Work Text:
Kim Rok Soo had known what it was like to be punished for wanting to live, for smiling too much, for laughing too freely, for seeing beauty in the world around him even at its worst, for being happy, for existing.
He had also known what it was like to be loved, what it was like to have a soft voice telling him with a confidence he thought he himself could never have that everything would be okay, firm arms encircling him and a warmth settling in his chest as he finally let the tears run free down his face, holding everything else back while he still learned how to allow himself to feel.
He had learned, even if he had to start all over again in the end, how to cry freely, how to smile without fear of the pain that would follow, how to hope and how to let himself be loved. And just like everything good in his life, he had to learn to overcome the feeling of the world coming crashing down on him when blood stained his hands and took everything good with it.
And he knew he shouldn't let that stop him, that it shouldn't stop him from believing again and reaching out and trusting and loving, but he well knew his heart wasn't ready (coming to think it never would be) and even if it was he couldn't take it again.
But he was still human and there was nothing more human than to keep falling into the same hole over and over again.
Maybe, he allowed himself to think, trying his hardest to convince himself that that was the reason and not that he had always been the same love-starved fool, that curse of his couldn't catch up with him in this world. At least not with people so strong.