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Harvey’s mind had never been particularly kind to him. Even during his best days there was a voice in the back of his head that lingered, poisonous, commenting on every single action he did or didn’t do.
He was acting too weird. The way he spoke made everyone in the room as uncomfortable as he was, if not more. He was plain and pathetic. His body looked strange. He was getting old. He was clumsy. He was weak. Everything he did and said was too boring. He worried too much and said all the wrong things at all the wrong times. He was simply not enough; not for his job, not for the townspeople, not for the farmer, not for himself.
His reflection that morning looked especially unflattering to Harvey. He looked into the mirror and could barely recognize the man looking back at him. The hair on his head only got grayer with every passing day and he wouldn’t be surprised if he soon started balding too. His mustache, once considered attractive, that day just made him look like a creep. The frames of his glasses made him look so awkward. His face looked old, older than it has ever looked, and the youngest it would ever be; and it was too round, he was too out of shape and no amount of work he put in seemed to be enough. And despite it all, he continued to be just painfully average when he compared himself to everyone else.
He didn’t have Shane's sense of humor. He didn’t have Elliott’s eloquence. He didn’t have Sam’s talent. He didn’t have Alex’s athleticism. He didn’t have Sebastian’s fearlessness. He was just Harvey, old boring Harvey, so easy to overlook. He had next to nothing to offer. There was nothing about him to genuinely like, let alone love.
Harvey made his way back into the bedroom to get dressed. Buttoning up his shirt, he looked at the bed where the farmer laid still asleep. They looked so lovely and peaceful. It was hard to believe they chose someone like him to share their life with.
Harvey sat on the bed, right next to them, and gently caressed their face with his thumb. They looked just like an angel. They made it near impossible for him to not fall in love with them. Even in their mundane messiness they looked like everything he could have ever asked for.
“Hm? Harvey?”
“Yes, love?” He leaned in and kissed them after they rubbed their eyes awake. “Good morning, beautiful.”
“What time is it? Are you leaving?”
“What? Oh, yes, yes. It’s almost eight o’clock, honey, I’ll be leaving for work in a moment.”
The farmer stretched their body, still in the bed, before taking another look at Harvey. “You look handsome today.”
“Handsome? No, no. Save your compliments for another time, love. I don’t even look that good today.”
“You always do,” they quickly replied before kissing his lips once more. They carefully held his hands. “What’s wrong, Harv?”
Everything. There were so many things going through Harvey’s brain. A million different thoughts that made absolutely no sense, not by themselves, not all at once, not at all. He wanted to spill it all out and throw himself into their arms. He wanted to run away and not look back. He wanted to do so many different things and none at all. He had no idea how to respond.
“Do you really like me?”
“Of course I do!” They sounded almost insulted without meaning to. “I like you, Harvey, I love you a lot. What’s wrong?”
“I-I don’t know.” He took a deep breath and kept quiet for seconds that felt too long, trying to collect his thoughts. “I woke up feeling kind of inadequate. I suddenly got scared you might fall out of love with me and leave.”
“Oh, Harvey.” They pulled him into their arms and gently rubbed his back. “Of course not, baby. You’re just the perfect man for me. I love you exactly as you are and wouldn’t change you for the world. You’re everything I’ve always dreamed of.”
They kept rubbing his back and kissing the top of his head while Harvey rested his head against their chest, hearing the beat of their heart, a heart that beat for him and him only. It was soothing. It felt dreamy.
“I should tell this to my therapist.”
“That can wait,” the farmer said before giving them a kiss, “but now you should give Maru a call and tell them you’re staying home. You’re not getting out of my arms that easily today.”