Chapter Text
'I shouldn't be doing this.'
That was the first thing Hue thought once he entered the men's quarters of the Going Merry.
'I should not be doing this.'
The thought only became louder once he shut the hatch behind him, the sound of wood against wood was the last thing to ring out in the empty room. The sun's bright light illuminated the men's quarters slightly from the cracks in the hatch, but other than that it was quite dark. It was a hot day today, with only a few clouds to occasionally block out the heat. But such were the ways of the Grand Line, its weather was nothing if not unpredictable. One minute it could be hot as a summer's day and the next it could be cold as the dead of winter.
A bit of sweat trickled down Hue's face as he stood not moving a muscle after closing the hatch and dissenting the mast. From the outside, he could hear the other members of the Straw Hat's continuing on with their respective conversations — mainly Luffy and Usopp yelling at Sanji that they had caught some fish for dinner, but that was to be expected from them— and felt the knot in his stomach loosen with slightest bit of relief.
Good, his excuse for leaving didn't appear to draw any questioning eyes.
Not that there were a lot of them on him in the first place, but better safe than sorry.
Even with that knowledge though, it didn't make what he had to do next any more easy, nor did it quell his underlying feelings of uncertainty. No, no, he was certain that emotion wasn't going away anytime soon. Not after all the build up he had to do just in order to get this far. It was a hard enough task to get some alone time on a normal day aboard the Going Merry, —if it wasn't Usopp and Luffy dragging the others into their crazy antics then it was the constant interruptions they were bombarded with, whether it be the Marines, other pirates, ect— but asking for alone time to take a nap?
Ha!
Unless you were bloody Zoro , have fun with that. Be anyone else and you'll end up waking up a million times because the Captain is bored and wants everyone to know.
Thankfully, Hue's plan had gone off without a hitch. Finally, his sneaking skills were coming in handy for something other than info gathering… even if doing so made his heart pound with anxiety. Nonetheless, he managed to sneak into the men's quarters without being spotted.
Now… Now he had to get his legs working.
Which was easier said than done, but after taking a brief moment to take a deep breath, Hue managed to force himself to walk. He made his way over to the corner of the room where the wardrobe was located and, after taking a moment to glance over his shoulder, just in case, opened the doors. He sat down on the floor and began carefully maneuvering the clothes thrown about inside, placing the other crew member’s clothes off to the side, until he found what he had been looking for.
A single black blanket.
Gently, he picked it up and pulled it out of the wardrobe. He sat back on his knees and placed the blanket in his lap after closing the doors. He stared at the blanket for a long time, longer than he had meant to in all honesty. He was currently wrapped up in an internal debate with himself.
Was he really gonna go through with this?
It's been so long since last time…
Hue peeked over his shoulder again, eyes landing on the hatch. It was the only thing separating him from the other members of the crew, if any of the guys got the inkling to come down here the jig would be up, so to speak, and he would be caught. Hue's grip on the blanket tightened at the thought. That idea terrified him in ways he didn't know how to voice. He was still relatively new on the Going Merry, only having joined shortly before they entered the Grand Line, and, if he were being honest, the crew didn't exactly know him that well yet.
What if them finding out was crossing some sort of line? After all, while Hue had caught on to their strangely loyal dynamic they had with each other, there had to be some sort of limit right? There was a reason Hue had been keeping a lot of his true self hidden, even if what he hid might seem inconsequential to others, it was personal to him. Old habits were hard to break and when you grew up the way he did, you find it hard to fully trust people.
Especially pirates.
That's why Hue had taken to either keeping his distance and watching from the sidelines, only occasionally throwing in his two cents, or trying to make himself helpful by cleaning up or pitching in on ship repairs —Even if he had literally no idea how to fix a ship— all in the hopes of getting on Luffy and the crew's good side.
They may have saved him, but Hue was still cautious.
He hated to say it, but even now he still found himself defaulting to using his devil fruit to read the crew's minds when he felt they weren't being truthful, and each time he learned that they weren't thinking ill of him whatsoever. He should feel guilty, he knows he should, but it's just second nature to him. Just like how his hands instinctively move to his sheathed daggers whenever he was startled or felt threatened.
Hue's eyes returned to the blanket sitting in his lap, and not for the first time that day, he debated just giving up and shelving the items for another day. A loud yawn bubbled up from his chest, making him hyper aware of why he had chosen to come down here in the first place. Maybe he should just skip all of this and just rest normally? This wasn't even the first time he had tried this anyway, and each time before it he ended up not being able to go through with it, no matter how much the urge and need for it was starting to affect him mentally.
He was becoming more and more spacey as of late, he found himself getting easily lost in thought or distracted, and that was not a good thing considering their current mission escorting princess Vivi to Alabasta. The last thing they all needed was for one of their crew members to be seriously hurt or killed because they weren't feeling one hundred percent.
And with everything they had been told to expect from Alabasta, it was dire they all were in their best shape.
That was what ultimately made the choice for Hue, the practicality.
Without his ability to fight, all Hue truly had left was his devil fruit and to this day he still didn't know all the abilities his power possessed, much less how to actually use them. He would be functionally useless if he couldn't hold his own…
Hue shook his head, bringing himself out of his thoughts. He took one more glance behind him before finally steeling himself and slowly standing to his feet. Carefully, he unfolded the blanket to reveal what he had tucked away inside, away from prying eyes and judgmental stares. A pair of beady black eyes stared back at him, causing Hue to smile fondly as he took in the familiar fuzzy face. He carefully shifted the blanket so it was tucked under one of his arms and gently held the stuffed animal in front of him.
"Hello, old friend." He greeted the old, well loved bunny, before tacking on; "Vanilla…" in a soft, shy voice.
He moved one of Vanilla's long limbs to wave back at him, effectively returning the greeting with one of her own. Hue's tiny smile changed to a full on grin at that and he was quick to pull his stuffie into a hug, overjoyed that his friend wasn't upset that he hadn't seen her in so long.
"Missed you…" He admitted to her in a whisper, like it was a secret for her big ears only.
Hue felt a feeling he hadn't felt in a long time begin to resurface. That just slightly off feeling at the edge of his mind that made the world feel so much bigger than him. It was a lot stronger than usual, making Hue feel a little unsteady as he stood with Vanilla pressed against his chest, probably a side effect of pushing his need to feel this way down for so long.
How long had it been again? Two months? Maybe three?
He giggled as he nuzzled the top of Vanilla's head, then paused as he felt one of his hands brush something smooth and plastic-like. It was then Hue remembered the other thing that had been stashed away in his blanket and he quickly pulled Vanilla away to grab the item in question. Secured safely around one of her paws by its ring was a small lavender colored pacifier. Carefully, Hue pulled the paci off of Vanilla's arm, taking a second afterwards to rub the small indent it left behind as a sorry for leaving it there for so long, and popped it into his mouth without a second thought.
In truth though, the pacifier was entirely too small for him and using it often made Hue's teeth hurt, yet another reason he tried not to do this too often. He had bought it back when he was still a part of his previous "Captain's" crew, it was an impulse purchase made whilst in the midst of one of these tiny episodes. As soon as he let the rubber settle in his mouth, the last knot in his chest came undone, unraveling that hidden feeling of fuzziness he kept so tightly tied up.
Suddenly, Hue let out a tiny yawn. Said yawn then turned into a bigger one as he remembered exactly why he had come down here in the first place. Well, besides letting himself feel little that was. He turned around and padded his way over to the hammocks that hung from the ceiling. It took him a little bit due to his height —seriously why did they have to hang these things so high up?— but he eventually managed to climb into the closest one and giggled as it swung from the movement.
Hue squirmed around for a bit before he began to settle, tossing his covers over himself as best he could with what little space there was and taking extra time to find a comfortable way to lay down. It had taken him a good few weeks to get used to sleeping in a hammock, something about being suspended in the air while trying to sleep made him feel a little too vulnerable, not to mention the few times he'd managed to fall off the stupid thing when he waves got too rough. This a far cry compared sleeping on the floor or not sleeping at all like he used to however, so he took what he could get.
Right now though, being in the air while he curled up under his plush blanket was relaxing and the tiniest bit fun for little Hue. It was almost like a big swing, and the gentle waves that rocked the Going Merry along its merry away worked well to lull him into a relaxed state. Tentatively, Hue let his eyes fall shut after giving Vanilla one more squeeze, finally giving into the sleepiness that had been tugging at his body from the better part of the day.
Once he woke up, he would be big again, and when he was big everything would go back to normal.
Then he would be helpful again…
"Nami-swann!! Vivi-chan!! I'm finished making tonight's dinner!!" Sanji shouted as he stepped out of the door leading to the kitchen.
As per usual, his eyes were set on Nami and Vivi only. He waved excitedly at the two girls sitting on the stairs leading to the deck, grinning ear to ear when both their heads swiveled around to face him. He, of course, missed how Nami rolled her eyes at his antics, only really noticing her wave back at him with that adorable smile of hers that always made his positively heart melt.
"Thank you for telling us, Sanji!' She called back, a teasing lit on her tone that completely flew over the love-struck man's head.
Sanji immediately flew into one of his love-stricken spiels, hearts dancing across his eyes and knees weak as he tried, and failed, to sweet talk Nami and Vivi.
This was cut short, however, by the sound of sandals smacking against wood and the loud exclamation of "Meat!!" Sanji's head shot towards the sound, just in time to watch as Luffy dashed past him at record speed, leaving a trail of dust behind him and nearly knocking the cook over in the process. Sanji turned to face his captain sharply, glaring daggers at Luffy as he began chowing down on as much of the food as he could, barely even taking the time to chew. He growled under his breath at the sight and angrily rolled up his sleeves.
"You better not eat all of it you idiot or I'm kicking your ass!" He snapped, stomping over to the table to personally ensure that Luffy didn't inhale the entire dinner he prepared by himself.
"Hey! Save some for me too, Luffy!" Usopp called from his spot on the deck, before scrambling to his feet and taking off in the direction of the kitchen.
Vivi watched as the three broke out into an argument over Luffy's seemingly bottomless stomach, with Usopp attempting to shove the captain away from his plate while Sanji shouted at the two to cut it out and just eat like normal people. She let out a nervous chuckle, meanwhile Nami sighed from beside her and shook her head.
"Never a dull moment around here, huh?" Vivi joked, albeit with a hint of concern in her voice.
"That's one way to describe insanity." Nami replied, though her tone held a hint of fondness that made Vivi smile.
Despite their strange ways of going about it, these pirates truly did seem to care for one another. Nami did a quick headcount over Vivi’s shoulder, blinking in confusion when she noticed that they were two people short of the whole crew. She glanced over the edge of the banister so she could look out onto the deck. She easily spotted Zoro leisurely walking towards the stairs, clearly having woken up from one of his afternoon naps. She did a quick sweep of the whole deck and frowned when she realized it was empty. She turned to look at Zoro.
“Zoro! Have you seen Hue?” She asked, drawing the swordsman’s gaze to her.
Zoro paused at the base of the stairs and cocked a brow at Nami. He then glanced around him for a moment before shrugging. “If he isn’t in the kitchen then I haven’t seen ‘em.”
Nami frowned deeply and spared one last glance into the kitchen. Sanji, Usopp and Luffy were all present and accounted for, Vivi was standing next to her, and Zoro was at the bottom of the stairs…
So where was Hue?
It wasn’t like him to skip out on meals, even if he was more reserved than most of them. Nami rested her cheek in her palm and thought hard. It wasn’t like she was super worried about him or anything, Hue could hold his own, that much she knew for sure, but he always made sure to come when Sanji made food. He literally said once that it would be rude of him to decline a meal, even if he wasn’t particularly hungry. So where could he have run off to?
“I saw Hue heading in the direction of the men’s quarters some time ago, Nami.” Vivi suddenly piped up, looking a bit sheepish when the woman in question turned to face her. “He might just be resting.” She suggested.
That caused Nami to shut her eyes and hum in thought. “He has been pulling doubles on watch duty lately…” She mused, glancing in the direction of the mast where the hatch to the men’s quarters were located.
After a beat of silence, Nami walked over to the railings of the balcony and looked at Zoro, who was still standing at the bottom of the stairs, again.
"Hey Zoro, could you go to the guys room and tell Hue the food's ready?" She requested, crossing her arms and leaning onto the railing. "Sanji'll be upset if we don't at least ask him if he wants dinner."
Zoro frowned and glanced over his shoulder at the mast. Did Hue really not hear the shitty cook call for dinner? Even he had heard him, and he was passed out asleep. He chose to shrug that off though, after all, the guy probably had some reason for not coming out, why should he worry? Mr. I-keep-candy-on-me-at-all-times might just not be hungry.
Then again, Nami would more than likely try to weasel money Zoro didn't have out of him if he refused. Plus he didn't wanna have to deal with that cook yapping about Hue being missing.
"Yeah, fine." He finally replied, turning around and beginning to walk off towards the mast. "Go tell curly brows we'll be up in a minute."
"Thank you, Zoro!" Vivi called out to him.
He waved it off and continued on his way. It didn't take him long to reach the mast, and, once he was close enough, he popped open the hatch leading to the men’s quarters. It was almost pitch black down there, save for the light coming from the trapdoor.
"Guy really couldn't be bothered to light a candle or something?" Zoro muttered to himself as he began his descent.
Why would Hue wanna be alone in the dark? Was he training his eyesight or something?
It was for that reason that he decided to leave the hatch open so the sun could give him some light. As he lowered himself down, Zoro began eyeing the room in search for his missing crewmate. His initial thought was that the guy had to be reading one of those weird books he likes to pretend he doesn't like, but the couch was empty and so was the table. Once he reached the bottom of the ladder, Zoro glanced around the mast, choosing to go with his second theory that Hue must be sleeping.
Said theory turned out to be correct because the dull light of the outside managed to just cast across a sleeping form hanging in one of the hammocks.
"Oi, Hue!" Zoro called out into the room. "Nami wanted me to tell you the food was ready."
He got no reply, not even a groan of acknowledgement, if anything Hue merely burrowed deeper under the thick blanket he was covered in. Zoro frowned at this, then huffed to himself. He crossed the room in just a few quick strides so he could stand in front of the hammock Hue laid in.
He could barely make out that it was Hue under the blanket, the bottom of his face was tucked away beneath the sea of black with his top half visible. He was curled up in a ball and Zoro could just slightly make out the sound of muffled snores.
Dang, the guy was out like a light.
Zoro's frown deepened and he glanced over his shoulder at the open hatch. He honestly felt a little bad about having to wake Hue up from such a deep sleep. Zoro was a man who loved napping, and he certainly didn't like being woken up from his sleep. He would only imagine Hue might be the same way. Not to mention, Zoro was well aware of the mind-reader's recent bout of double shits during night watch…
Still, he wasn't particularly in the mood to deal with Nami or the shitty cook's wrath today. So, he reached out a hand and placed it on Hue's shoulder.
"Hue, wake up." Zoro said, shaking the sleeping boy's shoulder to try and rouse him. "Dinner's ready, you know curly brows will have a fit if you don't show up."
Under his palm, Zoro felt Hue shift. He began to stur, the blanket around his shoulders slipping as he did a small stretch in the hammock. Zoro heard him let out a tiny, muffled sound before he slowly sat up. This caused the cover to slip down further, revealing his full face to the room.
The first thing Zoro zeroed in on was the small, purple colored pacifier settled in his mouth.
What the hell?
Why was Hue using a pacifier??
Hue appeared dazed, he didn't even seem to know that Zoro was there. He reached up to rub the tiredness from his eyes with his wrist, pushing his glasses up in the process.
Zoro chose to ignore the tiny voice in the back of his head that called that action cute, because that was not what he needed to be focusing on. Seriously, why did Hue have a pacifier?? It was less shocking and more mind boggling. Don't people normally grow out of using those or was he missing something??
Once his glasses fell back into place, Hue turned to grab something from under his blanket. He gently pulled out a stuffed bunny and hugged it close to his chest. He let out a long yawn, one that made his eyes water the tiniest bit, then stared sleepily off into space.
Zoro's eyes softened as he observed the poor boy attempt to fight off sleep. It was only then that he noticed the bags under Hue's eyes. Just how many doubles had he pulled again? Zoro knew of three, but that might not have been all of them. Still, Hue looked completely exhausted…
Without realizing it, Zoro reached out a hand and gently placed it on the sleepy boy's shoulder. Hue barely reacted, clearly only half-awake at the moment.
"Oi…" Zoro muttered, putting on the calmest voice he could to not startle Hue. "Go back to sleep. I'll deal with the cook for you, yeah?" He promised, knowing full well that meant he'd be taking the brunt of Sanji's anger.
It was worth it though if it meant Hue would rest, the poor guy clearly needed it.
A small; "'kay…" was all he got out of Hue in response, but that was enough to pull a tiny smile from Zoro.
The swordsman guided his crewmate to lay back down in the hammock, where he promptly snuggled in closely to his stuffed bunny. It was weird seeing Hue like this. Zoro had never seen him act like this before. Hue was always serious and reserved, but right now he was acting more like the children he had vowed so hard to protect.
That was a good comparison actually. Hue, at that moment, looked so much younger than he really was. No seriousness or frustration, just content. Zoro was still confused, don't get him wrong. Nothing about this situation made any sense, but now that the initial confusion had worn off, he really didn't care.
So Hue used a pacifier and snuggled a toy rabbit, so what? It wasn't any of Zoro's business anyway.
It didn't take much convincing for Hue to fall back asleep, because the second his head touched the hammock his eyes slipped shut. Once he was sure Hue had fallen back asleep, Zoro pulled his hand back. Before he had the chance to turn around and leave, Zoro noticed that the blanket Hue was wrapped in had slipped off his shoulders when he initially woke up and was barely covering his upper body anymore. Without much thought, the swordsmen reached down and carefully pulled the cover back into place, even going as far as to tuck him and his little bunny friend in as best he could. It was almost like instinct, the way he fixed the blanket around Hue's sleeping form.
When the swordsman caught himself, he huffed quietly and shook his head.
He really was going soft wasn't he?
As he was getting ready to turn and leave the room, he was stopped when a hand suddenly shot out and grabbed his arm. Zoro looked back down to find Hue staring up at him with sleepy, yet intense eyes.
"Something wrong?" He asked, confused.
Hue gently tugged his paci out and, even in his half-awake state, looked nervous.
"Don' tell the crew…" He mumbled tiredly, voice trailing off into another yawn as he tried to fight back sleep.
That was enough to get Zoro to smirk fontly at the little guy. He reached up and gave Hue's head a single pat.
"Wasn't plannin' on it, buddy." He assured him, ruffling his hair the tiniest bit. "Get some sleep, yeah?"
That seemed to be enough for Hue, who muttered quietly; "'kay, Roro…" before promptly falling asleep.
Zoro sat there for a moment, hand sitting in Hue's hair as the boy snored softly below him. He waited, just to make sure Hue was actually asleep this time, before he finally pulled his hand away and turned to leave. It was time to face Nami and Sanji's questions, he would just have to come up with a suitable lie.
That day, Zoro learned something new about one of his crewmates.
But if his crew were to ask, Hue was just sleeping.