Chapter Text
Neil was no stranger to waking up in the early hours of the morning. Over the years, he had become so used to Andrew sleeping beside him that it was actually a problem when he wasn’t beside him for various reasons. Neil learned to fall asleep without Andrew, but it was hard work. Three years later, Neil was lying awake in their bed, staring at the empty spot where Andrew should have been asleep. He sat up and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. Aaron was still asleep in the top bunk, so it was only one twin awake tonight. Andrew had a habit of never closing the door fully when he left the bedroom and Neil was still sleeping, because sometimes Neil had nightmares and would search for Andrew if he wasn't in bed-the open door letting Neil know that Andrew was still in their dorm room. He got out of bed, put on his shorts and a knitted sweater over his t-shirt, a sweater Andrew had gifted him for his birthday, and then trotted out into the small entryway.
"Jesus, it's cold," he mumbled and made his way to the bathroom to pee real quick before continuing his quest to find his missing boyfriend. With his bladder dealt with, he moved into the living room. He frowned when Andrew wasn’t in his usual beanbag chair or on the desk where he smoked, when the familiar scent of cinnamon hit him. Trotting into the kitchen, he finds Andrew sitting on one of the bar stools in the dark, with only the oven illuminating the kitchen. He was wearing sweats, a hoodie, and fluffy socks, and Neil regrets not putting on socks at least.
"What are you doing?" He asked as he walked over to his boyfriend’s side.
"Baking," Andrew said, then lifted a cup to his lips.
"Nightmare?" Neil asked.
"Mmh," Andrew hummed, and put the cup down on the counter. Neil pressed a gentle kiss to the side of Andrew’s head and went to check on the cinnamon rolls in the oven. He closed the oven door and turned on the light above the stove, and when he turned on the kettle, he felt Andrew’s arms around his waist, pulling him close.
"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked, and Andrew shook his head and buried his face in Neil's neck.
"Not right now," he mumbled. Neil smiled and reached up to run his fingers through Andrew’s sleep-tangled hair. They stood there while Neil made himself a cup of tea and Andrew a cup of hot chocolate. Neil sipped his tea, then turned off the oven before grabbing the oven mitten to take the baking tray out with him. He moved around the kitchen with Andrew attached to his back, making sure not to step on Andrew or burn him on the baking tray. He reached for the radio they kept on the counter and turned it on, turning the volume down so he wouldn’t wake up Aaron, putting the oven mittens down on the counter before he carefully turned around in Andrew’s arms. Neil wrapped his arms around Andrew’s shoulders, held him close, and slowly started to sway to the music on the radio. He hummed under his breath and felt how Andrew’s body started to relax against his.
"I’m here, don’t worry about it, darling," Neil whispered into Andrew’s hair, burying his fingers in Andrew’s hair. Andrew’s arms tightened around Neil’s waist, and he rubbed his nose against Neil’s neck. "Nothing is going to hurt you."
Andrew didn’t say anything, but that was okay with Neil. Andrew didn’t have to speak if he didn’t want to, and Neil wasn’t going to force him. They stood like that for minutes and Neil didn’t mind, it wasn’t everyday he could get Andrew to sway with him to music, so he would take whatever he could. Neil remembered his nanny doing it with him and it used to calm him down, and one time he couldn't get Andrew to calm down after a nightmare doing Aaron's trials, so he turned on the radio, held him and began to sway with him. And Neil was honestly surprised that it worked. Now they do it whenever one of them needs to get both feet back into the real world.
They swayed to a couple of songs, Andrew’s body relaxing further into Neil’s as the songs went on, but Andrew eventually let go, his eyes bloodshot like he had been crying, and Neil fought not to reach up and caress Andrew’s cheek and lean in to kiss his forehead.
"Go and sit on the couch. I’ll bring you the chocolate and a cinnamon roll, "Neil said. Andrew nodded, leaned in, and pressed a gentle kiss to Neil’s lips before he went into the living room. Neil heard beans move around under the weight of Andrew’s body, and Neil smiled, because of course Andrew wouldn’t sit on the couch when he was told to.
Packing the cinnamon rolls away in a container, saving two for Andrew, he turned off the radio, grabbed the cups and the plate of cinnamon rolls, and went into the living room to put the cups and plate down on the living room table. He kicked the other bean bag over to Andrew, grabbed a blanket off the couch, turned on the TV and killed the sound. He handed the cup of now lukewarm chocolate to Andrew, and Andrew still drank it in between eating the cinnamon rolls. Neil draped the blanket over Andrew’s legs, grabbed his own cup, and sat back in the other bean bag chair.
Andrew draped the blanket over Neil’s legs once he was seated next to him. Neil smiled and leaned in and kissed Andrew’s cheek before he leaned back and sipped his tea. When Andrew was done, he put the plate and cup down next to them on the floor and moved around until he was comfortably leaning against Neil-something he rarely did. Neil tucked Andrew’s head into the crook of his neck, kissed his hair and his forehead, but said nothing. He didn’t know how long he sat there for before he felt the tension in Andrew’s body disappear as he fell asleep.
Neil tucked the blanket around Andrew’s shoulders, then turned his attention back to the muted TV. It was in the wee hours of the morning when Neil texted Wymach that neither he nor Andrew would make it to practice today, well knowing that the team would ask questions later, but Neil’s priority was Andrew right now. The door to the bedroom creaked open, and Aaron trotted out of the bedroom, his hair sticking out every which way. He stared at them. Neil stared back and held a finger to his lips, telling Aaron to be quiet—so the other twin quietly went to the bathroom before he returned and sat on the couch.
"Nightmare?" "Aaron," he said in a hushed tone, and Neil nodded.
"Yeah, "I found him in the kitchen around 2am," he said and looked at Aaron. "So if you want a cinnamon roll, they are in a container in the kitchen."
"No, it's fine," Aaron said, rubbing his face."Want me to stay here?"
"No, you should go to classes. "I doubt we’ll move much today," Neil explained, and looked at Aaron. "There’s no need for you to stay as well."
"I want to stay. "He's my brother," Aaron said defiantly, went into the bedroom and returned with a handful of duvets and his phone. He handed Neil their duvets and helped Neil wrap Andrew’s around them before he settled on the couch to watch TV with Neil, while Andrew slept.
Andrew slept for the better part of the day, only waking up for short periods of time to get something to drink, but he never said anything about his nightmare, which was fine with Neil, though it seemed to bother Aaron more than he let on.
"You can’t force him to speak about it, Aaron," Neil said when they were in the kitchen making something to drink.
"If he could force me to speak about my trauma, then I sure as hell could make him speak about his."
"No, you can’t. "Your trauma and Andrew’s trauma are two different things. You can’t compare them," Neil said and turned to face Aaron. "He’ll talk about it when he’s ready."
"It was about Drake," Andrew said, his voice low and heavy with sleep. Neither of them had heard Andrew get up from the bean bag. "About the time you sent me your letter, Drake found it and wanted to have us both."
Aaron swallowed visibly, clearly uncomfortable with the topic. Neil watched the twins interact without saying anything—they needed to have this talk.
Does it make you uncomfortable? I hope it does, because that’s what I had to deal with for years. So no, you don’t get to decide when I open up about my trauma. " Aaron looked even more uncomfortable now that Andrew put it like that. ‘
"But you talk to Neil about it," Aaron said and crossed his arms.
"He doesn’t, really. I know about as much as you; I’m just better at listening than you are, "Neil said and poured hot water into the cups.
Aaron seemed to deflate then, acknowledging Andrew’s feelings. Neither twin said anything, but Neil handed them a cup of hot chocolate and a cinnamon roll.
"You care about each other, that much is clear to anyone. You’re brothers. family. And I think that you sometimes forget that, "Neil said, looking at them. "Sure you annoy the crap out of each other and half the time you want to strangle the other, but fuck I want to smother you both with a pillow sometimes. But you are family. "
The twins stared at Neil, then at each other, then back at Neil.
"When did your boyfriend get so smart?" Aaron asked.
"I think he always had it in him, he just takes too many balls to the head," Andrews said, taking a sip from his cup while maintaining eye contact with Neil.
"Haha. "Very funny," Neil said and rolled his eyes, but he still smiled. How could he not when Andrew was finally feeling better?
"Or Nicky finally made Neil watch all the Lilo and Stitch movies that have been made," Aaron said, earning himself a slap on the thigh with a dish towel. "Ow! Don’t hit me! "
"Then don’t speak nonsense," Neil said, and put the dish towel back on the rack. Aaron fumed, and he was two seconds away from spilling his hot chocolate on Neil when Andrew tapped him on the shoulder and pointed at the living room.
"Jesus," Aaron mumbled, but went into the living room without further discussion. Andrew rolled his eyes at his twin’s temper tantrum, then put his cup down on the counter and walked over to Neil. He crowded Neil against the counter, then wrapped his arms around his waist. Neil wrapped his arms around Andrew’s shoulders and held him close.
"You okay?" Neil asked softly and ran his fingers through Andrew’s hair.
Andrew hummed. Neil smiled and pressed a kiss to Andrew’s head.
"Thank you," Andrew whispered, and slowly lifted his head. They leaned in and kissed gently. "Thank you for putting up with me."
"Anytime soon," Neil said, and leaned in and pressed their foreheads together. They stood there for a while before Andrew spoke up.
"Did Nicky make you watch Lilo and Stitch?"
"Each and every movie made," Neil said with a sigh. "They’re good movies, don’t get me wrong, but when he starts to cry and sob during every movie... it gets too much."
"Want me to do something about it?" Andrew asked, and Neil shook his head.
"Nah, it’s okay. But I did mean it, though. You only have each other and forcing the other to talk before the other is ready isn’t fruitful. "
"I need to stop letting you sit in on my psychology lessons." Andrew sighed and pulled back. Neil chuckled and grabbed the box of cinnamon rolls and his cup of tea and went back into the living room and sat on the couch, since Aaron had decided to sit on both bean bag chairs.