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Lucifer drummed his fingers on the table of the Student Council Room. Next to his hand was a mug, half full of warm soup.
Beside Lucifer sat . . . . well, Lucifer. He was also drumming his fingers on the table.
“So,” said Barbatos, attempting to explain the strange situation to the Young Master before Lucifer lost his temper again. “Someone swapped labels on containers in the breakroom fridge. It was supposed to be soup but it turns out it was a potion.”
Diavolo nodded, carefully inspecting the second Lucifer. “And now we have two Lucifers?”
“Yes,” answered both Lucifers, before looking at each other and sighing identical sighs.
PIcking up the mug, Diavolo peered into it thoughtfully. “Do you think we’d have three if you finished the soup? Four even?”
“No!” said the Lucifers emphatically.
“We’re not doing that,” said one.
“It’s ridiculously reckless,” said the other.
“My goodness,” said Diavolo. “Stereo.”
Lucifers, both of them, simply sighed again, that pinched frown appearing twice over between matching pairs of eyebrows.
Diavolo couldn’t help wondering, what kinds of things could you do with two Lucifers?
****
Wild rumours spread across the RAD campus. Two Lucifers? Two Lucifers! Everyone was abuzz with the gossip.
The entire student body had only one question, what kinds of things could you do with two Lucifers?
In the lunchroom a quiet group of concerned demons huddled around one of the lunch tables.
“So it’s true then, the rumours?” asked Belphie, his mouth a moue of distaste. “Are there really two of the bastard?”
“If you aren’t going to finish that pudding, I’ll have it,” said Beel, helping himself to Satan’s lunch tray.
Asmo, his dreamy apricot eyes wide with delight, glowing with all the power of his sin, nodded. “Just imagine,” said the Avatar of Lust. “Two Lucifers! All the things you could do with two Lucifers . . .”
Everyone went quiet as they considered the impact of two Lucifers.
“I don’t think we’re thinking of doing the same things, Asmo,” said Satan. He was so irritated by the idea of two Lucifers he hadn’t even noticed the loss of his pudding.
“You don’t really want that apple, right Asmo?” said Beel, taking a bite even before he’d finished the sentence. Asmo paid no attention, his mind in faraway places, still contemplating the possibilities inherent in two Lucifers.
Levi shuddered slightly. “I knew I should have stayed home today. I really, really shouldn’t have come on campus. Two Lucifers! That means twice as much scolding.”
“How did it happen anyway?” asked Asmo. “I mean if any of us were to be cloned then I’m the obvious choice. Who would choose two Lucifers when I’m here?”
“There was an accident with some soup,” said Levi, “from the Student Council fridge.”
“Oh,” said Beel.
“Sure,” said Belphie pushing his lunch tray towards his twin. “Help yourself.”
“No,” said Beel. “It’s not that.”
From his satchel he produced a plastic container with a green lid. “There were two of these in the Student Council fridge. I took one for later - I thought it was soup. I mean, it looks a lot like one of Lucifer’s containers right?”
“Hmm.” Satan carefully removed the lid, dipped the tip of his little finger in and then licked it. “That doesn’t taste like any kind of soup I recognise.”
Beel sniffed the lid suspiciously. “It’s a potion alright. Definitely not food. Smells good though.” He licked his lips.
“Don’t eat it!” Four voices cried out in unison.
“Here,” said Levi. “Take the other half of my sandwich.”
Satan tapped his chin thoughtfully. “Has anyone seen Mammon yet today?” he asked.
Belphie looked at him, nodding equally thoughtfully. They both seemed to have had the same idea. “I was wondering the same thing,” said the youngest. “Mammon would be perfect to distract two Lucifers. He’s almost too much for one Lucifer to manage.”
They all looked at the potion.
They all looked at each other.
Then they all went to look for Mammon.
***
What kinds of things could you do with two Lucifers?
It turned out the Lucifers knew exactly how to answer that question.
Paperwork.
Lucifers realised that with two of them they would be twice as efficient and achieve twice as much. So that was what they did.
It really was a sight to behold.
Two pairs of stern ruby eyes peered impatiently over the top of two pairs of reading glasses that had slightly slipped down two noses. Two hands turned pages as the other two took notes.
Diavolo couldn’t help but marvel at such perfectly synchronised behaviour.
“Don’t you have-” started one Lucifer.
“-some work to do?” finished the other.
Sighing happily Diavolo said “Nothing is more important than sitting here watching you. Barbatos and I have agreed that until this cloning matter is resolved we should ensure your safety by observing you at all times.”
This was a version of the truth. In point of fact, Diavolo had simply issued an order that the Lucifers were to be observed at all times. Barbatos felt Lucifers could probably be left to their own devices, after all, he was a grown man. Two of them even.
Lucifers could certainly be trusted to be responsible for himself. Himselves. Honestly, Barbatos was quite ready to wash his hands of the whole affair. It was giving him a premonition headache that something was bound to go wrong.
Diavolo however, was as merry as a grig. Two Lucifers! If one Lucifer was his best friend then two Lucifers - why that would be his bestest best friend! His even better friend! His BFF²! His BBFFFF? Honestly he was going to have to invent a whole new terminology to explain just how wonderful this all was!
It was a shame really, that like all good things, two Lucifers came to an end.
There was a strange moment of shimmering, glittering, quivering magic. A haze of unreality that lifted to reveal one Lucifer, sat between two separate mountains of paperwork, a pen in either hand.
“Oh,” said Diavolo sadly. “Back to normal I guess.”
The prince surreptitiously flicked through the camera roll on his DDD. He was never going to forget this beautiful moment.
The door to the Student Council Room burst open.
“Lucifer! Help me - “ said Mammon.
“- I don’t know what -” said the other Mammon.
“- to do! The bastards -” said the third Mammon.
“- forcefed me a potion!” finished Mammon four.
Lucifer stared at Mammons, aghast.
Diavolo stared at Lucifer, hopefully.
“I’m pretty sure there’s still some of that soup left in the fridge,” said the Prince with a cheerful grin. “I’ll just go warm it up for you now.”