Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Shi Qingxuan isn’t really sure if this place will ever truly feel like home – she’s put enough plants up to make it green, covered the bit of torn off, yellow wallpaper with sharpie yellow, and her bedsheets are the perfect mix of blue, pink, and white (it’s the trans flag). Completely clashing with the yellow of the walls. She has put her clothes into the wardrobe, except it’s actually such a big wardrobe that there’s still space in there – considering how many clothes she brought, that’s kind of insane.

Some of her plushies are sitting on the bed, and she’s put all her art utensils onto the desk for now. She can still sort them out at one point later. The same goes for all her bathroom stuff. At least the bathroom is rather big, she has to admit, for the fact that this is a single person flat.

For now, she’s done. Honestly, it’s great enough of a feat that she got here all on her own by train and bus and a good twenty minutes’ walk with two suitcases, a bag, and a very heavy rucksack. She deserves to take a rest.

The fact that her brother left her alone when she was literally moving into a new apartment annoys her quite a lot, actually; especially considering his reason being helping Pei Ming of all people with the last bits of his summer homework. He’s an adult. Shouldn’t he be able to do that stuff by himself?

So, when she suddenly hears the door open – without any sign of courtesy, no knocking, no ringing, nothing – she’s more than just pissed off.

“There we go,” says a female voice that she doesn’t recognize, “maybe they leave the door open when they know someone wants to move in! Or maybe it’s your friend!”

“Hua Cheng is not my friend and I wished you’d stop saying that, mom.”

“Aww, but he comes over so much, that’s kind of the definition of a friend!”

Shi Qingxuan is a little confused at multiple things.

First of all: why are these two, who seem to be mother and son, talk like they’re about to move into her new flat.

Secondly, who the hell is Hua Cheng?

And last but not least, why is the guy apparently so emo that he can’t even accept that he might have a friend?

So, confusedly, one hand still on her brushes, she makes her way over to the considerably small hallway.

Yeah, there’s a mother and a son for sure.
He doesn’t only sound emo, he also looks it. No that she minds, no. His style is cool. He’s wearing a black, comfortable looking pullover with a shark print on it, black, worn out converse, and black jeans with several chains attached to them. He’s also carrying a dark blue and golden rucksack, and…
Three ikea sharks, a big one, and two small ones.
He sure seems to like sharks.

“Oh, hello there!” says his mother, who is dressed like a regular woman her age, definitely not as emo.

“Uh… hi,” Shi Qingxuan responds, “so… could I ask what you’re doing here? Like, in theory, this is supposed to be my flat. I rented it.”

The guy’s face instantly drops. His mother just looks confused as hell.

“Did we get the number wrong? No, I’m sure it was flat thirty-four, right, Xuan? The one specifically for one person. You know, my son got a scholarship, so he got the flat going together with it.”

Oh, so he’s a smartass too. Not that Shi Qingxuan minds – she does like intelligent people, the problem is just that this is her flat. In theory.
Well, the problem isn’t a potential roommate – the problem is the size of the flat. Really, she’s always wanted a roommate for university, it’s just that her parents told her they don’t want her to get ‘tainted’ by uni life.
Whatever the hell that meant.

“So… that’s weird to say the least,” Shi Qingxuan says, “let me try to call my brother, maybe? I’m pretty sure he’s partly responsible for the flat distribution here. Anyways… don’t just stand there in the door. Please come in!”

She gestures for the mother and her son to come in, and the woman surely does.
The son, however, just stays in the doorframe.
Oh dear.

“Oh Xuan, don’t be shy, just come in! We’ll figure this out!”

Is he a Mama’s boy? Again, Shi Qingxuan can’t blame him much, really; his mother seems super nice. She’s definitely a Mama’s girl, so she couldn’t judge him even if he wanted to.

Still, his look is skeptical as it runs over her really quickly, from top to bottom.
She wonders what part it is that makes him react that way – is it because she’s wearing a very bright pink and fluffy pullover, is it the My Melody shorts, or is it just because she’s trans? She does think she passes, but she doesn’t pass all the time. So if this guy is transphobic, then that’s going to be… an issue, to say the least.

“Don’t you want to come in and put your sharks down? I mean, you can just put them down onto my- onto the bed. I brought some tea so I can offer that to you and your mom.”

Because who knows whether this is her bed?
He looks at her again, then steps in, just walking straight past her and into the bedroom.
His mother is still standing in the hallway, suddenly reaching her hand out to Shi Qingxuan.

“Nice to meet you! Don’t worry, we won’t intrude any longer than we really need to until this issue is resolved!”

“Oh, no, don’t worry,” Shi Qingxuan answers, shaking hands with the woman, “it’s not a bother. We’ll manage somehow. Really, if I sound tired, I’ve just had a long day, but it’s not a problem, I swear. Do you want some tea? My brother put a kettle into the apartment some days ago already, so we can use that. Oh, the name’s Shi Qingxuan.”

She hears several belongings dropping onto the floor in the bedroom, and one very awfully loud and distorted sounding squeaking sound, which must come from her very old dog plushie.
Did the guy just take it up to find out whether it’d make a sound?

“Xuan, introduce yourself to this girl, won’t you? You might be roommates for a day or two until this situation is resolved, so don’t be nasty to her, okay?”

At least she passes to his mother. Good to know.
The guy – he’s taller than her, she realizes now – walks back into the hallway, and stares her down again. It’s a little intimidating, she’s not going to lie.

“My name’s Shi Qinguxan-“ she starts, but he cuts her off.

“I heard. You have a loud voice. My name is He Xuan. When are you calling your brother?”

Oh, geez, he’s direct for sure. Funnily enough, none of this sounds like he wants to insult or pressure her or anything – he says it all in a completely neutral tone, like he genuinely just wants to know.

“Uh… I can do that now. I can make the tea after.”

He nods, and she grabs her phone from the pocket of her My Melody shorts. God, this surely is a situation. Did this flat really get assigned to both of them on accident? That’d be so stupid. Like, this clearly is a flat for a single person. Two of them aren’t going to fit into this small space. Even the kitchen is just the oven, stove, the boiler, no space for a microwave, only one single chair fitting into it. Not even a table or something.

So, she dials her brother’s number, and he picks up almost immediately.

“Did something come up? I should be done here in roughly ten minutes, sorry, we’ve had a few mistakes in the apartment distribution this year. I left Pei Ming to finish his paper early to take care of that.”

Oh.

“Yeah,” Shi Qingxuan sighs, and can’t help but just laugh a little. “That’d be exactly what came up for me too. There’s a guy here who says he also got this apartment. Can you check the system, perhaps?”

“I’m definitely getting you a flat just for yourself don’t worry.”

Shi Qingxuan rolls her eyes at that comment, and He Xuan’s mother just grins a little, whispering ‘siblings’. She’s a nice woman. That much is for sure.

“The system is loading right now, give it a sec.”

“It’s fine, we’ll make do if nothing else works. I’m not going to find another flat now anyways.”

“Qingxuan, we’ve talked about this-“

“Well, and considering you live with Pei Ming, I don’t think you get to have any say in this matter.”

That shuts him up.
Really, if Shi Qingxuan would be tainted by whatever this guy with his three plush sharks is about who wanted to see if her dog plushie squeaks, then what would Shi Wudu be, living with a guy who hooks up with every girl who hasn’t climbed the tree by ten?
She might hate Pei Ming, but she does have to admit that he’s quite a good argument.

“Yeah. This is definitely a mistake.”

“What exactly happened?”

“It wasn’t my shift, so not my mistake. You share the name ‘Xuan’, and the same birthday, so I suppose that’s how this happened. There’s no other apartment free at the moment from what I can see. And… yeah. We’ll talk about this in a bit. I’ll hurry and come over.”

Oh.
So he’s still hiding something from her, huh?
Great to know. Her brother in the flesh, really.

“Alright. See you then,” she says, and hangs up, then looking at the woman and He Xuan apologetically.

“Seems like it got mixed up because of our names and our matching birthdays-“

“Soulmates,” his mother suddenly says, and she says it in a whispering tone, nudging He Xuan, who only shakes her head in utter despair at his mother.
It makes Shi Qingxuan grin.

“So yeah, he will be here soon, and then we’ll talk this over. Maybe we can find a solution. I’m… just not sure it’s going to be managed fast.”

She walks past the two and into the kitchen to pour some water into the kettle and place it on the stove. Really, Shi Wudu did well in buying this; there’s not even space for a water boiler, considering she has to cut food up somewhere when cooking.
Not that she’s particularly good at cooking.

“Oh, it’s alright. We will find a solution, I’m sure!” says his mother, and then walks into the kitchen with her. “Where’s the tea?”

“No, no, I’m doing it!” Shi Qingxuan instantly says because that’s really the least she can do, “and yes, don’t worry, I’m not opposed to having a roommate. My brother is a different matter, but I’ve stopped listening to him long ago.”

She laughs at that, then throws a quick glance at her son – now busy typing away on his phone which, surprisingly enough, doesn’t have sharks on it, just… a small, orange, very cute cartoon pufferfish on a light blue background.
He sure isn’t as emo as he looks, huh?

“You know, Xuan isn’t the most sociable, so please be patient with him,” she hisses at Shi Qingxuan, who can’t help but nod a bit in agreement, “he’s a nice boy though, I promise. I’m not sure how well he’ll handle a stranger as a roommate though, but I’m sure you can make it work, since you’re so nice.”

“Mom, stop complimenting strangers while insulting me.”

Oh. He heard. Now that’s awkward.
Clearing her throat a little, she pours the now boiling water into three cups and reaches for the tea bags in the cupboard to drop them into it.

“Sorry, sorry,” his mother mumbles, “I just want you to get along! Don’t you want to get along with your pretty roommate?”

Shi Qingxuan doesn’t really know what to say to any of this, really. Because witnessing a mother and son argument is a bit awkward to begin with, but she keeps just… complimenting her?
Of course, she’s not not used to compliments, but receiving them from a complete stranger, unprompted, while in what’s essentially her pyjamas?
That’s another thing entirely.

“Mom,” He Xuan comments again, putting his phone back into his pocket with a rather annoyed look.

“What? But she’s pretty, don’t you agree? Oh, don’t tell me you’re getting shy now, Xuan, this is your roommate-“

“Mom! You’re-“

“I get it, I get it, the old woman is embarrassing. I’ll shut up, it’s fine, it’s fine. Shi Qingxuan, just know that you’re very beautiful.”

“Thank you,” Shi Qingxuan stammers, a bit uncertain of what’s the correct response to any of this.

Then, to break the uncomfortable silence that ensues, she looks at He Xuan again. Who surely looks back for a bit, then away again. Well. Not everyone likes eye contact.

“So, what are you studying? Probably a science or something if you got a scholarship? I surely didn’t get one for my drawings.”

He Xuan shrugs a little. He leans against the wall of the hallway, pulling his sleeves up a little. It’s quite warm in here still, she has to admit. She’s opened the two windows in the flat already, but it hasn’t been aired out for quite a while, so it’s hard to cool down again. His skin is… very pale, and he’s also wearing a lot of bracelets – and if she isn’t wrong, one of them is most definitely the bi flag.

Good.
Okay.
So probably not transphobic.

“Marine biology,” he states.

“That explains the ikea sharks.”

“They’re blahajs.”

“I’m sorry, my son is very insistent on calling them by their correct Swedish name.”

Okay, okay, so he tries appearing all scary and cold, but really, he’s a nice dude. Shi Qingxuan’s got the gist of it now, really. Maybe he’s about the sort of roommate she can get along with well. Not that she’s particularly picky about people as long as they aren’t Pei Ming.

“That’s alright. It explains the blahajs, then. Anyways, it’s nice to meet you, even if the circumstances are complicated! I’m sure we’ll get around even in this small flat!”

Trying to put on her most polite smile, she reaches out her hand towards the guy. Even though he stares at it for a little bit, appearing to not really know what to do, he then shakes it after all.

“Yeah,” is his only response, but Shi Qingxuan takes it.

Maybe this will work out after all.

Chapter Text

When Shi Wudu finally arrives, Shi Qingxuan has learned several things about He Xuan.

He got a scholarship because he got top grades in every single subject, no exceptions. He has a sister, who is still at middle school, and loves him a lot, according to his mother. He has an aquarium that she’s promised to take care of, too. Their family in general is rather poor from what she’s gotten, and while getting top grades, He Xuan has also been working to pay for his aquarium. His favourite food is rice porridge, ever since he was little, and there was a time when he wouldn’t eat anything else, also according to his mother.
She’s a nice woman, that’s for sure, and Shi Qingxuan has no idea how her son turned out to be so very quiet and introverted. It doesn’t bother her, it’s just quite a contrast.
He Xuan himself hasn’t said a lot apart from drinking his tea and saying that it tastes nice. Which Shi Qingxuan definitely takes as a compliment – not like she’s made the tea, really. It’s just teabags. But at least they like the same tea.

“I bet that’s my brother,” she says when she hears the door open.

“By the way,” she adds, keeping her voice a little quieter this time, “he’s not exactly the politest. Don’t take anything he says to heart, really.”

He Xuan just shrugs, mostly, and his mother also doesn’t say anything, just smiles at her.
So, she walks to the entrance, which really, is only five steps away, and stares at her brother. His hair is shorter than the last time she saw him, so he must have had his hair cut in the meantime. He’s still wearing it in a bun, with his sides shaved. But some weeks ago, the sides were already growing over his ears, so now that definitely looks better.

“Hi,” she says.

“Where are the troublemakers?”

“Ge!” she retorts immediately, kicking his leg right from where she’s standing, “they’re very nice, I swear. Let’s uhm… sit down… somewhere. Or something. He Xuan and his mother are in the bedroom, since that’s the only place this flat… really has some space. Then we can try coming up with a solution.”

While he might only be scowling at her and not responding properly to her trying to explain how He Xuan and his mom are indeed very nice people, he does walk into the bedroom so fast that she has trouble following.

Well, whatever happens, happens. After all, she has warned them that her brother isn’t the most polite.

And despite his expression still being disapproving, he does reach out his hand to the mother, and shakes it. Then, he does reach it out to He Xuan, who only stares at it in utter confusion. Seemingly not really knowing what to do. His eyes seem strangely cloudy for a bit, until Shi Wudu pulls his hand back again.

“Well, whatever,” he scoffs, clearly not approving of He Xuan not quite understanding what exactly he wanted from him, “either way. The issue is that I would put your son on a waiting list for flats in case people drop out, however even said list is full. So, I’m afraid your son will need to find another flat.”

“Your little sister has a Louis Vuitton bag, so I suggest she moves out. I’m on a scholarship to begin with, do you really think I’d have the money for a whole flat? I’ll already have to work to pay my flights back home because unlike your little sister, I do not own a stupidly expensive bag, and neither do I own My Melody shorts that have most probably been imported for a shit ton of money.”

Shi Qingxuan hadn’t thought that He Xuan could say something like that so fast. It’s not like he’s wrong, no; it’s just that this is by far the most he’s said so far, and it’s practically just insults to her, but she can’t help…

But just laugh.

Shi Qingxuan just laughs even when He Xuan’s mother stares at him in shock and scolds him with a quite whisper of his name. However, she also doesn’t really look angry with him; after all, it’s Shi Wudu who was impolite first.

“I-“ Shi Wudu starts, looking to Shi Qingxuan for help, but she just waves her hands a little.

“No, no, he’s right, really. Sorry, I told you my brother is kind of impolite. I’m not opposed to finding a new flat if I really have to, but you know, we could try being roommates for a while. I’d rather not make my parents pay for something more expensive out of principle, but if nothing helps, I will.”

“This is a flat for one person,” Shi Wudu says, “where is he going to sleep?”

“The bed, obviously,” Shi Qingxuan answers, not leaving He Xuan any room to respond, knowing very well that once her brother gets riled up things get bad very fast, “I can buy a mattress and put it into the room or something. I don’t mind that, it’s not like that’s much more uncomfortable.”

“No, no, we will not have you sleep on a mattress,” He Xuan’s mother suddenly throws in, “it’s not an issue for Xuan, I swear.”

Right when she wants to raise her voice again, He Xuan suddenly speaks up, with another glare at Shi Wudu.

“There’s no room for another mattress.”

With a quick glance around the room, Shi Qingxuan realizes that he’s right. If only the wardrobe wasn’t so big. Maybe she can sleep in the wardrobe or something. Well, sadly that’s not really an option if she doesn’t want to curl up like a half-dead bug.

And, then she realizes something else.

“Does this mean you want to be my roommate? I mean, a slightly bigger bed should work to be honest, and I don’t really mind sharing a bed with someone, that’s just kind of like a sleepover, but every day!”

“Qingxuan!” comes the angry voice of her brothers, and she sinks back against the wall that she’s started leaning against, a little dejected.

“Oh come on, don’t be so boring! I doubt He Xuan will hatecrime me or something! Look at him, he wouldn’t hurt a fly!”

“I beg to differ,” Shi Wudu argues back, “you barely even know him, why would you just assume he’s okay enough to sleep in one bed with? There’s no way you’ll do that, Qingxuan! We will find you a new flat, and until then-“

“This is myflat, Shi Wudu, and I’m either going to throw you out right now, or you get a grip and actually hear me out!”

That shuts him up. Hah, the little sibling complex still works. He wouldn’t ever want to be rejected by her. Good that she knows that teeny tiny little fact – it’s what got her to get everything she’s ever wanted. It even made him realize that it was either working out his transphobia or losing her. Which he did manage splendidly, she has to admit.

“Alright. Fine. What’s your idea-“

“Do I get a say in this?” He Xuan asks, looking up at Shi Qingxuan. It’s the first time he’s looking her in the eyes, if she’s not wrong. It’s only for a few seconds, but it means a lot to her.

He likes her. She’s sure. He has to like her; otherwise, he wouldn’t be looking at her, right? She always feels like that’s almost more intimate than shaking someone’s hand.

“Sure. If you don’t want to, I guess I’ll have to live in a hotel for a bit,” she sighs, “which… of course would be fine, but…”

“It’s alright we can do this if we have to I get finding a flat isn’t easy now I just want something between us because I don’t want to risk you touching me while I sleep because I really hate being touched without being warned beforehand. I'm here to study and I'm not giving that up.”

The first sentence is said completely without breaks, and there’s a faint blush on his cheeks. He doesn’t stop to breathe at any point, just mumbles the entire sentence out in one go.

Of course he’d be embarrassed saying something like this; Shi Qingxuan only now feels a bit embarrassed about having proposed sleeping in one bed of all things. With someone who does look very handsome.
Maybe that wasn’t thought-through, okay. Then again, what else would they do? She doesn’t know how fast she would actually find a flat, and hotels close to university are relatively expensive. Obviously her parents are rich enough to pay, but moving out, for her, also kind of comes with a responsibility of taking care of things yourself.

Also… she really doesn’t want to live alone. She just feels like she’s not quite the person for that. She just prefers having someone around, and it’s bugged her for the longest time that she was originally meant to live alone at university. So this mistake does come in handy.

And if it’s sharing a bed with a stranger in exchange, then hell. What could go wrong? He Xuan sure seems a little mean, but also he’s surprisingly easy to read. It’s like he mostly means the opposite of what he says, until he doesn’t. He has three plush sharks. He wouldn’t do anything weird.
It’s weirder that she just kind of knows that.
They’ve only just met, so why is she so convinced of that?

“Okay then that’s settled!” He Xuan’s mother exclaims, “I’ve shared a bed with a friend at university, too! But that was just because we didn’t have much money. I swear it’s just fine! And you two seem to get along well!”

Shi Wudu opens his mouth, then closes it back up when Shi Qingxuan stares at him as threateningly as she possibly can.

“Listen, Ge, I’m totally fine with this,” she says, and sits down on the bed, finally. Next to He Xuan. Although with a bit of distance after learning that he’s not too fond of physical contact.

“If it doesn’t work out at all, we can still come up with another solution. Okay? Just… respect this is my own choice? Please? And uh. Maybe don’t tell our parents, actually.”

She just thinks they might not take this well. Perhaps. Not yet. Maybe once the semester is over and there's been no incidents.

“I… you know what,” Shi Wudu sighs in resignation, “do whatever you want. You’re old enough. I’ll drive you to Ikea and everything because I suppose someone has to, but just know that I’m in theory not okay with this idea. Alright?”

“More than alright!” she yelps before he can change his mind again, especially about the driving to Ikea part, “thanks!”

She shoots him the biggest grin she can manage, but doesn’t get up from where she’s sitting currently.

“My flight is tonight,” He Xuan’s mother says, but only ever directed at her, never at her brother.

Which is valid. Shi Qingxuan doesn’t blame her. She knows that Shi Wudu is pretty damn awful.

“I’m sure we can still manage that today, if we leave in a bit,” Shi Wudu answers her, and he might still sound a bit pissed, but he’s visibly putting in effort to not sound as shitty as before.

“Obviously we’ll pay for it,” Shi Qingxuan says right after noticing the mother’s concerned glance, “that’s no trouble. And if I do really move out then he can keep the bed, too. I’m not going to be taking it with me either way.”

“But… that’s a lot of money…”

“It’s really not,” she insists, “I mean, yeah, in theory it is, but it’s not a lot of money for us. It’s fine, I swear. So don’t worry about it anymore. Do you know how you’ll get to the airport again? My brother can drive you there.”

“Oh, no, no, it’s fine, I’ve already booked a train,” she says, really panicked, suddenly.

Shi Qingxuan does reach behind He Xuan (who still has a faint blush on his cheeks and isn’t saying anything else) to pat her shoulder a little.

“Alright. So, that’s settled then? Is this okay for you, He Xuan?”

She looks at him again. Only from up close does she realize he’s wearing little, golden earrings in the form of fish. There are some acne scars on his cheeks. His eyelashes are stupidly long. His chin is sharp, and so is his jawline. There’s another scar on his neck, silver with age. Right behind his ear is a small tattoo… of a bone fish.
This guy and fish. There sure is a trend there.

Swallowing, Shi Qingxuan decides to not think too much about the fact that she’s about to sleep in one bed with him tonight.

He Xuan nods.

Chapter Text

“And you’re sure you’re going to be fine?”

“Yes, mom.”

“You’ll eat properly?”

“I will.”

“You won’t pick any unnecessary fights?”

“No.”

“You’ll text me every day and call me once in a while?”

“That’s the plan.”

“You won’t be mean to your roommate?”

“Can’t promise.”

Shi Qingxuan looks at him and raises an eyebrow for that one.

“You’ll stay away from alcohol and drugs?”

“Yeah.”

“If you get a boyfriend or girlfriend, I’ll learn of that first thing?”

“Of course.”

“You’ll eat properly?”

“You’ve already asked me that.”

“But you will?”

“Yes, mom, I promise I’ll survive so please just leave or else your plane is going to take off without you.”

Shi Qingxuan can’t help but laugh a bit at his awkward display of affection, his hands trying to shake hers a little because she’s holding onto them like she’d die otherwise. Something about this tells her that his mother will miss him much more than the other way around.

“Alright, okay, okay, I’ll get going. You take care of him a little, yes Qingxuan?”

She didn’t stop his mom when she started referring to her with (self-)given name only mid-way through their Ikea visit, mostly because the woman is so nice and welcoming that she couldn’t possibly be mad about it. Especially because she insisted that she’s the most beautiful girl to ever exist once she put on proper clothes.

“I will,” she answers, although she knows that she’s very likely to end up passed out on the bathroom floor every other weekend, and He Xuan is probably going to be the one who will have to take care of her.
…Maybe she should just not get very drunk at all.

“Okay, okay, I’ll get going then,” his mother emphasizes again, but doesn’t let go of his hands still.

“Mom, I promise I’ll be fine. You know I don’t get homesick. And I can cook. I won’t starve or something. I won’t beat someone up unless they beat me up first.”

Very reassuring to hear, that much is for sure. Shi Qingxuan would rather not have a brutal guy in her room. Then again, he never seemed that brutal to begin with, so it’s going to be fine either way.

“Alright, alright,” she answers, “then you two have a good first night, alright? And a good breakfast tomorrow morning?”

“Of course we will!” Shi Qingxuan reassures her, “you know I’m rich. If He Xuan ever craves something, we can always order takeout, so he won’t starve, really!”

With a sad nod and a pat to his arm, his mother lets go off him for good.

“Okay, alright, I won’t look back or else I’ll cry,” she whispers, mostly to herself, but Shi Qingxuan can’t help but chuckle a little. She’s so sweet. For a moment, the thought crosses her mind that if she’s ever to marry someone, this is the kind of mother-in-law she would die for. Then, however, that thought becomes weird, because that’d involve marrying He Xuan. And that’s a bit weird because he’s just her roommate and they’ve just met so no way in hell is she going to marry him just for his mother.

Before He Xuan even gets to say something else to her, his mother is already saying “okay, okay, goodbye, I love you!” and storming out of the door and down the campus.
Both Shi Qingxuan and He Xuan can’t do more but stare at her body slowly disappearing between the lanterns.

It’s late already. Ten in the evening. Her flight is at night, so that she can sleep a little, she said. Before she has to go back to work tomorrow morning. Her brother left after building the bed up together with He Xuan’s mother, seemingly to pick Pei Ming up at some girl’s place that he had just been thrown out of.
She doesn’t know why he even bothers with these things.

She lets He Xuan close the door behind her once neither of them can see her anymore.

“Your mother is lovely. Is she single?”

The look on He Xuan’s face is priceless; his mouth opens on its own, which makes him look properly like a fish. His eyes go wide, and he blinks a few times.

“Excuse me?”

“I’m joking, I’m joking, your mother is too old for me! It was a joke, I’m just saying she’s a very nice woman, okay? She’s a good mom.”

“I… suppose. Please don’t date my mother. I don’t want the family drama of cheating parents.”

Shi Qingxuan hates how she very much had this drama at her home, but nowadays that she’s an adult, she really just finds it mildly funny. Because both of them were cheating on each other at the very same time, so everything they were saying was incredibly hypocritical.

“Of course, of course. So, what do we do with the rest of hour evening? Get to know each other a bit? Either way, we should get back to our room, it’s not very comfortable here, is it?” she says, and watches He Xuan as he looks a bit disturbed at the ‘our’ room part.

He’s going to get used to it.

After a bit, he does nod, and strolls back to the room. They got him another set of a pillow and blanket so that they don’t have to share one – that’d be too far even for Shi Qingxuan. The sheet is plain white, and next to her trans flag bedsheets are several turquoise sharks on dark blue sheets. The sharks are the same colour as his Blahajs. Very fitting.

He slumps down onto it, and she sits down next to him. Again, with a distance.
When both of them lean against the wall, Shi Qingxuan looks at him again, and at the small tattoo behind his ear. That must have hurt like hell.

“Is this distance okay, or do you want me further away? I’m just warning you, I’m a touchy person in general, so if I ever get too close or something without noticing, you just tell me, okay?”

“I wouldn’t not tell you, believe me,” he sighs, and very silently hands her one of the small Blahajs.

She takes it, a little puzzled.

“Uh…?” she makes, but he just goes over it as if he never did that.

“So, how exactly are we going to get to know each other, and do we really have to?”

That is a stark contrast to him handing her a Blahaj of his own. A small smile on her face, she presses it against her chest, and assumes that he actually wants to get to know her, too.
At least she’s very sure he’s not transphobic now. Not with that mother of his, not with him being bi, and not with her generally not seeming to mind her much.

“I mean, I could pull up some internet questions,” she answers and pulls out her phone.

She hears him nestling into a better position on the bed, grabbing his big pillow to put it into his back for comfort. After a minute, she does find a rather okayish-looking site, so she decides on that. It’s just about some questions, after all.

“Okay, I got something,” she announces, and looks at him. He doesn’t look back, but it’s not like she cares much about that.

“So, who’s your hero?”

“The Somniosus microcephalus.”

“I’m sorry but I have no idea what this long latin word is meant to mean.”

She blinks at him, and that makes him look at her. He stares a little until he diverts his gaze again to look at his own legs.
The Blahaj that she’s resting her chin on is so very soft. She wonders if she gets to keep it. She might even neglect her old dog plushie for it.

“The Greenland shark. It’s one of the largest species of sharks, and lives in the Arctic waters in general. It swims at most one mile per hour, and they can get very old, although scientists aren’t very sure because even the oldest specimen has been estimated to be about four-hundred years old, but that’s plus or minus one-hundred. They might live in other oceans too, it’s just that they most live very, very far down, so we don’t know yet. They eat pretty much every fish out there, and I just think they’re very cool because they’re super resistant to threats in general and live for so long despite being so slow and yet some of them eat seals. Admittedly, they do eat dead animals a lot of the time because catching something is a bit hard when you’re slow. But they’re always trying, and I guess that’s really cool about them.”

For all that’s worth, Shi Qingxuan didn’t expect an answer like this at all for multiple reason.
First of all, she didn’t think he’d say that his hero is an animal, although considering that he seems to be mildly obsessed with sharks, she perhaps should have been expecting this.
Second of all, his reasoning is that they’re always trying, and he likes that, and she can’t help but think that this was a very cute thing of him to say.
And lastly… she didn’t expect he could talk so much at once. Barely even taking a break to breathe, let alone gather his thoughts. Meaning he really just knows all of this.

“Oh. That was probably kind of weird,” he says, and shrugs, and in that split second, he seems… terribly insecure. Like he’s been told of for this in the past.

“No, no, not at all!” she practically shouts just to get that look of his face, “that was super interesting! Do you think you’ll find out more about them once you’ve graduated? Are they your favourite animal in general?”

He nods, but doesn’t keep on talking, even though she would have quite liked that. Maybe someone in the past wasn’t as appreciative as she is of random shark facts. Kids at school can be mean, she does know that much, even though she’s never been properly bullied or something.
But the insecurity is gone from his face a bit. Maybe she can squeeze some more shark facts from him soon.

“So, do I ask you something now?” he asks, and the way he pronounces it is a bit hasty; almost as if he’s scared that he’s going to go on rambling about sharks otherwise. She wouldn’t mind, but their goal is to get to know each other. So that’s probably a good idea.

“Yeah!” she responds and hands him her phone so that he can look through the questions.

He squints a little at the screen. The brightness is indeed set quite high considering it’s already dark outside. They shouldn’t stay up for too long either. At least Shi Qingxuan has a meeting with the first year art students tomorrow at noon.

“What’s your favourite book?”

Oh dear. That’s a hard question, and she really has to think for a while. If he had asked her what her favourite author was, that’d be relatively easy. But choosing between those books? So, for a minute, she goes quiet, just thinking. Then comes to a decision.

“Probably ‘The Lust Crisis’ by Paulette de Sade,” she answers, “it’s quite a good novel, really. The smut scenes are very well written, nothing as tame as Fifty Shades of Grey. And romance wise, it’s super cute! It’s about childhood friends that end up roommates at university, funnily enough! Except they then start falling in love with each other! Thus, it’s a ‘Crisis’-“

She stops talking when she sees the extraordinarily prominent blush on He Xuan’s face.

“Oh,” she whispers, “I’m sorry, I’m the actual weird one. I won’t bring up stuff like that again if it makes you uncomfortable!”

“It’s… this is definitely a penname,” he rasps out, “and uh… it’s fine.”

“No, no, it’s not…! God, I’m sorry. It’s a good book, if you… like this kind of stuff! She’s a bestselling author, actually! Although there are theories that they’re actually a man, especially because of how obvious the penname is! Oh my God I’m rambling again, I’m so sorry. Are you asexual and sex-repulsed? Or just don’t like the topic? Just- tell me your boundaries and I’ll do my best…!”

He Xuan puts her phone back into her lap, pushes his thumb and index finger against his temples in order to bury his face in his hand, then takes a very deep breath.

“No, I’m not. Not sure. Never… you know.”

“Oh, yeah, no, that’s fine! You can always figure yourself out! I mean, have you ever had a girlfriend or boyfriend?”

His hand leaves his face at the question, and his cheeks get a bit paler again, although slowly. He shrugs a little.

“Not really? I mean, kind of. I was twelve at the time and she died too soon, so…”

Oh.
That was a bad question to ask.
She’s not making this situation any better.

“God, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.”

“I wouldn’t have told you if I had minded.”

Blahaj against her chin is still very soft, so she buries her face in him a little. This is so bad. Why did she ask? At least she should make sure it’s okay.

“Are you okay?” she mumbles into the blue plush.

“Huh? Yeah. It was long ago.”

“…I’m sorry anyways, I made things really awkward. God, I’m sorry-“

Suddenly, she feels a dull pain in her arm, and she sways a bit to the side, resurfacing from Blahaj.
His fist is still raised from where he punched her; it was carefully, though. It didn’t hurt much. Just a regular, kind of friendly punch. As if she doesn’t have to worry about a thing, and as if he wants to push the ‘sorry’s out of her. His hand is bony. God, he’s so skinny. Maybe his mother is right about worrying about whether he’ll survive. Then again, back at ikea, he ate two hotdogs, and then had an ice cream when they quickly went to the supermarket.
He’s probably just born bony.

“My turn on the questions,” he says, grabbing her phone again. The pain in her shoulder is quickly subsiding, especially when his cheeks get a little red again. Probably at having realized that he seemed very enthusiastic right now.

So easy to read, really. She wonders if this guy can lie at all.

“Do you prefer cleaning the kitchen or bathroom?”

That really does take her out of the awkwardness with a hearty laugh.

“Is this your way of asking what part of he house I’d rather clean? I can do the bathroom. I can also take care of wiping the floors every now and then if you clean the windows for us? I’m bad at that.”

For a moment, she thinks that she can see him smiling a little. She’s not too sure about that though.

“I hate cleaning windows too, but I hate cleaning the floors even more.”

“That’s a deal then,” she chuckles, and resists the temptation to bump her shoulder into his like she might with someone else.

Then, Shi Qingxuan reaches out her hand.

“My phone. It’s time for the next question.”

She can see why his mother and sister seemingly love him so much. He’s very kind, and caring, and very intelligent, even he tries to hide that all. Shi Qingxuan sees right through his very bad disguise.

Chapter Text

“What’s your most controversial opinion about something mundane?” He Xuan asks, and without missing a beat, Shi Qingxuan answers.

“My favourite food is Pizza Hawaii.”

“I’ll have to reconsider the roommates thing,” He Xuan says, and Shi Qingxuan can’t help but laugh again. He’s funny. In his own way. They’ve been going through the list of questions for three hours now, and somehow, it’s been making this flat feel like home more and more.

He did go shower in between, and so did she, but that was only ten minutes each. It smells of shampoo to just be sitting next to him on her side of the bed, the one that’s against the wall. He said that he’d rather sleep on the open end of it.
It feels cozy. The room is pleasantly warm now, and Shi Qingxuan is in her blanket already. So is he, but only half covered, still sitting up. The big Blahaj is between them to keep them from accidentally touching during sleep. It’s not like Shi Qingxuan rolls around a lot or something while sleeping. She knows that. Obviously she moves, and usually hugs something, but she has plushies with her, so that’s fine. There shouldn’t be any issues.

“Come on. I won’t force you to eat it. Do you want to come to a café with me tomorrow morning for breakfast?”

“I don’t like leaving the house without having eaten something,” he admits, and it’s this kind of shy undertone again. So easy to read.

“That’s alright. You could eat something small here, and then we could go to the café? My brother’s told me the address and everything. He said it tastes really good. I’ll pay. No need to worry about money with me. My parents send me enough when I ask them to.”

He Xuan only blinks, then nods.

“Yeah, that’s fine. We can do that. If we have to.”

Always the agreement first, and then acting as if he actually doesn’t want to. He’s not even trying to lie, is he?

“I have my art student meeting tomorrow at noon, though,” she says, grabbing the small Blahaj, and taking her phone back when he hands it to her, “so I’ll go to that. Do you have anything important to do, too, tomorrow? Or is your meeting some other time?”

Now, he rolls his eyes. Also sinks properly into the bed.
It’s past midnight. They really should be going to sleep soon.

“It’s tomorrow, but I’m not going.”

“Huh? Why not? Aren’t you excited to meet new people?”

He pulls the covers up to right below his nose.
God, he looks… cute like that. Very, very cute. A bit child-like.

“I hate meeting new people, if you haven’t noticed yet.”

“Oh, right,” she agrees, “you’re right. I’m sorry about my brother still, by the way. He can be kind of an ass. I hope you’re not still offended or something.”

She can see the blanket move in what she supposes is him shrugging below it. So he’s probably still offended. Well, not that it matters much. His long hair is open now. Tangled around the sheets. He moves again, and then she sees a bit of blue plush poking out of the shark-patterned covers.

So, he also hugs a Blahaj while sleeping. Great to know. He’s definitely not as emo as he tries to make himself out to be.

“Is this okay, distance wise, by the way? I’m already leaning against the wall so you have the freedom to choose!”

“Yeah, it’s fine,” he responds, “just not used to it yet. I’ll get used to it though.”

“Alright, I hope so for you. Are you okay if you’re alone for two or three hours tomorrow?”

It sounds like a really stupid question, but Shi Qingxuan feels like she wouldn’t be very okay with being alone in a completely new place for three whole hours. Her brother offered to come visit her whenever she needs it, but he does have things to take care of, too, so she doesn’t want to bother him all too much.

“Yeah. Honestly, if you don’t mind, I kind of need my alone time anyways. I’d appreciate it if you could give me an hour or something alone every day. Once classes start that’ll happen naturally anyways, but yeah.”

He doesn’t look at her while saying that.

“That’s completely fine. I can sit on the kitchen chair or go for a walk or something. Anything else you need specifically? I really don’t mind accommodating you unless it’s something bothersome like not being allowed to eat Pizza Hawaii in front of you.”

She thinks that there’s a slight smile on his face again.

“Keep out of my way in general?”

The smile on his face that’s definitely there betrays him. He likes her. And she’s glad he does. She wouldn’t want to live together with someone who hates her.

“I’m being serious here! I mean, excuse my directness, but you do have that autism diagnosed, right?”

It’s quiet for a little, only interrupted by his snort. It’s not a laughing snort – or at least she thinks it isn’t. It’s some kind of ‘what kind of question is that’ snort.

“Ever since I’m four, yeah.”

“Okay, alright, that’s good,” she laughs, “no offense, by the way. I couldn’t care less. If something else comes up, let me know, alright? I won’t judge you or find you weird or anything unless you tell me you’re Buddha or something.”

“Telling people that you’re Buddha is not a symptom of autism.”

“Imagine if it was. That’d be kind of hilarious.”

“I’m not going to imagine something so stupid,” he sighs, sounding very annoyed. Except there’s no way he’s actually annoyed.

“Alright, alright, we should probably go to sleep. Wake me up if I sleep past eight, okay? I’ve set an alarm, but I don’t always hear it,” Shi Qingxuan says, burying her fingers in the softness that is the small Blahaj.

“If I have to.”

Truly his favourite sentence.

“Yeah, you have to, if you want a great breakfast, actually! I like you, by the way, you’re a good roommate.”

Maybe that’s a bit early to say, but considering her brother lives with Pei Ming, she surely did get lucky.

To that, he doesn’t respond. He just turns to his other side so that she can’t see his face anymore, only his back in a dark blue tank top. There’s another tattoo on his shoulder, but in the dark she can’t really make out what it is. Most probably another fish. Maybe it’s a Greenland shark.
His hair is so black, it kind of reminds her of a black cat’s fur. She can see the piercings in his ears from where his hair doesn’t cover it, golden, and…
Don’t they look just like his eyes?

Why the hell does she already know his eye colour so well? Has she ever even paid attention to it? She honestly doesn’t know.

She quietly shakes her head at her weird thoughts about a guy that she’s known for only a day. All she knows is that they’re getting along really well.

“The mattress is really nice,” she comments, bouncing a little on it before lying on her side too, facing his back. The blanket is still not completely covering his shoulders. Reaching out to fix it would probably be weird. Maybe this is just how he sleeps.

“It’s good, yeah.”

“If you ever hear me giggling when you come in or something it’s probably just me reading Paulette de Sade’s books.”

“Yeah.”

“I also sing in the shower but that you can’t make me stop.”

“Fine.”

“Oh, and if you ever see me crying, just hand me some candy, it’ll make me alright again.”

“Shi Qingxuan, I’m trying to sleep.”

This is the first time he’s said her name. In the whole day. Even though he knows that she reads awful smut novels written by someone who most definitely uses a penname, that she locked her brother out when she was nine and just came out and left him to freeze in the cold winter for roughly an hour before her parents came home. (It was indeed the first step to make him accept her, so she can’t even blame herself for it.)
He knows all this embarrassing information about her and yet has only used her name now. Despite already handing her one of his Blahajs.

“Yeah, yeah, alright, I’ll stop talking!” she chuckles, hugging the shark a bit tighter. “Have a good night, Xuan-“

“He Xuan.”

With a roll of her eyes, she corrects herself.

“Have a good night, He Xuan.”

“Yeah. Good night.”

She’s survived her first day without her parents anywhere near her. She’s moved into her new flat and got to meet her new roommate. Who she’s sleeping in one bed with.
There’s no way she’s going to sleep any time soon, that much is for sure, but she can at least try. After staring at his back for a little bit longer, she eventually closes her eyes at least. It still smells of his shampoo. Which is a good shampoo; it smells of flowers definitely. He doesn’t look like the type of guy to use flower-scented shampoo. Also not like the kind of guy for three in one or something, but maybe like someone who might use these very neutrally smelling shampoos. But this is definitely flowers.

She’ll check what shampoo he uses tomorrow when she’s in the bathroom.

The blanket is so warm, and the shark is so terribly soft.

Shi Qingxuan is not an unhappy person by any means, but sometimes she just feels like everything went wrong in her life, even when it clearly didn’t. Sometimes she has nightmares that she then forgets, or feels hopeless out of nowhere until she ends up lying in bed for several hours.
But right now, it feels like she’s free after all this time. As if whatever had been missing is finally back with her. She breathes in deeply, the out.
It’s probably just because she’s finally made it out of her hometown and can have a new start with a lot of people who are her age, and because she’s going to pursue what she loves. The reality of university is soon going to be catching up with her, she bets.

Not that it matters much.

For now, all that matters is He Xuan’s quiet, yet audible breathing. It’s almost calming to her with how regular it is. Generally, she’s always preferred to sleep in bed with someone. In her childhood, it often was her best friend, wherever he is nowadays, since he’s moved away in fourth grade. Sometimes, it was her brother, but he soon got too old. She hasn’t slept in one bed with someone in years now. It makes her feel safe.

Stroking Blahaj once, she decides that this is one of the best days of her life so far.

*

Shi Qingxuan wakes up to the sun shining through the window, and someone quietly snoring away next to her.

And to a very, very cold foot on hers that belongs to said someone.

So much to her not touching him in her sleep. He’s occupying more than half of the bed, that much is for sure.

Funnily enough, he also stirs suddenly, seemingly adjusting his Blahaj-

“Your foot is cold,” she complains, hating how deep her voice sometimes sounds after waking up, “in all honour, He Xuan, that’s uncomfortable for me.”

She just accepts the next second that her morning starts with him jumping out of bed at that comment and her blanket being ripped away from her by the sudden motion.

Chapter Text

When Shi Wudu comes home, he half-expects to hear a girl’s voice again after picking Pei Ming up at a girl’s place an hour earlier. Except it’s quiet, for once. Way too quiet. Because if Pei Ming isn’t with a girl, he’s usually calling one, or watching one of his favourite shows while also giving a very annoying running commentary along with it.
Maybe he’s napping? Or…

No, Shi Wudu doesn’t want to finish this thought, actually.

So he decides to enter the kitchen to put down his groceries and boil some water for his instant soup. He can cook a little bit; if it’s about cooking, then he's definitely still better than Pei Ming. Not good, no, but definitely better. It’s just that neither of them can really be bothered to cook. Not like they need it, considering their families are both rich as hell.

He reaches into the bag with one hand right as he opens the door with the other, aiming to find his extra spicy shrimp flavoured soup.

What he sees then is an image that must have been bestowed upon by some kind of God. The God of Silence, or maybe the God of Hard Work?

Either way, he walks in on Pei Ming sitting in front of his laptop, frowning at this screen, fingertips lingering on the keys. He looks very absorbed in what he’s doing, even releasing a small sigh, then seemingly deleting whatever he has just written.

“What are you doing?” he asks, and only then does Pei Ming even notice his presence.

And immediately slaps his laptop shut, staring up at Shi Wudu like he’s some kind of Christmas ghost, except that it’s August, and he’d have every right to be shocked at that if he was. There’s something like… guilt? On his face?
Shi Wudu can’t really tell.

“…What were you doing, Pei Ming?”

Of course there’s not a blush on Pei Ming’s face or anything. Shi Wudu isn’t even sure that’s possible, considering how shameless that man really is. The amount of girls he meets on a weekly basis, at the very least every three days, all of which Shi Wudu is forced to hear practically every single night. As far as he can tell, most of them are different girls, too. It’s like this city has an endless supply of girls who want to sleep with Pei Ming, really.

He does not understand that sentiment. At all.
(He’s not into boys, so he isn't into Pei Ming. Maybe that’s why.)

“Nothing of your concern!” he says instead, just smiling his regular, dirty Pei Ming smile.

And that’s when the realization sits in what he was doing. With a face like that of all things? Part of him wants to ask how bad this cam show or video must have been, but he bites his tongue, because he really doesn’t want to sink to Pei Ming’s level of shamelessness.

“…I don’t want to know, anyways,” he grumbles, continuing only now to fish for his soup. It’s not his responsibility what Pei Ming watches, and as long as it’s not illegal and will send Shi wudu to jail since he pays the wifi, he doesn’t particularly care. Except… does it really have to be in the kitchen?

He finds his soup. Finally. That’s good enough of a distraction of…
Whatever weird feeling it is that he’s feeling knowing what kind of content Pei Ming was consuming in their joint kitchen.

“The boiler is still filled enough, if you need it,” Pei Ming says, somehow sounding very exasperated. That surely is unusual, but Shi Wudu doesn’t want to make too much of it.
Somehow, his smug aura is gone a little. Maybe it’s the aftermath of being kicked out of a girl’s house. He’s not actually sure what happened there.

Suddenly his phone rings.

Shi Wudu closely follows Pei Ming’s expression – he becomes pale, and picks up.

“I can’t right now.”

“Frankly, Pei Ming, I don’t give a shit about whether you can talk right now or not!” says a female voice, and Shi Wudu is more than just a hundred percent certain this is one of his exes.

“No, as in, I literally cannot talk to you right now, this is Code Red, my flatmate is with me right now.”

“So, I don’t give a single shit about your flatmate, Pei! If you don’t hurry up a little, I’m actually going to show up at your doorstep and beat you up!”

“Okay, okay, I’m hurrying, I swear, so now just- leave me alone!”

“You know what? Fucking fine, Pei. Fucking fine. This is your decision, after all.”

“There’s no need to guilt-trip me, geez.”

“Apparently there is, though.”

“I’m going to hang up now if that's everything you want from me.”

And he does. Pei Ming just hangs up on whatever this woman wanted from him.

There’s silence for a bit – so Shi Wudu tries interrupting it by turning on the boiler, and opening his instant soup and the packages inside of it. Right as he pours the powder into it, Pei Ming decides to speak up about what happened.

“Sorry about that, she’s a little crazy.”

“Look,” Shi Wudu sighs, staring at the boiler, “in all honour, Pei Ming, you ought to start treating women a little better. What did you do this time? Forgot a date? Or a call? Were you meant to pay her somehow?”

After all, he doesn’t really know what this man does to get all these women. Maybe he does pay them.

“I treat her better than she deserves-“

“Pei Ming, don’t talk like this about the women you sleep with, what’s wrong with you?”

Not that Shi Wudu is in the right to talk here; he knows he doesn’t treat women very well concerning their advances to him. Well, at least he makes it clear that he doesn’t want anything to do with them. No woman has caught his attention so far. Not like it matters much. He has his family and sister and his two friends (Pei Ming and Ling Wen really don’t need to know that he sees them as such). He doesn’t need a girlfriend. And if he gets one, then that’s nice, but he’s not going to go looking for one.

…Unlike Pei Ming.

“Shi Wudu, you’re not understanding the situation, but I’m also most certainly not going to explain it to you. Just know that I do treat women very well, and this one is… dear lord, she’s nothing but trouble. I wished I’d never gotten involved with her, really.”

The water boiler clicks, signaling that the water is ready. He picks it up and pours it into the cup, up to the line, then closes the lid and puts a fork onto it to keep it shut.
Five minutes. God, he’s hungry. The entire ordeal of building a bed, driving to and from Ikea, worrying about how this He Xuan is going to treat his sister, then getting a panicked call from Pei Ming because he had been thrown out by a girl in another town and didn’t know how to get home has tired him out for good. He needs his bed soon.

“Well, I have to trust you with that then,” he shrugs, leaning against the counter, and looking back at Pei Ming, who’s now typing away on his phone. Probably to the same girl.

“What was that back when I picked you up anyways? Why was she screaming at you as if you were a cockroach, actually?”

That gets his attention. Pei Ming places his phone down, and looks him straight in the eyes.

“Oh boy, where do I even start? The girl was insane, I swear to god. Mind you, this was planned to only be a hook-up, and we both knew that, but we just kind of ended up talking a little and she suddenly started spouting homophobic and transphobic nonsense completely unprompted. When I’m telling you, homegirl was ten times worse than you were at age twelve!”

Shi Wudu knows that means a lot.

“So yeah, I told her my opinion on how shit she’s being, I stayed completely civil the entire time, and then she screamed at me and threw me out. So, this one, you really can’t pin on me, pal.”

“Yeah no, that sounds like you did a good job,” he grins, feeling a weird sense of… pride? Maybe it’s pride. He’s not so sure. Honestly, nowadays, whenever someone insults his little sister for well, being his little sister, he kind of just either punches them, or properly threatens them. He’s glad Pei Ming was the one to hook up with that girl, not him. Not that he would hook up with a random girl in first place, because that’s just not the kind of thing he does.

“See? That’s what I’m saying! She was insane. Thanks for picking me up anyways. I didn’t want to bother Ling Wen on her date. How is your sister’s roommate, by the way? You didn’t really say much about him, actually. I should go visit them tomorrow, I haven’t seen your sister in quite a while, I wonder if she’s still as pretty and obnoxious.”

“Pei.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t hit on your sister, my one try of that was more than enough, I’ll never forget that pain, believe me…”

Shi Wudu sighs, looking at the clock. There’s still time left. He does appreciate Pei Ming’s company, even if he wouldn’t admit that out loud. Knowing that he’ll always come home to someone gives him some kind of sense of stability. Even if the person in question is complaining about girls most of the time. He’s nice enough.

“He’s the worst roommate possibly for her. Doesn’t talk at all, and if he does, it’s to be shitty towards people. He seems to hate me. The fact they have to sleep in one bed really doesn’t sit right with me either.”

“That reminds me of someone,” Pei Ming retorts, and stares him down. Shi Wudu leaves his place in front of his cup noodles specifically to walk up to Pei Ming and slap the back of his head, although not too hard.

“Ouch.”

“That’s what you get for hating on your flatmate. I’m nothing like that guy at all. I tried shaking his hand and he didn’t even understand that for some reason. He owns three plush sharks, and he was definitely eyeing them again when we were at Ikea.”

That only makes Pei Ming snort. He puts his hands on his laptop and looks at Shi Wudu, grinning.

“Come on now. Don’t lie. You would love having a Blahaj, too, deep down. No need for this toxic masculinity, Wudu.”

“I don’t want a plush shark.”

“You do, though.”

“Don’t gaslight me.”

“You’re blushing.”

“I think you need glasses, because I’m quite literally not blushing at all.”

“No, you can’t see yourself right now, so obviously I’m right.”

He’s still standing in front of Pei Ming, so suddenly he’s being punched in his very empty and growling stomach. As light as he’s punched Pei Ming before only, of course.
(He knows for a fact that he’s not blushing.)

“Come on now. Go deep into yourself, man. Wouldn’t you want to fall asleep hugging something fuzzy and warm and huge?”

“How do you manage making something so innocent sound so horribly crude?” Shi Wudu sighs, but he can’t help but crack the tiniest smile. This is why he likes living with Pei Ming. They might be very different, but there’s a reason as to why they’ve been friends for ages now.

“It wasn’t meant to sound that way! So, your soup? Shouldn’t it be done by now?”

“Ah. Right, yeah,” Shi Wudu agrees, somehow having forgotten about his soup mid-way through the conversation, however that’s possible with how hungry he is.

“Eat it as fast as you can,” Pei Ming says right when Shi Wudu grabs the hot paper and plastic cup by the edge so that he doesn’t burn himself, “I’ve ordered your favourite dessert as thanks for picking me up. I just got the message that it's already on the way."

This is exactly the reason why he likes living with Pei Ming.

Chapter Text

If Hua Cheng hadn’t just placed his food down onto the table, he would have dropped it all onto the floor.

He had been confused as to where his roommate had disappeared to; he saw the white suitcase standing in the bedroom, next to the left bed. So for the entire eight hours that he’s been here, he’s been emptying his suitcase into the right side of the room, placing his art utensils neatly onto the desk and shelves, setting up an empty canvas just for the aesthetic, as well as his cactus called “George Kevin” onto the windowsill, hoping that his roommate won’t mind it.

(It was a gift from He Xuan with the words “it’s about as prickly as you are”, which he’s convinced was a compliment.)

Then he had made dinner.

It’s past midnight, sure, but unpacking all of his stuff took a long time. Hua Cheng has never been happier to have been adopted by rich people as a kid.
The problem is just that he’s not sure how to eat, now. Not with his roommate arriving.

Not with him recognizing him instantly and immediately and God the sheer amount of panic Hua Cheng feels in that moment cannot be put into words.

It’s him. In wide, light blue jeans, a cream-coloured knit pullover, and…
A small, silver necklace, with something attached to it that’s painfully familiar to Hua Cheng. It’s a small, red plastic ring, that might as well just be some kind of tumblr aesthetic.
But Hua Cheng knows it’s not. He recognizes that ring. He’d never forget it. Not even in eight-hundred years.

So, when the boy walks into the kitchen in all his glory, two tote bags full of groceries dangling from his shoulders, throwing him a shy smile, Hua Cheng knows that this is destiny.

“Sorry I wasn’t here when you arrived! I was buying groceries, but then I got lost, and had to ask my brother to come pick me up in some town really far away when I took the wrong train! But here I am! My brother already told me your name, Hua Cheng, isn’t it? He works in the committee that distributes the rooms. It’s very nice to meet you! My name is Xie Lian!”

Hua Cheng wants to scream. Partly because he very much knows his name, partly because of what he knows is gay panic, partly because he’s hungry and isn’t sure how to eat, and partly because this is Xie Lian right in front of him.

Instead, all that leaves his mouth is a regular “nice to meet you too! You can call me San Lang though, if you want to! I made a bit too much dinner, do you want some of it?”

Maybe he’s smiling on the inside, but he suddenly feels very connected to all those depression quotes that are somewhere along the lines of ‘outside I’m smiling, but inside I’m crying’. Why is he saying that? He could have just said who he is. But hell, nothing prepared him for Xie Lian being at the same university as him, let alone the same room.

For the record, Hua Cheng has been wanting to contact him for the past few years, as soon as he had found him on Instagram. It’s just that he didn’t have the courage to do so. Because what if Xie Lian didn’t remember him, or didn’t care? Or didn’t want to be reminded of him because he was a dirty and grimy kid two years younger than him that was clinging to him like some kind of lost puppy? He wouldn’t blame him. After all it was weird, wasn’t it?

Nowadays, Hua Cheng knows that it was just him having a crush, and him wanting to be around this kid, no matter their difference in social standing and money. Even if Xie Lian was the popular kid in primary school, and he was the bullied kid. Not that Xie Lian seemed to care about that. Neither did his other friend back then, although Hua Cheng has to admit he doesn’t remember that guy’s name anymore.

So, long story short, he very much knew how to reach out, still found himself horribly in love with Xie Lian, and yet, he couldn’t bring himself to contact him.

And now he’s standing in front of him. In the flesh. Being his… roommate.

“Oh, I’ve already eaten, but thanks so much, you seem really nice! I’m glad my roommate is someone so nice! I hope it’s fine that I took the left bed?”

Hua Cheng doesn’t know how to non-creepily make it clear to him that he could take both beds and let him sleep on the cold hard wooden floor like some kind of passed out drunk, and it’d be fine.

He’s still wearing that stupid red little plastic ring that Hua Cheng got from his first dentist visit back when he was eight years old, had just gotten adopted, and his adoptive parents drove him to and from school for the last few weeks before the summer holidays every single morning even though it took one hour every single ride.
Hua Cheng still very vividly remembers how he stood in front of Xie Lian, who at the time was taller than him because he was older (oh God oh Lord oh dear God Hua Cheng is taller than him now, isn’t he), and handed him that red ring in order to be remembered just a little, at least. Even though he was moving away pretty far soon, since his new parents had only rented a flat closer to his school for these few weeks.
He’s still wearing it.
He still remembers him.

“It’s alright,” he says, and could swear that he’s going to stutter, but he somehow doesn’t, “I don’t particularly care about which side of the room I’m sleeping on, really.”

He wants to ask Xie Lian whether he doesn’t recognize him, but seemingly that isn’t the case. But Hua Cheng can’t blame him. He’s grown out his hair. He’s grown taller than Xie Lian, by quite a lot, too. He’s not eight anymore. It’s been nine years. That’s almost a decade.
He’s been wanting to contact Xie Lian for the past four years, so what if Xie Lian just thinks that he never cared to contact him? Does he miss him?
Does he remember who this red ring is from-
He has to, Hua Cheng mentally slaps himself, otherwise he wouldn’t be wearing it.

“That’s great then! I hope you don’t mind me being so late, I don’t usually get lost, but as my brother says, I’m kind of sheltered, so I’m not that used to navigating a new city all by myself.”

Hua Cheng can’t get over the fact that this is Xie Lian. In the flesh. Right in front of him. Apologizing to him.

“It’s fine, really. Don’t worry about it. What did you buy?”

He has to make some kind of small talk. Or else he will come off as weird.
He checks his phone to see if He Xuan has already gone to sleep, or if he can panic call him, but the last thing he’s heard from He Xuan was an hour ago, that he can’t text right now since he’s brushing his teeth. After which he undoubtedly must have gone to sleep.
Hua Cheng hates and loves every single second of this situation.

“Oh, mainly fresh vegetables, some bread, rice, noodles, and some candy! Obviously you can use some of it, I don’t mind! My family is rather rich, so it doesn’t matter, really!”

“So is mine,” Hua Cheng says, because no way in hell is he going to let Xie Lian pay for his groceries, “I’ll buy the next load of groceries or give you the money for this one. Here, let me help you unpack at least.”

“Oh, no, no! You were just about to eat! I didn’t want to interrupt you!”

He’s still just as kind. He hasn’t changed at all. He still cares about everyone and everything, even people he’s only just met.
He wants to cry. He’s going to cry in the shower later or something. He needs to let those feelings out at one point or else he’s going to combust.

“It’s fine. Let me help. I can eat after I help you.”

The bags look so heavy, and it seems to be so much stuff that it’d take ages to unpack himself. On top of that, this is their shared flat now, so Hua Cheng does need to know where all the food is stored.

(Their flat. He’s going to go insane.)

So he stands up. And sure enough, he definitely towers over Xie Lian.

His heart is going to beat out of his chest, he just knows it. It’s beating so fast, surely Xie Lian must see his ribcage moving?

(This is Xie Lian, Xie Lian, and he’s wearing the red plastic ring as a necklace, and Hua Cheng can see that he bought the same brand of crisps he used to eat back in primary school, too.)

“That’s too kind of you, but your food is going to get cold-“

“It’s too hot to eat anyways,” Hua Cheng smiles, and either his inhibitions crumble a little when he touches a food item that’s been touched by the man who’s undoubtedly the love of his life, or he just tries to make small talk. He’s not so sure. Anyway, it makes him talk.

“What are you majoring in?”

It’s a harmless question. He’s sure this is a normal thing to ask.

“Philosophy, haha, I hope that’s not too weird or something for you!”

“No,” Hua Cheng says as fast as he humanly can, because no way in hell is he going to let Xie Lian feel like his interests are weird, “I’m an art major. I couldn’t possibly judge you. It’s alright, really. Good taste in snacks, also.”

The last comment is related to the package of fake Oreos that inexplicably taste better than the real thing. Even with that, they can apparently agree.
They’re made for each other. Truly.

“Oh, that’s so nice! I’m not too good at drawing, so I really admire you! I’m so nice that I have a roommate who’s so nice in general, from what I can tell!”

If he wasn’t so immune to blushing, Hua Cheng would definitely be blushing. He complimented him. There’s no way Xie Lian complimented him. Of all people. Him. He-

“The same goes for you!” he blurts out, “having a roommate with such an immaculate taste for fake Oreos is truly a blessing.”

That makes Xie Lian laugh. He’s made him laugh.

Hastily, Hua Cheng grabs his phone and texts He Xuan one single message.

[to: insane Fishman; 01:12]
Xie Lian is my roommate this is fate god help me

He’s made Xie Lian laugh.
He’s made the love of his life laugh. He actually made it.

Hua Cheng feels all fuzzy on the inside, heart racing, butterflies all around his stomach at the clear sound of his laugh, and his throat is even a little bit dry.

This is the best day of his life. There’s no doubt about it anymore.

“They just taste a lot better than the original ones despite being half the price! You can also just eat them, really! I’ll just buy new ones, it’s no issue at all!”

He’s still so horribly sweet, offering other people that he barely knows his food.

A smile builds on Hua Cheng’s face, slowly but surely, and he doesn’t even try to hide it. Honestly, maybe it’s for the better if Xie Lian doesn’t realize who he is – after all, you wouldn’t recognize someone who’s mostly gone through puberty when the last time you saw them was when they were a little child. And this way, he at least won’t associate him with this pitiful little creature from a run-down orphanage that had been bullied in school. Instead, he’ll see a young man majoring in art, who likes fake Oreos, and owns a cactus called “George Kevin”.

That way, both of them get a new start, and maybe one day, Hua Cheng will feel brave enough to actually confess to him.

That day is not today, and most certainly not tomorrow or next week or let alone next month, but maybe he’ll gather the courage.

Until then, he supposes he will be roommates with the love of his life.

Chapter Text

“Well, at least you ended up liking the café. Maybe you don’t have to hate my brother after all, since he was the one to suggest it,” Shi Qingxuan laughs as they step out of the door together. “And your mother really doesn’t have to worry about you not eating enough, either. Wow, I miss your mom. Are you sure she’s not secretly single?”

“Can you please not find my mom hot?” He Xuan asks, and that’s probably the longest sentence he’s said to her all morning. Well, by now it’s eleven, so that barely counts as morning anymore. It’s still some time until the art student meeting. She’ll go home first. Especially since her brother wants to come around to check on her, since he still doesn’t trust He Xuan.

Okay, she can’t say that isn’t fair. After all, she hasn’t even known him for twenty-four hours. But he’s perfectly fine. And he enjoyed his extra-large breakfast. And let her keep the Blahaj throughout the entire night.

“I’m not saying she’s hot, but she’s very, very nice! A very nice woman. You sent her a picture of your breakfast, right? Did you mention me?”

“Sadly, yes.”

“Oh, come on, don’t be like that!” she responds, and nearly punches his shoulder, but stops herself right before touching him since she remembers that he doesn’t like that much.

“My mom likes you, too.”

“See! I’m a very likeable person. A very good roommate. I even treated you to breakfast on the first day!”

“Hm.”

“Is that agreement?”

If it weren’t for him being touchy about touches (no pun intended), she would maybe try hooking her arm into his, as she usually does with others. She knows that some see it as a romantic thing, but Shi Qingxuan certainly doesn’t. She’s just a touchy person overall; so it’s a bit sad to her that He Xuan isn’t, but she can’t really do much about that. Maybe he’ll be comfortable enough one day.

“No,” He Xuan sighs, adjusting his black shirt a little, and looking out for cars before crossing the street. Shi Qingxuan follows him.

“Too bad. I’m taking it as agreement.”

Sadly, they do live on a hill, since the university was built on one. The café is just down said hill, so barely a few minutes of walk. Maybe they can go get breakfast there every now and again. The problem is just walking uphill, because it’s very, very steep. Shi Qingxuan hates it with a passion.

“My brother is coming by again as soon as we’re home, by the way. You can hide out in the bathroom if you don’t want to see him. I do get it. He’s… special, that much is for sure,” she laughs, and makes sure to watch He Xuan’s reaction. But he just sort of shrugs.
So maybe it’s okay enough. Even if he was mean to his brother all day yesterday. Again, she really can’t blame him. The feeling was very clearly mutual.

He Xuan isn’t wearing something as complicated as yesterday; just a black button up, and black jeans. He still manages to look so stupidly good in it. Hell. These thoughts need to leave her brain already, she can’t make the roommate situation any more awkward than it already is.

“He Xuan?” she asks again when they pass by the next few houses. She may be panting a little bit, but she’s just a talker person. Always has been.

“Hm?” he asks, and somehow he doesn’t sound out of breath at all. Not in the very least. Sporty too, huh?

“What’s your little sister like, actually? I want to know more about her. How old is she? Do introduce her to me if she ever calls!”

He rolls his eyes. Of course he does. It’s a bit cute that he’s so shy about these things.

“She’s already asked me for your number.”

Now that’s news. Shi Qingxuan can’t help but break out into laughter.

“She what?”

“She’s already asked me for your number.”

“Oh well, give it to her then! That’s completely alright, I don’t mind at all! I’m good with kids! How old is she?”

He Xuan kicks a stone in front of his feet. It’s not far anymore. Shi Qingxuan already sees the lantern that’s in front of their building. Funnily enough, this building only has three flats. It’s small, and far off, and honestly kind of run down, too. Maybe the university just wanted to provide more housing and used a random house that was around the university’s ground for it.

“Twelve. She’s turning thirteen in two months though.”

“Aww, that’s so young,” she responds, not quite able to keep herself from feeling a little old. She’s only eighteen. She’s still young. God, she can’t wait to get wasted at parties when she’s meant to finish a piece for a deadline the next morning. She wants the true university experience. “How’s she doing at school? I really hated school starting with middle school, actually. Kids were mean about me being trans, and my best friend moved away. Such a stupid time, really.”

He Xuan is reaching for his back pocket, grabbing his phone. Shi Qingxuan sees him going onto the contacts app, probably to send her his sister’s number. Or the other way around. He’s a very practical man, she noticed. If you tell him to do something, he usually will. She asked him to clean the sink this morning since she forgot to do that yesterday upon arriving, but since she had already cleaned everything else, she didn’t want to do that, too. He did it, without complaining even once.

“She’s fine at school. Her grades aren’t the best, but she’s doing fine. She doesn’t necessarily want to go to university though, so it’s not like they matter too much. She does want to become a vet, but she said that if her grades aren’t enough, she’ll just go and work another job with animals. And I mean, you don’t need to be good at interpreting poems or solving equations for feeding dogs and going on walks with them.”

Now that’s true.
A smile makes its way onto Shi Qingxuan’s face again. No, okay, she’s going to have another weird thought right here and now.
He Xuan is cute.
He’s so quiet, doesn’t talk much, answers only in the shortest replies. But when you talk to him about sharks, or his little sister? Well, then he’s in for it. Then he’s suddenly talking like a waterfall, fast, without commas, and like he’s going to burst if he can’t talk about it.

“You’re exactly the type of person she’d love to be friends with. She loves dogs. So if you just send her a dog picture once in a while, that's bound to make her very happy.”

“Aww, yeah!” Shi Qingxuan answers, “I can do that! No problem at all!”

She catches herself looking at He Xuan the second after. The smallest hint of a smile on his face as he thinks about his sister. It’s not a smile, no, but it’s somewhat close to one. Or well. At least the corner of his mouth twitches a tiny bit. He looks so stupidly pretty in the morning sun-

Shi Qingxuan stops herself right there. No weird thoughts about her roommate. Though, if she’s honest, what’s so wrong about acknowledging someone’s beauty? It’s not really weird to do that-

He Xuan suddenly stops walking, so Shi Qingxuan does too, and follow his gaze.

Surely enough, they’ve reached their flat after all. But their neighbour seems to be outside, and judging by He Xuan’s face, he’s not very amused about getting to know his neighbours.
Shi Qingxuan can’t help but laugh a bit at the expression.

“Don’t worry, I’ll do the talking for you. I’ll introduce you too and everything! Don’t worry about it, He Xuan! Maybe if you could just shake his hand if he reaches his out for yours. Because that seemingly upset my brother.”

He nods, still not seeming very enthusiastic about the entire ordeal of getting to know yet another new person.
Well, it’s not like it matters much.

The man standing in front of the house, clearly holding something in his arms, but she can’t tell because he has his back turned towards her. He has short, brown hair, and generally seems… very muscly.
Shi Qingxuan isn’t into the muscly type of guy, but she can tell that he’s probably very attractive to a lot of people. Not that she can see his face or something.

“Hi!” she says, and then he does turn around.

What he’s carrying is…

A full-on child.

She stops mid-track, then decides that hell, whatever! He’s carrying a child. As if she’d care!

So, Shi Qingxuan keeps walking towards him and reaches out her hand.

“Are you our neighbour? My name is Shi Qingxuan! It’s very nice to meet you! What’s your name, little guy?” she asks, looking at the kid in his arms. They are very clearly father and son. This guy looks sort of old, so he may not be eighteen; the child looks like maybe four or something. He’s still pretty small. He’s sucking on his thumb, also.

“Cuocuo,” the kid mumbles, and his voice is so cute (much cuter than the godforsaken Peppa pig shirt that he’s wearing) that Shi Qingxuan squeals on the inside. She can feel that He Xuan is behind her, also. Not hiding from them or something, but keeping to himself. She did offer to do the talking, and honestly? She’s delighted that her neighbour has a child. Shi Qingxuan loves children, and that’s not much of a secret. Every time someone in her extended family has a child, the first thing they do is let Shi Qingxuan know when she can come over (out of the ones that aren’t transphobic). If she wasn’t so passionate about art, she would also work with kids. Maybe she can combine both, somehow, one day.

“That’s a great name!” she nearly squeals out loud this time, “how old are you?”

“I’m four! But I can count up to twenty-five!”

“Woah, that’s impressive!” she chimes, and finally, finally Cuocuo takes her hand and shakes it. His fingers are so small. She’s going to cry.

“I can also read my own name! And my Papa’s!”

“Oh wow! That’s amazing! What’s your Papa’s name?”

She has to get to know her adult neighbour too, of course.

“I’m Feng Xin,” he says before little Cuocuo can answer, and shakes her hand too once the little man lets go of it.

“Nice to meet you!” she answers, "can I just uh… ask for your age, maybe? Nothing to do with the kid, more… okay it’s to do with the kid.”

Feng Xin only laughs, so she’s very glad that he seemingly doesn’t take it too heart much.

“I’m eighteen. I know I’m a young parent. I suppose we’re the same age?”

She nods, and lets go of his hand. No, he’s really good-looking to be fair. Just not her type. That’s all.
(She won’t think more about who is her type.)

“Yeah! This behind me is my roommate, by the way. His name is He Xuan. He’s just a bit shy, that’s all.”

Feng Xin looks to He Xuan, who seems visibly uncomfortable behind her, and nods.

“Yeah, my roommate is inside. He’s not shy. He’s just a bastard.”

Shi Qingxuan blinks, mostly because of the use of such a hard word in front of a four year old, but Cuocuo doesn’t ask what it means, or seems surprised at all, so…
Does he know that word?

“His name is Mu Qing though, if you ever see him around. Sadly, Cuocuo really likes the little shit, so I have to let him stick around. Also Cuocuo can be really loud when he’s not in a good mood, so sorry if you have to hear that, but I’m not going to tell him to quiet down or something for someone else’s sake. He’s a kid, and he’s allowed to cry.”

Okay, so apart from swear words, he seems to be pretty decent at parenting.

“Oh yeah, no worries! That’s totally fine! Do we want to exchange phone numbers or something maybe, if anything ever comes up? I’m totally up to babysit once in a while, too, once you know me a bit better and everything, of course!”

Feng Xin looks at her for a moment like she’s some kind of saint.

“Thanks, my ex-girlfriend has weekend shifts often enough, so if you could take care of him even just for an hour so I can do my homework maybe, if needed. But Mu Qing can take care of him too, so don’t worry too much about it. Or another friend of mine can take care of him, Cuocuo likes him a lot too, and my ex at least knows him. What’s your major?”

“Art. He Xuan does Marine Biology! His grades were so insane he’s on a scholarship and everything! He’s very nice too, just shy! You? And your roommate?”

He Xuan kicks her leg a little from where she’s standing. On the inside, Shi Qingxuan feels very touched; this was his first voluntary touch. He touched her. For the first time.
Okay, minus his cold foot being on hers, but that was on accident.

“Oh, I’m an education major.”

Shi Qingxuan looks at Cuocuo again. Yes. That adds up.

“And Mu Qing… he… well.”

Feng Xin, and with him, also Cuocuo, lean in a little closer. The man steals a glance into the flat behind him, seemingly trying to make sure that this Mu Qing isn’t listening in on their conversation.

“He… he’s a maths major.”

“Ew,” Shi Qingxuan says right when Feng Xin draws back a bit, a scowl on her face, instant disgust in her entire body. “Why would anyone?”

“Mu Qing tried explaining maths to me once,” Cuocuo mumbles, and god, god he’s so cute, “but I didn’t understand anything. So Papa must be right. Maths sucks ass.”

Did… did little Cuocuo just use the word ‘ass’?
There’s a sound behind her and she turns around.

“You laughed.”

“I didn’t,” He Xuan says immediately, but she could swear that he just snorted. She could swear it.

“You laughed! I swear, He Xuan, you just laughed!”

“I didn’t make a single sound,” he insists, “you must have misheard.”

“And now you’re trying to gaslight me! That’s not polite! I’m going to strangle you!”

He Xuan just shrugs, and looks at her with his stupid poker face. She swears she heard him snort at Cuocuo swearing and saying that math sucks ass (which is absolutely true). But now she doesn’t have any proof. Maybe she should start recording He Xuan in situations that might cause him to laugh. Maybe she has to become the coolest auntie that Cuocuo will ever have and adopt him, and maybe that’ll make He Xuan laugh more so she can catch it on camera and shove it in his face when he tries convincing her that it never happened.

“Uh… your number? You offered?” Feng Xin asks, and that’s when Shi Qingxuan snaps out of her thoughts about brutally snapping He Xuan’s head off if he keeps trying to gaslight her.

“Right! My number. Can you hand me your phone really quickly? I’ll type it in!”

After seemingly trying to figure out which pocket he put it into, Feng Xin does grab his phone with the hand in which he isn’t holding his kid, and…
His background picture is Cuocuo next to a huge version of George form Peppa Pig, looking terribly happy despite how horrifying the adult-man-sized George actually looks. The kid surely loves Peppa Pig.

He hands it to her after clicking on the contact app and awkwardly adding her name with one hand next to a small (N.), probably indicating that she’s his neighbour.
Right when Shi Qingxuan is typing in her number, she hears the black BMW pull up that she can recognize by sound alone by now considering how often Shi Wudu drives it.

“Oh dear,” she says, turning around to He Xuan, “that’s my brother. Feel free to hide out in the bathroom, I’ll try getting rid of him quickly, don’t worry!”

As fast as she can, she types the rest of her number into Feng Xin’s phone and hands it back to him, only to turn around and see that there’s someone in the passenger seat.

Shi Wudu is not alone.

He’s brought Pei Ming of all people.

Chapter Text

Pei Ming gets out of the car first, and Shi Qingxuan would kindly like to set him on fire.

Surprisingly, He Xuan hasn’t yet gone to hide in the bathroom, so Shi Qingxuan looks at him, and then back at Feng Xin.

“If you’d excuse me now, this is my helicopter brother and his dubious roommate. I think I have to invite them in now,” she sighs with an apologetic smile, “it was nice to meet you though! Maybe the four of us can get some cake sometimes. Feel free to bring your roommate too, though!”

“I’d rather die,” Feng Xin answers, „but I’m sure Cuocuo would appreciate some cake.”

She smiles at Cuocuo one last time, and waves a little, surprised to see He Xuan waving at him a bit also when she turns around to him and the approaching doom.

“Why did you feel the need to bring the pervert, Ge?” she asks, not looking at Pei Ming even once. He doesn’t deserve so much as a glance, honestly.

“Wait, you didn’t tell me that your little sister’s roommate is Ming Yi.”

That does make her look at Pei Ming, mostly because He Xuan isn’t a “Ming Yi”, and she doesn’t even know someone with that name. Even Shi Wudu seems to be confused by his roommates words, and shakes his head.

“You mean the geography freak who hasn’t talked to a single soul for ages? No, that’s not him,” he answers, “I suppose they look sort of similar, but that’s about as far as it goes. Though… Well, I guess they’re both just as impolite.”

“Says you,” He Xuan spits suddenly, “who was the one who literally insulted me right now and then dared to call me impolite?”

Yeah, alright, Shi Qingxuan can’t lie. She enjoys it when someone talks back to her brother like that. He’s arrogant as hell, even if he’s kind at heart. Someone has to be shitty to him.
Shi Wudu does indeed look taken aback, and Pei Ming grins a little at him from where he’s standing at his side. He’s looking like the straightest man alive. A white v-neck t-shirt, and olive-green cargo shorts. And white Nikes. He looks like straight man incarnate, and Shi Qingxuan isn’t sure she likes straight man incarnate.

“Come on now. Don’t act like you’re not some kind of freak. What’s there even to learn in marine biology? That fish can swim? That sharks lay eggs?”

Now that sets something off in He Xuan. Shi Qingxuan hasn’t seen him angry so far, which makes sense, because they’ve barely lived together yet. All they really did was take a trip to Ikea, sleep in one bed, and have breakfast together.
But oh dear. He looks angry.

“Listen up. Not all sharks lay eggs. And I don’t think that someone who studies business so he can take over mommy’s and daddy’s company has much to say to a scientist who worked his own ass off in order to get where he is now. I really don’t know how you and your sister turned out so differently, but you, Shi Wudu. You piss me off. I want to see you take one single lecture in my subject and see if you understand anything if you think that all sharks lay eggs. And I promise you that I would get top grades even if I had for some reason decided to study business. I’d outdo you. Easily.”

There’s silence for a few seconds, the first one to break it is Cuocuo laughing a little when Feng Xin ruffles his hair.

“Slay,” Shi Qingxuan whispers into He Xuan’s direction, honestly just finding all of this very funny. Of course she loves her brother, that’s out of question. But God. He really needs this arrogance to get better at one point or else he’s never going to find more friends than Pei Ming and Ling Wen.

Shi Wudu stares at her for a few seconds, blinking, then at He Xuan, speechless. He’s been rendered speechless. Shi Qingxuan isn’t sure she’s ever seen this before.

“I like this kid,” Pei Ming says, “he’s great. So, like, can we go inside? I want to see your flat at least, Qingxuan! I haven’t seen you in over a year now, have I? You’ve gotten even more beautiful, huh?”

Shi Qingxuan quickly approaches him, realizing that He Xuan and her brother are still quietly staring each other down, then slaps Pei Ming on the back of his head.
No matter how much she pretends to hate him, she knows that he’s a decent guy somehow. After all, they essentially grew up together.

“We can go inside, I suppose. Although I don’t like you.”

“I know,” Pei Ming laughs, but follows her inside. He Xuan sneaks inside too, clearly deciding that Shi Wudu isn’t worth his time. She wonders if these two will ever get around or if they’re just destined to hate each other by some kind of messed up fate.
She will try talking to Shi Wudu later, though, or at least text him that she doesn’t appreciate how he’s treating her roommate. He can at least try being fake nice. At the very least.

“Who exactly is this?” He Xuan suddenly asks, so Shi Qingxuan turns around to He Xuan, who’s pointing a little at Pei Ming. Shi Qingxuan chuckles a little, and also realizes that Shi Wudu is still standing outside, looking like he might just kill He Xuan.

“My brother’s roommate. Also our neighbour back at home. He’s obnoxious and sleeps with a different girl like, every day. He’s kinda known for that. He’s better than my brother though. Like, generally… not as arrogant. Although he is arrogant still. So stay away from him when you’re alone.”

“Hey!” Pei Ming complains looking at the small kitchen in the back, then walking into their room, “I’m not dangerous or something, I swear. Don’t tell him that I’m dangerous or something! I’m not! So, what’s in your room apart from these beautifully diverse bedsheets?”

He looks at the shark and the trans bedsheets with a grin on his face.

“Pervert,” Shi Qingxuan says, “not much? What’s meant to be in here. The huge wardrobe. A desk. My art stuff. A shark encyclopedia. My books.”

Pei Ming walks straight over to the shelf, having a good look at the large shark encyclopedia right on display.

Meanwhile, He Xuan sits down on the bed and types something on his phone. He’s right – he doesn’t have to bother with Pei Ming of all people.

She watches him as his gaze sweeps over the books she has placed into the shelf – mostly the Paulette de Sade ones.

And he chokes. Straight up coughs for a minute, in which Shi Qingxuan just looks at him, very much not willing to help him or anything. If he chokes in her flat, then so be it. He Xuan is so quiet; she bets she can get him to keep quiet about this essentially being attempted murder. Or is it? It’s not like she made him choke, right? So, she should be safe, really. She’ll find a new roommate for her brother, too.

Sadly, Pei Ming does stop coughing after a bit, at which point Shi Wudu has also come in, although he’s keeping to the door to the room. He’s not stepping inside. Well. It’s not her fault. And He Xuan was kind of in the right anyways.

“Paulette de Sade? I wouldn’t have expected you to read these.”

Shi Qingxuan raises an eyebrow as he lazily takes up “Chosen for Pleasure”, thumbing through it with a very neutral expression, seemingly unfazed by its contents.

“Uh…? Do you have something against Paulette? She’s my favourite author. If you can’t appreciate her genius, then I don’t know! Her smut is the only good actually published smut. It’s not all too corny, and there’s at least still a conflict and all, and the main character is even bi! Although I have to admit that ‘The Lust Crisis’ is still the best book she’s written so far. I really love the roommates trope.”

Pei Ming chokes again, although only shortly, and then barks out a loud laugh.

“True, that one was good. No, no, I do quite like her books. But ‘Chosen for Pleasure’ could definitely be improved. The smut scenes are too vanilla in my opinion. The writing is a bit hazy at times. It was definitely her first novel, you can just tell.”

Shi Qingxuan can’t believe that she’s having a normal and respectful conversation with Pei Ming about her favourite author right now. Well. As normal as a conversation about smut books can possibly be.

“Yeah, true. I wished she’d write something with a trans character one day,” she sighs, “but I guess that’d be hard to pass through the editor and everything. I know she’s not transphobic because of her tweets, but I’d love a trans girl as a main character by my favourite author. Hell, if only she would ask her followers to proof read… I’d volunteer… I’d give her advice… I’m so sad…”

She slumps down onto the bed next to He Xuan as Pei Ming puts the book back, grabbing the next, thumbing through that one also.

“Oh wow. A version with signature,” he says, “how much did you pay for that?”

“Oh, not so much. I got the first version and all. So it was just a bit more expensive than the normal version.”

Pei Ming nods, putting it back also.

“But yeah, I agree, a trans main character would be nice. Maybe you should tag her on twitter and ask for that. Who knows. Maybe that’ll work.”

Right. Maybe Pei Ming isn’t so stupid after all. Maybe he’s kind of decent deep down.
(She already knows that much. It’s just that she would never openly admit that.)

Only now does she realize He Xuan is still with them, and so is Shi Wudu.

“If you could not flirt with my little sister, that’d be much appreciated, actually,” Shi Wudu says directed at his friend, “when do you have your date again?”

Oh. That’s why Pei Ming is with them. Shi Wudu is driving him to a date. That adds up.
She will never understand why her brother does these things willingly.

“We should leave soon, yeah,” Pei Ming sighs, placing the book back where it belongs, and turns towards Shi Wudu. “But please don’t call it a date. I do not actually want to meet her, believe me.”

Pei Ming having a girl he doesn’t actually want to meet? Oh dear. Now that is a rarity.

“Yeah. Your date,” Shi Wudu reiterates, “also the fish guy looks very uncomfortable with your conversation topic.”

Oh.
Right.

He Xuan is a thing. She’s still not used to having a roommate, seemingly. Not a roommate who gets embarrassed by these things, at least.

When she looks at him, that blush is back on his face that had already been there last night. It’s cute. Very cute, actually. She wants to pinch his cheeks.

“I don’t care,” He Xuan sighs, “don’t you have to leave?”

Oh. He clearly cares. But it’s cute.

“I’m sorry, I completely forgot,” Shi Qingxuan whispers, “I’m so sorry I promise I’m not weird. Okay, I’m weird. But not like that, I swear!”

She barely knows what she means by that herself if she’s being honest. He looks so cute with a blush. So insanely cute. It’s unfair, really. Such pinchable cheeks, and yet she’s not allowed to pinch them.

“Yeah, Pei,” she says eventually after staring at He Xuan for a bit longer, “go on your date. I have a meetup to go to, actually. And as you can see, dearest older brother, I am perfectly fine.”

He better notice the sarcasm in her voice.

“I can see that you prefer your roommate over me, dearest little sister,” Shi Wudu retorts, “I’m not going to be the one lending you a car again, that much is for sure.”

Both of them know that Shi Wudu would never actually live up to this. It’d take her exactly one pout to get him to give her his car for a day.

“Right, right,” she laughs, and lets herself fall onto the bed until her back hits the soft cushions and at least two of the three Blahajs.

It feels enough like home, really. And He Xuan also feels a bit like home already.

“Alright, Pei. Let’s get you to your date with your insane woman. My sister doesn’t want me here, so I’ll leave her alone.”

Serves her brother right, Shi Qingxuan can’t help but think, he insult her roommate, after all. He should be a bit upset right now, be it with her or with He Xuan or with himself.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m coming,” Pei Ming says, looking at Shi Qingxuan one last time, “glad to know that you’ve become a woman of taste!”

And with these words, they finally leave. She does have a meeting to go to, but she thinks that she might spend some time just hugging the Blahajs for now.

Chapter Text

“I like the kid, Shi Wudu. I don’t see why you hate him so much. He’s kind of cute. Was very embarrassed when we talked about smut novels and everything. Endearing.”

“Can you not make it sound like you’re in love with him, please?” Shi Wudu grunts, looking at Google Maps again to make sure he turned into the right street just now.
(He did.)

He’s gotten very used to driving Pei Ming places when needed. Really, the guy should get his own car one day. Shi Wudu knows he has the money for that, and he did do his driver’s license together with him. Okay, in all fairness, they only have one parking lot. And in theory, he could use Shi Wudu’s car, but Shi Wudu isn’t so certain he wants to risk his car being… misused for Pei Ming sakes.

“I’m obviously not. But I’m just saying, I wouldn’t blame your sister for falling in love with him!”

“Pei, I swear to God. If you keep talking, I will let you walk the rest of the way there and you’ll be too late and this insane girl will probably kill you on the spot, and I’ll have Ling Wen give me an alibi.”

That does shut him up. Pei Ming sinks back into the passenger seat, checking his phone, a smirk on his face as he types something out.

Shi Wudu doesn’t want to know the contents of this message, so he looks back at the street, only one hand on the steering wheel. He’s a safe driver. And as long as he doesn’t get himself killed, accidents wouldn’t even be that bad. If the car gets wrecked, he can just get a new one.

And if his passenger died, then well, maybe that would benefit everyone.

However, Shi Wudu actually doesn’t like it much when he’s sitting next to Pei Ming and not talking. He can’t quite pin down why that is; he’d say he’s nervous, but there’s no reason to be nervous around his best friend, so that’s obviously not the reason. Maybe he’s just uncomfortable with awkward silences. But is this an awkward silence? He can’t tell. It might be. Or maybe he’s just annoyed when he’s sitting right there but Pei Ming is typing on his phone, texting someone; no, that’d be jealousy. Obviously not that.

Either way, he doesn’t like it. So, in an attempt to make conversation, he takes a deep breath, then asks: “What are these novels anyways? Should I take them away from Qingxuan if you read them?”

Google Maps tells him to turn left again, so he does after quickly looking everywhere he needs to.

“Nah, most of them are pretty tame still. Descriptive, sure. But I promise there’s worse out there, and they still are very much romance centered.”

“If you say there’s worse then I suppose I’m forced to believe you,” Shi Wudu snorts, “do you even own these books? I’m not sure I’ve ever seen them before.”

“Wait, you don’t mind your sister reading stuff with… you know what scenes in them?”

With a roll of his eyes, Shi Wudu sighs. Just sighs very deeply, just once.

“This is fiction. So no, I don’t care. If you, however, try flirting with her ever again, I’m going to kick you where it hurts the most, so don’t even try. Besides, if she ever gets a boyfriend, I’ll be the one to make sure he treats her correctly. Or a girlfriend, obviously.”

He adds that a bit later, only then remembering that Shi Qingxuan never really said anything about her sexuality, and Shi Wudu still doesn’t get the whole being LGBTQ+ thing, so it’s not always on his mind.
(Maybe he doesn’t get it because he’s straight. Which would make a lot of sense.)

“And if said boyfriend is He Xuan?”

Absolutely refusing to comment on that, he simply brakes so that he can stop the car before the traffic lights. This is obviously not going to happen. Why would his little sister find a scrawny fish guy like that acceptable for dating? Obviously she wouldn’t. He knows that her standards are higher than that. He knows that sooner or later, she’s going to ask him to find her a new room anyways. He should prepare for that.

Realizing that this won’t get him an answer, Pei Ming sinks down into the seat even more.

“Alright. But yeah, I do own the books. Every single one, actually. The author’s name is definitely a penname, by the way. They’re all under my bed. I don’t want to spoil the mood when my friends come over.”

“Your friends,” Shi Wudu spits, finding this choice of word rather interesting considering how he is forced to hear sounds from things that friends normally wouldn’t do every other night.

“Well. You know what I mean, don’t you?”

“Sadly, I do, yes. If you could quiet it down just a notch next time so my noise-cancelling headphones actually make it work, I’d appreciate that a lot, by the way.”

It’s not the first time he’s said this. And although Pei Ming responds with a casual ‘oh yeah, sure’, Shi Wudu is fully aware that this will not be the last time he’s said this, either.

“Well, either way,” he says, “hand me the book you like best. I want to see how bad they really are. Like, they can’t possibly be good if you like them. I’ve read the first volume of Fifty Shades back when I was younger for the laughs. I might as well read your… what was it? Paul de Sade?”

“Paulette,” Pei Ming says, and he kind of almost sounds a bit offended with Shi Wudu for getting it wrong.

It’s a bit funny seeing him so upset because of some books, really. He looks like he’s about to pout or something. Which would definitely be a new side to him. Shi Wudu can’t believe he’s never seen Pei Ming pout.

Maybe as a child or something, when his father didn’t bring the huge gummy bears from the gummy bear factory from his work trips there. Shi Wudu still very fondly remembers the time he, Pei Ming, and Shi Qingxuan put one of them into their bathtub and watched it grow to an immense water-gummy bear size.

“Right. Paulette. So yeah. Give me one later when you’re home, just for the laughs. Also, in theory, we should be there soon.”

That wakes Pei Ming up a little from his stupid offended look.

“Eurgh, I don’t want to go there at all. So yeah. All the books are below the bed. Really, just grab one. Just… please, for the love of God, ignore the fact they’re all signed.”

Of course they are. Of course Pei Ming would pay an author a stupidly high amount of money in order to have a signed copy. Shi Wudu never got why people do this; maybe because he doesn't have that much time to read. He reads maybe a book a month at this point, and most of them are still not for “fun” but rather books about business that he either has to read in class or that his parents make him.

…He Xuan was right that he will one day take over the company of their parents, that much is for sure, but he highly doubts that He Xuan would be better at business than him. After all, he doesn’t look like he’s ever had to handle a lot of money.

“…Sure,” he sighs, “of course they’re all signed, Pei.”

He drives around the next corner and sees a café – with a woman in front of it.
She’s small, wearing glasses, has a leather bag on her – what is she? A teacher? She also… looks like she’s at least thirty years old. For all that’s worth, Shi Wudu does know that Pei Ming’s type is more girls his age than older women. So this one is a surprise, actually. Maybe Pei Ming has made some kind of mistake, then offended her about her age, and agreed to make up for it by paying a meal for her or something. At least that theory would somehow make sense.

“Yeah,” Pei Ming whines, “that’d be her. Is there somewhere you can park for a second? I still need to text someone else. If you know what I mean.”

Shi Wudu parks right then and there. Because he knows what Pei Ming means. He’s probably matched with someone on tinder right now and doesn’t want to let them down. He’s not up to encourage Pei Ming’s behaviour.

“Oh, come on,” he hisses, “killjoy. You really want to throw me out to meet the beast, just like that? You’re evil.”

“I’m not, I’m trying to save your image,” he retorts, checking his own phone quickly (no text from Shi Qingxuan. Ouch. Maybe she’s actually mad at him. He’ll call her later), then looking at the woman in front of the café again. She looks like your regular office worker, really. Not particularly ugly, not particularly pretty. Pei Ming doesn’t seem to mind conventional beauty standards and stuff too much, to be fair. Shi Wudu has seen all kinds of girls in his flat by now.

(He doesn’t want to think about how he didn’t find any of them particularly attractive for some reason.)

Rolling his eyes at him, Pei Ming does laugh a bit. Two very contrasting things a person can do in a single second.

“Right. Thanks for driving me, though. I’ll bring takeout back home with me tonight! Don’t worry, I won’t be too late, you won’t have to starve or something.”

For a moment, Shi Wudu’s lips twist in a smile. At least he gets good food out of this.

“If you ever need Daddy Wudu’s driving skills again, let me know and I will comply in exchange for food, once more.”

Pei Ming had been about to get out of the car, already facing the door, but now he just turns back around.

“In all honour, my friend. Do not ever call yourself that ever again.”

With these words, he does force himself out of the car, putting his phone into his pocket, closing the door behind him, but at least waving at Shi Wudu before he turns towards the woman.

For a bit, Shi Wudu watches them, with a feeling that he’s not really sure what to make of. Pei Ming greets her with a handshake, and she looks clearly annoyed with him. She shakes her head in despair alongside with his hand while Pei Ming says something to her.

Shi Wudu takes a deep breath, decides to ignore whatever this all is about, and hits the gas pedal again. He still wants to call Shi Qingxuan and explain to her that all he wants is to make sure she stays safe.

And that he really doesn’t think she should fall in love with He Xuan, ever.

Chapter Text

“Do I look alright enough to go to the art meeting? Is this an okay outfit? Does it scream that I’m an art student?”

Shi Qingxuan looks at herself in the mirror that’s stuck on the inside of the wardrobe and pats her clothes down. She’s wearing her Gucci Bananya t-shirt that she got for her eighteenth earlier this year, matching dark red cotton pants, worn out black chucks that her brother keeps saying she should replace, and her dark grey jeans jacket above it all.
Surely this is enough of an art student vibe? Maybe she should have opted for pastel colours and dungarees, or brown tones.
No, surely she’s overthinking this. This is all just stereotypes. No one will actually care.

“You’re aware I can’t see you if you’re standing behind the wardrobe door?” He Xuan asks, and she realizes that he indeed has a point, so she laughs a bit and shuts the wardrobe.

To her surprise, he actually looks her up and down, as if trying to judge whether she looks like an art student.

“You’re missing a hat.”

“Oh! Good point! I have a black beanie somewhere, I’ll find that,” she says, and goes back to combing through her mass of clothes in the wardrobe that definitely outdo He Xuan’s. His are also mostly black. Shi Qingxuan does have some black clothes, but they’re mainly for when she’s painting, or when she has to wear some kind of formal attire.

After a few seconds, she does find the beanie, and puts it on to then turn back around to her roommate. He Xuan is sitting on the bed, with one of the Paulette de Sade books, staring at its cover and its back. He did say that he might try reading one just to see how awful they really are. He’s not blushing anymore, either.

“Is this better?” she asks, and then sees shock written across his face very suddenly.

“Wait. Why does your t-shirt say Gucci?”

“Uh… because it’s a Gucci t-shirt,” she answers, not really understanding why he’s so shocked about it-

Right. He’s not rich. That’s a thing.

“A Gucci t-shirt… with banana cats on it? How much was that?”

Okay, she has to admit that the Bananya-Gucci collab was indeed something else.

“I don’t actually know. I got it for my birthday. And don’t worry, I wouldn’t buy Gucci myself. I do stick to brand clothing, but not those kind of brands. I’m not my brother. Though, if you want a Gucci shirt, I can get you one.”

“Absolutely not, no thanks,” He Xuan practically spits, and looks her up and down again. Then, perhaps thinking that was weird, he diverts his gaze back to the book.

“So this outfit is okay apart from your complaint that this is Gucci?”

“I’m just saying this t-shirt would finance fish food for probably more than a year.”

He’s got a point.
Maybe Shi Qingxuan will just get him fish food for a year for his birthday.

“Okay, alright, so it’s okay. Thank you very much for your judgment! Are you sure you’re going to be okay if you’re alone for three hours? If you call your Mom or something, let her know that I liked her a lot and that I’m sorry for my brother, please.”

She stares at her chucks, checking whether they look the right amount of clean and the right amount of dirty to pass as art student chucks. She’s pretty sure they do.

“I’ll be fine so just leave and go to your meeting.”

Ah, He Xuan is still very direct and honest with her, huh? Then again, he’s right. She is already ten minutes late because of how she took ages doing her makeup. Since it’s just across campus it’s perfectly alright though.

“Right, right,” she laughs, “I will, I will! Have fun with whatever you do, please! And if you like the book, I have the rest here too!”

“I won’t.”

“Sure, sure,” she laughs, and picks up her bag with her HRT in it, just in case she stays out too long. She’s still quite exhausted from the day before, though, so she doubt she’ll end up going drinking with someone. And most certainly not going home with anyone. She doesn’t think she’s the person for that. Overall, this kind of thing is instantly complicated by her being trans.

“Alright, I’ll get going then!” she says, and receives no answer apart from a nod.

Shi Qingxuan tells herself it’s because he wants to read the book in peace. So she will grant him said peace, looks at him once more – his eyes are still on the book, hair open, and he’s changed into sweatpants now.
Alright. She really has to go.

*

After walking across campus, Shi Qingxuan already sees the crowd that must definitely be art students. Most of them are wearing either pastel or brown, the guys mostly in jeans, except for the guy at the back, who’s obviously more of a punk except for his long, black hair that’s lying smoothly on his back and not styled from what she can see. He clearly stands out from all the muted colours in his red and black pants and black leather jacket.

Okay. She’s going to meet her future classmates now. And this is all going to go well, because art students are generally a tolerant bunch, and Shi Qingxuan would be truly disturbed if one or more of them were transphobic for some reason.

Most of them are just talking, from what she can tell. There are some that look a bit older, who are probably third years, or already doing their Masters. They’re probably here to answer questions.

Generally, it’s more girls than guys. Some of them do look very gender, so she instantly feels like she belongs.

Taking a deep breath, she steps towards the crowd and hopes that even if she’s a bit too late, she can still find someone to talk to.

The first to turn around is the leather jacket guy.

Some others look at her, but quickly go back to their conversations. Understandable. Well, they’ll have class and everything where they can also still get to know each other, she supposes. Shi Qingxuan is pretty good at making friends, so she’s not too concerned. And she does have He Xuan, and her brother. She’s not going to be lonely.

“Oh, I’m not the only one who’s too late,” the guy says, nodding at her. He has a weird smile on his face that Shi Qingxuan can’t quite place. It seems a bit fake. Like he’d rather be somewhere else right now.

“Yeah, haha, my makeup took too long. What’s your reason?” she asks, trying to somehow make conversation with the man. In general, he’s very, very good-looking. There’s also a rainbow-necklace dangling from his neck. So, a flaming homosexual. Good. She’s truly found her people.

“My roommate managed to set the microwave on fire, so I had to take care of that. Wasn’t much of a bother though.”

Shi Qingxuan can’t help but chuckle a little at that.

“May I ask how this happened?”

“He tried to heat up a raw egg but for ten minutes.”

Not even Shi Qingxuan would manage to do something like that. She has to hand it to this guy's roommate that this is next level of stupid.

“Well. I suppose not everyone is always blessed with cooking abilities,” she says, because she’s not going to directly insult this man’s roommate. “May I ask for your name? Since, well… everyone else already is talking. And I could jump into one of their conversations, but you seem quite alright.”

God, he really is good-looking. Obviously he’s gay, considering the gay flag on his chest, so it’s not like she has any chances, but it doesn’t matter much. He’s aesthetically good-looking. She kind of wants to draw him.

“The name is Hua Cheng.”

She reaches out her hand towards Hua Cheng to shake it. He grabs it. Clearly he’s not He Xuan-

Then the realization sets in.

“Wait a second. Hua Cheng? Do you by any chance know a He Xuan?”

Amusement glints in his eyes.

“An insufferably emo fish guy? I sure do. Don’t tell me you’re his roommate?”

Oh God. He’s actually the Hua Cheng. He Xuan’s best friend.

“I am, yeah! He never told me you were an art student too! He should have! I’m going to scold him when I come back home, god,” she complains, checking her phone very quickly. Sort of expecting a message from He Xuan, maybe about Hua Cheng. Nothing. Just five missed calls from her brother that she’s going to ignore.

“I’m surprised he’s talking to you at all to be honest. He hates talking to new people. Means he really likes you.”

Aww. There it is. Confirmation that He Xuan does indeed like her. She knew it. She could tell, even if he tried to hide it.

“He’s a bit quiet, but he’s alright, really! My brother hates him though.”

“So he said.”

“But my brother hates everyone, so this isn’t that much of a surprise, really. Did he say anything else about me?”

“Nah,” Hua Cheng says, shrugging, “not even your name. He just left me on read at one point last night and never answered me again.”

“Rude,” she says, although that does seem like a very He Xuan thing to do, “but my name is Shi Qingxuan.”

Hua Cheng chokes at that.
It’s very clearly at her name, there’s no doubt.

“Do you know me from my Instagram or something like that?” she asks, looking at him again, very certain that she’s never seen that man in her entire life.

…Or has she?

Something in her mind makes her recall someone, very, very faintly. She knows this shape of face, or well, the way the eyes, nose, and mouth are placed; the shape is much sharper. There’s a strand of hair sticking out to the side.

Just like-

“Wait,” she stutters, stumbling over her words, looking at him once more. Taking him in. Especially the shape of his nose.

“Wait,” she repeats, “do I know you?”

Hua Cheng, however, coughs, just once. Panic still in his eyes.

“No, why would you? I’ve never met you before, no.”

“You’re… a bad liar,” she laughs, brain still not quite connecting the dots, “where do I know you from? I swear I know you, but it’s either been long, or we’ve met only once… god… I can’t remember, help me out, please?”

Hua Cheng stares her down. He’s taller than her, which isn’t helping his slightly menacing vibe right now.
She knows him. She’s so convinced she’s seen this face before, and this strand of hair, never going back no matter how much she combs through it-

“Hong,” she breathes out, “oh my God. Is that you?”

Hua Cheng freezes right then and there and Shi Qingxuan just knows that she’s right. She’s right. This is him. The scrawny little guy who was adopted at one point and moved away, but was both her and Xie Lian’s best friend. Shi Qingxuan vividly remembers taking care of him a lot, sneaking him into the house while her parents and brother weren’t looking. She remembers brushing his hair and washing it since his parents weren’t the best. She remembers asking her parents for more pocket money specifically to buy food for him, as did Xie Lian.

“Oh my God you’re him, aren’t you?” she asks again, reaching out her hand to touch his shoulder.
“You’ve grown up so much, oh my God? You’re like, huge? You used to be so much smaller? How old are you now, like, sixteen? No, seventeen, right? Oh my God, you’ve grown up so much! And you grew up to be an art student! This is amazing! I never thought I’d ever see you again! No, no, tell me, how have you been? Are your new parents nice? Actually, can we leave here and just talk? I can’t believe you’re… truly him. You are, right? And don’t lie to me now.”

The most adorable thing happens – he blushes. She does remember that Hong used to blush a lot as a child. So him blushing now truly is the last confirmation she’s needed.

“…We could go somewhere else.”

“There’s a café down campus, it’s my treat too! We could invite He Xuan if you want?”

“I do not want this guy to learn of anything related to me as a child apart from the few things I’ve told him.”

That makes her laugh. Oh dear. She can barely believe that He Xuan would judge for anything. He doesn’t seem to have a huge sense of humour, so making fun of Hua Cheng seems kind of impossible. Then again, she’s only known him for roughly twenty-four hours.

“Alright, alright! Just the two of us then! I’ll just let him know that I might be home later. Or you come with me, I mean, you should visit his new home also. Since you’re his best friend.”

“I’m not.”

“Aww, don’t be like that!” she chimes, almost wanting to squish his cheeks (although there’s much less squish than there used to be). “I’m glad you’ve found friends! Okay, okay, let’s leave. If we seem strange, then so be it. I couldn’t care less. Very glad we are both very fruity, also,” she adds, pointing at the rainbow necklace dangling down his chest.

He’s still blushing a little. Is he embarrassed?

Shi Qingxuan honestly feels over the moon. She’s always seen little Hong as something like a little brother. Taking care of him and all, too. He’s probably the reason she didn’t grow up to be as insufferable as her big brother.

“…That explains He Xuan complaining about your brother,” he does say, completely diverting the topic, but almost as if he can read her thoughts.

It makes her laugh.

“Haha, yeah, he’s still just as bad! Not homophobic or transphobic anymore, though! Okay, okay, let’s get going. I’ll pay. Order anything you want. Still got the money for that. We’ll sit next to each other in classes, right? What art do you do? Digital? Traditional? If so, what kind? I remember you being very into drawing Xie Lian back in the day. Do you still have contact with him? I remember you two being super close!”

Once more, Hua Cheng freezes, even though he had already stepped away from the crowd.

For a few moments, he stares into the distance, before suddenly turning to Shi Qingxuan, who has walked ahead of him by then, almost mechanically. Stares her right in the eyes. With the hugest panic in them.

Very concerned, Shi Qingxuan also stops right then and there. Some people are looking at them again, she notices, but soon return to their conversations, clearly thinking they’re weird.

Whatever.
She couldn’t care less.
Not when she’s found little Hong again. At university. In her class.

“Roommate,” he suddenly chokes out, “Xie Lian is my roommate and I don’t know what to do because I want to marry him on the spot.”

Chapter Text

It takes a few seconds for his own words to replay in Hua Cheng’s head, and only then does he realize what he has just said out loud.

He knows that he’s the type to say things when he’s highly emotional that he might regret later. But this? Of all things, this?

Maybe Shi Qingxuan will take it positively. But back then, they weren’t one to keep secrets, that much was for sure. He remembers Shi Qingxuan’s parents finding out every single time that he was in their house. So this is bad to begin with. But playing this off? Or lying about his feelings for Xie Lian? These words would never, never leave his mouth.

Absolutely terrified of her reaction, he stares at her. He’s just glad that he didn’t say it loud enough for any of the other students to hear; or at least no one is really reacting to him having said this. Which is good. Great, even. He’d die if that was the case and one of them somehow knew Xie Lian.
…Shi Qingxuan does.
That’s bad enough.

“That’s a lot to take in and I’m not sure whether to comment first on how I’m going to invite myself to your home and call He Xuan to come there to meet my childhood best friend, or the fact that you’re in love with Xie Lian and now have a roommate romance trope with him.”

Shi Qingxuan blinks a few times, staring more at him as Hua Cheng wants so direly to sink into the ground. He’s not one to easily get attached to people. But her and Xie Lian, the two people who helped him the most in his life?

He’d see Xie Lian as a big brother if it wasn’t for him being horribly in love with him; but Shi Qingxuan? No matter how emotionally stupid she may be at times, how academically stupid she was at times… she’s a lovely person. And she’s cared for both him and Xie Lian. He has to thank her for surviving, too, partly. So maybe she does feel like a big sister to him.
(And maybe he does still love her a lot. Even if they haven’t seen each other in years.)

“Okay, so give me a second. You only met Xie Lian now? Or did you reach out to him before? I never found his social media accounts no matter how hard I tried.”

“…Only met him now. He got assigned as my roommate,” Hua Cheng says, quietly, still not believing this is actually what happened.

“And… you’re in love with him?”

He can’t go back on his word. If Xie Lian asked him, even then, he wouldn’t go back on his word. So, he nods, although only a little bit.

“Oh my God this is just like in my favourite novel,” she squeals, and takes him by the hand after having stepped towards him again. “Oh my God, that is perfect! He did recognize you, too, right?”

Oh.
Right. Shi Qingxuan recognized him, as if by a miracle, because Hua Cheng is very sure that he doesn’t look similar at all to what he looked like back when he was what? Six? Seven?

“…Uh. No, he didn’t, but that’s okay. He doesn’t need to know.”

“Oh, I get it, I get it!” she says, jumping up and down a little, “I remember you always being insecure and all! You don’t have to be, really, but I support you! If you want him to get to know you again now that we’re all grown up, that’s super valid! I won’t spill a word! It’s all safe with me, Hong! Don’t worry!”

Hearing that childhood name for the first time in forever feels weird. More than just that. But… it feels kind of nice also. Very reminiscent of the past.
And the fact that for once, she did the math completely correctly in her mind? He has to applaud her for that. Small Shi Qingxuan was not nearly as intelligent as present Shi Qingxuan.

“So, you’re best friends with He Xuan? How did you two meet? High school? Did you decide to go to this university together so you’re not alone?”

Hua Cheng opens his mouth to answer that they do indeed know each other from high school, but that they both independently just so happened to choose the same university, but Shi Qingxuan never lets him answer.

“You know what, scrap that. Tell me more about Xie Lian. How long have you been in love with him? Ever since we were kids?”

Another mechanic nod.

“Oh my God that is perfect. This is the stuff fanfiction is made of.”

She’s still holding his hand. Grinning so broadly in her beanie and Gucci Bananya shirt. Really. She hasn’t changed a single bit. She was already obsessed with romance back then.

“Oh wow, that’s my roommate over there! I can finally introduce you to him! He’s very nice, you’ll like him!”

Hua Cheng recognizes that voice. Forces his hand out of Shi Qingxuan’s immediately, hiding them behind his back almost like he’s done something wrong. He can’t help it.

Accompanying Xie Lian is a man who you just instantly know is his big brother. He looks almost the same; the same nose and eyes, same shape of his eyelashes. Just his hair is a bit darker than Xie Lian’s, but certainly not by much. He looks older, and he’s even taller than Hua Cheng. Which means a lot.
Xie Lian looks a bit like a dwarf next to him, and kind of round, and Hua Cheng loves every single second of it because really, he just wants to squish Xie Lian like a plushie and never let go of him-

“Is that him?” Shi Qingxuan answers, the biggest grin appearing on her face, “don’t worry by the way, I won’t say anything but- oh my God of course that’s Xie Lian, I recognize his brother.”

Before Hua Cheng himself can do anything about staring at how adorable Xie Lian looks like that, so tiny and cute and-
Before he can do anything, Shi Qingxuan is already lunging towards them.

“Hua Cheng here, who turned out to be-“

Hua Cheng’s heart stops for a second.

“-my roommate’s best friend told me that his roommate is called Xie Lian, and I’m over the moon that we’re at the same university because oh my God I missed you so much Lianlian it’s been how many years? I see you’ve started testosterone in that time? I’m so happy for you!”

Xie Lian stares at her incredibly confused, as if he doesn’t know who she is.
Hua Cheng exhales.
Okay. So he doesn’t remember her either. Then he doesn’t have to be jealous of her.

“Aww, you don’t remember me, do you? Your bestie? Come on Lianlian, Ask your braincells a little! Remember me! I know I grew boobs and all, but I’m not beyond recognition yet! I guess it’s been a lot of years ever since we left elementary school and lost contact and all… But still! It’s me! Remember me!”

She takes Xie Lian by the shoulders and shakes him a little, very, very enthusiastically. Hua Cheng steps towards them, reaching out a hand to make her stop, but that’s when Xie Lian’s eyes suddenly light up.

“Wait, wait, Shi Qingxuan is that you?”

After a bit of help, he seemingly recognizes her, and Hua Cheng thinks that maybe he should just talk to Xie Lian but-
No. He’s not going to risk Xie Lian seeing him as some kind of little brother.

“Yes, it’s me! I can hug you, right? My roommate really hates hugs and so does my brother and my mom isn’t around so man I’m deprived of hugs! Can I? Can I? Please?”

And when he nods and Shi Qingxuan immediately hugs him, now that does get him jealous. He knows he could probably reasonably hug Xie Lian if he revealed who he is. But again, that’s not going to happen.

While Shi Qingxuan is cuddling Xie Lian half to death, his brother suddenly approaches him, and Hua Cheng looks him up and down. He hasn’t changed much. Obviously he’s grown up, and he’s an adult, but that weird… arrogancy is still there. Like he thinks that he’s someone better. Not as bad as Shi Wudu, perhaps, but it’s still there. He remembers him and Shi Wudu having been friends back in the day, too, but since he’s older than the Shi sibling, they probably didn’t even realize that they’re at the same university.

“My name is Jun Wu. You’re this San Lang person then?” he asks, and there’s a smile on his face unlike anything Hua Cheng has seen on his face so far. It seems… almost sincere.

“Yeah, that’s me,” he brings himself to answer with another side glance at Shi Qingxuan loudly asking Xie Lian whether he’s got a boyfriend, to which he shakes his head, at which Shi Qingxuan again looks at Hua Cheng very meaningfully.

“Please take care of my little brother a bit. He can be a bit… unlucky at times.”

Hua Cheng is immediately reminded of the awful stench of burnt microwave egg and burnt microwave from not even an hour ago.

“Yes, I will,” he says, once more looking at Shi Qingxuan, who is now grabbing Xie Lian by his shoulders and scanning him up and down, mumbling a quite ‘we should get you a boyfriend now that you’re at university’.

Hua Cheng needs to tell her later that she has to make this all a little less obvious.

Hua Cheng lets go of Jun Wu’s hand only now. Something about this man feels weird. Off.
He can’t quite place it.

“Shi Qingxuan, really, no need to get me a boyfriend, I don’t care too much about this stuff, but it’s nice to see you again too-“

“Alright, alright, Hua Cheng, hey, hey, Hua Cheng?” she basically shouts, several of the art students turning around to her again. He remembers that Shi Qingxuan always used to have a lot of friends; maybe nowadays she doesn’t care about these things anymore. Maybe she has outgrown the stage of being scared of appearing weird to other people – Hua Cheng is still in that. And he’s painfully self-aware of it. Otherwise he would be telling Xie Lian who he really is.

“Yeah?” he asks, and Xie Lian smiles at him almost apologetically-

He’s smiled at him.
Hua Cheng’s heart is going to burst into a thousand pieces until he’s on the floor in said thousand pieces probably just trying to get another smile out of Xie Lian.

“Maybe we can all go to a café? It’s my treat, too? And I could invite He Xuan? Don’t worry, but like, I want my roommate to meet my best friend? And since you guys are best friends too, this is so perfect! And I really like you, also! And I bet Xie Lian is going to like He Xuan too! And obviously Jun Wu can come with us too, I wouldn’t mind!”

Hua Cheng isn’t sure he wants that menacingly tall dude with them, but also who is he to say no to some free cake?

“I have to take care of more of the rooming issues that appeared,” Jun Wu sighs, “I seem to have messed up a little this semester. Sorry for all the difficulties that are seemingly my fault.”

The apology sounds everything but sincere to Hua Cheng, but how could he blame him – he’s Xie Lian’s roommate. So everything is fine.

“…Invite He Xuan,” Hua Cheng sighs, “though I doubt he’ll come. He’s really not the person for social gatherings, especially not with more than one person. Don’t be hurt by it. Don’t tell him I said this, but he’s an okay guy. I just… doubt he will come.”

Chapter Text

“Look, Lianlian, you really ended up with a great roommate there. See, he’s my roommate’s bestie. And my roommate is really nice. He’s a bit quiet and stuff, and listen, his mother is the nicest woman I’ve ever met. But anyways, if He Xuan likes Hua Cheng, then that means a lot. That means Hua Cheng is very likeable, because He Xuan doesn’t really seem to have other friends apart from us two. I mean, calling myself his friend after twenty-four hours might be a bit over the top, but I consider him one, so he’s my friend.”

Shi Qingxuan realizes that she’s been talking for half an infinity, so she stops talking, but Xie Lian seems to still be used to that side of hers. How can she help it? This is her best friend, and Hua Cheng is her other best friend, who she’s not allowed to refer to as such, so of course she’s going to be happy and over the top.

Instead, she sheepishly takes a sip from her glass of tea. She’s already eaten a piece of strawberry shortcake, which was very tasty. Xie Lian had chosen the same, while Hua Cheng is just having a black coffee with some biscuits. Jun Wu couldn’t come with them in the end, but Shi Qingxuan doesn’t mind that too much. This way, it’s just the three of them.
Just like in old days.

“Oh, yes, San Lang seems to be quite a great roommate! He isn’t even mad at me that I set the microwave on fire! I’d figured he’d be really angry with me, so I was scared to tell him-“

“There was no telling me,” Hua Cheng says, and Shi Qingxuan sees that tiny smile on his lips that was so rare back in the day, “the fire alarm went off, remember?”

A bit awkwardly, Xie Lian scratches his head and laughs.

“Right, right. Would’ve been weird to hide- why is there someone standing in front of the door staring at us?”

Shi Qingxuan, already knowing very well why that is, turns around to make sure she’s correct. And yep, she is. He Xuan is standing in the door, his hair actually still open. He looks so good like that. A bit like he’s part of a band or something. It does hide his earrings and tattoo, though. Which is a bit sad. But she quite likes him like that also. God. He has no right to look so stunning.

...No weird thoughts about her roommate.

“That’s He Xuan! I’m gonna go pick him up, he’s probably just too scared to come in, like I said, he’s really shy!”

That earns her a laugh from Hua Cheng, at which Shi Qingxuan shows him her tongue.
She does get up and walks towards the door, and opens it for him.

“Come in! It’s okay Xuan, Xie Lian is very nice, you’ll like him, I swear! You can stick to me or Hua Cheng or something. You don’t have to stay long either if you don’t want to.”

“I’ll stay as long as I can,” he mumbles, “I can’t endure my mom crying on the phone about how much she misses me any longer.”

That makes her laugh. She wants to grab his arm to bring him in, and is already reaching out her hand. With his stare, however, she does remember that he doesn’t like physical contact much, so she draws it back again.

“Sorry, sorry, forgot. Come in then. Anyways, don’t be so hard on your mom! Mine hasn’t called me yet, but once she does, hoo boy. That’s gonna be fun.”

He Xuan does step inside, quickly wiping his shoes on the small “welcome” rug with hearts on it.

“It’s probably a lot of different people for you today, but again, if you want to go-“

“I’m here now,” he grunts, walking towards the table, and sitting down next to Shi Qingxuan on the bench, opposite of Xie Lian and Hua Cheng.

“I’m Xie Lian! Shi Qingxuan’s childhood friend!”

He Xuan stares at him like he’s just transformed into a watermelon in front of him or something.

“Xie Lian is your name? You’re Shi Qingxuan’s childhood friend?”

Xie Lian nods, a bit confused, and He Xuan looks at Hua Cheng.

That’s when the realization seemingly hits him – Shi Qingxuan sees it in his eyes. He must have known about Xie Lian’s name and everything from Hua Cheng. Then he looks back at Shi Qingxuan, and scans her just like the day before.

“Uh-huh,” he comments, raising a single eyebrow at Hua Cheng, whose fingers cling to the cup of black coffee a bit harder.

Did Hua Cheng tell him about her, also? Maybe he did, even if just briefly. She needs to ask later. If anything, she doubts Hua Cheng told him the details of his past and all that, so she’ll keep quiet too.

“Introduce yourself back,” she says instead, grinning a bit.

“Right. I’m He Xuan. It’s nice to meet you. Just don’t tell me you’re in business, these people seem unpleasant.”

Ouch. Another dig at her brother.

“Oh, no, no, I study philosophy! Shi Qingxuan told me you do Marine Biology? That’s amazing! I promise you that Shi Qingxuan is a very nice person also.”

Shi Qingxuan punches He Xuan’s ribs with her elbow and laughs out a “see! Everyone likes me, and so will you!”, but the only answer she receives is a glare at her elbow, and a hiss. Almost like a cat’s.

“Oh! Sorry!” she whispers instantly, realizing that she did touch him without asking first. She really didn’t mean to, and instantly feels bad for it.

However, He Xuan just quietly shakes his head, and leaves it be.

“She’s an annoying person for sure. And she snores.”

“I don’t snore!”

“You absolutely do.”

“Can I kick you under the table?”

“Absolutely not.”

“Come on, it’s just shoe against shoe.”

“Okay, fine, but I don’t appreciate it.”

Shi Qingxuan kicks him as hard as the little leg space allows her to. He does kick her back though, so now her leg hurts also, because he aimed more for her leg than her shoe.

“Ouch! Why are you like this?” she squeaks and stares at He Xuan, who just shrugs, looking at her empty plate of cake.

“…I want cake too.”

“Of course you want cake! But can we talk about how you just kicked my leg and it hurts?”

“I kind of don’t want to talk about that, so no.”

She can see something sort of like a smile on his lips for just a millisecond. The bastard is enjoying her pain.

Only now does she realize Hua Cheng and Xie Lian are still with them, so she turns around to them again, but only after kicking He Xuan again. In his leg. If he can do it, then so can she.

“Anyways. He Xuan is very nice, I promise. Even if he’s… very mean sometimes. Hua Cheng, say, is he always like that?”

“Certainly,” Hua Cheng answers, getting a short, concerned glance from Xie Lian, “you’ll get used to it. He’s the epitome of ‘if a boy is mean to you, that means he likes you’. So don’t take it to heart. Do you have separate rooms, by the way? Me and…”

Hua Cheng stumbles over his words and it makes Shi Qingxuan grin. Of course he does. Because Xie Lian is right next to him, smiling, very happy to have met the rest of them again.

“Me and Xie Lian are proper roommates. So, are you in the same room also? If so, good luck with that.”

He Xuan doesn’t answer, but only kicks her below the table, although discreetly this time.

So, feeling her ears get a little hot because she’s bad at lying, or even just omitting facts, Shi Qingxuan raises her voice again.

“Yeah, we live in the same room!”

And the same bed, she adds mentally, she’s already slept in one bed with this guy she barely knows. God. A short glance at He Xuan tells her that his composure is intact. No blush on his face whatsoever anymore.
This… is awkward. Sooner or later she’ll have to tell them, especially considering that one or both of them is coming over at one point, probably. Well. That’s an issue she’ll deal with later.

“I’m really sorry we lost contact, by the way,” Xie Lian mumbles sheepishly at one point.

“Oh, no, don’t worry about it, really!” Shi Qingxuan immediately reassures him, reaching over the table to pat his hand a little, which earns her a very jealous glare from Hua Cheng, “seriously, it’s fine! We both didn’t put enough effort in, and then we lost contact, and I couldn’t find you on any social media, so hey! But it’s alright. I missed you anyways, and I’m in no way mad! And still consider you my best friend, by the way.”

Finally, he smiles again. Xie Lian is very pretty when she smiles, she decides.

“Alright. I’m very glad.”

And, to her utter shock, the next one who speaks is He Xuan. With a short look at Hua Cheng, and something akin to a grin, although it’s just his lips twitching for a second.

“So, you and my roommate were friends… in what? Elementary school? You don’t seem to have so much in common, actually. How did you make friends?”

Is he asking for Hua Cheng’s backstory that he wouldn’t ever get without his permission? Sneaky, that much is for sure. She supposes that he is very intelligent. Even if he didn’t know that you shake people’s hands when meeting them.

“Oh, Shi Qingxuan and me always just got along well, even if we’re into sort of different things! As a kid I did like to draw though, so we often drew together!” Xie Lian answers, completely unaware of He Xuan’s hidden intentions.

(It should be the other way around, really. Shi Qingxuan remembers that Xie Lian was always the one warning her of people and things back when they were small.)

“And we often just went on walks and stuff too! It’s a bit sad though, ‘cause there used to be three of us, but the other kid moved away. He was a bit younger than us, though. Shi Qingxuan, you remember him, right?”

“You mean Hong?” she asks, playing as innocent as she possibly can, which is a bit hard considering Hua Cheng’s intense stare at her, “of course I do! He was a cute little thing. I miss him a lot too.”

“Hong, huh?” He Xuan whispers, and that sort of smirk is back on his face.

Shi Qingxuan kicks him below the table.

“Combing his hair was so hard,” Xie Lian laughs, the only one who’s entirely, if not blissfully unaware of what’s going on right now, “and he’d cry so fast! Remember when he was obsessed with tomatoes for a while, and then we ran out of tomatoes at both our homes, and he just burst out into tears? And some time later, he was dead scared of them somehow?”

Okay, okay, this is too funny for her not to partake in. Hua Cheng’s red ears are the only indicator that he’s not enjoying this much as the only one.

“Oh yeah, he was so cute!” she giggles, “remember the time I put him into a dress? He looked adorable in it! I wonder whether he likes tomatoes again now! And oh my God, remember the time he was properly sobbing because he was so scared of the Teletubbies?”

Another foot hits her now, from another angle, meaning that this is most definitely Hua Cheng’s, but the grin won’t leave her face.

He Xuan next to her makes some kind of ‘tch’ noise, some kind of snorting sound that she supposes might be him trying to suppress a laugh or something at learning all those things about his best friend.

“Ah, I’m sorry, San Lang! These old stories are probably boring to you! Just know that little Hong was the most adorable thing! I really wonder where he is now…”

Another glance at Hua Cheng tells her that he’s nearly about to explode.

God, she hasn’t had that much fun in ages. Even though she thought she didn’t, she clearly missed them a lot. And even He Xuan feels like someone who was just sort of missing from her life. Even if that’s a sappy thing to think. With a sigh, she leans back a little. This is going to be the best time of her life.

Chapter Text

“This is the worst time of my life.”

Her head buried in her hands, Shi Qingxuan stares at the pdf that’s opened up on her laptop.
Then at the page count.

With a sigh, she lowers her laptop pen onto the desk.

“Xuaaaaaaaaaaaan,” she whines, lowering her own head onto the desk right next to the pen, but turning it to the side so that she can look at her roommate.

“Still haven’t said that it’s okay to just use my given name.”

“C’mon, don’t be like that!” she laughs, picking her head back up. He’s not even looking at her, eyes fixated completely on the ‘Introduction to Marine Biology’ of which she just knows he’s read way more than what was probably homework. At least she doubts they have to read half of a one-thousand pages book in a week.

“Seriously, though! Let me call you by your given name! I’ve slept in a bed with you for an entire week now! I’ve woken up to your stupidly cold feet on my legs every single morning! Like, seriously, Xuan! Don’t stick them out!”

“You roll over towards me, it’s not my fault. Don’t shove Blahaj away.”

“He loves me!”

He Xuan looks at the big Blahaj, who is sitting next to him, the eternal expression of existential despair on his plushy face, but the shark doesn’t answer.

“Alright. Then use my given name, I guess,” he sighs, “can I go back to reading my book?”

Shi Qingxuan takes one glance at her text that’s a hundred pages long, except it’s two pages per page because it’s all scanned from a book, and shakes her head.

“Obviously not. I need distraction. I don’t want to be reading this text. I don’t see how it’s relevant! I study art. Not art history. Even Hong’s complaining, and he said he loves art history, but this one just goes too far! And he even refuses to give me a summary! I bet he would if Xie Lian asked for it.”

She hears the snort that’s obviously He Xuan’s version of a laugh. She wonders if he ever truly laughs. But this is good enough. At least she knows that he thinks she’s funny, and that’s worth quite a lot.

“I really don’t think anyone can compare themselves to Hua Cheng’s slightly weird obsession with Xie Lian.”

She can only manage to grumble a little at that. He’s right. And Hua Cheng may be a bit obsessed, but it’s also just kind of cute. Every thirty minutes or so, either Shi Qingxuan’s or He Xuan’s phone blows up with notification of ‘Xie Lian complimented the way I cut him an apple’ or ‘how is he so cute when he’s literally just telling his brother about his day’, and hell she is living for it.
The pure fact that her little Hong and Xie Lian are both at her university is more than just a blessing, and it should make this into the best time of her life – if only there wasn’t a two-hundred pages text on European realism sitting on her laptop, waiting to be read.

“You’re reading so much, Xuan. Can’t you read my text instead and then tell me what’s in it?” she asks jokingly, turning the laptop towards him a little.

“What’s it about? How long is it?”

“Two-hundred pages about European realism,” she sighs, “for one week. Two-hundred pages for a single week, and I’ve only been at university for a few days. It’s unfair. It’s all so unfair-“

“Sure.”

She stares at He Xuan, who’s already closing his book, putting his shark-shaped (of course) bookmark into the page he was reading, and getting up to walk towards her.

“Wait, wait, I was joking! I couldn’t accept that, you have your own work to do! I was joking, Xuan!”

He stops right where he was at that moment, just standing and staring back at her.

For a few seconds, it’s awfully quiet, and Shi Qingxuan realizes that this guy barely understands irony or sarcasm, and that she keeps forgetting that. Which is a bit funny, because he mostly prefers to have things phrased clearly, but he’s about the most sarcastic guy she knows.
Apart from her brother, but Shi Wudu would win any medal in a sarcasm competition. He’d be rank first, second, and third, all at the same time.

“Ah,” he says, “to be fair, I can just give you a quick rundown on the topic anyways, I held a presentation on it once.”

She blinks a bit more.

“Why are you being so nice to me today? Yesterday you kept saying how you hope I will suffer because of having to draw traditionally.”

It wasn’t just yesterday. The entire week, He Xuan was particularly mean to her. It’s not like she takes it to heart, really. She just finds it kind of funny. But now this is a change of things. And for literally no particular reason.

“Do you really want to know?”

“Of course I do! You like me, right? You like me, He Xuan! I can give you buddy hugs and stuff now, right? Or some kinda bro-fist thing, if you’re more into that-“

“Shut up,” he scoffs, that blank expression back in his face, “I just want you to get better grades than Hua Cheng to prove that his arrogance is unrightful.”

The first thing she thinks is that it’s funny how everyone perceives Hua Cheng as someone super arrogant. Because he really isn’t. If anything, he’s more insecure than her job opportunities with a degree in art. The second thing she thinks is that this is probably just He Xuan’s way of saying that he wants her to do well, which is much appreciated.

“Okay, if you can just give me a quick rundown, that’ll hopefully awaken my interest, or at the very least make me understand what I’m reading, because that’s also simply not happening.”

So, He Xuan sits back on the bed, throws one of the two small Blahajs at her face, and starts talking.

*

When Xie Lian comes out of the shower in the biggest, fluffiest pullover Hua Cheng has ever seen and a pair of boxershorts, he dies more than just a thousand deaths. The fact that it’s not socially acceptable to hug someone and tear them down into bed to lie on them like some kind of dead corpse for several hours after allegedly only knowing them for a week is absolute bullshit, Hua Cheng thinks. Really, if someone looks as perfect and fluffy as Xie Lian, then surely this should be socially acceptable?

Maybe he can work his way up in the hierarchy of people that Xie Lian would cuddle with.
They did, back in the day.

“I’m not quite used to the shower here yet,” he laughs awkwardly, a towel still wrapped around his head. However, he does pick that up and dries his hair a little.
…It’d also not be socially acceptable to offer helping him with that, right?

“Why? Is it too hot or too cold?”

“Nah,” he laughs, “it’s just… small. You know, I grew up in that super big house and everything. Shi Qingxuan also. We’re both kind of rich kids. So every time I turn around, I hit myself somewhere, and I’m going to end up bruised in every single place on my body at the end of the semester, I bet! Sorry you have to live with someone who’s such a clutz.”

Now that makes Hua Cheng stand up from where he was sitting on the desk, despairing a bit at the fact that he still has twenty-four pages of this stupid text about European realism left to read today, and it’s literally already ten in the evening. He walks over towards Xie Lian, not quite sure what to do now, so he just awkwardly puts his hand onto his shoulder.

“You’re not a clutz, gege! Not at all! You’re just not used to it, and that’s perfectly fine!”

For a few seconds, poor Xie Lian looks a bit confused, then does something that will haunt Hua Cheng in every single one of his dreams from now on, and that both Shi Qingxuan and He Xuan are never going to be hearing the end of ever.
He raises his hand towards Hua Cheng’s, and pats it a little.

“Ah, sorry for the negative self-talk! I’ll stop if you don’t like it! You’re right, I’m probably just not used. I suppose you live somewhere with a smaller shower?”

His hand. His hand is on his. And he’s patting it. He does pull it back again soon after, but the fact that he’s touched him…

He’s not going to wash his hand (of course he will, but-).

“Ah, yeah,” he says, once more surprised at how stable his voice actually is despite Xie Lian being around, “my parents are quite wealthy, but I have my own bathroom at home, so it’s a bit on the smaller side.”

He’s not going to let Xie Lian know that he, also, has showered in the same shower Xie Lian has showered in for his entire childhood before.

“Aww, an own bathroom is still quite nice! You don’t mind sharing now, right? Oh, oh, right, we should make some kind of cleaning plan, shouldn’t we?”

“I’m going to do all the cleaning.”

“San Lang, I appreciate how you want to accommodate me or something, but I will not allow that!” Xie Lian says, very fiercely, putting his hand onto Hua Cheng’s again and taking it off his shoulder to give it a reassuring squeeze, “I will do my weekly cleaning and if it costs me my life!”

Well, Hua Cheng isn’t going to be able to be able to keep himself from smiling at this, so he’s not even going to try stopping himself.

“No need to lose your life to cleaning the sink, Gege. Before that happens, I’d definitely do it.”

That also makes Xie Lian smile.

Shi Qingxuan and He Xuan are so not going to hear the end of this. That much is for sure.

*

“Have you figured out what to write your thesis about yet? What the hell do you even write about in business?”

Honestly, that’s exactly Shi Wudu’s problem. He’s been combing the internet the entire week. It’s his last year as an undergraduate, so he has to somehow write his thesis, dissertation, or whatever the hell the difference may be. The thing is, even if he dropped out right now, he’d just be employed at his parents’ company, but it’s obviously better if he stays at university to learn enough to actually run said company.

“I don’t know,” he answers truthfully as he finishes up the calculation he was working on. That was the last.

With a quiet sigh, he sinks back into his chair. Pei Ming ordered him into his room at one point, and Shi Wudu just took all his stuff with him. Which was a good decision – because if Pei Ming goes on a rant about girls, university, or anything ever, it takes half an infinity.

His rant ended up being on whatever he could write a thesis about, which was a very, very wide variety of topics. Which makes sense considering his major.

“Well, then that’s two of us. Honestly, I just don’t want to end up mansplaining something about women, like, I feel like that’s not really my place. I’d prefer doing something about sex or kinks or something but also there’s so much research on that, and also you kind of need to know biology to write about that. Which I don’t.”

“Ask my little sister’s roommate that you like so much.”

Pei Ming looks up from his phone (probably texting a girl again).

“C’mon, you still pissed because of that kid? Forget about him. Help me me out with my thesis instead!”

Shi Wudu just rolls his eyes, looking back at the dumb grin on Pei Ming’s face. He wished he could shut him up.
(Briefly, he wonders how he would do it, and remembers how he’s read one of Paulette de Sade’s books already, before classes started. The male main character shut up the female main character by kissing her. Now, obviously he’s not going to do that, for a multitude of reasons. Maybe he will kill him. That should do the job.)

“Listen, it’s not my fault you chose something as broad as Sexuality Studies, you know? You could write about these poorly written books of yours, actually.”

For a moment, Pei Ming goes quiet, then he starts laughing.

“You mean Paulette’s? What the hell would I write on?”

Shi Wudu hates himself for what he’s about to say, so before he opens his mouth again, he chugs away the rest of his glass of Mountain Dew. Maybe that’ll make the embarrassment of this one a little bit less.

“You know, I hate what I’m about to say. I hate this. Do not take this the wrong way, by the way. I very much did not enjoy the book. It’s bad. I’m not going to read another. But look, I’d say they’re kind of progressive romance wise. It’s not the classic women are weak and need a strong man like the rest of straight literature is. Or so I’ve been told.”

He doesn’t need to reveal to Pei Ming of all people that Shi Qingxuan forced him to read a shit ton of both straight and queer romance, partly to get the homophobia out of him, partly because she wanted to share her joy with him. And obviously he obliged, because he loves her a lot.

“So I guess you could write about the progressive portrayal of women in her novels, and the effect that may have on the millions of single high school girls reading those.”

Half-expecting Pei Ming to start laughing hysterically and slap his shoulder and ask him how the hell he came up with that, probably on top of forcing ‘Prince Harming – the dark kiss’ onto him, which appears to be part one of a godforsaken trilogy, Shi Wudu begrudgingly cracks open another can of Mountain Dew.

“You know what? That’s actually an insanely good idea.”

Oh no. Shi Wudu just gave him a reason to force ‘Prince Harming’ onto him if he ends up the one proof-reading, didn’t he?

Chapter Text

With a look at the clock, Shi Qingxuan realizes that it’s been ten minutes of Cuocuo crying hysterically next door.

It’s not like she’s trying to do anything important right now, and neither is He Xuan. In fact, He Xuan has been texting with his little sister, probably telling her off for asking Shi Qingxuan repeatedly whether she would date her big brother (which Shi Qingxuan found beyond hilarious). Shi Qingxuan herself has just been sketching in her sketchbook, and while it’s for class, she doesn’t exactly feel very stressed out by that. And it’s not that important. It’s just sketches. And she’s pretty good at drawing, and adapts fast to new things, so she doesn’t really mind the background noise.

It’s just that she’s concerned.

“Do you think he’s okay? He’s not alone, is he?” she asks, and He Xuan kind of stares at the wall that connects them to the other guys’ flat.

“I doubt it. He’s probably fine. Kids tend to cry a lot.”

Well, He Xuan has a point with that.
Suddenly, the crying does get a little quieter.

“See? He’s fine.”

“Right, right,” Shi Qingxuan laughs.

However, someone then knocks on the door.

“I’ll go," she laughs, “see if they need any help. I’m quite good with kids. You can stay back if you want to.”

He just shrugs, still looking at his phone, then typing something just a little angrily. She wonders whether this is Hua Cheng now, not his sister.

So Shi Qingxuan makes her way over to the door and opens it, to be faced with some guy she’s never seen, and Cuocuo in his arms.

“Sorry to bother you,” he says, “Feng Xin is in a lecture, but he’s got Cuocuo for some days. There’s a spider in the apartment. Cuocuo categorically refuses to be in one flat with a spider. Could you just take care of him while I hunt this thing down? I don’t want to leave him alone. Feng Xin would kill me.”

“Are you like, his boyfriend?” Shi Qingxuan asks, a little confused.

“What?” the guy asks with an expression of disgust on his face that really says it all, “no. Never. I’m his roommate. I’d never date him of all people. I have standards, you know. Are you aware that Feng Xin literally never changes the toilet rolls when they’re empty and you’re left in misery? Also he leaves the socks to dry on the back of the chair when there’s literally a tumble dryer in the basement a house over for us to use. Would you marry a guy like that?”

Shi Qingxuan is a little bit overwhelmed with that sudden Feng Xin slander, so she just stares into space for a bit.

“...Right,” she ends up saying, “Mu Qing. But yeah, sure, hand Cuocuo over. We can leave the doors open or something in case you don’t trust us? I mean, it’s still warm. Also that way you can just scream if you need help catching the spider. I don’t mind them much myself. Other bugs however...”

“It’s fine. Don’t want to bother you even more than this. You okay staying with the neighbours for a few minutes, Cuocuo?”

His voice sounds really soft when talking to the kid. So at least he’s good with kids. That counts a lot, Shi Qingxuan thinks to herself quietly.

Cuocuo looks at her, and she gives him a little smile right back. In the hope that she seems friendly enough. He’s still crying and sniffing a bit, also. She’ll manage to calm him down a bit more somehow.
He nods a bit, and Mu Qing gently lowers him to the ground.

“Just don’t give him anything with eggs in it. He’s allergic.”

“Oh, okay, I’ll make sure we don’t!” she laughs, and reaches out her hand towards little Cuocuo. He’s… so adorable. She wants kids so badly one day. She just has little to no idea with whom, but that doesn’t really matter for now. Maybe she’ll hit it off with someone from her art class, or someone she will meet at a party one day. Who knows?

He takes her hand, and Mu Qing sighs, then looks towards his own flat.

“Alright. I’m off to slay the beast then. It’s pretty fast, so if it takes me a while, I’m sorry. Don’t want to kill it, though.”

She nods, and watches with Cuocuo as he walks off.

“Alright, Cuocuo. You can just call me Qingxuan. Want to see our room? Don’t worry, there are no spiders there. And we’ve got some cool shark plushies. You like sharks?”

He gives another small nod, and follows Shi Qingxuan into their room, where He Xuan is still typing on his phone. As soon as he sees them, however, he puts it away, and looks a little bit at Cuocuo.

“That’s He Xuan! You can just call him Xuan though! He might look a little scary, but I promise that he’s a nice guy!” she explains, then points at the Blahajs that are all around He Xuan. “See? The cool shark plushies.”

However, they don’t seem to cheer him up. He just keeps sniffing, tears still in his little eyes. She wished she could just cuddle him or something, but that’d be overstepping boundaries most definitely.

“Is it okay if he sits next to you, Xuan?” she asks, and He Xuan just shrugs, so she drags Cuocuo to the bed and pats it a little. He sits down on it quietly, and she follows, so that her and He Xuan are on either side of him.

“Still scared ‘cause of the spider?”

He nods, tears slipping out of his eyes.

She taps He Xuan’s shoulder behind Cuocuo’s back, then looks at the tissues on the nightstand, next to He Xuan. He does understand and hands Cuocuo one. The kid takes it, staring at it like there’s a huge spider on it.

“Don’t like spiders,” he mumbles, “they’re scary.”

Shi Qingxuan already wants to comfort him a little, but surprisingly, He Xuan speaks up first. But only after leaning down to Cuocuo a little, and looking at him. She knows that He Xuan doesn’t really like looking at people when speaking to them, so this means a lot.

“Spiders aren’t scary at all, though,” he says, “what’s your opinion on mosquitoes, Cuocuo?”

“…I hate them. They make me all itchy.”

“Spiders eat mosquitoes. They’re the reason you don’t get bitten more often, actually. They’re essentially protecting you. That spider in your house was just eating all the other bugs so that you don’t have to bother with them.”

Shi Qingxuan isn’t sure whether reasoning out a fear of spiders is going to work on a kid when it doesn’t even work on most adults, but surprisingly, Cuocuo does look at him. He seems to be listening.

“So… they’re not bad?”

“No, not at all. They may look a bit scary, but that’s just so you leave them alone to do their job. A bit like a spy if you think about it. Spies tend to look scary, right?”

Again, the boy just nods, looking at He Xuan with those huge eyes.

“Uh-huh. They’re scary ‘cause they’re badass.”

Of course, he knows that word. Shi Qingxuan shouldn’t be surprised at that. Still, she can’t help but laugh a bit at that.

“They absolutely are! And so are spiders! They’re only scary so that they can protect you right. And they’re awesome parents, too!”

“Like Papa and Dad and Mom?”

“Yep, exactly the same! They protect you just like your Papa and Dad and Mom. And they protect their own kids too. So, if you see a spider, I promise there’s no reason to be scared of it. They might be scary looking, but they just want your best.”

Shi Qingxuan wonder whether he considers Mu Qing one of his fathers. Probably yes, considering he lives right there with him and Feng Xin.

“Really?”

“Really. But it’s okay to be scared of them, because that’s kind of their goal after all. But no need to be more than a tiny bit afraid, right?”

“If they just wanna protect me like Dad wants to protect me from this big spider, then no?”

It’s more of an own question than an answer to He Xuan’s, but he does still think about it. Also her suspicion is confirmed – he definitely sees Mu Qing as one of his parents.

“Exactly. They’re just little helpers. Wanna see a picture of a really cute spider?” He Xuan asks, already typing the password for his phone back in.

How is he… so amazing with kids? In all honour, Shi Qingxuan wouldn’t have expected this chronically mean guy to be so nice to a kid. And even help him with his fear of spiders. And generally talk so, so softly to him.
No wonder his sister loves him so much, really. If this is how he’s always treated her.

Once more, Cuocuo nods, so He Xuan turns his phone towards him.

Shi Qingxuan also sees the spider on it – it appears to be rather small, and generally just looks like a cute, fuzzy little pal.

“That’s a jumping spider. There are loads of different ones of them. And most of them are only as big as the tip of your finger. Look at its eyes. It’s only got so many so that it can catch all the bad mosquitoes that make you itch and wake you up at night.”

Cuocuo looks at the screen, and while he still appears to be a bit scared with the way he grabs He Xuan’s pants a little, he doesn’t break out into tears again.

“Uh-huh. It’s still scary, but a bit cute. Not as cute as Peppa Pig, but cute.”

“See? Spiders are our friends. They’re protecting all of us.”

He Xuan is almost smiling, too. Has been for the entire time. And it kind of transferred to Shi Qingxuan. She herself is smiling a little now, and kind of seeing He Xuan in a new light. He’s so terribly gentle with Cuocuo it’s amazing. And he’s teaching him about spiders all calmly. Not nearly as quickly as her European Realism rundown from two days ago, either.

“Then they’re nice,” he says, “the spiders.”

“Yes. Very nice little guys.”

God, the stupid little smile on He Xuan’s face. She didn’t think he could actually smile all honestly like that. None of it seems fored or anything. It makes him look a lot better than his usual, grumpy expression. Still, Shi Qingxuan has to grin at that now. After all, this guy who kept telling her to shut up all morning while she was ranting about how awful her Realism professor is, suddenly smiling all kindly like that? Now that’s a change of character.

Her thoughts about how He Xuan seemingly has a few more layers get interrupted by a knock on the already open door.

“You can just come in!” Shi Qingxuan says, and Mu Qing is standing in the door to the bedroom a few seconds later, sweat on his forehead, looking clearly spent.

“Alright, Cuocuo, the flat is safe again! We can go back, and I can make you your toast.”

“I know it’s safe, Dad!” he says, and Mu Qing seems to freeze a tiny bit at being called Dad, as if he’s not quite used to that yet. Especially if he’s not even dating Feng Xin, that must be a bit of a funny thing, Shi Qingxuan thinks to herself. “It’s safe because of the spider! ‘Cause it caught all the actually bad mosquitoes!”

With a raised eyebrow, Mu Qing looks at He Xuan and Shi Qingxuan.

“Xuan explained how good spiders are to him,” she laughs because He Xuan isn’t saying nor doing anything anymore now that Mu Qing is in there. “Seems like it helped him a bit.”

“Well, I’m grateful then. Anyways, Cuocuo, let’s go back?”

The little man does jump off the bed, leaps towards Mu Qing, and…
Bites his hand.

“Cuocuo, we talked about this!”

“But I like you, Dad!”

“Liking does not equate to biting me, Cuocuo! You don’t hurt the people you love!”

He slips down his hand, letting go off it, and grabbing it instead. Shi Qingxuan even sees some faint bite marks on Mu Qing’s hand, and laughs.

“Goodbye, Cuocuo! See you around again!”

“Teach me more about spiders, please, big brother!”

He Xuan now also freezes, but manages to get ahold of himself a second later.

“I will.”

With that, Cuocuo waves at them, Mu Qing saying a short ‘goodbye’, and then they leave, closing the door behind them.
For a few seconds, there’s utter silence, in which Shi Qingxuan just watches as He Xuan’s face goes completely red again.

“Big brother, huh?” she asks, that grin still on her face, “he really loves you. Didn’t expect you to be that good with kids, Xuan! Though that’s nice to know. You can be the uncle to my future kids or something, if my brother doesn’t do.”

“Your brother won’t do,” he declares, “anyways. No.”

“No to what?”

His blush intensifies a little more, and he turns his head away completely, as if he doesn’t really have an answer to that himself.

“Shut up.”

There it is. That old, cold tone of voice of his.

And yet, Shi Qingxuan can’t help but grin even broader. He Xuan really is a nice guy, no matter how much he tries to pretend not to be.

Chapter Text

Sometimes Hua Cheng really wishes that he had no memories of anything to do with Xie Lian except for Xie Lian himself.

Because when a guy just walks straight into their apartment, not even knocking or ringing the bell, and Hua Cheng recognizes him immediately, he kind of just wants to disappear.

He’s left to stare at him while he’s literally making lunch for both him and Xie Lian, since Xie Lian said his cooking was inedible (although Hua Cheng doubts that). His eyes are forced to take in this guy; wearing a dark green Adidas track suit, a gold chain dangling on his neck, a large rucksack on his back, and a goddamn child holding his hand.

Apart from the rancid choice of clothing, Hua Cheng is mostly and honestly concerned about the fact that Qi Rong, the same guy who laughed in his face when he fell down into the mud and broke his leg, seems to be a father.

“Excuse me,” he starts, but Qi Rong already throws him a glance

“Who are you? Where’s my little cousin? Oh, and are you cooking enough for the four of us?”

“Excuse me,” he starts again, staring Qi Rong down, “I’m not your cook. I don’t even know who you are.”

He does know, but he’s not going to let Qi Rong know that for obvious reasons.

“Well, you're my cook now. And Guzi’s too! Or is there not enough? In that case I’m just gonna go ahead and order McDonalds.”

“No, there’s not enough,” Hua Cheng responds, very much getting annoyed with this guy.

Which is the moment Xie Lian walks out of the door with a book in his hand, looks at Qi Rong, walks back, sets the book down, and walks back into the kitchen.

“Hi, Qi Rong. It would’ve been nice if you could’ve let me know your coming over. Very happy to see you though, Guzi!”

XIe Lian walks over to the little boy, and he runs towards him and just hugs his waist. Xie Lian pats his back a little. Hua Cheng tries not to be jealous of a little kid for getting hugged by the love of his life very, very hard, but he thinks that he’s not entirely managing.

“Why are you here?”

“Wanted to see your new flat,” Qi Rong says, hitting the wall with his fist a little as if to test it out, “and spend the night here. My contract at the old flat ended today, and the new one only starts tomorrow. So, can Guzi and me take your beds?”

Xie Lian looks at Hua Cheng as if wanting to apologize, but Hua Cheng just smiles at him, before turning to Qi Rong again, especially after seeing how Xie Lian does seem to be clearly comfortable with this situation.

“Well, you see, this flat is too small, and we need to sleep here ourselves. If the kid wants to stay, I guess we could manage that, but you’re too big to fit into the room, too.”

Hua Cheng isn’t going to be prejudiced against this kid and throw him out onto the street by any means. However, he has a grudge against Qi Rong, so he’s allowed to be nasty to him.

“Look, Qi Rong, it’s just- this flat is really small. I could dial up my big brother and ask whether he’s got space for you to sleep there? I think his boyfriend isn’t back yet because his classes are all online so he’s with his family. Guzi could stay here and have a cool sleepover.”

The fact Qi Rong is making Xie Lian overexplain himself like this makes Hua Cheng want to twist his legs into pretzels.

“Oh yes! Please let me stay?”

Guzi is still clinging to Xie Lian’s waist, looking up at him with big eyes.

“You easily fit in my bed. So, Qi Rong? You okay with me calling Jun Wu? You can stay for dinner if you do order your McDonalds, though. Unless you and Guzi prefer soup over McDonalds.”

Xie Lian winks at Hua Cheng.
Hua Cheng dies on the inside, then falls onto the ground dramatically with his hand on his heart on the inside, then raises his hands towards the sky as if to thank God for this rare opportunity of Xie Lian winking at him, on the inside.
On the outside, however, he looks into the soup, then grins back at Guzi.

“My soup has a lot more greens than McDonalds does.”

That makes Guzi stick out his tongue at him from where his head is pressed against Xie Lian’s stomach.

“I don’t like vegetables! Except for carrots. They’re okay. Dad, can I stay with them? Please? Please, please, please, can I stay with uncle Lian? I promise I’ll be all good and I won’t cause them any trouble tonight! And I’ll do my homework too and everything, I swear! You don’t need to be here for it, because really, you won’t fit into this flat! And you already complain about your back aching all the time! You won’t be able to sleep here!”

The fact this child is arguing against his own dad staying with him is more than just hilarious to Hua Cheng, especially considering that he’s what? Six, seven maybe? And the fact that this seems to be working on Qi Rong, meaning the guy actually has a soft spot for a kid now, like he wasn’t also the one to push Hua Cheng into another puddle of mud once his leg had healed, laughing at his dirty face once he resurfaced?

“…Fine. Call that fucker Jun Wu if you need to, then. And if he doesn’t want me to stay either I’m going to sleep in your kitchen sink and I’m also gonna piss in said kitchen sink to make you uncomfortable and have you not use it until you've cleaned it a hundred times.”

“Eww, Dad! Gross! Even more of a sign you should be leaving! I love you, but I need good influences in my life too! Maybe I’ll even eat the soup and make you order McDonalds alone!”

Hua Cheng has decided that he absolutely loves this kid and that he would die for the kid if it was needed. How is this primary school kid so cool?

“Even my own son rejects me,” Qi Rong spits, “you know what, stay with your uncle! He can adopt you if he wants to!”

Guzi is just grinning at his dad, and Hua Cheng does have to hand it to Qi Rong that he’s clearly not being serious about this, and making that very obvious to his kid so that he doesn’t feel rejected.

“I’m calling Jun Wu,” he announces, “if none of you want me here.”

Hua Cheng thinks that Qi Rong wouldn’t actually want to spend the night with him, especially considering how Hua Cheng wants to kind of slightly murder him. Honestly, he seems to have gotten a tiny bit more sensible, but that’s only a tiny bit.
Maybe he should call child services on them after all.

“If you want to leave now already, I’m not stopping you, but I can also make you some food if you want me to,” Xie Lian smiles, however his tone of voice is so cold that Hua Cheng can’t help but snort in laughter.

“I get it, I get it, you dogfucker! You’re still mad at the time I insulted your purple soup, however the hell you made that thing purple since it was based off potatoes and broccoli! I’m calling Jun Wu, I’m getting out of here, just take care of my son! At least Jun Wu can make instant noodles without causing himself second degree burns!”

Xie Lian takes the large soup spoon from the counter, the one with which Hua Cheng has been stirring the soup, walks towards Qi Rong, and holds it out to him like a sword.
Guzi lets go of him and instead steps towards Hua Cheng.

“Qi Rong, if you insult my food that I cooked for you with all the love I have for my dearest cousin, then I will force feed it to you with exactly this spoon.”

“Alright, I got it, just let me call your stupid brother! Geez! Your roommate is a stupid fuck, also!”

“Call Jun Wu outside,” Hua Cheng says, “or else I’ll shove the entire pot of soup down your throat, vegetables and all.”

He may be a bit fed up with this guy that’s laughed at him so often as a child. And he thinks he’s very much allowed to be. And if Xie Lian is mean to him, then Hua Cheng is also allowed to be mean to him.
Surprisingly, Guzi holds up his fist towards him, so Hua Chen bumps his own into his lightly.

“Dad needs some re-education, and you guys are doing really well!”

How is this kid so badass? Hua Cheng low-key (high-key) wants to adopt the little guy himself. He’s also just pretty sure that he’d make a much better father than Qi Rong does.
Before doing anything else, however, Qi Rong does set down the rucksack and grabs all of Guzi’s stuff, properly going over it all like a good parent would. Hua Cheng really has to admit that he doesn’t seem to be a bad parent – apart from the swear words, that is. He pays attention that toothbrush and toothpaste are in there, hands Xie Lian Guzi’s new laundry (his other clothes are apparently in a suitcase in the hallway of the new apartment), even adding that he needs to make sure the new shirt in there has the label cut out so it doesn't itch him and everything.

Under all his nastiness, he does seem to understand that the flat is actually just way too small for all of them together, he’s just being annoying about it.

(Hua Cheng does wonder how he got kicked out of his previous apartment though, that much is for sure.)

Then, however, when he’s done, he takes Guzi up to his face, kisses his forehead, and tells him that ‘daddy’s gonna be fine’. Sets him down, takes up the rucksack, and leaves.

Only after kicking both Xie Lian and Hua Cheng in the leg, though.

“Sorry about my dad, Lian’s new roommate. He’s kinda crazy. Did you know he got fired at McDonalds last year because he drank a bottle of ketchup in the toilets and got it smeared all over there making it look like a murder scene?”

Hua Cheng wants to say that he’s not really surprised at that, because he really, really isn’t. Honestly, this is still far tamer than what he had expected.

“That’s… interesting.”

“Well, he’s a great Dad, though. So, how big are the greens in your soup? If I don’t like it, what else do you have?”

“If you don’t like it, you tell me what you do like, and I’m making it for you. It’s not too late to go to the store yet,” Hua Cheng says, smiling down at him, and ruffling his hair a little. This is a great child. He wants to adopt him very, very badly.
Maybe that’s a weird thing to think.

“You’re such a nice person, San Lang,” Xie Lian suddenly laughs, and Xie Lian walks up to him and Guzi, smiling at both. “Shi Qingxuan might be trying to get me a partner, but maybe you should get one and start a family so that Guzi can have more friends.”

“Gege, that’s-“ he stutters, not knowing how to break it to Xie Lian that he wouldn’t ever start a family with anyone who isn’t him, but Xie Lian is already blushing when he says that.

“I’m sorry, I was joking, obviously! You’re just great with kids! So is Shi Qingxuan, by the way. No matter you two clicked instantly! She’s a nice person.”

That’s not the reason, Hua Cheng wants to say, feeling like he’s going to cry, but instead he just forces himself into a smile.

“Yes, she’s very approachable. A lot more than He Xuan. So, Guzi, want to try my soup?”

The child nods, and Xie Lian throws him another of those smiles again, so that Hua Cheng smiles back sincerely this time. He just kind of feels like this is a bit of a moment for them, and maybe they’re bonding a little, and maybe Xie Lian actually likes him now. Maybe he will end up liking him, even if it’s just as a friend.
Everything is better than Xie Lian seeing him as that weak little boy, that much is for sure.

“Yep! Dad is kinda bad at cooking. Though not as bad as Lian!”

That makes Xie Lian hold up the spoon again, this time directed at Guzi.

“Do you want the Xie Lian Soup Torture?”

“No, no, please no…!”

“Then don’t provoke your uncle, Guzi.”

Chapter Text

Shi Wudu is more than just used to waking up because of Pei Ming past midnight. Usually, it’s the normal reasons, namely: girls. However, tonight, while the problem is still most definitely a girl, he at least knows that girl personally.

And he knows that this means he has to get up and go save his stupid roommate from being killed in his own bed.

With a very dramatic sigh, Shi Wudu puts his feet to the floor and tears the blanket from his body. He’s suddenly very glad that he’s not as attached to his bed and his sleep schedule as Shi Qingxuan is. Every time she so much as even wakes up to go to the toilet, she's grumpy the entire next day. And he had to suffer the consequences for several years, until he moved out.

So, he stands up, hearing more of the hysteric screams of this woman, and shortly he wonders why he still hasn’t moved out yet. Maybe he actually should. Maybe him and Shi Qingxuan should move together (he feels like she might kill him if he so much as suggests that. She has already said multiple times that she’s really looking forward to living alone).
And now she isn’t even living alone and seems to enjoy it.

Another scream.

Right.

Saving his roommate.

He pats down his pajama pants and throws a shirt over his naked shoulders.
Said girl has already tried flirting with him to make Pei Ming jealous, also. He’s not going to risk that again. So, he’s going to cover up the fact that he has abs this time.

Once he’s walked to Pei Ming’s room, he just enters without even knocking, staring at the scene in front of him. Pei Ming is in only his boxershorts, driven into the corner next to his bed, in front of him the woman that he has already been expecting to see.

“Xuan Ji,” he sighs, “you know that we can call the police on you and tell them you’ve broken in? Like, come on. You know the law better than we do.”

She’s literally still in her police uniform, too. She must have been on her nightshift. He can’t believe this woman exists in the way she does.

“I just want Pei Ming to give me a single kiss, that’s all!”

At that, Pei Ming looks frightened out of his mind, which is when Shi Wudu sees the gun in her hand. Of course.

“Xuan Ji, put the gun away, please, and if Pei Ming doesn’t want to kiss you, then he doesn’t want to. We’ve been through this.”

Sometimes, he really wished Pei Ming would give in, kiss her once, but only after making her promise that she won’t break into her house now anymore. If she asked Shi Wudu, he would most definitely do it.
She does put the gun away, turning around to Shi Wudu, then sitting down on Pei Ming’s bed without even asking.

“He’s mean to me, Wudu, darling! Look at him! He just broke up with me!”

“I broke up with you almost two years ago.”

Shi Wudu really, really wished this situation wasn’t as ridiculous as it really is. It’s been two years of this happening. What the hell does she still expect.

“Yeah, and that was stupid! Because I still love you!”

“Well, and I don’t, Xuan Ji! Can you please just leave? I won’t get back together with you anymore! And listen, I did tell you that I don’t want an actual relationship! So I didn’t even actually break up with you!”

She cocks her gun again and Shi Wudu immediately approaches her, trying to take the gun out of her hand, but instead she points it at him.

“Don’t interfere with this unless he cheated on me with you!”

That takes him more than just off-guard. For multiple reasons. First of all, it wouldn’t be cheating, since Pei Ming was never actually in a relationship with her to begin with.

Secondly, Shi Wudu has not ever planned to sleep with Pei Ming at all.
Like, at all.
(Like, at all, except for those few, weird intrusive thoughts he gets from time to time that totally mean nothing whatsoever.)

He’s taken back a little, literally stumbling back, but reaching his hand out towards her arm anyways to make her lower it with the gun.

“No, Xuan Ji, listen, you got that… very wrong,” Pei Ming says, because honestly, Shi Wudu is more than just a little bit taken aback by her thinking him and Pei Ming would have…
They’re both straight. Obviously. Both him and Pei Ming. And Shi Wudu wouldn’t do this with him of all people even if he wasn't. And Pei Ming wouldn’t do this with Shi Wudu of all people if he wasn't straight, either. They’re just friends, and that’s more than just obvious. And the fact Xuan Ji even so much as suggested that they aren’t… it ticks him off a lot somehow.

“Yeah, listen, Xuan Ji. I’ve got enough of your nightly escapades,” he says, feeling anger bubble up inside of him so stupidly hard and irrational, “I’m going to call the police next time, alright? And no, I have not slept with Pei Ming, because he’s my best friend, and I’m not going to sleep with my best friend. Besides, I’m straight. If you can’t tell.”

She raises an eyebrow at that, putting her gun back into the holster.

“Really? I mean, no, in that case, I actually couldn’t tell. Sorry for assuming you’re gay, I guess.”

He can’t believe he just got an apology from Xuan Ji, and it’s for wrongly assume his sexuality of all things. Even Pei Ming glances at him as if he’s more than just confused at how this conversation rolled out.

“I’m not!” he reiterates, looking Xuan Ji up and down, “and you’re a police woman! Can you not break into other people’s houses please? I don’t want to keep waking up to this mess! And don’t threaten us with your gun! Can you please literally just go home?”

She blinks a bit.

“Wow, okay, calm down. Didn’t mean to set you off with the gay comment, sorry, sorry. Didn’t know you’re homophobic.”

“I’m not homophobic, and I take a lot more offense in the fact that you think I slept with Pei Ming than you thinking I'm gay! I have standards, too, you know?”

“Hey!” Pei Ming interrupts him, shoving Xuan Ji to the side, “don’t insult me just because you’re annoyed! Come on now!”

Shi Wudu wants to kick his leg, but he’s not a child, so he makes himself not do that. That’d be embarrassing. At least in front of Xuan Ji.

“Xuan Ji. I’m escorting you outside. Have someone pick you up. I’m not driving you home. I want you gone, because I have class tomorrow morning, and I don’t need someone threatening to kill my roommate, thank you very much.”

The woman actually seems to listen to him, funnily enough, and gives Pei Ming a glance, as if they’re communicating something about him.

“I’ll only leave if I get a kiss of some kind.”

And that’s when Shi Wudu snaps for good.

He grabs Xuan Ji by the shoulders, her entire face the epitome of bewilderment when he does. Gritting his teeth, he takes his everything together, every ounce of courage he can muster up, and tries to suppress the weird feeling bubbling up in his chest at this.

He leans in and kisses her cheek.

Then retreats. Head suddenly filled with weird thoughts of how it’d be to kiss Pei Ming’s cheek instead, which is most definitely prompted by Xuan Ji thinking they have a thing going on. Which couldn’t be more wrong.

For a second, he’s dazed himself, mostly because he’s a bit confused as to what actually drove him to do this – he bets Pei Ming would have kissed her if she truly promised to not break into their house anymore.

Maybe he just has enough of Pei Ming and his stupid girls that him kissing a girl in front of him would give him visuals for everything else that’s going on in this room sometimes, and he doesn’t want that. Yeah. That’s probably it. He’s going to go with this explanation for now.

Pei Ming is staring at him like his eyes are literally going to fall out of their sockets, so Shi Wudu lets out a small ‘tch’.

“What? She said she’s going to leave if she gets a kiss, so I did what I had to! Can you please leave now? Call someone. You live with this Jian Lan woman? Call her up. I’m not in a mood to drive you home. I want to go to sleep at one point today.”

Xuan Ji seems taken aback too, and he feels a little sick at seeing that stupid little blush on her cheeks now that he’s kissed them. God. How stupid can this woman even be?

“I’ll… call her. I mean… I guess I said I’d leave in this case?”

Even her voice is a stumbling mess, and she’s still blushing. The sickness gets a little worse, so he takes a deep breath as he watches her pick up her phone.

Pei Ming eyes him again, raising an eyebrow.

“You okay, bud?” he asks, and Shi Wudu shrugs.

“I’m tired. I want to go back to bed.”

That makes Pei Ming grin.

“Understandable, really. So, Xuan Ji, everything he said is seconded. I don’t love you. How about you go search for someone else to give you some love if I don’t?”

She stares at him like he’s gone insane or something, as if he just proposed that they should go goat hunting together or something.

“You think I’ll just give up like this? No, no, this is just for tonight. However, dearest Shi Wudu, if you give me more of those kisses, I won’t complain~”

He wished it was socially acceptable to slap people, especially women when he's a man in this case, but instead he just points at her phone.

“Call your friend or else I’m calling the police.”

As if he’s in the wrong, she rolls her eyes, then dials a number. Even though it’s the middle of the night, the person picks up almost instantly.
It’s a short conversation. Mostly just Xuan Ji stating the address of where she is, explaining that Pei Ming rejected her yet again, but that she at least got a kiss from his roommate.
She sounds almost proud of it. Shi Wudu hates that fact.
Then, she puts the phone down, and looks back at him.

“Alright. She’s still around here, couldn’t sleep and went out for a coffee at the 24/7 store. So… she’ll be here in a few minutes.”

“I’ll escort you outside. Pei Ming, you stay here, because I’m not leaving you alone with this insane woman. Come with me, Xuan Ji, and please… please don’t come back.”

She just shrugs, crosses her arms, and looks at the door, then at Pei Ming.

“I’ll be back, darling, don’t you worry! We can have fun again-“

“We won’t,” Pei Ming says, “I don’t want anything to do with you anymore, Xuan Ji. Please just… look for a new boyfriend or something. Because I’m very much not interested.”

“No need to lie just because you’re embarrassed in front of your roommate!”

“Xuan Ji, just… come with me, alright? Let’s all call it a night,” Shi Wudu sighs, because by now he’s not just annoyed, but the tiredness is actually getting to him also. Suddenly, he does understand his little sister.
Except she doesn’t have to deal with a crazy woman threatening his roommate with a gun.

“Right, right, okay. But I’ll be back. Get ready,” she says, shooting a last grin at Pei Ming, then walking out of the flat only for Shi Wudu to follow her begrudgingly.
She’s quite pretty he has to admit. And he doesn’t really know what happened between Pei Ming and her, but he doesn’t want to know. Either way, now that no one is looking at him anymore with her walking down the stairs in front of him, he can finally wipe his lips with his sleeve. He really didn’t enjoy kissing her cheek. For a bit, he thinks about what she’s said, and that he seems gay, but obviously he isn’t – he just didn’t enjoy this because he doesn’t like her this way, and on top of that, she kind of pointed a gun at his best friend and him also, even if just shortly.
No sane person would enjoy kissing the cheek of someone like that.

It’s cold outside for the fact he’s just wearing a barely closed shirt and thin pants. At least he sleeps in a little more than Pei Ming, he supposes.

“Didn’t think you’d go in for that kiss,” she suddenly says once they’re properly outside.

“I wanted you gone.”

“Do you really not understand that I just want to get back together with him?”

He wants to scream and say that no, he’s not been in love with anyone so far, or so he thinks, and if he was, he simply didn’t realize it.
Instead, he just doesn’t say anything. He also just doesn’t get what’s so hard to understand about the fact that she’s gotten rejected two entire years ago. Like, what sane person would, for the love of God, break into someone’s house upon being rejected?
Not him, that much is for sure.

“You sounded really homophobic back then,” she comments instead, realizing that her previous question didn’t make him answer with anything.

“I’m not,” he sighs, “used to be, but I swear I’m not anymore. How is it so hard to get that I’m simply annoyed with someone breaking into my flat?”

She shrugs.

“Just saying. Making sure you’re not homophobic, I guess. Oh wow, Jian Lan is already there, look! Jian Laaaaan!”

Shi Wudu does see the car approaching; it’s a small and red car, and a woman is driving it, a man sitting next to her who Shi Wudu hasn’t ever seen around. He has sort of unkempt, black hair, and is wearing a dark green adidas tracksuit. Shi Wudu scowls.
The car stops in front of them, and the door opens. Xuan Ji also peeks past her and at the guy.

“Who’s that?” she asks, her voice definitely curious.

“Oh, his name is Qi Rong, apparently! He was walking down the street to McDonalds when I went to get a coffee, because his family low-key threw him out. And-“

Jian Lang gets out of the car, leans in closer to Xuan Ji, but so that Shi Wudu can still hear her.

“And you know. He’s kind of hot.”

Shi Wudu wants to die on the spot.
Even Xuan Ji just gives her a scowl.

“Bestie, your taste in men is rancid.”

That’s his cue to leave. Shi Wudu shakes his head at the two of them, giving them a last glance, absolutely wanting to die, or well, go to sleep, so he turns around on his heel, and walks straight back upstairs. He doesn’t want to bother with anymore insane people today, so he’s also going to be avoiding his roommate for the rest of the next day.

Chapter Text

When Shi Qingxuan comes home, arms full of university-sponsored canvas, she already hears a sound that she very much hasn’t expected to come home to.
It’s a quiet sound, and muffled, too.
But it’s very clearly crying.

Of all things possible, she really didn’t expect to come home to He Xuan crying.

So, she drops the canvas right where she stands (or well, gently puts them to the floor because she doesn’t want to break them), and walks to the room. The door is closed, so she does knock first, but goes in without waiting for him to answer.
He’s indeed sitting on the bed, his phone in his hands, a small Blahaj in his lap. There are tears running down his cheeks, and he looks strangely pale, and kind of a bit like a lost child. And when he looks up at her, something inside of her kind of breaks, because dear Lord, she wants to hug him.

“Are you okay?”

“Don’t look at me,” he grumbles, and as much as she respects his boundaries, now he’s just being stupid and angsty, isn’t he? He’s crying. And unless he makes it very clear that he doesn’t want her to comfort him, she'll stay, but come on now, everyone wants some comfort when sad.

“Xuan, I don’t mind you crying if that’s what you’re afraid of? Like, everyone cries at times. You’re bound to see me cry at one point too, trust me. Can I sit down next to you, or do you mind that?”

He gives her one of his usual shrugs, so Shi Qingxuan just takes a deep breath.

“Okay, look, I’d really appreciate it if you could communicate clearly with me. Is that okay? I’ll keep my distance too and everything. Just give me a chance to take care of my sad roommate.”

Something about that seems to get him, and he nods slowly. So, Shi Qingxuan sets down her rucksack and takes off her shoes, too. Then, she flops down on the bed, with a safe distance, but still relatively close to him. She can’t help but take a short look at his screen, and realize that he’s texting his mother. However, she does respect his privacy enough to not read the messages.

“Did something happen? Was someone mean to you? Or did you hurt yourself or something?”

He shakes his head and furiously wipes away his tears, as if annoyed with himself.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay that you’re crying, I won’t see you as anything less or something if that’s what you’re worried about.”

He doesn’t answer, so she assumes that she’s correct about this.

“Like, everyone cries, I swear. I don’t mind that much, really. Unless you want me to view you as an alpha male without any feelings or something, but I never did. I mean, you’re quite the nice guy. You’ve not managed to fool me if that was your plan.”

Now, he lets his tears run again as if that reassured him enough. Maybe he just doesn’t like showing his feelings. Which is valid. She can understand that sometimes it’s hard to do so.

“So, what’s wrong? I won’t judge. When I went on HRT, I cried because a bakery didn’t have pasta, which was an event they had five years ago at that point. So, believe me, I won’t pass anything off as being stupid or something. I’m really not the person to do so. You can just talk to me, promise.”

He meets her gaze for a split second, then breaks eye contact right away. He doesn’t seem to like that much in general. It’s not like she minds. As long as he’s listening to what she’s saying, that’s honestly enough.

“Just homesick.”

Ah. That explains him texting his mom and everything.

“You want to call her? I don’t mind. I’ll keep you company, or leave while you call her, I don’t mind that either.”

At that, he does shake his head, sighing a little and putting the phone away after quickly texting his mom that Shi Qingxuan came home. Without any emojis or any kind of other thing attached that could let her know how he actually feels about her coming home.

“No. I already did earlier that day. My sister is sick.”

“Oh, is it something bad?”

He shakes his head.

“Just a cold. But… usually I read to her when she’s sick in bed.”

“Oh,” she mumbles, “yeah, I can see why that’d make you homesick. I mean, it’s been two weeks already since you’re here. See, I’m not really the person to get homesick at all, but even I miss my Mom and Dad a little. So really, it’s totally fine. I get it.”

He nods, wiping away his tears again.

“Don’t tell anyone.”

“Why would I?” she giggles, “it’s not like I’m going to call your professors and classmates and make fun of you for something completely normal.”

She takes the other small Blahaj from the bed and hands it to him also. He places him into his lap next to the other. They look very cute together.
(All three of them, she notes mentally, but that counts as a ‘weird thought about my roommate’, so she forgets about it immediately again.)

“Really, though, Xuan. No one thinks you’re some kind of hard guy without feelings, if that’s what you’re trying to achieve. And people you’re close to won’t mind if you do. I know Hong- Hua Cheng wouldn’t-“

“He makes fun of me all the time.”

“Okay,” she says, “so that’s mutual. That’s just what your friendship is like as far as I can tell. But if you addressed it properly, he wouldn’t laugh at you, trust me.”

That only gains her a shrug, so she supposes that he’s not ready for such a conversation yet. Maybe he’s only really open with his family. And kids. She supposes that others at school or something might have seen him as weird, especially because he’s so quiet, reserved, and hard-working. She knows the entire ordeal of ‘if you’re good at school you get bullied’, and it might not have applied to her ever (because really, she wasn’t good ever, she still wonders how the hell she even got into this university), but she’s seen it happening around her.
She supposes that would make anyone close off a little. But at least he knows that she’s not very judgmental, and that he can be at least a little bit honest with him.

“So, can we do anything to cheer you up? I could make you read another Paulette de Sade book.”

“No,” he spits out, “absolutely not. One was bad enough. I don’t know how you can read that stuff. I don’t think I’ve ever read something worse, and I’ve read a lot of bad things.”

That makes her laugh. His sharp tongue is already back a little, so surely that’s a positive thing? Even if it’s him insulting her favourite author. Tastes vary, so she tries not to take it personally.

(Which is hard. Because God, she really loves these books.)

“Did I ever tell you that Paulette liked my tweet about wanting a trans main character?”

He shakes his head.

“Oh my God, I can’t believe I didn’t tell you! Well, she liked it! She didn’t comment, but it’s very nice to know that she's seen it! Has anyone famous ever interacted with you?”

He Xuan stares at her.

“My professors?” he deadpans, and she sighs.

“Right. I forgot you’re a STEM student. I suppose these people are all kind of famous. Good point. So, anything we could do to make you feel a bit more at home here?”

She already feels completely at home, somehow especially because of him.

Which might be a little bit weird, considering she’s only known this guy for two weeks; then again, they literally live together. She can properly recite everything he eats in a day, and that only dinner is what really varies, everything else stays the same. She knows that he takes about fifteen minutes to shower and get ready in the morning, and somehow twenty minutes to get ready for bed in the evening. Maybe he’s very, very careful with caring about his teeth or something, which she supposes can take a long time. She knows exactly what he looks like, and maybe that’s a bit of a creepy thing to say, but she’s basically learnt every single thing about his body by heart by now, knows where his tattoos are, even the ones hidden behind clothing (since she kind of walked in on him getting changed once). Knows where his little scars are, and knows what his bedhead looks like.
So she supposes that it’s not too far-fetched to say that she knows him quite well by now.

“I don’t know. It’s nice here.”

“We could go into town tomorrow and look for some decoration if you want to? I’m quite picky with that, but I’ll let you choose anyways.”

“Very generous,” he says, rolling his eyes, which makes her laugh again. “No. That’s not the issue. It just takes me time to get used to it. I mean, I saw my family pretty much every day.”

“Yeah, that makes sense,” she says, “uh… we could cook something, maybe? Home-cooked meals always help. Unless you want to order something specific that we can’t make. Would you be up for that, or are you too tired? If you need rest, I also understand that.”

He shakes his head a bit.

“No, university is okay, meltdown-wise. And I guess I’ve gotten used enough to you to not get annoyed too much.”

That’s probably the biggest compliment he’s told her yet. That he doesn’t need to pretend to be someone else with her. Not too much, at least.

“Okay, good. So, some food? What would you like?”

“…My mom always made me Lasagna when I didn’t feel well.”

“Oh, we can totally make you a lasagna. That shouldn’t be too hard if we get a recipe. We’d have to go to the store though, right? I mean, we don’t have the Lasagna noodle sheets. But that should be doable! So, you wanna come to the store with me once you’ve stopped crying?”

He gives a short, kind of shy nod. It makes her smile. No, he’s actually very sweet. It feels like she realizes that pretty much every day, but it never fails to get old.

“Great. So, how do we make you stop crying? I mean you’re not that into physical contact now, are you?”

Surprisingly, he simply doesn’t answer for a while; instead, he seems to struggle with saying anything at all. Once he does, however, Shi Qingxuan feels absolutely delighted.

“…Anything more than a quick hug would really piss me off.”

This absolutely is his way of telling her that he wants a hug.

So, Shi Qingxuan scoots a bit closer to him and opens her arms.

He looks away, to the side, but doesn’t push her away or anything, so she leans in and hugs him.

The pure warmth she’s instantly feeling takes her a little off-guard, but it also feels nice, and very cozy. And sure, his shoulder is very bony when she rests her chin on it for the shortest moment, but he’s still comfortable.

And when she breathes in, the way he smells of shampoo and just kind of himself makes her a little bit dizzy for a bit.
Then, remembering that he only wanted a quick hug at most, she coughs awkwardly, and draws back.
Funnily enough, he’s already stopped crying.

“So you do like physical contact when you’re comfortable with it."

“Shut up. We’re going to the store. I’m hungry. And lasagna takes ages to make.”

And yet, he can’t hide that stupidly cute little blush on his face.

Chapter Text

“Oh God, I still don’t know my way around this store,” Shi Qingxuan sighs, looking around for the pasta shelf. The store is relatively small, even if you’d think that a store close to a university would be big, considering it’s very certain to have a lot of customers.

But no.

It’s small and cramped, and He Xuan is made to walk right next to her, shoulder to shoulder. He looks a bit uncomfortable at that, which obviously is just fine; it’s more that she finds it a little bit funny that she’s hugged him, and now he hates walking shoulder to shoulder with her.
Nonetheless, it makes her grin.

“I really don’t like how crammed it is. I come from a smaller town, and our store is a lot bigger than this.”

“Yeah, I really don’t get it either,” she says, “honestly, who the hell thought this was a good idea? And I’m not saying this because I’m pampered or something, the issue is that I can’t find the damned noodles here.”

Suddenly, someone taps her shoulder, and she turns around, bumping even more into He Xuan because of that. He does feel weirdly warm. Maybe she should ask if he has a fever or something? Maybe he’s one of these people who get a fever every time they are emotionally upset.

If that were case for her, she would have long died.
She does turn around though, and sees a face that she has indeed seen a few times.

“Ling Wen! What are you doing here?”

She gives a short smile, although she looks as tired as she usually does. Shi Qingxuan knows that on top of getting perfect grades on all her business exams, she also works a job to be able to finance her actual living costs. Shi Qingxuan knows that both her brother and Pei Ming have offered often enough to help her out, but she refuses.

Only then does Shi Qingxuan see the woman next to her, who she hasn’t ever seen.

“Is that your girlfriend?” she asks, and Ling Wen nods.

“That’s Yushi Huang. Darling, this is Shi Qingxuan. Shi Wudu’s little sister. And this…?”

She looks at He Xuan, and He Xuan looks back a bit at her. Though he then looks away, searching for the noodles. Or well. Acting like he’s searching for the noodles.

“He’s my roommate,” she says, “his name is He Xuan. It’s nice to meet you, Yushi Huang!”

Ling Wen’s girlfriend reaches out her hand towards her so that they can shake hands properly. Yushi Huang is honestly really beautiful, Shi Qingxuan has to admit, and the panic of being bisexual is about to rage inside of her.

(He Xuan is really pretty, also, no matter how much she tries not to think about this fact since he’s her roommate.)

Yushi Huang is wearing a light green blouse and brown pants, and it just looks absolutely great on her.

“I love your outfit,” Shi Qingxuan says when letting go of her hand, trying very hard not to blush. She really has to ignore how pretty she is. No falling in love with her brother’s friend’s girlfriend.

“Thanks! Your outfit is very cute, too.”

Okay, so now she’s definitely blushing a bit, staring down herself. Really, she’s still wearing what she wore to class, which is a regular white pullover with a pink skirt, white tights, and pink trainers. She supposes it’s a good outfit, but surely it isn’t compliment-worthy?

“Th-thank you too!” she stutters, looking at He Xuan as if searching for help, but he only glares back at her really.

Yushi Huang just smiles a little at her, than looks around the store a little.

“What are you searching for? Can we help you find something? It’s your first year here, right?”

Shi Qingxuan nods, awkwardly scratching her head a little. He Xuan next to her lets out a bit of a weird noise.

“The lasagna pasta sheets. We want to make lasagna because He Xuan is-“

She receives a kick from him, realizing that she indeed shouldn’t say that he’s homesick, because he explicitly asked her not to.

“-really hungry for lasagna,” she finishes her sentence, differently than originally intended, but at least it still makes sense. The reason still makes sense.

She takes a bit of a deeper breath. It’s fine. Yushi Huang is pretty, but that’s no reason to be freaking out like this. She’s got a girlfriend. No chance for Shi Qingxuan to get a cute farmer girlfriend. That’s okay. She’ll find someone else one day.

“The pasta stuff is on the next set of shelves,” Ling Wen says, pointing at them, “I’ve also heard about your… room situation from your brother. Sorry he’s such a stuck up idiot.”

“That’s still being nice about him.”

She can’t believe that this of all things possible is the first thing He Xuan says to those two. He hadn’t engaged with the conversation before, but now he is.
Ling Wen cracks a small grin at that.

“That’s true. I often do wonder why I’m friends with him.”

“Come on now, love, don’t be so mean,” her girlfriend says, “he’s your friend! And he really likes my carrots and cucumbers!”

(Shi Qingxuan laughs a tiny bit on the inside about how both of these vegetables are dick-shaped. But she keeps herself from laughing at it, because that would seem really immature.)

“Do you grow tomatoes, too?” He Xuan asks, looking at her, almost seeming interested in the woman. Maybe it’s because she’s so beautiful. Shi Qingxuan really couldn’t blame him if that’s the reason.

“Yes! Do you like tomatoes? I can have Ling Wen bring you some if you want! I mean, it’s the time of them being ripe at the moment! I’ll pass some to her so she can hand them to Shi Wudu! He can give them to you two!”

“That’d be really nice!” Shi Qingxuan says, and He Xuan nods. She didn’t actually know he liked tomatoes that much. Good to know, though.

“Good, I’ll be doing that then! I’ll pass some more stuff on to you!”

“Ling Wen,” Shi Qingxuan chuckles, “turns out I really like your girlfriend. Maybe I’ll try stealing her from you!”

She couldn’t keep herself from making this joke, but it’s just a joke, really – after all, Shi Qingxuan wouldn’t make advances at someone who she knows has a partner. She’s not sunk that low yet. She’s not that desperate yet.

At that, Yushi Huang laughs heartily, but Ling Wen just eyes her, then cocks an eyebrow.

“And you think I’d let you because?”

“I’m sorry for my roommate,” He Xuan sighs, “she’s insane. Maybe we should get going before she says more weird stuff.”

Even though she firmly believes that really, He Xuan is just hungry and wants to get going on that Lasagna, she can’t help but feel a tiny bit offended.

“Come on now, Xuan! I’m about to make you a lasagna, and you’re insulting me? Come on now! I’m a nice roommate! You could’ve ended up with my brother instead! Would you have preferred that?”

“I would have immediately dropped out of uni entirely.”

“See! Then don’t complain! Now let’s get that stupid pasta and some store-bought tomatoes!”

Both Ling Wen and Yushi Huang are smiling at their display of what Shi Qingxuan thinks might be a mutual, friendly kind of affection behind some layers of He Xuan’s regular angst and her playfully getting angry.

“Alright, alright, we’ll leave you two to your shopping, then. We do need to get home also, her mother is waiting on dinner,” Ling Wen says, “do have fun making that lasagna.”

Shi Qingxuan nods, and absentmindedly grabs He Xuan’s arm a little. Mostly just by the sleeve, and she doesn’t really realize that she’s done it.

“Okay, Xuan, let’s get going! I’m also getting hungry, to be honest!”

So, with her free hand, she waves at the two of them, gives one last look at Yushi Huang and her cute outfit and pretty hair, and then drags He Xuan with her to the noodle shelves.
Only once they’re out of sight does she realize that she’s touched him once again without asking beforehand when usually she really tries really hard to ask before she does. Even when just being in the small kitchen with him, she makes sure to ask if it’s okay if they’re in that small space together.

But now…
She lets go immediately.

“God. I’m sorry. Like I said, I’m generally a very touchy person, and I do try to make sure that this doesn’t happen unpromptedly, but sometimes I guess it does no matter how hard I try-“

“It’s fine. As long as it’s this kind of stuff I don’t care all too much. Just… with any kind of other touches that are longer or touching me more than tugging my sleeve. That bothers me more.”

At least he’s properly telling her what he thinks of some stuff so that she doesn’t have to worry more about it than necessary.

“Alright. Still, sorry. I got kind of caught up and stuff. Do you get more comfortable with people and touching them when you get to know them better?”

The awkward atmosphere has basically gone, so she can finally look around a little bit for the lasagna sheets.

“Usually,” he says.

“Okay,” she responds, “so if you get more comfortable with me, please let me know, because then it’ll become a little less problematic for me personally. Like, I just have to pay a lot of conscious attention to it, you know? And I’m obviously willing to make that effort, but it’s always nicer to not make an effort.”

She really hopes that he doesn’t get this the wrong way. Because really, she doesn’t mind it at all. And the fact she isn’t allowed to touch him much except for rare moments, like that hug (that’s still somehow replaying on loop in her mind), doesn’t bother her much. But it’d definitely be easier for her to not have to pay that much attention to it.

“Yeah, I will,” he answers, and his voice is the same as usual. So he doesn’t seem offended or anything. He probably gets what she means.

“Okay, so, where are the lasagna sheets, actually? I still can’t find them,” she kind of cries, looking into every damned shelf, just to then finally spot them somewhere in a corner on the very bottom of the shelf.

He Xuan appears to see them at the exact same time, and he is the first to reach for them after crouching down.

(…Part of Shi Qingxuan just kind of looks at his back and her eyes, against her own will, slide a tiny bit further down, and she blushes a little because why the hell did her brain make her look at his butt-)

He resurfaces a second later with a pack in his hand, checking the plastic wrap once he’s gotten up.

“I think these should be enough for one lasagna, right?”

“How many are those?” she asks, stepping a bit closer to look at the package.

She does have to say that he’s already gotten better with her just being close to him; before, he used to automatically lean away, but now he doesn’t unless she gets way too close.

“Twenty.”

“Oh, yeah, that should do the job. Okay, so we need some tomatoes, and cheese, and we’re taking the ready-made lasagna sauce because I’m not risking messing up the most important thing. Everything else we should still have at home.”

He gives a curt nod, and stuffs the lasagna sheets into the shopping bag that he’s carrying.

“Alright. On we go, then! Cheese next, as far as I know!” she says, and almost tugs at his sleeve again, but draws her hand back before it’s too late.

“Sorry! Almost happened again.”

“Hopeless.”

Chapter Text

“If you’re not going to help then get out of the kitchen, it’s small.”

Shi Qingxuan sighs, holding her hands up as if to defend herself.

“Listen, listen. I’m just not good at cutting tomatoes!”

“Yeah, I can tell,” He Xuan sighs, looking at the mess Shi Qingxuan made of the tomatoes on the cutting board. Most of them are kind of squished and cut unevenly because hell, they just wouldn’t let themselves be cut. Okay, she has to admit she’s just bad at it. She probably doesn’t have an excuse.

“I’ll… take care of the sauce instead. You go cut the tomatoes,” she says, and the two of them switch places.

The sauce is almost done, so it’s not like she could mess that up any more, if she’s being honest. It just has to cook for a bit longer, so she just stirs it lazily to make sure it doesn’t burn or anything.

He Xuan, on the other side, takes the small fruit knife that Shi Qingxuan decided on using, since tomatoes are pretty much fruits. She knows they’re fruits by definition, but even just thinking that makes her hurt a little on the inside.
He kind of stabs them a little, then places the blade against them and cuts them very, very easily. So that’s a trick she didn’t know. Right. That way she doesn’t have to press them as hard, if she already has a small hole in them to place the knife against. He’s got a point.
She truly learned something new today.

Redirecting her gaze to the sauce, her mind wanders off to that hug again, and somehow that makes her question-

“Hey, Xuan?” she asks, and he looks at her for a bit, then back at the small tomatoes. They bought small ones, because they usually taste better. Somehow Shi Qingxuan never really liked the big ones. They just taste watery, while the small ones are really sweet and actually have a flavour to them.

“Yes?”

“So, met anyone at university you’d date yet?”

“My big Blahaj.”

It’s a stupidly fast answer to her question. So much that Shi Qingxuan drops the big plastic spoon into the sauce. Not that it matters, because the end still pokes out by a lot.

“Was this your attempt at a joke?”

“Shut up.”

“I’m going to text this to Hong, he’s gonna find it hilarious.”

Already grabbing her phone, she just hears her roommate shuffle a little. While she does still want a proper answer, texting this to Hong comes first. When opening the chat, she’s met with a lot of messages about Xie Lian being very cute again, and it makes her smile. Well, Hua Cheng for one has definitely found someone at university that he wants to date. That’s for sure. She replies quickly, telling him for the probably three-hundredth time to just ask him out already now, or tell him the truth, and then texts him He Xuan’s stupid joke about wanting to date his Blahaj.
Then again… can she really blame him? Big blahaj is amazing. And while he sort of acts like a wall between them, she can’t deny that he’s perfect.
Not that she wants to be touching He Xuan during her sleep or anything; that’d be weird. More than that. Although she does find it comfortable sleeping in one bed with someone, and she’s not sure that’ll ever change. Maybe they can one day platonically cuddle to sleep or something.
…That might take years.

“Okay, okay, I was being serious though.”

“Is that prompted by you making heart eyes at your brother’s friend’s girlfriend?”

At that, Shi Qingxuan kicks his leg, but he remains completely unfazed by it, just keeps cutting is dumb little tomatoes.

“Shut up! I wasn’t! Why did you notice that of all things! You never notice anything!”

“I’ve gone to school with Hua Cheng for three years.”

Okay. That certainly explains it. She stirs the sauce again, and looks into it. She does unironically wonder whether she’ll find someone at university and date them like her parents did. Not that their marriage was a good idea or anything, but they were in love for a few years before both cheating on each other at the same time. Which she nowadays just honestly finds hilarious. It did make them not really mad at each other, and nowadays they’re just good friends living together and owning a company, and they both still love their children a lot also. So she really doesn’t mind that they don’t love each other romantically anymore.

But she’d like to find a partner at university one day, probably. Not that she wants to actively search or something, she doesn’t really believe in that working personally.

“Okay, but is there anyone?”

“No?”

“Why does that sound more like a question than an answer, Xuan?”

He finishes the tomatoes, places them to the side, then grabs the big, cube shaped ceramic bowl they have. He puts it onto the countertop, then opens the pack of spaghetti.

“I’m not that much into all that romantic relationship stuff.”

“I thought you’re bi, not aromantic?”

“I am. I think. I mean, I don’t care that much. If it happens it happens.”

He’s blushing a little again. It makes her smile. He’s so cute. Really, she can’t understand how Hua Cheng warned her that he can be very, very mean at times. He hasn’t ever been with her. Not properly, at least, only ever playfully. It was obviously always just him trying to seem like he hates her when he doesn’t.

“Oh yeah, that’s fair, I mean, I’m kind of the same, to be honest. Yushi Huang was just very pretty, that’s all. Doesn’t mean I’d want to actually date her.”

He shrugs, placing the first pasta sheet into the bowl. It’s going to be a weird-looking lasagna with how high the walls of this thing are, that much is for sure. Not that the look of a lasagna really matters as long as it tastes great.
(Unless Xie Lian made it, in which case the look would most probably give away the taste, too.)

“Then why ask?”

“Oh, I was just thinking that I could help you or something! If you ever find someone you wanna date, let me help! I’m quite good at matchmaking and stuff, promise!”

“No thanks,” he responds, voice back to that super cold tone that honestly just makes her grin. After all, she knows he probably still appreciates the offer, no matter what he may be saying out loud.

“Alright, alright.”

Then, suddenly, she thinks this might be the right moment to address something she has been thinking about for a while now. Maybe it’s just a stupid feeling she has. Maybe she’s in the wrong, and maybe all her radars are indeed broken, but she just kind of wants to know.

“Hey, can I ask you something a bit more personal?”

He puts the pasta sheets down at that. She gives a short look into the bowl and its first layer, and realizes with satisfaction that four of them fit perfectly next to each other, only leaving a bit of space on the round edges of the bowl, but otherwise literally fitting perfectly. One day she needs to record this and put it on her Instagram story or something and pass it off as lasagna bowl asmr.

“What?”

“Is that a yes or a no?”

“I mean, you can ask, I just won’t answer, probably.”

Once more, she’s just kind of happy about the fact that despite it all, he’s still pretty good at communicating. It’s probably because of his mom, and maybe his dad – she just doesn’t know his dad, so she can’t really judge that well. Because no matter how closed off he is, he does make an effort to say things to her and answer upon being asked. Or shyly ask for a hug, even, under a few layers of his teenage angst disguise.

“So, I was just wondering whether you’re cis or not, to be honest? I don’t know. I get the gender vibes from you. Obviously, I might be wrong and stuff. Just wanted to ask in case I can somehow make you more comfortable with something, you know?”

He walks over to her, so she steps away a little. He stirs the sauce himself once, then turns off the stove, and grabs a proper big spoon to go ahead and take care of putting the sauce on the lasagna sheets.

“I mean, I don’t particularly care about this stuff. Just use the same pronouns as you did. I guess I wouldn’t mind neutral ones either? I’m fine with looking like a guy and all but if you’re already asking, yeah, neutral pronouns are just fine too. I’m not too stuck up on clothes and stuff but I’m not in the mood to get bullied when I go out, so I never tried wearing more feminine stuff.”

Okay, so, in all honour, Shi Qingxuan didn’t expect such a lengthy and elaborate answer. For a bit, she just kind of stares at him.

So, he stares back.

This is probably the longest they’ve ever had eye contact, and Shi Qingxuan is actually the first one to break it because of how it suddenly gets a little awkward.

“What?” he asks, and she just blinks, lowering her head in embarrassment. God, why did she get so stupidly flustered just now?

“I guess I wasn’t expecting such a long answer? I mean, it’s totally fine, obviously! That’s not the issue! I mean if I rejected you for your gender that’d be super fucking stupid of me!” she says, and he lets out one of those snorts again.

“Why are you so surprised? My family’s super open about that stuff. They’ve never really been homophobic nor transphobic or anything of the like. I just wouldn’t want nor need some kind of physical or even social transition, that’s all. Though I guess some days I’d like looking a bit more feminine, but that’s probably about it. Like I said, it’s not that big of a deal for me.”

“That’s… fair,” she says, still very much taken aback. After all, he still is closed off most of the time. But with this she supposes he’s very open. One more coin to her ‘He Xuan is actually a very open and nice guy’ jar.

“I’ve never even told Hua Cheng that.”

Mentally, she takes the lid off the jar, and slowly takes that coin back out.

“And… why me?”

“Well, you asked. He never asked. Like I said. I never cared enough. Still don’t really.”

Right. She decides to mentally screw the lid back on, and saw the coin in half, and only puts half into it.

“I guess that makes sense, yeah. But if you ever change your mind or something, or you want to just wear my clothes, let me know! I mean, I think they might fit you size-wise.”

With a shrug, he grabs the next few pasta plates, carefully placing them next to each other. God, this is stupidly satisfying.

He doesn’t give her a vocal answer, so the shrug remains everything, and then she just quietly watches him as he puts layer after layer into the bowl until I’s five layers of pasta and sauce, then scoops the cut tomatoes on top. Shi Qingxuan grabs the shredded cheese from the fridge, and hands it to him.

He opens it relatively fast, then pours it over the lasagna very carefully until it’s evenly distributed. The sauce honestly smells so nice already. She can’t wait to eat the actual thing.

At least she knows a bit more about He Xuan now, too. That he’s not that strict about gender roles and everything, that he’s probably not entirely cis, that he doesn’t really look for people to date, and that he likes tomatoes.
And the last point is probably the most important one if she’s being honest, considering she will now be able to reasonably gift him tomatoes for his birthday.

Then, something hits her.

“Oh no,” she says, her stomach grumbling, as if to emphasize her point.

“What?”

“We forgot to preheat the oven, Xuan.”

Chapter Text

“Hey, San Lang, are you already home?”

As much as San Lang hates being home for the sole reason that it means that he now has to read another one hundred pages about European realism and how it shaped art forever, he does love the fact that Xie Lian is now back home, too.
That honestly makes everything in life more than just bearable.
Even He Xuan this morning texting him that he has a stomach ache because he ate lasagna leftovers for breakfast.

“Yes!” he answers, “are you hungry? I can prepare something!”

“Oh, no, no! I’m not! I brought my two friends over, is that okay?”

Oh God.
Xie Lian’s friends.

Before he even so much as bothers answering, he immediately runs up to the mirror that’s between their beds, leaning against the wall between the nightstands, and looks himself up and down. He’s still in his street-clothes, so that’s completely fine. His hair looks alright too.

“Yeah!” he shouts back, because hey, surely his friends are very nice people, right? So he has to make a good first impression on them. At least he didn’t have to bother making a good expression on Shi Qingxuan.

“Okay, we’re coming in then! Just come in, it’s a bit small, and we only have three chairs, so I’ll be standing!”

“It’s just three of us,” says a voice, and that’s definitely a guy, and he sounds more than just a little bit annoyed.

“Well, I mean, my roommate wants to get to know you, too, I bet! So it’s four, actually. It’s okay, I can sit on the stove or something! I don’t mind that much. It’s very comfortable, actually!”

Before he can even so much as consider doing that, Hua Cheng is already storming out of the room, and sits down on the stovetop before Xie Lian can.

After all, he doesn’t want to cause Xie Lian any trouble if not needed. And he wants to make the best impression possible ever, since he does still kind of want Xie Lian to fall back in love with him. Even if that’s probably more than just a little bit unrealistic.

So, the three of them walk in. Xie Lian at first, seemingly smaller than the other two guys. One of them has brown hair, wearing it in a bun, the other one has longer, black hair, and he’s wearing it in a ponytail. Both of them look kind of… angry?

Hua Cheng isn’t sure that they’re the right people for Xie Lian to hang out with, especially not if him and Shi Qingxuan are right there to be his friends instead of… these two guys.

“San Lang, this is Feng Xin!” he says, pointing at brown-hair man, “he studies Education. He also has a really cute son! Maybe we could arrange for Cuocuo and Guzi to meet and play a little sometimes? I mean, they’re not that far apart in age! And Guzi kept talking to us about how much he wants a little sibling, but Qi Rong refuses to adopt anyone else-“

“Which is definitely the better choice to make considering how awful of a guy this man is,” Feng Xin sighs, and Hua Cheng does have to admit that he does indeed have a point with that. It’s probably better for both Guzi and Qi Rong to not get a sibling or second child.

“And I’m not sure a child raised by Qi Rong is good to be around Cuocuo.”

“Your son swears more than you do at this point,” black-hair guy scoffs, glaring at Feng Xin again, and Hua Cheng low-key thinks to himself that these two need to take a room, and maybe their tension would be resolved in fifteen to thirty minutes.

Not that he’s going to say this out loud. He does still want to make a good impression, it’s just…

He’s not sure that’s truly worth it, with these guys?

He’s definitely better for Xie Lian than these two. So is Shi Qingxuan. Not that Shi Qingxuan or him are perfect or something, but being better than these two doesn’t seem to be particularly hard.

“Swearing doesn’t mean a kid is poorly raised!”

“Guzi is a very nice child,” Xie Lian interferes, a little bit stressed, “he’s really okay, you two, I promise. He’d love Cuocuo, and Cuocuo would love him.”

“Cuocuo loves everyone,” Mu Qing sighs, probably not noticing that he’s currently arguing for Feng Xin’s side instead of for his own, “even the weird fish guy. Forgot his name.”

Hua Cheng had just been about to tuck a strand of his own hair behind his ear (partly because Xie Lian was smiling at him and he got embarrassed, partly because it had started annoying him a little bit), but he instantly lets his hand sink.

“Are we talking about He Xuan?”

“Ah, right, that’s his name. The neighbour, remember?”

Feng Xin stares at Mu Qing.

“Yes, I remember, indeed,” he says, a little sarcastically, “I’m not stupid, you know?”

“Your incapability of using protection when needed and ending up becoming a father at age fourteen begs to differ.”

“You’re just jealous that you’re getting no bitches, Mu Qing.”

Xie Lian, by now, looks clearly stressed out, gaze shifting from Feng Xin to Mu Qing. Hua Cheng wants to help him, but before he can, their argument is already continuing.

“That is absolutely not the case, Feng Xin. Besides, it’s not like you’ve had a partner ever since you got Jian Lan pregnant, did you now? That’s even worse than fish guy.”

Okay.
This is Hua Cheng’s time to interfere, clearly.

“Wait. He Xuan is someone I know very well. He’s not in a relationship. Just to clarify.”

That gets Mu Qing to look at him, and Xie Lian gives him one of these apologetic glances-

“No need to worry, Gege,” he says as reassuringly as he somewhat can, prompting both the other guys to stare at him like he’s totally out of his mind, “you don’t need to apologize for these buffoons. I totally understand not everyone can be as smart as you.”

“San Lang-“

“Anyways,” Hua Cheng says, sighing a little as the two guys start being clearly angry with him. Okay, maybe he has to prioritize his own fun above appealing to Xie Lian for just once, because oh dear, teasing those two guys surely is fun. “Why did you think He Xuan has a partner? He doesn’t. I’m pretty sure I’d be the first to know. The guy would come to me crying super hard if he so much as was in love-“

“San Lang,” Xie Lian whispers next to him, actually sitting down on the stovetop together with him. Since it’s not that big, they end up squeezed together, hip to hip and shoulder to shoulder and Hua Cheng physically feels the blood shoot into his face. “Don’t insult your friends like that.”

“Well, maybe you’re behind on news then, because he’s sleeping in one bed with this Shi Qingxuan girl.”

That makes Hua Cheng stop breathing for a second, and it takes a few moments for these words to make their way through his mind.

“Gege, is it acceptable if I quickly go outside to call He Xuan? Do you mind?”

“Oh no, no, we don’t mind!” he says, “I… I’m going to come with you, and I’m going to call Shi Qingxuan. Mu Qing, Feng Xin, I’m sorry, but this is clearly an emergency.”

Xie Lian is the first to hop off the stovetop, but closely followed by Hua Cheng.
Once they’re outside, they just look at each other.
Before Hua Cheng can even grab his phone, he’s already being grabbed by his shoulders by Xie Lian.

“I’m so sorry for my friends I promise they’re really nice, actually, they just…”

“I think they’re in love.”

That makes Xie Lian let go of his shoulders (although the burning feeling of his touch remains), and stumble a few steps backwards.

“Wait… what?”

“Look at them,” Hua Cheng laughs, “there’s so much tension between them. I think they need to take a room. I think they have to kiss this one out or something. Just think about it. Didn’t you tell me before that they live together? Why else would they live together if they truly hate each other? Obviously, they want to be around each other. Maybe they just haven’t admitted it to themselves yet. And definitely not to each other, or else they probably wouldn’t be this bad.”

Xie Lian is staring at him, mouth open, blinking a bit still.

“I dislike how that makes sense.”

“I mean, obviously you know them better than I do, Gege. But to me it really just seems like they’re in love, and they’re being very angsty about it.”

Again, Xie Lian is just looking at him.

“How did you know that so fast?”

Hua Cheng really isn’t in the mood to explain to Xie Lian that, if you have been in very desperate love for literally more than half of your life, it’s not that hard to recognize in others.

He needs to come up with some kind of excuse, and he needs to do so fast. Except his mind is absolutely stuck on this one. There isn’t exactly a lot he could say, is there? So he’ll just have to open his mouth and say whatever comes to his mind first.

“I’ve read a lot of romance books in my life.”

“Oh really? Wow, I actually wouldn’t have expected that!” Xie Lian chuckles, “you truly are full of surprises, San Lang! Do you think I should address it with these two? Or do you think I should wait?”

Hua Cheng does sincerely think about that for a moment, but most certainly not because of Mu Qing or Feng Xin. It’s just that Xie Lian was the one to ask, so he wants to make sure that he gives him a proper answer. He doesn’t want to disappoint him after all. Now he realizes that he could have also just said ‘I recognize the gays when I see them’, and would probably have gotten away with that, but it’s too late now. He’ll have to ask Shi Qingxuan for some romance novel book tips, maybe. He hasn’t read many, if he’s being honest. His fair share for sure, but not enough to call it ‘a lot’ like he just did.

“Maybe wait. I mean, they live together now, so maybe this resolves itself at one point. If it doesn’t, we can still interfere, right? Anyways, as much as I enjoy talking to you about this, Gege, I do think I have to make sure that He Xuan isn’t completely insane yet. Because as much as I hate to say this, he is my friend.”

“Oh, of course! Don’t worry about it! I mean, I’m not completely convinced they're actually in love, but I’ll… look a bit at them. Okay, okay, I’m going to call Shi Qingxuan also-“

“No wait, actually,” Hua Cheng says, “we should just facetime them from one phone.”

“Right, that makes sense,” Xie Lian laughs, and puts his phone away. “Yours will do!”

So, Hua Cheng dials He Xuan’s number and makes sure to open video chat. He knows that He Xuan isn’t one to pick up his phone often, mainly because he dislikes it, but sure enough, a second later, someone does pick up. Except it’s not He Xuan.
It’s Shi Qingxuan.

“He Xuan told me to pick up! Oh, Lianlian! How are you two?”

Hua Cheng is very grateful that she didn’t actually say his name. she does seem to have a bit of a hard time with calling him ‘Hua Cheng’. And honestly, coming from her, that does sound just the tiniest bit off. He’s used to her calling him ‘Hong’, and it feels more intimate and- he blushes a bit at his own stupid thoughts. He really is attached to her still, huh?

“My two best friends are over right now,” Xie Lian says, which is the moment He Xuan pokes his head into the screen, a chocolate bar in his hand, “who just so happen to be your neighbours. I didn’t know this before, what a funny coincidence!”

So Xie Lian is playing this the safe route. Being gentle about it, just making sure they know the context of all of this. Shi Qingxuan does seem to look the tiniest bit stressed about this, and Hua Cheng can only guess that it’s because this is actually true. That they actually do sleep in the same bed.

“Wait, Feng Xin and Mu Qing? that’s so funny!”

Hua Cheng decides to go in for the kill directly, because first of all, why is he meant to wait, and second of all, he absolutely loves driving He Xuan crazy.

“We just so happened to learn that you sleep in the same bed, you two.”

Xie Lian looks at him, a little bit like he’s trying to scold him with his gaze only, but Hua Cheng just shrugs, grinning at him a little.

Then, he looks at back at the screen.

Shi Qingxuan drops the Blahaj that she was holding, and He Xuan opens his mouth so wide that the chocolate bar falls out of his mouth.
Yep.

This reaction was more than just worth it, Hua Cheng decides. And no matter the explanation they provide for this one, it’s already hilarious enough that this made his entire day. No matter the realism text he still has to read.

The poor chocolate bar piece falls straight onto Blahaj, and he looks even more miserable and like he’s questioning his life even more than usually.
Hua Cheng surely doesn’t pity Shi Qingxuan, and also not He Xuan – but he does regret making Blahaj sadder than usual.

Chapter Text

“Listen, I can explain this,” Shi Qingxuan says, clearly agitated, and everything Hua Cheng does is give Xie Lian a look, trying to say that she most probably can’t.

“Uh-huh,” Xie Lian makes, “go on then. I would sure like to know why my best friend and my roommate’s best friend are sleeping in one bed together.”

Hua Cheng can see the blush on He Xuan’s face and makes a mental note to observe this development. Because really, if he’s being honest, it’s more than just obvious that Shi Qingxuan has a crush on that guy.
She keeps blushing around him. She keeps teasing him, and she doesn’t do that with anyone else form what he can see, even nowadays. She made lasagna just for him, just to take care of him while he was homesick.
And the thing is – He Xuan wouldn’t ever let Hua Cheng do the same. He wouldn’t agree to be touched by him, let alone sleep in one single bed with him. Of course, Hua Cheng isn’t mad about that or something; he honestly doesn’t care. And as much as he likes to take the crap out of He Xuan, and annoy him, he still does respect him and his boundaries as much as he can.
Because he knows very well what it’s like having them overstepped.
(He really hopes that Qi Rong doesn’t come back any time soon, because seeing this guy again was low-key re-traumatizing if he’s being honest.)

So thing is – both He Xuan and Shi Qingxuan, people he knows well (because Shi Qingxuan really hasn’t changed much even though it’s been what? a decade?), are acting noticeably different around each other.
And that’s more than just a little bit suspicious.

And while a crush isn’t properly being in love with someone, not always at least he thinks, he’s not all too concerned about Shi Qingxuan yet. After all, He Xuan is good looking – Hua Cheng can admit that without feeling weird about that because he honestly wouldn’t ever fall in love with anyone who isn’t Xie Lian – so that’s understandable.

He Xuan however?
Hua Cheng roughly knows about how he was in love once, and then the person died, so he’s probably got some issues with that. However, apart from this tragic story, seeing him properly in love would be hilarious, so now Hua Cheng can only hope. Maybe he should blackmail Shi Qingxuan a little, tell her to push his buttons a little more – then again, does he even need to do that? Isn’t she already doing that unpromptedly?

So, his point stands – Shi Qingxuan definitely has a crush on He Xuan that might develop into something deeper if this carries on, and He Xuan definitely treats her differently than others and that’s interesting by itself, no matter what feelings might be beyond that.

“Okay, so basically, Xie Lian, your brother messed up a bit,” Shi Qingxuan starts, tearing Hua Cheng out of his thoughts.

“My brother?”

“Yeah, I was meant to get this room, my brother had kind of confirmed that for me, but Jun Wu saw He Xuan’s name and thought it was for him, since we share a name and birthday.”

Right.
As if resurfacing from deep within his mind, Hua Cheng suddenly realizes that Shi Qingxuan and He Xuan share a birthday. What are those two? Fated soulmates or something? Connected by some kind of red string to meet at university, become roommates, and fall in love? God, he can’t wait to see this disaster unfold.

“So, he put us in this flat, which is only made for one person. But He Xuan doesn’t have the money to rent something else since he’s on a scholarship to begin with, and I don’t really want to live in a hotel since nothing else is free. And there’s not enough space for two beds, you know? So we’re just kind of… sleeping in one big bed. But don’t worry! Nothing bad will happen, because we are both very full of self-control, and I mean, I’m trans so I can’t get pregnant anyways! And the big Blahaj is always between us!”

Hua Cheng really doesn’t know how to break it to his childhood best friend that thinking about having sex with some guy you met a little bit over two weeks ago isn’t exactly a normal, platonic thing, but he decides not to address this.
No, he’s not going to meddle.
He’s going to watch this all go down on its own, unless this somehow ends in them hurting each other, but for now, he’ll just observe. Like in a cinema, with a bag of popcorn, mentally observing two of his best friends slowly falling for each other (or not, it’s not like he knows the future or something, he just has a feeling about this).

“So… you’re sleeping in one bed?” Xie Lian asks, as if to confirm this again, a blush on his face at Shi Qingxuan mentioning the pregnancy thing, “but you’re not in a relationship or anything?”

Shi Qingxuan immediately shakes her head, and so does He Xuan who pokes his head back into the screen, blush now completely gone from his face.

“Absolutely not,” he comments, “I’m a relatively sane person I’d like to think.”

“Yeah, no, you’re not,” Hua Cheng says, and Xie Lian hides his lips behind his hand, as if he’s laughing a little bit.

“Shut the fuck up, emo,” He Xuan complains, “point being, we’re not. I just don’t have money, and this is the easiest way, and trust me, I’m not liking it.”

Maybe others can’t tell, but Hua Cheng has been around this guy for ages by now – he knows him. He’s lying. He Xuan is lying right there, in front of his eyes, that he’s casting downwards a little, which is what he always does when he lies.
Another mental note.
He seems to quite like sleeping in one bed with Shi Qingxuan.
This is getting better by the second.

“Uh… is there anything else?” Shi Qingxuan asks, and she’s most definitely still blushing, and still trying to fight it, seeing as she keeps flapping her hands nervously in front of her face, “I have to go read this stupid realism text. You know the one, Hua Cheng. I hate every single second of it.”

Uh-huh. She has to go read. Surely she’s going to be thinking about He Xuan instead.
Nevertheless, and seeing as Xie Lian isn’t saying anything else to them either, he just puts on his most polite smile that he can manage.

“Sure. That’s alright. You can leave. I’ll go entertain your neighbours again, together with Gege.”

“San Lang, they’re not children.”

“They kind of act like it, though.”

“Oh wait,” Shi Qingxuan suddenly says, “just a short question before I leave to read, actually. Xie Lian, have you thought over me getting you a boyfriend yet?”

Hua Cheng freezes right then and there, awkwardly glancing at Xie Lian, from the side, hoping that the other won’t notice. He’s so close anyways. And Hua Cheng’s heart has been trying to beat out of his chest for the entire time.

And he also can’t lie, but he’s been significantly more tired recently because he keeps listening to Xie Lian’s breathing as he sleeps imagining scenarios of how he would end up in one bed with Xie Lian instead of trying to sleep himself.

“Uh… Shi Qingxuan, I’ve already told you, I’m not really into actively looking for one or something!”

“Aww, okay, okay, what a bummer. Well, if anyone catches your eye, you just let me know, alright?”

“S-sure,” Xie Lian stutters, a little bit confused.

Hua Cheng wished he could punch Shi Qingxuan through the screen, especially when she grins that slightly arrogant grin that makes her look a lot more like her brother. Which is also directed at him, he thinks.

“Okay, I need to entertain our guests, so goodbye,” Hua Cheng says, realizing how cold his voice sounds, which just makes the grin on Shi Qingxuan’s face even broader.

However, she does wave at him, then hangs up.

For a few seconds, neither Xie Lian, nor Hua Cheng is saying anything.

This is still quite a lot to take in if he’s being honest – the fact that He Xuan, his best friend, seems to like someone who isn’t him? Obviously Hua Cheng is happy for him, that’s out of question. It’s more just… unusual. He was kind of relieved when it turned out He Xuan would be living on his own, not with someone, because Hua Cheng really felt like he would cause problems on purpose at one point. He hasn’t seen him having meltdowns a lot, to be fair, but he knows that He Xuan does get them after being around people for too long. He’s texted him about that sometimes to excuse himself when he didn’t manage to answer in time to Hua Cheng crying about being scared of messaging Xie Lian.
Not that either of them would ever admit to the other that a meltdown or a Xie Lian induced breakdown ever happened, of course, afterwards.
And so far, he hasn’t heard of He Xuan having a single meltdown in those weeks. Apart from him being a little homesick, but that’s different.
Which means he can really just be himself around Shi Qingxuan, and well, Hua Cheng supposes that makes sense. She’s very approachable, doesn’t judge people that aren’t Pei Ming, is accepting, and tries to please people, just not to an overwhelming extent like others might. She accepts them and tries to make them comfortable and at ease, unless that interferes with her own personal feelings.
And she has always been that way.
And honestly, Hua Cheng has not a single clue as to how she turned out handling everyone’s emotions in such a healthy way, considering she grew up with whatever her parents and brother were on about.

“So…” Xie Lian coughs awkwardly, “this… was an explanation, I suppose.”

“I mean, yeah, I guess it is,” he agrees, throwing Xie Lian a smile and receiving a shaky one back. “What’s on your mind, gege?”

Xie Lian looks away for a second, rubbing his eyes, then back at Hua Cheng.

“I’ve just… what you said about Feng Xin and Mu Qing got me thinking. Because now that you’ve mentioned that they might just be in love with each other, everything just makes sense, but…”

“But?”

“Don’t you think that it’s… the exact same for Shi Qingxuan and her roommate?”

While it does catch him a bit off-guard that even Xie Lian, who hasn’t picked up on his two friends very obviously pining for each other for God knows how long he’s known them, realized this about their other friends…
It surely means something, doesn’t it?
He can’t help but laugh a little, and for a bit, Xie Lian looks insulted.

“No, no, gege, don’t take this the wrong way, please, I totally agree. I just thought it funny that I was just thinking the same thing, that’s all. I don’t think we should address this either. Because first of all, it’s only been two weeks, and we might be wrong, and… also I just want to see He Xuan suffer a little bit if this truly is the case.”

Tilting his head a little, Xie Lian throws him one of these smiles again. He so badly wants to kiss it and feel it against his own.
Hua Cheng would scold himself for cringy thoughts like this if he hadn’t long gotten used to them.

“You’re so mean, San Lang! Isn’t he meant to be your friend? And Shi Qingxuan too, right, since you get along so well?”

Hua Cheng chooses to not respond and just keep smiling as innocently as possible. He’s sure that Xie Lian will get that being mean is his point. Because if he wants Xie Lian to actually fall in love with him, he needs to make sure that he’s not just perfect, but also a little bit flawed so that he doesn’t appear creepy.
And he is a naturally mean person.

“Alright, alright, I get it. You enjoy being mean. Can’t say I don’t understand, considering I won’t tell Feng Xin or Mu Qing anything you’ve just said about their relationship because it’s more fun to watch this way.”

“See? I knew that Gege understands my ways.”

That attempt of an evil smirk on his face is probably the cutest thing Hua Chen has ever seen.

“I certainly do, San Lang.”

Chapter Text

“Did I ever tell you that Xuan Ji broke into our flat again and literally threatened me with a gun?”

Shi Wudu doesn’t really enjoy remembering that night, but it’s not like he has any other choice with Pei Ming wanting to tell Ling Wen about it.
Except he really wished he hadn’t addressed it, because Shi Wudu was trying his absolute hardest to come up with a thesis topic again. It doesn’t help that Ling Wen has already started writing her thesis the semester before because she had accidentally done way too much research on a topic, and decided to make that her thesis, except she's still going to need to actually write it during the next semester.

“Again? Why haven’t you guys reported her yet?”

She’s looking at her laptop, not even bothering to look at Pei Ming’s face or anything. Shi Wudu likes her precisely because of that – she’s mean to Pei Ming just as much as he is. Okay, she’s also mean to him, but she’s funny because of it, and they’re hanging out together now, so that’s good enough as it is. Honestly, he’s never gotten why some people need so many friends if you just have idiots like Pei Ming and Ling Wen around you. They’re high maintenance enough. He wouldn’t be able to handle more than those two.

“Listen, it’d be hard to do so since she works at the police herself,” Pei Ming sighs, “the worst is that she probably took up the job to stalk me sort of legally.”

“More reason to report her.”

“It’s okay, she said she won’t do it again,” he sighs, looking at his laptop and the ‘finding a topic for your thesis’ site that has been opened in one of his google tabs for over a week now. He’s going to go insane.

However, at that, Ling Wen does raise her eyebrow.

“Oh? How did that happened?”

“Shi Wudu kissed her.”

Shi Wudu, who’s sitting literally right there when Pei Ming says that, feels his cheek heat up again at the memory. He didn’t particularly like it. It’s not like he’s never kissed anyone on the cheek before that. It’s just that he did it out of spite this time and he doesn’t actually like her at all. And Pei Ming was there. And somehow that’s the worst thing about it.

“You… did what?”

“Don’t misphrase things like that,” he sighs, looking up at Pei Ming to see his face wearing the ugliest grin ever, “I kissed her cheek. Because she promised she’d leave then. And I was tired, okay? And all of this is your fault anyways. Maybe you should’ve just kept sleeping with her.”

“Nah, no way. I got enough of her. She got weird. Like, past my comfort zone weird.”

“I suppose she’s a special zero point one percent of the population then,” Ling Wen retorts, “considering you’re probably into weird stuff.”

“I’m not really, no,” Pei Ming sighs, “not that you’ll ever learn of it.”

“No, thanks, Pei,” she sighs back in exactly the same kind of voice, “I’m way too gay to ever even consider sleeping with you, and even if I was as straight as a ruler, I don’t think I would do it simply because I have standards.”

Shi Wudu can’t help but laugh, just knowing that he’s said this exact same thing the night Xuan Ji was there. Even Pei Ming’s mouth falls open, and he shuts the book in front of him (which Shi Wudu only now realizes is ‘Yearning for xxx’, another Paulette de Sade book that Shi Wudu has found when Pei Ming left it in the kitchen.
He really is using his thesis as an excuse to reread all those god-awful books.

“Can you both stop saying that?”

“Both?” Ling Wen raises her eyebrow at Shi Wudu, so he just puts his head into his hands and rubs his forehead a little bit.

“Yeah, both of us. Xuan Ji was convinced that me and Pei Ming have something going on. So I kindly let her know that I do indeed have standards, in comparison to some others. Three girls a week, usually, to be exact.”

A foot kicks his leg beneath the table and he just grins a bit at his roommate.

“Come on now, this isn’t a secret. Everyone knows you hook up with a lot of people on a weekly basis, Pei. You’ve done so ever since eighth grade, after all.”

“That early? Wow, I didn’t know that,” Ling Wen says, “tell me more about the Pei Ming lore, Shi Wudu.”

“No, no, don’t!” Pei Ming says, almost as though he’s a bit embarrassed, but Shi Wudu has decided that he does indeed not care a single bit about whether this man finally feels a bit embarrassed about all of this. It feels good to tease him a little, to be honest. Sometimes he really wished that Ling Wen had been with them for longer than just the time at university, considering how fast they got close to her.

“So, it all started when there was this new student in class in grade eight. I totally forgot her name and everything, but Pei Ming really wanted to get with her, but she refused, but he kept pursuing her and sure enough, after a few months, they became a couple.”

“Oh please don’t mention this to me.”

“Wait, you had something serious going on there, Pei? I thought you only did casual stuff.”

“I do only do casual stuff, I was just fourteen and stupid, okay? Real relationships aren’t for me.”

“So anyways,” Shi Wudu continues, “she turned out to be very religious and actually sort of uneducated, so then she went around telling everyone she was pregnant now and that he was the father. Obviously he wasn’t, and she wasn’t pregnant to begin with, but that was an entire thing that happened. Somehow it didn’t stop him from sleeping with almost every girl in our grade, the one below, and the one above, though.”

Another kick that he receives under the table. All it does is make him laugh.
Even Ling Wen cracks a laugh at that.

“How did that story not scare you off, Pei? Seriously, if that had happened to me, I’d simply never have touched a girl ever again for another few years, probably, out of straight embarrassment.”

“I was a teenager, okay, that should explain everything.”

Shi Wudu can’t help but think that yeah, actually that kind of does explain everything. Teenagers do a lot of stupid stuff. Like the time he actively thought about marrying this one girl in the next class to beat the accusations that he’s never kissed someone, which at the time was true.
Said girl next class had, funnily enough, been a lesbian. So she let him kiss his cheek, no strings attached and all, and he then beat the accusations.
In hindsight, this really wasn’t much better than Pei Ming and the fake-pregnant girl who got her parents at his doorstep just for his own parents to explain to them how reproduction actually works.
Shi Wudu remembers hearing it all from his window. That was a wild day.

“Fair enough, I guess,” Ling Wen says, “have you ever tried explaining to us why you don’t want an actual relationship? Like, have you considered being aromantic, maybe?”

Pei Ming freezes a little at that, then releases a small sigh and shakes his head.

“Oh no, that’s not the case, actually. It’s just so much effort. I’ve been in love a few times, actually. Not a lot, though. It’s just that I tend to not have any luck with those girls, so I just gave up. Doesn’t matter though, I’m very happy this way.”

Shi Wudu supposes that’s valid. Of course he makes a lot of fun of Pei Ming, yeah; but at the end of the day, this is just the way he wants to live, and that’s okay.

Or… well, it would be okay if it wasn’t for the fact the Shi Wudu is being subjected to certain noises from the next room over every few days.

“I guess that makes sense. A bit sad though,” Ling Wen admits, “and you, Wudu? Have you found anyone yet?”

That question catches him off-guard. And he does freeze completely. And doesn’t just relax as quickly as Pei Ming. He’s also not really able to explain it.

“I…” he starts, unable to think any further on what he wants to say; thing is, he does one day want a wife and children even, maybe. It’s just that he hasn’t been in love yet (he thinks). He does want to be. Or like, he does want a relationship with someone. Kiss someone and everything. He’s not going to say this out loud.

“I mean, I’d rather focus on my degree,” he says instead, proud of himself for managing to come up with an explanation that fast after all.

However, Pei Ming and Ling Wen just look at each other at that, both raising an eyebrow.

“Are you aromantic?” Pei Ming asks, and Shi Wudu does shake his head.

“Don’t think so, no. If you’re looking so hard for someone aromantic, go befriend Ming Yi. I remember him dumping several girls and boys with that as a reason.”

“I got half of those girls.”

“Pei Ming, that is not something to boast about, you know?” Ling Wen deadpans, but deciding not to comment on it more than that, “but yeah, fair enough. I guess not everyone can get such an amazing girlfriend like I did, because that is something to boast about.”

That makes both Shi Wudu and Pei Ming roll their eyes. Because sure, Ling Wen may appear incredibly cold at first sight, and like she doesn’t care about anything at all – which might be almost true – she does care a lot about her girlfriend. To be fair, Shi Wudu does quite like her girlfriend. She’s very nice.
Pei Ming on the other side can’t stand her, mostly because she jokingly led him on for a month to teach him a lesson after he hurt her best friend, which is also how she got to know Ling Wen.
Shi Wudu has to hand it to her – Yushi Huang is more than just cool for that move. Maybe it was a bit mean okay, but Pei Ming probably deserved that one.

“Oh yeah, Wudu, we met your sister and her roommate in the supermarket some days ago, too. She seemed… quite fond of my girlfriend. As in, she threatened to steal her from me.”

“Oh god bless,” he sighs, and that gets Ling Wen to look at him properly.

“Excuse me? I thought you were going to hate that and call her up instantly.”

“No, listen, Ling Wen,” he starts, “your girlfriend is nice and kind and everything. But Pei Ming is insistent that Qingxuan will fall in love with her roommate, and I hate that guy. So I’d rather she gets heartbroken by your cool girlfriend, instead of happy with her roommate.”

That earns him two kicks under the table.

“You’re such a bad brother,” Pei Ming says, “I’d never say this to my little cousin.”

“And I’d never even say that to my hamster,” Ling Wen adds, “I agree. You’re a horrible brother.”

“Hey, why are we teaming up on me? I thought we were slandering Pei Ming! Why would you betray be like that, Ling Wen?”

Both of his friends just shrug at that, leaving him absolutely and utterly miserable.

“Well, time to get back to work,” Pei Ming sighs, “I need to analyze this beautiful book that both of you should read.”

“Absolutely not.”

And since Shi Wudu and Ling Wen said that in perfect unison, Shi Wudu thinks that maybe Ling Wen is back on the right team again.

Chapter Text

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I am, this is the best idea I’ve ever had in my life, trust me.”

Strangely enough, He Xuan doesn’t exactly trust Shi Qingxuan with anything ever. Not after learning how awful she is at cutting tomatoes ten days ago.
(Why the hell does he remember that was ten days ago? That’s so dumb. Really, he should be storing better information in the braincells that he’s storing that in. It’s not like he needs to know that. Who cares about stupid stuff like that? Obviously, he does. Except he’d really rather not.)

“I’m not entirely certain about this,” he reiterates his point, staring at the items Shi Qingxuan is holding in front of him.

“No, no, you’ll look stunning, trust me.”

Why exactly had he let her talk him into this again? Of course, the reason for that is also in what happened ten days ago, namely, him confessing to her that he doesn’t exactly mind not being seen as a cis guy.

And ever since then, Shi Qingxuan has been dead set on getting him to try out her clothes, and since she’s kept bugging him about it for the entirety of the past week and a half even when he was trying to sleep, and in the middle of the night literally waking him up for this he eventually gave in.

Except that he’s starting to regret this.

This entire ordeal is a bit weird in the way that He Xuan doesn’t usually budge, no matter how convincing someone is, unless it’s his sister… or well, Shi Qingxuan. He hates that he kind of likes her. He sort of wished he didn’t if he’s being honest. Shi Qingxuan has the biggest popular girl at high school vibes that he can imagine, and he’s always despised this type of person. Honestly, his family and Hua Cheng had also simply been enough for him – getting attached to someone else was unnecessary.
Especially if it’s someone as bothersome as Shi Qingxuan. What’s in this for him? Nothing much. Getting made to wear her clothes (okay, okay, if he’s being honest, he kind of does want to try out, so maybe it’s convenient that she’s her roommate, or well, bedmate). Watching her cut tomatoes like an absolute idiot who hasn’t ever handled a knife. Getting touched without asking for it on accident. Getting a hug when he really needs it. Having lasagna made for him to cheer him up. Have someone simply be in the room with him when he’s feeling down, which often is enough. Not having to hide who he is or pretend he’s some kind of normal guy.
Oh no.
He's started listing positive reasons.

“Xuan? You’re spacing out! So scared? I know, I know, wearing girl’s clothes for the first time is scary, but I bet you’ll look so good in them! Do it for me, okay? Please? You can get out of them immediately if you don’t like them, I swear!”

He Xuan stares at the fishnets, and the black croptop, and the black leather skirt, and decides that as weird as the thought of trying this on is, she does have good tastes, and knows what he likes.

“Alright. But I’m not doing it for you,” he sighs, low-key hating himself for that again.

God. He hadn’t meant to get attached to his girl. What if a flat actually ends up being empty and her asshole of a brother manages to convince her to move there? In the beginning, he had wanted to live alone for the sake of well, being alone. Because he wasn’t so sure he’d be able to handle a roommate. He wasn’t even able to handle one night in a room with two guys from his town on a vacation trip to an aquarium that his mom had gifted him for his fourteenth birthday after working overtime for it for a month, and he ended up sleeping in the room of his biology teacher, who was one of the adults on the trip. Not that he didn’t like his biology teacher. She was a very nice lady, and always tried to accommodate him as much as possible. It’s just that she snored awfully loud, so he didn’t get any sleep after all.

But Shi Qingxuan… she’s just easy to be around.

And that’s weird, because no one apart from his family, and maybe Hua Cheng, is easy to be around.

So why the hell is this bundle of pure and raw energy easy to be around of all people? He doesn’t get it. She’s the opposite of what he’d look for in a roommate if it was up to him.

“Okay, okay, whoever you’re doing it for, try it on! Oh right,” she says, but only after placing the clothes on their bed.
He Xuan kind of cringes mentally at the fact he calls it ‘their bed’ in his mind automatically by now. Well. It’s been almost a month. Not like he can do much about it at this point except get used to the fact that Shi Qingxuan is quite an okay person.

“So like, do you want me to leave while you get changed? I can also just turn around. But like, it’s up to you.”

“Turning around is enough,” he sighs, “but please don’t turn around before I say it’s okay.”

That one time she walked in on him changing and was reduced to an apologizing mess was honestly enough for him already. No need to repeat that incident, really.

“Alright, don’t worry! I’ll just be staring at this very pretty, yellow wall! I really wished it was a different colour, by the way!”

He Xuan chooses not to comment on how he thinks that yellow is a perfectly fine colour for a wall. Sure enough, it doesn’t really look good with the colour of the wood that most of their furniture is made of, and it doesn’t match their bedsheets at all, but it’s a good colour for a wall. Their living room and kitchen at home is yellow. His own room is light blue (which is something his father worked a month overtime for. He really loves his parents). His sister's is the brightest pink he’s ever seen. The bathroom is darkblue and white, which he’s always loved because it felt a little bit like the sea with a white sky.

So, he picks up the clothes, giving them one more doubtful look, then starts to get undressed with another sigh. Honestly, getting these fishnets on is his biggest concern. Size wise he’s pretty sure they’ll fit; of course he’s taller than Shi Qingxuan, but he’s a lot skinnier, so her clothes should probably fit. If anything, they’re going to be a bit short, but that shouldn’t be too much of a problem either, considering the skirt seems to be about knee-length for her.

Once he’s gotten out of his pants, he does grab the fishnets, staring at them.

How the hell is he meant to put those on? He guesses that he’ll just have to keep his toes squeezed together. After deciding to sit down before even so much as trying, he gets to work. And surely enough, he gets his toes stuck a few times, but in the end manages to put them on completely.

He looks at himself in the mirror, and decides to ignore how weird those look over underwear, but he does know that’s not the point of them. So, he puts the skirt on also, and his socks, because he really doesn’t like his feet touching the ground.

Their flat may be relatively clean, but considering how much both of them snack, it’s most definitely never going to be crumb-free. And he doesn’t want said crumbs sticking to his feet.

With the skirt, it definitely looks better, and he can’t lie, he could get used to this.

Only the crop top is missing; it has t-shirt sleeves, but with metal rings inside of them.

Did she ever wear this? Her style seems to be much less black. Did she buy that for some kind of special occasion, or specifically to force it onto her future roommate, perhaps? He wouldn’t be surprised if this was some kind of calculation she had done.
He can perfectly imagine her standing in front of a clothes rack in a store, seeing the top, and thinking ‘yep, I’m buying this to annoy the hell out of my future, accidental roommate at university’.
Since she’s not looking anyways, he allows himself a quick smile about that, as he puts on the top.

And… surely enough… it looks good on him?

“Uh… you can look,” he says, still a bit taken aback by this fact.

So, Shi Qingxuan turns around incredibly fast – she was most definitely waiting in the biggest anticipation ever for this, wasn’t she?

“Oh my god you look literally perfect!”

He hates how this makes his cheeks feel a little warmer. He shouldn’t be this weak to compliments. Especially not about his looks. He does know that he looks a way that other people find attractive, it’s just that he never really cared about those things much. Why would he? Looks aren’t important if you have sharks.

“I mean, you’re missing accessories and some make up, but we can work on that, if you want? Would you be comfortable with that?”

Again, he hates how easy she makes it to… well. Feel at ease. To make him say what he actually feels even though it’s sort of his brand not to, just to keep people at a distance because he honest to God cannot be bothered with many people.

“If you want.”

The fact this is what comes out of his mouth is even worse, because he’s implying that it’s somehow her choice. Which it shouldn’t be. She can’t just do whatever she wants with him-
Except he kind of wants to, so his argument is bad.

“Great! Because I absolutely want that. Will you let me rummage through your accessories? You have more emo and punk stuff than I do. I do own some chains and stuff though, so that’s great.”

He’s never seen those. If she has so many clothes that she brought here, how many does she have at home? She’s not even going to wear these very often. He Xuan really, really does not understand rich people. Though, he guesses, if he had the money, he’d probably also be spending it. No use in saving up if you don’t have to, after all.

“Just… go on,” he says, suddenly remembering he still has to answer, still staring at himself in the mirror either.

And, sure enough, Shi Qingxuan comes back with several of his accessories, and several of her own.

“Here. Put those on. The skirt has a hook on either side where you can put stuff on. It’s not made to be worn with belts though. It’s not falling down, is it?”

“No,” he says, “it’s alright.”

So, he takes the accessories out of her hands. Touching her fingers a little while doing so, which does still feel a bit weird. Weirder than with other people, even. Usually, he tends to get a bit disgusted or uneasy with touching other people. But with her, even that’s… easy. He doesn’t mind it. He kind of likes it. Which is scary. He liked that hug, ten days ago. He’d like to repeat it. But obviously he’s very much not going to ask for that.

He'd rather die than do that.

After putting on several bracelets and chains and necklaces and whatnot, he does agree that it makes him look even better.

“Now you look really gender,” she comments, and he facepalms mentally once more at the phrasing, “no, this is crazy. You look so good like this! If I was a creepy old guy, I’d definitely be catcalling you.”

He can’t help but snort at that.

“Is this meant to be a compliment?”

“Kind of, I think,” she chuckles, “either way, want me to do your hair and makeup? I mean, I just really love doing others’ hair and makeup. Not that I get to do that often. My brother doesn’t like it, as you may be able to guess.”

“Hair yes. Makeup no,” he sighs.

“No, no, no, let me do your makeup, please?”

The thought of her fingers in his face is kind of weird.

“Please, Xuan! If you don’t like it, we can still just take it off again! No need to be shy! Please? If you say no again, I promise I’ll let it go, but let me beg again. Please? Please, please, please, please-“

“Okay, okay, fine,” he grunts, sitting down on the bed next to her. Closer than he had meant to, actually. And yet, when she gets behind him after having grabbed a hairbrush, some hairspray, and several hair ties, he can’t help but smile a little bit again.

She’s so terribly easy to please, really. Just a bit of doing makeup on someone else is enough to make her completely happy. She’s an easy person in every aspect, truly. …Maybe a bit too easy about her academics, though.

“Oh right. You don’t mind me touching you for this? I’ll try keeping it to the bare minimum. And don’t worry, I’ll be careful with your hair, I’ve done Hong’s hair a million times, and yours looks a lot smoother.”

“It’s fine,” he says, and she instantly gets to work. Maybe he should be regretting this, considering she’ll probably annoy him into giving in once more. But for now, he can’t really care. Not if she’s humming away behind him, quietly brushing his hair. It’s just easy.

Chapter Text

An hour later, Shi Qingxuan says that He Xuan is now ‘fully styled’ and if it weren’t for her occasional complaining about realist literature in eastern Europe that she will have to draw a scene from (which she has apparently decided is going to be the scene of feverish Raskolnikov from Crime and Punishment getting doted on by his arguably not so straight friend, simply because she wants to draw something gay), he probably would’ve gone insane with boredom. He gets that makeup is an art in on itself, but really, the fact some people spend an hour on this every morning?
The number of books he could read in that time, really.
Well. To each his own priorities, he supposes.

“There. Now look at yourself, you look-“

The doorbell rings. Of all things possible, the godforsaken doorbell rings, meaning someone is here, and he’s still in makeup and these clothes and depending on who this is, he might simply just go and fling himself into the small pond a kilometer away and become some kind of water ghoul. That way he at least gets to have some fun by haunting people. That’s his priority.

“Uh oh,” Shi Qingxuan says, “I’ll go and see who it is! Probably just the paint I ordered, so no worries!”

Okay. That’d be the best-case scenario. He Xuan just isn’t very sure of presenting himself to the public like this yet. It still is his first time wearing a skirt. He looks into the mirror as Shi Qingxuan gets up to go to the door.

He does undoubtedly look good, that he has to admit. Shi Qingxuan also somehow has a black lipstick which, again, he doesn’t think she’s ever used (otherwise he might’ve said no to that one because if it had touched her lips before, then that would’ve just been a tiny bit weird). The dark brown and black eyeshadows he has seen on her, though, so at least she doesn’t waste all of her money on things she never uses.

He does also… honestly look like he’s a regular, tall cis girl. It’s a bit scary that Shi Qingxuan managed that so easily.
It feels… strangely good also. Really, he doesn’t mind being a guy, what he said to her earlier stays true – he doesn’t care much about gender apart from the few days where he wished he looked a little more feminine, but that’s not very often. And it’s not like he minds it all too much, either.

“Hi,” he hears a voice from the door, and his blood immediately freezes in his veins.

Hua Cheng.

That’s Hua Cheng of all people possible.

“Oh, hi, Hong!” he hears her say, in that nervous tone of voice that she had already used with him when touching his face because of the makeup. Which felt… a little weird, also. He’s just not used to these kinds of touches he supposes. That’s why he still feels the traces of her fingers on his skin.

“What are you doing here?”

“You invited me to teach you more about oil painting, remember?”

Oh no. This is her own fault, too.

“Oh. Crap. I completely forgot. Uhm… that’s bad. Oh God. Let me ask Xuan if it’s okay that you come in.”

“Why the hell do you have to ask him whether I can come in?”

And then he hears Hua Cheng’s steps. He must have let himself in. So, He Xuan does the only thing that makes sense to him – he hides behind the door. Because he just knows for a fact that Hua Cheng would definitely be laughing at him if he saw him like this.

“No, Hong, wait, wait! Give him some time, please, uhm- let me ask first please?”

“Qingxuan, you’re way too considerate of him. And listen, I know he’s a bit strange at times, but I promise you that he doesn’t actually mind me being around. And if he does, he can say that to my face-“

“Oh my god no Hong listen this is not the case right now, I kind of talked him into something and I’m just not so sure he’s willing to see anyone else this way-“

“I’ve seen him wearing that goddamn pony suit one day to cheer up his sister, so I don’t think anything can shock me anymore, really.”

That makes He Xuan very, very mentally torn between two things – he still doesn’t really want Hua Cheng to see him like that, but then again, he really wants to beat him up for telling Shi Qingxuan about the pony suit. Not that this is somehow the worst thing he’s done in that time; to be honest, he does have his little criminal record that only Hua Cheng and his mom know about; but he doesn’t need Shi Qingxuan to know any more than the pony suit.

“Wait, pony suit? Excuse me, but Hong, actually, do you have a photo of that?”

And now he doesn’t just want to beat up Hua Cheng, but also his roommate. Not that he’d ever actually beat her up (though he supposes it’s probably a bit sexist to only want to beat up guys and not girls if you think really hard about it), but the urge is still there.

“Oh my God, I do, actually! Give me a second-“

And that’s when He Xuan stops caring about what he looks like right now – and again, in theory he knows that he looks good, it’s just that Hua Cheng teases him constantly and he’s not sure he wants to be laughed at for something like this when he’s just trying out a new gender expression – and jumps out from behind the door.

“Don’t you dare show her this picture!” he shouts, already lunging towards Hua Cheng in order to grab this phone and delete this godforsaken picture. He hadn’t even realized that he had taken one back then. That sneaky bastard.
Hua Cheng, even though he’s a little bit surprised at the sudden attack, does manage to quickly hold his phone up into the air, and to He Xuan’s dismay, Shi Qingxuan jumps up and grabs it from his hand.

And bursts out laughing.

Gritting his teeth, He Xuan kicks Hua Cheng in the leg, making him howl, just to repay him a little bit for the embarrassment value of having his roommate see him in this pony costume that he got for a very small amount of money from a classmate who, back at the time, was very surprised that the class’s emokid wants a pony costume of all things possible.

“Hua Cheng you absolute bastard!” he screams, and does pin Hua Cheng to the refrigerator, actually.

Except he suddenly finds his face right in front of Hua Cheng’s, and, despite laughing, Shi Qingxuan does whisper a ‘oh my god that is gay’, so he instantly lets go.

Swiftly wiping his hands on the skirt, he realizes something – namely, that he’s wearing a skirt.
And that he’s now presenting himself to Hua Cheng in his full glory.

“Uh…” the guy who’s meant to be his best friend stutters, looking him up and down. Very slowly.
While Shi Qingxuan is still howling with laughter staring at Hua Cheng’s phone.

He Xuan wants the floor to open up and he wants to disappear right about now.
He hates these people. Really, he should just quit university, search for a job to support his family, and spend the rest of his life with them. He should never face either of those two again after that-

Hua Cheng whistles.

And that makes Shi Qingxuan stop laughing; He Xuan looks at her, and sees that there are tears streaming down her face by now, and that she’s all red, and that the corners of her mouth are still twitching like hell.

And for a moment, he’s really just looking at her. Because he hasn’t ever seen her laughing this hard, and even if this is at the cost of his own mental health, maybe this is worth it, actually. Is it weird to think that his roommate is really beautiful when she’s laughing like that? It might be. It’s not like it means anything though; he can appreciate other people looking good, that on itself shouldn’t be weird. So, he concludes that actually, this isn’t weird, and it’s very much okay to think that his roommate is very pretty.

“Wait, is this why you didn’t want to be seen? Like, that’s everything? And here I thought Shi Qingxuan made you wear something weird, but this is just normal. And I mean, you know, I’ll take one for the team and say it, He Xuan. You look very, very good in this.”

And being complimented by Hua Cheng kind of makes him want to punch that dumb face of him anyways, even if he’s not laughing at him. Being complimented by him is kind of worse, actually.

“Yeah, he was kind of embarrassed about it,” Shi Qingxuan says, “though not gonna lie, Xuan, if you’re going to be embarrassed about anything, it should most definitely be that horse costume. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anythign funnier in my entire life-“

And that’s when she breaks out laughing again. So He Xuan walks over to her, and kicks her leg too, which makes her yowl, then kick him back.

“Don’t kick your roommate,” Hua Cheng sighs, “your intention with wearing that was a noble one, and you did get your sister to laugh, so, you know, job done. Qingxuan, I’ll send it to you later.”

He Xuan is going to scream.

“Thank you so much, Hong! I’ll treasure it and look at it whenever I feel bad. I hope it exists forever. I hope I get to wear the costume myself some day.”

“So, anyways,” Hua Cheng says, taking his phone back from Shi Qingxuan and putting it into his pocket before He Xuan can try reaching for it again and possibly smash it into the ground, “that’s why you were embarrassed? I mean, no need to be really. Shi Qingxuan knows how to style someone. I’m not going to laugh at you for looking good. I would, however, laugh at you if you looked really bad.”

Shi Qingxuan punches Hua Cheng’s shoulder a little bit, then starts leaning against his arm. He’s way taller than her; even a little bit taller than He Xuan, so she can comfortably do so.

He Xuan feels a bit weird about that, but he can’t quite pin down why that is. Probably because seeing his roommate and his best friend being so close with each other immediately does still take him off-guard. He supposes that they were childhood friends, so it does make sense – but it doesn’t click that well in his brain yet. It is kind of a weird coincidence, after all.

Well, to get his payback, he should most definitely ask Shi Qingxuan for some embarrassing stories about the time Hong was small. Apart from the tomato one that he already knows of.

“Is there like, any reason for this, though? Like, any particular one? Or did you just wanna make him look good, Qingxuan?”

He hates how the question is directed at her, not at him, so he crosses his arms and grunts.

“I don’t mind looking more feminine and I told her that so she wanted to try it out and talked me into it.”

“Ah, okay, makes sense,” Hua Cheng simply says, “so anyways, do we get to painting? I brought snacks, too.”

Oh.
He brought snacks.
Maybe He Xuan isn’t going to ask for those embarrassing backstories after all.

“Oh, yeah, sure! Sorry, sorry, still coming down from pony He Xuan.”

Never mind. He’s definitely going to ask for those embarrassing backstories.

Chapter Text

Hua Cheng comes home knowing more about digital painting now than Shi Qingxuan does about oil painting, that much is for sure.
He did try teaching her, and she definitely isn’t bad at it. She’ll easily pass the class – but it’s also very obvious that her heart isn’t in it. It’s just not what she prefers doing. He gets that. It’s the same for him and digital painting, after all. He can’t get into the layer and rendering stuff, leave alone the different brushes that are meant to imitate real ones; though it’s convenient to use for some occasions most certainly. And just like her, he’s also not bad at it, it’s just that he doesn’t like it that much.

It’s a bit funny, too, since Shi Qingxuan said that she wants to draw one of the gay scenes from Crime and Punishment, and Hua Cheng coincidentally decided to draw the brutal horse death from it, mostly because he’s very good at drawing horses.

(There’s this girl living in his neighbourhood whose birthday he’s been invited to so, so often, and his parents and hers are very good friend, so he learned drawing horses for her sake, mostly, but he turned out to be good at it. He also drew some horse paintings for school, and art club, and got commissioned for some horse drawings on the internet by several riding schools across the country.)

So they’ll be drawing stuff from the same book, at least. It’s not like there’s much realism literature that he likes, if he’s being honest. He did consider studying literature, too, but then realized he’s not much into most of the periods this university focuses on. So he decided against it in the end and went for art, which still is his passion, after all.

And his parents have always been supportive of him, ever since they’ve adopted him.

So, he finally sets all his utensils down in the room. Xie Lain doesn’t appear to be home.

However, the next second, Hua Cheng hears the flushing of the toilet, and realizes that Xie Lian is home – he was just in the bathroom.
After a few seconds of the sink tab running, Xie Lian is already entering their shared room.

He looks so stunning even in sweatpants and that fluffy, white pullover of his. Hua Cheng wonders if there’ll ever be a romance book like situation in which Xie Lian wears his pullover, because God he would literally die for that. He would die to see Xie Lian in his own clothes.

No, okay, he totally understands Shi Qingxuan. He very much doubts that Shi Qingxuan is properly in love with He Xuan yet, but it’s definitely a crush, and she can’t hide that from him. Not when he’s essentially the master of being in love.

He does really have to admit that He Xuan looked good though.

“Oh, hi, San Lang! Did you have fun? Oh, and again, I’m sorry I couldn’t come with you, it’s just that… well, you’ve seen how Qi Rong is. If he wants something, he gets it. His new flat is quite nice though. It has a lot of space.”

Yes, Hua Cheng very much knows what Qi Rong is like.

“Oh, Gege, I’m absolutely not blaming you. No need to apologize, especially not for him. Not like the way he turned out was your fault.”

Maybe that was a bit mean.
However, Xie Lian does laugh, so it’s probably okay that he’s said that.
At first glance, Xie Lian really seems like the sweetest person alive, and obviously he is just that, but he’s definitely not beyond some gossip and mean words about people he doesn’t hold too much of a good opinion of.

“No, I suppose it wasn’t. Guzi’s new room is amazing, though. Except that he now owns a really big Peppa Pig statue, and that thing kind of gives me the creeps.”

Hua Cheng has never understood the hype around Peppa pig. The designs are ugly, like, ugly beyond belief. They look a bit terrifying even in the series itself. Even its writing isn’t the best. He does suppose that it’s a positive thing that it exists in so many languages though. At least that’ll animate some kids to learn languages, and that’s always a good thing.

“I can imagine,” he says, “I hope you won’t have any nightmares of it, Gege. I’ve seen too many realistic horror Peppa Pig edits on tiktok, myself. I have had bad dreams about it, even if that’s a little embarrassing to admit.”

And God, his aim is achieved – Xie Lian laughs at that. It’s a hearty laugh, and he sits down on his own bed, watching as Hua Cheng unpacks his stuff, and the rest of the snacks that he’s most probably going to end up eating together with Xie Lian. They’ve kind of established over the past few weeks that they watch a movie each evening, or some episodes of a show, just because they’ve both agreed that’s what they usually do with their families. To make it feel a bit more homely. Usually they have some chocolate or chips with the movie, or takeout when they order.

“No, no, I get it. She’s kind of horrifying. Though I’d argue that the worst character is this adult rabbit woman who just has every job in town ever.”

“Oh god, how many episodes of this have you watched with Guzi, Gege?” Hua Cheng asks, putting the last bit of his paint onto his desk.

“Many. Like, a lot, probably around one each day for an entire year when I was babysitting him while Qi Rong was at work. Before you get mad at him, that was only for an hour each afternoon, and I was at home that year either way. Participated online and all. Was mainly for my top surgery and the fact that our school closed because it kind of burnt down one day.”

Burnt down?
Hua Cheng turns to him completely sitting on his own bed, but looking at Xie Lian. He’d much rather they were sitting on the same bed, but he can’t have everything now, can he?

“Uhm…?”

“Oh yeah, that was Qi Rong’s fault. He spent a few weeks in prison, but he somehow managed to plead innocent after all.”

Hua Cheng would love to be surprised, but at this point, nothing to do with Qi Rong can surprise him anymore. Mostly, he’s just concerned about the kid, but strangely enough Guzi seems perfectly fine for his age. Sure, he talks like he’s a bit more mature than others, but he was in an orphanage, so that’s also regular, he guesses.

“That… sounds like him.”

“I think my brother bailed him out,” Xie Lian sighs, “to this day no one knows why the hell he did that for him. Seemed overly nice.”

Right, Xie Lian’s brother has a boyfriend now. Hua Cheng still thinks that’s a bit weird, considering his and Shi Wudu’s homophobia seemed to be at about the same level. Then again, that was probably internalized. He wonders whether Shi Wudu is also secretly gay. It wouldn’t exactly surprise him, either.
Or surprise him as much as Qi Rong burning down a school, which is little.
Even if it really shouldn’t be.

“Oh, right, Gege. I’m pretty sure that… you know. The thing with He Xuan and Shi Qingxuan is going to become a thing one day. It’s… kind of gotten worse.”

“How so?” Xie Lian asks, and promptly stands up to just sit down right next to Hua Cheng. Touching him in several places and stuff. It kind of makes Hua Cheng feel like he’s about to die for a second or two, stomach absolutely flipping, his entire body going rigid for a little, before he forces himself to relax.

“Uh…” the words still aren’t coming out as he wants them to, so Hua Cheng clears his throat, “it’s a bit complicated to explain. One day he was waring a pony costume to cheer up his little sister, and I ended up being around to take a photo, and I showed it to Shi Qingxuan, and she kind of laughed very hard about it.”

“That… sounds a lot like her,” Xie Lian chuckles, that tiny smile resurfacing on his face as he props his knee up onto the bed, and his elbow onto that knee, and his head into his hand. The things Hua Cheng would do to have this guy leaning against his shoulder just a little bit. Just for a second.

“Yeah, that’s true isn’t it,” he laughs himself, then realizes that might hint a bit too much at the fact that he’s also known her for longer than just a few weeks, “I mean, from what I can tell.”

That should be safe enough.

Xie Lian’s other hand is right there, resting on his foot (which is covered in socks with little cow faces on them), and Hua Cheng wants to take it so badly-

Maybe he should propose a horror movie one day and ask to hold Xie Lian’s hand because he’s going to be scared.

(Hua Cheng is actually pretty weak to horror movies, so this could, in theory, work. Then again, it’d be weird for him to propose watching a movie that he’s bound not to like. He will just hope that Xie Lian likes horror movies.)

“But how’s this relevant to them possibly being in l-love?”

The fact he’s stuttering at that is actually adorable. He wants to kiss his cheek so badly. In theory he could, and just excuse it as a moment of gay weakness- yeah no that wouldn’t help at all.

“Oh, right,” Hua Cheng had low key forgotten about He Xuan maybe being in love with Shi Qingxuan over himself being very in love with Xie Lian.

“Yeah, so she was laughing her ass off, but he barely even got offended by it. He just kind of stared at her, and I kid you not, that was a full few seconds. Like, his mouth dropped open and stuff. Like, you cannot convince me that’s normal to do.”

“I mean, you know him better than I do.”

“Okay. That’s not normal to do, especially not for He Xuan. It’s definitely uncommon for him. He didn’t even complain that she was laughing, and he kind of tried to kill me just because I showed her the photo of him in a pony costume, like come on, everyone deserves to see that.”

As much as he tries to pretend to not care about He Xuan, he can’t help but admit that he really, really does. He cares a lot about him. He Xuan always listened to his rants after all. And he does think that him and Shi Qingxuan kind of just… match. Hua Cheng isn’t that much into the ‘opposites attract’ theory himself, but it seems like that works for these two. Shi Qingxuan makes him step out of his comfort zone in a good way, and he counteracts her energy a little bit, too. And even if they’re interested in different things, he knows that both Shi Qingxuan and He Xuan are very much people who still listen to someone ranting about something. Even if it’s not their priority. And while He Xuan might feign disinterest, Hua Cheng knows that he probably remembers all of art theory because of him.

“Do I deserve to see it too?”

That manages to pull him out of his thoughts, and then the grin is back on Hua Cheng’s face.

“You mean He Xuan in a cheap pony costume? Absolutely, Gege.”

He’s already grabbing his phone while Xie Lian lets out another one of these cute chuckles once more, and does bump his shoulder into his. Hua Cheng is going to die. He’s really going to die.

“Here it is,” he says after tapping on Shi Qingxuan’s chat which still has the picture as one of the most recent messages, “He Xuan in his full horse glory.”

Chapter Text

“Wanna go out with me?”

Shi Wudu doesn’t even know where to begin telling Pei Ming that he really, really doesn’t want to go out with him, ever, unless it’s for a shared birthday. He has made the mistake in the past, but he doesn’t drink, and Pei Ming does. He doesn’t go home with girls – Pei Ming does. Obviously. That’s kind of his trademark, isn’t it?
He’s really not the guy to go out either way. He doesn’t outright hate parties like others do, but he doesn’t like them either. It’s mostly just an annoyance having to take care of all the alcohol-induced corpses lying around on the floor, which usually include his (half-naked) roommate. And frankly, he has enough of taking care of (half-naked) Pei Ming throwing up in someone else’s bathroom after sleeping with approximately three girls.

“No. Absolutely not,” he says thus, once more staring at his laptop to think about his thesis. He has to submit an idea in two weeks. He’s probably just going to die in those two weeks, since his professor isn’t exactly the nicest. And there’s no way he’ll be able to actually come up with a thesis in this amount. “I have a thesis to work on.”

“You have to come up with one, not work on one, and forcing yourself isn’t going to help. C’mon, it’s just watching football with the neighbours.”

“That sounds even worse than a party. When?”

“So you’re coming?”

Shi Wudu sighs, and closes his laptop. Pei Ming does have a point. Forcing himself to come up with something won’t lead to him writing about something that he actually enjoys. The thing is just, no one actually enjoys business. You don’t study this subject to enjoy it. You study it to make money. And he specifically studies it to take over his parents’ company. Which in itself is pretty much certain, but having a degree still helps with this stuff and the knowledge about how to run a company, even if it’s not absolutely necessary.

“I don’t know. What game is it?”

“Germany against Brazil. Yin Yu wants to watch it as German practice, since he still has trouble understanding it sometimes. And his flatmate made him watch the rest of the relevant games this season, so he invited me and said I could bring whoever, as long as I distract him from his flatmate.”

Right. Shi Wudu has heard shouting from the flat over. More than once. The thing is, he knows Yin Yu. He meets him in the hallway every now and again. However, he’s only seen his roommate a few times. Yin Yu himself appears to be a super calm guy – Shi Wudu isn’t much for socialization, but Pei Ming is, so obviously he’d know him better. But exactly that’s kind of what bothers him – after all, Yin Yu seems too quiet of a person to enjoy the company of someone as Pei Ming. So this just means he really dislikes his flatmate.

But if Yin Yu dislikes his flatmate so much, then why the hell would he not just apply to move out, or file a complaint against him? Maybe Shi Wudu should propose this to him quietly at one point. After all, he does have a hand in the university’s rooming.

“…Alright, I’ll come. Anything that distracts me from this thesis debacle. You didn’t answer my question, by the way? When?”

“Oh, in like two hours. So there’s still time. How freely can you choose your thesis topic, by the way? Maybe I can help coming up with something.”

Shi Wudu highly doubts that, but he guesses that a try won’t hurt. He puts the laptop away onto the table though. Maybe brainstorming without the help of the internet will somehow help this. He leans back into the sofa, and Pei Ming joins him, although sitting on the other side. He does pick up the remote control, but then throws it back onto the table and turns on music on his phone.

He puts his phone onto the table, and that’s when the song starts playing. It starts out slow, with some weird tone almost as if its going to burst out into some kind of epic movie ost – however he is soon proven wrong after a few beats of a drum in the background.

A melody starts to play, and honestly, Shi Wudu doesn’t exactly know what he’s meant to say about this. It’s the same few notes constantly repeating, some slower, some faster, but the last tone always somehow just… dies? It generally sounds like some kind of dying, synthesized dog. Said dying, synthesized dog is soon exchanged by an unnecessarily eerie tone, playing the same melody.
Then it goes back to the dying, synthesized dog.

“…Pei Ming, what the hell is this song, and can you for the love of God skip it? I think it’s going to give me a headache, actually.”

“Oh, that’s cbat by Hudson Mohawke. Isn’t it catchy?”

“…Pei, oh my God, just turn it off. And no, it’s very much not catchy. Why the hell would anyone make this?”

“Oh it’s on some guy’s sex playlist and his girlfriend made an entire reddit post about how awful it was. He kind of got famous with that.”

…Of course.

Shi Wudu quietly shakes his head, and is very, very grateful when Pei Ming does skip the song, and some normal kind of Lofi music comes on. He’s not very much into that, but if it’s just used as background noise, he doesn’t mind.

“So anyways, your thesis,” Pei Ming says after Shi Wudu doesn’t comment any further on cbat by Hudson Mohawke. "How broad is the pool of topics you can choose from?”

“Pretty big,” he answers, sighing, quickly checking his phone for messages himself. Only a short message by Shi Qingxuan of ‘if I don’t answer much today Xie Lian is over with Hua Cheng’. He puts it onto the table next to Pei Ming’s.

“You could write about your parents’ company?”

“That’s what I’ve been thinking of but I can’t find anything that’s specific enough. It’s a regular publishing company, you know? Sure it makes money, but that’s about it. There’s nothing completely special about it.”

“Yes, there is,” Pei Ming says, and Shi Wudu hates the fact that he knows exactly what he’s about to say. “Paulette de Sade publishes there.”

He gives the most exhausted eyeroll he has ever given someone, probably.

“Pei Ming, you really don’t have to remind me of that, you know? Shi Qingxuan thanks our parents for that every day.”

“It’s a bit funny, considering you hate these books so much, actually,” Pei Ming laughs, looking at him. His hair is kind of getting long. He really needs to get a haircut one of these days.

“Yeah, see, publishing is capitalism, too. You want to make money with it. And sadly, shitty smutty romance books do the job. As you can see with whatever kind of social phenomenon these books have kicked off with teenage girls. And you, I guess.”

“They’re far from shitty!” Pei Ming says, and he gets so emotional about it that for a second Shi Wudu really feels a tiny bit bad, but that feeling is gone as fast as it came.

“They kind of are, though. At least they’re pretty progressive, though. Plot-wise they’re alright, it’s just that the writing could be improved. And I mean, the plots are still very cliché.”

“I think that’s kind of the point of smut romance novels, though,” Pei Ming says, "at least your little sister agrees with me on that matter. At least one intellectual in the family.”

“Thanks, Pei, none of this is helping me come up with a thesis.”

He really feels like this one is a lost cause. Like he’ll never find a topic good and specific enough to actually write about.

“No, no, hear me out. What if you write about Paulette de Sade.”

“Oh my God, Pei no,” he grunts, but can’t help laughing a little, “why would I do that?”

“Because she’s very nice to her fans. She liked Shi Qingxuan’s tweet, and just this morning she did tweet that she’d like to write something with a trans main character, but that she has to get it through her editor still because that might prompt some backlash, although probably not from your parents. And I bet that if you asked for an e-mail exchange with her about the amount of money she’s making, she might just agree. She’s tweeted about the money she makes before. So you could write about the social phenomenon of her books and how exactly your parents’ company made it possible. I mean, she’s the bestselling author in her genre, and on broader bestseller lists too. I don’t know enough about business to come up with a specific topic, though.”

That makes him just stare at his roommate. Because really, as much as he wants to hate the idea… this would work? And the fact that he’s the son of the companies presidents might actually make it possible to meet this Paulette de Sade? He doesn’t have to tell her that he doesn’t like her books.
Something in his mind is starting to form. There aren’t that many papers about the publishing systems in general, so that might be something that’s at least sort of unique.

“I… really hate how this works,” he says, still just staring at Pei Ming. Who, by now, is grinning at him very, very smugly.

“See? So, how about you dm her about it on twitter, and if that doesn’t work, you reach out to your parents? It’s just an idea, after all.”

He hates how this works. He really, really hates how this works. He does reach for his phone again, and opens twitter. It’s not that hard finding her account, really.

“Does she do any in person stuff at all?” he asks, because surely that’d be easier than talking to her over e-mails or something.

“I don’t think so, no,” Pei Ming answers, “no one has ever seen her face. Hence people think that it’s an alias of some kind. Which is kind of normal, though.”

That much is true. He clicks on the small dm button, and sure enough, he’s absolutely and completely able to message this famous woman with over two million followers. Obviously it’s not certain that she’ll answer him, let alone agree, but it’s worth a try.
Because honestly, if he writes about someone as important as her, his paper is at least going to be read. And he’s going to make both his parents as well as his little sister proud, and if that isn’t the main goal of writing a thesis for a subject that you don’t find particularly fun, then he really doesn’t know.

“Go ahead,” Pei Ming laughs, “it won’t hurt. Just be polite and everything. Don’t say you hate her books. Aww, isn’t that cute? Us, besties, writing about the same author?”

He kicks his leg from where he’s sitting, and then also punches Pei Ming’s shoulder, also.

“Don’t ever say that again, wow. You nearly made me physically cringe at that.”

“You physically cringe at every second pigeon that comes along your way, Shi Wudu. Even though they're quite cute in my opinion” Pei Ming laughs, and bumps his shoulder with his own.

At that, Shi Wudu almost drops his phone, but manages to catch it – only after sending a random ‘C’ towards one of the most famous authors of his time, though.

“You just lowered my chances of being able to write my thesis, Pei,” he shouts, but Pei Ming only ever just laughs. This man can’t take anything seriously, really.
So, with a sigh, Shi Wudu decides to get to work, apologize for the ‘C’, and ask an author whose books he hates to help him write his thesis.

This may be the lowest moment of his life yet.

(Many, many more, much lower moments are to come for him.)

Chapter Text

“Who’s that again?”

Shi Wudu does at least know that Quan Yizhen is his neighbour, and he does remember his name. He can’t lie, the carelessness this guy has reminds him distinctively of He Xuan. Which makes him not like him. However, he does have a lot more energy than the fish guy. Not that this is particularly hard.

“Your neighbour, Yizhen,” Yin Yu sighs, taking up the remote control and turning on the tv with a scowl on his face, clearly not that excited to watch football. That’s probably why he invited them.

“Ah, Pei Ming, right?”

Shi Wudu doesn’t even know where to start with this. He does low-key feel offended.

“Shi Wudu,” he does say, though, gritting his teeth a little. Shi Qingxuan has scolded him enough for not being nice to He Xuan, so he should probably at least try.

“Ah, right, I’ve heard that that name before. Sorry, sorry, I’m bad with names. So, anyways, I’m gonna go make popcorn.”

He’s not even trying to introduce himself or something. He’s literally just as rude. Those two would get along so well. Maybe they should get to know each other.
Once Quan Yizhen has disappeared into the kitchen (the layout of their flat is exactly the same, just mirrored), Yin Yu lets out a small groan.

“I’m sorry. He’s always like this.”

“…Why haven’t you moved out yet?”

Shi Wudu receives a kick into his leg from Pei Ming, and he hisses at that, turning around to him with a glare.

“Shi Wudu, you’re so dense, oh my god, you should read more of- more of Paulette de Sade’s novels.”

“How are these awful novels related to the fact that Yin Yu doesn’t want to move out despite seemingly disliking his roommate?” he hisses back, and Pei Ming points at Yin Yu, who literally just looks back at them, one of his hands slowly coming up to his face to rub it.

“Please, Pei. No.”

“He invited me,” Pei Ming whispers, getting a little closer to Shi Wudu, probably so that Quan Yizhen can’t hear – not like he could, since he’s in the kitchen, and there are sounds of rattling bowls and popcorn popping in the microwave “not to watch football, you idiot. But to find out whether Quan Yizhen likes him back-“

“Pei!” Yin Yu interrupts him, “Please. No. I’m tired of all of this. I’m so close to just leaving.”

The poor guy does look tired.

Only then do the words replay in Shi Wudu’s brain. Whether Quan Yizhen likes him back. Oh. Oh. That explains why he’s not moving out, then. Except that Shi Wudu doesn’t really get why you’d be in love with someone you claim to dislike; then again, he is friends with Pei Ming, who he also claims to dislike. Which obviously isn’t the case, either.
So maybe that’s some kind of common thing for people.

“Oh,” he says, “okay.”

He can’t believe Pei Ming dragged him along on a matchmaking mission of all things possible. Him, of all people. He’s literally never been in love, not even once. He’s not going to be able to help, and if anything, he’s probably going to ruin something – not that he really cares about his neighbours, to be honest. He barely knows these people.

“Well, whatever. You two can sit down. I’ll fetch you something to drink. Coke?”

“Just water, please,” Shi Wudu says, and Pei Ming gives him a short grin.

“Don’t think I’ve ever seen you touch a soda that isn’t Mountain Dew.”

“Shut up.”

“Oh, we have Mountain Dew,” Yin Yu says, “are you okay with the Flamin Hot flavour?”

Shi Wudu isn’t sure who buys specifically that, but also he doesn’t care much about the flavour of his Mountain Dew as long as it’s not the gingerbread one. That one was just very, very bad.

“That’s fine.”

“It’s everything Quan Yizhen drinks,” Yin Yu says, “he’s like a child that’s obsessed with chili.”

“See,” Pei Ming says, giving a short chuckle, “he’s just like you, Shi Wudu.”

“I am not like a child, Pei.”

“You sure?”

“Oh my God, I’m going to leave if you keep insulting me,” he sighs, and sits down on the sofa as Yin Yu has said. To his dismay, Pei Ming sits down next to him.

Once Yin Yu has also disappeared into the kitchen, he takes a deep breath, then looks at Shi Wudu.

“So, you get why I’m here now?”

“Yeah,” Shi Wudu sighs in response, “I guess. Don’t know why you think this is your job, but whatever. I don’t have anything better to do with my time either way. Qingxuan hates me these days-“

“Rightfully so, after how you insulted her roommate just ‘cause he’s autistic.”

“Shut up, he was rude to me.”

“Because you were rude to him.”

In theory, Shi Wudu knows that. And honestly, that’s not even why he’s actually mad – more than anything, he’s scared that Shi Qingxuan will fall in love with him, and spend all of her time with him, and completely forget about her brother – but it’s not like he’s going to outright say that. Not to Pei Ming of all people. He’d tease him about that for literal months with no end to it whatsoever.

“Okay, okay, but point being, Paulette de Sade hasn’t responded yet, so I don’t have anything better to spend my time with. Might as well watch football, even though I’m not particularly interested in that.”

“For a cishet guy, you sure don’t like the classic cishet things,” Pei Ming laughs, “either way, it’s just gonna be a chill evening. I don’t have a date for the entire week because I have homework to do and my thesis to work on, so this is the only social interaction I’ll get apart from you and class and Ling Wen. We should go out for food at one point to keep me sane, though.”

At that point, Shi Wudu’s phone suddenly makes that ringing sound that he’s set the notification sound to.

“Yeah,” he answers, typing in his password as fast as possible, “we should, actually. Kind of in the mood for Mexican food.”

Then, when he sees what message he has just received, his eyes nearly fall out.

He opens the dm on twitter in a split second, and surely enough, it’s… Paulette de Sade.

Or well, her editor, as it seems.

‘I’ll inform her of your request and send her the e-mail address that you have attached. It might take her some days to get around to both considering and eventually answering your request, since she has a deadline to meet relatively soon, but I’ll make sure she gets back to you. As I can see, you are the child of her publisher, so we might be able to make something work out.’

“Oh my God,” he mouths, and Pei Ming leans over his shoulder, chin lightly brushing it, also to read the message.

“See?” he laughs, “I told you it might work out. She loves interacting with her fans, and if someone wants to write a proper university level research paper on her, I’m sure she won’t mind talking to them for a little bit. Maybe she’s not that bad, huh?”

“Her maybe being quite an okay person doesn’t mean that this makes her books any better,” Shi Wudu sighs, and with one hand, pushes Pei Ming away from himself by his cheek. Too close. Shi Wudu isn’t too fond of people being this close to him. It’s bad enough that they’re touching each other on the sofa, but that’s necessary if they want to fit two whole more people.

“Oh come on now, maybe you should read the Prince Harming trilogy.”

“No way,” he retorts, “what’s her new book, anyways?”

“A dating guide,” Pei Ming says.

That actually makes Shi Wudu want to die.

“Excuse me? This woman is about to give dating advice to younger and older teens? That sounds a bit like the worst idea I’ve ever heard, and that means a lot, considering we’ve been friends since kindergarten, Pei.”

Right when Pei Ming opens his mouth to answer him, Yin Yu and Quan Yizhen both come back.

Yin Yu is carrying a Flamin Hot Mountain Dew and a can of coke for Pei Ming, Quan Yizhen two huge bowls of popcorn.

He hands one to Pei Ming with the hugest grin on his face, and basically jumps onto the sofa so hard that it catapults Shi Wudu a little bit. Also some of the popcorn in Quan Yizhen’s bowl lands on the floor.

“You’ll clean that up later,” Yin Yu says, “I’m not doing that for you, I swear to God.”

“Oh, yeah, yeah, sure.”

However, that answer sounds so completely disinterested in picking up his spilled popcorn that Shi Wudu is very certain Quan Yizhen won’t clean up, actually.
He always thought that Yin Yu appeared to be a rather sensible person, but considering that he’s in love with that guy, he’s not so sure anymore.

With a sigh, he redirects his attention to his phone in order to text back to Paulette de Sade’s editor. He quickly thanks her and says that he’ll be patiently awaiting a response, then puts the phone into his lap and is met with Pei Ming grinning at him.

“Excited for your thesis?”

“Barely. I can’t believe this is what I’m doing with my life-“

“Quiet,” Quan Yizhen suddenly interrupts them, with a mouth stuffed full of popcorn, “the game is starting.”

While texting her back, Shi Wudu hadn’t even noticed that the tv had been turned on, and that a German speaker had started brabbling about the Brazilian and the German hymns and all that regular football stuff. Shi Wudu really doesn’t know enough about that. The fact they’re watching this in German at least makes him comfortable enough with not having to pay too much attention to it. It’ll hopefully be a bit less obvious that he knows next to nothing about football.

“Why are we watching this in German, actually?” Quan Yizhen asks, busy taking another hand full of popcorn and stuffing it into Yin Yu’s mouth who’s visibly protesting, bumping his shoulder into Shi Wudu’s and generally trying to get away from the other, except he’s having a really red face about it.

Well, at least this is going to serve for amusement.

Once he’s swallowed the popcorn and coughed a little in order to regenerate his sanity, Shi Wudu thinks, Yin Yu sits up straight again.

“Because I hate football. So I can at least use it as language practice.”

“You shouldn’t hate football though, it’s so much fun. The only not so fun thing about it is that you’re not allowed to hurt others. Makes American football a lot better,” Quan Yizhen says, and Shi Wudu really doesn’t know what to think about that.

“Yizhen, no.”

“Oh come on, Yin Yu, leave him be,” says Pei Ming, reaching for the popcorn. He has indeed been kind of quiet up till now, even if he’s supposed to be some kind of matchmaker.

“A bit of violence can quite spice things up-“

“Just like this Flamin Hot Mountain Dew,” Shi Wudu says as cold as he can because he’s not sure that Pei Ming’s stupid sex references will help Yin Yu find out whether Quan Yizhen likes him back.

This is going to be a long evening, and he already regrets it.

Chapter Text

“It’s pretty funny how Germany is about to lose like they didn’t win seven to one against Brazil that one time,” Quan Yizhen says, his mouth full of popcorn again.

Shi Wudu doesn’t even know how a single man can eat so much popcorn. His and Pei Ming’s bowl is still half full.

And then, suddenly, Yin Yu freezes, and he kind of just blushes so hard that Shi Wudu is a bit concerned that he might pass out right about now.

Even though Pei Ming is sitting further away from him, he still appears to notice, as he leans forward to get a good look at Yin Yu.

Even Quan Yizhen looks at him now.

“Hm? What’s wrong?” he asks, and his tone of voice is so innocent, even though Shi Wudu is completely convinced that he’s at fault for Yin Yu’s current state, “d’you want the bowl for yourself?”

“No,” Yin Yu coughs out, “it’s fine.”

“You’re so red in the face. You sure you’re okay?”

“Yes.”

“Is it because my hand touched yours and you don’t like that?”

Shi Wudu had absolutely not pinned down Quan Yizhen as an observant person, and from the way this makes Yin Yu freeze again and then stare at his crush, he supposes that this probably is actually unusual.

“Oh my god,” Pei Ming says, “just like in the romance movies. You need to like, slow kiss now.”

Shi Wudu does have to hand it to him that this is a lot smoother than the stupid violence sentence he had said before.

“Kiss? Why? How’s that related? Besides, Yin Yu doesn’t want to kiss, I’ve asked before.”

The remote control falls out of Yin Yu’s hands, onto the floor, and the batteries inside of it spill out, rolling to somewhere under the sofa, probably never to be seen again.

“I’ve offered, especially when he felt bad, but he just got annoyed with me.”

Shi Wudu doesn’t even know where to start, and he somehow feels like Quan Yizhen isn’t noticing whatsoever what he’s doing or saying right now. And even though he really didn’t give off the best first impression… he appears to be completely honest and sincere. Unlike whatever He Xuan has going on with him hating everyone and everything but then Shi Qingxuan stating that he very clearly likes her a lot.
In conclusion, He Xuan is simply the worst person ever.

“I know he likes me anyways, so it confuses me as to why he doesn’t want me to kiss him.”

Yin Yu next to him is literally about to explode, Shi Wudu thinks. He’s completely glued to the sofa, frozen in place, unable to act or say anything, just sit there with his face unbearably red as if he’s trying to wrap his head around everything his roommate is saying right now.

It goes completely silent again, and Quan Yizhen, absolutely unbothered despite everything, just resumes eating his popcorn and watching the game.

Even as Brazil lands another goal, no one says anything, except for Quan Yizhen cheering all on his own.

Which is when he does realize that something is off.

“Huh? What’s wrong? Are none of you happy? Yin Yu? Neighbours whose names I’ve forgotten again?”

Pei Ming clears his throat, stands up, popcorn bowl in his hand, and quietly signalizes to Shi Wudu that he should also stand up. Yeah, actually, Shi Wudu would very much like to leave. That’s probably for the better, concerning what’s happening here.

He can’t believe that a single comment from Pei Ming kicked all of this off. Maybe he should be publishing a dating guide, not Paulette de Sade.

“You know, Quan Yizhen,” he starts, walking over to the guy who’s still sitting there all casually. Another handful of popcorn making its way towards his mouth. Legs outstretched in the same casual manner as the rest of him. “I actually think that Yin Yu likes you back, and he’s just too scared to say it. Maybe you should just try kissing him. We’ll leave you to that, right Shi Wudu?”

Why does he have to pull him into this, too?

“Right,” he sighs, and gives Pei Ming another glare at that. Hoping that it gets the message across.

“Oh, oh? Do you, Yin Yu? You should’ve just said so! I won’t get it if you don’t say these things out loud, Yu! Really, though, you’re way too shy sometimes, you should’ve just told me-“

Pei Ming, with his free arm, grabs Shi Wudu’s, and leans in a bit closer.

“We should really get going I think,” he mumbles, and Shi Wudu just kind of automatically nods as he’s being dragged back into the hallway by Pei Ming.

Once they’ve closed the door behind them, he lets out the longest breath ever, then takes another one in.

“God,” he sighs, “I can’t believe you managed that so fast.”

Pei Ming laughs at that, already walking over to their flat and pointing at the door. Right. He only has one hand free, that’s going to make opening this godforsaken old door hard. Shi Wudu reaches for the keys in his pocket and unlocks it, then pulls it open with an amount of strength that no door should need to be pulled open.

And then the realization hits Shi Wudu like a truck.

“Wait”, he says, watching as Pei walks through the door very casually, as if nothing just happened, takes up the remote control in front of their own tv, sits down on the sofa, and turns on the tv.

“Did you literally just take the popcorn with you, Pei Ming?”

Everything he’s met with is a casual shrug, as if this is no big deal, and as if this isn’t the neighbours’ popcorn and bowl and Pei Ming didn’t even try asking or anything.

“I’m gonna bring the bowl back tomorrow once I’ve washed it up. It’ll be fine. I don’t wanna waste the popcorn I was offered now, do I?”

Shi Wudu supposes that as weird as that is, he’s kind of right. It’s not like Yin Yu and Quan Yizhen were going to eat that anymore, probably. Not after what just happened.

“Sit down, I’ve decided we’re gonna spend the rest of the day watching the first Twilight movie.”

Shi Wudu really hopes that, in another life, he beheaded Pei Ming or something, because now that isn’t socially acceptable anymore, so he’s stuck with him as a roommate. As if that isn’t possibly the worst-case scenario.
(He does like him, really.)

“Why exactly do you think we’re going to watch Twilight?”

“Preparation for both of our thesis. Bad romance movie for the bad romance author, as you like to call her.”

Oh, so it’s just to torture him, because Shi Wudu has insulted Pei Ming’s favourite author. On the other hand, however, maybe this is just what he needs to get his mind off academics a little bit. Bad romance movies do tend to be fun to watch simply because of how bad they are. That’s kind of why he did sort of enjoy reading that Paulette de Sade novel. And surely distracting himself for a little bit more before the reality of university catches back up with him is alright?

So, he does sit down next to Pei Ming.

“You know what. I’m in. I don’t have anything better to do. Also I think we should order dessert later.”

“Agreed,” Pei Ming laughs, “really hope that Yin Yu and Quan Yizhen are confessing right about now, though. Took them long enough. They’ve been like this ever since they moved in, I remember helping them and thinking to myself that they’re super gay.”

Right; Shi Wudu does remember Pei Ming mentioning that once, but he just kind of brushed it off. He didn’t help himself because he wasn’t back from home at the time.

“I mean… I guess so,” he says, because he personally hasn’t noticed much. Not that he ever did, to begin with.

Pei Ming goes quiet, seemingly not having much more to say on the matter. He’s just accessing their Netflix account through his TV, awkwardly typing in the first few letters of Twilight with the remote control.
Their sofa is more comfortable, to be honest.

“You’ve heard of Twilight, right?”

“Obviously,” Shi Wudu sighs, “what do you think was Shi Qingxuan’s major obsession throughout her early teens? Certainly not anything actually good, trust me.”

Pei Ming laughs, finding the movie, and clicking on it.

“Right. Of course Shi Qingxuan would be a Twilight fan. I’m not even surprised, actually. That one adds up.”

Once more, they go quiet. Shi Wudu doesn’t really mind that. There’s something almost comforting about just sitting in quiet company with someone you’re close to and watching the beginning of one of the worst movies ever made. For a split second, he thinks about how he would kind of not be opposed to lean against Pei Ming’s shoulder just for some physical contact, because even he gets starved for it sometimes – then he immediately forces himself to forget about that, because that’s just plainly weird, and he'd literally just thought negatively about it the other second.

He’s heard that the worst part about Twilight is actually just Bella, because she has next to no personality, and even his very much uncritical (he loves her a lot though) sister complained about her often enough, saying that she herself deserves Edward and Jacob so much more than Bella.
Shi Wudu thinks that Shi Qingxuan deserves better than both Edward and Jacob combined.

He’s kind of excited to see how bad this really is, or if people are overexaggerating at times.

Neither of them interrupts the silence - apart from the movie that's playing, obviously. Instead, it’s noises form the neighbouring flat, that Shi Wudu knows all too well when they come from Pei Ming’s room at three in the morning.

With a sigh, he reaches for the remote control and turns up the volume, just to see a very, very large grin on Pei Ming’s face. Probably praising himself for his success with Quan Yizhen and Yin Yu. Well. Shi Wudu has to hand it on him – it was a success, after all.

Having put down the remote, he then puts his hand into the popcorn bowl, wanting at least another handful so that they don’t have to throw it away later and waste it somehow, which is when he freezes.

There’s another hand in the popcorn.

His head shoots around to Pei Ming, still touching his hand, and he’s met with an even more smug grin on his face.

“Oh?” the guy asks, and Shi Wudu kind of once more really wants to die on the spot, “just like in the romance movies. Do we slow kiss now?”

Retracting his hand with his popcorn, Shi Wudu quietly stuffs it into his mouth, clears his throat, chews, ignores the way his entire body feels weird all of a sudden, and stares straight at Pei Ming.

“Absolutely not, no, thank you.”

Chapter Text

“About our plans today,” Xie Lian says into the speaker, “something kinda came in between.”

“Let me guess,” Shi Qingxuan laughs, “Qi Rong? What did he do this time? Man, he really didn’t change, did he? Still the same disaster of a man, except with a child now.”

She still cannot fathom that Qi Rong of all people is a father. At least Guzi is adopted. That means Shi Qingxuan doesn’t have to imagine that Qi Rong actually got a woman and slept with her to have a child. She’s not sure she could stomach that, actually.

“Yeah, it’s Qi Rong. We have to take care of Guzi. We could meet up to watch that movie tomorrow?”

“It’s not just some movie, Xie Lian,” Shi Qingxuan says, “it’s the official KFC movie about the secret recipe and an attempted murder.”

That earns her a laugh on the other end, and a snort from He Xuan who’s sitting next to her on the bed, with one of these small foldable plastic tables to put on your legs when in bed and working on something, painting his nails black. She’s encouraged him to do that, and she’s very proud of that, because He Xuan is going to look stunning.

“But nah, we don’t have to move it to tomorrow. The movie we can, but you can still come over and just bring Guzi with you. I don’t mind, really.“

That’s the moment the doorbell rings.

“Oh, Lianlian, I’ll call you back, okay? Someone just rang the doorbell. Give me a second.”

“Sure!”

Once she’s gotten a response, she hangs up, leaves her phone on the bed (she just hopes He Xuan doesn’t do weird stuff with it or look at her possibly very questionable search history considering she's an art student), and bolts towards the door.

Once she rips it open, she sees him. The best child alive.

“Oh my God, Cuocuo! How are you?”

Attached to Cuocuo’s hand is Feng Xin, looking down at him with that proud fatherly smile.

“Fine! Very fine!” he says, then gets a bit embarrassed, but Feng Xin squeezes his hand.

“Come on, Cuocuo,” he laughs, “just ask her what you want to ask!”

Oh my God, he’s about to ask her something. Shi Qingxuan is officially going to die. She really doesn’t get how Cuocuo is just the cutest thing to ever happen to anyone in this entire neighbourhood. He’s small, and he bites the people he loves (he’s bitten her and He Xuan a few times by now when they happened to be outside at the same time). They’ve played football with him sometimes, including He Xuan.

“Could I… could I stay over for a while? Papa told me that he has to go to the city to go shopping together with Dad and Mom, but I really don’t want to go out if I don’t have to. So… could I stay-“

“Absolutely you can yes this is not a question whatsoever you can always stay over,” Shi Qingxuan blurts out, and Feng Xin stares at her like she’s officially gone nuts or something.

“Sorry,” she sighs, “I love Cuocuo. He makes university so much more bearable. Anyways, he’s always free to stay over. Xuan doesn’t mind either.”

Even if sometimes he acts like it, Shi Qingxuan knows that he doesn’t actually mind him at all. He wouldn’t have played so much with him otherwise, that much is for sure. He Xuan doesn’t interact with people he doesn’t like.

…Funnily enough he seems to be making friends with Mu Qing a little, which is funny considering they’re both acting like the angstiest people out there.

“So I can stay over for a little?” Cuocuo asks, eyes big, already letting go of his father and coming up to hug Shi Qingxuan’s left leg. She puts her hand into his short, fluffy hair, and pets it a little.

“Sure, you can! Wanna go in already? I have something I have to ask your father, okay? Xuan is in our room!”

Cuocuo nods, squeezes her leg a little, and is already bolting towards He Xuan. Since the door is still open, he probably heard the entire exchange anyways.

“Thank you, really. He can get really grumpy if you take him somewhere he doesn’t want to go,” Feng Xin sighs, “so, what did you want to ask?”

“Mu Qing said he’s allergic against eggs. Anything else we should pay attention to? Just in case, you know. I don’t want to like, accidentally poison a kid that isn’t even mine. Not that I’d poison my own kid, obviously, but you get me.”

Feng Xin lets out a laugh, then nods.

“No, no, don’t worry. Apart from his biting habits, he’s pretty easy to handle. He doesn’t handle milk all too well if he gets too much of it, though, apart from the eggs. Oh, and he’s pretty allergic against peanuts, too. I need to make sure Mu Qing knows that, if the egg allergy is the only thing he’s told you.”

Oh no. She’s probably just kicked off another argument. Oh no, this is completely her fault. This is going to be an awkward trip to town for poor Mu Qing.

“That’s okay. I can remember that! I’ll make sure he doesn’t feel bad or anything, don’t worry.”

“Thank you. I bet you’re better at handling him than Mu Qing, anyways. I’m very sure of that.”

Shi Qingxuan tries hard not to let on the fact that Mu Qing is probably a lot more reliable than her. Especially about being strict and stuff. Not that you should be very strict with your kids, but a bit of strictness is kind of necessary. She couldn’t ever do that. She definitely needs a husband or wife who will stop her kids from eating ten tons of sugar each day.

“Haha, I’ll be taking good care of him! So will Xuan!”

Feng Xin nods, then looks at his watch, sighing very, very hard.

“Okay. Sorry to already be leaving, but I’m already late. My ex is gonna be pissed. Mu Qing too. He always scolds me for being late, so I’m not making this better right now.”

Trying to give him an encouraging smile, she nods.

“Of course, of course, get going! It’s fine! We’ll take care of him! We’re decent at cooking, too, so if you stay out for long or something, just let us know!”

Once more, he nods, then waves at her, and, his shoulders hanging, walks back into his house. Probably to grab his stuff.

Shi Qingxuan quietly closes the door, and then just gives herself a moment to squeal a little on the inside at how much she loves Cuocuo and having him over again after such a long time.

And, before going back to their room, she also grabs three chocolate bars from the fridge – they’re vegan actually, she got them from a classmate, and since that means he’s not allergic to them, that’s perfect. She does also quickly check whether there’s any peanut in it, but there isn’t. It’s just regular vegan chocolate with some berries in it.

Then she opens the door to their room, that Cuocuo has apparently closed out of courtesy.
And what she walks in on is the cutest thing she has ever seen.

Cuocuo is sitting there, between He Xuan’s legs, leaning back against him very casually, hands outstretched on the bed table, fingers spread apart, as He Xuan paints his nails both black and pink.

He’s completely still, just letting He Xuan do that, leaning over him a bit to have a view of his hands.

If she’s not mistaken, there’s the slightest hint of a smile on He Xuan’s face – though she may only be making this up to fit the picture – and he looks so deeply concentrated on painting Cuocuo’s little nails. His hair is all on one side, so she can see the small fish tattoo behind his ear. It suits him so well. She kind of wants to buy him earrings to emphasize that tattoo a little. His hair looks so shiny. God, he looks so stupidly good. And he’s cute and a very kind person despite acting like he isn’t. He tries his best with everything, and he cares about her too, and he cares about his parents and sister a lot. And he lets her hug one of the small blahajs to sleep every night.

In short – He Xuan is very much amazing, especially now that she’s known him for a month, and she’s allowed to think that, because acknowledging someone is a good person isn’t at all weird or means she’s-

“Oh, Qingxuan, you’re here! Look, look, Xuan is painting my nails! I’m gonna look really pretty! I’m not allowed to touch anything till they’ve dried, though!”

How is Cuocuo so cute? She’s going to burst out into tears at one point.

“Exactly! You’d get nail polish all over, and then your poor father would have to pay for new furniture!”

That gets a giggle out of Cuocuo.

“Sh, hold still,” he Xuan makes, and Cuocuo goes back to being quiet, and focusing on his nails as if he was the one painting them himself.

He Xuan puts his chin into Cuocuo’s hair, just completely casually leaning on him. Like he doesn’t mind touching him at all.

(Part of Shi Qingxuan wished he would do that with her instead. And that is a little actually weird, she admits that much.)

Shi Qingxuan walks over some steps to them, then sits down on the bed, trying very hard to not make any rapid movements so He Xuan doesn’t mess up Cuocuo’s nails.

She’s noticed that He Xuan lets her sit a little closer to him nowadays, too. Well. They have known each other for a month now. She supposes that’s only natural.

She places the chocolate bars on her other side. They can still eat them once their nails have dried.

Then she realizes that she still has to call Xie Lian back.

“Hey, Cuocuo?” she asks, already picking up her phone, “mind if Xie Lian, his roommate, and Xie Lian’s cousin’s child come over, too? You can be honest and stuff. I won’t invite them over if it bothers you.”

“Lian?” he asks back, but never lifting his gaze of his nails. Always just staring at them like they’re the most important thing in the world.

“Yeah, Lian! You okay with it or not?”

“I’m fine with that! I like Uncle Lian! Haven’t met his roommate yet, but my dads both say they hate him, so he’s probably okay.”

He Xuan lets out one of those snorts that’s nearly a laugh. Shi Qingxuan does laugh properly.

“He’s very okay, yes. And Guzi is also a great kid, you’ll like him! He likes Peppa Pig too from what I’ve heard!”

“Oh, I love Peppa Pig!”

“Your nails surely are as pink as Peppa Pig now,” He Xuan comments, and Shi Qingxuan sees that little twist of the corners of his mouth for sure. He definitely likes kids. He’s going to be an amazing father one day if he wants children

“Yeah! Pink as Peppa!”

He’s so cute.
No.
Both of them. Both of them are very cute. Both him, and He Xuan.

Shaking her head a little, she looks into her last phone calls to call up Xie Lian again and tell him that they can come over with Guzi.

“Okay, that was the last,” He Xuan announces, “now we wait for them to dry.”

The nails look good on Cuocuo. He’s very cute with them.

“Alright, alright,” she chuckles, smiling at both of them (and kind of feeling like this is just as good as having her own family already), then dialing Xie Lian’s number. “I’m gonna call Lianlian now, so we can all have some fun and maybe watch Peppa Pig together!”

Chapter Text

“Hi Cuocuo! My name’s Guzi! It’s very nice to meet you! I’ve heard you like Peppa Pig, too?”

Shi Qingxuan thinks that she might actually die of baby fever one of these days. Maybe she should quit university and become a full-time housewife after all.
(Her parents would probably hate her, and her brother would scold her for giving in to such sexist stereotypes, too.)

“Uh-huh! I’m Cuocuo! Peppa is my favourite!”

“I quite like Suzie! But I own a George plush! Wait, he’s in my backpack! Can I…?” he asks, pointing at the bed that Shi Qingxuan is sitting on. He Xuan had at one point gotten up to bring the nail polish back to its place, and generally tidy up the room a little bit before Hua Cheng and Xie Lian came over.

Guzi places his little dinosaur backpack (that Shi Qingxuan is low-key jealous of if she’s being honest) onto the bed, and opens the zipper, reaches into it, and then pulls out one of the most horrifying plushies she has ever seen.

She will never understand how kids like the Peppa Pig art style. And she’s not like, elitist about art or something. She even quite likes very abstract art as long as it’s not just a white wall or something (which does also have its reasons for existing! Shi Qingxuan just doesn't understand those reasons). But the Peppa art style? The way their eyes are on one side? Or well, both sides, considering they’re still there when they turn around? She supposes that it was meant to look simple and everything, but it’s a bit too simple. It gives children the wrong impression about pigs being four-eyed, probably.

Still, Cuocuo’s eyes light up immediately at seeing the rather big George with his two eyes, and very, very weird-looking hands.
Not that she’s into bodyshaming, obviously, she’s very much against that, but she can’t help bodyshaming the George the Pig plushie.

“He’s so big!” Cuocuo says, reaching out his little hands for the plushie, and grabbing it hard. Guzi lets him have it.

Which is when He Xuan turns around, sees the situation, and is there in an instant-

“Cuocuo, don’t bite the plushie-“

It’s too late. Cuocuo is already chomping on it, and silence spreads in the room. She glances at Hua Cheng and Xie Lian a bit apologetically, as she watches Guzi’s mouth drop open slowly.

The only one who apparently has control over the situation, is He Xuan, who kneels down in front of Cuocuo, pointing at the plushie.

“Your Dad has told you not to bite anything unnecessarily, right, Cuocuo? Let go of it. This isn’t even your own plushie. That’s gross.”

Cuocuo stares at him with his big eyes and his fluffy hair, and he does open his mouth to reveal the wet patch on it.

“Good boy,” He Xuan sighs, then pointing at Guzi. “Apologize to him now, and don’t do it again, okay?”

Cuocuo seems to feel a bit offended by that though, and throws George onto the ground.

“I don’t like George anyways,” he grumbles, which prompts Hua Cheng to whisper a short ‘me neither’.

Shi Qingxuan stares up at him, grinning, but then realizing that he’s not meant to support Cuocuo right now, so she quickly changes to glare at him instead. However, Hua Cheng just gives her one of his stupidly smug smirks. She still can’t believe he turned into this hot, tall guy, when just some years ago he was so much smaller like her, with uncombed hair and dirty clothes.

“Cuocuo,” He Xuan starts again, still kneeling in front of the boy. He reaches for his hands, that look very cute with the nail polish on them, and looks him in the eyes. Which means a lot, because He Xuan never looks anyone in the eyes.

“Listen, okay? Guzi wants to make friends with you, I believe. And you don’t do that through biting plushies. I understand that’s your way of showing affection, but others won’t understand that, okay? So apologize to Guzi for biting his plushie and getting your slobber all over it, okay? And give George an apology hug, too, please.”

To Shi Qingxuan’s surprise, considering that Cuocuo tends to be a little bit unruly at times, Cuocuo does actually pick the pig back up. He does hug him, mumbles a sorry against the wet patch he’s made, and kisses it instead of biting it again. Then, he turns towards Guzi, and reaches out both hands with George still in them.

“Sorry,” he says, “I like George a lot. I want to be your friend too.”

She’s pretty sure that she just heard a very, very short squeal coming out of Hua Cheng’s mouth. Considering that Xie Lian is looking at him too, a very amused grin on his face, she supposes she’s heard that correctly. So even Hua Cheng is really attached to the kids, huh?

“It’s fine,” Guzi says, taking George again, and placing him on the bed next to Shi Qingxuan. Except she hates the fact that this thing is touching her thigh now, but she can’t exactly show that in front of the kids. “My dad bites him a lot too. He’s used to it! I bet he didn’t feel a thing! But fish tattoo man is right, it’s a little gross.”

That, Shi Qingxuan can’t help but laugh at despite it all.

“Fish tattoo man,” she wheezes, pointing at He Xuan, “that’s a genius nickname. I’m never calling you anything else ever again.”

“Fish tattoo man,” Hua Cheng chimes in also, “could you get me a cup of tea, perhaps? I’m thirsty.”

“I’m not your servant,” He Xuan says, looking completely unfazed by his new nickname, “get it yourself.”

“I’ll make it for you San Lang,” Xie Lian smiles, and places his hand against Hua Cheng’s arm for a second, which makes his entire head just go absolutely and utterly red. She shoots He Xuan a glance because of that, and, surprisingly, He Xuan does look back at her, and rolls his eyes.

The next moment, Hua Cheng is already in the kitchen after having blurted out a ‘no Gege you don’t have to do this for me’, making his tea. At least this works, huh?

Xie Lian sits down on the other side of George, patting his head a little, completely unfazed by the wet patch on it.

“Okay, so, you two have made up now,” he says, sounding like the proudest dad of the universe, “that’s very great. Also fish tattoo man’s name is He Xuan, Guzi.”

“Okay. I’ll try remembering it. Sorry if that was rude.”

“It’s… alright,” He Xuan sighs, looking at Cuocuo again, who, by now, is clinging to his leg, seemingly a bit embarrassed about the entire ordeal. He probably didn’t mean to insult Guzi but just hated being criticized. If genes are anything to go by, then Shi Qingxuan is not very surprised by this, considering Feng Xin is his father.

“Cuocuo?” Guzi tries addressing him again, reaching out his hand after having walked up to He Xuan.

Shi Qingxuan sighs a bit on the inside. Cuocuo does like her a lot, but he also definitely prefers He Xuan over her. But that’s okay. He Xuan looks very cute with a child clinging to his leg.

She mentally slaps herself for that. Hell, why is she having these thoughts? Okay, okay, she has already concluded that finding her roommate cute is totally fine. She finds Hua Cheng cute too. So why does she keep getting so shocked about this if it’s not a big deal? She shakes her head at herself a little, and Xie Lian leans over to her a little.

“Are you okay?”

Oh no. He’s realized something is up.

“Nah,” she says, knowing she’s terribly bad at lying, but she’s going to pretend she’s not. “Just got a bit worried about Cuocuo biting George again, that’s all.”

Xie Lian only raises his eyebrow at that, seemingly not believing her all too much. Of course not. Shi Qingxuan is very aware she can’t lie. She knows that, and she hates it. But luckily, he doesn’t ask anymore.

“My entire room at home is Peppa themed,” Guzi says, while Cuocuo is still staring at his hand a little bit without taking it, “I bet my Dad will let you come visit if you want! We could watch Peppa Pig together! We have Netflix, so we could even try learning another language with it!”

“What’s… Netflix?”

Shi Qingxuan hides her mouth behind her hand for a second, and even Xie Lian seems to be a bit amused by this question. So, apparently neither Feng Xin or Mu Qing have Netflix. They do have a TV though, as far as she’s aware.
Shi Qingxuan was very much a TV child, on top of a book child. She probably still knows some of her favourite episodes of several children cartoons by heart, if she was made to rewatch them. Except she probably will never do that, considering they might lose their magic if she were to watch them now.

“Oh, you can watch stuff on it.”

“Exactly!” Xie Lian says, “you could Netflix and chill!”

Right then and there, Shi Qingxuan chokes on her own spit.

“Lian! This is not what this means, oh my God!”

A look of bewilderment on his face, Xie Lian turns to her, as she’s still coughing.

“What?”

“I- Oh Xie Lian, of course you wouldn’t know, but… if you want to use slang, then at least make sure you understand it!”

“But… what does it mean, why are you so shocked? Is it something so bad?”

Shi Qingxuan finally gets her lungs and throat back under control and takes a few very, very deep breaths. Then, she leans right up to Xie Lian’s ears, just to make sure the kids don’t hear, even shielding them with her hand.

“Lian, it means having sex while watching Netflix.”

In an instant, heat has shot up to Xie Lian’s face, and he breaks away from her, awkwardly grabbing the trans flag bed sheets. He’s red as hell, and it’s kind of adorable, but also she can see how embarrassed he is about all of that.

“Oh, oh no, I didn’t know! That’s why San Lang was so surprised when I brought up that we could Netflix and Chill! Oh no, oh no, I’ll have to apologize to him later!”

Oh.

Shi Qingxuan draws her head back, letting it fall back into her lap.

All the while, Cuocuo is just giving Guzi his hand, and He Xuan is watching the two of them as they still apparently talk about Peppa Pig, from what Shi Qingxuan can hear. However, she’s more focused on the matter at hand, namely, Xie Lian having proposed Netflix and Chill to Hua Cheng without knowing what it actually means.

“Lian, you’re…”

She wants to laugh, but instead, she just also feels embarrassed in place of Xie Lian. She really, really wants to find it funny, but imagining that scenario and Hua Cheng’s reaction just leads to her feeling probably just as miserable as Xie Lian is feeling right now.

“Oh my God,” he says again, “I didn’t know.”

“Yeah, I can tell,” she murmurs, “either way, he seems to know very well that you didn’t know what it meant either so- don’t worry, really.”

Clearing his throat, Xie Lian gives a nod that’s still just as embarrassed.

Once more, Shi Qingxuan realizes that Xie Lian still doesn’t know that Hua Cheng is their Hong. She does wonder whether Xie Lian will fall in love with him too, because hell, these two would be so horribly cute together.

“I… are you sure I can come over? Even though I bit your George?”

That snaps Shi Qingxuan out of it a little, and, deciding that she doesn’t want to think more about what Xie Lian has said to Hua Cheng, she stands up, walks over to He Xuan, and then crouches down next to the kids also.

“Yes!” Guzi says before she can reassure Cuocuo that he has long been forgiven for his misdeed.

“See, Cuocuo, I told you, Guzi is a very nice boy.”

She reaches out her hand to his head and fluffs up his thin hair a little. Cuocuo nods in agreement, although he’s clearly still a bit shy. Guzi properly shakes his hand, then lets go of it, and walks to the bed (where Xie Lian is still dying in embarrassment) to go fetch his George.

“Here. You can have him again. As long as you promise you won’t bite him again.”

Cuocuo nods, takes him, and instead hugs the terrifying plushie very, very close.
God, they’re so cute. She wants a kid so badly.

“Thank you,” he mumbles.

“See,” He Xuan says, and he literally sounds like a proud father, “if you have a problem, you just have to talk it out and apologize, and find a solution. Okay, Cuocuo? And now you can be really good friends.”

He’s a changed man when interacting with children. None of that snarky behaviour of his left whatsoever. Instead, he’s suddenly very sincere, meaning everything he says. It really shows that his sister is younger than him, and that he was raised like this, too, even if he might not act by the words he says himself sometimes.

“Yes, we’re already friends, aren’t we, Cuocuo?” Guzi asks, a big grin on his face, also reaching up to ruffle the other’s hair now, so Shi Qingxuan takes her hand away from him properly.

“Y-yeah,” he mumbles, “we’re friends.”

Shi Qingxuan doesn’t really know what makes her do that, but she looks at He Xuan. Coincidentally, he’s also looking at her, so she shoots him a quick, and broad smile, just so that he knows she’s really glad the two of them made friends, and hopefully he also gets the message that she’s glad they made friends because of him.
And, for a split second, he does smile back. It’s just a short twitch of the corners of his mouth, but she thinks that he’s very beautiful when he smiles, even if she barely got to see it.

(After all, that’s a very normal thought to have about your roommate, as she’s decided.)

Chapter Text

“San Lang, I-“ he starts, then isn’t really sure how to even start addressing his wrongdoings in the past month. It’s already been three days ever since Shi Qingxuan has told him about what ‘Netflix and chill’ really means, and Xie Lian has not since proposed doing that with San Lang, neither will he ever again, for several reasons.

First of all, this man is his roommate, and as much as he loves all his other friends (namely, Feng Xin, Mu Qing, Shi Qingxuan, and He Xuan, if he can count him as such), he doesn’t want to end up like them, somehow in an awkward situation with his roommate. Secondly, he’s asexual, and hasn’t really been interested in that. It’s not like he’s put off by it or something, and if his significant other wanted it, he’d probably do it. And last, most importantly… he’s not in love with San Lang. So he wouldn’t even consider doing it with him.

Not that he judges others though, well, apart from Pei Ming, maybe.

“Hm? What’s wrong?” he asks, in his beautiful, pink apron, that he got for half the price and therefore chose instead of literally any other apron. Xie Lian does have to admit that San Lang looks very cute in it.

He’s currently making their dinner (Xie Lian has made dinner before, and even though San Lang has eaten it without complaining even once, he did still notice that Hua Cheng needed the bathroom more often the following day), which appears to be fried rice, and smells very, very good.

“Nothing, it’s just… I kind of want to address something?”

His heart is pounding in his chest. God, why is this all so awkward? He just wished he hadn’t even tried using modern slang. He knows he’s not that good at that, considering what kind of family he comes from. If he hadn’t moved away, he probably would’ve known it, considering he would have stayed friends with Shi Qingxuan in that case. But like this, so many miles away from her, and only really having his brother for company, as well as Feng Xin and Mu Qing who never so much as tried using modern slang apart from random insults coming from Feng Xin? Yeah, no. Of course he didn’t know.

However, San Lang seems to be so utterly shocked at the fact that Xie Lian is sounding all serious. So shocked that he straight up drops the spatula into the rice and sends some flying. Xie Lian can’t help but chuckle a little bit. He’s always acting so cool, especially with He Xuan – except not really with Shi Qingxuan, somehow. Shi Qingxuan manages to get Hua Cheng to be all tame and nice to her, even though not as nice as to him. But even though he tries to act cool with most people, he still fails, getting overly anxious at one single thing Xie Lian wants to apologize for.

“Did I do something wrong? Do you not like fried rice?”

“Who doesn’t like fried rice,” Xie Lian laughs, getting up, and walking over to him, “no, no, it’s a mistake I made that I want to apologize for. You did nothing wrong, San Lang. You never do.”

At that, he seemingly perks up, and it’s a bit like a puppy who has just received a treat. Once more, Xie Lian can’t help but think that San Lang is indeed very good-looking, and very cute-

Wait.

Why the hell is he thinking these things?

“Never?”

“No, never, San Lang, you’re the perfect roommate” he says, then realizes he’s just been coerced into complimenting the other more. His cheeks heating up a little, he swallows once, then clears his throat.

“Anyways. About what I want to apologize for, San Lang-“

“You don’t have to apologize for anything, either. You’re also a perfect roommate, Gege.”

Oh God. Somehow, at that, Xie Lian realizes that his stomach feels a little off. Did he eat something wrong earlier that day? No, it’s probably just hunger, right? But it’s a weird feeling. Like it’s somehow tickling or something… he swallows, but it doesn’t go away, so he decides to ignore it for now.

“No, I mean- thank you, but no, I really do have to apologize for this, even though I admit it’s kind of stupid.”

“No, you’re not stupid-“

“I am, with this, San Lang, and I’m not saying that’s something super awful I did, just a few missteps, so just let me apologize? Please?”

San Lang frees the spatula from the rice, and shakes his hand a little. It was probably hot.

“Alright, alright, Gege. What do you want to apologize for, which is most definitely going to be unneeded?”

He turns towards him properly, and give him one of these warm smiles that make Xie Lian feel all queasy on the inside. Something about this is off, he thinks to himself. After all, he doesn’t really feel like this with anyone else. Of course he gets very happy when others are happy (unless he doesn’t like or care about them in which case, well, he simply doesn’t care), but this? This is new. And he can’t quite place the feeling.

“The uh…” he starts again, then buries his face in his hands, “god, this is so embarrassing. The… I didn’t know what ‘Netflix and chill’ really meant, San Lang, and I didn’t ever want to imply anything like that, really.”

“Huh? Is that your way of telling me you want to stop watching movies and series like we did every night so far?”

And again, this hurt expression in his eyes-

“No, no, no, no! Not at all, that’s not what I’m saying…! Don’t tell me, you didn’t know what the expression meant either?”

“…What?”

“The ‘Netflix and chill one’.”
“Well, I mean, we did watch Netflix, and I’d argue it was kind of chill.”

“Oh my God.”

Xie Lian doesn’t even know what to say to this. Not only did Hua Cheng not know what it meant, no, which is great, actually – but it also makes this even worse because now he’s sort of in the position to explain this. And he really doesn’t want to, but he probably should, or else this poor man is going to end up even more confused.

“Does it… mean something else? Did you want to do something else while we were watching stuff and I wasn’t aware?”

“Oh my God, no, I mean don’t take this as an offence please, it’s just, I’m ace, so like, I-“

“How is that relevant- oh my God does that expression mean what I think it means?”

And now, there’s a huge smirk on Hua Cheng’s face, as if he’s truly having the time of his life right now. As if the realization is hitting him as to what ‘Netflix and Chill’ really means, and like it’s the most hilarious thing that this is happening to him right now.

It doesn’t really make Xie Lian feel better, no. Just heaps more embarrassed than he had already been, so he brings his hands back to his face, and crouches his upper body onto the counter a little bit.

“No, no, don’t be embarrassed! I didn’t know it meant that! So, you didn’t mean to imply that…?”

“No, absolutely not,” Xie Lian whines, and he just wants to run away. He’s had a habit of doing so as a kid already. “Again, no offense, but you’re my roommate, and I’m asexual, and this was never my intention. I didn’t know what it meant until Shi Qingxuan told me, I swear.”

When Hua Cheng just quietly pats his shoulder a little, Xie Lian isn’t sure whether to cry or to laugh. This is all such an awkward situation, he’s not sure he’s going to be okay ever again.

And yet, the hand on his shoulder is weirdly warm and comforting, and again – does Hua Cheng run hotter than other people, or is something about this truly… weird?

“Oh, that’s perfectly fine, I wouldn’t be offended or anything, Gege, really. No, this is fine. I didn’t know what it meant, so I didn’t ever think you might be implying something of the kind.”

“You’re not just saying this to comfort me, right?”

“No, no, I may be kind of a liar, but I wouldn’t lie about this.”

That makes him laugh again.

“You, San Lang, a liar? I doubt that.”

“Well, ask He Xuan, he’ll tell you otherwise. Although, in hindsight… no, don’t ask him, please.”

He’s so cute. The small flush on Hua Cheng’s own face now is also just… so terribly cute.

“Oh dear, does he know embarrassing stories about you or something? I guess Shi Qingxuan knows weird things about me, and everything. For example, I was absolutely convinced that before I transitioned, I could steel my chest by trying to crack boulders with it and make it look like a guy's.”

That gets Hua Cheng to laugh, and the mood seems to clear a little. Which is good, because dear Lord, Xie Lian wasn’t sure he’d ever get out of this ever again. He just wants things to be as they were before with San Lang. Casually sitting under one blanket with him, not thinking about weird things.

Except… he already did, didn’t he? He’s been thinking about holding his hand sometimes. And once he’s dreamed of kissing him, which was weird, and he couldn’t look him in the eye for an entire day.

“That’s actually kind of hilarious, although that must have hurt surely.”

“Do you have any embarrassing stories about yourself to make up for me having told you this?”

Somehow, Hua Cheng goes a bit quiet at that, and the spatula sinks back into the rice again. Oh no. Did he say something wrong now?

“Uhm… one time, I lived solely off carrots because I believed they were going to make my eyesight better because that’s what people kept telling me. Turns out that didn’t help.”

“Wait,” Xie Lian intereferes, finally managing to meet his gaze again, blinking a little at how that makes the tingling feeling in his stomach stronger-

“Hm?”

“You have bad eyesight?”

“Oh, not all too bad. It’s gotten a bit better over the years, actually. Oh, wait. Yeah, I wear contacts. I have glasses, but I haven’t used them in ages. He Xuan used to make fun of me for them. Although that’s not the reason I stopped wearing them, it’s just… my moms picked them, and I think that probably explains it.”

Okay, okay, that does explain it. Both the case of his eyesight and the glasses, and why he isn’t wearing them. Xie Lian may not be very fashionable, but he knows that others are very picky about that stuff, so if your parents were to choose glasses for you, they may be about the opposite of what you actually want.

“Okay, yeah,” he chuckles, “good to know, though. You sound like you were a pretty funny kid, though.”

“Haha, I know,” he says, although a bit quieter than usual.

Then, Hua Cheng looks at him again, and suddenly laughs a little.

“Gege, hold still for a second.”

And while Xie Lian is still confused, he does comply, going stiff. Except that he can’t lie about this; mostly that’s because Hua Cheng’s hand is suddenly very close to his cheek, and that’s just like how it was in the dream. When he touched his cheek really softly, then leaned in to kiss his lips, and Xie Lian in his dream was already freaking out, and that memory of the thing that never happened is suddenly too strong on his mind-

His entire face goes red as he realizes what’s up with him and his body and his feelings and everything else.

Hua Cheng picks something out of his hair, and shows him a grain of rice that must have popped out of the pan and into his hair at one point, unnoticed.

However, Xie Lian is very much pre-occupied with his own thoughts right now.

That can’t be the case, right? Except, sadly, it makes way too much sense. And even if he hates to admit it, that doesn’t change the fact he kind of has to do so.
He swallows a little.

“Thanks,” he brings himself to stutter out, terribly unclear and muffled and full of weird sounds and his voice higher than usual.

No, no, this can’t be the case.

Right?

And yet…

He’s fallen in love with his roommate in just a bit over a month, hasn’t he?

Chapter Text

Xie Lian has never been happier than right now that Hua Cheng has had to leave after dinner today for a meeting with some of his classmates who are working on a project with him. He has also never been happier about Shi Qingxuan not being in said project group.

Because right now, he’s speed-dialing her number, because that’s faster than scrolling through all of his contacts. He had at first questioned whether he should maybe reach out to Feng Xin and Mu Qing, but then quickly decided against that.

Turned out they don’t have the highest opinion of San Lang, which he really doesn’t understand. San Lang is nothing but nice.

Okay, maybe he was a bit mean towards them, but he can’t blame him for that.

Also, he knows that Shi Qingxuan explicitly told him that she would help him if he ever wanted a boyfriend.

Not that he’s going to do anything about this any time soon for obvious reasons. It’s been a month. San Lang most certainly doesn’t and will not like him back. He’d act on it if he knew for certain, but there’s no way that San Lang would ever fall in love with him of all people. Especially not after the embarrassment he’s been tonight.

Also he’s his roommate. He doesn’t want to make things awkward. They’re going to be awkward enough for Xie Lian, he doesn’t need to make them harder for San Lang, also.

Seriously, this is his first time being in love – well, not first time, but the first time in like, a good decade.
So that should say it all about how much he just wants to bury himself in a blanket and disappear into the eternal void.

Still, with his finger trembling a little, and making sure to keep all doors open so that he hears it when San Lang comes home, he presses on the green call button.

It’s only nine. Surely Shi Qingxuan will still be awake, right?

“Xie Lian this better be an emergency, I’m about to force He Xuan into watching Twilight with me right now.”

“It’s an emergency.”

Or well, at least he’d see it as one.

“Oh my God. Okay, okay, uhm, Xuan, I’m sorry, Twilight night will have to be moved.”

“Thank you, Xie Lian,” comes another voice, “I’m indebted to you.”

Xie Lian isn’t close enough to He Xuan to know whether this is sarcasm or not, but he’s going to assume that it isn’t sarcasm, and the He Xuan sincerely does not want to watch Twilight.

“Okay, so, what kind of emergency? Can He Xuan listen in, or do you want me to go outside?”

Xie Lian opens his mouth, then closes it.

“Go outside. But… I’d rather Feng Xin and Mu Qing don’t hear of this either, if I’m honest.”

His cheeks are so stupidly red still. It all makes so much sense now.

“Okay, give me a second. Actually, want me to just come over for a bit? I mean, it’s a five minute walk. I’ll be right there, let me put on some shoes.”

She doesn’t even wait for his answer. She just hangs up, and leaves it at that. So now Xie Lian has to wait, he supposes. And how to better spend his time waiting than suffering in utter despair at the fact that he’s fallen in love with his roommate?

*

Sure enough, there’s a knock on his door not even three minutes later. She must have run. Considering how out of breath she is when she just comes in and storms into his room without even waiting for him to let her in, he’s pretty sure that she definitely ran.

“What’s wrong Lianlian? Did you hurt yourself or something? Did you set the microwave on fire again? I mean, no, that can’t be the case, it’d be stinking in here and you wouldn’t be in the flat. I hope you wouldn’t be.”

That does make him laugh a bit, and he just grabs a pillow from the bed, resting his head on it, and taking a very deep breath.

“No, I’m fine, physically, that is. You… didn’t have to come.”

“Excuse me, you’re my bestie, Lian. Of course I’m here now. Gives Xuan some alone time, too, I guess. So, wanna tell me what’s up? Please? Because uhm, you kind of look like you’re about to cry-“

“I’m not going to cry,” Xie Lian says immediately, takes another deep breath, and swallows the tears down that were indeed welling up in his eyes a little because of the short moment of hopelessness. No, he tells himself, surely there’s… some kind of chance that he might end up liking him back. After all, he’s gay, and he doesn’t seem transphobic whatsoever, and he does seem to like him, actually.
Maybe not that way, but it’s better than nothing for sure.
And maybe it could lead to something more, who knows.

“Okay, alright, you’re not going to cry,” she says, patting his shoulder a little as she sits down next to him on his bed. “So, what’s wrong? Fell in love?”

Xie Lian physically flinches at that, to the point that he hits Shi Qingxuan in the face with his elbow because of how suddenly he gets up at how she nailed it instantly. Of course. He should’ve expected this; after all, she’s very much a romance girl.

“Ouch!” she yelps, and he’s already turning around to her, wanting to console her and apologize profusely, but he never gets to because she’s got the hugest smile on her face, and that takes him completely aback.

“Let me take a guess,” she says, rubbing her forehead a little bit, which means that’s probably where he ended up hitting her, “is it Hua Cheng?”

She probably knows the answer immediately, too, when Xie Lian starts blushing just as profusely as he had previously wanted to apologize.

“Oh my God, it’s Hua Cheng! Oh my God, that’s amazing, I absolutely love this!”

“But it’s only been a month…! It’s way too early, Qingxuan, it shouldn’t be like this…!”

For a second, she looks weirdly taken aback, but he’s not really sure why, so he’s going to ignore it.

“Oooh, yeah, oh, I mean, this doesn’t matter with love! I mean, he’s very good-looking, isn’t he! And very kind! Except to Xuan, I guess. But like, apart from him, he’s truly the best person ever, isn’t he? I mean, not for me. He’s gay to begin with, and I only like him as a friend, obviously, obviously. But you know, I totally appreciate the choice of your heart, Lianlian.”

She stands up to also be eye to eye with him, but then just kind of grasps his shoulders and jumps up and down while squealing like she’s just been attacked by a shark or something.

“No, this is amazing. This is perfect. Oh my God this is perfect, I was shipping you two so much, and now this is going to be real- Lian, let me set you up on a date.”

“What? No, no Qingxuan, that’s not-“

She rolls her eyes in response, lets go of him, and flops down onto the bed. He doesn’t mind her being so overexcited, it’s just that he’s not even sure how to go about this himself.

“Okay, okay, then we’re not setting you up on a date. But we have to do something about this.”

“I’d- I’d rather wait some time, to be honest,” Xie Lian mumbles, eventually sitting back down next to her again. He’s very, very glad that Shi Qingxuan is at the same university as him. What kind of coincidence.

“You mean because it’s too early? But if you fell in love so fast, then you know, that could-“

She coughs once.

“That could also be the case for Hua Cheng.”

He supposes that does somehow make sense. But still. It’s… still very early. He wants to give it some time.

“No,” he says, “let me wait a little. Another month or two at least. Maybe till after winter break or something… maybe. Then… then I’d probably be okay with you helping me a bit. Because I- I mean, I do need to make up my mind on what I want, I think. I don’t really know.”

(Xie Lian isn’t sure he’ll be able to handle this even until winter break.)

At his seriousness, Shi Qingxuan does very obviously quiet down a little. She clears her throat again, then looks at him.

“Is this the first time you’ve been in love?”

He wants to nod at first, because admitting that it isn’t is kind of worse. But he doesn’t want to lie to his best friend, so he does manage to shake his head.

“No, uhm… there was someone before. But it was very long ago.”

At that, she blinks a little, and for a short moment, it seems like there’s some kind of sadness in her eyes, something he’s seen in his brother’s eyes once too often, and never gotten an explanation for it. However, it’s gone in the next second.

“Oh? Who was it? Is it someone I know?”

His cheeks never cooled down, but they certainly don’t get much better now.

“W-well, yeah.”

“Oh my God, wait,” she starts again, that screechy tone back in her voice, “was it Hong? Did you have a crush on Hong? Oh my God. Oh my God.”

She doesn’t even wait for him to answer, just takes her own answer for granted, and well – it’s not like she’s wrong, is she?

And then, she just breaks out laughing.

Xie Lian has no clue why, but she laughs for a good few minutes. Should he feel offended? He’s really not all too sure right now.

“Qingxuan?” he asks when she gives a last wheeze, and goes back to being serious.

“Yeah? Oh, uh, sorry, sorry, no, I just- no, sorry, this is just very cute and everything, I’m very sorry. Sorry for laughing. Sorry. I kind of just- I went a little insane here. I’m sorry Lian. So, you had a crush on Hong?”

“Y-yeah,” he stutters, looking at his own lap, “well, he moved away, and I don’t know where he is now, and it’s not like I’m still in love with him. It’s been years. I do want to know who he turned out to be nowadays. I bet his hair is still as disastrous.”

Another one of those weird smirks on Shi Qingxuan’s face.

“Okay, wait, just let me get this right, Lian. You… don’t want me to do anything about this, right?”

“No,” he answers, looking at her a little, “sorry, just… not yet. I need to figure this all out myself for now.”

“Okay, okay, I understand that,” she says, grabbing his hands and squeezing them a little. Part of him wants to ask her about her feelings for He Xuan, but he’s too done with himself right now, he doesn’t need to know about someone else's possible romantic feelings at the moment.

“Thanks.”

“But if you need me and want me to do something, you let me know, right? Winter vacation is in over a month, so that’s a long time. After that, you let me help you? I mean, I’m friends with Hua Cheng. I can chew him out, and it won’t look weird, because everyone knows I’m obsessed with romance.”

Yeah. That’s most certainly true. Everyone really does know that.

“Y-yeah, that’s probably fine. Just not quite yet.”

And at exactly that point, the door suddenly opens.

“Gege, I’m home, we didn’t actually have much to talk about.”

“Oh my God, hi, Hua Cheng!”

Shi Qingxuan’s voice is still awfully screechy, and Xie Lian stares at her for a second to warn her not to say anything.

“Qingxuan? What’re you doing here? Gege, did you feel lonely? You could’ve just texted me, I’d immediately have gone home.”

Hua Cheng walks through the door, but then leans against the wall instead, looking at him a little. God, he’s so forbiddingly handsome, it’s unfair, really. Xie lian hates this all. He’s so terribly handsome with his hair and face and God, everything about him is just perfect.

Shi Qingxuan kicks his foot a little, as if to tell him that whatever Hua Cheng just said was particularly meaningful. Except he doubts that.

“Oh, no, I was just… a bit bored,” he manages to say, although the heat in his face still isn’t leaving. He’ll pass it off as Shi Qingxuan telling him about her Paulette de Sade books if asked.

“Even if you’re just bored, don’t hesitate to call me, I’d come home.”

“You’re acting as if I don’t exist,” Shi Qingxuan pouts, “guess I’ll leave you alone then or something, if I’m not wanted here.”

She glares a bit at Hua Cheng, but her voice has a very clear amused undertone in it.

“Do what you want,” Hua Cheng scoffs, words the exact same pitch, “me and Gege can have a lot of fun on our own without you around.”

“Sounds… naughty,” she chuckles, and Xie Lian kicks her before she gets up, “ouch, sorry, Lian, t’was a joke, it was just a joke!”

She brings her hand to her ankle and rubs it a little.

He’s really hurt her today, huh? Not like it’s really his fault, to be honest.

“Alright, alright, I’ll get going,” she laughs when Hua Cheng stares at her again, but only after she’s poked Hua Cheng’s nose once, which sends him straight back into the wall.

Xie Lian has to laugh a little. He has no clue why those two got along with each other so fast, but it’s cute to watch – the way Hua Cheng immediately gets flustered, and he hits his head a little against the wall. It’s cute how she can catch him so off-guard.

And after that, she really does walk straight out of their flat, but only after winking at Xie Lian once, which causes him to sigh to himself a little bit. She’s way too obvious about this stuff.

Still, he wished she had stayed simply so that he wouldn't have to be alone in his room with Hua Cheng now.

He’s not yet sure how he’s going to handle being in love with his roommate.

Chapter Text

When Shi Qingxuan steps into the cold October night air, she has to take a very, very deep breath, then push her hand against her mouth, and then she screeches into said night as quietly as possible, but definitely still audibly so.

God, this is actually happening. They’re actually in love with each other, and she’s the only one who knows (not for long because there’s no way she can’t at least tell He Xuan about this). They’re in love with each other. And literally have been ever since they were children. This is Paulette de Sade book worthy. She should actually text her on twitter and try making friends with her or something to get Hua Cheng and Xie Lian written into a book so that she can gift it to them. Hell, if she was a writer herself, she would definitely be doing that.

“Are you okay?”

That makes her realize that because of all her squealing, she hadn’t even noticed that someone had approached her, and well, she can’t blame the person. She’d also be very concerned if someone was standing in the dark squealing their ass off for some reason.

So, she takes another deep breath and looks at who this voice came from-

“Oh, are you here to visit Lian?” she asks before she can even explain that she is, indeed, better than she has ever been in her entire life.

Jun Wu looks at her and shakes his head a little.

“No. I was just… getting rid of someone.”

That instantly makes her laugh.

“Let me take a wild guess. Qi Rong?”

“Yes. He wanted to ask Xie Lian for money, but it’s late and I didn’t want him to disturb him, so I gave it to him instead. Turns out he forgot to buy groceries this week and instead spent his money on ‘other necessities like Fortnite’," Jun Wu answers, obviously a little bit annoyed by his cousin.

She can’t blame anyone for being annoyed with Qi Rong. If anything, she’d blame people who are not annoyed with Qi Rong.

“Of course. Fortnite, god. But, uh, yeah, considering your question, don’t worry, I was just happy, really.”

“Because they’ve both fallen in love with each other?”

That takes her by surprise, although it probably shouldn’t; after all, she’s known Jun Wu for ages, and he’s always been a very observant person, especially when it came to Xie Lian. When they were still very young children, he was actually kind of mean to him at times. Pulling his hair, saying he’s jealous of Xie Lian for getting one more present than him (which was literally just one more piece of candy which the parents hadn’t counted). She supposes it was the kind of jealousy older siblings sometimes have because they suddenly don’t get all the attention anymore. But as the years went by, he became more and more tolerant, and eventually started doting on Xie Lian like hell.

To the point he’d gift him all of his presents, too.

Shi Qingxuan has no clue how Xie Lian ended up not even acting spoiled, because he surely as hell was. So was she, obviously. And… well, for her, it probably shows.

So yes, Jun Wu is observant, and cares a lot for Xie Lian, so it’s probably only natural that he knows.

“Ah, yeah,” she answers, coughing a little, now indeed getting a little bit embarrassed at how she was caught squeaking by Jun Wu, but there’s worse, “that was the reason, actually.”

“Oh, you’re not going to ask why I knew?”

“I mean, they haven’t been very subtle about it now, have they?” she laughs, “but yeah, I guess it’s fine if I tell you since you seem to know anyways. But yeah, Xie Lian seems to have realized it, and well, I suppose you know who Hua Cheng is, so…”

“Oh, I’m fully aware he’s your childhood friend. That’s why I put him and Xie Lian together into one room.”

She can see something like a smirk on his face for a second, before it fades. For a short moment, Shi Qingxuan wonders whether putting her into one room with He Xuan was also on purpose, but then she realizes that she didn’t even know He Xuan before, so obviously it couldn’t have been. Before she can ask how he knew, though, because this time she sincerely wants to know, he’s already looking her directly in the eyes.

“Do you want me to walk you home? It’s not all too safe walking around at night as a girl and all.”

He’s right about that. Shi Qingxuan has been catcalled before, but she always just kind of takes it in the weird way of ‘oh wow they see me as a girl, that means I’m passing’ which is probably a little messed up, but she will take what she gets. That said, she usually passes all the time, so maybe she should start feeling offended by that kind of stuff.

“Especially if Qi Rong is around, huh?”

“Exactly,” Jun Wu affirms, “not just him though, there’s some creeps at university at all times.”

She doesn’t want to tell him that he can appear to be quite creepy himself at times. Although that’s… definitely the case. Jun Wu has a weird air around him that scares her sometimes; something of authority, but also something like he never quite means what he says.

“Yeah, that’d be nice, actually, thanks. I’d like to leave now, though, I’m actually quite tired now that I’m coming down,” she laughs a little awkwardly, but also…
She kind of misses He Xuan and still does want to watch Twilight with him. She hasn’t been gone for long, why is she missing him? Nah, she can’t lie to herself like that; she’s probably missing Twilight a lot more.

“Of course. It’s a short walk, isn’t it?”

She nods, and readjusts her blouse a little, cheeks still feeling warm because of how he caught her squealing.
When they start walking, she remembers that she wanted to ask something.

“How did you know Hua Cheng was Hong?”

“Oh, it was quite easy. It wasn’t much research. I remembered the name of his adoptive parents and thus simply did some research and it was very obviously him. He still looks similar, after all.”

That’s true. She did also recognize him upon seeing him again for the first time. He’s got a very recognizable face.

“Fair,” she says.

For a while, there’s a bit of an awkward silence. It’s not like they ever had all too much to do with each other; if anything, Shi Wudu had a lot more contact to Jun Wu than Shi Qingxuan did.

“So, how are you getting along with your roommate? I’m sincerely sorry for messing up the rooming,” he says, and it does actually sound sincere. However, even though she didn’t know He Xuan before… she’s wondering whether he really is being sincere or not.

He must be. She didn’t know He Xuan before. For a few seconds, she tries very hard to remember whether she’s met him before, but there was no one like him in her life. So no, that was probably actually a mistake that Jun Wu made. It happens, after all.

“Very well. He’s a bit… exhausting sometimes, because he barely ever says what he really means, but apart from that, he’s a very nice guy, really.”

Somehow, that makes Jun Wu snort a little, but then he just nods.

“Your brother seems to have a… very different opinion on him.”

“Yeah, well, that’s my brother being my brother. No way to change that, honestly. I don’t really care about it as long as he isn’t mean to him again, but I definitely told him off for that, and he didn’t dare to insult He Xuan again after that, and he’s been over a few times since. So yeah, it’s going very well! He Xuan is nice, really.”

Again, Jun Wu just nods, but after a minute or two of walking, he suddenly stops dead in the track, right below a streetlight. She even almost bumps into him, but manages to stop herself early enough. Then, she confusedly takes a step back from him.

“Is something wrong?”

He turns around to her, and his expression looks neutral at first, but then he diverts his eyes to the ground.

“I wanted to thank you for being friends with Xie Lian. He needs more friends his age. He’s always been… really alone, you know? So… thanks for being with him.”

Oh.
The heat is instantly back on her cheeks (and she swears to herself that it’s not because Jun Wu is in fact also good-looking).

“Uhm. I mean- y-yeah, no, no need to thank me for that, really! It’s totally fine, totally alright! I love Lianlian a lot, and I wished we hadn’t lost contact…! But now I’m back or well he’s back so…! I won’t let him go again!”

“Make sure he’s happy, okay?”

That once more just makes her wonder about something. So, for a bit, she looks at him.

“Why are you talking like you’re going to die or something, this is slightly concerning. Are you like, okay? You know Lian loves you, right? He talks about you a lot. And I mean, you have a boyfriend too, right, I bet he also loves you-“

“Oh, I’m perfectly alright. I’m just very aware that I’m not all Xie Lian needs in life.”

Shi Qingxuan exhales, then feels even more embarrassed about herself kind of going off on a little speech there.

“Right, s-sorry,” she stutters, “he loves you a lot though, that holds true! He knows he can always come to you for help when he needs it!”

Surprisingly, that makes Jun Wu give her an actual, honest smile.

“I’m glad he talks about me. But I do know that. Thanks anyways. I just wanted to make sure you know that I appreciate you being his friend.”

She brings herself to nod, still not really knowing how to respond to all that stuff. It was completely out of nowhere. And again, she hasn’t interacted too much with Jun Wu in the past, so this is still very weird in general. But she does appreciate him appreciating her.
…Or something.

“Alright. That’s all I wanted to say, except…”

His voice goes even quieter, and Shi Qingxuan thinks that he’s actually being serious right now.

“This question might be a little weird.”

“I don’t really mind weird questions,” she laughs, but her heart beats just a little faster because she’s low-key getting scared of whatever he’s about to ask.

“Do you believe in reincarnation?”

“Okay, that actually is random,” she laughs, “what brought this on? You think Lian and Hong knew each other in another lifetime or something?”

“I mean, wouldn’t that make sense to you?”

“I mean, to each their own,” she says, “I guess you’re right. I’m not sure whether to believe in that stuff myself or not. It’s not like it matters. It reincarnation exists, then I surely as hell am not noticing it.”

“I think it might be possible,” he says, “but I get not everyone believes in it. I was just interested in your answer, that’s all.”

“If something like that exists then dang, I bet He Xuan killed my brother in a past life or something to make him hate him this much.”

That brings the amused look back to Jun Wu’s face.

“That’d make sense, wouldn’t it? I’m sure you and Xie Lian were great friends once upon a time, too.”

“That’s a nice thought,” she says, “he’s nice enough to want him around in several lifetimes, really.”

It was indeed a weird question, but she’s sure that he has his own reasons to ask, and she’s not going to call him ridiculous about it or something.

“Alright. I need to take the other way to my dorm, will you be okay the last bit?”

“Yep,” she laughs, “it’s only like another minute after all. Thank you a lot, though. And I’m sure that, if reincarnation is real, Xie Lian loved you in several lifetimes, too.”

His eyes darken a little at that, but then he gives her that little smile again. “I hope so.”

Chapter Text

When Shi Qingxuan walks through the door again, happily whistling away, He Xuan is actually already very sure what she’s going to tell him about that ‘emergency’ Xie Lian was allegedly having.
She drops her keys on the little sideboard next to the door, takes off her mint green coat, hangs it up onto the rack, and then walks into the room beaming like she’s just swallowed several lightbulbs.

He puts his book about Northern Sea Nettles down, and cocks his eyebrows at her.

“Xuan, you won’t believe this,” oh, he’s pretty sure he will, actually, “and now, don’t tell Hong, and don’t tell Lian that I told you but oh my God, Lianlian actually likes him back, but they don’t know they’re both in love with each other, and that’s so absolutely stupid, but it makes me so, so happy, Xuan, I can’t even put it into words!”

She’s screeching away, practically jumping onto the bed next to him, touching his shoulders as she goes.

“Good for them or something,” he comments, mostly because he’s already having several scenarios in his head about how Hua Cheng would quite literally never shut up about Xie Lian being his boyfriend. And he’d get the blunt end of it. Maybe he should get into drugs after all. He thinks his mother might just understand.

“Come on, come on, some more enthusiasm!” Shi Qingxuan laughs, still sitting very close to him. It doesn’t bother him too much, though. Otherwise, he’d complain about it anyways. No, these days, he’s gotten fine enough with her being around. After all it’s been an entire month now.

“I’m just thinking about how insufferable Hua Cheng will become.”

“Oh come on now, he’s going to be so happy once they confess! Aren’t you happy for your friend?”

And to hell with it, He Xuan is happy for Hua Cheng for this, that much is for sure. It’s just that for some reason, he doesn’t really like talking this much about his feelings. He never understood why he turned out to be that way, considering his family raised him with nothing but love, putting emphasis on communication again and again.

“He’s going to bother me every single minute of the day opposed to every ten minutes,” he says instead, and somehow, Shi Qingxuan goes a bit quieter at that. Hopefully realizing what his actual feelings are.

It feels like he genuinely can’t lie to her, no matter what he does. She always just sees right through him. It’s a bit scary, almost.

“That might be a bit weird to ask, but I’m so full of energy, I’d really like to hug someone right now. Are you okay with that? If not, I’ll just go for the huge Blahaj, I guess.”

He Xuan freezes right then and there. How can she say this stuff so casually, with that huge smile on her face, those stupidly blue eyes blinking like she’s actually swallowed a lightbulb?
(He wouldn’t put that past her.)

Honestly, he doesn’t even know what to say to that. Because honestly… at home, his mother and sister do hug him quite a lot. Only after asking for permission, of course, but he does usually get a lot of hugs.
And he can’t lie, he has been kind of touch starved because of that, and as much as he does consider Hua Cheng his best friend (he’s never going to say that to his face in a thousand years), he’d feel uncomfortable hugging him.

But Shi Qingxuan… something about her makes everything so easy. Even hugging.

As much as he hates to admit this to himself.

She’s still staring at him expectantly.

“So, no? I won’t mind, I’d just appreciate an answer because it feels like I’m going to like, explode, if I don’t get to squeeze you or Blahaj in the next thirty seconds.”

He hates the heat in his cheeks and hopes that she doesn’t notice.

“…Fine.”

It’s everything he manages to say, and the next second, she’s already squeaking into his ear and hugging him very, very tightly. But… he doesn’t mind.
He should, but he doesn’t. She’s soft, and warm, and comfortable, and she smells of that raspberry shampoo that’s in their shower, and somehow he really does enjoy it.
However, he keeps himself from hugging her back, or leaning into her or anything of the like. He feels like that might make things awkward. After all she reads way too many romance books, and even if he’s very obviously not in love with her, she might interpret way too much into it.
But she’s… so warm. And somehow, that's very comforting.

She’s squeezing him for quite a while, actually, and it’s a bit of a strong hug. Alas, he feels like she’s going to crush his ribs any second, and he’s barely able to breathe in general.

“Uh…” he does say at one point, after what must have been a good minute or something, “air.”

At which she does eventually let go. She laughs very heartily as he gasps for air and rearranges his clothes a little.

“You’ll be as much of a bother as Hua Cheng when these two get together,” he grumbles, and leans back against the wall, although he really can’t lie to himself – he did enjoy it.

“I might,” she giggles, “but God, I’m so happy for them. Lianlian does want some time and everything though, which is obviously super fine, but yeah. I bet the day will come when they get together, and I’m going to make it happen if they don’t manage on their own.”

Of course she will.

He just gives her a sigh as an answer, which hopefully gets his message across.

However, she does seem a little less energized now. Probably just had to get it out of her system. She can be a bit overwhelming at times, that’s true. But… suddenly, she diverts her gaze – oh shit, he’s still looking at her, that’s probably weird.
He looks away.

“I met Xie Lian’s big brother on the way home, and he randomly asked me about whether I believe in reincarnation. I think it was something really personal for him, but it kind of got me thinking. What’s your opinion on that?”

He Xuan isn’t incredibly sure about that.

“Neutral,” he says, “weird question.”

“What the hell is neutral meant to mean in this context?” she laughs again, leaning back against the wall next to him, “like, I’m pretty sure you’re not the religious type, you know? I won’t be hurt if you don’t believe in that. I don’t really believe in it myself. Not all too much.”

“I don’t think I do,” he answers earnestly, “but I guess it makes more sense than whatever heaven and hell are on about in chrstianity and stuff.”

“That’s true. I don’t know. It’s just weird. It feels like I’ve known you for so much longer than just a month.”

That makes him look at her again. Their eyes meet, and weirdly enough, that’s not all too uncomfortable for him either. Not if it’s her.
(She might have a point.)

“You think we knew each other in our past lives?” she asks, propping her head onto her hand, and looking at him still.

“I hope not,” he says, “I wouldn’t want to have to deal with you in several lifetimes.”

“You’re so mean!” she answers, and raises her hand to punch him. “Can I punch you?”

Part of him finds it a little cute that she’s asking for stuff even like that. Well, it’s proof that she respects him and his boundaries. Except he doesn’t mind much anymore. After all, she’s just hugged him.

“No, you can’t,” he sighs, simply to protect himself from being punched, but as always, she sees right through him, and lightly punches his arm.

Against his own will, he does snort, which makes her grin even more. She knows him well enough by now. There’s really no way he can lie to her.

“No, but imagine, how funny would that be? Especially considering we have the same name and birthday and everything. Think we were twins once?”

“I hope not,” he repeats again, and this time he says it not because he doesn’t want to know her (which isn’t true anyways), but because that just feels weird.

“Okay but I’m sure we were best friends before already, weren’t we? If something like reincarnation exists, right? I’m so sure of it. I bet we were the bestest of friends before, Xuan!”

And then, suddenly, she’s already headbutting his arm, and he wants to pull it back, but doesn’t really get to, because she pulls it with her, and ends up pulling him down to land him face first into a small blahaj.

“What the-“ he wants to say, and the next thing he knows is that there’s a bigger plushie on him.

“And whatever happened in your past life that made you so horribly angsty, it’s going to be cured with ikea sharks!”

She’s an idiot. She’s the biggest idiot in the entire world, maybe. He’s not sure she’s ever even had a single thought in her entire life.

And since his face is buried in Blahaj, he allows himself to actually smile about it. And it’s a broad smile, because he can’t lie, she’s… very loveable as a person. And if they knew each other in a past life, then hell, there’s now way she didn’t force him to be friends, right?

“Let me go,” he gasps into the Blahaj, and hates the way that he can hear the smile in his own voice. He does manage to get rid of the smile before he resurfaces though, rubbing some of the Blahaj fuzz from his mouth. Or the feeling of it. It's not like his Blahajs are sheeding, since they're not old enough for that yet.

“Alright, alright, sorry. But you let me touch you for once, so come on, I have to take advantage of that! Sorry, God, I’m way too hyper right now, I know, but listen- listen. Xie Lian and Hua Cheng. They love each other. And that’s amazing. Don’t you agree?”

“Again,” he sighs, sitting up, readjusting his clothes that have gotten all messed up in the meanwhile, “he’s going to be so insufferable about it. I don’t like it.”

She laughs, stealing the huge Blahaj from him and giving him a very tight squeeze again. Yeah. He’s very sure she’s forced him to be her friend in a number of other lives, too.

“Well, I for one, am absolutely in love with the fact that they’re in love! Aaaah, I want to be in love.”

He doesn’t really know what to say to that, so he just shrugs, and reaches for the book he was reading again.

“Shh, no reading, yet, Xuan. We have Twilight to watch, don’t we? That’s almost as good as being in love!”

He drops the book instantly at remembering that.

“At least, if you knew me in past lives, you weren’t able to force me to watch Twilight, so I guess past He Xuan had it easier if he truly knew you.”

The laugh she gives him at that is worth knowing her in this life, at least.

(He wonders whether that’s a weird thing to think about his roommate, but he guesses that he can finally admit to himself that he does really like her.)

Chapter Text

“Right, do you mind talking whatever you wanna talk about while He Xuan is here? He’s just reading. He’s probably not even going to hear you, considering how swallowed up he gets in books.”

Shi Wudu really isn’t sure that’s the case considering He Xuan is currently glaring at him like he’s murdered his mother or something, very much not paying attention to his book.

“…It’s nothing very important so I don’t care,” he presses out between gritted teeth, and hears Pei Ming behind him snort a little. Once more, he’s come with him, probably to try making friends with Shi Qingxuan once more. Well, they sort of are friends. It’s just that Shi Qingxuan acts like she hates him because he’s tried flirting with her a few times, but he instantly got rejected. And once she told him to seriously stop, he actually did. But their arguments seem more playful than anything.

“Alrightie then! Take a seat. Uh… floor or bed. Whatever you prefer. Pei, you take the floor.”

So, since she’s going to treat his best friend this way, he’s going to sit on the floor with him, actually. He sinks down against the wall, while Shi Qingxuan takes the bed. He Xuan is sitting at the desk, reading a book that Shi Wudu bets he knows everything about anyways, because what’s there even to study about sea creatures in first place?

“Why are you here anyways?” she sighs, looking at Pei Ming, who gives her a short grin.

“Emotional support or something. And to tell you about my thesis, and how I greatly inspired Shi Wudu.”

“That sounds like you turned him gay or something.”

For some reason, that makes Shi Wudu a little bit angry. God, maybe he does have some work to do still concerning his homophobia. It wouldn’t be a bother to anyone if he was gay; now that his parents have gone through Shi Qingxuan literally transitioning, they’ve all grown and become very tolerant and non-judgmental of them, they wouldn’t mind him being gay. And neither would Shi Qingxuan nor Pei Ming, obviously.
Except that well, he isn’t.

Considering how small the space between the wall is, he ends up shoulder to shoulder with Pei Ming.

“Not the case,” he sighs as an answer, then clears his throat, “I’m here to tell you about my thesis too, because I think you’ll quite like it.”

“I’m sorry, okay,” Shi Qingxuan says, “I highly doubt that, you’re a business major. I promise you I couldn’t care less, even though I love you, my dearest brother, but-“

“It’s about Paulette de Sade,” he blurts out, without thinking about it once more, just a desperate shout into the void. It really feels like he cannot stand any sort of rejection from his little sister, and it’s sort of embarrassing. She really is his weak point, okay?

And yet, the way her eyes immediately start sparkling just… makes her being his weak point so worth it.

“What? You’ve found enlightenment, after all this time? You have found the light of the Gods? Don’t tell me, Pei Ming, is that thanks to you?”

“Of course it is!” Pei Ming next to him laughs, and Shi Wudu can feel the vibrations of his laughter throughout his own body, unable to keep a smile off his face. Laughter really is contagious, after all.

“I am so proud of you, Pei, I could kiss you right now.”

At that, the entire room goes quiet, except for the dropping of a book.

Shi Wudu is very irked by the fact that this of all things caught He Xuan’s attention, because that could mean he possibly has a thing for his sister, but…
No, the look on is face is just one of pure shock – as much as you can call it that, since he’s not all too expressive. And for once, Shi Wudu fully agrees with him. He probably looks the same.

“Oh?” comes Pei Ming’s very smug voice as an almost immediate response, “such a good deed? That you, Shi Qingxuan, would kiss me?”

“On the cheek, at most.”

“Wait a second, are you being serious about this?” Shi Wudu practically shouts, and He Xuan is still just staring at Shi Qingxuan as if she’s just turned into a walrus. Maybe he’s reading a book about walruses.

“Listen, Pei Ming made you write a thesis about my favourite author, so I think for once he actually deserves this,” Shi Qingxuan argues, “besides, I’ve been in the best of moods for a few days now, so I might as well make his day today, too-“

“Do not kiss Pei Ming,” comes He Xuan’s voice suddenly, and Shi Qingxuan grins at him.

“What? You want that cheek kiss instead? I didn’t know you-“

“Absolutely not.”

Shi Wudu has never sighed such a sigh of relief, that much is for sure. Pei Ming punches him with his elbow for that, though.

“Why so upset then?”

“Because if you end up doing it you’re bound to regret it, and I won’t hear the end of it. That already was the case with you eating that yoghurt that was a week past its expiration date even though I kept telling you not to.”

“Okay, okay, listen. I’ll kiss Pei Ming’s hand in a chivalrous gesture of gratefulness for the sole sake that he’s made my brother write about Paulette de Sade. Pei, what’s your thesis-“

“How Paulette de Sade’s literature helped teenage girls find themselves in terms of sexuality.”

“Dear Lord Pei Ming I am scrambling to my literal feet right now,” Shi Qingxuan says, and well, she’s surely doing what she’s saying, getting up and crouching down in front of Pei Ming. He’s already reaching up his hand with the biggest grin on his face, and she does what she says.

She actually kisses his hand, in front of both him and He Xuan, and Shi Wudu feels so many ways about this that he can’t even begin to explain, but all of them are very much negative.

“…And you’re totally going to be whining into my ears all night which won’t allow me to sleep,” comes He Xuan’s commentary, and again, for once… Shi Wudu finds himself agreeing.

At least he’s feeling like he’s not going to be able to sleep tonight, either. Considering that Pei Ming has announced a girl is coming over tonight, he supposes that one was a given, though. He can’t wait to listen to the lo-fi waterfall sounds mixes again like the night before yesterday.

When Shi Qingxuan resurfaces, she gives Pei Ming a short, warning look as he grins at her like a child who has just received candy from their aunt or uncle.

“This will not repeat itself by the way, but you did deserve this one. Do not make any more of it than me loving the fact that you two are both writing your thesis on my favourite author. Nothing more and nothing less. But, you did deserve this one.”

Shi Wudu punches Pei Ming in the ribs.

“Stop grinning, I’m not liking this situation.”

“Jealous?” he asks, and Shi Wudu stares at him for a second.

“Shi Qingxuan is my sister-“

“I mean, if you’re jealous of her kissing my hand. You wanna kiss my hand?”

“Oh my God, Pei, I’m going to kill you,” he spits out through gritted teeth, “no, it’s more that I don’t want my sister to be kissing my best friend in any way ever, because my life isn’t a Paulette de Sade novel even if both of you sometimes seem to think it is, thank you very much.”

“The novels are bad in writing so maybe it describes your life in that aspect.”

Shi Wudu’s head flies around to He Xuan, who looks incredibly unbothered for what he has just said. And to his dismay… Shi Qingxuan laughs out loud. She’s not even trying to defend him, even though he’s literally her brother, and has supported her (mostly) throughout her entire life, and has kicked so many people who bullied her, and yet she’s laughing about He Xuan’s joke which is downplaying him-

“See,” Pei Ming chuckles, “that’s why I like him. He seems quiet and like he couldn’t hurt anyone, but then he says savage stuff like that. Don’t be sad, Wudu, darling, if you want to kiss my hand and insult me to feel better about this I’ll let you-“

“Oh my God, Pei, shut the fuck up! And don’t call me darling, what’s wrong with you? Don’t call me that ever again. I’m not from one of you guys’ novels. Pei, I know we’re childhood friends and all, but this is not happening because I am indeed not gay. And not in a weird romance novel.”

That does make Pei Ming laugh, and Shi Qingxuan too. Only He Xuan remains quiet, without any repercussions for his mean remark.

“You know,” Shi Qingxuan starts suddenly, “when Paulette de Sade released her novel about childhood friends to lovers, I did actually think that it resembled you two quite a lot, and I actually tried doing the same thing that the side character did in order to kind of play the matchmaker between you two, but regarding your sexualities, that obviously didn’t work-“

“What?” Shi Wudu screams, not giving the chance for Pei Ming to respond – since he’d probably just find this hilarious anyways, so there’s no real use in waiting for him to say anything in first place.

“Listen, okay, in my defense,” Shi Qingxuan says, raising both of her hands, “I was what? Fourteen? You two were sixteen. Like come on now. I was a kid. You can’t blame me.”

“Oh my God,” Pei Ming does say, even though Shi Wudu is already opening his mouth to scold her, “it was you who locked us into his walk-in closet this one time?”

“Duh,” Shi Qingxuan sighs, “no one else was in the house at the time. I thought that one was obvious. Pei, seriously, I feel like you’re losing braincells every single time you sleep with someone. Maybe you should reconsider that one.”

At that, He Xuan gets up from his chair, and simply walks straight out of the room, as if he doesn’t want anything to do with them. Well, it goes back right at him. Shi Wudu doesn’t want anything to do with him either.
And at the moment, also not with his sister or best friend.
(The fact that he hears the bathroom door close the next seconds means that really, He Xuan just needed the bathroom, but Shi Wudu is still going to interpret it as him escaping the situation because he hates him back. He better.)

“No, actually, there are studies showing that your memory increases if you regularly have sex,” Pei Ming suddenly says, and Shi Wudu almost chokes on his own spit. He had already forgotten the conversation topic.

“And actually, Pei, I don’t really want to know. Do send me your thesis when you’re done, though. I need to read that. So, Ge, what’s yours about? Like, how the hell are you connecting her to business? Going to interview Mom and Dad too?”

There’s a slightly mocking smile on her face, but this time it’s clearly just the usual sibling banter they have going on often enough.

“Probably, yeah,” he says, “I haven’t decided on the actual thesis itself yet, I’ll figure that out as I go I suppose. I’m just going to compile data and stuff, since our parents are really successful-“

“Because of Paulette,” Pei Ming interrupts him with the smuggest grin that Shi Wudu has ever seen on his face.

With a roll of his eyes, he does end up nodding.

“Fine. Because of Paulette. I can’t lie here, her shit novels are doing a great job at keeping us very rich.”

That moment, He Xuan returns, same old stare on his stupid face, except his hair is open now. Shi Qingxuan’s gaze lingers on him for a bit too long for Shi Wudu’s taste, but he’ll let it slide for now. Except not really, because the urge to get her attention back to him is immediately there.

“So, Qingxuan,” he starts, “if you have any direct messages that you want me to pass on to her, let me know, I’ve got her business e-mail address now, since she won’t meet anyone in person. On twitter, it's mostly her editor who replies, I think. But I’m sure her editor would also pass something on if you don’t want me to do it.”

That surely gets a reaction. And her attention. He glares at He Xuan a little, wanting to signalize that he’s won, except that He Xuan never even minds him and is now texting someone on his phone. With an exasperated little grunt, Shi Wudu is suddenly hugged by Shi Qingxuan.

“Why are you the best brother ever? I’ll write her a proper e-mail letter kind of thing. I have it all prepared. She did like my tweet and everything. So she knows me if I remind her who I am. Oh my God, I love you, you’re the best brother to ever brother. I’m going to get to work as soon as you’re gone. I’ll cry. You’re the best.”

Yep. He’s surely got her attention back to him. Except He Xuan won’t even respond to his, in all fairness, sort of immature taunting. Just another reason to hate the guy.

Chapter Text

Shi Qingxuan isn’t sure how she’s meant to be in one room with both Hua Cheng and Xie Lian for the next hour until He Xuan comes back from class. They all promised to meet up here, and well, Shi Qingxuan made the clever decision to visit them as soon as she possibly can in order to work some of her magic.

Except the tension in the room is thick, but probably just for her, considering she knows that these two idiots are literally in love with each other.

She’s asked Xie Lian a few times whether he’s certain about what he wants out of this, but she mostly just received some kind of self-deprecating message like ‘it’s not like he’s going to love me back anyways’. What kind of bullshit, really, as if anyone wouldn’t love him.

However, it did very much come across that he wants to be in a relationship with Hua Cheng, his San Lang, their little Hong. In her head, she quickly counts the days ever since he’s admitted to her that he’s in love with Hua Cheng. It’s been ten days.

And he doesn’t even yet know that Hua Cheng is Hong, because Hua Cheng has some kind of complex about this, seemingly. As if it’d matter to anyone but himself.

So, she’s suffering, sitting together with him, while Hua Cheng is very clearly pampering Xie Lian. He’s made him tea so far because Xie Lian had a stomach ache, he’s cooked both of them some porridge because Xie Lian craved it (whereas Shi Qingxuan explicitly had to ask Hua Cheng whether he’d make some for her too, which she’s kind of offended by if she’s being honest), he’s printed a fifty pages philosophy text for Xie Lian so him and Shi Qingxuan could continue watching random stuff on her YouTube feed out of boredom.
Also because Xie Lian kept giving her very panicked glances every few seconds and she wanted to take his mind off things a little.

“Qingxuan?” suddenly comes Hua Cheng’s voice, as he strolls into the room after having been to the bathroom for a minute.

“Hmm?” she asks, looking at him, and watching him sit down on his bed opposite of them. Giving one of these also panicked glances at her and Xie Lian. Maybe she will actually kill those two one day if they don’t confess quickly.

Honestly, the fact Xie Lian has fallen in love with Hua Cheng so fast is amazing, considering he hasn’t so much as suspected that this is Hong. Or maybe something inside of him just knows? Maybe there’s something to whatever Jun Wu said after all. Maybe these two always end up finding each other in every life ever, in which case Shi Qingxuan definitely has to help to ensure they’re happy in this one also.
(She doesn’t entirely believe in reincarnation, really, it’s just that the idea is so romantic she would love to believe in it, so she might as well gaslight herself into doing so.)

“I’ve got a question for you.”

And he says that with another look at Xie Lian, who, at that, looks up from her phone and throws Hua Cheng a smile. Which makes Hua Cheng blush.
Shi Qingxuan wants to get out of here as fast as possible, but she’s on a mission, and she’s going to fulfill that mission, no matter what.

“Sure, shoot it,” she laughs, “but only if you let me do your hair.”

It’s the first hint she wants to give Xie Lian that this is Hong. She doesn’t want to outright tell him, obviously. This isn’t her choice. But she has to somehow help this, considering how stupid the two of them are really being about this. Hua Cheng should tell him who he is. It’s not like there’s any reason not to. And she’s tried talking to him about that multiple times, too. To no avail, either.

He does look at her a bit taken aback, and those red cheeks of his are adorable. And yet, he gives her a short nod.

“Fine. Alright. Can I ask now? It’s a normal question. It doesn’t require some kind of revenge. But you can do my hair if you so direly want to.”

Him and He Xuan are more similar than they think, really.

“Cool! Yes, yes, ask away. Not like I have stuff to hide, really.”

She does say that one with a sharp glare at him.

“You always ask all of us if we’ve find someone that we want to date at uni, but how about you?”

Xie Lian chokes a little at that, and Shi Qingxuan herself just kind of stares at him for a second.

“Uhm… no?” she answers truthfully, just a little confused as to why it comes out more as a question than an answer. “No, not really. I guess I’m kind of picky though. Don’t worry, don’t worry, you guys and Xuan are enough for me!”

Apparently, Hua Cheng hadn’t expected that answer, because he seems a little irritated or even confused at that.

“Fair enough,” he does answer after a few seconds of seemingly thinking about this. “Alright. You wanna do my hair now? I’m sure He Xuan won’t mind if you do his once he’s here.”

“Right!” she laughs, “he did actually say yesterday night that he wouldn’t mind dressing a little bit more femininely in public either, actually. Maybe I can get him to go out with some braided hair today! God, I can’t wait for this cake.”

They’ve kind of made it a tradition to go out for cake once a week, since everyone but He Xuan has the money, and they all just kind of split his costs at this point, which makes it like he’s barely even there, cost wise. Not that she’d mind paying the entirety of his food, obviously.

“Come here,” she says to Hua Cheng, patting the bed next to her. Then realizing that was a mistake; so, she quickly shifts a little to the side so that he can comfortably sit between her and Xie Lian, and then pats that side, too.
With a very, very insecure look on his face, he does stroll over, and sits down between them.

“Well, turn around, tomato boy,” she says, another hint she thought about which only works because he’s wearing a bright red pullover once again, “can’t really do your hair from the side.”

She reaches for her bag, but only after looking a little bit at Xie Lian. He’s blushing, sitting right in front of Hua Cheng like this. Good. She’s forcing them to face each other. Forcing Xie Lian to look at his face and see if it rings a bell.

(Considering that they’ve been living together for over a month now, probably not.)

Once she’s got her bag in her hand she grabs the other, smaller bag inside of it with hair utensils and make up and stuff. Once she’s taken the comb out of it, she gets to work on Hua Cheng’s hair.

Xie Lian looks as clueless as ever.
He’s not responding to any of this.

“So, Hua Cheng,” she asks, “how’d you like it? Want some cute braids?”

“I’ll leave it to you, I’m not too bothered with which hairstyles are gendered how, so you’re completely free in your work.”

“Neat!”

So, she gets to work parting his hair into several parts to braid some of those. She’s going to make him look very pretty.

And suddenly, Xie Lian smiles.

“This really does throw me back,” he laughs, “this feels just like with Hong.”

Yeah, no, duh, Shi Qingxuan comments in her head, absolutely wanting to slap Xie Lian so that he realizes what he’s really saying right now. Not like she can do that. However, there’s something she can do for Hua Cheng, if none of this helps.

“Right?” she says instead, very much feeling how tense Hua Cheng is suddenly, neck stiff, not budging at all even when she pulls at his hair what’s probably a little bit too hard.

“He used to always cry when you brushed his hair though. I doubt San Lang would cry at something like that! Hong was so cute when he cried, though.”

Hua Cheng’s right hand twitches. Oh, he’s not going to survive what Shi Qingxuan is about to drop on him in a little bit.

“He sure was,” she laughs in response, trying to put on her best acting possible. Xie Lian is good at looking through people. She has to do a hard job. “I’d love to brush his hair again. Sorry Hua Cheng, this talk must bore you, huh?”

“I’m- I’m good,” Hua Cheng coughs, and Shi Qingxuan can only imagine that he’s probably trying to hold it together on the inside right now.

“Sorry for always going on about this Hong kid, San Lang, but he was so terribly sweet! A little grimy, but you know, that wasn’t his fault! I wonder if he’s still scared of tomatoes. The fact he should be our age now too is kind of funny to think about. Like, he’s almost an adult now, too.”

Oh God.

This is the best opportunity she can get. Of course she will ask Xie Lian for permission first; she doesn’t want an argument with her best friend after being apart for years, but this is about the best opportunity she could possibly get for this. She takes a deep breath, combs through the strand that she’s going to braid, gets to work, and-

“Lianlian? Can I say something related to what you told me some time ago?”

At that, Xie Lian clearly perks up, cheeks already a deep red, probably thinking that she means that he’s in love with Hua Cheng. What she means is that he was in love with Hong, which, sure, is essentially the same thing, but he just doesn’t know that.

“You mean- you mean the thing about Hong, right? Not the other-“

“Obviously not,” she giggles once more not so sure how he’s going to react when he learns that Hua Cheng and Hong are indeed the same person.

“A-alright. I guess San Lang is my best friend. So that’s totally okay for him to know.”

His best friend, she sighs internally. Sure. As if he doesn’t have the biggest crush of the world on this guy. Again, she can’t blame him. Hua Cheng is really good looking.
(Not as good as He Xuan, but-)

“Okay! I was just thinking, you know, I’d love to… meet Hong again,” she says, pulling on Hua Cheng’s hair so hard that he hisses like a cat for a second.

“Hey! Pay attention!”

“Sorry, sorry,” she sings, and laughs a little.

“Yeah, I was thinking the same. I wonder who he turned out to be, really. We should try searching for him maybe. What else did you want to say, Qingxuan?”

“You know, there’s this subplot in one of Paulette de Sade’s novels, ‘Yearning for xxx’.”

“…What exactly does the xxx part mean-“

“And like, it’s a really good book,” Shi Qingxuan interrupts Hua Cheng before she has to explain to poor Xie Lian what ‘xxx’ means in the context of the book, “but basically there’s these two girls who are childhood friends, and they meet again years later and fall in love again after having been childhood sweethearts. It’s really, really sweet, I loved them more than the main couple, actually.”

Hua Cheng goes even stiffer, and when she pulls his hair harder again to keep him in reality with them, he doesn’t even so much as flinch.

“And I was just thinking I’d absolutely die for this to happen with Hong, and I know it probably won’t, but you know! Since you were already in love with him when we were all still kids, it’d be really fun if you fell in love with him again if we ever met again-“

Now Hua Cheng is the one to interrupt her with a cough so loud that she genuinely thinks he’s just reached the ‘dad sneeze’ state of affairs. The cough soon turns into him properly choking on what’s probably his own spit, and he’s reduced to a hacking ball of whatever emotions he must be feeling right now at learning that his crush was requited in their childhood.

And still is. Not like that’s her job to tell him. That one is up to Xie Lian.

“San Lang? San Lang, are you okay?”

“I’m going to grab water!” Shi Qingxuan manages to break out before swiftly turning around, a grin already tugging at her lips, and when she’s in the kitchen she breaks out into the quietest laughter that she can manage. Maybe she’s a little evil for this, but she doesn’t care right now.

Funnily enough, right as she’s filling up a glass with water, the door opens, and He Xuan walks in, carefully takes off his shoes and jacket before doing anything else, and then looks at her. At the room. At her.

“What’s going on?”

She puts the glass onto the counter and speeds over to him.

“Can I grab your shoulders for dramatic effect?”

He Xuan does furrow his eyebrows, but he nods after a short while, so she does exactly what she asked to do. She grabs him by his shoulders, pulls him closer so that she doesn’t have to say this out loud, then gives him the hugest grin.

“I just let Hong know that Xie Lian was in love with him when we were all children.”

A roll of his eyes is all she gets, so she grips him a little harder and shakes him.

“Come on, Xuan! Some enthusiasm! Your best friend’s about to get a boyfriend sometime soon! Can you cooperate with me today?”

“I don’t see why I-“

“D’you mind going out to the café with some styled up hair and a little bit of makeup? Don’t worry, I won’t overdo it if you don’t want to! Just some subtle eye makeup maybe? I’m planning to have Xie Lian do Hua Cheng’s hair once I come back in so that they can bond a little more.”

“You’re going to kill Hua Cheng.”

“That’s kind of the plan to be honest,” she laughs, but still looks He Xuan directly in the eyes. For a bit, their gazes meet, but he soon breaks that eye contact. Right. He’s not all too comfortable with that after all.

“Alright, I guess I won’t mind.”

“I could kiss you right now!” she screams in the most silent way ever, “but I’ll settle for a hug ‘cause obviously I’m like, not going to kiss you, this is just the idiom kind of thing.”

She doesn’t know why she’s overexplaining herself like this if she’s being honest.

He lets out the most annoyed grunt of the century and comments it with a short ‘ugh, fine’, and then she’s already squeezing him to death. Just for a few seconds as she screeches into his shoulder. Because when she stops screeching and takes a breath in, her entire body just feels kind of… weird. It’s probably because he smells good or something.
Still, she does break away, clears her throat, and looks at him again.

“Alright! I need to bring him his water before he actually dies.”

“I wouldn’t mind him dying.”

Chapter Text

Shi Qingxuan isn’t sure whether Hua Cheng ever recovered from finding out that Xie Lian was in love with him as a child, considering his cheeks are still a very healthy red, and he’s still visibly trembling. At least when she looks at his hands.

He Xuan is next to her, oftentimes just looking at Hua Cheng and rolling his eyes. And every time he does that, Shi Qingxuan just laughs at him. She’s done a pretty good job with him, really. His eyeliner absolutely slays if she dares to say so. She’s also applied some dark blue eyeshadow that went very well with the dark blue jeans button up he’s wearing. And he didn’t complain when she got out the black lipstick, either. He’s very good-looking like that.

Not that he ever isn’t, of course. He Xuan is breathtakingly beautiful – and she doesn’t mean that in a weird way at all. More in the way that she’d love to draw him one day, properly, in an entire oil painting kind of thing once she’s got some practice.

Since Hua Cheng and Xie Lian are walking right in front of him, she can’t even talk to He Xuan about the plan she has, so she takes out her phone. She’s just going to hand it to him once she’s typed the message.

After doing exactly that, he just rolls his eyes again.

‘Please,’ she types, ‘I’ll treat you to cake and whatever drink you want.’

Clearly, he seems to be thinking about that, tilting his head just a little, looking at Shi Qingxuan for a second, then reaching out his hand again for her phone. She gives it to him and lets him type.

After a few seconds, he hands it back to her and she stares at the text.

‘Two pieces of cake and I’m in. And I get to choose where’

Suppressing another laugh, she nods. Of course she’ll buy him two pieces of cake. She would have anyways. It’s not like it matters much to her, money-wise.

“Qingxuan?” comes Xie Lian’s voice. He turns around to her, stumbles, and nearly falls – he probably would fall if it wasn’t for Hua Cheng who catches his arm.

“Careful, Gege. Don’t fall.”

However, he lets go very soon, his face incredibly red. Knowing that Xie Lian was in love with him once. Officially.

She chuckles a little to herself.

“Hm? What’s wrong, Lian?”

“I’ve been thinking. I do still remember the city Hong moved to. It’s such a shame that we never managed to exchange letters because his writing was so atrocious and he never gave us the address.”

Hua Cheng visibly flinches at that.

“But if I do some research I’m sure I could manage finding him! Or at least people who might know him, a school or something.”

“I’m good at finding people,” He Xuan suddenly says and Shi Qingxuan does have to laugh at that. “I can find him for you.”

He gives Hua Cheng a very obvious stare.
Xie Lian looks at the two of them.

“Why’s he looking at you like that, San Lang? Are you good at finding people, too?”

Shi Qingxuan feels like him and Hua Cheng really just have to kiss this one out.

“Uh… yeah, you could say that! But He Xuan is right. He’s good at that stuff. He’s a bit of a stalker-“

“I’m not, shut your mouth!” He Xuan shouts, right as they’re in front of that café. It’s almost time for Shi Qingxuan to put her plan into motion. “You know exactly why I did what I did, and I’d do it again! My mom told me I did a good job-“

“Your mom’s insane, too,” Hua Cheng laughed, “what was your punishment for the incident again? No aquarium club for a week?”

“Two weeks,” He Xuan sighs, looking at Shi Qingxuan very shortly, as if to ask her when the plan starts.

“What incident?” she asks instead, a little confused, and Hua Cheng is already raising his hand as a gesture of getting ready to tell the story, when He Xuan-

When He Xuan very convincingly gasps, grabs his phone from his pocket, scrolls some messages, and then looks at Shi Qingxuan, she forgets about whatever incident immediately.

“We forgot about babysitting Cuocuo.”

For all that’s worth, and for all that Shi Qingxuan was expecting He Xuan to be, she didn’t think he’d be such a good actor. She herself isn’t good by any means, so she has to put in all the effort she can manage-

“Oh crap,” she voices, “you’re right. We promised Feng Xin that we’d take care of him today. Crap.”

Hua Cheng turns around to them as if begging for their help, and funnily enough, Xie Lian does exactly that.

“So… now?” He Xuan asks, “I guess we could go back on our word, but it doesn’t appear that Feng Xin has many friends…”

“You’re one to talk,” Hua Cheng comments very quickly, then sighs, “don’t break promises, though, what the hell, you two. I kind of expected better of you, Shi Qingxuan.”

She notices how he’s deliberately excluding He Xuan.

“Yeah, no, you really shouldn’t! I know how stressed Feng Xin is because of university and his kid, really, you should go take care of him, that’s alright! Right, San Lang?”

The plan is working so well. Shi Qingxuan cracks an awkward smile which is partly her acting and partly her finding this ridiculously funny.

“You two can still go to the café, though! You should get yourselves some cake! Eat the cake that we would have eaten if given the chance!”

Since He Xuan is standing behind her, he quietly raises his hand and taps two of his fingers against her lower back. As if wanting to say ‘two pieces of cake. You promised me two pieces’.

“Do you think we should, Gege, or would you rather go home?”

“Oh, I’ve… kind of been really looking forward to the cake…”

“We’re going to have cake then,” Hua Cheng says a little too rapidly, and gives Shi Qingxuan another one of these anxious glances. She smiles at him as encouragingly as possible, then pulls out her phone again to look at the time.

“Oh God. We really need to get going. I’m so sorry, we’ll do this another time! Promise!”

She crosses her fingers to make it clear that she won’t break that promise either, just like the imaginary babysitting one.

“Okay, we should leave, it’s late,” He Xuan comments, too, in his normal tone of voice, a little monotonous, but a little bit of concern mixed into it, too.

Shi Qingxuan nods, and waves at Hua Cheng and Xie Lian again, saying several goodbyes as He Xuan just stuffs his hands into his pockets and walks off into the direction of their home.

Both of them are hurrying, and Shi Qingxuan has to try her best to hold in her laugh the entire time, until they can finally take a turn and make sure that Hua Cheng and Xie Lian won’t see them. And, right then and there, Shi Qingxuan breaks down laughing.

It starts out as a quiet snort, but she’s soon full-on roaring with laughter, slumping back against the wall to make sure her knees don’t suddenly give in.

“I can’t believe this worked so well! You never told me you’re so great at acting! Where did you learn this, Xuan?”

He shrugs a little, and seems to think for himself for a few seconds.

“No idea. I guess it’s because of masking maybe. I’m kind of used to acting, I suppose.”

She guesses that does make sense, but she also can’t stop herself from laughing at how she perfectly set her two best friends up on a cute little café date right now. Her stomach hurts.

“I’m hungry,” He Xuan comments again, and Shi Qingxuan tries her absolute best to regain her composure. She nods a few times, strokes away her tears, and tries to breathe in deeply. It takes a few attempts for her to successfully calm down from her laughing fit, and even then, she’s still grinning like an idiot.

“Yes, right. Your two pieces of cake. So, what café did you choose? It’s my treat, really, don’t worry about the money.”

He Xuan nods curtly, then searches up something in his phone’s gallery. Shi Qingxuan makes sure not to look at it too much because that’d probably be a breach of privacy. At least she wouldn’t want someone to look at her gallery; it’s fine for anyone who knows she’s an art student, to be honest. She wouldn’t have it in her to explain the folder titled ‘nude models’ to anyone else.

“Here,” he says after a while, pointing at a screenshot of a cute little café. There are some images on the screen of it, all very small, but…

“Did you choose it because of the aquarium in it?” she asks, the laugh already trying to tear at her stomach again, but she swallows it down, ending in her lips just wobbling a bit.

“…No.”

“You totally did though, Xuan. You totally chose it because of the aquarium.”

“It’s got good reviews for the food.”

“And an aquarium.”

The slight blush on his face is so worth the teasing. He’s so cute when he’s blushing, really. Why’s he getting so embarrassed about this anyways? It’s not like she doesn’t know that he likes fish. Of course she knows. Everyone knows. Considering he’s literally wearing a t-shirt with a fish on it right now, it’s kind of hard not to know. But God, apart from that… she really did such a good job at making him look amazing.

“Let’s just go there, alright?” he sighs exasperatedly, reaching out his hand to her.

Shi Qingxuan blinks.

He Xuan blinks, too. Then he looks at his hand, and immediately draws it back.

“Inspired by the love in the air between Hua Cheng and Xie Lian?” she jokes, but feels a bit weird about the joke herself.
(Kind of like she means it a little, but obviously she doesn’t. She’s just in a good mood because she’s setting up her two best friends, that’s clearly all.)

He Xuan opens his mouth and closes it to know avail, hiding his hand in his pocket again. After a few more moments pass however, he does manage to speak.

“That’s…. this was just… you know, I often do still hold my sister’s hand even nowadays, so…”

She shoots him a grin.

“I was just joking, Xuan. I thought something like that already, don’t you worry! I get it, I get it, you want your cake. I’ll be tagging along, as the purse with legs.”

“That’s what you said,” he comments, “don’t put these words into my mouths later.”

Another laugh bursts out of her throat, and she looks at the screenshot once more.

“We’ll have to take the bus, right? Did you research which one?”

“Seven.”

Okay. She knows where that one stops and everything, so they can definitely figure this one out.

“One day I’ll take your sister out, by the way,” she says, “we do text a lot. You gotta take me home with you one day, or bring your sister here or something. I want to go find a dog café and take her there. They probably won’t have an aquarium, though-“

“Will you stop talking about this?” he asks, tries to hide his embarrassment behind the rough tone and everything, but she still sees right through him. Chuckles again.

“Of course, of course. Well, let’s go find ourselves bus seven then to go to this café that has an aquarium which is absolutely not the reason we are going there.”

With another roll of his eyes, he’s already starting to walk, both of his hands in his pockets, not reached out to her anymore.

She wonders shortly what would have happened had she just taken it.

Chapter Text

“So… we go eat the cake anyways, right?”

Hua Cheng very much isn’t yet over anything that’s been revealed to him in the past two hours. Xie Lian was in love with him as a child. That’s… insane. He may even have a chance now. He might actually have a chance now, and that feels absolutely and utterly unreal to him.

Xie Lian did love this version of him regardless.

Maybe it’s safe to actually tell him sometime soon.

His heart is aching so much, and he wants to hug him or something, but can’t muster up the courage to ask. There’s too much doubt still left.
So, he just shoots him one of his regular smiles.

“Of course. If you’ve been looking forward to it, then of course we’ll go eat some cake, Gege.”

At that, Xie Lian clearly lights up, although the awkward air still remains.

Hua Cheng also simply can’t imagine that He Xuan would forget something as important as babysitting Cuocuo. As much as he likes making fun of him, He Xuan does know about duties, and he would never forget a promise like that. Shi Qingxuan definitely would. But… he has a feeling that he’s totally been set up. To go on a date with Xie Lian. By his two best friends.
And yet… why shouldn’t he take the chance and make the best of it, if he’s already being presented with it?

“Thanks!” Xie Lian laughs, and claps once, then opens the door. However, Hua Cheng takes it out of his hands and holds it open for him. He can’t possibly have Xie Lian do it for him.

So, the two of them find a place to sit down. After a while, a waiter comes to take their order (a black coffee and rice cakes for Hua Cheng, and a chocolate sponge cake for Xie Lian as well as a green tea). Their cake does come relatively soon after as well as the hot beverages. And as always, the cake tastes incredibly good.

“I… really hope all that talk about little Hong didn’t bore you too much,” Xie Lian mumbles sheepishly as he digs his fork into his cake a little, “I do really miss him, though. What was that about He Xuan being good at finding people’s addresses?”

In all honour, Hua Cheng doesn’t want to talk about He Xuan now of all things. After all, he’s currently in the process of deluding himself into thinking that he’s on a date with Xie Lian right now.

“He’s got a bit of a criminal history,” he explains curtly, “but yeah, no, I don’t mind at all. If you want to tell me more about him, just do. I won’t mind. After all, you had a crush on him, if I understood that correctly?”

His own heart is threatening to beat out of his chest. He doesn’t know how he can still eat his cake as casually as he is right now. He just wants to hear him say it. He just needs this tiny bit of confirmation, and maybe then he’d manage something. Maybe he’d actually be able to consider confessing to him then, one day. Obviously not now; it’s way too early. All he knows is that Xie Lian hasn’t changed at all in this time.

He's still sometimes sad, sometimes happy, sometimes laughs and cries at the same time. He’s still pampered by his big brother, he’s still hard-working and earnest, still horrible at cooking, and a clumsy mess, and so horribly loveable.

He doesn’t even care about the smile on his face that must be showing all of his emotions right now.
If Xie Lian sees it, then Lord, he sees it.
There’s worse.
(He can’t believe himself that he’s not actually hiding that he’s in love with him anymore.)

“Oh, uh… y-yeah, I guess I was… I know I was young and everything, but…! In hindsight, I’m very sure that I… did have a crush on him, actually.”

“He must’ve been amazing then, for having someone like you like him.”

That makes Xie Lian almost drop his cake, and the blush on his cheek is so horribly cute. It reaches up to his ears, even. He stuffs some more cake into his mouth and chews. Hua Cheng would love to feed him.

“He- he was, actually! I remember that his handwriting was the worst ever, but he was actually pretty good at drawing for his age! He was a bit of a whiny and quiet kid, but that was because of his really bad family situation. But when he was happy, he was super cute! And Shi Qingxuan also loved him to death, and always did his hair, just like she did yours! She’s always been good at that!”

Talking about Hong… really does get him ranting. Hua Cheng doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

He really did like him, huh? He… would probably react positively to finding out who he is. And he never saw him as a little sibling.

Still… Xie Lian has grown up now. He probably wouldn’t like him like that, not anymore. He’s probably got better taste now and hell, he deserves better than him. Hua Cheng is just very sure that no one else in this world is good enough for Xie Lian, either.

(So shouldn’t that imply that he’s good enough for Xie Lian, if no one else is, either? Since Xie Lian still deserves to have someone who loves and cherishes him. And with others, Hua Cheng can’t make sure that’s the case. But he can make sure that he loves and cherishes Xie Lian.)

“Yeah, she’s good at it,” he comments, trying to keep his stupid heart and mouth under control and not like, propose to Xie Lian right this instant.

“Hong was the sweetest, really. And he liked me a lot too. And obviously I’m like, not in love with him anymore, because like, I was a kid, and I haven’t seen him in what now? A good decade? But I’d love to know what has become of him.”

“I get that,” Hua Cheng says, and that much isn’t a lie. He felt the same way about Shi Qingxuan (who he didn’t stalk as obsessively as Xie Lian).

“And you, San Lang? Have you had a childhood crush on someone in the past?”

Hua Cheng goes quiet right then and there and does actually drop his fork, not managing to keep up his act just this once.

“Oh, I mean, obviously you don’t have to answer if it makes you uncomfortable! I’m really sorry in that case-“

“No, no, it’s fine,” he says immediately, not wanting Xie Lian to feel bad about something like that of all things.

He picks his fork back up, coughs a little, and regains his composure as much as possible.

“There was someone, yes,” he says, past tense sounding really weird.

“Oh, what was he like, if you want to tell me?”

Oh, this is dangerous territory, isn’t it?

“Uhm…” he starts, “very kind and nice. He… helped me a lot when I was going through a tough time. And… without him, I probably wouldn’t be who I am today. So I’m very grateful for him. Still. And I’m… still very attached to him.”

“Do you… still…?”

What’s he got to lose? It’s not like Xie Lian is in love with him right now anyways. And it’s not like he’s suspecting anything either.

“I… yeah, I do still like him a lot.”

“So you’re still in contact with him?”

Hua Cheng almost laughs.

“Yes.”

“And he’s not your boyfriend?”

“No, I’ve… never confessed to him. I was too scared to try.”

At that, it’s Xie Lian’s turn to laugh, but only after he’s thoroughly chewed the last bit of his cake. It must’ve tasted good. Hua Cheng will try the chocolate sponge cake the next time, too. Then, Xie Lian takes a small sip from his tea before going on.

“You? Too scared? You’re best friends with someone you said is a criminal, San Lang! Why would you be so scared of your crush not liking you back?”

And yet, there’s something weird in Xie Lian’s voice. He’s very obviously trying to support him, but some small undertone sounds… almost angry? Or sad? Maybe defeated? Hua Cheng can’t tell. And he can’t lie, part of this makes him worry, and part of this makes him hope, cling on to that tiny spark of hope that maybe, just maybe Xie Lian does like him back.
The next second, Hua Cheng tells himself that he must have definitely just imagined this tone of voice, shakes his head, then sinks back in his chair a little after finishing his own cake, too.

“Well, he might not like me back. I’m actually pretty sure he doesn’t, if I’m being honest. So it’s probably no use. And it’d just make our relationship awkward.”

“Hmm… yes, I suppose that’s true. Not that I’m an expert on the matter or something. But I do think one has to thoroughly think things through before confessing. No wonder it’s taking Feng Xin and Mu Qing so long. I should go visit them again soon, see how they’re faring, and maybe try talking to Feng Xin about this. He’s a little bit more… emotionally available.”

Hua Cheng snorts at that.
Especially these snarky remarks are what makes him love Xie Lian. There’s truly no one out there who could surpass them.

“Maybe we should stir up some trouble with them, Gege.”

He’s also just glad about the subject change. Maybe it was that sad undertone in Xie Lian’s voice that made him do that. Or well, it still is the same subject, but it’s at least not about themselves anymore.

And it makes Xie Lian laugh again, too. So whatever made him sad previously, he’s now forgotten all about again.

Hua Cheng still can’t believe that he once loved him.

“You’re right. We should help out one day.”

And then, Hua Cheng’s phone gives a short ring, indicating that he’s gotten a message.

Interested, Xie Lian leans over. Hua Cheng is expecting a picture of Cuocuo, and so is Xie Lian, probably.
And while it’s a picture, it’s not a human – it’s his black dog, covered in tons of cobwebs, and Hua Cheng can’t help but bark out a short laugh.

“Hm? What is it?” Xie Lian asks, and Hua Cheng, still snickering, is already raising his phone to him.

“My moms just sent me this,” he explains and holds the small black poodle in his phone higher.

“Wait… you have a dog?”

That drains all the colour from Hua Cheng’s face.

“Did I… not tell you?”

“No. No, you did not tell me that you have a dog, San Lang. And I feel kind of offended by it, actually.”

“I’m so sorry Gege. I may have not committed crimes as severe as He Xuan or your most beloved cousin, but I have committed the crime of not telling you about E’Ming, and I feel like that might just be worse.”

Xie Lian wraps his hand around his phone, and Hua Cheng lets him take it, watching him scrolling in.

“You’ll have to show me more of this little guy. And you’ll have to allow me into your house to look at him in person, too, please. Otherwise, I will feel even more offended.”

Propping his head up into his hand, Hua Cheng smiles again. Probably like a fool in love. He can’t bring himself to care.

“Well, we wouldn’t want that, would we? It seems like I’ll have to invite you into my home one day.”

He can’t believe he’s just invited Xie Lian to come home with him. Thousands of pictures of them sleeping in one room- they’re already doing that. Hua Cheng almost laughs a little bit about himself. He’s a mess. And he really should thank Shi Qingxuan for this opportunity of just having a calm café date with the love of his life (not He Xuan, though. He'd never thank He Xuan).

“That seems very appropriate, yes,” Xie Lian comments, and for a short moment, Hua Cheng thinks that his smile resembles his own. Even if just a little bit.

Chapter Text

Shi Wudu is fed up. He hasn’t exactly slept much last night; he was hearing… certain noises, except from both sides of his walls. It’s not like this is the first time this has happened, no. Sadly, Quan Yizhen, Yin Yu, Pei Ming, and all of Pei Ming’s girlfriends seem to have a habit to sync up most of the time. Shi Wudu isn’t sure whether that’s positive or negative; part of him thinks it’s good because that means it takes less time overall, part of him thinks it’s bad because it drives him just a little bit more insane with each passing second.

He still hasn’t figured out why he’s always felt so bad about this thing. Especially now that he has the comparison. It makes him significantly more insane when it’s Pei Ming doing the… thing. With Yin Yu and Quan Yizhen, sure, he gets annoyed – after all, he has to study a lot, and when he’s not studying, he needs to work on his thesis, so he would prefer some quiet. And he doesn’t particularly want to think about what’s happening next door for the sake of everyone’s privacy.

But with Pei Ming it leaves some kind of bitter aftertaste in his mouth that he can’t quite place.

He suspects the difference might be that Pei Ming sleeps with girls and that Shi Wudu is straight, so maybe it’s some kind of weird jealousy he’s got going on because he’s not the one getting the girls.
Another theory he has is that he’s just very conservative in general about this stuff, and that he’d personally never sleep with someone that he doesn’t love – and after all, his neighbours at least love each other. Pei Ming can’t possibly love a different girl every few days, that’s not how this works.

Not that Shi Wudu would know.

Another reason why he’s annoyed is that his professor in this seminar that he had today is utterly annoying, talks way too slowly, and when anyone asks him a question, he simply explains everything in the entire world, but doesn’t ever actually answer said question.

He feels like said world is against him today.

At least he’s now picked up some fresh vegetables from the store to fry them up and add some rice, and cooking does really relax him (even if he’s not the best at it). And hey, at least that’ll give Pei Ming some healthy dinner too. He’s very much seen that the past few days, Pei Ming has eaten nothing but instant noodles, specifically all of them duck flavored.

And yet, right when he thought his day can’t get worse, someone runs into him right when he was about to get out his key in order to unlock the door. Pei Ming is only coming home in an hour, if he remembers correctly.

So, he crashes into the wall, tries saving himself, and promptly lets go of the shopping back. All the fresh vegetables (and his own, chicken flavored instant noodles) fall onto the floor in a heap of groceries.
With a grunt, he regains his balance a little, then stares right at the culprit.

“Oops,” says Quan Yizhen, staring at the groceries, “that was not my intention.”

Shi Wudu had been pretty sure that Quan Yizhen wouldn’t even know a word as clever as ‘intention’. Okay, maybe he’s being a little unfair on him. After all, even when you study sports, that doesn’t mean you only have to be physically fit. He’s heard from others that you have to know a crap ton of maths, actually. So maybe Quan Yizhen isn’t actually as stupid as he looks and acts.
…Maybe Pei Ming is right and he does have some issues and prejudices to work on after all.

“Just… pay attention where you walk, okay?” he sighs, already leaning down to grab the groceries himself because he doubts the other will do it.

Except a head bumps into him a second later, and Shi Wudu hisses in pain and draws back.

“Can you please pay attention to others around you-“ he starts, than remembers that getting mad probably won’t help here. He’s always had a short tempter. And really, it’s gotten better already, Shi Qingxuan would probably agree. But it’s still short.

“What’s the ruckus?” comes another voice, and he spots Yin Yu who’s just opened the door. He then rolls his eyes, and gestures at Quan Yizhen. “You, go back inside. I’ll help him. You’re too clumsy to be of much help.”

And, like an obedient Golden Retriever, Quan Yizhen starts smiling, probably wagging his imaginary tail, nods, and strolls back inside.

While he’s already grabbing the bag to put it between them so that Yin Yu can actually help (because someone should help him, considering this isn’t his fault to begin with), Yin Yu first looks at him for a little.

“Please don’t be so harsh with him.”

It comes out more as a question.

“Listen, I’ve had a bad day, it wasn’t directed at him. Tell him I say sorry, though, didn’t mean to snap. This stuff happens, I guess.”

… Except it wouldn’t if Quan Yizhen looked around himself a little bit more.

“I’ll let him know. I hope you don’t mind your bellpepper being a bit mushy,” he says, gently placing it back into the shopping bag.

“I’ll fry it anyways in a bit. So it doesn’t really matter much, no.”

For a bit, there’s an awkward silence between them. And since it’s already awkward anyways, Shi Wudu supposes that he might as well make it worse.

“Look, I’m really happy for you guys, but if you could keep it down a notch the next time. Last night it was a bit loud, and I don’t know who was the one who was screaming, but if you could… just keep it down a little. Or choose another room a bit farther away from my wall.”

At that, Yin Yu breaks out into a coughing fit, hastily sitting back down onto the floor. All the while, Shi Wudu is quietly collecting his vegetables and instant noodle cups. He’s used to these conversations. He’s had these conversations with some of the girls Pei Ming brought over several times, too. Some of them had gotten terribly embarrassed, some had just honestly apologized.

…And told him that they didn’t know Pei Ming even had a roommate to begin with.

“God, I’m- so sorry,” Yin Yu chokes out after a good minute of trying to regain his composure, “we- we’ll keep it down. I’m… genuinely sorry, I didn’t think the walls were that thin-“

“It’s fine,” he sighs, “I’m used. I was just trying to study, that’s all.”

Being used is an understatement.

Another awkward silence.

And suddenly, there’s a question in Shi Wudu’s mind – he wonders if he can reasonably ask it. Then again, he’s just told Yin Yu to keep quiet during sex, so can this really get worse?
However, he can’t just ask that, right? He should probably ask something that leads into that direction first, or else it might seem weird.
It’s weird enough that he’s thinking about this in first place.

“Are things going well between you? It’s been almost three weeks now, hasn’t it?”

Yin Yu looks at him for a bit, seemingly taken aback at the sudden question. Well, Shi Wudu guesses that he’s indeed not known for being particularly interested in that stuff, or well, being something like concerned about someone who isn’t his little sister.

“Uhm… yeah. Nothing much has changed, but… I suppose that’s a good thing. I feel like… I feel like that somehow just proves that being friends first is really helpful often. And that it was kind of- meant to be.”

He stutters the last bit out, clearly flustered. It’s a bit of a cliché thing to say, yeah. But Shi Wudu has heard worse from both his little sister and Paulette de Sade’s books.

“That’s good though. Just… you know, I have known you for quite some time now, and Quan Yizhen seems kind of impossible to have a relationship with, but as long as you’re happy, I suppose that’s all that counts.”

Yin Yu nods, expression still very solemn, despite the blush on his face. Shi Wudu wonders if the guy can even smile. He’s only ever seen him angry and upset and neutral and shocked.

“No, uh… he’s okay to be in a relationship with. It’s strangely easy.”

Okay, he feels that it’s okay to ask this question now. He’s not sure why that even popped into his head if he’s being honest. Well, brains do weird stuff sometimes.

“How did you know you were in love with him anyways, considering you were friends before?”

Again, Yin Yu seems a bit surprised, but also appears to put said question into the ‘brains do weird stuff sometimes’ box inside of his brain. He scratches his head a little awkwardly and picks up the last carrot to place in the bag.
Then, they’re just awkwardly sitting on the hallway floor talking about… love? Shi Wudu isn’t sure he’s liking what he’s doing himself right now.

“It… wasn’t that hard to realize, really,” he said, “it’s hard to describe. It just clicked one day. You know, I actually used to bully him back when we were in middle school after being his friend in primary school.”

“…Bully him?”

It’s not like Shi Wudu hadn’t been a bully – he’s in no place to judge Yin Yu for that at all. However, Yin Yu appears to be so quiet and collected that it’s really hard to believe he could even so much as harm a mosquito. (In Shi Wudu’s own defense, most people that he bullied were indeed bullying Shi Qingxuan, too.)

“Yeah, I’m… not proud of it. It was just that he was better at everything than me, I guess. It was just jealousy. I… you know how kids are. Not that this is an excuse or something, but back then it seemed like it was. And then, well, I guess I realized that I actually just… admired him for all that. And then I guess I fell in love.”

And there it is. There’s an actual smile on Yin Yu’s face. It’s gone the next second.

“At first I hated myself because I didn’t mean to end up liking boys, so I had to come to terms with that first. And then I had to come to terms with, well. Being in love with Quan Yizhen of all people.”

Shi Wudu absolutely sees the issues there, yes.

“But now it’s all good. Thanks to Pei Ming, I suppose. I didn’t realize Quan Yizhen knew. He’s strangely observant when you least expect him to be.”

“Well, he certainly wasn’t when he ran into me and my veggies,” he sighs, at which Yin Yu just rolls his eyes again.

“Yeah, really, he’s a pain most of the time. Really, I don’t know why I’m in love with him. But no, it wasn’t hard to realize. It was pretty obvious. Of course, I was in denial, but it’s hard to mistake it to be honest. At least for me.”

Shi Wudu nods.

“Well, good that Pei helped you then.”

Then, Yin Yu raises his head again. He stands up, and so does Shi Wudu. Both of them pat down their pants really fast in case they’ve dirtied them on the dirty floor. Shi Wudu realizes at that that he really does have the classic business student look – he’s wearing dress pants and a shirt as well as leather shoes.
(The shoes are Gucci.)

“Was there any specific reason you asked?”

Oh no. here’s the question that he dreaded. Although he can honestly say that no, there wasn’t any specific reason, so-

“No. It just popped up in my head. I’ve never had a girlfriend, so I guess I don’t really know what it’s like.”

“Wait… really?”

“Why is everyone so surprised at that?” he sighs.

“Well, I constantly see girls looking after you when you’re walking somewhere-“

“I’ll find a girlfriend for you.”

That voice catches him off-guard, and then there’s an arm thrown around his shoulder. He hadn’t even heard Pei Ming approaching, and somehow he really wished that he wasn’t there right now.

“Absolutely not, no thank you, Pei-“

“Not even Xuan Ji?”

“What the fuck, Pei Ming?” he screams, and takes the arm off him. He’s never realized how muscly Pei Ming’s arms actually are until he’s had to lift it off him.

However, Pei Ming just unlocks the door to their flat, whistling away, his bag in his hand.

“Why are you here already anyways?” Shi Wudu sighs, “and why’d you listen in on a conversation like that? Yin Yu probably doesn’t like that ei-“

He looks next to him. Yin Yu is already gone. Not hearing him having left at least makes sense. He’s always quiet. But the fact that he didn’t even hear Pei Ming coming is slightly concerning.

“Oh, the prof let us go earlier ‘cause we’re all stressed out with our theses, and his seminar only has an essay at the end to pass which has to be like two pages, so he doesn’t care, really.”

That adds up. Shi Wudu wished he had such cool professors.

Since Yin Yu is gone, he might as well just get started on cooking. His growling stomach kind of confirms to him that this is something that needs to be done sometime soon.
With a sigh, he follows Pei Ming into the flat, and is met with the other grinning at him.

“Seriously, if you want a girlfriend, I can get you one I bet. I’d prefer it to be Xuan Ji, though.”

Shi Wudu puts the shopping bag onto the floor very carefully, then grabs the huge leek he bought right out of it, raises it, and slaps Pei Ming across the face with it just once.

“Hey! No need to leek me!”

“I’m not getting with Xuan Ji, not even in your wildest dreams.”

“Oh, you wouldn’t want to know about my wildest dreams~“

That gets Pei Ming the leek in his face for a second time.

Chapter Text

“So stressed out that you’re cooking? That’s rare. Thought we were rich enough to order us stuff every day.”

He really doesn’t know how Pei Ming is only noticing now that he’s started cutting up vegetables as he looks up from his laptop. He was writing something on it, looking kind of stressed. Maybe he was e-mailing with a professor or something, or typing up a report that was overdue.

“Yeah, everything today pissed me off. You don’t have anyone coming over today, do you?”

“No, don’t worry,” he sighs, “I have writing to do. Don’t have the time for girls. Besides, if you ever genuinely want me to not bring people over, just let me know.”

Part of Shi Wudu feels like that might be a good choice, but this isn’t just his flat. And he can block it out with headphones well enough.

“It’s okay. If I need calm or something to write my thesis, then I'll just let you know. But I’ll probably be typing it up over the winter vacation or something.”

“Not going anywhere this year then?” Pei Ming asks, and Shi Wudu shakes his head.

“No, Mom said we can’t go anywhere. Didn’t say why though. So we’ll all be stuck at home.”

“We should meet up for writing sessions,” he says, “I can’t write when I’m alone.”

Shi Wudu doesn’t really care whether he’s alone when writing something or not as long as it’s quiet in the room. And he knows that when Pei Ming has to be quiet, he does manage.

“Sure, we can do that. Can’t wait to not fear Xuan Ji breaking in every single night,” he sighs, cutting up another carrot.

Then, he hears the soft sound of Pei Ming shutting his laptop and grunting a little as he stretches. Right then, Shi Wudu happens to look back and sees how Pei Ming’s T-shirt rides up a little. For a short second, the conversation with Yin Yu pops up in his head.
Shi Wudu suppresses that instantly and goes back to his carrot.

“Can I help you somehow?”

“You can barely cook,” Shi Wudu says, hating how he’s almost laughing all of a sudden. Of course he’s still pissed off. He doesn’t know what magic is working there.

“I mean, what are you making? Tomato sauce? Something with curry? Rice, noodles, potatoes?”

“The plan was rice and I just fry these in soy sauce, really. That can’t go wrong.”

“Alright, I’ll take care of the rice then. At least that I can do.”

Yeah. Shi Wudu does remember suddenly how often in first year Pei Ming forgot that he has to buy his own groceries and then he just sort of lived off rice for a month until he went to the store again. He had even been to lazy to order food home. In hindsight, maybe it wasn’t laziness, but him being homesick, actually.

He does get up and goes to the cupboard to grab both the rice cooker and the rice, pouring some into the little cup to measure it.

“I should try cooking against stress. Sometimes I have to write so much that I need to do something else, really.”

Now, Shi Wudu does laugh.

“I’ve already told you that you need to choose subjects that are less writing heavy. This is your own fault.”

The only answer he receives is a grumble coming from Pei Ming. For a while, Pei Ming is just washing the rice, and he’s cutting up a bellpepper. The slightly mushy one that Yin Yu picked up for him. However, the silence does soon grow awkward, and he’s actually pretty sure as to what the reason for that is. Before he knows it, Pei Ming is already speaking up about it.

“You know… that conversation with Yin Yu you had. Is there any specific reason for that?”

His blood freezes. He wished he had an answer for this, but truth be told, he doesn’t know why he asked that, either. He does wish that he knew himself. He wants to give an answer, tell him that he honestly doesn’t know why, but Pei Ming never lets him finish.

“Okay, look, I get I may seem very unserious a lot of the time-“

“You are,” he says, pouring the carrots and bellpepper into the pan. He’ll just have to cut the broccoli now. Then he’s done.

Pei Ming gives him a look, eyebrows raised, and then goes back to washing the rice one more time before putting it into the rice cooker.

“I’m not. Anyways, if you need to talk seriously about stuff, you know that I still am your best friend, right? If there’s someone you like, you can just let me know. I’ll try my best. No matter who.”

Shi Wudu lets the hand with the knife sink for a moment and just looks at him for a bit.

“I don’t though. Like… I genuinely don’t. I don’t know why I asked him. I guess I was just interested. Seriously, don’t worry about me like that. Creeps me out.”

“I’m being serious here and you-“

“I’m also being serious, Pei! It creeps me out!” he says as he’s throwing up the knife, and Pei Ming takes a step back.

“The knife, Wudu, the knife! Oh my God, stop-“

Right. He hadn’t realized that he was still holding the knife in his hand. Clearing his throat, he properly places it onto the cutting board.

“Sorry, sorry, wasn’t meaning to imitate your dearest ex-girlfriend. No, seriously. I don’t know, that’s all. Was just interested. Trust me, if I wanted anyone to get me a girl, you’d be the first person I’d ask.”

“Very honoured,” Pei Ming laughs, turning around, and leaning against the counter, “well, if something else ever is up, you can tell me, too. Especially if it’s girl related. Or boy related.”

“Okay, I’m like, actually not gay though,” Shi Wudu says just to make that clear once again. He hasn’t ever been in love with a girl, okay, but he does find some girls pretty. And he doesn’t exactly think about boys being pretty at all, if he’s being honest. Except… well, he does think some guys are handsome sometimes. But then again, he can also just state that objectively. Like, obviously Pei Ming is good-looking. No guy would try saying he’s not.

If he went ahead to ask Jun Wu, or even He Xuan (if held at gunpoint), they’d probably agree with him.

“Okay, okay, but just in case, thought you should know I wouldn’t judge you-“

“Pei Ming, our other best friend is a raging lesbian, trust me, you didn’t have to clarify this to me.”

“…Right, I forgot that. Well, either way. And if you don’t like anyone at all, that’s fine, too. Obviously. Also goes without saying, I suppose.”

“No, I mean, I don’t think that’s the case, really,” he sighs, “I’m very sure I’m straight.”

(He’s going to be in denial forever and ever about some of the thoughts he’s had in the past. Those don’t make him gay though, of course.)

“Alright, alright. Well, okay, that’s that then! It’s your right to be curious. So, anything else I can do?”

“Hand me the soy sauce, the curry powder, and the sesame, please.”

There’s something about everyone going around and assuming that he’s gay when really, he isn’t. He wished he knew why everyone thinks that. Is it really just because he hasn’t had a girlfriend yet? Does he have to beat weird allegations again? At this age? No, it’s probably just people being concerned that he’s not going to accept himself or something. Obviously he would, though.
(Deep down, Shi Wudu knows this isn’t the case or else this conversation would have gone very differently.)

Pei Ming reaches for the cupboard again, getting what he has been assigned to get, and handing it to Shi Wudu.

He supposes that after all, it is quite nice to know that Pei Ming won’t somehow be angry or mad at him if he does turn out to be gay. Not that he is. He knows he’s not. But if that somehow was the case, then Pei Ming wouldn’t see him any differently. And yes, he did know that before, but it’s also just nice having confirmation on it, he thinks.

Right then, his phone suddenly rings, and he reaches into his pocket, very much hoping that it’s his sister-
And it is.

“Hi!” she screams into the phone, “wanna come swimming with us? I know you’ve been kinda stressed with your thesis, and you don’t really have any other friends apart from your weird ones, so I was wondering whether you’d like to come to take your mind off things, but only under the condition that you’re not mean with He Xuan, ‘cause he’s gonna come along.”

Shi Wudu is right about to open his mouth, but before he can so much as do that, his phone is already being ripped out of his hands.

“I’m coming,” Pei Ming shouts back at her, “count me in. I’m bringing Ling Wen and if I must Yushi Huang so I can see some more girls in bikinis apart from you-“

“You shut the fuck up right about now,” Shi Wudu grunts, stealing his phone back, and glaring at Pei Ming. Why is he so insane? He has no reason to be like this.

“Fine, though. I’m coming.”

He can’t lie, he does love swimming. And at home they do have a pool, so he misses it a lot when he’s at university. He’s pretty sure that Shi Qingxuan didn’t even consider calling him at first and only realized later that he might want to take part in this. Well. She called either way, and it might be nice.

“Oh great! But you promise you’re not going to be mean towards He Xuan, right?”

“…Fine.”

“And you promise that Pei isn’t going to stare at my boobs all day? If he does, I’ll have Yushi Huang kick him out of the pool and into hospital.”

Funnily enough, that seems to work, as Pei Ming freezes right next to him.

“…Alright,” he mumbles. It’s funny how he’s still not over being lead on by Yushi Huang for the fun of it on her side, and as sweet revenge. Shi Wudu truly does love her.
Yes, maybe he would even marry her if given the chance.

“If you wanna bring others along, just let us know. We’re inviting Feng Xin and Mu Qing too, probably. Well, Lianlian is. So if there’s anyone you wanna bring, go ahead. We just thought some kinda meet up would be really nice. And I guess if we meet some more people now that we’ve all settled in, that’d be kind of cool, you know?”

She’s truly still his little sister, huh? All out to meet new people and be as extroverted as anyone could be with the most energy anyone could have.

“Yeah, that’s a great idea, little sister!” says Pei Ming, leaning way too closely to Shi Wudu’s face until he kind of has to shove him off himself.

“…Please slap Pei Ming for me,” Shi Qingxuan says, “and tell him to never call me his little sister ever again if he just implied that he’s going to stare at my boobs all day.”

“Give me a second, I’ll slap him in a bit,” Shi Wudu says, putting on the most threatening smile he can manage.

As Pei Ming looks more and more frightened, Shi Wudu slowly creeps towards the fridge and opens it, never once breaking eye contact with him.

He reaches into it, suddenly realizing that he has indeed forgotten to add this to the pan, so he’ll have to…

Shi Wudu pulls out the leek.

The screech Pei Ming releases at that (alongside a very short laugh) is one that Shi Wudu is sure he’s never going to let any girl hear.

Chapter Text

When He Xuan arrives at the house, he already sees Shi Qingxuan. She’s sitting on the porch, head in her hands, looking like she’s crying. And he does get concerned about her, scolding himself for that mentally in the very next second. She’s probably alright. And even if she’s drunk, then she’s probably just a sad drunk.

He tries very hard to remember the name of the guy who even hosted the party, but he only remembers the surname “Lang”. Something with “Q”, maybe? He’s got the rough sounds in his head, but not the proper name.

He’s so tired. It’s three in the morning, and picking Shi Qingxuan up from a party because she doesn’t want to walk home alone was not his plan for the night. He had already slept for three hours before her call, too.

So, he steps right in front of her, and looks down at her.

“Hi. I’m here,” he says, and that’s when she looks up at him.

No tears, nope. Just a huge, beaming smile, as always.

“Hi, Xuan! I really wanned to stay… longer, but… need sleep. ‘N some guy tried flirding with me, ‘n that pissed me’off… so I told him… thad… you’re my boyfriend!”

He Xuan’s blood freezes in his veins. He stares at her for a few seconds, opens his mouth, and then closes it.

“You… what?”

That’s the moment the door opens, and some guy walks out. He looks at Shi Qingxuan, and then at He Xuan.

“Is that weird guy your boyfriend?” he asks, blinking at He Xuan.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asks, because if he’s already posing as Shi Qingxuan’s boyfriend, then at least he doesn’t want to be insulted like that.

“Whaddya mean?” Shi Qingxuan asks, blinking at the guy, then looks at He Xuan. She’s clearly thinking. And that’s clearly not working. “Oooh, right, right. Xuan’s my boyfriend, yeah… right. Of course. Totally. But what? Howshe weird?”

She’s slurring her words. Oh dear. He’s not sure she will even manage walking home with him.

“Isn’t that fish guy?”

Okay, so first of all, why is his name fish guy for everyone who doesn’t know his actual name? Something is up with that. Besides, he’s not the only marine biology student out there, so why in the world do they all degrade just him to being the fish guy? Is he so popular? Well, he supposes that he’s the roommate of Pei Ming’s roommate’s little sister, and that’s bound to get some talk going. It’s not like he’s super bothered by it or something; he’s had worse in his hometown, that much is for sure. Fish guy is a fine name. He supposes that he is fish guy to some extent.

“Huh? Nah, no, nooo, that’s Xuan! My boyfriend! Boofriend. Are you drying to insult’im?”

“Look at him,” the guy scoffs. He Xuan doesn’t know his name either, so he’s going to call him the pug guy, because his face kind of looks like a pug (nothing against pugs, he just doesn’t like their faces, especially considering how unhealthy that is for them). Pug guy stares him up and down.

“He’s way too skinny. Not particularly good-looking. Doesn’t even have clear skin. Besides, long hair on a guy?”

He Xuan stares.
He’s genuinely making fun of him being a guy with long hair? In this age? What the hell. No, he doesn’t even know what to say. However, Shi Qingxuan stands up and gets in front of him, reaching out her arms a little.

“You’re a mean one, huh? Don… insult my roommate!”

“I thought I was your boyfriend,” He Xuan hisses after leaning to her ear a little. She turns around, gives him a laugh right in his face, then nods.

“Boyfriend, I mean. Also roommate. Both. Same time. Yaknow.”

“Anyways, you have bad taste in guys.”

“Long hair on guys is… really sekshy!”

He Xuan still wants to disappear mainly because he doesn’t enjoy being called Shi Qingxuan’s boyfriend when he’s not. It makes him feel weird. Probably because he’s never had a girlfriend or boyfriend. So now suddenly having that title feels… off, to say the least.
However he also wants to disappear because of Shi Qingxuan’s messy pronounciation of things.

“Makes him look too feminine, and doesn’t change the fact he doesn’t look like he’s got anything in his pants. Like he’s one of… those.”

Oh.

“Oh… oh my god…” Shi Qingxuan mumbles, and then just breaks out into laughter. He Xuan looks at her and tries steadying her awkwardly by grabbing her arms a little so that she doesn’t fall. She’s not very stable on her legs.

“Xuaaaan, he’s being transphobic! That’s so dumb! He’s being mean ‘cuz I didn’t wanna hook up with him and now he’s…! Imagine what’d happen if he found out I am a proud… dick owner!”

That seems to take pug guy a little off-guard, and he stumbles back a few steps.

“You’re… one of those?” he stutters, and Shi Qingxuan stares at him.

“Hmm. Evil alphabet mafia. Proud… digg owner. Wanna see?“

“Qingxuan, no,” He Xuan hisses again, “don’t even offer that-“

Pug face scrunches up his entire face to look even more pug faced than before.

“You’re… disgusting and-“

“Xuaaaaaaaaan,” Shi Qingxuan interrupts him without even being affected by him trying to be transphobic, “he’s insulding meeeee! Won’t you slap him for me? Just… once?”

Now it’s his turn to laugh (he knows his laugh is a snicker at most unless he feels very safe and comfortable with someone and is very happy, and that combination barely ever happens). He’s gotten slapped in the face during the night multiple times by Shi Qingxuan now. He knows that even with an accidental slap, she’s actually really strong, even if she doesn’t look like it. She might even be stronger than him, he’s not so sure.

“Do it for you? Can’t you do that yourself?”

That seems to take pug guy off-guard, but Shi Qingxuan is already rolling up the sleeves of her jacket, taking a step closer to him. His eyes look purely panicked, and maybe that’s what makes getting up at quarter to two to pick up his drunk roommate completely worth it. Then, she gets even closer, he bumps into the wall behind his back, and she raises her hand and-

She slaps him right in the face with her flat hand and despite her slow, drunk movements, he still seems to be taken off-guard by this. He barely steadies himself, hands awkwardly gliding along the rough wall (He Xuan is sure that’s going to bleed, and he kind of hopes it will), and he tumbles a little, and does actually fall after his feet get caught up in themselves. He’s probably also had a few drinks, after all.

Shi Qingxuan looks at him with a gaze so scornful that He Xuan thought no one but Pei Ming could possibly get out of her, and grins a second later.

“See…! Us transers are super strong. ‘N if you think Xuan’s so ugly, which he’s not by the way, then maybe… think about why I chose him over you. C’mon Honey, let’s goooo…!”

He Xuan hates being called that, but he knows she’s drunk and is probably also just saying it jokingly – no, stop. There’s no “probably” part in this. Of course she’s just saying this jokingly.

On the floor, pug guy is trying to get up, but successfully failing to do so when he pushes his hands onto the floor only to realize he did scrape them on the wall. However, He Xuan really doesn’t want to risk him coming after them, so he quickly takes a step towards Shi Qingxuan, grabs her wrist, and pulls her away.

For a few minutes that end up feeling like hours, he’s just pulling her behind him, sometimes checking that pug guy isn’t somehow following them. He isn’t. He’s probably learnt his lesson. And he’s still holding her by the wrist as she’s stumbling, trying to keep up with him. Well, she’s managing – that’s all he really cares about, after all. As long as she can keep up without falling, that’s great. He doesn’t even want to know how much she drank. Probably not all too much, considering she can still… walk and slap people. But also she’s drunk enough to offer a transphobe proof of her being trans very casually like an absolute idiot.

“…Hurts,” is he first thing to break the silence. It makes him stop dead in the track. They’re already halfway to their flat, he realizes. He’s probably walked very fast, and she somehow managed. That’s good at least. They’ll be home soon.

“What?”

She wriggles her wrist in his hand.

“Too strong. Idhurts.”

“Oh,” he says, and lets go of her wrist. She shakes it a few times in front of her face, staring at it as if he’s burnt her.

“Next time you pull me, jus… proberly take my hand, okay?”

He can’t do more but give her a snort for that. He’s okay with her touching him and everything in all honesty, yes. But him touching her voluntarily, and then properly holding her hand? No, that goes too far for him.

(For now.)

(…Why the hell did he just think that?)

“Are you… hurt too?” she suddenly asks, staring at him with these big blue eyes. Mouth a little open. Some freckles still on her face from summer that she didn’t hide with makeup. Long eyelashes that are definitely make up.

“Why would I be? I’m fine, Qingxuan.”

“…Heh. Only my given name, Misster… boyfriend.”

With a sigh, he turns back around. He does want to go to sleep. The tiredness is starting to get to him; his throat feels dry and his heart is racing a little. He’s not good with sleep disturbances and especially not with going out at night. And he did tell her that, but she insisted, so there was nothing he could have really done about it. Letting her walk alone was also out of question. And Shi Qingxuan didn’t want her brother to know that she’d be going out, since he apparently always gets mad at her for that, and acts very overprotective, even though she’s an adult.

“Stop calling me that, because I’m not. And if you keep just calling me ‘Xuan’, then I might as well.”

“Okay but… are you hurt?” she asks, walking a little faster to catch back up to him since he started walking again already.

“Again. No. I wasn’t the one to get slapped.”

Then, there’s a hand wrapping around his arm. He doesn’t know whether it’s out of concern or to steady herself. Whatever the reason may be, he’s going to let her, because the chance is that it’s to steady herself, and he doesn’t want to deal with her falling to the floor and crying.

“Nooo, I mean… like… on th’inside? ‘Cuz he insulted you? Shouldn’t have.”

“I’m not-“

“’Cause you’re gorgeous, like, actually.”

His heart stops and so do his feet and he’s left to just stare at Shi Qingxuan again. She’s clearly drunk. Very much so, actually. She needs a bed and she needs to sober up. Maybe under a cold shower. He really hopes she’s not going to be grumpy tomorrow.

…Then again, is a grumpy Shi Qingxuan even possible?

“Like… insulting your skin was sooo low, don’t worry, Xuan, many people got acne scars, and they’re actually kinda sexy, ‘n when they’re not, they’re just… ya know. Regular.”

She says it so solemnly, like she’s swearing some kind of oath to become a Buddhist or a Christian priest or something, hence it’s kind of hard to stop her.
(It’s not because he secretly likes being complimented like everyone does, obviously.)

“And… long hair really looks great on you…! Never cut it. Promise me. Promise me to never…!”

And somehow, that makes her cry. Tears shoot into her eyes immediately, and they spill just as fast over her reddened cheeks with those (cute) freckles, until she’s just pointing at his hair. With two fingers, not one.

“Promise me… please… don’t-“

“Okay, okay, okay!” he nearly shouts at her, grabbing her shoulders because she looks like she’s about to fall again, “I won’t cut it! And again, I won’t have my self-worth destroyed by such a-“

“Well…! Point stands…!” she slurs, “you’re…! Gorgeous! Your hair! Even… your eyes are really cool-“

She gets a little too close at that and He Xuan pushes her away by her shoulders.

“And… actually, have you ever… had anyone compliment your butt?”

That makes him lose his mind for good.

“Qingxuan!” he says again, “hey!”

“But… did you?”

“Well, no, but that’s not-“

“Well, your butt is… really cute…!”

She’s already reaching out her hand to sneak it past his but he catches it as fast as humanly possible and holds it. (Properly. Her hand. Like she’s asked.)

He sighs very loudly internally, heart beating even faster – it’s probably because he’s not used to being so close to people. He really needs to get her home, oh dear.

“Oh come ooon, just one pinch-“

“Shi Qingxuan, no,” he basically yelps when she tries it with her other hand, and he catches it too, until they’re standing there, holding each other’s hands between them very awkwardly.

She’s also still crying for some reason. Drunk Shi Qingxuan is a mess. Suddenly, he sees why Shi Wudu doesn’t like it when she goes out.

“Just one pinch oh Xuaaaan, come oooon, I’ll leave you alone the next- uh oh.”

“…Uh oh?” he echoes a little helplessly as colour drains from her face very rapidly.

“Gonna throw up.”

*

When they finally make it home, He Xuan doesn’t get to go back to sleep – instead, he’s holding her hair while she’s bent over the toilet for an entire hour, and only then does he get to go to sleep.

Chapter Text

When Shi Qingxuan checks her phone, it’s already twelve in the morning. Twelve at noon. Whatever.

She hears the sound of typing coming from the desk.

She releases a quiet grunt, and checks the bedside table to see whether she still has water left. Her head is absolutely killing her. Her stomach still feels upset. To be fair, she’s probably also just hungry. She’ll have to eat something.

And really, there is water, on top of sickness and headache medication.

“Thank you,” she mutters, sitting up (which makes her head so much worse), popping both of the tablets into her mouth once she’s broken them out of the blisters, and then swallowing them down with some water. “Ugh, my head…”

“That’s your own fault.”

“Hmph, I know,” she says, sinking back into the bed, but looking at him anyways. He has his back turned to her, only looking at his laptop on which he’s probably typing up some kind of report. “Don’t worry, you don’t need to pity me or anything. Just… god, sorry you had to spend half your night in the bathroom with me. I’ll make that up to you.”

“Make it up by not drinking so much next time.”

“Sure…”

“And buying me cake.”

“…Of course,” she chuckles, smiling a little to herself despite her pounding head, “I will, don’t worry.”

“Do you have anything else to say?” he asks, and that’s what makes Shi Qingxuan think a little more about what happened last night. The memories are pouring in on her on high speed and her cheeks get redder and redder with every passing second.

“…Oh.”

That’s when He Xuan finally turns around to her, stares directly at her, his expression incredibly blank.

“Oh my God, I’m so embarrassed, I swear...!” she screeches, “listen, okay, so first of all, I’m an artist. And I wasn’t lying when I said you’re gorgeous…! I’m an artist after all! I can admit that people are gorgeous without feeling weird about it!”

Her red cheeks are probably proving her otherwise. It’s true, though. She does like how beautiful he looks, okay, yes, fine. Doesn’t mean anything weird or anything more than him appreciating how aesthetic he looks. Of course.

However… part of her does wonder whether this might be a crush. It’s a bit weird how attractive she finds him to be fair, but again – she’s just an artist. No, this is definitely just her being an artist. She’ll have to ask him to draw him one day. But no, this isn’t a crush. He’s just good-looking. She can find people good-looking without having a crush on them, and this is the case here.

“Besides, everyone likes being complimented, and you deserved the compliments! And it wasn’t like I was being really weird about it. I just wanted to cheer you up a little, Xuan!”

She knows she’s babbling away a little, but she still is embarrassed about the things she has said and done to both him and this guy who tried hitting on her and failed. He wasn’t bad looking or something, but even when she hadn’t known that he’s transphobic as hell, she didn’t really want to kiss him, let alone go home with him. Probably just not her type entirely. On top of that, she does want her first time to be with someone she loves – her first kiss she’s lost at one point in kindergarten when she went around kissing every girl and boy in existence ever, which was a phase that lasted pretty much into second grade of elementary school.

At least that part of her life she’d like to be with someone she actually really likes, and the guy last night did not fall into that category.

“I don’t think you can compliment anyone’s… behind without being weird about it, Qingxuan.”

She coughs a little, trying to regain her composure. But her cheeks are way too far gone at this point to prove anything. She feels like she might just cry of embarrassment, really.

“Well… I didn’t pinch it in the end.”

“Because you threw up.”

“Okay, okay, shut up! I can’t change that happened! I’m not going to try again, obviously! I’m sorry, alright?”

“You should be.”

She takes one of the small Blahajs and flings it at He Xuan as strongly as she somewhat can. He catches it and just rolls his eyes.

“Do you have any sensible excuse for this one? The other compliments… fine. I know you’re an artist. Hua Cheng is the same. You people are a breed of your own. But… this? Really?”

For a few seconds, she tries very desperately to come up with an excuse and successfully fails at it.

“…No. I’m sorry. Listen, uh- I guess having a thing for my roommate’s butt isn’t the worst. It’s just a butt. It’s okay. I’m not being weird about it when I’m not drunk now, am I? Before you- before you think anything weird, I kind of have a thing for Xie Lian’s butt too-“

“I feel like you’re going to make yourself look worse no matter what you say now,” he sighs, closing his laptop and looking at her a little more. “It’s… somehow okay. Just… don’t try pinching my behind again, okay?”

“Yes, yes, obviously I won’t!” she screams, frantically combing through her tousled hair in order to occupy herself with something that isn’t a conversation about her doing extremely embarrassing stuff yesterday night.

“Okay. And please don’t offer strangers to look at your… genitals… to prove you’re trans, that’s not only inappropriate, it’s also incredibly dangerous. Drink less.”

“I will, I will, I’m sorry…! I usually don’t drink this much…!” she hollers again, not without noticing how his cheeks go a little bit red, “I’m sorry! I won’t drink this much again! I just got a bit carried away, because I was chatting with Lang Qiangqiu and this other guy, and I didn’t notice how much I drank…!”

“What other guy?” he asks.

Shi Qingxuan rubs her forehead a little. It takes a few seconds for her to remember the name, her mind overall quite hazy.

“Quan Yizhen, I believe. He’s my brother’s neighbour, and he’s recently gotten a boyfriend thanks to Pei Ming. And him and Lang Qiangqiu both study sports, and I was kind of interested in what you do when studying that, and they were interested in what you do when you study art, so we got talking… and then they left me alone to go spar outside, I believe? And then this other guy also started buying me drinks, but he pissed me off, so I wanted to leave.”

Yeah, that about sums her night up. He Xuan looks at her for a bit, just blinking.

“That sounds like a stupid explanation but at least you didn’t mean to get this drunk.”

“No, I really didn’t. I’ll be more careful from now on. I’m genuinely sorry. It was… probably a bother to you. I don’t like bothering people.”

“You bother me twenty-four seven.”

“Okay, no, I mean real bothering,” she says, embarrassment about complimenting his butt finally leaving her body a bit, “like, holding my hair for an hour while I throw up kind of bothering. I’ll repay you, I swear. Didn’t mean to take so much of your sleep away.”

Part of her feels miles worse than she should; because yes, this wasn’t nice of her, but also this wasn’t a proper life-changing traumatizing event for him or something. He had before mentioned that he’d been home alone with his sister being sick a lot of times, so he must be used to that part. And he did still willingly pick her up and bring her home and everything. And he did also place meds next to her. Clearly he does care, and he doesn’t seem that mad – if anything, he seems very worried.
But God, okay, she feels incredibly sorry, but… why? This is not an appropriate amount of feeling sorry for what she did. She feels so horrible, as if she’s just killed his entire family or something.

“I’m… really sorry,” she says, already feeling tears in her eyes, and that’s when he finally speaks up.

“It’s fine, really, just cut back on it. No need to cry, geez.”

“So you’re not mad at me?”

“No, more worried-“

He coughs as if to hide what he’s just said, but for his sake she’s going to act like she hasn’t heard that part. She knows he’s bad with expressing emotions like this. She’s not going to pressure him more into this or anything.

“So… not mad?”

“No, I’m going to be mad if you keep asking!” he says, indeed a little angrily now, “It’s not that big of a deal. Just… stay safe, alright?”

He’s concerned. He actually is worried about her, and those red cheeks he’s got are proving that more than anything else.

“Yeah, I will. I’m still sorry though.”

“You can make it up to me with cake,” he reiterates, “and besides… still, uh… thank you.”

She looks back up; she hadn’t even noticed she’s been looking at her legs all this time, trying her absolute hardest to keep these stupid tears inside. She genuinely doesn’t get why this made her feel so bad. It’s not like he was hurt or anything. Inconvenienced, yes, but not hurt.

“Huh? For what?”

“Like… trying to make me feel better. I didn’t feel bad in first place, but you know. I… appreciate the sentiment. Besides, he… he did insult you, too.”

“Oh, don’t worry,” she says, finally laughing, although she can’t yet get the tremble out of her voice completely. She normally doesn’t feel this extraordinarily awful about stuff like this. Usually, she’s very good at handling criticism and being asked not to do something, but she really feels like she murdered his sister in cold blood or something. “Seriously, I’m fine. I never minded in first place. I’m confident enough in my identity and everything. I’ll try getting his name and pass it on to my brother, though.”

Shi Wudu has beaten up so many bullies for her in the past. And she knows he bloody well would do it again, too. He wouldn’t hesitate even a single second. And, to be fair, Pei Ming would probably join. They could like, tag team him or something. Not that she promotes violence. Then again, she did also get to slap him, so that’s probably a little unneeded, actually.

“But- anyways, uhm-“

He’s stuttering so hard.

“I did like the compliments,” he blurts out, “except for the butt one. I wasn’t bothered either, but I appreciate it, really. And just so you know- you’re not ugly or something. And you’re also not- not disgusting. The opposite of both, actually. You’re not disgusting, really. That’s- that’s uhm- all I really wanted to say.”

Silence takes over the room as the words replay in Shi Qingxuan’s mind over and over again, those probably being the closest to a compliment that she’s gotten from him so far. He said she’s the opposite of ugly. Does that mean he just kind of called her beautiful? She blinks a few more times, just staring at him.

He diverts his gaze to his legs, just like she had done before.

“…I’m getting back to my report.”

“…Thanks,” she says, although her tongue feels heavy despite definitely having sobered up by now, “also no need to make me feel better since I didn’t feel attacked either, but… thank you, Xuan.”

“I’m getting back to my report,” he just repeats, turning around, clearly avoiding the conversation. It makes her laugh. The weird, heavy feeling inside of her seems to dissipate slowly but surely.

“What’s it about anyways?”

“Conodonts.”

“Yeah, so I’ve never heard of those.”

He turns back to her, opens his mouth, but then closes it.

“No, no,” she chuckles, “go ahead. This was me indirectly asking for you to tell me about them.”

She grabs the box of cookies that they have next to the bed and gets to her first meal of the day hoping it stays inside of her while listening to He Xuan talk about some extinct eel, and it somehow makes her feel at ease with everything considering how normal it makes everything feel.

Being with him truly does feel like home.

Chapter Text

“Oh, Cuocuo isn’t here?” Xie Lian asks when he walks in, Hua Cheng following close behind.

He’s not all too motivated to be here, but Xie Lian wanted to come, so obviously he’s going to tag along.

…Maybe there was some truth about the time He Xuan called him a dog, and that he’s worse than E’ming. He Xuan said that as if he hates E’ming, which couldn’t be farther form the truth. The two absolutely love each other.

“No,” Feng Xin sighs, “Mu Qing neither. He’s meeting up with Yin Yu because he’s taking a german course because maths alone would drive him insane, according to him. What an idiot, he shouldn’t have chosen that bullshit in first place. No sane person would.”

“So you’re alone?” Xie Lian asks, “and, where’s Cuocuo? You only talked about Mu Qing.”

He turns around towards Hua Cheng to give him a meaningful glance right as he closes the door.
Yeah. It’s indeed a little suspicious, isn’t it?

“Right, right. He’s with Jian Lan today for the week because I have a presentation later and she has a week off, so that works. Miss the little guy though. Do come in though, Xie Lian. This guy can stay in the door.”

“I’m not a dog,” Hua Cheng says against what he’s just thought about the same matter. He steps inside too and into the small kitchen. Xie Lian, as always, sits on the counter, but he’s not going to let him sit there alone, so he sits down next to him. Especially because he knows that he used to be in love with him. And hey, maybe… just maybe he’ll end up falling in love with him again. Who knows?

Either way, Hua Cheng has no time to think about the matters of the love and the like. Xie Lian is on a mission here, and he’s the support.

“Don’t be so mean to San Lang.”

“San Lang,” Feng Xin repeats mockingly, sitting down in a chair as the only person, looking at the two of them. Hua Cheng can’t help but grin at this, considering that he seems to be angry with him for simply being close to Xie Lian.

“Anyways,” Xie Lian sighs, leaning just a little against Hua Cheng – which absolutely makes him die. He’s so close. So damned close. He can smell his peach shampoo. God, he smells so good. He feels dizzy. He thinks he’s going to faint-

“There’s something I need to talk to you about, Feng Xin.”

His entire head is spinning, Xie Lian’s getting even closer to him because the stovetop isn’t vey big. He’s essentially pressing against him. Hua Cheng feels like he’s going to straight up cry at this. He’s so small. He’s so soft. Even his shoulder. Everything about him is soft.

“Oh no,” Feng Xin says, “you’re not going to tell me that you two are… in a relationship, right?”

That wakes Hua Cheng up properly. He stares at him and doesn’t even know what to say.

“No!” Xie Lian is already screaming, “what? No? That’s not the case at all, although I do guess that it’s something sort of similar…? Kind of? Not about me though! Not even about San Lang! And again, that’s not the case…!”

He’s all red and flustered and Hua Cheng very badly wants to hug him. He wonders whether he should just go for it one day. Maybe he really should. He could excuse it as a weird moment of weakness.

… It’s hard to come up with what kind of weakness that would be without making himself look like the gayest man in the entire world, though.

At the information that they’re not a thing, Feng Xin releases a very relieved breath, then looks at him.

“What’s it about then? Are Shi Qingxuan and He Xuan a thing after all?”

Right then, there’s a loud noise coming from the flat next to them, and a loud shriek. The walls aren’t very thick, so it resounds very clear.

“Qingxuan, it’s just an earworm, calm down!” He Xuan barks, very audible through the wall.

Oh? First name basis now for him, too? Hua Cheng raises an eyebrow at Xie Lian. He raises one back.

“Yes, and it’s disgusting! I don’t mind spiders, they’re cute, but these fuckers have crawled straight out of hell! Please kill it!”

“I’m not going to kill it, I’m taking it outside!”

“It’s going to come back in Xuan!”

“It won’t, it has better things to do than listen to you screaming.”

“Please take my hand I think I’m going to faint.”

“I will not be doing that, just… go to our room.”

“Okay, good idea, haha! You go slay the beast, don’t you dare show it to me!”

“Trust me, I won’t. I still need my ears.”

Then there’s the sound of a door closing, then silence.

Hua Cheng breaks out into the quietest laughter he can manage so that He Xuan doesn’t know he’s next door and (sort of) witnessed this just now.

“…No,” Xie Lian coughs, not paying the situation any mind while Hua Cheng is completely losing it, “no, as far as we know, they’re not a thing.”

“What is it then?” Feng Xin asks, “I do have to work on my presentation, you know? I mean, I like seeing you, Xie Lian, but we can catch up properly once this presentation is done and over with. I procrastinate on these things way too much anyways. If it wasn’t for Mu Qing, I’d probably end up nearly failing all of my classes.”

In all honesty, Hua Cheng couldn’t have guessed that despite his issues, Feng Xin does still seem to be a very diligent student.

“Alright, we won’t take much time,” Xie Lian says bumping his shoulders into Hua Cheng’s a little as if to say that he’s just going to go ahead and ask. And maybe also to reassure him that he won’t tell Feng Xin that Hua Cheng was the one to first raise this idea to him.

“First of all, my friends are going swimming in two days, you can come and bring Mu Qing and Cuocuo along if you want to, that’d be fine. We just want some kind of group activity. My brother will drive me and San Lang and pick us up, and you three still fit in his car since it’s a van.”

At that, Feng Xin blinks, this clearly not being what he had been expecting. He looks so perfectly stupid. Hua Cheng loves it. Feng Xin and Mu Qing are truly clowns. In all senses possible.

“…Sure, why not. Especially if Shi Qingxuan and He Xuan come along, Cuocuo is at Jian Lang’s for the entire week, and I don’t know about Mu Qing. I’ll ask him when he comes home and he doesn’t throw a water bottle at me like yesterday when I asked him to clean the bathroom for me this week so that I can’t procrastinate any more on this presentation.”

Clowns, Hua Cheng thinks again. These two are clowns and if his life was a book and he was the main character, these two would be here for the comic relief.

“Okay. Now… my actual point.”

Xie Lian does clear his throat a little, looks at Hua Cheng, who gives him an encouraging nod. If these two finally get their feelings out, then maybe that’ll be some inspiration for Xie Lian to also fall in love with him. Not that this is how it works, but Hua Cheng can try gaslighting himself to believe that it is.

“Yes?”

“Could it be that you’re in love with Mu Qing?”

Hua Cheng has made sure to be watching Feng Xin very closely while Xie Lian asks this question. Partly to judge whether he’s lying or not like he’s promised to Xie Lian beforehand, partly for his own amusement.

The first thing that happens is that he blankly stares at Xie Lian, appearing to be going through the five stages of grief all at once, then his mouth drops open, then he closes it. Then, he brings his hands to the table to grab it, realizes what he’s doing, and puts them back into his lap. Then, his entire face goes absolutely and utterly red.

He stares at Xie Lian for a bit longer, but then changes to look at Hua Cheng, pointing at him.

“This is your fault. You made him ask this. You think you’re being oh so funny-“

With an apologetic glance at Hua Cheng, Xie Lian shakes his head.

“No, that’s not the case at all. San Lang did raise that this might be the case, but that’s as far as this goes. To me, it just made sense. Hating each other did always give you two a reason to be close, didn’t it?”

Feng Xin still looks like a very ripe tomato that, if you squished it once, would deflate like a balloon and spill its entire guts. Hua Cheng kind of wants to try with Feng Xin’s head, but he feels like a splatter movie scene wouldn’t be a good thing for Xie Lian to see right now, and he himself is scared of horror, so he probably shouldn’t.

“That’s- this is so not- why would I even- no, I genuinely hate him-“

His stuttering definitely betrays him, and Xie Lian does laugh, too.

“Feng Xin, would you really be reacting this way if that was really the case? I know I don’t- I don’t know much about this stuff, but I’m just… it just makes sense to me. Maybe Shi Qingxuan did forcefeed me too many romance books in the past few weeks, though.”

“That is definitely the case,” Feng Xin argues, trying to cough but ending up choking again instead. This time, it takes a little longer for him to come back from that. “I am not- not in- I’m not in- not in- in- in-“

He can’t even pronounce the word.

Only when Xie Lian shoves his elbows into his ribs gently, does Hua Cheng suddenly realize that he’s smirking. That’s probably very rude, yeah. He can’t lie about that. It’s hard to wipe it off his face, but he does manage after a while.

“You’re not in…?”

His face gets even redder, however Hua Cheng isn’t sure how that’s even possible. Maybe he should poke it after all.

“I’m in love with Mu Qing!”

For a few seconds, there’s utter silence, and none of them breaks it, until Xie Lian slowly raises his hand as if he’s in class.

“Uhm… Feng Xin, you forgot the ‘not’ part of the sentence,” he whispers, but Feng Xin is just reduced to a puddle of embarrassment on his chair, staring down at his laptop that’s still in front of him, and at his glass of orange juice dangerously close to it.

His eyes are darting from left to right, and he looks like he’s absolutely panicking.
“So… you are?” Xie Lian says as softly as he can, and it makes Hua Cheng want to kiss him so stupidly much. He wonders whether his lips are just as soft as his voice-

“Yes, okay, yes, I am, and now leave me alone, I have a presentation to work on, I’m very much aware that I’m in love with that godforsaken fucking bastard, I just didn’t plan to tell anyone because obviously he hates me, and I didn’t think you’d ever notice, and I didn’t want to like, burden you with that knowledge, okay! I don’t want to make things awkward, fine! And now leave! I have a presentation to work on!”

“You’ve already said that,” Hua Cheng giggles, and receives a bit of a harder elbow punch from XIe Lian.

“San Lang,” he hisses, “be nice.”

He’s not just acting like a dog, he’s even being handled like a dog, too.

“I get your presentation is important, Feng Xin, but don’t you think that your feelings are more important? I feel like you should tell Mu Qing. It won’t make things awkward, I bet-“

“Okay, I was lying about the presentation! I have a mental breakdown to have, and I don’t want any witnesses!”

He once more puts his hands onto the table, pushing himself up on it, throwing over the entire chair, looking at the two on the stove. He seems so utterly and absolutely stressed out that for just a short moment, Hua Cheng does kind of pity him.

“Leave, please, I’m going to burst out into tears in a second!”

With an exchange of glances between them, Hua Cheng and Xie Lian quietly agree to actually just do that and give him the space he needs. With a wave, he walks out of the kitchen, followed closely by a lightly chuckling Xie Lian (whom he very much wants to kiss).

Chapter Text

“I think Mu Qing is going to be harder than Feng Xin,” Xie Lian sighs as he’s leaning against the wall right next to Hua Cheng, in front of Yin Yu’s apartment.

“What are you two doing?” comes another voice, and Pei Ming appears behind them, carrying a bag with vegetables. “Oh, right, Mu Qing is over, isn’t he? Picking him up? Not sure he’ll like the sight of you, Hua Cheng.”

“Shut up,” Hua Cheng sighs at Pei Ming, although it’s definitely said in a nice tone, “you getting into cooking now?”

Pei Ming laughs.

“Last time I tried, I burnt the rice in the rice cooker, and I feel like that’s a new level of bad.”

Xie Lian next to him looks a little uncomfortable, probably very aware that he’s worse at cooking than Pei Ming (not that Hua Cheng would ever say that out loud, and to him, anything Xie Lian cooks will by default taste amazing).

“So no, Shi Wudu is really stressed at the moment, and cooking helps him, and he quite likes cutting vegetables. And I’m a third into writing my thesis now, so he’s made me go shopping for dinner. Feeling like a housewife or something,” Pei Ming laughs, “I better get inside before he gets mad, though. Not risking him calling me a whore again.”

“Good luck with cooking!” Xie Lian says as Pei Ming disappears in his own door, then looks back at Hua Cheng.

Hua Cheng requites his gaze, and just kind of feels himself melt. Very carefully, Xie Lian reaches out a hand towards him, and Hua Cheng isn’t very sure what he’s meant to be doing with that hand, and suddenly, it’s tugging on his sleeve a little.

“…San Lang,” he starts, “do you want to uh…”

He’s looking to the side, and Hua Cheng feels like he’s going to literally die right here and right now when Xie Lian grabs his wrist a little awkwardly instead.

He tries giving him an encouraging smile, not actually speaking up about wanting to encourage him. He feels like that might just make him even more nervous.

“Do you want to go to the café again with me tomorrow?”

“Oh, sure!” he answers immediately, “want to invite-“

“No. I mean, uh… just us-“

Hua Cheng’s mind goes blank as hell and he just stares at Xie Lian. Did he just ask him on a date? Did he actually just go right ahead and ask him on a date, just like that, without any other warning? No, no, he tries telling himself, that’s not what happened. Xie Lian just liked the cake. Of course. He had no other intention most obviously.
Why would he anyways?

He’s not in love with him or something.

“Oh, uhm, I mean, if you don’t want to, obviously that’s fine too!”

“No!” Hua Cheng almost shouts, then clears his throat and tones down his voice, “no, I want to. It’s absolutely fine. I’m definitely going with you. It’s my treat, too.”

“No! It’s my treat!”

However, Xie Lian suddenly lets go of his sleeve and therefore also of this argument. Hua Cheng gets why; there’s a door opening, and Mu Qing steps outside, closes it, then sees them, and freezes.

“What the heck,” he scoffs, “you don’t need to walk me home. Besides, get this Hua Cheng guy away from me, I can’t stand his face.”

“I can’t stand your face either, and yet, here we are,” Hua Cheng sighs, “let’s get out of here. Gege, please make it quick, okay? I don’t like this guy.”

“San Lang, please…” Xie Lian mutters, still this absolutely adorable redness stuck on his cheek. He rubs his forehead, and steps towards Mu Qing.

“I have something I want to talk to you about-“

“No, oh no,” Mu Qing gasps, “don’t tell me you two are a thing-“

“Why does everyone say that?” Xie Lian screeches, taking Mu Qing by his arm a bit roughly and pulling him down the stairs of the apartment building. With a shrug, Hua Cheng follows them. There’s nothing much else that he can do, can he? Xie Lian did the job pretty well with Feng Xin, and really, his support wasn’t even needed. Not that it ever is; after all, Xie Lian can very much do things on his own (except for using the microwave).

So, once they’re outside, Xie Lian pushes a clearly overwhelmed Mu Qing onto the nearest bench and then sits down next to him as if to make sure that he doesn’t flee or something of the like.

Hua Cheng sits down next to Xie Lian, but does get out his phone to text He Xuan and Shi Qingxuan that he was just essentially asked on a date and if he can really take this as being asked out on a date. Shi Qingxuan is probably going to be squealing with joy, considering she was the one to reveal to him that Xie Lian was once in love with him in first place. He Xuan will probably call him delusional and tell him that he’s starting to get arrogant and too hopeful and that he should give up already and not continue being so creepy. And he knows that’s just He Xuan’s way of squealing, too.

“What… what’s the matter if it’s not you and your San Lang being a thing-“

“We’re not,” Hua Cheng clarifies, because if one more person says that he might just start believing it, and then he’s going to be more than just devastated when Xie Lian rejects him. If he ever confesses. Which is not any time soon. That much is for sure.

“So, Mu Qing. It’s kind of the same thing. And I know you’re…”

“Emotionally unavailable, arrogant yet with a raging inferiority complex, afraid to even admit that you’re afraid of spiders now that Cuocuo isn’t anymore and you don’t want to look stupid in front of what’s pretty much your son?”

That gets him a kick from Xie Lian, but his lips twitching a little betray him. He did clearly find this funny, no matter what he says.

“You-“ Mu Qing starts, but Xie Lian pats his shoulder a little.

“Sh, Mu Qing. We’re not here to start a fight.”

“Well I am not the one to go out of my way to randomly insult him, am I now?”

“That’s not the topic at hand,” Xie Lian continues, very clearly trying to soothe him (and failing, which is Mu Qing’s fault. Nothing could ever be Xie Lian’s fault).

“What is the topic at hand, then?” Mu Qing asks, clearly still dissatisfied with getting insulted to this degree and then not even being allowed to talk back. Well, if it was the other way around, Hua Cheng would probably be feeling the same way. Can’t blame him for that, he does have to admit that.

“I want to talk to you about Feng Xin.”

“What about him?” he scowls, “did he do this? Is it because I screamed at him that I’m not going to do his cleaning because of his presentation? It takes ten minutes. He can just stay up ten minutes longer for one day, it’s not like that matters, considering his sleep schedule is kind of a wreck to begin with. I’m not going to back down if that’s what you want.”

“That’s… not the point, no,” Xie Lian laughs awkwardly, his hand still on Mu Qing’s shoulder. He grips it a little harder, and Mu Qing looks kind of… threatened by that.

“I want to talk about your feelings towards Feng Xin.”

“My what?”

“Now, I know you’re not all too… fond of talking about your feelings. I’m fully aware. But I’m your best friend, and I want you to know that I’m here for you if you need some help with him.”

“I need help with the bathroom,” Mu Qing spits, “’cause that idiot isn’t doing it-“

“Mu Qing, be honest with you and me here for a bit, okay-“

“He wants to know whether you’re in love with Feng Xin, little bitchboy,” Hua Cheng interrupts Xie Lian, because he thinks that Xie Lian is being way too nice about it.

Without even giving any kind of other reaction, Mu Qing forces Xie Lian’s hands away from him, gets up, walks to Hua Cheng, and tries slapping him. Except Hua Cheng catches his hand, and then the other one, too, holding both of them as hard as he can. He does have to hand it to Mu Qing – he’s quite strong.

“Mu Qing, no! See, this is exactly what I mean! I didn’t want you to get mad, but you wouldn’t answer-“

“You didn’t even get to ask your question before this bastard-“

That seems to be the exact moment when Mu Qing realizes what he has just been asked. Hua Cheng lets go of him once he feels the force behind those hand slipping away, and Mu Qing is left to blink at Xie Lian specifically.

“I just want you to be happy, okay?” Xie Lian says, standing up to meet Mu Qing on face to face level. He puts both of his hands to his shoulders because the other has gone so pale that he looks like he’s about to faint.

“I… what?”

“I want you to be happy and stop lying to yourself. I know you and Feng Xin aren’t… the most compatible, but yet you stick around, and even moved in with him.”

Xie Lian’s voice is as calm as it could possibly be – if this was Shi Qingxuan, then oh dear, she would be screeching all of their ears off right about now.

“You complain a lot about him, but you do still accommodate him, and you will probably end up cleaning that bathroom,” he says, “and you do like him. But this anger doesn’t come from nowhere, you know? And I was just wondering whether there was… some kind of tension between you two that needs to resolved, and that you both just express it by screaming at each other-“

“No,” Mu Qing whispers, literally still looking like he’s about to faint. Hua Cheng does try remaining a little bit serious this time. He knows that Xie Lian is very much trying and wants the best for these two idiots, so he’s also going to try to want the best for these two idiots. He’s probably going to fail. Well, not like it’s his problem if he starts bullying them. He can’t lie though, he only really dislikes them because they got to spend so much more time with Xie Lian than he did.

“No, no, no, this can’t be, no.”

“Wait,” Xie Lian lets his hands glide to his arms a little, “so, it’s true? It’s just… that you didn’t know yourself?”

Wow, this guy is as emotionally unavailable as He Xuan is. Now that’s some real fun.

“I- I don’t…?”

“Are you sure you don’t? So, Mu Qing,” Xie Lian coughs once, clearly embarrassed now, “would you punch him if he were to kiss you?”

At that, his entire face goes red.

“Yes! Obviously! Out of shock!”

“And would you kiss him back?”

“Yes! Obviously! Out of shock!”

“…Good enough,” Xie Lian huffs, releasing a quiet gasp when Mu Qing is suddenly grabbing him by his arms, too.

“Please tell me I’m not in love with Feng Xin just because I want to be kissed by him under the moonlight and hold his hand and sleep on his stupidly good-looking chest?”

“Are you even listening to yourself?” Hua Cheng laughs, “think you’ve got your answer.”

And then, something happens that Hua Cheng hadn’t expected himself. At all. Mu Qing lets go of Xie Lian, turns around, and instead grabs Hua Cheng’s shoulders. Extremely hard.

“Please tell me I’m not in love with Feng Xin because Xie Lian won’t.”

“You’re in love with Feng Xin,” he says while also trying to get Mu Qing off himself, but to no avail. His fingers are holding him in a death grip, nails clearly digging into his clothes and through those, into his skin, too.

“I think you’re in love with Feng Xin, yes,” Xie Lian says, coming up from behind Mu Qing to give Hua Cheng a meaningful glance and also put his hand onto his shoulders again. He does give him a short smile, too (which makes Hua Cheng feel like, if he was a cat, he’d be losing all his lives at once right now).

“I think I’m never going to go home ever again,” Mu Qing sighs, and the hands on Hua Cheng’s shoulders start trembling extremely hard, “can I camp out at yours? Please?”

“Absolutely not, now get off me-“

Except Mu Qing never does, and just suddenly starts shaking Hua Cheng.

“What the hell am I meant to do? I don’t know what to do! This is stupid! I shouldn’t be in love with him! That’s so dumb! God, this is awful! God, no, I can’t do this. I cannot deal with this-“

“Calm down, Mu Qing,” Xie Lian says, turning him around a little, “calm down first, okay? We’ll figure something out. You can come over to ours, and then we’ll figure something out. Alright?”

He nods mechanically, and Hua Cheng finally manages to tear these fingers off him.

“Okay. Okay. We’re going to figure something out,” Mu Qing repeats, probably to convince himself of that but not believing it at all.

“Exactly. We’re going to figure something out.”

“We will,” Hua Cheng does say with a roll of his eyes which is meant to be Mu Qing’s trademark, “we’ll get you laid, don’t worry.”

“San Lang!” Xie Lian hisses again, and yet, that amused glint in his eyes makes his joke more than just worth it.

“Can we go home now, Gege? Since you decided we’re bringing him anyways. Then we might as well.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” Xie Lian agrees, “let’s go, Mu Qing.”

Chapter Text

“I’m not liking this car ride.”

“Well, shut up, Pei, neither do I,” Shi Wudu sighs, looking into the rearview mirror to see the scene playing out on the backseat.

They’re driving very much illegally, since Yushi Huang is sitting in Ling Wen’s lap, Shi Qingxuan next to them, and He Xuan on the other side, pressed in between the window and Shi Wudu’s little sister. He doesn’t like him being so close to her. And he doesn’t like the way that Shi Qingxuan is blushing like that; but he’s going to go ahead and assume that this is just because she’s next to Yushi Huang.

Pei doesn’t like the car ride because of Yushi Huang being in close proximity.

“Who’s coming again?” he asks, and Shi Qingxuan’s head shoots up.

“Uh… Hua Cheng, Xie Lian, Feng Xin, Mu Qing, but without the kiddo, and Jun Wu is driving them at least, I don’t think he’s coming with us though.”

“And Quan Yizhen and Yin Yu,” Pei Ming adds, “did I forget to mention that- duck, Shi Wudu, duck-“

“I’m driving, what the fuck do you mean duck,” Shi Wudu hisses, giving Pei Ming a sight glance as he ducks below the window. He looks out and sees the woman that has scared him so much.

It’s Xuan Ji, walking into the direction of their house. Well, Shi Wudu supposes that he has to see the positive thing about this – she’s not going to find them if she breaks into their flat again.

Only then does he notice that there’s someone with her; it’s a pretty… weird-looking man, in a dark green Adidas tracksuit, some golden chains, and the ugliest trainers Shi Wudu has ever seen on a man.

Well. At least she has company.

“We’re past her,” he sighs, “you can come back up, idiot.”

“Wait, was that this Xuan Ji woman?” Shi Qingxuan asks.

Shi Wudu looks into the rearview mirror again. He Xuan is typing away on his phone, as ever so often. Probably texting that weird Hua Cheng kid who’s not really better than him. An arrogant piece of shit. Somehow now Shi Qingxuan’s best friend without a single explanation as to how that happened this fast. Well, he’s not dangerous in terms of falling in love with Shi Qingxuan, considering she said that he’s the gayest man to ever gay on this gay world, in her own words.

“Yeah,” Pei Ming answers, “she’s going to be the death of me.”

“Better pay attention to who you sleep around with then, Pei,” Ling Wen makes, “we’ve established the amounts of mistakes that you have made in your life privately last week.”

“…You did? Without me?” Shi Wudu asks, just a tiny bit offended, but also not really. These two can talk about whatever they want to talk about on their own. Besides, it was probably while they were studying together and he was busy having an e-mail exchange with Paulette de Sade in his own room because he wanted to have a clear mind for that. So it’s not like he’s going to feel excluded over that.

“It was a good gossip session,” Pei Ming says, “even though I was the main target. It’s okay, Shi Wudu, nothing new very important was revealed.”

“That’s most certainly true,” Ling Wen affirms, “anything new I learned was of the lowest importance possible.”

“Ouch,” Pei Ming makes, “kinda hurts, Ling Wen.”

“You said it yourself, it’s not very important.”

“Okay, okay, we don’t need to make it worse-“

“Ling Wen, you have to tell me later,” Shi Qingxuan says, “please?”

“Absolutely not”, Pei Ming interferes, and, strangely enough, Shi Qingxuan does actually give in. probably doesn’t want to look childish in front of Yushi Huang.

He Xuan is now typing angrily, fingernails clicking against the screen continuously.

Shi Qingxuan looks at his phone, and he allows her, then gives him a short grin. Yeah, Shi Wudu isn’t going to think more about that than he needs to.

As he takes the next turn, letting the steering wheel drift back into its original stance, he sees the huge building that is the swimming pool. He recognizes Jun Wu’s car immediately, a small group of people standing n front of them, Jun Wu even taller than Hua Cheng. Which is quite an achievement.

“Ah, Huahua!” Shi Qingxuan immediately screams, “he’s there, he’s there! Huahua is there, my little Huahua!”

He can’t look whether He Xuan is rolling his eyes considering he’s pulling up to park right now, but he probably is – considering that Shi Qingxuan is calling him by such a weird pet name.

After properly parking right next to Jun Wu’s car, he turns off the engine and pats the steering wheel once. As if to say good job to his car. Shi Wudu just thinks that appreciating his car is a valid thing to do.

“Okay, all of you, get out. I’m glad we didn’t get caught on by the police or something.”

He Xuan and Pei Ming open the door at the very same time, as if being incredibly happy to just get out of the car, finally, after being stuck in it for a good fifteen minutes.

He puts his phone into his pocket, walks over to Hua Cheng, and slaps him once. Meanwhile, Pei Ming just holds the door open for Shi Qingxuan to crawl out of. She scowls at him. Doesn’t thank him. Shi Wudu couldn’t be prouder of her than that.

After he’s gotten out as the last and locked the car back up, he walks over to that group of people. Yin Yu and Quan Yizhen are also already there, which makes Shi Wudu feel a little bit awkward considering he’s had that… weird conversation with Yin Yu last time. Shi Qingxuan goes over to both Hua Cheng and Xie Lian and hugs them once, then waves at Jun Wu as if they’re suddenly best friends.

Shi Wudu is also indeed friends with Jun Wu, but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s always been a little bit suspicious in his eyes. Like he’s never been entirely honest.

“Can you stop looking like I’ve had half of my face burnt off like Zuko from Avatar?” suddenly comes a voice, and Xie Lian, who had just been about to say hello to Shi Wudu, looks at the man who’s said that.

It takes Shi Wudu a little while to recognize the guy as Shi Qingxuan’s neighbour. He believes his name was Mu Qing. The other guy who this was directed at must be Feng Xin then. Shi Wudu recognizes him even less. He looks like the type of guy who probably spends all day in the gym, and frankly, he has enough of those in his courses.

“I haven’t even been looking at your face, what’s wrong with you?” Feng Xin answers, getting a little closer to Mu Qing who, in response, takes three steps back.

“Keep your distance, what the hell! And stop looking at me like that! And if there’s something on my face, tell me, so that I can get rid of it!”

“Your face is in your face,” Feng Xin grumbles, “that’s bad enough.”

“You-“

Xie Lian Is already stepping between them, both of his hands on one of each of their chests.

“Stop fighting already you two. If you have something to say to each other, do it in a normal tone. Feng Xin, is there something on his face?”

“The fucker doesn’t have eyes,” Feng Xin scoffs, “I was looking at his hair, because there’s a leaf in it. And it looks really stupid.”

“That wasn’t a normal tone!” shouts Mu Qing, and Shi Wudu already feels a headache coming.

“It was a normal tone, just rude in words. And you, Mu Qing, do you have anything to say to him?”

“If you’re so disturbed by a leaf in my hair, then take care of it yourself because I can’t be bothered.”

Everyone else who has been talking goes utterly quiet at that.

Pei Ming throws a glance at Shi Qingxuan. Shi Qingxuan throws a glance at Hua Cheng. He grins and nods. Shi Qingxuan grins and nods at Pei Ming. Pei Ming also grins and nods.
Shi Wudu only nods, but doesn’t grin. He couldn’t be less interested in the romance between these two. He doesn’t get how others can get so invested in someone else’s romance. Then again, he’s very invested in there not being a romance between Shi Qingxuan and He Xuan, so he supposes that he can’t really blame them either.

“I’m not your fucking servant,” Feng Xin says, a slight blush on his cheeks, “who are you? A maiden in danger being threatened by this very dangerous leaf? Get a grip, Mu Qing, you’re an embarrassment-“

“No, you-“

“Nah, nah, nah,” Xie Lian makes, pushing his hands against their chests more firmly. “No more arguing, you two. Mu Qing, take the leaf out of your own hair. And Feng Xin, be nice. Okay? We’re here to have fun.”

To Shi Wudu’s surprise, the two actually calm down at that. Mu Qing flicks the leaf out of his hair, and Feng Xin turns his head to Hua Cheng. Almost as if searching for help. Dear Lord, this situation is too complicated for Shi Wudu.

“You should all go in,” Jun Wu says, “it’s gotten quite expensive lately. Make the most of it with your money.”

Right. Shi Wudu often forgets that money is an issue for some people. Not that he looks down on them or something (only on He Xuan), but he’s just so used to being rich that he genuinely forgets poor people exist.

“He’s right,” says another voice, and Shi Wudu realizes that there’s a man he’s literally never seen before. He’s standing next to Jun Wu and he’s… holding his hand. Okay, obviously his boyfriend then. “Besides, we need to leave anyways.”

“Oh, you’re having one of your card game afternoons with your friends?” Xie Lian asks, “you didn’t say anything! Please have fun, you two!”

He gives his brother and his brother’s boyfriend the biggest grin ever. At that, Jun Wu gives one of his rather rare smiles, raises his hand, and ruffles his hair a little.

“We will. You have fun too, okay?”

“Of course he’ll have fun,” Shi Qingxuan chimes in suddenly, but with a weird side-glance at Hua Cheng and He Xuan that Shi Wudu can’t quite place.

Xie Lian goes entirely rigid at that, head mechanically turning towards Shi Qingxuan and shaking his head at her once, clearly panicking a little.

“Okay, we should get going! I want to go swimming. I brought my large inflatable octopus. It can hold about five of us. I got the thing to blow it up with too,” Quan Yizhen says, slapping his very large bag once. It’s probably so large because it had to fit the inflatable octopus. Shi Wudu doesn’t even know what to say.

“Oh my god, Yizhen, that’s amazing,” Shi Qingxuan chimes in, running over to him and staring at the bag, “can we all please just float around with it for a while? I feel like I physically need that.”

“Absolutely,” the guy says, patting down his sweatpants once, “that’s what it’s made for, after all. But reserve a spot for Yin Yu. I also brought it for him since he can’t swim-“

That gets Quan Yizhen a slap on the back of his head from his boyfriend, and Yin Yu decisively walks straight towards the entrance. He’s right. Shi Wudu needs to support his neighbour a little, so he walks up behind him and tries to catch up.

“I can teach you to swim if you want,” he offers once Yin Yu has realized that he’s right next to him, “I give swimming lessons back at home.”

Yin Yu looks at him, then at the mass of people behind them, all already happily chatting away. Ling Wen and Yushi Huang are at the end of it, probably as the sanest people of the group. Meanwhile, Jun Wu and his boyfriend are already getting back into their car.

“I’d… appreciate that, yeah,” he mumbles, “I don’t trust Yizhen to teach me… properly.”

Shi Wudu can very much see why Yin Yu wouldn’t trust Quan Yizhen with a task like that.

“I can do that then. We have enough time anyways. And I need a break from all the insane people in this group.”

“…I absolutely understand you,” Yin Yu responds as tired as a person could possibly respond.

“Ge? Ge?” comes his sister’s voice from behind him.

“Hm?”

“He Xuan just told me that he won several swimming competitions! I think you should compete!”

Shi Wudu turns around, seeing He Xuan right there. An evil glint in that bastard’s eyes.

Hell. As if Shi Wudu would ever say no to putting that asshole in his place.

Chapter Text

“I’m not sure this is a good idea,” Pei Ming hisses a bit too close to her ear, but for once she’ll forgive him. After all, he doesn’t want her brother and He Xuan to hear, and they’re only a few feet away, at the edge of the big pool which is actually meant for swimming.

“Oh it absolutely isn’t,” Shi Qingxuan sighs, “but I had He Xuan tell me his best time, and he should very much win against my brother. Put him in his place a little, you know?”

That gets a short laugh out of Pei Ming as he crosses his arms. Shi Qingxuan often forgets he has abs. Makes it a bit valid that so many girls want to sleep with him if they’re into that. She’s really not into the muscly type herself.

“I’m going to beat you,” she hears Shi Wudu say as he turns around to He Xuan, who just cocks his head, rolls his eyes, and gives her brother a very dramatic sigh. His swimming shorts are dark blue with small sharks on them. No surprise here. He’s put his hair up into a bun so that he doesn’t have to dry it all too much later, considering it is very long. He… he’s indeed very scrawny and pale, but somehow her throat is just… stupidly dry when she’s looking at him.
So she decides not to do that.

“I’m going to… stop the time or something,” Pei Ming says, “so, you swim to the other side and then to this one and the first to arrive here wins?”

“Yeah,” Shi Wudu declares, “don’t worry. I’m not going to cheat.”

Shi Qingxuan scoffs and gets closer to the two of them. It’s… a bit funny how different they look. Shi Wudu still has a tan from their summer vacation, he does also have abs just like Pei Ming (she wonders if they’ve ever homoerotically trained together), he’s a lot broader, short hair looking a lot tidier than He Xuan with all his strands hanging out. Not a single tattoo on his body-

Yeah. She has to acknowledge that her brother looks like your classic business student. And she’s not liking that.

…She’s still not sure how to feel about the fact that He Xuan has a hip tattoo, or well – it’s a bit complicated. It’s a jellyfish, and it starts above his hip, and the… tentacles (Shi Qingxuan has no idea what they’re actually called?) kind of seem to reach past his hips and she shortly wonders where they spread to, but-

Her face goes red and she quickly slaps her face once, looking back up at her brother.

“I don’t know how you would even cheat,” she says, stuttering just a tiny bit, “but good to know.”

Don’t look at He Xuan, she tells herself, just don’t. Instead, she looks at herself and makes sure her bikini sits correctly. Since Pei Ming is standing next to her. She’s not going to risk anything.

“Can we start? I want to properly swim. I can’t be bothered with this guy,” He Xuan says, and at the look on her brother’s face, Shi Qingxuan can’t help but laugh. He looks so terribly offended by this all. Really, these two hate each other so much, and what for?

“Of course, of course. Get ready. Swim however you’d like. Just be fast.”

Shi Qingxuan doesn’t know why, but somehow she feels like He Xuan is definitely going to win. Something about him… just screams that he’s going to win. Despite looking a lot less muscly. But it’s not like he doesn’t have any muscles at all-
No, she tells herself. She’s not going to think more about He Xuan’s muscles.

Pei Ming looks at his probably very expensive, water-proof watch, waiting for the two of them to get into position. They both look very professional doing it, she can’t lie.

Suddenly, there’s a hand on her back, and she flinches a little, only to see Hua Cheng and Xie Lian walk up behind her. They look very cute together. She needs them to kiss.

…The only issue is that Xie Lian is wearing… dark grey swimming briefs with little white flowers on it? Which looks incredibly… stupid? Not the pattern, no, but the fact that he’s wearing swimming briefs. No one wears those anymore. What decade did he get stuck in?

She blinks a few times, then shakes her head at herself in her own mind.

“Hi,” Xie Lian says, “what are you doing?”

“Making Shi Wudu and He Xuan compete against each other in order to shut Shi Wudu up,” Pei Ming says, that grin still on his face, “as much as I appreciate him as a friend, doesn’t change the fact he’s really full of himself. Say, Hua Cheng, you’re best friends with He Xuan, right? Is he any good?”

He Xuan seems to hear that (Shi Wudu doesn’t), and turns around to glare at Hua Cheng.

“Well, he’s decent.”

He Xuan turns away again, seemingly satisfied enough with the answer.

That stupid jellyfish tattoo. No, really, she’s only interested in how that looks with his pants off for the tattoo’s sake. She’s an artist. Tattoos are art. She wants to see the stupid tattoo. Would it be weird to ask for a photo? After all, she’s an artist. She swears that’s the only reason. But that would probably be weird, right? God, she hates everything.

“Can we please start? I’m bored,” He Xuan says again, and Pei Ming looks at Shi Qingxuan, then at the two of them again.

“Okay, ready, steady, go-“

Shi Qingxuan isn’t sure what to feel about the fact that He Xuan looks so stupidly elegant diving into the water, gliding through it below the surface for a few seconds before coming back up.

Of course Shi Wudu still does look good doing that, and she means that in the non-weirdest way possible, but something about He Xuan looks almost… ethereal? Like he’s right there in his element, exactly as he’s always been meant to be. None of his movements are hectic whatsoever, when they definitely are for Shi Wudu.

And he’s faster, always up ahead by just a little, although the distance between the two does get more soon enough.

Especially when he reaches the end of the pool, angles his legs while turning around and pushes himself back into their direction.

“That’s not decent,” she blurts out towards Hua Cheng, never taking her eyes off him, “that’s… really good. He’s like… really good.”

“Never said he’s bad,” Hua Cheng laughs, “he did participate in a lot of competitions, but only the ones that were hosted by schools. Pretty sure he got very high up there, and only didn’t advance to the semi-finals of the country because his sister got sick and he took care of her instead.”

That… makes sense. Considering how much he cares about his little sister, that adds up. Of course he would prioritize her. He’s… a good soul. That’s partly what annoys her so much about her brother – he doesn’t even try to see the positive things in him. He just goes ahead and judges people.

In a few more seconds, He Xuan is back in front of them, resurfacing with wet hair and gasping for air a little bit. Shi Wudu arrives an entire second later, glaring at He Xuan, then hitting the water with his fist.

“You lost,” Pei Ming says, not a bit of malice in his voice. It’s just a regular statement. He even gives him a tiny smile, which is a little unusual for Pei Ming. He’s not a man of sincere smiles, only of sexy grins and smirks.

“You were amazing!” Xie Lian suddenly chimes in, and Shi Qingxuan looks back to see Hua Cheng nodding at him a little. “Don’t you think so too, Qingxuan?”

That catches her a little off-guard. He’s acting like she wasn’t going to comment on it herself or something, which obviously she was going to.

Except that answering makes it a little awkward now. Especially with Shi Wudu staring at her like she’s going to tell the entire world about the time she walked in on him looking at gay My Little Pony fanart.
(She needs to remind him of this again. She’ll probably never forget that day. He was unable to look her in the eyes for three whole months, and she wished she was joking. And he never watched My Little Pony again with her, either.)

“Obviously he was good!” she says to Xie Lian, then crouches down in front of her brother and roommate to kind of pat Shi Wudu’s head a little. Only to get her hand slapped away. So, she reaches it out for He Xuan, but he stares up at her like she’s also killed his entire family. Before she even gets to pat his head.

Instead, he suddenly reaches his hands out towards her, grabs hers, and the next thing she knows is that she’s flying headfirst into the water.

And she hasn’t even been in there yet.

When the cold water hits her skin, she wants to gasp, but she does realize she’s underwater, so she’s not exactly going to do that. God, it’s cold, she has no clue how He Xuan and her brother can just jump into it like that. Well, she thinks they’re trained for this after all.

When she resurfaces a second later, she shakes her head, immediately bringing her hands up to her arms to cling to them in a futile search for warmth.

“What was that for? I complimented you!” she says, and He Xuan just stares back at her. Eyes kind of cold.

“This was your idea. And now your brother probably hates me even more because he’s a bad loser. If he forces me to move out, it’s your fault.”

“I will,” Shi Wudu says almost instantly, “I will make you move out, I swear to God, Shi Qingxuan deserves better than-“

“Ah, ah, no, nope, no, Shi Wudu, that is not a nice thing to say,” Pei Ming interferes, crouching down in front of the pool now too.

Shi Qingxuan still feels horribly cold. Part of her wants to cling to He Xuan or her brother for warmth, but she feels like either of them would murder her right now.

“Shut up, Pei,” Shi Wudu sighs, “I don’t give a single shit about what’s nice to say or not-“

“Well, you should,” Pei Ming says, the fakest grin on his face that Shi Qingxuan has ever seen. “Because you won’t be liked by people if you keep saying things like that. And I think you should apologize- hey!”

And then, there’s a huge splash, and Pei Ming is together in the pool with them. Shi Wudu also pulled him into it by his hands, clearly not wanting to hear any kind of criticism.

“Unfair!” Pei Ming yelps when he resurfaces, one of his hands still clutching Shi Wudu’s, “just accept when you’re making a mistake, what’s so hard about that?”

He very much has a point, Shi Qingxuan thinks.

“Don’t wanna hear that from you of all people,” Shi Wudu sighs in response, crossing his arms. To look angry, not to protect himself from the cold.

“I barely make mistakes in my life!” Pei Ming tries to defend himself, finally ripping his hand away from Shi Wudu, “and to prove that, I’m going to challenge you to a game of who can hold their breath for the longest time.”

Shi Qingxuan has no idea how that’s related in the least, but she’s just going to leave them be. Especially because, weirdly enough, Shi Wudu appears to be satisfied with that, and swims off together with Pei Ming, leaving her alone with He Xuan, Hua Cheng, and Xie Lian. Quan Yizhen and Yin Yu are in the baby pool – apparently, Quan Yizhen is trying to teach him how to swim. She can see Feng Xin and Mu Qing together with Ling Wen and Yushi Huang, just hanging out in the whirlpool. And hey, Feng Xin and Mu Qing seem to… actually be getting along like this for once.

“So, what do we do now?” she asks, looking at He Xuan once more. Some drops dripping of his eyelashes. The black bonefish tattoo below his ear glittering a little in the October sunlight.
She swallows, trying to ignore how dry her throat feels.

“I brought a beach ball,” Xie Lian says, “we could play with that, maybe? If you’re all okay with that?”

“Absolutely,” she says, “we all agree on that, right, He Xuan?” she asks, raising an eyebrow at him. He blinks, evidently not sure what to make of this. So, Shi Qingxuan leans in a little closer and hisses out a “if they’re on one team they might bump into each other and that’d be very gay and very cute”.

It gets her a click of his tongue, and a confused look exchanged between Xie Lian and Hua Cheng.

“Yeah, I’m totally on board with Gege’s idea,” Hua Cheng agrees, “I’m going to get the beach ball.”

“But you don’t know where-“

“I’ll find it,” he says, waving a little at Xie Lian when he leaves to get the ball, poor Xie Lian staying with the two of them on his own.

“Time to get into the water till your boyfriend is back,” Shi Qingxuan grins, and prompts the exact reaction that she wanted to prompt – a very furious blush.

“He’s not my-“ Xie Lian stutters, looking at Hua Cheng’s back where he’s walking towards their shared bag, “I’m going to drown myself.”

And with that, he does jump in.

Chapter Text

When Hua Cheng comes back from fetching the beach ball, Feng Xin and Mu Qing are also there.

Not that he cares about them. Okay, fine, he kind of does, but only because Xie Lian cares for them, and he does see himself as a little bit of an extension to him, so he by default cares about Xie Lian’s friends, too. It’s also quite funny, really. Considering they keep looking at each other like they’ve never seen each other without a shirt on. The kind of shy glances gay middle school boys might give each other. It’s ridiculous. Especially because Mu Qing looks like the twinkiest twink to ever twink next to whatever Feng Xin has going on.

But what he cares a lot more about, that’s Xie Lian giving him an equally as shy glance from where he is, in the water up to his lips, blowing bubbles.

Hua Cheng might just start crying. He sits down at the edge of the pool, only putting in his legs. The water is a nice temperature, but that doesn’t change the fact it’ll probably feel cold the further he goes into it, so he might as well just get used to it first.

“You’re back!” Shi Qingxuan shouts at him, and walks over to him. Then, suddenly, she puts her hands to the edge and pushes herself up to lean up to Hua Cheng’s ear.

Oh dear.

He’s probably in for a ride.

“I’m not the only one who’s interested in what that jellyfish tattoo is about, right? I mean, like, it’s such a nice style. I so desperately want to see the rest of it. But I can’t ask. Have you ever seen it in full? I mean, you’re both guys. Maybe that’s something you did. I wouldn’t know. Either way, I really want to see it, and I’m devastated because I absolutely can’t ask. Art student struggles.”

…That most certainly was a ride!

Hua Cheng doesn’t even know where to start, so he doesn’t. He decides to only answer her actual questions.

“You’re the only one who’s interested. I haven’t seen it. I haven’t ever seen him completely

“I was not going to,” she squeaks, hiding her face in her hands for a while. He’s getting weird glances from both He Xuan and Mu Qing.

…Who are standing next to each other. Actually talking a little bit about how annoyed they are with having to play ball with others.

“But alright, fine. But u do agree it’s a cool tattoo, right? That’s not weird, right?”

Hua Cheng sighs, throwing the beach ball up a little. He’s not going to address this with her, no. He’s not going to be responsible for any of this stuff going down. He’s responsible enough for Feng Xin and Mu Qing as it is. He doesn’t need to add his two best friends to that. And sure, fine, it’s not weird considering she’s an art student, but she does have to understand that she’s indeed… a little bit obsessed with the guy, right?

“It’s a cool tattoo, yeah,” he says, then pushes her away from himself a little. She’s gotten way too close.

“I want a tattoo too. Can you do that, Ho-“

“No,” he interferes before she can even say that name, “I have never tried. I kind of would like to try, though. I should ask for some equipment on my next birthday from my moms.”

“You would be such a cool tattoo artist, oh my God,” she says, getting closer once more, so he has to shove her away again.

“Hello?” suddenly comes the very annoying (and annoyed, but mostly annoying) voice of Mu Qing’s, looking at them, “do we play now or not? I’m on He Xuan’s team. Feng Xin’s on yours. I’m going to destroy him.”

Of course. Hua Cheng knows he probably doesn’t want to be the one doing the 'destroying' in other... situations, but he’s not going to address that. Xie Lian said that they should just wait a little bit at first, see what happens. He does agree with that. Feng Xin and Mu Qing are as disastrous as anyone can get, so it probably won’t take all too long before they crack, really. They’re way too desperate for each other as it is.

“Sure! Sorry for the wait, I was just talking about my bestie’s future! Need to encourage him to become a super cool tattoo artist and everything. Would also make it easier to get a boyfriend.”

She winks at him.

He’s so going to kill her later.

Shi Qingxuan jumps back into the water, followed by Hua Cheng. He doesn’t mind temperature difference all too much, but his chest does still feel cold. He’s a little bit jealous of Shi Qingxuan who’s wearing a bikini. That’s some more cover. Maybe he should get a bikini before he gets too cold at the pool.

He swims back up to Xie Lian, trying to give him a short smile, but he’s honestly not sure how to handle himself right now. After all, this is Xie Lian. And now matter how he twists and turns the situation in his mind, this is Xie Lian, half-naked, in these stupidly cute flower pattern briefs, and he’s going to kill a man tonight (or a woman, considering he also wants to kill Shi Qingxuan, so that lines up just perfectly for him).

“Alright,” he says, taking the ball up again, “you see that white line on the bottom? That’s gonna be the middle of the field. So it’s three against three, which is a bit… stupid for this game, but we’ll manage. If only we weren’t so many people.”

“Suck it up, Angstlord,” Feng Xin scoffs, “we get it, we get it, we don’t like you much either.”

“Who’s we?” Hua Cheng asks, already a smirk on his face. That makes Xie Lian look up at him, too. Giving him a short grin, too. He loves grinning Xie Lian. He would die for Xie Lian.

There’s going to be a lot of death tonight.

“Obviously me and Mu Qi-“

Feng Xin interrupts himself, a small blush on his face, and Hua Cheng can’t help but snort at that. Shi Qingxuan is smirking too.

Only He Xuan keeps his bored, neutral expression. Except that in the next second, Shi Qingxuan is grabbing his arm, pulling him a little closer to herself. Without asking or anything. Just assuming it’s okay. And while He Xuan looks a little pissed at that, he doesn’t seem to be all too mad about it. At least he’s not pulling it away, nor is he saying anything about it.
That just makes Hua Cheng grin wider.

“I’m so glad I’m not on a team with you,” Mu Qing grumbles, “I can’t stand you.”

“Well, move out then, fucker.”

“And who’s gonna take care of Cuocuo, then?”

“Me!” Shi Qingxuan interrupts their argument, “obviously. What kind of question! Anyways, Mu Qing, don’t move out, He Xuan likes you too much and I don’t wanna have to deal with him being sad.”

“Shut up,” He Xuan does say now, a bit angrily, kicking Shi Qingxuan underwater until she’s chuckling but stepping away a little.

They get along so well. Hua Cheng is almost touched by this. He knows that He Xuan has had very hard time in life, so getting himself a new (girl)friend is very refreshing to see. Especially because he’s not the one subjected to all of his whining anymore. Not that he minded that too much to be honest. Even if he acted like it.

“Alright, alright, let’s start,” Hua Cheng says, and throws the ball up into the air. It’s certainly not to have a distraction from how cute Xie Lian looks or something because he accidentally looked at him again. God, he still doesn’t know what to do about this. Obviously confessing isn’t an option, because that’d make Xie Lian majorly uncomfortable, and he doesn’t want that. Just being around him is enough. Just seeing that cute little smile on his lips when he does something nice for him is enough.

He hits the ball with his hands, trying to get it into Shi Qingxuan’s direction because she’s probably the least sporty of them all. He does know from Xie Lian that Feng Xin and Mu Qing both had top grades in gym class, and he knows the Xie Lian himself and He Xuan also had those. He’s not sure about Shi Qingxuan, but she’s probably not better than them. She’s always been on the clumsier side back when they were kids at least.

However, she does get it very easily by moving forward a little bit, and slapping it right back.

Okay, maybe this is going to be harder than he thought it would be.

This time, the ball goes back to someplace in the middle between him and Xie Lian, and he can’t help but think that might have been very much intentional. And yet, because there’s no way he’s losing against He Xuan, he just wants to make sure that he’s going to be there, in case Xie Lian doesn’t think the same way-

But it quickly turns out that he very much does. The two of them kind of crash into each other, although Hua Cheng does try stopping himself, so it’s only a bump of their shoulders.

And he swears it wasn’t that hard of a push coming from him, but suddenly, Xie Lian kind of… throws himself to the side? Into the water? Disappears for a few seconds?

Hua Cheng forgets about the ball, and earns a very annoyed glare from Feng Xin for it, but he can’t really bring himself to care.

He walks over to Xie Lian, who’s resurfacing now, with about the reddest face Hua Cheng has ever seen on him.

Oh no. did he bump his elbow into his cheek or something without noticing? God, he’d never forgive himself.

“Gege, are you okay? Did I hurt you? If I did, then God I’m so very sorry-“

“No!” Xie Lian squeaks, and Hua Cheng can’t help but think that this is adorable even if he’s horribly worried right now, because come on now. Xie Lian is blushing and squeaking. Hua Cheng is going to die today, truly.

“But then why-“

“You didn’t hurt me! I swear! I swear you didn’t! Okay, just- I think I need the bathroom actually, it’s just, I’ve never been here- Qingxuan, can you point me the way?”

Shi Qingxuan looks at him, blinks a few times, then kind of just points at herself.

“But I’ve never been here either-“

“Please?”

“…I guess I can come with you?” she agrees, although clearly uncertain of why she of all people has been asked. However, in the next second, she simply shrugs, goes back to completely normal, and even gives He Xuan a weird little grin. Then, she walks over to Xie Lian, and announces to everyone else: “We’ll be as fast as possible but you can play without us until then, still works!”

Hua Cheng will be doing that for the sole reason of attempting to destroy He Xuan, but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s a little bit weird how Xie Lian asked specifically Shi Qingxuan to come accompany her to the bathroom. When she hadn’t been there yet either.

Not that toilets are hard to find in these places, there are enough signs everywhere.

…Then again, Xie Lian has indeed told him that he’s gotten lost pretty often at university already, so yeah, maybe that’s for the better. Maybe he was just embarrassed to say he needs the toilet. Yeah, that adds up.

He stares at Xie Lian’s back (and Shi Qingxuan’s, but it’s not like that one matters to him, he’s not He Xuan after all) as the two climb out of the water. In his stupid little flower briefs. He’s adorable, really. He doesn’t even know how adorable he is. Hua Cheng wants to pinch his (face) cheeks so bad. God. He wishes he could just kiss him-

“Hua Cheng,” Feng Xin coughs, looking at him, “if you could stop staring at my best friend’s butt, that’d be much appreciated.”

Hua Cheng turns around to him, putting on the coldest smile he can manage.

“I was looking at his shoulders actually, because there was a scratch on one of them, I’m wondering why you would think I was looking at anything else? Don’t project onto me, Feng Xin.”

“You-“

“One point for us, by the way,” He Xuan says, interrupting that very uncomfortable conversation, pointing at the ball, “let’s continue. I want to win. I have higher chances of winning with Shi Qingxuan not here.”

Mu Qing stares at him a little. “Wow. I’m glad she didn’t have to hear that.”

“Don’t worry,” Hua Cheng sighs, “she’s used to that already. But yeah, let’s continue. I’ll shred you to pieces, He Xuan.”

“We’ll see about that, Hua Cheng.”

Chapter Text

“What the fuck are you doing, Ling Wen?” Pei Ming looks at her. She’s floating in the water, arms and legs outstretched, her hair floating around her like she’s some kind of water ghost. Yushi Huang is behind her, pushing her around a little by the shoulder.

“Relaxing,” she answers, “I’m relaxing. Just like the kids over there.”

Pei Ming does look at the huge, yellow octopus that Quan Yizhen has brought. Yeah. They’re indeed relaxing. Quan Yizhen, He Xuan, and Feng Xin are all holding on to one of the tentacles of the octopus, looking perfectly at ease with the entire world.

“…They sure are relaxing,” he laughs, then crosses his arms. He’s getting a little cold by now in the water, probably should get out of it sometime soon. He looks over at Shi Wudu, who’s teaching Yin Yu how to swim. Except that Yin Yu is now talking to Mu Qing and Shi Qingxuan somehow, and is coming over to them right now.
Ling Wen gives him a short glance. Raises an eyebrow. Raises her other, too.
Pei Ming looks back.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“…Alright, whatever,” Pei Ming sighs, really not sure what she’s on about with that. It still does make him grin a little, even though he barely knows what she means.

“…I still don’t get why you’re friends with Pei,” Yushi Huang says, “he’s not exactly... who I'd like to be friends with.”

Bold now, huh? If it's about him specifically, Yushi Huang surely doesn't mind insulting him, even though she still manages to sound all polite.

“Oh, I agree, but he’s pretty funny,” Ling Wen says, laughing too now.

“Just shut up,” Pei Ming sighs, directed at Yushi Huang, because honestly he is still very much traumatized by the time she led him on for fun and as a revenge for her friend. He will never forget how she kept saying they can meet up, and then cancelled on him literally last second when he was already at the location.

Shi Wudu is swimming over towards them, his hair in a small bun. Pei Ming isn’t sure when the last time was that his hair was truly short. Probably back when they were still kids. He’s pretty sure he grew them out a little together with Shi Qingxuan when he finally accepted her and she got mocked for having longer hair at first. He ended up getting a sidecut at one point, though, once Shi Qingxuan told him that his hair is too thin to be properly long like this and looks ugly. Shi Wudu did not receive that comment all too well.

“Hi, I’m back,” he announces, “Yin Yu now knows the basics of swimming.”

…His tone still sounds incredibly down.

“Are you still hurt because you got beaten by He Xuan?” he chuckles, kind of tempted to reach out and ruffle his hair a little, but he knows Shi Wudu would absolutely hate that. So he just shoots him a grin in the hope that helps a little.

“Shut up! It hurt my pride, okay! I need to train again. Do you still go to the gym?”

“You go to the gym?” Ling Wen asks, still floating around like a dead corpse. Yushi Huang has started spinning her girlfriend around in circles. Pei Ming isn’t too convinced that’s… calming. It looks more like she’s preparing to drown herself at one point.

“I do, actually, thank you for asking. Not that often anymore though. Not with having to write so much. For the thesis.”

Ling Wen shoots him another gaze.

“Bring your laptop to the treadmill.”

“Anyways,” Shi Wudu interrupts them with a glare, “I’m coming with you from now on. Gotta start working out again. And going to the pool more often.”

Pei Ming swallows. It’s a very hard swallow. He’s not going to be thinking about why that is; he tends to avoid thinking about that altogether. So, he just nods. Because he doesn’t have an excuse to say no to it. Not like this.

“Sure! And no, I don’t even use the treadmill. Do I look like a running guy to you? I’m not Feng Xin or Quan Yizhen. I study sexuality studies, not sports. I just stay fit ‘cause it helps me get girls.”

A snort of Shi Wudu’s is his answer, and Yushi Huang looking at him so deeply that Pei Ming feels a shiver run down his spine. He’s truly scared of her, and he’s not scared of a lot of people. Okay, maybe he’s a bit scared of He Xuan. Especially considering that he seemingly got Shi Qingxuan to fall in love with him; seeing that she’s walking over to that yellow octopus together with the three others.

No, as much as he likes joking about finding her attractive or something, that’d be plainly weird (although she is objectively attractive, that’s not the thing). He does see her as some sort of little sister. And he hasn’t seen her this happy in a long time. Except for when she talked to him about the Paulette de Sade novels on her shelf. Which, fair enough. He sure does love them himself, too. But like this, with how she’s trying to tug He Xuan off the octopus, but he’s clinging to it like his life depends on it. As if he was one of the wooden blocks in Jenga clinging to the rest of the tower.

She’s all smiley, all bubbly, laughing the entire time. The entire octopus starts spinning, until Mu Qing and Yin Yu start helping her in trying to tear the others off it. While He Xuan remains completely quiet and stoic – truly a Jenga block of a man – Feng Xin and Quan Yizhen start to scream. Feng Xin sounds more pissed off, whereas Quan Yizhen sounds properly panicked. Like his life is going to end as soon as he lets go off his tentacle. Which, to be fair, Pei Ming can understand. Those seem to be very nice tentacles.
That’s a weird thought to have. Well, not one of the weirdest thoughts he’s had for sure.

“Are you looking at this group of girls?” Shi Wudu asks, and that’s when Pei Ming notices the group of girls behind the yellow octopus spectacle, coming into the main hall of the pool. However-

“No, actually, for once, not,” he’ll look later though, thoroughly, “was watching Shi Qingxuan being so intimate with He Xuan.”

“Don’t phrase it like that!” Shi Wudu screeches, “if that ever happens, the intimate thing I mean, then god, I’m killing this man. I’d like to kill him anyways. I’m so sad it’s not socially acceptable to kill people anymore.”

That makes Ling Wen perk her head up from where she was lying in the water.

“Socially acceptable to kill people? I’m not sure that was ever the case.”

“I’d argue that touching my sister would make it acceptable,” Shi Wudu says, then looks Pei Ming up and down. Which makes Pei Ming question his own sanity for a moment. “Your lips are literally blue. Please get out of the water. I’ll come with you, I’m hungry. And you brought the cookies in your bag. So I need you anyways.”

“What are you?” Ling Wen asks, now properly getting back into an upright position. Yushi Huang is still holding her hips though. (Pei Ming is just a little bit jealous.) “An old married couple? And why’d you bring cookies of all things? It’s humid in here. Aren’t they going to be soggy?”

“It’s an unopened package,” Shi Wudu explains without even batting an eye, “and we literally live together, we’re not going to bring a shit ton of stuff for both of us if we take it home to the same place again.”

Pei Ming looks at the girls again. One of them is particularly beautiful. She’s small, has smooth, black hair, and she’s wearing a rosé coloured bikini. She’s definitely his type. Not that he has a type in women. His type in women is ‘women’. He should ask for her number later. Only after flexing his muscles a little. That’s exactly the reason as to why he goes to the gym, after all.

“Suuuure,” Ling Wen kind of sings, but then goes right back into her water corpse position. Isn’t dead women in water some kind of classic literature and art motif? Maybe he should call Shi Qingxuan over to look at her for a little bit of inspiration.

However, Shi Wudu is already grabbing his lower arm to pull him along with him.

“I’m not gonna argue over old couple behaviour with you, Ling Wen, not when your girlfriend is staring at your boobs,” Shi Wudu says, pointing at her, dragging Pei Ming around like he’s some kind of suitcase (he wished he had cookies inside of him right now instead of still having to eat them, to be honest. Sounds kind of tedious to him right now).

Ling Wen just gives him a laugh, “well, at least we’re engaged and all, you guys are just roommates.”

Pei Ming clenches his teeth a little at that comment.

But before he can think about it, they’ve already reached the stairs – and the girls.

The girl he’s been kind of ogling a little directly looks at him. And at his abs. And back up at him. Yes, yes, the exact reason he goes to the gym. Okay, fine, that’s not quite all there is to it, but it surely is a big reason. She’s blushing a little when she meets his eyes for a second, then immediately looks away.
Well, if he knows anything, then it’s that she’ll melt if he offers her a one night stand. She’ll definitely be down. Tonight is booked.

“Pei, my fucking God, stop acting like you’ve never seen a girl before,” Shi Wudu sighs, dragging him out of the water. The air is actually warmer than the water to him right now, which feels a little weird. He needs to be wrapped up in a towel.

“Listen, she’s pretty, what can I do? I’m a simple man.”

Shi Wudu lets go of him and gives him one of his typical, very judging glares.

“At least you’re acknowledging that you’re simple.”

“Why does it sound like an insult coming from you?”

“Because it is.”

Right when Pei Ming wants to respond, saying that being simple is better than being overly complicated of a person as Shi Wudu most certainly is, as portrayed in Paulette de Sade’s ‘His Divine Abs’. After all, the main character – Dean – was only so charming because he was a simple man. And his only character traits were having abs, having abs, and having abs. Well, it’s the most smut-centered novel of hers, after all. Specifically for all abs-lovers male and female and non-binary. He sure did sleep with people of different genders, too. And he seemed to be very good at doing that, also. Personally, Pei Ming doesn’t quite like Dean. He was too much of a playboy for him, and possibly a hint too kinky. He’s not much into all the stuff that actually happened in the book-

Anyways-

Right when Pei wants to comment on how being simple is better sometimes, he slips. He forgot that wet feet and a wet floor can do that, and he was kind of still ogling that girl, and looking backwards, which maybe he shouldn’t have-

Next thing he knows is that his heart is sinking in that weird way that it does when you slip, or fall in a dream, that kind of thing, and he’s already expecting to be hit with the hard floor on his butt and possibly his elbows or something and break his entire arm because he’s just this unlucky, but no, none of that happens.

Instead, someone grabs him by his arm again, and by his-

By his shorts?

He lets out the most manly yelp (“my balls!”) that he can yelp when he’s being brought back up in the most horrible manner possible. He’d rather have landed on the floor and broken his arm.

“Shut up!” Shi Wudu says, clearly annoyed at that yelp, “pay attention! I don’t want you to die quite yet, okay? At least don’t do it in my vicinity, I don’t want to deal with the PTSD from that!”

His crotch still hurting a lot, which fine, is probably just Karma for falling when staring at a girl, he turns towards Shi Wudu. His saviour is still holding his arm, seemingly realizing it a little too late that he’s still doing that.

He lets go, a tiny bit flustered.

“I’m happy you don’t want me to die at least,” Pei Ming says, “much appreciated.”

“Shut up. I also don’t want you to ruin the fun.”

“Fun? So you admit you did have fun?”

Maybe Shi Wudu having fun makes up for him not giving his number to the girl today for the safety of his own body.

“…Yeah,” he admits quietly indeed, that blush on his cheeks growing a little stronger. “It was. Despite me losing. I’m just a sore loser. And I don’t think he should be touching my sister like that. But hanging out with Yin Yu was fun. And with… Ling Wen too.”

“And with me,” Pei Ming concludes, but that just gives him a kick against his leg.

“Shut up, won’t you? Or else I’ll pull up your swimming shorts, but this time without an actual reason.”

“Okay, okay, I’ll shut up,” he laughs, almost wanting to drag Shi Wudu by his arm, too, but then deciding against it. “Let’s grab those cookies.”

When Shi Wudu nods, an amused smile on his face, Pei Ming thinks that yeah, the day was really fun indeed.

Chapter Text

Xie Lian really isn’t sure why he’s doing what he’s doing, but if he started acting differently, that’d be the real problem. So he decides to bite his tongue, ignore the way Hua Cheng’s thighs and his shoulders are touching his, and pretend this is fine.

It reminds him of this “meme” Shi Qingxuan introduced him too, which was a little dog sitting in front of a table with a cup of coffee, while the room around him was burning, stating that he’s fine. That’s exactly how he’s feeling. Also Xie Lian really needs to learn more about these “memes”.

They’re looking at the small TV across from them, playing “My Neighbour Totoro” which Xie Lian proposed, since he saw it once in his childhood and still remembered it vividly. He’s always been quite fond of Studio Ghibli. And Avatar. He quite likes the Avatar cartoon. There’s a bowl of crisps between them, and their hands have already touched several times while reaching for them at the same time, and needless to say, Xie Lian is dying.

His mind is racing while he’s trying his absolute best to remain calm. He’s not so sure he’s succeeding at all. He really doesn’t know how to handle being in love. And now that he knows he’s in love, that kind of just makes everything a lot worse. He notices exactly how his throat goes dry when their fingers brush against each other’s, his heartbeat suddenly so much more significant than it ever was before. He just hopes Hua Cheng can’t hear.

God, this hasn’t happened to him since Hong – and Hong was more of a little crush, since they were still children and everything back then. But this? No, he just knows this is proper love. And it doesn’t help that his brother did try talking to him about this, because apparently he knew this already. Well, Jun Wu is quite observant, so he’s not all too surprised by that.

Suddenly, Hua Cheng’s phone vibrates. He lazily grabs it, and Xie Lian just kind of looks at his hand. And thinks about how much he’d like to be holding it. God, he’s going to go insane.

That offer of Shi Qingxuan’s sounds more tempting with every passing day. Seeing him half-naked hasn’t helped – and hell, Xie Lian is asexual, but that doesn’t mean he can’t appreciate a good-looking man. Maybe he should ask Shi Qingxuan to ask Hua Cheng about these things a little. It wouldn’t be suspicious after all. She loves love. Hua Cheng wouldn’t dare questioning it.

…Probably.

“Oh I got another picture of E’ming!” he exclaims, and immediately, Xie Lian leans over. It’s more a reflex than anything else, since he loves this dog, and very much wants to meet him some day. He’s so small and fluffy. He needs to pet him so badly. Animals have always quite liked Xie Lian. And he quite likes poodles in general. And E’ming is about the cutest poodle he knows.

“Ah, sorry,” he does say however when he bumps his shoulder harder into Hua Cheng’s, taking a bit of a distance from him again, then casting his gaze downwards to look at the screen. It’s a photo of E’ming lying on his back, tongue out, kind of hugging a small plushie of what looks like a butterfly. Xie Lian isn’t sure he’s ever seen a butterfly plushie before.

“He’s so cute,” he laughs.

“Oh, he’d love you. He’s very cranky with most people, but I’m very sure he’d love you.”

“You live really far away though, don’t you?” he asks, “I mean… not that this matters for me, money-wise, but it’s still…”

“Oh, wait, you’re actually considering visiting me?”

Oh no.

Xie Lian has made a really bad presumption that it’d be okay without asking again. He’s so stupid. God, why would he do that? What drove him to say this? He’s so stupid, he could beat himself into oblivion and back right now. God. He’s genuinely so dumb.

“I-“ he manages to stutter, because God he really owes Hua Cheng an apology, “god, San Lang, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to- if you don’t want me to then obviously I wouldn’t-“

That look of surprise on his face is the cutest thing Xie Lian has ever seen.
The only issue with it is that it resembles the look he had on his face back then, at the café, when he told Xie Lian that there’s indeed someone he likes. And has liked for a long time.

Right. Hua Cheng would never like him back to begin with. Because he already likes someone else. It feels like an information that his brain just decides to conveniently forget at times.

“Gege? Hey, no, no need to look so sad,” Hua Cheng laughs, putting one of his hands on Xie Lian’s shoulder and rubbing it a little, “I’d be happy to have you over. Very happy, even. My moms wouldn’t mind. We have a spare room for guests and everything if you’d rather sleep in your own room. If you want to come over, you just have to say so. Although yeah, you’d better fly, otherwise the journey will take ridiculously long. And it’s usually more expensive too.”

Oh.

So maybe there’s… hope, after all? No, no, he shouldn’t be doing this to himself. Just because him and Hua Cheng get along well doesn’t mean that Hua Cheng likes him like this. Not in any way. Especially because he has someone else.

“So… it’d be okay?” he asks, just to make sure, “I’ve never taken a plane alone though. I bet I could manage though!”

The concerned look on Hua Cheng’s face appears to not be very trustful of what Xie Lian is saying.

“I mean, if you want to, you can just come with me for the winter holidays. Unless you want to go home, obviously. But then you wouldn’t have to fly alone. And flying back you’d manage easier then because then you’ve done it pretty recently… or I just come with you for the rest of the holidays?”

Oh.

Oh.

That weird feeling is back in his stomach, which he now knows are the metaphorical butterflies, and the pure fact that Hua Cheng also wants to visit him at his home… despite only knowing him for such a short time?

So, Hua Cheng has someone he’s in love with – but that doesn’t mean he’s going to stay in love with that person forever, right? Maybe he’ll just have to wait? Maybe he should still ask Shi Qingxuan to hear him out after all?

Maybe there’s some kind of chance for him.

“That… would be very nice, yeah,” he mumbles, the tingles sending sparks up his spine and blood into his face until he feels uncomfortably warm. He really wonders what it’d be like to be his boyfriend. They could sleep in one bed together. Cuddling the entire night. And since both of their beds are standing in the same direction already, they could also just push them together to have some more space if needed. The wardrobes are both placed on the same wall, so they could just put the beds to the left, and the desks both to the right, and even work together, sitting next to each other-

No, no, no. Very quickly, Xie Lian slaps his own cheeks, which earns hm an amused chuckle from Hua Cheng. Which just makes him feel even more hopelessly in love with the guy.
Hua Cheng really doesn’t know how amazing he is, does he? He has not a single clue. And he’s making Xie Lian suffer so, so much because of it.

“Are you okay, Gege?”

“Yes!” Xie Lian yelps like he hasn’t just planned their entire life together in his head, “absolutely! Don’t worry about me! I just thought it was a nice idea, but I didn’t want to immediately get my hopes up and everything! I just- you know, back home you have this person you uh… like, right? So I just… don’t want to destroy it all if you want to hang out with them! Which is totally fine!”

His voice cracks a little at the last sentence he says, realizing once more that it’s absolutely not fine.

Hua Cheng just blinks at him for a few seconds, like some kind of lost baby seal.
What the hell is that comparison? A lost baby seal. God, he’s down bad. He’s utterly infatuated. And yet, can he be blamed? Can Xie Lian really be blamed, with this man being so utterly perfect? He doesn’t think he can be, no. Even his brother encouraged him to confess one day. And that says a lot, because Jun Wu isn’t one to encourage him with too many things, even if he’s really nice to him nowadays. Usually, he’d overworry. But this time, he apparently just thought that Hua Cheng is a perfect man.

“Ah…!” Hua Cheng makes, almost throwing the bowl of crisps off their shared blanket when he rapidly raises his arms, “no, no! They’re- He’s not- he doesn’t live in my town, at least not at anymore-“

Which is when Xie Lian finally realizes who this mysterious beloved person is.
And he kind of just feels his heart shatter.

“…Oh,” he whispers, looking at Hua Cheng, unsure of whether to cry or to laugh.

“…Gege?”

He can barely suppress these tears, but he can at the very least act like it’s because he’s-

“I’m sorry!” he blurts out, “for all the jokes I made! For all the times I said they seem to be in love! Or on the verge of falling in love with each other!”

“…What?”

“I’m genuinely sorry! You should’ve just told me to stop! I’ll never mention it again! I’m so sorry for all the times I’ve hurt you, San Lang!”

“…Gege, I really don't know what you’re talking about-“

“And the time at the pool, if I had known, God, I wouldn’t have left you alone back there, when we were playing beach ball…! I mean, you know, I know I’m not that much of an emotional support, but I figure that being sort of alone with your crush, uh, Feng Xin and Mu Qing aside kind of, could be a bit awkward-“

“Gege I’m serious what are you talking about?”

And this time, Hua Cheng sounds so desperate that Xie Lian actually shuts his mouth. And thinks for a second about what he’s going to say. But the more he replays it in his head, the more hurt he feels, until a first tear is actually rolling down his cheek, which is totally unreasonable, because he should be supporting his friend-

“About the fact that you’re in love with He Xuan and I keep saying that him and Shi Qingxuan look like they’d make a really cute couple and all! I’m sorry for that!”

Once more, Hua Cheng just blinks at him. He looks very concerned for a bit, then there’s a smile building on his face. And it builds into a grin. And said grin seems very shaky, to the point that Xie Lian thinks he’ll also start crying, but instead he bursts out into laughter.

“…What?” Xie Lian stutters, staring at him. And then Hua Cheng does start crying, but it’s clearly tears of laughter.

“What? Gege, why did you think I’d be in love with He Xuan? Of all people, him? Really? No, no, no, I’m not. I guess- I guess the conclusion makes sense, but I promise you I’m not in love with him. Never have been. Never will be. Seriously, Gege, I’m not. So no need to apologize whatsoever. You can stop crying. Please? Nothing to feel bad over. And I’d love for you to come over. Seriously. It’s all totally okay.”

And then something happens that Xie Lian isn’t sure he would’ve expected like this. Hua Cheng takes his hand and holds it, looking him directly in the eyes and squeezing it a bit.

“Please stop crying, okay?”

Xie Lian is trying, but it’s a bit hard to just do that. He’s also trembling a little because his entire body is setting off like a damned firework at this simple touch. He looks at their joint hands and just wished he could keep holding it. And somehow… somehow, he realizes that he could just do that. He can wait for Hua Cheng to be the one to let go.

“So… it’s not He Xuan?”

“No. God, no, I’d never,” Hua Cheng says, the tone of his voice still the one of laughter, “I swear I’d never. I do hope him and Shi Qingxuan manage to hit it off properly, though. They’re clearly good for each other. and if not, then they should still platonically move together.”

“Y-yeah,” Xie Lian says, “but… okay. Well. I’m just crying ‘cause- I thought I had really hurt you or something.”

“No, no, Gege, you’d never hurt me.”

And then, something else unexpected happens. With his free hand, he reaches for Xie Lian’s face, and before he even has the chance to shrink away, he’s already touching his cheek with his finger so gently that Xie Lian thinks he’s going to die right here and right now. He wipes away one of his tears with the back of his index finger, then gives him another little smile.

“Is there anything I can do to make you stop crying?”

“I… don’t know. Maybe we should just continue watching the movie after all. I just got upset over something that wasn’t even the case. I’ll- I’ll calm down again. Maybe the movie would be enough. Is that okay?”

“As long as you’re going to be fine, it’s okay, yes,” Hua Cheng says, gives a short glance at their hands, doesn’t say anything, and just looks away a little.

Oh.

Xie Lian has a very profound realization.

Right when Hua Cheng is trying to ease his grip on his hand, probably trying to let go, Xie Lian clasps it a little harder. After all, it’s just to calm his nerves, right? Nothing else.

Hua Cheng looks back up, but this time, Xie Lian is the one to not requite his gaze. After all, he’s still allowed to be embarrassed about this.

And hell, maybe that’s a bit of a dirty pity play of his, but he’s allowed to be childish once in a while, and if this is the only way he gets to hold his crush’s hand for just the length of one movie, then he’ll take it.

Neither of them let go until the credits roll and Xie Lian announces that he needs to go to the bathroom.

(And text Shi Qingxuan that he really needs help, because there’s no way he will be able to handle this for much longer without breaking down for good. He’s not sure he’ll handle even another day like this. If only he can just get an idea of who Hua Cheng is in love with, maybe that’ll help. Even if it’s just to try and get over him slowly but surely. And he knows that Shi Qingxuan will be glad to help. More than that, probably.)

Chapter Text

When Shi Qingxuan skims the message that has just plopped up on her phone, she loses her mind, and thus begins the chain reaction of doom that’s going to possibly make her question her reality a bit (not that she’s going to be fully ready to admit this to herself yet).

‘I think I want your help for San Lang because I really don’t know how to deal with this anymore. If you could just hear him out a little? He said there’s someone he likes. (I thought it was your roommate but it’s not.)’

Her eyes go wide. She lets out an inhumanely high screech, throws her phone into the air, and realizes that this was perhaps a kind of bad idea?

So, Shi Qingxuan tries to catch her phone back up when it threatens to fall to the floor, but forgets to calculate the fact that He Xuan just had his legs jerk really hard because of her high screech.
(They were watching Twilight, sitting next to each other.)
So, since she’s a bit too slow, she reaches right over He Xuan’s legs, and does manage to catch it in between two fingers. It’s dangling dangerously. However, because of the force behind her trying to catch it, she doesn’t manage to regain her balance; the phone does fall to the floor now, although from a much lower height, and so does Shi Qingxuan.

Right into his lap with her cheek.

The entire room goes quiet apart from Jacob telling Bella that her being suicidal isn’t a good thing (surprisingly).

She blinks once, and realizes that on top of that, she has also managed to grab both of his arm really awkwardly in an instinctive search for hold. Very slowly, and also more out of reflex than anything else, Shi Qingxuan turns her head towards his face.

He’s looking down at her with an expression somewhere between flustered and annoyed, golden eyes flicking over her as she’s literally sliding off the bed a bit with her butt because of how unfortunately she landed.

His eyes are… really beautiful? Of course she knew that before, okay, okay, this isn’t news. But… they’re really beautiful. She would love to draw them. His jawline looks even sharper from down there, too. His earrings are glittering a bit in the golden October light being cast through the window. There’s some loose strands of hair, having fallen out of his ponytail, framing his face. For just a second, her gaze glides to his lips, and for a bit, she thinks that she kind of wants to pull herself back up by his arm, and kiss him while doing that-

Her entire mind goes blank at that thought and she scrambles back to her feet immediately. Except she’s too shocked by her own stupid brain, so she ends up landing on the floor straight up, banging her head on the bed a little bit.

So, for a few seconds, she decides to just keep lying there. On the floor. Think about what she’s just thought.

Hell, there’s no way she just wanted to kiss He Xuan, right? There’s no way she just thought that. And okay, okay, alright. She may be a bit hormonal from her second puberty still, but she’s not going to think that’s the only explanation for that.

In all fairness, she does sometimes want to kiss people. He Xuan isn’t an exception here. If she got the chance, she’d probably kiss Yushi Huang. Except something about this feels weirdly different. It’s probably the fact that He Xuan is her roommate. And kissing him would definitely make things awkward.

There’s no way she could ever do that, no. obviously. And yet… the image of his face is still in her mind. Of his lips. And she really can’t wonder but… what it’d be like? To kiss him? Because his lips do look really soft? And okay, okay, she’s kissed before. So it’s not all too weird to be thinking about this. She hopes. The people she’s kissed probably shouldn’t even count, because it was just random guys and girls at high school parties. Well, of course they count, but she’s never kissed someone she actually likes. And well, she does like Xuan. Not like that though. But surely it'd feel better to kiss a friend than someone she’s just trying to practice with (she did make it clear that’s exactly what she wanted to do beforehand every single time)?

But no.
No, nope, no. She can’t even ask him about this. They’re roommates. Nothing more, nothing less. Hell, she doesn’t want it to be more. She only wants to kiss him. It’s not like there’s more to this. Wanting to kiss someone isn’t a crime after all. It’s perfectly legal. It’s perfectly normal. Just because you want to kiss someone, that doesn’t mean you’re in love with the person.

And she’s not.

Because hell, if she was she’d be incredibly screwed over. To hell and back. Sleeping in one bed with her crush would be horrifying. Not even just sleeping in one bed with her crush, no, but the entirety of spending half the day with him. Them. Her. Whoever. She doesn’t have a crush on He Xuan, after all. She would probably die, especially considering they do sometimes end up accidentally touching each other during their sleep. How would she survive these instances? She’d probably try to sneakily hold his hand or something and get told off by him on a daily. Or a nightly, in that case. Shi Qingxuan has never been happier about the fact that she’s not in love with her roommate, thank you very much.

And yet, she flinches a little bit when He Xuan reaches past her to pick up her phone, all lonely and lost on the floor, and puts it back onto the bed, then stares down at her. Not saying anything.

“Sorry!” she yelps, this time properly scrambling back up to her feet without landing herself in any other place. “Sorry! God, this is so embarrassing! I’m so sorry! I’m genuinely so sorry, Xuan! I didn’t mean to- fall like that! God, this is one of these things that can really only happen to me, I’m so sorry! This is awful, god, I’m so sorry!”

She can’t lie to herself about this though – part of her apologies are definitely apologies for the fact that she really wanted to kiss him just now. Obviously she didn’t. Hell, she couldn’t have. And she can’t ever. And she isn’t ever going to, either.
For obvious reasons that have already been thought about at length.

He doesn’t answer, just blinks up at her from where he’s sitting.

“I’m sorry, okay? Can you say anything? I don’t know?”

“…You’re so stupid.”

“Okay, right, I know! I know, thanks!” she says, trying to make herself sound angry, but not really managing.

Okay. She will go on as if everything about this situation was completely normal. That’s the only way to deal with this, clearly. She can still overthink this tonight. Because right now-

“Right!” she shouts right as she sits back down next to him, although with a bit of distance this time, “the message! The message, Xuan! Read it! Read it, we need a plan! I’m not going to even ask Hua Cheng! I’m just going to get them together, obviously, right? You’ll help, right?”

Lazily, and completely unbothered with everything that has just happened (meaning he most probably did not think about kissing her. Which is good), he picks up her phone and reads the message.

“I’m not going to help you.”

Okay, things are getting back to normal. He’s being mean to her. That’s how things should be. And if things are how they should be, then she doesn’t want to kiss him anymore. Right?

“What? Why?”

“I already told you. Hua Cheng is going to be more than just insufferable about all of this if this really happens.”

“Okay, okay, I see your point, but Xuan, come on now! You want them to be happy, don’t you?”

“Not really, no.”

She lets out a laugh, slightly punching his shoulder again.

“Okay, okay, so how could we get them to confess without directly telling them about each others’ feelings?”

“Show Xie Lian the ‘Xie Lian art’ folder on Hua Cheng’s phone or laptop.”

“His what now?”

He Xuan turns to her, looking her in the eyes. She does feel really honoured that he’s comfortable enough with her to hold eye contact for a little.
(However, he wouldn’t be comfortable enough to kiss her. Okay. Stop thinking about that, Shi Qingxuan.)

“He never told you or showed you? It’s the pieces he’s most proud of. He’s redrawn like, every single one of Xie Lian’s Instagram posts. I mean, obviously I insulted the drawings, but they’re really good. There’s a drawing of all of you as kids in there. It’s a realistic one, too. You’re… yeah, thinking about it, you, for one, are very recognizable in it.”

Shi Qingxuan stares at him for a few seconds.

“…Is it that one photo we took in summer when I got ice ream all over myself?”

“Yeah.”

“…Shut up.”

It still weirds her out a little bit that He Xuan knew her long before this, essentially. Even if it was just from some photos and everything that Hua Cheng might be keeping in his room. Or the ones he drew. Not weirding out in the plainly negative way, no. It’s just one of these ‘how small the world is’ thoughts. The fact that someone you might end up roommates with in the future has seen you as a kid, with ice cream all over your shirt, some stuck in your hair.
And yet, she can’t help but think that it’s… a little bit romantic?

Yeah, okay, she’s gone for good today. Although she’s now pretty sure this is just the fault of her watching Twilight with him. After all, Twilight is pretty romantic.
…Okay, it’s pretty bad. In hindsight, so many things about it are bad.
Okay, alright, Twilight isn’t the topic at hand – the topic at hand is getting her best friends together because they’re infatuated with each other so obviously that’s more important than whatever Bella, Jacob, and Edward have going on.

“Okay, okay, so the ice cream incident aside,” she sighs, “that… folder is a thing? So if we come up with a plan to discreetly show it to Xie Lian, he’d probably see this photo and realize both that Hua Cheng is in love with him, and that he’s Hong, right?”

“If he’s not as dumb as you.”

She punches He Xuan again.

“Stop being so mean to me! I’m going to make you have an ice cream incident.”

“Gladly.”

Right. She should have known that threatening him with food wasn’t going to work in any scenario whatsoever.

“So, we just figure out how to make Xie Lian see it, and then the job is essentially done? I want a proper answer, Xuan. Please?”

“I mean. That was a proper answer. Probably, yeah. Although I wouldn’t know how.”

She reaches for her laptop, clicking on the small stop icon to make Bella stop talking about her Edward-induced depressive episodes.

“Alright. Goodbye Twilight. We have a plan to make.”

And even if he’s rolling his eyes, she does notice the small glint inside of them, as if he’s very much on board with the idea of helping her out with this.

“I don’t want to,” he says regardless, so, the only way to get him to truly cooperate is-

“If you help me, I’ll order us ice cream after dinner.”

“…I want to.”

Chapter Text

Right when Shi Qingxuan is washing her hands in the bathroom, she hears a very, very loud ‘you’re so stupidly annoying Mu Qing’ from the other flat. She can’t help but laugh quietly to herself, especially when she hears the retort of ‘and it took you ten reminders to clean the bathroom!’.

Shi Qingxuan decides that, for the sake of free entertainment, she should stay in the bathroom. So, she dries her hands with the towel, and pretends that she didn’t just flee to the bathroom in first place to gaslight herself into thinking that her thinking about kissing He Xuan yesterday never happened. Sadly it’s not working too well. Either way, that kind of thought at least hasn’t occurred again.
(It has. She’s just successfully gaslit herself into thinking it hasn’t.)

“I have ADHD and I had a lot to do that week! You’re the one with long hair! The rest of the bathroom was clean except for all the dumb hair in it! Which is yours! So if you’re so fucking bothered with it, clean the shitty bathroom yourself!”

“Dad! I want a toast!”

“In a second, Cuocuo! I have to discuss things with Mu Qing right now!”

“Okay Dad!”

Oh this is so very entertaining.

“Well, it’s not my job! I already clean the kitchen! And I clean that up after you, so you should be able to clean up after me, too!”

“Well I’m not too bothered when there’s some broccoli stuck in the sink, you know? There’s worse than that, but no, dearest Mu Qing has to act like some broccoli and some hair is the literal end of the world. You’re a maths student, that’s so much worse!”

It’s getting better with every single argument, too. These two are a mess. Shi Qingxuan is suddenly very happy that these are her neighbours. To make sure she hears them arguing very clearly, she steps into the shower (which is closest to the wall), and presses her ear against the wall a little. It’s not like they’d know that she’s there, after all.

“Well, someone’s gotta do the weather forecast one day!”

“That’s your dreamjob? Of all things?”

“Well, no, but it’s a thing I’d be very useful for! Besides, you’re going to be a kindergarten teacher, how do you think you’d know whether it’s going to rain tomorrow and you can go walking with the kids or not!”

“Weather forecasts are made by enough fucking people already! And that doesn’t resolve the fact that you’re a horrible hypocrite, Mu Qing!”

“Stop using my name, what’s wrong with you?”

“It’s your name, how else am I meant to call you? Princess? Darling?”

“Absolutely not…!”

“Did you just blush?”

Shi Qingxuan hides her mouth behind her hand, letting out the quietest snort she can possibly manage. This is so stupid. Surely they would realize that they’re in love with each other, right? Okay, considering this is Mu Qing and Feng Xin, probably not.

“N-no…! I didn’t!”

“You blushed. Oh my God, Mu Qing, why did you fucking blush at me calling you 'darling'?”

There’s panic in Feng Xin’s voice. It’s very clearly panic. Oh, this is getting incredibly interesting. Maybe… maybe she’s really chosen the best time to pee on this fine, fine day. Maybe she gets to witness them actually confessing. She would die for that.

“I didn’t…!”, Mu Qing tries to argue, but Shi Qingxuan already knows that Feng Xin isn’t going to have any of that.

“You did! You still are! Mu Qing, I-“

“What? Leave me alone! I’m leaving, okay? You piss me off. I should’ve long moved out…!”

This is dramatic. This is better than any Paulette de Sade novel could ever be. Partly because this is real life, probably. She should message Paulette and tell her that she’s got a new great couple idea. Not that Paulette would need help with that, obviously.
If Paulette ever, in some kind of far-off time, allows a few people to meet her, Shi Qingxuan will be paying any money that she has to in order to be part of that.

“What? You want to move out? Now of all times?” Feng Xin quiets down his voice a little, probably not wanting Cuocuo to hear this argument. When he responds, Mu Qing’s voice is also not nearly as loud, but still audible through the thin walls.

“Well, why shouldn’t I? I can’t stand you! I never could! I hate you!”

“Now shut the fuck up,” Feng Xin grumbles, “just shut up for a second. I know you don’t like me, but hate? Isn’t that a bit far? I know we moved in together for money reasons, but-“

“But?” Mu Qing practically spits, clear disdain in his voice.

“But I actually- god, kill me. I actually quite like living together with you!”

“Well, so do I, and that’s exactly why I’m going to move out!”

“How does that even make sense? So you don’t hate me? Why would you want to move out then?”

Shi Qingxuan does think that this is very much leading up to a confession. Especially with how harsh either of their words are.

A short knock on the door.

“I need to wash my hands, I got iced tea on them, open up. Or hurry up.”

Shi Qingxuan does open up, but immediately signals He Xuan to stay quiet with a finger on her lips, tearing him into the room with her.

“Because- because me not hating you is the exact problem, Feng Xin, you… you- you- you dumbass!”

Is that really the hardest insult Mu Qing was able to come up with? “Dumbass”? Really? He Xuan moves towards the sink, but Shi Qingxuan grabs his arm, possibly a bit roughly.

“Ssh,” she makes, “it’s getting really interesting.”

“What?”

“I think Feng Xin and Mu Qing are about to confess.”

She receives a roll of his eyes, and he turns up the water, although not strongly. It’s quiet enough so that she can still hear their conversation.

“You… don’t hate me?”

“No! I obviously don’t! I wished I did!”

If Shi Qingxuan could see through walls, she’s very sure that she’d see Feng Xin’s entire face lighting up right now.
Except she doesn’t expect what Feng Xin is going to say next. Not at all. If anything, she thought they might be continuing this bickering for ages until one of them loses it and confesses, but no. No, that’s not what Feng Xin has on his mind, clearly.

“So your dream job is being my housewife, darling?”

He Xuan’s head turns to her so fast that Shi Qingxuan has to suppress another laugh. Then, he stares right past her at the wall. God. God, this is the best thing that’s happened ever since Xie Lian realizing that he’s in love with Hua Cheng.

Funnily enough, there’s no answer. Not at all. Doesn’t mean there’s no sound.

Shi Qingxuan first feels the walls shake a tiny bit, then she hears the thump against it when presumably Feng Xin is being pushed into the wall. For a bit, she expects there to be more screams, for Feng Xin to ask him why he did that, but there’s nothing.

Nothing at all.

Which is when the realization settles in.

Mu Qing must have kissed him.

Her entire face lights up, and she shoots He Xuan a knowing glance, who just continues staring at the wall like everyone in this building is going absolutely insane.
She can’t blame him. He’s kind of right about that.

It’s silent for a bit longer. She counts the seconds, easily reaches twenty, then stops.

Then-

“And what if that was my dream job?”

“Wait, you’re being for real? You didn’t kiss me just for, you know, revenge, because you figured out that I’m in love with you and wanted to hurt me?”

“What the heck, Feng Xin! How dense do you have to be? Do you really think I would be kissing you if Xie Lian and that damned Hua Cheng hadn’t made me realize that I’m in love with you? Are you aware of how much I hated myself? And-”

Yeah, Shi Qingxuan has heard about that… entire ordeal.

“And wait, did you just say that you’re in love with me?”

Then it goes quiet again, except for some other thumping sounds of some furniture, sometimes the wall. They must be sort of fighting. Kind of. Kiss-fighting. Whatever.

“They… literally confessed,” she says, blinking a little, as He Xuan finally manages to get all the soap of his hands with that meager stream of water.

“You’re gonna go over there and congratulate them or something?” comes the very sarcastic reply that makes her gently kick his leg.

“No! They’re probably going to have some fun-“

The doorbell rings, a shrill sound in her ears after she’s been straining her ears so hard to catch every single bit of sound.

“I’m going,” she says hastily, racing out of the bathroom and towards the entrance door. When she opens the door, there’s Feng Xin, Cuocuo on his hand, who’s chewing on a piece of toast with salami on it. Jesus, how fast did Feng Xin make this toast for him? Or did he do it himself in the end?
She looks at them a little bit confusedly, especially at Feng Xin. His entire face is red, lips a little swollen, hair a bit tousled, and one of the buttons of his shirt is popped.
Uh oh.

“Can you take Cuocuo for a walk for a bit? I’m sorry to bother you. All of you. Can you please just leave for an hour? I have to talk to Mu Qing.”

“…Talk,” Shi Qingxuan laughs, then decides to just go for it, “sure, we’ll take Cuocuo out for some post-toast iced cream. I’m sure He Xuan will be in on that, too. Don’t worry, you get to talk to Mu Qing right away! But an hour? Are you sure this will take an hour? Poor Mu Qing.”

Feng Xin’s entire face goes even redder, and he lets go of Cuocuo’s hand, the boy obediently walking over to her and taking hers, beaming. Still toast in his hand. He loves her, that much is for sure. Well, Shi Qingxuan also loves him, so that’s perfectly alright.

“That- well- I mean an hour might be a bit long for a talk, but-“

“It’s fine. Give us five minutes to leave,” Shi Qingxuan laughs, not wanting to torment him any more than she already has by very much implying that she knows exactly what’s about to go down in the flat next to theirs, looking at Cuocuo, “you want ice cream, don’t you?”

Cuocuo immediately nods, pushing the last of the salami toast into his mouth like he’s some kind of feral creature.
…He might as well be with how often he bites someone, honestly.

“I do!” he says throughout his mouth full of toast, and she knows that Feng Xin would usually try to gently scold him for doing that, but this time, he clearly doesn’t have the energy or patience to do so.

“Okay. Okay. Thank you. I’ll repay you for that one day. If u ever need us gone from the flat let us know-“

“No, no,” she says, “no, no it’s really not like that, you know-“

“Whatever,” Feng Xin hastily says, not even giving her the time to defend herself by implying that she’s very much not in a relationship with He Xuan and thus won’t need this offer, “have a good time with them, Cuocuo! I’m sorry, but I have something really important to talk to Mu Qing about, you know, the entire bathroom argument? Yeah, we’re gonna resolve that, and we’re going to be less screamy afterwards, okay? So please go have fun with those two! I love you lots, Cuocuo!”

He does quickly take Cuocuo up into his arms to give the giggling boy a forehead kiss, then hands him to Shi Qingxuan, who takes him from Feng Xin very gladly.
She would die for Cuocuo.

“Thanks,” he gasps again, already turning around to go back to Mu Qing, “I’m forever indebted to you.”

And then, Feng Xin runs back to his own door and disappears inside.

“What’s going on?” He Xuan asks, clearly confused.

“Protecting our ears by leaving for a walk and some ice cream,” Shi Qingxuan says, “that’s what’s going on.”

Chapter Text

“You got the rope?”

“Yeah.”

“And you’re very sure you know Hua Cheng’s password?”

“Give it one good think.”

“It’s ‘Xie Lian’ isn’t it?”

“Yeah.”
“Okay. Okay good. And you’re very sure you can pick locks?”

“Yeah.”

“…Why can you do that anyways?”

“I was very bored as a child.”

Shi Qingxuan takes a deep breath, and then can’t help but laugh a little bit.

“What kind of kid picks locks to pass time? What made you do that, Xuan? Like, seriously? That of all things?”

His answer is giving her a short, careless shrug. “Saw a TV series were someone picked a lock and thought I’d teach myself. Don’t worry I’ll get in there easily. It’s a window. It’s going to be very easy. The fact these are old windows with locks is bad enough.”

That’s true. Really, this is a relatively rich university, and their accommodations look like this? Windows with locks should be illegal. Obviously that’s going to make breaking in quietly and unnoticedly so much easier.

“Alright, okay. I… I suppose that’s a reason,” she sighs, still unable to believe that this is the plan they came up with. Well, these are their best friends. Neither Hua Cheng nor Xie Lian is going to the police and hate on them for getting them into a relationship, that should be certain. And yet, she can’t shake the feeling that she’s doing something she shouldn’t be doing. Except she very much should be doing this, because clearly these two won’t manage on their own.

“I’m getting cake after this, right?”

“Obviously. I also need cake after this, so you know. Okay. Xie Lian is coming home in roughly ten minutes. Think we should get started?”

“I’ll easily be able to keep Hua Cheng away for ten minutes, don’t worry.”

Breathing out in relief, Shi Qingxuan nods. She checks the bus schedule once more – the philosophy building is a bit farther away. “He should have made this bus,” she says seeing that it’s already at the stop past the philosophy building now. He Xuan nods, rolls his eyes, and takes out his own phone.

He scrolls through his contacts a little, then calls the number.

Shi Qingxuan meanwhile opens the camera app rom where she’s buried in the bushes, directs it at the window, and zooms in. Cheap binoculars. Hua Cheng heaves himself off the bed and picks up his phone on the windowsill, just to roll his eyes. A second later, his voice is right next to her, coming from He Xuan’s phone.

“What’s the matter, He Xuan?”

“…I have a problem and I can’t reach Shi Qingxuan.”

“Isn’t she at home at this time?”

“Usually,” He Xuan says, “but she went to her shitty brother’s. Don’t know why.”

“Sounds about right,” Hua Cheng grunts, and Shi Qingxuan doesn’t know whether to stand up for her brother or not. Well, if she does, then later.

“What’s your problem, and what’s in it for me?”

“I’m at the store and forgot my wallet. You live closest. I can’t really leave my things here.”

“…How stupid are you, He Xuan? Seriously? How does that even happen?”

“Shut up. It happened now. You either come here and pay for me, or watch my stuff and I go fetch my wallet. I’ll write your next essay for you.”

That’s what he’s going to bribe him with? Writing his essay for him? Seriously? God, this is all ridiculous. Shi Qingxuan has no idea how these two became friends in first place and how the hell they even stayed friends. But well, they are, and that sure is coming in handy right now.

“Okay, fine, deal,” Hua Cheng grunts at the other end of the line, and Shi Qingxuan shows He Xuan a thumbs up to signalize that he’s doing a very good job right now. “Which aisle are you? I’m on my way.”

And, without missing a heartbeat, He Xuan says-

“I’m at soup.”

Shi Qingxuan immediately plasters her hand over her mouth so that she doesn’t burst out into laughter a the sudden mention of the damned ‘why are you buying clothes at the soup store’ meme. God, she has to hold on to her everything right here.

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

“Well, I’m serious. I’m at the soup aisle. It’s the last aisle after all. I’m going to wait here. Are you coming or not? If not, then I guess that essay will have to be written by you, Hua Cheng-“

“I’m coming, I’m coming!”

The fact Hua Cheng sounds almost stressed at the idea of having to write his own essay really is a sight to behold. Or, well, a hearing to behold? She’s not so sure how that should be phrased.

“Good. Hurry up.”

“I will, geez. Just stay there, kid.”

With another roll of his eyes, and showing the middle finger at his phone, He Xuan hangs up without another warning.

“Now we wait until he’s left,” he says, and Shi Qingxuan nods at him, throwing him a smile. He looks like he very much does not care about what he’s doing right here. And again, he’s literally just made for theater club. Maybe he should consider joining. She should raise that idea to him some day. She’s pretty bad at lying herself, so the fact that she soon doesn’t have to call Hua Cheng that in front of Xie Lian anymore is already very good. Because she wouldn’t want to mess that up.

“You did a great job,” she says, and somehow, He Xuan’s head perks up at that a little, almost as if he wants to ask ‘really’, but he stays quiet. Lowers it again. She supposes that he does also like being praised. After all, everyone likes that.

Considering they’re right below their apartment, they do hear the front door clicking shut, a key turning in it. He won’t pass by here on the way to the store, so it’s safe to stay. Still, they wait another minute in silence, before He Xuan automatically grabs the rope.

They both walk up to the tree in front of the window. One of the branches is just high enough for He Xuan to wrap the rope around and make a tight knot in it. It seems pretty sturdy, too. Either way, it should hold him.

“Okay, are you ready?” she asks, and he doesn’t even nod. He just starts climbing the tree without any other comment, hands on the rope. Very practiced. How often has he broken into houses exactly?

(Shi Qingxuan hopes he hasn’t ever, but she does know that he has some kind of criminal history, so maybe that’s where that comes from.)

Soon enough, he’s already swinging himself onto that branch, standing on it the next second. He does put some more weight on it to test first, but it seems to be doing well.

“Okay, come here,” he says, and she nods, walking straight over to him, taking the sturdy plastic box with her. That had been her own idea, too, because well, she didn’t want He Xuan to stand on her hands for even a second. That’d be way too heavy. So, she holds it up above her head, both her head and her hands supporting it and grabbing it as tightly as she can.
He steps into it very carefully, actually, and only with one foot, too. Then he leans forward, some weight still put into the foot that’s on the tree, reaching for the windowsill with one hand.
Once he has that in his grasp, the weight gets a little too much for a bit, but then he’s already on the wall, both feet pressed against it, grabbing the windowsill with both hands, then throwing one of them up to the handle of the window for better hold.
He’s standing on the windowsill the next second.

…God, he really is sporty. Shi Qingxuan could not have done that, that much is for sure.

“You okay?” she asks, only receiving a nod before He Xuan is reaching into his pocket. He pulls out a small piece of wire, awkwardly fumbles around with it for a little bit, and the window opens without any other complaints.

Just like that, He Xuan has successfully broken into Hua Cheng’s flat.

She hears his steps on the floor, then the sound of a laptop booting up, then decides to check the bus app.

“You have another few minutes to find the folder. Are you managing?”

“Yeah, I’m almost in,” he responds, and sure enough, two minutes later, his face appears in the window again. “I scrolled down to the beginning of the Xie Lian folder,” he announces then, “it has that picture of you three with your ice cream. That’s what you wanted, right?”

“Yeah, thanks! That’s perfect. Now get back out of there before Xie Lian comes back home.”

He nods, climbing back onto the windowsill, leaving the window open. Closing it seems too hard, apparently, so he’s seemingly given up on that already. Not that it matters. Xie Lian is going to assume Hua Cheng left it open, so it’s not that big of a deal.

Then, he sits down on it, holds himself right there with his hands for a second, and starts letting himself sink into the air until his shirt is riding up to reveal his hip bones and-

Okay, okay, Shi Qingxuan looks away, and then hears the sound of him softly landing in the grass next to her.

“Can we go get the cake now? If we stay here, you’re going to end up making too much noise and we’ll be noticed.”

Sadly, he’s got a good point. The bus should arrive in two minutes. Okay. This worked very well. She’s sure she’s going to be hearing from Xie Lian about this either way. In the hope that Hua Cheng doesn’t notice He Xuan isn’t at the store all too early. It is still a good seven minutes walk from their flat to the store, so he should only be arriving there now. He’s bound to call He Xuan once he notices he’s not there, so they’ll know when he’s going to leave, too.

By which time Xie Lian will hopefully already have seen the folder of all those pictures of him.

…It’s a bit creepy now that she’s thinking about it, really.

“Yeah!” she answers, kind of holding her hand out for him to take for a moment before realizing her mistake. Why the hell did she do that in first place? She takes it back. “Uh… sorry. Habit. Because of Cuocuo, I think.”

He Xuan stares her down for a little longer, then lets out a short snort.

“You’re too attached to the kid. You’re not going to have him around forever.”

“I’m gonna kidnap him,” she laughs, stuffing the plastic box back into the large back they brought, “I won’t teach him as many swear words as Feng Xin, either.”

“Alright. Alright, let’s leave,” she says, pointing at his phone. He nods, setting it on loud. He usually always has it muted. But today, they need to know when Hua Cheng calls.

“Can we go to the aquarium café again?”

“So you admit you chose that because of the aquarium?” she giggles, looking at the way his cheeks turn the slightest bit pink.

“…Shut up, Qingxuan.”

Chapter Text

Xie Lian already knows that Hua Cheng isn’t going to be there when he comes home. He got a short call from him, saying that he has to pay for He Xuan’s groceries, since he forgot his wallet. That seems very uncharacteristic for the usually so diligent He Xuan, but Xie Lian didn’t make too much of it at first.

That is about to change.

He puts his tote bag down once he has closed the door behind him as quietly as possible to not disturb the other few people living in this house, then stretches. His back hurts from carrying home all these books that his professor gave him.

He decides to make himself some tea before doing anything else, so he takes care of exactly that, grabbing a teabag, some honey, and some lemon juice. He waits for the water to boil and pours it into the cup that Hua Cheng’s mothers sent to him the other day – a face of E’ming on it. Xie Lian has been permitted free use of the E’ming cup, which he couldn’t be happier about, really.

So with the tea in one hand, and the bag in the other, he strolls over to their room and sets the bag down onto his bed while he gently places the cup onto his nightstand.

…Very gently, and very carefully, because knowing his luck, he might as well have just broken it.

However, something makes him blink.

Namely, the laptop right next to him, glowing brightly, screen showing some kind of folder.

Huh? Normally, Hua Cheng is kind of secretive with his laptop, so why would he leave it there? Did he mean for Xie Lian to look at it? Maybe he didn’t at all though, and just left it open in a rush. But… something about this folder, about the pictures inside of it looks…
Familiar?

So, feeling just a tiny bit guilty about it, Xie Lian does take a second glance.

And surely enough, this isn’t just any random folder he left open. The title of it-

His phone rings right as his eyes skim the title, over and over again, as if to make sure he’s reading this correctly and not suffering a random onslaught of whatever illness could cause the sudden loss of the ability to read.

His fingertips already trembling mildly, he picks up.

“Gege? He Xuan admitted he pranked me. He’s not here. Well, anything you want me to pick up from the store, now that I’m here anyways?”

Xie Lian’s mind is blank, blanker than ever, as he taps on the first picture he lays his eyes upon, something that he will forever remember, the first picture his brother took of him together with his mother after his top surgery, a picture he has hanging next to his bed. Except it’s in black and white, a pencil drawing, a perfect replica of the original one.

“Gege? Are you okay?”

He doesn’t know what to say. Hua Cheng has known him before; the number of ‘421’ pictures saved in this folder very much implies that these are drawings that have accumulated over the years, and-

Shit.

He can’t possibly let Hua Cheng know that he’s stumbled upon this folder, right? Not over the phone, no.
No, no, no.

So, forcing himself to say something, literally anything-

“…A stapler.”

“…A stapler?”

Only now that Hua Cheng is echoing that word to him does Xie Lian realize how stupid he sounds, except-

“We don’t have one,” he coughs, “I’ll pay for it. Sorry, I- I need free hands, I have tea to make, but- please do come home soon?”

“I will, don’t worry,” Hua Cheng laughs, “don’t burn yourself, okay?”

That gentle tone in his voice makes Xie Lian’s heart flutter as he clicks on the next picture.

It’s him sitting in his armchair, this time in watercolors, reading a book; a photo his mother had taken because she found it captured him perfectly, and Xie Lian had agreed and later posted it onto his Instagram. Not that he has many followers, no, two-hundred at most he thinks. Most of them by now are people from his courses, or people from high school. Obviously Hua Cheng, Shi Qingxuan, and He Xuan. Not that the latter uses Instagram a lot. Shi Qingxuan once told him that she’s seen tumblr on He Xuan’s phone screen. Xie Lian wasn’t particularly surprised.

And yes, of course Hua Cheng follows him on Instagram, but this picture is ages old-

“I’ll hang up then? I’ve gotten the stapler by now. I’m on my way to the checkout. And don’t worry, I’ll pay for it.”

“Y-yeah,” Xie Lian stutters, and after a short ‘bye!’, Hua Cheng does actually hang up.

Leaving Xie Lian to continue clicking the cursor, leading to the next pictures. They are going back in date of drawing, but they’re not always completely congruent with the timeline of his Instagram account. He even opens that to make sure. Even if he has no idea how that would help him to begin with. None of these are on Hua Cheng’s account, either, and he does post drawings.

That picture of him with his brother wearing sunglasses at the beach on a family vacation, a picture of just his hair, wearing an old Chinese-style bamboo hat, since his mother found that it suits him so well. That picture he one day found and posted to Instagram, a photograph of when he was a child and had gotten his first short haircut. He did grow it out again, deciding that he does indeed like long hair better after all. Or well, semi-long hair. He does also wear it in a bun most of the time. It’s gotten a bit too thin to openly wear around on the outside, considering the wind would mess it up beyond repair. Probably the only thing about HRT that nags him sometimes. An ink drawing of him age sixteen, the burnt school (thank you Qi Rong) behind him in shambles.

A very stylized, cartoony illustration of him at a cat café with Mu Qing and Feng Xin.

And then, when he clicks again, there’s a picture that’s on his nightstand, that he knows now is on Shi Qingxuan’s also, a picture that he hasn’t ever posted on Instagram for the sole sake that it’s way too dear to him to put online-

It’s the three of them. Him, Shi Qingxuan, and Hong. Shi Qingxuan’s entire mouth smeared with ice cream of which Xie Lian doesn’t remember the flavour anymore. Hong, his hair brushed and tidy for once, next to him, Xie Lian’s arm around him. A faint blush below his dark brown eyes. He’s wearing Xie Lian’s pullover. Xie Lian himself is in the middle, making a small peace sign. He spots the slight splotch of pink in Shi Qingxuan’s hair, which he does still remember was a hairclip that he gifted her when she told him that she really likes it. He wonders whether she still has it, or whether she's lost it by now.

On his chest, there’s the small necklace with that plastic ring Hong gifted him, that Xie Lian’s hand automatically tries to find on his own chest, now. He clasps it, looking down at it, some scratches in it, the necklace itself not the same anymore, long exchanged, but he’s still wearing it. As a sign of friendship. Of his first crush. A memory he doesn’t ever want to forget, of the best summer he’s ever had in his life with the two friends dearest to him-

How did Hua Cheng get this picture? There’s no way anyone but the three of them would have this, and this is the oldest drawing of all the ones in the folder, watercolor making the lines blend ever so softly, some things very undefined, only some details elaborated on with grey and color pencils, some white highlights with what must be gel pen applied.

There’s… no way anyone but the three of them have this picture.

Which means…

Which can only mean one thing.

And upon realizing, it all makes sense suddenly.

Shi Qingxuan’s stupid teasing about Hua Cheng. How she offered to help him find a boyfriend almost immediately upon meeting him again. The time she talked about Hong so much in front of Hua Cheng and revealed that he had a crush on him to the other. The way she left them alone at that café to talk. Probably hoping something would happen.

Calling Hua Cheng ‘tomato boy’.

The way Shi Qingxuan and Hua Cheng immediately got along despite them barely knowing each other.

And now this.

Because there was no chance Hua Cheng was going to leave this open for him to see. He clasps the ring harder, pushing his pinkie into it, a bit too large for it but too small for his other fingers nowadays. This must have been Shi Qingxuan’s and He Xuan’s doing. There’s no doubt about it anymore.

With shaking hands, his eyes burning dangerously, he closes that picture, and scrolls higher up; there are more pictures of him, of his Instagram posts, then some very recent ones of secret pictures that he must have taken, most of them painted in a warm yellow or orange, one of him with Shi Qingxuan at the café as Shi Qingxuan stuffed some cake into his mouth against his own will. And then, the last one, the most recent one, that’s him sleeping, a picture Hua Cheng must have taken of him just a few days ago when he passed out on the other’s bed. He’s subconsciously holding the ring in it, and there’s a hand in his hair, which must be Hua Cheng’s own-

Oh.

And that’s when another realization hits him.

As to why Shi Qingxuan tried getting them together so desperately.

It’s not just because she knew of his crush on Hong, no.

It’s because she knew it was requited.

It all makes sense. He even looks like him. He can’t believe he hadn’t realized. He can’t believe he didn’t notice that Hua Cheng really looks like Hong but grown up, because hell, Xie Lian isn’t the best with faces, and so much from his childhood he has forgotten. And even though that picture is on his nightstand, that doesn’t mean he remembers his face perfectly, because that’s just a capture of a single moment when there’s so many more facets to a person’s face-

The way he still doesn’t seem to like tomatoes, scowling at them a little every time they walk past them in the supermarket. Sometimes even picking them out of food. The way Xie Lian sometimes hears a frustrated grunt or two from the bathroom followed by the sound of something hitting the sink, probably a comb because even nowadays, his hair is still sometimes unruly. The way he treats Xie Lian like he’s gold, the way-

The way his brother put them into one room together.

Probably recognizing him at first glance.

And not telling him.

Shi Qingxuan not telling him even though she’s so horrible with lies.

All the annoyed glances from He Xuan when Hua Cheng was doing something for him. The light-hearted chuckles. The way Feng Xin and Mu Qing (also god bless these two finally having confessed) thought they were a thing.

Because it was obvious to everyone but him.

The way he fell in love with Hua Cheng so horribly fast because he never fell out of love with him in first place.

He’s so stupid.
He’s so horribly stupid.

Xie Lian picks up his phone, and texts Shi Qingxuan exactly that single sentences, together with an apology, and then the fastest ‘thank you so much’ to his brother that he's ever typed, knowing that without him, they might not even have met, considering how big campus is.

And then, the door opens.

Xie Lian has never in his entire life leapt to his feet so fast.

Chapter Text

When Hua Cheng opens the door, he can hear Xie Lian walking into his direction already. He can’t help but laugh a little; is Xie Lian so excited for his stapler? He does have a point; considering the amount of pages he reads, printed out so he can highlight them in his pastel colours and not the ugly neon pdf reader ones, he definitely needs one. To keep them all in one place. Hua Cheng has no idea how, so far, Xie Lian has lived off only paperclips somehow. Especially considering he has printed well over one-hundred pages already sometimes, which the poor paperclips were barely able to hold together.

However, when he sees Xie Lian, he’s not sure that’s why he approached him. His face is weirdly flushed, and he’s wildly gesticulating, but not a single sound is leaving his mouth despite him opening and closing it again and again.

“…Gege, are you okay?” Hua Cheng asks, eyebrows furrowed, and for some reason, Xie Lian doesn’t even try speaking at that anymore. Instead he just kind of stares into his face.

And then, speech seems to come back to him-

“I’m sorry,” bursts out of Xie Lian’s mouth, and before Hua Cheng can even attempt to reassure him that everything is probably fine, and that he’s just overworrying, Xie Lian is already interrupting him again.

“I’m sorry. I know you didn’t want me to find out. Not this way. I know. I’m sorry for that, even though I guess it’s not my fault, but well, I did look at your laptop, so-“

Hua Cheng’s blood freezes in his veins and his mouth falls open.

“…Oh no,” he mouths, “oh no, Gege. I’m an artist, you know that, right?”

“Huh? Yes, obviously, I’m not surprised at that part-“

“And I have that nude folder for the sole purpose of practicing anatomy, Gege. I promise.”

That makes Xie Lian splutter even more, and then he’s back to gesticulating, his hands waving wildly through the air until he eventually buries his face in them.

“No- not that’s not what I ran across- I would’ve questioned that a lot less, San-“

He stops in the middle of his name, and that, combined with the implication that he ran across something entirely else… that’s what makes it click in Hua Cheng’s brain.

He drops the small shopping bag right where he’s standing, feet feeling frozen against the spot he’s standing on, his body running cold, a shiver going through him.

Oh no.

He knows.

He knows.

He must know.

There’s no way he wouldn’t know now.

For a bit, it’s just silence, until Xie Lian retracts his hands from his face, looking at him another time. There’s a weird, broad smile on his face. That shouldn’t be his reaction. Not at all. Not something like that, not when Hua Cheng knows very well that there’s no way he loves him back, and something like this shouldn’t be giving him any hope, but it is, and for a split second, he almost hates Xie Lian for it-

“You really are him, huh? I can’t believe I didn’t notice, San Lang! I suppose you didn’t want me to find out then? Were you scared I’d still see you as that little kid?”

He hit the nail right on the head, and with a curt nod, Hua Cheng affirms it for him. There’s no reason to lie anymore. Not now. Not when Xie Lian knows anyways. He knows this was He Xuan’s and Shi Qingxuan’s original plan. This was definitely their fault. He’s going to beat up He Xuan. He’s going to visit him later. He’s going to punch him in the face so hard his nose breaks.

“Oh no, San Lang! You don’t want me to call you ‘Hong’, then? I suppose it’s okay for Shi Qingxuan though?”

He’s sharp. Of course Hua Cheng has always known that Xie Lian is intelligent, and very much observant even if others may think he’s not at first glance, but it scares him just how much he understands about the situation right away, without having to have it explained.

Hua Cheng, once more, can only nod. He feels his fingers starting to tremble a little.

It’s out.

The fact he’s Hong is out. He just wonders whether Xie Lian knows that he’s in love with him, too. Probably. No normal person would draw things like this. No normal person would comb their hair while they’re asleep and draw it in a yellowish-pinkish tone to express his love and the warmth he felt in that moment.
There’s now way anyone could mistake these paintings (maybe apart from historians insisting they were just very good friends).

“I’ll just keep calling you San Lang then! I still- I still have your ring, see?” he asks, and his voice, too, is a bit unsteady. Hua Cheng does look at his chest were he’s gently holding the ring up for him to see, “I kept it all these years.”

“I-“ Hua Cheng starts, unsure where to start with his sentence.

“Hm?”

And then, he’s overrun by fear.

Obviously Xie Lian just sees him as a friend. No one sane enough in this entire world would love someone like him. He knows in theory it’s wrong, knows that his mothers have taught him otherwise, told him time and time again that he deserves to be loved no matter what others say, but suddenly that panic is overwhelming, and he’s unable to rationalize it, and he knows that Xie Lian is right here and he’s just acting nice and he’s going to reject him right here and right now.

“Don’t give me an answer,” breaks out of him, tears shooting into his eyes upon raising his voice, “please.”

Xie Lian looks at him, reaching out his hand, slowly, but Hua Cheng backs away until he’s crashing into the closed door behind him. His breath is going really fast. His heartbeat too. He doesn’t know what to do or how to feel.

“…But I thought you’re meant to- talk about these things,” Xie Lian mumbles, and Hua Cheng hates that he agrees with him right now, and before he knows it, he’s already started crying.

“What?” Xie Lian asks, horribly confused, “wait, wait, wait, San Lang- you’re not- you’re not thinking I’d reject you, right?”

That makes his heart stop for good, and he feels like he’s going to faint, slumping against the door.

“San Lang, really? How could I- but Shi Qingxuan already told you that when I was a kid I- and I mean, I suppose I’m not wrongly assuming that this person you’ve liked for quite a while is-“

Xie Lian coughs awkwardly, unable to meet his gaze when Hua Cheng tries requiting it against his entire body feeling like it’s going to crumble on the spot like a vampire into ashes when hit by sunlight (Shi Qingxuan has talked too much about Twilight with him recently. Although he supposes that those glow and don't necessarily crumble).

“Is me, right?”

The only thing he could possibly do in response is give a very uneasy, short nod. Once again.

He’s terrified. Because Xie Lian implying that he likes him back was just… him misinterpreting this, right? Because surely that wasn’t what he was implying? There’s no way he’d-

“And I thought the entire time that it was all hopeless, and poor Qingxuan had to hear me whine constantly about how I was so sure you’d never like me back if you already have someone you like, but all that time- all those years it was me and- wait, you were clearly following me on Instagram, why didn’t you reach out?”

That makes him blink for good. Like him back? Back? No, so last time, he didn't just mishear? Really? What?

“…Gege?” he breathes, and this time he accepts it when Xie Lian, although very embarrassedly, reaches for his hand. And he lets him hold it. Just like that one night when Xie Lian felt so sorry for wrongly assuming that he’s in love with He Xuan. For whatever reason. Hua Cheng would rather eat a pound of tomatoes than even consider kissing He Xuan on the cheek.

“Hm? Why didn’t you reach out? I would’ve loved to talk- ah, ah, nonsense, you were probably scared of that too, never mind, I’m not going to blame you for that, but oh San Lang, all those years?”

His fingers on his are so soft and Hua Cheng doesn’t know what else to do with the sudden realization that Xie Lian very much likes him back in a romantic way and he’s implied that too strongly for Hua Cheng to misinterpret that, so he just wriggles his hand out of his instead and pulls him into a hug.

Xie Lian is tiny against him, reaching only his chest, face buried in it once Hua Cheng wraps his arms around him so tightly, thinking that he’s never going to let go of him ever again.

He knows he’s trembling. And he knows he’s getting Xie Lian’s hair all wet with tears right now, but there’s no way he can bring himself to care right now (even if he really should).
He hears and feels Xie Lian laughing into his chest as two small hands make their way to his back, gripping him, starting to tremble just as much.

“Gege, you… like me back?”

“O-of course I do! How could I not! How could anyone not, I- I wouldn’t understand but- I mean, I already had a crush on you as a child, San Lang, how could I not fall in love with you again now, I-“

“You really, actually like me back?”

Both hands start patting his back, but after a few seconds, Xie Lian starts to stroke them up and down in a manner soothing enough for Hua Cheng to take a proper, although small breath.

“I do,” he says, “of course I do, San Lang. What a stupid question.”

Hua Cheng doesn’t know what else to say, so he just buries his face in Xie Lian’s hair more and more until he’s squeaking and giggling below him, and Hua Cheng thinks that these might actually be the cutest noises Xie Lian has ever made.

Only after what feels like what might have been ten minutes does Xie Lian struggle out of his grasp, putting his hands to his chest again. Very carefully so. As if he’s made out of glass.

Looks up at him-

“I can kiss you, right?” Hua Cheng rasps out, realizing that he’s still fucking crying and he hasn’t ever stopped.

Hastily, although with his cheeks looking like they might combust with redness, Xie Lian nods, getting up on his tiptoes. Hua Cheng leans the rest of the way back down, deciding that there’s really no time to waste anymore now. Not when the love of his life has just admitted to him that he does very much love him back. There’s no way he could not kiss him now.

Xie Lian’s lips are soft he realizes when he kisses him, probably a bit too long for what’s both of their first kisses, probably a bit too hard, but Xie Lian doesn’t complain as he presses back into him, requiting the kiss shyly at first, but growing a bit bolder with each second spent.

It’s then that the phone in Hua Cheng’s pocket starts vibrating heavily and he curses into Xie Lian’s mouth who just gives him a chuckle in response. A chuckle so happy that Hua Cheng thinks it killed him, and that he’s going to turn into a ghost any second now because there’s no way he’d ever leave this world knowing that Xie Lian likes him back for some reason he doesn’t know but decides he doesn’t need to know because if he says he loves him back then he’s very well going to trust him.

“Fucking Shi Qingxuan,” he grumbles as he fishes his phone out of his pocket, although one of his hands still on Xie Lian’s waist, the other just hugging him again as he picks up his phone.

“And?” comes a squeaky voice from the other end, “how’d it go? Is it still going? Am I interrupting something?”

For the sake of his own ears, Hua Cheng isn’t going to tell her that she’s literally interrupted their first kiss, and you can’t really comfortably kiss someone lovingly when the SpongeBob SquarePants Closing Theme Song is playing on the loudest volume is phone can manage. That’s not very romantic.

“Thanks,” is all he really manages to say, “can I hang up?”

“Oh, oh, yeah, sure, that’s enough confirmation really, haha, at least for now!! But I’m going to be bugging you tomorrow in class, you better be sure of that hahahahhaha byyyeeeeee!”

With a sigh, Hua Cheng hangs up and leaves He Xuan to deal with his insane roommate.

Xie Lian laughs quietly into his chest, and squeezes him a little tighter.

“…So I can definitely come meet E’ming during the winter holidays, right? If you’re my- my- my uhm-“

“…If you’re my boyfriend, you can definitely come meet E’ming, yes.”

Chapter Text

Hua Cheng isn’t ready to face Shi Qingxuan. He knows that she’s going to go as insane as anyone could possibly go now that she knows he’s gotten himself a boyfriend, and that Xie Lian has got a boyfriend too, and well, that they’re each other’s boyfriends.

He can’t quite believe it himself. For obvious reasons. Because to hell with it. How the hell did Xie Lian end up falling in love with him? Twice, on top of that? And how the hell did he end up kissing Hua Cheng goodnight yesterday, after they had pushed their beds together so they could comfortably sleep next to each other?

And hell, both of them were embarrassed. Xie Lian was blushing like hell. Hua Cheng isn’t sure whether Xie Lian slept, because he kept tossing and turning all night until he very shyly grabbed Hua Cheng’s hand. And Hua Cheng knows that because he most certainly did not sleep a single bit last night. But for the sake of his grades and his sleep schedule, he’s going to go to university. And for the sake of Shi Qingxuan’s grades, too. Because, let’s face it, if he didn’t go to university, then neither would Shi Qingxuan; she would be searching him out like some kind of starved, feral dog tracking down a pile of almost rotten meat to devour it whole.

That image is not a beautiful one, not even in his mind.

…Although he supposes that Shi Qingxuan is indeed a bit like a dog.

“San Lang, you really need to get up and leave,” Xie Lian says quietly, “you have class. You can’t do this to Qingxuan.”

“I know,” Hua Cheng grumbles, but all that he does is look at their joint hands. The way Xie Lian’s fingers look so small entwined with his. (And the way his black nail polish is coming off. Hua Cheng really needs to repaint his nails.)

He feels a smile coming to his lips and lets it. He raises his gaze back up to Xie Lian’s eyes, meeting the other mirroring his expression.

“Come on, San Lang. It’s just one class. I only have to go out in the evening. We’ll have enough time to spend together later, really!”

“…But Gege, why do you want to throw me out so badly?”

That earns him a small chuckle coming from Xie Lian, who, a lot bolder than yesterday, swipes his thumb over Hua Cheng’s index finger a few times.

“Come on now, Qingxuan’s going to be mad if you don’t appear there. How else is she going to chew you out? Also, if you don’t go there, she’s going to come here, and I really don’t want her to see that we- the beds-“

Right. If Shi Qingxuan knew that they slept this close together, she’d probably have a heart attack and die right there on the spot. So, maybe, to keep his best friend alive and spare him and his boyfriend (how the hell is Xie Lian his boyfriend now anyways?) the trauma, he really ought to go. It’s so late that he’ll have to eat breakfast on the way. Or shortly before class. He’s quite a fast eater. It'll be fine.

“Okay, okay, I’ll get going,” he sighs, “but… uh…?”

Xie Lian immediately blushes, eyes flicking from left to right, clearly nervous, and he clears his throat a bit.

“I can, right?”

“Y-yeah,” Xie Lian makes, so Hua Cheng won’t have him say that twice. He shuffles a bit closer, their legs bumping into each other’s a bit, and then he leans in the rest of the way to kiss him. Their third kiss. He’s so going to keep count. There’s no way he wouldn’t keep count. This is Xie Lian, and he’s kissing Xie Lian, very much again, and he’s feeling absolutely insane and like he could destroy the entire world and-

Xie Lian taps against his chest, smiles into the kiss, but then distances himself.

“And off you go,” he whispers, so Hua Cheng doesn’t really have another choice but throw his blanket off him.

“Right,” he sighs, “I’d already forgotten again that I have a class and a Shi Qingxuan to go to.”

With another chuckle of Xie Lian’s, he feels satisfied enough to actually get up. Only after kissing Xie Lian’s hair, though. God, he can’t wait to come back home. He’ll make Xie Lian the best dinner’s he’s ever had. He’s going to do all his laundry from now on too. And all the cleaning. Hua Cheng knows himself that he was born to be a housewife so-

Okay, okay, that goes too far, he knows Xie Lian would scold him for this, saying that he wants to help around the house himself too, and he’d never let that happen.

Hua Cheng hasn’t ever gotten ready for class this fast in his entire life.

*

Like some kind of miracle, he actually arrives three minutes early to see Shi Qingxuan waiting for him outside of the building and run over to him like she actually is the dog and he’s the piece of nearly rotten meat.

“Oh my God, okay, so it went well, right? Right, Hong? I did a good job?”

“Don’t ever break into our house ever again, though,” he says, refusing to answer that it went well. Honestly, Shi Qingxuan probably knows that herself, so why is she even asking for confirmation?

“Oh, it wasn’t me. That was He Xuan. I mean, obviously I helped, but like, I didn’t know where to find that folder of yours, so! Here we are! And it went well, right, right, right?”

God, she really wants an answer.

With gritted teeth, trying very hard to suppress that blush creeping onto his cheeks, Hua Cheng gives her a nod. She immediately squeals, hugs him hard, and then continues squealing way too close to his ear.

“I’m so happy for you oh my God! Do you know how hard it was to keep my mouth shut to both you and Xie Lian? That was all so ridiculous! You could’ve been kissing for so long already, my God! Seriously, though, you’re such an idiot, Hua Cheng! I mean, wait, wait, wait, you’ve kissed, right?”

She lets go of him enough so that she can dramatically grab his shoulders and shake him a few times.

“Y-yeah-“

Another screech, but at least it’s not quite as close this time, so Hua Cheng gets to keep his hearing.

“I’m so glad! God, this is better than getting a boyfriend myself, Hong, I’m exhilarated!”

“I can tell.”

“This is amazing! This is so perfect! Let’s skip class?”

“Absolutely not.”

“Ah, damnit, was worth a shot,” she laughs, staring at him still. Grinning so hard that Hua Cheng thinks it’s going to give her a headache at one point.

“I’m so proud of you two. This is the best thing ever. I’m so glad you kissed. Don’t do that in front of me though. Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to see it but-“

“You’d die?”

“Yeah, I’d probably die.”

He does laugh at that, together with her, and she takes him by the arm to drag him into the building after her. Their teacher is often too late. Hua Cheng hopes that isn’t the case today. He’s not sure what kind of weird questions Shi Qingxuan might end up asking him.

“How often did you kiss?”

“Three times,” he says without a second thought, then buries his face in his one available hand. The one that isn’t being pressed into Shi Qingxuan’s side.

“Three times? Oh my god, you went for it for sure! God, this is so amazing. This is so good. This is perfect. Who’s the next one I find a boyfriend or girlfriend for because god I’m riding a high right here. This is better than getting drunk for sure. I’m gonna get addicted to matchmaking. This is better than Paulette de Sade novels-“

“Your brother,” he answers. “Because clearly that guy would shut up a little bit if he got someone who actually liked him.”

“I mean, I do like him!” Shi Qingxuan laughs, “it’s just that he’s annoying. And overbearing. And really weird. And he keeps insisting he’s straight but I’m not so sure he is. But nah, the only one I could see him with is Pei Ming, but obviously that guy is straight, and besides he wouldn’t fall in love with my brother because well- that’s my brother and he’s unbearable to be around for longer than a few hours.”

“See what I mean now?”

“Absolutely.”

She takes a deep breath, then another, clearly trying her best to calm down. Which is… when Hua Cheng gets an idea. Of what he kind of idea he could raise to her right here and right now.

“How about you matchmake yourself or He Xuan?”

Her eyes go wide, and he’s given a few blinks before she immediately shakes her head.

“Oh God, no, no, no. Like I said, I haven’t yet met anyone I’d start a relationship with-“

“Not even He Xuan himself?” he interferes as lazily as he can, rendering Shi Qingxuan utterly speechless for a second.

“What the hell?” she laughs then, looking at him, “trying to get your best friends laid the easy way or what? Hua Cheng, you can do better.”

He’s growing so frustrated with this situation, she has no idea. At least both him and Xie Lian knew that they were in love. But Shi Qingxuan…? Okay, fine, maybe he’s the one misinterpreting all of this. maybe she really isn’t in love with He Xuan. Which would be sad, because by now, he’s indeed pretty much convinced that He Xuan has a thing for her. Or at least has it coming very, very soon. He’s going to be crying to Hua Cheng once he realizes. He can’t wait for that.

“Well, I’m just saying. You two seem to be getting along well, you know?”

“Oh, no, no, no, but not like that, haha!”

Is that some nervousness he’s spotting there? Hua Cheng raises an eyebrow at her, but she instantly shakes her head at him. And also shakes his arm.

“No, no, Hua Cheng, seriously. He’s a friend. A good friend, but a friend. And I mean, sure, he’s very handsome, but so are you, and I’m not afraid to tell you that, either! See! And you won’t argue that I’m in love with you now, will you? In which case I’d be suffering pretty hard right now. You getting a boyfriend and all.”

That brings Hua Cheng back to harsh reality- or well. It brings him back to the rosiet, softest reality anyone could ever be brought back to. He has a boyfriend. And said boyfriend is Xie Lian. The love of his life. He’s truly got the best life anyone could ever live.

“…My boyfriend,” he echoes, feeling the same kind of stupid grin on his face that Shi Qingxuan herself was wearing, then lost temporarily when he asked her about He Xuan, which is now coming back to hers once more because of him saying this.

“Yes. Your boyfriend. Xie Lian.”

“My boyfriend Xie Lian,” he makes once more, “how am I ever meant to concentrate on class ever again?”

“Yeah, so, I really don’t know,” she laughs, stroking his arm a little. “But either way, the teacher is coming over there, so we’ll have to get through. Don’t worry, don’t worry, you’ll be with him again soon, Hua Cheng!”

“…Teacher?”

“Class, remember, Hua Cheng?”

He’s being grabbed by both shoulders again, a desperate attempt to snap him back into reality.

Only when she shakes him a few times does the actual harsh reality of a lecture about realism in art come back to him. Right. Class. Teacher. Right. He’s a university student. He nearly forgot. Not like it matters.

Not like anything matters when Xie Lian is his boyfriend, really.

Chapter Text

“Can you tell me more about spiders, please?”

Shi Qingxuan really isn’t sure she wants to be there when He Xuan tells little Cuocuo about spiders. She doesn’t mind them if they’re a safe distance away, but if they’re close to her then that’s another story entirely. On top of that, she also doesn’t particularly appreciate looking at them. And if He Xuan is going to show him spiders, then she’s going to voluntarily clean the kitchen.

Luckily, right as He Xuan agrees to do just that, the doorbell rings.

“I’ll go,” she says, shooting He Xuan a short grin.

Shi Qingxuan can’t lie – she does wonder whether this is Hua Cheng. Trying to tell her about their thirteenth kiss in person this time because it was a special occasion or something. He’s certainly told her all about the first twelfth kisses that happened ever since the two of them got together. Shi Qingxuan feels like she knows more about their relationship than Xie Lian, who’s literally a part of it. Not that it’d annoy her or anything, no. Quite the contrary, actually. She’s been living off his messages.

But when she opens the door she’s met with…

Well. Someone entirely else.

There’s a man standing there. In a dark green tracksuit, golden chains dangling down on his pants (how the hell did he even attach them to tracksuit pants?) and his neck. The ugliest golden trainers Shi Qingxuan has ever seen when she looks at his feet. She recognizes the brand. She knows these must have been expensive. Despite them being so ugly. As rich as she is, she doesn’t understand buying things that look used at a high price instead of making them looked used by simply wearing them for a long time. That’s also just so much more authentic.

“…Hello, Qi Rong,” she greets the man, then notices that there’s someone else with him-

“Oh my God, hi Guzi! Wanna come in? Want a hot chocolate? How long’s he gonna stay?”

The last part is directed at Qi Rong, who looks at her, clearly offended by not having gotten a proper greeting especially in comparison to his own son.

“Excuse me-“

“How long’s he gonna stay?” she interrupts him again. Shi Qingxuan is very much not up for a conversation with Qi Rong. She doesn’t think anyone has ever been up to have a conversation with him. That’s probably why he’s still single.

(Or well, she hopes he’s still single. Not that she’d know that for sure. And she’s not going to ask.)

“…Till eight. My shitty cousin will pick him up then. He’s staying over at his. I have an appointment at court tomorrow a bit too far away to only leave tomorrow.”

“…At court?” she asks, raising her eyebrows at him.

“Because of the school incident.”

Right. The fact that Qi Rong had burnt down a school and Jun Wu had bailed him out of prison.

“Ah. Right. The school incident,” she sighs, gesturing at Guzi to come in. He hugs his father’s legs one last time, then strolls straight through to their room, as if he’s here every single day.

“In my defense,” Qi Rong starts again, throwing Guzi’s rucksack into their apartment, “it’s to rule out anyone else was involved. And besides I didn’t just get out because of Jun Wu, but also because I was on very good behaviour. I’m not gonna go back to prison or something.”

“First of all, I’m not interested. Second of all, I don’t believe that you behaved well even in prison. And thirdly, get off my property. Guzi’s allowed in, but you aren’t.”

“You bitch-“

“One more word and I’m beating you up, and we all know I’m stronger than you.”

Without even giving Qi Rong another chance to insult her, Shi Qingxuan shuts the door in his face and turns the key in it so that Qi Rong doesn’t stand a chance at coming back in unless he does want to go to prison.

However, before returning to their room, she heaves herself up onto their stove to be able to look out of the kitchen window. She watches as Qi Rong kicks their door a few times to no avail, then spits on the floor in front of it, and then finally walks away.

Okay.
They’re safe now.

Right then, she hears footsteps behind her, which obviously belong to a child.

“Is the hot cocoa offer still standing?”

She turns around to Guzi as soon as she has gotten off the stove, and shoots him a grin.

“Of course it is! Did you ask Cuocuo whether he wants something, too?”

“He does! Though not with normal milk he insisted.”

“Oh yeah he’s got a few allergies,” Shi Qingxuan says, “it’s fine, I got oatmilk because He Xuan was obsessed with it for a week and it was all he would drink and now he doesn’t touch the stuff anymore.”

Guzi laughs at that, already reaching for the cupboard with the cups and glasses in it. It’s below the stove – there’s nothing above the stove except for their window. It’s not like they need more than a few shelves and stuff below it, though. After all, they’re just two people, who would they need all these dishes for?
He gets out two cups, one that He Xuan brought, and one that she bought recently. He Xuan’s cup is… well. The opening is also the mouth of a shark. There are (dull) teeth on it and everything. Guzi marvels at it for a bit before looking at Shi Qingxuan’s cup.

“…I didn’t know things like this existed and I’m not sure I’d want to drink out of it.”

“Listen, I couldn’t possibly walk past a toilet-shaped cup, could I now, Guzi?”

“…I guess no. Otherwise you wouldn’t own this.”

She laughs a bit, grabbing both the normal milk and the oatmilk, pouring them into heir respective cups, then adding some of the cocoa powder she got specifically for the kids. They don’t come over too often, but sometimes they do have to take care of them for a while, and having cocoa powder around children is very necessary.

Once the two of them have successfully produced their hot chocolate, they make their way back to their room in which…

Cuocuo is sitting in He Xuan’s lap, laughing very much at his phone in front of them, pointing at what’s probably spiders. Shi Qingxuan just knows that Cuocuo is going to come out of this with spiders as his favourite animals. Even after hating them so much that Mu Qing had to take him out of the flat for a while.

“Having a good time, you two?” she asks, trying not to look too much at He Xuan’s face as he turns around to her, nodding once, holding his phone steadily so that Cuocuo can’t throw it down. If she looks at his face, she also risks looking at his lips. And she’s not going to have that.
She’s not going to be reminded of the time she wanted to kiss him, nope.
(She wouldn’t say no to it if he asked.)

“Here’s your hot chocolate! Don’t worry. It’s chocolate and nothing else, even if you’re going to drink it out of a toilet.”

Cuocuo slips out from between He Xuan’s arms to walk over to Guzi and take his toilet cup, giving him the biggest grin. Those two really do get along well now. He Xuan making Guzi apologize went a long way.

“Thank you!” he says, dropping back down on he bed with the cocoa, but very carefully so. She does have to hand it to Feng Xin that he really is raising this kid well. His ex too, probably. Sure, he bites a lot and everything, but… that just makes him even more adorable, really.

Guzi plops down next to him, and he does spill some of the cocoa onto the sheets without noticing much. It’s okay. It’s He Xuan’s bedsheets, not hers. Then, the boy looks at He Xuan, then back at her.

“Qingxuan, your boyfriend’s making that face again.”

She chokes on her own spit and is left coughing for a bit, and whatever face He Xuan was making also changes right away. She meets his gaze for a second, then stares back down at Guzi. Still coughing her lungs out.

“My what now?” she squeaks, and both Guzi’s and Cuocuo’s eyes go wide.

“Wait,” the older boy says, “you’re not a couple?”

“Absolutely not,” He Xuan answers, “I’m not that insane yet. We’re just roommates. That’s all.”

“And they were roommates,” Cuocuo suddenly says, and that makes Shi Qingxuan laugh and forget that the two of them obviously thought they were in a relationship. Which they’re not. Obviously. Because then, if Shi Qingxuan really did want to kiss him, she’d just be able to do it. Not that she wants to. Because she doesn’t. That’s a weird thing to want.

“Why the hell do you know that?” she chuckles, ignoring the way He Xuan’s piercing gaze is still on her.

Cuocuo gives her a shrug, taking a sip from his hot chocolate. With a chocolate smeared mouth, he looks back up at her.

“Dad keeps mumbling it to himself when Pa isn’t there. I asked once. He said it’s about roommates falling in love. Like him and Pa.”

…Of course Mu Qing would be an utter, romantic mess when no one (but Cuocuo) is around. She wished she could be surprised, but it’s hard to be surprised, really. He’s the classic case of someone who wants to show his feelings very desperately but is unable to do so unless he’s completely alone.
Reminds her of someone.
She steals a glance at He Xuan.

“Oh, oh, oh! Once we’re done with the hot chocolate, can we play Uno?”

Guzi sets the hot chocolate down onto the floor, reaching into his rucksack, and pulling out a staple of cards kept together by a single rubberband that looks like it’s holding on for dear life more than Dean in “His Divine Abs” by Paulette de Sade when a girl decided to peg him all of a sudden.

“I even got the version with animals on it! That’s way more fun than numbers.”

As a certified maths hater, Shi Qingxuan absolutely agrees.

“We absolutely can play Uno,” she says, “Cuocuo, you know how it works?”

“Yep!”

“I don’t.”

That makes all three of them look at He Xuan. Cuocuo almost drops his hot chocolate.

“You’re… uncultured. Maybe my brother was right after all,” she whispers, staring right into He Xuan’s eyes.

…And regretting it because damn, he’s got really pretty eyes.

She tears her gaze away.

“I’ll explain it to you, don’t worry!” Guzi says, “it’s very easy. If my dad can understand it, then so can you.”

His eyes are still on her mind. It’s not so easy to just forget about them right away. They’re really beautiful. She’d like to look at them a bit more. They seem to be golden at first glance, but she wonders whether there aren’t any grey freckles in them at all with how they look in some light. She just wants to know. And maybe it’s weird. And maybe she should think about this more than she allows herself but-

God, she really hopes that Uno game is going to start soon. She’s never depended this much on two kids to finish their hot chocolate.

Chapter Text

Shi Wudu is stress cooking once more. He’s devolving into a housewife. Not that he thinks little of housewives or something, no; okay, maybe he kind of does but he knows he has to work on that and also he doesn’t want to be a housewife but take over his parents’ company, so that’s an issue in on itself.

He hears a very distinct growl coming from Pei Ming’s direction and can’t help but laugh.

“It won’t take much longer.”

“I’m just really hungry,” Pei Ming sighs, “I forgot to eat breakfast. I never forget to eat breakfast.”

“What the hell’s gotten you so stressed anyways?” Shi Wudu asks, turning around, stirring the soup once more. He’s always terrified of the noodles sticking to something. He doesn’t want to risk it – scraping burnt noodles off the bottom of a pot is truly the worst way to pass one’s time.

Pei Ming looks at him, then back at his laptop.

“It’s hard to explain, really,” he says, typing a few more words of... something. Probably a paper. And a girl. Shi Wudu wouldn’t be surprised if he had impregnated a girl after all. It truly is a wonder that he hasn’t managed that one yet.
He thanks the Gods that his sister is trans and therefore unable to get impregnated by a random guy. Shi Wudu isn’t too keen on going to prison for murder charges.

“Well. Either way, don’t forget your breakfast.”

“You’re talking like my mom.”

“I’m not your mom. If anything, I’m your dad.”

“I really hope you’re not my dad,” Pei Ming laughs, then, with a sigh, shuts his laptop. Probably deciding that academics are impossible on an empty stomach.

Shi Wudu looks at the soup and the noodles. They do seem somewhat soft now. Probably another minute or two will be enough. He’s going to end up becoming a chef if he doesn’t get his thesis over with soon.

At least Paulette de Sade is really nice in conversation. She didn’t seem to mind much that he’s not an avid reader of hers, either. Mostly just saying ‘I know it’s not to everyone’s tastes, it’s trashy fiction for a reason’, seeming very, very self-aware. Her answers, too, are relatively fast. Sometimes it does take her a day to get back to him, but that’s about it. He asked whether calling her was okay, but she said that she doesn’t give her number out under any circumstances in fear of it getting leaked; not to anyone who isn’t his parents, that is. And her editor, obviously.

At least it’s coming along well.

The doorbell rings.

“I’m going,” Pei Ming says immediately. Shi Wudu watches as he gets up, in his grey sweatpants and a dark red hoodie that does really look good on him, he has to give him that- what kind of thoughts. Shi Wudu quietly shakes his head at himself. The thesis is really getting to him, huh?

When Pei Ming opens the door right as Shi Wudu turns off the stove, however, he immediately drops the spoon into the soup.

In the door is that girl, or well, that woman that Pei Ming once titled as crazy, who also isn’t Xuan Ji. The one he drove him to, once. She stands in the door, staring at him, and he’s staring back at her, absolutely mortified.

Maybe he has impregnated someone after all. Maybe it’s her that he's impregnated. Again. He wouldn’t be surprised if that was to happen.

“What are you doing here?” he practically spits. “I told you very explicitly that I don’t ever want to see you at my doorstep for so, so many reasons!”

“Well, and guess what, Pei! I don’t give a single shit,” the woman says, “first of all, that Instagram post was absolutely out of pocket, and secondly, you’re late-“

“I know!” he says, “the second one either way, but what I post on my Instagram, frankly, doesn’t concern you. Whatsoever. It’s my decision-“

“Well guess what, it’s-“

“Shut up!” Pei Ming shouts at her, actually trying to push the door back into her face and drive her right back out. Shi Wudu blinks a few times. He’s never that unhospitable with a girl, so that truly is a sight to behold. He has to suppress a grin.

“I told you. Specifically. Not to come here. And I expected you to follow that rule. Very much. So you go away. You can call me. Whatever. If you’re so angry with me. Jeez, you piss me off, do you have any idea? I have a life, you know? I have a thesis to write. I have other papers to write. I have classes to go to. Ever considered that?”

“Well, but first and foremost-“

“Shut up!” he interferes again, wrestling with the door, and the woman in the door, “fine then! Come in! But you keep your damned mouth shut until we’re in my room! And don’t you dare complain about anything looking messy! I’m a student! I don’t have the time to clean every day!”

The woman looks strangely… pleased at that?

No, really, she’s too old for Pei’s tastes. That’s probably why he’s being so harsh with her, too. Maybe he slept with her once, or a few more times, and now she expects something serious from him. Or… could it be that they’re actually serious? Of course that’s not what a healthy relationship looks like, but it’d make sense in terms of her not being allowed to come over. He’d be hiding it from him, probably scared of spreading rumours (which Shi Wudu wouldn’t; he couldn’t be less interested in Pei Ming’s love life, and he’d actually be quite happy for him if he got a proper girlfriend).

(Somehow that thought stings a bit.)

It’d also mean that he doesn’t want her to come over in case he’s with another girl, in which case… Pei Ming would be cheating on her.

He gestures at the woman to come in. She does, although wearily so. Staring Shi Wudu up and down and stopping again.

“You didn’t tell me about your roommate. …Or boyfriend?”

It’s said with such a bitter tang in her voice that Shi Wudu gets more and more convinced of the idea that this is definitely one of his flings.

“Oh my God,” Pei Ming says, rubbing his temples, “no, no, he’s not. He’s my best friend though. But not my boyfriend. My god, you’re such a bother.”

The woman starts picking up her pace again. She has short hair, and is wearing a very business-looking outfit. She must be an office worker of some sorts. It looks like she came straight from work.

“Well, your roommate then. What’s his name?”

“Shi Wudu,” Pei Ming says, with something in his voice that Shi Wudu himself can’t quite place. The woman stares at him a bit longer, having gone completely silent.

“As in, Shi publishing? As in, one of the kids?”

“Yes,” Shi Wudu says, very happy that someone finally recognized him, actually. Maybe this woman is nicer than she appears at first glance. “That’d be me. My parents lead the company!”

Pei Ming stares at the two of them, gaze eventually fixed on Shi Wudu, something so very pleading in his gaze. Shi Wudu shoots it right back. If Pei Ming isn’t treating his girlfriend nicely, then at least he will.

“I’ve seen you in some articles,” she says, with an uncertain glance at Pei Ming, who just buries his face in his hands completely now. “You’re cooking for him? He doesn’t deserve that.”

“For both of us, actually,” Shi Wudu says, a bit said that she brushed over the topic of him being popular so fast, but he can’t blame her. If she’s an office worker, she probably isn’t too interested in a random publishing company’s kid. “But you’re right, he doesn’t.”

“Pei,” she says, “I quite like your roommate.”

Pei Ming, however, just stares her down with a very long glare.

“I’m hungry, I’ll be taking the soup to my room with her. Sorry about that, really,” he sighs, but Shi Wudu just looks back at him.

“I mean, there’s enough for three. She can have some if she wants. Don’t be so mean to her, Pei. Clearly you’re the one who has annoyed her. You usually treat women so well, what happened?”

He doesn’t respond. Just looks at him, then at her.

“I’d like some soup.”

“See? She wants soup.”

“You never offer people food!” Pei Ming suddenly exclaims, “you think she’s hot or something?”

“No!” Shi Wudu shouts back at him, but he doesn’t take it much to heart that Pei is a bit angry with him. He’s clearly very angry with that woman, and that’s just extending to him by chance right now. He knows he doesn’t mean it. He’s like that often enough himself. “No offense,” he adds, looking at the woman again, who does look a bit offended, “just not my type.”

(He’s not sure whether he even has a type.)

“All I’m saying is that you should treat her nicer, Pei Ming. If she’s already angry with you for something that you did. Although policing someone’s Instagram posts isn’t too healthy, so you two should really work that out.”

He says as if he’s his therapist or something. And yet, it does feel… a bit weird to think that this might actually be Pei Ming’s girlfriend? Well, at least she walks up to him very casually and talks to him the same way. And Pei Ming is different around her than his other girls. And maybe that’s… an indicator that really, he feels differently about her, too?
He wishes him all the best either way.
(Somehow, deep down, Shi Wudu hopes this isn’t the case at all, although he can’t quite pin down why he would want his best friend to be unhappy like that. It’s probably jealousy. After all, Shi Wudu does want a girlfriend, too, at one point. So it’s probably just the fact that Pei Ming has much more experience than him, and he’s upset with that.)

“…Okay, fine, then give her some soup. But we’ll take it to my room. I have to talk to her, apparently.”

She gives Pei Ming an evil grin.

“Yeah, you do. She’s clearly very angry with you. That’s even worse than whatever Yin Yu and Quan Yizhen have going on, really.”

Pei Ming shoots him a look. One of despair. Again. Shi Wudu doesn’t really know what that one’s about.

“That’s fine by me,” the woman says, “soup is very calming for the nerves. Just what I need. Only if it’s really okay, though.”

“It is,” Shi Wudu responds, “like I said, it’s enough for three people.”

He can’t lie. He wouldn’t be offering any soup to this weird woman if it wasn’t for her actively recognizing him. It makes him feel like a celebrity. He’s going to feel arrogant about it for days. He’s riding a high. So she deserves some soup. Truly raised his mood.

“Alright then,” she says, “and Pei, you better get ready for a good scolding.”

“…Yes,” Pei Ming mumbles, strangely… dejected? It feels weird seeing him like this. Shi Wudu blinks a little, then gets out three bowls and some spoons and chopsticks. The noodles are too long for spoons.

He pours everyone a good portion until it’s all equally divided, then hands the two bowls to his roommate and his roommate’s possible girlfriend.

“It smells really good!” she exclaims, and again, Shi Wudu is very much aware of his arrogance nowadays, but he can’t help feel very flattered by the compliment.

“I hope it tastes just as good,” he says, “I got the recipe from my little sister, recently. She said she found it online after having read about it in a shitty smut novel.”

The woman stares at him for a few seconds.

“…Let me guess. Paulette de Sade?”

“Yes. Precisely that,” Shi Wudu sighs, and nearly laughs when she shoots Pei Ming the dirtiest of grins he’s ever seen on her face. Clearly, she also knows about Pei Ming’s Paulette de Sade books collection. That probably means they’re… actually close.

“Shut up,” he sighs towards her, “just take the damned soup to my room. And, Shi Wudu, thank you a lot for the soup. I’ll report back on how tasty it was.”

“…Sure,” Shi Wudu sighs, then watches the two of them leave. She kicks Pei Ming in the leg once, who yowls and nearly drops the soup. Then, he sits down at the table, and starts eating. In peace.

Chapter Text

Xie Lian, in all of his admittedly very comfortable life only ever disrupted by his batshit crazy cousin, has never faced such a difficult situation in his entire life. And one would think that finding your boyfriend’s art folder titled with your name after your friends broke into your house would count as a ‘difficult situation’.

“So… what exactly happened?” he asks, quietly sitting down next to his big brother, but only after handing him a cup of oolong-tea.

Jun Wu sighs, taking a sip. He doesn’t really look sad or troubled, no. Xie Lian isn’t sure he’s ever seen him look sad or troubled past the age of sixteen, really. So even now that he’s camping out at theirs, saying he’s not allowed to go back home until Mei Nianqing calls him, his expression remains strangely neutral.

When he doesn’t say anything, Xie Lian glances at Hua Cheng, who just quietly shrugs, also not knowing what to do or say. He’s with his best friend, his canvas right now, sketching the shelf on the wall above their heads. Apparently they have to draw some piece of furniture from their homes. And he’s been putting it off in order to cuddle with Xie Lian, which Xie Lian really didn’t want to be responsible for; so he convinced Hua Cheng to finally do his homework, just as Jun Wu rang him asking whether he can stay for some hours until he knows whether he needs to book a hotel room for the night.

“You know,” Xie Lian says, “from what I can tell is that you got kicked out. Did he… break up with you?”

And that does get a reaction from him. Which Xie Lian does feel sorry for, but he also doesn’t really know what else to do or say. And maybe he’s a bit curious too, okay. And somehow… part of him feels a bit glad that Jun Wu is suffering, just for a split second. He suppresses that immediately and shakes his head at himself. Really, what kind of thought was that?

“No, not that,” he says eventually, “but he might. Either way, he doesn’t want to see me for a while. I was just outside for the entire morning and afternoon, so it’s already been half a day and I haven’t yet heard from him.”

“Okay, look,” Xie Lian says, once again not knowing where to start, “you know that… as a kid, you often had a temperament?”

“What he wants to say,” Hua Cheng takes over for him, and Xie Lian already glares at him because he knows that what he’s about to say cannot possibly be anything nice, but that doesn’t deter him in the slightest, “is that you were kind of an asshole when you were younger. Were you an asshole to your boyfriend? What did you do? Argument?”

“Kind of,” Jun Wu sighs, “it’s got to do with when I was younger. He remembered something about the time. That’s all. I… can’t really say any more than that, really.”

Xie Lian sighs. Okay. Seems like that’s everything they’re getting out of him.

“Well, you can stay until you find a room, because sadly there’s not really enough space here. But you can come back here tomorrow if needed. I mean, you’re my family. I’m not going to push you away.”

A dry laugh escapes Jun Wu’s throat, something in it that Xie Lian can’t place, some kind of sadness and bitterness that sounds older than a century.

“Yeah. I know. If you ever decide to, then I understand, though.”

“I don’t see why I would,” Xie Lian laughs, but at least he knows that Jun Wu wouldn’t hate him if anything ever came in between them and he had to break off contact. Not that that’s going to happen.

The doorbell’s ring breaks the silence that had just fallen over them, loud and shrill and mildly distorted because of how old it is. Probably as old as the building. Which is probably as old as the university. Which means really old.

“I’m going,” Xie Lian says immediately, “you stay here. And San Lang, you better keep drawing.”

“…Of course, Gege,” comes the sighed, desperate answer.

When he leaves the room, Xie Lian allows himself a quick smile about the fact that this is his boyfriend, and that this is Hong, and that he’s so cute when he pouts, then opens the door.

He’s not at all surprised to see Mei Nianqing standing in it, hands in his pockets, clearly looking a bit uncomfortable.

Xie Lian nods, steps outside, and closes the door behind him until they’re both outside. He doesn’t want to just let him in. Not unless he really knows what’s going on. As strong as his brother appears, he knows he’s still human. He knows he’s still going to be devastated if Mei Nianqing breaks up with him.

“…Can I ask what happened?”

“It’s complicated,” the other sighs, readjusting his glasses after rubbing his eyes for a bit. “I wouldn’t know where to start or end… Xie Lian.”

His name carries a bit of a strange intonation in it. Like he’s suddenly not used to saying it.

“He said that you remembered something he did when he was younger. Did he cheat on you?”

That clearly catches Mei Nianqing a little bit off-guard. To the point he even laughs a little.

“Oh, no, no, no. nothing like that happened… that I know of. I mean… no, no, not that I know of, don’t worry. Either way, it’s nothing to concern yourself with. And if he’s willing to keep changing then I’m totally fine with our relationship. That’s what I came to tell him. But it’s nothing to do with you, really. Not… not directly, at least.”

Mei Nianqing is usually much more careful with words, so the fact that he’s borderline-rude right now takes Xie Lian a bit aback, even if he doesn’t blame him for it.

“Well, in that case it’s okay if you go see him, I guess. But yeah, no, it’s okay. I get I’m being a bit nosy. It’s not my relationship after all.”

“Right… how’s it going? Good, I bet,” the other says, and Xie Lian instantly just feels his cheeks heat up. He turns towards the door.

“Yes. Yes, everything is fine, I’m- I’m really happy.”

“That’s good,” Mei Nianqing laughs, reaching past him to open the door, “you deserve to be.”

“A-anyways, he’s in our room. He’ll… probably be happy to see you,” Xie Lian says, walking through the door, holding it open as Mei Nianqing strolls in, and then closing it behind him.

With a sigh, he breathes a few times, attempting to get the blush out of his face. He barely succeeds, but decides that he needs to take care of his older brother after he’s taken care of him so often.

So, Xie Lian walks back into his room, where Mei Nianqing is awkwardly leaning against the door.

“You’ve… come back,” Jun Wu rasps at him, and only then, in his presence, does Xie Lian realize how heartbroken the other must really be about this all. The fact that he nearly got broken up with.

“Yeah. To fetch you. I’d rather we talk about this properly at home. I’m sorry I snapped.”

“No. I get it,” Jun Wu replies immediately, “I’m still mad at myself, too. I wouldn’t blame you for being mad at me for all of the things I’ve done.”

“See, I’m not actually used to this kind of self-reflection from you. You’ve only started doing that recently and now I don’t really know what to do about it. I’m very conflicted. But you can come back home and if you still want to stay my boyfriend, then… that’s fine by me.”

The way Jun Wu immediately perks up at that almost makes Xie Lian chuckle. He’s never seen his brother that helpless – again, not since he grew up. He was a mean child, yes. Troubled and conflicted, bumping from therapist to therapist because either he didn’t like them, or the therapists didn’t like him. The amount of diagnoses he’s had that he’s all taken the letters off and burnt them was also… something else. Apparently they wrote him off as a hopeless case, except for Jun Wu himself, and he then got himself back on track. Especially ever since he met Mei Nianqing in high school.

“Really?”

“Yeah. Although we do need to talk about this more… for more than just one reason. Don’t want to be written off as crazy.”

“Is what you remembered that bad?” Hua Cheng suddenly asks, stopping the motions of his brush – he’s moved on to painting now, apparently finished with the sketch. “Surely he didn’t kill a man or something.”

At that, Jun Wu and Mei Nianqing look at each other, and it’s a very concerning glance, and somehow neither of them answers, and Xie Lian simply decides that he doesn’t even want to ask this time.

Clearing his throat, Jun Wu gets up, very slowly. Walking over towards his boyfriend.

“You’re… really okay with it?”

“Well now that’s taking it a bit too far. Of course I’m not. I don’t think I ever was. Not… not in any time. But if you’re willing to change then I’m willing to stay.”

Xie Lian sees his brother swallow hard, and give a tiny nod. And then, utterly defeated, dejected like Xie Lian hasn’t ever seen him, he gives a short nod and whispers: “Can we please go home?”

He’s really never seen him look like this.
Mei Nianqing’s expression softens a little, still having been hard all the time, and he reaches out his hand.

“Alright. We can do that.”

*

Once upon a time, Jun Wu had millions of people praying to him. Now, he’s the one hoping that there’s someone still out there hearing his prayers.

Mei Nianqing’s hand is still clasping his even when they make their way around the block.

However, when the man stops dead in his track and turns around to him, his blood freezes, expecting that same hard look on his face again when he told him to get out, that he needed time to think.

But it’s not. He’s wearing a completely neutral expression.

“You know, I’ve never seen you as lost as in this life.”

“I’d argue I was way more lost before.”

“Well, you were dead set on destroying Xie Lian’s life. Wouldn’t call that confusion.”

That stings. He can’t blame him.

“…Yeah. I’m sorry.”

“I know. You already started repenting in Mount Tonglu. I… was with you there for a long time, right? I’m not making up weird stuff now?”

“No,” he answers, “you were there. For a very long time. You burnt off the faces.”

“I remember that,” Mei Nianqing says quietly, more into the crisp air of a November evening than to him. “You were hoping I wouldn’t remember?”

“Yeah. I was hoping to get to spend a life with you… without all this. You never showed any signs that you’d remember. Not like this, at least.”

Mei Nianqing laughs. He doesn’t know whether it’s a bitter or just a sad laugh.

“I didn’t think Heavenly Officials could be reborn in first place. But I guess we’re all here now. So we might as well make the best of it. And I do want to spend my life with you. I… I was just shocked. But it’s okay now. I chose to stay in Mount Tonglu with you for a reason, after all.”

“I know,” Jun Wu answers, pressing his hand. Maybe he’s right. Maybe he really hasn’t ever been this lost and confused and alone. Except he isn’t anymore. Not with Mei Nianqing. Because he remembers, too. “I swear I… wouldn’t repeat any of it.”

“I know. Trust me, otherwise I’d find a way to get rid of you.”

It stings again. Jun Wu can’t blame him. Again.

“But… you’re not hurting Xie Lian anymore. You… the rooming, it was you, wasn’t it?”

He nearly laughs at that. What a change of topic – maybe that’s a sign that they’ll be okay after all. Their relationship. Jun Wu isn’t sure he’ll ever be okay. He’s always going to hate himself for everything that he’s done. There’s nothing and no one that can fix that.

“It was. With pretty much everyone.”

“I can’t believe you chose this life to play the matchmaker. Well, at least Hua Cheng didn’t have to wait eight-hundred years this time. How the hell am I meant to view him now, anyways? He was my son-in-law for quite a while. But now I’m not nearly old enough to be his father-in-law.”

That humorous glint is back in his eyes. Yeah. They’re okay. Mei Nianqing really just needed some time to adjust to his memories. And hell, Jun Wu doesn’t know when he fell in love with Mei Nianqing; whether he’s already had feelings for him before Mount Tonglu, or only developed them upon seeing how loyal he was, or only in this life. It’s not like it matters.

“See him however you want. You understand why I acted the way I did when I was a child.”

“If I had been born with these memories, then yeah. Can’t imagine it being nice. Is there… anyone else?”

“Who remembers?”

“Yeah.”

Jun Wu thinks briefly about that conversation he’s had with Shi Qingxuan that one time. Where she very clearly seemed to recall things that happened in her previous life, except she herself thinks that they aren’t true. That it’s just random, funny thoughts, senseless nightmares, dreams and musings that don’t matter much.

“Yeah, no one else really remembers,” he answers truthfully, “General Pei and the Water Master definitely don’t. I think he does still have a grudge against Black Water, but that’s about it. Yin Yu and Quan Yizhen also not. Not a single chance. Hua Cheng and Xianle, as you can see, also not. Apart from their love for each other, at least. Black Water I’m… not entirely sure about. I don’t think so. Shi Qingxuan is the one who remembers the most, but doesn’t believe it means anything.”

“Ah. The kid with the horrible name,” Mei Nianqing sighs dramatically, but nodding at the same time. “No wonder she’d be closest to remembering. Do you really think putting her into one room with Black Water was a good idea? He did kill her brother, didn’t he?”

Honestly, Jun Wu can’t manage more than a shrug. Because first of all, he’s tired. Second of all, he hasn’t eaten all day. and third of all, as if Shi Qingxuan of all people would care about something that happened in a past life.

“It’s fine. I’m pretty sure they’re in love. It’s safe enough. If she wants to move out, she can at any point. The same goes for him. But I don’t think they’ll remember properly either way.”

“So… it’s just us two?”

“Yeah.”

It’s cold. And it’s getting colder by the second. He really just wants to go back home.

“Alright. Then… we go home, I suppose?” Mei Nianqing asks, shooting him a look, up and down his entire body, as if to make sure this is really him. Jun Wu wished it wasn’t. Every single day of his life, he wished it could all be easier than it is.

“Yeah,” is everything he manages to say, “let’s go home.”

Chapter Text

“What are you looking for, actually? New earrings? You know, you never told me why you want to go out shopping with me, actually,” Shi Qingxuan says as she walks into the jewelry shop behind Hua Cheng. It’s not a big one, and also not one of the more expensive ones. Probably looking for something he can afford.
Hua Cheng looks back at her as if she’s stupid.

“Rings.”

“Ah, yes, of course- wait.”

She feels all the colour drain from her face.

“What kind of rings are we talking, Hua Cheng?”

Again. The very same look on his face.

“…Engagement rings? If- If he says yes, that is. What are you so shocked about? Huh?”

Shi Qingxuan doesn’t know where to start and where to end, so for a while, she just doesn’t say anything. Luckily, there’s another customer that the poor lady owning this shop is still busy with.

“…Hong, it’s been five days since you got together.”

“…Yes?”

Oh no.

He doesn’t even see her point.

“Listen, as much as I love you two together, and as much as I support you, which you know, people- people usually wait longer with proposing to someone else.”

In absolute surprise, Hua Cheng blinks at her, tilting his head a little.

“What? Like, how long? Two weeks? Three? I thought one week is enough. I mean, it’s kind of a long time, isn’t it? That’s seven whole days-“

“Hong!” she screeches, taking a step towards him and taking him by the shoulder. Funnily enough, she hasn’t actually bought any kind of new clothing today, actually. She only bought a small plush dog that fits into her pockets that He Xuan can take home for his little sister. “No! People wait like, half a year at least! Usually you propose after one year or longer! Some wait for four or something, especially if they’re long distance! A week is not long, and as much as I want you two to get married-“

With a roll of his eyes that’s almost Mu Qing worthy, Hua Cheng slowly takes her fingers off his shoulders.

“I’ll wait until we’ve been together for two weeks at most. Like you want me to, clearly.”

Why does it sound like he’s accusing her of trying to pressure or guilt trip him into something?

“Hong, listen, that is not-“

“We were made for each other,” he says, and when she sees that boyish, blissful smile on his face, Shi Qingxuan doesn’t find it in her to argue with him anymore. After all, it’s just an engagement. They won’t get married right away. This is Hua Cheng. He’s loved Xie Lian for all of his life. Of course he’d rush into these things. It’s kind of hard to blame him, really.

“Okay, but two weeks really, okay? Just… I do wish you the best of luck, but man, Hong, you’re sure going for it. No one’s going to steal him away from you, really.”

She feels absolutely and entirely certain about this, kind of unsure as to why herself, but their relationship does feel like an unshakable fact. Maybe an engagement after two weeks won’t be so bad. Not if it’s them. Maybe this will all work out. She wouldn’t be surprised if it did.

“…Fine, two weeks. No, really,” he says, suddenly back to being properly serious. That smile still on his face, “it feels weird not being married to him. I can’t explain why. It feels like we should’ve always been. The feeling is hard to shake. I tried, but it… it feels like my fingers are missing something. Maybe that’s weird.”

He looks at his ring finger, circles it with a finger of his other hand, slowly tracing the air as if there was a string attached to his finger. For a second, Shi Qingxuan almost expects there to be. Obviously there’s nothing. Just the slightly stuffy air of the jewelry shop.

“No, I… it does feel weird that you’re not married. Just don’t pressure Lianlian, okay? Take it slow, alright?”

“I am. If I hadn’t, I would’ve long married him. In case he would have said yes, obviously.”

“I’m… very convinced he will, somehow,” she laughs, “okay, well. Let’s start looking. If there’s anything that catches your eye, you just call me over, okay? I’ll look if I find something for myself first.”

Hua Cheng nods, exhaling, almost as if he’s glad that she’s not going to be nagging him while choosing. She has to laugh a bit as she strolls away. This is still his decision. But if his decision is a bad one, she will nag him. So he better prepare himself.

So, Shi Qingxuan looks into the first huge box covered with glass, rings inside of it. She checks them all out. She does own a few, and she isn’t really a ring wearer to begin with. She’s always just kind of thought that she’s going to wait with wearing any until she gets married. She has one in rosé gold that she got from her mother, though. And she does wear that one pretty often, just because it’s so simple and pretty. Funnily enough, both her and Shi Wudu also got one of their parents’ wedding rings each, since they aren’t wearing those anymore once they broke up. They do still have a good relationship, though. So both her and her brother simply own that. She forgot where she put it; probably somewhere in her jewelry box.

…Hopefully.

So, quickly deciding that normal rings are boring anyways, she makes her way over to the ones with some kind of fun designs, made for casual wear and not engagement or marriage. These are much nicer. There are some with flower patterns, or just flower shaped rings. Some smaller ones for kids, with cats and everything. There’s one that's kind of shaped like a penis, and-

She gulps, all thoughts suddenly leaving her brain.

There’s one in the shape of a shark biting its own tail. That… she looks at it. Looks at her purse, and the price – it’s an okay price and she could literally pay this with the physical money she has on her; it’s very much cheap, it’s probably only the outer layer which is actually silver – and then at Hua Cheng and she bites her lip.

“…Hong, can you come over for a second?” she asks, and he blinks in absolute confusion, takes one last look at the rings, then strolls over to her.

“I mean, I’ve made my decision I think. I’ll ask you in a bit. What did you call me over for?”

He leans over her shoulder, and immediately breaks out into laughter. Clearly seeing what she’s seen.

“It’s out birthday soon,” she says, “would it be weird to gift him a ring? I mean, he does wear jewelry. So… and this seems to his liking…”

“Do you not have a present for him yet?” Hua Cheng inquires without actually responding to her, “I kind of thought you’d long have a present for him.”

Shi Qingxuan gives him a short grin, turning back around.

“Of course I do! But it’s nothing physical. Or well. I guess it kind of is? But well, either way, I think I should get him this. I mean, it’s not very expensive. I mean, it’s really, really cheap. Even by normal people standards. It wouldn’t be weird, right?”

“I came for the engagement ring, not you,” Hua Cheng grins, but then bumps his arm into her side, “or did you?”

“No!” she exclaims immediately, not so sure of whether she should feel offended or not, “we’re just friends! I mean, I wouldn’t be buying another one for me! I’d just be buying one for him! As an accessory! That’s all! Why are you so convinced I got a thing for him?”

“Wait, wait,” he says, raising both of his hands to in front of him and staring her down. “You don’t?”

“No!” she exclaims, “I swear, I don’t! I can find someone attractive and nice without being in love with them! For hell’s sake, Hua Cheng! I’ve told you that so often now!”

“Geez, okay,” he laughs, “I get it. You want to buy your roommate a very platonic ring.”

That teasing edge is still in his voice. She decides to ignore it. Shi Qingxuan can want to kiss someone without it being romantic. Sometimes, you just have weird urges. Or at least that’s what she tells herself every day and night when she thinks about it.

But the ring is simply very cute, and He Xuan needs some more cute jewelry. That’s all, really. How could she possibly walk past this ring, after all? It’s perfect, really. No. If she doesn’t buy it now, it’ll bug her forever. This is truly the perfect present for him.

“Yeah, I think I’ll get it. Do you know… whether he’s got a present for me yet?”

Hua Cheng shrugs.

“Whatever would I know. Knowing him, he’ll gift you something food related and then eat it himself. Happened to me on one birthday already.”

Shi Qingxuan laughs at that, then nods to herself. Okay. She’s going to get that ring. Whatever. It’s just an accessory. And it seems like it should fit He Xuan. She’s not sure why, but she’s looked a lot at He Xuan’s fingers lately. She’s pretty sure this one should work.

(She knows exactly why she’s been looking at his fingers a lot. She’s been questioning what it’d feel like to entwine them with hers. But she just likes holding hands, so that’s not a weird thought.)

“Okay, okay. I’m getting it for him. So now show me to your engagement rings, Honghong.”

He rolls his eyes at that nickname – clearly he has been spending too much time with Mu Qing that one time he camped at their place hating himself for being in love with Feng Xin. Well. At least that situation got resolved. And the Hua Cheng and Xie Lian one too. And she’s not even in love. What a bummer.

Suddenly nervous, Hua Cheng gulps, but does lead her to the rings. He points at one that’s silver, a bit broader, and it has a shimmering kind of… filling? With butterflies in it. Shi Qingxuan isn’t too certain of her ring vocabulary.

“Oh no, this is a very pretty ring,” she says, “does Xie Lian like butterflies though?”

“He does,” he says, “he’s got some butterfly print stuff. You… really think this is a good one?”

“Unless you want something more plain, or something more extravagant, then yes, I’d argue this is a good one. I mean, it’s an engagement ring, not a wedding ring. And the wedding ring is something that you two can choose together. So it’s not like he’s going to be doomed to wear it forever. But no, I believe he’ll be happy to wear anything if it’s coming from you.”

“R-really?”

There’s a very profound blush on Hua Cheng’s face suddenly, and his eyes are kind of tearing up, and Shi Qingxuan can’t help but reach out to brush away one of his tears. After all, he’s still Hong. He’s still her little brother. It’s not like they even can get married. Hua Cheng is still seventeen, after all. She often forgets he’s nearly two years younger than them. Although Xie Lian is a bit younger than her, too. He really is a prodigy, considering he skipped two entire grades.

“Yes, Hua Cheng. Hong. Honghong. We should both take these very cool rings.”

“Oh, He Xuan is going to be delighted,” he laughs, “just don’t expect much of a reaction when it comes to presents. He really cherishes them even if he doesn’t show it.”

“Oh don’t worry. I’m very sure my other present will prompt a reaction.”

There’s a reason she’s got that entire thing planned out and booked and she’s very excited for their birthday simply because she wants to see He Xuan’s reaction. And even if it’s jut the tiniest of smiles, she’ll take it as the biggest success.

“You ought to tell me what it is.”

“Nope. I’m already bad at not telling him. If I tell someone else, that’s going to tempt me even more. You’ll hear from him. Just keep us the day free, okay? We can meet with you and Lian for dinner or something in the evening.”

Hua Cheng nods, then looks back at the ring.
Eyes still big, cheeks still red, looking just like he did when he was a child and gifted Xie Lian that small, red plastic ring that the other still wears as a necklace.

“You… really think he’s going to say yes?”

She nudges him too now and tries to shoot him a reassuring smile.

“I’m very sure.”

Chapter Text

Hua Cheng isn’t sure why he’s doing what he’s doing. Or well. He does know. he loves Xie Lian a lot. That’s why. And he very much wants to do this. That’s not the issue either.

He’s just scared. Shi Qingxuan has been hyping him up constantly over the past week to go through with it once she got used to the idea of him proposing after a mere two weeks.

He really doesn’t know how to explain it any better than that it feels weird to not be wearing an engagement ring. Or… a thread? He really doesn’t know. He’s given up thinking about it, really. It’s things that he can’t quite make sense of. Sometimes he just has thoughts and feelings that he can’t place, moments that feel almost like a déjà-vu. Well, that’s probably everything there is to those.

He feels around in his pocket, feeling the small box with the two rings that he got still inside of it, while Xie Lian is happily holding his other hand, dragging him along the small trail through the forest.

Honestly, Hua Cheng didn’t have any idea as to when and where he was going to propose, not until Xie Lian suddenly said that he kind of wants to go for a walk. So they took a bus to the outskirts of the city, which luckily isn’t that far so they can walk back if they want to (but walking back will be downhill so that’s a lot more fun than walking uphill), and just walked into this small forest. Apparently, many students go here for nature reasons (or to smoke weed, probably), because there’s a very clear walking trail that Xie Lian is traipsing along. It’s already dusk, the sun already setting. Hua Cheng has enough phone battery to use the flashlight function if needed, so that’s totally okay.

“San Lang?” Xie Lian turns around to him, and only then does Hua Cheng realize that he’s stopped walking all of a sudden. He hadn’t meant to.

Well. He supposes that now is the moment, huh? It’s a wonderful autumn evening, the sun is still out, casting a golden-pink light over the last few leaves on the trees around them. There’s no one else around. And Xie Lian is in a good mood.

His heart beating in his chest, Hua Cheng nods to himself on the inside. Okay. Now’s definitely the time. He can do this.

He looks at Xie Lian, requiting his gaze, very much hoping that Xie Lian doesn’t see the quiver in his lips-

“Are you okay?” the other asks, very much indicating that he did see.

“…Yeah,” Hua Cheng manages to say, tongue suddenly feeling heavy with the fear that’s building up inside of him, that feeling of helplessness scaring him a bit more than usual. He does always feel very helpless with Xie Lian around, because it’s harder to control himself, because he loves him so dearly that he would die for him, knows for a fact that he will forever love Xie Lian. And usually, he doesn’t mind that feeling at all, no – it’s always overshadowed by all the positives of it. Knowing exactly why he’s alive, knowing exactly who he loves and why and how he wants to spend the rest of his life, knowing exactly that there’s no way anything or anyone could ever render him unhappy except for this single person.

Which is exactly the problem with this situation.

He won’t hate Xie Lian if he says no. Shi Qingxuan did say it’s still early. And especially if he asks whether he might consider it at a later time, and he agrees to that, then it’s totally fine.

But what if he doesn’t?

“You don’t seem so okay,” his boyfriend says, reaching for his face and carefully stroking some strands out of it. Fingertips trembling slightly, a blush on his adorable cheeks, as if he’s still not used even after two weeks. Hua Cheng can’t blame him. He also isn’t used to just being allowed to kiss Xie Lian whenever he wants to. And hell, he’s sure made use of that privilege.

“I… have something I want to ask you, actually,” he mumbles, and at that, Xie Lian visibly perks up.

“Hm? I’m not going to be mad or something if that’s what you’re scared of. I might feel a bit awkward with some topics or something but- but I know that communication is important, so really, don’t worry about it, San Lang! Just ask away!”

There’s a nervous tinge to Xie Lian’s voice – it’s probably Hua Cheng’s nervousness transferring to him slowly but surely.

He does manage a nod, and does open his mouth and grab the rings in his hand even tighter. And while no sound leaves his mouth, he does manage to open the box still in his pocket and take the rings out of it carefully with his fingers, inside of his pocket. He takes one and holds it steadily between thumb and middle finger.

“So?” Xie Lian asks.

Hua Cheng can barely hear it over the sound of his own damned heart.

Okay. He can do this. The worst that can happen is Xie Lian saying he only wants to get engaged later. Shi Qingxuan reassured him enough that he wouldn’t ever break up with him. And for some reason, Hua Cheng is also very sure about that.

“Okay, okay, I’m going to ask,” he says, which Xie Lian seems to take as a warning with a quiet chuckle, but Hua Cheng says more to actually make himself ask this.

He can do it, he tells himself again, then does actually get down onto his knees.

For a second, Xie Lian looks at him utterly confused, like he’s not entirely sure what kind of thing you’d only ask when down on your knees, or if Hua Cheng is maybe going to tie his shoelaces back up – which Hua Cheng will definitely do before getting up, considering that Xie Lian’s shoelaces are indeed open.

And then, something seems to dawn on him and his mouth drops open.

Hua Cheng awkwardly fingers for the ring after losing it because of how much his fingers are trembling, but then, still holding Xie Lian’s other hand even after getting down on one knee, he does hold it up.

“So- I know it’s early, and Shi Qingxuan definitely scolded me for this, and you might find me ridiculous, and if you want me to just ask you again at a later point then I also don’t care as long as you don’t like, break up with me,” blurts out of him, which was in no way how he wanted to ask this whatsoever. He didn’t mean to dump all these anxieties onto Xie Lian, but here he is.

So, clearing his throat once, he then shakily meets Xie Lian’s eyes.

“Will you- will you marry me? One day?”

Xie Lian does seem clearly taken aback, but considering that he’s not moving his hand – quite the opposite, actually, he’s clutching onto Hua Cheng for hold suddenly – Hua Cheng takes it as a positive sign and brings the ring closer to Xie Lian’s ring finger.

His mothers are so going to laugh at him when he calls them in the evening saying he got engaged today, if Xie Lian really agrees. Well. Maybe he doesn't have to tell them right away.

“I-“ the other starts, wriggling his fingers a bit closer to the ring and touching it with his ring finger.

Hua Cheng takes this as a sign to slowly slide it onto it. It does fit perfectly.

“I- I do agree with Shi Qingxuan,” Xie Lian rasps out, causing Hua Cheng a near heart attack, “it is a bit early but I mean- we can wait with the actual marriage so… yes.”

He said yes.
He actually said yes.

Within less than a second, Hua Cheng has broken out into tears and he’s not all too sure how he got here, but suddenly he’s hugging Xie Lian’s waist, pressing his face against his stomach almost like he’s pregnant and he’s trying to hear the baby or something of the like, and Xie Lian is laughing and stroking through his hair again and again.
Until suddenly, his brain tells him that maybe he misheard-

“Gege,” he sobs, “you did say yes, right? I didn’t make that up in my mind? This isn’t some weird wishful thinking thing? You actually said yes? Right? I’m not making that up?”

“No,” the other one laughs, letting go of him until he’s leaning down, “you didn’t, San Lang. Man, my parents don’t even know I have a boyfriend, let alone a fiancé.”

Xie Lian also gets onto his knees, hands awkwardly grasping Hua Cheng’s arm, that tiny gesture that Hua Cheng has noticed is him wanting a hug. So he does exactly that. He leans in, engulfing Xie Lian in a hug, and probably getting snot all over his shoulder when he buries his face there. It’s fine, he can lend Xie Lian his jacket.

“Oh, oh please stop crying, San Lang,” Xie Lian laughs again, patting his back a little, “it’s alright, it’s alright.”

“It’s not,” Hua Cheng sobs, “you’re my fiancé. I’m never going to stop crying ever again…!”

“In that case, I’ll have to say no-“

“I’ll stop crying!”

“There we go,” Xie Lian laughs, but Hua Cheng doesn’t exactly succeed at stopping his tears either way. It’s fine. He knows Xie Lian was just joking. So it’s not that big of a deal, really. He also doesn’t like it when Xie Lian cries, which, to be fair, he doesn’t do very often. He’s very happy about that. Otherwise he’d have to start killing people, and he’d rather not start his own criminal career at such a young age. Either way, He Xuan started his earlier. So he’s worse than him, at least. Even if he did start killing people now.

For a long time, they’re just hugging each other on that stupid forest floor. At one point, Xie Lian takes his hand and brings it to between their chests, pressing Hua Cheng’s really hard, and then he also hears some quiet sniffs.

He’s not sure he’s ever been this happy in his entire life, obviously apart from when Xie Lian told him that he loves him back. That’s better than any kind of formal engagement.

“So, Shi Qingxuan knew you were going to ask me?” Xie Lian chuckles after quite a while, tears very much suffocating his voice a little.

“Yeah, she- she helped me choose the ring. I just thought- you know, since it was us three as kids, her helping me would just… feel right.”

“Yeah. I get that. Can you-“

Hua Cheng perks up at little at the start of a question.

“Hm?”

He lets go of him a bit, suddenly feeling Xie Lian let go of his hand and his back, and instead he grasps him by his collar, and before Hua Cheng knows it, Xie Lian is kissing him.

God, he really will never grow tired of him. There’s no way he could.

He requites the kiss a lot softer than it is, really, feeling the way their noses slide against each other’s easily with how wet their faces are with tears. It’s ridiculous, really.

Heart fluttering, Hua Cheng carefully brushes through Xie Lian’s strands a little, then pushes him closer again by his lower back.

“I love you,” Xie Lian mumbles into the kiss, and Hua Cheng thinks he might start crying again had he ever stopped in first place.

“…I love you too,” he whispers back, and feels himself smile like an utter idiot against Xie Lian’s lips.

It’s okay. He’s allowed to be an idiot once in a while. Especially when he just got engaged to the love of his life.

Chapter Text

Shi Wudu wakes up to the sound of a scream.

Again.

Oh, he’s so very sick of this

With a very exhausted sigh, he throws the blanket off himself and puts on a sweatshirt jacket before even daring to walk into Pei Ming’s room. He does not want Xuan Ji to try flirting with him again, please and thank you.

So, he throws open his door and walks into his roommate’s room, who, strangely enough, is still sitting on his bed. Not backed into a corner yet. Wow, he surely came early to save him.

However, Xuan Ji is just standing there, leaning against the wall opposite of Pei Ming.

“Stop screaming. Oh, hi Wudu, darling.”

“Stop calling me that,” Shi Wudu says with so much resignation in his voice that he can barely believe himself. He really is done with that woman.

“I’m not here to threaten you! I didn’t even bring my gun, nor a knife! Calm down, this is officially the last time I’m breaking into your flat! I swear I won’t do it again afterwards, okay?”

Shi Wudu doesn’t really believe her, so he just walks over to Pei Ming to stand in front of him a little. Maybe it’s weird, but he does kind of want to protect him – after all, Xuan Ji isn’t after him… yet.

(Shi Wudu sincerely hopes she will never actually be after him.)

“Just… leave my room, oh my God! Get out of my house!”

“It’s not your house,” Xuan Ji responds, “it’s owned by the university. It’s your apartment at most. And also, just let me talk?”

Pei Ming, funnily enough, is grabbing himself a pillow as Xuan Ji very much checks out his abs. Shi Wudu follows her gaze, then snaps away. He can’t be looking at Pei Ming’s abs, not even because of following this woman’s gaze to see what she’s staring at so intently. After all, he’s straight.

“Alright,” Shi Wudu answers for him to distract himself from whatever the hell those thoughts are about, “why are you here? And if you don’t have a good explanation, I’m so calling the police. Just so you know.”

She rolls her eyes at that and leans into the wall a bit more.

“I got a boyfriend.”

“What?” Pei Ming and Shi Wudu scream in unison, which Xuan Ji just shrugs at.

“Just thought I’d inform you.”

“Who? Who the hell would want you?” Pei Ming asks, as if he, once upon a time, hadn’t wanted Xuan Ji, “he must be insane. Or she. No wait. You said boyfriend. He must be insane. What the hell.”

“Well, I mean, he set a school on fire once, and adopted a kid when he went to laugh at some orphans, so I guess he is very insane.”

And then it clicks.

Pei Ming’s and Shi Wudu’s gazes meet, and their mouths drop open. In too much shock to keep standing, Shi Wudu kind of just falls down onto Pei Ming’s bed right next to him.

He’s still looking right into Pei Ming’s eyes, amber mixed with green and-
Okay, okay, if he’s noticing the colour of Pei Ming’s eyes, then this eye contact is too long. Shi Wudu breaks it and redirects his gaze to Xuan Ji.

“…Qi Rong?” he asks, unsure why his voice feels a bit weak and his throat dry right now, but it’s probably just the shock.

“Yeah, that’d be him. So shocked about it?”

“Well…” Pei Ming starts, shooting another glance at Shi Wudu next to him, “I… how did you two even meet, if I dare ask?”

“Okay, so, when I last broke into your flat Jian Lan came to pick me up, right? Well, she had also picked up Qi Rong-“

Oh. Shi Wudu remembers. So that was Qi Rong. That adds up. He hadn’t seen him in years, after all. Since his and Xie Lian’s families both moved away. He’s heard a lot about him from Shi Qingxuan though.

“And I kind of thought she had really bad taste, and then I guess they fucked, and then we all kind of-“

“Actually,” Shi Wudu interrupts her, burying his face in his hands, “I don’t really want to know, Xuan Ji. I get it.”

“And then I guess I fell in love with him! And his kid. His kid is really sweet. What a little gentleman.”

That’s a vastly different topic of conversation she chose there. He didn’t even know she liked kids.

“And well, we’re officially together now, although Jian Lan is still kind of in the equation after that night-“

“He said he doesn’t want to know,” Pei Ming interrupts her now, too, although Shi Wudu can clearly see that he actually doesn’t want to know himself. Which is very uncommon for Pei Ming, but really, Shi Wudu can’t blame him. This is about whatever the hell this polyamorous relationship is about and he can’t blame anyone for not wanting to know anything about Xuan Ji’s and Qi Rong’s (and apparently Jian Lan’s) sex life.

“Fine, fiiiine,” she chants, “well, now you know for sure that I won’t break in anymore! I’ll see myself out now!”

And she does actually leave. Simply. Just like that. Without them threatening her with calling the police, or forcefully shoving her out of the flat. After a while, they hear the door click back shut.

“…What the hell,” Pei Ming sighs, reaching over Shi Wudu’s lap to take a look at his phone. Shi Wudu also does so. The screen says that it’s six in the morning. They’d have to get up in an hour and a half.

“Not a use going back to sleep now, huh,” Shi Wudu says, “not that I could, after whatever the hell she just told us. Should I raise this weird happening to Paulette de Sade? Maybe she could make something cringe-worthy out of that.”

“Oh, don’t you dare,” Pei Ming laughs, falling back down onto his back on the bed, putting his hands onto his face and stretching his legs.

He’s only wearing boxershorts, too. Shi Wudu only notices now. That’s a weird thing to notice.

“But yeah. No use in going back to sleep. We might as well do something with that extra time. Because frankly, I need distraction from these awful mental images I’m having right now.”

“Me too,” Shi Wudu grunts, turning around a bit to look at the other’s face. “Any idea as to what we could do? I’m not hungry yet, so not breakfast, preferably. And even if I had been hungry before, the image of Qi Rong and Xuan Ji kissing definitely would’ve made me not hungry anymore.”

He gets a laugh out of Pei Ming for that and feels strangely proud of it. Well, making people laugh is always a nice thing, right? That’s the good thing about He Xuan – he never laughs. So, Shi Wudu doesn’t need to fear accidentally doing a nice thing for He Xuan by making him laugh. Not that he ever would say anything remotely funny when around that guy. He gives him way too much of a bad mood. He just wished Shi Qingxuan would see how bad he is for her.

“So… what do we do then? Watch Twilight?”

“I’d rather die than watch that at six in the morning.”

“Want me to read you a Paulette de Sade novel?”

“Who are you, my mom?”

Another laugh out of Pei Ming.

“I don’t think your mother would read you a smut novel. Oh, by the way, what was that parcel you received yesterday if I can ask? It was book-shaped.”

Deciding that he’s too exhausted to keep sitting, Shi Wudu falls back onto Pei Ming’s bed, trying to ignore the memories of the noise coming from it a few nights ago. He’s sat on Pei Ming’s bed before, sure, but this still feels a bit weird.

“Don’t ask. I got an early copy of Paulette de Sade’s dating guide from her. You know, for Shi Qingxuan. For her birthday. It’s personally signed with a personal message and everything. Turns out she did remember her from her tweet about wanting a trans main character.”

“Told you Paulette de Sade is really nice,” Pei Ming chuckles, “maybe you should marry her or something. Get the gay accusations and the girlfriend questions out of the way.”

That’s a statement funny enough to actually make Shi Wudu laugh, too. He breathes in very deeply before answering, though, feeling strangely safe and calm and at ease. It’s a weird feeling. Maybe it’s a feeling that comes with early mornings after being told that the crazy woman trying to break into your house won’t be doing that anymore because she fell in love with the guy who once set an entire school on fire.

“Not like I’d ever get to see her in reality, for starters. She hasn’t ever met anyone. Apart from her editor and my parents, I guess. I mean, if she’s still writing when I take over, I guess I’ll get to see her, but by that time I’m hopefully going to be married and have a family or something. And second of all I couldn’t possibly. Shi Qingxuan would never let me live that down. And I think she’d try stealing her from me either way.”

“That is a way too serious answer for a joke question,” Pei Ming laughs, lying on his side to face him.

Shi Wudu backs away a little because that makes him suddenly be very close, and even though they’re best friends ever since childhood, it does still feel a tiny bit weird and too intimate like this.

“Well, you gotta consider your options, I suppose. But yeah, it’s for Shi Qingxuan, not for me. I made sure she knows I’m getting it for her so that she doesn’t end up having two copies of the same book.”

Pei Ming nods and stays quiet for a while. It’s a comfortable silence.

“You know what?” Shi Wudu asks, “we should go out to the store and get instant noodles for breakfast.”

“For breakfast?”

“Just like when we were kids and you showed them to me for the first time.”

“The fact you were too rich to ever have eaten instant noodles really says it all,” Pei Ming whispers, voice weirdly soft, “and the fact I had to lend you my damned clothes because you wouldn’t play in the mud with me otherwise.”

“You couldn’t possibly expect me to play in the mud with a Gucci pullover,” Shi Wudu responds, also turning around to him now, although only after gaining some more distance.

Otherwise, that’d be really weird. They’d be way too close.

“So, you really, actually want to go out for instant noodles for breakfast?” Pei Ming asks after another while.

God, this is comfortable. He’s not sure he’s ever been this comfortable ever since he was a child, hanging out with Pei Ming on his parents’ sofa after a long day of playing outside, something that he couldn’t ever do when both of his parents were home. He quite liked his parents going on business trips and having to stay over at Pei’s. Shi Qingxuan very much didn’t like it. But she had Xie Lian to visit, so she survived until he moved away, after which she just became a bundle of absolute anger whenever having to stay over at Pei Ming’s to the point she once scribbled a ton of ponies onto the kitchen wall and his parents had to pay for it.

“…Maybe in a bit. Not right now,” he admits, “I think I need a new mattress. Yours is much more comfortable.”

“We can get you a new one of these days. I’ll show you the one I got.”

Suddenly overcome with a weird tiredness, which he thinks might be prompted by that weird feeling of safety, he yawns, hearing Pei Ming laugh again.

“Tired after all? You should go back to bed. I can get us those instant noodles.”

“Nah. I won’t fall asleep,” he responds, reaching up to rub his eyes a little. And yawn again. It’s definitely his tiredness making him say that, but-

“I think I kind of missed sleeping over in your room like we did when we were kids.”

Strangely enough, Pei Ming doesn’t answer him. It goes quiet again, and Shi Wudu, at one point, decides to close his eyes because of how much they’re burning.

*

Shi Wudu wakes up to the familiar smell of duck flavoured instant noodles and a warm blanket on him that very much doesn’t smell like his own.

Chapter Text

Shi Qingxuan stares at He Xuan just a tiny bit confused. He’s holding a pretty big box in front of him, complete with wrapping paper and a ribbon around it and everything. Wearily, she sits up, still on the bed, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes, with the small Blahaj in one arm, and then-

“Oh shit it’s our birthday!” she laughs, and is awake in an instant.

Then, she looks at the box, and at He Xuan again, who isn’t meeting her gaze. Aww, is he embarrassed to be gifting her something?

“Is that for me?” she asks, already reaching out her hands, opening and closing them a few times. Getting a present from He Xuan seems like a dream come true, really. He’s always so reserved in showing her that he likes her. Which, well, is kind of obvious, considering he still hasn’t asked her to move out.

“It’s not going to be for you if you don’t adjust your shirt.”

Shi Qingxuan looks down her body, hot embarrassment creeping up her cheeks as she realizes her shirt is showing a bit too much of her skin, so she quickly readjusts it. After which he does look at her. Okay, okay, he was just being modest. Unlike her when she tries stealing glances at him when he’s changing-

Not that she’d ever do that. No no. never.

She wonders how long she can still pretend-

“Now it’s for you,” he sighs, handing her the present, “it’s as much as I could afford but only because I know you’re probably gifting me something really expensive considering you’re stupidly rich.”

…Yeah, he’s probably done it because he wanted to. So, with a smile, she takes the large box, and places it on her legs. Slowly, she undoes the ribbon as He Xuan drops down onto the bed next to her, probably not wanting to be standing around uselessly.

This is her first birthday not spent at home. And while she’s already told her brother that they can only meet up tomorrow because she’s busy today, it’s still weird celebrating without him and her parents. But hey, just like back home, she’s getting her presents right after waking up.

So, she carefully takes care of the wrapping paper and then opens the box, only to laugh out loud.

“Oh, Hua Cheng was so right. You truly gift people things that you can make use of yourself!”

“Bastard,” he grunts, “but not the case here. She’s yours. Completely. I won’t touch her if you don’t want me to. I just thought trans people generally need to own one.”

Reaching into the box, Shi Qingxuan slowly frees a small Blahaj wearing several pink ribbons around all of her fins. She looks exactly like all the others – apart from the ribbons obviously – and is just as fluffy. Still, she can’t stop laughing.

“So she’s a girl because of the pink ribbons, then?”

“Exactly.”

He’s in a good mood, too. She can tell. Despite him celebrating without his family. For a bit, Shi Qingxuan wonders whether He Xuan might really like gifting people things.

“Pink is for girls. Got it,” she comments, and looks at the shark again a few times. Some of the ribbons, she notices, have a heart pattern on them, too. Very feminine. Yes, yes.

“No, thank you, she’s perfect,” she says, “I’ll cherish her forever. So I get to hug two Blahajs while sleeping now?”

“If you want.”

She almost thinks that there’s a small smile on his face. Somehow, this is… way more touching to her than it should be. He did actually put a lot of thought into this gift, didn’t he? He really tried his best to buy her something that she will like. And he did know that she likes the shark plushies.
She puts the plushie into her lap and strokes it a few times, and only then does she realize there’s something else in the box. It’s a smaller, kind of flat box that she carefully takes out of it, looking at it in a bit of confusion.

He Xuan, however, suddenly looks away.

“I… don’t know whether you’ll like that one. It just…”

“Hm? I’m sure I’ll like it, I mean, let me open it first, and I’m not not going to like a present, to be honest-“

“No, I really don’t know. I saw it and just- thought- thought of you. I don’t know why.”

She blinks a few times at him, then realizes why he had problems saying that out loud. Because it’s him admitting that he does think of her sometimes. Which is very sweet.
Giggling a bit like a stupid middle schooler, Shi Qingxuan bumps her shoulder against his.

“See, these presents are the best, usually. I just hope it wasn’t expensive.”

“Oh, Hua Cheng paid for it, so it doesn’t really matter,” He Xuan says, shrugging, and Shi Qingxuan can’t help but laugh again. No, this is a great birthday already.

So, she also opens this box, and what she sees is… a fan?

It’s quite big, mostly white, only a few, black lines of what appears to be a wind-like pattern on it. She carefully takes it out of the box. Now that she’s moving it, she sees that the wooden handle has a bit of silver glitter on it, and for some reason-

For some reason she feels tears shooting into her eyes way too fast to try and blink or stroke them away so that he doesn’t notice.

“Is it so awful?”

She kicks his leg again, still just looking at the fan. Something about it feels weirdly familiar, and then-

“Oh,” she voices, “no, no, it’s just kind of funny.”

“…Why are you crying if it’s funny?”

She turns it around, seeing the character for ‘wind’ on the back, also in black lines, careful strokes. The paper itself is really white, although some bits and pieces of it do seem a bit yellow with age.

“No, it’s just- I sometimes have really weird dreams, like, I’m talking dreams that could be out of a bad Paulette de Sade historical romance novel- not that her novels are bad! But you get what I mean! And like, I often have a fan in them somehow? It’s really weird. I actually went to some therapists as a kid because some of those dreams were rather disturbing.”

“So it’s bad?”

“No, no!” she exclaims, once more kicking his leg. Harder this time. Prompting him to actually kick her back.

“It’s not bad!” she reiterates, “I don’t know why I’m crying…! It’s just- it’s really weird that you gifted me a fan when I had those dreams all my life, you know? I mean, they’re really weird to begin with but I just feel-“

She doesn’t know what she’s feeling. There’s so many emotions inside of her body right now, raging through it and feeling like tiny shocks every second, something that’s making her cry which might be anger or happiness or sadness. She doesn’t know. All she knows is that she doesn’t know, and that she feels weirdly complete.

“No, I like it, I really do!” she says, slowly shutting the fan and then opening it once more, wrist almost snapping it open as if she’s got practice doing this, “I really like it, Xuan! Seriously! Thank you! I don’t- I don’t know what’s gotten into me, really…!”

“You’re weird,” he comments, putting his hands into his pockets and taking a deep breath that he releases a second after. Shi Qingxuan wonders whether it’s him sighing in relief, or if it’s just him being exasperated with her.

“I know,” she laughs, “in my dreams, the fan used to be broken a lot, though. So I'm very glad you didn’t gift me a broken fan. Where’d you get that anyways?”

“A market downtown that I went to with Hua Cheng last week between classes. It wasn’t that expensive either, for the fact that it seems very well made.”

Darkly, she remembers something, probably another dream, of someone giving her a fan, too. Quite violently so, though. She remembers some kind of relief and anger that she felt in that moment, and somehow these feelings bubble back up, and she’s left just staring at He Xuan for a while.

“…Thank you,” she stutters, words a bit slurred with all these stupid tears still streaming down her cheeks. “I’m sorry, I still don’t really know why I’m crying. I’m not upset though. And I like it. A lot. Really and honestly. I’m sorry-“

“Whatever. As long as you like it.”

For a split second, there’s a hand brushing her back, but it’s gone as soon as it came. Yeah. After all, he’s not really a person for physical contact.

“I do! I really and honestly do! Oh, shit, shit, wait! Happy Birthday, in first place! I totally forgot!”

She wipes her nose on her sleeve (she’s going to throw that shirt into the laundry either way) and then brushes the tears out of her eyes. Not that they’d stop, but it’s worth a try.

“Let me get your present! Or well, one of them, ‘cause there’s a reason I told you to keep your day free, I only really have one physical thing for you, and it’s quite small, and for the love of God don’t misinterpret it either.”

“How am I going to misinterpret a present?”

“Quite easily with this one,” she laughs, and gets the small box out of her sock drawer. She only put a small ribbon around it because she’s very bad at wrapping presents. Kind of funny considering she’s a very much talented artist, but that’s as far as talent with her hands goes. She’s kind of bad at crocheting, too.
He Xuan stares at it.

“Jewelry, then?”

She nods.

“Hence, don’t take it the wrong way. I just saw it when I was out with Hua Cheng, and thought you should definitely own this.”

With a roll of his eyes that he definitely learned from Mu Qing (Shi Qingxuan still doesn’t know when those two got so close. Maybe they meet when she isn’t home or something), he opens the small box, and there’s definitely one of these happy glints in his eyes as he sees the shark ring.

He gingerly takes it out, and holds out his own hand for him to put it on. Luckily, it’s an adjustable ring too, so he can very easily put it on and then make it a bit tighter.

“So you like it?”

She takes the fact that he doesn’t even bother answering as a yes, chuckling a bit, and sitting back down next to him to brush her fingers over the fan again. It feels weirdly familiar. More than it should. Maybe there’s indeed some truth to the things Jun Wu said. Maybe there’s something like reincarnation after all. Maybe that’s why she has these weird dreams. Maybe that’s why she feels like she should and shouldn’t own a fan, both at the very same time. Even if she doesn’t remember much, clearly. Apart from some dreams of someone gifting her a fan, of her living somewhere quite shabby, and some loosely connected or totally separate images and impressions. Maybe she should talk to Jun Wu again one of these days. Although he probably can’t help her much. And besides, she has a very good life now, so is it really worth thinking about?

“So,” she starts again, redirecting her gaze towards He Xuan who is still looking at the shark ring. “Want to have breakfast and then get ready to go out with me for your other present?”

“I don’t like going out.”

“You’ll change your mind soon enough,” she grins, shutting the fan again and gently placing it on her nightstand.

“Where are we going?”

“It’s meant to be a surprise, Xuan! But it’s a fifteen minutes bus ride, and a short walk, so there’s that, if that helps you somehow. You’re going to like it, I promise you that. Just… pack yourself some food and drinks, knowing you we might spend all day there. And a Blahaj. We should bring Blahajs.”

“You’re a child,” he grumbles, but she’s already reaching for her very feminine Blahaj, and one of his.

“Well, I’m a child then. I’m bringing them. We’re meeting up with Xie Lian and Hua Cheng at seven, right?”

“Yeah,” He Xuan answers, “don’t want to see that stupid face again, though. It’s bad enough they’re engaged now. He’s been even more insufferable ever since then.”

And yet, despite that complaint of his, he can’t even make himself sound angry. Not when he looks back down at the shark ring.

Shi Qingxuan looks at him again. There’s this small glint of joy in his eyes still, the slightest of blush on his face, a soft pink that makes him look a lot more alive.

She closes her eyes for a second. Yeah. Maybe there was indeed a life before this one in which they knew each other. Maybe he even was the one to gift her a fan. Either way, it doesn’t matter. Nothing that happened in a past she doesn’t know about matters a lot. Not when he’s right next to her, stomach grumbling, probably still looking at that shark ring. Whatever they were in a past life, Shi Qingxuan is sure that they were close either way.

Chapter Text

“I really don’t like walking blindly, Qingxuan,” He Xuan complains, a black cloth still wrapped around his eyes so that he can’t see.

“We’re almost there, I’m literally opening the door right now.”

She’s been awkwardly holding his arm the short walk from the bus stop to the building, mainly so that she won’t hold his hand, because well, that’d seem a bit weird to outsiders. She doesn’t need people to perceive them as a couple.
(Or else she might have a realization that she really doesn’t want to have.)

“Just trust me! I won’t have you run into anything, seriously!”

“I doubt that,” comes the answer, so she very much lets him bump his head into the door, and then doesn’t give him the time to complain about that. It’s okay, he only just started walking again, so it was a very soft bump. Yet, he does hiss at her, a bit like a cat.

Maybe she’s a bit too mean to him considering the fact it’s his birthday. In her rucksack, there’s just some drinks and snacks to keep herself alive until seven in the evening when they’re going out for food with Hua Cheng and Xie Lian, and two shark plushies.

“Hi!” she says to the woman at the reception, “I got two tickets for today for me and him!”

She reaches into her pocket, lets go of He Xuan, and grabs her wallet with the two tickets inside that she had printed out the day before.

“Welcome!” the woman says, taking the two ticket from her and stamping them, “please enjoy your stay at the-“

“Shh!” Shi Qingxuan immediately makes, and the woman stops talking. “It’s a surprise for him. He doesn’t know where we are.”

“And I’m disliking it.”

“Oh don’t be so grumpy now,” she laughs, “you’ll thank me.”

Smiling at them in a mixture of amusement and politeness, the woman nods.

“Well, enjoy your stay!”

“We absolutely will,” Shi Qingxuan laughs, and starts leading He Xuan into the first room. She takes a look at his hand and can’t help but smile when she sees that the shark ring is still there. He hasn’t taken it off. Meaning he’s probably really going to wear it.

“Okay,” she laughs, “I’ll take off the blindfold. Don’t want you to mess up your hair doing that blindly.”

“Just get on with it, I really don’t like it.”

“I know, you’ve said so a few times now,” she responds, reaching for the back of his head and untying the knot of the black cloth.

Then, she instantly walks back up next to him as he blinks a few times to get used to the light again. Then turns around a few times.

He looks at the blue walls and bluish light, at the tanks and water all around him and-

And he-

And he smiles.

Shi Qingxuan’s heart basically stops seeing that. There’s a smile on his face. Reaching from ear to ear. Properly big. It lights up his entire face, amber eyes shimmering with pure, child-like joy, and somehow that smile on his lips manages to grow even bigger and she can’t help but think that she really, really wants to lean up, gently cup his face, and pull him down into a kiss so that she can feel that smile against her lips. He looks so forbiddingly handsome like this, a small blush spreading across his face because of the way he’s just so obviously happy, this time actually showing it, and she had long gotten so used to him just having the same expression at all times that it feels weird seeing this. Not that she had minded, of course, she's long learned how to read him anyways, but this? This smile?

“Qingxuan?” he suddenly voices, and she realizes she’s still staring at his lips, and he chuckles a little when she doesn’t react, and it sounds so happy, so filled with bliss and joy, so light-hearted, and she just thinks that really, how could anyone not fall in love with that stupid smile of his-

Oh.

Oh.

Yeah. No way around this anymore.

Shi Qingxuan very much knows that she’s fallen in love with He Xuan the first time she laid eyes upon him because it felt like reconnecting with someone she long knew. She fell in love with him fast and hard and just didn’t realize, and then kept denying it to herself, even when she first thought that she really wants to kiss him, except that she can’t possibly keep denying it anymore. Not now. Not when he’s grabbing her hand all of a sudden, something like concern lathered into his voice.

“Are you okay? Qingxuan?”

“I am!” she yelps, unsure of whether to pull her hand back or not, because hell, she shouldn’t be holding hands with him- then again, this is her crush. Well. This is more than a crush. This is the person she’s fallen in love with in the past three months. And of course he doesn’t requite that. And of course he won’t. This is He Xuan; he very clearly said he doesn’t have all too much interest in dating, and he’s only been in love once, and they’ve only spent three months together, and it’s not like it matters whether he requites it or not.

Because when he’s holding her hand like this, fingers all warm and soft, wrapped around hers, she can just imagine that he feels the same way. Even if he doesn’t.

“This is the best birthday present I’ve gotten for a long time! Doesn’t come close to the marine biology camp or my first fish tank I suppose, but this is awesome! I didn’t think you’d take me to an aquarium!”

He’s so happy. He’s like a changed man. This doesn’t feel like the same person but it very much is and Shi Qingxuan just kind of feels herself melt.

It’s hard to keep the lovesick smile off her face that’s crawling into it slowly but surely. Hell. So he doesn’t like her back. Who cares? She likes him. As more than just a friend. But she’s holding his hand.

And oh no. Oh no, Hua Cheng was right. He’s going to make fun of her all the time when she tells him. But she has to. Because hell, the thing is… it’s not like she doesn’t have any chances at all. He Xuan is clearly very comfortable around her. More so than with others, at the very least. What if he does end up falling in love with her, still? It’s not like there’s not a possibility for that at all. And maybe it’s a false hope. But maybe her and Hua Cheng can work something out. Maybe Xie Lian, too. After all, these two are now engaged and-
She feels her own face flush at the fact that she literally gifted him a ring this morning, and that she asked him not to misinterpret that like she wouldn’t immediately accept a proposal coming from him.

God. This is so stupid.

Really, she should be unhappy that she’s fallen in love with him. But when his hand is so warm wrapped around hers, and when that smile on his lips is so bright, it’s hard. It’s hard to feel anything but happy when she’s around him, and when he’s so good with her all the time, and careful not to actually hurt her with his entire demeanor.
She can’t help but think that she’s the luckiest girl in the world for simply being allowed to see him smile like this. She wonders whether Hua Cheng has ever even seen him smile. She wonders whether anyone but his family has, wonders whether she’s an exception, maybe, just maybe.

“Thank you,” he says, coughing a little, but it’s a kind of excited cough, “I’m allowed to infodump on the fish and everything here, right?”

That question brings her back into reality a little, except that it also shifts her concentration from her own face to his words and then that lovesick smile is definitely plastered all over her.
Not that it matters anymore now.

“Y-yeah,” she mumbles, throat suddenly so awfully dry that she can barely believe she got some words out of her in first place, “there’s- there’s a shark too. Or two. I don’t remember. But there’s definitely a shark somewhere.”

“An entire shark?” He Xuan basically screeches, and she wonders whether this is his first time being to an actual aquarium, or maybe one of the few times he’s been, since this kind of thing is kind of expensive.

“And-“ she starts again, unable to produce words for a second when his gaze meets hers for a bit, his other hand fidgeting with the zipper of his jacket. He’s so cute. Who allowed him to be so cute? He’s meant to be grumpy and insufferable just like everyone else says, but she just can’t help but think that he’s the best person in the entire world. And maybe that’s sappy. And maybe that’s cliché. But god. He’s awfully cute, he’s so terribly handsome, and even if he doesn’t appear to be, it doesn’t change the fact that he’s also one of the kindest people she knows. Even if he has trouble expressing his emotions in words, even if everyone else thinks he’s weird or mean or whatever. She doesn’t care. Not a single bit.

“And because I’m so rich I kind of got you a ticket to come here all year round next year?”

He looks at her as if she’s shot him or something, his entire face kind of dropping for a second, and in a very weird and delusional second she thinks that he might hate her, but then his entire face just lights up even brighter.

“…Really?”

“Y-yeah,” she makes, still stumbling over her words. She is kind of panicking, too. Her heart is definitely beating too fast. Partly because of his hand. Partly because she’s a little scared of how he made her fall for him this hard and this fast, and partly because she’s really scared that this is one-sided. Well, it probably is.

“So much to money can’t buy happiness,” he makes, tugging on her hand a little, only to then realize that he’s holding her hand. He stares at it for a bit. “Sorry, I’ve only been to museums and the like with my sister and she’d always run off. Do you mind? Because this time, I might run off.”

He’s in such a good mood. He's talking like a waterfall. She loves hearing him talk. She would love kissing him even more, but it’s not like she can actually do that. Not now, anyways.

“I… don’t mind,” she rasps out. If this is one of the few chances she gets to be close to him, then she’ll take it. Over everything else. Over every single bit of anxiety she might have about this. Oh, Hua Cheng is going to laugh at her so hard later, she’s already slapping him in her head, really. He’s going to have the time of his life. He must have known that she’s in love with him the entire time when he asked her about her feelings towards He Xuan and she kept insisting they’re just friends. Oh she’s been so, so horribly stupid.

“Okay,” he says, “okay, okay. We’re going to spend a long time in here. If you- if you want a break just say so, I probably won’t notice.”

“…Yeah,” she agrees, blinking a few times, feeling dangerously close to tears because her emotions really are a mess today. First the fan. Then her realizing that she very much is in love with him. Him holding her hand. The way he’s smiling and beaming and radiating happiness all around him. He’s so cute. He’s insufferably sweet.

“Okay, well, then that’s settled!”

He’s so happy. She wants to cry so bad, but that’d just worry him, and there’s no way she can put into words what she’s feeling right now, not without mentioning that she’s in love with him. Because oh, she is. How had she been able to hide it from herself for so long in first place? Oh god, she wants to kiss him so badly.

She accidentally squeezes his hand a bit, then takes a bit of a deep breath. Well. As deep as she can manage. This day isn’t just about her. This is about him, first and foremost. Especially because he’s probably a lot more bothered about not being with his family than she is, and she really wants to make up for that. Seeing him cry once was enough. She remembers how much it hurt. And the memory does still hurt. It’s okay. She has to learn to hide her feelings from him anyways, since they’re roommates and literally share a bed.
(Oh, not only Hua Cheng must be laughing at her. She’s laughing at herself for how stupid this all really is. In love with her roommate. Whom she shares a bed with. Whom she’s only known for a mere three months. Who’s obsessed with marine life and chocolate chip cookies and black clothes. Whose smile is so bright that it could replace the sun, really.)

(She wants to slap herself for that last thought.)

“…Can we start looking around?”

She doesn’t manage more then a small, shaken nod at that question, asked still with the same brightness and happiness in it.

For the entirety of their stay, he doesn’t let go of her hand. Not even once.

Chapter Text

Shi Qingxuan isn’t sure how she survived the day. He Xuan kept holding her hand. That smile on his face the entire time. So happy to just talk to her about random fish and that one shark they had which is apparently a lemon shark. He’s also left with several small fish and shark plushies that he found at the souvenir shop. And a dog plushie – that they somehow sold there – to bring back home for his sister for the winter holidays.

Of course she’s paid for them. Well, she doesn’t mind. Especially not because of that stupid smile on his face.

God she’s so in love. And god, she really wished she wasn’t, but she can’t just change her feelings, no matter how much she wants to. She shouldn’t be in love with her roommate. And she shouldn’t miss the feeling of her hand in his, gone ever since he went to pick some things out at the souvenir shop.

So, when she steps into the cold November air, it feels a bit like sobering up, and apparently it does the same to He Xuan. When she looks at him, his expression returns to the normal, neutral one.

“…I’m tired,” he says suddenly, and she laughs.

“Not surprised. After all, this was a long day, and even positive excitement exhausts people. Will you survive a dinner with Hua Cheng and Xie Lian?”

“If it’s for food,” he comments with a shrug, but does meet her gaze for just a little moment. His eyes are so pretty it’s unfair, really.

Right then, she already sees two people making their way over to them, one dressed in red and black, holding the hand of someone… also dressed in red and black.
Shi Qingxuan cocks an eyebrow. Uh-huh. So Xie Lian has simply started wearing Hua Cheng’s things now, huh?

She’s gotta ask about that at one point.

Xie Lian waves happily at them, while Shi Qingxuan just kind of freezes at seeing Hua Cheng.

After all, he knows. He’s always known. He knew her feelings before she did.

She still hasn’t gotten out of that state when they arrive in front of them. Hua Cheng looks at her.

“…Hong,” she says, a bit awkwardly, trying to think about how she can let him know that he was right without saying it in front of He Xuan, “I, uh…”

“You?” he asks, raising an eyebrow.

“I’m really stupid!” she blurts out, and kind of just rips him away from Xie Lian, “I’m horrifyingly dumb! I’m sorry! I must have been such a bother! I’m so stupid, Hong, I’m sorry!”

She’s grabbed him by both of his shoulders, and he just kind of leans away a bit because of her sudden closeness.

However, after a few seconds of him contemplating her words, he clearly seems to realize what she means as a grin builds on his face.

“Oh? Do you mean what I think you mean?”

“Yeah! You were right! All along! I’m so stupid! God this is horrible! I’m so dumb! Save me! You need to do something about this! God! God, I hate this entire thing!”

She risks a glance at Xie Lian, who’s just looking at her confused. Then he looks at He Xuan confusedly. Who’s looking at all of them with confusion plastered all over his face, too.

She coughs once, feeling Hua Cheng pat her back once.

“Okay, okay, we’ll talk about it later or tomorrow. Now’s not the time, Qingxuan.”

“I know,” she sighs, barely able to keep the tears out of her eyes, but she does manage in the end, “god. Oh dear lord my life is going to be hell.”

“…Are you okay?” Xie Lian asks, and when she looks back at He Xuan, he seems to be asking her the same thing with her eyes. So, she lets go of Hua Cheng and nods a few times, managing to put a smile back onto her own face.

“Yeah! Sorry, sorry, just being dramatic, really!”

It’s probably the truth. She probably is being very dramatic. It’s just a crush. Probably. Yeah, it’s so much more than just a dumb crush, she knows, she so knows.

With a desperate sigh, she rubs her eyes a few times, then steps back.

“Okay. Okay. We can go have dinner now. I’m very hungry, actually. Xuan must also be-“

And then, there’s a hand roughly grabbing her arm and dragging her along, stumbling.

“Xuan?” she screeches, staring up at him as he manages to get out of earshot of the other two. He looks at her for a bit, then at his feet.

“…Did I upset you?”

“…Huh?”

“Well, you seemed upset just now. Is it my fault? Should I not have talked so much-“

“No!” she basically screams, then quiets down. How the hell is she going to get out of this one-

Oh. Yes.

“No, no, no, it has nothing to do with you whatsoever, really, Xuan! I had a lot of fun today! I absolutely enjoyed all the talk! Sure, sometimes I wasn’t able to follow completely ‘cause this is just not my area of expertise, but I promise you did nothing wrong whatsoever! It’s just that Hua Cheng said some time ago that I’d end up putting off one of my art assignments for too long and end up having to do it in a single week and just today I realized today is the start of said last week-“

He Xuan breathes out in what appears to be pure relief.

“Hey-“ she makes, raising her hand a little. Giving him a few seconds to back away, but he doesn’t. So she puts it against his arm and strokes it with her thumb once.
God. Her entire face goes red when she realizes that she can feel his muscles even below the jacket and pullover when doing that.

“Seriously, Xuan. It’s all okay. If you ever get on my nerves or anything of the like, I’d let you know. You know I do that with my brother and Pei Ming both. I’m not one to keep quiet about such things.”

“Okay,” he says, and for a very split second, he does smile again. Right at her. She wonders whether she can fall in love with him even harder than this when right now, her entire stomach seems to leave her body.

“Let’s go back then.”

And then, he’s back to grabbing her arm and dragging her back. Well. Alright then.

She can’t help but smile a bit to herself. He’s so nice. Everyone who says he isn’t just isn’t bothering getting to know him. And he even tried communicating right now. Even if he has a hard time doing that in general. And god, she appreciates that. And even if they’re just friends, then so be it. Hell, he’s a good friend to have. And she knows that if she ever needs to rely on someone, he’d be there for her. Well, he’d probably be complaining about it the entire time, but he’d be there.

When they return, Xie Lian is also looking at her, then at Hua Cheng, who just nods once.

Oh, delightful. So Xie Lian knows now, too.

She sighs, but tries to give He Xuan another smile. She doesn’t ever want him to think that he’s annoying ever again. No, the issue is the exact opposite. She likes him way too much than what is good for her. He looks back at her, but his expression remains neutral.

“Okay, we can leave for dinner now,” she says, “sorry about that. Anyways, we had a great day, and also, Hong, get that dumb superior smirk of your face.”

“Never.”

“You tick me off,” she sighs, then gives a quick look at her phone. She hadn’t looked at it for a long while now. Mainly because she was way too occupied with both He Xuan explaining several species to her, and also with the realization that she is indeed in love.

There are so many messages from her family, friends, and first and foremost her brother. Saying that Pei Ming saw her and He Xuan riding the bus from the sidewalk and asking her whether she’s safe. Why the hell would she not be? Out of pure spite, she opens the chat and leaves him on read. Then, she stuffs her phone back into her pocket.

“So, which restaurant did you choose?” Xie Lian asks, “we’re open to anything.”

At that, Shi Qingxuan realizes way too late that they haven’t actually chosen a restaurant to go out to. She gulps, awkwardly glancing back up at He Xuan, who just stares straight between Xie Lian and Hua Cheng.

“The Italian one next to the Philosophy Building.”

“Oh!” Xie Lian exclaims, and Shi Qingxuan just can’t help but roll her eyes a little. Of course He Xuan can choose something based on a whim if it’s about food. Of course. “I know that one! It’s really good! Yeah, let’s go there! We’ll have to take the bus though, the walk is a bit long from here, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Hua Cheng says, “I wouldn’t want to walk it. I wouldn’t want my fiancé’s feet to hurt.”

He Xuan makes a gagging noise.

“Oh, San Lang…”

Shi Qingxuan screeches.

They’re so stupidly cute. And yet, part of her wishes that was her and He Xuan. Well. She’s going to wait. Maybe he will fall in love with her after all. Either way, she wouldn’t confess to him without knowing that her feelings are requited. He’s too good of a friend to her. She wouldn’t want to destroy that friendship. Even if she hasn’t known him for all too long, he’s grown very dear to her very fast. But it’s fine. Maybe Hua Cheng can get it out of him someday or something.

“Stop being disgusting,” He Xuan says suddenly, very clearly directed at the two lovebirds, “you’re annoying.”

“I’m going to increase your debt,” Hua Cheng threatens, and funnily enough, that makes He Xuan shut up immediately.

“Let’s just go,” she sighs, but can’t help the smile on her face either way.

So, she’s in love with her roommate – whatever. She’s happy either way. She doesn’t need anything to be requited, not when he’s just with her, and her two best friends too. Really, she doesn’t need anything else in life.

A growl of both Xie Lian’s and He Xuan’s stomachs clearly signalize that they ought to leave.

“I can’t let Gege suffer hunger,” Hua Cheng suddenly exclaims, and he says it so seriously and so sweetly that actually, Shi Qingxuan almost feels like making gagging noises too. And considering who she is as a person, that’s truly hard to achieve.

“We ought to leave. Right now.”

She gives He Xuan an amused look, and he does actually look back. And even if his face doesn’t smile, his eyes surely do.

Chapter Text

“Do you like the bracelet I made for you?”

“Yes, of course I do!” Shi Qingxuan says, waving her wrist in front of He Xuan’s laptop’s screen a few times to show his little sister the bracelet that his family sent with the rest of hers and He Xuan’s presents in a little parcel. They sent them a lot of sweets and small stuff, and Shi Qingxuan generally just was so happy with the fact that his family, a family who barely even knows her, literally sent her birthday presents. Like please, they’re all so cute.

“And Xuan? You like yours too, right?”

He Xuan looks down at the bracelet he’s wearing himself, which isn’t trans coloured, but different shapes of blue strings with little beads and fish-shaped beads woven into them.

“Yes,” he says, throwing a sort of panicked glance at Shi Qingxuan. As if he’s suddenly scared of showing his emotions to her. After this entire day of him just being happy as hell. She still prides herself a lot on that.

“I’m glad then!” she laughs, “when are you coming home again, Xuan? I miss you. And I’m getting worse at maths without you around.”

“She’s trying hard,” his mother says, ruffling her hair a little.

His father seems to be a bit on the quieter side of things, but still very nice in general. Shi Qingxuan adores this family, really. She hopes that she can maybe visit He Xuan one day. Honestly, if she wasn’t already in love with him, then she would at one point maybe try to make herself fall in love with him so she can marry him and officially be a part of this family.

“In roughly three weeks,” he answers, “that’s soon. And if you’re struggling so much with maths, you know you can just call me?”

“But what if you’re not free?” she sighs, “what if I call you while you’re kissing someone or while you’re on a date-“

“No such things have happened or will happen!” he says, a bit too fast. Shi Qingxuan gives him a glance, as sneakily as she can, because good God, what she would give to be kissing him. “Stop thinking I’ll get a partner just because I’m at uni now.”

“I’m just saying your roommate is quite nice and I’d love for her to be my big sister-in-law.”

Shi Qingxuan almost chokes on her spit at that, coughing a few times to regain her composure, but she’s not so sure she can manage to get the blush off her cheeks.

“Well, I’m not going to date her,” He Xuan says. It’s his usual, very composed and neutral tone. “I’d rather date Hua Cheng.”

“That’s not a nice thing to say!” his mother interferes, “Xuan! We all know how much you would hate dating Hua Cheng.”

And even if that was technically him being mean to her, Shi Qingxuan can’t help but laugh out loud at that. She gives him a short slap on the back of his head though. She’s not hurt by this, no. (She is. Just a little.) She knows that He Xuan isn’t in love with her anyways. And she knows she can’t force him to be.

“What did you get for your birthday, Shi Qingxuan?” his father asks, and she’s positively surprised by how even his father seems interested in her.

“Uh… He Xuan got me my own Blahaj, and a really pretty fan that he borrowed money from Hua Cheng for, my brother got me a personally signed copy of a book from my favourite author and some expensive shop gift cards, and my mom hasn’t told me yet. And my father always gifts me something together with my mom. She said it’s gonna be a surprise and that I’m gonna come home to it.”

“See, Xuan?” his sister says again, “this girl is rich. You ought to marry her. That’d give us money-“

“Hey,” his mother sighs once more, clearly a little fed up with her own children right now, but Shi Qingxuan can’t help but laugh even more. “Be nice, or go to bed. It’s already way past your bedtime.”

“I’ll send you all a little thank you gift,” Shi Qingxuan says, “I swear it won’t be anything too expensive. Xuan already said you wouldn’t like that, but I do want to send you something.”

“There’s no need-“ his mother starts, but she shakes her head.

“Nope, I’m getting you something! No way past that!”

“I’m going to the bathroom.”

Right after announcing that, He Xuan has already left to go. Leaving her alone with his family. Now that’s a little awkward.
And indeed, there’s a bit of an awkward silence. And his sister is nice enough to make it even worse.

“Sooooo Qingxuan, would you marry my big brother?”

She splutters in an instant.

“Li!” her mother scolds her again, playfully and very, very softly hitting the back of her head, “don’t make her uncomfortable!”

“I’m just asking! Look, I like her a lot! And I’m too young to marry her, so what can I do? Right, hand her over to my brother! I’m just trying to achieve what’d be best for all of us!”

“I swear, you’re…” her mother trails off, then also looks into the camera. “…But would you, Shi Qingxuan?”

“Oh my God,” Shi Qingxuan screeches in response, hiding her face in her hands. She only just admitted to herself (and to Hua Cheng) that she’s in love with He Xuan. And now marrying him? Isn’t this a bit fast? Isn’t this all a bit fast?

“I think she would,” the father suddenly says, completely out of nowhere, and she just doubles over in front of the screen, not saying a single word. How the hell did these three simply guess it like this? Is it that obvious? Would He Xuan notice-

Yeah. No. He absolutely wouldn’t. That’s something she very much doesn’t need to worry about, and she knows that. He Xuan wouldn’t ever realize.

“…What if I would?” she squeaks out very awkwardly, because hey. She does trust them not to tell him, at least. And she also trusts them to be totally fine with this information.
His sister immediately claps really loudly a few times and starts wheezing like a dying dishwasher.

“Don’t say anything about this,” she warns, resurfacing from her hands to meet the grin of both of his parents, “okay? It’s only been a while. Do not say or do anything about this please.”

“Of course not, sweetie,” his mother says, and God, Shi Qingxuan rests her case that she would actually die for this woman, “don’t you worry about that! It’s all good! If you ever want to come around, you’re completely welcome to, by the way! The house is a little small, but we’d manage something for you!”

“Can you not invite her back home without me even agreeing?”

Oh shit.

He Xuan is back.

He sits down back in bed, raising an eyebrow.

“Li what are you grinning like that? You scare me.”

“Was just thinking of a funny meme I saw the other day.”

“Less memes, more maths.”

“Yes, yeees,” she says, less in agreement, than to mock him. “I get it, I get it, you want me to die of probability calculation.”

“The probability of you dying of that is quite small,” comes the immediate retort and god, really, this is exactly why she loves him. Those small, stupid jokes that you wouldn’t expect coming from him, and yet.

“Shut up,” his little sister grunts, then looking at her mother, “mom, he’s being mean to me.”

“He’s right,” her mother says, “and you should absolutely take him up on the offer to call him when you need it. Do message him beforehand. Also, Xuan, have you had any college parties yet?”

“No,” he says, “you know I wouldn’t like that anyways.”

“Shi Qingxuan, you?”

“I have,” she says, “ended up so drunk that Xuan had to hold my hair for an hour. Pretty sure my brother’s roommate is hosting something soon, he kind of hinted at that the other day. Seems like he was looking for a reason though, to like, justify it. I won’t end up that drunk again though, that was very uncomfortable.”

“Mom and Dad won’t let me drink alcohol,” Li complains, “Shi Qingxuan, can we drink alcohol together?”

“Absolutely not!” she laughs, and if she could reach through the screen, she’d also ruffle her hair a little. “You’re too young. In a few years, maybe.”

“Mom, Qingxuan is also mean to me.”

“She’s sensible. Except about her own drinking habits, I suppose,” his father says, and does the hair ruffling for Shi Qingxuan. Very good of him.

“I’m usually sensible about them! I just hadn’t realized how much I had drunk. Don’t worry, I won’t drag your son into drinking with me or something.”

That makes her sound like she’s got some kind of alcohol problem. She doesn’t.

“Alright, alright, good to know,” his mother says, a grin on her face. “We’ll leave you two then, I think? We’ve got work tomorrow, and Li’s got a maths test, actually. She also shouldn’t go to sleep too late. We love you, Xuan!”

They all wave a bit at him, and he takes a very awkward glance at Shi Qingxuan before saying very quietly “love you too”, seemingly embarrassed about it. Maybe she should delude herself into thinking these words were directed at her. Yeah, well, they weren’t.

“Have a good rest of the night!” his father says, “you too, Shi Qingxuan!”

“I will, sleeping with my own Blahaj!”

“Good night then!”

“Good night Xuan!”

“Good night,” He Xuan retorts, and Li ends the conversation. His cheeks are still mildly red from saying ‘I love you' back to his family.

“Your family is so nice,” Shi Qingxuan says, trying to make conversation and make him feel a bit less embarrassed about this, “they’re all really nice.”

“Ignore what my sister said. No pressure to marry me or my little sister in case she asked you to do that.”

“She did,” Shi Qingxuan laughs, and wants to take him by the shoulders and tell the guy that she would marry him without any kind of pressure involved, but she manages to keep herself from doing that.

“Of course she did. Well, either way, I need to sleep. I have to get up early tomorrow. Is your brother coming over or are you going to his?”

“I’m going to his, don’t worry,” she says, “I already thought you don’t want him around on your busy day.”

Then, suddenly, she has an idea. Just a little one. Just something that might just… give her a reason to at least be able to touch him more in his sleep accidentally. Maybe that’s a creepy thing to think. She just longs for any kind of contact with him at this point, and she’s very much embarrassed to admit that. All those small touches that kind of just burn. Like their shoulders bumping into each other’s, even accidental kicks at night. And like this…

“Say, Xuan?”

“Hm?”

“As a birthday gift, can I please hug the big Blahaj tonight?”

That way, there wouldn’t be a boundary between them. She could just look at him, too. Just for one night, she’s allowed to, right? Even if it’s a bit weird.

He stares at her for a few seconds, then rolls his eyes.

“If you have to. The poor guy.”

“Hey!” she laughs, but can’t help but smile a little. Oh, she’s so going to be staring at him like an absolute idiot the entire night. Even if it’s just his back. Just for one night, of course. “Thanks for the day, by the way, Xuan. It was a lot of fun.”

He stays quiet, but she knows that he thanks her just as much.

Chapter Text

“You’ve been weirdly quiet the past few days.”

Shi Qingxuan snaps her eyes from her book and stares at him for a few seconds. Just straight up stares at him.
So he’s noticed. He Xuan has picked up that she’s been weirdly quiet.
At least she has a good excuse this time.

“Well, I’ve been reading Paulette de Sade’s new book! Of course I’ve been quiet! I need to know how to date people, after all!”

Him. She needs to know how to get him to date her and nothing else. God.

It’s only been three days ever since she realized that she’s in love with He Xuan and she truly wished she could’ve just lived her life in blissful ignorance. But no. That stupid smile. All his stupid little laughs when he was explaining all those animals to her.

And god, now that he’s just sitting next to her, his hair open, texting his sister on his phone, dressed in only a large, fluffy hoodie and shorts (weird combination, but if that’s comfortable for him then who is she to judge)…
She feels like she’s truly going to die.

He’s so cute. He’s so stupidly cute and he shouldn’t have any kind of excuse for that. And hell, he also shouldn’t be allowed to be so hot at the same time, like what? No person should be allowed both properties.

Life’s unfair.

She puts her bookmark into chapter five of Paulette de Sade’s new book, the Guide to Dating Every Girl Ever (or Boy. Or Person.). As much as she loves her favourite author, that doesn’t change the fact this is definitely not the best dating guide out there. It’s not bad in all fairness. She didn’t think pick-up lines were very good, to be honest, but seeing some of Paulette de Sade’s picks changed her mind. At least a little. Especially if they’re used to just make the other person laugh. Except that it’s now way too late to use those on He Xuan because she’s far past first impressions and he’s seen her freak out over an earworm by now, cry hysterically over a cute video of some puppies and cats meeting on Twitter, and…

She shoves the last thought back down, not wanting to be reminded of her leaving some objects around the house that she didn’t mean to leave around the house because that definitely was going to make things awkward for a while (surprisingly he bounced back to being completely normal about this the next day, turns out He Xuan just doesn’t care even about those things).

So, yes. A dating guide isn’t what she needs. It’s a fun read either way.

“Still, you’ve been weirdly quiet.”

“Are you worried about me?” she teases, completely shutting her book and looking at him. He does requite her gaze for a split second.

“I don’t want you moping around because that’d annoy me a lot,” is everything he says. She’ll take that as a yes.

“No, really, I’ve just been immersed. And a bit tired lately, but I’ll be alright again, don’t worry. It’s nothing specific that set this off, haha!”

He hopes that he doesn’t notice her little nervous laugh.

“If you say so,” he ends with a shrug.

Right as he’s about to go back to reading, Shi Qingxuan’s phone starts ringing.

“Don’t pick that up,” He Xuan warns her with a look to the name on the screen, but Shi Qingxuan gets that weird anxiety feeling of ‘oh no what if something’s wrong with my brother because of a really random reason’, so she does. He Xuan rolls his eyes. (He needs to spend less time with Mu Qing.)

“…What do you want, Pei?” she asks, “and why couldn’t you just text me?”

“Didn’t know whether you were gonna check texts coming from me at all, and this is a dire situation in two ways.”

“…Huh?”

“First of all, I tagged you in something on Twitter, so check that.”

“Since when do you have my Twitter handle- ah, you know what, never mind.”

They must both follow Paulette de Sade, after all. So, it’s very possible that he just scrolled through her followings and the algorithm pushed her up because they’ve got each other’s contact information saved.

With a sigh, she opens her laptop. It’s still turned on, so she quickly taps on the Twitter icon and sees the notification.

“Oh my fucking God,” leaves her mouth in a sigh.

“Knew you’d like that.”

“Oh my God thank you so much Pei for raising my attention, I don’t check Twitter often enough to see this-“

She’s a bit embarrassed about how there’s literally tears shooting into her eyes right now. She stares at the Paulette de Sade tweet that Pei Ming tagged her in (his profile is literally blank; he must use it only to lurk around a little bit or something but doesn’t want to engage) for a good minute just feeling the tears starting to run down her cheeks like that isn’t completely embarrassing.

She feels He Xuan stare at her for a little while, then he leans over to check what made her cry.

“…Congrats, I think?” he voices, and she nods.

“This is the best news ever! Pei, I can’t believe she got it through! I can’t believe I’m going to read a Paulette de Sade novel with a trans main character in a year! That’s amazing! I’m never going to sleep ever again! I’m going to send her fan mail or something!”

A laugh resounds at the other end of the phone.

“Very glad you like me interacting with you for once.”

“Sadly, ever since you admitted to being a Paulette de Sade fan, you’ve started growing on me, and I hate it.”

“So do I,” comes her brother’s voice in the background, “don’t you two ever dare start dating.”

“Don’t worry about that, I’m sure Shi Qingxuan is going to quickly find a boyfriend or girlfriend or partner with the dating guide. How are you liking it?”

“Objectively not the best dating guide,” she laughs, eyes still fixated on that tweet with the little trans flag emoji at the end, “but surely a fun read. And hey, if anyone takes a smut author too seriously that’s on them anyways.”

“Yeah,” her brother’s voice is now directly in the phone, “I read some passages of it.”

Oh God. Of course he has.

“She asked me over mail whether I’ve read it and what my opinion is, probably because I’ll lead the company one day. I did say that I have no experience in dating but that I’m not sure talking to a random person at the soup aisle is the best idea to find the love of your life. And she literally admitted to me that she doesn’t have the hugest experience with dating either. But they made her do it ‘cause it’d sell well. And that’s proven true.”

“Can you get off my call and not shame my favourite author for being a busy woman, thanks,” Pei Ming says, now his voice sounding closer again which must mean he’s ripped the phone back out of her brother’s hands. “So, anyways. I’m glad you’re happy about that and everything, but I have another question, actually. I’m hosting a secret santa event.”

At that, He Xuan also perks up his head.

“We’re interested,” Shi Qingxuan says immediately, because hell, if He Xuan reacts as positively as this, then surely she will have to get them in.

“Are any of us even Christian?” he asks, though.

“No, I don’t think so,” she answers, then directed at Pei Ming, “count us in. Just let us know how and when we will receive the giftees. Who else is invited?”

“It should be all people you know. Xie Lian and cohorts too. Your neighbours also. I invited Feng Xin first and he asked me to invite Hua Cheng and Xie Lian. So don’t worry, you’ll know your giftee!”

“Amazing,” she comments, then turns to He Xuan, “you want to be in, right?”

“If I have to.”

That’s a yes. She’s definitely learned that. Briefly, Shi Qingxuan wonders whether she might get He Xuan, and convince Pei Ming to give out the gifts completely anonymously, too. Then she could confess to him; however, that’d still greatly narrow the people down. And besides, that might mean that he could assume Pei Ming is in love with him. And she does want to spare He Xuan that heart attack.

“Okay, we’re both in, then!” she says, “put us on the list! I’m looking forward to it! Even if I barely know anything about Santa. I do have to read the bible next semester for a class though so good luck to me and Hua Cheng.”

“Indeed. I had to read a lot of Freud excerpts, so you can survive the bible. Your brother’s glaring at me like I’m trying to have sex with you or something by the way.”

“Not happening, don’t worry, Ge!” she says a bit louder so that Shi Wudu is sure to hear it. However, she says it so loud that He Xuan shrinks away a bit, and she looks at him, mumbling a quick ‘sorry’.

“Okay, I still have to call Ling Wen and some others about it, so I’d leave you to crying over Paulette de Sade actually writing a book with a trans main character.”

“Yeah, that’s fine,” she laughs, “I still hate you, by the way.”

“I know, I know,” comes the answer, “bye!”

“Bye!”

And with that, she hangs up, then stares at He Xuan.
Now that she’s off the phone, the fact really hits her, and she looks at him for a bit before breaking out into tears – and then has an idea.

“Xuaaan, she’s actually writing a novel with a trans main character! Can you believe it?”

“Sadly I can.”

“I am so hyped I cannot put it into words.”

“I can see that.”

“Can I hug you before my energy gets so bad that I start bouncing around like a bouncy ball?”

He stares at her for a bit as her heart beats fast in her chest. Hoping for the best. She knows that he’s not opposed to touching her anymore. He’s held her hand the entire aquarium trip after all. God. She so badly wants to hold his hand again. It felt… so nice. Like it was exactly where her hand belonged. And at the same time, it felt weirdly like they’ve held hands a thousand times before. Like it’s… truly meant to be.

“…Fine,” he says, putting his book to the side.

This time, she doesn’t jump him as energetically as usual, but still enough to make the excuse believable. She lets herself run her hand from his lower back up to his shoulder just once, then squeezes him for a bit. Maybe for a bit too long.

It’s okay. Knowing him, he won’t catch on anyways.

Bumping her face into his shoulder, she takes a small breath, a rush of warmth going throughout her entire body as she takes in the smell of his shampoo. Only then does she draw back.

She must be all red in the face. It’s okay. After all, that’s just because Paulette de Sade is publishing a book with a trans main character. Nothing else.

“Can I continue reading now?”

“Yes, yes!” she laughs, flapping her hands a little then coughing once in an attempt to regain her composure, “after all, I need to learn how to hit up Yushi Huang from my favourite author’s dating guide until-“

She checks her phone seeing Pei Ming’s short message of “December 10th btw”.

“Until December the tenth!”

Chapter Text

“…Sorry, is there someone still in these toilets?”

Hua Cheng wants to laugh at the question being asked so desperately, then suddenly-

“Pei?”

“Oh God, who is that?”

“Me. Hua Cheng,” he says, turning on the tap to wash his hands since he just left the toilet. He’s meant to be on his way back home to Xie Lian right now. They have a cuddle session to have, clearly. Pei Ming is being a bother. Shi Qingxuan has already left, saying that she wants to do some shopping for dinner in an attempt to make He Xuan happy and fall in love with her.
Hua Cheng thinks that if anything helps her with that, it’s indeed food.

“Oh God, I’m sorry, could you perhaps help me a little bit here? I- I just kind of uh, finished throwing up? Sort of? And I’m not sure I want to be alone right now and Shi Wudu is still in class."

Hua Cheng calmly considers his options. He could either help this pathetic sick mess of a man who sleeps with every girl around, or go home to Xie Lian.

“…What’s in it for me?” he asks, leaning against the wall. He spots the occupied stall. He hadn’t even realized anyone was throwing up; well, he must’ve been done before he came in but waited a bit then.

“You’re still a minor, right? I can buy you alcohol.”

Okay. Tempting, he can’t lie.

“…Can you score some weed for me too?”

“Hell, okay, sure, I can,” Pei Ming sighs, “and right, since you’re already here, you and Xie Lian are invited to my Secret Santa event. Don’t need to believe in all the Christmas stuff for it, don’t worry about that.”

“Festive,” Hua Cheng says, then steps towards the stall. “I’m right here. Come on out, I want to get back home today still.”

“Yeah, sorry,” Pei Ming says. He can hear him standing up and then, the door opens.

He’s not sure he’s ever witnessed Pei Ming looking so pathetic. Sure, he has always been pathetic. Even as a kid. Hua Cheng still remembers the time Shi Qingxuan had to spend days with Shi Wudu just trying to comfort him when his parents accidentally threw away his favourite teddy. They bought a new one, but at that point, it was already too late; Pei Ming had accidentally thrown it into the trash himself though, and they just hadn’t noticed.

Honestly, he finds it funny how nowadays he gets so many women. If they had seen this guy as a kid, there’s no way they’d find him even the least bit sexy.

“Jeez, you do look really sick.”

“If you have any kind of medication on you, that’d be much appreciated. And don’t you dare think I’m not embarrassed by this entire situation.”

“Oh, I know you are, and you should be. Well, I’m here in case you pass out. Need help getting to the sink or what? Also I don’t have any medication, sorry.”

Pei Ming quietly shakes his head. He wavers on his legs a little, but makes it safely to the sink to wash his face and hands properly. At least his clothes are clean.
He spends a good few minutes just doing that, also drinking water from the tap. Well, if a concept such as heaven exists into which you get by doing good deeds, then Hua Cheng has just gained favour up there.

“Caught a stomach bug?”

“Not sure,” Pei Ming sighs, looking back up into the mirror and slapping his face a few times, “I’m really stressed at the moment, so maybe it’s finally getting to me.”

“Right, Shi Qingxuan says you’re working on your thesis.”

“Yeah, that too.”

“…You wanna talk about it?”

Hua Cheng remembers that this question was exactly how he ended up being friends with that annoying classmate of his with shark print shorts and a shark print pencil case and fish earrings and a fish tattoo because He Xuan was moping around somewhere in the schoolyard because one of his fish had died.

This is so not boding well. He’s never wanted to become friends with Pei Ming, but if he follows the pattern, then this is where he'll probably end up.

“….There’s not much I can talk about without you realizing too much about me, so not a lot I can say, but let me say I’m very stressed about writing all the stuff I have to write, and I’ve been in a personal crisis for years and Ling Wen can’t help me either.”

That makes Hua Cheng cock an eyebrow.

“You suddenly wanna fuck guys too, questioning you’re gay? Are you trans?”

“No,” Pei Ming sighs. Then, he looks away. Some kind of despair in his eyes that he never thought he’d ever see in Pei Ming of all people. He always looks so sure of himself, so arrogant, and no doubt, he is. Even with those crappy romance novels him and Shi Qingxuan love so much he keeps insisting that they’re peak taste.
But this? This is a completely different man.

“…You want to talk about it, don’t you?” Hua Cheng sighs, sinking into the same spot on the wall again. Pei Ming just looks into the mirror, then down at his still wet hands.

“I really shouldn’t.”

“I’m only going to tell Xie Lian if you do and he can very much keep a secret. And I obviously can.”

“I know,” Pei Ming sighs, “we all knew you had a crush on him as a kid, Hua Cheng. But… yeah. As long as you don’t tell anybody- I mean, I didn’t even tell Ling Wen properly, she just knew, so…”

Okay. This is going to take longer. Hua Cheng quickly texts Xie Lian that he ran into a situation, has to help someone, and will be home a bit later.

“Let’s grab something to drink and eat in case you get hungry at one point and talk about it.”

*

And that’s how Hua Cheng ends up sitting opposite of Pei Ming in the cafeteria of the general library, a cup of coffee in his hands, a glass of water in front of Pei Ming together with a package of salt crackers from the vending machine for whenever he’s ready to eat something.

“So… what’s the issue? Were you in love with Xuan Ji after all? Heard she’s gotten with Qi Rong.”

At that, Pei Ming looks like he might just throw up again.

“God, no.”

“Is it about dating, though?”

With a sigh, Pei Ming nods. Very slowly so. Oh. Okay. So even this guy doesn’t only want to do casual stuff, huh? He looks incredibly ashamed to even be admitting that.

“I’ve just been really busy at the moment, and the person- well, the person this concerns kind of made me get my hopes up a little. Although I’ve known for a while now that obviously this isn’t ever going to work. And I slept poorly today, and I had to pull an all-nighter two nights in a row, and also I’ve lived off instant noodles for all those reasons, so that was a bit much.”

Okay, so at least it makes sense that he was throwing up from stress now. Hua Cheng relaxes a bit because that means he’s not going to be catching any stomach bugs from Pei Ming. Not that he’d care about himself, no, but he doesn’t want to cause Xie Lian any trouble.

He considers what to say for a while, then decides that he can’t really help Pei Ming with the academic stress. He’s only been at university for a few months now. He’s mostly doing well so far, so is Shi Qingxuan, so is Xie Lian, so is He Xuan. They’re all still very much surviving out there – except for that dumb realism lecture that’s just way too much readings for the fact it’s only a lecture and not even a seminar.

“Okay, so your academic stuff I don’t really know what to say about.”

“It’s not just that but I know, don’t worry about it. It’s good enough you’re listening to me already. Like, we barely know each other anymore, and I guess I just don’t know what to do for once.”

Hua Cheng takes a sip from his black coffee and looks at him. He looks a bit better now that he’s had some water. He’s seemingly recovering a little. Maybe something he ate upset his stomach, too.

“So… you wanna talk about who that is? Or what the situation is? Or why you’ve suddenly gotten your hopes up? Because I do know what that feels like at least.”

He’s not sure why he’s opening up to Pei Ming to be honest. But he also doesn’t know why Pei Ming is opening up to him, either. So that’s fair. And he certainly still doesn’t like the guy; but now he’s gotten himself into this. and he knows that Xie Lian would do the same. And even though Xie Lian is his fiancé, he’s also still his role model.

“…He started randomly asking people why they’re gay and all that stuff.”

“Oh, wait. Wait, wait, it’s a guy?

Pei Ming stares at him.

“I know I seem very straight but trust me I’m not. Do mostly sleep with girls, though.”

“Fair enough,” Hua Cheng laughs. He never even questioned whether he’s gay or straight himself. He’s in love with Xie Lian. He’s never had eyes for anyone else. So that was settled very easily.

“So, yeah, it’s a guy. Well, he’s straight. Pretty sure. Maybe. Except those questions suddenly started. And I don’t really have such great experiences with actual, genuine love, so…”

“Yeah, I heard that bit from Shi Qingxuan. That some girl kept screaming she’s pregnant after you slept with her in middle school.”

That makes Pei Ming laugh and he drinks a bit of water. Then opens the cracker package to slowly start eating them.

“Yeah, that was my first love. God, don’t remind me. But yeah, after that…”

He trails off, looking out of the window. Hua Cheng follows his gaze, but there’s nothing there; just a few more leaves falling off the trees as it’s rapidly nearing December. It’s probably going to snow very soon. It’s getting colder each day.

“After that, I kind of just fell in love with a guy and stayed in love-“

“It’s Shi Wudu, isn’t it.”

“I wasn’t really trying to hide it to be fair,” Pei Ming sighs, wrapping his hands around the glass.

“Alright then. So… you’re also in love with your roommate. That’s awkward. He doesn’t know?”

“Definitely not. I sleep with girls every few days, so. I don’t know what I hope will happen. I wouldn’t be able to handle a relationship either way. Kind of gave up on that long ago. Not sure I could change my lifestyle even if I wanted to.”

“But surely you’d try?”

Hua Cheng doesn’t understand being in love with someone, yet sleeping with other people. He’s not judging, but he doesn’t understand it, and he’s not going to pretend he does, either.

“…Probably, yeah. But… like I said, he’s straight. Maybe he’s just trying to become a bit less homophobic again. Didn’t have an easy time with that as a kid.”

A grunt leaving him, Hua Cheng agrees with him. He remembers that all too well. Even as a kid, he didn’t understand what’d be so wrong about loving a boy when you’re a boy, or turning out to be trans. But he supposes that wasn’t the same for Shi Wudu.

God, Hua Cheng can’t believe that Pei Ming is in love, and that he’s in love with Shi Wudu. He knows that Shi Qingxuan would love this information; but he did say he would keep it secret, so he will.

“He’s awful and self-centered, I don’t get why you’d fall in love with him in first place,” Hua Cheng starts, “but I get that falling out of love with someone doesn’t just work like that. So… you don’t want to tell him?”

Pei Ming immediately shakes his head. He drinks some more water. He doesn’t cry, that much is for sure, but he does look very battered down. Definitely not his usual self.

“I don’t think I could even if I wanted to. I don’t know what I’d want out of this. I’ve only been in a proper relationship when I was literally a kid. I don’t know how any of it works. I know he wouldn’t even accept it if he was really gay, which he isn’t. I’ve asked. He said he’s straight a few times now.”

As sad as it is, Hua Cheng does agree. Either Shi Wudu is the most homophobic homosexual out there, or he’s actually just straight. And fine, an ally at this point. But he doesn’t make his gaydar ring. Then again, Pei Ming didn’t either. Queerdar in his case, not Gaydar, but.

“And this would ruin our friendship. Either way, he wouldn’t take it well.”

As much as he hates this all, he really understands that. He can definitely relate to that feeling. So, crossing his arms, Hua Cheng sits back into his chair.

“Yeah, sorry, I don’t think he would. Yeah, I don’t think telling him is much of an option to be honest. I can see why that stresses you out.”

“It’s more just getting my hopes up and knowing I shouldn’t,” Pei Ming says exasperatedly. He looks into his sad little water glass and chews around on his sad little crackers a bit.

“You’re the first one I told. I mean, my parents know. And I guess Shi Wudu’s parents have long caught on, too. But apart from them, you’re the first. I'm probably going to ask Ling Wen for some proper help soon. Tell her officially and stuff. Maybe she can help me a little after all. With this, at least.”

This really is a stupid situation to be in. And while just being around Xie Lian had always been enough for Hua Cheng and anything else just feels like the greatest bonus in the entire world, this doesn’t seem to be the case for Pei Ming. He’s not sure what he wants apparently, but he wants something, and that’s more than whatever he currently has.

“See, the thing is,” he goes on, “I’m totally able to ignore it all most of the time. There were phases where I thought I had successfully fallen out of love. But well, I didn’t manage after all. And now that he’s been asking these things, it’s just been a bit harder again lately. So yeah, all these things happened… and then he fucking fell asleep in my bed.”

Hua Cheng chokes on his sip of coffee and just stares at him.

“…What?”

“After Xuan Ji brought us the news. We ended up sitting on my bed and he just kind of fell asleep at one point. I was literally freaking out. I’m not sure I can ever come back from this. I’m really bad at handling genuine romantic emotions. I’m really, really bad at it.”

Hua Cheng can see that. Otherwise, he wouldn’t be sleeping with this many girls to, probably, cope.

“So this is a shit situation,” he concludes for Pei Ming, “and I can absolutely see why that’d stress you out. I’m just afraid I can’t be of much help.”

“I know,” he sighs, “if I ever actually want any help, I’ll have to talk to Qingxuan. Thanks for listening, anyways. That does mean a lot either way. Especially because you don’t like me.”

“Yeah, I really don’t.”

“…I think I’d like to go home,” Pei Ming says after a few seconds of silence and finishes his current cracker, then putting the rest into his backpack. “I need to get into my bed and just rest and hope for the best, I think.”

Sadly that’s all Hua Cheng could offer as advice, too. And as much as he dislikes Pei Ming, he at least somehow understands him now. And he does want to help, because Hua Cheng does quite like getting people into relationships. But He Xuan and Shi Wudu, well – they’re very, very similar. As in, hard to crack, very arrogant but probably just very insecure, stupidly quiet, sometimes unnecessarily aggressive, and never say what they mean.

So he has a feeling that if they’re in love with Shi Qingxuan and Pei Ming respectively, that’d still take a whole while to come to the surface.

“Yeah. I’ll walk you as far as you can so that you don’t die on me and I get charged with murder.”

“Don’t act like you wouldn’t kill me, Hua Cheng.”

Chapter Text

The first thing she notices is that it’s still dark, but significantly quieter. The second thing is that she feels like she’s going to throw up and she’s sitting up as hastily as she can.
And indeed, Shi Qingxuan gags, but nothing comes up. The images of her dream subside a little, all the blood and-

“Xuan?” she gasps, “Xuan, are you awake?”

A quiet grunt comes from next to her. It takes another second for him to properly wake up.

“…I am now. Why the hell did you wake me up? What time even is it?”

He sounds incredibly sleepy and she’d find it cute if she wasn’t all sweaty and panicky and shaky.

Her entire body is just kind of hurting, and so is her head, but the sickness is a it less now at least.

“I-“

Her voice isn’t working properly. He reaches confusedly for the light on their nightstand.

She squints her eyes a little when it turns on and lights up the room. Then, He Xuan turns around to her, sitting up just a little bit.

“Oh. You okay?”

He does actually raise his hand to her shoulder, but she can’t help but flinch back a little. The images of her dream are still too fresh on her mind.

“Nightmare,” she gasps, finally managing a word.

“Ah, okay. Well, you’re awake now. Wasn’t real.”

He stays quiet for a little bit, eyebrows furrowed, still looking at her. Their eyes meet and she casts them downwards, trying to breathe. This isn’t the first time she’s had one of those weirdly realistic nightmares, but this time it was much more gruesome than usual.

“If there’s anything I can do for you, let me know… I think.”

Yeah. She can always count on him when she needs to. That much she knows now.

“Talk about it if you want.”

“You- you were in it.”

She swallows, the taste of bile still sticking to her throat a little bit. She’ll drink some water later.

“Oh, what did I do? Kill your brother? I would consider that sometimes.”

“Actually,” she coughs, almost managing something like a smile, “you did. Ripped his head right off. It was super gory.”

She thinks that he must be used to talking about nightmares because of his little sister or something. For Shi Wudu, it always took quite a while to make her tell him. Even if it always helped retelling the dream just because of how stupid that makes it sound.

“Oh, eww. No, okay, as much as I’m joking about it, trust me, I wouldn’t actually kill anyone. Not even your brother.”

That does make her smile. Her breath is still going really hard.

Having nightmares was the one thing she was scared of because of moving out; because she would either go to her brother, or to her mother or father. Depending on who was there. And she was scared that if she was on her own, she wouldn’t be able to deal with that. But turns out that He Xuan is more than enough for this.

He makes her feel safe enough.

...Even if he just beheaded her brother in her dream.

“I know,” she says.

Then lets him put her hand to her shoulder after all. The strokes of his thumb are a bit awkward, but he means it all the same. The touch is grounding despite the stupid fluttering in her stomach at the motion.

“I just- it was all really weird. My brother did try to strangle me first though. God knows why. It was very blurry. Still managed to be realistic enough to make me all upset. But yeah, you probably saved my life there, so thanks. Gotta tell my brother to please not strangle me though.”

That makes He Xuan snort. It feels like ever since their birthday, something broke inside of him. He’s been so much easier to be around since then. Sometimes he does smile, sometimes he does laugh now. Not often. But sometimes. And it’s enough.

“No, really, as insufferable as he is, he wouldn’t kill you either, Shi Qingxuan. It was really just a dream, okay?”

“Okay,” she sighs, and finally, her body, too, seems to realize.

All the tension suddenly leaves it, and she just kind of slumps together. Her trembling gets worse as she relaxes, and her teeth start chattering.
Very carefully, He Xuan lets go off her, and then puts the bedsheets onto her more, pulling them up to her chest.

“Not cold. It’s just the panic,” she says, but appreciates it anyways. She drapes them over her shoulders. He picks up the pink ribbon Blahaj and puts it into her lap.

“…You okay?”

“Yeah. I’m used. Like I said, I’ve always just had weird dreams. I guess I have a really vivid imagination or something. Same with the fan and everything. I did go to therapy for that for a while because some of the dreams were a bit too bloody for a grade-schooler.”

He nods. Keeps quiet. Just expects her to keep talking. Others would probably think he’s not worried or concerned, but she can read him. She knows the worry in his eyes. She can see that he wants to take care of her.

“And well- they did get better. But I kept having them. Usually go to my brother or parents with that. Sorry you have to put up with this.”

“My sister also has weird dreams sometimes. It happens. I’m used.”

Yeah. She did guess that correctly.

He grabs his phone with one hand and turns it on. There are some messages from his sister. She can see them from here. It’s half past four. God.

“I’m really sorry to keep you up.”

“It’s okay, I’m not that bothered. Stop being so worried about unnecessary stuff already.”

And then, his hand is back on her shoulder. And somehow, with all that tension slowly going away, and that hand on her shoulder, there are tears shooting into her eyes. They’re hot and burning and start pouring down her cheeks. She feels stupid for asking, but she can’t help it.

“…Can I please just get a hug? I’m sorry. Really. I’m really sorry.”

He Xuan takes a deep breath, then looks at her.

“Listen. I’m bad at this. Talking to people I mean. But seriously. You have nothing to worry about. If anything, you should worry about me saying these things because it makes me embarrassed. But I’m forcing myself right now. You’re not at fault for having nightmares. Neither me or your brother are going to kill you. Okay?”

She nods.

“…And fine, you can have a hug. You know, you… you can stop asking. Unless I’m not in a good mood. I don’t really care anymore.”

Oh. Okay.

So, she just gets a bit closer to him, and then hugs him. Buries her face in his shoulder. And just cries into it.

He smells good. He smells sort of like home. Not of blood or death or anything. He just smells of his usual shampoo (some kind of citrus smell, she can’t quite pin it down) and deo (also some kind of citrus smell. He seemingly likes those). His shoulder is bony, but comfortable. And besides, she loves him. She’s in love with this man. And those stupid dreams can’t change that. And it feels like she’s been in love with him for ages. Not just a few months. She feels like she’s known him for ages already. For such a stupidly long time.

“I’m sorry,” she says again, and he slowly hugs her back a little bit. “Can you- hug me a bit stronger? I need some pressure.”

“Okay.”

He hugs her a big firmer, until he’s properly squishing her a little bit. She nods, just holding onto his pajama shirt. It’s comfortable. She wished she could just sleep like this, pressed against him. Maybe one day. Maybe she can propose it platonically, too, if he doesn’t like her back.

She wants that even more than she wants to kiss him.

The trembling gets a little worse, and she feels his head awkwardly settling against her hair a bit.

She wished she could do this all the time. Just hug him the entire time. Because hell, she’s so stupidly in love with him.

“Is this helping?”

“Yeah. I’m really sorry for keeping you up.”

“It’s fine. I do need to sleep soon though. Just remembered I have class at nine tomorrow because we’re going on a small excursion. But it’s okay. In the next half an hour is okay.”

“Yeah, I- you can lie back down if you want to. I… I do need to sleep too. I’m exhausted from this all. It’s- it’s okay.”

He sighs, and slowly lets go of her. Slowly enough to have her grip on to him again if she doesn’t want to leave the hug yet. But it’s fine. She does feel calmer.
Once she’s free, she strokes away her tears and readjusts her shirt a little, too.

“Are you sure you can sleep like this?”

“I’m… gonna be fine. I mean, when I was a kid, my brother used to hold my hand. My mom- still does. You don’t judge me for sleeping in my mom’s bed at times like these, right?”

“No.”

“But… yeah. I can’t expect you to hold my hand, obviously. I’m gonna just… steal the big Blahaj again, if it’s alright?”

And this time it’s not to be able to accidentally touch him or something. This time it’s solely because she needs some kind of comfort.

However, He Xuan just looks down. Doesn’t meet her gaze.

“…I wouldn’t mind too much, honestly.”

Oh.

Even if he won’t look at her, she surely looks at him.

“…Really? If you don’t want to, it’s okay. I’m not expecting that of you, Xuan. Not at all. Really.”

“If it helps you sleep then it’ll also help me sleep, by extension,” he sighs.

“But-“

“When I’m telling you it’s fine!”

It’s said angrily, but not nearly with the same rage that she experienced from him in her dream. He lets out another annoyed grunt, turns off the light, plugs his phone back into the charger, and turns onto his side. Facing her.

“Well. Whatever. You can do whatever you want to do. I’ll try staying awake for a bit longer in case you need me. Here’s my hand.”

He stretches it out a little and props his face onto one of the small Blahajs.

She looks at him, lying there. Eyes glinting with embarrassment. And worry. She takes a few more deep breaths to calm herself down from her dream. She’s okay. He Xuan and her brother are both alive and well. And they dislike each other, but that’s everything. And she’s alive too. And she has a good life. A perfect life, if she gets to hold He Xuan’s hand, actually. She gulps again.

“Okay. Thank you,” she mouths, getting back under the covers. She does pull her pink ribbon Blahaj close, and then slowly extends her hand, too. Because… if he’s offering, why shouldn’t she indulge herself? And besides, she does know that would help her sleep.

Their fingertips touch each other, and Shi Qingxuan very awkwardly grabs onto his hand. He properly rearranges them until he’s holding it. He’s holding her hand. Again.

She wants to cry honestly and sincerely, but she was just about to stop, so she keeps herself from making it worse again the best she can.

His hand is holding hers. He’s still looking at her. Shi Qingxuan hasn’t ever wanted to kiss him this badly before and just snuggle up to him until her face is buried in his chest.
Maybe one day, she consoles herself. For now, this has to be enough.

“…Thank you, Xuan.”

“You’re welcome.”

“I’m… going to try to sleep again now. You can, too. If I really need you, I’ll wake you up.”

“Okay. Don’t talk about this to anyone and especially not Hua Cheng, or me myself tomorrow morning. Right now I’m just too tired to mind or care about whatever I said.”

With a chuckle, she nods. “Alright. Got it. Have… a good rest of the night then.”

“You too. And don’t worry, I’m not going to kill your brother again in your dreams. Dream of my sister trying to marry you or something. Or of Hua Cheng and Xie Lian kissing, since you like that so much.”

She notices the small tremble in his voice when he says ‘kissing’. If only he wasn’t so unbearably cute.

“Yeah. I’ll try. Have a good night, Xuan.”

She closes her eyes, feeling his fingers on hers. The slightly colder shark ring on his ring finger still.

Maybe she won’t sleep for the rest of the night if she’s holding hands with the person she loves so dearly.
But at least it’ll pay off to have had a nightmare then.

Chapter Text

Shi Wudu looks at Pei Ming when Jun Wu walks straight through their door, followed by his boyfriend, Xie Lian, and Hua Cheng. His little sister and He Xuan are already there, as well as Quan Yizhen and Yin Yu, Feng Xin and Mu Qing, and Ling Wen. The only one missing is Yushi Huang so far. The worst thing about this is He Xuan being there – especially because since the last time he saw Shi Qingxuan… something seems to have changed. She had already been kind of weird the day after her birthday, but now, that’s a whole different thing.

He’s absolutely and utterly convinced that she’s fallen in love with He Xuan – because if Ling Wen and Yushi Huang are anything to go by, then those little touches probably mean something. Shi Qingxuan keeps touching his shoulders, or clings to his arm for a bit, or gives him the hugest smiles he’s ever seen. He isn’t liking it. At all. He’ll have to talk to her about this one day, and really, he’d be all mad and angry if Pei Ming hadn’t already berated him for glaring at them the entire time.

Shi Wudu absolutely hates to think that Pei Ming is his impulse control at the moment.

“…Did you invite them?” he asks, and Pei Ming shakes his head.

“They’re allowed to stay. Although you four just walked in in pairs, so y’all have to go kiss, actually,” he says, pointing at the small hanging plant in the door frame, “that’s a mistletoe. You have to kiss when you meet below the door.”

Oh so that’s the meaning of the plant thing. Shi Wudu had assumed it was one of those Christmas things. He’s never celebrated Christmas, so he wouldn’t know. Shi Qingxuan probably knew.

…Yeah, that explains why she walked in before He Xuan and not together with him. At least she’s still a little bit sensible about this stuff. At least she’s avoiding kissing him.

Mei Nianqing shrugs, and just gives Jun Wu a quick peck on the lips, and Hua Cheng and Xie Lian also kiss.

Ever since he found out that this Hua Cheng guy is Hong, he’s gotten progressively more uncomfortable about this entire ordeal. The pure fact that this is… that little kid. The grimy one. Who used to camp out in their house every once in a while.
Nowadays, Shi Wudu gets that he was living in bad circumstances, but that doesn’t mean it feels good to him knowing that this is the little grimy kid.

…Maybe he really still just has some homophobia to take care of. Because the kiss makes him very uncomfortable. He turns away, but suddenly, there’s a sharp inhale.
It comes from Mei Nianqing, who stares at the kitchen table. Jun Wu and Shi Wudu both follow his gaze.

“Oh. Who of you two reads Paulette de Sade?” Jun Wu asks, and Shi Wudu freezes, instantly pointing at Pei Ming. He does not in any way want to be associated with these books.

It’s bad enough he’s writing his thesis on her. No one needs to know that.
He’s pretty sure it’s ‘His Divine Abs’ that Pei Ming has there. Because he wants to include it in his thesis. For some reason. Shi Wudu has read excerpts. He’s had regrets about reading said excerpts.

“Me,” Pei Ming admits,” I’m writing my thesis on her. Why, you guys like her?”

“Shut up,” Mei Nianqing scoffs, “obviously we don’t.”

“He says that, but he’s been binge reading all of her novels over the past few weeks, actually,” Jun Wu says, and there’s a semblance of a grin on his face. Ling Wen in the back snorts in laughter.

Shi Qingxuan scrambles up to her feet to join the conversation.

“Oh my God, Nianqing, really?”

Since when is she first-name basis with him? Probably isn’t. Shi Qingxuan is just too friendly for her own good, has always been that way, and well, Shi Wudu can’t lie – she’s everything he isn’t, probably.
(For example, she’s also comfortable in her identity. Which he knows he’s not. Otherwise his life would’ve gone very differently.)

“What’s your favourite book?” Pei Ming asks, and Jun Wu is already laughing properly by now.

“The Prince Harming Trilogy of course. He’s relayed the entire plot to me at this point.”

“Shut up!” Mei Nianqing says, stepping on his boyfriend’s foot. “You’re on thin fucking ice. I can threaten you now. You should probably shut up.”

“Over Paulette de Sade? Petty.”

“Remind me again who hated a teen for dropping a live-laugh-love-esque quote? Who’s petty now?”

Whatever that means, it shuts Jun Wu up immediately.

“Okay, but do you prefer Gírdaenros or Velcre? I’m team Gír, personally,” Pei Ming says, and Shi Wudu would rather die than listen to this, actually.

“I ship Gír with Velcre,” Shi Qingxuan jumps into the conversation again, “I’ve ascended, clearly.”

Mei Nianqing coughs awkwardly and looks back at He Xuan with a glance, who’s being bothered by Hua Cheng about something. Xie Lian settles down next to his boyfriend and watches the two of them bicker.

“Actually, while-,” Pei Ming coughs once, probably choking on a dust grain or something, “while reading, I also thought that’d be kind of a good idea.”

“…I’m Team Velcre. I hate that he died,” Mei Nianqing admits quietly, and Shi Wudu doesn’t even remember that name; he’s only read the first volume to be fair. So maybe that’s why.

“He cried for an entire night,” Jun Wu sighs, “I wished I was joking-“

“I’m going to stab you.”

“Let’s not talk about stabbing, Nianqing,” Jun Wu says, a strange tone in his voice,” please?”

“Told you I can make you feel bad.”

“That’s manipulation.”

… Shi Wudu is getting a headache, and Feng Xin and Mu Qing starting to insult Hua Cheng in the background – something they agree on for once – doesn’t exactly help.

“I’m going to grab the presents,” he says, “Yushi Huang should come soon I think. Ling Wen, is she on her way?”

“Yes,” the woman says from the back of the room, scrolling her phone a little, “she’s almost here. Need help with the presents?”

“Yeah, that’d be appreciated, actually,” he says, and watches as she walks over to him. Pei Ming and the others continue talking about those dumb novels.

“I haven’t ever read one of those,” Ling Wen sighs as they make their way to Pei Ming’s room in which they’ve been storing the presents that people have started bringing in the past week. They all agreed to bring presents in anonymously without anyone able to realize whose present something is so that they could anonymously give them around without hard feelings. People can still reveal themselves after if wanted. Personally… Shi Wudu isn’t yet sure whether he can stomach revealing himself, but it’ll be pretty clear to begin with.

“I have. Pei forced some onto me. Mostly read them in excerpts, especially for my thesis.”

“Right. Your thesis about Paulette de Sade. I remember that.”

“…Yeah,” he sighs, “I hate it too, trust me. So… I’m taking the big one.”

He knows that one is his own.

“Alright. I’m going to take some of the small ones then,” she says, and they both grab their respective presents. Shi Wudu stares at the huge package for a while. Surely this won’t be weird to give to his giftee? No. Of course not. It’s a present chosen with care and consideration, it’s just… that it’s a tiny bit embarrassing.

“I’m not ready to go back to that talk,” he says, although he can’t hide a grin, “didn’t expect Jun Wu’s boyfriend to like those awful books, though.”

“Me neither, most certainly,” Ling Wen says. Voice as monotonous as ever.

With that said, the two start walking back towards the empty doorframe that’s between the kitchen and living room, and their respective rooms. He goes first because the doorframe is somewhat small-

“Hey, Ling Wen, Shi Wudu-“

And Shi Wudu runs straight into someone.

He hisses at the sudden pain in his head as he’s left to awkwardly stumble back a few steps. He does walk into Ling Wen, but that impact isn’t as strong, and she takes a step back fast enough to not be affected much.

After shaking his head, Shi Wudu’s entire blood freezes.

He’s bumped into Pei Ming, which isn’t the issue here. Not at all.

No.

The issue is that only now does he realize Pei Ming hung up a mistletoe in this doorframe too.

And they just met. Right below that.

“Oh my God,” comes his sister’s squeak from behind him, “all my childhood dreams are coming true right now.”

Shi Wudu feels cold. He can feel all the blood draining from his face as his eyes meet Pei Ming’s. Who just gives him a grin.

For a second, it looks a bit unstable, but Shi Wudu is sure that he must be imagining that, and it’s gone right away, too.

Before Pei Ming can do anything weird, Shi Wudu forms a fist.

“Alright,” he says, “this is a stupid tradition and I’ve never celebrated Christmas so I’m obviously not going to do it.”

There’s silence for a bit, and he manages to hold Pei Ming’s gaze completely steadily.

It feels like the air around him is strangely stuffy, and when he looks into the room of people – Yushi Huang walking through the door and literally just looking at them too, noticing that something is happening right now – everyone has their eyes on him.

“Coward,” comes the sole voice of one guy.

Shi Wudu had just started actually feeling cold of shock, but no. It’s very quickly replaced by rage.

Even Shi Qingxuan looks at He Xuan like he’s gone mad for saying that. He just throws his arms into the air exasperatedly. “You have a bad influence on me!” he hisses, and Shi Wudu wants to say that it’s the other way around-

“Fine,” he grunts, “don’t be weird about this.”

The hot feeling in his body never leaves as he takes another, slightly shaky step closer to Pei Ming. It feels like he’s back in fifth grade or whenever he kissed that girl on the cheek to make it clear to everyone that he’s straight – except now this is very much counterproductive. He must simply be angry with He Xuan to feel this way. Yeah.

Okay. He can do this.

Pei Ming stands still. Unmoving. Not taking a single step.

His heart beating way harder than it shoulder, Shi Wudu grabs him by the cloth of his pullover, by his shoulder, and pulls him down towards him. It’s ok. He can do this.

He braces himself, pulls Pei Ming a tiny bit closer, then leans towards his side, and kisses his cheek.

It’s just a quick, very awkward peck. His stomach feels weird. Well, he probably feels a bit sick. No one can blame him for this. He’s not gay. So kissing a guy on the cheek isn’t something he wants to be doing, but he is.

He hates that even when he lets go, the feeling of Pei Ming’s skin on his lips remains, weirdly soft.

The room is still utterly quiet. If only someone was talking. If only someone would make any sound whatsoever. But the only sound is his own, slightly accelerated breathing, and Pei Ming’s weird snort that comes off as almost arrogant.

“He Xuan’s right,” he says, “you really are a coward.”

Shi Wudu’s cheeks feel hot. Way hotter than they should. Shit, is he blushing? Well, of course; he’s just kissed someone’s cheeks. He’s got every right to be embarrassed because of that.

He looks at Pei Ming confusedly when he suddenly steps closer to him.

“…Huh?” is all he manages to say when he suddenly feels a hand on his chin.

Everything happens way too fast for him to react, push him away, or even consider requi- (he wouldn’t.)

The hand on his chin tilts it up just a little. Just to match the one centimeter Pei Ming has on him.

There’s another hand grabbing his arm, as if to steady it, a thumb almost apologetically swiping over his shirt just once.

Hair tickles his face, a few loose strands falling onto his forehead, and then there’s something pressing against his lips.

Even if there’s any kind of sound coming from the room or something (there is; Shi Qingxuan is cheering loudly. Ling Wen drops some of the presents she’s holding. Yushi Huang drops the bag she was holding. Considering how loudly Shi Qingxuan is screaming, she’s dropping the sanity she was holding. Maybe. Not that she ever had much), Shi Wudu doesn’t hear it.

There’s a sound going off inside of him that he’s not so sure how to describe. It might sound like an explosion. Or a really awful tinnitus. Or radio silence, if that had a sound.

Pei Ming is kissing him. Properly. Lips on lips.

He’s being kissed by his best friend. And this is his first kiss. And he doesn’t even know what to do.

Someone (Hua Cheng) starts clapping. Someone else (Mu Qing) makes a loud ‘tch’ sound.

Shi Wudu thinks that for a split second, he doesn’t dislike this, slaps himself for the thought, ignores the way his entire body seems to keen at the way Pei Ming has his lips pressed onto his for just a second too long, hands lingering on him just a bit more than he should, but he forgets about it right away when Pei Ming breaks the kiss.

His mind is still blank when there’s some cheering coming from the room, celebrating the fact that Pei Ming actually kissed him.

It takes a long while for Shi Wudu to realize it all.

And when he does, he’s not sure what to do. He stands there for a bit. Pei Ming has long let go of him, looking at him.

“Are you-“

The only thing Shi Wudu knows as to what he wants to do is what he does the next second.

He raises his hand and slaps Pei Ming right in the face.

The cheering stops altogether, all at once.

“Good slap!” Feng Xin shouts, then yowls as Mu Qing slaps him.

Shi Wudu doesn’t dare to look at Pei Ming directly. He doesn’t know why. He’s afraid. He’s scared. Terrified. He feels frozen to the spot still, like his legs can’t leave, like he’s in some kind of nightmare. Including all the noise in his body, his heart racing, pumping blood all throughout his body and-

“I’m going outside,” he yelps and takes off, pushing Pei Ming to the side with one arm and then making a run for it.

He hears two people calling out for him, but he certainly as hell does not look back.

Chapter Text

Shi Qingxuan blinks, the grin on her face slowly fading away into utter disbelief. Maybe disbelief isn’t the right word – she’s worried to hell and back about her brother right now. That expression was unlike anything she’s ever seen on his face. That mortification.

“Uh…” she says, “Pei Ming, I think he didn’t like that.”

“As much as I hate to agree… I agree,” Hua Cheng says, already getting up to walk over to Pei Ming. Huh? Since when are they friends? She’s missed a few things here.

“…Well, it was for the mistletoe,” Pei Ming says, shrugging, still staring at the door. At where Shi Wudu disappeared, literally running out of the room.

“Okay, so,” she gets up, walks over to Pei Ming a few steps. He meets her gaze. “I know I was cheering, but I guess that you should’ve asked first anyways. Consent and all. And… well, you better apologize. I’m going to go follow him now and see how he’s faring. But the slap was deserved, Pei.”

Because hell, as much as she always thought it wasn’t true, it’s very possible that Shi Wudu very much is straight. In which case she can see how getting kissed by a guy is something he wouldn’t necessarily… enjoy.

She goes back to He Xuan to grab the jacket she left there, on the floor. Quietly, she touches his shoulder once. After all, he doesn’t really like social gatherings.

“I’ll be back, don’t worry,” she whispers, earning a raised eyebrow from him.

“I’m not worried. If I were you, I wouldn’t even go after him. I’m not worried about you not coming back, trust me.”

“Sh, don’t be so mean, my brother is clearly not well.”

“I know,” Pei Ming says, “…tell him I’ll talk to him once he lets me.”

She nods, then puts on her jacket, and heads outside.
And, sure enough, on the stairs in front of the dorm building, she sees him. He’s sitting there, his own jacket draped over his laps, arms crossed above it, crouched forward a little.

“Hey,” she says, and watches him flinch a little as she sits down next to him.

“Hey.”

It’s a short answer. She doesn’t blame him.

“I’m… meant to tell you that Pei would like to talk to you once you’re okay with that. Don’t worry, I told him the slap was deserved.”

“…I didn’t mean to slap him, it just happened.”

She hasn’t ever experienced her brother being so dejected. His shoulders are drooping. His entire body seems like it’s lost all of its energy all at once.

“I mean, it was deserved. He could’ve at least asked. I guess… I guess he’s too used to kissing people all the time. And since he’s straight, you know, kissing the homies probably doesn’t bother him.”

Shi Wudu remains quiet at that. Only after a while does he meet her gaze.

“I’m not gay, by the way.”

“Huh?” she laughs, “I know. I know. That wasn’t what I was implying at all. Also why aren’t you wearing your jacket? Aren’t you cold?”

He shrugs, although his cheeks get a bit more red at that. She leaves it be. Sometimes you better don’t keep asking unless you want an answer that you don’t actually want.

She puts a hand to his shoulder.

“Wanna talk about it or not?”

“I don’t know!” he sighs, “it was- this was my- my-“

…Oh.

Oh, she gets it now. Shi Qingxuan swallows hard.

“You mean… this was your first kiss? Yeah, that’d definitely warrant you being this upset about it if this is something that’s important to you. Oh God, I’m so sorry. He’s ought to know. I can tell him if you can’t, by the way. God, yeah, I can see why you’re this upset now.”

Shi Qingxuan never put that much importance on her first kiss – maybe because up till now, she’s only ever had sort of meaningless crushes. It’s different with He Xuan. Part of her wishes she had saved her first kiss for him (not like she’s ever going to get to kiss him to begin with because he wouldn’t agree, and she is not Pei Ming), part of her simply doesn’t care because there’s more important stuff in life than that.

“Yeah. Well. I guess it being my best friend is good in the sense that it’s not with someone who doesn’t mean anything to me.”

She’s going to ignore how blatantly homoerotic that sounds. Because this can very well be taken as ‘Pei Ming means something to me’. Yes, yes, he means it in the platonic way. Hua Cheng also means a lot to her. If he had been her first kiss, she wouldn’t have cared either, to be honest.

“I was just shocked,” he says, “it was too sudden. If he had asked and given me some time to mentally prepare, I might’ve said yes, you know, if forced.”

His eyes are darting from left to right, hastily, like he’s looking whether there’s anyone who’s listening in.

“Because of course I didn’t like, want this, but then again it’s a stupid game, and who knows when I’m going to have my first girlfriend, considering I’m insufferable, so maybe I should’ve given up on that first kiss thing ages ago anyways.”

This is probably the first time he’s openly talking about romance with her like that. After all, this is still Shi Wudu. Her brother.

“I can’t say you’re not insufferable, sorry, but even the most insufferable people have someone fall in love with them sometimes, you know?” she laughs, patting his shoulder a little.

Shi Wudu’s face is slowly getting back to a normal colour. And he’s relaxing a little. Except suddenly, his eyebrows furrow properly.

“…Like He Xuan?”

“No!” she yelps, “he’s not insufferable! At all! That is not what I was referring to! Not that I- of course I don’t- I mean- why would I, haha! Anyways, about-“

“If that brute ever touches you, I’m going to kill him.”

She’s not going to tell him that in her dream, this entire dynamic was a little bit different.

“…Ge, please-“

“I don’t want to know whether you’ve already kissed someone or not but either way don’t let that guy be first, I bet he’d just eat your face off, considering how hungry he is at all times.”

“Hey, this wasn’t supposed to be about me-“

“And if you truly actually are in love with him, then, if he ever so much as dares to hurt you, you just tell me and I’ll dispose of him cleanly and get someone to give me an alibi.”

“Ge, you’re scaring me,” Shi Qingxuan whines, burying her face in her hands. Why is her brother like that? There’s literally no reason for him to be like this.

The conversation about whether or not Shi Wudu is allowed to kill He Xuan if he ever hurts Shi Qingxuan is promptly interrupted when the door behind them opens. Pei Ming is standing there, looking at her red face. He gives her a grin.

“Don’t worry. I already told him not to murder He Xuan multiple times. I’ll keep him in check.”

“I’m not going to thank you,” she says, then watches as Shi Wudu silently gets up and puts on his jacket. He’s back to his usual composed self. No trace of irritability left anymore – except from the usual angriness that’s just kind of inherent to him anyways.

“Hi,” Shi Wudu sighs, “Shi Qingxuan told me you want to talk. What about?”

“What about?” Pei Ming repeats mockingly, then crosses his arms, “well, you’re clearly recovered then, huh? Well, either way, I’m sorry. I’m too used to kissing people and for them to want to kiss me.”

That’s just what she said.

“I know. But you could have asked.”

“I know that,” Pei Ming says, “and that I’m sorry about.”

“And besides, I’m straight. I don’t want any guy to kiss me.”

Pei Ming nods. “I know that too. Like I said. I’m too used. And I know very much that’s not an excuse. I just want to provide an explanation so I don’t seem like an absolute asshole.”

“You are,” Shi Wudu retorts, and Shi Qingxuan can only agree. Pei Ming has always been kind of an ass – but caring and gentle when it counts. When their parents broke up, Shi Wudu took it the more adult way – understanding that they simply didn’t love each other anymore, and nothing would really change either way because they decided to still live together as good friends – while Shi Qingxuan was pretty much inconsolable about it. Pei Ming had taken care of her and skipped school a few times when Shi Wudu couldn’t because he was surprisingly bad at math back in the day. Even if he doesn’t always show it, he does care.

“Well… do you accept my apology at least?”

“Yeah,” Shi Wudu says, “I do. I get that being cheered on and stuff does that. I mean, I kissed your cheek too because of He Xuan taunting me. So… no need to explain yourself, really. Just… there’s one thing I want you to know, or well, that Qingxuan wants you to know, since she said it’s at least somewhat important.”

“It’s to make you feel really guilty,” she adds, directed at Pei Ming, “just so you know what you’ve done.”

Shi Wudu kicks her leg a bit and she just chuckles.

“Huh?”

Clearly bracing himself, Shi Wudu then turns away a little. Looking at the cars parked outside of the building that didn’t get a spot in the parking lot anymore.

“This was my first kiss.”

What ensues is silence for quite a long while, then Pei Ming huffing out a breath.

“I did think so afterwards. I’m also really sorry about that.”

“It’s… kind of okay,” Shi Wudu answers him, “like, I’d rather it was you than I don’t know, He Xuan or someone else.”

That he says with a direct glare at Shi Qingxuan who just feels like she’s going to die once more.

“So it’s all good. No need to be awkward about this. Right?”

“Yeah. It’s all good,” Pei Ming agrees, “from my side anyways. No hard feelings. You’re still my best friend and everything.”

If this was a novel, Shi Qingxuan just knows these two would be in love, and Pei Ming would be friendzoning himself right now – but since it’s not, this is definitely a good conclusion to this entire thing.

“Yeah. I do still consider you one of mine though… as much as I hate that.”

Shi Wudu reaches out his hand and Pei Ming shakes it, as if this was some kind of deal. They let go of each others’ hands again.

“Then we go upstairs? We have presents to distribute after all,” Pei Ming grins, “I’m so excited to see what I’m getting.”

So is Shi Qingxuan. But more importantly, she’s hoping her giftee will like their present, too.

Shi Wudu nods and follows Pei Ming inside.

She stays behind for a quick second, gathers herself and tells herself that her brother really is straight and this is not a Paulette de Sade novel, then joins them.

Chapter Text

Pei Ming is standing in the circle that they formed after putting the table to the side. Xie Lian is very excited about this entire thing; because the only thing he really knows about Christmas is well, the Bible stuff (when you’re a philosophy student, you kind of just absorb some things about Christianity as you go), and the present giving. He didn’t know about the mistletoe tradition for once, but he does find it unbearably cute.

(And he’s going to keep it in mind so that he doesn’t ever have to accidentally end up kissing someone unwantedly, like Shi Wudu.)

(…Not that Shi Qingxuan seems that bothered about it, neither do Pei Ming or Shi Wudu, weirdly enough. He’s too tired to give this much thought.)

“The first present,” Pei Ming says, “is for Xie Lian!”

Oh.

Oh he’s first.

He claps once, and Hua Cheng also gives him a little smile. When he looks up, he sees Jun Wu and Mei Nianqing sitting on the table, looking at Jun Wu’s phone, but when his name gets called, they do both give him an encouraging smile. He’s glad that his brother and his boyfriend are back to being okay again, and that they both stayed.

He does want to know who gifted him this; he wonders whether he can tell by content alone. Pei Ming hands him two small packages; one of them is fluffy, the other one feels… incredibly weird. Somehow soft, but with some hard edges. Kind of like you’d imagine a hedgehog feels like?

“Can I unpack it already?” he asks, and Pei Ming just laughs. “Sure. And if after unpacking you want to know who gifted it, then I think you can also go ahead and ask. If the gifter wants to reveal their identity, then that’s fine.”

It turns out Xie Lian doesn’t even need to ask. Not looking at how Shi Qingxuan is suddenly rocking back and forth and looking over at him, probably thinking she’s being sneaky. Which is great. He’s very delighted to know that Shi Qingxuan is his gifter. Because then he knows this present is going to be something really cool.
So, he opens the first package, the one that’s only soft; what comes to light is a white t-shirt with a ferret print in trans colours on it. Yeah, she truly knows him. It’s his favourite animal.

“Aww, thanks Qingxuan!” he says, but that seemingly catches her off-guard.

“Huh? H-how did you know it was me?”

“You weren’t exactly being subtle about it,” He Xuan hisses, and she looks a bit dejected for a second, but then immediately lights up.

“Well, I’m glad you like it! I washed it, too, so you can just wear it whenever and don’t have to wash it yourself! I thought you need some kind of trans print stuff! Okay, okay, open the other one, I was so happy when I found it-“

Definitely catching her excitement, he does move on to the next, ripping the wrapping paper with his nail and what comes to light is, indeed, a little hedgehog. Except it’s a pincushion hedgehog. His eyes go wide and he feels himself smile really hard.

“San Lang must’ve told you that I’ve gotten back into sewing recently, then?”

“Actually,” Shi Qingxuan snickers, “I knew Hong couldn’t keep quiet about this. so I asked your brother.”

Xie Lian turns around to Jun Wu, holding the little hedgehog pin cushion up to him. Somehow, his brother’s smile seems a little forced before it looks genuine.

“That’s really cute!”

Mei Nianqing punches him in the side with his elbow, and, his eyes flicking towards the pin cushion, then towards Xie Lian, then towards Shi Qingxuan, he leans towards Mei Nianqing and whispers something into his ear. Mei Nianqing shakes his head in pure despair and buries his face in his hands. Xie Lian wonders whether Jun Wu ever got hurt using a pincushion or something – what else would prompt this weird reaction? That’d also explain Jun Wu begging Mei Nianqing not to talk to him about stabbing, if he stabbed his fingers with some pins or something.

“Anyways,” he coughs, turning around to Shi Qingxuan again. “This is very nice! The little guy will be made great use of!”

“I’m glad!” Shi Qingxuan says, giving him a short hug from where she’s sitting next to him.

Pei Ming nods and grabs the next present. It’s something really small and… circular?

With a scowl, he hands it to Yushi Huang, who takes it from him, also scowling back at Pei Ming, just much nicer still. However she smiles as she starts unwrapping the present. What comes to light is a really small vase, neatly covered by a light-blue crocheted vase-shaped blanket-thing (Xie Lian has no idea how to describe it) with googly eyes on it. He sees a small package in it which must be flower seeds or something.

“Oh my God,” she mouths, “that is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen!”

Taking out the seedlings, she gives them an approving nod. Apparently the right choice for a vase this small.

“…Who did this, and is the crocheted vase self-made?”

For a while, no one speaks up, until He Xuan of all people gives an awkward cough.

“…It is. My sister got really into crocheting at one point and made me join.”

“That is so cute, excuse me, you need to crochet something for me-“ Shi Qingxuan says, “when did you even make that?”

“I won’t.”

Xie Lian had very much not expected He Xuan to be able to crochet, so this definitely is a surprise, but also he can imagine it. He Xuan is very diligent, that much he’s learned. And he knows that he loves his sister very much. So yeah, after giving it some thought, it makes sense.

“The next is for Hua Cheng!”

“Oh, it’s you!” Xie Lian exclaims and watches as Pei Ming brings him a rather large package. As in, very large.

“It’s heavy,” he says, “I’m putting it down on the floor. You’re gonna know who it’s from.”

So he knows the contents. So it’s from Pei Ming.

Hua Cheng does snicker as he opens it, revealing a large canvas (perfect, he’s been complaining for days about needing new canvas soon), some high quality brushes, and… a few bottles of alcohol, alongside a small package wrapped in paper that Xie Lian isn’t sure what’s inside there.

“Pei, isn’t he a minor?” Ling Wen asks, raising an eyebrow, and Pei Ming just gives her a very hopeless shrug as a response.

“Listen. I’m indebted to him for uh… reasons.”

“…He is?” Xie Lian asks, and Hua Cheng gives a short nod. Well, if he wants to keep this secret, that’s fine by Xie Lian; Hua Cheng is free to have his secrets, after all. And he’s old enough to decide whether he wants to drink alcohol or not. And besides, Xie Lian does drink wine sometimes, so it’s not like he could judge him.

“I have blackmail against Pei Ming,” Hua Cheng says, directed at Ling Wen, who raises her eyebrow at Pei, who, then again, shakes his head.

“Not what you think, Ling Wen. It’s uh… something else. Anyways! Moving on!”

As Hua Cheng lines up his bottles of alcohol and inspects them, Pei Ming grabs the next present; it’s Xie Lian’s.

He now understands Shi Qingxuan’s excitement as she takes it, but manages to contain himself. It’s going to be incredibly obvious who it’s from to begin with.

Almost like a feral animal, she rips off the flower-patterned wrapping paper and immediately looks at him and Hua Cheng.

“Oh, it was one of you two! Is that for my nightstand here?”

She points at that picture of them as children, where her entire face and shirt are smudged with ice cream, this time framed in a rainbow-frame, and Xie Lian nods.

“I’m so glad we had each other! Do open the other small package, though! I hope you like them!”

“If coming from you, Lianlian, I definitely will!”

This time a bit more carefully, she opens it, her eyes immediately gleaming as some trans-flag coloured jewelry falls into her lap (Xie Lian didn’t find a box to put it into).

“Oh, that’s awesome! I’m so glad we had the same idea! Us transers really have to stick together, huh?”

He gives a short laugh at that and accepts her hug once more, patting her back a bit.

“Oh Ling Wen, it’s for you.”

Okay, Xie Lian does know who this one is from. He gives a short sideglance at Hua Cheng, who sits there, completely relaxed.

“It better be a planner and a few pens. I just ran out,” she grumbles, accepting the package, and ripping it open. “Oh, it actually is.”

Some people in the room start laughing, and Hua Cheng gives one curt nod, seemingly satisfied with how he has picked the perfect present. It’s a very nice planner, too; Xie Lian has seen it.

Ling Wen doesn’t even ask who it’s from, just starts thumbing through it, nodding approvingly every few seconds, obviously liking the layout.

Pei Ming stares at her in something close to despair for a while, as if he can’t believe she’d be satisfied with a planner and some pens. Then, he shakes his head, and grabs the next package, which is a flat, larger box.

“Uh… damn, the handwriting is small.”

Pei Ming squints at it, then decisively walks towards He Xuan.

“Damn, I hope this is for you and I’m not messing this up.”

He Xuan gives him some kind of glare (does the guy like anyone except for Hua Cheng, Shi Qingxuan, and possibly him?), and Xie Lian watches as he opens the package.

Xie Lian isn’t surprised that he can see a lot of sharks there, no; he’s just surprised that apparently, you can find entire stationary sets with rulers in shark shape, shark-printed pens and a large shark-print notebook, and other smaller shark things. He Xuan’s face stays the same as always, but Shi Qingxuan gives him a small smile (she’s so obviously in love with him it’s starting to get a bit painful; well, at least she’s self-aware now), so he supposes that He Xuan must be happy.

Someone coughs a little, and Xie Lian looks at the guy he has only seen at the pool before; the guy with the… quite ordinary face and black hair. He thinks his name must have started with “Yi” or “Yu” or something. He really can’t remember.

“I hope you like it,” the man says, and the guy who sits next to him who had brought that large octopus to the pool, gives him a grin.

“He does, don’t worry, Yu!”

(So, Xie Lian was right about “Yu” with at least his given name.)

“And how do you know that he likes it? You can never tell how other people feel, or else you wouldn’t end up being this awful to everyone,” Somethingsomething Yu hisses and receives a very loud kiss on his cheeks that makes him turn awfully red. Xie Lian can’t blame him; if Hua Cheng did that to him in front of everyone, he, too, would probably die.

The guy with the brown locks just shrugs, but it’s a very happy shrug despite the fact he’s just low-key been insulted by what seems to be his boyfriend.

“It’s the autism!”

He Xuan doesn’t answer, and actually, that’s answer enough; he doesn’t answer because he’s thoroughly looking at all the shark stuff still. Yeah, that truly means he’s liking it, huh? Xie Lian knows He Xuan well enough by now to at least realize that. Maybe he’s getting better at reading him, too.

Meanwhile, Pei Ming has already moved on to the next thing which is a book shape, and hands it to Somethingsomething Yu, who’s still dying of embarrassment.

“Here, Yin Yu, that one’s for you!”

Ah, Yin Yu it is then. at least Xie Lian knows his name now.

Yin Yu nods, and Xie Lian suddenly meets Feng Xin’s eyes, who looks distinctively nervous. Mu Qing next to him is scowling at him. Okay. That makes it clear this present is from Feng Xin, and that Mu Qing thinks it’s not a good present.

Yin Yu opens it surprisingly carefully; making sure none of the paper rips. Xie Lian thinks that, in another life, this guy would probably be the perfect secretary to anyone who needed one (which is a job that would also fit his ordinary face).

Then, there’s indeed a book there, except Yin Yu’s already red face suddenly seems to explode.

Mu Qing clicks his tongue and breaks out into laughter.

All the while Feng Xin just looks between them, incredibly confused, then pulls Mu Qing up by his collar.

“Hey! Dude! What do you know about this book that I don’t!”

“In my defense!” Mu Qing says, raising his hand.

Xie Lian gives a very exhausted sigh. He really wishes his best friends weren’t like this. What’s the use in arguing and playing tricks on each other all the time.

“I only learned this is an erotica book after you had already handed it to Pei Ming!”

“It’s a what now?” Feng Xin basically screeches, then gets up and immediately walks over to Yin Yu, literally kneeling before him and even going so far as to bow down all the way to the floor.
“I’m so sorry. I wanted to buy you a German book for language practice because you studying German is all I know about you. I sincerely didn’t know this was erotica, and my asshole of a boyfriend didn’t bother telling me. I can find you another one if you want.”

Yin Yu takes a deep breath.
But before he can speak up, his boyfriend already does.

“Oh, it’s fine, Yin Yu’s got quite the collection of those books, I found it while digging below his bed when I lost my keys! I mean, ‘The Lust Crisis’ sounds like something that’d fall into that category? Well, I don’t know! I don’t like reading, but don’t worry, angry guy, I’m sure Yin Yu will like it!”

The guy literally leans forward to pat Feng Xin’s hair like he’s a dog.

However, the air in the room suddenly feels… weirdly cold. Several eyes are on Yin Yu, namely, Shi Qingxuan’s, Mei Nianqing’s, and first and foremost, Pei Ming’s.

“Okay,” Pei Ming starts, “so, first of all, Quan Yizhen, I feel offended that you forgot I gave you that book. And secondly, Yin Yu, I can’t believe you ended up reading it.”

Yin Yu looks like he honestly just wants to die. Xie Lian can’t blame him. This is all quite the… situation.

“Have you read Prince Harming?” Shi Qingxuan breathes, astonished, “are you Team Velcre or Team Gír?”

Yin Yu doesn’t manage an answer.

“Oooh, right,” Quan Yizhen laughs, “I remember you giving it to me when I got together with Yin Yu for inspiration! Haha, that explains why-“

He gets slapped very hard on his shoulder by Yin Yu.

“Shut up!” he says, angrier than Xie Lian would’ve thought this guy can get, “please! Yizhen, just shut up for a while! I’m begging you!”

He does actually shut up, but he’s still happily grinning away, not seeing anything wrong with what he just did.

Pei Ming looks at them for a long while still, then gives an approving nod. “Okay, so, Yin Yu, I don’t know whether you’ve read the rest of the Paulette de Sade books yet, but I’ve got every single one! So you don’t have to buy them or anything. I can lend them to you.”

“I’m leaving,” Yin Yu announces, but Quan Yizhen suddenly sits down in his lap, effectively stopping him from doing so. Which looks funny, considering he’s way taller.

There’s a very awkward (and loaded) silence in the room for the while. Shi Qingxuan’s eyes are still fixated on Yin Yu, and so are Mei Nianqing’s. Hell, Xie Lian really doesn’t see the appeal of these novels himself. They’re embarrassingly straight-forward and everything, and well, maybe he’s just not the type to read this kind of literature.

With a very, very loud cough and clearing of his throat, Pei Ming grabs two presents at once.

“Well. Let’s go on, I suppose!”

Chapter Text

“Okay, so,” Pei Ming, “considering the addresses, I’m pretty sure these have the same content.”

He’s trying to play it all cool. Like he doesn’t feel absolutely and utterly pathetic on the inside.

Pei Ming is done with it all for today. First of all, because Hua Cheng said he has blackmail against him, and Ling Wen thought it was about that. He has to later clarify that this isnt’t the case and that she can’t talk to Hua Cheng about that. She also has to clarify to Hua Cheng again to please not tell anyone – but he seemingly hasn’t even told his boyfriend (yet), so he’s probably safe in that aspect. He still hates the fact that the first one (apart from his own parents) to know that he’s been in love with his best friend and roommate for ages now is Hua Cheng of all people. The little guy he sometimes saw in the streets as a kid. It still feels weird that they all ended up choosing the same university to begin with.

Secondly, he realized that he has a date tomorrow with a very gorgeous girl (the one he met at the pool back then and actually ended up sleeping with literally three days later) and has yet to buy new condoms because he ran out considering how many he needs (he’s not going to foster a Pei Ming Junior any time soon).

And thirdly, there’s the fact that he kissed Shi Wudu. Full on. On the mouth. With the excuse of the mistletoe, as if a kiss on the cheek between friends isn’t more than enough. But no, of course, his brain had to short-circuit. This was his only chance at kissing him probably in his entire damned life. So how could he not have? Obviously he feels guilty about it; Shi Wudu didn’t feel comfortable. He ran away. He emphasized that he’s straight again.

And at this point, Pei Ming very well believes him. Well, that’s fine. He’s used to that. He’s long gotten used to probably never getting together with Shi Wudu (not that he could just give up his lifestyle of sleeping around like this anyways, he has too much fun doing that).

It’s just… the feeling of his lips on his lingers. The way he leaned the tiniest bit into the touch, probably out of shock, but he did anyways. The way Pei Ming at least got to grab his biceps once. While kissing him. God, he kissed Shi Wudu.

“You wanna hand these out or stare around forever?” Shi Wudu suddenly scoffs, and that’s what pulls Pei Ming out of his thoughts. He just hopes no one saw the way he blushed after kissing Shi Wudu. God, him blushing. What a world.

“Yeah, ugh, sorry, just remembered I ran out of condoms, that’s all.”

Some people in the room laugh while others groan. Pei Ming knows that they all know anyways, so why keep it a secret?

So, the first quite heavy present he places in front of Quan Yizhen, the second in front of the person he wished he could kiss just once more. Shi Wudu stares up at him, then at Quan Yizhen, then laughs just a bit.

Pei Ming’s heart jumps, also just a bit.

“This is so going to be Mountain Dew. Who’s it from?”

“Me!” Quan Yizhen says, “did you also gift those to me?”

Shi Wudu seems to very much be holding onto everything right now – still doesn’t like Quan Yizhen, huh? Then however, he gets himself to shake his head.

“That was me,” Mu Qing says, “it’s the only thing I know you liked from visiting because of german.”

Pei Ming isn’t surprised to see the staple of Flamin’ Hot Mountain Dew to be tumbling out of the large box that Quan Yizhen has just opened. From his place in Yin Yu’s lap, he perks up towards Mu Qing, looking at him, and giving him the common large grin.

“Thanks! I love those!

“…Yeah, I know-“

“I wasn’t ever keen on trying the Gingerbread flavour, but I guess I have to now,” Shi Wudu sighs, and when Pei Ming turns around, he sees that there are lots of different kinds of Mountain Dew in Shi Wudu’s lap.

“Oh yeah, I didn’t know what you like, so I just got you every flavour I could find,” Quan Yizhen shrugs, and for him that’s strangely thoughtful. Then, he goes back to ignoring everyone in the entire world and cracks open one of his own Flamin’ Hot Mountain Dews.

When he picks up the two smaller presents left besides the super large one, he has a realization.

Those last two are for Feng Xin and Mu Qing, and Pei Ming knows they’re from Ling Wen and Yushi Huang respectively (kind of a funny pull, really). And he’s pretty sure that the notebook for Ling Wen came from Hua Cheng, since he did give a short approving nod.

Which means… the big one is for him. From Shi Wudu. He specifically left his own for last, just out of simple courtesy; but he didn’t think Shi Wudu pulled him. Of all people. What kind of coincidence was that?

His heart starting to beat faster, he places the two presents in front of Feng Xin and Mu Qing. They glare at each other as they unpack them (the sexual tension between the two has barely gotten less even ever since they got together). What pops out is several child toys, definitely for the kid, and a German swear word guide as well as some kind of book about education.

“For your studies!” Yushi Huang smiles, “since I heard you’re learning German, Mu Qing! Keep it up!”

For once, Mu Qing seems satisfied with something.

So that leaves him. And Shi Wudu’s present. He looks at it, then at Shi Wudu.

“What the hell did you buy me that’s so large? I thought we agreed on non-expensive stuff."

Shi Wudu gives him his usual glare. (And Pei Ming really wished his usual glare wasn’t so hot.)

“It wasn’t expensive. It was kind of ridiculously cheap for its size, trust me. Hope it’s not too weird to gift this to you.”

He crosses his arms as Pei Ming approaches his present.

“What the fuck did you buy for him?” Shi Qingxuan hisses, leaning over both Xie Lian and Hua Cheng to were Shi Wudu is seated, “like, a large you-know-what toy?”

“I’m not talking about adult topics with my little sister.”

“I’m literally nineteen now! The only minor in the room is Hong! And Pei Ming just gifted him alcohol and weed!”

She says that all while pointing at Hua Cheng with her finger. Who just grins. Yeah, those people surely are something else.

He goes back to the present. On top of it there’s a smaller, box-shaped thing. He opens that first.

“…Yeah, thanks, buddy, I really need those since I literally ran out yesterday.”

He stares at the package of condoms.

“Don’t get the wrong idea,” Shi wudu scoffs, “I just don’t want you to be responsible for any kid. I wouldn’t trust you with that.”

He can’t help but feel like this is weirdly caring. In a way. Pei Ming isn’t sure in what way, though.

So, Pei Ming looks at the slightly wonky huge package. Dropping the condoms onto the floor next to him. He can pick them back up later. It’s no secret to anyone here that he has sex, really.

So, he instead starts opening the package that literally reaches his waist, and once he’s revealed enough of it, he can’t believe his eyes.

What comes to light is the head of a very fuzzy light-blue teddy bear.

And it looks really similar to that teddy he used to own as a kid that he accidentally managed to throw out of the window and into the large bin outside right before the people collecting the trash came and picked it up. And he was inconsolable for literally months. It doesn’t look exactly the same, no. First of all, this teddy looks much less cuddled. And secondly, it’s got large, black eyes instead of glittery blue ones. And its nose is brown, not black.
But the main colour is nearly the same.

“Oh my God you didn’t,” Shi Qingxuan says, practically lying in Xie Lian’s and Hua Cheng’s laps by now to talk to her brother in a semi-quiet way. “That’s what you came up with? Of all things?”

“Well,” Shi Wudu says, and when Pei Ming turns around to him, still awkwardly holding the fuzzy ear of the teddy, “he was awfully sad about it. And I found that one in a store and thought, well, I might as well. It was super cheap. And don’t you always say that personal, childhood-related presents are good?”

Shi Qingxuan holds her hands up as if to defend herself, then meets Pei Ming’s gaze and shuts up.

“Dude, he looks like he’s about to cry.”

It’s true. Of all presents possible, Pei Ming didn’t think Shi Wudu would do something this thoughtful. Not that he isn’t thoughtful, no. He may be snarky, and awful, and insufferable, and an absolutely arrogant piece of shit, but…

He isn’t going to cry, no. Pei Ming doesn’t mind crying, but not in front of this many people. Not that he really does so often to begin with, but he has a good cry now and again.

“Yo, you okay there?” Feng Xin asks, and while Pei Ming appreciates the concern, if he says something, he’s definitely going to cry, so he doesn’t. Pei Ming crying. People would be talking about that everywhere on campus, he’s sure.

“You hate it?” Shi Wudu asks, and that makes Pei Ming swallow and grab the teddy out of its paper prison.

“No!” he practically yelps, then coughs, “no. Obviously I don’t. For everyone’s information, my teddy from when I was a kid accidentally landed in the trash.”

“Oh, I remember that,” Xie Lian says, “I remember you were super sad about that. Wow, that’s such a thoughtful gift then!”

He says that while clapping his hands together. Hua Cheng leans over to whisper something into his ear, which clearly shocks Xie Lian, as he then lowers his hands.

Maybe he told him now. Not that Pei Ming cares. He knows Xie Lian can keep secrets, at least.

“Pei, you never told me that story,” Ling Wen grumbles, “and I thought we were friends.”

“I was embarrassed, okay?” he makes, properly looking at the huge teddy. It really is big.

He can’t believe Shi Wudu gifted him this. Doesn’t he realize that these are the moments that made him fall in love with him so stupidly hard? He was just trying to recover from Shi Wudu asking Yin Yu how he found out he was gay. And then the kiss happened. And then this. And yes, this is a platonic gesture, but god, if only it wasn’t.

“No, seriously, thanks,” he says, and even manages a laugh. As if nothing was wrong. As if his heart isn’t melting into a fucking puddle right here and now. Shi Wudu isn’t making this any easier for him. Not at all.

“He needs a name.”

Pei Ming stares at Quan Yizhen, who’s looking back at him, eyes gleaming.

“Actually, you’re right. He needs a name.”

“I’ve got it!” Shi Qingxuan yelps, and successfully breaks the slightly awkward atmosphere in the room that was there before because of how touched he really is by this. Shi Wudu, also, is looking a bit to the side, a bit embarrassed about how well-received his present is. Pei Ming wished the blush on his cheeks was there because he’s also in love with him. He knows he isn’t. Still, he shoots his roommate a smile.

“Oh? Qingxuan, you’ve got a name for him?” he asks, looking at the girl who’s literally just lying across two of her best friends now, feet pressing into He Xuan’s legs, who’s glaring down at them.

“Dean! Like Dean from ‘His Divine Abs’! We gotta buy one of those six-pack print shirts for Teddy Dean and dress him in that!”

Pei Ming hates that idea. Wow, he loves it.

He nods, then looks at the teddy, unable to keep that damned smile to himself, no matter how lovesick it is. If others know, then whatever. Shi Wudu won’t know. that much is for sure. He’s not the most observant.

“I’m gonna sponsor it,” Jun Wu says. Of all people, Jun Wu. “I saw one of these in stores recently. Like, in a kid’s store. I’m gonna hand it to Shi Wudu in the next few days.”

Pei Ming presses the teddy a bit closer against himself, not really caring about his image (since he doesn’t want to sleep with anyone in this room anyways) (…except for Shi Wudu, okay, alright, but they literally grew up together, so). No, this Secret Santa event was a full success. Everyone in the room, apart from maybe Yin Yu who has been exposed as a Paulette de Sade reader, seems pretty satisfied.

And hell, Pei Ming can’t lie; he’s probably going to sleep a lot better now that he’s got Dean in his bed.

Chapter Text

“Qingxuan you whore, open up!”

The screams have been getting progressively louder over the past five minutes, so Shi Qingxuan is starting to feel like there’s not really another choice. However, He Xuan is the one to get up with a very annoyed sound, and stroll over to the door.

“What do you want?” he asks once he’s opened the door for Qi Rong, who’s standing there, looking at both him and Shi Qingxuan behind him.

He looks them up and down.

“Why do y’all look like that?”

“I’m sorry that we so much as dare to try and sleep at eleven when class starts back up tomorrow,” Shi Qingxuan grunts, then looks at him.

“What do you want?”

“I don’t want you. Feng Xin is requesting you next door. I couldn’t give less of a flying fuck about you.”

“And why are you at Feng Xin’s- you know what, nevermind, I’m coming over, I want to go back to sleep at one point.”

Rubbing her eyes, Shi Qingxuan strolls back into her room, puts on some random clothes she can find, and comes back to He Xuan literally having slapped Qi Rong. She blinks at him.

“Uh?” she makes, and He Xuan looks back at her, then at Qi Rong, who’s still kind of plastered against the doorframe.

“I don’t know. Just felt like I should punch him, so I did.”

“…I’m too tired for this,” she says, “but I also can’t blame you.”

She’s gotten so used to touching He Xuan’s arm all the time for the smallest things that she just does that again. “I’ll be back. You just try to sleep? I’m taking that guy with me, don’t worry. Don’t need you to be cranky.”

She lets her hand linger for maybe just a little too long. Just appreciating the way his skin feels below hers now that he’s only wearing his sleeping t-shirt.

Then, she shoots him a smile, and walks out towards Qi Rong.

“So, what’s going on here?”

He shrugs, rubbing his cheek a little from where He Xuan has punched him.

“I don’t know. Feng Xin says you should know, too.”

So this is something sort of to do with her. Is it about Guzi and Cuocuo? It might just be, in which case she’s probably ought to know as their number one babysitter. They have them over at least once a week at this point.

“Alright, let’s go there then,” she sighs, and just strolls straight into Feng Xin’s and Mu Qing’s flat. It’s strangely quiet.

“Where’s everyone?” she asks, and Qi Rong behind her points at the kitchen.

“Kitchen. And tell your boyfriend to not punch me again, please.”

“He’s not my boyfriend!” she says a bit too fast, then coughs and continues. “And he can punch you however much he likes.”

When she walks into the kitchen, she just stares for a while.

It’s not just Feng Xin and Mu Qing and Cuocuo, no. Guzi is also there (although half asleep with Cuocuo in his lap), Jun Wu, Xie Lian, a woman she recognizes as Xuan Ji a second later, and Jian Lan. At least she’s seen her a few times.

“Uhm…?” she makes, and only then does Xie Lian look up at her.

“Oh. Qingxuan. Hi. Welcome to whatever this all is about.”

“Stop acting like this is the end of the world!” Xuan Ji hisses at him which makes Jun Wu look at her.

“And you suggest it isn’t, because?”

“You’re rich, you don’t get to complain!” Feng Xin nearly shouts, then quiets his voice down, however still sounding pissed at Jun Wu. “Jian Lan, please, can you not make the same mistake twice? Please? Wasn’t I enough?”

“So you admit that was a mistake?” Mu Qing makes, looking at him, then shortly at Cuocuo who’s fast asleep.

“Well, no one’s really meant to be a father at fourteen-“

“Wait,” Shi Qingxuan interrupts them. She stares them all down. It clicks in her brain. She wished it hadn’t.

“Jian Lan, you’re pregnant again?”

“Yeah,” the woman sighs, “it wasn’t uhm… planned.”

Shi Qingxuan had guessed that much from what Feng Xin has said, yeah. She closes the door behind her once Qi Rong has walked over to Xuan Ji and Jian Lan. She’s heard enough from her brother to know that the three are sort of in a polyamory relationship. She’s not sure how Jian Lan is dealing with that, considering she’s the only sane one.

“I… gathered as much. So, am I meant to congratulate you or not?”

She’d rather straight up ask before making a mistake here.

But Jian Lan smiles honestly at her, so Shi Qingxuan walks over to her and gives her a quick hug. She does quite like her; she’s still on sort of good terms with Feng Xin after all, and she’s raising amazing little Cuocuo too, so.

“Congrats then! Why is everyone else so gloomy about it then? Let’s celebrate! Cuocuo’s getting a little sibling!”

However, all she gets is a very awkward stare from Xie Lian who makes place for her to sit on the same chair as him since there’s no other chair left. Even Qi Rong keeps standing.

“Because, well…”

“Because the father of the child is Qi Rong,” Jun Wu says.

Oh.

Yeah.

That explains it.

“Wow, Jian Lan,” Shi Qingxuan says, “you’ve made a bad choice there. Run as far as you can, and do it as fast as you can.”

“That’s what I keep telling her!” Feng Xin shouts again, looking at her, “but also she’s her own person and I can’t tell her what to do! But this is all so stupid! And she’s in third month already now! Like, nothing that can be done about it anymore at this point!”

“Don’t talk like this!” Jian Lan screams back at him, “you were glad we kept Cuocuo!”

“Well, obviously, because I love my child! But I’m definitely a better father than Qi Rong!”

“My dad’s amazing,” Guzi mumbles, still half-asleep.

“I beg to differ,” Mu Qing makes.

“So,” Xie Lian begins again, “the reason we’ve asked you to come here.”

Shi Qingxuan nods at him, half-expecting him to ask her to play the mediator or something which she very much doesn’t want to do.

“Feng Xin and Jian Lan apparently still have some business at court concerning Cuocuo that they’ll need to take care of because of how he’s going to school in two years and because they had hated each other so much back in the day for a while that, in theory, Feng Xin has full custody of the kid but they then just went against the rules a lot when they started making up.”

Shi Qingxuan blinks. Yeah, she’s not even surprised. It’s kind of hard to be surprised at this stuff when Qi Rong is about to biologically father a child. Obviously he’s already raising Guzi, but Guzi has strangely strong morals – who knows what Qi Rong is going to do to the other poor kid.

“And Qi Rong also has court business open.”

“Because he burnt down the school,” Jun Wu adds, glaring his little cousin down.

Xie Lian clears his throat.

“Because he burnt down the school. So, yeah, there’s going to be a lot of appointments and money that has to be provided by our side of the family,” he says that with a short hand gesture at himself and Jun Wu, “for which we will have to talk a lot to our parents about because they’ve already written Qi Rong off for good but we’re still on a certain budget for uni for the sake of learning how to handle money.”

Pretty sensible of his parents. Shi Qingxuan’s parents would never. If she wanted, she could just ask them for a hundred thousand and probably get it right away.

“So… none of us will have much time. So… would you be okay with taking care of the two kids more often than usual? Just if needed, if no one else is available at all?"

Okay, now it makes sense as to why she’s here, too.

“Uh… sure. I mean, only when I’m not too busy either, but if you just need me in emergencies, that’s fine. I mean, Xuan’s also going to be there. So… sure?”

She looks at everyone in the room again. The pure despair on everyone’s face but Jian Lan’s, Xuan Ji’s, and Qi Rong’s. Especially Qi Rong is just grinning like he’s won the lottery or something. Well… receiving money from Jun Wu and Xie Lian might as well be as good as winning in the lottery to be fair.

“At least that,” Mu Qing says, “this situation is as bad as it gets. See, Feng Xin, and that’s why you cut off your crazy exes.”

“I’m not crazy!” Jian Lan responds.

“If you’re not careful with what you say, you will be one of my crazy exes soon,” Feng Xin grumbles, then looks at everyone in the room. “Okay, so… we just make sure that the kids all get to see their sibling and properly bond with them, alright? And we’re all going to be total adults about it.”

“Says you.”

Feng Xin glares down his boyfriend.

“I’m being an adult about it,” comes from Jian Lan in a very defensive tone. “It’s all of you who are so shocked! Qi Rong isn’t a bad father, you know? He’s really good with both Guzi and Cuocuo. A third kid won’t change that. Qi Rong really isn’t as bad as all of you think he is.”

“You clearly didn’t see him burn down an entire school,” Xie Lian whispers next to Shi Qingxuan and she can’t help but laugh. No one apart from her heard, though. Yeah. She does agree with him. Jian Lan has known Qi Rong for three months. That’s not enough time to have a kid with him. And the fact that Xuan Ji is in the picture too? Dear God.

“So,” she says, “are you going to treat Feng Xin and Mu Qing as some sort of parents to the kid, too?”

“That was the plan,” Feng Xin answers, nodding. “We get all three kids over the weekend unless it’s exam season. It was my proposal, because I said that I don’t want Cuocuo to see me less than usual, but I also don’t want to tear him away from his siblings. We’ll be looking for a bigger flat for the next year too. However, that money can’t come from only us because we’re not the richest out there.”

No wonder Jun Wu looks so miserable there.

“Well, at least that’s uh… an adult decision? Well… this is a situation for sure,”

Shi Qingxuan replies

“Qi Rong, can you please learn how to use protection?” Xie Lian asks suddenly, although his cheeks are awfully red about it. “It’s important that kids are wanted and planned, actually, and obviously you can still handle a kid well if they’re not, but…”

“I bet Qingxuan can teach me,” Qi Rong says, “considering her and her roommate.”

So, with the hugest evil grin that she can manage, Shi Qingxuan jumps up from her seat. Not only does Qi Rong need to stop suggesting that her and He Xuan are a thing (because it hurts her to think that they’re not), and second of all he needs to stop insulting her about these things.

She slowly approaches him, and no one even tries to stop her. She just raises her hand, and slaps his other cheek. The one He Xuan didn’t hit. Clearly not having expected that, Qi Rong is once more flung into the wall – she also keeps forgetting that she’s stronger than she sometimes thinks she is – and tumbles to the floor.

“Hey you bitch-“

“You deserved that one,” Xie Lian and Jian Lan say in unison, then give each other a short grin. At least everyone agrees that Qi Rong needs to stop being gross if he’s going to have another child that might not be as stable as Guzi.

“Glad we agree,” she voices her thoughts, then walks back to her place on Xie Lian’s chair. “So, I’ll take the kids if needed. No problem there. You all uh… manage the complicated money and court stuff. Wow, I’m glad I’m not part of this family.”

“I wished I wasn’t,” Jun Wu sighs, “sadly you don’t choose these idiots.”

Shi Qingxuan definitely gets the sentiment. But hey, at least Shi Wudu hasn’t yet impregnated a girl.
...Or worse, Pei Ming.

“I don’t think anyone would choose Qi Rong if given the chance,” Mu Qing mocks.

Shi Qingxuan thinks that everyone in this room except for Jian Lan and Xuan Ji is bound to agree.

Chapter Text

Xie Lian comes home to the very comforting smell of fruit tea. He isn’t sure what those past few hours were all about if he’s being honest. There was just so much to take in. He’s really glad that he’s going to Hua Cheng’s for most of the winter holidays; he’d very much not enjoy spending them at home with Jun Wu as they try to bargain with their parents to give some money to Qi Rong when neither of them even really wants that.

“Gege, you’re home!” Hua Cheng shouts when he hears the door fall shut and basically storms out of the room to come in for a hug. He’s kind of like a dog himself. Xie Lian can’t wait to learn whether Hua Cheng or his actual dog is more like a dog. His last class is in three days, so they’ll be taking the plane in four days, together with He Xuan. It’s really sad Shi Qingxuan isn’t coming along, though. Maybe one day she will. It’s not like Hua Cheng couldn’t have her over, too. But he guesses she’s been summoned home by either her father or her brother who doesn’t want her to spend more time with He Xuan than truly necessary. Her mom is much more relaxed, that much Xie Lian remembers.

“I am,” he answers and requites the hug, just leaning into his boyfriend, fiancé, whatever, his future husband. For a long while. He’s exhausted. Both physically and emotionally.

“You okay?” comes the immediate question.

How is Hua Cheng so good at reading him anyways? It’s like they’ve spent centuries together already, and not just a few years and then a few months.

“Just tired,” he says, "can we sit down? I want to get into more comfortable clothing. And can I have some tea?”

Eagerly, Hua Cheng nods, and gets right to making Xie Lian his tea, as he gets changed. When he slips out of his shoes, his phone rings once. He gets it out of his pocket and stares at Shi Qingxuan’s message which just says ‘I know you’re ace and I don’t know your opinion on having sex with Hua Cheng but please don’t also have an unplanned pregnancy if you can, I’m not sure Jun Wu could stomach that at the moment, he’s literally at mine right now waiting for Mei Nianqing to pick him up because I gave him some alcohol to cope with Qi Rong becoming a father for the second time now’.

He lets out a laugh and texts back a short ‘don’t worry about it, that isn’t going to happen’, although he’s slightly embarrassed about the content of the message itself. He knows Shi Qingxuan doesn’t mind talking about these things, and in theory, he doesn’t, either; it’s just that he gets very easily embarrassed by these topics.

“Alright, you can sit down on the bed,” Hua Cheng says, “the water’s in the cup already.”

Xie Lian nods, letting out a very long and heavy sigh, then he walks over to their bed and sits down on it. He leans against the wall behind him, taking out his hair tie, and ruffles his own hair. That’s much more comfortable already, the strands of it not clinging together anymore and the feeling of pressure on his head releasing all at once.

“So, what was the matter? Did Feng Xin and Mu Qing already have a break up arc?”

“Well, if they didn’t, they’re probably going to have it sometime soon,” he grumbles, thinking about how Feng Xin literally threatened Mu Qing with a breakup; not that this is something he hadn’t expected to happen at one point. After all, these are Feng Xin and Mu Qing. They’re forever going to be absolutely dysfunctional, but now they’re at least dysfunctional in a loving way.

“Oh? So bad? Wanna talk about it, Gege?”

“Oh, San Lang, you have no idea,” he says, and it comes out as a very desperate chuckle. “It’s Qi Rong again. You know about Jian Lan, him, and Xuan Ji, right?”

“Yeah, you’ve told me once. Still can’t believe the two crazy exes got together with that guy.”

“Yeah… so, anyways, Qi Rong’s gotten Jian Lan pregnant. She’s in third month already. There’s court stuff about Cuocuo still. They don’t have enough money for another kid, especially since Jian Lan won’t be able to work anymore. So… yeah, we’re all kind of in despair over it.”

Hua Cheng remains quiet for a little while as he presses the cup of tea into Xie Lian’s hands and snuggles up to him with a blanket that’s suddenly thrown over them.

“That’s… bad. Wow, that’s bad. I thought Guzi was already bad enough. In the sense that, Qi Rong has a child. I like Guzi. He’s very normal for who his father is.”

Xie Lian hadn’t needed that clarification, he knows that Hua Cheng loves Guzi. Everyone loves Guzi. If there’s anyone who doesn’t, he’d frankly be concerned about it.

“So…” he says, rubbing his eyes a little, then letting his head sink onto Hua Cheng’s shoulder after a short time of considering whether that’s appropriate to do; Xie Lian does mentally slap himself at the thought. Of course it is. This is his fiancé. He can put his head onto his shoulder at all times unless stated otherwise.

“So, yeah. I’ll have to be on call a few times when I’m at yours. I can’t let my brother do this on his own. I mean, we’ll have to get our parents to send him some money and everything. And well… they don’t quite like him. For obvious reasons.”

Hua Cheng gives a very, very dry laugh at that.

“Obvious reasons. That’s still an understatement, Gege. I’m surprised your brother even bailed him out of jail that one time.”

“I don’t know why. I’d have left him there,” Xie Lian sighs, burying his face into Hua Cheng’s shoulder a bit more. He takes a deep breath. He can’t believe this is his fiancé. They’re engaged. Hua Cheng’s mothers don’t yet know that; only that he has a boyfriend. Hua Cheng said that he’d rather tell them in person, and only when they’ve properly met him. Which is fair, and he does agree with that.

“I can’t believe anyone would want to have a child with this guy,” Hua Cheng exclaims, lazily wrapping an arm around Xie Lian and stroking his a bit, fingertips trailing over the cloth of his jacket.

“Me neither,” he laughs, “oh, right, Qingxuan warned me to not get pregnant too, just saying. So San Lang, for the sanity of both my brother and our best friend, let’s not.”

Hua Cheng gives a hearty laugh at that and kisses his forehead.

“Don’t worry, don’t worry, as much as I love you and want a family with you, I know that right now is very much not the best time.”

With a short glance at their rings when Hua Cheng cups his hand, he feels himself smile. It’s amazing just how safe this guy makes him feel when really, back in the day, it was the exact opposite to what it is now. Xie Lian had always been the one to protect him. And well, Hua Cheng is seventeen now, so he’s nearly an adult. Except that Pei Ming didn’t really give that much thought and just handed him some alcohol and weed. It’s not like Xie Lian doesn’t know the backstory by now, though.

He's surprised Hua Cheng kept quite about all of this to Shi Qingxuan. If she knew that Pei Ming had actually been in love with Shi Wudu this entire time, God knows what this girl would do. Probably combust on the spot. Die and never come back.

…Yeah, maybe it’s better she doesn’t know. As much as he loves her, he can’t imagine Pei Ming would want her to know. She’s kind of bad at keeping secrets. So bad at it that she barely managed to keep herself from successfully matchmaking him and Hua Cheng. Obviously he’s happy about it, but Shi Wudu is straight, so that’s a vastly different situation.

“Imagine if we came home to your moms' and just dropped the info on them that you got me pregnant. That’d be such a mess.”

“They’d both have heart attacks,” Hua Cheng laughs.

He intertwines their fingers and Xie Lian smiles a bit more. It’s still weird letting himself fall like this, even when it really shouldn’t be. He’s always been protected his entire lfe, be it by his mother or later Jun Wu. Except for the food. His mother’s food was the opposite of ‘protecting’, actually.

“Yeah, let’s maybe… not.”

“Agreed. I don’t want my moms to die. That’d mean bringing E’Ming here. He’d shred our entire bed, trust me. He’s kind of feral. Sorry in advance.”

“That’s alright. My cat was a bit weird too. Especially when she got older. She refused to not sleep on my neck.”

“That… sounds very uncomfortable. I wouldn’t let E’Ming sleep on my neck. My legs are fine, but only when he doesn’t try shredding those.”

That makes Xie Lian laugh again. Yeah, he really can’t wait to meet the dog.

For a bit, there’s just comfortable silence. Xie Lian sips his tea, hoping to everyone in the entire world that whatever Qi Rong and the rest have going on is going to be resolved. And that it’s all going to go well. For the sole sake of the kid. He’s not sure he’d want to be the kid himself.

“Say, Gege…”

“Hm?”

“You- you do still love me, right?”

“What?” Xie Lian laughs, placing his tea on the nightstand and just grabbing Hua Cheng’s face. “Come on now, San Lang. What’s this fishing for compliments we’ve got going on here?”

“Hey!” the other complains, a slight blush on his cheeks, “I’m just… making sure!”

Taking his courage together (he can’t believe that it still takes him some mental preparation to do this), Xie Lian leans in to kiss him once. Hua Cheng’s lips are always so soft. He loves kissing him. Not that he’d be able to voice this out loud.

“I still love you, yes. I won’t suddenly stop, no worries. Okay, San Lang?”

“…Yeah,” he grumbles, not meeting his gaze, and instead just pulling him closer, back into a hug.

Xie Lian has no clue why his boyfriend is so insecure, but he doesn’t really mind.

“So… about marriage.”

“Oh, that’s why you asked,” Xie Lian says, everything suddenly making sense. He leans more into Hua Cheng. He’s so warm and comfortable.

“So…”

“Wait a bit, okay, San Lang? Don’t worry, if you ask me again in a year or something, then we can definitely start planning something. Alright?”

“Okay. That’s- that’s fine by me.”

Oh, that cute stutter is back. Xie Lian clings a bit closer to him and just breathes in again. He loves him so much. Hua Cheng is such an idiot. Either super arrogant or super insecure. Xie Lian wouldn’t have it any other way.

“I love you, okay? That- won’t change.”

And now he’s stuttering, too. Oh dear. This is beyond embarrassing.

“That’s… good,” Hua Cheng mumbles into his hair, and it’s moments like these when he feels a lot like Hong to Xie Lian. He used to cling to him in the exact same manner. Always wanting to be as close as possible, like a little monkey, really.

“I’m going to marry you, alright? Just, uh, let’s meet each other’s parents first. Kind of seems like the correct first step to take here.”

That makes Hua Cheng laugh. Well, at least he seems to have gotten out of one of his regular slumps.

“I’m glad. Do you want to go to sleep yet?”

“Not really,” Xie Lian says, “have you forgotten that you have a drawing to work on? You weren’t procrastinating while I was gone, were you? And if you were, then I suppose it’s time to continue now.”

“…Gege.”

“San Lang.”

“…Fine.”

With a last squeeze, Hua Cheng parts from Xie Lian, staring down the sketch on the desk like it’s murdered his entire family.

“Fine. I’m finishing this tonight. I better get a kiss as a reward.”

With a chuckle, Xie Lian takes another sip from his fruit tea.

“You will. But only once you’ve finished, okay?”

“Okay. I’m already on it.”

Yeah, he definitely knows how to get his fiancé to work.

Chapter Text

“Oh my God they’re about to kiss.”

“If you could not spoil the movie for me that’d be very nice,” He Xuan sighs, putting another piece of chocolate into his mouth and chewing it.

Shi Qingxuan doesn’t pay him any mind as Shrek and Fiona finally kiss.

Instead, she squeals, grabs He Xuan’s arm, and squeals harder. To the point that he covers his ears and gives her a roll of his eyes, but she doesn’t care.

Like, come on, she’s not going to have the perfect kiss be destroyed, right?

“So, she’s stuck being an ogre now?”

“Yeah,” Shi Qingxuan rasps out when she stops squealing this much. Her hands are still on He Xuan’s arm. She doesn’t want to let go. Not quite yet.

This is their last night together for a few weeks, and she knows that she will miss him ridiculously much. Who would’ve thought that she’d go to uni, get an unwanted flatmate, and then end up falling in love with him literally immediately, making the prospect of winter holidays unbearable? God.

Part of her wishes she hadn’t, but honestly, no matter whether this is requited or not… it’s not like it matters. If she can just be with him that’s enough. If she can just hold his arm like that, she won’t mind at all.

“I wouldn’t like being an ogre. Seems kind of… stinky,” he says, and that makes her laugh.

It’s a bit funny to her how everyone thinks He Xuan is cold. He’s not. It’s just his face, nothing else. He’s clearly putting a lot of thought into Shrek – which she still can’t believe he’s never seen before.

“Well, you won’t have to kiss someone to determine who you’ll be forever,” she answers. And leans against his shoulder just a bit. With her head. Surely that’s okay? Surely he won’t mind?

He neither shakes her off, nor says anything.

Okay.

If she can at least be close to him for some time, now, before she takes the train back home in the morning, before him and Xie Lian and Hua Cheng take the plane to their hometown (not Xie Lian’s, but). She’s not going to see him for several weeks, and frankly, it hurts.
She doesn’t get why it feels like she’s already been separated from him before when she didn’t even know him. She doesn’t get why it feels like she’s letting go of him again.

(Maybe Jun Wu is right. Maybe they did know each other in a different life. Maybe they parted there. Maybe they weren’t meant to. Or maybe they were meant to part in that life, and meet again in this one.)

“Not that I’d know how,” he shrugs, still in response to her saying that he won’t have to kiss someone to decide whether he wants to stay human or become an ogre forever.

And for a split second, Shi Qingxuan thinks that this is a weird thing to say, that maybe he’s just saying that to be able to kiss her so that she offers, then she realizes that’s so not his point. That he’s just kind of joking. However… if he’s joking then surely so can she?

Still.

This wouldn’t be wise to do. He might catch on. Or would he? This is still He Xuan. She doesn’t know.

Shi Qingxuan draws back from him a little, all of her attention on him instead of Fiona and Shrek, and she can feel her hands trembling a little from where she’s still grasping his arm.

She should ask. Just in a joking tone, right? It’s not like he’s going to say yes.

She’s not expecting this; doesn’t mean she can’t hope or try.

And after all… she can pass it off as a joke if this doesn’t go well, right?

“Right, you’ve never kissed. Nearly forgot. Or have you kissed someone by now and just not told me?”

Her voice feels unstable but she can tell that it’s coming out stable. She lets go of his arm and puts her hands into her lap.

Her heart is beating in her chest. So loudly. So stupidly loudly. She doesn’t know what he’s going to answer. She doesn’t know how she’s going to go about this but if she plays her cards right, just a little-

“What? No. Of course not. Who the hell would I even kiss? Hua Cheng? I’d just throw up, and I cherish food too much to do that.”

Oh god. It’s a good answer to steer this into the direction that she wants to steer it into.

She can do this.

He Xuan looks at her for a moment, then away again. She bites her lip. Okay. Okay. She can do this. She's just going to put a joking tone into her voice. Or act like this is normal for her to offer – which, considering how many people she has in theory done this with, is not too unlikely.

“I mean,” she starts, her heart trying to beat out of her chest, “if you ever want to get your first kiss over with, you can ask me. I wouldn’t mind, I’m not too- I’ve kissed so many people, it’s not like one more person would matter, and as long as you don’t make it weird, I wouldn’t precisely care…!”

God.

That was long. She definitely got into her panic monologue there a little.

Shi Qingxuan doesn’t dare to look him in the eyes, or anywhere up at him. She keeps her gaze steadily focused on the hands in her lap that she keeps trying to stop from trembling. He’s ought to know that this means more to her than she’s letting on, right? Clearly she’s stressed out and anxious. For just a second she feels like she’s going to throw up because of how she can’t take this quietness between them anymore.

“I mean, I don’t really care about who my first kiss is with.”

Okay, okay, that’s an indirect answer. She breathes out a tiny bit, not having realized she’s even been holding that breath, and it makes her feel like Neia, the main character of Prince Harming, because that happened to her quite a lot.

“My sister and Hua Cheng do both keep bothering me about it.”

Oh God. The way he pronounces the words, that slight wonder in it, paired with the annoyance at his sister and best friend-

Maybe she’s lucky and she’ll get to-

Maybe, if she goes about this the right way-

“Like I said- I wouldn’t particularly care!” she says, and now the panic is starting to properly sink in. She feels herself sweat just a little all of a sudden, and her tongue gets looser because the divide between her mind and tongue is suddenly non-existent-

“So! If you want to just get it over with, and you feel comfortable enough doing so, I wouldn’t care, really! I mean, we’re friends, right, so, hey! Whatever! If Hua Cheng wanted a quick peck on the lips, I wouldn’t care either!”

That much is true.

That makes her look normal enough, right? Or well, sound normal enough.

God. She steals one glance at He Xuan, just a single glance. Sees him genuinely contemplating it.

She’s going to die. If he agrees, she’s going to die. She’s not going to come back from this, ever. And hell, she knows there’s no romantic intention behind He Xuan’s actions, at the very least. That much she knows. She’s not going to pretend there is. Which is fine. If she kisses him just once in her entire life, that’s good enough. She won’t expect anything more from this.

“Yeah, why not? Then I can tell them to shut up, and it’s not like I really care about who my first kiss is with.”

Okay.

She’s a dead woman.

She’s going to die right here.

For a good second or two, Shi Qingxuan just stares at him. He looks down at her, requiting her gaze for once. Not budging. All of a sudden, she feels horribly vulnerable. Like he’s seeing her for the first time or something. He blinks. She blinks back.

“Are you sure?” she rasps out, and grasps the sleeve of his T-shirt for hold. She’s touching him. Oh god, why did she touch him-

“Yeah. Unless you were just joking.”

“I mean- partly,” she admits, “but I also genuinely don’t care, so like, yeah, sure, if you want me to kiss you, I can do that. Or- or, of course, the other way around, it’s totally up to you, I don’t really care-“

“I’ve never- so, maybe it’s better if you do it.“

She nods hastily, noticing how he does start to sound a bit stressed out now too. But he agreed. He did agree. He’s probably just stressed about it because he hasn’t ever kissed anyone.

“Okay, okay,” she says, properly grabbing his shoulder with her hand now.

Stroking it once with her thumb. It’s okay. She can do this.

“What am I, uh… meant to do?” he asks, still looking at her. God, why does he keep looking at her like that?

“Uh… I mean you don’t have to touch me if you don’t want to,” she says, trying to keep her mind as clear as possible. She’s not sure it’s very clear. “But, I mean, if you want to, you can. You, uh, okay with me-“

“Sure.”

It’s rasped out, and he coughs once. Then clears his throat.

She feels like she’s going to die.

Shrek is long forgotten about.

Slowly, Shi Qingxuan brings up her other hand to the side of his neck, placing it against it as gently as possible. Thinking that, just for a second, it feels like there’s an electrical shock going through her entire body.

There’s a hand awkwardly holding onto her waist the next second. The other one very, very awkwardly grabbing the hem of her skirt. Not even on her leg, just the cloth that’s fallen onto the bed. But she feels the pull. Maybe he meant to only grasp the bedsheets.

She’s going to die.

“Okay,” she whispers, automatically keeping her voice quiet, as to not destroy the moment. Because even if that doesn’t mean a lot to him, it does to her. And she’s allowed to have this mean a lot to her. “Are you really sure? I don’t want you to like, regret it. Or be weird about it, I guess.”

It’s like her brain is suddenly as calm as can be when speaking out loud because all the energy is wasted on her thoughts going absolutely wild.
Her cheeks are burning. She can feel the blood pumping through her body, hears it in her ears.

“Yeah.”

Okay. That’s her answer.

She scoots a tiny bit closer, feeling the way his hand is suddenly flat against her outer thigh. The other one still on her waist. His hands are warm. She leans up. Just a little. Until they’re still a safe distance from each other but she can already feel his breath on her face. It’s fast. Not as fast as hers, but fast.

“…Close your eyes, if you keep looking at me, that makes me feel weird,” she says, managing a really, really awkward laugh. He does. He closes them. Tilts his head a tiny, tiny bit.

She feels their noses brush against each other.

Oh god. She’s so close to him.

Her entire body is going rampant, hands on him trembling to the point that she has to hold onto his shoulder harder, probably to the point that he can feel her nails. His breath still smells of that piece of chocolate. She can hear the credits of Shrek in the background, still.

She’s about to kiss the person she’s in love with, and frankly, she can’t believe it.

Okay.

Okay. She can do this.

Shi Qingxuan can do this.

She takes one last breath, closes her own eyes, and then the distance between them.

Chapter Text

When their lips meet, Shi Qingxuan is sure that she’s ascending or something. At least that’s what it feels like.

He Xuan’s lips are surprisingly soft. There’s so many butterflies in her stomach that she’ll be surprised if they don’t come flying out of her mouth the next second. He smells so good.

She can’t believe she’s kissing him.

She can’t believe she’s kissing him.

At first, he doesn’t respond, seemingly not really knowing what to do. His hands on her twitch once. She leans more into him, unable to stop herself from doing so. It’s then that she feels him breathing in a bit beneath her and kiss her back all of a sudden.

It’s insecure, unsure, totally sweet an innocent in the way that he presses back into her a little. Barely with any force behind the motion.

This is more than just a quick peck on the lips. Well. It’s a proper kiss. He’ll proudly be able to say he’s had a proper kiss.

Hell, she doesn’t care about that, she just cares about the fact that she’s kissing him right here and now.

He tilts his head more, leaning more into the kiss, as if he’s liking it and that’s when reality strikes Shi Qingxuan.

She lets go of him. Her face feels a bit wet – she’s either sweating or crying, she’s not completely sure herself – and she feels hot and she’s just kissed He Xuan and he just kissed her back and she opens her eyes and finds herself looking directly into his, and then everything happens so strangely fast that she’s not sure what even happens to begin with.

It feels like something inside of her snaps, like she’s waited years or decades or centuries for this because frankly it feels like it’s been millennia since she’s wanted to kiss him. It’s like all of her self-control suddenly slips away from her, and she can practically sense that the very same thing happens to him. As if it’s not just been her longing for this to happen for a long, long time.

She finds herself scrambling to meet him half-way when his hands are suddenly on her cheeks, framing her face. She’s not so sure whether he kissed her again or she kissed him again but either way they’re kissing again, so what does it matter?

Everything he does is still clumsy as hell, the way his hand gets caught in her hair for a second when he puts it into her neck, pressing her closer. She’s reaching for both of his shoulders, clinging to them as hard as she can, leans into him so much that she hears a little sound when his head hits the wall. He doesn’t notice, or doesn’t care.

They’re kissing.

She’s kissing He Xuan and he’s kissing her back with such a force behind it that makes it feel like this is a fucking fever dream.

Maybe it is. As if she’d care. If she wakes up later and this was all a dream then she’ll take that over all those other dreams she has.

(Dreams in which she wants to kiss him so badly but he’s always so far away from her.)

(Dreams in which he’s handling her roughly one second and then hurting himself for her the next.)

(Dreams in which he kills her brother and yet she can’t fucking hate him.)

(Dreams that she forgets about when waking up, dreams of him looking at her in the light of lanterns with the smallest, tiniest of smiles, of him slashing his own arm to protect her when she feels so horribly scared, having found out who he really is and feeling so horribly scared because she doesn’t feel as scared of him as she should be, dreams of him always looking out for her, of his hand reaching towards her and his body reaching towards her and his words doing so even more, except she never chooses him, no matter how much she longs for him, dreams of a fixed fan that glitters in dark, dark light as she’s panicking, a boost of spiritual energy pushed into her with a sentiment that feels like so much more than a simple apology, nights spent alone wondering what he’s doing now-)

She kisses him so hard the next time that their teeth clash and he backs away from her for a split moment, just to lean back up to kiss her back.

She finds herself leaning over him slightly, swinging one leg over him until she’s practically sitting on his knees, and he’s pushing his hands into her hair to get her closer and closer and closer.

It’s all hectic. It feels like a godforsaken relief to be kissing him, like it’s the only stupid cure, and she thinks this should be a line from one of Paulette de Sade’s books and not her own life, but she forgets about that again right away.

The fingers in her hair are trembling. Sometimes, he’s breathing against her lips, but she doesn’t let that take too long. At one point, her hands end up on his hips, and she steadies herself a little, suddenly-

Shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit.

She breaks free from the kisses, him following her trying to lean in for the next.

“Xuan,” she gasps, never opening her eyes, just knowing that this feels right and somehow perfectly fine to ask and she couldn’t care less about anything else right now-

“Your tattoo?”

“Huh?” he makes, incredibly weakly, but she’s back to kissing him. His mouth is still slightly open.

He shuts up for good, her fingers reaching into his shirt a bit. His skin is smooth. God. She’s going to go insane.

Maybe she already has.

When the kiss breaks because she has to gasp for air, she makes another attempt.

“Your stupid jellyfish tattoo. The one on your hip.”

“…Yeah?” he makes, and now she does open her eyes. He looks up at her. His entire face is flushed.

“Can I see it?”

“Oh.”

It’s the only answer he gives her before kissing her back, and well, Shi Qingxuan is going to take that as a godforsaken yes, because if he wanted to say no, he could have, and obviously he still can, but God, whatever spell it is that they’re under right now - she doesn’t want it to break.

A bit too roughly, she shoves her hands below his shirt completely-

Her phone rings.

Absolutely put off by the loud and shrill sound of Celine Dion singing ‘My heart will go on’ at full blast, Shi Qingxuan flinches away from He Xuan as fast as this all started.
Absolutely full of sudden panic, and still riding the high of whatever this was about, she grabs her phone.

“My mom,” she gasps, hastily trying to open the call but her stupid fingers won’t listen to her stupid mind.

He Xuan, still leaning against the wall, is breathing heavily, clearly trying to get it back to normal, but unable to manage.

Finally, she does.

“Mom?” she asks, “can I call you back later-“

“Oh? Away from home, and already not wanting to talk to your old parents?”

Her teasing tone is weirdly grounding to Shi Qingxuan, and whatever clouds she was in, she suddenly falls back to earth.

“No- no that’s not-“

“You sound really stressed, Qingxuan, are you okay?”

No. No, she’s very much not okay. She realizes her position is very awkward and sits down on he edge of the bed instead, back turned on He Xuan. God. She really- they really almost-

“Y-yeah, sorry, uh… just woke up from a nightmare.”

Then she realizes how wrong that must come off to He Xuan.

“I mean- you know, the usual ones. Was just trying to calm down.”

She looks at He Xuan as apologetically as she can. It’s okay. If she gets rid of her mother fast enough, then maybe-

“Oh, yeah, I’m sorry to hear that! I hope you’re okay, baby!”

That makes her cringe.

“Mom. I’m nineteen. Why are you- why are you calling me anyways? It’s two in the morning, God.”

Okay. A deep breath.

Shi Qingxuan takes a few deep breaths as her mother starts to rant.

“Look, I’m really sorry for calling this late, but it’s kind of urgent. So, basically, I’m in the city right now, and I’m about to leave where I am and go pick up Wudu and Pei Ming, and I’ll obviously get you, too. I know you don’t like riding the train, after all. And I know it’s stressful with all that baggage, and knowing your brother, he wouldn’t help you much with that. Sorry, I truly didn’t raise him well. Anyways- I’m in the city because at like, four in the evening I got a call from a movie director wanting to meet me and your father for dinner for a movie adaption, together with the editor, we haven’t even informed the author yet or asked or something, but like, yeah. It was all stressful. Turned out he read one of our books and really liked it and he happened to be here, and since he knew the company’s address, he asked whether we could meet him, and your father was still in an online meeting with a new author, so I went alone. So, yeah, I’m in the city, and if the author agrees, we’re going to have a movie that’s probably going to make really good money. And I’m here to take you home. I mean, obviously you can take the train if you want to, but… I mean, why would you, so anyways, I’m picking you up, but no stress! If there’s anything left to pack, we can still do that when I’m there! You can sleep in the car and all and you can sleep in however long you like tomorrow! But yeah, I have to get home, I’d take a hotel room, but your father left a few hours ago, and well, there’s a reason I have to go home, you’ll see. So, uh, is that okay with you?”

Okay.

Shi Qingxuan knows where she got her stress talking from definitely.

“…Yeah.”

It takes a few more moments for the words to process in her mind.

“Yeah, okay, alright. I’ll get dressed sort of, at least. Take a short shower. I’ll hurry.”

She physically needs to take the coldest shower ever, or else she can’t guarantee anyone’s sanity in this house. She would decline, but suddenly, she’s filled with this weird feeling of having done something so wrong. She’s kissed He Xuan. Hell, she nearly didn’t stop before- God. God, this is bad. He Xuan isn’t into her. No need to deceive herself. This was just some kind of late teenage hormones at work. She knows that. Whatever. It’s okay.

(God, she’s going to have a quick cry under that shower.)

Okay. He Xuan isn’t into her. And if she declined her mother’s offer, that’d be really, really suspicious. She hates trains. Well, not hate, but she dislikes them for many, many reasons. Her mother would find it weird. She doesn’t want to risk her mom knowing anything she shouldn’t.

“And uh… I’m glad you possibly got a new movie,” she adds, coughs, and takes another deep breath.

Okay.

This is all going to be okay.

“Okay! I’ll be there in roughly fifteen minutes! Wudu and Ming said that they’ve already got everything packed, and they’ll be waiting for me! So that won’t take long! But don’t worry, I can wait! Should I ring or knock?”

“Knock,” she says, “don’t want to wake up the neighbours. Insulation here is bad.”

“Alright! Okay, I’m gonna leave then! Don’t want Pei to freeze.”

Why is she treating Pei Ming more like her own child than her and Shi Wudu, anyways?

“Love you, Qingxuan!”

“…I love you too.”

And then, her mother hangs up.

Shi Qingxuan stares into the distance for a good few seconds.

Until it all hits her.

“…Xuan?” she asks, looking back at him. not daring to turn around.

He’s got a pillow in his lap by now and coughs awkwardly once.

“So, your mom’s picking you up?”

Okay. Okay, they’re not going to talk about what just happened. Okay. She got that much.

Alright.

She really needs to get into that shower to cry.

“Yeah. Uh…”

That’s when something entirely else hits her.”

“Fuck. Fuck, she doesn’t even know I have a roommate. Oh my God, what have I done. I won’t be ready in fifteen minutes, and I reasonably cannot have her wait at the door. She’ll see your name on the letterbox anyways. Fuck. Fuck..”

This entire evening is going so horribly wrong in so many ways.

“I’m…” he starts, but stops talking again. For a bit. Then speaks back up. “I’ll tidy up a little. You- you focus on getting ready.”

Okay. This very much feels like he wants to get rid of her. Which is okay. She majorly overstepped the line just now. And rationally thinking about it, sure, He Xuan kissed her back, but also he’s never kissed anyone, so didn’t she just low-key take advantage of him? Okay, okay, no, no, that’s too far. That’s not what she did. Still, this nearly went into a vastly different direction.

God? What happened to her? Yes, she’s very much led by emotions and everything, but for her brain to shut off this hard and nearly sleep with her roommate without considering the consequences?

“Yes,” she makes, realizing that it’s fair he wants some alone time. After everything she did, that’s understandable.

So, Shi Qingxuan gets up and walks over to her wardrobe to grab the change of clothes she had prepared for tomorrow morning. Once she’s in the shower, she’ll have to do some important stuff, have a really good cry, and also think about how the hell she’s going to explain to her mother that she has a roommate. That’s a lot to do in fifteen minutes. She better be getting to it.

Chapter Text

Right when she steps out of the bathroom the door rings. That’s great. That means she won’t have to spend any time alone with He Xuan anymore. That’d probably kill her. God, she hadn’t meant to kiss him like this, not this often, and sure he did requite them, but-

God. No. She has to stop thinking about this. It’s okay. She told him to not make this weird, so she also won’t make it weird. It was just a quick make-out session as friends, nothing more. They’re roommates, and they’re teenagers, still, essentially, so stuff like that happens. No need to blame herself for it this much. And no need to think about it further in terms of what she might have done wrong, because she hasn’t. If she has, then He Xuan can tell her.

She takes a deep breath and opens the door. However, she doesn’t step inside to welcome her mother in. It does feel weird seeing her here, though. She hasn’t seen her in three months now. That’s the longest she’s ever gone without seeing her mom. It just makes her feel a bit weird.

“Hi,” she says, and her mother looks at her. Then glimpses into the flat, then back at her.

“So… are you going to let me in? Or is it so dirty you’d rather I wait outside?”

“No! It’s not, oh my God,” she says, “it’s just… there’s something I was a bit scared of telling you. I guess more because of Dad, but… yeah, well. There’s something I need to tell you.”

“Oh my God,” her mother makes, almost pushing her out of the door. Shi Qingxuan holds onto her and pushes her back outside. “Do you have a boyfriend?”

“No!” Shi Qingxuan yelps immediately even though she feels her cheeks heating up really, really badly at that comment. “No. It’s not like that. And if Pei Ming planted that thought in your head then I’m sorry but that’s not the case. No. But… yeah, it’s just, uh… the room distribution. At the beginning of the term. They kinda… messed it up. And then there weren’t any other free rooms and-“

Okay, she can get this out.

“Basically, I have a roommate, and his name is He Xuan, and we share a birthday, so that happened, and we sleep in one bigger bed because two beds simply don’t fit, but don’t worry, there’s always at least a plushie between us.”

Except they just nearly had sex.

She’s going to ignore that.

For a while, her mother just blinks.

“Well… as long as you don’t get pregnant, I guess that’s fine!”

Now, Shi Qingxuan is the one to blink for a while, feeling like something is wrong with that statement. Then it clicks.

“Mom.”

“Oh, I’m just saying! I wouldn’t mind having grandchildren, but while you’re at university, the timing’s a bit bad, you know? I mean, if you want to go for it, then sure, I can’t stop you-“

“Mom..”

“What?”

“I’m trans.”

There’s more awkward silence ensuing.

“…Right. Yeah, no, I don’t have a problem with this, it’s more your father and brother… is Wudu okay with this?”

“Oh, he very much isn’t,” she laughs, “he hates He Xuan, too. Well, that’s mutual hate. Well… now you can come in. It’s just…”

“Hm?”

“Xuan’s autistic, so don’t expect him to shake your hand. He doesn’t really like physical contact. At least not- not with people he doesn’t know.”

She’s once more going to ignore the fact that they were touching perhaps a bit too much right now.

“Alright, that’s fine. I can see why Shi Wudu would mess up with him. Don’t know what kind of mistake I made raising him,” her mother sighs and does step into the flat a second later.

For a second, Shi Qingxuan gets very irrationally scared that her mother might find alcohol or drugs or something, until she realizes that for that to happen, she’d have to own those things. And apart from one bottle of wine that’s still nearly full, there’s nothing to be found in the house. Really, the things brains do sometimes.

“Ah, yeah, it’s quite small. If your room’s that small, then I guess the bed thing figures.”

However, her mother does give her one of those very judging nods, clearly meant to ask her whether this is really everything that’s going on between them. Sadly, it’s all. Shi Qingxuan wished it was more.

“You’ve been eating properly, right?”

“Mom, He Xuan eats a lot, so by extension, I also do. Don’t worry, seriously, I’m fine!”

“You just look kind of stressed, that’s all.”

She sighs. Then forces herself to smile.

“That’s just the uni stress, I need a break, that’s all. Anyways, uh… I just need to pack some clothes and stuff and then I’m done. I got my uni stuff already in bags and everything.”

Her mother nods and Shi Qingxuan points towards the door to their room. She opens it and slowly steps in. Shi Qingxuan just hopes that He Xuan has indeed tidied up like he said he would.

“Oh, hi! You must be He Xuan, then!” she says, and Shi Qingxuan does look into the room after her, then enters herself. She looks at He Xuan. He’s wearing a proper button-up now and black jeans. Definitely because he knew her mother was coming.

“…Yes,” he responds, throwing Shi Qingxuan a glance as if he’s screaming for help. Like he’s not entirely sure what to say to empty phrases like those.

“Can I ask what you’re studying? Just out of interest. Don’t worry, I’m not my son!”

The fact she can just gossip about her own son like this… Shi Qingxuan can’t blame her. Well, to be fair, Shi Wudu is slowly but surely getting around to He Xuan. Or at least it seems like it.

“Uh… Marine Biology,” he responds, then clearly seems to struggle for words. Another look thrown at Shi Qingxuan. God, he’s pitiful.

“He’s here on a scholarship,” she takes over for him, and once the attention is back on her, he clearly relaxes, “he’s gotten full points on all of his tests so far! Oh, and I’ve met his mom and she’s really nice! You’d like her!”

Shi Qingxuan’s mother nods, sitting down in the chair at her desk.

“Marine Biology is really cool! Maybe you should write a book one day. We can publish it and stuff! I did study normal biology for a semester but I quickly gave up on it, haha!”

Right. Shi Qingxuan always forgets that detail about her mother. At least she’s trying to make conversation with He Xuan.

“I hope my daughter hasn’t bothered you too much! I know she can be a bit much sometimes, but she means it in a loving way!”

“She’s rather annoying.”

“Hey!” Shi Qingxuan shouts, walking over to He Xuan, suddenly forgetting about everything that happened previously. “I’m leaving and we’re not going to see each other again for a while, and this is your reaction? I’m going to pack my stuff! I’m leaving!”

She thinks she can see He Xuan smile a bit below his deadpan expression. She does grin back, although a bit awkwardly. Yeah, she can’t just erase the fact that they kissed from her mind like that.

After the winter holidays, she’ll be totally fine. Probably. Maybe.

However, she does what she’s announced and goes to pack her things. She does have the suitcase right in front of her wardrobe, so that works.

While she’s putting in some of her clothes (mostly underwear and socks, she has enough clothes at home to get around, after all), her mother keeps trying to make smalltalk with He Xuan. He’s just bad at it, but she doesn’t really seem to mind it.

“Do you have siblings, He Xuan?”

“A sister.”

“Ah, how old is she?”

“Fourteen.”

“Oh, so young,” her mother laughs, “so she’s still at school? Any future plans as to what she wants to do?”

“She wants to become a vet, but I’m not sure that’s going to work out for her, grade-wise, especially when I’m not around to help. If it doesn’t, she wants to work at an animal shelter or a dog school or something. She really likes dogs.”

“That’s good! Dogs are great!”

Shi Qingxuan pushes some more underwear into her suitcase. She still doesn’t actually have a lot, so she’ll have to take everything back home. And you’d think that being trans would make her buy tons of cute underwear. She has to ask Hua Cheng to come shopping with her for that one day, because she knows for a fact he wouldn’t be weird about it, and also be really honest about her choices.

“And you’ve been liking uni so far?”

“Yes.”

“Girlfriend, boyfriend, anything like that already? Or are you my future son in law or something-“

“Mom!”

With all the force that she can find in her body at this time of the night, Shi Qingxuan takes the last bra and practically punches it into the suitcase. Then, she closes it up and looks at her mother.

“Mom, no, no, no, no, this is not the case. Oh my- no. No, this is not what this is at all.”

Her mother shoots her another one of those glances. This is bad. She obviously knows now. Shi Qingxuan clearly can't hide anything from her.

“Hm. Okay. I’ll wait longer for my son in law, then! Or daughter in law. Not that I care much.”

She looks at the suitcase.

“Are you ready to leave now? I can’t leave Pei and Wudu waiting too long in the car, so I’m sorry, you’ll have to make it quick.”

Shi Qingxuan nods, trying to catch a glimpse of He Xuan, but he’s suddenly pushing the trash can a bit more to where it’s placed below his own desk.

Probably trying to keep himself occupied.

“Yeah, it’s… okay,” she says, but… is it really?

She doesn’t want to leave. No matter how stupid all of this was, and how she really shouldn’t have kissed He Xuan and everything, it doesn’t change the fact that she’ll miss him. A lot. It’s okay. She can still text him. If she can bring herself to do so. Well, she can still ask Hua Cheng for some updates on him and stuff. Ask him if he ever mentions the kiss. Not that Hua Cheng would tell her that, if He Xuan asked him not to.

“Alright. Then you say goodbye. I’ll take your suitcase and that bag and go ahead, okay? It was nice meeting you, He Xuan!”

And with that said, she simply moves out, leaving the two of them alone.
Shi Qingxuan does now finally raise her gaze and meets his. He doesn’t say anything.

“…You don’t hate me?” she asks, and he blinks.

“Huh? You asked to not make this weird. So now don’t go out of your way to make it weird yourself.”

He’s right. She sighs and laughs quickly. Well, she did have that quick cry in the shower, and she at least knows that her eyes look fine still so it’s okay. He won’t know that she cried about this.

“Alright, alright, sorry. I uh… I’ll go then?”

“Your mom’s waiting, yeah.”

“…Can I at least hug you one last time?”

“…Shi Qingxuan, I’ll come back the same day as you, probably. I won’t like, die.”
“I know! Either way, can I have my hug?”

After all, it’s just a hug. She could kiss him again, sure, but… she’s not going to.

Not without asking, and not after all of this.

When he gives her a short nod, although he doesn’t quite look at her this time, she just charges in.

She won’t hug him for long, she thinks when she puts her arms around him. and she won’t make this seem weirdly long or anything. Just a quick hug.

Still, she leans into his shoulder a bit more than needed, breathing him in, the memories of the kisses resurfacing. God. How she wishes she could kiss him again.

He hugs her back; not as tightly as she does, but actually with some pressure.

He’s clearly still comfortable touching her and everything. So that’s okay.

As promised to herself, Shi Qingxuan does let go of him nearly right away. Even if it makes her feel awfully cold.

“Okay. I’m going to get going, then! Have a safe trip home! Tell me when you landed and everything, maybe! I’ll look out for any plane crash news!”

“Hua Cheng wouldn’t let a plane crash when it has Xie Lian on it, don’t worry,” he grumbles, and that makes her laugh. She wants to take his hand and squeeze it and just sleep holding it again. That was probably the best night of her life.

“That’s true. Alright, alright, I’ll leave. Take care!”

With that said, she turns around, unable to look at him again. Otherwise she might cry, and she can’t cry about this when in the car with Pei Ming and Shi Wudu. She doesn’t really know who of those two would be worse.

She does hear He Xuan say ‘you, too’ though, as she walks out of the door with the last bag in her hand. It’s okay. She’ll see him again.

It’s not going to be all too long, it’ll just feel that way. And hey, this time, she still has whatever present her mom got her waiting for her, after all. So she’ll hopefully have some distraction.

Still.

Parting from He Xuan feels much more wrong than it should. Maybe she can talk him into visiting him the next time. But that’s not for now. For now, she has a three hour drive with Pei Ming in the same car as her ahead of her.
She's not looking forward to it.