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‘Well, if you ask me, that couldn’t have gone better.’ Stuart said.
Brian raised an eyebrow. ‘We did see the same thing, right? Because all it did was twitch a bit, like we jolted a dead frog with electricity.’
‘Successful stimulation of the nerves!’ Stuart countered. ‘That’s progress! It also didn’t explode this time, so that’s always a plus.’ He added in a lower voice.
‘You have a strange idea of progress, Stuart.’ Brian said, taking a sip of his drink.
‘Uh… excuse me,’ A third voice cut in. ‘Are you gentlemen ready to order?’
They both turned to face the waitress, who shifted around awkwardly, as though she realised she had been intruding on something.
Brian and Stuart both snatched up their menus, scanning quickly for something that seemed appealing. To tell the truth, they had been so caught up in their conversation that they had forgotten where they were.
‘I’ll have the… uh…’ Brian tried his best not to butcher the Italian pronunciation. ‘…Calzone carne pick-antay.’
‘Uh, yeah, me too.’ Stuart said.
‘Any starters?’ The waitress asked.
Brian bit his tongue so as not to swear aloud. ‘No, we’re good.’
‘Alright,’ she said, jotting down their orders. ‘That should be with you shortly.’
The waitress collected their menus and walked off, leaving Brian and Stuart in awkward silence. It was a silence that Brian was desperate to break. But how?
Okay, he thought. This is fine. Act natural. Just… don’t resort to small talk.
‘So… have you come here before?’
Motherfucker!
‘No, not really.’ Stuart replied. ‘I just thought it might be nice.’
‘Well, I think you made the right choice.’
The two of them laughed politely, then trailed off into silence again.
It had only recently occurred to Brian how little he and Stuart spoke outside of work. Sure, they were usually friendly enough to each other, but how often did they get to share a quiet moment like this? Come to think of it, how often did they ever have an honest-to-God conversation that wasn’t about pushing bodies around? If it wasn’t for work or movie night, Brian wasn’t sure when else they’d spend time together.
To be entirely honest, if it wasn’t for movie night, he wasn’t even sure if he would be sitting across from Stuart right now.
Things between them had been… strained recently, there was no denying it. Ever since their last major experiment, the latest in a long line of fuckups. His little stunt during movie night had been little more than a last resort to get them talking again. He never could’ve predicted that it would lead to… this.
This time it was Stuart who broke the silence. ‘Listen, Brian. This–‘ He gestured to their surroundings. ‘–is nice. And I’m glad to get out of that fucking house for once. But… is there a reason you brought me here?’
Brian paused to mull over his answer. ‘…It’s like I said. I just wanted to have a proper meal with you for once.’ He said as nonchalantly as possible.
Stuart nodded, not looking convinced in the slightest. ‘Okay. Well, while we’re here, is there… anything you wanted to talk about?’
Before Brian could reply, the waitress suddenly returned with their food far sooner than he thought was realistically possible. ‘You guys were the calzones, right?’ She asked.
‘That’s us!’ Stuart replied with just a hint of irritation in his voice.
Grateful for the diversion, Brian took his plate, quickly cut off a piece and chewed it, anything to buy time for him to put together some sort of excuse.
The waitress flashed a smile. ‘Hope you enjoy! I’ll give the happy couple some privacy now.’
Brian nearly choked. Stuart turned a shade of red which Brian had never even seen before, somewhere between embarrassment and fury.
‘We’re… we’re not–‘ Stuart was so flustered he could barely even talk.
Brian managed to dislodge the chunk of dough from his throat and say: ‘We’re not actually a couple.’
Now it was the waitress’ turn to blush. ‘I-I’m sorry, I just thought… given what day it is…’
Narrowing his eyes, Brian snatched up a nearby menu and looked at the cover for the first time. Written on the front in large pink letters were the words, ‘VALENTINE’S DAY – ALL COUPLES EAT FOR HALF PRICE!’
For a moment Brian was unable to even think, let alone speak. Of all the days in the year, of all the restaurants in the city, they had ended up here. And all because he had made a stupid little bet. He looked over at Stuart, who was already tearing into his calzone, less motivated by hunger than his desperation to avoid any and all eye contact.
With conversation no longer an option, Brian excused the waitress and started to eat, the burning in his face rivalled only by the chilli peppers burning his tongue. He briefly entertained the idea of playing up the façade to get a free dessert, but quickly dismissed the idea. As far as this evening had gone, he had already done enough.
The rest of the meal passed without incident, or anything between them for that matter. Brian had spent the majority of it waiting for an opportunity to start another conversation, make eye contact – at this point he would’ve settled for Stuart even looking at him. And to think that just a few days ago, it had all seemed so simple.
Sighing, Brian reached for a napkin, too preoccupied to notice Stuart doing the same.
Their hands brushed.
In that moment some primal part of Brian’s brain took over, and he grabbed Stuart’s hand.
Stuart flinched, hesitating, not matching his grip but not pulling away either. They held each other’s gaze for what seemed like an eternity, both unsure what the other was going to do next. Neither of them went any further… but neither of them pulled away, either. So they sat there, smiling sheepishly at each other.
Suddenly there was something else: the clink of a plate. Brian turned to see a large chocolate sundae with two spoons on the table. The waitress was back once again, watching on with a knowing smile. Mortified, Brian went to pull his hand away, only for Stuart to keep it in a vice-like grip.
Brian’s gaze flickered between Stuart and the waitress. ‘How much–‘
The waitress cut him off. ‘It’s on the house. I’ll leave you to it.’ She turned and walked away.
With that, Brian and Stuart were alone once more. They left the sundae to melt in its bowl; after all, there were more important things to take care off at home.