Chapter Text
“After the graduation ceremony, I’m going to take Song Lan out again,” Xiao Xingchen announced to his bedroom.
Sitting on the messy floor, idly plucking an unplugged electric guitar, Qin Su raised an eyebrow.
Perched at the window sill, Bicao looked up from her compact mirror.
A-Qing crumpled up a bag of potato chips. “Again? You never went out with him in the first place.”
Xiao Xingchen frowned. “I ran into him in the food court at the mall, we ate together.”
A broken twang from Qin Su. “How could it have been a date if you just randomly met?”
Picking up a flat pillow to hug, he asked, “What’s a date then?”
“It can’t be a coincidence! It’s got to be pre-determined!” Qin Su’s voice softened ever so slightly. “There’s got to be a chance for real connection, a possibility for love.”
Xiao Xingchen’s smile renewed. “I’m gonna ask him out on a date.”
“All Song Lan thinks about is studying,” Bicao warned, resuming her lipstick application.
“That’s great, I need someone smarter than me. I’m gonna do it.”
Qin Su wrinkled her nose. “He’s a brain, too smart for his own good. You’ve got to watch out for the quiet ones, you can never really tell what they’re thinking.”
“I was a brain! You know, before the pressure became too much. And I need quiet. We’d fit together!” Xiao Xingchen flopped forward onto his bed, crushing the pillow. “We had chemistry!”
A-Qing snorted. “You had chemistry class.”
Undeterred, Xiao Xingchen turned to Qin Su. “Didn’t you have a class with him? Did he ever say anything about me?”
“He hardly talks.” Qin Su propped the guitar upwards, a hand tightening on the neck. “I wouldn’t get my hopes up.”
“Yeah,” A-Qing echoed. “You’re too sweet. We don’t want to see you get hurt.”
Xiao Xingchen rolled off the bed, standing up with his arms thrown out, and exclaimed. “I want to get hurt!”
The following morning, Xiao Xingchen strained to hear his mothers’ long-distance voices as he wrapped the long curling phone cord around his hand.
“How are the mountains?” Xiao Xingchen asked, as loudly and clearly as he could.
Static chopped up their words. “Sorr—ldn’t be there—take photos! Is your sister—?”
“She’s great! I’ll meet up with them at the ceremony.”
“We’re so proud of—Xingxi—love you.“
“I love you too!”
He hung up and extricated himself from the cord. He threw on his violently violet graduation gown, heading outside with a slim black camera. He balanced the camera and looked through the viewfinder to angle it perfectly. He set the timer and rushed to stand in front of his beat-up grey car, grimacing that he hadn’t washed it the day before. He stood straight, clasped his hands in front of himself and smiled.
Sitting at the first light, Xiao Xingchen pushed a cassette into the tape deck and turned up the volume.
‘You don't have to be cool to rule my world…’
Trying to steady his nerves, he drummed on the steering wheel. This was it, the day of his high school graduation. Yet receiving his diploma was not even going to be the highlight of his day.
He was finally going to ask Song Lan out on a date.
It was a gloriously sunny day, perfect for the Yunmeng High School graduation ceremony outdoors.
Xiao Xingchen was all but vibrating in his seat, as he and his fellow graduates sat through tedious speech after tedious speech—except for the one by the salutatorian who decided to serenade them with an off-key rendition of Whitney Houston’s The Greatest Love of All.
“I decided long ago,” Wei Wuxian crooned, taking off his cap, loosening his long dark hair. “Never to walk in anyone's shadow!”
Their classmates played along, hamming it up, swaying and hooting encouragement at Wei Wuxian’s attempts at hitting the high notes.
“Because the greatest love of all is happening to meeeeeee…”
Xiao Xingchen smiled, knowing exactly who Wei Wuxian was directly singing to. When the song drew to a close, instead of taking his seat on stage, Wei Wuxian vaulted off, going into the cheering audience to sit by a red-eared but enchanted Lan Wangji.
Watching the happy crowd settle down in somber silence once more, Song Lan felt his heart sink into his stomach. He had to follow the most charismatic student in their entire graduating class? He had agonized over the flash cards of his speech as his father drove them here. He had carefully chosen quotes of wisdom, and worked over every word until they had been drained of any emotion whatsoever. He hated it. Creative writing was not his thing. He loved formulas and equations and oh no, Principal Yu Ziyuan was introducing him too effusively. He forced himself to sit up straight and smiled for the sake of his father, no doubt hidden behind a camcorder, recording for posterity.
“—a rock star in mathematics, history and biochemistry—“
Being called a rock star, right after Wei Wuxian who literally looked like one? Song Lan hid his wince, his toes curling tightly in embarrassment.
“—recipient of the prestigious fellowship to Tsinghua University—“
He looked out onto the sea of disinterested faces and took a few deep breaths before he heard his name.
“—your valedictorian, Song Lan!”
Perfunctory applause followed as he strode to the podium.
Captivated, Xiao Xingchen didn’t even cheer. “Look at those eyes,” he whispered to Qin Su who sighed in defeat. The students in the row ahead of them began to chatter too; Xiao Xingchen shushed them as Song Lan began to speak.
“Thank you Principal Yu. Good morning esteemed faculty, family, friends, and my fellow graduates.
“Congratulations on making it through the past four years. Now we have the daunting task of what comes next. Having taken some courses at the local college this year, I’ve seen what awaits some of us. All I can say is… Save yourselves!”
There were twin barks of laughter, one from Xiao Xingchen and the other from the parents’ section.
Song Lan felt sweat beading under his cap. He would have preferred groans of derision than the silence that engulfed the amphitheatre once more. He nervously shuffled his index cards, cleared his throat and continued.
“Yes, there’s more studying but there’s also more collaboration, independence, exploration, not only of ideas but soul searching too. Some of us will enter the workforce, take up the family business. Though we take diverging paths, we have similar goals: a chance to be happy, to work hard, to make our families proud of us.”
He saw some parents nodding their heads. He had entirely lost the interest of his fellow students. He slightly frowned, piling his note cards neatly together, before looking away from them.
“But we can’t predict the future. Challenges much tougher than grades await us, things that may blindside us. I am full of hope and ambition but when I think about the future, the truth is… I’m really… scared.”
His last word was spoken quietly; it would have been lost if not for the heavy silence that surrounded him now, the kind of silence that engulfed an unforgiving truth confessed aloud.
In the grassy area by the parking lot, graduates hugged each other and met up with their families.
Just when Xiao Xingchen spotted Song Lan, his sister Xiao Cangse and her husband Wei Changze rushed over to hug him.
“Your big day and our moms couldn’t be here for you,” Xiao Cangse lamented, squeezing him tightly. “I’m so sorry, didi.”
“It’s okay, I spoke to them this morning. They wanted lots of photos.” He offered his camera to Wei Changze who gladly took it, taking a shot of the siblings smiling together.
Xiao Cangse looked around. “Have you seen A-Xian?”
“Uh, no.” Xiao Xingchen was certain Wei Wuxian was off canoodling with Lan Wangji. “Hey, could you take a photo of me and my friend over there?”
Wei Changze looked in Song Lan’s direction. He said, “You’re friends with the valedictorian?” incredulously enough that Xiao Cangse shot a glare at him.
“Yeah, I’m gonna say hi to him now.” Before he could lose his courage, Xiao Xingchen bee-lined his way over to where Song Lan was giving his father a great big hug.
“A car! You shouldn’t have! I’m only here for two more months!”
“You need to practice. I’ll take good care of it for when you visit…” Song Lan’s father trailed off, seeing Xiao Xingchen suddenly approach. “May I help you?”
“Mr. Song, hi sir, I’m Xiao Xingchen.” He bowed respectfully. “I’m a friend of your son.”
Song Lan kept the surprise off his face; he knew of Xiao Xingchen but they were barely acquaintances. Before he could respond, Xiao Cangse and Wei Changze came forward, exchanging greetings with his father, Song Nianzu.
Wei Changze held the camera up and waved them closer together.
Xiao Xingchen and Song Lan shuffled carefully toward each other.
Wei Changze snapped the photo. “Great!”
Familiar with her own extroverted teenaged son’s uncharacteristic silences, Xiao Cangse knew that something was amiss with Xiao Xingchen’s sudden reticence. With a big grin, she introduced herself and her husband as the salutatorian’s parents. At this, Song Nianzu turned his undivided attention toward them.
Not for the first time was Xiao Xingchen reminded about how much he owed his jiejie. With her implicit support, he faced Song Lan. He had never stood so closely to him before. Song Lan’s brown eyes were distractingly beautiful. He had to focus on the task at hand.
“Congratulations on, well, everything,” Xiao Xingchen said brightly. “Your speech was incredible. It’s not often that people admit that kind of vulnerability…”
“—a gap year?” Song Nianzu’s voice floated over to them. “Your son did not apply to universities?”
“We believe he would benefit from travel and real world experience before pursuing higher education,” Xiao Cangse replied. “In fact, I also took a few years off and—”
Xiao Xingchen was running out of time. He blurted out, “Let’s go out.”
Song Lan’s eyebrows rose slightly. “Uh, thanks, but I’m kinda busy.”
This he was not expecting. Xiao Xingchen dumbly repeated, “Busy.”
“I help my father on the weekends, and I have to get ready for my move.”
It was a weekday. Xiao Xingchen grabbed onto that sliver of hope. “What about tonight? Are you going to Jin Zixuan’s party?”
No one had asked Song Lan to any parties since he declined a few general invitations in freshman year, needing to concentrate on his studies. He had not been invited to Jin Zixuan’s annual bash but how would Xiao Xingchen know that? Song Lan slowly shook his head.
“You have to come. We’ve just graduated! Like you said, we don’t know what the future holds!” Xiao Xingchen knew his voice had gotten a bit loud as he felt the sudden scrutiny of Song Lan’s father beside them. “I can’t let you leave town without attending the graduation event of Yunmeng High. Forget the carnival. This party is not on school grounds. You’ve never been, have you?”
“I…” Song Lan looked at him curiously, wondering if Xiao Xingchen went every year and noticed his absence. He felt warmth suffuse his face at the thought. “No.”
“Jin Zixuan has a huge place! He dresses as a peacock every year, and there’s this ritual—well, I won’t spoil it for you,” Xiao Xingchen said, voice filled with mischief. “Everyone will be there, you have to come! You’re our valedictorian, you have to say farewell to everyone, that’s what it literally means in Latin, right? I mean, you should say hi to everyone too, it’d be weird if you just showed up to say bye—”
The amusement at hearing Xiao Xingchen’s enthusiasm built until Song Lan let out a happy huff and smiled. Xiao Xingchen immediately shut up to hear him say, “Okay, I’ll go with you.”
It was Xiao Xingchen’s turn to think he misheard. “Really?”
“Yes. It sounds like fun.”
“Great! Wow, we’re going out, okay, great!” Xiao Xingchen almost leaned forward, for what? A hug, as thanks? Keep cool, he told himself, reining himself in. “Great,” he repeated. “I’ll pick you up at eight, tonight.”
“Tonight,” Song Lan echoed. “At eight.”
Xiao Xingchen walked backward, not wanting to not look at Song Lan as he left. He bumped into Song Nianzu and gave him a friendly nod, telling him, “Song Lan’s pretty great, isn't he, sir?”
“I know,” Song Nianzu said automatically, watching Xiao Xingchen join his family. Bemused, he turned to Song Lan.
“Baba, I’m going out tonight.”
Song Nianzu looked surprised. His son was never very social with classmates. “If you’re sure…”
“I stood up there and I was looking at all these people that only know my name.” Song Lan frowned. “Maybe I shouldn’t have taken all those early courses at the local college. I’ve been so distant all these years—“
“It was a sacrifice,” Song Nianzu interrupted. “Same as all the time spent taking summer classes and skipping vacations. All that hard work paid off in that prestigious fellowship that very few in the entire country get. Don’t you see it was all worth it?”
Song Lan smiled weakly and nodded. He had tonight to celebrate his achievements—with a cute boy.