Work Text:
The clock ticks past three PM with stifled indifference around the same time that the shitty little thermostat on the wall breaks past ninety degrees. Up on the twenty-second floor, the windows can't open, so the south-facing half of the room bakes under the sun's indiscriminate lurid glare. The only other soul in this space aside from you is slumped so far down in her seat as to mimic the liquidity of a melting heap of ice cream.
You are faring better, but not by much. Without a fresh source of air, fanning yourself is only so effective, even when you are who you are. Your cheeks are flushed. Your clothes stick to your body in weird places, and your palms are just slick enough that unlocking your phone becomes a whole ordeal.
Your name is June Egbert. You are twenty-three years old, presently sitting in the waiting room of the best endocrinologist this side of New Derse. Across from you, your good somewhat-friend Vriska Serket stews in her own sweat as she awaits her appointment. It is the first of July, the eighth consecutive day of a heatwave that won't let up, the day of your one-month-in blood tests, and
i really should have worn a skirt today. fuck. rose was right. rose was so right.
JUNE: bluhhhh
i pick at the fabric of my jeans to try and stimulate an air flow. it fails to do anything of value. i can't even roll them up because first off these jeans are like a size too small, and second off i didn't bother shaving my legs today.
you know, people are always saying stuff about estrogen lowering your core body temperature. that girls like me can sometimes struggle adapting to that change in particular. i'm beginning to think that's bullshit actually? because what's the point of bringing that up if it isn't gonna stop me from sweating my non existent tits off in a heat wave?
JUNE: ughhhhhh
i try slumping down in my seat. maybe there's a part of the cheap fabric that isn't totally humid and horrible yet. it quickly becomes apparent that that is not the case and i was an idiot for even thinking it could be possible.
JUNE: UUUUUGGGGHHHHHHH
from across the room, vriska puts her phone down and turns her head to look at me. with her free hand she peels her hair away from her forehead where it's been stuck down with sweat.
VRISKA: June, your shitty whining is m8king this w8 at least ten times more un8eara8le, you know. ::::/
JUNE: ha ha, hi vriska. sorry.
VRISKA: Hi, June. No, I'm not eng8ging in a convers8tion with you.
JUNE: but
VRISKA: Eg8ert do you have any idea how mortifying this process is for a 8ad 8itch like me????????
VRISKA: If you wanna talk, s8ve it for literally any other time, okay?
JUNE: ?
but vriska doesn't reply. she goes back to miserably scrolling through her phone. which, i guess she has now? i mean, like, it has been nearly two months since she returned to earth c, so it would be a little weird if she didn't, so.
i dunno. i'm just saying shit to fill the time. this stupid blood work appointment's meant to be at three thirty. i'm really beginning to hate the fact i decided to be punctual for this.
i mean, i could just stand up and, like
retcon hop my way to the appointment time. like that is an ability i have.
but.
i don't want to?? is that stupid that part of me wants to do this gender thing my way on my terms?? no stupid game power short cuts, just taking it all at a regular person's pace?
i also don't know. thinking about my retcon makes my head hurt on a good day, never mind when it's hot as balls and i'm psyching myself up to have my blood drawn by a very kindly but very insistent chess lady.
no offense to TD. she rocks. sorry for thinking bitchy thoughts about you in my own head where nobody can hear them. or.
wait. fuck.
i'm narrating. damn it i hate when that one happens. this is what i get for not taking up those narrative control lessons with dirk, or having more than like two conversations with callie over the last few weeks.
it's sweet that i can now get to have these nice mundane moments, but god fucking forbid i forget i'm still at the intersection of a hell of a lot of cosmic meta fiction bullshit.
...
what time is it now?
i grab my phone. unlock the screen and do a better job of it than vriska did.
three twelve.
ugh.
maybe i can talk to vriska again to kill some time.
i turn my head in her direction, but uh, looks like she's got headphones on. and is listening to a pod cast. at maximum volume.
ok. guess that's not an option!
i have literally never been more bored in my entire life. like, why am i putting up with this? i'm a god, i have the power to write and re write reality, why put myself through this?
heck, this whole iteration of the universe that we're in right now is something that i basically made up myself, so.
...
i can't do it. i can't retcon my way out of this. that's just not who i am.
vriska starts bouncing her leg as she focuses on whatever's on her phone. god i wish i wasn't stuck here by myself, or that i also was interested in things enough to have a distraction in my pocket.
maybe i could message rose? she and kanaya are only doing a morning shift in the brood caverns today. i mean, i don't know the exact time zone difference between the troll and carapace kingdoms, but it's gotta no longer be morning over there too, right?
i'm in the middle of pulling up my contacts list when it happens.
everything in the room freezes. no motion. no chronology. i'm looking at myself in the third person all of a sudden, squinting through my fogged glasses at my phone screen. there's a pretty gnarly drop of sweat about to fall off my fore head that remains perfectly suspended. vriska is leaning her head back, mouth open. yawning or sighing? i'm not sure. on her phone is some pod cast app and a text alert from terezi that reads G3TT1NG SOM3 MOR3 W33D FROM D4V3 YOU 1NT3R3ST3D? >:]. the clock is stuck at three thirteen, twenty two seconds away from the minute ticking over. it never does.
wh
but then my vision is cast out further, and i'm looking at the whole waiting room and then the endocrinologist's office attached to it, suspended in a blank idea space like a cute little movie set. the sun is shining through the window of the scene, but outside of the scene there is no sun. no city. just that weird uncanny stretch of an unwritten page. all of reality is shrunken down into a diorama that i could fit in my hands if i applied the right perspective.
i look at the whole set up for a few more seconds until the existential nausea kicks in.
JUNE: urp. what the
being a person who's attuned to the higher narrative plane that governs the diegetic nature of this instance of reality means that i'm in theory capable of stepping out of a scene and looking at it in the abstract like this whenever i want to. only problem with that is that it's freaky as shit and makes it abundantly clear why dirk lost his mind for a while there.
except. i didn't consciously pull myself out of the scene, so why
a rustle of cold air flits past me and then coalesces into a familiar figure.
BREEZE: Hi June.
JUNE: breeze?
JUNE: what the fuck is going on?
JUNE: why are we outside of the narrative? i was kind of in the middle of something.
BREEZE: Yeah, I know.
BREEZE: You were broadcasting your boredom so loudly it was running narratological interference with the experiment me and Callie are running.
JUNE: experiment?
BREEZE: I'll fill you in some other time.
BREEZE: There's a narrative time and place for inciting incidents like that.
she waves a hand to dismiss that line of thought. which i guess... ok. whatever. probably another meta thing that will make my head hurt too much if i think about it.
JUNE: so why are you even here?
JUNE: to tell me off for narrating too loudly or something?
BREEZE: Not quite. Obviously, telling you not to narrate wouldn't actually stop you narrating.
BREEZE: So Callie and I put our experiment on pause and I came to help you instead.
JUNE: help me? with... waiting for a blood test?
BREEZE: With your boredom, I mean.
JUNE: ok, sure. i guess.
JUNE: uh, how?
breeze breathes out slowly through her nose. guess i'm being really dense about something that should be obvious but i am blatantly not getting. she doesn't look at me with exasperation or disappointment or anything like that, but if i squint i can tell that it's implied.
or
is this just me being overly sensitive and self loathing again? i don't know. i never did end up going to therapy after all.
BREEZE: By passing the time.
JUNE: and you think we can do that by... being in this strange idea space?
JUNE: what is even up with this whole set up anyway?
BREEZE: You do remember the whole thing about the pluralistic distinction between your diegetic and extradiegetic selves, right?
JUNE: uh
JUNE: the thing where me the narrator and me the character are technically two separate existences that are also both me at the same time?
JUNE: kind of like sburb dream selves but stupider?
BREEZE: Bingo.
JUNE: but... that still doesn't answer my question.
JUNE: how is “leaving the narrative” or whatever going to help with me getting through a boring wait?
BREEZE: Oh. that's easy.
breeze smiles confidently.
BREEZE: We narrate our way to a less boring version of events.
JUNE: hold on. but
JUNE: isn't that cheating?
BREEZE: Is it?
breeze floats a few paces back from me. she glances down at the suspended narrative scene.
BREEZE: I mean, I know you really want to transition the “legitimate” way, but...
BREEZE: I fail to see how making the wait any less miserable is violating that principle.
JUNE: well, because.
JUNE: if i skip over this thing, what's to stop me from just skipping ahead to all the important gender mile stones?
JUNE: hell, what's stopping me from just deciding to narrate my character self as having already fully completed her transition?
i wring my hands. the thought makes my skin feel clammy. the retcon buzzes beneath my fingertips like a great and horrible electric current.
breeze looks at me again. her expression softens.
BREEZE: I'm not talking about taking that from you, June.
BREEZE: And even if I did, you're more than capable of re-narrating events to suit how you want it to be.
JUNE: but that's exactly the thing! i don't actually want to use my retcon narration meta whatever the fuck abilities to mess with stuff! i want to keep things following the logical rules of reality!
BREEZE: ...
something lights up in breeze's too blue eyes.
BREEZE: ...Not even for a prank?
JUNE: a... prank?
despite myself, i'm curious. damn it.
BREEZE: I'm not talking about cheating or skipping over the wait. In fact, what I propose would just happen to fill up those few minutes instead.
JUNE: wh...?
BREEZE: June, have you ever played a metafictional prank before?
JUNE: i
BREEZE: Of course you haven't, because you still have a bunch of hangups about what it means to be a narrator.
she smiles at me fondly. i still can't get over the fact that there's this wiser more competent version of me that now just. lives with us all? like, it's hard to forget breeze is literally a version of me except she knows her shit and also has better gender going on. if it wasn't so uncanny i think i'd be envious.
but i don't want to come across as a weenie to breeze, so i decide to indulge her.
JUNE: fine. i'm curious.
JUNE: just what the hell do you mean by a metafictional prank?
BREEZE: I knew you wouldn't be able to resist. :)
BREEZE: Anyway.
breeze claps her hands and floats closer to the still frozen scene. i tentatively follow after her, trying not to think of how weird moving is in this idea space. it's less that i'm physically moving my body and more that i'm coasting along on the idea of motion by literally narrating the phrase “i tentatively follow after her”. if i think about this for too long i think i'm gonna get a head ache.
BREEZE: Going by the rules of the pillars of canonicity, there is a truth, relevance, and an essentiality to the scene we are watching over.
BREEZE: These pillars can be summed up as such: you are waiting a long time for a bloodwork appointment because you have expressed a desire not to use any shortcuts with your gender transition, which is relevant in reaffirming your transfemininity to the narrative, and is essential in conveying a core facet of your self.
BREEZE: Anything else is superfluous to that bedrock foundation.
JUNE: uh huh.
BREEZE: Which means that so long as we don't interfere with that core essence of the scene, we can have some fun with it.
JUNE: ok.
JUNE: wait, but vriska's here too.
i point to the tiny frozen vriska in the room. she does not move or react in any way because the scene is still suspended.
JUNE: doesn't that mean she's also a canon pillar of, uh. whatever it is you said?
BREEZE: Vriska is here, true. And it is true that Vriska's presence augments the legitimacy of the whole tableau.
BREEZE: But Vriska is not needed to convey the scene's foundational idea.
BREEZE: Unless you're going to argue that you're only taking estrogen because Vriska also sometimes has appointments on the same day as you?
JUNE: ...
JUNE: ok. i think i'm following. kind of. my head's spinning. don't ask me to explain it though.
BREEZE: Don't worry about that one, June.
BREEZE: So what I'm getting at is that so long as the premise of “June Egbert waits half an hour for her appointment” remains in tact, we can fill anything into those remaining eighteen minutes and still have the whole thing come across as legit.
BREEZE: You're bored out of your mind. I have nothing better to do.
BREEZE: Why not fire up the prankster's gambit in the most abstract and ridiculous way possible?
breeze raises an eyebrow. she smirks. it's the smirk of a challenge issued. a gauntlet thrown down.
this is stupid. i'm an adult. i have important things to do. heck, when even was the last time i semi seriously thought about pranking someone? i'm pretty sure i grew out of that or
like
became so depressed i gave up on it as a hobby? so, uh, actually, i don't know if i can say that i still don't like pranking. because the last time i think i tried one was that gag cake on, what, jade's eighteenth birthday? which was what, over half a decade ago?
damn.
JUNE: i know i shouldn't but
JUNE: i'm in
BREEZE: Hell yeah.
BREEZE: So the rules are simple.
BREEZE: Using only our abilities to shape the narrative, and only making use of what's available in the scene, try and pull a successful prank on Vriska.
BREEZE: Success is defined as her visibly falling for or reacting to the prank and by her not being able to figure out that it's the narrative itself punking her.
BREEZE: Winner gets the right to declare their eighteen minute prank as the canon version of events to fill the timeslot. Sound fair?
JUNE: i, uh, guess so.
JUNE: i don't fully follow but i think i kind of get it.
BREEZE: Don't worry. To show you what I mean, I'll go first, if that's okay?
JUNE: sure. go ahead.
BREEZE: Awesome. So, to start: A cold gust of air suddenly begins to circulate through the waiting room, rustling a poster on the wall.
JUNE: wait hold on how are you doing that with your voice
Vriska, hearing the sound even through the earbuds she snatched from Terezi, glances up from her phone. The poster on the wall across from her, an infograph about how to properly self-administer injections, rustles once more. This time it flaps enough to make that wobbling noise paper is known to make.
A bit of wind escapes from that corner of the room and brushes over Vriska's sweaty skin. She breaks out in gooseflesh.
VRISKA: What the
VRISKA: June, are you doing this????????
June looks up from her phone and frowns at Vriska.
JUNE: doing what?
VRISKA: M8king that poster go all fucky with your wind powers!
Vriska, exasperated, motions to the poster on the wall. But when June looks at it, the poster is once again completely still. That cool breeze from a second ago has vanished, as if it were never there
JUNE: vriska i don't know what you're talking about.
VRISKA: Don't try and play cute with me. I know your prankstery ways, Eg8ert.
JUNE: vriska you know i haven't played a prank since
JUNE: uh
June falters, her expression going funny. Vriska's eyes light up, taking this stumble as a tacit admission of guilt.
JUNE: a long time, actually. i think the last time i did it was before i got depressed?
JUNE: that's like, literally years ago at this point, ha ha.
VRISKA: ...
Vriska goes to make a retort, but June's face is so earnestly awkward that she can't quite bring herself to. Still, she knows that if someone were to make cold air dance around the room, there really is only one suspect among the two potential suspects available.
(hold on a sec. why am i acting like this is the first time i'm realizing i haven't done a prank in years?)
(Because June the character hasn't had the revelation yet. You only realized that outside of the scene.)
(but if i know, and i'm both the character and the narrator, then)
(Well, technically I'm narrating you right now, and because I'm not you, the knowledge held by your narrator-self has not synchronized with your character-self.)
(wh)
(Don't worry about it. It's a totally normal thing. Now let me get back to my prank.)
After a couple seconds, June returns to her phone. Vriska reluctantly does the same. She reloads the podcast, some stupid droning series about political corruption in the Consort Kingdom that Dave recommended to her as an ironic bit, allegedly because “the guys go totally fucking off the rails” by episode eighteen, and there's nothing more hilarious than a bunch of dudes with a podcast shitting themselves over batshit conspiracy theories.
The only problem with that is that Vriska's only on episode three. And each episode is somewhere between four and six hours. And the guys hosting the show speak in such a way that she can't focus on their words if she puts it on double speed. So she has to suffer some idiot blundering about deep state interference in the Turtle Capitol's archives or whatever the fuck.
Because it's asinine and stupid and also ostensibly political, when she listens to it her mind drifts back to the other Earth C, in political shambles and temporally two decades down the line from this place. And of course when she thinks about that she obviously starts thinking about NuSeattle and the—
A solid blast of that icy wind hits her in the face. It's strong enough that her glasses almost get flung off.
Vriska snaps her head back towards June. One eye ticks with irritation.
VRISKA: June, I don't know what g8me you're pl8ying here, 8ut
JUNE: vriska i seriously have no clue what the hell you're talking about.
Again, the breeze stops the second Vriska talks to June. But this time...
JUNE: hold on, vriska. was your hair always that messed up?
June points at Vriska, whose hair is in fact mussed up from the breeze. A smile that cannot be called either sane or rational crosses Vriska's mouth.
VRISKA: Ha! See, I told you something was up!!!!!!!!
JUNE: you mean... your hair is messy?
JUNE: vriska, sorry if this makes me sound like a bitch but i don't think a day has gone by without you messing up your own hair. :T
VRISKA: Aaaaaaaagh!
Vriska exasperatedly runs a hand through her hair without thinking. It sticks up even worse than before. June nods sagely at the sight.
JUNE: see what i mean?
VRISKA: Urgh no! It's not like that!
VRISKA: You're using your wind powers to fuck with me, June, I know it!
VRISKA: I have the proof right here!
JUNE: the proof that. uh.
JUNE: you messed your own hair up?
To keep herself from screaming, Vriska bites down on the fabric of her shirt. Her body still vibrates with irritation, however.
After taking these few seconds to try and fail to compose herself, Vriska turns back to June.
VRISKA: June, seriously. Do not 8ullshit me.
JUNE: but i'm not.
VRISKA: I mean, who else in this room, that literally only cont8ns the two of us, could have the a8ility to assault me with freezing cold air?
JUNE: vriska, i...
June's expression sinks a little.
JUNE: you know i can't control the temperature of the air with my wind powers, right?
VRISKA: Wh
(wh)
(Something wrong?)
(yeah, actually. is that thing about the wind true?)
(Well. More like nobody's said it's not true.)
(so you can just make up facts about god tier powers. that's a thing we can do now.)
(even though i'm fairly sure there are a bunch of esoteric and stupid rules about how god tier abilities work.)
(June, you do know that pretty much everything we know about “objective god tier rules” is complete bullshit, right.)
(it is?)
(Pretty much. The only rule, quote unquote, is that you have to be able to either personally or narratologically argue that your manifestation of your abilities thematically works with your title.)
(but rose and callie and those charts)
(No offense to Callie, I love them to death, but their god tier information is based off of biased observations they made concerning two Sburb sessions they watched as an isolated young teen.)
(Hell, even the word “classpect” itself is something Callie made up.)
(The mechanisms and lore are literally nothing more than a lonely thirteen year old's fanfiction.)
(does it always come back to fan fiction?)
(Afraid so.)
VRISKA: Since when?
JUNE: i dunno. since forever?
JUNE: i “command the winds”, vriska.
JUNE: i don't, like, make brand new winds from scratch.
VRISKA: That's stupid.
JUNE: but that's how it works.
JUNE: see, if it was this horrible muggy air, you might have a case against me.
JUNE: but cold air? that's not something i could do by myself unless there was a way to transport cold air into this room.
VRISKA: Then that's it!
VRISKA: You're not working alone!
June blinks at her. It's clear that Egbert's patience is wearing thin a little. It is also clear that Vriska, in her increasingly frenzied state, does not give a shit about that.
VRISKA: You're getting someone else to put cold air into this room!
VRISKA: Like Jade! J8de's good at teleporting things, right?
VRISKA: And you're all 8uddy 8uddy 8esties with her right now anyway, aren't you?
VRISKA: That's 8asically cahoots! I smell a conspiracy!
JUNE: vriska, i'm not “in cahoots” with jade. i am sleeping on my sister's couch because my house got destroyed, remember?
VRISKA: See? Evidence of cahoots! Why out of everyone did you pick Jade?
JUNE: because she's the only one that said she'd let me stay with her?
JUNE: rose and kanaya were “too busy to be good hosts”, roxy and callie's apartment is too tiny, karkat's weirdly territorial about who can live with him, jane never offered, and i think i would rather die than spend a few months sleeping in the dirk jake homo erotic bro zone jungle mansion.
VRISKA: You left out me and Terezi!
JUNE: because you both made it clear you would neg me to death if i stayed with you guys!
JUNE: jeesh, vriska, not everything's some complicated scheme.
June rolls her eyes.
JUNE: besides, i'm not totally “buddy buddy besties” with jade.
JUNE: sure, we get along, but we've got our own shit going on.
JUNE: i've got all of my everything to deal with, and she's been spending a bunch of time lately with
VRISKA: God I don't caaaaaaaare a8out this exposition dump.
VRISKA: I know you're pranking me. No amount of sad ha8it8tion story is gonna alter that fact!
JUNE: you asked.
This time, Vriska does scream for real. It's nothing too impressive on the Serket outburst scale, but it's definitely a sign her psychic nerves are being frayed.
JUNE: vriska, are you doing alright?
JUNE: are you anxious about your appointment or something? i think you should maybe message terezi.
VRISKA: Oh my godddddddd June stop playing dum8!
JUNE: vriska seriously i'm not! why the fuck would i play a wind prank on you right here and right now?
VRISKA: I don't know! 8ecause you and the universe want me to suffer!
Vriska decides she's had enough of talking to such a duplicitous bitch. She rises from her seat and strides across the room, stopping by the window. The afternoon sun is hot on her skin, and the air is so thick she can barely breathe through it, but it's hot stifled air so that's a good thing.
Behind her, June returns her attention to her phone, quietly thankful that there are only four minutes to go until her appointment. She has no idea what's gotten into Vriska all of a sudden. It's been a good while since she's had one of these moods and without anyone who better understands Vriska here to disarm the situation, it's kind of in June's best interest to let sleeping spiders lie. But still, she's not a total asshole, so...
Vriska, meanwhile, has it in her head that so long as she's not in her seat, this weird shit will stop happening to her. Her running theory is that that specific chair is booby trapped or something. She's not sure exactly how June's doing it, but she knows she's not gonna let it keep happening to her. In some demented reasoning, she's decided the window is perfectly and reasonably safe.
She just needs to hold out until June is gone, and then she'll be good.
From her pocket, her phone buzzes. Vriska slides it open and looks. It's from Terezi.
GC: H3Y VR1SK4 JUN3 JUST M3SS4G3D M3
GC: SH3 S41D YOU'R3 FR34K1NG TH3 FUCK OUT 4BOUT SOM3 M4D3 UP TH1NG 1N YOUR H34D OR SOM3TH1NG
AG: God, June. Go ahead and m8ke it everyone's 8usiness why don't you.
GC: 4ND 4S L1T3R4LLY TH3 ONLY B1TCH WHO 1S QU4L1F13D TO H3LP YOU WH3N YOU'R3 H4V1NG 4 NORM4L ON3, H3R3 1 4M
GC: SO SP1LL
GC: WHY 4R3 YOU H4V1NG 4 H1STR1ON1C 3PISOD3 1N TH3 M3D1C4L PROF3SSION4L'S HOLD1NG P3N >:?
Ugh. Ughhhhhhhh. This is the last thing Vriska wanted. Nothing worse than Terezi getting into her business. Especially when her business isn't even her business but instead a sick joke.
AG: Terezi, you do know this is all June's fault, right?
GC: SH3 S41D YOU WOULD S4Y TH4T
GC: 4LSO 1N TH3 1NT3R3ST OF HUMOR1NG YOU TH1S WHY 1S 1T JUN3'S F4ULT 3X4CTLY
AG: 8ecause! 8ecause she's pulling some weird fucking prank on me!
GC: JUN3 G3TT1NG ON3 UP ON YOU? DON'T M4K3 M3 L4UGH VR1SK4
AG: Well, she is! Somehow! I dunno.
GC: DUNNO WH4T
AG: I don't know how she's doing this stupid fucking wind prank.
AG: She keeps 8lasting me with the most freezing air you can imagine, then playing innocent whenever I ask her a8out it!
GC: OK4Y
GC: 4ND TH1S 1S 4 PROBL3M B3C4US3
AG: 8ecause may8e I'm not in the mood to 8e on the receiving end of June's l8me sense of humor!
GC: YOU 4LSO 4R3 4W4R3 TH4T JUN3 H4S NOT PL4Y3D 4 PR4NK 1N Y34RS
AG: Yeah, I am! Which is why her doing it would 8e the perfect prank.
AG: Plausi8le denia8ility and all that!
GC: UH HUH
GC: 1F SH3 1S 4NNOY1NG YOU WH1CH 1'M NOT S4Y1NG 1S 4 CONF1RM3D F4CT
GC: WHY NOT JUST CONFRONT H3R 4BOUT 1T
AG: Well, that's
GC: VR1SK4 1 LOV3 YOU
AG: I love you too.
GC: 4ND B3C4USE 1 LOV3 YOU 1 4M 1MPLOR1NG YOU TO 4DDR3SS YOUR PROBL3MS L1K3 4 R3GUL4R 4DULT
GC: H4V3 4 CONV3RS4T1ON W1TH JUN3 4BOUT 1T 1N 4 B4LANC3D 4ND R4T1ONAL W4Y
GC: 4ND 1F TH4T DO3SN'T WORK OUT 1'LL GO ON TH3 OFF3NS1V3 BUT *ONLY* 4FTER YOU'V3 TR13D SORT1NG YOUR OWN SH1T OUT
...
Vriska reads over the last messages and sighs. She hates when Terezi's reasonable like that. Things are way better when they're both acting wildly on impulse all the time! Like when they both got back to Earth C and June's gender episode nearly shredded existence into ruin. They had fun fucking around then! God, why does Terezi have to be level headed and also correct?
Maybe she will talk to June about it. Get the girl to confess in a lowkey way, get her to apologize, and then everyone can move on with their respective days. Easy as that. She can do it. She did all that shit in that other timeline. She even killed Lord English himself, technically.
TD's voice crackles through the intercom. June rises from her seat and heads towards the door. Vriska takes this moment to spin around and speak.
VRISKA: June, hey--
The cold wind returns. At the exact moment June is preoccupied with opening the door handle, the wind wraps around the poster from earlier with enough force to pull it from the wall. Coasting along on trails of icy air, the poster is flung across the room and affixes itself to Vriska's face. The impact is enough to send her staggering backwards, and then drop her on her ass.
VRISKA: JUNE EG8ERT YOU WRETCHED PRANKING 8ITCH!!!!!!!!
Vriska screams out into the room as the first stages of a certified Serket Tantrum begins in earnest. But June is already through the door, unable to hear it.
The clock hits three-thirty.
...
...
...
the scene freezes like that, with me halfway through the doorway, and vriska clawing at the poster stuck to her face with pale blue gusts of air circling around her. i stare at the whole thing for a few seconds, then pull myself away.
breeze is looking at me expectantly. there's the ghost of a smile on her face, but she's trying to be cool about it.
BREEZE: There we go.
BREEZE: One metafictional prank scene, pulled off deftly and efficiently.
BREEZE: What do you think?
JUNE: huh. well.
i pause. the scene that just unfolded sure as hell was a scene in which breeze. uh. basically tormented vriska for fifteen minutes?
JUNE: hey, isn't this kind of messed up?
BREEZE: Kind of. But it's also funny, isn't it?
JUNE: ...
i think back to vriska flopping on her ass and screaming as she tries to pull the poster off her face. and yeah, there are a hell of a lot of ethical issues to do with what we're doing right now, but...
JUNE: ok. fine. it was kind of funny.
BREEZE: See? I told you so.
JUNE: i mean. poor vriska though.
breeze shrugs.
BREEZE: She'll live.
BREEZE: Besides, what happened technically isn't even canon.
JUNE: it isn't?
BREEZE: I mean, it is right now, but another narrator could easily declare another version of events to be true instead.
BREEZE: So it's all harmless fun.
JUNE: uh, ok. trying to follow along as best i can.
BREEZE: Anyway. Putting questions of morality aside for now...
BREEZE: How was the prank?
JUNE: you're asking me to evaluate it as a prankster.
BREEZE: Exactly.
JUNE: well.
i glance back at the scene and try to gather my thoughts. breeze hovers by my side, expectantly.
JUNE: it was alright.
JUNE: but JUST alright.
BREEZE: Oh, really?
breeze raises an eyebrow.
JUNE: i mean, you technically passed the mission statement of “pull a prank on vriska without her figuring out it's the narrative” but only barely.
JUNE: from the minute you started she was absolutely convinced i was using my weird powers to mess with her, and if you want to be really pedantic, isn't “june uses her powers to fuck with vriska” what went down?
JUNE: i mean, you and i are technically both each other's splinter self, so you could argue that the label “june” could belong to either of us.
BREEZE: ...
BREEZE: Okay. I see how it is.
BREEZE: And you think you can do better?
JUNE: see, i think i could out do your prank,
because breeze's prank didn't actually happen. here's how these eighteen minutes really go down.
i'm still sitting there on my phone, bored out of my mind. by the way, when i say “i” here, i am referring to the june egbert physically present in the scene, and not the june egbert narrating from outside.
(This would be less complicated if you just used the formal narrative voice.)
(ok, but i don't know how to do that. also this is my narration style so stfu.)
(To each their own.)
anyway. i'm there on my phone debating messaging someone to tell them how bored i am. because i am bored as shit sitting in this hot and stuffy waiting room. like, super bored.
JUNE: sighhhh
JUNE: ...
(wait. how come the dialogue is doing that?)
(Doing what?)
(it's in a weird little text box. that's not right.)
(Oh, I did that.)
(why?)
(Because otherwise it'll be impossible for anyone to distinguish between the diegetic and the extradiegetic Junes.)
(but)
(we're the only ones reading this thing we're writing. right?)
(Look. Don't worry about it. I promise I'm not interfering with your narrative in any other way.)
(...ok. if you say so.)
the debate in my head about whether or not to contact someone lasts a grand total of five minutes. with one more sigh i switch over to my messenger app and strike up a conversation.
EB: rose i am so bored i think i am going to die.
TT: Salutations to you, too, June.
TT: Why, I'm doing marvelously this early July morning. Thank you for asking.
EB: shit. sorry. how are you doing?
TT: Don't worry about it. I'm just fucking with you, June.
TT: I am at present in the brooding cavern's break room. Swifer is running late with some critical documents, so we can't continue with registering the births of last week's clutch.
EB: wait. it's still only early morning for you?
TT: Yes, June. It's still early in the morning.
TT: That tends to be what happens when I'm on a continent west of you.
TT: If you're still perplexed about how the planet's rotation affects the flow of time, I'd recommend striking up a dialogue with Dave and Jade. I'm sure they'd be able to elucidate you.
EB: ha ha hit me with more snarky horse shit :P
TT: You wouldn't have it any other way.
(Bringing a new character into the fold? Risky but impressive.)
(You've got a good handle on Rose, you know.)
(don't make it weird.)
(I'm not?)
(I can promise you there are basically no autonomy issues related to what we're doing.)
(Also I'm allowed to compliment you on your form, you know.)
(bluh bluh ok.)
(just because you want to challenge rose for the title of “wordiest girl in our friend group” :P.)
(I never said that.)
(anyway. please let me continue.)
i continue my conversation with rose like this for a while, making it abundantly clear to everyone capable of perceiving this scene that i am entirely occupied with this singular interaction with this single person and not anything else. i am so engrossed in my conversation in rose, in fact, that i will not interact with vriska at all for the rest of this scene.
that of course doesn't stop vriska from trying. we tick onto minute nine of eighteen. vriska, hot, bothered, and bored, calls out to me.
VRISKA: Juuuuuuuune.
VRISKA: June I am hot and 8ored and this podcast I'm listening to is super shitty. ::::/
VRISKA: June how are you enduring this without wanting to throw yourself out of the window????????
i, meaning the june in the chair, doesn't respond to her. if i even notice her words, i don't show it. i am instead smirking to myself at something rose is saying.
TT: So then Dave brought up naming one of the grubs Pussey Slaegh as an ironic bit.
TT: But Kanaya has been oddly tolerant of the idea.
TT: Dave thinks he's managed to slip a silly little joke under her nose, but no.
TT: She's playing dumb to fool him, and passively supporting this frankly ridiculous notion to torment me.
EB: pfft ha ha ha ha!
i don't laugh out loud, but i do do that thing where you breathe out of your nose really hard. i mean, i could laugh about it if i wanted to, but who wants to be that asshole who starts cackling like a total absolute weirdo in a public space?
vriska calls out again as i start typing what is no doubt a very witty response to rose's situation.
VRISKA: Juuuuuuuu
VRISKA: uuuuuuuu
VRISKA: uuuuuuuu
VRISKA: uuuuuuuu
VRISKA: uuuuuuuu
VRISKA: uuuuuuuu
VRISKA: uuuuuuuu
VRISKA: uuuuuuuune!
but not even her silly little call back, which she thinks is a guaranteed way to get me to notice her, has an effect. i am totally absorbed in what i am doing. i am completely and absolutely not interacting with vriska. in fact, i would go so far as to say that i am not even really aware she is there at the moment.
VRISKA: Ugh! Fine! Suit yourself, 8itch.
vriska turns away from me and starts bouncing one leg up and down. bored, frustrated, and maybe a little irritated, she unlocks her phone. she goes to her contact list and gets in touch with the only person she would possibly think to contact when she's having a moment of emotional distress.
AG: Tereziiiiiiii
GC: WH4T
AG: I'm stuck in this shitty hot as fuck room, I'm 8ored out of my mind, and June won't even talk to me! :::(
GC: DO YOU W4NT M3 TO 4SK JUN3 TO T4LK TO YOU OR SOM3TH1NG
AG: No, no! I'm too mad at her right now anyway.
AG: I just need to vent a8out it. What are you doing?
GC: L1K3 1 S41D 1'M ON MY W4Y B4CK FROM D4V3'S
GC: TH3 PL4C3 1 W3NT TO 1N ORD3R TO OBT41N SOM3 W33D 3D1BL3S
GC: WH1CH W3 BOTH SPOK3 4BOUT WH3N YOU L3FT TH1S MORN1NG
GC: BY TH3 W4Y YOU N3V3R S41D 1F YOU W4NT3D M3 TO G3T YOU 4NY
AG: You should know I don't like that stuff.
GC: PFFT OK
AG: No, seriously! Who the hell wants to inhale a heated oil that 8urns your lungs and m8kes you dizzy?
GC: VR1SK4 TH3S3 4R3 3D1BL3S NOT V4P3S 1'M NOT SOM3 TRYH4RD T33N W1TH SOM3TH1NG TO PROV3
GC: SP34K1NG OF HOW THE H3LL DO YOU 3V3N KNOW 4BOUT W33D V4P3S 4NYW4Y G1V3N YOU'R3 SUCH 4 STR41GHT 3DGE ST1CK UP TH3 NOOK >:?
AG: Vrissy told me a8out it.
GC: 4ND WHO W4S VR1SSY 4G41N
GC: W41T NO TH1S 1S SOM3 OTH3R T1M3L1N3 SH1T 1SN'T 1T
GC: 1 DON'T H4V3 T1M3 TO F33L1NGS J4M W1TH YOU 4BOUT 1T R1GHT NOW
AG: That isn't even the point I'm trying to make!
(Nice Terezi inclusion. Smooth.)
(shush!)
vriska looks up from her phone. i am still in my conversation with rose. still not interacting with her. this is not a fact that's going to change or anything.
AG: The point is that I'm feeling neglected over here.
GC: VR1SK4 WHY DO YOU N33D 4TT3NT1ON WH3N YOU'R3 1N 4 W41T1NG ROOM
GC: YOU'LL B3 B4CK HOM3 1N JUST OV3R 4N HOUR
AG: Yeah, 8ut.
AG: Ugh. You wouldn't get it.
GC: 1'M CL34RLY NOT
AG: I just. It's torture, sitting here with nothing 8ut my own thoughts.
AG: Like, how do normal people DO this?
GC: DO WH4T
GC: SP3ND T1M3 4LON3 W1THOUT COMBUST1NG
AG: Yeah! It's driving me ins8ne! I have no8ody to talk to and nothing to do.
AG: Just.
AG: W8.
AG: For some weird and dum8 medical gender thing that everyone says is the right thing for me to do.
GC: WHY WOULD YOU OBJ3CT TO G3TT1NG 4 CONS1ST3NT 4ND R43L SOURC3 OF HRT
AG: I'm not o8jecting to the hormone part!
AG: It's just. Why all the w8ing and ceremony?
GC: C3R3MONY
AG: Yeah! Like, come on! Just point me to the nearest hormone store and 8e done with it!
GC: WHO TH3 FUCK H4S 4 HORMON3 STOR3
GC: TH4T'S STUP1D
AG: They had it on the other Earth C!
GC: 1 THOUGHT W3 4GR33D TO S4V3 TH3 4LT UN1V3RS3 D1SCUSS1ONS FOR WH3N W3'R3 BOTH 1N P3RSON
AG: I promise I'm not spiralling a8out it.
AG: I'm just s8ying is all.
GC: YOU'R3 NOT 4CTU4LLY S4Y1NG MUCH OF 4NYTHING TO B3 F41R
GC: JUST WH33LSP1NN1NG 4ND WH1N1NG
AG: Well, sorry for expecting you to care.
GC: 1 N3V3R S41D 1 H4D 4 PROBL3M W1TH 1T
GC: G1V3S M3 SOM3TH1NG TO DO ON TH3 W4Y B4CK
GC: YOU KNOW 1T R34LLY 1S SUCH BULLSH1T 1 N3V3R GOT TH3 4B1L1TY TO FLY
AG: You're the one who chose to not go god tier, you know.
GC: BLUH BLUH SORRY FOR NOT B31NG 4N 3L1T3 POW3RG4M3R 1N MY YOUTH >:[
AG: I told you at the time you should have done it! 8ut when does anyone listen to me?
GC: VR1SK4 W3 W3R3 1N TH3 M1DDL3 OF 4 BLOOD F3UD B4CK TH3N 1F YOU D1DN'T FORG3T
GC: FORG1V3 M3 FOR NOT B31NG OV3RLY R3C3PT1VE TO YOUR SUGG3ST1ONS
GC: HOW LONG UNT1L YOUR 4PPO1NTM3NT 4NYW4Y
AG: Uh.
vriska looks up from her phone and across the room. on the wall opposite her there is a poster fixed the wall, and a clock next to it. she peers at the clock and makes note of the time. three twenty six.
AG: Well, June's appointment is in a8out five minutes.
AG: I'm fifteen minutes after her I think?
GC: COOL
GC: YOU'LL B3 HOME BY FOUR TH3N Y34H?
AG: Pro8a8ly! I mean, that's assuming the transportalizer I used to get here still works.
GC: WHY WOULDN'T 1T
AG: I dunno! I'm just s8ying stuff to kill time.
(Yeah. You do seem to be saying stuff to kill time.)
(There are four minutes to go. What are you planning, June?)
(hold on. i've got something cooking up.)
(hehehehe)
terezi doesn't respond for a good twenty seconds. vriska, immediately bored again, turns her head in my direction.
VRISKA: Hey, June.
VRISKA: Feeling any more talkative yet?
vriska waits a second for a response. then another. the clock reads three twenty eight.
VRISKA: June?
i'm so absorbed in my own thing as to basically be part of a separate story. vriska lets out a sigh. what's the point, she thinks. is it worth going through all this hassle for the next, what, two minutes?
no. no it is not.
she returns her attention to her conversation with terezi.
AG: Anyway, where are you right now, anyway?
GC: 4LMOST HOM3 4CTU4LLY
AG: That's good!
AG: How much further?
vriska steals another glance at the clock. three twenty nine.
GC: W3LL 1'M JUST ST3PP1NG OUT ONTO BOF4 R1GHT NOW
AG: ...
AG: ...
AG: ...
AG: 8ofa?
my name is called out. i stand from my seat and start walking towards the door. vriska's phone vibrates with terezi's response. she reads it. her eyes go wide. then, her mouth stretches out in the silent beginnings of a soul wrenching primal howl of a scream.
the clock hits three thirty. the scene ends.
outside in the meta idea space, breeze looks at me with a baffled yet awed expression.
BREEZE: A bofa joke?
JUNE: hehe, yep.
BREEZE: You mean to tell me you did all that elaborate setup and deft character work... for a bofa joke?
JUNE: uh, yeah?
breeze stares at me blankly.
BREEZE: I cannot believe you.
JUNE: why? what's wrong with it?
JUNE: i think i did a perfectly good job of dunking on vriska. i mean, her expression speaks for itself.
i point to the mid scream vriska in the scene diorama.
JUNE: plus, since it was such a subtle long con there wasn't a single chance for her to suspect something was up before i dropped it on her.
JUNE: unlike someone who nearly gave HER game away the entire time.
BREEZE: Okay. It's not like I'm not impressed.
BREEZE: I mean, not dropping the prank until the last possible second, thereby preventing Vriska from ever having a chance of tracking it back to you?
BREEZE: That's some good shit. I might even have to concede the crown to you.
JUNE: heh. you think?
JUNE: i mean, it was funny, but...
i scratch the back of my neck and look down at my shoes.
JUNE: i still kind of feel like a jerk about it?
BREEZE: Why?
JUNE: well, you know. vriska's kind of powerless to stop what we're doing up here.
JUNE: i don't know. it feels less like pranking and more like toying with someone who can't fight back.
JUNE: maybe even a little like bullying?
BREEZE:
BREEZE:
breeze says nothing. her lips twitch in a frown as she works something over in her head.
BREEZE: Okay. I see why you would think that.
BREEZE: But June, this isn't real.
JUNE: what?
BREEZE: I mean, it's quasi-real.
BREEZE: But these are all hypothetical non-confirmed timelines.
BREEZE: As soon as a canon version of events is declared, the other possibilities are stripped away.
BREEZE: Unlike time travel or retcon powers which leave behind abandoned splinters, discarded narratives do not persist.
BREEZE: It's all just intangible ideas.
JUNE: ok. i kind of get that.
JUNE: but isn't this still kind of bad?
BREEZE: Is it bad to have a thought about someone?
JUNE: ?
BREEZE: I'm just saying.
BREEZE: Hypothetically, assume we didn't just do this whole narrative experiment.
BREEZE: Instead, let's imagine that the two scenarios we ran through were just daydream fantasies in your head.
JUNE: why would i day dream about vriska getting pranked?
BREEZE: That's not the important detail.
BREEZE: What I'm saying is that you wouldn't punish yourself for having a thought so long as it doesn't transcend to the material world.
BREEZE: You're not evil for thinking “shut the fuck up” when someone talks too much. And if you never actually say it out loud, they'll never even find out, so their ego remains totally unbruised.
BREEZE: This is kind of like that.
JUNE: ok but.
JUNE: it's still more real than that? like, a material vriska was still materially affected by what we did.
JUNE: even if she “stops existing” the minute the scene is done with.
JUNE: isn't all this kind of like the retcon stuff but with even fewer consequences?
JUNE: like. we can just say and do whatever about the canon we made up in our heads.
JUNE: literally the only person who could stop us would be another narrator, and that's a really limited pool of individuals!
BREEZE: June, trust me. It's fine.
BREEZE: Callie and I talked this over.
JUNE: what, this exact scenario?
BREEZE: ...
breeze doesn't meet my eyes. wait.
wait...
JUNE: you... did you plan this, breeze?
JUNE: was this whole thing part of your experiment with callie?
BREEZE: I...
BREEZE: ...
breeze lowers her head.
BREEZE: Yes.
JUNE: seriously? what the fuck, breeze.
JUNE: you could have told me this whole prank thing was a ruse!
BREEZE: Well, it wasn't. Exactly.
BREEZE: I did mean what I said about wanting to help you out, and we did have fun doing it, didn't we?
JUNE: well.
JUNE: ok just because i managed to floor both you and vriska with my bofa gambit means i'm gonna have to say it was a little fun.
JUNE: even if it was just me fucking with vriska to test some theory you and callie had.
JUNE: speaking of which, what the hell was all this in service of any way?
BREEZE: It's... kind of complicated.
JUNE: i have the time to listen. since we're, uh, apparently outside of the story's flow of time?
BREEZE: Right. Right.
BREEZE: There's just a lot to cover, so give me a second.
breeze turns away and floats over to the suspended scene. she doesn't interact with it any way but she does float around it in slow loops. stray bits of her cold wind current dip in and out of the scene, but because it's all frozen, nothing is affected by it.
i watch her like this for a moment, an ethereal version of myself circling around a symbolic representation of my entire reality. the weird sense of perspective that suddenly hits me comes with a free rush of vertigo. it gets worse when i remember there is no concrete up or down here. those directions are only there whenever i say they are.
all of this is blatantly artificial. all of this is painfully real. it's a contradiction i haven't figured out how to deal with yet. it's much easier when i can lose myself in june the character and not have to think about the fact that i'm also june the narrator. i
i don't think normal people were ever meant to experience something like this. i don't even know how i'm holding on in the face of it all.
after a couple more minutes, breeze returns to my side.
BREEZE: Okay
she brings her hands together. her face hardens in that tell tale exposition dump expression she does that i don't. it's strange, but it's also one of the few times breeze really feels like her own entity and not like a twisted mirror me. well, i guess under that frame work *i'd* be the twisted one, and she'd be the ideal. or something.
i don't know. i'm rambling.
i bring my focus back to breeze.
BREEZE: I'm going to choose my words carefully here, because I'm aware that we are not tethered to a true narrative moment.
JUNE: a what?
BREEZE: Basically we're in our own continuity. If you were to lay out this present narrative, it would not be a chapter in the larger story.
BREEZE: Kind of literally like a fanfiction oneshot if you're clued up on that.
JUNE: kind of? i mean, i still don't really do much fan fiction or writing stuff.
JUNE: rose would know more. i probably should have asked her but. you know.
JUNE: i don't like to acknowledge the weird meta nature of our reality that often.
JUNE: but i do get what you're saying.
BREEZE: Good.
BREEZE: So because of that, and because I don't know where this would fit in with the grander tapestry, I don't want to accidentally make a contradiction in the main continuity.
JUNE: uh huh
BREEZE: Which means there are some things I'm going to have to be vague about on purpose.
JUNE: alright.
BREEZE: So. Anyway.
BREEZE: After the incident with the Muse and whatever you and the author did to fix this offshoot reality, Callie and I have been researching.
JUNE: does this include that trip you did out into the depths of this reality or whatever you did a couple weeks after everything calmed down?
BREEZE: It does. But because that plot point has narrative gravitas, I can't talk at length about it.
JUNE: right.
BREEZE: So the point of our research, so to speak, is to figure out ways to construct stronger narratives.
BREEZE: Not that Omelette Route was bad by any means, but as a lone core, it is fragile.
JUNE: i'm... sorry?
JUNE: i literally wasn't thinking about any of that when i was going through everything i went through. :T
BREEZE: I know. And you still did a great job regardless.
BREEZE: But what Callie and I are searching for is a way to replicate, if not surpass, the techniques used by both the Prince and the Muse.
BREEZE: In essence, create a narrative that, in the eyes of a prospective observational plane of reality, would be just as good as canon proper.
JUNE: right. many people said something like this i think. probably.
BREEZE: In order to do that, we have done and are planning on doing a number of things.
BREEZE: Most of which will intersect with the main narrative, so I can't talk about it.
BREEZE: But what I can talk about is the specific experiment this whole scenario today was in service of.
JUNE: ok.
JUNE: and that is?
BREEZE: Learning how to inhabit the formal narrative voice, and how to wield it effectively to tell a compelling narrative.
JUNE: and just remind me again.
JUNE: the formal narrative voice is...
It's this.
JUNE: right. got it.
BREEZE: It's a powerful tool in conveying legitimacy to a narrative instance, more so in some cases than the content of the story itself.
BREEZE: And while Callie and I have figured out how to tap into it, we needed to take it for a test drive before we attempt what we're really hoping to do with it.
JUNE: and that is?
JUNE: or wait. is this another spoiler thing.
breeze nods.
JUNE: alright. so this whole thing was just... you testing out that fancy narrative voice?
BREEZE: Yes.
BREEZE: I figured a scenario in which both you and I narrate the same scene would work best as a means of seeing which one is more effective.
BREEZE: Essentially, could I use the formal narrative voice to upstage your own idiosyncratic narrative style, if only for a moment?
JUNE: ...
JUNE: and did you?
BREEZE: I don't know. I can't be the one to make that call.
BREEZE: If I get declared as the canon version of events, then yes.
BREEZE: But you did manage to undercut my narrative with a “but that didn't happen line” without any trouble.
BREEZE: So in the end I'm not sure.
BREEZE: At the very least, it shows I am now capable of using the formal narrative voice for an extended period of time.
BREEZE: So something good did come from this, even if it's not entirely what I expected.
JUNE: uh huh...
BREEZE: Something wrong?
JUNE: i don't know, it's just...
JUNE: this still feels really skeevy?
breeze blinks at me.
BREEZE: June, if this still about--
JUNE: yeah yeah the whole “making up a scenario in your head isn't morally corrupt” thing. i get it.
JUNE: but even as a hypothetical concept... it's kind of cruel?
JUNE: like... we both decided to torment vriska there, and for what?
JUNE: there were a million other ways you could have tested this narrative and a million other ways i could have stopped myself from being bored, so...
JUNE: what does that say about us?
BREEZE: June.
breeze leans forward. she puts her hands on my shoulders and stares into my eyes. stupidly the first thing i notice is how her long hair floats around in the winds that always seem to surround her. i feel a flash of insecurity about my own hair, an unkempt mess that isn't even bob length yet. a deep dark tiny part of me can't help but be a little resentful of breeze and her perfect femininity.
BREEZE: It's okay. You're not a bad person.
JUNE: i
JUNE: but
JUNE: i have this power, breeze
JUNE: to just puppet people around
JUNE: and i try not to use it but it's always in my head
JUNE: the knowledge
JUNE: that
JUNE: at any time
JUNE: i could
i can't finish. a lump chokes up my throat. breeze looks at me with nothing but fondness.
BREEZE: And that there is exactly why it's a good thing that you're this reality's primary narrator.
BREEZE: June, I'm sorry if this all upset you. But none of this is a reflection of you.
BREEZE: Even in your prank your narrative touch was light as possible. That's not somebody who's going to seize total control of the textual reality any time soon.
JUNE: ...
JUNE: i just
JUNE: i feel so guilty, breeze
BREEZE: June. Listen to me.
BREEZE: You and your ability birthed this universe. You and your ability managed to affect the heart of an author on a higher plane of existence to us.
BREEZE: You saved all of us. You have nothing to feel guilty about.
BREEZE: You played a prank.
BREEZE: Tell me, June.
BREEZE: If, hypothetically, we had done this from within the diegetic sphere, and you set up a prank by hand,
BREEZE: Would you feel this torn up about it?
JUNE: i
i stop to think about it for a moment. i imagine a scenario where, instead of some narrative sleight of hand, i pull a more mundane practical joke on vriska. a fart cushion under her seat. the old bucket on the ceiling trick.
i hold those scenarios in my mind and... the crawling shame doesn't come. i
oh
i look back to breeze
JUNE: you're right. fuck, you're right.
JUNE: i just. i don't know. i think i'm punishing myself for something i didn't do.
JUNE: i'm not dirk. i'm not the muse. but i feel like because i can do the same things as them, i am just as evil.
JUNE: but... that's stupid, isn't it?
breeze nods. tears prick my eyes.
JUNE: i'm
JUNE: i'm really sorry breeze.
BREEZE: Don't be.
she leans in for a hug. i wrap my arms around her. her body is cool and smells like ozone. the fabric of her god tier outfit feels loose and intangible, like coalesced mist. it's a strange sensation.
then breeze pulls away. she's still smiling.
BREEZE: Seems we both learned something today, yeah?
JUNE: yeah.
BREEZE: So. I guess that brings us back to the final point.
BREEZE: The conclusion of our prank-off.
she nods to the scene. vriska's face is still a frozen mask of outrage. it still makes me feel a little uneasy, but not like it did.
BREEZE: Like I said, the winner gets to have their version of events be the true canon one.
JUNE: and whose is that?
JUNE: yours or mine?
BREEZE: ...I can't be the one to say that.
JUNE: huh?
BREEZE: I could make a declaration, but you are the primary narrator here, June.
BREEZE: The final say is yours.
BREEZE: Of the events laid out before you, you get to decide which one “really happened”.
BREEZE: I leave it up to you. It's your choice.
despite myself, i laugh.
JUNE: you know, i sure am making habit of being entrusted with weird meta choices, you know.
BREEZE: Ha.
BREEZE: I guess that's just the way it fell out.
BREEZE: But still, feel free to pick whichever you want, June.
breeze floats a little bit away from me. she lets out a placid sigh. her hair and clothes billow and flow around her.
JUNE: you know...
JUNE: on reflection, both of these outcomes are kind of shit?
breeze immediately stops relaxing.
BREEZE: What do you mean?
JUNE: i mean, i get all of the stuff about morality and agency and blah blah blah narrative stuff
JUNE: but when you boil it down, both outcomes involve vriska being unfairly dunked on?
JUNE: and you know, vriska never deserved any of that. i mean she didn't even know what was going on!
BREEZE: ...Huh.
breeze looks at me curiously.
BREEZE: You know, June.
BREEZE: *If* you really wanted to...
BREEZE: There's nothing stopping you from trying again.
JUNE: i'm sorry?
BREEZE: I'm saying you could just go back and write a third version of events.
BREEZE: Return the scene to before I showed up and stick it out through the wait in a way that better suits you.
BREEZE: Our prank narratives are fun, but that doesn't mean either of them has to be definitive.
BREEZE: I'm not in the business of meat/candy binaries, so it doesn't really matter to me.
BREEZE: My experiment isn't reliant on a consistent diegetic realm.
breeze glances at the scene. i follow her eyes. we look, for a while, at this waiting room, stuck at three thirty pm. at vriska having a shitty day. at myself strolling through after being puppeteered by an outside force.
as i look, breeze does something with her hands. a second narrative instance appears beside the first. this is the result of breeze's prank. me, halfway through the door, a me which was breeze's unwitting pawn. vriska on the floor, desperately clawing at the poster on her face, eyes pricked with tears.
BREEZE: These are the two pre-done outcomes.
BREEZE: But...
breeze steps back. a third tableau forms. this one shows me and vriska both sitting in our respective chairs, looking numbly at our phones. there are light beads of sweat on our faces. the clock on the wall reads three twelve pm.
BREEZE: You could go back. Discard the other two. Make a new outcome.
BREEZE: That's equally as valid.
JUNE: ...
i look at the three options before me. or, well, the two options, and the possibility that sits outside the two. the blank slate could contain anything, for better or worse. the other two are known quantities, terrible as they are.
well, terrible for vriska, any way. i am perfectly fine in each scenario. so in theory, another version of events could be worse for me. there's no knowing. there's just the knowledge that it'll be something different. that i could give someone else a better chance.
i turn back to breeze. part of her body is unfurling into air.
JUNE: breeze?
BREEZE: Regardless of the outcome, I'm not the one with the final say.
BREEZE: Pick whichever you'd like, June. That's what you're able to do. That's what you've always been able to do.
BREEZE: I'll leave you to it.
BREEZE: The choice is yours.
she gives me one last smile, and then she dissipates into a bunch of little winds that spread out into somewhere unseen.
well. that's that.
just me now. me and my decisions. me and two scenes we had no right making. me and the terrifying possibility of the unknown.
but it's always been like this, hasn't it? me on the edge of creation, placed with the great and awful ability to make a choice where others can't.
it's always been the same.
so i choose.