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“And this one?” Ava asked, running her arm down yet another one of Sara’s multitude of scars. They were in Sara’s room on the Waverider and had been spending the morning playing a show and tell game with their scars. Sara had many more than Ava, so now instead of going back and forth, Ava was just exploring scar after scar on Sara’s body and Sara was recounting how she had earned each one.
“Knife,” Sara said, watching Ava’s finger run up and down the length. “I was actually really lucky it didn’t hit anything important. Another inch to the side,” she shook her head as a way to finish the sentence.
“I’m very glad it didn’t,” Ava purred.
Sara gave a small, shy smile.
And god if Ava hadn’t forgotten how fun all this was. How amazing new relationships felt. And how she would do anything to keep that amazing smile on Sara’s face from dawn to dusk and back to dawn again.
She moved her hand lower on Sara’s leg to the next off colored stripe of skin. As with the others, she began to trace her fingers up it. “This one?” she smiled and looked from the scar up to Sara’s face.
But instead of seeing the same beautiful smile, Ava was met with a dark expression and a frown that grew by the second.
“Caught my leg on a fence,” Sara said flatly.
“Oh,” Ava said, caught off guard by the change of tone. “Was it before - was it when you were still a kid?” she spoke around asking about Sara’s time in the League. It had been a subject they had been skillfully skirting all morning. Ava knew some about Sara’s time with the League of Assassins. At least, she knew what had been disclosed in Sara’s personnel file from the Time Bureau. But she knew Sara didn’t like to talk about it, and so far, Ava had been unwilling to press the topic.
“No,” was all Sara said.
Ava knew they were on the cusp of losing the game. She knew if she pushed, it could sour the lovely morning they were sharing. But she so badly wanted to know every facet of the amazing woman she was rapidly falling in love with. So she pushed the boundary.
“Did you get it when you were with the League?” She immediately felt Sara stiffen under her hand. “Sara?”
For a moment Sara just froze. Then, with a rush of movement, she pushed off the covers and stood facing away from the bed. “I have a lot to do today. And I’m sure the bureau will be needing you soon, too. You should probably go.”
“Sara, wait,” Ava said, trying her best to keep the hurt and confusion she was feeling from her voice. “Can we talk about this?”
Sara spared Ava a look over her shoulder. Her face was a flurry of pain and fear and regret, and a moment later she turned back away from the bed, away from Ava. “Just - we can talk later. I just can’t right now. Please. Just go.”
“Sara,” Ava tried one more time. “Hey, please at least just look at me?”
Sara brought her hands up to her face and Ava guessed she was wiping away tears. But she did not turn to look at Ava. Instead, she shook her head and rushed out the door.
Ava laid there in bed for a few minutes processing how quickly the morning had gone to shit and then a few more minutes expecting Sara to come walking back in the door at any moment. But she didn’t. So finally Ava got up out of the bed herself and went searching for Sara.
She wanted to apologize for pushing. But also wanted to be sure Sara knew she could tell her anything and there would be no judgment.
She also just wanted to know that her girlfriend was ok.
She started with the common areas. The bridge, empty. The galley, Mick and Zari were there, but no Sara. The lab, Ray, but still no Sara. The library, just Nate.
“Looking for something?” Nate called out as Ava poked her head in and then began to pull it back out of the room.
“No,” Ava said, a trill of anxiety in her voice.
“Ah, some one , then,” he said, setting down the book he had been reading.
“Yes,” Ava sighed as she bobbed her head from side to side in a display of annoyance.
“The captain?” Nate guessed correctly.
Ava huffed out another sigh. “I just don’t know where someone could hide on a ship this small,” Ava said with a worried tone now lacing her voice.
“There’s plenty of spots, honestly. But, if I may, Agent Sharpe,” Ava leveled him with a warning glare, but he continued, “if the captain’s gone off to hide somewhere, maybe just respect her space. I mean, I haven’t known her that long, but I know she can be a pretty private person about certain things and definitely doesn’t like showing her emotions to people. So maybe just give her some space and I’m sure when she’s ready, she’ll reach out.”
Another sigh huffed its way out of Ava’s mouth. “Listen, I appreciate that you have all known my girlfriend for longer than I have, but I really don’t need a pep talk or dating advice or whatever this is right now. I just need to find Sara.” She paused, hearing how she may have just come off. “No offense,” she lamely tacked on at the end.
Nate held his hands up in front of his chest in a sign of surrender. “Did you check the bridge?”
“Yes,” Ava said, forcing the tone of her voice to remain neutral. “That’s the first place I looked.”
“But did you check her hidey spot on the bridge?”
“What hidey spot?”
A knowing smile crept across Nate’s face. “Come with me.”
Nate led Ava back to the bridge. The pair walked past the central podium and then past the chairs and then right up to the pilot’s console. There Nate paused and pointed over the console at an out-of-sight Sara Lance. He looked back to Ava, gave her two thumbs up, and silently exited the bridge.
Ava took a deep breath before moving around the console and then sinking down onto the hard metal floor near Sara. She purposefully left space between them. As soon as she was seated, Sara brought her head up from where it had been buried in her knees. She made eye contact with Ava, but for a while, neither of them spoke. Sara’s eyes were wet and red and Ava wanted nothing more than to wrap her in a giant hug and wipe the tears from her face, but Nate’s words rang in her head “give her some space” so she waited.
“You found me,” Sara said in a tiny voice after a minute or two.
“Nowhere left to run,” Ava offered the attempt of a joke with a halfhearted laugh.
A small smile crept across Sara’s face, but it rapidly faded.
“Sara,” Ava chanced. “You know you can talk to me about your past. There’s nothing you can say that would scare me away.”
Sara studied Ava for several seconds before she responded. “I know,” she nodded.
Ava pushed a little further. “So what’s all this then?” she asked gently, gesturing to their current location.
“Ava,” Sara started, paused, took a deep breath and dabbed at her eyes again, then continued. “There’s a lot of things in my past that I’m not - that I’m ashamed of.” She paused, letting the words sink in before continuing. “I’m sure you have a file on me at the bureau. I’d be surprised if you hadn’t read it.”
“I mean, I -”
A small chuckle left Sara’s chest. “It’s ok - I’m not upset about it. I just - Ava I need you to understand…there’s a difference between what you read on those pieces of paper and…what I’ve done.”
Ava nodded, but waited for Sara to continue.
Sara’s hand reached down her own leg to trace the scar that had started this whole thing. “I…” she started, but lost the words.
“Listen, Sara, you don’t have to talk about this if you don’t want to. I’m sorry I pushed. I shouldn’t have. I just,” a small smile finally broke onto her features. “I’m so excited to get to know you. Maybe I’m rushing it, but I just want to know everything about you. Your hopes, your dreams, your fears… your past - good and bad - I want to know it all. Whenever you’re ready.”
Sara noded fervently.
“Ok, good,” Ava smiled. “Now, can we go back to bed? As much as I like your little hidey corner, I like your bed much more.”
Sara let out a small laugh. “Yeah.”
She let herself be pulled to her feet by Ava, and the two walked back to Sara’s room, hand-in-hand.