s up?”

Alex told her, “Is Amanda still here?” 

“She should be. The others should also be here. My best guess,” Olivia said. “Is that they’re in the waiting room.”

“Okay. Thanks. I will go find them and at least fill in the blanks about Ike.” said Alex. “Then I’ll find the others again.”

“Wow. Thank you very much. But… Don’t you and Casey have other things to do?” Olivia furrowed her brow. “And why were you two even together to begin with?”

“Different story for later.” Alex told Olivia seriously. “But please don’t worry about Casey. Or me.”

Electing to take her at her word, Olivia said, “Okay. Please express my thanks to Casey.”

Alex promised she would and expressed her farewell as she left the room. 

But she was definitely still in a daze on her way to the next destination. The arrival of the younger Bensons to her office had actually interrupted a meeting that she and Casey had been having over lunch about some career changes that were slated to come into effect now. Explaining it to Olivia and her detectives would be… something else. Logic hadn’t caught up. Yet.

When the Bensons were on their own with Larom, Sofia finally agreed to a more thorough checkup, one also that involved cleaning up her wounds more, and checking on her baby. They both felt weak with relief to learn the little one was in perfect condition. 

But Sofia’s feelings hit the feelings after Doctor Larom left. She wanted to keep her overnight for observation. And the statement was by no means a choice. From the moment Larom left, however, Sofia groaned. But Olivia could tell it was something else entirely. In addition to just her health.

Olivia sat with her again. “Hey. Are you used to doing things on your own?”

“Yes. And I have landed in a quandary that I just have no idea how to fix now.” Sofia moved to her side to be comfortable while she faced her mother. “Life can be absolutely ridiculous.”

“I really have stories for days on that exact matter. What happened?” asked Olivia. “Please let me help.”

“I was a bartender for years at a sports bar called The Home Plate,” Sofia said. “But… I got the kiss-off.”

Olivia winced. “When…?”

Sofia groused, “Yesterday. But it wasn’t just me.”

“No? A few people?” asked Olivia. 

“Everyone all at once. I don’t begin to understand it,” said Sofia. “But it’s in the neighborhood of ‘company bankruptcy.’ Or something like that. I’m sure you and your detectives will bump into the information if you shake enough trees.”

Olivia remarked, “That’s usually how it goes. And Sofia? I’m sorry that it happened.”

Offering her mother a smile, now Sofia said, “Thank you.”

Olivia waited a moment before voicing an observation. “That groan still sounded like something else…?”

“The babysitter I had for Daffodil is moving because her husband is being transferred.” Sofia said blandly. 

Half-coiled up with apprehension on her daughter’s behalf, now Olivia asked her, “Port of call?”

Sofia said, “Japan.”

“Excuse me?” Olivia replied in actual confusion. 

“The Smiths are a Navy family,” explained Sofia. “But they are moving soon.”

“Which now leaves you seriously up a creek with childcare. Have you collected your things from work?” asked Olivia. 

“Yes. And my last paycheck. But I was about to put in my two weeks there, anyway, because the hours were soul-sucking.” Sofia touched one hand to her bump. “My new goals are to get a bigger home. And a job that’ll just be better in the long run where my kids are concerned. Everything is for them. Do you understand?”

“I really do. And the next thing I’m going to say,” said Olivia. “Is as your mother.”

“What is it?” Sofia wanted to know. 

“I will take Daffodil for the night.” Olivia plowed on when Sofia looked at her in surprise. “We both know that you aren’t going anywhere until morning. But Daffodil is going to need somewhere to sleep tonight. And food. She’ll even have a playmate.”

Perking up, Sofia said, “Oh? And how’s that?”

Olivia selected a particular picture from her phone and handed it to Sofia. “This is your baby brother. Noah.”

“Wow. He’s beautiful.” said Sofia after a moment of observation. “How old is he?”

“Two. Noah’s very friendly but goes at his own pace.” Olivia told Sofia. “I literally found him while on the job. And his entire saga is a matter that can be talked about another day. But I have adopted him.” 

Feeling more solemn than she’d intended, Sofia said, “Thank you for making him yours. And for just being his hope. It means that at least one of your kids has had a chance at normalcy during the early stages of life.”

Now Olivia’s heart fell from her chest. “You weren’t adopted?”

“No. I was in state care for my entire life until I was eighteen. And,” sighed Sofia. “I was even in a homeless shelter for a while. That is how I met Ike. We were already friends. But then we were forced out of the last shelter at the same time because there weren’t enough beds.”

“Oh? May I ask what happened when you found the next one?” said Olivia, realizing her daughter might not want to talk about this again for a while. “Married couples only?”

Sofia nodded. “That was where the mini-apartment spaces were.” 

“Did you find a Justice Of The Peace, or something?” asked Olivia. 

“Yes. And,” Sofia went on. “The rest of it is that we made ourselves a home there. He was my family. But I never had parents or siblings when I was growing up.”  

Olivia said, “I know I sound like a broken record…”

“You really couldn’t’ve known. But thank you for offering kindness.” now Sofia paused briefly. “I wanted my daughter from the second I knew she was there. But Ike immediately quit on me once he realized that I had no intentions of termination or adoption.”

Eyebrows raised, Olivia said, “Then does he have any family?”

“None that we have ever found before. It really is just him.” explained Sofia. “And for the record? He’s also on the spectrum. But he prefers a nomadic lifestyle.”

“Oh. And that’s the reason you described him as ‘free-wheeling’ before?” guessed Olivia.

“Yes. Daffodil has never known her parents to be married because we technically divorced before she was born. And that process was just a legal technicality.” Sofia held her mother’s gaze. “I have no idea what I’m doing. But are you proud of me?”

“I absolutely am. Sweetheart, I am so proud of how you’ve turned out now. And that you’re a mother.” Olivia told her. “But I also meant what I said about working to understand your disabilities. Even your brother has his own uniqueness that way.” 

“Really? Is that another thing I’m going to learn at another point?” asked Sofia. 

“Yes to both. I can’t wait to get to know you as a person even more, but I am also proud of how much you’ve survived.” her mother said. “You are a survivor. Exactly like me.”   

Although moved by the kind words, now Sofia asked, “What happened to you?”

Deflecting, Olivia told her, “We can also talk about that at another point.” 

“Okay. Then…” Sofia scrambled for something else. “Did you marry my dad?”

Olivia shook her head. “No. I never even learned his name. Or saw him again.”

“Oh.” now Sofia studied her mother as a new question altogether formed in her mind. “Please. How tall are you?”

Caught off-guard by the randomness of the question, Olivia spoke the truth. “Five foot seven… ish. Why? Is this about how I haven’t seen you stand up yet?”

Sofia nodded. “Yes. I am just over six feet.”

“Wow. That’s amazing.” Olivia regarded her daughter again in a slightly new light. “I don’t remember anything about your dad. But I do remember that my mother’s father was exactly six foot eight. And I know that because I asked him once.”

“Then maybe my height comes from him…” Sofia posited before clearing her throat and getting herself back on track. “Okay. Are you with anyone right now?” asked Sofia.

Sticking to the truth again, Olivia said, “Yes. But I will be ending things with him soon.”

Sofia said, “Because of me? Does he know…?”

“Mm-mm. I only ever told one person about you before today.” Olivia told her daughter. “The arrival of you and your younger versions into my life has already been a revelation that I just need to follow my heart.”

“Glad we could help.” now Sofia fixed her mother with playful scrutiny. “But is any of this also because you’re in love with Alex Cabot? Hm? I saw it in your eyes when she was here.”

“Good to see that my mother’s keen perception even made its way to you.” said Olivia. “I really do love Alex. And I always have. But I am bisexual. Does that bother you…?”

“No. I am the same.” Sofia said simply.  “Just how long have you been in love with Alexandra Cabot?”

“Eighteen years.” Olivia realized with a start as she rose to her feet. 

“Hm.” said Sofia. “I’m just going to guess now that that’s how long you’ve known her…?”

“Mhm. It is.” Olivia pressed a gentle kiss to Sofia’s brow. “But on that note? It’s time for me to go, pretty girl. But I will come back later. And I will have Daffodil.”

“Thanks again, mom.” Sofia leaned back on her bed. “I love you.”

“And I love you, Sofia Margaret Benson.” Olivia hugged her. “More than you could possibly know.”

Amanda, Casey, and Alex were waiting together for Olivia in the waiting room. Everyone each had things to say. 

But Olivia said to Casey first when she joined them, “Okay. How’d you get away from Daffodil?”

“Multiple promises to come back later,” said Casey. “Plus the promise of a stuffed animal. She said she really likes foxes very much.”

“Knock yourself out, I guess.” Olivia laughed. “But when did you get maternal?!” 

“That’s neither here nor there.” said Casey quickly. “Why don’t you ask Rollins where Fin and Carisi went? Hm?”

Now Olivia fixed her detective with an expectant look.

Quickly, Amanda said, “They went back to the precinct to start some digital spelunking in regard to Ike Smith.”

“Oh. Then here’s hoping,” Olivia showed her detective a pair of crossed fingers. “That something productive shakes out from that.”

Amanda nodded. “Seriously. But what happens now?”

Olivia said rhetorically, “Bringing in Barba?”

Together, Alex and Casey said, “No.”

Amanda stared in surprise. 

Olivia prompted, “Yes…?”

Alex heaved a sigh. “We really do need to talk.”

Casey nodded. “That’s an understatement.”

16th PRECINCT

MANHATTAN

Amanda returned to her desk when they returned to the squad room. But Casey and Alex joined Olivia in her office when they were invited. They both kept their cool, though. Olivia had let her guard further down. She seemed in the process of audibly unpiling her thoughts. 

When she finally sat at her desk after some pacing, Olivia finally said to Alex and Casey, “Okay. I know that the two of you know each other because you have met… even though it was already eleven years ago. And I guess you have me in common…”

Casey nodded. “That is true. And we work in the same building.”

“Right.” said Olivia. “What step am I missing?”

“Okay. Part of the reason that the other Bensons even found us in the same place together,” said Casey. “Is because there has been a shuffle in our mad kingdom.”

Logic occurred to Olivia immediately. “Wait a second. I haven’t really seen Rafael much lately because we run in different circles, anyway. But did some kind of offer come through that will have him relocating?”

Alex answered, “Yes.”

Very surprised that that actually was the answer, Olivia asked, “To where?”

“Greater Los Angeles area.” said Casey. 

“Wow. California…” said Olivia wistfully. “That’s quite a way. Good for him, though.” 

Casey nodded. “I agree.”

“So do I.” said Alex. “The short version is that he accepted a position concerning immigration work.”

Even more pleased for her friend, Olivia said, “That’s really noble. I guess I’ll call him later.”

“Good.” her visitors chorused. 

Eyeing them again, Olivia asked the other women, “What is the rest of it?”

Casey answered cheerfully, “Guess who just inherited his job?”

“I beg… What…?” words failed Olivia when she realized what Casey meant.

“And I,” said Alex with a laugh. “Am back to being the squad’s ADA.”

“Where have you two even been?!” Olivia finally asked them. 

“Around.” said Alex. 

“Arson squad.” replied Casey at the same time. 

Now making a momentary physical time-out sign to keep things from getting too ridiculous, Olivia asked them, “Does this mean you two are now attached to my squad?”

“Yes.” answered Alex. 

“Beginning now.” confirmed Casey.

Physically pinching herself, Olivia murmured, “Wow…”

Alex nodded. “That is the size of it. Even for us.”

Casey also nodded. “She’s right.”

“And as it is, Olivia,” said Alex. “We can hardly ignore that you’ve been really squirrelly. And not just because your long-lost daughter fell from the sky.”

Casey nodded again. “Spill.”

“Fine.” Olivia said at length. “I will completely understand if you two judge me, but I have been in a relationship with Ed Tucker for over a year now.”

“Hm. I didn’t see that coming.” said Casey in polite surprise after a beat. 

“Yeah. Most people in our circles don’t.” confessed Olivia. 

Shoveling down a twinge of regret, Alex told her, “But I’m glad you can be happy now. Seriously.”

“Uh-huh. I’m with her.” said Casey. “Do you need to tell us anything else?” 

Not for the first time since meeting this woman, Olivia briefly wondered if she could read her mind. “Yes. Ed and I took Noah to Paris over the summer.”

“What?” said Alex and Casey in surprise. 

Feeling amused, Olivia said, “I swear that it’s true. The three of us got away for a while and even had a pleasant apartment.”

“I love Paris. Haven’t been there since I was in my twenties, though.” Alex recollected. “But it sounds like you all had a nice time?”

“We did. My knowledge of the French language and the ability to speak it even kicked into serious overdrive…” Olivia’s words petered out as she thought of what she had to say next.

Casey pounced. “What is it?”

Alex asked Olivia, “Did something happen?”

Olivia nodded. “Yes. And it was the night before we came back to New York.”

Erring on the side of caution, Alex told her, “We are in early October now.”

Casey also chose caution. “Yes. Are Sofia and Noah getting a baby sibling?”

“No babies. Yet. On the other hand, adoption has already been on my mind again because of Noah. The two of you are the only ones to know that.” Olivia added this last part when her friends looked at her in surprise. “Understand?”

“I’m a vault.” Casey promised.  

“Same.” agreed Alex as she and Casey both pretended to not notice their friend take something from a desk drawer and hide it in her hands. “But if the stork isn’t coming by, then what happened? Something that’s related to Tucker’s career?” 

“Yes.” Olivia said. “The man actually surprised me by saying he’s being transferred for his final position before he retires.”

“Where?!” asked Casey. 

“I actually don’t know. And neither did he, when he first told me the news.” admitted Olivia. “But he finds out today. And we’re going to finish that conversation later. He’s the kind of person who has always had early retirement on his mind. But…”

“Early retirement has never been on your mind?” Casey guessed. 

“Yes. And I believe that he really would expect us to go. But I can’t leave New York, not to live. That’s never been a plan.” said Olivia. “I also don’t want to.”

“Your feelings are valid.” Casey told her seriously. 

Alex nodded in agreement but pointed to where Olivia hadn’t moved her hands from her lap. “Hey. What are you holding?”

To the others’ amazement, Olivia dropped a diamond engagement ring onto her desk. It was beautiful. And it even twinked in the office lighting innocently. Olivia’s friends looked at the ring and then back at her. Each had always known that she wanted to be married some day. And she was far from the kind of person to not be excited about a proposal and a ring. 

“Olivia, did you tell Ed yes?” asked Casey. 

“No…” sighed Olivia.

Now Alex pressed expectantly, “But…?”

Olivia finished, “I also didn’t tell him no.”

Exasperated, Casey protested, “Why the hell not?!”

Alex asked Olivia, “Do you love him? Or have we gotten to the part of the conversation that’s about relationship apprehension?”

“We have definitely arrived there.” said Olivia.    

“Then what’s the deal?” asked Casey.

“I think it’s only part of me that loves that man. And it’s really been shrinking today.” answered Olivia. “The proposal took me by surprise. But I hesitated.”

Wincing, now Casey said, “That’s a universally-bad sign.”

Beside her, Alex nodded. “The answer should be instantaneous and exciting because you know that that person is the person you can imagine your entire future with. Straight down to getting old. What happened to make you hesitate? Please tell us the truth.”

“Okay. Maybe it’s because I have known this man for an extraordinarily long time, but I’ve gotten to know him even more.” Olivia leaned back in her seat. “To that end? He started giving me the vibes, even before Paris, that he would still pick the job first because he doesn’t have anything like an ex-wife or a child from a previous relationship.”

“Which would make it easy for anyone in that kind of situation to choose a job transfer to somewhere else.” Casey rationalized. “But there is you and your son.”

Olivia nodded. “I’ve been able to read Ed like a book for years now…” 

“But you still can’t be with someone who isn’t fully-invested in wanting to raise a family with you because you and Noah and New York life are a permanent package deal.” said Alex. “Right?”

Olivia nodded again. “Exactly.”

“We’re your friends and you have always mattered to us because you loved us first.” said Alex. “But whatever you decide, we’re here for you. Okay? No matter what.”

“Really?” said Olivia with genuine surprise. 

“Absolutely. But as the words go, “It’s your call,” Olivia.” said Casey.  

“What feels right to you?” asked Alex. “Don’t hesitate in answering. What feels right?”

Olivia said, “I enjoyed him because he filled in what I thought was missing after I ended it with someone else. But I think these post-Paris months have been me, kidding myself.” 

Casey asked her, “Because you’ve had time to think about things for a while now? Is your head clear?” 

Olivia nodded. “Yep. Times two.”

Keeping her on track, Alex asked, “Then what are you going to do?”

“I am going to tell Ed Tucker no. And break things off. Permanently.” said Olivia. “My priority has always been my son. But now there is my daughter and her children. They matter more than a relationship I’ve been having misgivings about. So is Noah. And anyone else who joins our family in the future.”

Meanwhile, Amanda had been hard at work in the bullpen with her information-sorting. Fin and Carisi were also occupied. But Amanda was the first one to run into an obstacle that she couldn’t fix on her own. So she knocked on her boss’s door. Alex hid Olivia’s engagement in one hand before Olivia could even blink. Satisfied, Casey opened the door.

“Hey!” Casey greeted Amanda. “What’s up?”

Amanda said, “I’m glad it’s you. Uh… Are the old stories true that you’re proficient with computers?”

“Yep. I have a handful of siblings to thank for that.” said Casey. “Why?”

“I have everything set up at the media center,” Amanda said. “But… It’s written in such Legalese that I can’t even ring the doorbell.”

“Hm.” said Casey. “Then I guess I’ll bring my shovel. Come on.” 

Once they were out of sight, Olivia said to Alex, “I always thought that Casey was an only child.”

“I promise you that she isn’t. Personally, I’ve never heard the exact number and that’s just because I’ve never asked,” Alex performed a shoulder shrug. “But I have heard that the family has been in the vicinity of Central Park for decades.”

Deciding to ruminate on these matters at a different point, Olivia said, “Okay. Then can I ask you something different?”

Warmly, Alex returned, “What is it?” 

Olivia said, “Are you and Casey a couple now?”

Having a soft laugh, Alex told her, “No. But I can see why the events of today would have you thinking that. We are friends and love each other like sisters. But that’s where the buck stops. Really.”

Now Olivia breathed an audible sigh of relief. “Okay. Good…”

“Why, Olivia Margaret, were you worried that we were a couple?” gently teased Alex. 

Shrugging, Olivia confessed, “Maybe…”

“Then be rest assured that I am very much on the market.” now Alex unfurled the engagement ring from her palm and held it between two fingers. “V? What should I do…?”

Olivia’s heart skipped a beat at the nickname but she stayed the course. “Keep that thing. I never want to see it again. Ever.” 

Alex immediately pocketed the ring and stood. “You know this means that Ed Tucker will come looking for me now?”

“Let him. And feel free,” Olivia said seriously. “To give him a piece of your mind.” 

“I will. But, V?” she used the nickname again. 

“Yes?” Olivia responded. 

Alex held one of Olivia’s hands in her own and kissed it. “Some day, I know that you’ll get a different ring from a different person who will bring you the kind of joy that we both know you deserve and have earned. They will also bring you a long, happy, healthy marriage.

Olivia’s heart bloomed. “You really believe that?”

“Yes, Olivia, I do. And you know? I always have.” Alex kissed her lightly on the cheek. “That long, healthy marriage will even bring a happier family. And more kids. I have always believed all of that for you.”  

Olivia’s heart filled with more love in her life in that moment for Alexandra Cabot than she had ever felt before. “Thank you so much. I have no idea what I would everd do without you. Being away was hard.”

“Mhm. I have waited eighteen years for you,” now Alex kissed her a little closer to her mouth. “But I can definitely wait a little bit longer.”

Now Olivia was in a happy daze. The prospect of a beautiful future and life and raising a family with Alex all danced before her eyes at top speed because Alex wanted it with her. She was her patient port in the storm. Just as Olivia had been there for her in the past. This woman was worth everything. And even her future wife.  

“Thank you, Alexandra. Just… Thank you.” Olivia gave one of Alex’s hands an affectionate squeeze before kissing her fingers in return. “Here’s to just a little bit longer and to the eighteen years that we both have been waiting. Can I call you after…?”

“Please do.” Alex made her way around the desk and pulled Olivia to her feet. “Hey. Are you ready to go see what the others are up to?”

“Yes.” Olivia tidied herself up. “I am. Let’s go see.”

But even as they exited the office and made their way to the media center, they had near-identical thoughts.  

Wow. Olivia really is my future wife, thought Alex.

Wow. Alex is my future wife, thought Olivia.