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It’s past eleven in the firehouse and most of the shift has gone to bed to catch whatever sleep they can before the inevitable bell ring. The lights are dim, and the loft is quiet. Buck sits at the table with a pen and a yellow legal pad.
Buck is on bullet point number seven when he feels Eddie over his shoulder.
“I already made the grocery list,” Eddie starts but his voice breaks off when he reads what Buck has been writing. Buck groans because he knows what it looks like and it’s not what it looks like, but he also knows any explanation is going to sound stupid.
“It’s a list of personality traits that need some work.” Eddie gives him an unimpressed look. “For me.”
“Did Dr. Copeland tell you to do this?” Eddie asks hesitantly and takes the seat to his right. Buck puts down the pen and tries to explain.
“No, I saw it on TikTok and, look, I know it sounds all sad but it’s actually really good to be self-aware! Like, it’s when healing can really happen.”
“There’s self-aware and then there’s self-deprecating. And you don’t need healing from,” Eddie looks at the list. “Talking too much.”
Buck supports Eddie in therapy but Therapy Eddie was kind of a pain in the ass sometimes. Mostly because he was usually right.
“I like lists. You know that.” Eddie nods. “So, it makes sense, I list the things I want to work on and then when I do, I become a better Buck. And then…” he trails off.
“And then?” Eddie asks.
“And then when I meet someone…The Someone, I can be a person they really like.” Buck tries to smile but he doesn’t make it very far when he watches a complicated mix of emotions dance across Eddie’s face. Buck feels a pit in his stomach, he really didn’t want this to be a big deal and the last thing he wants is Eddie to worry.
He goes into (what Eddie calls) ‘fix-it mode.’ Which usually involves a long-winded ramble.
“Eddie, it’s okay, these aren’t even bad things to fix! Abby thought I was too young; I can’t really do anything about that. Allie thought I was too risky, and I’ve really gotten better but the job isn’t going to change. And Taylor-“ Buck doesn’t miss the look of disdain that crosses Eddie’s face at her name. Buck shrugs. “Well Taylor thought I was needy and clingy which are things I should change anyway-“
“You don’t need to change.” Eddie usually doesn’t cut Buck off when he is talking, even if it is a long ramble. Bucks’ eyebrows raise in surprise, but Eddie’s face has gone from worried to serious and he’s got that look in his eyes and his shoulders are squared. Normally this expression would mean he’s gearing up for a fight, but there’s something else in his tone Buck can’t quite place.
“I’m really glad you think that Eds, but I just…I want to be the best guy I can be so someone can like me-“
“I like you.” Buck stops. He’s about to say he means in the romantic way, but Eddie’s eyes are shimmering and a faint flush is inexplicably spreading across his cheekbones. Eddie takes a deep breath and holds Buck’s gaze. “Buck, I like you. Just as you are.”
The shrill ring of the bell cuts through the loft and they both jump up, and apart.
—
It’s a messy car pile-up on the freeway and Buck and Eddie work together getting people free of their cars and transported to the paramedics. It’s good to be busy, it keeps the focus on the patients and Buck is almost too occupied to think about what Eddie said.
Almost.
Just as you are. Not calmer or wiser or stronger. Not more cautious on rescues, not more level-headed when it comes to his personal life. Not a better gift giver or even a better ping pong player…. just…him. Just Buck.
The call takes them to the end of their shift and as they pack up the fire truck, Buck stays behind.
“Promised Carlton I’d work the first two hours of his shift so he could see his daughter’s school Halloween parade.” He tells his team. Chimney yawns while he nods, and Hen rubs her temples.
“You’ll be okay?” Bobby gives him a once over. Buck purposely doesn’t look over at Eddie, but he can feel him doing the same.
“Always.” Buck gives the team a general wave. Eddie gives Buck a look he can’t decipher and the strange flush starts spreading again before he turns around and climbs back into the truck.
Buck is paired with Ravi for the clean-up, and he really tries to pay attention to the story Ravi is telling him about his roommates, but his mind keeps circling around Eddie’s words and the more debris he clears the more confused he gets.
“Buck? Are you okay?” Ravi asks hesitantly and Buck belatedly realizes he’s been calling his name for a full minute.
“Shit, sorry. Just thinking.” Ravi nods and they work a few minutes more in silence, but Eddie words keep ringing in his ears and it’s going to drive him crazy, and he can’t keep it inside anymore, so he turns to Ravi. “Eddie says he likes me. Like likes me. Just as I am.”
Ravi, bless him, does not laugh. Instead, he scrunches his forehead and tilts his head to the side.
“And this is….new information?”
If Buck wasn’t confused before, he sure as hell was now.
“Well yeah? He said it like he likes me. The romantic like.” But Ravi’s expression does not turn to shock like Buck expected, instead he looks to the sky and lets out a sigh.
“I thought being moved to the B shift saved me from this.” Ravi takes a deep breath and looks back at him. “Buck, literally everyone thinks you and Eddie are together. The only thing people can’t agree on is how long it has been going on.”
“Really?” Buck is still mostly surprised and a bit confused but he’s also starting to feel something else. Something warm.
“Really. Can you think of why?”
And Buck pauses and thinks.
He thinks first of a seven-year-old kid with glasses sliding down a fire pole, two strong pairs of hands leading him down. He thinks of a Christmas party, of hanging a banner, of Mario kart and pool and building a house of cards and throwing popcorn. He thinks of a collapsing mud tunnel, of red splattering on a white shirt, of the crunch of metal as a car met a bicycle. Carpools and betting pools and emergency contacts. Shared grocery lists and lockers.
They weren’t a ready-made family. They made their family. Built on trust and hard times and forgiveness and hope and love.
God, there was so much love, wasn’t there?
“Oh.” Buck nearly drops the hubcap he’s holding. He feels a bit dazed but also incredibly steady. “Oh.”
“Can I please make a tik tok series about this? I feel like I deserve to.” Buck absentmindedly nods.
“Yeah sure, hey do you know what time it is?” Eddie is the one with a watch, so Buck never bothers to wear his. They’ve really done this backwards haven’t they?
Buck isn’t wasting any more time.
—
Usually after their shift, they go home, take Christopher to school, grocery shop while the store is empty, unload and make brunch and decaf coffee, and then pass out for a few hours. Buck knows their routine well and knew he would beat Eddie home. He sits on the front step and waits, his right leg bouncing up and down and his left hand running through his hair. He showered in a rush after his shift ended and didn’t have time to style it like usual, but none of it matters. What matters is the man driving the truck slowly down the street. The man who has the power to break Buck’s heart completely, but for the first time in his life Buck feels sure it won’t happen.
Eddie parks and makes eye contact with Buck through the windshield. Buck gives him a wave that probably is the opposite of smooth, but he can’t dwell on it because Eddie is walking towards him. He stops a foot in front of him and gives Buck a tentative smile.
It’s all Buck needs.
“You like me just as I am.” Buck states and he is powerless to stop a smile from overtaking his face. Eddie nods.
“Well, if we’re being honest…” Eddie looks at the ground and kicks a stray rock. He takes a deep breath and looks back at Buck. His eyes are shimmering again, but Buck realizes it’s not because he’s getting ready for a fight. He’s getting ready to be brave.
“I don’t just like you, Buck. I love you. All of you.”
Tears prick at the corner of Buck’s eyes, and he knows this is it. This is his great love story; this is his happily ever after.
“Eddie, I think I’ve loved you this whole time.” Eddie smiles and Buck realizes he isn’t the only one with watery eyes.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. I love you, Eddie. So damn much.” He takes a step closer and nearly closes the gap between them. “And I’m going to kiss you now if that’s okay.”
And Eddie let’s out a laugh and Buck takes that as a yes and he cups the side of Eddie’s face and brings him in for their last first kiss.
They stand in a driveway on a Tuesday morning and Buck wouldn’t change a thing. He loves them just as they are.