Work Text:
christmas always looked like the most enchanting time of the year, even in a wretched place like gotham. if last year had been a rough time for the city, with the penguin and catwoman on the loose, this time everyone was mourning the loss of gotham city’s district attorney, harvey dent. his death a month prior had shaken everyone, and when bruce wayne had decided to host a gala in his manor to honor harvey’s memory and raise funds to help the poor inhabitants of burnside, the neighborhood where dent had grown up in, almost everyone had decided to attend.
selina kyle knew she was the last person who should’ve been there. after all, it was her fault if harvey had fallen to his death. she regretted it, in a way, yet she knew that the alternative had been to eventually lose the only person she cared about. and that one person was also the only reason why she was there tonight, surrounded by all those high-status idiots. she just wanted to catch a glimpse of him in the crowd, and when she did, she felt her whole body sink.
for selina, seeing bruce again was like a knife to the heart, and it was because he wasn’t alone this time.
one month. that was all it had taken him to go and find someone new to share his lonely life with. one month since she had said goodbye to him, forever this time. and that was exactly why the sight of him with another woman shouldn’t have bothered her in the slightest.
she was a hypocrite, she knew that. for the past five weeks, she had spent every free moment hoping that bruce could finally find someone to make him happy, someone who was good, and sane. yet, she finally realized that she didn’t really want him to have someone else by his side, a woman who was not her.
selina couldn’t help sending death stares at the lovely couple, while they danced slowly on the opposite side of the ballroom.
“if only looks could kill.” the man dancing with her commented.
brock leviathan was one of gotham’s most famous architects, rich and even handsome, if only she cared about that. she’d met him just a few days ago, and she had known he was the key to enter the gala, to see bruce one last time.
when she didn’t answer his statement, he held her closer, and that made selina shift uncomfortably in his arms. she didn’t like dancing with him, she felt like she was being caged, but he continued teasing her.
“what’s with you and wayne? don’t tell me you two were… tight.”
he made it sound like the most incredible of all things and selina started feeling even more irritated by his presence as the haunting song they were dancing to charged towards its end.
“oh dear, how could you ever think that. you know i hate rich privileged boys.” she laughed, doing her best to convince him. if there was someone she wanted to talk with about her complicated relationship with bruce, that wasn’t him.
brock raised one eyebrow suspiciously at that last sentence, but selina knew exactly what she had to say to still have him in the palm of her hand.
“you’re the only exception, darling.” and when she said this, her gaze was still following bruce on the other side of the dance floor.
that was when he finally locked eyes with her, and for a moment time froze. she was unable to look away, and she kept dancing, knowing that if things had been different, right now she would be in the arms of the man she loved, who still glanced at her like the first time they’d met.
for bruce, seeing selina again was like a breath of fresh air. he’d always thought he remembered her by heart, her curly blonde hair, her magnetic blue eyes, her delicate features. truth was that every time it was like he had never seen her before, and he fell for her all over again. despite that, he could read her expressions like no one else. he knew when she was angry, or scared, or conflicted. and right now, as he watched her dance with that man, he knew that she was not comfortable, even if she tried to hide it by putting on a fake smile that could’ve fooled anyone but him.
even if he knew she wasn’t into that guy - how could she? she looked like she wanted to murder him - he couldn’t avoid feeling an unusual anger growing in his chest. he was keeping her too close, with his arm circling her waist and his hand holding hers, and she wasn't enjoying it in the slightest, why couldn't he notice that like bruce did?
thinking about her was wrong, bruce was perfectly conscious of that. especially when he was dancing with such a lovely woman, who had been nothing but sweet with him. silver st. cloud, with her platinum blonde hair and luminous smile, was gotham’s favourite socialite. they’d been childhood friends, before that fateful night where his parents were killed and he’d started to shut down every form of celebrity that came with the wayne name, including his friends from high society. bruce had to admit that he still enjoyed silver’s company, she was smart and always had a good word for everyone, so alfred had insisted that he asked her to be his date at the gala, he couldn't keep attending events alone, and bruce had accepted that advice. after all, he’d thought he was never going to see the woman he loved again.
but there she was, and they were unable to keep their eyes off one another. they kept gazing at each other until the song was over and selina reserved a wide smile to her partner, parting from him to exit the ballroom, and bruce felt the impulse to follow her wherever she was going. he needed to be alone with her.
“bruce” silver called him, her tone calm and peaceful as always, “is everything ok?”
“yeah, i just need to check something, if you’ll excuse me. i’ll be right back.”
she gave him a small nod while he walked away from her, and he felt guilty for an instant. that woman was there to spend time with him, yet he was chasing after someone else. but that small glint of regret only lasted for one second, as he made his way out of the ballroom.
all bruce could think about was selina. beautiful, fascinating selina kyle. catwoman.
when he found her, she was in his armory, carefully studying every piece of his collection. he watched as she walked quietly around the room, elegantly wrapped in her black silk dress, her blonde curls pinned up. she didn’t look much different from the previous year, when he had seen her walk down that staircase at max shreck’s masquerade ball.
selina heard his steps, even if they were almost silent, she would've recognized them anywhere. yet, she didn’t turn around, and only looked at him through the enormous mirror standing in front of them. he was wearing a black suit, just like the year before, and selina bit her lip at the thought of their last dance. sometimes it felt like it had happened centuries ago, but other times she could still feel his hands on her waist and his lips on her neck.
she was the first to break the silence, “why are you here?”
her voice sounded distant, annoyed, or at least she was trying to make it sound like that. a part of her was still angry for what he had said to her in the batcave. she wanted to scratch him and scream at him. but mostly, she just wanted to kiss him.
he didn’t hesitate a second before replying, “i wanted to see you.”
selina tried to hold back the tears, she had already seen that scene play out before. she slowly turned around to face him, “well, you did see me, out there” he moved a step closer, signaling that he wasn’t going to leave anytime soon, so she continued, “what do you want, bruce?”
her question could have sounded too harsh, but bruce seemed unbothered by it when he finally admitted, “i just wanted to talk to you. alone.”
“go on, then.”, she encouraged him. she hated herself for not being able to just tell him the truth.
i miss you, was what she wanted to say.
she had missed him every single day since leaving him. her anger had soon left space for longing. she still loved him, despite everything. and she had gone to that stupid gala with that stupid guy just because she had wanted to see him, even from afar. but she was still afraid of him being angry with her. horrified with her, even. if there had ever been someone who had never thought she was a monster, that was bruce. the idea of him thinking of her as a killer, someone who was no longer worth loving, was too much to bear for her.
what she hated the most was that, despite her best efforts, she still found herself going back to him, as if there was some kind of invisible thread tying them together and she was unable to cut it off for good. she could still feel her whole self ripping at the seams, just like her beloved catsuit. selina, catwoman, sometimes she was both and other times just one of them, but with him she always felt whole, complete. she'd once told alfred that bruce made her feel the way she hoped she really was, and months later that was still true. but now, while she was waiting for him to say something, the weight of all the sorrow she'd felt in those past weeks was threatening to crush her.
“i’m sorry” she blurted out, before he could say anything at all, “i shouldn’t have done that to harvey. to you.”
bruce was taken aback by that admission. she wasn’t being sarcastic, or making fun of him. in front of him there was selina, the woman he had fallen in love with, sincere and vulnerable. he had been so angry at her for the first few days, even thought that there was nothing else left to save in that sort of relationship they had. she had chosen her path and he had chosen his, and they were heading to opposite directions. but he still couldn’t get her out of his mind, the way she had kissed him during their first date, her tears when she had confessed that she no longer knew who she was, the rush of happiness he’d felt when they had met again in that dark alleyway. selina was the only one he could truly love, he knew that.
“i had no right to kill him” she continued, “but i did what i did for a simple, selfish reason" she let out a deep breath, before confessing, "i couldn't bear to see you hurt, or worse."
she had walked closer to him, and they were mere steps apart when she added one last thing, “and everything i said to you. it was because i was so full of anger, i still am.”
her ocean blue eyes were filled with tears and bruce wished he could wipe them away and just hold her in his arms. but it was his turn to make apologies.
“i am sorry too. i shouldn't have reacted like that.”
he didn’t know how to explain it, but he knew how she had felt. he had spent years as batman killing the bad guys, never really giving them a chance to reform, and despite having decided to no longer kill anyone, but rather to bring them to justice, he wasn’t sure of how he would’ve reacted if the life of someone he loved would’ve been at stake. everything he had gone through when his parents had been killed so many years ago, the trauma and the start of his double life as batman, selina had experienced it all in less than a year. and instead of trying to help the woman he loved, he had pushed her away.
“i was wrong. everything you’re feeling, i’ve felt it too, once” he stepped forward and took one of her hands in his. she was surprised, but didn’t draw away. her eyes were still locked on his.
“we are the same, selina.”
she sighed and took another step closer, now just centimeters away.
“we are not. you are a good man, bruce wayne” her voice was tender and she run her free hand on his chest, placing it just above his heart, “you like trying to save the bad guys.”
he gave her a small smile. it hadn't always been like that. he'd never once thought about his rogues as people who could get a redemption, a second chance. then he'd fallen in love with one of them, catwoman. he would've never given up on her, because he knew she was good, deep down. barbara had told him about their partnership, about selina trying to help the people in need and giving her a hand defeating criminals.
“you asked me if i ever wanted to be normal” she continued, “is she that? your chance to be normal?”
there was bitterness in that question and bruce understood she was talking about silver. he almost felt offended. how could she ever think that he would want someone else other than her, love someone who wasn’t her. he had been dreaming of selina, and of her only, for the past weeks. them together in their own home, with their children. the only time he’d ever contemplated a life away from the cowl, he had been able to picture it just with selina by his side.
“tell me about him, first.”
a grin flashed on selina’s face. she shrugged, “jealousy doesn’t fit you, especially when it’s unnecessary.”
bruce let out a small breath of relief. of course, she could see someone else, she could do anything if that made her happy, but the fact she hadn't found that someone yet gave him a small glint of hope for them.
he still hadn’t replied to her question about that blondie, and selina found herself dreading his answer. what if he told her that he had finally found the right person? that their time together was just a memory? but if that was true, he wouldn’t have been with her right now, and so she insisted.
“you’re not answering my question.”
“silver is good, very sweet and kind” he admitted, “but she’s not you.”
those last words made selina feel weaker than she’d ever been. there was still so much that had been left unsaid between them, the possibility of a life together, without masks. but it wasn’t possible, they both knew that, he had to realize it as well. their pull was undeniable, but what if she let him down again, what if someday he came to realize that she wasn’t the person he believed she was. broken. that'd been the adjective she'd used for harvey dent, but the truth was it fit her perfectly as well, and bruce deserved someone better.
he cupped her face with his hand, caressing her soft skin, and she felt like she was melting.
“bruce” she whispered, shaking her head, “i’m not worth it.”
“you will always be worth it to me.”
she looked at him, her teary eyes unable to look away from him as he traced her lips with his thumb. they were so close now, their breaths were entangling in each other. she could’ve closed that small space between them, just a last kiss. they both wanted it, glancing at each other’s lips, waiting for the other to make another step. she moved her head towards him a bit, but never as to fully give in. maybe it was because she knew that if she kissed him, it’d have been harder to walk away.
so much had divided them, but they were still there, longing for one another, wishing they could freeze time just to spend a few more seconds together.
selina knew she couldn’t kiss him, but at the same time she needed him to do it. a kiss could be even deadlier if they meant it, maybe a last one could’ve killed her.
c’mon. she begged with her eyes as he drew closer. kiss me. kill me. do something.
“i should go.” her voice was a whisper just bruce could hear, right when he was about to close his lips on hers. she was already cursing herself after saying it, but now it was too late. selina drew away reluctantly, dropping his hand and giving him one last, teary eyed glance.
“what are you going to do now?” he asked her, not trying to sound too desperate. in fact, he wanted to ask something else, and they both knew it.
are you going to stay?
selina smiled sadly, because she knew her answer was going to disappoint him, but she needed to be alone for a while, to think about the kind of life she wanted. most importantly, she needed to know if she could stop thinking that she didn't deserve to love him, to be with him. selina was in love with bruce, she had never denied that, but she needed to find and love herself first.
yet, she felt as if she was letting him down again as she said, “i think gotham won’t need me for a while. and i’ve always wanted to visit europe.”
he nodded, trying to look impressed at the idea. the thought of having selina so far away from him was deeply unsettling. he didn’t know what to say to make her stay, to prove her that he was going to love her no matter what, so he chose the safer option.
there was another moment of silence hanging between them. he would’ve done anything to make her stay, but he couldn’t. he knew that if she ever wanted to come back someday, she would, but right now he had to let her go. he respected her too much to not let her make her own choice. and if someday she found a good person to share her life with, he would be happy anyway, even if the thought broke his heart. selina's wellbeing was always going to be a priority for him.
she walked past him, headed towards the door, and bruce realized that he needed to tell her the truth before he lost his chance again.
“selina” he called out, turning around to see her slender figure stop, waiting for the next words. she looked behind her shoulder and he stole that last image of her, walking out of his life with her head up and small tears falling down her cheeks.
three words, that was all he had to tell her to change everything. but he could see in her eyes that they were not what she wanted to hear. she wanted a reason to stay, but at the same time she needed a reason to leave.
“take care of yourself.” i love you.
the corner of her lips slipped up in a small smile. she was grateful to him, because he wasn’t making it harder to say goodbye, yet she just wished he would stop her from running away again, sweep her into his arms and tell her there was no one he wanted more than her.
“you too, bruce.” she replied, her voice steady despite the tears.
she turned around and her heels clicked on the marble floor as she made her way out of the room.
and just like that bruce let selina go, one last time.