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Once upon a time there was a pretty young person named Alex. They lived on a farm with their parents and were very happy- if a little bored.
One day though there was a massive thunderstorm, and as Alex and their parents hunkered down in front of the fire there was a loud knock on the door. When Alex’s father answered it there on the doorstep was an enormous white bear.
“Uh, hey,” said the bear. “Can I come inside? The weather is horrible.”
And Alex’s father, being utterly shocked that the bear could talk, let it in. Once the bear had dried off they thanked Alex’s parents and announced. “I have a proposal for you.”
“In exchange for your child’s hand in marriage,” the bear said. “I’ll make you rich and give you the deed to your neighbor’s farmland.”
Alex’s father hated their neighbor, but he still took Alex and his wife into the other room to discuss it with them. Alex and their mother were suspicious- how had the bear known about their bad blood with the neighbor?
But Alex wasn’t as opposed to marrying the bear as their mother was. At least it wouldn’t be boring.
After much discussion Alex decided to question the bear.
“Why do you think we’d be a good match?” they asked.
The bear just scratched itself with it’s long claws.
“And how did you know about our feud with the neighbors?”
“Lucky guess?” the bear said.
“Have you been stalking us?” Alex asked.
“...Look I had to make sure we’d be a good match alright? Like, you’re pretty, but I had to find out if you had a good sense of humor and weren’t squeamish… And it’s not like I could ask you on a date!”
“But my hand in marriage is acceptable?” Alex teased.
The bear looked embarrassed, but before they could explain themself Alex announced, “I accept your offer.”
Alex’s parents weren’t thrilled by this, but once the rain stopped the bear presented them with a large chest- presumably full of riches and land deeds- and then bade Alex to climb onto their back, so they could head off to the bear’s home.
Alex hugged their parents goodbye and climbed onto the bear’s broad back.
“Are you scared?” the bear asked.
Alex’s heart was racing, but they grinned. “No.”
“Good.” said the bear. “Hold on tight.”
And then they were off, racing across the farm and into the nearby woods so fast the ground blurred beneath them.
They ran for what seemed like hours, until the bear brought them to a strange unfamiliar city. When the bear said the city’s name Alex had never heard it before. Or seen it on any map.
The bear took them to the top floor of an apartment building, to a small but cozy space that felt very much like a home despite being so different from the farm.
The bear laid out food for Alex- the most delicious they had ever eaten, and then showed them to a bedroom where Alex could rest from the long trip. There was a hot bath already drawn in the master bathroom, and the closet was full of many beautiful outfits in Alex’s size. It was truly a sight- but Alex was tired from the ride, so after washing Alex dressed in one of their many new beautiful nightgowns and climbed into bed to sleep.
As Alex was beginning to drift off, someone came into the dark room and climbed into bed beside them. They were person-shaped, not bear-shaped, but Alex had expected something like this. Real bears couldn’t talk after all, and would have no interest in a human spouse.
Alex rolled over towards the mystery person and rested a hand on their face in the dark. “What’s your name?” Alex asked. “I can’t keep calling you Bear.”
Alex could feel their new spouse smile. “Morgan.” they told Alex in exactly the same voice the bear had. “My name is Morgan.”
Morgan was, it turned out, very much to Alex’s taste, and the pair of them were very happy for a long time.
...But gradually Alex’s curiosity got the better of them.
“Why do you only stop being a bear when it’s dark and I can’t see you?” they asked one day.
Morgan hummed. “Can’t tell you.”
“That sounds like curse shenanigans.” Alex pointed out. “Are you cursed?”
“Can’t tell you that either darling.”
“That means yes.” Alex said. But despite all their attempts to pry more information out of Morgan they would not say more.
Finally, nearly a year after they left the farm Alex couldn’t stand not knowing anymore. They waited one night until Morgan was asleep before creeping out of bed to retrieve a candle and matches.
Morgan was… they weren’t ugly. Alex rather liked their face actually, and they were about to blow the candle out and get back in bed when some drops of wax fell from the candle and splattered on the sheets- and Morgan.
Morgan woke immediately, wide-pretty- green eyes meeting Alex’s.
“Aw fuck.” Morgan said.
“Um.” Alex said.
But before they could explain Morgan sat up and took the candle from their hand, setting it on the nightstand. They pulled Alex into bed and hugged them tight.
“If you’d waited just a little longer everything would have been fine.” Morgan told Alex. “But now I have to leave.”
“What??” Alex protested.
“My parents are magical trolls,” Morgan explained. “And they curse me to be a bear when I wouldn’t agree to be my brother Chad’s sidekick.”
“Being a sidekick is the worst though!” Alex said.
“I know.” Morgan agreed. “If you’d waited a full year the curse would have been broken. But now once it’s morning I’ll have to go back to my parents’ castle east of the sun and west of the moon and become my brother’s sidekick.”
“Don’t you dare!” Alex protested. “Your parents can try to come get you if they want but they can’t have you!”
Morgan kissed Alex. “Are you going to come save me?”
“You aren’t going anywhere!”
Alex woke up the next morning alone. They didn’t remember falling asleep.
Morgan wasn’t in bed, or the rest of the apartment or anywhere.
Which meant they’d gone away to the castle east of the sun and west of the moon without Alex.
Alex wished Morgan had left less metaphorical directions. Where should they start?
Alex got dressed and as they slipped their shoes on they decided to see if the other people in the building knew anything.
A nervous looking young man opened the door on the first floor down, a large dog peeked out at Alex from behind the man’s legs.
“O-oh! H-hi. Um, h-h-how c-can I h-help you?” the young man said.
“Do you know how to get east of the sun and west of the moon?” Alex asked.
“W-why?”
“I need to go get Morgan.” Alex explained.
“Oh! H-hold on…” the young man stepped away from the door. Alex looked at the dog, a big fluffy St. Bernard. The dog looked at them. Alex held a hand out. The dog sniffed their hand and then turned and walked away. Rude.
The young man came back. “H-here.” he said. “I-i don’t know h-how to g-get there, b-but y-you might n-need this.”
The man handed Alex a solid gold ball. It was a little bit slimy, like a dog had been chewing on it.. “What the fuck am I supposed to do with this?”
The young man shrugged. “Y-you should a-ask Oh-oh-Ohio- o-on th-the next f-floor. He m-might know m-m-more.”
“Thanks?” Alex said.
On the next floor an older man with stubble and a cool looking scar opened the door.
“Who’re you?” he asked.
“Alex,”Alex said. “I live on the top floor.”
“Ohhhhhhhh…” the man, Ohio, said. He smirked.
“The guy upstairs said you could help me with something.” Alex said, deciding to ignore the smirk.
“Barnaby?”
“I don’t know his name.” Alex admitted. “But he said you might know to get east of the sun and west of the moon?”
Ohio laughed. “You fucked it up didn’t you? Impatient much?”
Alex glared. “Shut the fuck up Ohio.”
Ohio laughed again. He pulled a golden book out of his pocket and handed it to Alex. “I don’t know how to get there, but the people downstairs might.”
Alex looked the book over. “Why do you have a solid gold version of a children’s book?” they asked.
“Good luck!” Ohio said and shut the door in Alex’s face.
The next floor down was also the ground floor. Alex knocked, and a third man answered the door.
“What do you want?” he snapped.
“Wow fuck you too.”Alex snapped back. They were getting a little tired of all this meeting new people.
“Is something wrong Mug?” said a voice right behind Alex.
Alex jumped away and turned to face the mystery voice. There was another man behind them, he’d obviously just come in from outside.
“Just this asshole banging on our door first thing in the morning.” ‘Mug’ said.
The other man laughed fondly. “It’s ten.” he said. “Hardly ‘first thing’.”
“Look, do you two know how to get east of the sun and west of the moon?” Alex asked. “I need to get there now .”
Mug scoffed- but the other man said. “Don’t you know the East Wind? They should be able to get there right?”
Mug sighed. “I do. Hold on, let me get my shoes on, I’ll introduce you.”
“He just… knows the East Wind?” Alex asked.
“You’re married to a bear.” the other man pointed out.
“...that’s fair.” Alex said.
“I’m Toaster by the way.” the man said. “Here, you’ll need this.”
He handed Alex a solid gold multi-tool. It was probably more useful than the other two items but… “Isn’t gold really soft? Does this thing even work?”
Toaster shrugged. “It might not be for you.” he said.
“Are you always this cryptic?” Alex asked.
Mug came back then, shoes on. He kissed Toaster on the cheek and said. “It’ll be back soon.”
He led Alex outside and handed them a helmet. “You’ll have to ride behind me on the bike,” he explained. “Don’t fall off.”
‘The bike’ was a motorcycle and Alex reluctantly climbed on behind Mug, holding tight to the man as they took off.
They drove and drove and drove until finally they arrived at the home of the East Wind.
Mug introduced Alex to the East Wind, and Alex recounted the story so far.
“Well I can’t take you there myself”, the East Wind said. “I’m not powerful enough. But I can take you to my brother, the West Wind.”
“Are we going to spin our wheels running around to all four directions before the last one can actually take me there?” Alex asked. “Can’t you just take me straight to the strongest Wind?”
“Considering how things went the last time you were impatient,” the East Wind said. “I think we shouldn’t be cutting any more corners right?”
Mug snickered.
Alex glared daggers at the man, but the East Wind was right, and Morgan needed them, so they shut their mouth and nodded.
“Alright then,” the East Wind said. “Let’s go.”
The West Wind, as Alex predicted, wasn’t strong enough to get Alex east of the sun and west of the moon. But after recounting the whole affair again the West Wind said they would take Alex to their sister the South Wind.
Alex bit their cheek so hard it bled but thanked the West Wind.
The South Wind also couldn’t get Alex to where they needed to be. But after Alex rushed through another retelling of the situation she took Alex to the North Wind.
Alex resigned themself to their fate.
The North Wind had to be told the whole story one more time and then finally, finally, the North Wind said they could get Alex to the castle east of the sun and west of the moon.
Alex thanked them and tried very hard not to be visibly impatient. The North Wind seemed to notice they were in a rush anyway and they sent off immediately.
It was a long long trip, but finally the North Wind set Alex down on a wide green lawn before a large gleaming castle.
Alex looked around, trying to figure out their next move…
There was a balcony not far away,and on it a tall muscular young man with gleaming silver arms was lifting weights.
“HEY!” Alex yelled. “Are you Chad?”
The young man stopped working out and leaned over the railing. “How’d you get here?”
“Doesn’t matter. Where’s Morgan?” Alex asked.
Chad narrowed his eyes. “Why do you want to talk to Morgan?”
“I’m their spouse!” Alex explained.
“Oh are you? Do you have a marriage certificate?” Chad asked.
Alex did not. Which meant they weren’t actually married apparently. Maybe. Alex wasn’t sure how common law marriages worked.
“Yep!” Alex lied, “Sure do! You wanna see?”
“I’ll be right down.” Chad said.
Alex located the closest door in the castle and waited. When Chad came out they handed him the solid gold book and told him the certificate was in it, and while he was distracted reading Alex slipped past him and into the keep.
Chad had left the key in the lock so Alex was able to lock Chad out as well.
Now to find Morgan.
Alex figured Morgan was probably not too far away from Chad’s rooms so they headed up the stairs until they thought they were on the right floor. There was a door standing open not far away, and when Alex glanced inside they saw it was Chad’s room- they could see the weights on the balcony.
But there was also a dog in the room, one that looked up at Alex and said, “Bouf?”
Alex fished the gold ball from their pocket, and tossed it at the dog, also gold. The dog hopped up immediately and wobbled after the ball on its three legs.
…Ok maybe the dog wasn’t a threat.
Alex shut the door anyway and looked around. There was a door with three locks on it right across the hall. That seemed like a good place to start.
All Alex still had on them was the gold multi-tool, so they used it, not on the locks but to pry the hinges off the door.
The tool was horribly dented when they were finally able to force the door open. The room inside was mostly bare except for a bed, on which sat Morgan, grinning at Alex.
“Hello gorgeous.”
“Chad says we aren’t really married.” Alex said.
Morgan shrugged. “I didn’t think we could get an actual marriage license until I wasn’t a bear anymore.”
“That’s probably true.” Alex admitted. They moved to the bed, and found Morgan was tied to it.
“Your parents are terrible.” Alex said.
“Yep.” Morgan agreed as Alex went about cutting their bonds. “So this is super romantic but we need to come up with a plan to stop my parents from just cursing me again.”
“I could kill them?” Alex suggested.
“Please don’t.”
Alex huffed. “Well then what should we do?”
“This is so dumb.” Alex said.
“But it’ll work.” Morgan said. “I know it.”
“Fine.” Alex said and clung to Morgan’s arm while they went down to get Chad.
Chad was still reading the little book, he seemed not to have noticed Alex leaving without him.
“Oi Chad!” Morgan said.
“Morgan!” Chad said, tucking the book away and turning to face them. “I see you’ve esc- got out of your room! Are you ready to be my sidekick?”
“I want to be Alex’s sidekick instead.” Morgan said.
Chad laughed. “That’s ridiculous! I’m clearly more powerful than them!”
“No you aren’t. I could beat you at a bunch of things.” Alex said, keeping in mind what Morgan had said.
“Name your task then!” Chad called. “I’ll beat you at it and win Morgan’s hand in… sidekickery.”
“So you agree that if Alex wins a contest of their own choosing with you you’ll let me be their sidekick instead?” Morgan asked.
“Of course!” Chad said. “You have my word!”
Morgan held out their hand, and Chad shook it.
Morgan had explained to Alex earlier that they were magic too, but just a little. As Morgan clasped hands with their brother there was a faint shock of magic, sealing the deal with magic and words.
“Morgan,” Chad said, sounding disappointed. “I’m a man of my word.”
“I know, that was for Mom and Dad.” Morgan said.
Chad…shrugged. “Very well. What is your task?”
Alex smirked. “Laundry.”
Morgan held up the white shirt spattered with speckles of tallow. “Here it is,” they said. “I’ll be the sidekick of whoever gets it out.”
“After you.” Alex offered.
Chad took the shirt and headed off to wash it. Alex and Morgan didn’t follow him. Chad, Morgan had assured them, was terrible at laundry.
Instead they explored the castle grounds, dodging Morgan’s parents and pocketing anything valuable and small enough to go unnoticed.
Chad still hadn’t returned that night so Morgan and Alex went to bed together in Morgan’s room with the still broken door. Alex told Morgan the whole story of how they’d gotten east of the sun and west of the moon. Morgan laughed a little more than Alex would have liked, but they also fell asleep with their arms wrapped around Alex’s waist.
Alex was relieved when they were still there the next morning.
Chad arrived not long after they woke up again, providing a damp shirt with even larger tallow stains than before.
Alex took the shirt and set to work.
Two hours later Chad was provided with a clean dry shirt free of any marks.
He was forced to concede.
So Morgan and Alex went home, back to their little apartment, curse free. And since Morgan wasn’t a bear anymore they actually got married. Morgan’s parents were, of course, not invited. Alex's parents were, and they were thrilled to meet Morgan now that they weren't a bear.
When they returned home from the honeymoon Alex made sure to stop on the ground floor and return the thoroughly wrecked gold multi-tool.
Toaster accepted it with an amused look. "I don't think you did it right."
Alex shrugged and hugged Morgan. "Well my way worked just fine."