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He dragged his fingertips across his chest, tracing them over two small hills of fat.
The mirror was a curse. He looked at his body and he glared; he seethed at the sight. His body was not his own.
Draping robes above his chest felt nice. There was always something missing, but the robes left little to imagine about his body.
Grian was always so open about who he was, so open about who he is now. He had been there for Grian’s breakdowns about it, but right now, Scar was alone.
Grian’s spoken about this feeling before, not feeling right in your own body. Hating it and wanting to deform it until you’re utterly unrecognizable.
The feeling was always there, but the realization started when he was hanging out with Pearl. He used to think it was a fond memory but now he envies it.
Innocence.
-
He had stayed over at Scott’s and Pearl’s that night since Joel had just turned red; they felt it was unsafe for him and offered he stay the night at theirs.
He was going to stay in Pearl’s room for the night, he watched as she used a soft moist towel to wipe her face down. He stared a bit in awe as the towel got dirtier.
“What’s that?”
Pearl hummed in question.
“What’s what?” She said, not turning to look at him; too focused on her reflection and removing the gunk on her face.
“What’s coming off your face?”
“Oh, makeup?” Pearl tilted her head, looking at him through the mirror in front of her.
Scar blinked, he should have assumed it was makeup. He felt a bit dumb for asking now.
Pearl was undeniably pretty with or without makeup, she was gorgeous. Scar almost felt jealous; that’d be pretty bad if he was.
But, still. Pear looked wonderful, luxurious. She was a goddess, and he was nothing.
“Yeah, I forgot the name, sorry.” He said, turning away sheepishly.
“It’s fine, Scar.” She snickered before continuing to remove the makeup.
“I always do my makeup in the morning, and then take it off after a long day. This event is stressful enough, I can’t imagine not having some form of comfort here; that comfort just so happens to be my makeup.” She said, turning around to smile at him.
Scar couldn’t help but watch, it must have taken a lot of time for her to do that only to wipe it off at the end of the day.
She always had such eccentric makeup looks; he had seen her use makeup on Scott before too. They were dark green lives, they always had some sort of green on their faces with stunning eye makeup.
Pearl stretched before moving to her bed and laying on it, she turned to look at him with a soft smile.
“I’m gonna try and sleep, you gonna be okay?”
Scar nodded silently.
A sort of anxiety filled in his chest as he stared at the makeup on her nightstand.
A good hour had passed and he still couldn’t sleep. He tried to find something to distract himself with, but found nothing.
“Psst, Pearl.” He whispered, Pearl didn’t stir or move. He felt slightly relieved at that and glanced at the makeup on her nightstand.
He really shouldn’t.
He steps closer.
He grabs everything he can.
Scar felt his hands become a bit sweaty as he carried the makeup to the bathroom.
He stared at the objects curiously. He wasn’t quite sure what was what. He knew the lipstick, but the rest? He was dumbfounded.
“Okay, Scar, you got this yup. You know exactly what to do.”
He pulled out what looked like a long black lipstick? It didn’t feel right against his lips, it felt sticky so he assumed it wasn’t lipstick.
“Oh.” He said quietly as he realized it was mascara. He tried to apply it but he nearly poked his eye out. He shamelessly painted his eyelid instead of his eyelashes.
He painted under his eyes for fun, but he looked stupid.
He moved on to a powder-like product and his eyes shined in recognition.
“Blush, I think. Or whatever this is. It definitely goes on my face, yes totally.”
He got a brush and tried spreading it on his face. He glared when he accidentally put too much and it looked unnatural.
He muttered under his breath and shook his head. He decided to do the easiest part and grabbed the lipstick. There were two, there was a pink gloss, and a dark blood red lipstick.
He chose the latter, and applied it carefully. He started with his bottom lip, jutting it out to make sure the red painted on his lips correctly. Then, he painted the upper lip, left side to the right.
It was slow, but his hand shook a little and the red was now on the side of his mouth. He pouted and tried to remove it, rubbing it off.
The red spread more around his mouth instead. He whined in annoyance, continuing to rub it.
Only for it to spread more. In frustration, he smudged his whole mouth.
He let his mouth fall open and his eyes pricked with tears.
His left cheek was covered in smudged dark red lipstick, his face had unshaded sides, and the mascara made him look like a clown.
He looked at himself in the mirror and he felt truly disgusting.
Tears began to spill. The mascara was, in fact, not waterproof. Black streamed along the sides of his face and he tried to swallow his hiccups.
Why?
Why did he have to look like this?
Why couldn’t he be beautiful? Beautiful like Pearl.
He pulled at his hair at he sobbed, he had grown it out but it meant he was more prone to pulling it out when he did something stupid.
He rubbed at his face and tried everything he could to remove it. He let out quiet whimpers as he tried to gasp for air due to crying too much.
The door creaked, he immediately jumped and turned around. He found a heartbroken and confused Pearl at the door.
“Scar..?” She said, strangely fond, “Scar.” She repeated this time more worriedly.
“Hi Pearl.” He said with a shaky voice and trembling hands.
“What..What are you doing, Scar?”
“Oh, uh, I don’t really..” He paused, unsure if he could finish the sentence without breaking down, “I don’t know what I’m doing, Pearl.” His voice cracked mid-sentence.
Scar slowly walked backwards onto the wall and slid down, hiding his face in his knees.
Pearl stared at him, still confused but mostly sad. She made her way to him and sat down right next to him, leaning her head on his shoulder.
She wrapped one arm around him and traced circles into his back, trying to be any sort of comfort.
She used her other hand to intertwine her fingers with his.
Pearl didn’t know what was wrong, but if Scar didn’t want to talk about it, she wouldn’t force him.
She tried to think clearly about what happened. Scar had makeup smudged all over his face when she walked in, and he was crying a lot.
After a few minutes of comforting and silence, Scar lifted his head up to look at Pearl with a slight pout.
“Hey there, ya goof.” Pearl snorted at his runny makeup.
“Pearl, do not laugh at me, this is not funny.” Scar whined.
“It’s a little funny. Just a little.” Pearl smiled fondly.
“I wanted to try it, but I don’t…I’m not pretty like you.”
Pearl tilted her head in confusion.
“Scar.” Pearl looked at him sternly, she picked up both her hands and placed them on either side of his face.
“Scar, you are incredibly pretty.”
Scar frowned.
“I don’t feel very pretty.”
“That’s cause ya got makeup smudged all over your face, silly.” Pearl rolled her eyes.
“Even without the smudged makeup.” Scar replied.
Pearl didn’t answer him.
“Do you…” She hesitated a bit, “Do you want me to fix it?”
Scar blinked.
“Fix it?”
“Fix your poor attempt at makeup.” Pearl teased.
“Oh.”
“Well?”
“Please.” Scar replied, looking down at his hands a little ashamed.
Pearl smiled and dragged him over to her bed.
“You sit here, I’ll get the stuff and then will you let me sleep?”
“Oh, I don’t want to keep yo-“
“Nope. You’ve already roped me into this, I can’t get out.” Pearl turned around quickly and started cleaning Scar’s mess in the bathroom.
She carefully brought back the makeup things, and placed them back on the nightstand.
She sat right in front of him and immediately got to work. Scar barely had time to process as Pearl got out a small towel and began cleaning his face.
It took a few minutes but eventually, Pearl smiled at his clean face. Pearl smiled at her handy work and picked up the towel.
“I use a special ointment to remove the makeup, it works better, okay?” Pearl said. Scar wasn’t quite sure why Pearl was telling him this, but he nodded.
Scar was about to get up and let Pearl go to bed, but it seemed she had other ideas.
“Where are you going?“ Pearl pulled him back down.
“Uhh, letting you sleep?”
“I said I was going to fix it, didn’t I?”
Scar blinked at Pearl, obviously still confused.
Pearl sighed and began to apply foundation on him.
“What..What are you doing?”
“I’m giving you a makeover, what else?”
She grabbed the foundation and showed it to him.
“This one is called foundation, you apply it all over your face. Think of it like a plain canvas, foundation makes your face a plain canvas, get it?”
“Mhm..” Scar agreed not wanting Pearl to mess up.
She grabbed another cosmetic item and pointed at it.
“This is concealer, okay? You can use it for a lot of things, but it’s mostly to hide your bags under your eyes or dark spots. We have the same skin stone so this is great.”
She went on explaining every piece she had, going into detail on how to use it. She smiled as she applied the blush and slightly tapped his nose.
Scar scrunched up his nose at that and looked at Pearl.
“Want to try some eyeliner?”
Scar looked confused and she pointed at her eyes, and a pencil looking object.
“It’s what me and Scott have on some days.” Pearl said, and smiled when Scar’s eyes lit up in recognition.
“Yea, please.” He said softly.
Pearl got to work, trying her hardest to make it as straight as possible and as pretty as he could. She had a feeling Scar would be a lot into a more gothic and aggressive look.
At the same time, she caught Scar looking at the types of lipsticks she had. Pearl smiled at that. It really did seem like Scar was just interested in this.
She began to apply eyeshadow too, purple seemed like a fitting color considering his whole aesthetic at the moment. She made small emerald shapes on the sides of his face too. There was only one thing left.
The lipstick.
Scar seemed apprehensive as Pearl picked up the lipsticks. He was nervous that it would get ruined again, that all of Pearl’s hard work would go to waste.
Another thought lingered, what if he was still disgusting?
Pearl snapped him out of it by flicking him on the head. Scar glared at her and stuck out his tongue.
“I asked you a question.”
“Oh. What was it?”
“Do you want to try pink?”
“Yes, sure.”
Pearl carefully applied it, and smiled when she was done with the lips. She quickly got up with a piece of paper and held it out.
“Blot.”
“Pardon?” Scar looked at her strangely.
Pearl rolled her eyes, and stuck out the paper to him.
“Put the paper between your lips. Like this.” She demonstrated and then handed another paper to him. He copied her action and she smiled, pulling out a lip gloss.
“Mmm.” Pearl hummed, “I think I’m done.” She blinked looking at him with the biggest smile Scar had ever seen.
“Can I see it?“ Scar asked sheepishly.
“Yes. Yes yes.” Pearl nodded vigorously. She grabbed his hands and dragged him to the bathroom; she placed her hand over the doorknob and turned back.
“Ready?”
Scar took a breath and nodded.
When Scar looked in the mirror, he felt his heart shatter into pieces.
Not in a bad way.
In a good way, an amazing way. He looked at the stunning job that Pearl had did and he was in complete awe.
He looked..
“I look.. pretty..” Scar said quietly.
“You were always pretty, makeup just helps you realize it a little more.” Pearl said.
“I love it a lot, Pearl. Thank you, so so much.” Scar looked like he was about to cry.
“Do NOT cry. You will ruin the makeup!! Think happy thoughts! Only happy thoughts, don’t be sad.” She said, grabbing his hands and pleading.
“I’m not sad, Pearl. I’m just so happy.” He smiled tearfully and stared at the ceiling to stop the tears.
“You’re very beautiful, Scar. I’m glad you like the look. I’m digging it too, you should try makeup more often.”
“I think I might.”
“Maybe even grow out your hair more.” Pearl said, with an underlying meaning. Scar flinched a little at that and looked at her. There was only a look of understanding in her expression.
“I should grow it out, shouldn’t I? Maybe it can be longer, like yours.”
“I could braid it, and style it too.”
“I would..like that.” Scar said with a shy look on his face, “Thank you, Pearl.”
“Anytime, Scar.”
After that night, Pearl became extremely fond of Scar. They had always been friends, but now their bond was stronger than ever.
Scar saw Pearl as a sister of sorts, someone he could rely on and trust. Pearl made sure to check up on Scar more than needed during Last Life too.