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“Well, I’ll give you points for creativity. Not sure how many people have ever managed to injure themselves playing charades.”
They were in the post-psync medical evaluation room and Date was tugging off his gloves to rummage through the cabinet. As he sat down on the exam table at Date’s prompting, Ryuki felt incredibly silly. The way Date had grinned and patted the spot at the end of the table did nothing to lessen his embarrassment.
“I’m not sure I can take credit, Mizuki was the one with the triangular ruler…”
“Ha, fair.” Date chuckled and undid the clasps on a metal first aid kit. “Jabbing that thing at your chest was a pretty straightforward way to get someone to guess ‘love triangle’, though.”
“I mean – it wasn’t that hard of a word, she didn’t have to stab me!” Date held back another small laugh. Ryuki’s word choice was only a little over dramatic. After quickly conveying the shape of a triangle, Mizuki spent the rest of her allotted time frantically gesturing at various members of the office before grabbing the item off of Boss’s floor and ‘poking’ Ryuki with it.
He had insisted it was fine and that it really didn’t hurt that much, but was visibly taken aback when Boss pointed out the red stain appearing on his sweater. That was enough for him to accept Date’s offer to patch him up.
“You’re lucky she just broke skin and not, I don’t know, three of your ribs.”
“Ha, you’re right, Mr. Date. It doesn’t hurt that badly, though. If it wasn’t for the blood I wouldn’t, um, think much of it.”
“Ryuki, she’s the strongest person at ABIS. It’s not embarrassing to get hurt by her.”
“I’m not – I know it isn’t.” How had he known that was what he was thinking? Ryuki hadn’t even realized that his pride was the motivation for his half hearted defense.
“Just making sure.” Date flashed a smile before turning to wet a washcloth in the sink. “Go ahead and take off your shirt then.”
Right. Date’s ability to push past Ryuki’s nervous demeanor meant he knew how to flip things around and fluster him.
“Take off..?”
The suggestive tone that undercut most of Date’s speech always sent him searching for platonic explanations long after a conversation ended. He…he knew he was doing that, right? He had to realize that Ryuki’s innocent questions, his praise, his admiration, while genuine, was an easy way to deflect innuendos, didn’t he?
Date scoffed at whatever face he’d made. “Don’t look scared. It’s not like I’m asking you to strip for fun.” Obviously he can tell how I feel about him, Ryuki reminded himself. He’s like this with everyone, he’s just being nice by not treating me differently. “I just cut around it last time, but this isn’t nearly as serious, so I thought I’d spare your shirt.”
“Last time?”
“Yeah, when you got shot during –” Ryuki tilted his head while shrugging off his jacket, watching Date furrow his brow and stare at the bandages. “Can’t remember when it was, actually.”
In the months after the HB case, more and more memories that couldn’t be tied to real events cropped up between them. They were past trying to negotiate exactly what recollections of things that never happened meant in the big picture. After the first few confused instances, they agreed there was no point in drawing a hard line on when or why they had happened.
“Thanks for taking care of me that time too, then.”
It was normal now, to let mundane bits of information from other times filter in to their conversations, and Ryuki couldn’t help but enjoy it. To be able to pluck small pieces of knowledge about Date from nowhere while washing dishes or thumbing through a case file gave him a warm feeling in his chest.
I wish I remembered.
“If my cute subordinate needs me, I’ll always be there.” Ryuki was very grateful for the way his sweater was covering his face, pausing with his arms over his head briefly before pulling it off. “That’s what I said back then too, you know.”
And… and then he did know. As soon as the words came out of Date’s mouth, they echoed back three fold. Ryuki told himself again and again that he shouldn’t read too much into it, but this connection was so comforting.
Holding up a pair of scissors, Date snipped the air twice playfully. “I guess I could just cut around this one too, since it’s pretty stained already.”
“No – um, that’s okay, I’ll try to wash it out.” Before he could lose his nerve, Ryuki undid his tie and unbuttoned the top of his shirt.
It wasn’t as if Date hadn’t seen him shirtless before. Afraid of seeming over-eager, he elected not to remove it entirely, shrugging off the stained shoulder just enough to give clean access. Seeing the cut, he was embarrassed again by how minor it seemed. But Date was in front of him, poised to start cleaning him up, and meeting his eyes to ask for permission. Ryuki nodded, but Date didn’t move right away, keeping eye contact until –
Ryuki hissed when the damp cloth touched his skin.
“Sorry, figured it stings more if you know it’s coming.”
“I guess,” he grumbled, more displeased with his own reaction than anything Date had done. He kept his gaze off to the side while Date dabbed the small wound.
This was… definitely more care than was needed, for something so small, but Ryuki wasn’t going to complain. Feeling one hand on his shoulder and the other pressing gently against his skin through the washcloth, it was easy to let go of his anxieties over seeming weak, or needy, or whatever.
Ever since the stadium incident, Date was much more insistent about taking care of him like this. It was easy to pretend that there were other reasons for him to look out for him so much, to be mindful of pressing too hard while he wiped the blood away. Ryuki saw no harm in indulging those thoughts now and then. He shifted his eyes back to watch Date swap out the cloth for gauze.
“See, it’s not deep at all.” Sure enough, now that the puncture was clean, it was clearly surface level, its severity exaggerated by how much he’d bled. Date didn’t back off at the realization, applying light pressure to the gauze and holding it there.
“You’re good at everything, aren’t you, Mr. Date?”
When he looked up and saw that Ryuki’s smile wasn’t entirely sincere, Date huffed a laugh. “C’mon, you know that’s not true.”
“What’re you bad at?”
“Well,” Date took a moment to think, “Baking, turning in paperwork on time, and comedy, if you ask Mizuki.” When Ryuki chuckled, he offered, “I could go on.” Ryuki would’ve been happy to listen to him do so, sitting there with their knees almost touching, resisting the urge to lift his hands from where they rested at his sides.
He squeezed the edge of the table. “I meant important things.”
Date protested, “Baking’s important,” and earned an eye roll. After a feigned hum of consideration, he gave in, “No, you’re right, I’m pretty great.”
Ryuki couldn’t keep a smile from his face. “You are.” He should be more nervous, feel uncertain with Date’s hands on him, but his initial embarrassment had completely faded. The warm, comforting sense of being vulnerable but safe had settled in its place, as it often did when they were alone.
When he pulled back to check the gauze, Date frowned. “Damn. You’re still bleeding a little.”
“Sorry.”
“Don’t be. I’ll let you take over holding the gauze though.” Ryuki took the fresh piece he offered and applied pressure again.
Date leaned against the counter and made a couple light-hearted remarks about the very real-world consequences of not being able to nail the bake of a pie. They went back and forth like that for a bit, Ryuki admitting that he’d never made anything more complex than store bought cookie dough and Date offering (threatening?) to try and bake a cheesecake for him sometime. After a few minutes, Ryuki checked the cut again.
“How’s it looking?” Ryuki smiled and showed him the clean gauze. “Great, bondage time,” Date declared casually, turning to pick out an item from the first aid kit.
“W-what?”
“If the bleeding’s stopped, I can go ahead and finish patching you up.” Date looked towards him and held up a bandage between two fingers. Barely holding back a smirk, he asked, “What did you think I said, Ryuki?”
It took every bit of Ryuki’s willpower not to bury his face in his hands. That would be an instant admission of guilt. Not that Date seemed to have any trouble figuring out where his mind had gone. Or, had — had he done that on purpose?
With mock surprise, Date grinned and raised his eyebrows. “You weren’t thinking of doing something that would slow down the healing process, were you?”
“No – no, I wasn’t, you were just, you were a little quiet.”
“Right,” Date stepped back over, cursing when the band aid got stuck on his fingers more than twice before he could successfully apply it. “Just make sure to leave it alone for a couple days, it isn’t nearly bad enough to scar as long as you don’t mess with it.”
“Of course, thanks.”
Ryuki stood and picked up his sweater, debating whether to put it back on or just accept the loss and trash it now. It wasn’t like he had only one of them, or even only ten, so it wasn’t a big deal.
“Ryuki, can I…” He looked at Date as soon as he spoke and was surprised to find him not quite meeting his gaze. “Your back. Can I see it?”
Searching Date’s expression gave him no insight to why he was asking this now, so Ryuki just nodded, turning to set the sweater back down and undoing the remaining buttons on his shirt. It wasn’t the question that surprised him, but the shift in Date’s tone.
He elected to stay facing away from him while he fully removed his shirt. There was a sharp intake of breath and then silence for a few moments longer than Ryuki was comfortable with.
Yes, he had been avoiding this.
Taking his shirt off around Date wasn’t a common enough occurrence to necessitate dodging (though he wished it was), but Ryuki had taken care not to mention any of his follow up appointments or physical therapy since the end of the case. And Date hadn’t asked, seemingly content to redirect his concern towards minor scrapes Ryuki got during investigations or office get-togethers like he had today.
Shaken from his thoughts, Ryuki suppressed the urge to jump when two fingers touched lightly on the top edge of the scar, not moving until the tension left his shoulders. Once he relaxed, Date slowly dragged his fingers down, tracing the line of raised skin where stitches had been, touch uncharacteristically tender.
“I’d do it for you too, you know.”
Ryuki could barely swallow. The sincerity in Date’s voice was dizzying, pushing every rational thought out of his mind in an instant. What did that mean? What could that mean, other than –
Biting back the instinct to argue, to insist that Date should absolutely not sacrifice himself in any circumstance, especially for someone like him, Ryuki instead did his best to hold on to this feeling of being cared for. If this was how Date felt, Ryuki respected him enough to listen.
“I mean, it pissed me off, it was a completely stupid thing for you to do. I still wish you hadn’t done it, but…” After lifting his fingers from his skin for a moment, Date pressed his palm flat against Ryuki’s back, just big enough to envelop the scar entirely. Ryuki futilely begged his heartbeat to slow down and be even a little less obvious from Date’s perspective. “But I’ve thought about it a lot. I think I understand a bit more now.”
Sighing, he admitted, “I don’t know what I’m trying to say.”
“That’s okay,” Ryuki spoke quickly. Then tell me what you’re thinking, he wanted to say, please, keep talking.
“Ha, I’m not so sure about that. But thanks for saying so.” What could Date be trying to articulate that could make him so hesitant?
“I mean it,” Ryuki pressed on, emboldened by not having to look at him. “I understand if, if you’re still mad. But I–I had to do it, if I hadn’t done anything, I couldn’t…”
If Date wasn’t going to say the darkest parts out loud, Ryuki wouldn’t either, just hoping that Date could accept that he didn’t regret his choice.
“I know. I know why you did it.” Date’s hand slid up to his shoulder and gave a soft squeeze. “And I’m not mad at you.”
Ryuki could have sworn that he sounded closer and was halfway to convincing himself he was imagining things when Date kissed the top of his head. He didn’t dare to move for a few moments until the sense of surprise finally took hold and he spun around, forfeiting his staring contest with the wall.
Date was hastily closing the first aid kit and shoving it back into the cabinet, talking as he went.
“Sorry, you can get dressed. Or – you probably want a fresh shirt, right? Do you have a change of clothes at your desk?” Ryuki shook his head and opened his mouth to say ‘no’, but Date didn’t give him the chance. “And don’t say you’re just gonna head home now. I’m not going back in there to try and beat Boss and Mizuki’s team by myself.”
“Um,” holding the stained shirt to his chest and willing his face to not go completely red, Ryuki couldn’t get a word out before Date was opening the door.
“Wait here, okay? I’ll grab you something.”
He sat back down on the table, blinking at the space where Date had just stood until the tingling feeling in his limbs snapped him back to reality.
What?! What was that?
Burying his face in the shirt, Ryuki groaned and forced himself to breathe. It… that… that hadn’t been his imagination. For all the time he’d spent picturing how Date might react to his scar, none of his fantasies had been so… tender. Even when he wasn’t projecting his insecurities onto Date in those imagined scenarios, even when he allowed himself to picture the other man being quiet and reassuring, he had thought there would be a hostile undertone to his words.
If he hadn’t heard exactly how sincere Date had been, or seen how his cheeks were red when he left the room, Ryuki might have tried to write it off as wishful misinterpretation on his part.
Those things had been so undeniably cute that his usual self-deprecating routine (reminding himself of how amazing Date was, of all the times that he failed to live up to expectations, of how he’d let everyone down) barely dented his good mood. It could have been platonic. It – well, it probably had been.
But Ryuki was more than fine with that, happy to take whatever affection Date showed him, regardless of the motivation. He was grateful to have the chance to be around him at all, and if Date enjoyed it too, Ryuki was sure he could be content with just being friends. Especially if ‘being friends’ could mean edging back towards being casually intimate like this, like they had been before… before…
The door opened to reveal a more composed Date (Ryuki was positive his own face was more flushed at this point). “Here, this should fit okay.” Gently tossing the dark t-shirt in his hands, he smiled when Ryuki set his stained clothes down quickly enough to catch it.
“You get changed, I’ll head back.”
“Okay.” In an instant, he was alone again. Ryuki held up the shirt, expecting to see the ABIS logo, figuring that Date must’ve grabbed it from the pitiful pile of “uniform” clothes that hadn’t been touched since they were delivered by HQ. But it was just a plain, black shirt. Pulling it over his head, Ryuki felt his cheeks going red again.
It smells like him…
No, no, no. He was not going to sit in here with an idiotic smile on his face and feeling downright giggly because he was wearing Date’s shirt. Absolutely not. There would be plenty of time to overthink this when Date and the others weren’t waiting for him. After a few deep breaths, he moved to the door and resolved not to think about their conversation or the shirt he was wearing until he was home with Tama. For now, he headed back to Boss’s office.
“See, there he is, not abandoning us.” Date turned to beckon him towards the group. “He almost didn’t make it. You guys should forfeit as an show of remorse.”
“You wish, old man. He looks perfectly fine.” Mizuki had her hand in the prompt bowl again and jabbed a finger towards him to make her point. Ryuki tried not to be intimidated.
“Only because I’m such a good nurse, right Ryuki?”
“Right!” He smiled, leaning into the arm thrown over his shoulder for a moment before taking his own seat. “Mr. Date is a great nurse.” Ryuki missed the look Mizuki shot at Date, far too absorbed in the warmth lingering on his shoulders.
“If you make me throw up we win by default.”
Leaning in the doorway, Date only startled him a little when he spoke. “You still feeling okay?”
“Oh, yes, I was just grabbing my clothes, but…” Looking back at the stained items in his hands, he sighed, “I should probably just throw them away.”
“Probably,” he stepped into the room to watch Ryuki stuff all three of his layers into the small trash bin. They both chuckled at the result. Boss and Mizuki’s team had won, of course. In the beat of silence that followed, Ryuki felt the awkwardness of their last interaction in this room creep back in.
“Thank you for, um, for the shirt. I’ll wash it and bring it back tomorrow.”
“Really, don’t worry about it.”
Ryuki was worrying about it. Not enough to keep him from considering how easy it would be to fall asleep wearing it, especially if he was planning to wash it, there wasn’t any harm in –
“Ryuki.” He blinked. “Stop thinking.”
“Sorry, sorry, you know how I am,” he scratched the back of his head to redirect the excited energy that Date’s smile gave him. “Did you forget something, Mr. Date?”
“What? Oh, uh, no,” Date looked towards the door momentarily. “I just wanted to talk.”
His stomach dropped – was there any other phrase that made him this nervous? Had Date noticed how happy he’d been through the rest of charades? Was he worried Ryuki had taken his affection too seriously? Or was he finally taking enough pity on him to shoot his feelings down?
“Okay.” The word felt heavy in his mouth as he forced himself to maintain eye contact.
“About before, I – ugh.” Date rubbed his neck and sighed. So it was about that. “Look, I didn’t mean to come across like I was upset. I forgave you a long time ago, just – I’m no good at this stuff.”
“It’s fine, you don’t have to explain.” Cutting him off, Ryuki fell back on well-rehearsed reassurances and fixed his gaze on a spot on the floor. He knew how this worked, he knew he was only setting himself up for disappointment by hoping. “I’m glad you aren’t upset with me anymore, but… I – I know you’re just being friendly, I’m not reading into it, or anything. I wouldn’t think you meant it romantically, or any other way, really.”
God, had any part of that been convincing?
“Ryuki.” He wasn’t strong enough to keep staring at the floor when Date said his name. Looking up, his eyes widened at the sight of Date taking a step towards him.
“I did mean it… like that.”
Oh.
The pieces were clicking together fast, almost overwhelming him with a mix of disbelief and relief. Five different sentences started and stopped, no more than half of a word getting out of his mouth each time before their associated train of thought was abruptly cut off. Date didn’t laugh at his stammering, giving a tentative smile.
“Just tell me you won’t do something like that again, okay?”
He would have promised anything to keep Date this close – talking only to him, expression soft, speaking with his usual lighthearted air. But when Ryuki met his gaze, barely a foot away now, he could see it, just beneath the surface. Concern.
How long had he been looking at him like that, and how had Ryuki not seen it earlier? He’d noticed the worry in Date’s voice when he scolded him for his carelessness in chasing leads, after he sheepishly explained how he’d gotten bruises outside of work, or when they’d first seen each other after Ryuki left the hospital, but… There was a pang in his chest as he recalled Date’s words from earlier.
I know why you did it.
It had been more of a confession than an accusation. He hadn’t thought about Date’s feelings at all, too convinced that he would be deluding himself by even considering that his feelings could be requited. All at once, the way he would have felt if Date took a bullet for him, if he knew Date had spent way too much of his life feeling guilty for him getting hurt – If Date felt even a fraction of the regret Ryuki had been grappling with on his own... Equal parts guilt and happiness swelled in him as he threw himself forward to hug Date.
He could have started crying, and might have, if he didn’t force himself to speak, “I won’t.” As soon as he did, Date wrapped an arm around him, letting out a breath that Ryuki could feel with their chests pressed together.
Date pulled back, resting a hand on his arm, “Sorry to spring this on you like that.” He must have known that he didn’t need to apologize, but Ryuki still appreciated it.
“That’s okay.”
He felt vaguely fuzzy all over, idly fidgeting with the buttons on the front of Date’s coat instead of meeting his gaze. Being able to do that without spending at least ten minutes second guessing himself had him smiling. This feeling wasn’t all pleasant, a healthy dose of nervousness and doubt blending with excitement, but he could deal with that.
Lifting his hand, Date tugged the v-neck collar of his borrowed shirt down a bit to look at the bandage.
“Feeling okay?” He was smirking when he glanced back up, clearly not missing the way Ryuki had gone a bit red.
“I’m fine, it’s barely even sore.” He spoke quietly, suddenly self-conscious. I had my shirt off earlier and it wasn’t a big deal, so why…? Date hummed his approval, drawing Ryuki’s eyes to his mouth.
Part of him still didn’t believe this was happening, but he pushed it down, leaning in eagerly to meet him halfway.
Those first few kisses were quick, and soft, and easy. Ryuki would have been happy to stay just like that, with Date cupping his face and keeping a hand pressed to the small of his back. As with most things, he felt guilty for being so happy, fighting the urge to question this. He should focus on enjoying the moment. Date didn’t do things he didn’t want to, after all, which meant – which could only mean –
Smiling against Date’s mouth, he wrapped his arms around his neck.
Taking his enthusiasm as a cue, Date tilted his head to deepen the kiss, easily pushing his tongue past Ryuki’s parted lips. Date was clearly more experienced, but Ryuki did his best to keep pace, hoping it wasn’t too noticeable when he stiffened at the new feeling of their tongues moving together.
Even though he was definitely thinking too much about how he should be reacting, or reciprocating, it was easy to settle into a rhythm after a minute or two. It would be impossible for him to pin down how long they stayed like that, parting to breathe only briefly between kisses.
Ryuki unwittingly broke away a bit longer to catch his breath when Date moved to kiss from the corner of his mouth, across his jaw, and down his neck.
“Maybe you need another exam,” Date nearly purred. The feeling of hot breath on his ear made Ryuki shiver and made Date’s statement even less comprehensible.
“What?”
Had he misheard him? Sure, his head was swimming with excitement, but even after taking a moment to think, he didn’t have the slightest idea what Date was talking about.
“You know, to make sure you’re healing properly.” When Ryuki didn’t seem to catch on, blinking at him when he pulled back from his neck, Date sighed, “Just sit on the table, okay?”
“Oh, right,” he chuckled and reached back to steady himself on the table before sitting down, smiling more at the way Date was pouting. “Sorry, sorry.”
“‘s okay.” That trademark smirk was on his face again as he guided Ryuki back with his hands on his hips. Undeterred, he leaned in again, “I’ll just have to be more thorough at your next checkup.”
Ryuki couldn’t help laughing again between kisses, giving a noncommittal, “Of course.”
On one hand, the continued odd innuendos weren’t doing anything for him. On the other, he really didn’t care how embarrassing anyone else might’ve found Date’s commentary when Ryuki was the one who had him standing between his legs, picking up where they had left off, sliding a hand under his shirt to play at his waist.
And Ryuki had to admit that he found Date’s ability to keep up those remarks with zero positive feedback somewhat charming. He was sincere, in his own way. Maybe he could play along with the doctor thing another time.
Right now he was focused on the warmth of Date’s hand on his waist, remembering his gentle touch on his back from earlier. The thought of skin to skin contact had him fumbling blindly to undo the buttons on his coat, reminding himself to breathe when Date pulled back, shrugged it off, and laid it over the back of the table.
Loosely locking his ankles behind Date’s knees, Ryuki took the chance to really look at him, promising himself that he wouldn’t forget just how warm Date looked – his expression fond and cheeks red. Each development had him wishing again – to stay like this, to keep kissing him, to have as little space between them as possible. If they kept this up much longer, though, he wasn’t sure he could maintain what little of his composure remained.
He’d given up on staying quiet a few minutes ago, stressing less about biting back sounds when Date sucked or bit at his lips and neck, but their casual pace kept his head above water just enough to keep considering the realistic constraints of their situation.
But – but no one else was here, so, if they kept going like this, if Date pressed flush against him like he wanted, maybe he’d ask him to take off his shirt like he had earlier, maybe –
“Aiba and I are leaving without you!”
Ryuki stopped moving entirely, hands freezing on Date’s chest and ears prickling as he tried to hear Mizuki in the hall. She didn’t seem to be getting any closer, but her voice was enough to shatter his ideas about taking things further.
Sighing against his mouth, Date kept a hand on the back of his head. “They can get home just fine without me.”
“No – it, it’s okay, Mr. Date. You should go.”
“Are you sure?”
He nodded too fast, keenly aware of the fact that his face was probably completely red. “Besides, we’re at work still…”
After regarding him for a moment, Date murmured, “Cute,” and bent down for a kiss that was just long enough to have Ryuki leaning in when he pulled away. “Want to head out together?”
“No, I think I should, um, calm down a little.” He was absolutely not going to face Mizuki right now. Date might be shameless about this sort of thing, but the thought of trying to endure his teasing in front of her was enough to convince him to hang back.
“Right,” he gave an affectionate ruffle of Ryuki’s already messy hair before putting his coat back on. After fastening the buttons, he tugged on each sleeve for good measure and looked back at him. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”
Some part of him wanted to say no, wanted to cling to him just to prove that he could. But it would be fine to wait. Date would still be here tomorrow. He would be here tomorrow. “Yeah. I’ll see you then.”
It would take a long time to iron out those anxieties, to feel completely at ease when Date disappeared through a doorway, to ignore the urge to spend every second together, but… maybe he would get there. Even if he couldn’t, even if he had to fight those feelings forever, Date didn’t hate him for it. Ryuki took a deep breath, clenched his fists, and stood up.
“Tama?”
“Yep, all real.”
“Wow um — okay, I don’t even… thanks.” Her giggling told him that she hadn’t shut herself off, instead exercising a surprising amount self control and leaving him to experience the past hour on his own.
“Need me to take your blood pressure before we leave?”
“I don’t think that’s –” Tama laughed again, launching into a series of increasingly extreme innuendos as he buried his face in his hands and tried to calm his breathing. “Let’s just go home.”