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We knew that Reki couldn’t sit still. He was a curious soul and ran out of our sight too often. We failed to explain the danger of him running off. We shouted at him for being disobedient. We noticed how he threw things around. We handed him something and he launched it across the room, but there was no malice in his expression. He laughed at how shocked we were and continued throwing things. We yelled at him and he deflated. His gaze flitted around as we talked to him and he sprinted around the room, babbling. He couldn’t hold a pencil right and we were ashamed of him. We knew he couldn’t understand what he was doing wrong.
We knew; we did nothing.
We knew Langa couldn’t understand us. We said, “Langa! Langa!”. He didn’t respond because he didn’t know. We knew his brain was wired differently and we still shouted at him, almost angrily, “Langa! Stop ignoring me! Langa!” We saw the way his eyes glazed over the room, taking every bit in. While he could read all the street signs and books, Langa couldn’t read our faces. He lashed out alongside us with every bit of miscommunication. He screamed for home every time we took him out of the house, but we couldn’t tell him why we couldn’t leave. He couldn’t understand us. We knew he had trouble interpreting and expressing emotions.
We knew; we did nothing.
We knew that Reki’s mind didn’t work the same as everyone else’s, and yet, we told him to suck it up and be normal. He tried his best to keep up with us and be like everyone else, but it was never good enough for us. We asked him to be more and more like us despite his pleas for us to listen or help him. He said, “I’m not lazy! I’m trying my best!” And we replied, “You’re just making excuses. You need to learn how to work hard. Everyone else at least tries. You don’t.” Deep down, we knew he wasn’t lying and he was really trying.
We knew; we did nothing.
We knew Langa wasn’t trying to make a scene. He embarrassed us, crying because of a loud noise, a bright light, or an uncomfortable feeling in the middle of a mall. We knew he wasn’t trying to attract attention or be a bad kid. We saw the distress on his face when he saw how many other kids were attending his school. We felt his hand tremble and his silent distress. We knew that he would normally freak out. Back then, we were proud that he learned to keep quiet about his concerns. Now, we wish he hadn’t. We knew Langa was uncomfortable.
We knew; we did nothing.
We knew Reki was just excited. We saw the excitement flash across his face when he met someone new. He was eager and adorable, but he went on full-on rants. We failed to help him regulate how much he talked. We separated him from the rest of the class because he distracted them. He wasn’t as adorable as before. His face was sullen and he was confused about what to do. We wanted to help him but we never made the effort. We told him to be quiet and not talk so much. One day, we said, “No one wants to hear you talk all the time. You need to learn how to shut up.” We knew a part of him died that day.
We knew; we did nothing.
We knew Langa didn’t want to talk. We forced him to socialize with his classmates and stop hiding. His face was neutral and his eyes were wide and scared. At first, we didn’t know why he was like that. Then, we realized that he knew he wouldn’t understand anyone, so he didn’t try. He sat under the slide during recess, hiding from the sun. We pushed and pulled him out of his comfort zone to no avail. The only thing he wanted to do was snowboard and eat poutine. We gave up on trying to help him when he was ten. We knew that he needed professional help.
We knew; we did nothing.
We knew Reki couldn’t focus for a long time. We told him to stop doodling all over his notes and look at us while we were talking to him. Whenever he was drawing as we talked to him, we would always ask him what we said. He answered perfectly every time and we treated it as a miracle instead of the norm. Whenever he would look directly at us, he would forget every word we said and it was odd to us. Oftentimes, he was physically in a room but he was mentally gone. We knew his mind was drifting off somewhere.
We knew; we did nothing.
We knew Langa didn’t like major changes. He didn’t like any kind of change for that matter. He followed a strict schedule that we created for him. We had to tell him about any events weeks or even months in advance. He would ask multiple questions and that’s when he would talk the most, “When is it?”, “Where is it?”, “What exact time is it?”, “How far away?”, “Why are we going?”, “What will we be doing there?”, “Who will be there?”, “How long will we be there?”. There was no room for spontaneity. We occasionally tried to surprise him but it never went as planned. The only surprises he wanted were small gifts that he had already asked for, specifically for Christmas and birthdays. We knew he showed signs of autism.
We knew; we did nothing.
We knew Reki couldn’t keep up with so many assignments. He barely slept and stayed awake for too long. We took him out of cram school to free up his schedule. He was stressed and the fire in his eyes seemed to disappear. We watched all of his assignments mercilessly pile on top of him, slowly crushing him. He cried and yelled more often than he smiled. Everything frustrated him and he lost interest in everything. We tried to find out what his new fixation was. At first, it was dinosaurs, then monster trucks, then ninjas and samurai, and the latest one was manga art. It pained us to see him so empty. We knew this was our fault.
We knew; we did nothing.
We knew Langa hated his environment. He needed to be in a different sort of school. His teachers couldn’t meet his needs. Everything was too loud, bright, and crowded for him. We saw him come home irritated and overstimulated every day. We switched him to a car rider because the bus was too much for him. He was much more peaceful after that, but he was still agitated when he got in the car. Nothing seemed to work out for him except snowboarding, but most days he was too overwhelmed to go. We knew Langa couldn’t keep living like this.
We knew; we did nothing.
We knew Reki needed a friend. When he met Asahi, life filled him again. He smiled and laughed like he used to, and Asahi often came over. We saw how affectionate and devoted Reki was to him. And then, another hyper fixation dawned upon him. He was dedicated to skateboarding. This wasn’t like any other obsession we’d seen before. We expected him to eventually get over it and then we realized that he had a friend to share it with. He squealed with excitement when we bought him his first board. He skated constantly for a week after he got it. Sometimes, he would practice without Asahi just to impress him with new tricks the next time they hung out. We knew that he was beginning to struggle with stronger feelings toward his friend.
We knew; we did nothing.
We knew Langa was feeling lonely. He was too afraid to reach out to anyone. There were other kids on the same mountain we went to and there was a little snowboarding club. We took him to one of the club meetings. Afterward, he mentioned that there were autistic twins in the club named Sienna and Logan. We watched all three of them interact and there seemed to be a sense of understanding between them. When we asked Langa how the event was, he said he liked being around Sienna and Logan. After that, we took him to a psychologist, and soon he was diagnosed with autism. We didn’t tell him what autism meant in fear of isolating him. Langa just tilted his head with that same blankly innocent look. We knew he was actually afraid.
We knew; we did nothing.
We knew Reki was dependent on Asahi and skating. We let him dive into his obsession and stayed silent about the obvious blush on his face. He looked at Asahi with heart eyes all day. The two of them got in so much trouble together, much to our dismay and amusement. We let them fool around and be kids. Reki’s grades went up despite him and Asahi skipping a couple of times. We let them go to dangerous areas just telling them to be safe. We were just glad that Reki was alive again. We had a bad feeling one Saturday when the two were skating together. None of us expected Asahi to get hit by a truck. Reki spent every day in the hospital with him for most of the visiting hours. Asahi, being confined to a wheelchair, could only watch Reki skate. They still had fun together but we could tell that it wasn’t the same. We blamed ourselves for being too lenient and stopped Reki from running off. Eventually, Asahi moved away to go to a more accessible school. We knew that Reki was heartbroken.
We knew; we did nothing.
We knew that Langa was insecure. Langa thought that being autistic was a particularly bad thing. We tried to tell him otherwise but we couldn’t change his mind. He knew we were worried and a bit ashamed of him too. He still talked to Sienna and Logan at the snowboarding club. The two seemed to give him comfort and confidence. It stung that we weren’t able to do that for him. We failed at making Langa feel safe and happy. Now all he wanted to do was spend time on the mountain and go to the club every Saturday. It finally gave him something to look forward to. We heard him laugh as he was talking to the twins and watched his face fall when we would pick him up. We knew Langa was developing anxiety.
We knew; we did nothing.
We knew Reki was struggling. He would stay at the skatepark for hours, practicing new tricks unless he was all bruised up. His body could barely handle the abuse it was getting, but his brain couldn’t handle being present in the world. His grades went down again and he needed a healthier coping mechanism. We suggested that he get a job at the local skate shop where he got his boards. He applied and managed to get a job. We were ecstatic and so was he. For once, all of us were on the same page. He got along with his manager and seemed to love it there. Still, it didn’t make his problems magically go away. He seemed to be more tired than usual, waking up late and fumbling to get to school. We knew Reki was hiding something.
We knew; we did nothing.
We knew Langa wouldn’t handle death so easily. We saw the look on his face when the news of the tragic car accident was announced. Sienna and Logan comforted him the best they could but it wasn’t the same. Langa dropped snowboarding, even though his friends were willing to do it with him. He still showed up to club meetings because Sienna and Logan went to a different school. We saw any bit of life slowly drain out of him. We always thought he was a little empty but this Langa was a husk of his former self. It was like he wasn’t even there and he was back to not responding to his name. We knew Langa had depression.
We knew; we did nothing.
We knew Reki was too competitive for his own good. He had some need to prove himself to everyone. It was like he wanted to be the God of “S”. He challenged everyone that pissed him off or was just generally good. He won some races but he lost a lot. A lot of people figured to go easy on him since he was barely seventeen. Sometimes, a couple of adults kept an eye on him and it was a general agreement to not sell kids anything. Shadow, however, told us that we can protect the “baby” when he’s hanging around S, but the moment he gets on the track it’s fair game. Reki overheard this and challenged Shadow to a beef. We knew that Shadow wasn’t one to play “fair”.
We knew; we did nothing.
We knew that Langa wasn’t ready for a big change. Despite his need for a routine way of life, he didn’t react to the news of moving to Okinawa. He stared off into nothing and nodded. He didn’t care anymore. He would miss Sienna and Logan but it wasn’t like he could talk about snowboarding with them anymore. All his passion was gone and it was like talking to a ghost. It was a pretty depressing sight to see on his last week or so of school. We knew Langa was gone.
We knew; we did nothing.
We knew that we should’ve told Reki to call off the beef. A couple of people from The Cherry Blossom Clan, Adam Worshippers, The Butterfly Brigade, Joe’s Hoes, and even The Punk Circus warned him. He wouldn’t listen to anyone. He vowed that Shadow would regret dissing him, but we all knew that was not about to happen. Shadow hadn’t skated in a beef for a few months because of personal reasons. Reki never saw how he sabotaged his opponents with mini bombs. We saw Reki get destroyed during the race and his board got burned. He seemed to be holding back tears at the sight of his board. We were all familiar with the feeling of your first skateboard getting damaged or absolutely wrecked. We knew that he was watching everything fall apart.
We knew; we did nothing.
We knew that Langa felt out of place. He seemed a little curious about the environment but he wasn’t paying attention for the most part. We all guessed that something was going on with him. He wasn’t just a handsome, foreign face. Many of us wanted to find out what was up with him and maybe be the one to “fix” him, while the rest of us decided to leave him alone. He was oddly quiet even for a transfer student. We thought that maybe he was introverted or shy but he was practically soulless. He didn’t move or respond to anything. We figured that Reki would break him out of his shell since he had a knack for that. Besides, it was the first time that someone was sitting next to Reki in a while. Oddly enough, Reki didn’t say anything to him. He stared out the window, his leg aggressively bouncing. Reki seemed to shut down every so often for the past couple of months without warning. We knew something was off about them.
We knew; we did nothing.
We knew Reki wasn’t just fine. He was adamant that he was and that he just failed to land a trick at the skatepark. We figured that a sprained wrist would’ve been noticeable the night before. He ignored our logic and just shut himself out. When he came back from work, he was beaming. He only stopped by to grab something and a couple of snacks for him and “the new transfer student”. Reki told us about a boy named Langa from Canada. We smiled, glad that he found someone new to hang out with. We knew that he still had problems aside from this.
We knew; we did nothing.
We knew that the rookie couldn’t skate. Hell, he duct-taped his feet to the board. We knew how ruthless Shadow could be and that he made no exceptions. Cherry encouraged the boy to skate despite Reki’s protests. We thought that maybe the rookie was actually good. We couldn’t help but laugh when he scooted the board forward with his hands. We were soon amazed by the way he skated, too obsessed to even blink. Shadow was so shocked when his bombs didn’t affect the boy in the air. We gossiped about the race in the chatrooms for weeks. We gave the boy the name “SNOW”. Everyone predicted when he would show up again. We knew that he was still a clueless fish out of water.
We knew; we did nothing.
We knew that Reki was a bit happier now. He was teaching his friend, Langa, how to skate. His obsession with skating seemed to be healthier now. Langa, however, seemed to borrow some of Reki’s usual injuries, but that was normal for any beginner without protection. Reki wouldn’t stop talking about his new friend. We even got to meet Langa at one point. The two were unknowingly growing closer than friends normally would. We saw the way Langa looked at Reki. You’d assume that he was the one who put stars in the sky. Langa understood Reki like no one did. We knew that they only had each other.
We knew; we did nothing.
We knew that Langa was determined. We weren’t sure why he was though. Questions circled S. Langa wanted to go up against Miya Chinen, who deserved to be on a national team. That was almost as ballsy as asking Joe, Cherry, or even Adam himself to a beef. Yeah, Miya asked him but it was still cocky. Langa didn’t seem to care about S gossip. He just followed Reki around and when the redhead wasn’t near, he’d stand still until he came back. He could barely keep up with slang and took everything literally. Langa was a mystery and that kept us interested. He ended up racing on a board he hadn’t even tested yet. We guessed that he was either insane or Reki was just that good at making boards. Langa won the race but it was kinda close. Reki, Langa, and Miya had some sort of emotional declaration of friendship and then, the legend, Adam, showed up. We were all hyped up because most of us had never seen him skate. Adam dissed Miya and Reki then got weird with Langa. Reki challenged Adam to a beef and skating with Langa was his prize. Both accepted. We knew Adam was way too dangerous.
We knew; we did nothing.
We knew Reki wasn’t prepared to skate against Adam. We trained him the best we could but there wasn’t much time. Reki was riding off of unbridled rage and wasn’t thinking clearly. It was like all his other beefs. We knew that the race would be a bloodbath.
We knew; we did nothing.
We knew that Reki and Langa didn’t know what to expect. Adam was a beast they hadn’t truly heard of. They were underestimating him by a lot. Miya tried to talk some sense into Reki last minute but it was too late. Adam was going to arrive any minute and Reki was fueled with adrenaline. The race went about as anyone who knows Adam expected. We watched Reki bail hard when Adam pulled “Love Hug”. It was absolutely brutal. Shadow drove the redhead to the hospital. We knew that Langa was in grave danger.
We knew; we did nothing.
We knew that it was impossible to expect anything from Langa anymore. He managed to dodge the Love Hug as if it was nothing. We knew this wouldn’t discourage Adam one bit. By avoiding him, Langa put himself in more danger. Adam always had an obsession with talented skaters. We saw how fast he skated to catch up to Langa without knowing what his plan was. That was the worst part. The police showed up before Adam’s plan was put into action. We knew that an innocent kid like him shouldn’t be skating alongside Adam.
We knew; we did nothing.
We knew Reki was having trouble sorting out his feelings. It was clear as day in his eyes. On one hand, he was proud and relieved that Langa avoided Love Hug. On the other hand, he was jealous and angry that he couldn’t do the same. We saw not-so-subtle hearts in his eyes whenever he looked at Langa too. We saw the same look in Langa when Reki was shirtless in Miyakojima. Langa thought that Reki was the most amazing person in the world, unlike Reki himself. We knew they had complicated feelings for each other.
We knew; we did nothing.
We knew Langa wanted to go against Adam again. It was a risky move especially since Reki hated Adam. It was obvious that Reki was insecure but Langa couldn’t read the room like the rest of us could. He only heard the cheerful words Reki was saying. The one time Langa went to S without Reki, Adam arrived and announced a tournament. All of us joined but Langa was hesitant. We knew that Langa was extremely conflicted.
We knew; we did nothing.
We knew that Reki wasn’t himself. He came home late one night, soaked by the heavy rain. He refused to talk about what was bothering him but we already figured it out. He wore the same expression he did back when Asahi got injured but worse. It dragged the mood of the rest of the house down. We had gotten used to his energized persona because of Langa, but now it disappeared. It was like the times before he met Asahi but worse. We knew this wasn’t just a little slump.
We knew; we did nothing.
We knew that Langa shouldn’t have entered the tournament. Something major happened between him and Reki but none of them were talking about it. We hadn’t seen Reki in a while and we never realized how much our group needed him. Langa especially needed him. He went around asking all of us if we had seen Reki. We couldn’t give him the answer he wanted. Reki didn’t show up during the qualifiers but Langa was sure he was there during the first round. At one point, he swore he saw Reki while he was skating. We couldn’t look for him for long though because two of us landed in the hospital. Langa said he saw Reki in the elevator for a brief second and then immediately ran after him. We knew they needed guidance.
We knew; we did nothing.
We knew that Reki and Langa’s feelings for each other were growing stronger and stronger by the second. We don’t know how they made up but they did. The two were closer than ever. Adam challenged Reki to a beef to take Shadow’s place. Reki nearly won and gave Adam a run for his money. Snake forfeited the beef with Langa right after. Adam and Langa had their final race and Langa nearly died but he won. Everything seemed to tie up nicely but not everything works that way. We knew a storm was coming.
We knew; we did nothing.
We knew that Reki was sneaking out. He was immediately grounded and we found the pin that used to get into some underground place. Skating is okay just not with unknown adults where he could get injured. Langa still came over and kept Reki company on days that they’d normally sneak out together. We knew how important that place was to Reki.
We knew; we did nothing.
We knew Langa was gay. Many of us, especially those of us who liked him, were in denial. We said, “He and Reki are just really close!” While some of us said, “Langa doesn’t even pay attention to girls.” A few of us blamed it on Langa being asexual or aromantic. The debate was over when one of us saw Reki and Langa behind the school, kissing. A photo of it quickly traveled around the school. If the administration had one post taken down, five more would pop up. Both of them were ruined by it. Some of us were nice and supportive, calling them cute and secretly snapping couple photos as we did with straight couples. Most of us just ignored them, probably whispering behind their backs. Unfortunately for them, a few of us took it to the extreme. Slurs, balls of paper, pencils, books, and rocks flew at them every day by a group of douchebags. We knew they were suffering.
We knew; we did nothing.
We knew Reki and Langa were a thing. We never had a problem with it just as long as they weren't making out in front of us, preferably not at all but teens will be teens. They were happy together for about a month or so and then they kept getting hurt at school. We filed complaint after complaint after complaint. They wouldn’t tell us the details of the incident. If we got too much information, then they would start crying. It pained us to see such a normally happy pair like this. We knew that they needed us to do more than file complaints.
We knew; we did nothing.
We knew Reki and Langa needed therapy. Reki showed major signs of ADHD and stayed undiagnosed. His grades were tanking and so was his happiness. He also must have had some form of social anxiety because of how he always feared talking too much. Langa had autism and was still struggling to read and write. He was getting better but was nowhere near where he needed to be. His insecurities started to show now that he wasn’t obsessed with S. Not to mention the bullying at school. Apparently, some of the kids followed them home. Langa managed to escape because he lived in an apartment but Reki was doomed. His house and workshed got tagged with homophobic slurs, the kids smashed his workshed windows, stole some of his tools, and broke a lot of his boards. We knew they were pushing Reki to the brink.
We knew; we did nothing.
We knew that Reki snuck out again. We called Joe and Cherry to see if he was at S. We called Langa and his mom to see if he was at their apartment. We called Reki multiple times with no answer. After an hour of panicking, we found a note from Reki under his pillow. It was his final words to us. We tried calling the police to see if they could find him before he did the unthinkable. The police found him but he was already gone. We knew we could’ve saved him.
We knew we did nothing.
We knew Reki died the morning after it happened. Langa was inconsolable. He sobbed for hours and we tried to calm him down to no avail. He kept screaming that it was his fault that Reki died. We tried to convince him otherwise but it was no use. We all wished that we had done something before today. We knew we could’ve saved him.
We knew we did nothing.
We knew something was off when we arrived at school on Monday. The teacher announced that Reki died of his own choosing just yesterday. We all fell silent. No one knew that it would come to this. Most of us cried and some of us even left school to escape the guilt. We didn’t see Langa that day either. He probably knew before any of us. We felt so bad for him because Reki seemed to be all he had. Reki was all he had. The rest of the school day was dark and gloomy. A week after the incident the school held an assembly to remember Reki. Langa broke down crying after he finished his speech. A few of us tried to comfort him but it was futile. We knew we could’ve saved him.
We knew we did nothing.
We heard about Reki’s death on the news. We all shared a bit of grief for the bright kid that made everyone’s day. He left a while ago but we just thought that maybe he didn’t feel like racing or found a new hobby. We set up a donation page to go to the Kyan family. Joe and Cherry delivered the money to them. We don’t know what their reaction was but we hope it was positive. We knew we could’ve saved him.
We knew we did nothing.
We knew Langa wasn’t taking Reki’s death well at all. It was like Langa died with Reki but his body didn’t. We attended Reki’s funeral about two weeks after he died. Langa spoke there like he did at his school’s assembly. We thought that maybe he would move on and just keep Reki in his heart. We knew that wasn’t going to happen.
We knew; we did nothing.
We knew something wasn’t right when Langa visited Reki’s grave. We detected something off in his tone. He acted casually like he was just grieving and even brought some flowers with him. He paid his last respects to Reki and then joined him. We knew Langa was already dead.
We knew; we did nothing.