Chapter Text
It was a petty argument.
Jaemin and Haechan rarely fought, only having playful banters at most. Heck, Jaemin didn't even remember what it was. Maybe it was something like the slightly older forgetting to pay the bills on time; maybe he skipped meals because of working overtime and left Jaemin's homemade dinner wasted; or maybe he left his wet towel on the sofa. Whatever it was, it must be so small and unimportant that it usually would not ignite a fight.
Yet, it happened on an uncharacteristically lousy day: Haechan was too tired of dealing with his client, while Jaemin was too stressed with his project. They were cranky, and boom , an argument was inevitable.
"Okay, okay! I won't do that again, okay? Happy? You're overreacting, Na Jaemin!"
"It's not about overreacting! You didn't pay attention, that's why!"
Haechan slammed the door ever so harshly in the heat of the moment–Jaemin winced a little.
Jaemin knew he was partly at fault but would not apologise first. His ego didn't let him do so. After all, he was not the one at fault–at least in his opinion. He would let Haechan reflect it upon himself and try to talk again tomorrow.
A fight is rare, but it's not their first argument anyway. Jaemin knew things would get better over time.
Except, this time, it didn't.
On any other day, Haechan usually prepared breakfast for both of them, no matter how hectic his schedule was for the day. Sometimes it would be a simple peanut butter jelly toast; sometimes, it would be a full-fledged Korean-style breakfast with soups and kimchi. If he's being slightly generous, he would also make a lunch box for Jaemin. And the most important thing: Haechan's freshly brewed piping hot black coffee, Jaemin's favourite.
Today, Haechan seemed reluctant to say anything, not even a 'hi' or sparing a glance. When Jaemin woke up, the other male had already finished his honey toast. When Haechan realised Jaemin had gotten up, he went straight to the main door, put his shoes on, and quietly left their apartment.
Jaemin stared at the door as it slowly closed and sighed.
It felt weird getting a silent treatment from Haechan; Jaemin was not totally used to it. Haechan was someone who loved loudly: he talked about his day, asked about Jaemin’s, kissed him a ‘good night’ and ‘good morning’, never failed to say 'I love you' at every given chance, sent him a ‘have a nice day’ every single day.
Today they didn't even exchange a 'goodbye'.
Jaemin felt uneasy the whole ride to his workplace, and once it was past lunchtime, he regretted his action. He knew more than anyone how Haechan always did his best, juggling his hectic schedule and taking care of the house, so if he missed one or two times, it might be a mere unintentional mistake. He might be being too childish. He shouldn't be that worked up for small things.
He checked his calendar and spared a glance at his watch. No meetings after 6 PM today, he noticed, so he figured he could drop by a florist to get a rose bouquet and cook a homemade kimchi stew for Haechan.
He was in the middle of an afternoon meeting when his phone suddenly rang.
It was an unknown number; he ignored it at first because he was in a meeting. However, after the third ring, he finally gave up and picked it up.
"Hello–"
"Haechan got into an accident. Please quickly come to the hospital."
Jaemin had never run that fast in his entire life.
Jaemin thinks it must be his karma.
Because what are the odds of having your significant other specifically losing memories about you?
When Haechan woke up after the surgery, Jaemin was there with Haechan's mother. He watched as Haechan's eyes trailed over the whole hospital room, maybe questioning what had happened and where he was. He watched as Haechan hesitantly asked who the people around him were. It took several hours for him to finally remember his mother and another several days to finally recognise his father and younger siblings.
Over the weekend, after Haechan was deemed okay for a visit, their friends also came to the hospital. Renjun appeared first with Yangyang, and then Jeno. Shotaro was on a business trip, but he joined in right after landing and went straight from the airport.
It took several meetings and a month for Haechan to finally remember remember Renjun. It took roughly four months for him to warm up with the other members of their university gang.
However, Haechan still didn't remember him.
"Oh, hi, Jaemin!"
Jaemin.
Honestly, even after countless times, it still felt weird hearing his birth name from Haechan's lips–he's too used to hearing nicknames specially reserved for him: Baby, Sweetheart, Honey, Bunny, Bun-bun, Sweetbun– not even Nana, the way his circle of friends addressed him.
The only time when Haechan referred to him by his full name was during that argument.
Jaemin tried not to dwell too much on that. Tried being the keyword.
Among his group of friends, Jaemin rarely had a photo because he was the one in charge of taking their photos. He didn't complain, he loved taking pictures anyways, but this accident made him regret it.
To help Haechan recover his memories, Renjun often brought an album full of their photos–during their trip to Jeju, during a holiday to an amusement park, during their campus festival, or even an absurd photo they sometimes took when they went out for dinner together. Most of the time, it's always five of them in the picture: Haechan, Renjun, Jeno, Yangyang, and Shotaro. Sometimes with Mark, a senior from the basketball unit that Jeno had a crush on. Sometimes with Chenle, Renjun's friend from Communication major. Sometimes with Jisung, Shotaro's junior from the dance unit.
Renjun's idea of showing old photos seemed to be working.
After six months, Haechan could joke around and tease Jeno, for example.
"Oh, I remember this one!!!" Haechan's face lit up when he saw a photo of them going to Everland, "this was when Jeno threw up after riding the roller coaster, right??"
Jeno grumbled as he slapped Haechan's arm playfully, "Why do you remember that???"
Haechan also recalled small trivia about their friends.
"Yesterday I saw the new Adidas shoes. The one with a tie-dye accent. I think Shotaro would love them!"
Meanwhile, things had not progressed so well with Jaemin.
Sure, Haechan, being the nice and friendly person he always was, tried his best to treat Jaemin the way he was with their other friends. But it was different . Jaemin knew from the way Haechan's eyes sparkled every time he talked with his friends but he wavered each time they were put in a situation of being alone. There was always a gap between them, like Haechan was afraid of crossing the line. Like Haechan was unsure whether he could talk about things with Jaemin.
Like today, they were having lunch with Renjun and Yangyang at a newly opened hotpot place in the town. Haechan sat right next to him, but he seemed too immersed in conversation with the couple sitting across from him. Chinese boys tried to include him in the chat, so he responded occasionally, but Haechan never really talked to him,
Jaemin was indeed grateful that at least Haechan considered him a friend. Still, he's not gonna lie, the fact that the boy didn't remember the memories and time spent with only two of them, that they were engaged and were about to get married sometime soon–if only the accident didn't happen– hurt .
The funny thing was, Haechan seemed to remember having a relationship with someone else.
"Renjun… I don't want to be rude, but I'm really curious," said Haechan once, "were we… something?"
Renjun tilted his head in confusion.
"I mean, a relationship…?"
Renjun took a glance at Jaemin, who was sitting across from him.
"I'm sorry, we're not," Renjun smiled in a thin line.
Jaemin didn't blame Renjun. After all, Haechan wasn't entirely incorrect either. Jaemin couldn't figure out what kind of memories appeared in Haechan's line of vision, but both of them indeed used to have a relationship during high school. The cute teenage literature kind: childhood friends turned boyfriends. The pre-accident Haechan had made it clear that they were friends now as they figured out that they were better off as friends–current Renjun already had Yangyang, anyway.
He couldn't blame them even when his heart cracked bit by bit.
One day in February, Renjun asked him to meet up in a coffee shop.
"I know you are avoiding Haechan," Renjun handed him a cup with Americano inside, "don't say you don't because I know you stopped seeing him one or two months ago. And you know it isn't exactly a healthy response, right?"
Jaemin didn't mean to, but maybe it's his self-defence mechanism. After roughly nine months, Haechan still didn't remember him. He started to doubt what was the point of keeping interacting with Haechan, and whether it was really needed for him to go back into Haechan's life. Haechan still looked happy without him anyways.
"Renjun," Jaemin sighs, "I need some time."
"Time for what?" Renjun asked him back, "he needs you."
" Needs ? He doesn't even remember me."
Renjun crossed his arms and clicked his tongue as he scoffed, "So you're gonna give up that easily???"
"It's not about me," Jaemin raised his voice, looking at the other's eyes for emphasis, "it's... different. I cannot just admit that we're engaged at this point. I don't want to give him pressure or guilt-trip him. And besides..."
Jaemin shifted his gaze to the window; his sentences were left hanging in the air. Renjun was agitated, but still, he waited for Jaemin to continue.
"Haechan deserves better. He deserves the best. And not me."
"Jaemin-ah–"
"Maybe it's time to say goodbye."
Renjun caught Jaemin's free hand. His gaze softened, yet his grab was firm. "Don't go. Just a little bit more, okay? No one makes him happy as you do."
Jaemin used to believe that. Now, not so much.
Haechan left his old workplace after the accident–for an obvious reason. His previous job required technical skills like analysing financial figures; he didn't trust his own judgment to work with such responsibility. After asking for advice from some people, he decided having a part-time job that would allow him to have some spare time to study would be good. That's how Haechan finally worked as a barista at a cafe owned by Renjun's acquaintance.
Renjun texted Jaemin the detailed schedule of Haechan's shifts, with a message that he has to come and three exclamation marks. Jaemin just replied with an okay, thanks, I'll check it out and starred the message, but he hadn't made up his mind. He left his phone and returned to his laptop, and the text was soon forgotten.
But fate loved to play with them, it seemed.
It was the middle of March. Jaemin was scheduled to meet at a client's office at 10 AM, but he came way earlier. He decided to grab a coffee in the building lobby, not knowing that the cafe was the one Renjun had told him about last month.
"Welcome to Neo Coffee—oh, hi!"
He totally didn't expect the person behind the cashier would be Haechan.
"Jaemin!!! It's been such a long time!!" Haechan shouted excitedly while Jaemin was still frozen and surprised, "I miss you so much, you know?"
Jaemin's heart skipped a beat at that I miss you . He quickly reminded himself that it might be just small talk, though.
Jaemin explained a bit about why he went there, and Haechan mentioned something like he had already worked for about two months there–which Jaemin had essentially known from Renjun. The chitchat wasn't long until another customer came into the queue. Haechan grabbed a pen and a paper cup,
"So, what do you have for today? Hot Americano with two extra shots?"
"It's not good to have this much caffeine so early in the morning, you know? From now on, I'll make your coffee. You only get to have two shots every day!"
Jaemin was stunned for a moment.
"...How do you know?"
"Hmmm, intuition?" Haechan giggled, "I don't know, your face seems like you drink super bitter coffee."
Jaemin was unsure what Haechan meant by that, but one thing for sure: it made him regain hope once more.