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Cole sleeps with his Peacekeeper under his pillow.
It's habitual. Come back to wherever it is that he calls home, ready himself for sleep, slide his gun under his pillow and lay awake until exhaustion does the rest. A leftover ritual from years on the run, from even when Cole found himself at the door of the newly reformed Overwatch and was the safest he could arguably be.
Even when Hanzo became a regular occupant of his bed. Their bed.
Even new, after finding his own place in the world with Hanzo at his side, married, and worlds away from Talon and Overwatch in their more than earned retirement. Even with a shiny pardon and his bounty out of the way, Cole slips Peacekeeper under his pillow and settles in for the night.
He’s still getting used to these nights without interruption, without being awoken to the news of a Talon attack or other emergency that required Overwatch’s attention. Slowly becoming accustomed to the way the little old ranch house creaks at night. And it has been slow going on that front.
Too many times the old house will settle a certain way and something somewhere would creak and Cole will then be wide awake. Wide awake and hand inching towards the comforting weight of Peacekeeper. Though before Cole can leave the bed to investigate, a hand often will find Cole’s in the dark and twine their fingers. Like tonight, where the equally awake Hanzo is now shifting closer to curl up to Cole’s back and nose between his shoulder blades.
“It is just the house, Cass,” Hanzo murmurs, adjusting to lean up further and press a kiss to the back of Cole’s neck before he noses towards Cole’s cheek to press one there as well, “Sleep.”
“Tryin’,” Cole replies, “Easier said than done.”
The way Hanzo hums in response reminds Cole that he knows full well. Hanzo has his own set of ghosts at his heels. Lots of guilt that he is currently here, with Cole, rather than still serving in the newly formed Overwatch alongside Genji. But Cole had not made Hanzo come with him when he decided to put Overwatch behind him for good, Hanzo had made that decision himself.
Retirement is still a new, fragile thing for them both. Neither of them are used to this idleness. There was safety in movement for them both with their respective pasts, enemies, and the law-- at least on Cole’s end-- ever on their minds and not far behind them. There had been safety in staying with Overwatch, even when diving headfirst into skirmishes with Talon. Their team had been there and around them. Now here they both are alone together, carving out a place of their own. Or trying to.
Cole knows Hanzo is just as bad as him when it comes to the lingering paranoia. Cole might be too in tune with the creaking of the ranch house, but Hanzo is the one who triple-checks all the door and window locks. There are nights where Hanzo has to be coaxed to come to bed, or back to bed depending on what plagues the archer’s own restless nights. Peacekeeper is under Cole’s pillow, yes, but Stormbow rests hidden underneath the bed with the matching quiver not too far. Hanzo keeps it stocked with arrows, just in case.
Cole pulls his and Hanzo’s joined hands from underneath his pillow and away from Peacekeeper, though he longs for the familiar weight of her handle in his palm. Hanzo’s touch will just have to do, and Cole squeezes Hanzo’s hand as he pulls it to his face to kiss. The metal of Hanzo’s wedding band is cool on Cole’s lips, and he lets the sensation ground his restlessness further.
Hanzo adjusts himself behind Cole, squirming higher up the bed so he may rest his head on top of Cole’s. They both have to wiggle a little bit so Hanzo can get his other arm around Cole and pull him even closer into him. Hanzo also throws a leg over Cole’s for good measure. Almost koala-ing himself around his taller husband, and the absurdity of it makes Cole huff in amusement. He can feel Hanzo’s matching smile pressed into the crown of his head.
“What is actually troubling you?” Hanzo murmurs into the darkness when it becomes apparent that Cole is still restless and awake even with his koala cuddles in play. “Did you have one of your night terrors?”
“Not tonight,” Cole affirms, and Hanzo hums in thought softly in response. Cole knows from the silence that follows that Hanzo is allowing him to collect his thoughts and put them to words. He sighs, “I just got to reflectin’ is all, on if we made the right choice in retirin’.”
“Why wouldn’t it have been the right choice?” Hanzo’s free hand is now in Cole’s hair, the motion of his fingers carding through the locks soothing, “We’ve been through so much, you and I, I thought some well-earned rest was warranted for us both.”
“It is.” Cole knows it is. They’ve both paid their dues in blood and then some. “I just. I would be lyin’ if I told you that I’m not havin’ trouble with all of this.”
Hanzo gently urges Cole to turn over to face him, and he rolls over to do so. Hanzo doesn’t take long to press himself into his space again, pressing his forehead to Cole’s. Hanzo is silent for a time, gently stroking his fingers along Cole’s jaw while he thinks. Cole just closes his eyes and leans into the touch.
“What are you having trouble with?” Hanzo asks eventually, his voice a low murmur in the darkness of their room.
“Settlin’, I guess?” Cole sighs, “I just. I never saw myself having any of this in the first place, y’know? Thought after Overwatch and Blackwatch fell off that I would just live on the road and die on the road. Nothing like this. I guess it's just a lot to take in.”
“It is the same for myself,” Hanzo admits, “There are many things I now have that I did not think that I would ever be allowed. Or deserve it.” Cole almost starts in on that but Hanzo sends him a pointed look. “I know. Let me finish.”
Cole gives a slight nod and Hanzo continues, “But I want these things with you. When we started becoming something more, I found myself thinking that perhaps, I could have these things. I wanted to try to have these things, at least.”
“Yeah, I understand that.” Cole does. Like Hanzo, there was just an acceptance that there was not much Cole would get or be allowed in life. “I do want these things with ya too. I just… I think it's gonna take me a second to get used to being allowed this?”
“Well,” Hanzo starts, pressing closer to hold Cole and press his forehead to Cole’s, “I think that we can work on getting used to this, together.”
“Yeah. O’course. Y’know I’d like nothin’ more, Sweetpea.”
Cole knows that it will take time, as all things do. And it does.
Through their combined efforts, the ranch house becomes more of a home. They carve out a little slice of heaven together, just for them. Cole even manages to convince Hanzo that they should get themselves a few chickens. The fresh eggs are more than enough of a perk to offset being woken up early every day by their rooster.
There comes a point that surprises even Cole, where Peacekeeper moves from her place under his pillow to the drawer of their bedside table. A drawer that remains left ajar so he may still grab it quickly should Cole need. It is progress nonetheless. Similarly, Stormbow is safely tucked away in their closet now. Though Cole knows Hanzo still has a few knives hidden away within easier reach, just in case.
Yet still, it is progress.
There are of course still nights where Cole leaves that drawer open wider than he usually does, or Hanzo keeps the closet door open for the night. Those nights are thankfully becoming fewer and farther between. Especially as the two of them settle more in the house and become accustomed to the creaks it makes as it too settles.
It’s hard for Cole to pinpoint the moment it really takes. Perhaps it's when he wakes up one day with Hanzo curled up right next to him, the sunshine caught in the grey hair that is no longer just at Hanzo’s temples. His partner’s face lax in his sleep, free of the furrow that sat on his brow for who knows how long. The rooster has long since screeched his morning greeting by now, but Cole can’t find it in him to move. Doing so would only disturb Hanzo.
He marvels in the fact that they can choose to sleep in like this if they wanted to each morning. Marvels in the fact that this little ranch house has started to feel less like unknown, uncharted waters wrought with unseen dangers and more like a home. Their home. Cole closes his eyes and nestles in closer to Hanzo, who in turn cuddles closer in his sleep.
Cole falls back to sleep soundly with Hanzo at his side.