Work Text:
Friday, 20th March 2015
2:45 pm
Jesy moved her mouth down Jade’s body, lips pressing hard kisses across her stomach and fluttering along her hips, as Jade let out a low whine and squirmed underneath her. ‘I thought I told you to stay still,’ Jesy murmured before she sucked a bruise into Jesy’s thigh, her breath ghosting over Jade’s clit as Jade shuddered and her bound hands scrabbled for purchase on the headboard. Jesy flicked out her tongue to lick a long slow stripe around Jade’s entrance, almost enough contact but not close enough, and Jade whimpered ‘please’ as she squeezed her legs tighter, trapping Jesy’s face in between her thighs. In response, Jesy reached a hand up to pinch Jade’s nipple before she buried her tongue deep into Jade's dripping wet
Louis stopped typing and looked up from her laptop. “Zayn!” she hollered, leaning over to knock loudly on the wall that separated their bedrooms. “‘Pussy’ or ‘cunt’?”
A muffled sigh, followed by “Give us the context, then.”
“Jesy’s going down on Jade, and Jade—”
“Wait, is this your AU where they're cats?”
“Ew, no, that were ages ago, this one’s my epic foursome PWP! Y’know, for the monthly comm challenge? Due tomorrow midnight, all I’ve left is these two chapters.”
“What happened to the cats one, then?”
“Dunno, I got bored. And it made me feel I were writing beastiality, like.”
“You really didn't think that one through, did you, mate?”
“No. No I did not.”
“Even though it set you up for ‘pussy’ puns?”
“Surprisingly, weren’t enough of a motivation for me. This one is loads better.”
“Alas, the fickle life of a writer.”
“Fuck off. ‘Cunt’ or ‘pussy’, Malik? This is important.”
“‘Cunt’, all the way. Love ‘cunt’.”
“Oh, I know you do, Zaynie.”
Another sigh. “Can I get back to my work now, yeah? Coz I’ve still not finished my essay yet and it’s due Monday.”
“Essays are stupid. They’re taking you away from your true talent in life. Which is beta-ing my Little Mix porn.”
“Surprisingly, the whole world does not revolve round smutty fanfiction.”
“Says the person who handed in an assignment two weeks late last term because they were writing an epic 100k Gwen Stacey/Mary Jane Watson werewolf bodyswap Youtube-celebrity AU.”
“Still got no regrets about that.”
“Nor should you, mate.”
‘Right, much as I'd love to discuss nicknames for female genitalia with you, I'm back to my essay now.”
“You should find a way to work 'cunt' into it, somehow.”
“Rather not.”
“Nah, do it, it’ll be a laugh. ‘My analysis of Twelfth Night shows that Shakespeare was a cunt.’”
“No.”
“Or ‘Hamlet was a right cunt.’”
“Stop it.”
“Or ‘anyone who prioritizes an essay about Shakespeare instead of beta-ing their amazing flatmate’s brilliant lesbian pornography is a cunt’.”
Silence from Zayn’s side of the wall.
Louis made a face. “Rude.”
She turned back to her screen and made the appropriate changes: ... and Jesy buried her tongue deep into Jade's dripping wet CUNT!!!!!!!!. Zayn was right, it was definitely the better word choice. And she couldn’t afford to balls this one up.
Louis took her reputation as a BNF femlash writer very seriously. “louistomlinson07” had made a name for herself by writing popular fun, porny, cracktastic AUs over the past couple years, but this work would be her magnum opus: a massive, multi-chapter PWP that would cement her legacy as the Little Mix fandom’s most prolific pervert.
The only problem is, she had no idea where to go from here. Without Zayn to look over her fic and give her feedback, she wasn’t sure any of it made sense. What if she’d accidentally written Jade as having six legs, or if she’d forgot about Perrie for a paragraph or five?
Louis needed help, now. And clicking over to Facebook, she knew just the person to ask.
Louis Tomlinson
nialler nialler nialler !!!!
Niall Horanyeh?
Louis Tomlinsoncan u beta my fic ???
zayn is too busy and also a terrible person :( :(
Niall Horansorry mate
id be a shit beta
just tell you “best fic ever!!!!!!!!” and all that
fkn terrible with concrit me
could always ask liam … she’d help if it would make zayn happy… aahaha
Louis Tomlinsonnot sure zayn deserves me helping her chat up liam , the way ive been abused by my so-called mate lately !!!
Niall Horanis this bc she threatened to strangle you with the xbox controller last week … ahaha
Louis Tomlinsonexactly !!! shes made me fear for my life !!!
Niall Horannot how she told it t me
something about yous playing fifa and shouting when she was trying to write?
Louis Tomlinsonto be fair
thats part of my creative process ???
Niall Horanfkn liar you
only advice i can think of : more boobs
Louis Tomlinsonand thats your professional opinion is it ?
Niall Horanyeh
(I just asked cher and thats what she said too)
Louis Tomlinsonno fucking way she said that
(and lack of boobs is not my problem !)
Niall Horanits what she would say if I asked aha
Louis Tomlinsoncher is a good and kind and decent woman
i don’t know why she bothers with you
Niall Horanbc she likes golf
and im good with my club
(club = my dick)
Louis Tomlinsonyes niall I was able to crack that code
Niall Horan
Louis Tomlinsonliam hi can I ask a favour ???
Liam Paynehey lou sorry cant chat got essay to finish
Louis Tomlinsoncrap
forgot your in the same course as zayn
Liam Payneya sorry
and im absolutely brickin it lol
is zayn in?
are you with her?
can u ask her if she wants to come round mine?
got snacks here
and coffee
so much coffee
so so so sosososososososoos much coffee lou
i love coffee
just wonderin
how much coffee can u drink before u die?
Louis Tomlinsonfucks sake liam come round here before you explode
Liam Payneso zayns at yours?
Louis Tomlinsoncourse she is
love to see you
Liam Payneshe said that?????????
Louis Tomlinsondeffo mate
Liam Payneomg thanks!!!
on my way!!!
c u soon!!! :)
“Zayn!” Louis shouted. “Liam’s coming round.”
“She what?” Through the wall came the sound of Zayn’s chair scraping back from her desk, and seconds later, she threw Louis’ door open. Her hair was sticking up all over the place and her eyes were wild with panic. “You asked her here? When? Now?! Fucks sake, Lou, I’ve not even showered today!”
Louis smiled beatifically. “Best get to it, then. Nobody wants a smelly Zayn.”
“How the fuck would you’ve liked it if I did this to you with Harry?” Zayn snapped. “You’d fucking murder me, you dick.”
Louis and Harry had only met the year before — in the otherwise horrible course Wales In An Age Of Revolution, 1770-1850, which Louis had got stuck with because she'd forgot to select her modules on time, but which Harry had deliberately picked because she genuinely wanted to learn about fucking Wales — and they’d instantly become (platonically) inseparable.
How could Louis have been expected to resist a tall, long-legged sex goddess with a voice like honey and the dress sense of a blind giraffe who could go off on polite-yet-firm feminist rants about the Rebecca Riots and who watched TOWIE with Louis with minimal complaining? Answer: she couldn’t’ve. No one could resist the willowy magnetism of one Harry Styles. Louis was living proof of it.
Louis knew Zayn was already sick of hearing her obsess over Harry—and that Zayn’s phone was filled with potential blackmail videos of Louis drunkenly slumped over the sofa and whining about “her curls, and her smell, fucking christ I think I’m in love, you can officiate our wedding, and it’ll be themed with dragons and sheep and all that other Welsh shite, in honour of the stupid wonderful country that brought us together, Zaaayyyyynnnnn”—but Louis had no intention of giving up Operation: Seduce Harry Styles. There were still a few weeks left of term, and she was determined, once she finished this fic, that she would finally screw up the courage to ask her out.
“Wouldn’t happen,” Louis replied with a wave of her hand. “Harry and I are already, like, way more advanced than you and Liam. You need the extra push, we don’t.”
“I can’t believe you fucking did this to me, she’s writing on A Yorkshire Tragedy and what if she asks me questions about it, I’ve not read it, I’m doing Twelfth Night, this is a fucking disaster— stop laughing, you fucking arsehole, this is your fucking doing!”
“That’s what we could call your hair right now, A Yorkshire Tragedy.”
“My hair?” Zayn started frantically pushing her hair out of her eyes. “What’s wrong with my hair? Do I need it cut? Does it look stupid?” She ran down the hall to the toilet, shouting “You told me the blonde streak would look sick!”
“No, wait, I’ve an even better line now,” Louis called out after her. “The real Yorkshire Tragedy is that I’m being so nice and helping you pull Liam and this is the thanks I get!”
Zayn’s reply was a scream of frustration and a loud slam of the bathroom door.
Louis sighed. No one appreciated her brilliance.
She sat back down in front of her laptop with a mug of tea and a bowl of pre-dinner Coco Pops in hand, re-opened her Microsoft Word document, and stared at the screen.
“Jesy buried her tongue deep into Jade's dripping wet CUNT!!!!!!!!” stared back at her.
This had to be The Sex Scene To End All Sex Scenes, but she was still stuck.
Maybe she shouldn't be writing sex scenes over a bowl of cereal.
So she ate her Coco Pops.
Then she checked the clock. She still had loads of time to make the posting deadline the next night. No rush.
So she went on Tumblr and made approximately eight cups of tea, because a few more fics for the challenge had been posted, and she obviously had to read all them.
She went to the toilet.
She bothered Zayn and Liam on her way to and from the toilet. (“Should Perrie have her hands tied behind her back?” “What about if they were outside, maybe in a garden or summat? That's not sexy though, is it?” “69-ing is massively overrated, but should I include it anyways?”)
Zayn yelled at her, both times. Liam, to her credit, genuinely tried to offer suggestions, before Zayn flicked Louis the V and shut the door.
Louis brought them coffee anyway. Louis was generous like that. And she reckoned anyone taking Elizabethan Drama, From Hieronimo to Hamlet needed all the stimulants they could.
(Plus it gave her an excuse to infiltrate Zayn’s room and spy on them together. She needed to remember all the hilarious details of their pre-relationship awkwardness so she could include them in her toast at their inevitable double wedding alongside her and Harry.)
Then, with all her most entertaining procrastination options temporarily exhausted, and Zayn now threatening “death by a thousand fucking papercuts” if Louis didn’t leave them alone to finish their essays, Louis flopped onto her bed. She did her best thinking on her bed, she always thought. On her bed, wrapped up in a blanket, lights dimmed and wearing her coziest joggers, Louis would come up with a genius idea that would make this the greatest sex scene ever written.
Louis fell asleep.
When Louis awoke later that evening, she found Zayn in the kitchen arranging three plates of spagbol.
“Cheers,” Louis said, taking a plate over to the table. “Liam not gone home, then?” Just another sign that she should really just be put in charge of Zayn's personal life because she was ace at it.
“Nah, just sleeping, like. Apparently she’d been awake for two days straight drinking only coffee?”
“Classic Liam. Two days not so straight, more like.”
“… That’s fucking terrible.”
“Admit it, you loved it.”
“Not really, no.”
“Just like you love Liam.”
“We’re mates,” Zayn said, shoving a forkful of tomato and meat into her mouth. “And you don’t want to talk about her anyway, you want to talk about your last sex scene. So tell me. Brought in a cat yet to spice things up?”
Louis would have thrown a noodle at her if it wouldn’t have been a waste of a delicious noodle. “Fucking useless, you are. The one time I need you for important creative consulting—”
“Not ‘one time’, dumbass—”
“And you betray me—”
“Not ‘betray’, more like ‘don’t fancy failing my course just for a fic challenge’—”
“Betrayed me, Zayn! Betrayed me for your stupid Shakespeare and stupid Liam and left me here alone and unloved and unbeated.” She let out a dramatic sigh. “I could very well be the next bloody Shakespeare, y’know.”
“Even better than him, probably,” Zayn deadpanned. “He probably would’ve sold loads more plays if he’d included lesbian bondage.”
“That’s literally what I’ve always said!”
“Although he probably never submitted a draft to his editor with the love interest’s name accidentally changed to ‘Harry'—”
“That was one fucking time—”
“Coz he would’ve got the balls to just ask her the fuck out already instead of mooning over her like a saddo.”
“Firstly," Louis said with a stab of her fork in Zayn's direction, “you’re a massive fucking hypocrite, you, and secondly, ‘the balls’? Fucking sexist, Zayn. What’s wrong with ‘ovaries’? I thought you were a feminist. I’m gutted. I’ve a flatmate who thinks that way? After all we’ve been through? I refuse to be friends with someone who has such a closed-minded, woman-hating, phallocentric view of the world.”
Zayn laughed. “Can’t believe she puts up with your shit, mate. If she’d any sense at all, she’d start skiving off class to avoid you.” She paused. “Harry taught you ‘phallocentric’, didn't she?” Louis refused to answer, and Zayn shook her head. “Maybe you pair deserve each other.”
“Oi, stop with your tings at my girl!” Louis retorted. “You’re just jealous that you’re stuck writing about ‘prithee sir mayeth I sit downeth on me arse’ or whatever, and I get to write about boobs.”
“You’re not half wrong,” Zayn admitted. “He is shite sometimes when I’d rather be helping you write sweet, sweet ladyporn.”
Louis perked up immediately. “And that's why I love you the most. Coz you’ve accurate priorities.”
“Think you'll get it done by tomorrow night?”
“Course.” Louis was indignant. “Do my best work under pressure, don’t I?”
Zayn frowned. “You do your only work under pressure.”
“That's what I said, Zaynie. All my work is the best work. Try and keep up.”
Something Zayn had said over dinner—in between Louis slagging off Shakespeare and Zayn's entirely unhelpful suggestion that “maybe you should surprise your readers and have everyone be celibate, you’ve not got laid in ages, maybe you've forgot how to do it” (and Louis flicked a forkful of parmesan at her for that remark)—managed to strike Louis with inspiration, so she ended up writing furiously into the night, fueled purely by Lucozade and her own pent-up sexual frustration.
Multiple orgasms, two strap-ons, and one foursome later (unfortunately, all fictional), Louis had written The Sex Scene To End All Sex Scenes.
It was done. Finally finished. Ultimately, the greatest chapter in human literary history had been written by none other than Louis Tomlinson.
Now her fic just needed a proper ending.
But that required more brain power than Louis was capable of at the moment, and there were more pressing (wanking) concerns at hand. She rubbed one out (well, two, when she gave in and finally pictured Harry instead of Perrie), and collapsed into bed to dream about strangling Zayn with one of those old-timey Elizabethan neck ruffs.
Saturday, 21st March 2015
1:00pm
Louis maintained that the only valid reason for being awake before noon on a weekend would be smut (reading or writing, both the same), but as Louis had finished those bits already, she felt entitled to a lie-in. All that was left in her fic now were all the fiddly plotty bits to close out the final chapter. But where was the fun in writing that? She’d much rather dash off a happily-ever-after via lazy and convenient parentheses: “(And then they all continued having amazing fun adventurous sex and living in a mutually-fulfilling four-way relationship forever and ever, THE END. Also, ‘Black Magic’ went to number one and they became the biggest band in the world and they played at Harry and my’s wedding. THE REAL END.)” But she knew that wouldn’t do.
So after a few false starts, and many cups of tea, and only a few trips to Zayn’s now Liam-less bedroom to complain about her life, Louis finally completed the last chapter, and her fic was finally, mercifully done.
But she knew it needed another look-over, because plot details were never her strong suit; tying up loose plot ends was mind-numbingly tedious, and tying up Leigh-Anne or Jesy was loads more fun. But with Niall too enthusiastic about everything to give criticism, and Zayn and Liam too busy tearing their hair out over essays, the only person who could beta Louis’ fic was Louis herself.
So naturally, faced with the prospect of such a daunting task, she clicked out of Microsoft Word and opened Chrome. She scrolled through Tumblr, checked BBC Sport, and then — in the ultimate act of procrastination — went on Facebook.
Harry Styles added 3 new photos to the album: "The stars are not wanted now: put out every one; Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun; Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood. For nothing now can ever come to any good.” (Beta tattoo <3)
1 hr ago
Louis ignored the hideously long album title—it looked familiar, as though she’d come across those lines before, but she assumed it was just another one of those ridiculous indie band lyrics which made up 99% of Harry's statuses—and focused on the photos. Normally the only pictures Harry posted were hipster-y black-and-white images of random objects (which was annoying), or reminders about social justice causes like World Water Day (which was endearingly annoying). But this time Harry wasn’t behind the camera, she was actually in front of it: she'd taken selfies of a new tattoo, the word Beta delicately inked in black script across her left wrist.
“Holy shit,” Louis said out loud, momentarily ignoring Harry’s outrageously low-cut shirt as she tried to process what she was seeing. “What the actual fuck.”
Since when was Harry into fanfiction? They spent almost all their time together, and Harry had never mentioned it before! Let alone the fact that she was a beta reader – and proud enough of it that she got it written on her fucking skin! This was the greatest day of Louis’ life.
Louis Tomlinson
hey hazza
Harry StylesHey Lou! :)
Louis TomlinsonLOVE the tattoo omg
Harry StylesThanks! :)
It means very much a lot to me.
Louis Tomlinsonso babes could you do me a massive massive massive favour im desperate ???!!!
Harry StylesOf course! What is it?
Louis Tomlinsonive a challenge fic due in a couple hours and i need someone to beta!! lol !!!
cant believe you didn’t tell me before
we could have been talking about this for ages !!
what fandoms u into?
Harry StylesUm.
I quite like Titanic?
Louis Tomlinsonlol didnt know there were a fandom for that, i bet they're all AUs haha
Harry StylesAnd right now I'm reading 'Women' by Charles Bukowski?
Louis Tomlinsonooh, that sounds quite saucy, styles ;)
is that the author’s AO3 name?
bc the title would be hard to google, link me later yeah ?
Harry StylesEr.
What was it you needed my help with again?
Louis Tomlinsoncan i just send you the doc file ? just want another person to look it over for typos, plot holes, etc
normally zayn does it fer me but she's being a twat and working on an essay instead !!! can you believe her ??!
Harry StylesEssays are important Lou!!
Louis Tomlinsonok mum :P
Harry StylesSo you need someone to edit your work?
Louis Tomlinsonya
(my spelling is better in it than over messenger, lol, promise, but i dont want to submit it unless i know its been betaed)
Harry StylesOkay, sure! Send me the Word file and I'll take a look. :)
Louis Tomlinsonhere
OneTasteAndYoullBeMine_FINAL-UNBETAED.doc
cheers ur a literal lifesaver! xx
Louis sent the fic to Harry and went to the kitchen for a cuppa, where she knew she'd find Zayn.
“Just so you know,” Louis announced from the doorway, “you're a piss-poor excuse for a beta and you’ve been sacked. I’m replacing you with someone loads better.”
Zayn didn't even turn around from pouring rice into their pressure cooker. “What’ve you done now?”
“Coz my future wife Harry Styles is a fucking beta reader!”
“What, seriously?”
“Yes seriously!” Louis crowed, grabbing Zayn's hand and giving it a forced high-five. “Everything is fantastic and nothing hurts.”
“What she into?” Zayn asked, sealing the rice packet and putting it back in the cupboard, irritatingly nowhere near as excited as Louis about this earth-shaking news. “Wrote anything we’ve read?"
Louis shrugged. “Dunno,” she considered. “I think Titanic, or summat?”
“There's a Titanic fandom?”
“Apparently. Probably depressing, though. I were hoping she'd say Little Mix, like, but I s'pose that'll be on me to introduce her.”
“What's her username then? She got Tumblr, or AO3? Better not be FanFiction.net, I'll've lost all respect for her.”
Louis paused. “I never asked?” she confessed, feeling a bit guilty. “I sort of just got excited, like, and sent her the file. And she—“
Zayn stopped reaching for a plate and turned around to face her. “You sent Harry your fic?”
“Course I did! She’s a beta, I needed a beta, it’s a dream team.”
“Even though your fic is explicit femslash with thousands of words of gratuitous kinky sex scenes?”
All the colour drained from Louis’ face. “Oh, fuck,” she blurted. “Fuck. What the fuck have I done.”
Zayn burst out laughing. “Mate, you just sent the girl you fancy porn. Porn you fucking wrote.”
“I didn’t even— I just— Oh my god, what the fuck!” A well of panic rose up sharply in Louis’ chest, roiling raw in her gut. “Zayn, I didn't even ask if she betaed smut!”
Zayn could hardly contain her amusement. “Maybe she only reads, like, PG gen.”
“No,” Louis said, fighting every instinct to not freak the fuck out. “Nonono, shut up.”
“What if she only reads het?” Zayn taunted. “Twilight het?"
“Literally shut the fuck up. No. No.” Louis tried to swallow back her panic, determined to get her nerves under control. “I'm sure it's fine," she said, more to herself than to Zayn. “Harry is perfect, and perfect people read porn.”
Regardless, she pulled out her phone and sent three quick messages:
Louis Tomlinson
oh shit sorry i should mention its sort of a PWP so loads of smut
are you ok with that ?
soz if youre not then you can ignore !!! xx
“Are you messaging her to ask if she wants to re-enact a particularly filthy chapter with you?”
“Don’t you fucking start with me, Malik, I am literally five seconds from throwing this phone at your stupid face.”
“You are, aren't you?” Zayn cackled. “‘Dear Harry, I am a BNF porn writer on the internet who spends her time thinking about fit celebs having sex. Will you be the Jade to my Leigh-Anne? Check ‘yes’ or ‘no’. Love louistomlinson07.”
“At least RPF is a proper fandom!” Louis snapped. “Not like you Marvel wankers. Who gives a shit about Spider-Man anyway? Those films are rubbish.”
Zayn shrugged. “Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield are hot.”
“But you write Gwen/Mary Jane and Peter/Harry!”
“Bisexual benefits, mate. And stop changing the subject away from your epic, epic fuck-up.”
“But Gwen and Mary Jane never even met! And Gwen is dead!”
Zayn let out a heavy sigh, as if she pitied Louis' continued ignorance. “In the new films, yeah. But you’ve forgot the original film trilogy, where they knew each other, plus the Spectacular Spider-Man animated series. And if we're talking comic book universes, Ultimate Marvel continuity’s got a lot of stories to play with, and the Spider-Man Loves Mary Jane series was a classic rivals-because-they-hide-their-love-for-each-other cliché. And I’ve not even mentioned Spider-Gwen on Earth-65, where they're in a band together, which basically means they're shagging and it’s canon, like." She paused to regard Louis with a steely look and crossed her arms. “Do your research before you shit-talk my girls.”
“You're proper scary when you get like that, y’know?”
Zayn arched an eyebrow. “Scarier than when you bought plane tickets to America so you could be an extra in the Black Magic music video? And the only thing that stopped you was your card getting declined?”
“That's a fair comment, but in the future I'd rather you fuck off.”
Zayn rolled her eyes, and pointed her serving spoon towards Louis’ phone. “She reply yet? Or have you scared her off forever?”
Louis scowled, but checked her phone anyway. There was a tick mark next to her last sent message, indicating Harry had seen it, but she still hadn't responded. “She's read the message. No reply.”
The pressure cooker whistled, and Zayn fussed with the buttons. “Hopefully she's too busy wanking to your fic to reply?”
“How very dare you talk about her like that!” Louis retorted. “But yes. That’s exactly what I'm hoping.”
“Could be worse,” Zayn commented. “You could've sent her that ridiculous cat fic.”
“Shut it.” Louis was clinging to her last thread of sanity. “This is going to be fine. Better than fine, even. Maybe like what happened with Niall, yeah?"
“Niall's an entirely different situation, Lou. He was with Cher even before she was his beta. Plus now he’s like Fifty Shades-levels of famous.” Zayn shrugged. “Who would have guessed there’d be a market for erotic golfing novels?”
“Yes, he's our special Irish snowflake, I get it,” Louis moaned. She was really rather desperate now. “But this could still work out. Like you and Liam!”
“There's nothing about me and Liam," Zayn said quickly.
“Come off it, you’re together all the time, even offline! Sometimes you even leave your room to see her! Plus she always reblogs your posts and sends you asks.” Louis played her trump card: “For fucks sake, she's your beta and she doesn't even like Spider-Man!”
“She likes the Avengers!” Zayn protested.
“Not the same thing,” Louis countered. Zayn opened her mouth to reply, but Louis continued, “And before you say ‘but Spider-Man is gonna be in the new Avengers film’ or summat, don’t. You’re not fooling anyone.”
“Oh, fuck off. That’s not... we’re not... it’s different, like.”
“Obviously.” Louis relished her position on the moral highground for the first time this conversation. “I’m sure.”
“And Liam’s like that with all her followers, not just ones she knows offline,” Zayn added, her rice scooping motions getting more and more frantic. “Always fave-ing and reblogging posts, she’s just really friendly, is all.”
Louis’ eyebrows shot up. “Methinks the lady doth protest too much.”
“Fuck off, I taught you that expression, you can’t use it against me,” Zayn groused. “And you got it wrong, it’s the lady doth protest too much, methinks.”
“So you admit it!”
“Admit what?”
“That you’re protesting too much!”
“I’m not protesting anything, you dick.”
“You did it again!”
“Fucks sake, Louis, just coz you’re in love with your beta doesn’t mean I’m in love with mine, alright? Fucking leave it.”
Zayn was a shit liar; Louis didn’t even need her years of drama training to know that. But right now she also wanted food, and teasing Zayn about being arse-over-tits for Liam wasn’t going to get Louis fed. So Louis bit back her sarcastic reply and reached for a plate instead.
But Zayn snatched it away, holding it high above her head and beyond Louis’ reach. “No food ‘til you promise to shut up about Liam,” she demanded.
Louis’ jaw dropped. “You're a monster.”
“A monster what makes you food and keeps you alive.”
“Fine. I won't mention your love—”
Zayn tilted the plate so the mounds of rice and veg teetered precariously on the edge.
“—ly, your lovely, friendship with Liam.”
Satisfied if still wary, Zayn lowered the plate.
Louis snatched it away from her, cradling it in her arms protectively as they sat down at the table, lest Zayn think she could snatch it away again. “But I made no promises I wouldn't talk about Harry,” Louis announced, and she gestured wildly with her fork. “Did I ever tell you about the time she said she took her first girlfriend on a date to walk her dog? That’s mad, yeah? Ridiculous and adorable. She’s on a new whole level of charming.”
Zayn groaned.
Served her right for threatening Louis’ dinner.
(And tormenting Zayn took Louis' mind off wondering what was going through Harry's head when she read Louis' fic.)
9:15pm
“She’s dead, Zayn.”
“No, she’s not.”
“Yes, she is!”
“She’s definitely not dead.”
“She has to be. It’s the only explanation for why she hasn't replied. She’s dead. She read what I sent her and she freaked out and now she’s dead and it’s all my fault.”
“Look on the bright side Lou – maybe she read what you sent, freaked out because she loved it, and then died.”
“Not. Fucking. Helping.”
“Coz she’s not fucking dead, mate. She’s probably cooking dinner, or her mum rang her, or maybe she’s got a flatmate with an essay due in approximately sixteen hours and Harry is being respectful and letting her flatmate get her work done instead of bothering her every two minutes about an unanswered Facebook message.”
“I feel like you're not talking about Harry anymore with that last one. Coz otherwise that wouldn’t make sense.”
“And my essay won’t make sense unless you bugger the fuck off.”
Louis pouted.
Zayn took pity on her. “Look, there's nowt you can do, yeah? Just wait and see. If you’re truly meant to be, like”—and Louis appreciated how Zayn valiantly refrained from rolling her eyes as she said that—“then it’ll work out. Just be patient, distract yourself. Read a book. Clean the kitchen. Tidy your tip of a room.”
“Excellent suggestions all, Zaynie. So I will go have an hour-long shower and cry into the water because everything is horrible and I’ve killed the love of my life. Ta.”
“At least use cold water so you don't run up our bills?”
“I can make no such promise.”
10:30pm
Louis was freshly scrubbed and smelling of Radox instead of despair, settled on the lounge sofa with a cuppa, and half-watching a Gogglebox repeat to avoid staring at the open laptop beside her, but she was still quietly freaking the fuck out. The tick next to her message—sent to Harry five hours ago!!! —was just taunting her now.
And then, as the posh couple on-screen were making some alcohol-soaked quip about whatever bizarre Channel 4 programme they’d been forced to watch that week, Louis’ Facebook pinged, and Louis nearly spilled her tea in her rush to grab for her computer.
Harry Styles
I made a few changes, if you don't mind? In one scene it seemed as though Jesy had three hands? Because she was fingering Jade and Leigh-Anne at the same time, but it also mentioned her spanking Perrie? So I highlighted that, and changed it to Leigh-Anne spanking Perrie? But you don't have to keep that! Plus there was another time where you said Leigh-Anne had the lube, but then in the next line it was Perrie lubing up the dildo, but I think you meant Leigh-Anne there so I wrote that instead. And also there was a line about Jade going down on Jesy, but Jade was cuffed to the headboard at that point, so I switched a couple things round so that Jesy sits on Jade’s face at first but then it’s Perrie pulling Jesy's hair as Jesy goes down on her and so later it was actually Leigh-Anne taking Perrie from behind? If that’s alright?
OneTasteAndYoullBeMine_FINAL-editedbyHarry.doc
Oh, and I also fixed a couple typos. :)
“ZAYN!” Louis shrieked. "HARRY ISN’T DEAD AND WE ARE DEFINITELY GETTING MARRIED!”
Louis Tomlinson
omg hahaha you're amazing !!!
that’s fab thank you so much!!!!!
Harry StylesYou're welcome. :) It was fun. And you’re a brilliant writer!!!
Louis Tomlinsoni was worried id scared you off or something hahahah
sorry brb gonna go post it now so i get it submitted in time brb thx again !!!
Harry StylesI'm not that easy to scare off. :)
But also.
Did you write that about Little Mix?
Louis Tomlinsonand posted! it's online now!
http://archiveofourown.org/works/4187580
and almost 2 hours early its my new record !
and yeah lol that's them, they're my #1 faves, im obsessed, they're all i write about hahaha
Harry StylesYou do this sort of thing a lot?
Louis Tomlinsonloads !!!!
but ur an aweosme beta !!!!
Harry StylesThanks! I've never done that before. :)
Louis Tomlinsonwhat youve never betaed a PWP? omg hahaha am i ur first ??? im honoured !
Harry StylesNot sure what a PWP is? But I mean I’ve never read one of these things before.
Louis Tomlinsonnever read one of what before ??? femslash ???
Harry StylesI mean, I’ve not read fanfiction before??
Louis Tomlinsontsk tsk not one of ur better jokes harold
cant hide your fannishness nows you got that tattoo
Harry StylesMy tattoo? What tattoo? :/
Louis Tomlinsonyour beta tattoo !! because ur a beta ??
Harry StylesMy tattoo that says “Beta”?
The tattoo I got for my dead pet fish?
My dead pet fish named “Beta”?
“ZAYN!” Louis shrieked. “GET THE FUCK IN HERE COZ I’VE NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK’S GOING ON.”
Sunday, 22nd March 2015
12:03 am
Louis shut the front door behind her as she ushered Harry into the lounge and sat down on the sofa opposite her. “Thanks for coming round. I know it's late, yeah — well, early, now, more like — but it sounded like you really wanted to, I dunno, get this sorted?”
Harry shook her head. “Yeah, I hope it’s alright, only, this sort of thing was probably too confusing to talk about over Facebook?”
Louis let out a hesitant laugh. “I always thought it would be easier to talk about awkward things over Facebook than in person. Coz, you know... in person.”
Whatever way Louis had with words on a screen, she certainly didn’t have them in real life, especially not when face-to-face with a gorgeous girl with lovely curly hair, deep green eyes, sinfully tight skinny jeans... and a dead pet fish whose name Louis had confused for an internet term.
Harry was wearing a short-sleeved shirt, so her ‘Beta’ tattoo was on full display. It was still fresh, the black marks prominently surrounded by the red irritated skin around it, and it all seemed appropriately unpleasant considering how much shit it'd landed Louis in. Harry caught Louis’ stare and she gave a small smile. “Yeah, that's it,” she said. “In memory of Beta, my pet beta fish.”
Louis wanted to come out with compassion and sympathy. She’d practiced her sad face in the mirror. She was an actor, for god’s sake. But instead, she snorted and said, “You named your beta fish ‘Beta’?”
Harry shrugged. “I was little when we got him? And I figured maybe he would better learn his own identity if I called him the same thing as he was? Maybe?”
“Can fish even hear people?” Louis asked, before she caught herself and said, “Fuck, I mean, I'm really sorry. That he died.”
Harry smiled again. “No, it's alright. He was old, we all knew it was his time. I went home last weekend to say goodbye to him. It's for the best really, he was in a lot of pain.”
“I remember, that's where you were when you couldn't come to my match on Saturday,” Louis said, slowly putting together all the pieces. It was humiliating how useless she sounded. She’d never been this awkward around Harry before, and she hated it. She hoped Harry hated it too. “Right. I s’pose... I'm glad you got closure?”
“Yeah,” Harry said, “it was really nice. Even Gemma came home as well, and it was just... it was really nice.” Louis watched as Harry fiddled with the mess of bracelets around her other wrist — the taped-up Leeds Festival bracelet from a few months back, when it had rained all weekend and the roof of their tent was so low they’d ended up on their hands and knees for two days straight; the white band from Louis’ mum’s wedding the month prior, when Louis told anyone who’d listen that Harry and Zayn and Niall and Liam were all her dates, but her mum had kept hinting that she knew which one Louis had most wanted to bring — and Louis was more sure than ever that she couldn’t fuck this up.
“And then you got a tattoo of his name to remember him,” Louis said finally. “That’s ace. I really respect that.” And she actually really did, a bit. It had absolutely nothing to do with how much she wanted to lick it, and see if the black words tasted different than the rest of Harry’s skin. Nothing at all.
“Most people I've told think it’s weird,” Harry confessed, and it came out as a question.
“Then fuck ‘em!” Even if Louis had privately thought that the tattoo was a bit silly, seeing Harry’s conviction now—and after having browsed Harry’s Facebook whilst waiting for her to come round, and noticing the dozens of adorable goofy photos of Harry and Beta that had been posted over the years (how had she missed all them?!)—had reversed her opinion. She was now determined to find it sweet. “Don’t listen to dickheads, I think it’s sick.”
“Thank you,” Harry said, and she smiled at Louis, cheeks dimpling. It was almost like she was letting Louis off the hook for the mix-up, but Louis couldn’t stop herself from apologizing again.
“And I’m really sorry that I didn’t realize it earlier,” she said, almost wincing with embarrassment, “coz even the name of the album you posted the photos in, I thought it were song lyrics, like from The 1975 or summat, one of them indie bands you’re always on about? But then I Googled it after, like, and… it wasn’t.”
“It's from Auden’s Funeral Blues, yeah, we had a reading of it at home in front of his tank,” Harry said simply, and there was no condescension or recrimination in her tone. “It’s a gorgeous poem.”
“Not one for poetry, me,” Louis said, shrugging, “but I read it, seemed alright.”
“‘Alright’?” Harry said, mock-scandalized. “Just ‘alright’? You know a dozen different terms for ‘vagina’, and the best you can do when describing a poem is ‘alright’?”
“To be fair,” Louis replied, “‘vagina’ is a horrible word and anything is better than that.”
Harry nodded seriously. “It really is.” She made a face. “And also,” she added, “The 1975 isn’t indie, they’re signed to a proper label now!”
“S’pose we’ve two tragedies now, then?” Louis teased. “Since that means you can’t like them anymore, or you’ll lose all your hipster cred.”
“Heyyyyyyy,” Harry protested, a blush colouring her cheeks. “Not fair. And anyways, you weren’t the only one who waited a long time to Google something. Because you thought I was a ‘beta reader’, for fanfiction, and I guess I just went along with it? Even though I didn’t know what that meant? So before I opened your file, I thought you were sending me an essay or a short story you’d written, and I wasn’t expecting... that.”
“What, really?” Louis arched an eyebrow. “You weren’t expecting several thousand words of girl-on-girl erotica? I’m shocked and disappointed in your usual reading habits, Styles.”
“I didn’t say I was upset,” Harry replied smoothly. “Because you’re a brilliant writer, it was incredible. I loved it. And I’m not just saying that because it was the first Little Mix fanfiction I’ve ever read. Or the first fanfiction I’ve ever read, actually.” She paused. “Is there a singular for ‘fanfiction’? Like an individual fiction? I know you said ‘fic’, but we also don't call a book ‘fic’, we call it a ‘work of fiction’, so maybe you call it ‘works of fanfiction’ and you post ‘works’ or ‘stories’? What about ‘novella’, do you write ‘novellas’? Or is it just individual works? What about ‘series’? A ‘series of fics’? Or a ‘series of fanfiction’? I’ve always been fond of a novella.” Harry ran a hand through her hair as she continued, “Because this one time in year eight, when my family went to France on holiday, there was a bookshop, and I walked in, and it had a sign saying ‘Harry Potter’, which is the same words in French because it’s a name, and this is when Harry Potter was really popular, and The Half-Blood Prince had just come out, because the man behind the counter asked what I wanted and I said I was looking for Half-Blood Prince because my sister had stolen my copy and my mum gave me money to buy one for myself, but then he gave me an English translation of The Little Prince, and I didn’t really speak that much French, and he didn’t speak much English, so I think he thought that book was what I wanted, so I bought it anyway because he seemed really excited to help me and I didn’t want to insult his shop or hurt his feelings, because it was a really nice shop and he was lovely, and then I spent the rest of the trip reading The Little Prince and I loved it, and now Antoine de Saint-Exupéry is one of my favourite authors, and I still have that copy even though Gems spilled wine on it a few days later, so the cover is a bit wrinkled now, but it's still really important to me.”
Louis blinked. “Right,” she said. “So you’re saying that you… wish you spoke French?”
She loved Harry a lot; she loved Harry's stories a bit less than that.
“Oh!” Harry said. “Sorry! No! I mean that sometimes really good things happen when you read something you weren’t expecting to.”
“I’m not quite convinced that my smutty RPF is really comparable to one of the most famous children’s books of all time, Hazza."
“It’s the principle of the thing,” Harry stated, adding for emphasis “like now, for instance.”
Louis was about to reply when her phone buzzed loudly on the table, just as it had done steadily all evening; she’d forgot to switch it to silent before Harry arrived.
“Oh, d’you need to answer those?” Harry asked. “It’s okay, I don’t mind.”
Louis didn’t even bother reaching for the phone. “No, s’ok. They’re just email notifications. I posted my fic already, yeah? ” She aimed for humility, landing on a half-hearted shrug and hiding her pride behind a slight smile. “And I’m vain enough to turn on notifications, so I know when people comment on it, and leave kudos or bookmark it.”
But Harry beamed. “That’s brilliant, congratulations! That means people are reading it and they really like it! That’s so, so good Lou!”
“Yeah,” Louis agreed, breaking into a matching grin of her own, "it really is, innit? I'm pretty chuffed, actually. And thank you, again, for beta-ing it... even if you didn’t know that was what you was doing. You caught a lot of mistakes I made, so cheers.” And you also read the sex scenes and edited the sex scenes and added to the sex scenes and said you enjoyed it with all the sex scenes now I'm thinking about you and sex scenes and I want to die, she refrained from saying out loud.
“It's not gonna be awkward now, is it?” Harry asked. “With me having, er, read and edited your erotic fanfiction?”
“Awkward?” Louis said lightly. “No! No! Not at all! It’s a sign of, y'know, friendship and stuff, yeah? Mates read each other's porn all the time.”
“Mates do?” Harry asked, her face suspiciously blank.
Louis hoped she wasn’t imagining the note of disappointment in Harry's tone, but she also couldn’t be sure if Harry’s emphasis was on the ‘mates’ or ‘do’ part of her statement. “Of course,” Louis said carefully. “Mates. Friends. Amigos.”
“Of course,” Harry echoed. She crossed her legs. Then uncrossed them. She looked as lost as Louis felt.
But Louis couldn’t understand why. Harry had seemed to enjoy accidentally reading her smut, she said so, but what if it was all a front and Harry was actually really uncomfortable with everything? She knew Harry better than anyone on the planet, probably, and Harry was the furthest thing from closed-minded. But maybe she just didn’t think of Louis in that way, and now Louis’d made everything weird by bringing sex, even fictional sex, into their friendship, and... “I mean, this won’t happen again, we don’t even really have to talk about this if you'd rather we didn't, it’s only coz Zayn normally betas my fics, but she was busy, and that's why I asked you, and—”
“And you and Zayn are definitely just mates, yeah?” Harry interrupted. (Which was a first. Because Harry never interrupted Louis.) “Because I remember asking you about that when we met, and you said no, but I also thought Zayn and Liam were dating until you told me they weren't, so if things have changed between you two and you've not told me—”
“No, god no, they're almost dating," Louis corrected, “practically dating, more like, everyone knows it but them, it's ridiculous how they keep dancing round it, and they're all ‘oh, we’re just really good friends’, but actually, Liam reads all of Zayn’s fics even when she’s not in her fandoms, and Zayn talks to her about things that aren’t just comics, and you know Zayn and how that's actually incredible for her to do, like, she's actually shown Liam some of her art, and it took Zayn ages for her to even show me, and I’m her best mate, so—” Louis stopped, because if she continued any longer she’d rival Harry at rambling. “And apparently I’m really invested in them.”
Harry let out a soft snort of laughter. “Sounds like,” she said, “but that's really good! That Zayn has you as a friend.”
But Louis didn’t know when to quit. “And my mate Niall, remember him, yeah, he writes really weird erotica—not ‘weird’ coz it’s got weird sex stuff, more like it’s weird coz it’s about golf, I mean who even plays golf? It’s for old dead boring people, how d'you make that sexy?—and he got his sort-of girlfriend to edit his stuff too, and now they’re together, like properly together, and turns out she works at a publishing company so he’s actually a professional writer now, and that's just mental, innit?”
A long, interminable pause.
“So what you're saying,” Harry said slowly, locking eyes with Louis, “is that everyone you know except you is dating their betas?”
“That everyone is—?” Louis started. “Oh.” She paused to think back on what she’d said. “I think that is what I'm saying. Sorry, them really weren’t the best examples, were they, considering... Fucking hell, I made this awkward again, didn’t I?”
Harry piped up to fill the silence. (Another first.) “No, not awkward! I’m glad you said something. Really.” Harry took a deep breath, and something in the air changed around them. “Because,” she said, and the earnest intensity of her gaze sent sparks shooting through Louis’ veins, “if you want to, I think I'd quite like to be your beta?”
The sparks in Louis’ veins fizzled instantly. But she didn’t let her disappointment show. If the only relationship Harry wanted with her was beta reader instead of soulmate, she’d still take it. It wasn’t settling if it was Harry. “Coz we’re the dream team, yeah?” she chirped. “I write, you edit, then we go on to Tumblr fame but no actual fortune?” She put on a brave face. “I'm up for it!”
“No,” Harry said, frowning slightly and shaking her head, “I mean, like... not just with the fanfiction? Sure, that as well, but I mean, with the...” She stopped and picked at her lip for a moment before abruptly rising off the sofa and turning to leave. “Never mind, sorry, it’s late, I should go—”
“No, wait!” Louis said, heart pounding in her chest. Every carefully-planned step of Operation: Seduce Harry Styles had vacated her brain, and she stood up to block Harry’s path. “Okay, we really don’t have to ever talk about this again, promise, but, like… if you mean ‘together’ more than just the writing? Are you asking if we should date?”
“Yes?” Harry’s voice was very small.
“Oh, thank fuck, I’ve been wanting to ask you out for ages!”
“What, really?” Harry asked, wide-eyed. “Me too!”
Louis could’ve kissed her.
So she did.
When they’d pulled apart for air a few moments later, Louis’ hair tousled from Harry’s fingers and Louis’ fingers tangled in the belt loops of Harry's skinny jeans, Harry looked up at Louis from under her eyelashes and asked, “So does this mean we can do all the stuff you’ve written about?”
“Seriously?” Louis asked.
Harry nodded and grinned.
“Fuck yes,” Louis breathed, already weak in the knees. “We should start right now. Like, right right now.” And she pulled Harry along the hall towards her bedroom.
They’d almost made it to Louis’ room undetected until Zayn poked her head out round the corner and caught sight of them. “All right, Harry?” she asked, eyebrows raised.
“Hi Zayn,” Louis said quickly, arm still intertwined with Harry’s, “bye Zayn, important work to be done.”
“M’happy for you two, really, but try to keep it down, yeah? I've still three pages to finish.”
Louis looked back and forth between her flatmate and Harry. “Normally, I wouldn't,” she said amiably, “but this is a special occasion. Coz if weren't for this essay, like, I never would’ve messaged Harry a wildly inappropriate work of literary genius.”
“It's really really good,” Harry told Zayn, all dimples and enthusiasm. “So so brilliant, you should read it.”
“Oh, I intend to,” Zayn replied. “It might be the last story of hers I can ever read before she starts making everything about thinly-veiled fictionalized versions of you two. And I’d rather not have those details in my brain.”
Louis stuck out her tongue and dragged Harry into her room.
Together, they re-enacted chapters three through seven.
And then chapter five again for good measure.
(Harry said that one was her favourite.)
(And they didn’t manage to keep it down, even though they really tried their best.)
(They blamed chapter five.)
(And when Zayn read chapter five for herself, she immediately forgave them.)
(Plus Zayn ended up getting a first on the essay anyway, no thanks to Louis. Zayn was sort of brilliant.)
(Louis also snuck onto Zayn’s computer whilst she was passed out the next day in a post-essay coma, and Facebook messaged Liam from Zayn’s account saying “I really like you and I think we should date.” And Liam sent back a bunch of stickers and heart-eye emojis and “YESSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!”)
(So Zayn got a first-rate girlfriend as well, thanks to Louis.)
(And she got her revenge on Louis when she and Liam quite loudly tried out chapter five together.)
(Liam even sent Louis a handwritten thank-you Post-It afterwards.)
(Louis was definitely allowed to be smug after that.)
(And Niall continued to write weird golf-themed erotica. Turns out Harry loved golf. And golf-themed erotica. Louis valiantly did not break up with her.)
(She would still never understand Niall and Harry’s interest in the sport, though.)
(It also pained her to call it a sport. “Footie is a sport,” she told Harry and Niall one day. “Golf is old men riding round in carts.”)
(“Golf is a sport,” Harry replied, scandalized. “You have to be athletic to get into all the positions I write about,” Niall added.)
(He and Harry high-fived.)
(But to Louis’ continued satisfaction, despite Harry’s baffling insistence on becoming Niall’s most devoted reader, Harry was always Louis’ biggest fan.)
(They were never happier than when Harry was both beta-reading, and — more importantly — inspiring, Louis’ writing.)
(Usually the sex scenes.)
(Especially the sex scenes.)
(And in the ultimate act of love, Harry even tolerated Louis poking her dimpled cheek, post-coitally, in an attempt to “click to leave kudos, Harold, what do you think I’m doing? Honestly.”)
(Although the second time she tried that, Harry commented, “You have already left kudos here”.)
(And Louis couldn’t argue with that.)