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“Hey,” Tobin said quietly as she put her hands on Christen’s shoulders and started gently massaging them while Christen worked at her computer.
“Hey,” Christen said as she closed her eyes and leaned her head back against Tobin’s stomach, knowing why she was there.
They stayed that way for a few moments with Tobin wordlessly offering her support for her fiancée in light of the Sally Yates report being released to the public. They of course knew what the report would contain with regards to the abuse in Chicago, but having to relive it on paper and on social media was just more pain that she hated seeing Christen have to endure. Tobin could feel the tension in Christen’s shoulders and all she wanted to do was take away her pain.
For years, Christen had tried to sound the alarm on the toxic environment at Chicago and no one listened to her. Not the people at the highest levels of soccer. Not the people who were supposed to protect the players. Christen had confided in her even before they started dating that abuse was rampant in Chicago and that she had reported Rory to US Soccer. It angered Tobin that it took this long for anyone to take her complaints seriously and it angered her even more that US Soccer was seemingly shutting Christen out of the national team for being brave enough to say something. It was a vindication of sorts with people now knowing why she refused to go to Houston when she was traded there, but it didn’t make what happened any less wrong. People were just more informed now.
“Wanna snuggle on the couch with me for a bit? I’ve been told I’m the best snuggler, especially on hard days,” Tobin said sweetly.
Christen looked up at Tobin and smiled. “Yeah, I’d like that.”
Tobin offered Christen her hand and helped her up, keeping a hold on her until they reached the couch. Tobin sat down first and let Christen sit between her legs so she could wrap her arms around her waist while Christen rested her arms on top of Tobin’s. She propped her chin on Christen’s shoulder and sighed.
“I love you so much, baby,” Tobin said. “I’m really proud of you. In case I haven’t told you that in the last day.”
Christen smiled and held on to Tobin’s strong arms even tighter. “I love you, too.”
Tobin didn’t say anything else, waiting for Christen to open up the conversation if she wanted to. They’d had numerous conversations about this before and Tobin always let Christen lead, making sure she knew that Tobin was there to listen if she wanted to talk.
Christen played with Tobin’s engagement ring, turning it on her finger and then intertwining their fingers together. She leaned back and let herself feel Tobin’s warmth around her and it made her feel safe. For a brief moment, it made her feel like the world wasn’t on fire.
“Is it bad that I don’t have much faith that anything will change?” Christen asked, her voice defeated and exhausted.
Tobin shook her head. “Not at all. This shit’s been like this for years. There are still bad actors in power everywhere and I don’t blame you for feeling one way or another. Your trauma speaks for itself and I know you want to see change before you believe it.”
Christen sighed and blew out a puff of breath. “That Holly stuff was hard to read,” she said. “We knew he was a scumbag, but he should be in prison.”
“Seriously. I had to take a break from reading before I finished it. Just imagine all the other unreported stuff he’s done,” Tobin said, feeling her blood pressure rise from thinking about the despicable human being who tried to get them to play for him in Louisville.
“I’m just tired. So tired of this shit,” Christen said in an angry, but resigned tone. “If I could go back, I wouldn’t change anything I did. I just don’t…I don’t want it all to have been for nothing.”
“Chris, it won’t. You have every right to be skeptical. You do. But I believe that you’ve helped bring to light information that they can’t run from. Not anymore. Your courage to speak up won’t be for nothing,” Tobin said adamantly as Christen turned to look into her eyes. “Baby, you’re the bravest person I’ve ever known. No one will ever know the hurt you’ve been through. The shit that US Soccer has put you through and the shit that Rory Dames has put you through. To do it all at the risk of your place on the national team, no one else is built with courage like you. And to come out of it the way you have, with grace I’ll never be blessed with. I’m at a loss for words at how amazing you’ve been.”
At that, Christen couldn’t help but give Tobin a soft kiss that spoke of her gratitude for her unconditional support. “Thank you,” she said.
“Don’t have to thank me,” Tobin said as she kissed Christen’s forehead.
Christen stayed silent for a few moments, wanting desperately to believe the same thing that Tobin believed about the future. That her efforts and the efforts of many wouldn’t be in vain. It’s been eight years of lawyers and meetings and interviews and pain. Eight years of recounting abusive behavior that was going in one ear and out the other. She’d said all she needed to say and the rest was up to people she didn’t fully trust.
Christen sighed and turned her body into Tobin’s and Tobin pulled her in ever closer. She closed her eyes and allowed herself to only feel Tobin’s heartbeat against her ear. Her living proof that all was not lost with the world. Her rock. Her Tobin.
After a few minutes of just sitting there, Christen looked up at Tobin and gave her a small smile. “Love you. You really are the best snuggler in the world. Exactly as advertised,” she said.
“I love you more than anything in this world and I consider being your snuggle bunny my most important job, so I’d better be damn good at it,” Tobin said with a grin. “Can I get you some ice cream?”
Christen’s smile grew further, her heart fluttering at the gesture. “Yes, please.”
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