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Ligyrophobia, or otherwise known as phonophobia. Heeseung hates even saying anything related to it, because then all he can think of is that he has a phobia that is most common in children. Damn children. He's the oldest member of the group, for gods sake. He shouldn't be afraid of anything, unless it was spiders (because spiders are not an irrational fear to have- Jay can go deal those athropods), or bugs, or death. Duh.
Throughout his childhood, Heeseung always saw children being scared by loud noises, so he didn't think too much of it. But as years went by, he soon put pieces together that his fear was much, much more severe and he reacted much more often than other children. At the ripe age of 13, Heeseung was still utterly confused by why his stomach and heart would sink everytime a loud noise occured. He'd like to say he got used to it, but he still gets anxious quite often.
They're not really a loud group. Heeseung is so relieved by that - if you could think of any kpop group in the whole damn industry, their group would definitely not be the first group to come to mind. Of course, like any other group of males would be, they are still decently loud. But not loud enough to stir anything up.
It wasn't really severe, according to Heeseung. Heeseung doesn't react that crazy to just any mild noise, otherwise he wouldn't even be able to step on a god forsaken stage. Of course, he still does get anxious, to the extent where all of his members have asked him if he was okay before performing one time or another. But Heeseung just lies and says its nervousness from the fear of messing up, to which he gets a pat on the back or a hug and words that he'll do great and that he's their ace. Of course, Heeseung is always afraid of messing up. But deep down, there's something more than just that to cause Heeseung to get nervous. Stages and performances haven't bothered Heeseung too much though, as he has his earpieces and all that.
Heeseung thinks he's hid it pretty darn well. Besides at home, the root cause to his phobia itself, he hasn't had any violent reactions to loud noises. Not once since they've debuted, not once as a trainee, and not even his company is aware of it. So be it. That's good. There's so much noise all around the world, and especially as an idol. Being nervous is something Heeseung can handle.
Heeseung is especially antsy today due to minimal sleep. He recalls flopping down on his bed after practice at 2 in the morning before passing out. To make matters worse, he had to wake up at 6 for a recording session. The crisp (not even) bright hour of 6. Six. Heeseung cannot believe it. This has to be absolutely illegal.
After finishing up the recording, they had another dance practice. Heeseung is absolutely tired, and he now flops down on his bed after a brief shower, staring at the ceiling and contemplating his life. Waking up at six does something to you. Not in a good way.
"Heeseung hyung?" Riki "knocks" on the door (really, he doesn't) and runs to jump onto Heeseung.
"What's up?" Heeseung asks, groaning from the sudden weight as he hugs the younger lightly.
"We're gonna watch a horror movie. We know you love those, and Jake hyung is making ramen. You better be coming." Riki wags a finger.
"Wouldn't miss ramen and horror movies for the world. I'll be down in a sec." Heeseung laughs lightly, and Riki claps happily before running down the stairs.
"So full of energy." Heeseung shakes his head in wonder.
Heeseung pulls himself off the bed and slowly follows Riki's steps. He takes a seat comfortably between Sunghoon and Jay, and he quickly notices the movie name, The Conjuring. Don't get Heeseung wrong. He loves horror movies. He watches it with Sunoo all the time. The only problem is, he loves horror movies, but only certain ones. He cannot handle loud horror movies. Movies with jumpscares (sudden loud noise is like death), lots of screaming (which essentially, is necessary, but there are extents to the loudness and frequencies of the screams) and so forth. It's why Heeseung never watches loud war movies. He's seen a lot about The Conjuring, and he'd definitely watch it if not for some reviews saying its very loud and has some jumpscares. He'd definitely watch it if he didn't have his damn phobia.
"Who chose this movie?" Heeseung laughs, hiding his nervousness.
"Riki, obviously." Jake shakes his head in absolute fear.
"It'll be fine!" Riki laughs.
It definitely was not fine. Not for Heeseung at least. Due to said mention of jumpscares, Heeseung spends almost all of the movie preparing himself for a jumpscare, when he should be actually paying attention to the plot because really, the movie was very interesting. Many people find silence in horror movies terrifying. Heeseung never thought so, until now because then he anticipates a very climatic jumpscare.
Sunghoon seemed to have noticed at some point that Heeseung was more nervous than usual, and he reaches out to squeeze Heeseung's hand in an attempt to calm him down, eyes still fixed onto the screen. Heeseung appreciates it, but it's not really helping.
In the only slight moment where Heeseung doesn't anticipate for the jumpscare (really, it was nearing the end, there should not have been one), the jumpscare occurs. The image itself isn't quite what scares Heeseung, although suddenly the other 6 people in the room let out sharp screams. Suddenly the whole room is talking loudly, the movie is getting louder, but all Heeseung can think is absolutely nothing. He has no thoughts in his mind, and the only thing he can process is the fast beating of his heart and the overwhelming fear that consumes him. He wishes he were so scared that no noise even enters his ears anymore, but unfortunately all he can hear is noise. Loud noise. Sudden noise. Heeseung's hands are shaking, and he thinks he's 2 seconds away from crying. He wants to stand up and run, so that none of the other members can see him, the eldest, crying, but he can't. His legs are shaking so bad that he thinks that if he stood up, he'd might as well actually pass out.
"Wait guys, shut up." Sunghoon says suddenly, and he's staring directly at Heeseung now.
Heeseung immediately looks away, burying his face in his hands. At least it's quiet now.
Someone turns the movie off immediately, but Heeseung doesn't dare look up. He doesn't want to see all 6 faces looking at him in concern, when the last thing any of them should be doing is worrying about him because of his damn phobia of noise.
"Hyung, what's wrong?" Jake asks.
Heeseung wants to punch himself for not being able to speak, his lungs not getting enough oxygen. He wants to die right then and there when hot tears start springing out of his eyes.
Sunghoon pries Heeseung's hands away from his face (it really takes absolutely no effort), and lifts Heeseung off the couch with ease. Sunghoon maneuvers Heeseung onto his lap so that Heeseung's head could rest on Sunghoon's shoulder, and Heeseung feels an arm support him.
He can now see all other 5 faces, except Sunoo is trying to usher Jungwon and Riki away. They stay firmly in place, the idea of leaving the room not even in their minds. Heeseung is almost too tired to care.
A blurry Jake and Jay crowd in front of him so that the three younger members can't really see Heeseung, even if they want to.
"'S gonna be okay, hyung." Sunghoon murmurs into his ears, quiet enough that no one else but Heeseung can hear.
"Heeseung hyung. Can you hear me?" Jake asks, and honestly, it's quite muffled in Heeseung's ears now.
Heeseung nods, and Sunghoon pushes Heeseung's hair away from his sweaty forehead.
"I'm gonna get him some water." Riki says from behind, disappearing, which Heeseung is slightly relieved at.
"Hyung, breathe with me okay?" Jay asks. "Just follow my lead."
Heeseung complies, to which Sunghoon whispers a "you're doing great" into his ear. Heeseung flushes at the compliment, burying his face in the crook of Sunghoon's neck.
Riki runs in with a bottle of water, to which he quickly hands over to Jake, who guides the bottle to Heeseung's mouth.
"Drink slowly, take your time." Sunghoon hums, massaging Heeseung's nape gently as he can still hear the little runs of sighs someone gets after crying.
"Mind if we ask... are you afraid of sudden or loud noises, hyung?" Jungwon pops his head through once Heeseung finally calms down, and Heeseung looks down.
"It's nothing to be embarrassed about, Heeseung hyung." Sunghoon frowns. "We all have our phobias. I know you think yours might be stupid, but it's really not. We really don't mind."
Sunghoon's words cause Heeseung to tear up again.
"I'm sorry..." Heeseung mumbles, hiding his face in Sunghoon's hoodie.
"Just tell us next time, hyung. We don't want this happening again." Jay says.
"Is this why you never go to watch fireworks with us?" Sunoo pops in. "That must be hard, there's so many loud and sudden noises that happen everyday..."
"Yeah, that's why." Heeseung nods. "I've found my way around it. Just not today, I guess."
"Sorry, hyung. If I'd have known, I'd have chosen something more lighthearted to watch." Riki frowns.
"It's not your fault, Riki. You wouldn't have known. It's all fine now, okay?" Heeseung asks, ruffling Riki's hair.
"And you still try to act strong." Riki huffs. "I will make you open up to me one day, hyung."