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It is a cold winter afternoon and the apartment seems oddly empty to Karkat who tiredly makes his way inside, having just come back from running a few errands. With a huff, he settles down on the couch and places a pizza box down on the coffee table. Typical day, huh?
"Hey Gamzee, brought you some lunch." Karkat calls, awaiting some sort of a response from his roommate. Strange... Gamzee usually bolts towards the door to greet Karkat with a cheery, "Hey best friend!" at the second Karkat arrives. Strange... The clown was probably sleeping or something, he assumed.
Or at least Karkat thought so before he heard a loud thump down the hallway. "God, what is that fuckhat up to now?" He grumbled to himself, making his way down the hall. He could hear voices behind the closed door of their bedroom.
"You ready for this, Tavbro?"
"Oh, yes, definitely. This is going to be so much fun!"
Sounds like Gamzee brought a friend over or something? Tavros? Great, one less pizza slice for himself. Not like GAMZEE was the one eating all the pizza himself like the unhealthy glutton he is. Before Karkat gets the chance to yell at his roommate again, he is interrupted by Gamzee once again speaking.
"I've been wanting to do this with you for so long, Tavbro."
"Haha, me too, Gamzee."
Wait. What are they doing?
"Alright, so, I think we should start with somethin' a little light, since this is your first time in a long while. I don't wanna all up and be too motherfuckin' rough on ya, you might get hurt."
What the fuck?
"Okay, so... Maybe something like this then?"
"Yeah, yeah, bend over a lil more though.
.
.
Perfect."
Holy shit... Were they...? Were they doing what he thought they were doing in there? What the actual steaming fuck? How high off his ass is that god dammed fuckclown to be doing something like THAT in his SHARED bedroom?! Karkat considered coming in there to stop them from making a ruckus but he didn't wanna see any of that shit! He was just damned to stand outside in horror and deal with Gamzee and Tavros' dirty antics.
The sound of rhythmic thumping on the ground could be heard. His fears were confirmed. Karkat hoped to god the neighbors downstairs weren't home. What the fuck would he tell them?
"Feels so good!" Tavros pants.
"Keep on goin' Tav. You're doin' motherfuckin' great." Gamzee grunts in between breaths.
For the next five minutes all Karkat could hear was banging, grunting, and panting. He felt disturbed, to say the least.
They stop for a bit to breathe.
"Woo! I'm already getting a bit worked up already..." Tavros groans.
"Aw, really?" Gamzee replies, "Wanna try a different way then?"
"Yeah, I think that would work. Plus, we were being, uh, a bit noisy, hehe." Tavros adds.
"You think so? Damn okay, I'll try to be a bit more motherfuckin' careful then."
"Okay so, you wanna keep going, Gamzee?"
"As long as you're all up for it. We can take a break any time, y'know."
"I'm good. To be honest, I'm really enjoying myself."
"Aww, Tav~ makes me all up and warm inside knowin' you's havin' a blast with me today. It's no fun doin' this whole thing by yourself, y'know? Havin' someone else to actually do it with is a whole other level of fun."
Karkat couldn't believe the shit he was hearing. What the fuck. What the fuck. What the fuck. Why was this happening. Oh god, Karkat didn't want to know about what Gamzee fucking does in his alone time?! As if this wasn't awful enough, he's gotta deal with this horrific image in his head now.
"Okay Gamzee, I'm ready," Alerts Tavros, audibly shifting his position.
With sass, the clown inquires,"Chagin' things up I see?"
"Mhm!" Tav responds.
"I like it~" Gamzee purrs.
And with that, the two begin doing whatever the fuck, once again. No more banging noises this time though, just them grunting and breathing hard. Karkat is genuinely disgusted at the events taking place behind that door. The only thing separating him from the nasty mess that is Tavros and Gamzee is that fucking wood door. Thank every god in existence for the presence of that door. Karkat thinks he might join the church of the holy door; it saved his eyes from seeing the most lewd thing to ever take place anywhere near him.
"Hey Tavbro, I wanna get my try on with somethin' different; somethin'... the littlest bit of hard~"
"Whoa, okay. What is it?"
"So what if... I keep on goin' like this... And you get up on top of me?"
"Uhh, that sounds a bit difficult. I am uh, pretty big. Gamzee, are you sure you can handle that?"
"Don't worry bro, I'll let you know if it's too much."
Under his breath, the extremely disgusted Karkat sings, "Fuck this shit I'm out. Fuck this shit I'm out. Fuck this shit I'm out." As he walks backwards into the living room. The grump sits down on the couch again, sighing. He glances at the pizza box laying on the table in front of him. He wasn't even hungry anymore, hearing what he just heard made him completely lose his appetite.
It's not too long before he hears the door down the hallway open, and the two chattering asswads stumble their way into the living room, and head straight for the kitchen. /What the fuck are they doing?/ Karkat promptly stands up and follows them in.
"Okay what the FUCK were you two shitstains up to in my room?" Karkat examines Gamzee and Tavros; they are both dressed in T-shirts and shorts, and Gamzee is wearing a sweatband that makes his huge mess of hair bunch up at the top.
"Oh, hey best friend! Didn't know you were here! You coulda joined us!" Gamzee exclaims.
The very thought was ludicrous, "FUCK NO! I'd rather stick my dick in the freezing snow than—"
"Jeez Karkat, you don't have to be so harsh," Interrupts Tavros. Gamzee takes a big gulp of water from a bottle of water before tossing it over to Tavros.
"And what the fuck is up with your outfits too?"
"Whaddya mean?" Gamzee asks.
"Why are you wearing Nike shorts and sweatbands."
"Oh, well, isn't this appropriate attire to wear for working out?" Tavros questions.
"Yeah, but not for what YOU were doing!" Karkat points in their general direction.
"I dunno man, I'm pretty sure jumpin' jacks and push-ups count as exercise."
"Wait, WHAT."
"Jumping jacks and push-ups." Tavros repeats.
"Are you serious!? But it sounded like..." Karkat's voice trails off.
"Sorry bro, I know I was a bit motherfuckin' loud in there..." Gamzee scratches the back of his head.
"Yeah, Gamzee got so into the workout, he asked me to sit on top of him while doing push-ups," Tavros explains, "...... and I think I may have almost injured him, actually."
"Nah, I'm okay." The sweaty clown assures with a cheeky smile.
"Either way, I think we're done for today. I'm kind of hungry..." Tavros says.
Karkat sighs. Gamzee and Tavros are such fucking weirdos. But he supposes he'll just have to deal with them.
"You guys up for pizza...?"