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The sound of dripping water echoes off of the walls of the courthouse bathroom. It’s such a small thing, halfway across the room from him, but it rings loudly in Sebastian’s ears.
He doesn’t want to be here, but he doesn’t know where else to go; the prosecutor’s chamber is open to just about anyone who knows where it is. Everyone he doesn’t want to see knows where it is, so he cowers in the bathroom like a frightened child on the first day of school. He doubts it will stop Franziska or Kay once they realize he’s gone, but at least Justine has respect.
Thinking about her just makes his stomach roll, so Sebastian clamps his hands over his ears and tries to think of something— anything— to distract himself
It doesn’t work. All he can picture are her frightened eyes as she sits behind the judges bench, skin gaunt as her gaze flits between the door and Patricia; the guilty look on her face as she reaches out for him in the P.I.C. meeting room, her shaking voice growing fainter as he runs away.
He hopes she’s gone. He hopes she reunites with her son and thanks Edgeworth before going back home and leaving all this behind her. She’s probably relieved— now that Blaise is gone she’ll never have to deal with a Debeste again.
It’s just a testament to how stupid he is that he didn’t realize any of this earlier. His father, his grades, Justine. Why would a professional like her want to waste her time babysitting someone like him? She wouldn’t. God, he should’ve known.
It’s pathetic, really. Really, really pathetic.
His sobs reverberate off of the walls, the hand Sebastian’s clamped over his mouth not doing enough to muffle them. He tucks his knees into his chest, shoulders shuddering as he forces his breaths to slow.
The door creaks open and heavy footfalls announce the presence of someone new. Sebastian prays that they’ll leave him alone, to read the damn room and find somewhere else to do their business. But if he knows one thing, it’s that shitty days tend to get shittier. The stranger comes to a stop right in front of Sebastian, their scuffed shoes filling his vision.
“Please go away,” he pleads, “I want to be alone.”
“No you don’t, pal,” the stranger rumbles. Sebastian feels like he should recognize the voice. “You just don’t wanna be a bother.”
“Don’t tell me what I want.”
“Seems like people have been doing that all your life.”
“Wow, thanks.” Sebastian can feel himself tearing up again, but pulls his head up to glare at the stranger anyway. It’s then that he realizes how much worse this situation is than he thought, because the stranger isn’t a stranger at all— he’s that detective who works with Kay and Mr. Edgeworth.
Gumshoe scratches at the back of his neck, looking a little uncomfortable. “Listen pal, I just wanted to make sure you were doing okay. Or as okay as you can be.”
“Well you checked in on me, can you leave now?”
“No can do, pal. There’s no way I’m leaving you alone.” Gumshoe sinks down onto the floor next to him and Sebastian can’t help but cringe away from him.
“Why do you even care? I’m nothing but a fuck up and I’m so stupid I didn’t even know it.”
“I’m not gonna say I know how hard it is to not be as good as you think you are, because I’ve never really been good at much. But I can’t imagine it’s easy, especially with all the other… stuff you’ve got going on.” He makes a vague hand gesture. “You’re allowed a good cry.”
“It’s pathetic.”
“Maybe, but you should be proud of yourself.”
Sebastian can’t help but laugh at that. “Why? My life is a lie, and nothing I’ve ever done was ever actually me.”
“That’s not true. You just won that trial back there, pal. Fair and square.”
“Everyone was helping me. It was one trial.” One damn trial, that von Karma actually did all the work in while he dug through garbage. “Why are you here, anyway? Don’t you hate me?”
“It was your dad’s trial, that couldn’t have been easy. And no, pal, I don’t hate you. You’re a kid who made some shitty decisions because you didn’t know any better.” Sebastian opens his mouth to protest, but the detective silences him with a sharp glare. “And before you say somethin’ stupid like ‘I should’ve known better!’ no, you really shouldn’t. The only person there to teach you that kind of stuff was a real dick.”
“But I’ve-”
“Done bad things? Sure. We all have. It happens, but at least you know now.” Gumshoe pauses, like he’s unsure he should say what he wants to. “I knew Edgeworth when he was your age, pal. He was already a lot more rotten than you ever were and he only got worse with time. He’s trying to make up for it, all those people he hurt in the past. Knowing him, he’ll still be trying when he’s on his deathbed.”
Sebastian stares down at the tile. The overhead lights reflect harshly in it. “At least he can prosecute properly.”
“Jesus christ- are you even listening to yourself? You’re seventeen!”
“And I should know what I’m doing.”
“No, you really shouldn’t! Not everyone can be a prodigy and no one really should!” Gumshoe grinds his teeth. “Everyone parades around Ms. von Karma for winning her first case at thirteen, but does no one realize how weird that is? She was a kid— still is! Why should she be deciding these people’s fates?”
“I don’t know.”
“Rhetorical question.” A crease appears between Sebastian’s brows as he tries to remember what that means. He knows it he does, it’s just there’s all this other stuff running around in his head and- “A question you’re not supposed to answer.”
“Oh.” Then, quieter. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome, pal. Sorry about that, probably not somethin’ too important right now.”
“It’s okay. I get where you’re coming from.” After all, he’s the poor detective being forced to work with all these prosecutors. “I just… I should be better at this.”
“For crying out loud, you’re seventeen! You shouldn’t have all this stuff figured out— I’d be more concerned if you did!”
“But I-”
“No buts! My baby sister is nearly a decade older than you and she’s still got no idea what she wants to do with her life. She fell into teaching— she’s good at it, but she didn’t know what she was gonna do with her life fresh out of high school! She called me last week in the middle of an investigation because she wanted me to help her name her dinner like our pops always used to do.” He huffs out a sigh. “Is it wrong that she’s still figuring it out?”
“No.”
“Then why is it wrong that you still are?”
He hesitates before answering. Sebastian knows what he wants to say, but he needs a better answer than that. It isn’t a proper answer, not a good one. He says it anyway. “I dunno.”
“So there’s no reason for you to talk to yourself that way.”
The logic makes Sebastian’s skin crawl. It should make sense, it should, but-
“It’s just not fair to everyone else.” Gumshoe stares at him in confusion and Sebastian grips at his sleeve. “All the people who deserved the things I ‘did.’ T-this jacket was for the top student in the prosecutors course at Themis— I shouldn’t have even gotten in.”
Sebastian takes the red jacket off of his shoulders and stares at the prosecutor’s badge pinned to its lapel.
“There was a kid in my grade,” he starts, trying to remember the name. All he gets are hazy smudges of blonde hair and an accent he can’t quite place. Of course he couldn’t remember the name, probably didn’t even care enough to learn it. “He was good. He deserves this.”
“Maybe so, but there’s nothing you can do about that now.” Gumshoe fiddles with the pencil he had tucked behind his ear. “If you’re so worried about it, why don’t you work so you can face him again? Even if it’s just to apologize. Might be the closure you need.”
“You’re a lot smarter than I gave you credit for.”
“Thanks, pal.” He tucks the pencil back behind his ear. “And I know it's real easy to get caught up in the legal world, but you gotta remember there’s a world outside all this courtroom stuff. There’s other stuff that can fulfill you.”
Sebastian thinks of all the nights spent alone as a child, his father not coming home until the ungodly hours of the morning. “Shouldn’t my job be my priority?”
“When you’re doing it? ‘Course. But you wanna know what I call someone who works all the time?”
“Dedicated?”
“Sad. It’s great if you like your job, but when it's the only thing you got goin’ for yourself? Not so great.” Gumshoe looks up at the ceiling. “You don’t need to worry too much about that though, you’ve got your fancy stick.”
“What?”
“The thing you’re always waving around? And that you kept hittin’ yourself in the face with?”
“Oh. My baton.” Even now, it’s tucked up his sleeve. Sebastian can’t remember a time without it. “It’s for correcting- conducting, I mean. Music stuff.”
“So you like music?”
“Yeah. It always made sense to me.”
“Maybe it can help you make sense of prosecuting too- I dunno.” Gumshoe laughs heartily. “Not really my area of expertise, but if it makes you feel better it's enough, yeah?”
“I… Yeah.”
Silence falls over them, or as much silence as you can get in a place like this. Gumshoe’s laughter is still reverberating off of the walls, water still dripping into the sink. Beyond the door, the faint chatter of voices has died down.
It’s the detective who breaks the silence, clapping his hands together in some sort of call to action. “As nice as this place is, we should get going. Ms. Courtney’s worried herself sick over you.”
His words send anxiety clawing at Sebastian’s stomach. “Why?”
Gumshoe blinks in confusion. “She cares about you…?”
“Why?”
“I dunno. I don’t know her well enough to say anything, and even if I did I wouldn’t. That ain’t somethin’ for me to say for her. Besides, it’s hard to explain why you care about someone. You just do, yeah?”
“She should hate me.”
Gumshoe’s face is red again. “Well she doesn’t, and there’s not a whole lot you could do to change how she feels.” He huffs out a breath. “It stinks to get the rug pulled out from under you like that, and it’s gonna hurt for a while. I won’t lie to you and say it won’t. But it’s something you need. Everyone gets humbled one way or another.”
There’s a lot Sebastian wants to say to that, but he keeps his mouth shut. “You still didn’t tell me why you came to find me.”
“Because I’m not gonna sit here and watch you throw your life away because someone taught you that you don’t deserve love.”
Sebastian is quiet.
“I know it’s a lot more complicated than that but… that’s just the way I see it.” Gumshoe sighs. “If you really do wanna be left alone, I’ll find a way to get everyone out of the courthouse so you can get away.”
“Don’t do that. You’re right, I really should go talk to everyone.” He tugs at his gloves. “Justine, at the least.”
To say Gumshoe beams would be an understatement.