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It had been one of those days when Thorin's Court was overly crammed with merchants and miners, all presenting their petty squabbles to him as though the fate of Erebor itself hung in the balance. Whatever he thought, Thorin listened gravely to their issues and dispensed justice fairly. It was one of his duties as King, and he had accepted it when he accepted the crown.
As the previous applicants bowed and stepped back, four new applicants pushed forward together in one group.
"State your case," Thorin said.
"I am Mogu, sire. And we do not come for justice but to bring you a gift!" their apparent leader declared. He had a smug, pleased look about himself that irritated Thorin on principle.
Thorin hoped the gift wasn't another dragon bone. He had a number of those already.
"And not just any gift, sire. We bring you the most precious gift of all..."
It was definitely a dragon bone.
"...More precious than gold, than gems, than mithril..."
Thorin heard Dwalin sigh impatiently behind him.
"We bring you...your son!"
The sigh cut off and Dwalin choked. Thorin felt like joining him. "My...son?" Thorin wracked his brains. When had he bedded a female?
"The deceiver Bilbo Baggins bore your son, sire, but we have brought him to you!"
An impossibly small child was deposited on the floor and pushed forward. His dark curly hair was a mess and his face was grubby and tear-stained, but he glared defiantly up at Thorin and declared, "My uncle's gonna cut off your head with his sword."
Thorin stared at the child's Hobbit feet. "Oh, Mahal's testicles."
By the time order had been restored, and the kidnappers saved from an impromptu lynch mob and locked in a jail cell, it became apparent the child had disappeared.
Well, if anything was needed to prove the child was a Baggins, that was it. Thorin was sure the child was right too. Once Bilbo arrived - as he undoubtedly would - he was going to behead Thorin with his letter opener for losing his young nephew. On the plus side, at least Thorin would get to see Bilbo again.
As the search continued, Thorin tried to calm himself. No Dwarf - except the four idiots currently languishing in a jail cell - would dream of hurting a child, so the youngster would come to no harm as long as he was kept to the upper levels and away from the mines. On the minus side, the child was related to Bilbo, so he was bound to find trouble if not cause it. On the plus side, Bilbo tended to come through unscathed, so they could hope the child would do the same.
Fortunately, before Thorin could worry himself into a tizzy, Nori came back carrying an impossibly small child with big Hobbit feet.
"This," Nori declared, "is Frodo Baggins. He's five, and I found him underneath your desk, your majesty."
Thorin reached to take the child, then froze as huge blue eyes gave him a deadly glare. "I am Thorin. Your unc -"
"Uncle Bilbo's Thorin?!"
Well, Thorin wouldn't quite have phrased it like that - at least, not out loud - but he smiled and agreed. "Your uncle is a great friend of mine." Thorin hoped it was true as he settled the child into his own arms.
Under his chin, Frodo nodded. "My cousin Merry said our cousin Lobelia said you seduced Uncle Bilbo with your wicked wiles." As Thorin froze, Frodo asked, "What's 'seduced' mean? And what's 'wicked wiles'?"
Thorin thought quickly. "You'll have to ask your cousin Lobelia."
Frodo seemed to accept that. Then he asked, "What's testicles?"
Well, it seemed Bilbo was going to kill Thorin after all.
==========
All too soon, Thorin found himself having to hand Frodo over to Balin while he was banished to his study to write a letter to Bilbo assuring him his nephew was safe, and inviting Bilbo to Erebor to collect said nephew. Thorin scowled to himself and muttered under his breath but agreed he was the one who had to write the letter.
Thorin's first thought was to dash off a quick note to Bilbo, but as soon as he picked up his quill he realised this would be his first communication with Bilbo in over four years and it was too good an opportunity to miss. Those Orc-rejects who'd kidnapped Frodo had done Thorin a favour, even though they had no idea of it, but it was up to Thorin to make the best use of it.
Accordingly, Thorin dipped his quill in his ink and began.
Dearest...
No, that was too familiar. Whatever they'd meant to each other in the past, Bilbo had left Erebor and its stricken king without a backward glance. Thorin would have to start slow and be patient, which was never his strong suit.
To Master Baggins of the...
Thorin facepalmed himself. He was writing to Bilbo, not ordering three pounds of peas from a grocer. That made it sound as though they'd never even met, let alone shared the same bedroll. Thorin didn't want to make Bilbo think he was sorry they'd ever been lovers.
Dear Bilbo...
There, that was much better, in Thorin's opinion. Not too familiar but not standoffish either.
Dear Bilbo,
Your nephew Frodo is safe with us. I must apologise for his kidnappers as they believed Frodo to be my son. I don't know why. Even I know you're a male, obviously, why else would I have taken you into my bed...
Thorin gazed down at his words and sighed. Bilbo was going to think Thorin had bedded him because he was the only suitable male on the quest.
Dear Bilbo,
Your nephew Frodo is safe with us. I must apologise for his kidnappers as they believed Frodo to be my son. If you wish to retrieve him...
If... Thorin was starting to suspect he was as stupid as the kidnappers. Of course Bilbo would want his nephew back. Thorin gritted his teeth and set to again.
Almost two hours later, Thorin sat back and looked his letter over. It had taken him almost all his supply of paper, but he felt he finally had a letter - a rather short letter - he could send without Bilbo getting the impression Thorin had completely lost his mind.
Dear Bilbo,
Your nephew Frodo is safe with us. I must apologise for his kidnappers as they believed Frodo to be my son. I hope you will stay awhile with us after you come to collect Frodo. We shall all be glad to see you again for we have all missed you.
Yours,
Thorin.
Thorin resisted the urge to add a postscript of "Your cousin Lobelia said I seduced you with my wicked wiles. Did I? May I do so again?" Bilbo was likely to be in a bad mood after having his nephew carried off by Dwarves who were stupider than Goblins. Thorin would be much better off saving that enquiry for after Bilbo had arrived, reassured himself of his nephew's wellbeing, and been placated with plenty of food.
==========
The raven was sent, and Thorin practically ran back to his private sitting room where the Company, Dís, and Tauriel had gathered to greet Bilbo's nephew properly. He found it empty. After a search, he finally asked a passing guard if he'd seen Thorin's small guest at any point, and he discovered Dís had taken it upon herself to take Frodo to her rooms and everybody else had gone with her.
Thorin grumbled to himself as he backtracked to Dís's quarters. It was typical of Dís to do such a thing, even though she couldn't even claim an acquaintanceship with Bilbo as she'd never met him.
As it turned out, Dís hadn't claimed Bilbo was a friend of hers, instead she'd somehow used Thorin's position as "Uncle Bilbo's Thorin" to elbow her way in. Thorin felt that was quite unfair. However, Thorin still didn't get to see Frodo; he got to see Dís instead.
"Frodo's fast asleep in my guest chamber. I had a little bed brought in for him, and gave him a bath and a good meal. The poor little mite was starving, but he knew his Aunt Dís would get him something to eat."
Thorin scowled at her. "Aunt Dís?"
"What else would he call me? He's Bilbo's nephew, so he's practically mine too."
"And so you told him."
"And so I told him." She countered his glare with her own stare. "Is Bilbo not family?"
Thorin felt his ears turn red.
"Precisely. Maybe you could get around to making it official when next you see Bilbo. In the meantime, Frodo's asleep and you'll have to wait until tomorrow."
"I am king, you know."
Dís raised her eyebrows.
"Fine, but he's sitting with me at breakfast." At that, Thorin took what was left of his dignity and went off to interrogate the prisoners.
==========
The Dwarves who'd kidnapped Frodo turned out to be even more cranially-challenged than Thorin had expected. He had them lined up in front of him and Dwalin, and three of them were still looking resolute. The fourth, a scrawny little runt called Rummack, kept trying to hide behind the third.
"You know who Bilbo Baggins is," Thorin started.
"The deceiver, sire!" Mogu, the leader, was still looking as smug as ever, despite his arrest and Dwalin glowering at him.
Gloud, the Dwarf next to him was casting worried looks at Dwalin. "I have heard him called a thief, sire," he said.
Mogu snatched the word up enthusiastically. "Thief! Aye, a thief is what he is, sire. He stole the Arkenstone and he stole your son!"
"How did he steal my son?"
"He bore your son and kept him from you!"
"Bilbo Baggins is male." Thorin was prepared to take his oath on that, and he thought he ought to know, given those nights and the occasional morning. Plus a number of afternoons at Beorn's, if he wanted to be strictly accurate.
The four Dwarves exchanged looks and the third, Hummack, spoke up. "And he's a Hobbit."
"So?"
"Well, you know about Hobbits."
Hummack gave Thorin a knowing look, and Thorin frowned. He did know about Hobbits - a bit, anyway. He knew quite a lot about one particular Hobbit, and he'd never yet heard that male Hobbits could birth babies.
Hummack apparently tired of waiting for Thorin to figure it out.
"Hobbits can change their gender...at will."
"What?" Thorin had spent a lot of time drinking in The Prancing Pony in Bree while waiting for Gandalf to show and he'd overhead a lot of things - some more disturbing than others - but the men inhabiting Bree had never mentioned that about their neighbours, and Thorin would have thought the subject would have come up at least once or twice. "How do you know this?"
"I read it, sire. In a book."
The others nodded. Apparently they all read the same books.
"What book?"
"My grandad's diary," Hummack answered.
Mogu's eyes took on a horrified look. "Not Lummack the drunkard!?"
"He was a very learned Dwarf was my grandad! He could count without taking his boots off!"
"Sometimes even up to seven!" Rummack added, a proud tone in his voice.
And that was the point when the interrogation devolved into a brawl between Lummack's grandsons and the other two.
Once they were separated and locked into two different cells, Dwalin turned to Thorin. "What are we going to do with them?"
"That will be for Bilbo to decide. He has have every right to demand their beards." Privately, Thorin thought Bilbo was too kindhearted to take their beards, but he wasn't about to say it where those imbeciles could hear. Let them sweat over it.
==========
The morning came and Thorin made sure to look his best before heading to the main dining hall. He found most of his Company milling around as they waited for Dís to arrive with Frodo. Ominously, there was no sign of Fíli or Kíli either, and Thorin felt his heart sink. Fíli and Kíli plus Bilbo was bad enough; Fíli and Kíli plus a Baggins who was too young to have any sense at all was likely to be worse than having a dragon come to visit. And they'd have to face Bilbo afterwards and explain what had happened to his nephew.
Thorin realised he'd never appreciated how uncomplicated his life as a blacksmith had been.
Just then there was a roar and a thunder of footsteps, and Fíli came running into the hall. Kíli came running after him with Frodo riding on his shoulders. Fíli was the one making the roaring sounds. Behind them, Dís was looking far too serene for a mother who'd let her unruly sons run off with a Hobbit child called Baggins.
Thorin intercepted her as she entered the hall. "What are you doing?" he demanded.
"Letting them tire each other out," she replied.
The trio were now running laps around the tables, egged on by various Dwarves who were also laying bets with Nori. Frodo had somehow acquired a tall pepper grinder and was attempting to spear Fíli with it.
Thorin blinked. "What -"
"He's Warg hunting," Bofur said.
"Of course," Thorin replied.
"He's doing well for such a young one," Dwalin added, a satisfied look on his face as Fíli collapsed to the floor and began dying. "We'll make a hunter out of him."
Thorin nodded, and watched with interest as Dwalin helped Frodo dismount and finish off his prey with the pepper grinder. Fíli gave a howl and finally expired, much to Frodo's pleasure, and he insisted on prodding Fíli's chest with his pepper grinder several times just in case he wasn't quite dead.
Kíli hoisted Frodo into the air, apparently not at all concerned his brother had just been pepper grindered to death. "What will you do with the corpse, Master Frodo? I doubt you'll get anything for the meat on that scrawny carcass."
"I'll put the head on my wall," Frodo declared.
"Oh ho, will you?" Fíli leapt to his feet and began tickling him. "That will be difficult, seeing as I'm not dead!"
Frodo shrieked with laughter.
Kíli shook his head and used an elbow to fend Fíli off. "I saw Frodo kill you. Now, go stay dead, you horrible Warg."
"I'll Warg you!" Fíli retorted.
Thorin took the opportunity to steal Frodo from Kíli's grasp and carry him off to the high table. "I think someone has earned his breakfast."
Frodo threw his arms around Thorin's neck. "Uncle Thorin! Did you see me kill the Warg?"
"I did indeed!" Thorin tried very hard to stop his heart from melting. "It was a hunt to be proud of."
"I had to chase him an awful long way," Frodo said. "We ran for miles and miles. I'm awful hungry."
"Then you shall have breakfast and plenty of it!" Thorin declared. He put Frodo into the seat next to his own and wasn't surprised when Dís promptly stole the seat on the other side. "Sister," he acknowledged as he sat down.
"Brother." Dís seemed more intent on tying a napkin around Frodo's neck.
Frodo looked from one to the other, his bright eyes full of interest. "Is Uncle Thorin your brother?"
"He is indeed."
"Is Uncle Bilbo your brother too?"
Dís's mouth turned up in a far-too-pleased smile. "Not yet." She moved her own plate to one side and took Frodo's plate in order to begin cutting up his food.
Frodo turned to Thorin. "Is Uncle Bilbo your brother?" he asked.
"No," Thorin answered. Frodo was five, was a Baggins, and was a kindred spirit to Fíli and Kíli. Thorin knew he was doomed.
"How are you my uncle then?" Frodo asked. His eyes widened excitedly and his voice rose. "Are you going to marry Uncle Bilbo?!"
The quiet conversation in the hall died away and Thorin was aware everyone was looking at him. He forced a smile and took refuge in an answer he'd always preferred to avoid previously: "We'll see."
Frodo's face fell. "My cousin Merry says 'we'll see' means no. Don't you love Uncle Bilbo?"
There was a quiet snicker from the end of the table where Nori was sitting. Thorin refused to look his way. Instead, he leaned down and murmured, "I have to persuade your Uncle Bilbo to marry me first."
"Can I help? Pleeease? My cousin Pippin said I can persuade anyone to do anything."
"You may."
Frodo beamed at him and Thorin hoped he was doing the right thing. He didn't want Frodo to get hurt if Bilbo wanted nothing to do with him.
==========
"Balin." Thorin had decided to ask for advice from the wisest and steadiest Dwarf he knew.
"Sire." Balin rose to his feet.
Thorin gestured to him to sit. "I need your advice. I... I have written to Bilbo, but I wish, I would like..." Thorin began to pace.
"To impress him?"
"Yes. No... I fear it may be too late for that."
"Go meet him, sire."
"What?"
"Ride out with your swiftest steeds. Reunite him with his nephew."
Thorin smiled. The sooner Bilbo was reunited with Frodo, the happier he would be. Thorin could imagine how he would feel in the same situation. "Balin, you're a genius."
==========
It was far on the other side of Dale that Thorin spotted Bilbo. He was trudging along, dusty and weary, but every inch of him betrayed his determination to keep walking. Thorin urged his pony into a gallop.
Bilbo halted as the group thundered towards him. His hand moved towards his sword's hilt, then stopped as his gaze met Thorin's.
Thorin came to a halt and leaned down. "Frodo is safe. He is with my sister Dís." For a moment, Thorin swore Bilbo trembled, then Dwalin brought up a spare pony, and Bilbo scrambled into the saddle.
The group turned as one. Thorin made sure to take the place beside Bilbo but made no effort to talk as they cantered back towards Dale and the mountain beyond it.
It was Bilbo who spoke first. "I got your raven. Is Frodo hurt?"
"Not in the slightest," Thorin hastened to assure him. "He is well, and has stolen the hearts of my entire Company, to say nothing of my sister." As Bilbo seemed to sag with relief, Thorin added, " I believe they would give him my throne and crown, and boot me out of the door if they thought it would please him."
The corner of Bilbo's mouth turned up in an amused smile.
==========
"Uncle Bilbo!"
Bilbo was quite sure Middle Earth stood still in the time it took Frodo to cross the room at a gallop and fling himself on him. Bilbo wrapped his arms around Frodo and held on tightly. It wasn't until he felt strong hands under his elbows that he realised he'd almost fallen.
"Sit," Thorin commanded, almost carrying him to a chair.
"Uncle Bilbo, are you ill?"
"No, no," Bilbo protested.
"It's just the long journey, is all, Frodo," a lady Dwarf said. She bore a strong resemblance to Thorin. "He'll have been hurrying to catch up with you."
Frodo looked reassured, and he smiled at Bilbo. "Aunt Dís will look after you. She looked after me when I first arrived. And Uncle Thorin and Mr. Dwalin put those Elvish Dwarves in a jail cell."
Bilbo was sure his tiredness wasn't affecting his hearing, but: "Elvish...Dwarves?"
"Oh, that's not right." Frodo puzzled over it for a moment.
"Never mind, lad," Dwalin put in. "Let your uncle get some rest first."
"I remember! Sons of an Elvish father."
Bilbo glared at Dwalin. "What have you been teaching my nephew?"
Dwalin gave Frodo a wink and retreated to the door. "I'll go tell the rest of the Company you're here. They'll want to know."
"I'll get you some food, Bilbo, then you can rest," Thorin said, looking far too amused for a Dwarf King who'd let one of his closest friends teach Bilbo's nephew Dwarvish insults.
"You needn't think you're off the hook,Thorin Oakenshield," Bilbo informed him. "Dwalin is your what... bodyguard?"
"He's the Captain of my Guards."
Thorin folded his arms and regarded Bilbo steadily but Bilbo wasn't fooled in the slightest; the damnable Dwarf was laughing at him.
"And he's always had terrible language," Dís put in.
"He's funny!" Frodo insisted. "Don't you think he's funny, Uncle Bilbo?"
"Very funny." Bilbo let his annoyance go. Frodo was whole and healthy, and that was all that counted. "Just don't repeat that phrase, please."
Food, as it turned out was brought by Fíli, who said he'd won the contest to bring it. He looked pleased with himself too. "Everyone wants to see you, but they've agreed to wait until you've rested. It is good to see you, Bilbo."
"Hello, Fíli." Bilbo took the tray, and suddenly realised how hungry he was. The days of ample breakfasts - let alone second breakfasts - had been left behind in his harried journey to get to Frodo.
"And you!" Fíli hoisted Frodo into the air. "What will we do with you while Bilbo rests?"
As Frodo giggled and grabbed for Fíli's braids, Bilbo realised how comfortable they were together. It seemed Thorin and the Company had taken Bilbo's nephew in and made him family, just as they'd done for Bilbo himself a number of years before. Bilbo blinked and hid his rush of emotion by eating the thick savoury stew and crusty bread he'd been given. A mug of his favourite tea accompanied them, and Bilbo leaned his head against the cushion behind him and thought it would take a dragon attack to get him moving again. He'd just close his eyes for a minute...
Bilbo yawned and stretched, and realised he was lying in a warm bed with Frodo snuggled up to his side. He blinked. He could have sworn he'd only closed his eyes for just one minute.
Pushing aside the blankets, Bilbo got out of bed and let them fall back in place. A gentle light was shining through a slightly open door, and Bilbo headed towards it. In the room beyond, he found Bofur, reading by firelight.
"You're awake," he exclaimed in quiet tones as he put his book aside. "We've been taking bets as to when you'd wake up." He gave Bilbo a hug and a gentle headbutt. "It's good to see you."
Bilbo hugged him tightly. "I've missed you all. I didn't know what to do with myself once I was back in Bag End. It took a long time to get used to sleeping in a comfortable bed again; I even missed Óin's snoring!"
Bofur grinned. "You can stay with him, if you like. He's got rooms near the Healing Halls."
"Uh, no, thank you. I don't miss it that much. I would like a bath though."
"Right through there. I'll rustle you up some food for when you're ready."
Bilbo headed off into the room indicated and found a luxurious bathroom, with a nightshirt, bathrobe, and a complete set of clothes sitting on a wooden dresser. They were exquisitely and expensively made, and looked like a perfect fit. He stuck his head out of the bathroom again. "Bofur, what time is it?"
"Just after midnight. You slept for ten hours." Bofur appeared in another doorway and gave him a grin. "Thorin won't be happy; he bet twelve."
Bilbo went back into the bathroom and ran a hot bath, feeling oddly pleased about that. So Thorin wouldn't be happy, hmm? Well, well.
==========
Thorin gave a soft knock on the door, then opened it and stopped short. Bilbo was awake, wearing the dressing gown Thorin had had made for him, and sitting next to Bofur on the settle in front of the fire. Sitting closely next to Bofur too. And he looked well-fed and contented.
Bofur, on the other hand, looked smug as he got up, "Is my watch over, then? I'll be off to my bed. Goodnight, Bilbo. Night, Thorin."
Thorin resisted the urge to kick him as he passed.
"Bilbo," Thorin said, taking a seat next to him. "Did you sleep well?"
"Very well, thank you. I was surprised to find Bofur waiting for me."
"I thought it was better than having you wake and be unsure of where you are."
"I would have remembered I was in Erebor, and Frodo and I were safe."
Safe. The word echoed in his ears. Thorin stood. "You are awake now and know where you are. I will disturb you no further." He left before Bilbo could speak again.
Back in his own rooms, Thorin slumped into his armchair. There was no going back. Things done could not be undone. Having collected his nephew, Bilbo would leave, taking Thorin's heart with him.
==========
Back in his rooms, Bilbo sat with his mouth open. What on Middle Earth? First, Thorin had sat beside him, giving every indication he was ready to be all cosy and domestic with Bilbo, next he was bolting for the door as if Bilbo was Smaug.
Bilbo went back over their far-too-brief conversation.
Oh, Eru. Did Thorin really think Bilbo had been making a gibe by using the word 'safe'? Bilbo knew he and Frodo were safe! As if any of the Company - its brainless leader included - would let anything happen to Bilbo or Frodo! Hadn't Thorin climbed down from a cliff edge to save Bilbo even when he still believed Bilbo to be useless? Yes, Thorin had tried to throw Bilbo from the ramparts over Erebor's front gates, but that was in the midst of Gold Sickness when Thorin had been out of his mind.
Bilbo had no fears when it came to his or Frodo's safety. None at all. He was just going to have to make that clear to Thorin, that was all.
"Uncle Bilbo?" Frodo was standing in the doorway of the bedroom, rubbing his eyes. "What time is it?"
"Time for sleepyheads to go back to sleep." Bilbo picked up Frodo and held him close.
"Have you been eating toasted scones?"
"Just as a midnight snack. Would you like one?"
Frodo's eyes brightened. "With lots of butter?"
"Of course."
Bilbo went to put Frodo down, but Frodo's arms tightened suddenly. "I missed you, Uncle Bilbo. I was so frightened, but now I've met Uncle Thorin and Aunt Dís and Fíli and Kíli..."
Bilbo listened patiently as Frodo listed the entire Company plus a number of other Dwarves Bilbo didn't know. His thoughts ran on. Frodo was such an adventurous Hobbit. The Dwarves who snatched him could have lost him and been unable to find him; could have left him, alone and defenceless, wandering in a hostile landscape. Frodo could have been hurt or even killed.
And what would Bilbo have done without him?
"Uncle Bilbo?"
Bilbo managed a smile. "Did Aunt Dís look after you well?"
Frodo nodded. "I love your Dwarves so much, Uncle Bilbo!"
There was a lump in Bilbo's throat. "So do I, Frodo. Come along, let's get you that scone."
==========
Morning came and Bilbo got himself and Frodo dressed with care. The clothes Thorin had organised for them were beautifully made, and Bilbo suspected Dori had had the overseeing of them. He looked in the mirror and smiled. Bilbo couldn't think of a time when he'd looked better. In fact, he doubted the best tailor in Bree had even half of Dori's talents.
"You do look nice, Uncle Bilbo!"
Bilbo turned. "And so do you, my lad. Are you ready for breakfast?"
Frodo nodded. "Not as ready as I was when I killed the Warg. I had to chase it for miles and miles and miles." He went out through the open door.
"Wait. You killed a Warg?!"
As they walked to the big hall, Bilbo listened, his hair rising on the back of his neck. It wasn't until Frodo got to the innumerable Dwarves who'd tried (and failed) to take out the fearsome beast that Bilbo caught on.
"Who was the Warg?"
"Fíli." Frodo looked up, totally oblivious to Bilbo's recent horror. "Kíli was my pony."
"I'm sure he made a very good pony."
Frodo nodded. "Fíli was a good Warg too. He growled! Grrahhh - Aunt Dís!" He dashed forward.
"Good morning, my dear one. Good morning, Bilbo. You're looking much better today."
"Thank you, Princess Dís," Bilbo replied.
She shook her head at him. "Call me Dís. I do not stand on ceremony with my family." She tucked her arm into his and they followed in Frodo's wake as he ran on. "Frodo is a delight. I did not like to ask him, but what became of his parents?"
"They died in a boating accident two years ago." Bilbo said it as simply as he could but he knew the grief still sounded in his voice.
Dís sighed. "It is no small thing to lose loved ones at a young age. But they would have been comforted to know their Frodo would be safe with you."
"Not as safe as I thought."
Dís patted his arm. "Thorin is very angry about this. To have you harmed in such a way because of him... He cares for you very much, perhaps more than you know."
"It's a shame he's such a blasted id - er..." Bilbo bit back the rest.
"Blasted idiot," Dís supplied. "Life has not taught my brother to expect much happiness, I'm afraid."
Bilbo eyed her and Dís gave him back look for look. "I hardly think you'd accept a Hobbit for a brother-in-law," he said, boldly.
"The Hobbit who saved my brother's life?" Dís gave a most unladylike snort. "Do not underestimate me or my people, Bilbo. You and your nephew are most welcome here. Do you see Lady Tauriel?" She pointed ahead to where Fíli, Kili, and Frodo had been joined by a tall and slender Elf. "The Elves were once our enemies but that time has passed. Tauriel is my precious daughter-in-law. Without her, my son would have died. I lost his father too soon, but Tauriel gave my son back to me. Kíli loves her and would have wed her whether I or his uncle approved or not. I do approve. She, like you, has proven herself worthy. Even if she had not, my son loves her, and that is enough for me."
"I betrayed Thorin." Bilbo came to a halt. "I stole the Arkenstone and delivered it into your enemies' hands. I -"
"I know. Thorin told me of that day and his actions on the ramparts. I cannot make my brother's apologies for him, Bilbo, but I know he is truly sorry."
Bilbo shook his head. "He was right to be angry with me. I did what I thought was right but it was still a betrayal."
"Then tell him. I believe it would do much to ease his mind."
"Uncle Bilbo?" Frodo came running back. "Aren't you coming to breakfast?"
Bilbo swung him up in his arms, glad of the distraction. "Of course I am! If I left it to you, there'd be nothing left for second breakfast."
Frodo giggled. "Uncle Bombur would find us something. He has the best treats!"
==========
By the time Thorin entered the dining hall, it was full of merry Dwarves enjoying their meal. Every set of rooms had a kitchen, but many Dwarves chose to join extended family or friends for at least one meal a day. Thorin considered it important that he be seen as accessible by his people, and he often ate in the hall. He would have preferred to stay and brood in his private rooms that day, but he couldn't and wouldn't snub Bilbo by refusing to eat with him.
Therefore, he entered the hall and made his way to the top table while exchanging greetings with many Dwarves on the way.
Bilbo was seated next to him. To Thorin's surprise, Frodo was on Thorin's other side, with Dís next to him. Thorin greeted them all politely, accepted a rapturous hug from Frodo, and sat down.
"I thought you'd be sitting next to Frodo," he murmured to Bilbo.
Bilbo gave him a smile that made Thorin's breath catch in his throat. "Frodo insisted we sit like this. I think he thinks it makes you look more important to have a Baggins on either side of you."
Thorin's spirits rose, and he couldn't resist asking, "Does it make me look more important?"
"Oh, I think so," Bilbo returned. "After all, you're only the King of Erebor, hero of the biggest battle this millennium, but what is that compared to sitting next to two Bagginses?"
"It's fortunate there are only two Bagginses. I fear I would be overcome by three."
"It's fortunate indeed. The third might be my cousin Lobelia, and she's too much for anyone."
"Ah, your cousin Lobelia. Frodo mentioned her."
"Oh, Eru." Bilbo looked dismayed.
Just then, Frodo tugged at Thorin's sleeve. Thorin excused himself to Bilbo and turned to Frodo.
Frodo leaned up and whispered, "Are you flirting with Uncle Bilbo?"
"I'm...doing my best."
"Good. Don't stop." Frodo sat back and resumed eating his breakfast.
Thorin turned back and Bilbo gave him an enquiring look. Thorin took a chance. "There is much I wish to say to you. May we talk after breakfast?"
"I would like that. I..." Bilbo fiddled with his fork. "There's a few things I need to say to you too."
==========
Breakfast came to an end, and Bilbo asked Dís to look after Frodo, then hurried after Thorin who was making his way to the corridor. Whatever Thorin planned on saying to him, Bilbo hoped they could at least lay certain things to rest.
Accordingly, Thorin had barely shut the door to Bilbo's rooms when Bilbo began to speak.
"Thorin, I need to apologise to you."
"To me? You have done nothing -"
"Yes, I have. I stole the Arkenstone and gave it away. I said I wasn't a burglar - I said I wasn't a thief, but I stole from you. I betrayed you, and I'm sorry."
"You did it for the best of reasons. Balin has told me you all but confessed to having the Arkenstone, and how you kept it from me in order to protect me. I'm more grateful than you can know. I do not believe I could have overcome the Gold Sickness if I had had the Arkenstone in my possession. I owe you everything - and in return I tried to kill you. It is I who must apologise to you."
"You were out of your mind with Gold Sickness, Thorin. And you had just found out I'd given away the Arkenstone. I think it would have been a surprise if you hadn't tried to kill me."
"Is that why you left, then? Because you believed I could not forgive you?"
"Well, yes."
"Bilbo..." Thorin drew closer. "I did not come after you for I believed you could not forgive me."
"Do you mean to say we've spent four years apart because of a misunderstanding?"
Thorin nodded. "Yes."
Bilbo stared at him. "I could have been in Erebor all this time? Wait, no, I couldn't have. If I had, I wouldn't have Frodo." Bilbo sighed. "He's an important part of my life, Thorin. If I stay, he has to stay too."
Thorin smiled and grasped his hands. "Do you think I would ask you to give him up, 'Ibinê? He is as great a thief as you and has stolen all our hearts."
"I'm not actually a thief," Bilbo protested, as Thorin pulled him closer. "I mean, I did steal the Arkenstone, it's true -"
"And my heart," Thorin said, his lips mere inches from Bilbo's.
"That seemed only fair. I mean, you'd already stolen mine..."
==========
Mogu, the apparent leader of the group who'd kidnapped Frodo, had a smug, pleased look about himself that irritated Bilbo on principle. Not that Bilbo could blame him precisely. After all, it was difficult for Bilbo to look as dignified as he ought to with kiss-swollen lips and his face red from beard-burn.
"State your plea for mercy," Thorin said.
"Your pardon, Mr. Baggins, sir," the one named Hummack answered. "The fault is mine. I believed your young nephew to be the King's son."
"But he's a Hobbit," Bilbo answered.
"Yes, sir, he is. But, um..." Hummack turned red. "I believed he had fathered your son, as um..."
Mogu elbowed him.
"Hobbitscanchangetheirgenderatwill." Hummack turned even redder.
"Apparently, Hummack's grandfather wrote it in his diary," Thorin put in.
"Your grandfather wasn't Lummack the drunkard, by any chance?" Bilbo enquired.
"That's him!" the smallest of the four exclaimed.
"Lummack the drunkard," Bilbo repeated. "Well, well. I haven't heard that name in a long time."
Thorin looked at him. "You...know him?"
"Oh, not me personally," Bilbo assured him. "Uh, this is a bit awkward. Thorin, could I have a word?"
==========
So when the kidnappers of little Frodo Baggins received severe sentences for their terrible crime but were allowed to keep their beards, the four of them freely admitted it was because Bilbo Baggins, the King's Consort, was a merciful Hobbit. A merciful Hobbit who couldn't change his gender, no matter what anyone's diary said.
The end.
10th October 2022
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Translation:
'Ibinê - My gem
(From The Dwarrow Scholar)