Actions

Work Header

Rating:
Archive Warning:
Categories:
Fandom:
Relationships:
Characters:
Additional Tags:
Language:
English
Collections:
Yuletide 2008
Stats:
Published:
2008-12-15
Words:
2,953
Chapters:
1/1
Comments:
2
Kudos:
18
Bookmarks:
3
Hits:
1,132

Just Desserts : An Anime Episode that Never Was

Summary:

A sugary little story. I hope I got the screenplay formatting right. Enjoy! :)

Notes:

Thank you Takahashi Rumiko for writing and drawing Ranma 1/2!

Thank you Antumbral for your beta-reading help!

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

INT. CAT CAFÉ, NERIMA WARD - MID-AFTERNOON

Open on a sunny day in a well-lit RESTAURANT. It's a relatively quiet time, between the lunch rush and the dinner rush. A couple of CUSTOMERS are finishing a late lunch, and SHAMPOO'S DAD comes out of the kitchen with their CHECK. A moment later RYOGA steps through the front door wearing his usual HIKING BACKPACK.

RYOGA

Which way is Furinkan High School?

 

SHAMPOO'S DAD

Konnichiwa?

RYOGA recognizes SHAMPOO'S DAD's accent and switches from Japanese to Cantonese.

RYOGA

Hello. Which way is Furinkan High School?

 

SHAMPOO'S DAD

Wow another Cantonese speaker, and you're not even Chinese!

 

RYOGA

Um, I get around.

 

SHAMPOO'S DAD

Ah, you must be the Hibiki Ryoga my daughter keeps talking about! I'm Shampoo's father. Sorry, I don't know where Furinkan High School is. Shampoo and Mousse take correspondence classes with Amazon High School.

 

RYOGA

Nice to meet you. Where's everyone else?

The CUSTOMERS pay and leave. SHAMPOO'S DAD starts to clear the TABLE.

SHAMPOO'S DAD

The kids are at the library, and Grandmother's at the Nerima Senior Center.

 

RYOGA

Senior Center?

 

SHAMPOO'S DAD

Yeah, ever since they got bouncers to keep Happosai from groping the female staffers, it's been good. Tonight's event is speed-dating...

RYOGA looks DEJECTED.

SHAMPOO'S DAD

...what's wrong? I'm the one who might get a step-grandfather, not you! What if he doesn't like me?

 

RYOGA

I was going to stay at the Tendo Dojo tonight, but I can't find anyone to help me get there. I can't even find Furinkan to find Akane or Nabiki or Ranma to help me get there!

 

SHAMPOO'S DAD

You're welcome to stay here. We have a sofabed upstairs.

 

RYOGA

Thank you! Um...I haven't seen you around much before...why don't you spend time with Genma and Soun? You can play Kokusai Sannin Shogi together, it's 3-player!

 

SHAMPOO'S DAD

They speak Japanese and had English in high school. I speak Cantonese and had Russian in high school. Besides, those two are crazy!

EXT. SCENE - SIDEWALK OUTSIDE STOREFRONTS, JINBO-CHO WARD - DAYTIME

RYOGA is wandering around among the shoppers, and sees SHAMPOO quickly walk out of one of the BOOKSTORES with a SHOPPING BAG. She is BLUSHING.

RYOGA

Where is the camping gear store...Oh, hi Shampoo! What happened?

 

SHAMPOO

Umm...promise not to tell?

RYOGA remembers SHAMPOO'S DAD'S language and switches from Japanese to Cantonese.

RYOGA

I promise. You always keep my curse secret from Aka-

SHAMPOO keeps speaking Japanese.

SHAMPOO

Ryoga, Shampoo need practice Japanese! Anyway. Yeah. Akane needs know, but you need tell her yourself.

RYOGA switches back to Japanese.

RYOGA

-I can keep your secret from everyone.

RYOGA and SHAMPOO lower their voices.

SHAMPOO

Thank you. Shampoo embarrassed, think cashier knows she bi now. That family secret.

RYOGA looks in the SHOPPING BAG and sees copies of Erica Sakurazawa's Between the Sheets and The Aromatic Bitters.

RYOGA

The cashier can't tell. My aunt likes Between the Sheets too and that doesn't make her bi or lesbian, she just likes good writing. She likes Lois McMaster Bujold's books too and she's not an astronaut either...Hold it, why is it a secret?

SHAMPOO BLUSHES even more.

SHAMPOO

I tell you, but not in middle of street!

SHAMPOO takes RYOGA's hand and stomps away...

EXT. SCENE - LOCAL PARK - CONTINUING

RYOGA and SHAMPOO are sitting on a BENCH some distance from the street, surrounded by GRASS and TREES.

SHAMPOO

Shampoo find out she likes girls too last summer. No wonder Shampoo want Ranma so much! Only told family last month. Everyone else Shampoo know in Nerima straight. What if Ranma no like...?

 

RYOGA

Hey! You told me to tell Akane about my curse, you can tell Ranma about your feelings!

SHAMPOO stands up, and lifts her SHOPPING BAG.

SHAMPOO

OK, I try. But no tell Father or Great-Grandmother about books! Or annoying Mousse either, maybe he tell...

 

RYOGA

What? You just told me you did come out to them.

 

SHAMPOO

Shampoo seventeen. Bi one thing. Reading josei manga with naked sex pictures another.

 

RYOGA

They have a problem with that? I mean, Cologne wants you to get married now!

SHAMPOO shrugs.

SHAMPOO

Shampoo just not want find out if they have problem. Adults weird like that about teens, you know?

INT. SCENE - CAT CAFÉ KITCHEN - LATE NIGHT

The RESTAURANT is closed for the night. RYOGA and SHAMPOO and MOUSSE are making themselves ICE-CREAM SUNDAES. RYOGA is chopping some STRAWBERRIES.

RYOGA

...look, you're perfect for Ranma! Just tell him already!

 

MOUSSE

Shut up, Ryoga! I like bi girls too!

 

RYOGA

Waaait a minute - if it's a family secret, why does he know?

 

SHAMPOO

Mousse? Oh, he live here and be like bratty little brother. Practically family.

 

MOUSSE

Hey!

MOUSSE reaches for another BOTTLE OF TOPPINGS.

SHAMPOO

Mousse, that salad dressing. Ryoga, you keep okay thing secret yourself! Why you talk down to me? Why no tell everyone? THAT NOT EVEN SAFE! Shampoo tell everyone so village animal shelter no spay her. Get microchipped by Dr. Watanabe too.

 

RYOGA

But what about people who eat pigs?

SHAMPOO'S DAD steps into the KITCHEN and reaches for some GREEN TEA ICE CREAM.

SHAMPOO

You right, that no help protect. Help avenge, though...

 

SHAMPOO'S DAD

The Cat Café now has a microchip scanner in the kitchen. So far none of the meat's been chipped, but if I ever find someone dared trick me into paying to butcher a cursed person or even a pet...

SHAMPOO'S DAD hefts a LARGE KNIFE. Meanwhile, MOUSSE finishes making his SUNDAE.

MOUSSE

I'm going to finish my paper now, it's due tomorrow. See you later!

MOUSSE leaves the kitchen. SHAMPOO'S DAD puts down the KNIFE and picks up his ICE CREAM BOWL.

SHAMPOO'S DAD

I have to finish a letter too. You kids leave the front light on for Grandmother when you're done, OK?

 

SHAMPOO and RYOGA

Goodnight!

SHAMPOO'S DAD leaves the kitchen.

SHAMPOO

Shampoo so afraid.

 

RYOGA

Don't hide behind village rules! Besides, we're still just teens. Won't it be less scary if you just ask Ranma out without trying to marry him so early?

 

SHAMPOO

Take own advice. Pigboy speak up! Ask Akane out. Tell her no pressure, it OK if she say no. Mean it. No rib-squish hugs either, don't scare her like other time.

 

RYOGA

Who are you and what did you do to Shampoo? You don't back off whenever Ranma says no.

 

SHAMPOO

THAT DIFFERENT! You have lots and lots of other girls if Akane no like! Heal broken glass heart easy! Shampoo have only jerk Herb or be lonely single forever if Ranma no like! NEED STAY ON RANMA MIND! You no understand, you no have Ukyou and Kodachi be so loud obstacles...

SHAMPOO starts to CRY. RYOGA is SPEECHLESS.

EXT. SCENE - FURINKAN HIGH SCHOOL - THURSDAY, EARLY MORNING

Some STUDENTS are milling about in front of the DOORS before the school day starts. AKANE is talking to YUKA and SAYURI.

YUKA

...so then he didn't give me a refund, and-

SHAMPOO speeds up to AKANE on her BICYCLE and hits the BRAKES.

SHAMPOO

AKANE! You have time?

AKANE looks STUNNED.

YUKA

But we have only 15 minutes until class, an-

 

SHAMPOO

SHAMPOO NEED BORROW YOUR FRIEND NOW.

 

YUKA

It's OK Akane, we can finish this at lunch!

 

SAYURI

Akane, for once she's not charging at yo-

 

SHAMPOO

THAT RIGHT. Shampoo not have same lunch break, need talk Akane NOW.

 

SAYURI

This could be more important than Yuka's broken video game. See you in class!

SAYURI and YUKA scurry indoors.

AKANE

OK Shampoo, what is it? This better be good.

 

SHAMPOO

Akane...uh...you like P-Chan, right?

 

AKANE

Of course I do!

 

SHAMPOO

Even if P-Chan turn human?

AKANE stops for a moment. Her EYES BUG OUT. Then she smiles.

AKANE

Like in that "Frog Prince" foreign fairy tale? If I kissed P-Chan and he turned from a sweet pig to a sweet boy? Whoa, cool...hey, what if the Jusenkyo springs get fixed and we take him there? Are you planning a trip...?

INT. SCENE - APARTMENT ABOVE CAT CAFÉ, LIVING ROOM - EARLY AFTERNOON

RYOGA is watching the NEWS on TV. SHAMPOO bursts into the room through the SHOJI PAPER WALL.

SHAMPOO

Yay, lunch rush over! Ryoga, Shampoo have great news, less depressing than TV news!

 

RYOGA

What is it?

 

SHAMPOO

Akane actually like P-Chan turn human! Ryoga ask Akane on date here, Shampoo "accidentally" spill cold drink, both happy!

 

RYOGA

Wow, there's hope! Thank you so much!

EXT. SCENE - FURINKAN HIGH SCHOOL - THURSDAY, END OF THE SCHOOL DAY

DOZENS OF STUDENTS including female RANMA and AKANE leave the BUILDING, all TALKING AT ONCE.

AKANE

...shut up Ranma! I'm not a tomboy!

 

RANMA

Whatever!

RANMA jumps on the FENCE and walks away while AKANE is FUMING. RYOGA walks up to AKANE, SHAKING a bit because of his nerves.

RYOGA

Hi Akane!

AKANE relaxes.

AKANE

Hi Ryoga. What's up?

 

RYOGA

Akane, would you like to go out for dinner and a movie with me on Saturday? We can go to the Cat Café and then the Miyazaki Film Festival...Ohandnohardfeelingsifyousayno!

AKANE smiles.

AKANE

Sure!

RYOGA looks RELIEVED.

AKANE

But let's go somewhere else instead of the Cat Café or Ucchan's. I don't want to get in another fight so soon.

INT. SCENE - NERIMA WARD PUBLIC LIBRARY - LATER THURSDAY AFTERNOON

SHAMPOO is at a TABLE studying CALCULUS. RYOGA wanders up with an ARMFUL OF BOOKS and sits down.

SHAMPOO

Hi Ryoga! What those?

 

RYOGA

Your dad said you were cramming for math this week but I got lost and found Bujold's Diplomatic Immunity and Murakami's Underground on the way. Anyway, thanks for all your help, Shampoo! Akane said yes! I gotta make it up to you. How about I ask Ranma about bi girls without telling him about you?

 

SHAMPOO

Ryoga do that for Shampoo?

 

RYOGA

Sure! But if Ranma says he likes bi girls, do what I did and don't pressure him.

SHAMPOO smiles.

SHAMPOO

Hey, that my advice!

EXT. SCENE - TENDO DOJO BACKYARD - FRIDAY MORNING

RANMA and GENMA are SPARRING. GENMA throws RANMA into the KOI POND. RYOGA walks up.

RYOGA

Ha! Now who's a tomboy?

 

RANMA

You're here to bug me about Akane's honor again, aren't you? I know about your date tomorrow. Go ahead and date her, I'm just her fiancé becau-

 

RYOGA

Enough about Akane and your parents. This isn't about them this time!

 

RANMA

It's not?

 

RYOGA

Look, what do you think about bisexuals?

 

RANMA

There's nothing wrong with them. Are you coming out of the closet?

 

RYOGA

No, not me. I mean, if a bi girl wanted to date both of you, would you like that?

 

RANMA

Now that the springs are screwed up and I can't fix the curse, sure, I guess. But isn't everyone here straight...?

INT. SCENE - AN INDIAN RESTAURANT, EDOGAWA WARD - EARLY EVENING SATURDAY

AKANE and RYOGA are finishing BIG DINNERS.

RYOGA

...yeah, I like Hime and Rhymester more than Ganguro Rapper too.

RYOGA eats the last spoonful of his KHEER.

RYOGA

Yum! Thanks Akane, this place was a great idea!

 

AKANE

Thanks! I like it because none of Ranma's little friends work here. Besides, this place doesn't serve beef or pork. Seeing pork on menus reminds me of P-Chan.

AKANE looks SAD for a moment, then eats her last GULAB JAMUN. A couple of moments later a WAITER arrives with the CHECK. AKANE and RYOGA both get out their WALLETS.

RYOGA

Hey, I'll pay! I asked you out, remember? That makes me like a host, right?

 

AKANE

But Taj Tandoor was my idea, so that makes me the dinner host, right?

They cheerfully bicker over the CHECK.

EXT. SCENE - TENDO DOJO BACKYARD - CONTINUING

RANMA is doing KATA exercises. SHAMPOO jumps off the ROOF and faces him.

SHAMPOO

HI RANMA!

 

RANMA

Hi Shampoo. What's up? You're not going to try to make me elope now that Akane's on a date with Ryoga, are you?

 

SHAMPOO

No. Not marriage today. Shampoo have to say...Shampoo like you.

SHAMPOO looks more JITTERY as she stands there.

RANMA

I already knew that...what's wrong?

 

SHAMPOO

Shampoo like both boy and girl Ranma, and afraid you not like that.

 

RANMA

You mean you don't just like me because of the village law? You don't think I'd be better without the curse? Wow, cool! Hold it...Ryoga was asking me about bi girls the other day. Was that you?

SHAMPOO pauses for a moment, BLUSHING.

SHAMPOO

Yes. Shampoo want go on date, but date date. No more worry about marriage yet.

 

RANMA

Wow, I can't remember the last time I went on a date that was just a date. OK! We can go on a date, have fun while it lasts, figure out the rest later...

 

SHAMPOO

THANK YOU!

SHAMPOO jumps up in JOY and ALMOST GLOMPS RANMA then HOLDS BACK.

SHAMPOO

Oops, sorry! No pressure!

RANMA smiles.

RANMA

Thanks! Hey, since you're here, wanna spar...?

INT. SCENE - CINEMA HALLWAY - AN HOUR LATER

RYOGA and AKANE are between SCREENING ROOMS, looking around and looking BEWILDERED.

RYOGA

Oh no, we're late for the movie! I'm so sorry!

 

AKANE

Look, I know you get lost. Calm down, OK?

Only THREE OTHER MOVIEGOERS emerge from the KIKI'S DELIVERY SERVICE screening room, ignoring RYOGA and AKANE.

MOVIEGOER #1

...Kiki's winds down after that scene.

 

MOVIEGOER #2

Maybe Mononoke's about to get to the good part?

 

MOVIEGOER #3

Good thing no one's checking ticket stubs out here!

The THREE OTHER MOVIEGOERS go into the PRINCESS MONONOKE screening room.

AKANE

Look, they're wandering from movie to movie on purpose! Besides, I already saw all these movies, so what if I miss some scenes this time around?

 

RYOGA

People do that for fun? Cool!

AKANE and RYOGA walk through a RANDOM DOOR.

INT. SCENE - SHAMPOO'S BEDROOM - SUNDAY AFTERNOON

SHAMPOO is sitting at her DESK and talking on the TELEPHONE.

SHAMPOO

...so Shampoo got museum passes for next Saturday.

 

RANMA (V.O.)

Which museum?

 

SHAMPOO

Edo-Tokyo Museum. New exhibit on martial arts open last week!

 

RANMA (V.O.)

Cool!

 

SHAMPOO

Is a Miyazaki favorite museum too...

INT. SCENE - AKANE'S BEDROOM - CONTINUING

AKANE is sitting on her BED, holding P-CHAN and looking out the WINDOW.

AKANE

...and then we left the theater, and it was chilly out, and I wanted to kiss Ryoga but he said no because he thought he was catching a cold and didn't want me to get sick too. Isn't that sweet? I hope he was just sniffling from the hot spices and not a cold...

 

P-CHAN

Bwee!

 

AKANE

He's pretty considerate these days. You're considerate too! Maybe you had an owner like him before you had me...? Maybe I should take you to the vet. No needles this time, just a scan in case your old owner microchipped you.

P-CHAN struggles to leave AKANE's ARMS.

AKANE

P-Chan, I said no needles this time! Oh...I guess you don't know that much Japanese...

INT. SCENE - TENDO DOJO - CONTINUING

RANMA is leaning on the WALL and talking on the TELEPHONE.

RANMA

...I'll be at your place at noon.

 

SHAMPOO (V.O.)

We get lunch there first.

 

RANMA

You want to be the waitress for your own date?

 

SHAMPOO (V.O.)

No, Father wait table. Keep Mousse and Great-Grandmother off case too!

INT. SCENE - VETERINARY EXAM ROOM - ONE HOUR LATER

AKANE sits in a CHAIR while holding onto a squirming P-CHAN. The VETERINARIAN takes a handheld SCANNER off the WALL.

P-CHAN

BWEEEEE! BWEEEEEEEEE!

 

AKANE

I told you, that's not a needle!

 

P-CHAN

BWEEEEEEEEE!

The VETERINARIAN pats P-CHAN with his FREE HAND.

VETERINARIAN

It's OK, I won't even touch you with the scanner.

The VETERINARIAN holds the SCANNER about 2 CM over P-CHAN's skin. When he reaches P-CHAN's NECK, the SCANNER beeps. P-CHAN is now FROZEN in SHOCK. AKANE looks SAD and HUGS P-CHAN more, then PERKS UP.

AKANE

P-Chan, I'll miss you a lot but you can go home now! You and your real family can be together again!

The VETERINARIAN goes to his COMPUTER and looks at the display. He looks STUNNED for a moment, then composes himself.

VETERINARIAN

Hey Akane, you know those Jusenkuyo curses some of the kids here have?

 

AKANE

Yes...what does that have to do with P-Chan? Why would his owner put his or her curse in the contact info?

 

VETERINARIAN

Because P-Chan is the owner's curse! I bet Dr. Watanabe down the street chipped him, all the Jusenkuyo patients go there...

The VETERINARIAN gets a CUP of HOT WATER from the SINK. AKANE puts P-CHAN on the FLOOR.

VETERINARIAN

Akane, please step outside. My exam room doesn't have a privacy curtain the way human exam rooms do.

AKANE opens the DOOR and steps out. The VETERINARIAN sticks his HEAD out too.

VETERINARIAN

Someone get me another pair of scrubs!

A NURSE rushes by with a set of BLUE SCRUBS and the VETERINARIAN closes the door. The VETERINARIAN then pours the HOT WATER on P-CHAN. RYOGA stands up NAKED and puts on the SCRUBS.

RYOGA

Thanks for the privacy...I was going to tell Akane sooner or later...but now I'm nervous again...

 

AKANE (TALKING THROUGH THE DOOR)

Ryoga? Is that you?

 

RYOGA

Oops.

 

VETERINARIAN

Seems like you forgot to keep your voice down. By the way, no hard feelings about you seeing Dr. Watanabe instead of me, OK?

The VETERINARIAN opens the DOOR. AKANE runs in and BEAMS.

AKANE

This is so cool!

 

RYOGA

...really?

 

AKANE

Yes! All this time you did nothing perverted when we slept together, you didn't tell anyone my private stuff, you're not someone else's stolen pet... Why didn't you tell me earlier...?!

Close on RYOGA and AKANE turning to each other and happily chattering as the scene fades out...

THE END

Notes:

Also see "Comments on Just Desserts : An Anime Episode that Never Was" at the Yuletide website, at http://yuletidetreasure.org/archive/61/justdesserts_cmt.html .