Chapter Text
A Thief in the Night (VegasPete)
By miscmisc
Once there were two parallel worlds with a bridge between them. One world had science and one world had magic. And they did not like each other. No, not at all. Sure, people did travel between the worlds, but it was very frowned-upon.
People from the magic world were always accosting people from the science world and claiming said science person was actually a bewitched cat and here was some very, very special catnip that they should rub all over their naked body.
Or the magic person would be claim to be so-and so’s long-dead great-grandfather, pay no attention to the fact that they were currently a gangly 13-year-old girl.
One of the more spectacular cases was when a herd of over-sized fairies flew into the science world, demanding for their great and awful Fairy Empress to be returned to them……the frosting on the cake being that the ‘Fairy Empress’ in question was a bald, middle-aged man who lived in his parent’s carpeted basement, and loved nothing more than crosswords puzzles and selling life insurance.
Infuriating!
On the other hand, people from the science world were always trying to lecture. Good lord, did they love to lecture.
“That blood doesn’t look safe to drink.”
“I don’t think it’s sanitary for you to be doing that to a tree.”
“This temple doesn’t seem structurally sound. What architectural firm did you use?
“What do you mean, you don’t know what a quadratic formula is? Wikipedia defines it as an algebraic formula used to solve quadratic equat------”
Blah, blah, blah.
They were downright party-poopers too.
“No, I don’t want to tattoo that sigil on my body!”
“No, I will not sell you my soul to you, you filthy creature!”
“No, your first-born son is not an acceptable form of payment!”
Ugh, it was aaaawful.
What made it all worse for everybody was that neither side could ever figure out how the bridge between them worked. Both sides tried and tried again, but that bridge was indestructible and incomprehensible.
Therefore, mutual disregard was deemed best. Everyone should just stay on their side!
*
A rule that Vegas, conscientious college student of the science world, had followed all his life.
He had plans, his life all mapped out.
He wasn’t going to be shaken off-course by ill-conceived thaumaturgical nonsense!
No, not him. He was going to get his masters degree in biochemistry and his doctorate in applied mathematics. He’d work as a professor, enlightening young minds. And he’d do research. And he’d also get a doctorate in cognitive science. Because having only one doctorate would be mortifying!
Vegas pushed his glasses back up his nose as he stared up into the night sky outside his open dorm window. Learning astronomy might be fun too……
Whomp!
All of a sudden, Vegas was on the floor and a rather attractive man dressed all in black sitting on him!
“How astonishing! The MacGuffin doesn’t look at all like what I expected!”
Confronted with this beautiful man straddling him, Vegas could only stutter: “Wh…who…who……are you?!”
“I’m a thief from magic world and I’m here to steal the MacGuffin! I was given this compass by someone in a dark alley who swore to me that it’d lead me straight to the MacGuffiny thing……And here you are!! I knew I could trust that complete stranger!”
“I’m not a MacGuffin, I’m Vegas!”
“Wegath? “Vegas.” “Wegath!”
“No, no, Ve-gas……”
“I’m Pete!” “Hi, Pete. Would…would you mind getting off me?”
“Oh, right…I would mind, but I’ll do it anyways. And there’s something I should tell you right now, Vegas.”
“What is it?!”
“I’ve only had you for a day and a half, but if anything happens to you, I will kill everyone in this room and then myself.”
“Pete……it’s only been one minute and we’re the only two people in this room.”
“Technicalities! Don’t you believe in love at first sight, Vegas? That heart-stopping moment when you realize you’ve found your soulmate?”
“I think that’s a surge of dopamine talking, a neurotransmitter in your brain……”
“Really?” Pete the thief got right up in Vegas’ face, “Are you going to tell me your dopawhat isn’t surging either?”
No answer.
“I hope you understand me nosing around your room, Vegas. I should know what I’m getting into to……”
“Um…..”
“Books, books everywhere. What are these books right by your bed? Are You Being Babygirl Enough? A Step-By-Step Guide To Reaching Your Full Potential. And here’s another one, Wearing Velvet in Sweltering Heat: How to Make Your Clothing Choices Sufficiently Confusing.” “And yet you’re only wearing shorts……” Pete then observed.
“I just got out of the shower! I…I didn’t know I was going to have company!”
“I’m not complaining. Nice nipples, by the way. Pink, yet manly. My nipples are a little darker. Do you wanna see them?"
“Yes……No! No, I don’t want to see your nipples……oh……”
The thief pulled his shirt up so Vegas could get a good look.
Pete’s nipples were darker.
Like ripe cherries.
Would they taste just as sweet?
Whoa!
Quick! Recite pi to the 100th digit, Vegas!
3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841971693993751058209749445923078164062862089986280348253421170679.
Whew……
“You’re making some funny faces, Vegas.”
“I am not. I’m reciting pi to the 100th digit in my head.”
“I didn’t know pi digits made people blush.”
“Pi is my favorite number. When I’m really stressed, I like to recite it to the 500th digit."
“And I’m not blushing.”
“Sure, I’ll pretend to believe you.” Pete laughed, “By the way, my favorite number is 69. That’s a nice number, don’t you think, Vegas?”
“Uh……why is 69 a nice number?”
Pete smirked: “Don’t worry Vegas, I’ll teach you why. I can teach you all kinds of things.”
“I’m not interested in a life of crime and magic, thank you very much.”
“It’s not crime I want to teach you, Vegas, it’s love. And the many, many ways you can express love.” Pete winked.
Huh? Vegas still didn’t get it. “You mean like greeting cards or writing sonnets? I’m not very good at writing poetry, but I actually like drawing……”
Groaning, Pete smacked his own forehead. “I see I have my work cut out for me. But don’t worry Vegas, I have the patience of a mother hen and the supple body of a male stripper.”
Vegas looked Pete’s body up and down before even realizing it. Pete did look rather lithesome, that was true.
“So, seeing anyone?” Pete enquired.
“I see my fellow students and my professors. Sometimes I talk to the clerk at my health food store.”
“Very exciting. No girlfriend?”
“No.”
“Boyfriend?”
“Nooo.” Man, Pete’s eyelashes looked really long and thick when he fluttered them like that.
“Do you want one?”
“Want one what?”
“A boyfriend, Vegas.”
“I think that might interfere with my carefully-laid plans and schemes?”
“Oooh, schemes? I love schemes! What kinda schemes do you have, Vegas?”
“I’ve got a PowerPoint presentation right here on my laptop. Do you want to see?”
“Sure, why not!”
A few second later---
“Wait a darn minute, Vegas! Why is your password iluv696969?!”
“It's nothing more but a random string of letters and numbers! Besides I change my passwords at least every three months, even though that advice is a bit outdated……because if you use two-factor authentication and a machine-generated password, your accounts should be adequately protected.”
“Alright, let’s ignore the fact that I don’t give a fudge about even three-factor authentic…kiting, and move on to your PowerPoint.”
“You’re ready for it?”
“Heart, soul, and bussy, Vegas.”
*
One very, veeery long hour later…
“These aren’t schemes, Vegas!! This is nothing but pure nerdiness! Sheer geek-vibes!!
“Oh.”
“You had a hundred slides on how to optimize study habits, CPU for gaming, and Node.js APIs! What you didn’t have plans for was defeating your archnemesis, strategies for causing wide-spread havoc just for funzies, or anything remotely scheme-like!!”
“Oh……” Somebody’s lips were trembling and eyes were getting watery.
“I’m sorry, Vegas, I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.” Pete’s hand ran up and down Vegas’ back in a comforting manner.
“It’s ok, I know…hic…I can be schoolteacherish sometimes.”
“I like you just the way you are, Vegas! Never change.”
“I like you too, Pete.”
“A confession so soon! I’ve still got it! Wanna make out?!”
“Ye……what are you doing with your hand?”
!!
“Just feeling out the goods! I am very confused about one thing though, Vegas. Why did you put a different picture of handcuffs on every slide?”
“They look cool?”
“Uh-huh……”
“Do you like handcuffs, Pete?”
“Haha, moving on! Envisioning our future together, I’m thinking that I put in a solid eight hours a day stealing to support us and the cats, and then I come home and have smexy-times with you for about eight hours! You’re young and you look like you’ve got excellent stamina. What do you think, Vegas?”
Vegas didn’t know what to think. Maybe enough blood wasn’t getting to his brain……
Wait a minute…math.
Simple math!
“If you work 8 hours a day and have smexy-times with me for 8 hours, that’s 16 hours. 24 hours minus 16 is 8 hours. Factor in at least 2 hours for personal hygiene and necessary chores, and you won’t get the needed amount of proper rest. An adult should get 7 or more hours of sleep per day, otherwise they’re at higher risk for diabetes, high blood pressure, strokes……ah, ah! Where are you touching? Stop it! Thank you. Lack of sleep has been linked heart disease too. And strokes. Wait, I already said strokes. Depression! You don’t want to get depressed, do you?”
That’s right, beautiful thief-man! Don’t forget Vegas knew how to do extremely basic addition and subtraction!
But Pete was pouting out that soft, kissable bottom lip. “I’m already depressed, Vegas.”
“You are?” Oh no.
“I need companionship, sweet times with my sweetie-pie, canoodling……”
“Do you have bunkbeds?” Vegas interrupted.
“Noooo, I don’t. But I’m open to it if that’s something you’re into……”
“Top bunk or bottom bunk?”
“I can be gentle on the top or bossy on the bottom. I can switch it up however you like, Vegas.”
“Thanks? But I’d prefer the top bunk.”
“Domineering! I like it.”
“Wait, no……I can’t……I can’t come with you, Pete. Academia needs me.”
“I need you, Vegas……and don’t worry, we can visit your family as much as you want.”
“I’m an orphan. No one has any solid intel on my mother, my father died in a not-so-tragic hippo attack, and the fanfic writer couldn’t figure out how to include Macau. So, yeah, I’m an orphan……”
“It’s called found-family Vegas, and now that I’m here, you’ve got it.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
“I don’t know, Pete. It’s all so sudden......”
“I’ll sweeten the pot……I’ve got an herb garden and an artfully decorated dungeon with chains, whips, convenient bolt cutters, you know, all that fun, exciting stuff! It also comes with skull candles, disturbing art, and a hedgehog!”
“You’ve got a hedgehog?! I’ve always wanted a hedgehog!! What’s its name?!”
“I’m afraid my prickly little hedgehog doesn’t have a name. It’s truly unfortunate…I’ve been stymied on what to christen him for so long. I need someone with a big, big……brain to name him for me.”
“Pete, I want to come with you, I really do……”
“Vegas, sometime life throws a spanner in the works, nothing works out like the way you thought it would, and it’s the best thing that ever happened to you……”
“Pete, I……what’s this red string connecting our little fingers?”
“I believe that’s called the red string of fate.” Smirk.
“Did you do this while I wasn’t paying attention?”
“Maybe I did. Maybe I didn’t. Maybe it’s always been there, Vegas, a red string connecting us no matter what life, what world we’re in. Think about it, in another life we must have made merit together, and now, no matter where we are, we’ll always be drawn back together.”
“That’s not very scientific……”
“No, it’s not. But I’ll say one last thing to convince you to run off with me. Ahem. If…if you come with me Vegas, I’ll let you do things to me I’ve never let anyone else do……”
“You’ll let me make you do push-ups with me?”
“Quite the sadistic streak you’ve got there, Vegas, but no……I’m talking about something more……intimate.”
Gulp.
“You wanna know what I’ll let you do to me?”
Vegas’ heart was going thump-thump!
“Yes, what?!”
“I’ll gently place my forehead against yours and let you tenderly cup the side of my face as you stroke my soft cheek with your thumb. How does that sound, hmmm, Vegas?”
Vegas.exe has stopped working.
*
And so Vegas, the conscientious college student, was stolen away in the night by a seductive thief from magic world.
But not without one last objection!!
“My textbooks! My classic sci-fi novels! My mind-enriching nonfiction books on technology, social theory, psychology, quantum phys……sssss……!”
Pete had stolen a kiss.
“Don’t worry my sweet summer child, I’ll definitely purloin you all books you want.”
Sweet summer child? Sweet summer child?!
But, but……Vegas was dark and gloomy. One teacher back in 5th grade had said so!
“I’m not summer! You’re summer!”
“Whatever you say, sugarplum. Now, let’s go live happily-ever-after!”
And they did.
Well, mostly.
Vegas ended up having to do all the cooking.
Cause Pyro-Pete only knew how to thieve and set fires!!!
Sob!