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Mist swathed the steep hillsides, blurring the frontier between their tops and the evening sky, making the mountains’ peaks seem even more unreachable. But with all the monumentality of the surrounding nature, it felt safe and peaceful. Ahsoka took a deep breath in, relishing the cooling sensation of brisk air filling her chest. She was even tempted enough to close her eyes for a moment to fully appreciate the sound of a waterfall crashing on the lake’s surface. There weren’t many opportunities on missions to admire the views and, with blood, and gunshots, it would’ve felt wrong anyway. But this time was different. They managed to get in and out of the Separatist’s base having gotten the desired data. Without casualties and without being even noticed. No wonder the troops were in a good mood, their laughter echoing on the lake's surface.
“Smooth action, I’m tellin’ ya.” Jesse stretched his arms out to the sky.
“Yeah, so smooth you almost slipped in those halls.” A wide grin appeared on Fives’ face.
“Barely grabbed him at the last moment,” Echo added with a chuckle.
“Not my fault their floors are so polished, it's like a kriffing museum.” Jesse tried to defend himself.
“I saw your quarter, it's no surprise you're not familiar with clean settings.” Fives mocked, receiving a deadly glare from his vod.
“You, in turn, could use some washing.” He retorted, kicking the lake's surface and sending a cold shower towards his brother. Jesse must’ve underestimated his strength because, rather than falling on white armour, water splashed over Fives’ face. They froze in place when a soaked man whipped his face, unveiling a rather angry expression. But the tension was quickly cut as loud giggles escaped Ahsoka’s lips, drawing the clones' attention.
“Oh, what’s so funny Commander?” Fives turned around to the girl who was silently listening to the banter the whole time.
“Nothing, nothing really.” She was trying hard to restrain her grin and put on a serious act. “I was just wondering whether the water’s warm.”
“Then why don’t you check it yourself?” Ahsoka merely saw Fives’ smirk and fiery sparkles in his eyes when two strong arms captured her in a tight hold. He trapped her from behind, his hands clasped around her waist and lifted her off the ground effortlessly. “Don’t forget to let me know the exact temperature after your bath.” He kidded, carrying her to the lake.
“Fives? Fives!” She called, looking down at her reflection on the surface beneath her dangling feet. She was clinging to his forearms firmly. “You know that if I’m falling into that lake, you’re going down with me.” She tried to threaten him but instead, an honest laugh rumbled above her montrals.
“I’m not sure about that but there’s only one way to find out.” He took one step further. “And I’m willing to take that risk.”
“Fives, just let go of the Commander.” Sounded Rex’s tired voice. He was discussing something with Anakin a few metres away.
“That’s precisely what I’m intending to do but she doesn’t seem so willing.”
Rex must’ve decided he’d done everything in his power because said nothing more and returned to the conversation with the General. Anakin didn’t seem even remotely concerned by the incident, leaving Ahsoka to deal with it on her own.
“How about using some nice words instead of threatening people, hm?” Fives prompted. Ahsoka rolled her eyes but a smile tugged at her lips nevertheless.
“Dear Fives, could you put me down on the ground?” She used her sweetest voice.
“You forgot about something.” He hummed, not backing down. A dramatic sigh left Ahsoka’s lips.
“ Please? ” She pleaded at what the man chuckled loudly.
“Sounds almost like you have some manners.” He remarked but finally set her aside.
“Like you’re the one to talk.” She pointed out while ostentatiously dusting her clothes off. A wave of laughter followed her comment when other clones were playfully punching Fives’ arm and their bickering started all over again.
Laughter was still vibrating within her chest and a smile lingered on her lips as Ahsoka crouched by the shore to dip her hands into the lake. It was cold and despite wiggling her fingers just below the surface, the numbness started overtaking her nerves. Yet, she couldn’t force herself to take them out, mesmerised by the crystal clear water.
“Snips, move it, we need to go.” Anakin’s voice sounded nearby. “Unless you prefer haunting in this lake, then suit yourself.”
Ahsoka rolled her eyes at his day-to-day jibe. She cupped her frozen palms, filling them with as much water as possible and threw it at Anakin. But before the liquid could crash onto his face, it hung up in the air, drops frozen in place and under the control of Anakin's outstretched hand. His raised eyebrow was asking her a silent question.
“Very mature.” Anakin summed up. Glittering drops were still hovering in the air.
“Well…” Ahsoka stood up and started slowly backing away. Her eyes were glued to the gloved palm behind the wall of water. “Some refreshment isn’t a bad thing.”
“Then why are you running away?” He countered ‘cause her cautious steps picked up the pace.
“You told me to move, didn’t you?”
“Yes, but that'd be tantamount to you following orders; it’s only natural for me to ask questions.” He was trying to distract her while walking up, the flicking of his fingers was forcing the water to move along with him.
“Then I’ll be out front if you have any more.” She said quickly and broke into the run, dodging the cold wave Anakin sent in her direction. She was grinning widely and could hear chuckles behind her as she jogged up the hill.
Ahsoka soon slowed down, letting others catch up. They were climbing up the mountains to get to their ship. The mission relied on discretion and in order not to get detected, they had to land many miles away and get to the base by foot. While the journey to the facility seemed rough and wrenched their nerves, the way back was quite the opposite. Ahsoka could hear clones’ low chattering interrupted by occasional sighs at the view stretching in front of them. As tiresome as the hike was, she still enjoyed the sweet smell of resin and the rustle of leaves when the hill became more densely wooded.
She was stepping on a soft, green moss which covered every inch of the path. Warm rays of the setting sun pierced the cracks between the tall trees and glistered on the smooth white armour in front of her eyes, adorning it with amber colours. Ahsoka would’ve continued her walking but sudden tension in the Force awoke her from the trance, making her stop in half the yawn. Automatically her posture shifted, legs wider and slightly bent as her focused eyes scanned the surroundings. Her gaze fell to the level of soldiers' boots which were now lazily striding through high bushes and a tautly stretched, thin rope…
“Get down!” Ahsoka screamed at the top of her lungs milliseconds before an armoured foot pulled the cable and the swish fell from above.
Green lightsabers ignited immediately, protecting the clones from what seemed like blades. She could barely catch the glimpses of shiny edges striking at her when spinning her weapons around in swift motions. Deadly rain was heavy but rapid and when the last dagger hit the ground in two pieces, Ahsoka could take a deep breath. Except that she couldn’t.
The moment her chest tried to raise, pain pierced through her, knocking the air out of her lungs. Ahsoka slowly lowered her head, blue eyes wandered to her waist and stopped at the piece of steel protruding from her body. Bright red drops were seeping and flowing down in trickles on the blade until enough blood collected at its edge to fall onto the ground.
“Commander?” An uncertain voice sounded from behind her. Ahsoka gathered all her strength to strap her sabers to the belt with trembling hands. “Is everything alright?” Fives called again only much closer.
Ahsoka tried to answer but the world seemed to slow down and before she managed to take a breath deep enough to say something, the man was already standing in front of her.
“Kriff.” He muttered and Ahsoka couldn’t agree more. Her whole body was now as shaky as her breathing.
“Ahsoka!” Anakin’s shout brought her attention but when she turned in his direction, her legs gave up under her weight. Fives was quick to catch the girl and carefully led her to the ground. Whine escaped her lips and before she could involuntarily reach to the wound, Anakin was there to hold her hand. His grip was as firm as his voice when he spoke. “Try to steady your breathing, ok Snips?”
“It’s not…that…serious,” Ahsoka grunted with effort and clenched her teeth hoping it would restrain the painful groan at the back of her throat. Anakin didn’t even listen to her poor acting, already busy giving orders. She felt her legs being lifted as Rex propped them on his knee before she could go into shock. Someone’s hands pressed hard on both sides of the wound sending her wincing.
Despite her cloudy vision, Ahsoka could still see blue-white helmets hovering above her. She hated the attention she had drawn, how weak she must’ve looked. Before she could blame herself for such fragility, a gloved hand squeezed her palm.
“Snips, look at me.” Anakin was kneeling by her side, his thumb drawing soothing circles on her arm. “Kix is going to remove the blade, alright?” He was letting words out slowly and clearly so that despite the loud throbbing of her heartbeat in her montrals, she could comprehend their meaning. “I need you to breathe , can you do this for me?”
“Uh-huh.” That was the peak of her communicative abilities at the moment.
Ahsoka felt hands shifting on her waist and her gaze followed to the sight she would rather unsee. Kix’s dripping-in-blood hands only enhanced her dizziness.
“Hey hey hey hey hey,” Anakin called her up, his blue eyes locking with hers. She wanted to anchor herself in this calm sea ‘cause everything else seemed too uneven. “Just look at me Snips. And breathe. That’s all. Easy, right?” Ahsoka exhaled heavily in response, not even trying to choke out any word. “Good girl. Kix, you ready?” He asked, not breaking their eye contact.
“On your mark, sir.”
“Great.” Skywalker’s reassuring gaze was still on her when he nodded. And that’s when the blaze tore her apart.
Ahsoka didn’t manage to stifle the shriek. Her eyes broke from Anakin’s hold, widening to their limits and lifelessly falling shut. The dagger landed on the ground with a thud so Kix’s both hands could struggle with the seeping blood. Ahsoka was wheezing, her breathing more shallow and ragged while her whole body was wincing in pain. Anakin’s hand flew to her face, wiping the sweat that collected on her brow.
“You’re doing great.” His voice was as gentle as his touch when caressing her lekku. Ahsoka had no idea how he managed to keep this calm posture but she wasn’t even half as strong.
“Master.” She cried weekly.
“I’m here, I’m not going anywhere and you have to stay here too, ok?”
“Yes.” Despite a word so short, a quiet whine managed to cut in. Anakin sent her a tight smile, his brows furrowed heavily.
“I’m gonna have to suture the wound,” Kix informed, already threading the needle while Fives took over the task of compressing the wound.
“Good thing she loves needles,” Anakin muttered sarcastically to himself. Then he turned to Ahsoka, intending to draw her attention but was surprised to see big blue eyes glued to his face. “It’s gonna take only a while, it’ll be all over soon. I promise.”
Ahsoka wanted to express her gratitude by pulling a smile but it turned into a grimace as the needle was inserted into her waist. She squeezed Anakin’s right hand tightly, making him almost grateful for his prosthesis.
Anakin was trying to keep her mind occupied with anything other than a needle piercing her skin. Unfortunately, without much success. Ahsoka’s mind had found its way to escape. She was drifting away, her head feeling gradually lighter with each passing second. Eyelids seemed heavier every time she blinked and one time she didn’t have enough might to force them open. Surrounding her sounds seemed far and distorted as if from the other side of the surface.
“‘nips… Snips? Snips, open your eyes.” The stubborn voice wasn’t allowing her to give in to the unconsciousness. “Ahsoka!” Fright, filling the sound of her name as it fell from Anakin’s lips, brought her back to the shore. When her eyes fluttered open, Anakin sighed with relief. “We had a deal, didn’t we?” He said tremblingly while gently brushing the side of her face. Ahsoka hated the fear written on his face but no matter how desperately she wanted to say she was alright, her slightly agape mouth wouldn’t move.
“All done, General,” Kix informed after air left his lungs in a heavy sigh.
“Ok. Great,” Anakin said but words seemed to be addressed more to himself than anyone else as if he needed at least such a small reassurance. “We should move and find some shelter for the night.”
Ahsoka didn’t realise it was past sundown until that moment. She’s been watching the back of her eyelids for so long that it didn’t differ much from the pitch-dark forest.
“Come on, Snips. I’m getting you out of ‘ere.” Anakin gently placed his hands under her knees and behind her back before picking her up. Ahsoka took a sharp breath at the motion but once her cheek settled against the soft fabric of Anakin’s robes, she exhaled slowly, relaxing in his arms.
The rustling of steps carried by the cool wind came to her montrals but it was merely a distant noise. The loud and comforting, steady beating of Anakin’s heart beside her temple was what lulled her to sleep.
Low clicking dragged her from a sleep so deep, that waking up felt almost like a resurrection. From the absolute darkness first emerged blurred shapes, which slowly morphed into tall trees and Anakin’s silhouette. He was sitting right beside her, illuminated by the dim light coming from a small lamp. He was tinkering with his prosthetic arm, causing metal parts to collide with a tinny clink. Ahsoka shifted slightly since her limbs went into sleep even deeper than her mind.
“Sorry, did I wake you up?” Anakin turned to her, startled by the rustle of his cloak which was now tightly wrapped around the girl.
“No, you d-” She only managed to rasp before her throat gave out.
“Here.” Anakin was quick to offer her a can, propping her head as she drank from it. “Better?”
“Yeah.” She raised her hand to wipe stray drops of water running down her chin but the motion evoked a flash of pain at which she wrinkled her nose. She tentatively put her arm back down, letting the skin dry on its own. “So I take it you’re the first night watcher?” She accosted, looking around at the clones sleeping soundly.
“I haven’t lost a bet if that’s what you’re implying.” He chuckled lightly, leaning back on his hands. After that, silence settled upon them, the quiet squeak of swaying trees replaced the sound of their voices until Ahsoka managed to form her question.
“Shouldn’t we be more careful after activating a… “ She paused thoughtfully. “What exactly was that? A separatist’s trap?”
“Unlikely.” He stretched the word, running fingers through his hair. “More of a hunting snare.”
“Oh.” She wasn’t sure how this made her feel. Beaten by a hunting trap. Like a stray, lone animal. Yelping and struggling against the covered in blood shackles, unable to escape. Yes, it definitely didn’t lift her mood. The separatist ambush already sounds better. Less…humiliating. Now she’s gonna slow all of them down. Her vulnerable state is not only endangering herself but may bring a threat to everyone and-
“Try to sleep some more.” Anakin cut in her chain of thoughts, tucking the fabric around her tightly.
Despite herself, Ahsoka hummed softly at the gesture. The night wasn’t particularly cold but the cloak was offering more than mere warmth - it was providing a sense of security. Something which no other garment could, not even a shiny armour. She closed her eyes, giving it to the tiredness which shut all the troubling thoughts.
When she woke up in the morning, everyone was already on their feet. Not wanting to fall behind, she clumsily released herself from the huge cloak and sat up. With the revelation that it didn’t cause her gruesome pain, she smiled to herself and neatly folded Anakin’s coat.
“Sorry to break it to you but I need you to lay back again.” Kix stood above her with a medkit in his hands. “I’d like to change the dressing before we set off.”
“Oh, that’s fine.” She smiled at him and did as he said.
With practised hands, he swiftly took off the old bandages. Ahsoka could feel the cold of antibiotic ointment but it was not what she was interested in. She watched Kix’s expression, vigilant for any mouth twitch or eyelid pulse - anything that could indicate how the wound was healing. But to her dismay, his face remained blank.
“Here’re the painkillers.”
“You’re life saviour, Kix.” Her face lit at the sight of colourful pills.
“Also known as a medic, but whatever you prefer.” He smiled when a soft chuckle left Ahsoka’s lips at his joke. “Let me know if the pain intensifies or if your lymph nodes enlarge. The wound is still far from healed.” He instructed while aiding her to get up.
“Sure, will do. Thank you, Kix.”
“At your service.” Medic packed his kit and left to help others with collecting their belongings. Ahsoka followed suit. She rolled her blanket and zipped the bag she had been carrying the previous day. The girl was about to bend to grab its strap when…
“What do you think you’re doing?” Anakin’s voice startled her from behind. She froze in place as if she was caught red-handed. But then Ahsoka remembered she was just reaching for her kit.
“Taking my backpack?” She asked, puzzled. Ahsoka turned around only to find her master looking at her pointedly with arms crossed over his chest.
“Wrong.” He walked up and grasped the bag from her hand. “You’re being stupid.”
“What?” Her eyes widened in confusion. Anakin walked up and took the bag from her hands.
“You’ve been literally stabbed several hours ago and now you’re intending on carrying a heavy bag. I don’t know any better definition of stupidity.” His voice was casual but she knew he meant it. Still, she didn’t like the idea of being an even heavier burden. Anakin must’ve read it from her face cause he added. “If that’s any consolation, neither Rex nor Fives would carry their bags if injured.”
“But you would. ” She pressed, frowning.
“No, I wouldn’t.” Anakin was set to leave but turned his head at her and added with a smirk. “Because you wouldn't let me.”
She stood there, backpackless, watching as Anakin joined the rest of the group. He didn’t leave much room for argument and Ahsoka wasn’t sure if she had anything to say anyway. Anything besides ‘I’m sorry’.
“Ready to go, Commander?”
“Yeah, right behind you, Echo.”
Moving forward didn’t go as forward as they would like to. With regular breaks for Ahsoka to catch a breath and change the dressings, they barely walked a few miles till noon. But everyone was well aware that her body needed rest so no one even dared to complain. Well, no one besides the girl in question.
“But I’m fine!” She argued at what Rex sent her a disbelieving glare. “I really am!”
The captain said nothing, letting the hum of the fast-flowing stream behind their backs stand out more but not enough to cover his exasperation. Kix and Echo were still refilling cans with the chill water yet Ahsoka persisted that the stopover already lasted longer than necessary. And since Anakin stopped reacting to her reasoning, it was Rex who had to deal with it.
“I can’t believe I’m saying this.” Rex hung his head and tiredly rubbed his temple. “But just take an example from Fives.” He indicated a man who was lazily lying flat on the grass with a hand over his face which was either covering his eyes from the bright rays of sunlight or masking the fact that he was asleep. Possibly both.
“Nice work, vod’ika.” Jesse appeared from behind and hung an arm around Ahsoka’s shoulders. “You tricked Captain into praising Fives. Must be the first time.”
“I didn’t trick- .”
“I’m not praising-”
Jesse grinned widely as their excuses sounded at once.
“You said she should follow Fives. Sounds like praise to me.” Rex only rolled his eyes which caused Jesse’s grin to broaden more. “Come on, Ahsoka. Can’t hurt Fives’ feelings, can we?”
“I guess not.” She backed down, realising she lost that battle.
Ahsoka leaned on the tree bunk and carefully slid to the ground. Mere action was straining her injury, sending a pang of pain through her body. She huffed both from distress and annoyance. These halts were pointless. Sitting down was more exhausting than going on walking. To say nothing they were still on Separatists’ territory and every next hour spent here was putting them all in danger. She could push on, but no one listened. She cast a glance at Anakin and was met with a wary look which, if could, would tie her to the ground. Ahsoka rolled her eyes before closing them shut. She wasn’t sure if lying down could seem ostentatious but tried really hard to do so. Resting while being observed by so many gazes seemed neither comfortable nor effective, so when a gentle but sudden shake on her arm jolted her awake, Ahsoka needed a few extra seconds to come around.
“Hi, Snips.” Anakin greeted as if she arrived from a different dimension. “How are ya feelin’?” His hand was still clasped around her shoulder but now his thumb was stroking it softly.
“I’m fine.” She answered before even thinking about the signals her body was sending. “Are we setting off?”
“Yeah, but no hurry. Take your time.”
“I’ll be up in a minute.” She promised and Anakin picked himself up.
Ahsoka blinked tiredly and cringed. Her montrals were hurting as if the sound of falling eyelids was too loud, causing a headache. She couldn’t even raise her head so she just watched as her Master’s feet moved away to join the Captain. She lifted her palm to rub her temple but when slim fingers touched her forehead, she realised it was slightly warmer than it should be. The pain on her side didn’t lessen either despite the painkillers she had taken. But it didn’t matter, not to her. Ahsoka pulled herself together and climbed to her feet. She couldn’t let them wait any longer.
Her inhales were sharp and shallow, ribcage rising quickly and Ahsoka couldn’t push the impression that her wheezing alone was outperforming the patter of soldiers’ feet. She reprimanded herself before anyone could notice. How could she be falling in breathing? The most basic vital process? She had to get herself together. Ahsoka was trying all breathing exercises she could remember to cover her suffocation but each time her lungs were spiralling until heavy gasps were tossing her around again. And the thin air as they reached the ridge, didn’t help at all. Ahsoka shook her head angrily. These were all excuses which did not justify the fact she was nothing but a nuisance. Her gaze was fixated on Echo’s back who was now bearing two backpacks. A pang of guilt hit her chest and forced her to quicken her pace despite the acute pain underneath the dressings.
Their convoy stopped suddenly. The road branched and a hard decision was to be made. There were two paths leading to their ship. The one they took the first time was shorter but required more physical capabilities which the Commander was currently lacking in. The other path was less challenging though it would take much longer and with Ahsoka’s injury, they weren’t sure how much time they had. The decision was weighing on Anakin’s shoulders but Ahsoka tried to tip the balance by assuring them how well she felt.
“You sure you can do this? It’s your call.” The road was dangerous, but so was Ahsoka’s injury and prolonging this journey wouldn’t do any good either. Force, he must’ve been really at a loss if he had asked for her opinion.
“Yes, I’ll be fine.” She said confidently, aware that Anakin would be looking for any sights of uncertainty.
“Alright,” Skywalker stated after a few long seconds of penetrating Ahsoka’s soul through her eyes. “But if you feel worse at any time, you have to tell me, ok?”
“Sure.”
“If it gets too exhausting you’ll admit that out loud, got it?”
“Naturally,” Ahsoka answered without missing a beat. Anakin studied her with his eyes and she had to restrain the urge to roll her own.
“Great. Let’s get goin’.” He said the last part to the whole squad. And so they moved.
The path was narrow. Ahsoka walked with her left arm hugged to the steep rocky wall, trying to ignore small stones, which were crumbling underneath her boots and falling to the chasm on her right. Ahsoka wasn’t afraid of heights but she couldn’t say that the sight was encouraging. They were going one by one, Anakin far ahead in the front checking the stability of the track, followed by Echo or Kix, she wasn’t sure, cause all Ahsoka could see was Rex’s straight back. She tried to mimic his confident movements and not alarm Fives who was following behind, but the last traces of her strength were wearing off. The pain started overwhelming her nerves and senses but Ahsoka didn’t want to admit that to herself, all the more to anyone else. She raised her shields up high so no drops of distress could leak through the Force to Anakin. She was a freaking Commander, she couldn’t look weak. Nor arouse pity. She could handle this, she just had to keep going. Step by step on those wobbly legs.
A strong gust of wind pressed on her and if Ahsoka hadn’t dug her heels in, she might have been pushed backwards. The blast was frigid but instead of shivering, the girl relished in the cooling sensation, feeling that her aching head was slightly clearing out. It should’ve been simple. Foot by foot, inhale after exhale. So why did she struggle so much? Why didn’t oxygen find its way to her lungs? Her eyes, likewise the sky above, were cloudy. Has her chest always felt so tight? Ahsoka bowed her head to see if something wasn’t clenching on her rib cage but the only alarming matter was her fast-beating heart. Maybe she did have a fear of heights after all. Ahsoka raised her heavy head but dizziness prevented her from keeping it straight. She felt weak and short breaths weren’t sufficient- she needed air. Ahsoka tried to extend her lungs to full capacity when a severe pain shot through under the dressing, cutting her from reality for a few precious seconds. She wanted to hold onto her wound but instead had to clutch the rim of the path as her legs were dangling above the abyss.
“I got you.” Fives grunted in exertion while tightly gripping her left arm. Ahsoka’s eyes widened in fright. She would have struggled to pull herself up but all her muscles felt useless. Even her fingers were giving up on the sharp edge only to be grasped by Rex’s hand.
Ahsoka looked at the dark visor in search of his eyes but no use. Maybe for the better since Captain’s gaze was reflecting her own fear. Clones’ muscles strained to drag Ahsoka back onto the rocks. Their fingernails were digging into her skin, desperate to sustain the connection. When her stomach finally touched the ground, Ahsoka threw her leg over the rim and climbed, landing on her knees. She was sitting steadily on the rocks but the word didn’t stop from spinning.
“Thank you.” Ahsoka gasped quietly between tearing-apart breaths. Rex was still gripping her shoulder firmly and didn’t seem to let go any time soon.
“Are you hurt somewhere…” The captain stopped when his gaze fell on her dressing, which she was now hugging tightly. “…somewhere else?”
“No, I’m fine.” Lonely trickles of blood and scratches adorning her arms and legs didn’t really count.
“Rex, what’s going on there? Where are you?” Anakin’s voice broke through the comlink.
“Small stopover, sir. We’re back on track.” Captain maintained his usual collected voice in contrast to the hand raised to his mouth, which was shaking violently.
“Good. The path has broadened so it should be all downhill from now on.” Ahsoka caught fatigue in her Master’s tone. “We’re waiting for you. Skywalker out.” Neither of the three of them said anything until the echo of Anakin’s words died out for good.
“Can you stand up?” Fives offered his hand and Ahsoka took it without a moment of hesitation.
She clumsily got to her feet, arm outstretched to help her catch a balance - or cushion a possible fall. When both troopers ensured she was steady, they resumed their walk. Adrenaline was still throbbing in Ahsoka’s veins and keeping her conscious but she could feel Fives’ hand on her back and see Rex’s outstretched arm ready to catch her if she may stumble again. None of this proved necessary when she safely stepped onto soft forest cover and trees enveloped her again. The rest of the squad was waiting for them but she didn’t get to say her greetings ‘cause a shout forestalled her.
“What happened?!” Anakin took his apprentice in a firm grip, his eyes widening in horror at the bloody cuts.
“It’s nothing, Master.” Ahsoka tried to break free from his hold. “Stop overreacting.”
“You start reacting! Preferably according to the situation.”
“I am. ” She pressed, defending herself despite the headache attacking her mind in heat waves. “That was the quickest way and we had to take it.”
“No.” His stern voice was layered with anger. “I asked if you could take this road and believed you were responsible enough to make a mature decision. Apparently, you are not.”
To say Ahsoka was tempted to shoot back was an understatement. She would take every opportunity to point his childishness out but this time the festering hole on her side was consuming all her will to fight.
“Can we talk about this later?” She mumbled weakly instead.
“I thought I could trust your judgement.” He didn’t seem to catch her mumbling and went on with his rant. “Do you realise the danger you put yourself into? Why are you so-”
Before Ahsoka could hear Anakin’s thoughts on her, she limply tumbled to the ground. Kix immediately appeared by her side and was already unveiling the injury.
“Kriff.” A curse flew by her montrals. Anakin didn’t need a medic's diagnosis, he knew an infected wound when he saw one. Red streaks were spreading out from the site of the wound and running up to her heart. Skywalker quickly took his glove off and placed a flesh hand on the girl’s forehead. He almost cringed at how hot it felt. “Oh, Snips.”
“It’s nothing…Master.” She muttered but her pupils were uncannily dilated considering it was still bright.
“Yeah, I already knew you have perception disorders, there’s no need to prove it further.” Anakin wasn’t sure if any of what he just said made sense to Ahsoka’s disorientated mind, but it didn’t matter. Maybe without her stubborn denials, it will be actually easier to take care of her.
“General.” Kix paused from cleansing the wound to pass Anakin a handful of pills.
“Snips, you have to swallow these.” She obediently took the medicine from her Master’s palm but her lips and throat were too dry to utter a word of thanks.
Practically unresponsive Ahsoka, Kix tending to her wound and Anakin left with nothing but to hold her palm. This seemed all too familiar, and it hadn’t even been two days. Skywalker exchanged a knowing look with the medic, leaving an unwelcome emptiness in the place of his hand. She was tracing his every move from behind the hooded eyelids. He got up and, following Kix, stood a few metres away. Fever was consuming Ahsoka’s senses. Men’s figures were repeatedly blurring and coming together, their words hitting her montrals at random as if someone was turning the volume on and off.
“How does…look?” Anakin was standing straight, from afar he seemed calm and collected.
“It’s…not…” Fractions of sentences were floating around her.
“…much time… she has?”
“…these pills are only temporary, and even they’ll run out soon…” Ahsoka was watching as Anakin’s attitude faltered. Normally, she also would be affected by such words but right now they had a rather vague meaning.
“…should go…” All her common sense was evaporating along with fluids from her body, making the thick blood circulate through her veins with even greater difficulty. But that would mean the infection will spread slower…right?
“…when at the medic station…” She was hot, she felt as if she could compete with the sun hovering above her. “…then maybe…” Maybe she was the reason it was going down, her blazing skin was emanating enough heat to warm the whole planet.
“…I can’t do much more.” Her side burst like a flare, forcing a painful gasp out of her. She was gonna burn alive. Her vision was dazzled by bright rays until a form cast a shadow over her. Ahsoka didn’t recognise the face, only a strained whisper before falling into darkness.
The murmur of a hushed conversation, the low crackling of a fire and a rustle of leaves. All of these came rushing to her montrals when she was brought back to consciousness. At least to some extent. Invisible fists were clenching on her head, crushing it with unspeakable pain. Ahsoka was progressively furrowing her forehead and squeezing her eyes as if it could lessen the suffering. But when she reached the limit and the pressure hadn't eased one bit she opened her eyes at once, gasping loudly like a fish washed ashore.
“Ahsoka.” She quickly took in the surroundings. Blurry faces bathed in orange light, bright flames gobbling fragile branches and a pitch-dark sky looking at her from behind the distant clouds. When Anakin kneeled beside her, Ahsoka drifted to sleep once again.
Ahsoka’s entire body was slightly but steadily bouncing. Her feet were dangling loosely, brisk air was tickling skin exposed by the holes in her leggings. Now that she thought about it, none of her limbs had contact with the ground. Instead, two arms were clasped around her back and legs, holding her close to the chest. Things began to add up, making her realise she was being carried. And that this time the laboured breathing wasn’t her own.
“Master?”
“Oh, you’re awake.” He glanced down at her but quickly looked back at the track. “Is there any point in asking about your well-being or are you gonna lie to me anyway?”
Ahsoka let out a huff but when her mouth automatically formed into I’m fine , she instantly regretted it. She hadn’t even said it out loud yet her montrals cringed at the overused phrase. How many times has she already said those words? Why did they always have so little to do with the truth? Ahsoka furrowed thoughtfully, pondering over a more accurate response.
“I’m…better.” The reply may not have been the most brilliant or detailed, it definitely didn’t reflect the heavy frown she put on, but it was quite a sign of her inner transformation. Unfortunately, Anakin missed it.
“You don’t look better.” Ahsoka made a wry face. Sure, she was covered in scratches, the fever had drained the colour from her skin and despite all these hours of sleep, dark circles emphasised her tired eyes, but it still was a harsh comment.
“You sound worse.” Ahsoka pointed out his ragged breathing. She had no idea for how long Anakin had been carrying her but based on the sun shining high in the sky and drops of sweat on Anakin’s forehead, it must’ve been long. Guilt tightened the hold on her chest, hindering her breathing as effectively as sepsis did. “Come on, put me to the ground.”
“Why so? There’s no cliff to fall from.” He spat dryly. Ahsoka rolled her eyes.
“Rex told you, didn’t he?”
“Well I’m the General, so he didn’t have much choice.”
“Good thing I have leverage with the General. Now put me down.” She started squirming in Anakin’s arms but his grip turned out to be too firm for her weakened muscles. Anakin sighed heavily and stretched his neck which cracked in the process. He could use some rest.
“Ok, let’s take a short break.” Skywalker halted and lowered her to the ground.
“You betcha, being carried around made me really exhausted.” Ahsoka joked, trying to lighten the mood. It was quickly followed by her painful hiss so Anakin didn’t really feel like laughing.
Ahsoka was lying flat on the grass where Anakin placed her because she didn't have the strength to do much more. Soon she was surrounded by blue-white armoured troops, one of them crouching next to her.
“Good to see you back alive.” Fives put his helmet off, revealing eyes as concerned as his voice. “You scared us for real this time.” She would rather he kept the helmet on.
“Come on, it takes more than that to beat me,” Ahsoka replied sheepishly, Fives’ gaze was too overwhelming to come up with a better response. She averted her eyes, not being able to bear the heavy frown on his face and tight lips with no sign of a smirk on them. Tension was killing her and Ahsoka even considered getting up and running away.
“Alright, move it, boys. I need to take care of the wound,” Ahsoka has never been more grateful for the medic. With a slight reluctance, clones walked a few steps away, giving her more space to breathe. Kix immediately got himself to tend to her injury. He cautiously unwrapped the dressing but when her bare skin came into his view, he involuntarily grimaced.
“So I take it as an improvement?” Ahsoka joked but not even a shadow of a smile flickered across his features. What was with them lately? Or was it her that lost her touch?
Kix silently cleansed the wound and applied the little bacta ointment that was left in the tube.
“Sorry, I know it won't do much anymore but I have nothing else.” He said while handing her the pills.
“Don't be, it's ok. It doesn't hurt much.” She replied gently. Kix spared her sceptical glance, his mouth curled wryly, but shortly he focused on bandages again.
“You know… I don’t believe in white lies when it comes to someone’s health.” The medic kept his voice light while his hands were occupied with dressing her injury. “And I don’t think they appreciate them either. They’re worried.” Kix didn’t have to specify who he was talking about. Ahsoka didn’t like the direction this conversation was going yet she couldn’t just go, not until he was done with the dressing. And Ahsoka couldn’t shake the impression that Kix was doing it much slower than usual. “It’s ok to accept help, it doesn’t make you any less strong.” Ahsoka started impatiently twiddling her fingers. She could accept help, she was letting Kix tend to her wound right now. There was a difference between getting a hand and wallowing in self-pity. Ahsoka thought she could distinguish both. “You can admit when-” But Ahsoka didn’t let him finish his thought. She noticed the finished dressing; even Kix couldn’t prolong it forever.
“Thank you for the treatment.” She said hastily, breaking into his sentence. Kix furrowed his eyebrows in an exasperated gesture.
“Yeah, sure.” His voice was much harder now, he knew when somebody was putting him off and the girl didn’t necessarily try to do it delicately. With a slight shake of his head, he grabbed his kit and left her alone.
Ahsoka didn’t wait for anyone to bring her water. Despite the dry and sore throat, she collected enough saliva in her mouth to swallow the pills dry. She was doing well enough by herself. Ahsoka even managed to get up to a sitting position. Her side throbbed at the forced movement and her head spun dizzily but she made it. All by herself. Two more painful inhales and she’s gonna be standing. She wasn’t a child anymore and she didn’t need anyone’s mercy. She could take care of herself and could get up on her own…
“Ahsoka, don't-” A harsh voice tried to stop her but she already pushed herself up and abruptly forced her feet to bear her whole weight. She didn’t even have time to scream before her dizzy mind switched off.
The wind was tossing her body like a rag doll. Her legs longed for the steady ground as an endless abyss was opening its arms in greeting. She was constantly hitting a rocky wall but it was nothing compared to the pain piercing through her hand as her fingers desperately clenched to the edge. Muscles were trembling violently while veins protruded from the small palm. Don’t look down, don’t look down, just don’t look down… So she looked up. Blue-white armoured soldiers stood above her and polished blasters shone in their hands. One of the clones took a step forward, his foot millimetres from stomping on her fingers. He could’ve easily crushed her bones and sentenced her to death. But Ahsoka was heavy, too heavy and for too long. And like all burdens, she had to finally give in to gravity. She shot one last look at the troops but was met with five outstretched hands wielding their weapons. In perfect sync, they reloaded the clip and aimed at the sky. Her fall was accompanied by the perfect gun salute.
Blue irises shifted quickly from underneath the wet cloth which was soothing her forehead and partly veiling her vision. But this small slot was enough to spot the durasteel walls around her; enough to make her heart beat faster. The last time she remembered she was surrounded by the fresh scent of resin, damp moss, and wet tree trunks. All she could smell now were fuel and dust coming from the air-conditioner. When did she get here? How did she get here? Ahsoka restlessly explored the soft mattress she was lying on, her other hand tremblingly reaching out to take the wet towel off her face.
“Whoa easy.” Anakin grasped her palm. “It’s ok, you’re safe now. We’re going back to the Resolute .” He reassured her and placed the towel back on her forehead. It proved useless since Ahsoka had difficulty accepting reality and laying still was the last thing on her mind.
“What? But- but I was in the forest! I was about to go and-”
“And you fainted.” He finished for her. “Rest of the road you spent in my arms. But no need to thank me.” Anakin smirked cockily but Ahsoka was too caught up in the missing pieces of her memory to notice.
“You should’ve woken me up! I could’ve walked on my own!” Ahsoka exclaimed, helplessness behind her outburst.
“I know I said you don’t have to thank me but I expected enough gratitude not to be yelled at.” Anakin was more astonished than angry. “What was I supposed to do? Revive you with Force or leave you right there on the ground? And for what? For the sake of your stupid pride? You can’t be serious right now.”
“It’s not pride! You just-” She struggled to express her mixed feelings. “You don’t understand-”
“No, I really don't. Do you blame me for taking care of you?” Disbelief filled his tone.
“I just don’t want to be a burden.” She stated firmly.
“Don’t be ridiculous . That’s the point of being a master, to look out for their padawan. How can you learn something when you’re dead?”
“But I don’t want to be looked out for! I should already be good enough to take care of myself. What kind of a commander imposes a duty upon others?”
“The one who risked their life to protect their people.” Anakin retorted sharply. “We’re a team, there’s no place for a show-off. You should know that by now.”
“I’m not trying to flex on anyone.” She rasped with reproach. Like he was the one to talk. “I was just trying to keep up.”
“And look how it turned out.” Anakin knew it was harsh but he'd had enough of Ahsoka’s delusions. “Everyone was doing their best to get you out of there alive despite your stubbornness. What are you so afraid of? People finding out you’re not perfect? Well too late. So stop putting on a brave face when you’re clearly in pain ‘cause no one’s gonna fall for it.”
“I’m not scared! And I’m not weak . What do you even know? I don’t need your mercy! Nor the pitiful gazes everyone’s sending me, I-” She stopped, feeling her chest heaving, her cheeks hot. But Skywalker’s face was still, Ahsoka looked at him almost fearfully.
“You should cool down.” Words were sharp at their edges as he spoke. “The fever has severely messed up your head.” Anakin's stone-cold voice already sent her shivering. He abruptly left the room; Ahsoka was sure that if the door hadn’t slid behind him automatically he would’ve slammed them.
What was she doing? She didn’t even mean all that. She just didn’t want anyone to think she was weak. But her eyes brimming with tears weren’t the best testimony for it. She angrily wiped them before they could fall, ‘cause big girls don’t cry. But big girls don’t shout their fears out loud either. Kriff, was she pathetic. Who was she trying to fool? No one’s gonna fall for it. And no one did. Thankfully. Because if not for her poor acting she might have ended up as a cold corpse on the steep hill. Oh, did the realisation hit her late, merely before she hit rock bottom. She was so desperate to prove her worth that she lost her common sense, all because of her insecurities. All this time she tried to hide her own weaknesses from others, but admitting them to herself proved to be the hardest part. Her brothers accepted her to the core, it was she who couldn't condone her flaws. At last, she realised it; at the very end of the road.
Anakin was right and she truly owed him an apology. To him and probably everyone else on this shuttle. Ahsoka slid the already not-so-wet towel down to her eyes. The quiet hum of the air-conditioner was her only companion. She wished she could black out once more and free herself from the guilt.
Ahsoka lost track of time long ago so when she felt the ship entering the cruiser’s hangar, she had no idea if it was the minutes or hours that passed. But no matter how long she would stay on the shuttle it would never be enough to brace herself for confronting Anakin.
“Will you let me carry you out or you wanna take your chances walking?” He asked spitefully. He stopped in front of her bunk as if he was casually strolling by.
“I’ll accept your kind offer.” She replied sheepishly and slightly held out her arms like a little child. Anakin didn't manage to suppress a smile before it flashed across his face. Though he quickly reflected on himself and returned to his blank expression. He was purposely letting her know he was mad at her and Ahsoka was well aware of that. But the way he gently picked her up into his arms, calmed her nerves.
“Master.” She started, trying to get his attention. He was occupied watching for her dangling legs while coming through the narrow door, but his slightly raised brow indicated he was listening. “I’m sorry. For what I said…for what I did. I had no right to yell at you like that, especially when you took care of me.” She was nervously plucking at the hem of his outer robe. “You were right.”
“Like always.” He murmured beside her montrals. Ahsoka punched him lightly in the chest.
“Let's not make such far-fetched assumptions.” Anakin chuckled as they walked down the hatch. “As I was sayin’... you know me too well, I was scared. Scared that I won’t be strong enough and because of that…I did a lot of foolish things. So thank you for not giving up on me. At least not yet.” She gave him a gratitude-filled smile. The hangar was rumbling with bustle, medics were surrounding the shuttle but Ahsoka didn’t really notice.
“You’re just like your grandmaster, carrying the world on your shoulders.” Anakin laid her carefully on the stretcher with a shake of his head. “But don’t worry, I believe it’s curable.”
“So you think Master Obi-wan will stop risking his life excessively?”
“Oh, no. I was talking about you. He’s definitely hopeless.” Ahsoka was laughing loudly, making it difficult for medics who tried to put an oxygen mask on her face.
“You know, Master Kenobi isn't the only one from whom I've learnt this.” Someone was pushing an IV into her veins, yet she didn’t even blink, full attention focused on her Master.
“Yeah, well, I’m a great teacher after all.” Anakin straightened his back and nonchalantly tossed his long fringe.
“Yes, you really are,” Ahsoka said with a genuine smile, her palm tugging on his sleeve. Her blue eyes glazed over but there was no shame in it.
Anakin was holding her hand as they moved through the halls to the medical bay. He didn’t let go till the end of the road.