Chapter Text
Fifth Grade
Leopold Stotch had always been a kind and generous soul. No matter how much others would walk over him and take advantage of his giving nature, nothing could break his spirits. He would always be willing to help those in need, come Hell or high water. Some people called him gullible, others called him much worse things. On one occasion, he had actually been grounded after his parents caught wise about him giving away his allowance to a questionable-looking woman begging on the side of the road. Nevertheless, nothing could deter him. He kept on helping whoever he could however he could, the permanent smile on his face never wavering. It was just second nature to him.
Seeing as he spent most of his time at school, his schoolmates were the prime recipients of his open-handedness. It would often happen that they would abuse his generosity, especially one stocky young boy whose name will remain unmentioned, but Butters didn’t mind; he was just happy to help. It could be something as simple as allowing someone to copy off his homework — something which happened very frequently, seeing as his parents forced him to attend weekly tutoring for all of his subjects, making him one of the students with the highest grades in his class — to sharing his lunch with someone unfortunate enough to have neglected to bring their own, the latter playing a surprisingly significant part on his youth. But we’ll get to that in a moment.
That day started out as any other regular Monday. Butters forewent his father’s usual ride to school in favor of walking there himself. The crisp late spring air did wonders for his mood, his usual warm smile looking extra radiant. He arrived early at his destination, where only a scarce number of students were walking around or speaking to each other, still visibly sleepy and chagrined about having to be up so early on a Monday. The blond greeted everyone he knew with a grin, only getting a few responses back. He wasn’t exactly popular, and he was perfectly fine with that. He was used to it by then.
As soon as he set foot in the building, he sighed contentedly at the warmth that enveloped his body. As much as he loved the fresh morning air, there was no beating the feeling of entering a warm enclosed space to shield yourself from the chilly weather. As he made his way to his locker, he noticed a few familiar faces making their way down the hall, namely Kyle Broflovski and Stan Marsh. He knew Kyle made it his own personal requirement to arrive early, since he hated being tardy, and Stan had begun arriving at school earlier since his family moved to a farm and were a greater distance away from town, no doubt to avoid being late. He greeted his two friends — he considered them his friends, although he was perfectly aware that they merely viewed him as an acquaintance, at best — to which they quickly waved back before continuing to walk towards their destination, which Butters assumed was the classroom.
Whilst retrieving the necessary books from his locker, Butters suddenly caught a glimpse of orange from the corner of his eye. His suspicions about the person in question were confirmed once he turned his head and saw Kenny McCormick rounding the corner and walking down the hallway in his direction. Kenny’s right hand was firmly grasped by his younger sister Karen, who walked alongside him. Kenny accompanied his sister to school for as long as Butters could remember. He found the way he cared and protected her very endearing, so he couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face as he watched the two siblings walk hand in hand.
He watched as Kenny suddenly stopped in his tracks and addressed his sister. What he said, Butters wasn’t sure; there wasn’t a considerable distance between him and the McCormick siblings, but Kenny’s hood prevented him from hearing him when he spoke. Whatever Kenny had told his sister, it resulted in her shrugging off her backpack and unzipping it to survey its contents. Butters was glad the door of his locker concealed him from view, or else he might have come off as a creep from watching them so intently.
“Yeah, I think I have every— ” Karen trailed off, her expression one of panic as she frantically rummaged through her belongings. “Oh no, mom forgot to pack my lunch!”
Kenny exclaimed something upon hearing those words. From where Butters was standing, he could’ve sworn he had said ‘Again?’.
“What am I gonna do? I don’t even have any money to buy food from the cafeteria.” she sighed, her shoulders slumping in disappointment.
Butters felt a pang in his heart upon seeing the disheartened look on her face. He knew the McCormicks weren’t a very financially stable family, but he had no idea they were doing so badly to the point of not being able to feed their children. It broke his heart to see the seven-year-old on the verge of tears, while her brother seemingly racked his brain for a solution.
Butters was about to run up and offer some assistance when Kenny suddenly unzipped his own backpack and pulled out a brown paper bag, which he handed to his sister. Karen’s face instantly lit up at this, and Butters felt himself being washed over by a sense of relief and pride. Kenny really was a top-notch older brother.
“But wait…” Karen’s expression fell again, this time turning into concern as she looked up at her brother. “What about you?”
Those three words brought back the pangs in Butters’ heart, their intensity increasing tenfold. He hadn’t even considered what such a simple gesture entailed. If Kenny gave his sister his lunch, then he would be the one left without a meal. Sure, it was a very nice, selfless act which fully demonstrated the extension of his kindness, but it was still worrisome that he had to go hungry as a result.
Kenny’s response to his sister’s concerned inquiry was a simple wave of the hand, accompanied by some words that Butters couldn’t make out, although he imagined had been spoken to assure her that he would be alright. Even though he wasn’t very close, Butters could still detect a faint hint of disappointment in Kenny’s eyes. He imagined it couldn’t be easy caring for his sister under such challenging conditions, and no doubt Kenny did his best. Still, he was only a kid himself. If he’s looking out for others, who’s looking out for him?
Karen gave him a smile as a way of thanking him and gripped his hand again, the two siblings continuing to make their way down the hallway. Butters immediately turned his attention to the inside of his locker, pretending to survey his books as they walked past him. Once they were out of sight, Butters released a deep breath he hadn’t realized to have been holding in.
He thought about the scene that had unraveled before him and wondered what he could do to help. Something deep within him told him that he couldn’t let Kenny go hungry, so the best course of action was to provide him with a meal. His gaze fell to the floor, instantly locking onto the Peppa Pig lunchbox at his feet. He felt the proverbial light bulbs go off inside his brain as he stared at the pink metallic container. His mom always packed way too food for him — “You’re a growing boy, and growing boys need to eat properly”, she would constantly tell him — and Butters would normally be left taking back more than half of his lunch, which he either gave to the homeless or stray dogs he would find on his way home; he was certain his parents would ground him if they knew he was wasting food.
It was a simple solution which would solve everything: he would share his lunch with Kenny.
Butters took out the books needed for his next class and closed his locker, a pep in his step as he headed towards his classroom. He already had a plan forming in his head: come lunchtime, he would pull Kenny aside, tell him he had seen him give his lunch to his sister and offer him half his lunch. He could already see the hooded boy’s happy expression. He could also hear Eric Cartman tease them and call them every homophobic slur in the dictionary, but he didn’t care. He was just happy he was doing a good deed and helping out a friend in need. What could possibly go wrong?
As it turns out, a lot.
For reasons far beyond Butters’ comprehension, his teacher was very ill-tempered that morning. Add that to the fact that Butters had felt especially thirsty that morning, thus indulging in the hallway’s drinking fountain a bit more than usual during recess, and you had a recipe for disaster. When he asked to be allowed to go to the bathroom, the teacher immediately turned down his request, stating that he could ‘very well hold it another half-hour until lunchtime’. This resulted not only in some of the most excruciating thirty minutes of Butters’ life, but also in him having to race out the door towards the bathroom as soon as the bell rang, his blather very near the point of exploding by then.
He all but ran to the cafeteria, not daring to be stopped by the hall monitor, his eyes darting across the room in search of Kenny as soon as he burst through the door. Other than some weird looks from a few of his schoolmates, he couldn’t detect the parka-clad boy anywhere. His heart sank. Curse his teeny-tiny bladder!
“Hey, Butters.”
Butters nearly jumped out of his own skin with that greeting, releasing a loud yelp as he turned around. Wendy Testaburger stood right next to him, holding her lunch tray and looking at him with an expression of both curiosity and concern.
“Oh h-hi, Wendy.” he gasped, his heart racing inside his chest.
“Are you OK? You were just standing here. You looked kind of lost.”
“Y-Yeah, I’m fine. I was just lookin’ for someone, b-but it turns out he’s not here.”
“Oh? Who were you looking for? Maybe I’ve seen him.” she said, giving him a sympathetic smile.
“Kenny McCormick.” he replied, his grip tightening around the handle of his lunchbox.
“Oh, Kenny? You just missed him. I saw him leave the cafeteria not two minutes ago.”
“Really?” Butters exclaimed a little too loudly. “Did you see where he went?”
“No, but I overheard him tell Stan and the others that he was heading outside. I’ve seen him hang out near the Goth Kids’ spot lately, maybe try checking there.”
Butters quickly bolted out the door, yelling a quick ‘thank you’ at Wendy over his shoulder. As he raced down the hallway, he prayed to every deity he knew for Wendy to be right and that Kenny hadn’t just decided to up and leave school for some reason.
The cold air felt like a bitch-slap to the face as soon as he stepped outside of the building, but Butters just ignored it, having more pressing matters at hand to worry about catching a cold. He rounded the school towards the loading bay, where he knew the Goth Kids usually spent their free time. As soon as their black attires came into view, so did the orange parka he so desperately sought. Kenny was a few feet away at the other end of the loading bay, leaning against the building and staring at the floor, looking positively defeated. Butters’ heart ached upon seeing him so downtrodden.
The platinum blond made his way towards Kenny, mentally rehearsing what he would say along the way. He could feel the Goth Kids’ judgmental gaze bore into him as he walked past them, and made sure to avoid eye contact. Those kids scared him beyond belief.
“He-Heya, Kenny.” he greeted the other boy, trying to come off as chipper as possible.
Kenny glanced towards him and gave him a funny look, seemingly surprised to see him there.
“Oh hey, Butters.” he said, his words muffled by his hood.
“Listen, I-I saw you give your sister your lunch this morning…”
“Oh, you saw that, huh?” Kenny sighed, his tone laced with a hint of sadness.
“I-I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, honest!” Butters quickly justified himself, nervously rubbing his knuckles together as he spoke. “I was at my locker a-and you were nearby, so I just accidentally overheard. B-But that’s not why I’m here. Or, well.. I guess technically it kinda is.”
He lifted his lunchbox and unlatched the lid, presenting Kenny its contents. He wasn’t sure what his mother had packed for him that morning, but that didn’t really matter. Food was food.
“I want to share my lunch with you.” he concluded, shooting his friend a grin.
Kenny seemed to survey the inside of the lunchbox, his eyes widening in awe. After a moment, he looked up at Butters and cocked a brow at him.
“Why?” he asked, his tone somewhat defiant.
“W-Well, since you gave away your own lunch, you don’t have anything to eat.” Butters replied, feeling a bit confused as he lowered the lunchbox and closed it again. “It ain’t good for you to go hungry.”
“No, I get that, but… why ? Most people wouldn’t give two shits about me skipping a meal.”
“That’s not true! I’d give two shits!”
Kenny released a small chuckle at that. Butters hoped he hadn't said something stupid and decided to keep talking.
“I-It’s just that… I don’t want you to go hungry, Ken. It was real sweet what you did for your sister. You’re a great big brother. I don’t have any siblings myself, but if I did, I-I would hope to be half as good a brother as you are.”
Kenny was staring at him as he spoke, his deep blue eyes focused on his own.
“You’re always lookin’ out for others, but you forget to look out for yourself sometimes.” Butters continued, smiling softly at the other boy. “I-I’m sure you’d do the same thing for me if the tables were turned.”
Kenny remained silent and motionless, his expression impossible to read. Butters’ heart rate increased and he began to worry that had said or done something wrong. Had he somehow offended Kenny with his selfless act? Would the other boy hate him for then on and shun him like most of their schoolmates already did? He really hoped not. Kenny was the only kid in town who treated him like an actual human being, and not just as the local punching bag.
After what felt like an eternity, Butters saw the corners of Kenny’s eyes crinkle slightly; a sign that he was smiling underneath the hood. A deep sense of relief and happiness washed over him as his own smile grew.
“Thanks.” Kenny said earnestly. “That’s really nice of you.”
“Don’t mention it.” Butters replied with a grin. “For real, d-don’t mention it. If my parents find out I didn’t eat e-everything myself, they’ll ground me for sure.”
Kenny nodded and took a seat at the stairs right next to him. He patted the spot beside him, urging Butters to join him. The platinum blond quickly complied and plopped down on the concrete step, ignoring the cold sensation on his rear end. He opened his lunchbox and began dividing his meal — a large spinach quiche neatly wrapped in tinfoil and a small Tupperware box filled with baby carrots — in equal parts, making sure to leave just a bit more for Kenny without the other boy noticing.
As he cut the quiche in half with the small plastic spoon his mother had provided, he noticed Kenny reach for the drawstrings of his parka from the corner of his eye. Hoping the other boy wouldn’t notice, Butters glanced up just enough to look at him, his hand still working on the quiche on his lap. After untying the drawstrings, Kenny loosened the collar and finally pulled back his hood, releasing a satisfied sigh once his head was free from the confines of the stuffy polyester.
It was always a sight to behold when Kenny McCormick was caught hoodless, mainly because it was an extremely rare occurrence. It was something akin to seeing Bigfoot or the Loch Ness Monster for the first time; at least to Butters, that’s what it felt like. He had never seen either of the cryptids, but he imagined that was what it felt like — the entire world faded and only Kenny was left to grace humanity with the marvel that was his face. Butters didn’t see the other boy’s face very often, the only occasion which justified the removal of his hood being when they changed for gym class in the locker room — not that Butters would watch him change, no sir! — but whenever he did, it was like his insides melted and his cheeks involuntarily grew warm. He was so used to this reaction that he barely even noticed it anymore.
But at that moment, with Kenny sitting just inches away from him, looking in his direction with those deep blue eyes, his face free from hiding for all to see, it was like his body was working on overdrive. His stomach did flip flops and his heart felt like it would shoot out of his chest at any moment.
And when Kenny smiled at him… the knife broke.
Butters hadn’t realized he had been pressing down on the plastic utensil with such force, but now half of it was sticking out of the quiche and the other half was in his hand.
“Oh, hamburgers…” he sighed in disappointment.
Kenny had to cover his mouth to keep himself from bursting into full-on laughter, snorting a couple of times in a way Butters couldn’t help but find adorable. He was unable to keep himself from giggling at his own misfortune as he pocketed the now ruined knife. He finished cutting the quiche by ripping it apart, being extra careful to keep it even and not ruin it too much.
The two boys ended up spending the rest of their lunch break together, eating and chatting lively about all sorts of topics. Butters had never heard Kenny talk so much before, and he had to admit he enjoyed it quite a lot. He was witty and funny, and all around a delightful company. He regaled Butters with tales of some of the adventures he and the other members of his group had gone on. Although Butters felt the tiniest pang of jealousy from not having been invited to go on those adventures, he was happy they had fun nonetheless.
At some point during their conversation, while Kenny told him about the time in Peru with Craig, Butters’ thoughts circled back to the feelings he had experienced upon seeing Kenny take off his hood. Something in the back of his mind nagged him about it. He had never paid any mind to those feelings, ignoring them most of the time, but now they seemed to be more intense than the previous times. His stomach was still uneasy, even though he had just eaten. His heart rate had decreased a tad, but it was still considerably accelerated, and would seem to pick up every time Kenny looked at him a certain way or laughed that beautiful laugh that was like music to Butters’ ears.
Now that he thought about it, these feelings seemed oddly familiar. Hadn't he experienced similar feelings with…
…Lexus.
If his heart hadn’t been beating as fast as it was, it would’ve certainly stopped.
Oh.
Oh no.
He quickly popped another baby carrot into his mouth to keep himself from squealing as realization hit him like a ton of bricks.
It was so obvious now; he couldn’t believe he hadn’t realized it before. Kenny had always been the closest thing he had to a best friend, the only person who was nice to him and treated him decently, unlike all the other kids who seemed to only know how to call him names and use him for the most ludicrous hare-brained plans. He never forgot about that time they went to Hawaii together. Kenny could’ve just gone home and left him there at the airport to fend for himself. He didn’t have to go with him, but he did. He understood how important it was for Butters to get on that flight, so he stuck by him and blindly dove head-first into his wacky journey of self-discovery. Butters could guarantee that none of the other boys would’ve done something like that, even if they were bribed to. Well, maybe except for Eric, but would he really have wanted to go to Hawaii with him ? The thought alone made him shudder.
Once the initial shock subsided, a nice warm feeling invaded his body. It was a nice sensation that made him feel almost weightless; another feeling very similar to the ones he had felt towards the Raisins girl. Some would consider it weird to feel such things towards a boy, but Butters didn’t mind. He had fully embraced the fact that he was, as his father called it, ‘bi-curious’ — although he had discovered a while ago that the correct term was ‘bisexual’ — and was perfectly content with it. So what if he liked a boy? So what if society didn’t like it? For all he cared, society could go suck a lemon. All he cared about at that moment was Kenny, and how he was more and more convinced that he could listen to him talk all day, watching how the freckles on his cheeks seemed to dance as his mouth moved and how his nose crinkled in a cute way when he laughed.
Alas, the warmth was gone just as quickly as it appeared, quickly replaced by a deep sense of dread and disappointment as another thought crossed his mind. Even if he did harbor feelings for Kenny, the chance of him returning those feelings was lower than the odds of Butters going a whole week without getting grounded. Kenny was well known for being a womanizer — a ‘lil’ lady-killer’, as some grown-ups called him — and would constantly remind everyone how he felt towards women, be it directly or indirectly. So to say Butters’ feelings were unrequited was an understatement. But even if by some chance Kenny were to develop some attraction towards the same gender, Butters’ chances were still slim to none, because… well, he’s Butters. Kenny could do some much better than someone as cowardly and unappealing as him. That thought brought pain to the little boy’s heart. He really hated his conscience sometimes…
Nevertheless, Butters forced himself to smile, enjoying the other boy’s company as long as he could. Even if Kenny never returned his feelings, he was still glad to have someone as great as him as a friend. And that’s more than he could ever ask for.