Work Text:
Perhaps I should tell the truth to my people. My name is not Olaf Scholz. That was a pseudonym I adopted in 1998.
My legal name, as some of my closer compatriots know, is Olaf Jeremiasz Kasner.
Are you expecting me to say "I have no relation to Angela Merkel"?
Sometimes I wish that was true.
Angela Dorothea Merkel is my mother. I was born in 1977 to her. I was the result of a fling with a man who fled the GDR when she was 3 months pregnant. Consequently, my middle name is his first name, which is the only reason I know it. I have no idea what his last name was. I was reluctantly given her last name by the Soviets after a long search for him. All else I know about him is he was a Polish Jew who was some form of neurodivergent. All 3 traits seem to have transferred to me.
She would marry her first husband, Ulrich Merkel shortly after I was born. He was never very fond of me. He found me to be a reminder of the part of his wife he did not love, which turned out to be most of her. He hit me very hard one day when I was about 5 when he thought Angela wasn't looking, and that was the end of that marriage. Angela never quite let me out of her sight after that.
I wasn't the best child growing up. Maybe part of it was I was growing up in a world that did not allow for autism. Angela had no tools given to her to handle my poor social development, which I fear may have remained stunted to this day. Despite this, she loved me unconditionally, and thankfully, I managed to mature into a mostly quiet teenager, except for my abhorrent grades at times. I was having a difficult time in the chaotic world of the post GDR and my grades reflected the frustration I felt. Angela pushed me to achieve despite it, and eventually in my older teenaged years my grades picked up enough for me to have a chance.
The hardship of being a single mother is not lost on me. I am not angry at her for pushing me. She had seen immense suffering in that place, and she did everything she could to shield me from it. I don't think she ever forgave herself for what Ulrich did to me. I don't really remember what happened personally, only that I was bleeding a lot and I was in the hospital, but I do not tell her this, as my lack of memory will never rectify her very vivid memory.
Eventually, when I was 21, I wanted to be in the politics world with her. She had taken to me to cheer at the Berlin Wall's falling when I was 12, which sparked my curiosity in the field, and she would occasionally take me to work with her when she was Minister during times when I was better behaved. A lot of people still saw her as Ms. Kasner, so she had me adopted my current pseudonym. Scholz was the last name of a mathematical historian she particularly enjoyed in her youth: Erhard Scholz.
At the time, I was very distraught. I loved my mother a lot, and admittedly, she was the only real close friend I had for my entire life up until that point. Why would I distance myself from someone I adored so much?
She told me something that stuck with me for a while. She said something that amounted to "All your life you have let me speak for you. But it's time for you to have your own voice. I don't want you to be 'Angela Merkel's son' You don't deserve that. You are so smart, distinguished, and beautiful you deserve to be known as Olaf, whole and complete."
So that's who I became. Olaf Scholz, born in Osnabrück, son of nobody. And people believed it.
Angela married Joachim Sauer later that year, but she didn't take his last name, mostly because I think she felt it would seem like she was divorcing from me further.
I'm fine with Joachim, I really am. We're about as close as an adult child can be with their new stepfather. He's a smart, successful man and he loves her and makes her happy. Angela told me not to try and put him in the eyes of the media. I hope this doesn't breach that. He doesn't know all too much about me, but we keep in touch and he has yet to hit me or abandon Angela, so he's better than any of her other partners that I know of. I don't mind my stepsiblings either. You can't really judge someone who's in the exact same situation as you. We don't talk, but that's fine with me. We don't need to.
Funnily enough, the limited media coverage on their wedding called me the "sole political guest." And that's who I was for 24 years. The strange man from Hamburg she loved too much.
Angela always tried to shelter me and keep me in her government, despite her promises. Eventually, when I resigned by mandate, she begrudgingly allowed me to return to Hamburg, where she was born and where I stayed mayor for 7 years. Even then, she would do everything in her power to keep me under her wing.
In 2018, we discussed coalition agreements. Conveniently, that year marked the 20th year of being Scholz instead of Kasner. Angela and I ended up discussing whether or not now was the time to reveal, and while I think she would've loved to tell everyone I was her child...her fears lingered. Her career was ending, which is why she considered it, but when she heard my enthusiasm, she realized she couldn't lop off my career just yet. We said a lot of things that I thought of recently, and made me realize now is the time.
I snuggled up to her and she aggressively silenced criticism from inside and out while dragging me everywhere she could. She knew her body was failing her. She knew soon she would be too weak to protect me, and it terrified her. So she armed me with every tool she had in her toolbox to keep me safe.
She didn't want to let me loose in 2021. I got into a huge fight with her in December over a number of things. I said some things I deeply regret to her, and she finally resigned and let me become Chancellor. Joachim told me she sobbed for days afterwards, and even though we have well made up, I will never forgive myself for what I did.
So now we're here. This is probably the part of the essay you wanted to read. Well, I may be a huge liar, but I'm not a hypocrite.
I used to be very angry with Angela. I'll admit. I used to blame her for everything. But, I think I understand now.
No amount of schooling, even schooling at her level, where she learned such complex math and topics and very much earned her doctorate, could save her from the biases hidden deep within her psyche, in the parts of her that she was born with and handed. Just like she couldn't control the urges to keep me under her watch, or the shore up and keep us secure, she couldn't control her fears of the people who oppressed her. She couldn't stand up to the Russians - she had no idea what that looked like, and it was too late to see.
Of course it was still wrong of her to cower. I'm not saying it was okay. But I'm not angry at her anymore. How could I be? She worked her ass off to take care of a child with behavior issues while getting a doctorate under an oppressive government, all while having no partner to support her. I owe my life to her. Besides, it's not like I was the number 1 Ukraine defender. I was pretty awful and pacified when this war started.
I have exited her shield, but that's okay. I'm not afraid anymore. The CDU and Poland can say whatever they want about me. The only Polish CDU member that matters to me is with me. I have my friends. They can spread rumors about Britta, Annalena, and Robert, but at the end of the day they are my wife and my friends. They already know about everything. Britta, moreso, considering Britta couldn't take my last name when we were wed because of the issues with Scholz not being my legal last name.
I wonder still how the press believed my tales. There were many holes and gaps they brushed on past, like when I recounted my brothers. Jens Scholz, named after the Prime Minister of Norway at the time who I particularly liked, and Ingo Scholz, who I just thought would be funny to imagine. A man named Ingo. They went to universities that were closed, and worked jobs that didn't exist. There were no records of me in Osnabrück, ever. Only Hamburg had evidence there was an Olaf Scholz, who appeared out of nowhere and whose history was lost to a "computer error."
For the record, I was born in Leipzig. I am an only child. I was born on the 14th of June of 1977 in Leipzig University Hospital, as Angela went into labor while in class and was transferred there. You investigative journalists can start there.
Soon, I think, when things cool down, I will return home to shield Angela. I do not know. My fate awaits me when I publish this.