Work Text:
If he ignored it Cap was sure it would go away. He knew it wouldn’t, both from personal experience and telling others off for doing the same, but the lie was reassuring. So when he peeled himself out of bed at the early hour of eleven he was determined that today would go like any other.
He didn’t bother changing into his proper clothes, it was a Saturday and those were meant for being lazy and cozy at home with his family. Speaking of, Iskall was already cooking by the time Cap managed to stumble his way down the set of stairs. How long for- he wasn’t sure, but given how he seemed to have already showered, had coffee, and raised an eyebrow at Caps bedhead he could guess quite a while. “Well good morning Jardoon, someones up early.”
Cap rolled his eyes, reaching over to snag the pot of coffee. “Yeah, yeah. Anyway, what’s the plan for the day then?” It was still too hot to drink, but he wrapped his hands around the mug to cling to its warmth.
“Tubbo’ll be over around five to help prepare for dinner, not much before that though. Why, did you have plans?”
He blew on his coffee to try to get it to cool quicker. It was always exciting when Tubbo was able to come home to visit. They tried to make sure to plan family dinners at least once every few weeks when they could. It was nice to help stay caught up with all of their busy schedules. That was just one more reason Cap had to add to the list of why he didn’t need to do that today. “No, Just wondering what you’d be up to. Is everything prepped for dinner then?”
Iskall turned around to wash their plate in the sink, glancing over his shoulder with a smirk. “You slept like a baby, huh? It was super loud when I got everything done. I have the meat thawing and grabbed the vegetables from the garden earlier this morning.
He tried not to let himself freeze- it was just a saying. Sleeping like a baby- it didn’t mean anything, wasn’t Iskall calling him a baby- he just needed to seem natural.
Cap hummed, electing to ignore the sleeping comment entirely. He was hoping there'd be something he could do.. If there was nothing left to do it would be harder to distract himself from the pull on the back of his mind. It didn’t matter though because Iskall was leaving, probably off to work on building plans or something productive like that. She patted Cap on the shoulder as they passed on the way out of the kitchen.
“Take a break, weekends are meant for resting.” Cap teased, finally bringing the coffee to his lips as Iskall’s laugh and response of “Hypocrite!” bounced off the walls in the hallway.
It tasted horrible, he couldn’t help but grimace as it washed over his tongue. The rest of it went down the drain, and with a sigh Cap stood up and decided he would find his own task to keep himself busy with for a few hours then.
Well, he did try- it was just that he wasn’t very successful in keeping himself occupied. Nothing could hold his interest for long, whether it be editing, organizing his future plans, or even just going about a few household chores. Everything was just boring . In the end he found himself wandering aimlessly around the house, Iskall occasionally giving him the odd look when they crossed paths. Even so, the other didn’t question the odd behavior until she was on their way to make sure the meat would be properly thawed in the very few hours they had left before it would be time to cook.
Cap was on his eighth lap between the kitchen back to his office when their voice made him pause. “Are you feeling alright Jardoon? You’re going to wear a path into the floor soon. We can reschedule if you want.”
His head snapped up and he froze in his spot. He hadn’t really been thinking of how much he’d been moving until then, it was soothing, distracting, and within the few seconds of stillness his hands took it upon themselves to fiddle with the ends of his sleeves. He didn’t want to reschedule, it would probably be weeks before they’d all have an entirely free night like this again. He was just- fidgety, that was all. He would have thought the feeling from before would have faded hours ago like it usually did, but if anything it had gotten stronger- more persistent.
His worry of Iskall or Tubbo being able to notice it only made his anxiety grow as he fought to push it down- a losing battle since the anxiety only made everything fuzzier, which in turn created more anxiety. Neither of them knew it happened to him, though they were more than acquainted with the habit.
It had started with Tubbo, age regression- he had been able to put a name to it after it being a part of his life for so long. Cap and Iskall accepted it as it was, loving to have any excuse to dote on and care for their little lamb. Iskall even had others they took care of in Hermitcraft, telling stories of all the little ones he babysat for. Cap had been more than content to have it be a part of his life too with taking care of Tubbo, but then it happened. Sometimes it got harder to remember to be the adult when he was taking care of him. They’d play games together and be acting silly, then that foggy haze would sneak forward. He wouldn’t even notice it until Iskall would find them giggling in a corner over something stupid. He was just thankful that both Iskall and Tubbo assumed Cap was just playing pretend and going along with the vibe. It was embarrassing even if neither of them knew- he was Tubbo’s dad! There was no way he could excuse himself acting like a child- well, not when he felt like one as well.
He was pulled out of his spiral when Iskall poked her head out from the kitchen entryway. “Jardon? Should I send Tubbo a message?”
“No!” He said, maybe a bit too quickly. “Sorry, no. I’m fine, there’s no need for that. Um, I might step out to the store really quick to get some more- uh, batteries. Yeah. More batteries. Do you need anything?” He had to get out of the house, surely that would be enough to make him snap out of this fog.
“We have some in the drawers over here, and I have more in my office upstairs if we need them. What’s-”
Cap cut him off before Iskall could finish. “Oh, sorry. I forgot. I’m going to go back upstairs now then. I think I’m going to lay down- I, yeah, laydown time.”
He must not have been all that convincing because Iskall leaned against the side of the door frame before Cap could turn around to hightail it back upstairs. He had a teasing smirk that felt a bit suspicious considering how concerned he’d sounded just seconds before. “You sure Sparky? Is it naptime for you?”
Everything was crashing down, Cap wasn’t sure how much longer he could keep this up for, especially not with Iskall giving him her full attention. “No- don’t need naps ever.”
Something shifted that Jordan couldn’t quite place. It might have been in Iskall’s expression, or the way he was holding himself. The atmosphere itself seemed to move. Whether or not Iskall also felt it was another question entirely- it could all just be in his head, fear making him hyper-aware even to the point of making things up.
“Are you sure? I know I sure like a good nap every once in a while. Could get all cuddled on the couch with your cape and try to-”
He shook his head with a vengeance. If he tried hard enough the movement would cancel out all the thoughts of how nice everything Iskall was saying sounded. Everything was building up, he could feel it bubbling out from his chest and pressure gathering in his head. He didn’t know how to make it all go away, and the harder he tried the more piled on.
He didn’t mean to let any of the tension escape, but the moment he opened his mouth he couldn’t stop it. He keened out an unfocused, “Don’t need,” before his hand finally released his sleeve to rub at his eye.
Iskall flipped between three expressions before Cap could place any of them. His face falling, eyebrows coming together, before they raised for a split second and his face softened once more.
“Are you sure? I know little boys like yourself need lots of sleep. Is that why you slept in so late today buddy?” They pushed himself off the wall and held his arms open in an invitation, one that was all too welcoming in Caps state. “If you’re feeling small we can go cuddle for a bit, yes? Bet you’re feeling all anxious, but it will all be okay.”
Cap refused to look at them, even when they slowly got closer and closer. “Is that what’s happening Jardoon? Even if not, we're always allowed to have a good cuddle. Doesn’t that sound nice?”
Iskall takes his hand from where it had migrated to his hair to take him over to the couch. “But supposed to be big- got adult things to do,” he whispered, not sure the words were anything more than ghosts on his lips. If Iskall heard it, that meant he was admitting he wasn’t feeling big, and that was a terrifying thought.
They pulled Cap down to sit with her and tugged the little into their side. “When Tubbo’s little do we make him do adult things?”
Cap turned to look as far away from Iskall as possible, but he just tapped the back of Caps hand- he hadn’t pulled away even after Iskall had tugged him down. “No, but-”
“Then me and Tubbo will be the ones doing all the cooking today Sparks. I’m sure he won’t mind, especially once he sees how small and cute you are.”
His cheeks blush a bright red- it wasn’t fair at all! He’d never been teased when he felt like this before, he usually tried to avoid being around anyone until he could sleep it off on the occasion he couldn’t get rid of it. He reached behind him to grab at his cape and promptly pulled it over his head.
Next to him he heard an absolutely dramatic gasp that nearly made him peak out to see what must have happened. “Where’s he gone? Sparky? Does the itty bitty one want to play peek-a-boo?”
That got him to poke his head out with what did not count as a pout at all. “I’m not a baby ‘Kall, I’m like, um- four!”
Iskall’s jaw dropped open dramatically. “Four? Oh my goodness. Well does the big boy want to show me where his toys are? Maybe any other little supplies you have?”
Ah- that was another thing Cap didn’t want to have to talk about. He didn’t really have things, not that were special just for him at least. Iskall must have been picking up on his hesitation- it wasn’t hard when he looked down at his lap as if being chastised at the question alone. He didn’t want to wait for them to say it though, if he said it he could make it sound not as bad or anything like she’d play it out to be. “Don’t have stuff. Sometimes I play with Ruf- the stuffies Tubbo leaves behind, ones that aren’t his favorite. Usually, um- usually try to sleep it off.”
“Jardoon-” he tutted, immediately moving into a well practiced speech both had had to use on Tubbo before. “It’s a coping mechanism for a reason, doing it every now and then is better than it happening when you don’t want it to. Here- one second Sparky-” Cap would be embarrassed to say how close he was to whinging when Iskall pulled away to shuffle through the enderchest they kept to the side of the couch. It only took a second before he was turning back around, thankfully not long enough for Cap to be able to act on the instinct to reach out and cling to them.
He pulled out a shulker box, sitting it in their lap and shuffling through a few items before seeming to be satisfied. “Ah-ha, yes they were still in there. You can have these.”
She passed the box over, nodding encouragingly when Cap slowly reached to look at the mysterious shulkers contents. If he hadn't been frozen in shock he would have shoved the box over and burrowed into the couch cushions never to return. There were a few dummys, three sippy cups, teethers- the whole shabang. It was just a general little supply chest, but it still brought heat to his cheeks.
When Cap didn’t move, Iskall dug in to pull things out one by one. “How about you pick a cup sparks, I’ll go ahead and fill it up, and if you pick a second I’ll get that one in the fridge so that it will be cold later on. While I get things all settled down here, you can go find some of those stuffie friends.”
Cap gestures to two of the sippy cups- one plain red and the other a yellow one with little bees buzzing around patches of flowers, quickly scrambling off the couch and upstairs before Iskall could ask any other questions. He hadn’t been expecting Iskall to find out- let alone to immediately start being given supplies and taken care of. It was overwhelming in a way, and even just a few minutes to collect and prepare himself right now would be amazing.
Cap takes his time upstairs, sneaking into the spare bedroom that used to be- and really still was- Tubbo’s room. All the stuffed animals had been tucked away as he got older, wanting more room for new interests and projects, but not thrown away. There were a handful of boxes tucked into different shulkers, some in the closet, but the favorites and newer additions were in altered ones to fit under the bed.
Rufus was special. They were one Cap used to play with Tubbo when he was little, a classic go to stuffie- but Tubbo had grown up, and Rufus had been left in the room with all the memories. Even so, they were almost always one of the first (read; only) stuffie Cap would go for when he looked through Tubbo’s room.
He gently took the old toy out from the pile of plushies and the odd half finished tech board, and tugged them close to his chest- taking a moment to just breathe. Rufus had a calming effect, and if there was anything Cap could use right now it was a second to think. So much had changed in just a few minutes, and if he were honest, part of him wanted to believe it was just all a bad (he didn’t know if it qualified for bad ) dream he would wake up from any second now. He closed his eyes shut tight and held his breath, but when he peeked through his lashes a few seconds later nothing had changed.
It wasn’t a dream.
He wanted to wait longer, but Iskall was waiting for him downstairs. He didn’t want to keep them waiting too long- he allowed himself a few more moments, taking the time to tuck the box back under the bed neatly so no one would notice it or think to check unless they knew where to look.
Then he was back off, stumbling back into the scene of Iskall setting a red sippy cup on the coffee table and flicking through videos to watch. When the older noticed him at the bottom of the stairs, he smiled and patted the seat next to her.
Cap followed the unspoken instruction, easily leaning into Iskalls side as he selected one of Ethos first modded series. They wrapped a heavy arm around his shoulders reassuringly, a tension Cap hadn’t even noticed disappearing at the easily given affection. Iskall barely had to lean forward to be able to reach the sippy cup, passing it to Cap who rolled it between his hands. He had held them before of course, but never with the thought of it being his. “Feeling better now bub?” Iskall nudged his shoulder, pulling Cap so he was slightly leaning in her lap. Cap took a deep breath and nodded, braving the cup rather than giving a verbal response. If he pretended it was just like normal, watching their friends series to relax in each other's presence, he could focus on watching Etho go through the beginning stages of his world and not have to acknowledge the sippy next to him or the stuffy tucked into his chest.
At least, it would have been a full proof plan if Iskall would stop bringing it up. “Do you want to introduce me to your friend there Sparks? What’s their name?” He asked, neither of them usually staying quiet for long. Her voice was softer than Cap was used to, with an undertone of teasing buried just deep enough that the younger wouldn’t notice while fuzzy.
“Oh! It’s Rufus- been my go-to to play with since before I knew I regressed,” Cap answered, holding the stuffed bear out for Iskall to be able to see, even going as far as to wave a paw at the other- one which was very happily returned.
Iskall nodded along, eyes widening as if coming to a realization herself. “You’re right, I do remember you using them to play with Tubbo when he was a little kiddo.” He laughed, reaching out to ruffle Caps' hair fondly. “Now repurposed to a new little buddy?”
Cap could feel his cheeks light up, instead pointing to the screen when Etho had just completed one of the modded dungeons.
And that was how it stayed for a long time, both of them watching as Etho skillfully- and at times less than so- took on each challenge of the mod. Cap leaning heavier and heavier against Iskalls side each dungeon completed. Iskall left him to his own devices, not sure if the little one even realized she could hear the whispers and gasps he shared with Rufus. He was more than happy to be an outside observer as Cap's words slowly turned into little more than strings of babbles and noises. He didn’t want to overwhelm Cap, but couldn’t resist when an only slightly devious thought popped into their head.
She reached over to the side table sneakily before turning to look at the baby in front of them. “Hey Sparky, ‘Kall’s got a surprise for you. Can you open your mouth and go ‘ahhh’ for me?”
To give Cap credit, he did seem suspicious, but after a moment's hesitation repeated the action. In a flash, Iskall plopped the bright red dummy from the shulker box into his mouth.
After half a second for it to process Cap let out a tiny squeak and his face was replaced by the fuzzy and friendly one of Rufus. It wasn’t long before both had buried their faces into Iskall’s chest.
They don’t know what she was expecting, but that was not it. He laughed, reaching down and pulling Cap into their lap to be able to press a kiss to the top of his head. “Awe, all embarrassed now Sparky? I think I should get to see you being all sweet and tiny with your paci, shouldn’t I?”
A muffled whine was all that could be heard, but Iskall didn’t push. After a few minutes Cap peeked out at him, cheeks having dimmed to a light pink and Rufus still tucked in front of his mouth. His eyes were a bit less focused than before, face softer and body less tense- it was obvious to Iskall that Cap had slipped further.
Before either can figure out where to go next, a door clicks open down the hall and a familiar voice echoes off the walls. “Dad’s, I’m here. I brought som e soda Tommy really liked, he wanted me to see if you guys would take my or his- oh.” He trailed off, Cap and Iskall both staring at her in a bit of shock. Had the time passed so quickly already?
Without a word he tucked the drinks back into his inventory and walked forward to take a seat on the coffee table.
“Well hello there, and a special hello to- oh what did you always call them- was it Randy? That doesn’t seem right.” He brought his hand to his chin in thought, stroking the beard he had been working to grow out. “I know it- don’t tell me. Ah! Rufus! Have they been keeping you in good company bubba?”
Cap nodded but leaned down, a combination of hiding in Iskall’s chest and behind Rufus still. Tubbo carried on unphased by the hesitation. “I’m sure you remember how special they are- a magic bear, always able to keep you safe and give you cuddles to make you feel better. I’m so happy to know they’re looking after you now.”
He looks up to Iskall, who nodded and swears that Tubbo was telling the truth, what else was there to do but believe them?
Cap reached out to where Tubbo was on the coffee table, not quite close enough to reach. Tubbo gladly moved forward, sitting on Caps other side so the little was tucked snug in the middle.
To mirror before, Cap basically threw himself onto Tubbo, hand bending back to keep holding Iskalls, and planted his face into his chest with a happy stream “bobobobobo’s.”
Tubbo looked to be stuck between melting at the adorable display and already plotting how he’d be able to tease Cap about it later when he met Iskall’s eyes over the baby’s head. Cap was showing him Rufus, babbling while he did his best to play along- asking questions, gasping out little ‘No way! Are you sure?’ at the display.
It was obvious none of them would bother with cooking tonight, not wanting to move away from the cuddle pile for a second longer than needed. Iskall didn’t even entertain the thought. She pulled their communicator out- ordering in would just be an extra treat to such a special night.