Work Text:
MiraculElse #37: On A Need-to-Know Basis
by DFC
(TImeline: Season 5.)
Th-BOOM.
Th-BOOM.
Th-BOOM.
As Adrien climbed the ladder up to Marinette's balcony, following her up to her scenic retreat, he felt nervous energy running throughout his body.
I'm no stranger to hanging out with her up here, he told himself. This should be no big deal in and of itself. We talk, we laugh, we spend time together up here regularly.
Except...
...that's with my ears on. Leaping in from a nearby rooftop, not being invited here as my normal self.
Coming up here to talk was her idea. So... she's at least into doing this that much, right? he reasoned. I'm not pushing too hard. I don't think I am.
But I do have to ask her something important... and she seems to know that... and I have no idea how this is going to turn out.
As he closed the hatch behind him, he watched Marinette walk to the edge of the balcony, lean against the railing and turn to face him. It wasn't raining, but from the sound of his heart pounding...
Th-BOOM.
TH-BOOM!
...one could forgive him for imagining a raging thunderstorm nearby.
"O-okay," she said, quietly. "You had something that you wanted to talk about, Adrien?"
He nodded, wondering how to begin.
"All right. I..." he fumbled. "I'll start with this. I want to make sure that you understand that... well... what I'm about to ask... it's not any kind of demand or ultimatum, okay? I've held off from asking this because... um... for a lot of reasons..."
"You can say it, Adrien," Marinette interrupted, in a gentle tone. "I'm not going to bite."
You say that now, thought Adrien. But I can't read your actual mood at all. I don't think that YOU know how you feel about what's happening right now.
"Even so," he continued. "I want to be clear about this. You are an absolutely wonderful part of my life, Marinette... just as you are. Just as we are. And I'm really scared of ruining that, so I just want... I need you to know that everything we talk about tonight, it's completely up to you, okay? You don't have to answer things if you don't want to. You don't have to... change anything if you don't want to."
"That's g-good to know," she replied, appearing nervous. "You sound very... serious tonight."
"I am, but I'm not going to... I am serious," he repeated. "Whatever happens tonight, you will always be my friend. You will always be so important to me."
"Okay," she answered, quietly. "What is it, then?"
"I suppose that you've noticed that over the last month and a half, I've...I've been acting a little differently around you," he ventured. "Not that differently, maybe, but-"
"Oh, I've noticed."
A hint of a smile accompanied her statement, along with reddening cheeks, which encouraged him somewhat.
"I've been very, very fond of you from the first day we met," Adrien continued. "You have quietly amazed me from the beginning, and the more that I get to know you, the more I find to like. And I'm a little bit ashamed that it took me so long to..."
"...To what?" she asked, as he faltered.
"To wake up."
Adrien steeled himself, reciting the words that he'd mentally prepared. "To realize that you are a very good friend to me, maybe my best friend, but that that's not nearly all that you are to me," he blurted out. "That you're the first person I think about every day, and the last one every night. That I don't just like you, Marinette... I adore you. I've fallen for you, and I need you to know how much I mean that. And I'd give anything to be able to show you just how much you mean to me."
He watched her breathing quicken, her hands tightening on the railing... but her face still spoke of many contradictions.
"And you've told me before that you just don't see me that way. Plain as day that one day, 'But I don't love you.' Let me finish, please...? There's a little more to this," he cautioned her as she attempted to reply. "I know that you have. I... don't know that I fully believed you then? But it was coming from you. So it had to be true, even if I didn't completely understand why."
"I've... felt something big between us, you know?" he added. "A connection that I don't feel with anybody else. I... it sounds egotistical of me to say, 'I'm sure that you love me, no matter what you say?' It seems rude of me not to take you at your word. But every time I've mentioned that to our friends, they've looked at me like, 'What, are you nuts?' So I'm not the only one who sees it."
"You're kind and generous to everyone, Marinette. One of many reasons that you fascinate me, that I admire you so much," he beamed. "But with me... you go so far above and beyond that. More than with anybody else. You spend so much effort making my life better, in so many ways, and it's appreciated... and it's noticed. I may be a little slow on the uptake sometimes, but my eyes are open. And my heart is, too."
She said nothing, holding words back with visible effort.
"So when I realized that I was... that I am in love with you..."
Her mouth opened, then closed... still without words, but her eyes closed as well.
"I went to our friends and I asked, 'Is there something that I'm missing? Am I doing something horribly wrong? Has Marinette talked with them about me?' And I got an answer that I didn't expect," he explained. "It took some prying out of them, but they all said pretty much the same thing. That you do have those kinds of feelings for me. That you have for a long time now."
Her body language shifted, uncomfortably. She remained still, but he had the sensation that it was only because all escape routes had been closed off and she had nowhere to run. Trapped by the truth, she hesitated.
"Adrien," he heard, erupting out of her. "I can't... I don't know how to..."
"Wait a second, Marinette," he interrupted. "Please. What I'm trying to say is... again, we don't have to change how we are to each other. We don't have to act on this. If you're not okay with becoming... more... we don't have to, okay? I'm not shoving myself at you like that. I've... learned that I can't just want someone and have them fall into my arms, because it hurts them if I try."
Her eyes reopened, looking as if a question was forming behind them.
"But if you feel about me... anywhere near the way that I feel about you..."
"...I do."
"Oh?"
"I do, Adrien. I really do," she stammered, her eyes falling to the floor. "A big part of me just can't make it stop."
"And that's... that's my question for you," Adrien revealed, choosing his words carefully. "If you love me, and now you know for sure that I love you... why do you need it to stop?"
He did his best to project a soothing tone, and to suppress the desperate need to know behind his words. "There's been a kind of... tension between us for a long time now. And I do think that our friends are right... because so many things that we've done together make more sense to me now, if I think about them that way. Rose told me that... um... she felt like you were terrified that I'd say 'no' if you confessed, but just as scared that I'd say 'yes.'"
Helplessly, she processed that for a moment, then nodded in agreement.
"Even when we were... just casual friends..." Adrien argued, "did I ever give you the impression that I'd ever want to hurt you in any way, or that I'd be at all uncomfortable being closer to you? That I would ever let your feelings get hurt or your heart be broken? That I... didn't think that you were someone completely wonderful?"
"N-no," Marinette managed. "But it's not that... simple?"
"Can you tell me why it isn't?"
"When you were dating Kagami," Marinette admitted, "I thought that I was going to fall apart at first. Part of that was because I w-wanted to be with you, so very much. And part of it was that I was ashamed of myself, that I was such a coward."
"You could never be-"
"I was. I so was," she cut him off. "I must have tried a hundred times to get your attention that way, to tell you how I felt, to impress you or to dazzle you or to win your heart through some crazy scheme. You don't even want to know some of the things that I tried."
"I do, but not if you don't want to mention them," he smiled, reassuringly. "I've done some crazy things for love, myself."
"But I could never do it for real. Alya told me a thousand times, 'Just tell him how you feel about him!' And I just... I couldn't. My nerves would go bwaaaaah! and my doubts would creep in and I'd chicken out every time, and I'd hate myself for that. Or something insane would happen and it'd just crush me for a while."
She managed a small smile. "You didn't really think that I sent you looking for special constipation medicine in London, did you?" she wondered.
"N-no, I didn't. Though, since it was that important to you, I got it and... wait. What was that supposed to have been?" asked Adrien.
"A love letter. A full confession. It got mixed up with... look, it's just a crazy story," she evaded. "The point is, I didn't know how you would react. Maybe Rose is kind of right. The uncertainty was killing me inside."
"But you're not uncertain now," Adrien countered, gathering his will again. "You know now. You just heard it from my own lips. I... I love you, Marinette."
"I l-love you, too," she replied, the words appearing to surprise her at first as she spoke them aloud. "I... I do. I love you, Adrien."
They watched each other with their breath held, waiting to see who would dash across the balcony first...
"...Adrien?" she asked, without moving.
"I feel like the word 'but' is hanging in the air between us," he mumbled.
"There is," agreed Marinette. "And it's really huge."
"Okay. Then we're on the same page after all. So I'll ask you again what I came here to ask you," Adrien declared. "If you want us to just stay friends, I can do that. I can... make myself do that," he noted, though the tone of his voice indicated considerable uncertainty. "But if we do both feel this way... what's stopping you? Why is it so important that we don't act on our feelings?"
She was silent for a long moment.
"I can't believe this is happening like this," Marinette whimpered. "That I have to try to... I can't... I'm wondering how to explain-"
"You don't have to answer, if you're that uncomfortable," offered Adrien.
"You deserve an answer," she countered. "I can't give you a good answer, but you deserve one."
"That's up to you-"
"I'm just not ready. I'm not... able to give myself right now, the way I want to."
I so wish that I had any idea how to respond to that, Adrien told himself.
"I hope you don't think that I'd be pushing for anything too... physical?" he ventured.
"N-no!" she protested. "Not at all! Not like that, anyway, if that's what you were talking about! Whatever that is. Oh, gosh..."
He let her regather her nerves, silently allowing her to continue. "I mean... Adrien, I know that you'd be a perfect gentleman. You'd never, you know... take without asking, or without obvious permission," she babbled.
"Of course not," he agreed, softly. "So..."
"It's hard to explain. There are things that I shouldn't... that I can't..." she faltered.
"I can just..."
"There are things that have to happen first. Things that I have to do before I'd be ready to date... well, anyone. You. Especially you," she continued. "I have to make up for a huge mistake that I made."
"Oh?" Adrien frowned. "I was going to say, I can just take 'I'm not ready' as an answer. But now, I'm curious."
"If I jump into your arms right now... I know how much I want to do that... and just lose myself in you," Marinette confessed. "How much everything about you would become my whole life in an instant. And I can't afford to... I can't let myself do that yet. I just can't!"
"Why... not?" wondered Adrien, the intensity of her response provoking him. "Is it... something unresolved with Luka?"
"No! No, it isn't," she replied, quickly. "I mean... Luka is special to me, and I feel like there are amends that I haven't made with him yet, but... not like that. We're not like that. I don't think that he and I ever could be."
"Is something wrong, then? Something that has you afraid, for some reason?" he asked, digging deeper. "Can I help?"
"Absolutely not. I can't risk... I've tried before to... no! I can't..." she wailed. "I can't explain it."
"Now you have me worried, Marinette," Adrien declared. "I'm serious. I have... maybe I can help in ways that you wouldn't expect. What's wrong?"
She shook her head, wordlessly.
"It doesn't have to be a... mad rush into things, 'losing ourselves,' like you said. We can take it slowly," he offered. "Is even that possible?"
"No. Not now. I don't know when, if ever."
"Why not?"
"I can't tell you."
Adrien felt his frustration growing. "You can't, or you won't?" he challenged her.
"I... both," she replied, in a flat tone. "I let one other person on it, and it... complicated everything greatly. I can't let you get caught up in this, too. Especially after I thought that I had... given you..."
"Given me what?"
Her eyes closed again, and she fell silent.
"Marinette," Adrien intoned. "If you're in danger, I don't want to help you get out of it. I need to help you. I won't take no for an answer."
"It's not like that," she answered, with some reluctance. "I mean, I know you, Adrien. You've been my gallant protector more than once. I know that if someone was threatening me, you'd stand in their way..."
"Is someone?" he demanded. "Or is it something with your family, or...?"
"My family's not in any more danger than everyone else is."
"You're talking in riddles, Marinette. You made a mistake, and somehow everyone's in danger because of it?"
"Yes! And... no, forget that you even heard me say that. Please," she snapped. "That's crazy, right?"
"I don't understand," mumbled Adrien. "Are you talking about... no, you couldn't mean something about Monarch...?"
He was startled when she ran across the balcony and hugged him. He could feel her shaking somewhat as she spoke.
"Adrien," she wavered, "please stop asking me about this. Please. I can't get you involved in... look, I have things under control, okay? I'll say that much. I have a plan. I'm doing what I can. And if things do resolve well... you'll be the first to know about it."
"You can trust me. I promise."
"It's not about... trust? If there was anyone in the world I could talk about this with... it would be you," she breathed. "But I won't do that to you."
"Why is whatever it is your burden to bear?" he wondered.
"It... there are other people who could," she conceded. "But they shouldn't have to. Not while I can. I just need to do this."
"...Marinette?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm not going to pretend that I understand all of this. I don't," Adrien whispered to her. "But I do trust you. I'm ready to help in any way I can, if I can. And even if it's all I can do, if you can draw strength from knowing something, know this... that you are loved. By me."
Her head turned up to face him, slowly. Her eyes were wide, and full of wonder... a look, he realized, that he'd seen once before. That day, there'd been an umbrella in his outstretched hand.
Without words, she leaned upwards.
Her lips brushed his...
...then pressed more firmly...
...and with a grunt, he felt her push herself away before he could pull her closer.
"No," she lamented, "I just said that I wasn't going to do this now, I c-can't... so stupid of me..."
"It's okay," Adrien told her. "It's okay. I'm not... I'm not sorry that it happened."
"It's not fair to you-"
"How about this?" he offered. "Whenever you do want to try that again... you don't have to ask first."
"I'm still sorry," she sniffled. "I'm such a mess right now. You deserve better."
"There is no one better," Adrien smiled.
She did manage a smile in response.
As calm and understanding as Adrien tried to appear as Marinette walked him to her door, he knew that it was a facade. He was so far beyond mere distraction that even Plagg couldn't retain his attention for long, back in his room; the Kwami soon flew over to the bookshelf for a nap.
About half of Adrien's brain cells were fully engaged and not leaving their task any time soon, which was to recreate every single microsecond of Marinette's kiss in his mind's eye and to embed it into every dream he'd have for the next six months. That wasn't voluntary on his part; that was a moral imperative.
But the rest of Adrien's mind wasn't idle...
This is insane, he fretted. Marinette is in DANGER and she's all shaken up about it and she won't tell me HOW OR WHY!
What can I DO about this?
As myself OR as Chat Noir? She's never told Chat about whatever's going on, either. And if Monarch had just tried to Akumatize her, I know that she'd bring that up with Chat at least!
It kind of stings that she feels like she can't trust me OR Chat enough to help her. Or it's THAT SERIOUS and she really believes that I'd be in danger, which is all the more reason why I want to help!
Hmmm.
She didn't make it sound like SHE was the only one in danger. 'No more than everyone else is,' she said. And that does track with Monarch's threat; everyone's on edge about that.
But what does that have to do with Marinette, specifically?
His thoughts raced as he tried to make sense of it all.
She was a Miraculous host once, as Multimouse. But only once, and as far as I know, she's never been exposed. Is she afraid that the Mouse Kwami will tell Monarch who she is?
It's got to be something more than that. It has to be. Besides, I think the Kwamis have enough control over themselves to keep her secret from Monarch.
What was the 'huge mistake' that she could've made that has anything to do with this? Think, you idiot, THINK.
The day that Monarch was born and everything went to hell... I don't remember seeing Marinette anywhere NEAR Strikeback. Or near Felix, for that matter, who's the reason that everything bad happened!
If Marinette knew something about Felix that might help us track him down, she wouldn't sit on it. I've sat with her several times since then as Chat, and she's never brought anything like that up.
Come on, now.
A huge mistake. Something that she feels like she has to make up for. The only one who was talking like that, beating herself up that day was-
...
...was...
...
An adorable, passionate, impossibly creative, impossibly complicated blue-eyed girl with pigtails, crying her eyes out on his bathroom floor, behind a closed door.
Who thought that she'd come to Adrien in her time of greatest need, and was betrayed horribly by his cousin.
The one person who'd ever touched his heart like Marinette, who'd earned his complete trust and devotion a thousand times over.
Someone so dedicated to helping others, making their lives better and protecting them, that feeling like she'd failed them left her shaking with tears.
I called Marinette my 'everyday Ladybug,' Adrien gasped to himself. And... I wasn't wrong. Every day, Ladybug's been right there next to me.
She's been reaching out to me all along... and I was too dumb and blind to see it!
When Plagg returned, he paused in mid-flight to stare at his young host's expression.
"Huh! You finally figured it out," he remarked. "'Bout time."
Adrien produced no audible sounds.
"Close your mouth first. Then try to talk," Plagg smirked. "Works better that way."
"Sh... She... She's!"
"Uh-huh."
"Yuh... you... you never told me!"
As Plagg shrugged, Adrien's higher functions reasserted themselves. "You couldn't just tell me. I know that," he muttered. "But how did I never realize?"
"The same way that she hasn't figured your secret out yet," said Plagg. "You're trying to keep it a secret. You're... both not all that good at it, but you're good enough."
Adrien pondered that for a moment. "How did you know... what I'd realized... just by looking at me?" he wondered.
"That look on your face? Only one thing that that ever means," Plagg replied, with a toothy grin. "This is not my first rodeo."
As Adrien flopped back onto his pillow, Plagg looked thoughtful. "Now," he noted, "this has a bunch of implications, and I know that you get that. I can't tell you how to handle what you know now; that's up to you! But I can say that there's one thing that I think you shouldn't do."
"What's that?"
"Wait."
Th-BOOM.
Th-BOOM.
Th-BOOM.
Chat stood very still on the front steps of his school, waiting for his partner's imminent arrival. He wasn't sure if the throbbing in his ears was his pulse this time, or distant thunder, or a team of marching bass drummers that got lost on the way to a competition -
Stop it! Chat told himself. You're thinking crazy things now. You need to play this just right; it'll be so much easier if you keep your cool, if you're supportive, if you ease her into this gently...
As if on cue, he saw something moving in the distance near Marinette's balcony, then saw a flash of red soar into the air.
Of course, he grinned. Where else would she be coming from?
Remember. Calm, cool, collected. Easy. Gently.
Ladybug landed next to him. "Hey, I got your message," she greeted him. "Something's up?"
"M-my LADY!" burst out of him. "Well, not my lady. Not yet. Not until - unless - when you'd want to be. I know that. I do."
"Chat Noir?" she snapped, raising an eyebrow and folding her arms. "I hope you didn't call me out here just to babble at me. I've had quite a day already."
Two deep breaths... then two more...
"I promise you, I have a good reason why I asked you here," he said. "And especially here, of all places. It's important."
"Really?" she asked, visibly curious. "Is it an Akuma sighting? I know that, uh, quite a number of people from this school have been targeted."
"There's no Akuma that I know of," said Chat. "This is about something else."
He sat down on the top step, then motioned for Ladybug to sit next to him, which she did.
"All right, I'm listening. What's on your mind?" she asked.
Chat took the deepest breath of all.
THWA-BOOM...
"On the day that we lost the Miraculous..." Chat began.
"...I lost them."
"Hush. We're a team, 'Bug. We never point fingers," he chided her. "Anyway... when you needed me, I told you that you hadn't lost me, and that you never would. And I meant it."
"And I appreciate that, Chat. It meant more to me than you might ever know," said Ladybug, shyly. "It was a moment that... clarified some things for me."
"About?"
"About you... about us."
"Well... something happened to me today that made me think about that. I realized that... well... the burden of being Ladybug weighs very heavily upon you. Now, more than ever. You are the strongest, bravest, most amazing girl I've ever known, that I ever will know, but you have your limits... and there's nothing wrong with that. You're a person behind the mask."
"That's kind of you to say," Ladybug replied. "But I'm not about to ease up on myself now. There's too much at stake."
"And you'll bear that burden because you can, right?" smiled Chat. "Even if there are others who could, too. You just have to be the one to do this."
A flicker of recognition crossed Ladybug's face, but it passed.
"Chat... I meant what I said that day, too. Keeping you at a distance, keeping secrets from you, carrying everything on my back... that cost me... cost us everything," she admitted. "I'm done with that. I'm... I'm going to be counting on you... depending on you... needing you more than I ever have before."
"I'm looking forward to that," Chat agreed.
"So... what brought this on tonight?" she asked. "What happened to you today that got you thinking?"
"Well... I was with my best friend, who's also the girl that I'm completely in love with, this afternoon. And I told her that, right to her face, for the first time. I told her that I'm in love with her, and I found out that she's in love with me, too."
Ladybug's eyes went huge... but his gaze was locked onto hers, and she couldn't look away.
"Ah-uh-excuse me?" Ladybug gasped. "Chat?"
"And I realized something important. That as unique and extraordinary as she is, as determined as she's been to carry the weight of Paris on her very cute shoulders... I can't let her do that. Not when she feels like she, her family, her friends are all in danger. Not when she's feeling buried by a huge mistake that actually wasn't her fault, at all. Not when the one place that's ever felt right to me, in my whole life, is standing right by her side."
"Where... how... where are you getting this from?" she panicked.
"I've fallen for her twice so far. Once with a mask, once without. Maybe three times, as cute as Multimouse was, but I only got to meet her the one time," Chat grinned. "So unless there are any more identities that I need to know about..."
The shock on Ladybug's face was massive and obvious.
Since Chat Noir's the only one who knows who Multimouse was, thought Chat, here we go...
"The very first time that you and I ever felt a connection, it was right here, in the rain," Chat continued. "So I thought this was the perfect place to remind you that you will always have me to support you, to adore you, to fight alongside you as long as you'll have me. And I hope that's forever. We don't have to change how we are to each other; that's up to you..."
The flash of recognition for Ladybug was now more of a laser light show.
"...and in and out of my costume, in and out of yours, I am here for you. Always. If you're hurting, I'm hurting. If you need someone to lean on, you should never hesitate to reach out, because I'll come running."
"...Chat?"
"...But if you can draw strength from knowing any of this, always know this... that you are loved. By me."
"I... I'm..." gasped Ladybug. "Is this real? You're telling me that you're... you're..."
"I hope it's real. Telling Marinette that got me a kiss this afternoon, and I meant every word I said to her," smiled Chat. "I'd hate to think that I'm dreaming it now-"
It most certainly got him another one, and then another, and then another and another and another and another and another.
Looking up from the top of the steps, flat on their backs and lying side-by-side, the stars in the evening sky looked particularly beautiful on this night.
"How are you feeling?" asked Chat.
"...I think I might be glowing," giggled Ladybug.
"Me, too."
After a moment, Chat added, "I have to admit that, even though this place has a special meaning for us... maybe I should've picked somewhere more private. Like, I'm hoping nobody had a drone camera flying overhead."
"'Heroes of Paris Caught Necking Shamelessly in Public,'" Ladybug intoned, dramatically. "Tonight?" she declared, in a softer voice, "I don't think that I would care."
"At least until the next day's newspapers' front pages..."
"Better than drones flying over my balcony," she pointed out. "'Hero's Secret Love Tryst with Local Teenager.' Try explaining that one to Su Han."
"Oh, I think he'd understand. Now, at least."
Her light laughter at that was music to Chat's ears.
"Are you still... how should I put this..." he ventured. "Not ready to date anyone? Especially me?"
Ladybug turned her head to stare at him. "If the last half-hour didn't convince you otherwise..." she marveled.
"You were very, very convincing! Believe me," Chat mock-apologized.
"I'll put it this way," she noted, in a more serious tone. "We still have a long way to go to beat Monarch. That's always going to be our top priority, and you know that. But my love life isn't a distraction any more..."
"No?"
"No, it's a partnership. The very best kind."
Her hand reached out and entwined itself with his.
"You and me against the world," Chat smiled.
"That's all we'll ever need," Ladybug grinned.
The night went quiet once more. It would've taken just the right kind of ears to hear the only sound nearby, now echoing in two-part harmony...
Th-BOOM. Th-BOOM. Th-BOOM.
~fin~