Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Chapter 1: What It Means To Feel.

(3rd Person POV)

The apartment was filled with small sounds of whimpers and moans, the bed creaked, the sheets messy. Her sounds getting higher as she reached the peak.

The feeling was approaching fast, her pace increased, much to her satisfaction. Her fingers completely soaked, her toes curled and her back arched. She reached the climax of her pleasure.

Her breathing was heavy, her eyes rolling to the back of her head. It was ecstasy. The only other feeling to come close was drinking herself into a wasted mess.

She stared at the ceiling, sweat and running down her forehead. Her purple hair a complete mess. It had been a while since she had time to pleasure herself in a way.

She was home alone, her younger roommate was at school. She looked over at the wall, a plaque that was awarded to her hung close to her dresser. “Misato Katsuragi.” Written in a bold black font. She closed her eyes again and let the remaining feeling wash over her.

It was a stress reliever. With everything that’s been going on in her life, she needed a moment to take care of herself. The front door opened. “Misato?” A boy’s voice called. She smiled slightly, Shinji was home. She stretched out a little, she was about to call him over to her room until she remembered.

“Shit..” she mumbled to herself. She was completely naked, legs spread out. She sighed and got on a pair of shorts and a tank top. She opened the door and smiled at him as he rounded the corner to the living room. “Mornin’”

“It’s.. it’s 2:30..” Shinji raised a brow. “Holy shit I didn’t realize the time..” she put her hand on her forehead. Shinji gave a light chuckle and sat down on the sofa, leaning back and closing his eyes. “Tiring day?” She said, walking over to the kitchen. “Yeah, a bit.” Shinji said, putting his hands over his face.

Misato grabbed a bottle of water and then sat down next to him, putting her legs across his. “Misato?” He asked, glancing at her. “Yeah?” She replied, resting her arm over the sofa. “Thanks, you know?” He gave an embarrassed smile. “For?” She smiled back. “I don’t know. Being you, I guess?” He shrugged, looking away.

The words touched her, they were sincere. He had no reason to just lie to her about anything, or any reason to make things up. He was speaking from genuine emotion, and it meant something to her. “Thanks, it.. it means a lot..” She blushed.

The two shared a silence, it wasn’t a bad one either. After some minutes had passed, Shinji looked at the electronic watch he wore. “I should get changed, I have some homework.” He smiled a little.

Misato moved her legs off him, just nodding. She watched as he got up and went to the bathroom, her gaze was caring and gentle.

At heart, she’s misunderstood. People would be quick to judge her on how she copes because they don’t fully get how she handles things.

She sat alone in her bedroom, she stared at her ceiling again, Shinji on the phone with a delivery place. Her mind wanders from topic to topic.

Her failed love life.

Her failing social life.

Her career that’s always on the rocks.

The thoughts that plagued her when she was alone made her want to reach for a bottle, to drown out her mind with the bitter sweet liquid.

She went back out to the kitchen to reach for one, her impulse to grab two and just down them both within five minutes.

“I ordered food for us.” Shinji said. “Oh.. oh yeah..” Misato paused in front of the refrigerator, turning around to face Shinji.

“Something wrong?” He asked, a visible look of concern written on his face. “I’m fine Shinji, just thinking.” She smiled, turning back to the refrigerator.

The problem she faces now is that Shinji is there, for some odd reason she feels guilt by reaching to a beer when he stares. The thoughts that ran through her mind about disappointing him, setting a bad example.

She recalled the one time he caught her drunk, the things she said and did. She sighed, now reaching for a bottle of water instead.

“I’ll be in my room until it shows up, okay?” She smiled at him, walking passed.

She held back the tears she wanted to let out, there was no point she thought.

There are always other days.

END.

(Hey everyone! I took a short break to write different fics and honestly it felt good. I previously wrote “Alone Together” as my first fic to get out of writers block, now I’m back to write yet another Misato fic! I hope you all enjoy what’s to come.)

Chapter Text

Chapter 2: Be Honest.

(Misato’s POV)

I walk down the hallways of NERV, my mind slightly present. Coworkers walk by and I barely acknowledge. My nights are restless and my days are long, my body aches and my eyes weigh. What a life right?

I get to the central command, people I know seeming like strangers that just occupy space. A blonde haired woman speaks to me but I’m off elsewhere, her voice sounding muffled and distant.

That is until she puts her hands on my shoulders, shaking me. “Misato!” She yelled, I flinched slightly and the loud noise so close to my ears. “Oh.. Hey..” I said to Ritsuko, my mind slowly coming back to where I am. “Too many bottles yesterday?” She winked. I gave a slight laugh and just shook my head. “What’re we doing today..?” I asked, looking back at the purple and green mechanized weapon that stood in front.

“Testing, the usual.” She looked concerned. “You alright?” She crossed her arms. “I’m fine.. just like tired is all..” I replied in a dull tone. She frowned a little, then turning away from me. “Ikari should be ready.” She said, my attention now going immediately to where he should be.

A camera feed popped up on the screen in front, Shinji’s face coming into view. I could only help but smile at the sight of him, he looked nervous as usual. “Holding up in there Shinji?” I asked, his eyes meeting mine in a way. “Yeah.. yeah I am.” He put on a smile, he was still nervous yet he smiled for me.

He’s a cute kid, someone that I cherish. In a way, I almost see myself in him. Trauma, stress, no outlet. It’s unfortunate yet true. The testing proceeded as normal, not too much to worry about. His synch levels are normally perfect. There hadn’t been an Angel attack in two months, it gave him time to mentally recover from the last.

The day seemed like it came and went. Before I knew it, I was sitting at the steering wheel of my car, driving Shinji and I home. “And when I spoke to Ayanami she actually held a little bit of a conversation with me.” His voice faded in. “That’s good Shinji.” I said, not really sure of where the conversation started.

“Misato?“

“What is it?”

“Uhm.. are you okay..?”

His voice was softer than normal, it was like he knew something about as bothering me.

“I’m fine, you know I always am.” I smiled and winked at him. A blush ran across his face, I almost forgot that women don’t give him attention in that way.

He got quiet, I guess maybe the wink was a little extra.

We arrived home, Shinji going to his room and me staying in the kitchen. It was clean, Shinji usually keeps it clean.

Shinji also usually accompanies me when I watch TV, this time he didn’t. I feel alone. And when the feeling of loneliness sets in, I begin to drink. I look over at the refrigerator, the bottom shelf stocked completely with beer. Should I drink away my pain?

Drink it away to forget the fact that I’m truly lonely at the end of the day. The fact that people I consider my friends are probably just humoring me so they don’t feel guilty when I inevitably crash and burn in a drunken road accident.

I close my eyes, sighing out at my own dilemmas. All my coping mechanisms just involve relying on people or substances. I’ve never relied on myself to fix my own problems.

It’s one of the reasons why I can’t hold a stable relationship. I thought it was maybe a guy thing, so I tried dating women. No luck at all. It’s me, I’m the issue. I can’t fix it because I don’t know how, the more I think about my trauma the more I reach for bottles.

“Misato?” Shinji asked, I open my eyes and I see him standing over me, head slightly tilted. “Yes..?” I asked, sitting up. “You’re crying.” He said, taking a step back. I looked into the tv screen, seeing my reflection.

Eyes red and puffy, I didn’t even notice the tears had fallen. “You wanna talk about it?” He sat down across from me. “There’s nothing really to say, honestly.” I replied, wiping my eyes. He just sighed a little. “Don’t you believe me?” I crossed my leg.

“I don’t.” He replied. “Why not? Can someone not just cry a little?” I teased him. He began to get frustrated. “Misato please. Talk to me. You never tell me anything.”

“Shinji, you’re still just a kid. You wouldn’t get any of it, even if I did tell you.” I put it plainly. “And you won’t even try to help me understand?” He replied. “None of this is stuff that you need to concern yourself with. I’m okay, and that should matter to you.” I felt myself getting a little annoyed.

I stood up and walked to my room. “I’ll be in here if you need me.” I said before shutting the door.

Right after I shut it he knocked. “What Shinji.” I said, my back against my door. “Goodnight..” he mumbled. I hear his footsteps fading.

I sigh and lay down in my bed. “Goodnight..” I whispered.

TO BE CONTINUED.

(I didn’t forget the fic, I’ve been pretty busy with life and stuff! I’ll be back sooner!)

Chapter Text

Chapter 3: Talk With Me. (Session 1)

(Misato’s POV) (M for Misato, R for Ritsuko.)

M: You brought me here because..?

R: Can’t I just hang out with my friend?

M: It’s not like you to just bring me anywhere without a motive.

R: Okay fine, I just wanted to know how you’re doing.

Ritsuko crossed her leg, leaning back in the chair that she sat in.

M: I’m.. I’m alright I guess..

R: That doesn’t seem at all like what Shinji said.

M: What?

R: I had a little chat with him about everything lately. He’s worried.

M: Well, what did he say?

Ritsuko put her index finger over her lips, winking at me.

R: Confidential.

I sighed.

R: Talk to me, what’s on your mind?

M: I’m stressed, it’s just stress.

R: You sure about that?

M: Why wouldn’t I be? I’m the one who’s feeling these things.

R: Misato, how long have I known you?

I got quiet, looking away from her.

R: Misato. How long.

M: Years..

Ritsuko reached to the side of the chair, taking out two glasses and a bottle of wine.

R: Have to set the mood.

M: You know I like Beer.

R: Bare with me.

She poured the glasses and handed one to me. I looked at it for a second before sipping the drink.

R: They said that red wine is supposed to be healthy for you sometimes.

M: I’ll take that with a grain of salt.

We both chuckled as we drank some.

R: So, what’s up?

M: I just.. I feel like I’m falling out of my life..

R: How so?

M: Things are just passing me by.. A relationship, a home, a family…

R: A home? Do you not like your apartment?

M: Its not that I don’t.. I just..

I chuckled mid sentence.

M: I want a home, a house.. something that’s actually mine..

I looked at my glass, seeing it empty.

M: Pour me some more.

Ritsuko poured another glass, taking a few small sips from her own.

M: All throughout my twenties I’ve just been by myself. Boyfriends and girlfriends that never lasted more than 6 months at best.

M: The problem I always find myself in is that I put too much and get too little. Kaji was good but even he just left after a while.

R: He wants to try again you know.

I rolled my eyes.

M: Fuck him, honestly.

R: Imagine you hearing yourself say that when you were dating him.

M: I was getting gaslit into thinking he was the best I could do. Of course I’d be upset over a sentence like that.

M: God, what did I do to deserve something like this.

R: You just know a lot of waste of time people.

M: Yet I care so much about all of them.

R: You can’t help it, you’re caring by nature.

I drank some more, the feelings of anxiety and sadness slowly backing off.

R: What about Shinji?

M: What about him?

R: How do you view him?

M: I don’t know, I really don’t..

The thought of Shinji was.. confusing. Part of me wants to teach him, help him grow into a man that someone would love and look after.

R: Your opinion on him matters a lot to him.

She’s probably right, he’s a very fragile boy.

M: I think of him highly, why wouldn’t I?

R: Sometimes he feels like a disappointment.

M: Ritsuko. Look at who we’re talking about here.

We both laughed.

R: Okay, you got me there.

Shinji, someone who I see myself in sometimes. The desire to please, the coping mechanisms, the doubt of self worth.

He’s a tragic case, unfortunately. I feel bad that he goes through so much but he’s so young.

R: Lost in thought?

M: Did I wander off?

R: Badly.

I shrugged, leaning back in the chair.

M: Can I fix him?

R: What?

M: Can I fix Shinji?

R: Well. That depends on you.

M: I guess so.

R: He just wants your approval most of all. More than his own father.

M: Oh? Really?

R: He feels safe with you.

M: How did you get him to talk?

R: I.. May have said some things..

M: Like..?

R: I may have told him that you might leave..

M: What?!

R: It was the only way he’d talk to me!

She laughed in her seat, holding her stomach.

I couldn’t help but laugh, imagining his priceless reaction to a threat like that.

M: I’d never leave him, he means too much to me.

R: Sounds like you’d have him as a boy toy.

Ritsuko raised an eyebrow.

M: No! Of course not!

R: You sure about that? You do have a type for guys you can please easily.

M: Who says I could do that with him?!

My cheeks became hot and my heart skipped a beat at the thought.

R: He’s a hormonal teenager that probably has the hots for you. It’s clear that all his friends have a major crush on you as well.

M: No they don’t, stop lying.

R: have you heard the way they speak about you? Have you seen they way they look at you? They’re like madly in love.

I held the glass of wine in my hand, the thought of having a group of guys just wanting me was…

Intoxicating..

But maybe it’s the wine getting to me, usually I don’t think this way.

R: They all hate Shinji a little because he gets to come home to you every day.

M: He can’t even handle me winking at him Ritsuko, how could he handle like a casual relationship.

R: Don’t know. Maybe you just show him a little affection. Might help you both some how.

M: I don’t know.. Maybe that’s a little much for him.

R: Trust me, he needs that.

I stayed quiet, just thinking about that.

R: And what you need is to channel all your emotions into something, not a bottle of beer.

I looked at her, she looked back at me.

R: You’re a passionate person, pour that passion into him. He’ll be on top of the world.

Ritsuko checked her watch. She sighed and stood up.

R: Long day tomorrow, I gotta get some rest.

M: Alright.

R: Think about what I said, you might feel better about it all.

M: Fine, I will.

We hugged and I left.

I guess I should listen to her, I mean. She is a doctor.

END.

Chapter Text

Chapter 4: Reservation For Two.

(Misato’s POV)

I brushed my hair, trying not to miss any strand. I heard the shower going, water mixed with the sound of music from Shinji’s little music player. I had invited him to join me for dinner outside.

He didn’t oppose to the idea, but of course he wouldn’t. I put on a nice dress, red lipstick, hair down. I sat and looked at myself in the mirror, examining my appearance.

I look like I’m going on a date when in reality I’m just going to talk with him about life and what he means to me. The more I look at myself the the less I feel like I’m a slob or a mess.

After another fifteen minutes I heard a knock on my door. “Misato. I’m ready.” His voice came from the other side of the door. I open my door to see him wearing a black t shirt and a black jacket to match, blue jeans and white shoes.

“Nice.” I smiled. His cheeks were a bright red, he couldn’t look at me for more than two seconds. I guess maybe cause my dress is a little form fitting, the noticeable design of my figure is a little much for him.

But it doesn’t matter, he’ll get over it within a few minutes. “Come on, how do I look?” I put my hands on my hips, giving a wink. “G-Great..” he stuttered, his inability to speak was adorable,

I took him by the arm, grabbing my car keys and leading him outside. “You know I could have made us dinner..” he said quietly. “Shh, I wanna spoil you.” I opened the door for him to the passenger seat, letting him get in before me.

I got into the car and sat for a second. “For future reference, you should open the door for a lady before you enter.” I smiled at him. “Oh! I’m sorry..” he sunk into the seat.

I chuckled a little and put my hand on his thigh as I began to drive. “Don’t worry, you’ve never done this before.” I reassured. His blush was bright and apparent, he couldn’t hide anything from me.

The drive was silent, apart from the occasional humming of songs on the radio. “What kinda music do you like?” I asked, keeping my eyes on the road. “Uhm.. I like Jazz.. some American pop..” He replied, I could feel his gaze on me.

“Never took you for someone who likes American pop.” I raised a brow. “I listen to it when I’m in a good mood..” he said almost embarrassingly. “Any favorite artists?” The obvious question. “No.. I just listen to whatever’s popular I guess.” He shrugged.

I just smiled to myself. At least he’s honest. We pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant that I reserved for us. “W-Wow!” He said in a shocked yet excited tone. “I’ve only ever seen this place on the internet.” He said, unbuckling his seat belt. “I’ve wanted to come for a while, but I never had a special occasion to celebrate.” I said, opening the door.

I got out and took a deep breath of fresh air. He got out with a confused expression on. “What’s the occasion?” He asked. “This, you and I.” I smiled at him, gesturing for him to take my arm. He did reluctantly, staring at me as we walked to the front doors of the place. “What do you mean you and I..?” His eyes were fixated on me, almost like they couldn’t be drawn away by anything.

“I’ll explain after we settle in.” I said, opening the door for us. He walked in, looking around at the place. The front desk worker gave us a smile before asking for our reservation. “A Ms Katsuragi & Mr Ikari?” She said. “Yes that’s us.” I nodded, looking over at Shinji who was amazed with the place.

We were seated, it was perfect because it was away from everyone. We could talk without people being nosy in our conversation. “So.. we’re settled in.” He gave a light chuckle. “You’re an eager one aren’t you?” I teased. He smiled embarrassingly, giving me the answer.

“Well, I want to get closer to you.” I said, crossing my leg. “Closer..?” He questioned. “Wait.” I said, still thinking about how to word this. “We live in the same apartment yet it feels like we’re worlds apart, and I know you noticed it too.” I said, folding my hands onto my lap.

“Well.. Yeah..” he mumbled, looking me in the eyes. “I want to know you, I want to know your emotions and your mind.” I began. “I want you to know that you’re okay with me.” I maintained eye contact.

The way I spoke to him, looked at him, gestured at him. I spoke to him in a sincere caring tone, not as a captain or a friend. “Misato… I don’t know what to say..” He stuttered on his words. “Don’t worry, I wasn’t expecting a full fledged answer.” I smiled.

We sat in silence for a few minutes, he pulled at his shirt collar. I can see that he was nervous to be out with me like this. It didn’t help that my dress was slightly uncomfortable, causing me to adjust it more.

As I looked at him more, I saw a young boy who was trying to grow into his own. His shyness to be around a woman, his ineptness when it came to speaking about feelings. “Your food.” The waiter served us.

He got an Alfredo dish, I got the steak. We looked at each other and laughed a little. He was tense, unsure of what he should be doing besides eating. “So, talk to me Shinji.” I reached over and put my hand on his.

“Oh I… I don’t know what to say..” he muttered. I sort of expected that answer. “Well, on my end.” I started, looking at his reaction to our hands being together. “Work has been tiring, the usual. You know?” I asked. He nodded. “I can’t help but feel alone sometimes.” I said, stroking his hand with my thumb.

“Why Alone?” He asked, fixated on our hands. “Eh, I feel like people don’t really like me.” I shrugged, pulling my hand back. He looked as though he wanted to pull it back to him, his eyes flickered from emotion to emotion, sort of like my own.

“What is it?“ I asked teasingly, knowing what he was thinking. “N-nothing..” he mumbled, putting his hands on his lap. I just chuckled to myself, beginning to cut my steak. He watched, his mind was probably racing with things he wants to say.

“You can talk to me you know.” I glanced at him, he couldn’t take his eyes off of my hands. “You want to hold my hand again?” I asked, setting my fork down. “N-No!” He said. “Just waiting for my food to cool down.” He laughed it off nervously.

We ate in a somewhat silence, after the dinner was done we spoke a lot more. Maybe he feels more comfortable after the tension wasn’t there. His laughs were genuine, his smiles too. As were mine, I couldn’t remember the last time I was this happy.

We left the restaurant, my arm hooked in his. It felt good, there was something deeper than just a work connection. I know he feels better now that I opened myself up a little. We got into the car, I leaned my head back on the headrest, sighing out in a good way.

“Hey, Misato?” He asks. “Yeah?” I look over. “Thank you.” He smiles. “For what?”

“Tonight.”

We shared a look at each other, a warm smile across my face.

“Don’t mention it.”

TO BE CONTINUED.

Chapter Text

Chapter 5: Red and Blue.

(Misato’s POV)

My morning was already tiring even before Asuka had to ramble on and on about how good she is at everything she does. I glance over at Shinji who’s trying to humor her at best. She’s been living with us for two weeks and I already get fed up of her superiority complex.

We sat in the main control center at NERV, nothing too major was happening besides the usual diagnostics and preparations for Angels. “And that’s why I KNOW I’m better than you.” She finally shut up. She’s a nice enough girl but her attitude is so draining.

“Oh and look who decided to show up.” She scoffed at Rei who sat down quietly on the furthest chair from us. “Hello.” She said quietly, Shinji giving her a smile and Asuka just crossing her arms.

I take it that Asuka doesn’t like the concept or even the notion of someone out doing her in any aspect. Piloting was one of her strongest attributes, especially when she was in Germany. But when she moved here she came to realize that there’s competition. Rei Ayanami. Not to mention that Shinji is becoming quite the pilot himself.

I was just quiet, sort of like Rei. I’m just listening to Shinji and Asuka speak. I watched him as he listened and gave humoring smiles. I smiled to myself as I did. It’s cute seeing him interact with girls.. or at least try to.

[THREE HOURS LATER]

I sat in the living room, Shinji and Asuka in the kitchen. He was trying to cook and she was just watching. He moves as Un-awkwardly as possible, clearly Asuka was making him nervous. The two made small talk about the food, giving occasional glances at each other. It was cute, you know?

After another half hour the food was done, Rei joined us for dinner tonight.

Asuka: So Shinji was the first choice to pilot after Ms. Perfect over there??

Me: Yes, we’ve been over this.

I sighed, picking at my food. I didn’t have much of an appetite today.

Shinji: Is there a problem with that..?

Shinji asked quietly, looking at Asuka.

Asuka: Isn’t it plain idiot! I’m better!

Asuka raised her voice, annoyed at Shinji for even insinuating that he was better.

Me: Okay Asuka, relax.

Rei was silent as usual, Asuka becoming silent after hearing the seriousness in my voice.

Me: How was the synch tests today, Shinji?

I asked, turning to him a little. He smiled softly, turning away from Rei and Asuka to have full focus on me.

Shinji: it was okay, where did you go though?

Me: Needed a break, laid down in the break room for what. A half hour?

Rei gave a small smile to herself, listening to me and Shinji.

Asuka: My tests are always perfect, can’t have it any other way.

Even though she could be annoying, I’m happy for her. I shot her a wink and smiled.

Me: I’m happy for all of you, you’re showing great promise.

Shinji smiled the most, I know he craves approval. His bright smile and his embarrassing blush coming together to just make a cute expression.

Dinner was over before I realized it, I’m spacing out more than usual lately. Rei was making her way out the door before I stopped her. “Need a ride?” I asked, my keys already in hand.

“No, that’s okay.” She said in her usual monotone way. “I’m not taking no for an answer, it’s late anyways.” I said. “I’ll be back soon guys, just taking Ayanami home.” I said, waving at Shinji who was waving back.

We got into my car, pulling out from the lot and now down the street. I sort of needed an excuse to just drive in silence. Rei wasn’t going to speak, and she didn’t play music either. The ride was relaxing, it felt like I had a silent listener even though I wasn’t speaking.

We stopped at a red light, I glance over at her to see her staring out the window. “It was a long day, huh.” I said, she just nodded as she stared expressionlessly out the window. “You okay, Rei?” I asked, beginning to drive again. “I am, why do you ask?” She turned to me, sort of puzzled.

“You never speak, that’s all.” I replied. “I don’t have much to say.” She felt even more clammed up than usual. Maybe putting her in these situations wasn’t a good idea. But it doesn’t matter, I needed a quiet ride anyways.

I got to the front of her apartment building, the run down front with the off putting ambience made me feel uneasy. “Goodnight Ayanami.” I said, letting her out. “Goodnight.” She said, walking to her door.

The drive home was a relaxing one, I stop on an uphill, just taking in the view. There were no cars to be worried about, it was late anyways. I just stared out, the air was fresh, the stars shined.

This is what I’ve wanted, just some time to take in life, the beauty of it all.

TO BE CONTINUED.

Chapter Text

Chapter 6: We Held Each Other.

(Misato’s Diary)

Wednesday, November 16th.

Ritsuko told me to write in a diary to vent my feelings and talk about my day. She gave me this notebook about a day after my conversation with her about what Shinji told her.

I don’t know what I should really say, nothing I write would really provide me with any comfort to life itself. I like human contact, sharing moments with people. Like what happened last night.

After I came home from dropping Rei off, I put on a movie to watch with Asuka & Shinji. Asuka sat on the floor with PenPen, not unusual. I sat on the sofa with shinji, a blanket over us. He rested his head on my shoulder, he felt relaxed. And, I did too.

Asuka was enjoying the movie so she didn’t bother to look back at us. Thinking about it now, I’m more affectionate than I realize. I do it without thinking. I had my arm around him, occasionally resting my head on his.

In that moment I felt tranquil, like I had nothing to worry about. Being that way with him felt innocent, a pure kind of just.. attachment. I didn’t have to worry about him trying to make moves on me or him even THINKING about it. That isn’t him. The brief moment when he had to get up and use the bathroom I almost didn’t let him.

I cherish those moments deeply, and I sometimes don’t want them to end. By the time the movie was over Asuka woke us both up. I didn’t realize I drifted off at all. Shinji didn’t realize either I guess.

The morning came and I went out to go see Shinji before school. He was pleasantly surprised that I woke up earlier to see him. I hugged him and held him for a few minutes, like if I didn’t want him to leave my side.

Something that also dawned on me was that I like these little moments he and I share. They aren’t anything to special realistically, but they last with me.

(Misato’s POV)

I put the pen down, sighing. My hand was slightly cramped from writing for the better portion of thirty minutes. I sat back in my chair and stretched, I looked over at the time and saw it was 7:40 pm. There wasn’t much to do today, explains why I was writing about things I did yesterday.

I go out to the kitchen, opening up the refrigerator to look for something to snack on. I see the shelves just lined with beer and instant foods. I stare at them and just shake my head. “When do you guys want to go food shopping.” I look over at Shinji and Asuka. “Whenever, you want to I guess.” Shinji turned away from the tv to address me,

I look back at him, a smile spreading on my face. “Asuka?” He asks, nudging her. “Whenever, I don’t care.” She shrugged. I also shrugged. “Then tomorrow that’s our plans.”

TO BE CONTINUED.

(Quick update: I’ve taken a lot of time away because of personal reasons, work, school, life. I really want to take a different direction with this story without Yk, completely redoing it. So bare with me if I retcon my own story.)

Chapter Text

Chapter 7: I Can Tell.

(Misato’s POV)

I sat in the driver’s seat as usual. Shinji sat in the back since Asuka insisted on being shotgun. I glanced at Shinji from the rear view mirror and winked at him. We pulled out from the parking lot and headed to the market as per plan.

On the way there, Asuka kept switching the radio stations. She couldn’t decide if she wanted city pop or regular pop. I would occasionally give Shinji a look, he didn’t notice though. He was staring out the window lost in thought, I can’t blame him though. So much going on with little time to even enjoy anything.

We got to the market, Shinji getting out immediately. “Hey!” I called, I didn’t even fully stop the car. Right after I parked he opened my door, surprising. “Why’d you do that?” I asked, getting out. “You told me that it’s manners to open doors for a woman.” He smiled nervously. “You’re learning.” I smiled back, patting him on the head. Asuka was off to the side just scoffing at the two of us, unsurprisingly.

We went into the market and Asuka skipped ahead of us, taking a look at everything around. I grabbed a cart and walked with Shinji. We grabbed the normal items, bread, milk, eggs. Nothing too different than normal. We got to a section that carried beer, my favorite brand in the center. I picked up a case, even though I had in the refrigerator I didn’t want to run out.

I put it in the cart and noticed Shinji’s expression. It was half judgmental half concern. I can tell he didn’t like me drinking. “What’s up?” I asked, stopping in the isle. “Nothing.” He said, looking at the shelves. “Don’t lie to me.” I said, putting my hand on his shoulder. “I’m not..” he looked at my hand. “Then talk to me.” I asked, locking eyes with him. He paused for a few before working up the courage to speak.

“Do you have to drink so much..?” He asked. I paused before even opening my mouth, I knew he was going to ask about my drinking yet when he did I couldn’t form a response. “Well..” I began, struggling to speak. What’s wrong with me? I shouldn’t have to explain my habits to anyone, especially not someone who’s under MY care. “It doesn’t matter.” I said, quickly becoming annoyed.

I took my hand off his shoulder and just began to walk. We walked in silence through the isles, occasionally seeing Asuka. We’d picked up another few things before finishing up. We waited for Asuka who had a little basket of her own. “Misato..” Shinji said lowly. “What.” I replied, looking at him. “Sorry..” he looked down, holding his left arm with his right hand. “For?” I crossed my arms. “Annoying you.” He said quickly.

I can’t stay mad it him for more than a few minutes, I’ve just been waiting for him to apologize to me. I shook my head and sighed. “Fine.” I said. “I shouldn’t have gotten upset anyways.” I added. He gave me a nod, still remaining quiet. Asuka came to the front where we were, bags in hand. “Can we go now?” She asked, I just walked out.

As I walked with the shopping cart to the car, I can hear the two of them behind me semi-arguing. “Idiot, what did you do?!” She yelled. “Don’t worry about it..” he said in his usual low tone. “Look, you made her mad. You Happy?!” She yelled. I stopped abruptly and turned around to face her. “Can you shut up for a moment?!” I yelled, my anger getting the better of me. That stopped her in her tracks. She paused, staring at me. I stared back, gripping the handle of the shopping cart.

I turned away and opened the trunk of my car, taking a deep breath before packing the items in. The ride home was silent. Asuka sat in the back and so did Shinji. I didn’t mean to get upset with both of them but they can really push my buttons. A few hours later and we’re all in the kitchen, at this point we’re just all exhausted. Shinji sat the furthest from me at the table, Asuka sitting closer to him than me. “Excuse me.” Asuka said, shooting me a look. “What is it?” I said politely, trying to bring calm back into our home. “I have to use the bathroom.” She replied, getting up and walking to the bathroom.

I just sat back in my chair, now looking at Shinji who was just looking down at his plate. “Why’re you so far?” I asked, patting the seat next to me. He blushed and just moved himself and his plate over next to me. “Even if I’m mad, I still want you near me.” I said, smiling softly. “Thank you..” he replied. He and I just laughed softly with each other before Asuka came back out. She probably questioned the seating arrangements but didn’t say anything.

Dinner was over shortly after that, thank god. Asuka stormed off to the room she shared with Shinji, slamming the door in the process. I couldn’t care less, she’ll get over her little tantrum by the morning. I sat in my room with my laptop in front of me, just mindlessly browsing the internet. I didn’t have anything to do so I just browsed different forums. Shinji knocked on my door, I knew it was him because of the way he knocked. “Come in.” I said, looking up from the screen. The door opened and he came in almost cautiously. “What’s up?” I said, leaning back in my bean bag. “Nothing really, I just felt alone.” He said, sitting next to me. “You know you’re never alone with me in the next room, right?” I nudged him playfully.

He gave a small smile, nodding. “It’s not the same as being directly in your company.” He said, breathing out. “What a charmer.” I said, smiling. He smiled some more. “Definitely not.” He replied, pulling his knees to his chest. We sat together in silence, but it wasn’t a bad silence. The silence was calming, I was with him and he was with me. I just scrolled through page after page, occasionally glancing at him to see if he was interested or not. I don’t think he minded just watching.

An hour of just mindlessly scrolling and I felt my eyes becoming heavier and heavier. I look over at Shinji again to see him asleep, adorable. I close my laptop and close my eyes, tomorrow will be another day.

TO BE CONTINUED.

Chapter Text

Chapter 8: I like the notion of us.

(Misato’s POV)

I unclip the straps of my bra, letting it fall to the floor. I look into the mirror at myself, the details on my body. Scars, imperfection. I remember at one time all that mattered to me, but at this point in my life it gets me nowhere. I picked up a house shirt, slipping it on and adjusting. I stayed in just panties since this shirt is oversized.

I walked out of my room and sat on the sofa, I had the apartment to myself. Shinji was out with his friends and Asuka was doing god knows what. I mindlessly watched TV, flipping from channel to channel without any real interest. I was so bored that I picked up the phone and called Ritsuko. “Hello?” She answered. “Heyy” I said. “You do realize our next session is tomorrow, right?” She questioned, chuckling slightly. “I can’t call my best friend on a whim?” I smiled. “I mean yeah, but we’re already gonna be talking for an hour tomorrow.” She replied, I hear the faint sound of a keyboard tapping between her sentences.

“You seem busy, should I just talk tomorrow?” I said, sighing. “It’s not that I don’t want to talk it’s just I’m so fucking swamped with work.” She too sighed. “Fine, tomorrow th-“ “Wait!” She cut me off. “You wouldn’t believe it.” She said, a little excitement in her voice. “What is it?” I asked. “Kaji’s gonna be working with us” she said, clearly more excited than me. “What?” I sat up, puzzled. “Why?” I asked immediately. “No idea, but I saw him earlier today.” She said. “Okay..” I mumbled.

“Don’t worry, you’ll be fine.” She reassured, we chatted for another minute before we hung up. It’s not that I have a huge issue with him working with us, it’s just… The way we ended back then was.. whatever.. I had written down his phone number before I hung up with Ritsuko, I guess it couldn’t hurt to catch up I suppose. I dial the number, it rang three times before it connected. “Kaji speaking.” He said, his voice reminded me of memories with him. “Hey.” I said, shifting in my seat.

“It can’t be.” He said, a tone of surprise in his voice. “Yes it can.” I smiled automatically. “The big time Captain herself.” He said. “Don’t flatter me.” I replied, giggling a little. We both shared a laugh before there was a silence. The only sound being the white noise from the call. “How’ve you been?” He asks, I take a moment before I reply. “I’ve been okay, you know?” I said, waving at Shinji who had just come home from school. “What about you?” I asked. “I can’t complain, life is life.” He said. I acknowledged, I get what he’s saying.

“What’s your schedule looking like?” He asked. “If you’re asking me out on a date I’m not gonna do it.” I replied, rolling my eyes. “Oh come on, you taken?” He asked. I blushed, of course I wasn’t. “A-as a matter of fact, I am.” I said in a stuck up sort of way. “Oh yeah?” He asked, “yeah. And he’s perfect.” I said. “Wow, Keep going.” I take it he caught on to my lies. I stared at Shinji who was taking out some pots and setting them on the stove. “He’s.. kind.. and caring.. he treats me perfectly..” I said, still staring. “Is that so?” He chuckled. “And he can cook well too.” I added. “You act like you hated my cooking.”

“I didn’t hate it..” I mumbled, leaning back still watching Shinji. “It’s just… my boyfriend is better.” After I said that, Shinji turned around with a puzzled look. I gestured for him to focus on cooking. We hung up after another five minutes. I listened to the water boiling, the sizzling of vegetables in the pan. Shinji putting noddles into the water carelessly. I hope he didn’t catch on that I was just describing things he does, that I think that highly of him.

I wouldn’t mind if he knew though, he should know that I think he’s perfect lover material. Well.. maybe not perfect. I laughed to myself. He definitely has his confidence issues and his insecurities, but besides that I think I can see myself with him. I got up and then sat down at the dinner table, not saying anything still. He set bowls down on the table and I just looked at him, when he noticed he gave me an awkward/shy smile. I gave a warm one in response. He sat down opposite of me, glancing over at me every other minute.

His awkwardness spoke to me, he didn’t say anything yet it’s like he said the world. Although the dinner was quiet, and the night was even quieter, I enjoyed it. I didn’t have to speak for him to know that I was content. That’s a green flag for me, being able to communicate without expressing words.

TO BE CONTINUED.

Chapter Text

Chapter 9: Talk With Me. (Session 2)

(Misato’s POV)

M: I definitely have trust issues

R: That goes without saying Misato.

We shared a chuckle.

M: Kaji being back just feels like old times, you know?

R: You gonna hook up with him?

M: God no!

Ritsuko laughed and sipped her wine.

M: You know what that did to my mental health.

R: Unfortunately.

We took a moment before she resumed speaking.

R: And Shinji, how is he?

M: He’s alright.

I smiled to myself.

R: You’re smiling.

M: Oh quiet.

I hid my smile, I can’t help that he brings a certain happiness back into my life.

R: You definitely grew closer to him in the time from last session to now.

M: Yeah, I guess so.

R: It’s cute, I like that for you both.

M: Oh yeah? How so?

R: Both of you are literally tragic cases, it makes sense that you two have a connection.

M: Me? A tragic case?

We both laughed.

M: How is he a tragic case though?

She looked around before leaning in, whispering.

R: The boy is basically an orphan with confidence issues.

She leaned back in her chair, holding her glass close to her lips.

M: I never thought of it like that.

I covered my mouth with my hand.

M: God you’re right what the fuck.

R: You didn’t think of it like that because you’re just.. you think a lot of him.

M: I don’t think that highly of him.

I scoffed, rolling my eyes.

R: I know when you think something of someone, the thought of them will put a smile on your face.

I looked away to hide the obvious smile, she was right. Of course she’s right, she can see right through me.

M: Whatever, you’re acting like you’ve never been interested in anyone.

R: My type is waaaay different than yours Misato.

We both chuckled.

R: You’re doing a good job, don’t doubt that.

She began to speak.

R: He’s showed signs of just being happier in general. You’re succeeding in being a caretaker.

I poured some more wine, listening.

R: Seeing as you both are getting closer, we might invite him into our sessions.

M: I don’t know about that..

R: Give it some thought, you never know.

M: Maybe, but only if we can keep the wine.

R: Of course.

I drank and stayed quiet. Ritsuko knows me, she knows me better than anyone else does in the entire agency. I don’t ever open up to people like this, and when I do it’s only a small glimpse into how I really am as a person.

I watch her as she checks her phone, drinks her wine, taps her foot. This is less of a session and more a “let’s drink and talk gossip!” I think to myself.

R: An hour is almost up. Have we made any progress?

M: I’d say the only thing we discovered is that Shinji is a tragic case that I need to fix

Ritsuko laughed, holding her glass in the air.

R: I can drink to that.

And that we did, we drank more wine. The more I drank the more I can open up, I opened up about things that I don’t normally say.

But In the back of my mind I always think about Shinji and how he feels about me. I don’t like him seeing me drunk or tipsy anymore, I want him to think more of me. I want him to see me more as a woman and less as a caretaker that gets wasted every night.

But why do I want to prove myself so much to him when the only things we’ve done are just share innocent moments? Is there something in me that just has a desire to prove? To be seen as a lover?

R: Don’t forget to call me if something ever happens.

M: Of course I will, you know I loooove opening up.

We smiled and I walked out of her office. The end of our sessions were usually the highlight of them. I get to go home and drink my beer in peace, no unnecessary trauma dump or emotion confession. It would just be me and my beer.

Well.. Me, my beer, Shinji & Asuka. Less Asuka and more Shinji, Asuka normally locks herself away in her room to just be clear of us.

I unlocked the door to my car and got in, closing the door and sitting behind the wheel for a few minutes. Home wasn’t so far but I was tired, I didn’t feel like driving. The fatigue of my daily life setting in heavy as I look out the windshield. I have half a mind to just take the train and walk home.

But alas, I will myself to start driving. I took my time, obeying traffic laws like I should always do. I listened to whatever came up on the r&b station, I couldn’t care to put my own music on.

After I got home, I just sat with a beer. My clothes were the same oversized shirt and shorts that I live in. Shinji sat in the kitchen studying, Asuka talked someone’s ear off on the phone.

Life doesn’t seem so bad when I get to just be me and relax.

Shinji: Hey, Misato?

Shinji’s voice called from the kitchen.

M: Yeah?

Shinji: We have some leftovers, do you mind?

M: Uhm.. no not really..

My reply was just whatever was easiest. I’m already feeling myself get buzzed.

Asuka: What if I didn’t want that.

M: You’ll have to deal with it.

I laughed at her expense, Shinji giving me a smile since he wouldn’t dare laugh at her in her presence.

Asuka: Whatever.

Asuka just went to her room and closed the door, I stayed drinking my beer on the sofa.

I love moments like these.

TO BE CONTINUED.

Chapter Text

Chapter 10: Till I Fall Asleep.

(3rd Person POV)

Misato walked through the long corridors of NERV, today was extra stressful due to the testing and Angel attack of last week. Her eyes were bloodshot from the crying she did the night before. She had bags under them, her skin looked pale.

The last thing she wants is for Shinji to be hurt, and he was. Mentally & Emotionally. The attack proved more stressful than anticipated, causing more damage than was allotted. Gendo not even acknowledging his son what happened, just looking at him and walking off.

Misato remembered this and clenched her fist, her emotions were all over the place. Between having to visit Shinji in his hospital room and all sorts of reports, files, and assignments that she had to fill and do. Her life was thrown on its head, and she definitely wasn’t taking it well. “Misato, wait up.” The voice of Kaji said from behind her.

She turned around to see Kaji approaching, a small smile forming on her. “Hey.” She said in a low tone, standing in front of him. “You look worse for wear.” He said, looking her up and down. “Should’ve seen me after our breakup.” She replied, Kaji crossed his arms and leaned against the wall, just blinking at her. “Not funny?” She asks, doing the same as him. “Not right now.” He replies. “How’s the kid?” He asks after a short period of silence.

“He’s… okay..” Misato sighs, shrugging slightly. “And the other two?” Kaji adds. “Much of the same, can’t really say anything’s different.” Misato replies. “And you? What’s going on?” He asks, locking eyes with her. “I’m okay.” Misato says, giving him a half smile. “I know you, Katsuragi.” He says, squinting. Misato goes quiet, breaking their eye contact. “Misato…” Kaji says, stepping closer to her. “Don’t worry about it, Kaji.” Misato says, she looks at him again. Her eyes wander from place to place on him, not wanting to meet his gaze yet again. Don’t you trust me?” He asks. “I don’t know who I trust at this point..” Misato says, turning away from him.

“I need space, you can understand that.” Misato says, the tone of her voice saying more than her words. She looked at Kaji one last time before walking away, her mind almost empty. Her thoughts were just focused on Shinji and how he’s feeling. The ride home was quiet, she didn’t feel like music or talk shows as usual. She opened the door to her apartment and just walked straight to the kitchen, grabbing a beer.

She drank, and drank, and drank again. This is her coping mechanism, a way to just try and escape all of the problems that she faces. She hid away in her room so that Shinji wouldn’t see her shame, her addiction in a way. The empty bottles that occupied her room filled it with an aroma of a stale beer. She hadn’t opened a window or cleaned in over a week.

As she lay on her bed in her almost completely drunken state, her empty mind flooded back with thoughts. She covered her eyes to stop from staring at the blank ceiling, only to be met with images in her mind of things she’d rather forget. Before she knew it she was making a bigger mess of her already sloppy makeup, the tears running down her face were tainted with black mascara. Small whimpers turned into audible sobs as more of her trauma, mistakes and regrets come back into mind.

After a minute, the noises reached Shinji. Her crying was hard, you could hear the pain from her voice. He got up from the kitchen table and knocked on her bedroom door. “Misato?” He asked, waiting for a response. Her crying dampened, barely audible. He asked for her again, but there was no answer. Against his better judgment he just opened the door. The smell of beer strong in the room, articles of clothing just scattered across the floor. Within the dimly lit room is where he found Misato laying in her bed.

“Misato…?” He asked, not stepping any closer to her. “Oh.. Shinji…” Misato said, wiping her eyes and sitting up. Her cheeks were red from a mixture of the drinking and crying. Her face stained from the running makeup. She couldn’t sit straight in her drunken state. She stood up and wobbled a fair bit, she approached the boy who tensed up at her. For some reason, she seemed bigger than she already was. She stood over him and opened her arms out, embracing him. “Are you okay..” he asked, keeping his arms glued to his side.

“I’ve…” She began, then stopping. She just stood there embracing the boy. She put her head to his, smelling his hair, running her hand over the back of his neck. “You’re…. Delicate….” She mumbled, her words slurred. “Thank you..?” Shinji basically asked, his shyness overtaking him more and more. She let go of him, now holding his shoulders. She smiled at him, trying to make eye contact but failing miserably. “You should get some rest…” Shinji insisted, Misato just brushing him off. She took his hand and led him to her mess of a bed.

“S-Ssit..” she slurred, flopping down on her bed. Shinji stared for a second before taking a seat. He sat next to her, his hands folded on his lap. She put her hands on his, looking at him with a different sort of look. “Mmm..” She leaned into him, putting her head on his shoulder. “You drank a lot..” Shinji scanned the room; looking at the empty bottles. “Shh… I’m… okay..” she slurred. She turned his head to face her, the two were closer than they had ever been. He stared into her eyes, the sight that he had been used to yet not like this, this time was different.

She smiled at him again. He gave a nervous smile as courtesy. In a time like this he couldn’t bring himself to give a genuine smile. “Please… Get some sleep…” He begged. “Mmh.. Shinji…” She said softly, wrapping her arms around his neck. “Misato…” he mumbled, his face a dark red. “You make me happy… you know..?” She said, putting her forehead against his. “H-How..” Shinji breathed heavy, his heart pounding. “You..” She started, then going quiet. “I…?” He asked. Before he realized, she was kissing him on the lips.

His eyes widened, his hands gripping his pant legs. She let go of him, giving him a warm smile. “It’s Christmas Eve..” she whispered in his ear. “You deserve something..” she wrapped her arms around his body, embracing him in a tight hug. He was speechless, obviously. He had never been kissed before, let alone by a woman like Misato. As much as he could he tried to focus on anything but the situation that he was in. But his mind could only go back to her. Her, her, her. Her violet hair, her soft skin, her passionate eyes.

He could even look passed the smell of the alcohol on her breath, the redness of her cheeks from the drinking. In her he saw something, in himself he felt something change.

The two lied back on her bed, Misato falling quickly asleep. Shinji staring at the ceiling.

What’s about to change?

TO BE CONTINUED.

Chapter Text

Chapter 11: Ditch The Party.

(3rd Person POV)

Misato scanned her closet, looking for an appropriate dress for the Christmas party later tonight. Her head was pounding from the night before, she doesn’t remember much. Her eyes caught on to a red dress that she hadn’t worn since her last semester in college, she smiled a little at it.

She took it out and laid it on the bed, hands on her hips. She felt a weight lifted as she looked at it. “Thank god I don’t have to keep looking.” She said, walking out of her room and too the kitchen. Shinji sat at the table, not looking at her. “You alright?” She asks, sitting on the opposite end of him. He gave a nod and continued reading his book. “Hey, look at me.” She smiled, putting her hand on his. He blushed and looked over at her.

“What is it?” She asked, looking him in the eyes. “Uhm… Last Night..?” He asked her, frowning slightly. “What?” She replied, now slightly concerned. “Do you remember anything?” Shinji pulled his hand back, just staring at her. “No.. I don’t..” Misato sat back in her chair, crossing her arms. “Nevermind..” Shinji mumbled, about to stand up. “Sit down.” Misato snapped, squinting at him. He did as told without questioning. “What happened.” Misato asked.

“Well..” Shinji began, stopping himself as Asuka walked out of her room. “Asuka this doesn’t concern you, go back to your room.” Misato snapped at her. “What?!” She protested. “Just don’t come out until I say.” Misato shot her a glare. Asuka quieting down and going back to her room, She slammed the door behind her. “Tell me.” Misato said, turning back to Shinji. “You.. You Kissed me…” Shinji said under his breath, a deep blush spreading across his face. “W-What..” Misato said, her eyes widening.

The two sat silent before Misato spoke again. “Shinji I…” She put her hands over her face, sighing. “I didn’t mean to..” Her voice broke. “Misato..” Shinji mumbled. “I.. I didn’t mind..” Shinji stated, looking at his caretaker nervously. She didn’t look back. “I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have said anything…” Shinji said, getting up from his seat. He began to walk back to his room before his arm was grabbed. He looked back to look at Misato, her grip almost cutting off the blood to his arm. “Don’t leave..” she said lowly.

They sat back down at the table, Asuka storming out of her room and walking passed them. “Where are you going?” Misato asked, Asuka didn’t reply. She opened the door and slammed it behind her. Misato just shook her head, leaning back in her chair and sighing. “Shinji.” She said, her eyes closed. “Yes?” Shinji asked. Misato didn’t reply, trying to compose words to say.

“You.. you mean a lot to me.” She began. “And you’re not someone I can see myself without.” Shinji listened quietly as she began her rant. “Since you’ve been in my apartment I’ve noticed in myself that I’ve felt things I haven’t felt in a while.” Misato opened her eyes, looking at the ceiling. “You mean more to me than most people do, and it scares me.” She sighed.

“But even still, I can’t help it. There’s just something about YOU.” She sat up, looking at Shinji. “Your shy mannerisms, your personality, the way you treat me.” Shinji shifted in his seat. She can’t be serious? He thought. “Damn it I don’t know what to say, I don’t just look at you like you’re the one I’m guarding, like you’re my friend.” She stood up, she paced around. “And I’m scared that my feelings are strong, that I’ll compromise myself in the process.”

“But even through my fear, the pain I feel when I think of you, the anger I get knowing you don’t have a family.. The.. The love just swallows that…” Her eyes welled with tears, her hands trembled. “Love..?” Shinji muttered, his eyes glued to her. “Shinji I think I love you..” Misato looked at him, her face now wet with tears. “I believe that last night I did kiss you.. I believe it one hundred percent because that’s how I feel.. like I need to wrap my arms around you and never let you go..”

“Misato..” Was all Shinji could mumble. “But I’m hurting us both with this..” She sobbed, leaning against the refrigerator. “You’re not..” Shinji replied. “I tried writing all this off as just us being close.. every thought I had of you.. but what I feel when I’m with you I just can’t contain it..” She said through her tears. Shinji stayed quiet. “But I ruined it all between us!” She exclaimed, hitting the refrigerator with her fist. “Please! You didn’t ruin anything!” Shinji stood up, his heart pounding. Misato remained crying. Shinji approached her, grabbing her shoulders.

“Misato I-I’m okay!” Shinji yelled, on the verge of tears himself. Misato didn’t say anything. Shinji embraced her tightly, crying heavily now. “You have to believe me..” He said through tears. Misato looked down at him, she pulled his head close to her chest. The two remained there, crying into each other.

After an hour, the two were sitting together on the floor in front of the refrigerator. Shinji had his head rested on Misato’s chest. She stroked his hair, staring blankly at the floor. They didn’t move. They were too tired for it. “What do we do now?” Shinji asked. Misato remained quiet, still stroking his hair. He sat up and looked at her, she looked back at him.

“What’s next..?” He asked, pulling his knees to his chest. “That’s… that’s up to you…” Misato sighed. They stared at each other, emotions flooding between the two. Silent feelings that are louder than any noise on earth. “I want you to show me more..” He mumbled to her. “Show you more..?” She asked. “Teach me..” He replied. “What are you asking me Shinji…” She whispered. “I want to be with you… teach me how to treat you right…” His voice softened even more.

There was another silence, Misato contemplating what he said. She outreached her hand and he took it. They held each other’s hands and continued to be lost in their gazes. “You treat me the best as is..” She said, holding him firmly. “If you want to be with me..” She breathed out. “You can’t say anything to anyone..” She frowned a little. “W-Why..” Shinji asked, shifting a little. “Our age differences.. that’s why.. it’s just taboo..” She sighed. “I don’t care what people think!” Shinji whined. “They’d take you from me and I can’t have that!” She yelled.

The thought of losing him like that terrified her to no end. They were both riled up with passion like they had never felt before. Her heart racing, his as well. “Shinji if we’re going to be together I’m never letting you go..” Misato said softly. “I don’t want you to..” Shinji cried quietly. “Then you have to listen to me..” She said, pulling him into her again. “I’ll listen.. I promise I will..” he cried into her. “I know, I know baby…” She shushed him, kissing the top of his head. “We’re gonna be okay.. we’ll be the happiest with each other..” She said.

“It’s you and I for life.” She said, firmly gripping his hand.

TO BE CONTINUED.

(Hey everyone, happy new year! New Year, new chapters. What’s next for our two lovers now that they have a secret relationship? We’ll all find out!)

Chapter Text

Chapter 12: Asuka’s Interlude.

(Asuka’s POV)

How fucking dare she? That bitch!

Misato sending to my room and just keeping me there like she’s my mother, who the fuck does she think she is?!

I press my ear against the door, listening to their conversation. “You.. You kissed me..” I hear Shinji say to her. My mouth fell open. I stood up and paced around my room, he couldn’t be talking to Misato could he? She wouldn’t be such an idiot as to kiss THAT Loser.. would she..?

I went back to the door and listened in again, I hear the chair scraping against the floor, somebody stood up. I couldn’t deal with this bullshit. I got my shoes on and walked out, zipping passed them and leaving the apartment.

I walked outside, just to get some fresh fucking air. I can’t stand either of them, I thought Misato was admirable for a little but now I realize she’s no better than that idiot. I mean, who in their right mind would kiss that noodle of a man.

After two hours I came back. The lights were off, the tv was going, I walked slowly into the apartment. I see the two of them asleep on each other, covered with a blanket.

The sight disgusts me, the notion of him being happy with a woman is just deplorable. I walked passed them and scoffed, going to my room and shutting the door.

Whatever they do is on them, I shouldn’t even care.

TO BE CONTINUED.

(Shorter chapter to get some of Asuka’s point of view, a little glimpse into the larger world.)

Chapter Text

Chapter 13: My Past next to My Future.

(Misato’s POV)

Winter air. The winter air bites at my face, turning my cheek a hue of red. My eyes wander the scenery, buildings which accumulate a sheet of snow. I breathe in the air, the sting of bitter cold filling my lungs deeply. On a morning like this I wish I was home in bed, underneath three quilts. But we can’t get everything we want, can we?

I look over at Shinji who was basically shivering. I wrap an arm around him and pull him closer to me. He looks up at me with a blush like I haven’t hood him this close before. It’s something I cherish about him, no matter how many times we do something he always treats it like it’s the first time.

We’ve been dating for one week now, and things haven’t been terrible. It definitely feels better than my previous relationships. “Why’re we standing out here again?” Shinji asks me. “Waiting for someone.” I reply. I sigh and check my watch, it shouldn’t be taking this long. I take my phone out of my pocket and tense slightly as it too is cold. I open it and scroll through my contacts to find him.

I call, the ringing seemingly endless. “Come on, answer Kaji.” I mumble, looking around. “Yeah, yeah I’m close.” He says right after answering. “Hurry up, it’s freezing.” I snap. “Geez I’ll break some traffic laws.” He chuckles, I can’t help but smile a little at his idiotic joke. I hang up and tilt my head back and sigh. After the five minutes that felt like hours, he finally shows. He steps out of the car and I feel an anxiety. I fidget with my dress, fixing my jacket. I don’t know why I do this, maybe subconsciously I feel I still need to please him.

Shinji glances at me, his confusion clearly visible. “There she is.” Kaji says, opening his arms as he approaches. “Who else?” I ask. He gets closer and I put my arm in front of me. “Let’s not do that.” I roll my eyes, he makes a fake disappointed expression and chuckles. “Kaji, meet Shinji.” I say, gesturing Shinji to shake his hand. They introduce themselves to each other, things go well decently. I’m glad, I don’t think Shinji’s caught on that we used to date years ago. How could he though?

We head into NERV HQ, I keep a slower pace than the two males in front. They make small talk, nothing un-ordinary. I get occasional glances from Shinji. He’s unsure about Kaji, I can see it in his demeanor. I’m pretty sure Kaji notices it too, Kaji was always good at reading people, something he takes an immense pride in. We get to the change room, where Shinji gives me a final look before entering. I walk into the control room, shooting Ritsuko a look. She just smiles and waves at Kaji who was admiring the whole set up. “Well, this is where is all happens.” I sigh, waiting for Shinji to enter the EVA.

“Don’t sound so excited.” Kaji nudges. “I’m exhausted.” I reply, crossing my arms. “I can imagine.” He sits down on a chair, looking up at me. “Taking care of Ikari probably weighs you down.” He adds. “It’s not that bad.” I say as I yawn. I fall silent, the room busy and different voices fade in and out of my attention. No one knows about us, and that’s something I think about every day that I’m with Shinji. I zone out completely, my body just doing the mundane tasks that it knows to do. The hours coming and going within seconds.

Before I realize it I’m in the car driving Shinji and Asuka home, silent the entire time. Spacing out is my way of escaping, I subconsciously operate while me as a person just steps back for a while. Another coping mechanism that is more than likely unhealthy for me, but when do I ever do things that benefit my health? We’re inside my apartment. I find myself sitting on the couch spread out. I really have to do something about my zoning out, this can’t be healthy can it.

TO BE CONTINUED.

(Shorter chapters to world build.)

Chapter Text

Chapter 14: Go Further With Me.

(Misato’s Journal)

I write my notes down on nights where I’m alone, I write to think and have some sort of Therapy. God knows I need an outlet. Work is stressful, maintaining a secret relationship, pretending to completely fine around my other.

I don’t let it all consume me, my sorrows and anxiety that is. I tend to just drown it out with a few bottles and call it a night. Bad habit, I know. I’ve been better lately though, I haven’t drank as much. I know Shinji doesn’t care for it when I do.

The way I deal with problems is to just seek quick and easy pleasures. In my younger days it was one night stands and parties, as I got older I resorted more to drinking, even cigarettes a few times. My relationship with Kaji couldn’t work because he was more of the same.

We went to parties to get wasted and get wild after. We knew that the other wasn’t entirely faithful, that’s the problem. I think I was more committed to him than he was to me though, and I’m almost positive that he played into that.

My experiences with relationships were tragic, and I never learned to love properly. My idea of a loving relationship is giving myself and getting small gratitude in return. With Shinji though, I’ve been learning. Learning to care and love in a way that doesn’t involve me demeaning myself.

(Misato’s POV)

I take off my heels and sit down on my bed, painful as usual. I lie back and just spread myself out. My back pains almost seeping into the mattress. I sigh out and cover my eyes with my forearm, god I could just fall asleep now.

I promised shinji id eat more than ramen noodles tonight though. So now it falls on to me to get something for us.

I pick up my phone and turn it on, the bright light from my screen makes me squint. I’ve been sitting in the dark since I got home. I open up the browser and start my search for moderately priced meals for us.

Thus begins the mindless scrolling, clicking on menus of places with the most appetizing ad. There was just endless options of noodles. Although I don’t mind it, I think Shinji might. I decide on some fancy nonsense, I pick out whatever looks the best for us both and have it sent out for delivery.

I send Shinji a text saying I ordered something. “What about Asuka?” He sends back. I sigh and shoot her a text asking if she’s hungry. I get a reply shortly afterwards. “I’m fine.”

Even if she was hungry, she’d just get something for herself. A few minutes later I finally head out to the living room, each step reminding me why it took so long to sit up from bed. My eyes squint at the sudden adjustment from the dark to the light.

I get a brief smile from Asuka, and a wave from Shinji. I sit down at the table with Shinji and rest my head in my hands. Keeping myself propped up with my elbows on the table. I look over at Asuka who’s lying flat on her stomach watching tv. “Long day I guess?” Shinji asks, I roll my eyes and smile. “You wouldn’t believe.”

I checked my phone to get an update about my order, Shinji leaning over to see. I show him my screen. We both groan over the wait time. I lean back in my chair and close my eyes, these are the nights.

[THE NEXT DAY]

I get up and get my work clothes on in my half awake state. My hair’s a mess, my clothes are wrinkled. But there’s no time, I’m late for work. And by default, I made Shinji and Asuka late for school.

I make it a point to drive them to school, and we’re never late 90% of the time. I have no one else to blame but myself for that. I hurriedly make my way out of my room to see Asuka sitting cross armed with a frown. “Where’s Shinji?” I ask while looking around.

“He’s not feeling well, and I’m late.” She glances at me, I just sigh and make my way to the front door. I’ll attend to him when I come back.

The drive there was quiet, she’s irritated and now I am. I give her a high five before she exits the car, I hurriedly make it out of the school parking lot and race back home to see Shinji.

Now I’m officially late, and he’s flat out missing. I make my way inside the apartment and to his room. He’s just laying in bed with his SDAT playing, I kneel beside him and remove the headphones. “Didn’t feel like going, did you?” I smile.

He shook his head and sat up. “I wanted to be with you today, you know?” He smiles back. “I have work.” I reply. “Take a day, for me.” He crosses his arms. We exchange a look, he knows I don’t want to, but he knows I’m not just going to leave him after he asked so nicely.

“If I get in any kind of trouble, it’s your fault.” I winked, giving him a peck on the cheek. I call the office and let them know I came down with some sort of virus, I don’t know. I take off my jacket and sit down on the sofa, sighing out.

He sat next to me, resting his head on my shoulder. He closed his eyes and just relaxed on me, it’s the safeness he feels with me that tells me this is special. “Misato?” He asks. “Yeah?” I look down, his eyes still closed. “Where do you think we’re going w this?” He asks, now looking up at me. I was at a loss for words, I never thought it through before now.

We sat there quietly while I contemplated, he still rested on me like nothing happened, while I struggle to find an outcome that doesn’t involve me ruining it all. “You know it’s okay if you don’t answer.” He says, sitting up. “Uhm..” I mutter, running my hands through my hair. He doesn’t know the things that go through my mind normally, no one does.

I see myself with him, but is it plausible? Is this something that we could sustain for years? I live with this secret that weighs on my mind like cement blocks attached to my feet. I love him, dearly, but love isn’t enough. I would end up hurting him more if people found out about us. The struggle I face while having to worry about my job.

“You know I wanna be with you.” I say, giving a half smile. “There’s a catch, right?” He asks. “No, but..” I start, sighing. “You know this is hard for me, right?” I turn to face him. “Why’s it hard?” He tilts his head, the look he’s giving me is one of just curiosity. “We’re a secret, a big one.” I rest my head in my hands. “Do you know what would happen if people found out about us?” I shut my eyes.

“That shouldn’t matter..” He puts an arm around me. “But it does.. it really does..” I stand up. “There’s a lot of factors that could happen, and I don’t think you understand..” I cross my arms. “I understand, but I don’t care what anybody else thinks.”

We gave each other a smile, his way of reassurance.

TO BE CONTINUED

Chapter Text

Chapter 15: I’m Yours & You Are Mine.

Hand out the window, breeze catching it softly. Hair blowing from the wind, small smiles on both faces. Life treated them well these last few months. Under the gaze of everyone else on the road, they held hands. Their off days consisted of the little things, little dates here and there, Tokyo 3 has a lot to offer.

He looks to the driver and just smiles in love. He sees his other half in her, this type of love is special, it’s not an infatuation or a 4 month fling. It’s a genuine love. They don’t say much on this drive, but not much needs to be said. What more could they want? Perfect relationship, work is fine, school is fine.

She feels a sense of calm and purity in what her life has become, less ridden with anxiety and more filled with positivity and connectivity. He saw the change in her, and it’s what he’s been wanting since they met. They’re two sides of the same coin, stricken with pain and grief from the past. How could they move past in on their own?

The road that she drives on just acts like lines in a notebook, she follows them without a second thought. There’s no real goal for them today, just an open road and a tank of gas. And for Shinji? It’s enough. Misato doesn’t mind anything, as long as her partner also doesn’t mind.

“This is life, huh?” Misato asks, her red colored lips turn to a smile. “Yeah, this is life.” Shinji replies with, his hold on her hand getting more firm. They stop at a light, Misato looks over at him. “You don’t have to hold on so tight, im not going anywhere.” She reassured him. He blushed deeply, much to her delight. They continue on their aimless path, enjoying each other’s company, even if in silence.

Such is their life, and they went through trauma and hurt to get there. The scene is beautiful, much like Misato. Her purple hair flows from the air, the windows being down don’t bother her. She wears her sunglasses, her red jacket in the back seat. Shinji leans back in his seat, enjoying the warm weather and the breeze from the drive.

They occasionally look to each other and smile, knowing they are at their happiest along side the other. In their souls, they are one in the same. Their ages just show signs of when they became who they were always supposed to be. They reflect each other, and they came to accept it. Misato loves the person who sits next to her, Shinji loves the woman that sits next to him. Love is an unstoppable force, if it’s pure and it’s strong, nothing can hold it back.

The drive continues. Their lives like the car, going wherever the road of life takes them.

END

[Hello everyone. I felt like I was obligated to give you all an ending, I know it’s not exactly what everyone wanted, but I burnt out with life and really took a steep decline. I hope you all can understand, but I will be back with a fresh story in the near future. Much love, TheLastSwordsman]