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It's been a full day since Will opened the door to Jonathan's room to find Argyle and Jonathan sitting on the floor, leaning against Jonathan's bed, making out like the world was ending again and this was their last chance. Will had immediately backed out of the room and shut the door behind him. He knew Jonathan and Argyle sometimes did weird stuff when they were high (and he had definitely smelled weed in Jonathan's room just now), but this hadn't even crossed his mind.
Will walked back to his own room, thinking hard. He would definitely need to talk to Jonathan about this, but not now. There were uncomfortable, squirming feelings in his gut that he needed to identify before that conversation. Not to mention he had no desire to go back in there or interrupt them, especially since he was pretty sure that they hadn't even noticed him.
Now, Will's ready to talk. He thinks he's identified most of the feelings churning in him and right now, he wants answers. He walks into Jonathan's room and immediately confronts him.
"Are you dating Argyle?" he demands.
Jonathan's trying to focus on his English essay, so he just glances at Will before turning back to the desk. "What? No, of course not."
"So it's what. Just sex?" Will says, crossing his arms.
That gets Jonathan's attention. His head whips up and he's properly engaged in the conversation now. "Argyle's my friend, Will. You know that."
Will softens a little, but his arms are still crossed. "You don't have to lie to me. I saw you two in here yesterday. And that was definitely not 'friend' stuff."
Jonathan swallows, thinking back on yesterday – the slow warmth from the high, the grounding, hazy pleasure of lips and tongue and stroking his fingers through Argyle's hair. He suddenly feels like his tongue is too big for his mouth. "You uh- You saw us?"
Will walks over to stand next to Jonathan's desk, picking up on Jonathan's nerves and realizing that he's coming on too strong. "Yeah, I saw you. It was uh- just kissing. Nothing more, in case, uh, there was-"
"No, nothing more," Jonathan quickly cuts him off. "Just kissing. That's all we did." He clears his throat and then pushes down his panic to focus on Will. He'll be okay, but Will – Jonathan looks him over – Will still looks upset. He looks hurt, which Jonathan doesn't understand. He knows that if he asks directly Will will clam up. "So?" Jonathan nudges gently instead.
"So I guess I don't get it."
"Get what?"
"I don't get why you didn't tell me," he says, visibly deflating.
Jonathan's still confused though. "You don't get why I didn't tell you that sometimes Argyle and I kiss when we're high?"
"No!" Will looks at him and his eyes are big and innocent, and Jonathan thinks back to when he was 9, and Lonnie had left, not permanently but for the night, leaving Jonathan in charge of his 5-year-old brother. Jonathan had panicked a little, because he was just a kid too and how was he supposed to know what to do with Will? And then Will's big eyes had looked up at him and Jonathan's resolve hardened. Because maybe he wasn't sure what to do, but he could figure it out. He had to take care of his little brother. It's the same eyes now, looking down at him. "I don't get why you didn't tell me. That you're- That you like boys, too," Will says softly.
Instantly, Jonathan's panic is back. “What do you- I mean I don't...”
Will’s expression flips. Now he's leveling Jonathan with a flat look – unimpressed instead of hurt. “Seriously Jonathan? I caught you making out with Argyle yesterday. You don't have to lie about it,” he says and his eyes shift away for a second. “Especially to me.”
Jonathan's barely listening though. His chest feels tight and his ears aren't ringing but it feels like they should be.
He and Argyle hadn't really talked about it – it had just happened. They were stoned and Argyle was asking about how sex felt and how kissing felt and how making out felt. Jonathan, high and unable to explain with words, had thought that showing him was the best and most logical answer. Which had ended with them making out in the back of Argyle’s van.
Then when Jonathan had tried to talk about it, Argyle had refused to let it be weird. They were friends. The miracle of purple palm tree delight made inventors of us all. People were made to experience and share pleasure and you can't let society take that away from you, man. And his relationship with Nancy had ended weeks ago, so what was stopping them from enjoying themselves?
Jonathan had given up and chalked it up to a one-time thing. But it had happened again. And then it kept happening. And Jonathan should have realized that meant something, should have thought about what it said about him and about Argyle, but he hadn't, he'd let it be what it was and let it stay easy and simple, but it wasn't simple. And now Will knew and was expecting him to know what it meant and know what it said about him, but he didn't know. He didn't know and he didn't have time to think about it now because Will was waiting. Will was upset and Jonathan was too stupid to realize he should have-
"Woah, Jonathan, breathe." Will's hands are on his shoulders and Jonathan realizes he's breathing heavily. He looks at Will and based on the concern on Will's face, he's pretty sure he looks just as wild and unhinged as he feels.
"It's okay," Will says, and then he's grabbing one of Jonathan's wrists and dragging them both to sit on the bed facing each other. Jonathan focuses on breathing.
They sit like that for a bit, giving Jonathan time to get control back over his breathing and his thoughts. Will's frowning at him – some mix of concern and confusion that Jonathan doesn't have the brain space to parse out right now. Right now, he needs to breathe and he needs to not spiral.
"Okay," Will says, once he's satisfied that Jonathan's not going to actually have a panic attack. "So you didn't tell me and you freaked out just now because... Because you didn't know?"
Jonathan nods, feeling a surge of affection for Will. He knows he can sometimes be a bit much, all the hovering and attention he pays to Will. Sometimes he forgets that it goes the other way too. Will's also watching him.
Will's now looking at him with fond exasperation. "Jonathan," he says. "Do you like kissing Argyle?"
"Well yeah," he says, feeling his face and his ears start to heat.
"And you find him – and other guys – attractive?"
Jonathan thinks about Argyle's soft hair and his big hands. He thinks about watching Harrison Ford piloting a space ship or wielding a whip and how it felt impossible to look at anything else on screen. He thinks about Steve Harrington, no longer on top of the high school world, and all the more gentle and kind for it. He's definitely blushing now, so he just nods.
"I'm pretty sure that means you like boys, Jonathan."
"But Nancy," Jonathan protests.
Will's looks even more exasperated. "You can like both. It just means you're bisexual."
Jonathan's looking at him wide-eyed again. Right. He knew that was an option.
Will visibly takes a deep breath, his face turning serious, and puts a hand on Jonathan's knee. "Unlike me. Because I'm um. I'm gay. Which is why you should have told me."
It's like a switch has flipped. Because Jonathan's known for years. And he's been waiting years for this and he knows what he wants to do. He leans forward, dragging Will into a tight hug.
"I'm so proud of you," he says without letting go. "I love you and I'm always here for you."
Will laughs, and it sounds a little wet. "I know. You've been waiting for me to tell you for a while huh?" Because even if this is the first time he's said it out loud to another person, he knows that Jonathan knew. He knows how transparent his closet has been to his family.
Jonathan lets go and pulls back just enough to look Will in the eye. "You know I've got your back, okay? Always."
"I know," Will says. "And it's the same for you. I've got your back too." Will hugs him again.
Will's looking at him with a smile and eyes that are just a little misty. Suddenly, he starts laughing.
"What?" Jonathan asks. "What is it?"
Will keeps laughing. "I cannot believe you knew about me and you made out with a guy and you never thought you might be a little bit gay. Shit, Jonathan."
Jonathan gapes at him. Then he starts laughing too.