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You were supposed to be nothing to him.
You weren't supposed to be anything.
You were younger and weaker than he was.
Still, he thinks it is unfair to measure your power base on his own. He is the strongest, after all. Everyone knows it. It's not like he was denying or hiding it.
That’s why, between the lack of manpower in the jujutsu world and his prowess, he and Getou were often sent on missions to eradicate curses.
You and the other weaker students were sent on missions, too, but not as frequent and as dangerous as theirs.
After all, you were weak, but he doesn’t know why he notices that.
One particular mission changed everything. It was an easy mission—it was supposed to be easy. Track and retrieve Sukuna's finger.
But still, it seems as though even after being long sealed, Sukuna manages to bring death wherever he goes.
It was too late when you and your partner noticed that it was not an easy mission. Too late when you notice the special grade.
Too late for anything.
You manage to survive, though. Suguru and him were close to the area when they sensed the special grade and managed to kill it before it devoured you.
He lets out a low whistle when the special grade vanishes, picking up Sukuna’s finger and giving it to you. He shrugged when you mumbled a soft thank you and stood up despite your unsteady feet, even when Suguru was panicking about your wellbeing.
You looked like you were going to be sick when you saw the dead body of your partner. That could’ve been you. It could’ve been you.
You clutched Sukuna’s finger and cursed your weakness.
Maybe that's when it became clear to you that you wouldn’t have survived without them. You wouldn’t have survived with your current power.
He only raised an eyebrow when you approached them and asked them to train you to be strong enough to be able to save someone—strong enough to save yourself.
Suguru easily agreed, while he shrugged and thought, who could train you better than the strongest duo?
He noticed the smallest things. You look pretty when you smile; you give a small smile and laugh when he jokes; you give him a look when he’s being overly arrogant confident; you look up to Shoko more than him and Suguru; you’re good friends with Nanami; your eyes twinkle when he or Suguru compliments you on your progress.
He doesn’t know when he graduated from calling you your surname to calling you your given name. He doesn’t know when he graduated from seeing you as weak to seeing you strong. He doesn’t know when he started seeing you as something instead of nothing.
He doesn’t know.
He knows when Suguru started seeing you as something more, though. He looks at you like you’re his own personal heaven. He notices that Suguru wants to be able to be with you as much as possible. He notices when Suguru looks at you with stars in his eyes and love in his mouth. It’s the way Suguru breathes your name, it’s the way he is so protective of you, it’s in every action. It’s the way Suguru's eyes would darken slightly when he gets too close to you, so he backs off, setting a boundary because he respects his friend too much to lose him over a girl. Just a girl.
Gojo doesn’t know if you noticed the boundary he set on himself, but he does know when you fell for his best friend.
Suddenly, it hurts to see you. It hurts to see you smile when it’s not because of him. It hurts to see you laugh because it’s not his doing. It hurts to see you love someone who’s not him.
He’s not Gojo Satoru (the strongest sorcerer) for nothing, though. He doesn’t show his weakness, he doesn’t show you his vulnerability. He wants you to go back from being something to being nothing.
It doesn't change though. You were still something to him.
The mission was simple enough. It was supposed to be easy. They’re the strongest duo. The strongest sorcerers but he’s fighting to the death against Fushiguro Toji.
And then they failed. He was victorious against the enemy, yet he failed. He thinks he’s going crazy. Failure is as new to him as love is.
When he saw Suguru clutching Riko Amanai’s dead body, he wondered if Suguru saw you with the way he was trembling and holding his tears back. He wonders if Suguru thinks that Riko could’ve been you. It could’ve been you.
Even if you’re not there.
Does Suguru see the situation as he does? Hopelessness seeps through him while his imagination goes wild. What if they - he failed somehow to get to you that night? Or the following missions? What if this is you next?
He couldn’t forgive himself if it came to that.
And he knows that Suguru couldn’t and wouldn’t forgive the world if it came to that.
Suguru changed after the mission, sinking deeper into his belief and hatred and darkness until not even you could reach him.
You are Suguru's everything, Gojo knows that. Everyone knows that. You know that. You are the driving force behind his desire to eradicate the world that requires them to forfeit their lives for others.
So when Suguru disappeared, you did too. You couldn’t forgive yourself for the deaths of everyone Suguru killed.
He thinks that it’s best that you live a normal life away from the world that killed your dreams, your innocence, your love. He thinks he can live with the knowledge that his best friend is gone and so is the something he found.
He thinks.
His actions say otherwise.
His kisses drive you crazy, his hands worship you like you’re his own personal heaven, his breath on your skin brings you higher and higher until it’s only you and him.
You don’t know when you graduated from calling him Gojo-senpai to Satoru. You don’t know when you started seeing him with stars in your eyes and love in your mouth. You don't know when you stopped feeling guilty about loving him instead of Suguru, when he became your salvation rather than someone who would damn you, when he became everything rather than nothing.
Your kisses bring him to sanity, your touches feel like answered prayer, your breath against his skin brings him higher and higher until there’s only him and you.
He wonders what Suguru thinks of him as he brands you. He wonders if Suguru knows that you are his everything, like everyone knows. Like you know.
You were nothing before, but now you are everything.
You are his damnation.
His salvation.
His everything.
His.