Chapter Text
Hello whoever may be reading this,
My name is Rui Kamishiro. And this is my suicide note.
I’ve been harboring these feelings for a long time now; these feelings of uselessness, nothingness, and pain. I cannot stand to nurse these mind-controlling emotions any longer. They have unfortunately overstayed their welcome, seeping into the crevices of my cranium and refusing to leave.
I tried to find the brighter side of things. It didn’t work. I tried to find the brighter side of things again. It didn’t work. Every single time I’ve tried, it hasn’t worked.
And what’s there to like about my life, anyway? I’m a weirdo, I’m a loser. I make silly little robots and do annoying, stupid street performances which aren’t even that good. At this point I’m probably just doing it to feel some eyes upon me, to garner some attention which I deeply crave in my direction.
I wish I could’ve at least gotten some help before I came to this conclusion. Perhaps, if I got the help that I needed, I would’ve grown; become a better person and such. But that wasn’t the case. Sadly the universe has not worked in my favor. And this is how I ended up.
Mom, Dad, Nene, Mizuki. I’m so sorry I couldn’t stay longer. I have failed you all. Please don’t mourn my death. Please live your lives to the fullest, for me. Don’t let this stop you from being the best version of yourself-something I wasn’t able to do.
Besides, being sad is miserable, is it not?
There’s not much else to say. Well, not much else I can think of. So I suppose this concludes my final words.
Oh, and sorry to you, whoever is reading this. I’m sure you weren’t expecting to read some random nobodies suicide letter today. But here we are. Or, rather, you are. At this point, I’m hopefully dead.
I’m sorry, I’m rambling too much. I always do that when I’m scared.
Goodbye, world.
And goodbye everyone.
Let’s hope we can meet again in another life, where it isn’t as cruel.
Yours truly,
Rui Kamishiro.
Rui reads over the note at least a dozen more times. His fingers run over each and every letter and piece of punctuation. He had told himself that if was going to go out, he was going to do it grammatically correct.
The breeze is nice as Rui walks over to the fence, his fingers sliding in between the holes and grasping it firmly. His free hand lingers above the gate next to him, his entry to the afterlife.
He takes a moment to just…stop. The world feels like it slows down beneath his fingertips. Zephyrs carting through his messy hair and tickling the sides of his face. He takes a deep breath in, his lungs begging for air. His stomach feels chilly as he exhales, reasons unbeknownst to him. But he can’t find himself to care much. He’s going to be dead very soon anyway.
…
Speaking of dead. He needs to be do that soon.
He had almost forgotten.
His palm pushes into the gate. And it opens slowly with a loud, rusty creak, signifying its strength through harsh weathers that refuse to knock it down.
Sounds like the opposite of someone he knows, huh?
How ironic.
Rui slowly steps towards the edge of the building, looking down below. Nobody was moving around the campus; lunch had finally ended, thank god. He didn’t want to ruin people’s appetites with his stinky, rotten corpse.
It’s…pretty high from all the way up here. When he collides with the concrete, he’ll surely die. Which is what he wants.
Obviously.
Taking his note out of his pocket, he rereads it one more time before nodding in approval as he kicks off his shoes. He bends down, and shoves the note into his left shoe, pushing it all the way towards the toe cap so that the note wouldn’t get swooped up by the wind.
He wanted people to know this was a suicide. He didn’t want people to think this was a murder, after all. He didn’t want to burden everyone, even in death. That wouldn’t be very fair, would it?
Rui neatly places his shoes next to each other, then glances straight ahead towards the blue, cloud-filled horizon. This is it. These are his final moments.
It feels surreal in a way. He always thought that things would just…get better. He was told- promised- things would get better. But he was lied to.
Or maybe he was just that disgraceful, that he never got a good ending like others had.
He didn’t consider himself a good person, anyway-
Enough with the incessant mind rambling, Kamishiro, Rui mentally scolds himself. Get yourself together and just end it all!
He pauses.
He blinks a few times.
His mind goes quiet.
His body goes numb.
He casts a glance towards the sky, then closes his eyes.
(He doesn’t hear the door open then shut loudly, followed by hiccuping.)
Rui feels himself become as light as a feather, a sad smile gracing his lips. He says his final words, his voice barely above a whisper.
“Goodbye…”
…
…
“OH MY GOD!?!?”
Just as Rui accepts the sweet embrace of death, a loud voice reaches out and pulls him out of the pits of hell.
Rui quickly turns around, eyes wide in shock. Someone had caught him right before he was finally free. Just his luck.
(Seems like he remains a caged bird. But as of right now, that was the last of his problems. Currently, he had to deal with whoever this was.)
Rui’s eyes meet someone else’s. It’s a boy. His orange-yellow eyes are glossy, and red. Red also surrounds the outside of his eyes and his nose, Rui notices as he gets a better look at him.
The boy is holding a phone in his hand. Tears spilling down his cheeks. His pupils shrink in fear over what he just walked into. Rui deduced that he must’ve received some awful news prior to this. And this surely wasn’t helping. It just fueled the fire.
There he goes again. Being a terrible person.
The boy is wearing the school uniform perfectly. He looks like the poster child of the school; clad in the uniform almost akin to Mizuki’s, except his cardigan underneath is yellow and his plaid pants are multiple shades of gray. His blazer is sharp and there’s not a single spec of dirt to be seen. Meanwhile the buttons on them sparkle in the sunlight. So clean that Rui could see his reflection in them despite the distance between the two.
The silence engulfs them both. The both of them were too shocked and dazed to respond to the situation.
Eventually, Rui waves awkwardly, and puts on an unsure smile.
“Uh….hello…?”
The boy takes a deep breath in.
“PLEASE DON’T KILL YOURSELF!! PLEASE DON’T KILL YOURSELF!!! UH- OH MY- UH- UH- YOU HAVE SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR AND THERE’S SO MUCH YOU’LL MISS OUT ON AND-AND-AND-“
Shit, Rui thinks.
The boy is tearing up again, seemingly out of nowhere. Or maybe it was the heat of the moment. Probably that.
And that’s when the boy bursts into hysterics. Sobbing loudly. A bit too loud for Rui’s tastes, but he didn’t care much.
Rui, frantic, slips on his shoes, crushing his note under his toes, and runs over to the crying boy and places his hands on his shoulders.
“Hey, hey. It’s alright! I’m not- I’m not going to kill myself????” Rui tries to reassure him. But he’s not so sure himself.
The reassurance seems to work, however. The boy’s crying almost instantly reduces to sniffles, which Rui finds oddly impressive. He wishes he could control his emotions like that.
The boy opens up an eye to look up at Rui almost confrontingly. Rui wasn’t that intimidated, however. The boy was just sobbing his eyes out, after all.
Been there, done that.
“A-a-are you sure y-you won’t kill yourself?” The boy struggles to get even a few words out, his voice wavering.
“Y-yeah…I’m sure….”
Although he was just about to.
Rui, you fucking moron.
“Are…are you okay?” Rui asks.
“I-I should be a-asking you.” The boy responds.
Ah shit. If Rui didn’t kill himself, he was sure the awkwardness of this confrontation was going to get to him first.
Speaking of which, he can feel his suicide note hanging around in his shoe, pushing up against his toes. But he tries not to pay any attention to that.
The boy pulls out what appears to be a handkerchief and wipes away his tears, making sure to get the gunk around his eyes before it starts to coat his lashes and practically glue his eyes shut.
“Sorry- I’m sorry,” the boy's voice is a lot quieter now. “I didn’t mean to get all…teary-eyed on you like that…”
“It’s perfectly alright…” Rui clears his throat. “I’m sorry you had to see… that. ”
The boy's hands fidget, picking at stray skin. “….is everything…alright?”
“Hm?”
“Are you okay?”
“…I…” Rui stops. “I don’t know.”
Silence engulfs them once again. This time it isn’t as awkward. Rather, it’s on the upsetting side. Melancholy perhaps? Bittersweet?
…
He’s supposed to be dead right now.
But he guessed fate had other plans.
“…what’s your name…?” The boy asks him shyly. His fear must’ve finally disappeared, and he regressed back into what seemingly is his normal state.
“Rui…” he scratches the back of his neck. “Rui Kamishiro,” he lets the hand fall back to his side.
The boy pauses for a moment before speaking. “My name is…Tsukasa Tenma…” his voice falls softer, and his cheeks turn pink. It was clear he wasn’t much for talking, like Nene, almost. “It’s nice to meet you…”
“Likewise. Even if it was in these conditions….thanks for uh….stopping me by the way……..”
“Of course….although I don’t know you, it’s still disheartening to see someone give up. I’ve seen it plenty of times before- you’d think I’d be used to it.” Tsukasa shrugs, the wind blowing through his blond-to-pink hair.
“I understand- well- I don’t understand…but I get what you mean…” Rui stumbles.
And then, the bell rings. The color drains from Tsukasa’s face.
“O-oh…I need to get back…” he said with intense worry. “I can’t go around skipping my classes…” he turns, just about to leave.
“Why not? Skipping class saves time for other things.”
Tsukasa stops and slowly looks back at him, a frown on his lips. “Such as?”
“I don’t know.” Rui shrugs, the air getting a little smoother between them after they finally pushed everything that just happened behind. “What do you like to do?”
Tsukasa ponders his question. “…I’m not so sure…a-and I don’t think you should be skipping class!” He tries to come off as…perhaps determined to lecture him. But his voice is so quiet, it doesn’t come off that way. It feels endearing in a way.
“Listen, why not skip the rest of the day with me. There’s only two periods left. It wouldn’t hurt you at all.” Rui tries to convince him, putting on his iconic cat smile.
Tsukasa studies his lips for a second, a small, nervous blush dusting his cheeks. He quickly glances down at his shoes, his mind arguing with itself on whether to stay or not.
Rui just casually stands there. Shoving his hands into his pockets as he waits for a response.
Eventually, Tsukasa looks up and looks him in the eye. “You promise?”
Rui chuckles. Although it’s dry and empty. It’s a chuckle nonetheless. “I promise…”
—
Over the course of the next hour and a half, Rui and Tsukasa ended up blabbering about school and how much they disliked it.
Rui; for he marched to the beat of his own drum and enjoyed freedom, which school always took away from him.
And Tsukasa; for the really judgemental kids, homework, and especially having to present in front of the class. His heartbeat always picked up whenever it was his turn.
From the short amount of time Rui talked to him, he concluded that Tsukasa was harmless. Maybe a bit too harmless. Like a rug that everyone always dusted their dirty shoes on before entering the house.
But he seemed nice.
Thankfully he hadn’t mentioned the whole suicide thing. He was probably able to tell from his expression that Rui wanted to forget his (third) failed attempt. Besides, he seemed too kind to rub that stuff in his face like some sort of jerk.
They talked about a few more things that Rui couldn’t remember that well, for his brain decided to go foggy for a while. But whatever it was, it left them both with smiles on their faces, so it must’ve been funny or something of the sort.
Too caught up in their conversation, the bell ringing makes them both flinch. Tsukasa practically jumps up, his face going as white as a ghost for the second time that day.
“Oh dear. I-I need to be somewhere. I-I’m so sorry, Kamishiro-kun.” Just as Tsukasa was about to run off, Rui got up and grabbed his arm.
“Wait.”
Tsukasa stops and looks at him.
“Can we…can we meet again tomorrow…?” Rui asks with slight embarrassment. Now it was his turn for his cheeks to go pink. He usually doesn’t ask for things like this.
Tsukasa smiles softly. “Of course,” he takes his phone out of his pocket, unlocks it, and places it in Rui’s hand. “Put in your phone number so we can exchange messages. I would like to check up on you… ” the last part is barely above a whisper.
Rui quickly puts his digits into Tsukasa’s phone, then returns it gently. “There you go,” Rui musters a smile. “Thank you…again…”
“Of course!” Tsukasa’s eyes widened. He gasped. “Ahhhh!! I forgot my school bag! I-I’m so sorry Kamishiro-kun…I gotta go!!! Goodbye!!!”
“Bye.”
Tsukasa disappears from his sight within seconds. The door quietly shut behind him.
Rui stands there, letting the air flow through him. Casting a quick glance towards the open gate which led to the edge of the building, Rui stares at it blankly, then walks over to the door to go inside and retrieve his things.
—
[Tsukasa]
[Hello? Is this Kamishiro-kun?]
[Rui]
[yes, it appears so. How are you, Tsukasa? Did everything turn out alright?]
[Tsukasa]
[I’d say so…]
[You mentioned wanting to meet up again tomorrow. Perhaps we can meet up on the roof during school?]
[Rui]
[fufufu~ trying to skip I see?]
[Tsukasa]
[No! Of course not! Only during lunch! I can’t bring it in me to skip.]
[…]
[I really liked talking to you today.]
[Rui]
[I couldn’t agree more]
[Tsukasa]
[So will I see you tomorrow?]
[Rui]
[you know where to find me]
[Tsukasa]
[Well then. Goodnight, Kamishiro-kun.]
[:))]
[Rui]
[Good night]
And with that, a small smile forms on Rui’s lips.
That night, for the first time in weeks, Rui falls asleep.
And he does so…with a smile.