Work Text:
An Avengers’ job doesn’t end when a mission ends. No. There were several bonus tasks afterwards: report writing, meetings, debriefs, and the one that could bring fun or misery: publicity.
You knew people gossiped about why you were dating Natasha, but of all the ridiculous theories, your favourite had to be that you dated her just for her high standing with Director Fury and Maria Hill. Because each member’s personal standing with the two superiors determined how enjoyable their publicity assignment would be.
You could watch and laugh these days as Tony and Steve did copious press conferences with difficult questions. Meanwhile, you got to accompany your girlfriend on a visit to a farm, helping to repair fences and find escaped animals. They even let you bring your own animal companion, in the form of Jeff.
He happily trotted between you and Natasha, an expression of awe clear on his features. “How about you go and say hi to the animals?” you offered, “Tash and I just need to talk to the farmhand and then we’ll scatter around the farm. That sound good, buddy?”
The excitement overtook the land shark, and he was a few steps into running off before he remembered to reply, quickly stopping to nod before he started his tour.
—
Jeff’s head spun as he tried to work out which animal to visit first. There were so many, most of which he’d only ever seen in his picture books.
His decision was made by the sleepiness that overcame him. You and Natasha woke him up early for this, and when the alpacas had fur that resembled his bed, he knew where he wanted to be.
The alpacas were also napping, so they didn’t mind when the land shark entered their pen, nor did they do more than look up as Jeff hauled his small body onto their backs. In fact, when he curled up in the bed of soft fur, they joined him, dipping their heads back down and returning to sleep.
The group remained like that until the farmhand brought food for the alpacas. The rise to eat disrupted Jeff’s nap, although the alpacas kindly allowed him a descent before they stood up. They also let him walk to the food pail with him, but Jeff did not find the cluster of hay appealing and decided to move on.
—
However, Jeff wasn’t quite ready to give up on sleep yet, and the llama field was right beside him. He wandered in, hoping they would be as welcoming, but that was not the case.
He felt the impact on his tail first, just a slight nudge. Confused, Jeff turned back, trying to see who tapped him, but there was nothing to see but a drop of water.
Just as he decided it must have been raining, another drop hit him right beneath his eye. That certainly hadn’t come from the sky, so Jeff snapped his head in the direction it had come from.
The herd of llamas stood there, several facing him with their ears pinned back. Before Jeff could make the realisation, another one spat, hitting Jeff in the nose.
“Mrrr!” he whined, tiny hands gripping the spot on his nose.
Tears began to form in his eyes when you walked past. You saw the whole thing and leapt the fence to get to Jeff, trying to reason with the llamas.
“He’s a land shark. Land. He’s fine without water!”
They seemed to contemplate it. Then the llamas spat again, this time at you.
“Take cover, Jeff.”
You grabbed the land shark. The wads of spit were being pelted against your back, but at least Jeff was safe as you ran and leapt over the fence, safely escaping the llama enclosure.
“Reminds me of when I met you, Jeff,” you laughed, and he mrrred his appreciation. “Now, hows about you go stick with Nat for a bit? She’s over by the pigs. I’ve got to change my shirt,” you grumbled, assessing the wet patch the llamas had caused.
—
Jeff took your advice, finding Natasha trying to round the escaped pigs back into their pen. She’d already rebuilt the fences, but the animals were being uncooperative in returning to their enclosure, probably because Natasha was not very good at speaking pig, Jeff thought.
“Why did my mother never struggle this much?” Natasha huffed, “oh yeah, because her pigs were brainwashed.”
An idea began to form in Jeff’s mind: you were good at speaking pig… and Natasha would appreciate the help. The land shark turned to find you, only to see you nearby, with your shirt changed. You were already watching the scene, staring open-mouthed at Natasha.
Jeff looked back again and realised why; Natasha had given up on coaxing the pigs in and had instead hauled one onto her shoulder to carry it into the pen herself. With a roll of his eyes, Jeff ran over to you, tugging at your trouser leg to tell you his plan. He sighed again when you didn’t listen, realising he had to do it himself if he wanted to help Natasha.
Jeff translated what Natasha had been trying to say; the pigs listened. Luckily, their escape was only for exploration; if it helped Jeff out, they were happy to return to the pen. Jeff beamed when Natasha looked back and realised what he’d done, and his smile grew even more when she praised him for it.
Natasha still hadn’t put one of the pigs down, and it was now beginning to squirm in her arms. It remained like that when Natasha turned further, catching you gaping at her. A smirk spread over her face as she spoke to Jeff: “I appreciate the help, Jeff. Since someone wasn’t being of use.” She raised her voice to ensure you caught the end of it before commanding you to get back to work.
“Yes ma’am.”
—
Jeff’s visit to the cows was far more short-lived. They were spread around the enclosure when Jeff crawled under the fence, almost all eating grass with half-lidded eyes. Jeff had already passed up on food earlier that day, and since the cows seemed to enjoy their food, he felt he ought to try it.
He clamped his jaws around a particularly long patch of grass, which drew the cows’ attention. It did not taste pleasant. Still, Jeff persevered, even trying to copy the cows to see if their technique produced a different flavour; he shut his eyes halfway and began to chew aggressively, jaw opening and moving like the cows’.
A few seconds into the chewing and the cows decided this intruder was mocking them. They began to gather in front of Jeff, hooves pawing at the ground. Jeff continued chewing, oblivious to the next threat. Then the cows charged; Jeff’s eyes flew open, even more than usual, as he spat out the grass and sprinted back under the fence.
Jeff decided he did not like the cows.
—
“That one is Susan,” the farmhand introduced as Jeff neared the chicken coop. “She’s a Buff Orpington, very friendly.” Jeff disagreed; the orange-coloured chicken staring him down seemed unusually large and threatening.
Jeff had learnt from the cows. He would not risk meeting Susan.
—
After passing on the chickens, the next pen was for the sheep, who seemed far friendlier, but Jeff wouldn’t risk it. He wanted to blend in. And he knew just the method.
You hadn’t locked the car after you grabbed the new shirt, which gave Jeff easy access to open it up and rummage through the spare clothes in the back. Natasha stored a coat in case the weather turned cold; it possessed the right fluffiness to make Jeff look like a sheep.
Jeff balanced the coat atop himself before crawling into the enclosure. It must have fooled the sheep since they paid him no mind and allowed him free rein of the pen, but there was someone who wasn’t fooled.
“JEFF!”
The land shark froze in his tracks, not daring to turn and face the person yelling his name.
“Is that my coat?!”
Natasha’s voice was closer now. Once again, Jeff was bolting. He dropped the coat into the mud and ran faster than he had all day; an angry Natasha was a force to be reckoned with.
Unfortunately, Jeff was so focused on running away he didn’t notice what he was running towards. Or, more accurately, what he was running into .
There was a thump as Jeff hit whatever it was and fell back onto his hind legs. He had a second to look up and see what he hit before the horse reared, kicking and launching Jeff back out of the stable.
—
“Oh no. There he goes again.” You sighed, both you and Natasha taking off running in an attempt to catch your shark as he flew through the air. His spherical body was remarkably aerodynamic and flew faster and further than either of you could reach.
Jeff was quite disorientated as he acted as a projectile, struggling to see where he was headed. But he could make out the farmhouse and a fluffy black rug laying outside it; perhaps if he aimed for that, it would break his fall.
His descent looked good; Jeff was all set to land on the rug. But then, at the last second, it moved. A white snout emerged from the pile, and eyes widened at the sight of a plummeting Jeff. Quickly, it shuffled back, letting Jeff land directly on the wooden floorboards instead.
“Mrrpph.” Jeff groaned, trying to work out where the rug went. He was roused by a snout nudging and sniffing at his body, and he finally understood that it wasn’t a rug but a dog.
“Mrrr,” Jeff whined again, more coherently this time. Asking the black corgi why it hadn’t caught him and let him fall instead.
The corgi stretched, showing off its short limbs before looking back at Jeff. The land shark’s annoyance was instantly replaced by excitement, and he held up his arms to demonstrate their stubbiness.
You and Natasha were panting when you caught up to Jeff at the farmhouse. It seemed the worry and rush were for nothing when you saw him and the corgi, who had introduced himself as Jake, playing happily together, Jeff completely unharmed.
“We really need to stop worrying so much about him.”