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Leo awoke with a cry, his body shooting upwards in a panic. He ignored the dull ache in his ribs as he thrashed away from his blanket, curling in on himself on a corner of his mattress.
It had been just about three weeks since the Krang invasion, and it was practically impossible to sleep anymore (as if he didn't already struggle with sleep before everything went to shit). The few hours of rest he had managed to get were fitful at best, and were filled with everything he wanted to forget; images of his family held hostage by the Krang, the sickening crack that filled the air as his body was beaten into the concrete, the knowledge that the prison dimension may very well be the last thing he'll ever know.
Leo wasn't sure when he had started crying, but his efforts to choke it down were failing miserably. He shook his head harshly, as if he could simply knock the thoughts out of his skull if he tried hard enough. Quiet sobs racked his body, tears falling down onto the sheet below him.
As he shook with the force of his crying, he could feel an all too familiar fuzzy feeling start to wash over him. On any other night, he would've tried his best to avoid it, but he was so damn tired that he didn't care.
A whimper escaped his lips as he curled further in on himself. He felt so small, and that scared him. After all, he was supposed to be the leader; big and strong, mature and responsible, ready for anything... And yet here he was, feeling like a little kid, sobbing over a nightmare.
Sure, his brothers might do the same thing to cope (and he'd never genuinely put them down for that), but the guilt still settled deep within his chest, making itself at home.
Leo was yanked from his thoughts as he heard shuffling from outside his room. His blood ran cold as the footsteps got louder, eyes wide with fear as a hulking shadow entered his field of view, inching closer. Tears blurred his vision, panic rising in his throat.
Oh god, they're back. The Krang are here. They've come to finish the job. I'm not ready, please, no, no, no no no-
He let out a sharp cry as he heard door to his room slide open, hunching in on himself with his eyes screwed shut.
"Leo? Are you okay?" Came a soft, familiar voice.
Raph.
Leo opened his eyes to find his big brother standing by the doorway, face filled with concern. He let out a shaky breath he didn't know he was holding in, a fresh wave of tears following suit.
A look of panic washed over Raph as he rushed over, quickly sitting down on the bed and pulling Leo into his arms. Leo simply held on for dear life, as if someone would take his brother away, burying his face near his neck as he cried whatever tears he had left. He could vaguely hear Raph talking, but it felt like his ears were stuffed with cotton. His tone was soothing, though, and that was enough for him.
After around five minutes, the tears slowed into loud sniffles and shaky breaths.
"There we go," Raph spoke softly, adjusting them so he could see Leo's face again, "Raph's gotcha, bud. You're safe with me."
He finally looked up at his older brother, feeling a fresh wave of guilt sink into his bones at the sight. Raph looked exhausted. They all did, of course, but this was different. Had he woken him up? Was he already having a rough night? If he was, did Leo just make it worse? Out of all the possibilities he could think of, absolutely none of them were good.
Leo looked down at his hands, picking at his cuticles as he tried to control his breathing. Nothing was going right tonight, and it was all because of him.
"Did you have a nightmare?" His brother asked, as if he didn't already know the answer. It was probably more for Leo's sake than anything else.
The slider nodded his head, trying his best to wipe the evidence of the tears from his eyes. Raph didn't reply, simply giving him a reassuring squeeze.
"'M sorry," Leo muttered, voice coming out much weaker than intended.
"Didn't mean t' make you worried. Or wake you up. Not s'posed to do that."
"Hey, hey, hey, we ain't doing any of that tonight," he scolded gently, "I was already awake. Couldn't sleep anyways. You don't gotta feel bad for this."
Leo went quiet again, going back to picking at his nails. Even with Raph's reassurance, he still felt like a bad kid for making him worry. He wiped at his eyes again, cringing at the tacky feeling of drying tears. Ew.
Raph must've noticed his reaction, nudging Leo to get his attention again.
"How 'bout we go get you cleaned up, hm? That can't feel nice." He said, gesturing at his face.
Leo looked at him and shrugged, sniffling and lowering his hands from his eyes.
Raph quickly stood up, waiting for his brother to join him, but Leo only moved to the edge of the bed, legs hanging off as he sat. Hoo boy. The idea of walking all the way to the bathroom didn't sound nice. Normally he'd have zero issue, but right now he just felt... Weird. His legs were shaky and his head felt fuzzier than it normally did when he regressed, which he was not used to.
Before he could even hype himself up enough to stand, however, Raph had already scooped him up, quickly leaving the subway car. He let out a small, content noise, more than happy to just rest his head on his shoulder as he was carried through the lair.
Soon enough, they reached the bathroom, and Leo was sat down on a stool next to the sink. It was there so Splinter could easily reach the faucet and mirror, but it was currently the only spot to sit, so whatever.
Raph grabbed a washcloth and ran it under some cool water, turning to face Leo. He reached out to wipe off his face, gently cleaning away the tears, which was met by a chirp of discomfort. Leo tried his best to sit still though, even if he did still end up wiggling around more than intended. Sitting still was just hard.
"There we go, that's better," Raph said with a smile, pulling away the cloth. "You did such a good job!"
Leo visibly puffed out at the praise with a small, yet genuine, smile. Raph was right, this was better. He reached up to feel his face, glad to find that the icky texture was gone.
He opened his mouth to ask something, but stopped himself before he got the chance. A feeling of guilt returned, although weaker this time around. Leo didn't want to be even more of a burden by asking him for anything else. His mouth closed again, and his proud posture had deflated just a bit.
If he thought it would fly by Raph, he was sorely mistaken.
"Hey, what did you wanna say?" He asked in a gentle tone. Leo was about to brush it off when he followed with, "- and don't say it was nothin', 'cause I know that look when I see it."
Leo huffed, staying quiet for a moment before finally answering Raph.
"Can we get, um.. somethin' to drink? Throat feels gross." He asked, voice awfully quiet, especially for Leo.
"Crap, of course! We should'a done that first. Sorry 'bout that."
Raph gave him yet another gentle smile, picking him up again. Leo sighed in relief, letting his head fall against him dramatically. Raph chuckled at that, the rumble of his voice a soothing feeling. Shortly after, he had started rubbing small circles onto his shell, drawing a happy sound out of the slider.
Really, Leo would've been fine to stay right here. He was safe and warm and comfortable, and his mind felt quiet for the first time in what felt like forever. Saying it was nice would've been an understatement.
Unfortunately, after what felt like no time at all, Leo was being set down yet again, this time on the kitchen counter. Normally, Mikey would've shooed him off, ranting about how they were making his counters gross, but now, he couldn't be stopped. Take that, Mikey!
Leo giggled to himself at the thought, Raph giving him a fond look before turning to the rest of the kitchen.
"So," he started, "whatcha in the mood for? Water? Juice? Soda's off limits though, it's too late for that."
"Can I have juice?" He asked, craning his neck to try and see what Raph was looking at in the fridge. It didn't work, seeing as Raph was so big he obscured the entire opening, but it was worth a shot.
"Apple or orange?"
"Ooo, orange." Leo said with a grin, kicking his feet from his perch atop the counter. His eyes drifted around the space, admiring the many strands of string lights illuminating the lair (courtesy of Mikey and April). They casted a warm, colorful glow on the abandoned subway floor, making it really feel like home.
Just as he started to space out, staring at the pretty lights, his attention was brought back by Raph, who handed him a juice box. The straw had already been poked through, and Leo barely had time to say thank you before he started chugging the juice as fast as the tiny straw would let him.
"Whoa, slow down there," Raph chuckled, carefully moving the juice box away to get Leo to take a breather. He whined at that, putting an arm out to try and reach it again. The drink was quickly moved back to him, but not before he reminded him yet again to drink slower. To be fair, Leo really did try and slow down, even if it was annoying.
Soon enough, he was finished, and he quickly tossed it across the room and into their trash bin. It just barely managed to land inside, but Leo raised his arms in a quiet cheer, a wide smile on his face. His celebration was interrupted, however, with a rather large yawn. He let his arms fall back down, one hand going to wipe at his eyes.
"Aw, is someone gettin' sleepy?" Raph practically cooed, a fond look on his face. Leo shook his head with vigor, only to be betrayed by yet another yawn. Curse you, bodily functions.
"'M not sleepy yet," He whined, throwing his head back to be extra dramatic. He knew he was tired, but he really didn't wanna go and sleep in his room again, and if he had to put up a fight to stop that from happening, then so be it.
Before he could do anything else though, Raph had scooped him up into his arms again, and Leo went quiet. It was like magic, really.
Raph had started moving out of the kitchen, although it didn't seem like he was walking anywhere in particular. He was simply pacing the lair, and had started rubbing the same small circles onto Leo's shell as he did earlier. The younger of the two sighed as he relaxed into the touch, focusing on his brother's steady breathing.
His eyes felt heavy, so tired that he barely noticed when his brother started walking back to Leo's room, only becoming aware when Raph had to duck his head to enter the doorway. Even in his sleepy state, anxiety ran through him at the thought of sleeping in here. Sure, the room itself didn't cause the nightmares, but being in this room meant that he would be alone, and alone was terrifying.
Leo's breathing sped up as his brother gently tried to set him down on the bed. He held on tight, making a panicked noise when Raph managed to pry his arms off.
"Hey, hey, it's alright, it's just time for bed, okay? You need to sleep." Raph tried to reason, frowning slightly when Leo shook his head.
"Don' wanna sleep!" he whined, although his tone sounded more scared than pouty.
"Why? Aren't you tired?" The red-clad turtle asked, sitting down next to him and wrapping an arm around his shoulders.
"It-- It's lonely, 'n I don't wanna be alone," Leo muttered, his voice shaking. "Alone is scary. Not safe t' be alone."
A look of understanding spread across Raph's tired face as he opened his arms for his brother again, who wasted no time in crawling back to his embrace. He held him close, rocking gently as the slider tried to calm his breathing. Leo felt bad for making such a big deal out of something as simple as just going to bed, but the anxiety was strong enough to cancel out the guilt. He figured that he could just apologize in the morning.
"How 'bout you come spend the night with me?" Raph asked, loosening his grip on Leo ever so slightly to give him some space to move if he wanted. Leo sniffled before nodding, resting his head on Raph's plastron. He shifted his arm so he could move a thumb to his mouth. Normally, he'd try his best to avoid doing that (especially around any of his brothers), but the feeling was comforting, so he didn't really care.
His big brother sighed, giving him another squeeze before he shifted to stand up. Instead of picking Leo up again, though, he kneeled down beside the bed, reaching a hand underneath. The slider tilted his head, leaning toward to try and see what he was looking for.
"Whatcha lookin' for?" He mumbled around his thumb, trying to maneuver himself to lean over the bed without hurting his ribs. His efforts were cut short, though, when Raph made a noise of triumph and pulled out a beat up shoebox, decorated with scribbles in too many colors and various stickers.
Leo's regression stuff. Why did he wanna look at that?
There wasn't a ton in the box in the first place, really. Some worn out colored pencils, a handful of little toy cars, a couple bracelets Mikey had made for him, but nothing that he could imagine would be good for going to bed.
That is, until Raph opened it and pulled out a blue pacifier in a little plastic case.
Oh.
He forgot he had that.
In all honesty, it was just because he barely used it. It's not that he didn't like it, but he rarely regressed young enough to feel like using it, and even then, it was just... Embarrassing to him. He felt weird whenever he tried using it (especially if his brothers were still awake), and would usually just abandon it in the shoebox. Raph was the only one to have actually seen him with it, and it was a total accident, so Leo was surprised his brother even remembered he had it in the first place.
Raph scooted closer, the pacifier removed from its case, and gently pulled Leo's hand away from his mouth.
"C'mon, your thumb ain't good for you. Let's just try this instead, okay?" He coaxed, replacing his thumb with the pacifier. Leo's face scrunched up as if he was about to protest, but he was too tired to fight over it. It brought the same comfort as before but didn't get his hand gross, so he just hung his head in defeat.
"There we go," Raph hummed, "That ain't so bad."
With that, he scooped Leo up again, holding him close as he made his way out of the subway car and through the lair. The rhythm of his steps was soothing, and he let himself enjoy a level of calmness that he hadn't felt since before the invasion.
Raph stepped inside his room, walking to his bed and gently moving a few of his teddy bears to make some extra room. He sat Leo down for a moment so he could take off the wraps that covered his arms and legs before settling down beside him.
"Alright, scooch over bud," He mumbled, laying on his back to the best of his ability when Leo moved to give him the space to do so. Leo just sat there, unsure of where he was gonna lay, before Raph patted his plastron expectantly. The slider wasted no time crawling up and settling himself down, curling up on top of his big brother like he did when they were kids. Raph pulled up his favorite fuzzy blanket, carefully covering the both of them the best he could. He lifted his arm to pat his brother's head, a tired smile spreading across his face. Leo was already fading fast, eyes struggling to stay open.
"Goodnight, Leo," He said with a fond sigh. "Love you, little guy."
"Love y' too," Leo mumbled back, barely audible around the pacifier, before peaceful sleep finally overtook him.